MESS with Sydnee Washington & Marie Faustin - "The Flirting Expert" with Mary Beth Barone

Episode Date: February 2, 2018

Have you ever flirted with a rich celebrity, while wearing a white tube top at the club? We talk flirting you way to an Emmy, Grammy, Oscar, AND a Tony award winner, dating short dudes, and sliding into random people's DM's. Marie talks about double dating on Bumble and never paying for any of her dates.----Listen to The Unofficial Expert Ad-Free on Forever Dog Plus:https://foreverdogpodcasts.com/plus----BONUS EPISODES AVAILABLE NOW ON PATREON:www.patreon.com/TheUnofficialExpertBUY UNOFFICIAL EXPERT MERCH:https://www.teepublic.com/stores/the-unofficial-expert-podcastFOLLOW THE UNOFFICIAL EXPERT:https://www.instagram.com/UnofficialExpertFOLLOW SYDNEE:https://www.instagram.com/JustSYDbwhttps://twitter.com/justsydnycFOLLOW MARIE:https://www.instagram.com/Reeezyhttps://twitter.com/MsReeezyFOLLOW ANDREW:https://www.instagram.com/mcgui_guyTHE UNOFFICIAL EXPERT IS A FOREVER DOG PODCASThttps://foreverdogpodcasts.com/podcasts/the-unofficial-expertSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

hello hi welcome to the unofficial expert podcast with marie and sydney you always say sydney first um sydney how are you doing great great just waiting for friday to be over yeah yep okay because you guys you got something waiting for you on saturday just like come on friday and yeah yeah yeah yeah um i feel like i haven't seen you in no i saw you yesterday yes and then i saw you i saw you on wednesday okay you know i see you every day yeah yeah yeah yeah you know how that is in new york city the fucking thing is is that there's eight million people here and i keep seeing the same people and i was like why why i keep seeing the same people on the train like they get on at the same time every day and so i'll get somehow i'll be on and i'm always missing

my fucking train but somehow i get on there and i'll see the same dude and i'm waiting for him he's like oh waiting for him to talk to me because i know it's gonna happen he's seen me like four or five times really i feel like for do you take the train at the same time every day then uh yeah usually usually because i feel like i've lived here for three i've lived at the same train stop for four years now and i don't see the same people on the train when i get on i do but i get on at Different times in different places. I feel like where I live, it's real specific and the people always leave in around the same time. Yeah, they're working people except me.

They're not working, dude. If they're on the train with you, they're on the way to, I don't know, the welfare office or something. Shut up. They're on their way to Walmart. That's fucking rude. They're on their way to get their abortions or whatever. Oh, my God. No, you got to go there at 8 a.m.

Is that peak abortion hours or that's when the good doctors are there? I mean, first of all, it takes like three, four hours just to see somebody. To see somebody. There's a waiting process. At 8 o'clock in the morning. You don't think you could just walk in and you're like, okay, there's like 30 other people waiting. If I schedule an abortion at 8.30, I feel like I should be getting abortions. That's not how the clinic works.

It's a clinic. Is there like a, okay, so not Planned Parenthood. Like if I'm going to, is there like a rich people Planned Parenthood? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. then you don't have your specific doctor right my abortionist yes right but at these clinics is one doctor doing everybody's abortion they gotta empty out the vacuums yes yes yes i get it it's a lot that's crazy they gotta change the water on the filter it's it's a lot they gotta empty the bag yeah they empty your bag it's a bit much do you ever see it what do you mean

Like, after you get your abortion, do you see what comes out? No, girl, they knock you out. Oh, you just wake up feeling, like, a little bit skinnier? No, feeling terrible. Oh, you feel bad? Yeah. Like, mentally or physically you feel bad? Everything.

Like, I shouldn't say that. I'd be like, one time. You're like, how many times, bitch? You should be, like, a friend of mine. No, I know. Just speaking the third person. I'm too honest. Anywho, one time I woke up and there was this girl balling.

And I was fine But then just watching her Right because you're A veteran in the game Just watching her cry I was like Well maybe I should feel Then your phone rang

Maybe I should feel bad Then you had a text And you were like Ooh okay Yeah I could do lunch No I'm not gonna say Anyway

Somebody canceled on me So that's why I started crying Somebody canceled At the abortion appointment? Somebody was supposed To come pick me up And they were like Ah

You took the bus home? You took a lift line? I took a pool. You took an Uber pool. At least I'm not alone. I'm like, actually, I have somebody picking me up. I have several people picking me up. Dude, that's crazy.

Yeah. Imagine all the people who have to take the train home, though, after that. I mean, they suggest that you, you know, splurge. I mean, treat yourself. Treat yourself. They suggest you don't do that. Oh, dude. Yeah.

That's so crazy. You feel awful. I just feel a little bit left out. Like, I feel like everybody has had an abortion except me. No, no. I mean, I see a lot of people on the Instagrams and the Facebooks talking about it. But in real life, most people are like, no. And I'm like, girl, they know you.

Stop it. Okay, you got a punch card at the Planned Parenthood. I'm like, if you get five, your sixth abortion is free. No, you get a manicure. Brenda's got a... Yeah, I mean, even though there's so many people open about it, there's still a lot of people like, uh, no. Yeah.

Well, why abortion? Like, why not just get a plan B, you know? Well, I'm old school, so at the time, there was no plan B. Right, right. It was literally like, up, you've been knocked up, you've been knocked up, they won't let me out. Wait, did you ever think, I should just throw myself down these stairs? No, never.

Why? Why? Why would I do that? Now, insurance doesn't cover abortions, or it does? Well, one time, I used my mom's insurance. Yo. She had Blue Cross. That is a hell of a... That's a good insurance.

Yo, the place I went to, fucking nice. They gave you water? Like a cucumber water or something? The seats had covers on them. Wow. Nice. They had good magazines. Highlights magazines. They had the Wall Street Journal with that bitch.

it was mad nice dude wow yeah well sydney sounds like you are an expert on abortions today it seems like it but haven't been in that life i'm out the game so the game right yeah i haven't been in that life for a long time yeah i got them all out in my early 20s well i mean you got the free mat cure i'm sure you got the six six abortions shut up free now were you a expert in anything You got to go first because, you know, I don't have any skills. Okay. I was an expert in standing my ground. Oh, you shot somebody?

