MESS with Sydnee Washington & Marie Faustin - "The Dope Baby Daddy Expert" with Nore Davis

Episode Date: April 14, 2017

How is the life of a baby's father? Well Marie and Syd return with a new episode of The Unofficial Expert to talk with comedian Nore Davis.----Listen to The Unofficial Expert Ad-Free on Forever Dog Plus:https://foreverdogpodcasts.com/plus----BONUS EPISODES AVAILABLE NOW ON PATREON:www.patreon.com/TheUnofficialExpertBUY UNOFFICIAL EXPERT MERCH:https://www.teepublic.com/stores/the-unofficial-expert-podcastFOLLOW THE UNOFFICIAL EXPERT:https://www.instagram.com/UnofficialExpertFOLLOW SYDNEE:https://www.instagram.com/JustSYDbwhttps://twitter.com/justsydnycFOLLOW MARIE:https://www.instagram.com/Reeezyhttps://twitter.com/MsReeezyFOLLOW ANDREW:https://www.instagram.com/mcgui_guyTHE UNOFFICIAL EXPERT IS A FOREVER DOG PODCASThttps://foreverdogpodcasts.com/podcasts/the-unofficial-expertSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

hello hey what's up oh my goodness it's the unofficial expert podcast we are back after a brief hiatus oh yes we haven't been here for what a week we've been busy we have actually sydney what have you been busy doing oh you know just uh living my best life getting terrible wigs at cvs and uh waiting for checks getting terrible i feel like you shouldn't be buying wigs from cvs you know sometimes i got good sales i got my coupons and i got that like cvs card girl you know if you don't have the car you can just give your number and you can still get the discount what really i always give my mom's number oh i didn't know that oh yes i'll be stealing her points at rite aid too oh shit i need to get my life together maria do you have points no i take

my mom's point can you give me your mom's number no because you're gonna take my points i'll be buying stuff i'm in there buying shampoo and moroccan oil and stuff and they're like you know if you use 10 000 points you get this for free and i'm like ah well let me use my mother's points what have you been busy doing uh i've been busy popping pills um in the last week i was an expert at waking up with a terrible terrible back spasm um and i was just in my bed trying to mind my own business oh wait so you have a back spasm is there somebody new in your life there's a doctor at urgent care that's new in my life uh she was like uh it's your period i was like my period i don't bleed out on my back so why my back hurt and she was like that's what it is

go get some motrin and i went back because i complained and they were like come back we let you see a real doctor and when i went back to urgent care it was an indian dude and i was like now this is a real doctor he had the accent and everything i was like yes also my laptop's acting up oh he's so rude but they gave me these pills they gave me uh muscle relaxers i'm supposed to take two a day those are the generic kind so they don't really work uh carolina said i'm supposed to take them with wine to really feel them oh man she's giving you that uh that stepford mom prescription going on oh hell yeah i mean i'm gonna do it tonight when i get home i'm gonna do one of these pills with a

large glass of wine. What does muscle relaxers do? It relaxes all your muscles? These are 10 milligrams, so they don't do nothing for me. Tylenol is 300 milligrams. I heard if you take a muscle relaxer,

your rectum opens up just a little bit. I think you're talking about roofies right now. They didn't give me roofies, Cindy. They gave me a muscle relaxer. No, there's muscle relaxers that actually relaxes everything. and the whole thing that relaxes your vagina your your butt okay are you an expert in relaxed vagina and butt because i don't know where this is coming from miss washington but um i'm just trying to put the kids on the kids don't need to know about open ass pills what's wrong with you

this is a family podcast okay sorry let me get it more g-rated my aunt might be listening to this Hey, hey, Tati. She not listening to this. Hey, Tati. So that's what you were an expert at this week, Sydney, is telling people about how to open their butts up? No, my expert was going to fancy restaurants and acting real ignorant. Yes, I was with you last night and you were, whew, niggeredly. Yo, when I got that menu, when I got that menu, I said, oh my God, they got oysters.

They got egg caviar. Like, that's what caviar is. but it said egg caviar oh that's weird yeah and then they had um what else what was else on there had a lobster risotto and i was like it's 59 i'm gonna get that they had they had filet mignon they had a filet they had um shrimp they had clams they had fettuccine with nothing on it oh my god it was just like lemon salt and pepper that's how white people cook it was 80 dollars that that fettuccine was $80 I think it was $50 that's crazy but I was in there and I was acting like real like I ain't never been anywhere nice I was like Marie order the most expensive thing

because somebody else is paying the most expensive thing on the menu I think was a $72 dish I don't remember what it was though and then there was some other bitch from Ukraine ordering just a salad I said girl you what this idiot ordered a kale salad I said I said there's a white man who's missing half his hairline he's paying for everything why not just order the most expensive thing on the list you know why women are stupid anyway uh that's not what we wanted to go with this uh some of y'all are smart but some of y'all pretty dumb no wait but i'm saying like when you go to a really nice restaurant and somebody else is paying you should get something that's in the middle like look at the most expensive thing and then look at the cheapest

thing and get something in the middle i'm gonna go ahead and disagree with you on that why if you're on a date with somebody that you kind of like and they're paying then you gotta be conscious of how much of their money you're spending but if it's some dude that you don't know i don't even know who the dude who paid for the food was last night yeah i don't know his name at the end of the night i went to hug him and he was like nice to meet you i was like yes okay bye i think it was his birthday i don't i didn't say happy birthday did you i think i did i let him spend 60 on a plate that i hated and then i left we should have got two appetizers that's what we should yo we ordered we ordered an extra plate of the chicken because that was the only thing that was

good at this restaurant it was first of all it was parmesan like bread crusted chicken and it was outstanding okay let me tell you what it looked like it looked like chicken breasts that they crushed corn flakes on and rolled around like bread crumbs yes because it didn't look like regular bread no no it wasn't and it wasn't regular chicken breasts it looked like this chicken breast like hangs out in the hamptons on the weekends it was like a moist like a supple it was i cut it open i thought juice was gonna squirt out yeah like that chicken breast had way more privilege than both of us while it was alive you know what i mean and yeah that chicken breast went to a four-year private university and i was gonna be like can i get a meal to go

yo the the waiters had white coats on that's how you know it was fancy they had on white coats and the ladies had on little tiny bow ties i was like you got the ladies in here wearing ties yes listen it was at the mark hotel so if any of y'all are ever in new york city and you at the mark hotel and some white man who looks like he's like owns buildings definitely order the parmesan crusted chicken breasts yep and get like three appetizers to go yeah and you maybe get a pasta or something because the chicken didn't. The chicken didn't come with nothing. pasta didn't come with nothing. I'm like, it ain't no shrimps. Marie was

complaining the whole time. I'm like, you can't complain if you're not paying. I can complain if I'm not paying. I just can't complain loud if I'm not paying. I was like, let me lower my voice. This is terrible. They asked us, they were like, what kind of water would you like? Would you like still or sparkling? I was like, bitch, we should just get both.

