MESS with Sydnee Washington & Marie Faustin - "The EVENTS Expert" with David Goldberg

Episode Date: June 22, 2018

Marie has more mouse house drama and Syd is The Worlds Greatest friend. Maybe. Have you ever been in a sex dungeon? Do you eat food off of naked strangers bodies? Do people invite you to events for free and feed you, sis?? David Goldberg is our Events Expert and hes spilling the tea on the best, worst and weirdest things to do in NYC. Grab a ros and listen & learn boo.----Listen to The Unofficial Expert Ad-Free on Forever Dog Plus:https://foreverdogpodcasts.com/plus----BONUS EPISODES AVAILABLE NOW ON PATREON:www.patreon.com/TheUnofficialExpertBUY UNOFFICIAL EXPERT MERCH:https://www.teepublic.com/stores/the-unofficial-expert-podcastFOLLOW THE UNOFFICIAL EXPERT:https://www.instagram.com/UnofficialExpertFOLLOW SYDNEE:https://www.instagram.com/JustSYDbwhttps://twitter.com/justsydnycFOLLOW MARIE:https://www.instagram.com/Reeezyhttps://twitter.com/MsReeezyFOLLOW ANDREW:https://www.instagram.com/mcgui_guyTHE UNOFFICIAL EXPERT IS A FOREVER DOG PODCASThttps://foreverdogpodcasts.com/podcasts/the-unofficial-expertSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

oh freaking love that song hey oh what's up oh shit damn it sounds like you forgot how to use the microphone we gotta do that over i feel like it's fine we just have to leave it in there why because you messed up and we got things to do today it wasn't my fault whose fault was it It's just janky ass. And we're back. Hey, Sydney. Hi. I'm so mad at you because you're like, oh, just keep it.

I mean, the microphone, Sydney, this is not going to be forever. No, you're right. It's not going to be forever, dog. Forever, dog. You're right. Okay. Thank you for looking at the cup half full. Ain't no cups, sis.

It's just water on the ground. That's how my life is right now. Actually, shut up. Anyway, Sydney, how are you doing? You got up and went to the gym today? Yeah, I went to the gym because I'm realizing I have no core, no upper body strength. I mean, every time people are pushing me to do things that I need to lift or hold things, I'm like, oh, I can't.

This is too much, too hard. When did you realize that? Because I feel like that's always been your truth, dude. Listen, sis, I brought you Laurie's seasoning salt and marmalade. Okay, you're not going to keep saying that. So, Sydney, shout out to Laurie's that does not sponsor the podcast. Sydney stole a bunch of stuff from them yesterday Because she did a gig for them

And she bought it to my house And now she thinks that she can just keep saying I bought you lorries and I'm going to be Nicer Nice It's not happening It's fine I expected that

Your skin looks hydrated Yeah you know I actually I did a little something You did a little something You got a little lunch time procedure oh no i didn't you gotta have money to do that shit i was gonna say that next you can't go to on a groupon and get that shit done you can you could get a lot of you can get everything on groupon you get dick on groupon really does one want dick from groupon no thank you maybe oh i

feel like dick on groupon would be like two-toned yeah it'd be two-toned it'd be like a piece missing no yeah my last client wasn't really happy she yeah she took some with her i feel like it would start and then it would stop in the middle and be like i need to take a break yeah that's groupon groupon dick would be like not all the way hard and not soft but like like a semi sweet al dente al dente dick there it is there it is you're so ignorant dude it's too early in the morning for this gross behavior honestly um so let's just get right into the expertise uh i feel like i'm an expert in friendship uh again yeah it's your expertise every three months you know sometimes you just have to put it to the forefront so like last week me and marie were like had a tiff and

then this week we got tattoos so how does that make you an expert on friendship because anything that makes me an expert well both of both forgiveness oh really i guess it's a mutual little forgiveness i mean if that's if that's how you feel okay sure sure sure he forgives so we got we got tattoos friend okay yes sydney and i did get tattoos so let's talk about this real quick so we hosted a charity event that was nine hours long and we were like oh my god this the gag is they asked us and we didn't like really ask much questions we were just like yeah we'll do it for the kids yeah we thought it was gonna be two hours they're like yeah so it's gonna be from 7 to 12 and we were like what that's the whole day that's the whole night yeah you gotta get

there at like 6 30 you're like yeah set up you're like what we were like set up anyway we get there it's not a comedy show it's all bands performing which actually 30 minute sets i'm here for that because we were able to walk around and do stuff and we didn't have to be stuck just hosting. Oh, let's talk about everything. So they were like, they're doing tattoos in the back for free. I mean, not for free, but basically for free. They were $40.

And we were like, we're going to scrape together $40. If the tattoos had been a dollar more, I think I would have been like, no. Yeah, if they would have been $60, we definitely wouldn't have gotten it. If they had been $50, I would have been like, no. Because if they were $50, I had to take that out of my account. and yeah that would it wasn't going to let you take out the full hundo wow so we um oh they were

like we're gonna provide snacks and there's gonna be food we're gonna make we're gonna have sandwiches yeah get into these dry ass sandwiches oh these sandwiches were very soup kitchen oh my god they're like pursuit of happiness sandwiches yeah i feel like i've seen better sandwiches in jail honestly i feel like they give you a slice of tomato at least yeah or a condiment the Bitch didn't put nothing on it. It was white bread. Yes. Turkey?

Turkey. Cheese, another slice of white bread. That's it. There was nothing, no. Nothing else. And it wasn't like, I don't know. They weren't made with love. No, they weren't.

It's like she threw them things together. But she put it in a container that looked like she got it from the store. Like a display platter. Yeah, I was like, this is not store-bought sandwiches. Because you should go get your money back, sis, if you did. I'm like, dude, that's not even like an iceberg lettuce thrown. nothing you know there was no moisture like i i was like and she didn't bring no bottled waters to go with these dry sandwiches no milk no nothing dude oh my god they were so dry oh my god but they

were so dry that like a white dude commented on how dry they were and that's when i was like oh touch those yeah well he was like well is this a different type of bread what kind of bread is this this is drier than drier than most than normal and so okay every time

somebody would come up and they were like is that one of the guys was like is there any like mayo or anything on it any mustard

he's like well there's pizza on the way he's like don't worry there's other food they were like but people were eating them dry as sandwiches because every time I came back

the bladder was like less full we were famished I didn't have one did you have one I surely did it was all stuck to the roof of your mouth

I ate it and I was like you know what I hate myself If I had some club soda, this would be fine. This would pair well with a club soda. With a LaCroix. With a LaCroix.

There was a bar. You could have got a club soda. And so everybody kept commenting on the sandwich, and she just kept looking like, well, this is for charity, nigga. So if this was a paid gig, maybe I would have put some mayo on it or mustard. Hit it with a little Dijon. Nothing, dude. She didn't sprinkle no seasoning salt on the shit.