No. I was standing my ground in an Uber pool. What does that mean? Well, usually when you're sitting, I guess, on the passenger side in the back, people usually get on that side. But if you're on that side already, somebody needs to go around. I mean, unless there's lots of traffic. No, no, there was no traffic. I'm not going into the street for you.

There was no traffic. Okay. Boom. Go ahead. I had already plugged in my phone. I'm already situated. I got mad bags. I'm not moving.

And this woman opened the door, and she was like, okay. Can you describe this woman to us? The woman was white. Okay. That's all I needed. Okay. She's a white woman. She opened the door, and she said, um.

And I was like, um. And she's like, excuse me. and I was like excuse you I had there was she literally could get in the front there was a front seat available I love the front seat I've never seen you sit in the front seat

I sit in the front seat all the time when I'm not with you so okay alright cool but she would not let the driver pull off unless I scooted over and I said I'm not scooting over it's not happening did you say go around I said there's a front seat there's another seat

you could get on top of the car was it raining no set the scene for us no it was right it was like it was like nine o'clock in the morning i was going no at night i was going to another show she was like no what neighborhood we all in uh i was in brooklyn sis give me the neighborhood people listening bushwick bushwick oh well she sound rude bushwick sounds like we're rude white women yeah yeah but she would not she would not let the driver pull i would say well i don't have nowhere to go so you can you can keep doing this really and the driver got involved he's like miss you're being ridiculous there's two other seats oh wow yeah he's like you can get in the front and she was like is this a

race thing and we were like what this is ever brown this is the uber pool thing this is stop wasting our time and getting the front this is well you could have just got an uber access okay okay if you feel like you deserve special treatment you should got an x okay or a black car and her name was alan alan yes it was alan alien i was like alan you were hot ass alan or was it ellen because i know you were a little dyslexic shut up it was alan it wasn't even her account she was on her dad i want to i want to ask the guest but we didn't put her in yet but what would you have done if i would have been like you need to go i would have closed the door i would have been like excuse me excuse me and then i would be like and then i'd be like go around the car was old and

the door was the door was all the way towards oh it was like you had to leave all the way out you had to brace you had to grab i would have had to get out of the car to get the door you had to plant a foot and then yes yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah i would close the door in her face i legit would have been like you can go around if there's no cars and it's not raining and i got all this stuff right here then you're going around i had several bags and what kind of bags did you have like like zara bags you had like some macy's big black brown what kind of bags like some rainbow plastic bags some trader joe's bags it was like some little some jewelry bags some claire's bags it was it was a claire's bags with like not claire shit in it it was like you know my laptop

okay well you have a change of clothes shoes you look like a backpacker i get it he popped the trunk you had some stuff in the trunk yeah so what happened she goes around or no um she cancels the ride i was like you're done wow yeah so she'd rather pay five dollars yes because you know you get paid you have to get charged when the driver's already there people are stupid i was like i'm not moving but how long was this little standoff was a tumble five minutes we blew by five minutes she's gonna get charged for that anyway so that's crazy it was dumb wow okay marie what about you i don't know i guess i was an expert at uh expertly using my dating apps um i uh you know i just i woke up this morning and i was like well let me see what the hell they doing on bumble

today and uh i copy and pasted the same message to like six people let me read the message to you it says uh hi blank saying hello now because i've been told i'm quote very bad at bumble since i never actually sent any messages to anybody and everyone's like oh i guess that means i'm a lucky guy and i'm like no uh or they're like oh so should i be flattered and i'm like no just know that i'm proud of myself for following through it's the same message that i'm sending to everybody and i'm i've changed all my parameters for my search uh because i'm like well you know let me go out with people that like i would not actually give my phone number to because who knows maybe i will like this short scottish man or maybe i'll like this is black dude i'm supposed to go out with

on sunday for brunch and like we're going to the museum because he's fake fancy and i can't tell how tall he is so i'm afraid he's short that's fine he messaged me yesterday was like i'm on my way home you know real real awake right now i was like well i'm going to bed good night so i'm uh i'm still an expert at dodging uh digital dick hey because you know he was going to send you one oh yeah no i think no i think he was trying to be like oh you don't live that far from me like i could i could pop in and i was like like i feel like that's what i was getting from the i'm on my way home now super awake and i was like stay woke stay woke i was like stay woke i'm going stay up bro stay up i was like well all right we'll take care okay well that's great

because i feel like speaking of taking care i feel like our guest today takes care of business yes and can help you in this bumble situation uh-huh uh she's a stand-up she's got a great new podcast called mildly offensive which you know we like because i feel like we're mildly offensive no we're all the way rude we are blatantly in your face blatantly disrespectful she's a good friend of ours give it up for mary beth marone she's not really wait hold on do it again hold on hold on also say what her expertise is oh yes yes yes okay terrible she's a good friend of ours that we just met today she's a good friend of ours she is our flirting expert give it up for mary beth barone hello hi mary beth mary i'm

dyslexic so i was gonna say barone but i thought marone i know it's mary i know it's so hard mbm and it's actually mbb well i call you i call you mb and that's totally fine you know how to spell beth shut up so marybeth uh we talked about a couple things today uh up top have you ever been in an uber situation where you thought the person should move so with uber pools which i take frequently oh okay thank you thank you all the time i don't i'm not alone in this but the voice that you're giving through the airways right now sounds like you have a driver no you're like I take them frequently. Thank you for saying that.

No, I'm always on Uber Pool because it's just so much cheaper. Yes. Unless I'm in a rush, in which case I'll always just, like, do a regular Uber. But I really don't mind sitting in the front. So if I'm with friends, even if I'm with two other friends and it would be three in the back, I'll always sit in the front. Yes. So in an Uber Pool situation, I'll usually just slide over depending on what side they're getting picked up on. Because, like, I don't want to deal with that type of shit where it's just, like, the person doesn't want to go around.