Just get both. I'll take sparkling and still. Can you mix them? Can you do like an Arnold Palmer? Can you do a half and a half? Can I get some still sparkling water? Some sparkling water that's not moving. This is why we can't be friends anymore.

I'm done with you, Marie. Where are we going next week? Who's paying for us next week? Somebody take us somewhere nice, please. Please. Don't take us somewhere terrible. Yeah. We'll talk about it.

Yeah, if you try to take us to Applebee's, TGI Fridays, like, yeah, that's not our. Listen, I'm not too good for Applebee's. Just take me after 10 so that I know that your money can stretch twice as far. Yo, don't take me during happy hour when, like, wings are, like, $3. Don't do that. What? Girl, after 10, I want the spinach and artichoke dip, half price. I want the two-for-one sangrias.

Listen, I'm here for that. I'm here for Applebee's after 10. Marie, nobody's going to take you out on a date, just so you know. What are you talking about? I've got a date tonight. Who do you think I'm doing these pills with later? and you got them the muscles are relaxed too my ass is closed anyway speaking of closed asses that we're done talking about this um we're done we have a really awesome guest today

one of our favorites one of our faves right now oh my god first of all this person is outstanding as a person off stage but on stage beast okay he's a comedian he is a brother he is a friend He is a son. He is a son. He is a son. I believe he does some philanthropic work. Yes. You said Tropicana work?

Philanthropic? Yes. And I think he's friends with DMX. He is our baby. Our dope baby daddy. Our dope baby daddy expert today. Yo, Nori Davis, how are you? Hello, Nori Davis.

Praises to my queens. Oh. To the two roast queens. You got an unk on? You got a... M on? No, you got an unk. What is that thing called?

the little symbol with the black shoes that are like all of the Hotech things yeah it's not Hotech my black queens I am not Hotech

no he wears Jordans Hotech niggas do not wear Jordans no they do not they can't afford them they don't want to give to the corporations

no and they call black people knickknacks it's dumb funny knickknacks what are these knickknacks complaining about right now look the white man

don't care nothing about what you do wow and then they hop and they drop top with a white woman I follow two Hotech niggas

on my twitter feed and they got too crazy i had to unfollow but i just followed them just to see what they'd be talking about yeah just creeping you gotta keep up marie what's your instagram tag miss rizzy right no rizzy i thought i thought that was all right wait it's r-e-z-z r-e-e-e-z-y you're tagging us on there we go look at you not paying attention and just being on your snapchat no it's a snap this is now they are they are basically snapchat now now they have this thing where I could take a picture and it disappears to your message.

They are, they trying to take Snapchat out. So Nori, you be in people's DMs? Is that what's going on here? No, I'm not in people's DMs. Are you in somebody's DMs?

They in my DMs. Oh, okay. Because they reply to my stuff and that's cool. Because you're a dope baby daddy. I am a dope baby daddy. Yes, I am one of the

dopest baby daddies I have. How does one become a dope baby daddy? Yeah, I know regular baby daddies. Yeah. I know deadbeat baby daddies.

I know my father and he is at my house. So he's, I know him His name is Sam I call the house He pick up I be like

Hey puppy Is mommy there Nope Alright well bye And I don't know Who my dad is So We want to know

How you get into This dope baby daddy Lifestyle Alright Where did you become a dad So I became a dad In 2012 Of October 24th

That was me Remembering my daughter's Birthday backwards Yeah I was like What So that's the one Signs of being a father like but my dad to this day yesterday was my birthday and he called me like at 7 30 no yeah

uh it's your birthday yeah but like he was like pinpointing like wait is this it i don't know are you sure but that's every year every year it's like it's a get it on the same day every or is he like a day early or i don't even remember something yeah some days it'll be a little late like some days will be like you know on the weekend after like four days like it was your birthday right i'm like yeah man it was all right all right all right and then he won't say happy birthday he just goes oh okay okay he was just checking in yeah he's just like he's such a miller it's just that's his way of saying happy birthday i know but i'm not used to those black militant fathers like that with

you know they use action instead of like saying i love you where i'm more emotional i tell my Yeah, I know, I know So Dope Baby Daddy is I do the opposite of everything that nigga does Everything Even though he was cool Oh my god Because you don't want your daughter to call you

That nigga I don't want to text my Daughter like years from now She just looks at the text like This nigga is getting it all wrong October 21st Your dad texts you My dad texts me once a year

And it's on my birthday Happy birthday princess And if you scroll up It's the same text Six years in a row Copy and paste huh Can my man just go He just holds it

He don't even know How to copy and paste Yeah that's what I'm saying You got a little Metro PCS smart phone Can't tell my father Nothing That's so

That's so sweet You love both My shitty dads But you ain't got one That's alright Don't worry You'll get you one Then you'll be just like us

Man they ain't They ain't overrated Hey listeners If you guys know Who my dad is can you please direct him to the Unofficial Expert Podcast? Tell him to come to our

live show on the 7th of May. Please. Did you just plug our show to get my dad? No, Sidney. Let's just get people to bring your dad to the show. Come on, dude, Mr. Washington. I don't even think that's his real last name. Your mother just pulled that out of her butt?

Yeah, she did. Out of her loose-ass ass? Aw, shit, Marie. So wait, four years ago. Yes, four years. Wait, can you tell us how you met the mother of your child? Okay, so she, the mother of my child. So you were at a basement party in Yonkers. You went to youth group at church.

And you were like, Sister Jenkins, who? Who's that? You met her at IHOP after the let out. Y'all keep talking like she's black. She was your waitress. Oh, she's not black. No, she's white. She's Russian and Jewish.

She's white? All this time I thought she was Spanish. No, you saw my baby. She white as hell. Yeah, but I thought that your girl was a... Yeah, she's French, right? No, she's Russian and Jewish. So you met her at a bar mitzvah?

No. Oh, my God. No. You met her at Whole Foods. Keep going. No, I met her at the Comic Strip Live at the club. She was a hostess. Oh, so she worked there.

I thought she was a fan. She was just working there? No, she was working. Any kind of fan, but very like, not a social bug, you know, very hardcore Russian, you know and her parents are deaf so she don't really talk like her parents are deaf yes both of them can't hear her both of them can't hear at all like they were immigrants from russia sign language sign language yeah they were immigrants from russia so when they have a child they use her as the interpreter so she's been like basically her parents interpreter and manager since she was

six so you're saying that she still lives at home that's what you're saying i'm saying that her parents live with her oh basically her parents live with her she's the one that's like i got y'all y'all can't hear shit i got you like she got i know yeah she's okay i like her she's a leo she's a lot she's mufasa she's not like her i don't know how they both lost their hearing now how did oh yeah they were born they were born like that they didn't lose it they were so they just met each other well because if you're deaf like wouldn't you want to be with somebody else no i want to be by ears i can't hear tell me what i'm missing never get in on podcast. That's true. Damn, they can't get on

the podcast. The parents? Or just any, the deaf community. I wonder if that's even a thing for them. I feel like we could get somebody to interpret this terrible ass podcast. Nah, this podcast is great. Maybe they just need some subtitles. That's all. Wait. Hold on. So you saw her signing at the host stand

and you were like, I see what them fingers do with their mouth. No, first of all, if I have to interpret all the time, my hands are done. I'm not doing no hand jobs. I'm not touching you taking care of me. I'm not making a fool for you. My hands are lotioned in a white

glove all day. I have somebody else holding my hands for the day. In a 10-cloth, bathroom-wielding glove. I've been talking too much. I've been talking a lot. Don't ask me no goddamn questions. I'm not pulling these gloves off. I have a question. Does she have a good hand? Like, which one is the better hand?