Nothing. I mean, it was a white woman that made the sandwiches, and you already know. she was nice she might be listening to the podcast shout out to you girl with the dry ass you did that dry white rye you did what you could that's honestly you could have done more no listen it was a charity show sis you could have provided better sandwiches people got a lot of nerve they asked you to bring something and they want to comment no this is what i brought this is what i have in my home you initiated the comment about the sandwiches though this is what she had no i stated the facts i also said the fact she could have done more damn hannah

tara anna with three n's hannah with six h's yeah so i mean whatever honestly that's what it is and that goes for like barbecues and house gatherings people come with shit and then you just look around like you just could have just brought yourself i mean normally i do or like i'll bring like a bottle of rose what what do you normally what's your go-to when you get invited to somebody's house or something well before i used to bring liquor i used to bring liquor because i'm like everybody's gonna drink this but then i realized i'm like i'm spending a lot of money on something that i'm not gonna get at all oh as a sober person you were bringing liquor yeah that sounds dumb yeah so now you gotta bring stuff that you can drink because most of the places

won't have juice no no they won't and that's that's my problem i think people need to have a checklist when they have any parties to figure out what they need and what people are bringing because it's not fair you gotta have beverages for the folks who don't drink okay beverages for the folks that don't refreshment okay refreshments yeah so you're saying that we gotta have a google doc yeah together yes to see who's bringing what yes y'all take care of these vegan hoes what about us what about the sober sometimes there's nothing for the vegan ho they're like is this a lentil meatball or no meat meat is it a tofu ball yeah trash f the vegan hoes shout out to all the vegans listening uh you're super difficult to cook for actually that's not true i don't cook

for vegans i don't know what that means and you're hard to cook for too you always like oh well who who made that wash your hands and put some mayo on the sandwiches we don't even know if hannah put And we don't even know if her name was Hannah. You don't need no gloves if you ain't using no condiments. It's not gloves. Wash your hands and then, you know, make the bread cute. She just threw the turkey on the sandwiches, dude. Like, she didn't, like, do it, like, in the commercials where they, like, kind of pour it on.

She just, like, threw it. But, you know, the gag is she went to the supermarket and got those items. And she could have got something to put on. Maybe some of them had Hellmann's, but, like, she ran out halfway through. No, there was nothing on it, dude. It's fine. But I'm glad that we did it. We actually, it was for

Moms Demand Action. And so it was like gun control and we actually met one of the survivors of the Las Vegas mass shooting and she told her story. I thought she was going to go up and be like my son was like

killed by a gun or whatever. But no. Yeah, I thought she was going to say that she was like partying like listening to who was performing? Like Garth Brooks or something? Crazy Legs or something? I don't know. Helter Skelter. And she was in the room right next

to the shooter. Yeah. So she heard all of it. She was telling the story on stage and we were like, whoa. Gagging. We could not deal. And I gave a hug and it was like so sincere and then Marie gave a sincere hug. The lies you tell it on the podcast right now. Marie gave a sincere hug and I was like,

oh, this really touched Marie. I hug people every day. Every day. It's because you've been working them arms out and you just want to flaunt it. Thank you so much. Thank you for asking me what I was an expert on, Sydney. I felt like we're similar experts.

No, no. That's yours. Remember, mine was more like forgiveness than friendship. So my roommate is moving out because of this mouse, she said. And so I've been an expert on just... She just want a little help, man. You don't want to pay rent. Yeah, she's like, I can't afford to pay two rents.

And I'm like, why are you... What's two rents? That nigga got you paying... That's what I said. Wow, girl. on the boom boom you gotta work on it and it's a studio you gonna move into a studio with some dude that you've been i'm not gonna pay for no studio no absolutely not no i'm not gonna pay for a loft dude i'm just gonna be like i ain't got it nope i put i put groceries in the fridge

hey if you want this in-house poon cash you gotta pay you gotta pay full rent anyway so uh i've just been an expert on hiding actually i haven't seen the mouse at all i think it's gone i feel like It's gone. He might be gone. But she texted me yesterday and was like, I heard it behind my bookcase. Every time she comes home, she has a mouse thing to say. Because she needs more reasons to be like, this is why I'm leaving. Yeah.

She's like, oh, he was making a nest in my sports bras. And it's like, well, where were the bras? I saw some droppings. I haven't. I don't even know what mouse poop looks like. Yeah. Mouse droppings. You haven't seen it?

No. I haven't seen it. You know what? Usually when people say they have mice or a mouse or whatever, I'm like, dirty ass. But, Marie, I'm like, this is giving you some character. It's going to be a little Laurie's. Yeah. A little seasoned salt.

Dash. Bang. A little dash. Mrs. Dash. A mouse dash. So, I don't know. I've been an expert, I think. Also, I feel like I live by myself now.

Like, I came home yesterday. I had had a couple of rosés after my show. I was like, I'm going to make a pizza. And then I was like, you know what? No, I'm not. Remember when I almost burnt my eyebrows off? so i preheated the thing and i sat on the couch and i was like i'm actually nope i'm not i'm not gonna do it this time and i turned it off and then i fell asleep on this couch in my underwear

oh that's the life bitch yeah yeah yeah yeah butt ass naked just basically basically on this oh wow the guest you're sitting in the wet spot that's where my mouth was i was drooling right where your ass is anyway let's get into it with this guest yeah he's a friend of ours he's um he's a philanthropist he's a national treasure i mean he is so necessary to the comedy community that some of the the shows that you've been putting in this magazine i'd be like that show that show made the cut what they do they put you on dude how'd you they send you some group on dick um so he's uh an editor of for the events of uh and he is our boo and yours he's our ex uh event expert yes it's david goldberg y'all hate to get david goldberg

i have to say i have used groupon exclusively for dick really i've never not used groupon predict because if you want to go to like spa castle or the russian baths and get weird you get it on groupon because they give you like a 40 pass and then and then you get from that spa castle that place is weird somebody died in spa castle like they were floating in the jacuzzi for a minute the dick knocked him out huh the dick ruptured that aortic artery or whatever i think they like closed down for six months they did like we're legit now no pda no dead bodies and then like you go in for five minutes and there's hand jobs like they cannot keep it together they put up signs like no public displays of affections like no dick in the saunas people

are going at it it's like yeah i've never been to spot castle it's good it sounds good to me it is yo me and my friends we would go after the club we would go after the club right just covered in glitter and sweat no not glitter but like all just sodiumed up they're like yo we're so high we're rolling let's go get massages oh yes boo and you can get a massage when they're rolling yes if you get a good discount it feels so good how much is spot castle that i'm getting $40 off well it depends because russian baths you can go in for like the leaf treatment where they whack you they smack you with the leaves $40 great go in hand job fine okay spa castle i think it's like $75 the massages are more but sydney was making a lot of money back then i assume she's

super rich wait so we couldn't afford to do it how do you get somebody how who's giving the hand job the masseuse no okay so in they have like co-ed baths yeah but they also have a men's area and a women's area the women's area i assume is just like women actually just taking baths and chilling the men's area there's like saunas where shit's going down and it's this very stupid like high school thing because they're always sending monitors in to make sure nothing's happening so there's always this sense of like quick hide teachers coming while you're like going down on someone i've been kicked out the whole thing is oh i believe i know you've been kicked out damn you've been kicked out let's talk about uh what what look david brought to the podcast today

He's wearing Color He is color with him I love a fuchsia A fuchsia Come through Like relaxed tea Yeah

I like the hair blonde Okay The thing with this is I like cannot afford To get it dyed again For like another month So it's gonna get a lot worse Before it gets better

You're giving me One direction Zayn Yeah Well not Zayn Zayn is like the one That was brown You're giving me