You know, it's like just... But on the other side, I've been the person that opens the door and I'm like, you need to move. I know you've been there too, Sid. Yeah. And you're like, you have to lie down. No, no. But you know what it is? I always look at the car.

I'm like, is somebody in there? Yeah. What's going on? And then I just go around. Me too. I can always see where the person is, except one time when the person was laid the fuck out. I was like, they said that there's somebody in here, but I couldn't see them. Open the door.

Dude was laid the fuck back. He was tired. oh no he was his dress out yeah i thought he was dead on the way to the er i took an uber pool with my sister once coming from a club that in the in the meatpacking district with you i think it was like snowing or something there was a like a finance dude in the back passed out they had to like unfold his leg and cram it into the car so that my sister could sit down i mean i put her in the back and she's bigger than me and he was like what are we guys are we partying guys and she was like i think you're done honestly i think uber drivers get more mad when i try to sit in the

front like sometimes if there's one person in the back i'll just sit in the front and they usually have the seat like folded forward and right and they have all their crap and sometimes they give me like they're annoyed they're just like i don't want to make my lunch is right there yeah but like i need it i need a seat yeah but you know what and you need the ox cord do you do that i usually do not if it's an uber pool though i feel bad usually an uber pool but i will ask for a charger almost every time what's your what's your music what's your playlist what's your spotify um it depends it depends if well you're not you're not proud of it you're like no no no no no let's go to your let's go to your 2017 let me i don't use spotify um what do you use apple music i use apple music

the latest playlist i was listening to is just sZA because i like that album okay okay all right hold on she knows her audience right now no no i really do and what's the last song you got on here let's see let's see supermodel okay but i do like some like corny meat like pop straight up i love some 90s pop i'm here for some uh no it's like 2000s pop it's like sydney you know the song you know what i didn't know this i didn't know the the name of it i've heard it good i didn't yeah yeah but i'm saying you knew the song okay just i also like i know this the name of the song and like i know i know the song but i didn't know and your hair is very sister today so yeah thank you so much uh but i mean i do like a noah cyrus song that

just came out which is kind of amazing brother sister oh no see white people okay marybeth you're here so tell us about this why do white people like naming their girls boys names i don't know i think it's i i can't explain it i think it's just to be subversive yes i think so too in some cases though i think it is cute like i liked the name tyler for a girl but i think in some in other cases it just is really confusing and i like tony with an eye for a girl like braxton yes or morrison yeah i mean i like it sometimes like like a name that like you can't tell what the gender is i'm here like eli for a chick or a boy oh i like that uh but like yeah but i could do it i took a girl jamie right but i mean like something like it'll be like

matthew and like matthew comes in and it's like what like that is like too much i agree it's like it's matt and we call her matt for short and it's like but that's matthew and john right like something like that or like a lot of people now are naming their daughters after their husbands and making them juniors like serena williams daughter is a junior what her name is alexis junior very i didn't know you could do that i didn't know you could do that either junior is i mean i didn't it's a new thing it's 2018 it's a millennial thing it's your world gender is a construct i don't know like i think tiana taylor's daughter is also a junior but tiana taylor is weird so there's that well she's got 12 abs so that's why she's got 12 abs on her frontal lobe

that's keeping her from making smart decisions so you're our flirting expert can you tell people what flirting is because sometimes people think that they're doing it and they're really not they're really not so flirting to me is a playful banter with another person it doesn't have to be even necessarily always romantic like you can flirt with friends or you know i'll flirt with girls but i am not intending to hook up with them um i think it's just playful banter i like that mary playful banter where you where what you say elicits a response you're kind of setting them up to respond you know like that's how i can that's how i think of flirting when i'm doing flirting so you know i brought receipts i have a screenshot

i read the assignment i did the homework i studied the study guide i didn't even do the homework wait is this on an app or what is this so i will say up front i don't use dating apps but i will use them for my friends like if my friends match with people they'll sometimes give me their phone and you write for them that should go straight i feel like that should be a service i know like like a bumble account manager yeah a bumble account coordinator okay yeah they just they want you know boys just want something they can respond to so this is this isn't an app called instagram um i mean so you do use ass sometimes people slide in the dms but mostly i prefer to use texting because i don't know opening multiple apps to message is just like so you give people

your phone number sometimes only sometimes in this case i did in this conversation what do you look like exactly what do you look like i knew him though for i met him in person i'm not i will tell you the name after but he's a comedian so i don't want to oh you definitely gotta show us i will yes yeah because i'm sure you know him so this was a while ago but i posted an instagram story of myself boxing and he responded and he said dang you tough and i said i fight crime at night so i have to stay fit and he said thank you for protecting us and i said it i didn't choose this life it chose me you know so just trying to keep the banter going back and forth then he asked me about plans this evening asked me what i was doing then um he said he was in brooklyn he said

brooklyn needs your crime fighting i said is there an emergency is someone threatening you he said yes help i said okay i accept formal requests on my hotline and then i sent him my number oh my god i think you need to hire mary mary i ain't got no money but i could pay you an lol mary can you just do a couple things for marie just a little bit so what i like bono work yeah what i do on apps usually is i'll pick one thing out from the guy's profile or photo to just comment on and guys love talking about themselves so it's just an opening for them to feel like they have like something to say back right um so like one time i remember i was messaging for this girl at when i worked at soul cycle and he was from we're gonna put a pin in that and go back to it

i just worked at the front desk but we can talk about that um so she had matched with a guy from san francisco and i messaged him and i was like oh my god have you ever been to the golden gate bridge just like something dumb that obviously yes he has done but he's gonna respond and be like lol or ha ha ha like yes blah blah you know just setting them up to say something one thing i really don't like in flirting is negging okay and explain that negging is when a guy will say something that's kind of an insult to like knock you down a little bit and then you're supposed to just kind of take it and like be i feel like you're good at that negging yeah like you're great i'd be like damn you short but at least you have all your hair