Is she left or right-handed? She is right-handed. And yeah, she signs her ass off. That's one thing that kind of was cool to see. That was different. you were like look at me you she was like she's doing she's doing correct shut up i love your love story already so y'all met at work yeah met at yeah hostess had a good set one night had a couple have a couple good sets and she was like basically this was back in the day before netflix and chill it was like bootleg dvd and chill she

would come through after the show i would have like i don't know i am legend on a dvd that i got from... Was it at the place that you have now or another place? Nah, this was at my dad's crib. Oh, so you had to walk up. So she had to walk up after she was doing sign language all day. She had to do 12 flights walking. You had no elevator. Yo, your dad is...

What? Yeah, she just painted that picture, which is false. Your father knew it then. He got a house. There were steps to walk up to his house. But yeah, then I had my room and mind you, I'm like 28, 27.

yeah so you grown yeah grown living yeah how old was she she was 29 she's like three years four years older than me okay um so yeah so then there was that and um you conceived in your father's home yeah okay baby girl was conceived wait in my daddy's house also like high school shit so Wait, obviously, Dough Baby Daddy wasn't passed down. It's not in the family. Oh, no, it was made. You just so happened to. I just made it.

Wow. So you didn't pass down a legacy. You started one. I started it. I started it, baby. So I want to know, what was the thread count of your sheets? Were you on a twin bed? I don't even think thread count was a thing then.

I just had sheets. So you had a pillow with no case on it. And it wasn't like a full-time bed. It was one of those beds. It was a day bed. It was a pull-out. It was a chaise. Is that what those things?

Is it? No. It's like. It's a day bed, so it's a pull-out. It's a pull-out bed? Is it a pull-out bed? Yeah, yeah. But it's a pull-out bed where there's nothing to pull out because there's no thing.

There's no couch to pull it out. So it was just. But your couch were pulling out more than you, though. There you go. Right. Nori, you were like, the couch don't pull out, so neither will I. No, I did pull out. I just probably not fast.

I remember, too, man. took the kid to bed. You remember which time it was? I think so. It kind of plays in my head where it's like she had a condom and I was like, yo chill. She had a condom and you said, yo chill? You see? I ain't said yo chill. I just remember like

you know, we don't need to use that. I got it. Don't worry about it. How many nutcrackers did you have that night? Oh man, I probably, then I was drinking Grey Goose. I was a Grey Goose mom. So if you want to be a dope baby daddy, you have to first start with Grey Goose. Grey Goose and that's top shelf.

utmost confidence that I will get out in time after seven shots and seven great gooses on the rocks. Yo, she had a condom though? She did. I had the condom, but she had it in her hand. And you said, yo, chill.

I can see it in my mind so clear because I feel like, ladies, we've all been there. You should tattoo that around your neck. Yo, chill. When a dude says yo, chill to you, you ought to hit him in the throat and then say, no, you chill. exactly what it looked like uh you ever saw the video don't go chasing wallace tlc where she had the condom and the dude took it out the hand that one and then they both and then then he got eight

he died so it was kind of like that where she had the condom in her hand but nobody got eight just got a baby way more better way more better than eight i feel like it's the same because there's no cure. I feel like AIDS is less expensive. I feel like true. True. But look, I won't die. Unless your daughter

kills you. You can live with AIDS. You can live with HIV. AIDS is like, people don't really get that anymore. They got pills. Okay, listen, that's not bringing it down with this AIDS talk. Why not bring it down? I'm just trying to figure it out. I got a lot of questions now. You found out

what you say. You were like, Wait, how did she tell you? Okay, so now here's what makes me the dope baby daddy. She got, I remember she came over a couple times. We did the same thing over and over. And then she was like, you know, just start crying. Just start crying, like, before she even said anything. I was like, what happened?

What happened? She's like, you know, I had my period to come. I'm pregnant. And I was like, oh, word. She had already taken a test? Yep. Taken a test and all that. So just telling me, and I remember, like, damn, like, sitting there on the pull-out

bad it is i remember like it was yesterday and and this is where i feel like the dope baby daddy comes in where she get she put her cards on the table like look if you don't want to have this baby i'm killing it you want to have it yeah she was like because i'm not gonna do this shit by myself yeah i'm not doing this by myself and uh so she just put the ball on my court like past it like bounce path so it was like either you have 500 for this or you got to spend the rest of your life with this, whichever. Or, you know, we do it together. Sydney, I'm surprised that you know

exactly how much an abortion costs. It's $500. It used to be $300. When did it go up? Because I had it. I had two. I had two. You didn't have an abortion fool. I mean, I didn't have one, but I went with

my girl. You went with twice? Yeah, I went twice. We're two different girls, though. Your pullout is terrible. I know, I know. I really don't learn. What's wrong with you? I'm an Aries. I'm hard-headed.

What can I say? So the third time, you're like, well, I can't kill three babies. Yeah, there you go. That's why I believe in pro-choice. Three choices, you out.

Three strikes, you out. God damn it. Wow, Nori. Three strikes, you a pro-life. Oh my God, Nori. That is insane. Same clinic?