The other ones No but this was his look His hair was like that Zayn's hair was like that Is he Purple right now He's beautiful right now yeah he could do that because he got that he got that face it's like

that's why he could do that the microphone is struggling right when you can cunt and gaunt yeah that's the name of my comedy album it's like our beavis and butthead i'm cunt and you're going let's get some let's get some merch popping let's get some teas that's a good one dude oh cut and gone that's so us that's our hashtag i'm really ready for you guys to be like at the next level so that the studio has like a waiting room because i would love like next time i do this to be like not even allowed to see you until we record because i love that you just assumed i just like you assume yes city doesn't need her space in the morning she'd be really shepherded

around by an assistant and brought in i love how you just like look you lifted us up with low-key drag deaths you're like i don't want to see this calmness this common room yeah he's like marie sleeps here it's terrible like i thought the podcast was better he's a brand is stronger than this yeah he's a young even got your eyebrows on fuck this i don't draw my eyebrows this is what they always look like i just need these brows mariah carey where it's like the talent is not ready to see you yet you will be escorted in when they're ready listen when when cunt and gaunt really take off uh we're gonna be like lauren hill and be like three hours late yo so late i'm like dude i have work to quit your job you're on the podcast now okay you're better than this

you're about to get all the fans all of the fans all of the fans all of the so david what um so what does that mean you do the events but you also feature the events like you pick which events get into so i'm the things to do comedy and lgbt things to do editor which is cool so does that mean you always have stuff to do ah no sometimes sis be hitting me up like what's going on who's in your neighborhood i'm like you're gonna go to a raggedy ass show david you're better than that find something else to do and he's like well let me jump on groupon let me go to spot spot castle i know i am really bad at that because pr people will be like we'd love for you to come check it out and it's like am i going to this like yes dude you do have plus ones you need to start

getting plus listen plus david and i went to an event david and i went to an event together two weeks ago he said you cleaned up let me hold on let's talk about this i don't know what that means uh he was like it's uh he was like it's uh it's a dinner a weed infused dinner and i was like oh and he was like but it might be a sex party and i was like yeah is that why i wasn't invited i just thought it was like not a gonna be a super sober environment oh no no and i was right because they had like fancy glass like crystal bongs basically they had like real fancy bongs are you serious those dabs were very nice yeah they were really dabbed i was of course the one time i bring marie is the night that like things don't get weird listen i was waiting for it to get

strange they were like have you taken her down to the dungeon i was like the dungeon i go down there it's just the basement with some beds in it i was like oh this will be doing marie you was ready to get your back blown out no i wanted to see somebody get their back blown out and maybe turn somebody down or like maybe like get the back like slightly blown or at least watch it go down and laugh at people yeah oh this poor girl at the party oh she was sitting on a bench and this bench you know when you start a sentence that this poor girl is like oh you know marie tara i forgot the girl falls on her face i was crying laughing and you was high so when you high your laugh is even more even more villainous yeah and i really i was like do i side with like the popular girl who's

laughing at this victim yes do i pretend to care and i of course went with maria i was like i have the power i don't care david was like are you okay it's terrible terrible terrible and we didn't even get that high because i swear the last one was like a feast and we were all blown out for like 18 it was not a feast dude it was like order yeah how much was it like what kind of food did y'all get it was like finger food it was pitiful i mean maria and i took like fifths and six oh we were in that kitchen just shoving what was the food even it was like spring there was spring rolls there was that corn that corn pudding thing corn i don't know dude but we i The amount of food that I shoved in my face, I should have been high.

I should have been way higher. And it should have gotten a lot weirder. Yeah, but we left. But I feel like, did things really get weird with weed? I feel like that's not really the drug to do sexual things. But it was in a sex house. No, that's like a sex clubhouse. So I've been to their parties before.

Yes, but weed is not, I don't think it complements sex things. I think it makes you mad, aloof, and lax. I mean, it depends on the weed, dude. Yeah, that's true. I've had good sex on good weed. Really? Yeah. Like, I felt everything.

I was like, is this laced? Really? So amazing. When was this? I don't know, a couple months ago. Okay. Was that like California weed sex? Honestly, I don't know where the weed was from that I was smoked.

Okay. Oh, yeah. I was like, was it California weed? Were you in California? yet no but the california man is it has been in my um my texts oh yeah you know i'll be in la in august so i'm um maybe probably possibly just to see if it was like what i remember you know cool cool cool i feel like it was good and i feel like it wasn't that good and then i was like well maybe it was okay you know so this was i'll pencil sometime in so this was scottish

um possibly sis there was when you're leaving la you're like i can get so much better then you come to new york and you're like maybe it was pretty good well and then but then i'm here for a minute and i'm like because you know we romanticize sex sometimes like you remember it bad do we you remember it wrong like male comedians you're just like all right david are you banging male comedians because i feel like you're better than that talk talk about it this is the time i'm really trying to be strong i'm really really trying what is there to be weak about do you see these niggas no like they are not they're not advertising lines today that's also going on the shirts do you see that's part of the cunt and gaunt yes thank you so much i'm

not i don't see it well you know what you're gay it's different it's like did i just out you on this podcast no you said he had a fuchsia shirt on oh yeah i'm not getting my hand jobs at us but again half of those guys don't think they're gay i guess this one guy i was there he like he was really creepy he kept trying to grab my dick okay fine i saw him the next time i went which is ridiculous and he was like excuse me are you famous and i was he was like i think i know you i was like yeah you tried to like finger me like that's how you know me it's not like he tried and succeeded or he tried to know it's all these like closeted like i think flight attendants from laguardia oh that's what that's the clientele is laguardia well the honestly david do what you

gotta do so we can get them buddy passes what the fuck dude yeah they're so selfish them plus twos that you need to put us on the list as well i've been saying i've been using my job lately to do like free spa and hair reviews like my hair was free okay i got a facial two weeks ago for free and they don't know what you got anything what'd you go to get the facial bamford it was it's in dumbo it was that's nice that's nice we're like oh i got like a 90 minute massage but i'm not like good at it wait it was free the facial and the massage yeah because i like write a review or whatever we gotta we gotta start writing sis how do we get anything how do we get a we gotta start a blog yeah we gotta get a lot of followers come check out the space

yeah it's like just that name alone they're like you're gonna be rude and give us a bad review no way but we're gonna look really good yeah while we're downplaying everything that you do here yeah my thing right now is like when i meet men who don't have a sense of humor especially with gay guys because gay guys take themselves so seriously they're so judgmental they really i was just on fire island they just like stare at you and it's like it's so nice to meet someone with a sense of humor but then when you go in that direction they ain't got no money yeah and you're gonna i don't need you to be i don't need you to be funny i need you to be wealthy like we're funny my friends are funny that's all i need also i'll laugh at everything that you do

anyway it's true because it's hilarious we find the humor in things so i i don't want to hang out with somebody who's who's like trying to one-up and tag shit it's like shut up yeah you know what you should do with the joke no don't don't come you know what you do jump out the window i'm all set i had a dude try to help me with a joke that i did not ask for help with and i was like don't ever come to a show don't ever come to a show that i'm performing it was me but david i feel like you get like if you get comedy dick it's it's not bad so no no we all know that that is not the case yeah tell it so far it has been mediocre at this mediocre how many comic dicks have there been wow not a lot david yes yes yes yes but you're not a lot might not be my not a lot