that's an egg that's an egg right there that's marie that's me in like real life that's me at like job interviews on a rag that's me at the supermarket but i think it's different when it's a girl doing it is it because guys you can't hurt guys feelings oh yeah i'm sydney how many gross dudes have you said something to and they were like yeah but that they like it and you're like what i mean i'm usually saying it when they try to talk to you yeah i'm like do you see the way you look and he's like that's what you're wearing to talk to my friend and they're like they're like yeah i got this at vim and it's like yeah no yeah that's not gonna work no yeah so it's i respect it when women do it i don't personally

like to do it just because if i don't like something about you i'll just say it i won't try to mask it as like uh i'm trying to flirt with you you know what i mean now have you have you ever flirted uh and then like it like backfired in your face like because i'm somebody that people tell me that like i flirt with waiters or like because somebody will come up and i'll ask well what's your favorite thing right and then we'll talk and i think we're having a conversation and people like you're just gonna flirt with him in my face and i'm like i'm just talking to the talking to someone i think people interpret things as flirting that they see what they want to see right if you're with a guy on a date and you're asking the waiter what's your favorite thing on

the menu and they see that as flirting then you should drop them immediately i'll drop him as soon as he drops his credit card but it's definitely backfired i mean there's been situations where i wasn't intending to flirt but the person thought that i was and yes sorry but mary you kind of have this face like you're not interested ever so i would like to see you flirting in real life because you kind of look like you're not here for it please don't talk to me you have like a 90s movies mean girl face yeah thank you so much for saying that were you a cheerleader no you look like you were thank you you're definitely the girl that's like i'm shutting everything down yeah well yeah i guess i have gotten that from guys too being like do you like you're so chill

i feel like you're gonna kill me type of thing uh that's something someone said to me recently which it's like that's just how i am but i and that's why honestly i feel like that's a compliment yeah i i take that as a compliment and i think when guys when i do choose to flirt like it's very visible it's visible because i like change my whole face you know like you smile i get excited yeah exactly you know you tilt your head just a little bit oh yeah but if a guy is if i'm not enjoying a conversation with someone it's also very visible oh yeah i think because i'm just like i don't care what you have to say you have a strong brow thank you yeah it's it's and then i feel bad because it's obviously people can pick up on it but no no don't feel bad don't live your

truth now have you ever uh misinterpreted somebody flirting with you when you thought they were flirting yeah mm-hmm yeah okay tell it talk to it unfortunate it just it's it just sucks like either you'll find out that they're with someone or that they just start have like a naturally flirtatious personality oh no well fuck them why you flirt with everybody no no no no well i'm the person that everybody thinks i'm flirting with them honestly i am so friendly the way that you do it though like i'll come in when i met you you'd be like sitting on some dude's lap like laughing really loud and it was like that's her man and it was like no and then i would see you so much and you'd be like oh my god you know everybody's name you're

rubbing people's heads and it was like yo sydney is all but then people who know you will know that that's just how you are no some men still some men see stuff like that and they're like but she's on my lap though is she really gay is she really a gay those are the people who come up to me and they're like is she really lesbian psa for the men listening if i sit on your lap my feet fucking hurt and there ain't no seats and i need a seat so your lap is now a chair um but there's definitely been situations where i've put out vibes and then it's either not reciprocated or it's just like okay dead end talk about a specific what happened um so you got more receipts actually this one i'll go to my instagram because i don't i didn't take

screenshots of this one well because you don't want to to you know remember the bad right it's really painful i feel like sometimes instagram you don't know the context you don't you don't know if you know well you can't tell what the tone is you don't know the tone especially if somebody that you don't know and there's like a language barrier that you know like if a dude from spain slides in your dms and you're like trying to talk to him and it's like he's not he don't know how to use lol properly right and i can't with that i yeah that's the language barrier is definitely tough but i if a straight guy i haven't seen in like eight years follows me on instagram that to me is like you're trying to talk or like connect in some way right so i i just feel

like why are you maybe it's looking into it too much i don't think that way about every guy right but in this case i did okay i was like okay we met once he thought i haven't seen him in years he followed me on instagram okay so i dm'd him first and then we were going back and forth for a while what did you say yeah let me get this you know because i named names i can't well just No, it's going to sound really weird. Nobody here knows who Mikey is or Carl or Matthew. Nobody knows. He's, he's, uh, okay.

I mean, some people might know who this is, but it's fine. Yes, yes, yes. Um, so I said, is this the blank, his name from blanks house in 2008? That's when we met. Okay. Dude, you, you pull back the date? Yeah. 2008, that was 10 years ago.

I remember everything. He said, thank you for confirming that. yes isn't that wild i said might be the wildest thing i've heard all day how you've been the last 10 years we went back and forth he says looks like things are going well like i'm following with the comedy stuff i see i feel like that to me is like oh yeah something there yeah looks like things are going well i mean you scrolled all the way back right so then we were going back and forth and i was like i said well as lovely as it is catching up via dms i'm gonna boldly suggest we grab a drink sometime and then i said i'm just gonna leave this here and i put my number did you

hear that i'm gonna boldly suggest we link up for drinks in person yeah wow and then i said i'm gonna leave this here and i put my number and he never texted me that's that lululemon confidence that's what you got the lululemons on oh it gives you wings but my thing is why not just put it out there because he's either gonna do it or he's not and i'd rather just know that's how i feel so what type of girl have a girlfriend girlfriend because you seem like the type of person that like you say exactly what you want well i haven't been a girlfriend my two-year anniversary of being single is on valentine's day yes it's pretty exciting and i haven't been a girlfriend in a while but when i was it was like my really early 20s so i like

didn't know how to be myself in a relationship i would just like get consumed by it um and take on all of his interests which is why i used to pretend to like football but um but now you're a grown-up now i'm better and i don't know what i would be like as a girlfriend probably um i'm pretty selfish but i'm upfront about it i mary but your eyebrows look like all you care about is you i could tell thank you again uh yeah i just i want to do my thing and not i think boys are distracting i like flirting but i think every time i have a real crush on someone it's like really stressful for me it is stressful the last crush i had i almost felt low-key stalkerish oh because i was checking i was refreshing and then i didn't know what to say i needed you i