Like you got a little punch card when you come in your 10th abortion? It was the same clinic. Yeah, right there in Greensburg, White Plains. They got the waiting room and they always playing

like Adam Sandler movies after the 10th time you get an ice cream for free and a free pap smear nurses looking at you all weird like that you know like what happened to the last one like oh no you know everything's fine you know just figuring it out so wait you were living with your dad did you have some coins saved up no this is like you know before my album and everything just doing jokes and i was probably doing colleges and stuff and shitty colleges did you tell your dad no i didn't tell him until He obviously just saw her Big ass keep walking

In her house And he's just like He was like Your girl getting fat Nigga Yeah I told my mom first He was like

The white girl Sure I'm thick in this neighborhood Man she getting real fat But just like Right above the vagina area She got like She got a fat ass

But it's in the front though Man you can see that ass From the front Cause that's where it is You were scared to tell him Hell yeah man I'm living in this crib I ain't got nowhere to go

If this nigga kick me out You should have thought about all that when you said Nah, yo, to the condo I mean, technically Y'all could have went to her crib Because what's her parents going to say? They can't hear y'all being loud Ain't nobody going no way down there

So you're like, I'm not going to live You ain't got no money, but you're like, I can't do that You got a lot of fucking nerve, Nori She's in deep in Brooklyn By the Verrazano Bridge I'm like, just come on up This nigga ain't got no money No home. But he's like, I'm not going by that

bridge. He's like, I don't cross that bridge. So you sitting there looking at her eyes, she's crying. She's like, if you want this. Yeah, I think she stopped crying by then. She was just like, look, you want to do this together or not? I'll get rid of it. And then I was like, no. Let's do this. I feel like if I was in that

situation, I feel like if I was in that situation and I never have been because I don't do that now, yo, chill. But like, if I was in that situation, I feel like I, If the dude I probably wouldn't even tell him Except for to get the money

I've been in that situation Alright just give me money For what Just give me Five hundred dollars I'm getting you a gift I've been in I've been in that situation twice

And the first time I told him He's like Okay well we're gonna have it And I was like Oh damn Damn Jesus I said nigga

You got a Biv div devote Tattooed on your neck We definitely not Biv div Biv div Not even belted You need to go

Stop going to those 90 theme parties down there. Yo, I was like, listen. Fucking Johnny Gill looking nigga. First of all, he still wore cornrows. I was like, not happening. I'm not. What borough did he reside in? The Bronx.

Oh, well, it was absolutely not going to happen. The Bronx? And I was in college. And he was like. Timbs, baggy pants, cornrows. And do you know, he had the nerve to, was like, well, because you want to do this, that doesn't mean I need to pay. So he didn't pay. And my mother had

Blue Cross insurance and I was on it. So I had a hood rat friend You know you could just do it on your mom's insurance And I was like word Yeah my second girl had that too And then I went I was like what I don't have to pay co-pay

Co-pay was like fit it out I don't know insurance paid for abortions Yeah back in the early 2000s and 90s They paid their insurance helps down Until like the old white man got rid of that Some congress niggas Damn Yeah so I went

And then at the same time I had another boyfriend on the side And I was like I told him the situation. He was like, well, here's the money. And so I took that money and bought an iPad. I mean, an iPod. I bought an iPod with that money.

Wait, so you didn't get the apportionment? You just lost it already? She just jumped down the stairs with the iPod. She had the box on the shoulder. She just jumped up there. She landed on a box of hangers. You just download every app, let the Wi-Fi cancer out the baby. Oh, yeah, baby.

you get some hot malta and uh yeah yeah it was stupid i know i had it on my mom's insurance and didn't they send her a statement like she found out four or five months later she's like what is this for 500 for an anesthesiologist and i was like i had to get an eye exam i had to fall asleep for my eyes yeah it was bad yo but does your mom know that that's what it was yeah she did she found well she i feel like she knew what the 500 was for anesthesiologist yeah i was like i called them up i was like why'd you put anesthesiologist yo why couldn't you just be like uh annual checkup or something or aad is something anesthesia is abortion well they don't even diagnostic my brother got real drunk in college and they his dumb ass friends took him

to the hospital and he had to get his stomach pumped and he asked for his insurance card and he was like here it is and it was my mom's insurance that he was under and when they got the bill it was like what is this somebody else died i don't remember what it said but i don't and i don't know yeah it was like crazy whatever the technical term for it kids see this is why you don't want to do that much you're just gonna get bills with something okay well enough with our plant parenthood stories i love it i love it back to you being a dope baby daddy all right so So you were like, let's do this. Yep.

I said, let's do it, just like I did with the, oh, no, I said, no, let's chill. No, I said, this is, yeah, I said, let's do this, baby. That was the time you should have said it. I said, yeah, let's do this. I got you. Don't worry about it. I got you. She said, you sure?

Yeah, yeah. Let's do this. She was still working at the strip? And, yeah, still working at the comic strip. But she was just working there just to, like, get shoe monies, to get shoe money. Like, she liked shoes and shit. Okay, but now she needed to get baby money, so. She needed to get pamper money.

No, but she had, what was her job then? Then she was working at, she had some corporate job downtown. So she had two jobs, nigga? Yeah. And you went there in your dad's apartment and you were like, nah, nah, I can't go live with you and your parents. No, that's what happened. I'm not crossing that bridge.

That's what happened to you over the black nigga, see? That's awful. But look, I'm the unique black nigga that's just like, yo, we gonna do this and I got you. So then I went, you know, I went harder on comedy and then she stopped working when she was pregnant and we got an apartment together. Well, she bought an apartment up in Westchester.

You just shut up. No, she bought a co-op. She bought a co-op. Yeah, she's been saving up. Yo, she's like, forget about it, man. Okay, so she got money. You just showed up

with your box full of Jordans and you're like, where do I put my things? I showed up with like three boxes because I wasn't like fully going to move. Three boxes? Because it was small.

It was a small spot. So I like put clothes and stuff like that. So three boxes and a bag of clothes. Yeah, three boxes and a bag of clothes. And I'm like, let's do it.

So she's pregnant. i'm taking care of her while she's pregnant she's taking care of herself also right and now you gotta remember we just been doing bootlegging and chilling uh-huh and that's it we haven't like been together for like 24 48 hours like to like in a relationship oh yeah i realized that after she was seven months pregnant like after like three four months you girl yeah you got a middle man oh really that's how you cook that chicken oh she's like you know salt on here yeah she's I'm like, really, Nora? That's what you're going to buy?

A big-ass TV? You're like, yeah, I am, on credit. I had good Best Buy credit. Anyway, so we're, like, starting to nigger and bicker like that. But it was all about the baby. That's all it was. So she's pregnant, and it has the baby. I'm living there.

Were you there when the baby was born? Yeah. And so it was in the mouth. We got in there. He was there. I was there the whole time. I want to know if he was in the room. Yeah, he was there.

Yes, I was in the room. I was behind. I was behind her, because I remember the doctor was like, all right, flip over. then she had her ass out and the doctor's like that ain't working all right go back on your back layla was stuck in there so they got the suction cup and then the suction cup broke she's all right i'm just gonna go get it and then so she pulled her hand in there and pulled out the baby and pulled out layla and uh at first i think she pulled out the baby yeah she pulled out the baby because um she had the drugs i remember yeah uh she pulled out her own baby how's that no no no

the doctor did okay i was like but that's the thing and ladies if you listen be careful with getting drugs because you're just so induced where like you can't even push you're just like you're high and then plus the baby gets high uh but she had to because i remember she was in pain like she was squeezing my fucking hand like that shit hurt that she got she got the epidural i don't know and she got the epidural that she was just like she just like like a heroin addict just fell out like oh and that's how the baby was too so when they when she grabbed the baby out i think was like the first six seven seconds uh she wasn't the baby wasn't breathing what Layla wasn't breathing I remember uh they put her on the table and the nurse was like all right come on Layla

smacking her on the butt like all right come on wake up wake up and then her mom's back there crying and I'm staring there looking at my daughter while the nurse is like like patting her on the butt like waking her up and I'm like come on man I ain't go I ain't do all this for nine months and you just gonna die is that where you go how you gonna do me come on god really like i wasn't like crying i was just like really is that is that what this is about and then it was like i was like all right cool cool and then her mother like stopped crying and but she did i mean um the deaf mom the deaf mom was crying like because she saw like the baby was brave but her she was just induced like oh you're saying the deaf mom okay the deaf mom how do deaf people cry they just

You fucking stop it right now. Y'all are cold. I need a jacket. How cold y'all are? If our deaf listeners are deaf. Oh, shit. See, y'all won't stop. Y'all are roasted up. Look at y'all. Okay, so the baby comes out. Y'all still living together.