so let's get into it it's for truly not a lot because i haven't been in the scene that long yes but how long has the scene been in you did the dick have a hoodie on it that's all i gotta that's all i gotta ask no and i've been going back and forth about that because i appreciate it not having a hoodie because it's prettier but as i don't have i don't have one i don't feel anything oh we're talking about the skin now yeah foreskin yeah cindy was talking about actual hoodies you're talking about foreskin okay so what other hoodie are we talking like a dude that like leaves his hoodie on when he's having sex yeah no but i like that circumcised like uncircumcised it could just be called having

a hoodie on it turtleneck well i call it a turtleneck or like a sleeve that the hand's not all the way in you know what i mean out yeah just kind of like a loose cowl neck it's a cowl neck don't nobody want uncircumcised dick you that's what you want i don't want it i wish i had it because i've been topping lately this happened at a sex party i went to david we are learning so much about you bro no no no no i knew that you'd been topping recently all right by topping i mean it's happened like one twice so that's a lot i'm on a roll it's a lot of so i went to this this other a real sex party a few weeks ago and i topped and i was wearing a condom and i didn't feel anything it was just like wearing a blindfold like well how loose was

the butt that's a yeah he had been like making the rounds at the sex at the sex bag it was it was his party so i guess he's just oh well just being a good host yeah the host is gonna be getting banged out it's a hose what what in the butt hey would you like this rosé and this asshole yeah and it's like i don't want the rosé but i guess i'll take that yeah well this asshole uh pairs well with the raisinets that i got in that bottle on the on the snack bar they had some grapes they had some bananas some cheetos cheetos that don't go with anal it was organic that don't go yeah you had like orange all on your ass so this is the first time that you tapped no i had topped the oh i topped this guy who goes to my gym which was a huge what's going on with

david you're doing it too close to home yeah i know you can't like i don't want to be with somebody at my gym and i don't don't want to do it with somebody that i work with i i'm really bad with boundaries well you turn i mean obviously the gym is an event now you hooked up with somebody at the gym and it's the bushwick crunch so we were already the only yo david you're doing terrible bushwick and it's a crunch and we're the only two hot guys there so now it's like well that's well let me go in there i gotta check it out yeah it's pretty bleak i'm like that new black dude is cute he's he's cunt and gaunt talking about you you know when ursula like collects everyone's souls or whatever and little mermaid and they're all these like little crumpled little

thing that's what like the crunch it's sad what's the what's the weirdest event that you've ever been to yeah yeah so there's this one that they do a lot 45 a lot where you like eat off of naked people's bodies marie why you ain't invited us today yeah we never been to that what the bodies look like okay they were hot and there was one woman who i i thanked her personally she was a black woman and she showered and put on coconut oil before well so she was like wouldn't they all do that nah you can't be eating off these beige bodies these beige bodies be like i shower in the morning, I go to bed with the food on the table.

And that's not sanitary. Like, Bay Strait men are like, I don't need to cut my pubes for this. And it's like, thank you so much. What? Yeah.

I would throw up. I would throw up. I'd only be eating off the black lady. But yeah, she was bald. She, like, she was glistening. She smelled like coconut oil. And she was the fruit plate.

Like, each person is a different plate. So, like, one guy had sliders. I was like, you... Yeah, but I would have went to the sliders, too. I'd be like, yo, my man, I'm going to get this pube out.

Let's call BB. no that meat out of his belly that out ew she was like oh pineapple cantaloupe coconut so they're actually naked and they're like laying on tables like a little pasty over the like nether region but besides that you know bon appetit baby okay and how much is this event he don't know he didn't pay don't ask him these questions don't you look at the prices though i wrote i write about all them so i guess yeah it's probably 70 75 to eat off somebody's bare ass bare naked ladies nope what what was what else also had like at that one they had a candle they had human candelabras so they would have like what's that so like they would have like they drip candle wax on you

and they'd like build like can like wax structures off of people's bodies that was pretty hot yeah that sounds fun actually i would want to see that i think that'd be cool that looked good for the i don't want to be burned but yeah all these events and marie saw this when we went it's all these just like really it's only for people who can afford it so it's all these like bougie people who live in manhattan who think that they're like cutting loose yeah yeah but they that's fine because when people like us go then we fucking gather those people and then they'll become our financial advisors aka investors that's true marie was a star the chef loved marie dj love marie oh the chef was what the chef wasn't we can we call him a chef i feel like

he was like making square sandwiches and we were like oh the chef it's like you mean the lunch lady like george and it was like no it's kyle this one guy was explaining to me like why oat milk is better than almond milk and i was watching sid sid was walking up to us and as soon as she heard almond milk i could see her backing away slowly like now not doing this yeah it was this white dude that was like what did i just say did i just say that's it but i know you meant sorry i know you said sid i was literally saying you mean cunt over there yeah not so great looking at guns and talking about cunts oh my god so wait say for instance you're in new york and you don't have a lot of money what's like

a good event to go to that's not a comedy show not a comedy not a comedy yeah what's a good place to go look if you don't you want to like your friends are coming into town you're like let's do something and you want to stunt without like pulling out your wallet because the timeout magazine does have a lot of free things to go that's true there's a lot of like good free dance parties there's a lot of good like outdoor movies i think that's oh yes talk about that i went to central park last week to see the philharmonic even though we couldn't hear anything and it was pretty busted it was still beautiful yo i love these reviews i love these reviews so weird honestly free shit in new york i think it's kind of bullshit like oh talk about it because it's just like even though

our show is free how dare you your show is i love that venue yeah let's talk about our show review our show on here it's so like 3d and i think it's like good for you too especially marie because you can like attack at different directions you know what i mean like you can bring them to you but you guys are also like you can attack different yeah we're like i'm like a praying mantis i'm like oh i see you back there and left right corner yeah it's trying to think what's good that's free everything's free to me so it's hard for me to like oh my god wow you're such a hot chick house of yes has a lot of like house of yes has a lot of like free entry before a certain time oh let's talk about that house of yes is very um i feel like it's studio 54 you

never know what you're gonna get there's gonna be like a performance there's gonna be there's cages in the ceiling and people dance in the cages i have i rollerbladed for my my birthday there yeah they had a roller skate party marie did not rollerblade i sure did not because i got three feet tall i cannot skate i was like y'all not gonna have me busting my face my uninsured face and sid is secretly an amazing amazing rollerblade it's not a secret have you seen her videos on instagram she's like going backwards she's doing like the mom like the back in the day moves that your parents used to do oh my god how old am i yeah anyone with like a bike even like the scooter video with the dildo like you're very good with that thank you for that thanks for pulling that

out of the great scooter video with the dildo yeah the crates hoverboard dick yeah dildo hoverboard that's what it was uh house of yes is so hit or miss though because sometimes it's all straight dudes like sometimes it's like queer glitter extravaganza but i like ran into jocks from my high school there once or they might be on a low boot yeah that would be good because when i think of house yes i don't think it's straight people at all at all oh because i think like straight people discovered it and they're like oh my god costumes like talk about that david let's talk about how the straights are appropriating our gay shit everything the straights are gentrifying the gay stuff where did you go two weeks ago i went to prospect park and i was like this is my time

this is my space there were just like screaming children everywhere and like yes young white parents and i'm like this is my like this is all i get and you're taking this away but this is what brooklyn is now it used to be people would have kids and move to the suburbs now people have kids and they still want to go to bars they still bring the babies into the bars yes they're still like taking up all the space on the train on the sidewalk like it's like i'm young and cool boo you got your baby and your corgi no one of them gotta go both of them gotta go all three of y'all go to new jersey or go to long island where you're supposed to go but they don't do that parents i find it really re-traumatizing them like trying to have like dialogue with their

child hayden and sasha like no hayden and sasha yes those are the sasha will have like four f's you're like well what is this no it's sasha it's really a thing though like the mckittrick hotel Have you ever been there They do No That sounds sexy They do sleep no more Marie we got like