didn't know how to respond because the person was somebody and i was like oh i don't want to be corny but that's the problem like when you're texting someone that you really really really like people can get like crippled by fear of saying the wrong thing but like if they're not going to respond to you then fuck them you know but obviously it's like it's easy to say i think people are they are my friend my friend was flirting with a guy once and she said i over text and she said i think i'm gonna shit my pants she said that to you she texted me that i said don't yeah i said don't don't do that she must be young though 24 that's long that's a fetus that's us that's me that's us people just stress so much about what to say and then there's

obviously flirting that's like very low stakes and that's just like you know you could go back and forth for days but okay nothing's gonna happen what about some physical flirting what's what that look like yes that's physically you get to the house you answer the call of whoever they call the hotline what's that look like so i texted my roommate when i knew i was gonna be on this podcast and i said how much tea should i spill on the podcast he said i should spill it so i'm gonna who is your roommate my roommate is just what my gay best friend yes yes yes because that's why he he gets it he was like spill all do it he's like don't hold back i love your room also uh he's gay he's one he wants you to be messy he's like do it well because he wants your mess to

like be more than his mess that's what it is yes so i've had a few um run-ins with celebs cross my legs okay well what happened yeah sit up so i actually i'm very proud i have an egot i've hooked up with guys who've won an emmy a grammy an oscar and a teen choice award teen choice award wait wait okay so who okay are you gonna name these names i'm not gonna i'll tell you after the names well tell us okay tell us about tell us around tell us about i'll tell around so well i'll tell you first about so i'll do it chronologically there's one that i really can't talk about but the two first two i can okay well just say allegedly allegedly um when i was 20 i had just moved to new york because i dropped out

of college and my brother was in town and he's friends with uh a very famous swimmer olympic swimmer he's not the one but yes yes yes um so we went to we went to a club in the meatpacking district of course and i was 20 so i didn't even know if i would get in but i went with my best friend no it's called catch oh wait still that's still going strong right now yeah yeah um so we went and they like had a table and it was just really crowded and i was like oh this might be lame it's like whatever but then i saw do you remember what you had on yes i do actually okay i had on a white tube top and high-waisted jeans oh white tube top you read it and wedges nipple slips and all you had a little espadrille oh she did no she had the cork she had the cork yeah

cork jimmy chews it was i was trying to look you know 21 yeah also like effortless right so i see i i know i like recognize people like i know celebrities names and stuff like i'm one of those people who if we watch a movie i'll be like that person's from like yes an episode of lizzie mcguire five years ago faces too but i don't remember where i saw them from i'm like well where's that person from what movie what movie what movie so that's why people don't go to the movies with me right because you're the person asking yeah i'm like well what movie was that okay so i recognized someone who i'd seen in the movies okay and i was like whatever i'll go be like um i'm a huge fan like nice to meet you oh that's really i would that's a 20 year

old move right there because i can't do that i'm gonna just look cool and act like i don't know you yeah right like denzel what washer washer tim i don't know well the nice thing the good thing about a crowded club is that you can kind of take a lap and like just cross paths with them you know so you can stage that interaction a little bit so i remember i went up to we like you said you could stage it the security guard see you oh they do look at this they're speaking so i went up to him and i said oh like you know well i didn't go up to him but we were passing and i was like oh like i'm marybeth i might have touched his arm i was like i'm marybeth you said your name yeah i mean she didn't know what her name is she know because i know what his name is it's two names

though so it's four letters of each ship sydney it's eight letters so he was like you're he i immediately heard what i said i knew he heard what i said and he was like oh you're a ceiling fan what like he was like trying to come back at me like with a joking response corny and i was like that's really corny but i didn't know how old he was then and then when i found out it made sense um so like 16 he was like a jonas brother no he was like old um so that made sense but then i was like oh haha no like i've seen you in the movies and like big fan and then kind of like walked off boom that's that's how you get them you say it you walk away walk away and you don't you don't hear and in his head he was like wait is she is she down yeah she's dtf she's dtf that's

what he was thinking he said he's like damn man i'm gonna fuck that up yeah yeah so then i was just dancing you know with my friend and we had drinks and then mary let me see what you did let me no way i'll show you after okay um so his security guard came up to me and said he wants you to sit next to him in his booth how many people were in the booth because i'm not probably into the booth just him and it was actually just him and his manager yeah the booths are not that big i know but still sometimes it'd be a lot of people in these booths yeah okay and i sat down and i was we were like chatting a little bit and i was like well i don't want to monopolize your time because i know there's a lot of girls in here that want to talk to you monopolize

she said frequently earlier okay word of the day guys monopolize that ass i'm a frequently monopolized that is he said uh you know this isn't really my scene like i'm 41 so i don't really tell her is it well she was 20 he was didn't ask mine though of course he did because he naffed and my room or not my roommate but my friend who i was there with was talking to his manager who was also like very attractive and so she was being my wife woman 41 yeah very in his 40s probably very married probably

too and we talked for a little bit probably maybe like a half hour and we were just like going back and forth at the club at the club yeah so my name is mary beth yeah exactly i'm just screaming over the music and he was like um i said oh this isn't really my scene either at one point and he was like would you want to leave and i was like yeah let's go somewhere else so okay mary keep it going keep it going let's go let me put some popcorn he was staying at the grammar sea park hotel where i used to work so i probably served y'all and he probably tipped her 98 and my friend and his manager were still talking too so we all four left together okay we get to the bar at grammar sea park hotel sydney was there and his manager and my friend uh went to they both had to like

pee or whatever so they were they had to quote unquote pee yeah so then he was like do you want to drink and i was like not really you're like no i don't wear roofie i'm okay and my throat's not dry i had a water at home and so he was like all right well let's just go to my room say no because i didn't really want a drink okay i just wanted to you know you don't really drink that much i definitely drank that much at the time when i was 20 i don't really drink that much right now but i was like nah i was like i want to remember this and so we got in the elevator and immediately started making out and i was like okay i think it's i think it's on and then we went upstairs to his room and he was actually like very respectful and like good i mean that means