Still living together. When did the shit hit the fan? Okay, the shit hit the fan. When you stopped, you were like, she was like, it's your turn to change these diapers. And you were like, nah, chill. It was after a year. It was after a year. So I stayed there for a year where six months, she went back to work.

So she worked during the day. She got a new job as the head of the parks department. And that park's like parking facility in Connecticut. Oh, fancy white people cars. No, I'm sorry. Hartsdale. So yeah. You guys are in Westchester.

Westchester, yeah. The parking meter She's ahead of all that To make sure Fix those meters Get these niggas Caught us all day Right

That's her job So then Me I'm just a comedian I'm just a comedian At night So I'm the mom So yeah basically

I'm doing spots I'm doing open mics I'm at the strip I'm doing colleges On the weekends Whatever So I'm the mother During the day

And then she's kind of Like the dad at night Where I go out Which is the bad shift Because that's when The baby's up and crying And she's got to be up All day at work

And she's up all work And then I'm there During the whole day Taking care of the baby While I was crying Pooping shit and everything And there's more of a Like a connection there

Right And then she's missing All of that And then she comes at night Where the baby's sleeping Her up And she's tired She's been working

Right And I've been telling jokes And then And she thinks you're A motherfucking joke Yep I got it And then she's up You know

And she thinks I'm out there Telling jokes Getting my dick sucked Having a good time Well she met you She met you at a company She know the life So she know the life

Were you getting your dick Sucked at the strip Probably No I was not I was being good I was faithful Off the record Dory

Off the record I was fine Even though I know I'm on record I got a mic in my hand It's always on record We'll turn it off You trying to Jedi mind trick me

Off record Dory We'll cut the mic off Even though the mic is I'll cut it I'll press the button I'll press the button baby Don't worry about it That's all

Alright so you was being Quote unquote faithful But she knew better I was I was faithful it was just that we had no time to hang out we it was just all about the baby and she was jealous that I'm going out it was a grind and also the ground was she doing you know she's jealous of like she's now with the child uh with our child during the day and then she's bringing in all the money and she's buying a uh I had some money Nori you had 12 dollars I had 22 dollars and that was enough to buy some groceries

i would buy some groceries and fix stuff do man shit around the crib and uh was there and uh she didn't do a maternity leave she went right yeah she went maternity leave so like the first yeah the first four things like six months like yeah we're both together we're both doing it okay and um it was like some real family shit but when she went back to work that's when it got rough i think it was both because i got into a culture shock like holy shit i am in some family shit like 24 hours this my woman slash quote-unquote wife here's my child we got the stroller we out here together talking about nothing and i'm just like this is what niggas do all day this is what families do all day i'm like i don't know i'm so i'm looking for the exit did you guys have matching

outfits you was looking for the exit did you guys have matching outfits like did you get the baby in outfit to match like oh no no not like that yeah i feel like white for that i feel like that's the thing though like people go into this like uh out method no condom wearing situation thinking i'm gonna have a baby and the baby's gonna be just a part of my life but the baby is your whole life the whole goddamn life and also the other person not the girl though or your husband they don't have to be your life the whole time it could just be the child it does get complicated no but they do they are in your life though oh yeah oh yeah yeah therefore they're an extension of my life through the child but it doesn't have to like enable me to keep going i don't have to

enable her like there are those times where i thought of like if she had a man how would i feel about that man being around my daughter i would have to be comfortable with that because i can't control the life i'm not there that's not right so there's that and same for her where i never told i have multiple girlfriends i even have one girl close meeting my daughter but i never told the mom because that that's that's a you introduced i don't want to trigger that i don't want to i don't to pull that trigger yet like you got to be worth it for me to say this is the mother this is layla's mother right here so none of the girls that you've been with have met the mother of your child no but wow no because that's serious because then that then it get flipped to like um oh you know

what i don't like her no i don't want her around my daughter you ain't gonna see my daughter it can go she doesn't want to find out that you have her daughter your daughter around some she probably knew but she trusts me which is good so which is like we do have that respect for she trusts you to she trusted you to pull out on time and that train was late nine months late so so you finally you guys are like all right well we're not doing this no more we're going our separate ways so now you see your daughter yeah it was a bad it was a stupid fight i remember where she was weird like she said she doesn't like roses and i got her roses because i was being petty and uh did you get her bodega roses no they were roses from a florist from what

florist in the Bronx oh in the Bronx you know what they have it in the refrigerator yeah the flowers right there you got her them cemetery roses how dare you like that you know you don't even treat me right blah blah blah i don't feel like a girlfriend and i'm just like yo fuck this i ain't no husband fuck all that shit i'm out i took my tv down i put my sneakers I took my sneakers, I put all of my Mini Cooper, and I drove right back to my dad's house. And your dad is like, you're like the grown-ass man that you are. You know what? I don't have to take this.

I'm going back to my dad's house. I don't have to take this. I'm going to daddy's place. I'm going back to my daddy's. And your dad, did your dad say something? You had the door open, shaking his head like, look at this dumb-ass nigga. Yeah, I'm sure he was shaking his head. He probably also didn't turn to me, but he just looked.

He was probably standing in his kitchen butt-ass naked when you walked in like, I got to put on drawers now. Wait, did you bring Layla with you? No. No. You just left. See, that's the thing about men. You can just take your 12 pairs of Jordans and then leave. Well, I'm not going to take the baby because then what?

That's kidnapping. And then we got a whole situation. Like, yeah, you know, the child should always be with her mother. They should always be with their mommy. Can you say that again? The child should always be with their mother. Can the court understand that? The court system should know that shit.

Yeah, I hope they do. Like in New York, the judges do definitely side with the women. and they should, but there are other states where they side with the men. And that's horrible. You got to be some type of messed up. You got to be like a mother who loses their kid. Crack head, meth head, no job, no legs, no arms, all that. Like, do not take care of your child.