Oh sleep no more I feel like I've heard of that Yeah I mean There's all these places That you know about David take us I know I know

I do need to like Step our pussies up Step your pussy up Cause I'm stepping mine down Right now Our pussies are just fine And having sex At the Bushwick Crunch

Your pussy is all the way down It's negative pussy points Yeah Cunt and gaunt And we don't No Cunt and gaunt At least there's some

Equinox dick You know what I mean Okay yeah i will say my friend rosalyn hart yeah shout out to rosalyn hart aka dr alex schiller she has a show at joe's pub called never sleep alone okay and she does events like she had this event called masquerade and she has this event called confidential and you go to those and like shit really will go down like she did a masquerade on my birthday you have to show up in a mask and like they won't tell you the locations and they give you all these assignments so it'll be like

like a scavenger hunt yeah but more like fun like doesn't suck okay so like i walked in and she was like she introduced me to this really hot guy and she gave me a card and it was like buy a drink for the first person you talk to so i was like okay i guess i'm buying you a drink and then within an hour like shit was going down so i mean in our i mean david you do be moving fast yeah uh i like that but and you leave the mask on the whole time so you guys don't even see each other's faces it was great he was wearing guy marie this is cool i want to do that yeah you should do that honestly i would just go to just see what goes down honestly you know it's crazy you know because you would have to get little cards and they would tell you to do things on the cards yeah but you

can also like once things are going down you just like ditch the card and like let's go back to bathroom you know what i mean yeah i would want to do it because i feel like people wouldn't recognize me but i was at an event the other day and i was talking to somebody and this girl was like excuse me do you have a podcast and i was like oh my god yeah and she was like i recognized your voice and i was like this voice and she was like yeah but if you change your hair white people won't recognize you well that's true i can attest like we don't know the difference you're like wait who's that yeah but that's the problem i wear the same hairstyle so i was just gonna get you a little i'll be on the train people people be looking at me i'm like uh-oh tell me and then

they're like oh i follow you on instagram i'm like why are you talking to me just follow me on instagram and that's it yeah don't follow me into the city get off the train j train she doesn't want anyone to know she's on the j train absolutely not the j train is a terrible dream the fact that we're saying it right now okay no no david david david no no again again step your pussy up the j train sucks balls i did text sid the other day the guy sitting next to me on the m train like fully had a snake around his neck and then people were coming to like talk about snakes with him and then like hold the snake and it was just like let's pretend this isn't happening like why are you was it a packed train no why were you sitting next to him i guess i was having

actually i thought about sid because i was like is this what it's like being sid in a lift line like i have to now witness it so yes you gotta see how how this is gonna play out what's gonna happen it's fun it's exciting you're just trying to get his britney spears on you know she had the snake he was like i can do it by then but but you can be on a train with a snake like what do you be on the train with a dog well actually you're supposed to have them in a bag i know i saw that this old lady went up to this woman it was like you have two dogs you should have two bags and then the woman would not leave this lady alone she was like jesus it was too black it was two white ladies no it was one white lady and the one like i think she was hispanic but

she was just like and then you got the dogs on this floor they just dirty and you know those dogs are gonna go right in the bed with her when she gets home and she was reading her to phil then she was so old that the girl was like well i guess i just gotta take this yeah read and shade i was like okay well i mean my dirty ass dogs on this dirty ass train that's gross so there was a good event sorry yeah go ahead talk to us like two years ago okay the mckittrick hotel which let's sleep no more sorry so they used to have these like queer parties that were unreal like queer as folk fantasy like i went two years ago for pride the theme was um wizard of oz and like detox the drag queen was there she did wicked of witch drag and she did like florence and the

machine i cried it was beautiful i was like i was kind of fat then but i was a sexy flying monkey but it was fine a sexy flying monkey i don't even know what these words it was not good no one looked at me that night it was not a success okay so but i was like this is how it's gonna be forever okay so i wrote about it and then i go back this is the problem when you write about something for time out like it does sucky sucky people show up it's a curse yeah so because you because you over because you oversell the events you gotta like you gotta like say it was good but like not hold back because that's what you see it and you're like oh snap i'm gonna check that out oh it's 12 with hotbox i need to be like it's good but not too good no you need to say more

actually you should say it's amazing yeah i'm like this is a short-ass blurb dude little blurb little four you can give like four more sentences you know they do it by word count uh letter count it's like you get to give in us 900 words so i went for their halloween party and i was like this is gonna be amazing and it was miserable it was all these just like frat boys who didn't even get in costume which i thought was humiliating i went up for them harley quinn which was not interesting because every japanese girl and her jewish boyfriend was harley was harley quinn and the joker so i was just like cool cool cool everyone was straight it does happen wait um but david i will say that i feel like you'll say something is like so fun so exciting because

you're the way you look at life is just different i know you're like excited and you're open and you're ready for the world and we're very like what does who gonna be there what are we doing we're paying like we're very specific yeah what's comped yeah i know will there be two events the priority is like will there be cute pics like what's the situation no no no that's like top three for me yes i think that's top that's like number one for sydney number one for you is food food yeah i like food too food for me is more important than the photos is it can you say the same yeah which is fine but okay because sometimes there's food there at these events but they're not fucking good food yeah and you're like i don't want to eat this and even if this is like what

you're putting for the masses do better yeah like why does it spring roll why is this so dry why does the spring roll taste burnt it's not right okay i need to read adrian and sid knows this but at my birth okay before my birthday party i was like adrian you got to come i'm having a birthday adrian was like you know i take like rooftop summer parties really seriously and i was like okay just like maybe i can take some you know she already got her face where she's just like so i was like maybe i can take some more money out so i was like all right we'll do a theme it's gonna be mediterranean theme we'll have frozen drinks i'll make my own pita chips like we'll have some salad i'll get some really fancy like hummus whatever okay 30 minutes in adrian

who i would been terrified of adrian is eating like cheese whiz out of a cup and i was just like okay cheese whiz it was for the nachos like nacho cheese dip adrian was like i'll just take it from the source she was high she was high she was definitely you had you celebrate that i was just like she was just eating it with her fingers no no no she put it in a spoon oh with a spoon spoon and chips oh i was like oh my god sydney your girlfriend we gotta dump her no no adrian was a star but i was just like all right i have learned my lesson no but your party was cute i liked your you had um like a good people from the comedy community that i actually like you had people that i was looking like oh who's that that might be somebody you need people like that at