it was like slow and gentle i mean he took your clothes off and then so i was like i was like i don't want to have sex like we can do it other stuff but i don't want to have sex and he said absolutely no problem didn't even bring it up again and i could have been in like pretty bad situation like i was 20 years old this guy's like pretty strong he's 41 he could have easily just been like but you know the type of like he didn't he didn't even push it at all but we stayed up pretty much all night and then he had to fly to la in the morning all night girl what you all night what you was doing i wasn't even having sex but then we are doing all night long it was just a lot and a lot of cuddling actually

i know i could go home for that i got a body pillow at the grammer sea park hotel cuddling cuddling what we didn't just cuddle but it was fun i mean you gotta go down that's the way to my heart okay so that was which which award winner that was the oscar okay all right so it was like daniel day lewis you got he got coochie good for you mary okay and then so then teen show we'll go to teen choice award yeah because i would like to somebody around your age this was more recent also i want to clarify that none of these were to further my career when i was 20 i wasn't even doing comedy yeah okay okay but i feel like no fuck that it was just to further your body count

Yeah, you're doing what you're doing. It don't matter. Right. I just want, I think people are like, oh, she's trying to sleep her. Not people are like, because not that many people even know these stories. But if people hear that, they might think, oh, she's trying to like fuck her way to the top, which I would do. But you also. I would do.

Which I would do. But in these cases, it was not. But also, I'm trying to find these people that are fucking their way to the top. Where they at? Yeah, I know. They're at the top, dude. No, sis, they're taking the Q train with us. They're at the top.

Yep. Yep. uh so i went to la a few years this was a year and a half ago okay i was recently single a few months out of a relationship and i was visiting my friend and she said and you know whatever she said we're gonna go to this bar tonight it's called barney's beanery um that sounds like a place where i don't want to go me too me too in west hollywood oh i was like okay so it sounds like a lot of gay people there i didn't know what to expect but there's like billiards with hollywood it's so rude there's billiards uh and just things i'm not interested in billiards

what's billiards it's pool oh that's what y'all call it billiards yeah i'm like i'm like is that the thing with the shuttlecock i'm thinking uh um shuffleboard no not shuffleboard badminton badminton you're an idiot yeah uh we went and there was a table of people who like cw stars like stars from the cw so you have some people from like archie uh riverdale hadn't wasn't out yet but a few of those shows 902 riverdale is on netflix but it's cw was gossip girl cw it was a gossip girl guy got it can't say i see you sis okay let me look up the gossip it was somebody from one tree who

they were all just sitting there kind of casually and i just i was just ignoring them i actually thought i was gonna hook up with someone else that night who i had known from home mary i feel like you're really good at ignoring people i am but that's how you get them dude you gotta act like you you introduce it because like the way the way you approach the oscar guy i don't think sydney or i would have done that but you approach them and then walked away the one way i'm all about yeah but i would have never even approached exactly but you got to approach them and then be like anyway fan of your work if that's what you

want to do if that's the vibe you want to put out i'm gonna be a hoe in la go ahead barney's Beanery, you said? I'm going to put that in my phone. Bernie's Beanery, I put it in the phone. We were just, so it was getting kind of late, and some people had left. So it was four guys, and then me and my few friends. The guy I thought I was going to hook up with left, because he got mad that I was talking to someone else. Of course he did.

It was very silly. You know men are fragile. But I actually want to thank him someday, because if he hadn't left, then this would have never happened. Thank you for being here. Thank you for not clock blocking. Thank you for taking your dick and going home. One of my friend's friends was flirting with one of his friends. And I wasn't even going to broach the subject.

So, Mary, you need a wing woman. I think a wing woman is important. Sydney, you're not a good wing woman. Why am I not? Because what EGOT dick have you ever gotten me? Well, we haven't gone to places where the EGOTs are at. Okay, sis. You've got to be in the right place at the right time.

We'd be at the regular-ass bars, the matchless and whatnot that's getting shut down. That's where we'd be at. It's really just you never know where they're going to be is the problem. Literally, they're everywhere. They are. we just don't be there when they're there at those times so you are his friend my friend's friend is talking to his friend right he's sitting there's two booths all most people are sitting at one booth he's sitting at the other booth with uh like turned to face us okay

now what are you wearing at barney's i'm wearing a really short black dress from reformation the material is beautiful it's tight and white converse which will come up later cash cash oh because you left him on while y'all okay yeah that's it because you were like i'm doing this but i'm not trying too hard right she had on a 400 reformation dress and then like a 30 that had scuffed you scuffed them all the fuck it was a high top or a low top low top and they were dirty okay got it okay he's sitting alone and i see his beer is empty and we have pictures on the table so i take one of the pictures i go and sit down and i just fill up his glass and then we just started talking i was like oh you're a waitress i was like you your glass

looked a little empty i couldn't do that this is not the help yeah bringing you as a black woman i saw an opening i saw an opening had to take it that opening would have stayed open even as a waitress i was like you better put your own shit like i know you paying me i don't know but i'm not doing it like yo you want some beer your glass mbas that would have been a strong move yeah and might have worked and you probably would not okay so you pour it and then what and then i sat down and so it was just us two at the table at the booth and so then we start talking we're comparing shoes he's also wearing white sneakers but there's i think they were stan smiths which ones those ones that like they have like they look like regular they look like aldo

yeah but they have like but they're like buckle or something nineteen hundred dollars i don't fuck with those but he was just wearing he was dressed so well it was like frustrating he's he's very he's actually the hottest person i've ever seen okay i'm gonna look up you better show us i will and we start flirting the bar is closing the waitress is coming over the bartender and i think she's flirting with him she probably is she like she leaned she sits down to like count the cash of course where we're sitting she sat at the booth that's rude no she was trying to be like well i can treat you also i don't need your money or maybe she was kind of be like hey man i feel like you could have threw a couple more in there yeah yes that because that would be my move i'm