So you're saying if I have no legs, I can't take care of my child? No, you can't. You can't. You can't chase a baby into the street. That custody thing is ugly. You're just a bag of potatoes with arms. You don't have no damn legs. for my listeners who don't have legs

dude I don't agree with anything that Marie just said if you see me in these streets catch me outside with them legless bodies roll on up roll up roll up then they gonna be alright they know what they got

so now your daughter is older four years old tell me she's four years old damn so like what goes into being a dope baby daddy are you with her you're with her a lot of fashionable clothes are you doing her hair like what tell me about this i'm doing her hair because she's half white half black and her mother doesn't know how to do it okay that was my follow-up question she'll just wash it thank you

and not dry well she'll wash it and dry and not put any conditioner lotion while do you hear that so she just puts it asleep so she wakes up looking like rasta she wakes up at looking like got dreadlocks. Because she has natural curly hair and it's thick. So she'll have her for Monday to Friday and then I'll have her Saturday to Monday. And so when she comes to me Saturday... You have to comb out all her

matted hair. Yeah, she basically has dreadlocks and I do it soft. She don't go in pigtails or four little braids or nothing? Russian, coming from Russia, immigrant parents, they're deaf. They don't know about taking care of black women. Deaf people don't know about silk scarves?

No. they don't know about no they have like stringy stringy white blonde hair so they just fall asleep wake you know it's like i don't know about no bonnets yeah people can run in the way run in the rain and then go to sleep wake up their hair's fine you know okay so this is for my uh my uh interracial interracial couple listeners right now uh if the mother is white the hair won't look You know what, that's a real thing Because I see a lot of interracial couples And they have kids

And right away when I see the girl I'm like, they're not doing her hair I just said, the man is black He ain't got a black mom to let him know how to do the hair He's probably not even in the child's life Which sucks, so the child suffers And then they gotta figure it out It's an important thing, hair is a big deal

Hair is a huge deal, but this is the thing with white women is they see us with our natural hair and they're like, oh, it's beautiful. You should just wear it out like this all the time. The amount of work that goes. I love when her hair is like this all. I said, she look like goddamn Goku. What are you talking about? She look like a Dragon Ball Z character.

No, I'll do it. Don't worry about it. That's something that you do. You don't do that every day. You braid it up or you throw it in like four little braids with the little bobos and the little whatever and then special occasions let her wear it out. Not like all day, every day, rolling

around and yeah so they don't i don't i think her grandmother's starting to learn how to braid because she realizes that and um yeah that is a little struggle so like i do her hair every time she comes to me so it's just like combing it out washing it uh conditioning it okay and then i say ponytail then i'll do like are you gonna open up a salon i was killing myself i was like look i can only i can do baby's hands from one to three one to four after that you gotta go to the salon Don't worry We should open up A little salon

A little baby salon I know I know but I can't And black people Black women bringing Their babies Be like How much is this

Yeah 24 a lot 24 a lot Shit nigga I do it myself Why'd you come To my goddamn store They just want you

To do it for free Basically They just want to see What you're doing in here Yeah I want to see What I'm doing This is what y'all Doing in here

With these mixed babies And also So you just got This little black boy Up here just All up in these Children's hair They'll have a Huffington Post article

about you. Just a Jezebel blog post. No, but also when all these white women who adopt black babies, they don't know what to do with their hair. I think it was Angelina Jolie. People were like, you're not going to do the baby hair. Halle Berry didn't do her daughter's hair either.

Yeah, but Halle Berry's also half white, so she also don't know no damn thing. Halle Berry do know better. I mean, she doesn't because of that other way she was wearing it, but she don't know it. So babysitters probably have to deal with that. You gotta get a black nanny Who gonna hook your baby hair up

Also cook for y'all Cause I know that y'all food ain't got no seasoning You know what I mean It's time to season when they rich Shout out to the interracial babies Cause I know you grew up with your hair not getting done Not the right food And by the time you were a teenager you don't know if you're white

You don't know if you're black You don't know what the hell's going on You were white people they talking about black people You feel some type of way You just don't know where the hell you belong You're exhausted You're just all over the place And so Layla's, I'm reminding her she's black.

You do? How do you do that? So when she comes in, you'd be like, hey, what up, nigga? She'll say, because my last girlfriend, she had a daughter, too. And she was the color as us. She was black. And Layla's her color. And then she would say, hey, Kaylee's black, right?

And I'm white. And I'm just like, no, no. You're not white. You're black and white. Your daddy's black. See me? I'm dark, right? yeah you're and your mommy's white right yep so you're both you're black and white oh

oh and it's like she'll be quiet and then she'll try to process it which is so cute to see her try to process race like so you're saying i won't be able to catch a cab is that what you're saying so i have half the privilege so you're saying all lives don't matter half of lives don't matter and the other half do uh so yeah so there's those conversations of telling her like yeah you are half black and you know your hair is curly and stuff like that it's just it's just small it's nothing like that's

crazy really good but i but she you know again she lives in west chester she's with her parents uh her mom and all the other private school kids which is like there's no dark-skinned kids the only dark-skinned kid in there is me dropping her off that's really it and they're like oh Are you in the right class? Yes. The guy from UPS is here. Nigga, I am done. She said the nigga from...

Is that the nigga from Fresh Direct? Yeah. You're dropping off groceries. The nigga from Fresh Direct. You're dropping off that produce. Thank you. I'm sorry. You're supposed to use the service entrance in the back.

No, I'm talking about doing it. Excuse me. The back, please. Did you use the regular elevator? You're supposed to use the service elevator. did anybody order pizza the guy from domino's is here i know i swear that's how i feel too that's how i feel these niggas be looking at you you're supposed to be delivering the mail from the back yes yes because they ain't nothing but white and asian kids you know in private the

little pre-k private school so um so yes and then plus you know my daughter she don't probably like you see my forehead and nose on her but you know her her skin she's not even like cornbread complex she's a little bit lighter than that you know yeah before you came i was like marie he they don't really look alike at all like when you holding her i'm like so is that a cousin or are you a nanny i get more people saying i do look alike than like you're one of the people that say no i don't really see nothing in you and i probably like two other women said that everybody else is like that's your child i think i need to see them in together in real life i see I see your head

Your head is there Damn, she's saying your baby got a big head No, he doesn't have a big head No, he doesn't have a big head I don't have a picture I feel like I see her eyebrows Your eyebrows are in there No, I feel like she's got your forehead

I feel like I got the same forehead That's who I see And then your brother When that lighting, when that sun hit, boy She get really Okay, I see it But yeah She's so cute

So no flash for her? No flash for her She's so adorable And then I'm going to be there Looking all brown and toasted You think she's going to be an actress Or a comedian She could be like a comedian

If she wants to be that I just don't want to raise it like my parents You know no expectations Just like do what you want No limitations just like you got to be this You got to go hey you got to go that shit You can drop out of college all I care Just make sure you're taking care of yourself

That's how we're going to start up Before she even starts kindergarten if she go to i would i would rather her go to barnes and noble for four years read every goddamn book for four years and then go pay for college tuition off some bullshit you still want that experience then go ahead and do it it's again it's what i mean you say go ahead and do it are you saving money for her to go no i'm not but god has a way god has a way so no no savings bonds know nothing about it. No, I got sneakers.