your parties we can't all know everybody yeah it's got to be some people that you're like oh i'm intrigued yeah that's not fun what's that over here it's not fun because i i in new york city they say it's so big but every time i go somewhere i see the same motherfuckers that i don't want to see yeah so i love going to parties and it's just a variety of folks that's what we want that have business cards i mean it's not an event if people don't bring their business card yeah that's how i feel because if it's an event no if it's event you're like possible business i feel like get your business card out my face no no it's a party it's a party if you don't bring a business card because you're like oh i'm just gonna get messy and loose sure but event that's why i go outside

event event is a transaction between folks in terms of okay what they have to say you've been listening to some business podcast gifts i want to see dealing yes yeah i want to see connections i want to see bookings i want to see messiness i want to see somebody fall out an uber i want her and i have no panties on that's a hey i want to i want a dude to be like yo you come out a lot that's a disco i got a i got a job and now that's i would just you know i'm not asking for too much i want to see like somebody do some drugs and then be like sis they doing ketamine that can happen at an event but what you specialize in i for timeout magazine i feel like it's like you go there and you're gonna meet people and then there's the exchange of like oh what do you do

who do you know like no he'd be doing parties he does parties there's comedy shows no you're right though and like it's just hard because i feel like the comedy people are the people i would want at because a lot of these scenes i'm like this is not my scene do you want comedy listen i feel like mad comedians are sad as f and they ain't got no money yeah and like they're running a five minute bit and it's like bitch i know that's like your shit you do on stage i know we have a conversation let's have a conversation yeah i know but people like that's why we hang out with like burning man people yes okay like yes there's a lot out there we gotta do that maria i feel like i'm down for us to do burning man stunt i'll go there in the desert i'm not doing no drugs but like i just

want to see i want to wear like those little pasties i have like a little rope as a thong 45 we would last 45 minutes we would like get to the airport and be like no the looks would be cute that we we'd last we take a bunch of photos we take a lap we take a picture of like the burning ice cube structures and then i feel like i want to leave how long is burning man like four days it's long girl and then it takes you a minute to get there from the airport you gotta drive into barter economy like to get things you have to trade things i don't really know what we have to offer trade that ass yeah what does trade david yeah have you seen david yes white property this is our 98 gay 98 he's a 90 civic gay on the nose he's giving jewish but um on the on the tongue

he's giving dick yeah her 90 inch dick at that crunch bushwick dick crunch bushwick dick the finest i know they don't even have towels it's just like here's some paper oh yeah i thought you should be doing so much better so i know what's goals for you like what's the ultimate okay end game as we know i have an iphone 5 which has not done either of you any favors no it has not the photos the listeners didn't know you had an iphone so i need to get to a point where i could afford a new phone that's your goal dude that's just an upgraded phone oh david david david davon david is wrong with you i said what's end goal he said i just want to afford a new phone iphone six i'm thinking like

year 2025 getting a new iphone like that's it that's all you want david are you crying right now i'm crying the tragedy the tears we're so glad you're here dude babe i i don't know i'm having fun i know that yes david what do you want to do though at the end of like i have always been so like this is where i need to be by the time i'm 30 i need to be doing this and i used to be in la where it was like all about that and now i don't know for the first time in my life i'm just like i don't really know i'm performing i don't know why i don't really know what's happening well talk about your performing what kind of performing performance i'm hosting tonight a club coming and i'm really excited yesterday i think i'm more into storytelling but even that

i'm like i don't see myself as like that person or would you try it out you should try it out i just know like a ring around this is i know i feel like i belong i know i feel like i found my my tribe so and i know i have like i need to get i guess i've always just like convinced myself that like i don't have anything to say or like i'm small i mean you super chatty kathy on this podcast you are literally everybody knows your business and i talk to you on the phone like weekly you always have things to talk about i'll be talking on the phone yeah wow it it really makes my week i'm in like corporate hellscape in times square thinking about like am i gonna get bombed and then Sid calls and I'm just like I'm alive I have a family I belong there's Sidney

FaceTime you when you are at work because that sounds like a Sidney move no I have not FaceTimed David once actually I'm doing better with it interesting she's doing really great I am I'm doing really good yeah but it's about it always makes my week well that you right now you're giving your eat pray love but the dusty version and it's fine you know yeah I mean I definitely I would like to just be writing I used to write like all the time and I would like to be writing i think i just need to like not be in therapy twice a week once i'm in therapy once a week we can like you go twice a week oh yeah we're in like what kind of insurance do you have dude yeah twice a week i know it's pretty crazy is it expensive you got blue cross i mean the the

insurance is good but it still adds up it's killing me it's like 40 a session that's so 80 a week no no but okay a usual session is 80 for just one so you're getting two for the price yes but how long are these sessions lasting is it for the full hour it's a full hour when i moved here can i just tell you when i moved here and i was on obamacare zero for for therapy it was free therapy why didn't i get that no different therapist but also a lesbian because i only work with lesbian therapists i'm gonna try therapy for like like a month give me your person's name i'm gonna go for like i'm gonna go for like a week marie's gonna do therapy and it's gonna be a whole fucking bit and it's gonna be great i feel like i gotta go just to see therapist in new york

it's gonna be me just working on my material yeah me working on my one woman show like and then after that it was the dad you know so i was like wow your dad is hot you know it's gonna be yeah so i could see you with like a hot therapist i could see him being like i brought her in for a session and then she read me and now we're in love and and you get okay david yeah write that that's a book that's a movie that's a pilot j-lo movie right there that's a me cute that's a meg ryan tom hanks that's a marie a movie with uh who's thor what's thor's name chris hemsworth chris hemsworth would be my therapist yes can i just tell you my stepmom said something truly like upsetting racist to me that i have it let's do it on the podcast right now so

she watched black panther on the plane and i was like that's not the place to do it it's too small it is yeah she hated it and i was like yeah because you watched it on a flight from israel okay so she's i was like all right but you and i can agree right michael b jordan his body is outrageous she was like you know his body actually isn't that great it's just because he has black skin it makes his muscles seem more defined but if wow and then she said if you put michael b jordan's body in chris hemsworth's skin it wouldn't look as good does she think chris hemsworth has a good body she thinks chris hemsworth's body is better and like real because it's not i i don't understand the logic i will say it to me and i was like i will say this though

so my sister does those fitness competitions like she like those bodybuilding competitions wbff pro and they tan all of the people tan because your muscles do look better when they're darker like they tan so that the muscles pop more which is why you're shocking that i'm a working go-go boy because i am like white as snow and and and david you just be you letting you like whatever this is this is what it is this is what i'm doing i do want to say my first supporter i did i came early i came and you the way you were just shaking that bare butt i was like david is so free and i i feel like i'll never have that freedom ever in my life that's a lie dude you dance like that all the time with all my clothes on though i couldn't imagine but you used to dance

at these clubs i was a go-go dancer so you have two seconds you have been that free oh you didn't know no i danced at pasha and i was i was in the showers at that i danced in the showers that's how much drugs i was on that i was like yes let me get this weave wet in public you know how high i was sewn on and you were getting it wet i sewn a sewing with like a damn bang up to the streets when they're dancing in the rain there was tayana taylor i've never seen any of the movies you watched it on netflix i saw that on i saw in theaters 3d i saw all 3d step up they come at you i don't need you to be crumping in my face no mopping at you i don't care i can watch the i can watch the shade video well sid's also been kind of my like sexual assault