like man this sure is short i think they were friends i don't know okay but he said he said i live right around the corner do you guys want to go back to my place he said do you guys so the group of us went okay and we were walking and he i did this we were talking and i forget what he said but something about being only having been in la for 24 hours and i kind of like nudged him a little bit you know when you like flirtatiously like push someone and he just like reacted in a way where i was like okay i think this is on wait so he joked about you being in l.a he had joked he's like oh you've been in l.a 24 hours and i don't even i don't remember what the second part was to that and then i kind of you only been in l.a for 24 hours and you're ready to suck you're ready

and you were like and i was like stop but yeah you're like schlub schlub on the snob I pushed him a little bit he was like you know he like nudged back and then we went to his humongous loft apartment in west hollywood and his friends are you know we smoked a little weed on the balcony and he was playing music and then we were um in his kitchen looking through each other's instagrams and then i just remember we were dancing a little bit i know millennials then we danced a little bit and then we started kissing and i was like okay cool and then while everyone was still there we just went straight upstairs into his big humongous room so y'all hooked up while the guests were there well we started then my friend was texting

me and was like i don't know if you're dead but i gotta go so i don't know if you're dead but that's me i don't know if you're dead but i gotta no that's not you that's a good way you'd be at the bottom of the stairs like marie marie she's knocking on the door i don't know if you're dead but we gotta go marie we came together we're leaving together no that's how black women do it but white women are like i don't know if you did but i gotta go she's like yeah i'll see ya you're like girl the cab is here yeah she had to bow your friend left you at this sexy serial killer's law she was in the cab like girl uh i don't know if you're okay but but good luck i'm halfway home send me a picture to put on

the shirts at the funeral yeah yeah pretty much so you stayed y'all hooked up it was good it was good and i i was a little nervous we did not so i was prude i was prude back then so you're not giving you coming all the way you're saying back then it was a year and a half ago i know a lot has changed a lot has changed the other one i did have sex with but like the one that i can't talk about she was like i used to be scared but now i'm not but i wouldn't worry about him he definitely was he was well taken care of and i was nervous because you know when people are so hot that you don't think they're gonna have a good personality i don't know i am not sure i have a great personality i am that hot mary i agree but then people might be surprised they have a good

personality they're always like yeah they're like it makes sense i think especially with guys when they're super hot i expect that they're gonna be really boring yeah yes but when we woke up we woke up spent the night so you spent the night okay so did you have like a dick purse did you have like some toiletries i had i had nothing i had a glossier one of those ziploc glossier bags with nothing really i had my earrings my wallet bitch i'm staying out all night all i need his lip gloss all i need is lip gloss i need someone to put my earrings you can have like lashes like a thing to take you put your lashes in the little lashes case girl i would have just slept like i was dead i was like i'm not taking this makeup off i just laid on the

shades like no i'm good no no no no don't touch me yeah i would have slept in a chair i'm like no i gotta sit up my back is bad so you didn't you spent the night i spent the night we woke up we hooked up again like you know whatever and then we were just kind of chatting and flirting and then i saw a fedora in his room and you were like i gotta get and i was like is that yours and he was like i got it for free at this like sporting sporting event i went to in like puerto rico or something he was like you should put it on and then you took it and then i did and he was like it looks better on you you should keep it oh that's nice so but wait did he make you breakfast no he gave you a fucking hat no i'm hungry i wouldn't i don't think he had any food like i

don't i his apartment was like just it was so clean but it wasn't because he's clean i just think he doesn't have stuff yeah he doesn't i hate that shit yeah fucking make me food man when i come to somebody else's house he didn't make you i would no i don't do you i don't you haven't been dating guys in a while they don't do that nah a dude made me breakfast one time and i was like one time i don't like anything that you made no i would never if a guy made me breakfast i would be scared so shook i would probably leave the dude yeah he made me cheese omelets and i was like oh we staying together cheese omelets i'm i don't i'm speechless he cheese omelets and he put a little chive on it i was like

oh so he was a professional chef no he was a troll and a midget he was a midget with chives he was a emerald legassi troll he's like bam but he was like standing on a stool yeah got it okay so so you got a hat but then did he call you an uber yeah okay that's not black it wasn't a pool they didn't even have pool then i don't think but it was a black i don't know but i remember leaving and just being like i can't believe that just happened if you pick me up in a regular white car i'll be mad i want a black car i want my driver to have a hat on and everything in la is so far away so i just sit in the uber for like 40 minutes to get to back to venice beach and i was just rapidly group texting right my friend saying i can't believe this just happened

thank god you're still alive right they're like we're glad you're safe but if you had died at his place that would have been cool too your friends you would have the story they're like hashtag heath ledger um because he died at the olsen twins house so then tell us about what was we got the e and the t and can we talk about the g or the no we got the o and the t the g and the e are actually one person he's very a very talented person okay so let's get to it it's a dude from hamilton yeah it was lin-manuel miranda because he has two it was a childish gambino because i feel like he had a couple things also uh it was not childish he is on my list but it was not childish gambino tell me childish gambino looks like you got terrible sex anything the dick

i don't see okay one thing i really don't care about with guys is height because you're tall i'm five seven so i'm not super tall but i definitely you're long yeah i'm i'm head to head with a lot of dudes and it doesn't bother me it's not a deal breaker i'm five four so it's a year same height then i'm like well yeah that's problematic i don't know little bow wow you're not my type no five four is a bit a bit small is is a wee bit small wee bit small i thought wait how tall is your dad he's like six feet so not super tall her dad dude what that got to do with anything i'm just saying usually people like people who look like their beds my brothers are my brothers are taller than my dad so i might height definitely comes from my dad's side but

he's not that tall okay his brother is like six four or something oh you're just very tall yeah um but the the last one the most recent one we met on the internet i'll say that he's living the dms it was it was it's an insane situation i cannot even get into specifics i really can't i can't but you know what i'm see honestly when my when i write my memoir and i'm going to get a very very fat book deal because i'm done with you but i can't talk about it on the pod you know i can't talk guys if you want to hear uh the the real tea you got to go to patreon yeah you're gonna have the patreon you gotta subscribe to that that's what we're gonna do it's where we do our bonus episodes where we it's we do honesty hour and sydney tells all her business wow but it's like