Oh, my God. She gonna live in one of your shoes? No. Is your shoes teachers now? What's going on? No, they hold value. I got a couple of dimes in there.

I got a couple of gems in the closet. Okay, so talk to us about these gems. Well, I got some of those Domebecker 5. Those are sneakers that were made in Portland

for Nike for these kids that have autism and cancer, and they got able to design a Nike shoe, and they actually came out really good, so people in my mind when you said autism and cancer i was like those shoes must be hideous yeah i know but they're not that i mean they're they gotta be they have a hideous disease but

they got good they got good fashion sense i feel like the sole is very thick an orthopedic soul like an old man steph curry so they're really beautiful so they're like on they're like you go on ebay they're about like three grand four three grand yeah don becker fives yeah they glow in the dark they got like a little light and stuff those wow they got a compass on it no they ain't got no there's like a couple pair i could just sell off and be like boom there you go that's two semesters how much how much you think your shoe collection is worth uh like if you're gonna sell it the whole thing like what's the range probably like seven or ten grand

She can't go to college I know I know Hey I'm saying She can go to She can go to She can be a phoenix Yeah

Online college Yeah She can go to Dot com school Yeah I don't have any Yeezys I got I didn't get none of those When they came out

They a lot now I didn't get any Yeezys So Listeners if you're listening Could we please We need to make sure That Layla goes to college So if y'all just want to

Venmo Nori Any type of coin Yeah just listen to my album Home Game on Spotify I give them nice little clicks You can just let You can just play the album

and then put it on mute. Ah, boom. So Home Game is the name of the album and it's on Spotify. Can they listen to it anywhere else? Yeah, Tidal. They can listen to Tidal. They can listen to Apple Music.

It's air with anything you got, Amazon. Anything you got, it's on there, baby. Home Game and Away Game. It's the second album following up. It's just a cleaner version of Away, of Home Game. Okay, so Perfect Baby Daddy. So yeah, doing her hair,

spending time with her, having a good time. you read to her no child support but paying money like it's not we have a court is not involved no course involved hell no so that's good then that's like that is a dope baby yeah no course it's just an agreement of anything she needs i got her because i swear if guys if you just make the mother of your child comfortable because like the reason they probably going after you because you just fucking dropped out like an asshole you're just gonna leave it with this baby by herself which is horrible so it's like if you tell a woman just give her some security of like we're

not together but we are together and you're not raising this child by yourself then there won't be no reason for judges and all that shit. Listen, I see some real terrible situations on Instagram where the dad is posting up with

these girls and have trips and stuff and they'll be like the baby mama like oh really? But you couldn't give Daquisha $60 Yeah, when I ask you just for her to get braces and you want to go to puerto rico yeah all over your gram okay it'd be on twitter it'd be on facebook and i'm like listen why do i feel like i'm involved with y'all messy ass uh family court

bullshit yep and then we love watching the train wreck so we do it's it's really just but it's really sad actually and it's it's sad because then at that point it's just the parents fighting they're using the child as a weapon the child becomes a weapon yeah and you know that that sucks like one of my friends is going through that and his baby mom's like coming after his head but what's your friend doing though he just broke he just he just broke me he won't be there but he broke and he ain't got no money you see ladies listening to this first of all if you lay down with broke dogs you get broke ass babies yeah that's what you get so basically raising that baby by yourself exactly don't lay down with broke dogs yeah can we talk about your daughter's name

real quick yes who chose the name i did it's after leila ali no i remember we were driving probably back from target or some shit she's like thinking of a name and so you picked your name after target listen target gets the creative juice flowing because you'll be you think you're running in for one day and then you both give me four hours so i don't know what other names i just wanted the name that was um sophisticated sexy but not too sexy wait you said sophisticated and sexy that's what you're thinking about yeah i'm thinking it's like something powerful but you know but also professional you know something right in the middle so i want to make sure she gets a job

But she also gets the dick Okay cool Got it Damn right Not too white Not too black Everything right in between Like she is

She's brushing What name was she thinking Like Anastasia No Something with a S-K-Y-A Or something Rikasho

No I don't know What she's I don't know I remember the name She was saying I was just like Nah nah nah And no

She didn't want You didn't want any Silent letters in her name People are really big On them silent letters The baby's name is Bed What

Bed Beth My baby name is Nordstrom Ave But the Ave silent It's just Nordstrom That was that What year was that When they were naming babies

After boroughs and shit Brooklyn, Queens They still doing that White folks love Naming their children Brooklyn They still doing that And Bronx Bronx

I feel like Victoria Beckham Has a kid that's called Brooklyn and Bronx Yeah Victoria Beckham Yeah Who's ever been to Brooklyn In her life

I have one question Do you ever See the grandparents Oh yeah Yeah, they love me. Have you learned sign language? Nah. I mean, the father teaches sign language to people that don't do sign language at a deaf school.

So you could learn. And he would try to teach me when I would go over there when we were together and stuff like that. They love me. They were just happy to see, you know. How do you know they love you, nigga? They love me. They're not telling you that they love you. Hell, they love me.

You can't even read the sign. The mom would cook a whole spread. They'd be talking about you while you were in the room. They'd be like, that nigga ate shit. they doing this nigga ain't shit i hate the blacks go back to white yeah they don't know you don't lay out a whole spread and a whole bowl of watermelon and chicken and all this other stuff they would just when you come to the house yes i know it sounds like that and i would tell her that i would tell like deaf people are racist no it's just you got a lot of nerve they just

love water? Deaf people don't hear call-ups. Nori! Nori, I feel like we have a couple questions. Do you have questions for Nori? Yes, I have one question. We have a couple questions for you. We want to test you to see if you really are the dope baby daddy expert.

Start your questions up. Are we taping this? Should we tape this? I feel like we don't have time. Okay, well, we don't have time to do this. But pretend he's wearing our expert glasses and visualize Nori Davis Why can't you tape this? Have an extended episode. Yeah, man.

Because we got somewhere to be after this. Oh, okay. We haven't posted on Instagram yet because somebody be slacking. I'm not going to say no names. Fuck you, Marie. What? Why do you curse at me? This is live on the air, guys.

I'm reporting live from the fight. I just posted a video. Anyway, Nori. Sydney, go ahead. Go ahead with your question. No, you go first, Marie. I need you to do your question so I can think of a question. No, you've got to go first. Can we pause this so I can think of a question?

Well, you just asked me a question, so it is Marie's turn. I asked you about the grandmother. Okay, I have a question. Here's in dope baby daddy news. Yes. Nori, for $100 worth of savings bonds, when you wash your daughter's hair, what type of shampoo and conditioner are you using on this melanin queen's locks

all right so at first i was using a generic cvs type shampoo but then i got woke on some carol's daughters okay expensive um but no what's the other one before carol's daughter it's like um it's a black one god damn it uh shade moisture shade moisture thank you yeah shade moisture and um and the conditioner also i use that and then i'll use palmers uh coconut milk for conditioner or for hair lotion to get her curls going and it's good that's beautiful yeah yo if you go to target on the right day or you go to like right eight or walgreens on the right day they have buy one get one free Shea Moisture.