coach because i've sometimes i've been like hey when you were like a bottle girl did people just like think they could like put their touch your ass and she's like yes absolutely sexual people are reckless you if you see people do disgusting things sober imagine when they're like half a bottle of belvedere in they have no qualms yeah qualms what are you coming out with these words gaunt and qualms oh my god listen qualms is the third movie in the trilogy with the pasha flashback i'm just trying to bring something a little different for you little laurie's to the podcast after all these years you can still surprise marie i mean after all these years i know i am stunned i'm aghast yeah we just had an anniversary like i don't know

a week or two ago and we didn't do anything so david if you have an event a free event for us to celebrate that'd be great find an event yeah yeah yeah i was i was not with you at the beginning but i'm with you here yeah well you got tattoos yeah but that's not what we paid i mean can i just say you guys get special treatment but let's not tell anyone else because timeout is only getting like smaller and smaller and like it is people think that i'm gonna like be providing and it's like no no opportunity actually i told them i was like i don't know how many people come to your show yeah what's your lineup looking like yeah where is it how do you decide which shows to put in it's no fun bar yeah he can't do that no one's gonna bother it's no fun it's a weekly

and no fun bar now. I know Pasha, actually. He said Pasha. It's going to be raining inside during the show. It's like the Rainforest Cafe. Is that still a thing? Oh, Rainforest Cafe.

Yeah, is that still a thing? Do malls exist? I don't know. I don't know. I feel like I went to the Rainforest Cafe when I was in like fifth grade. I am, yeah, I am so out of touch with that. Christina DeGaustin has a joke about it

and she called her pussy a Rainforest Cafe. It's so good. Everybody should be calling their pussy a Rainforest Cafe. Male, female, everybody. Except me, because mine's not damp. mine's neither i just wish mine wasn't so white i was in fire island this weekend and i was in

a pool and my friends were like it looks like you your ass is like lighting the pool up it's so white like it's illuminated i want to say david when i met you i feel like i remembered you being tanner and then i saw you again and i was like what happened but he's so white because i almost was like oh that puerto rican guy was so nice the puerto rican guy from time out and And then I saw you again, and I was like, no, that's because we met last summer, which I, oh yeah, because I had jury duty that week, and they give you an hour and a half break during jury duty, so I was sitting out and tanning every day. Okay, so I do remember you the right way.

Then I came to Battle of the Divas that night, and I was like glistening. Yeah, you were like bronzed. But no matter how good I look, everyone's like, Mateo. No, honey. Oh, yeah. Well, Mateo is a sexy man. Yeah, I mean, that's like that when we're with him, too. oh yeah we i was in new orleans and somebody was like oh they recognized me and then called me the

wrong name and then they were like mateo hey mateo and i was like sis you know him but you you don't know why you listen to my podcast and you listen to my podcast she recognized me from the podcast and then said the wrong name and she was like no you have a podcast with sydney and i was like yes but what's my name yeah she was like melissa she's like no it's definitely not somebody started with a k she was like she was like hey mateo i was like wow she was like all of my friends thought that mateo was your bodyguard i will say i love comedy shows where hot people are in the audience and it's not just comedy people you guys are really good at that we are we really attractive people come see us always it's really nice i was good at that i thought

awkward sex in the city i was like these people all look like they're in crossfit and well it's upper it's the upper east side that's why and it's they have a really good crowd yeah awkward sex in the city is such a good show it is that's a good event because you can like see a show get a double-sided dildo and like pick up some money and you can yeah it's a good date night too it is a good date night yeah carolina was dating this guy and the first time he came to see her it was at awkward sex yeah he was cute too he was really cute he had glasses yeah he got a job he's got a job you got a job yeah that's super sexy i can't even see your receding hairline with that job you know oh my god i don't even see your patagonia vest because you got a job i don't see the boat

shoes that you got on with socks because you got a job yeah i'm okay with receding hairline right now so long as the body's good hmm i don't feel like that's my friend's truth that's all i'm saying i mean i'm like propitia but yeah you're what's propitia propitia is like preventative hair loss like prescription it's not happening like do you do the people in your family not have hair my barber last year was like you should just like take some he was like things might be thinning out yeah can we use that for our edges is that like uh hair affinity yeah you got a lot of biotin in it yeah a lot of guys do it but it's like and any guy who doesn't do i mean some guys don't do it because it like some guys it makes you lose your sex drive but

not yeah well do you really i'd rather have sex yeah i'd rather have hair than sex i will not lose my like that is the one thing i'm like i'm not actually that's not true i could get a wig and still have sex yeah but then the wig might shift during sex yeah i think i read her pasha so so you know that was hard times hard times hard fucking times david what um if you were gonna throw an event right who would be there what would the event be what's the theme what would it look like well i really like the thing you guys hosted what i liked is that it was like you guys and then music and burlesque yes so when i host my event soon i would want it to be like drag i mean i loved your showgasm you had ms cracker like you i freaking shout out to ms

cracker good so it should be like comedy burlesque music yeah katherine combs on it it was yeah that was a good yeah showgasm was a good show yeah so that's what i want to do but obviously like i love your event i love your show i love stevie like it's just i love that kind of vibe what's stevie it's another comedy show i performed at stevie i performed it's at our wicked lady yeah marcia oh yes yes yes yeah you've done it i've done it that's a great show yeah sorry i didn't mean to shade you no i was like who's stevie i am like the secretary of the comedy community just because i list everything so i'm like oh yes that's right molly will be uh at caroline's on thursday uh great yes thank you no molly's not available that night especially with you two because you

guys are in every single show i write about so i'm always just it's so funny it has a busy month cindy always has a busy month i've been saying yes yes yes yes yes what is really no no no no but then you actually go go go go go cindy's like yeah i'll come to your show in staten island on a on a Thursday night at midnight. It's on the ferry. I'll take the boat. Yeah, and then I'm texting Marie,

bitch, can you believe I said yes to this show? And she's like, yeah. And I'm home on my couch butt naked like, yeah, gaunt. I believe it because that's what you do.

That's not my ministry. It's not the cunt way. It's not the cunt way. I'll be like, well, where's the show? When people ask me to do it. David. I'll Google map it

and then I'll be like, no, that's too far. David, I want more specific about this event. Okay. Like, where could you have it if you have no budget?

No. if you could get whoever you want and have all the money yeah what queens would be there what comics what singers okay and i need you to dream bigger than an iphone 5 yes and tell me a little bit about the the nibbles what kind of food you have there too okay i really like my birthday i did like mediterranean theme and i really like just like a light breezy just like we have salads we have some frozen drinks like i would i love margaritas yes marie does too um i really am all i'm like it would need to be air conditioned like i need to be thinking yo you're talking about the btus we need ac yeah i would love just like hotel like standard or something where we could

go out back the standard is cool i like the standard oh my god i went standard last year the boom boom room is cute too boom boom room is cute standard last year for halloween had this thing where they had casper mattresses and they showed scary movies and tim i took tim murray for free and we watched scream and we had free candy and free drinks it was amazing that's like that sounds like how halloween should be it's all you've seen on a casper on a 1300 mattress and you're like for free can you take us next time i swear to god i'll tell you sydney yeah syd book sydney just wants to book everything okay well take us to that okay masquerade casper castle so anyways it's like yeah i would want like indoor outdoor yes and i'd want multiple like activations