a subscription service so oh shit okay can you tell us anything like for the people who are listening the women and some of the men who maybe see someone that they want to talk to what's another way that they can approach somebody i would say the my advice i give to all my friends is that if you want to talk to someone don't wait like just do it because if they're not interested wouldn't you rather find out sooner and flirting is a tool and there's the nice thing about it and it's also a bad thing is that in some ways but there's so many different ways to flirt with people in 2018 you can comment on their instagram you can like their instagram you can wait hold on so commenting on instagram could possibly be a flirt you could it could possibly be a flirt

but then i have to defy defy sir if decipher decipher i gotta go sorry i'm a tiny tie today but then you have to decipher if it's a flirt or not but but it's a good way to open the door you know what i don't i don't comment on no famous people things let me jump on instagram right now who who uh but when you do comment marie somebody should feel special because you don't fucking comment i sure don't she doesn't comment on my shit honestly actually no you you posted something about getting free meat from the a free sandwich from the deli and i was like get me a sausalito and cheddar so i commented on your thing you did i think more people should use flirting as a as like a tool and you know what i actually flirted with someone who was ghosting me and it worked

i didn't end up seeing him again but he did respond wait they ghosted you and they were trying to ghost me and did y'all hook up we did hook up and i was very specific yes i said i don't do one night stands so if we have sex i'm gonna want to hook up with you again he said if we hook up tonight we will hook up again and then it was two weeks and i hadn't heard from him yep you believe you should not have believed him because i trust people when they are talking to my face you don't i don't trust you have the face of somebody you need to speak to my lawyer yeah i should have had to sign something i'll have my rep but i was like i'm not letting this guy ghost me this like i i just won't put up with it so what did you say yeah what'd you do i have we have a

donna summer poster in our like foyer foyer foyer foyer and i i took a picture and i said hey i didn't want to do this over text but did you leave this in my apartment the picture of donna summer and it's not and he said lmao yeah my bad and then we were like for like fork texting back and forth and we never ended up hanging out but i felt better about the fact that he did respond do you think the sex was bad like what do you think well i think it was just not he had just gotten out of a relationship and i was really really drunk but i let him smoke a joint literally in my bed and if i thought you were gonna be like i let him smoke a joint in my ass he was too grabby anyway he like you know when you have bruises on your boobs like if guys

to put a bruise on me you gotta throw me into a wall or throw me out of the window i don't i did and i was like you know what maybe i don't need this guy oh man mary oh my god i feel like this has been so good mary you are you are the flirting expert seriously and i'm so proud of you i'm happy to take a look at your bumble if you want if there's anyone that you actually care about responding i don't care about anybody that's why i deleted bumble because every time i would get a match i would be like disappointed and then i'm like maybe it's because i don't like anyone on here no but you gotta make it fun though just make it fun for yourself just see you gotta practice and see how well you can do so when you do like somebody yeah but i honestly at the end

of the day i'm not gonna meet the love of my i'm not looking for the love of my life right right oh one thing that's good for flirting if you can if after you meet someone or hang out with them try to think of try to like do a call back to something that they brought up and you can initiate a text with them that way yeah you have to you do have to listen in that case but well or it could be something you said i went out with this guy the other day i went out with this guy the other day and he was he said he said he was going to be in la um on wednesday and i was like oh the tacos are really good out there blah blah blah he sent me a picture of some tacos yeah see that is he was like so good as per your request or your suggestion tacos and i was

like all right as per your suggestion he's definitely white since that's who be popping up on my bumble and that's like good that see that's good of him he remembered something you had referenced and then he used it as an opportunity to initiate the conversation again yeah yeah yeah i was like lol mary i feel like we should go out and do some type of like practice right like can we do it some live action i would like to yeah well i'm uh i'm working on a talk show pitch right now actually where i go on first dates with celebrities and i interview them that'll do well on a bravo that'll be amazing thank you you're the one thank you thank you so much i praise be your lulu lemons man thank you i'm really excited to end the episode so i can

find out who these people are yes i'm on edge like hurry up i hope it's not anticlimactic though i mean was it for you was it for you for me it was great okay well we probably don't even know who you talk about exactly we're gonna be like who chad michael murray yeah james vanderbeek he was on shades of blue what that terrible show with jennifer lopez marky mark's third cousin i don't know who that is where can people who are listening catch you you can catch me doing live comedy in new york yes or you can find me on instagram and twitter at marybeth barone um if you want to send me money on venmo marybeth barone gotta plug that and i'm on facebook uh and youtube and all that but mostly instagram twitter can you

spell barone it's uh it well i'll spell the whole thing out marybeth m-a-r-y-b-e-t-h last name is barone b-a-r-o-n-e and you have a monthly show i have a monthly show at public hotel called the exhibition and you can find out information on that on my website perfect look at that beautiful this was delightful this was so good thank you for having me i'm so glad you left work for this honestly you are the mvp i really enjoyed it so effortless like effortlessly like i'm here do you want me to give you some beer i'm so i would have never thought of that i would have like i would have knocked the whole picture over there goes your beer your throat dry and then i would just pour the beer on the ground yeah that's it i would spill

i'm like clean up on house seven my bad i throw the picture at his face and be like what i like him that's a style it's a style anyway some people like it yeah sydney anything that you want to did you learn anything from this episode you know i i never really was the the flirting type that's a lie you flirt with everybody we already talked about i think i'm gonna continue to just you know be me uh i'm in a relationship so flirting doesn't even really work um i need to pay some bills. But I'm going to try. You better go home

and sit on your girlfriend's lap. I'm going to try to flirt. I'm going to see how it goes. All right. Well, I think I learned some stuff. Yeah, I think you did too.

I'm excited for you. I'm actually really excited about this too. Mary Beth Barone, thank you so much for being here. Thank you. Mary Beth.

My pleasure. Bye. Bye. Bye. Thank you.