Really? Yeah, because that's all I use for my hair. Great. Yeah, that stuff is expensive by itself. Yes, it is. So if you raise,

I'll walk in. You'd be like, $13? It's not the right day. The Marines tell you, you're on the wrong day. That was good. I'm going to give you

six points. That was really good. I'm going to give you six points for that. Thank you. I was watching, this question is from the show Big Little Lies.

So like, if your daughter was at school and she had a bully what would you do oh yeah somebody asked me that recently too so i want to um fuck that kid up i mean you're in westchester so does my daughter tell me about it or like do i just see like marks and stuff on her then it's like you just see marks i just see marks marks okay and i guess in that show i remember the scene you're talking about were those kids her age were they or they were a little older were they like no they were they were all no they were all like be in the same class.

All right, yeah, so they really don't talk like that. Yeah, I would have to bring it to their door. I would have to go to the principal and be like,

look, she coming home with marks and we drop her off with no marks. She come back home with new marks so something's happening to you.

What are the principals like? Well, maybe y'all are giving her the marks. Okay, now see then, that's when you got to hit the principal. You are brown. Don't you live in Yonkers?

See, then that's when you got to hit the principal with an elbow and be like, give me back my tuition money. Fuck this school. I'm out. And then I would secretly go into the class, curse everybody out.

Yeah, like, they didn't get the police involved. They didn't get anybody involved. So, like, as a father who you don't want to pop off. Yeah, no, you got to pop off. I mean, you want to pop off, but you don't want to hit anybody. Well, not hit anybody, but in schools like that, a good cursing out is, like, popping off. A good tongue lashing. Like, yeah, I feel like after 30, you're like, I'm not fighting.

I don't know if somebody hit some part. It's going to take a long time for that to heal. I'm not doing that. but if you got good mouth game give me an example if you got good cursing out good mouth game give me a little of

Nori Davis coming up to the school popping off at a teacher or a principal so what you do is you speak very articulate here's me I'm the principal oh Mr. Davis maybe she got the marks from your home aren't you from Yonkers

yes that is where I'm from but that has nothing to do with my daughter having marks on her chest So I just want to know what is going on in her class because I drop it here to you and it's your responsibility and I'm very concerned and I'm not appreciating this at all. Maybe I think your daughter's a little clumsy. She ran into a locker today. I'm not really sure why you're yelling at me. I heard you guys had to take two buses and a train to get here. No, these are all false allegations.

You're about to get fucked up, principal. Stop talking the bullshit with me. Stop playing games. All lives matter. but you gotta remember uh i don't have to do all that because she got a she got a mom who white and russian don't play that shit so it's like i'm just i'm just in the background like i got you you know if she get crazy but she's attacked i'll take care of it because you know white but even black women too like forget it they any any mother any moment come to make cubs they about

to tear shit down so i just i'll tell her like should i be like hey i'm with you i'll back you and anything you want to do, I'll be right there. I feel like even the grandparents will show up. Oh, curse somebody out silently. Yes, silently. A silent curse out. They chin and tone up middle fingers. Here's my last question for you.

It's how do you think you'll handle your daughter bringing home boys? Oh, how old are they? 16. Yeah, 16 is good. All right, so the way I want to do it, I want her to know she has a father in her life And she don't need no man to give her anything But you can get a man to get you anything you want So

Use that nigga get that iPad You know Get that dinner like y'all were talking earlier And complain at the table When it's too dry and leave You know get dick when you want it Not when he wants it Damn Nori

All this at 16 Hey I just want her to know Just get that money Or just get items Like you have that woman privilege Where you know Just make sure you You give what you want

But give a little bit So a nigga don't Choke you or kidnap you Or kill you Or something like that Give a little bit Nori I'm scared about that

I'm gonna give you Minus three points Why? Wait what happened? You said give a little bit To get a little bit Yeah like a kiss Or a hug

Sometimes don't make a nigga Feel like he gonna Fuck you up You tell your daughter To give up the ass For a plate of wings I did not say Give up the ass

Your daughter's gonna be A suit line at you I said a kiss over a hug or make a nigga feel like he's doing right. She's going to be diamond at the players club. You got to use what you got to get what you want. Alright, so I'm wrong.

I have one more question. This is the last question. Being a dope baby daddy, the baby mother is like, listen, I'm in a jam. I need $2,000 in two days. Would you hustle out there

and get that money for her? Yeah. But she don't tell you what the $2,000 is for. Oh, that was great. I was going to ask you that too. I was like, wait, what's it for? Why is she just too great? Too great?

Nah, she don't tell me what it's for. Like, nah. Because if you went out there hustling, doing all those spots for 2Gs, and then she's in like a tropical island with another nigga, got him. Yes, basically. Nah, I'm good. Oh, my gosh. Nori, this was great.

Fan-free and awesome. We heart you so much. please plug your social media for us yeah i'm on instagram and twitter at nori davis n-o-r-e-d-a-v-i-s and um hit up my website for comedy show dates noridavis.com and what's next for you do you have anything next right now i'll be on um we're filming a vh1 show uh had the pleasure of sydney marie starring in my stand-up special that we're putting together right now It's going to be great. They were awesome.

And then just working on the new hour. Hopefully it'll hit the road in the fall. Okay. And one more time, just tell us the name of your comedy album. Home Game. It's on Spotify, Tidal, Apple Music. I just want to shout out that Nori Davis has a washer and a dryer. So in his apartment.

He got a doorman too. Yeah, it's in his place. That don't care about shit. That doorman will let anybody out He sure will He was out there talking He was like You come in there with a gun

He'd be like Oh he had three He had three seven There you go He'll call me like Yo somebody come with a gun bro I ain't down for you Listen I don't have a doorman

So I commend you on that You're doing real well You're a dope baby daddy And you also have a dope Doorman building We love it As always you can catch us On the second Saturday

Of every month At the warm up in New York City or you can catch us on May 7th at The Wild Project. We're doing a live version of this here podcast. We're going to interview people in your face and then we're going to pull

somebody from the audience and interview them as an expert of something probably terrible. Yeah, so if you come, you have the chance to become an expert on stage. Yes, so that's at The Wild Project on Sunday, May 7th at 7pm. You catch me online at Reezy, R-E-E-E-Z-Y

and you are? And mine is just Sid BW So that's J-U-S-T-S-Y-D-B-W Thank you so much for listening We'll catch y'all next week Nori one more word Do you have any advice for any people Who are going to be new dads

Oh yeah just keep it alive baby Keep it alive Keep that baby alive Thanks guys Thank you