at once so there's like comedy here burlesque here and then like some weird like wrestling or dude that sounds like a festival wrestling or going on sounds like a fire festival but it would be like mini and just like very curated and frozen drinks i would like some edibles to be there sure sure i'd like it to be a thing where you can come and go i want it to be like so no security at the hours and like come come leave go like all that nine hours actually i that sounds like a really fun event that i would enjoy and it can get like weirder as it goes yeah we can be like it's going to be comedy at this point and then it's going to be like weird shit later it does sound like a festival and i would want like a little dancing like pop music only just good like 90s pop or like

current pop like a blend pop glam yeah i'm not too i don't i like i like i like pop we were at when we were in san francisco we were at the club and waiting for tonight came on yeah that was good everybody lost their minds waiting for tonight that that's i want stuff that makes me feel like the one you saw when you saw me go go dancing they did that bruno mars song with cardi b and i like everyone went wild oh yeah but that's not j-lo that's not that's not j-lo that's on the floor like i on the floor is magical to me i will lose it but okay maybe no i don't know that's like three bucket crams in and you're like yes the song came on but like sober no way no but like mix it up oh my god eve is gonna be at a music festival

this weekend uh don't want to see it she i have not when has she performed eve doesn't need to perform she's married to a billionaire what is she gonna do let me blow your mind yeah but i mean gwen stefani's not going well gwen might be there she got nothing else going on gwen she's some like white european formula 500 or formula one and eve did really well i'm proud of them i mean sierra failed first and then but now because you know she's future's ninth baby mama but you go from future to what she's hitting now i mean she goes from future to the future okay okay did you want to do yeah i want like a big curated like multiple rooms multiple activations i like that like and i like the word activation the way that you don't you hate that it is no i love it such

dumb like pr speak sis such dumb pr speak i like it okay david i'm here for everything that you did today i'm here for it too david i have one thing that i want to call you out on yeah i'm ready and I feel like this is the time to do it on a podcast. Yes, yes, yes, yes, now. Go ahead. David, you say sis a lot. Okay. It stresses me out.

Sis. Here's the question with sis, because I asked Marie, can I say sis, and she said- Oh, you're going to throw Marie under the bus now? She said, everybody can say sis. Everybody can say sis. But I do understand that I have like- I'm going to say no on that. Gone way too far with it, because I now end every text message with sis.

He did. He texted me today, and he was like, I'm five minutes away, sis. all my white gay friends we all say sis and then but the white gays do that they do take the word and then i was like and then it'd be like shouldn't and then i and then i asked marie and she was like it's fine sis but now i've taken sis too far and i i own that but that's what y'all white gays be doing i know i think that's a that's the problem with the word cunt i think nobody has a i think people get mad at cunt when it's overused or used for no reason yeah and so i think that's what happens with white gays is that they take the words and then they're just spewing them out

every minute every moment and every show and it's like they love it so much terrible my roommate is she's poc and she's trans and she's a club kid and i have just completely co-opted her sounds like so many things i know she's and she's pissing me off right she can't she seems like she could be a little uptight she seems pretty terrible no she's not she can't be i mean she can i mean she she said she called her a club kid at my party i was like all right she's doing her job but like god forbid she do oh but she was in the bathroom she was in the bedroom i loved oh she gave looks she was serving it yeah her glasses i was like give me i will steal them thank you but yeah i've been like using her i'm now saying stunty and cunty and it's like stunty i like

stunty but yeah no i i hear you sis will be used only like special occasions and holidays no no not special occasions but i just i think that only jewish holidays i realized i was like you you were we were saying it a lot and then it was like okay well i'm gonna say it a lot and it's like no not all the time yeah but how many people you think listen to the podcast say sis like we have people we have a friend in we have a friend in south africa who's probably saying sis right now people message us and write sis in it it's a white dude it's a lot it's a lot of white gays listening to the podcast i will say like i listen to your show your show is what i listen to when i'm having anxiety attacks every day so like for me like sis is like my healing space but i don't

so now you're gonna throw the healing on it so now i feel bad like oh wow sydney i can't believe you attacked yeah so sis is your service dog now okay got it your emotional support my emotional support sis yeah sis sis yeah no but i hear you i got it sid s-i-s okay just call me sid instead of sis all right got it no but we your question we heart you a lot david we really appreciate you brought me to life and you definitely put us on the map in terms of time out because niggas come up to us like y'all doing so well it's like it's a free it's a free magazine but i bump into people people like using it for toilet paper as long as it's not on cunt and gaunt space uh i went to a third word cunt gaunt and oh something with an o

ah shit i feel like it was like a it's a word that i don't use a lot like something with an o it was a q it was a q i'm like always as soon as i'm writing for like a bigger publication i'm taking you with me what's a dream publication i don't care actually i really do i even want to do this we gotta get you some goals david since his only goal is to get an iphone 6 that's s you should be able to get that six you should get a rebate and you should be able to get that rebate remember phone rebate six and a like a dick with a job that's circumcised that's not that's not um a comedy dick oh god that's not gonna happen oh my god david you already you're doing bad i'm not doing great we gotta go because david got to go to work yes let's let's

plug a few more things we we're gonna have um wait no before we plug that can you do all your social media okay i am goldberg hon like goldie hon g-o-l-d-b-e-r-g-h-a-w-n on instagram twitter facebook's family friendly twitter is just me retweeting sid and instagram is like whore like it's rough yes whores dovers whores derves i have a picture of you from sydney's birthday on my fridge well i made it and then uh i'm hosting no i'm sorry i'm gonna be performing at greetings from queer mountain on wednesday the 27th at housing works and i i cannot believe this but i get to do i don't think so honey live yes i saw that oh when is that gonna be bell house on friday the 29th and i have to say like that and this i am i am peaking yes this is it this is

Those are two great shows which is crazy because our show is on the 27th. Crazy. At all. Two competing shows. How's it works in Soho?

Don't know. Okay. No, it is. Because I think it's not that far from us. So I'll probably end up at your show. Yeah, come to our show.

It's in Soho. It's not that far. It's actually like eight minutes away. It's around the corner. Yeah, so you go see David and then come see us. Yeah.

No, just go see them. No, no, no. You can do both. It's from eight to ten. Get you a fan that can do both. Yeah. Okay.

that's true you can see david then come see us if you got like a little uber pool discount you could do both and so we have our show that and then we're going to have our live show on the 15th of august at ludlow house yeah and we only have like 30 people that we could put on the list because it's in-house so that those patreon supporters better start kicking in absolutely they want you have to slide in our dms so we can like so we can save you a seat save you a seat put you on the list first last name plus one's name it's gonna be busy where they work yep venmo donations are acceptable always acceptable yes oh we're always find us on venmo at auction for the ludlow house it should be like competitive it should be competitive i

mean because it is one it's a private it's a private place it's the soho house for um young people yeah and it's like i saw them at ludlow house before they blew up yeah exactly and we're gonna be giving drink giveaways there too and they their drinks are we also gonna be serving looks i need to figure out what i'm wearing i think i'm gonna let a drag queen do my makeup so like my face is like yeah if we could get stunting if was that the word stunting yeah stunty stunty stunty well we'll have some money left over from patreon we can get our makeup done from your chick oh let's do that no qualms about spending that patreon money we gotta go this episode's too long david's gotta go to work uh and i'm hungry because i don't have breakfast today

guys thank you so much for being here thank you thank you guys love you david love everything and everything about y'all bye