MESS with Sydnee Washington & Marie Faustin - "The GROWN WOMAN Expert" with Shalewa Sharpe

Episode Date: March 9, 2018

What does is it mean to be a grown woman? Is it being responsible? Knowing how to handle yours? Picking the right sex partner? Well on this episode we have Shalewa Sharpe on the show to tell us about being a Grown-Ass-Woman. When she's not making Black Panther's Chadwick Boseman laugh she's out here adulting her ass off.Follow Shalewa on Instagram @silkyjumbo Twitter @silkyjumboShalewa makes Chadwick laugh: http://abcnews.go.com/amp/GMA/Culture/meet-fan-chadwick-boseman-called-hilarious-viral-black/story?id=53486647----Listen to The Unofficial Expert Ad-Free on Forever Dog Plus:https://foreverdogpodcasts.com/plus----BONUS EPISODES AVAILABLE NOW ON PATREON:www.patreon.com/TheUnofficialExpertBUY UNOFFICIAL EXPERT MERCH:https://www.teepublic.com/stores/the-unofficial-expert-podcastFOLLOW THE UNOFFICIAL EXPERT:https://www.instagram.com/UnofficialExpertFOLLOW SYDNEE:https://www.instagram.com/JustSYDbwhttps://twitter.com/justsydnycFOLLOW MARIE:https://www.instagram.com/Reeezyhttps://twitter.com/MsReeezyFOLLOW ANDREW:https://www.instagram.com/mcgui_guyTHE UNOFFICIAL EXPERT IS A FOREVER DOG PODCASThttps://foreverdogpodcasts.com/podcasts/the-unofficial-expertSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

hey hi guys welcome to the unofficial expert podcast with sydney and marie hi sydney you are in great spirits today i am i really am i i feel like you got some this morning no i didn't amina was staying in my house oh so you got two freaky ass i had all the black cat all up in my place yeah this is a christian podcast shut up yeah no there's there was nothing happening in the bed but it was fun i had a good night did a little shows i had a good time oh i heard you had a killer show yeah it was good i had a good time and then i saw you at a show kill it again yes yes it was good four white guys in baseball caps in the audience and sydney called them king of the hill she was like what y'all doing king of the hill i have never laughed so hard god it was so rude

it was so funny it was so mean it was exactly what you should have called them because i saw them and i was like what what is that and you you knew what it was yes i did but you were you were doing your whole set and i was like am i gonna do my setup here and then i was like nah i'm not i'm just gonna riff and i riffed the whole time so it was beautiful it was it was fun but um yeah i'm just trying to be in positive spirits uh you know you'd be up and down but today i'm feeling good that's great feeling good you you're doing great get your edges moisturized and whatnot i washed my hair today and that's what i was an expert in this week i think is trying to figure out what i'm gonna do with my hair to take better care of it i think i think

i want to cut it all off i think i want to shave my head i think i'm gonna i'm gonna put a part in i'm gonna look real eve eve i might get some temporary paw print tattoos for my todays um but i think that i might do that but then i'm like that i mean i gotta get new headshots i can't cut it too low i feel like i gotta cut it so that i can still like attach something to it if i need to yeah i mean you honestly have the face for it and you have the confidence for it i don't think that i do i'm afraid of what the shape of my head is in the back. Well, I see your brother's head and I feel like y'all got the same head. We have the same

face, too, so they're going to be like... Oogadoo. Hey, Oogus. Sir. And I feel like if I cut all my hair off, I'm going to have to wear makeup all the time. No. So people would be like, oh, that's a girl. Not like a sad lesbian.

Fuck you. Why you got to be a sad lesbian? Not everybody with short hair is gay. Yeah, we know that. But when I cut my hair the first time, the first thing that people would ask me was, oh, so you gay now i'm not i don't have time to answer that question all day long people are ignorant that's not the way that my uh my time is set up i'm already late to everything anyway i don't need people shoving me out of the way in my baggy coat and my boyfriend jeans like move nigga and i'm

like well looking at me when i'm on the train sitting at you know offer this lady a seat sir and then i gotta be like but i'm a but i'm not a boy and they're gonna be like not yet a woman you know so i mean cutting your hair is a big deal oh like when i cut mine when i shaved the sides of it and i wore a natural i mean i have been wearing wigs no weaves for 10 years so you know my edges was gone and it was definitely a big step to be outside and just you have the air hit your scalp honestly but you did it right you did it in like this summer yeah when i shaved my head it was in the winter and i was like it's cold what did i do because i had never felt the air on my bare head and also i had like a little bald spot right here then i think

the bartender i mean the barber was like and he was like oh yeah you that's a that's a birthmark what what i might i might do like ladies rogaine for my edges no i mean a friend of mine does that really and her edges and her eyebrows grew what well biotin do you take biotin yeah but that like it does stuff for my nails it doesn't do anything for my hair you have a good diet i mean and you sleep with a headscarf so i don't understand yeah but you know that the side that you sleep on your hair grows slower on that side did you know that yes i know that so i sleep i switch it up sometimes i just sleep on my face and hope that i don't die oh i i really love people who could sleep like they in a casket i wish i could sleep like that because it's actually better for your face and

it's better for like your skin because you get the creases from the pillows because y'all know y'all got some satin uh pillowcases pillowcases will leave lines on your face too my other ones don't leave nothing on my face uh what i was gonna say is your it's they say it's not good to sleep on your stomach if you're a female it's not good for your boobs yes because i have breast implants and they are all the way in my fucking armpits because i sleep on my chest you are real you don't even have insurance i don't on the wow i sleep on them and so they They're like pennies in a sock. They're like all over the place.

They're really bad. You sleep on your boobs? Yeah, I need to get them done again. If you're listening to this, slide on over to our Patreon where you can pay to sponsor for Sydney to get some new boobs. Plug it, sis.

For $5 a month, you get four extra episodes and Sydney can get new boobs. Do you know how many Patreon members we would need for me to get new boobs? Honestly, a lot. A lot. we gotta split the money down the middle so twice as much as you think we need because i'm not giving

my patreon oh my god percentage to your titties maybe our our boobs those be your boobs sydney what the hell were you an expert in besides trying to scam me out of my patreon dollars come on sis you not come on listen it's for the team your boobs the boobs have not gotten me into anything that i can't get into the boobs haven't gotten me like a trip to spain like your boobs are not doing that because you know what it is you met me at the tail end of my my hodum you but you had the boobs the whole time yeah but i feel like after you wear them out like you run around the block a couple times you gotta stop sleeping on your stomach i know i'm done i'm done anyway uh what was i uh expert just being rude i'm i'm pretty honest especially on stage and i do a

lot of crowd work and i stay hurting people's feelings like we're just white men just really white men i like to do do white men have feelings they do they get straight white men not the gay white men that are listening to this that we love the straight ones do they have feelings they do they get any feelings because when you point them out and you're like uh what are you a lawyer and then his i said it to a guy i was like what are you what are you a lawyer brian and he's like that's that's not my name it was something else patrick patrick i was like brian it's the same and he looked like he was getting so mad but his wife was having a good time i was like see i'm doing the lord's work and is there a nickname for patrick pat if somebody goes by their full

name right like i go jonathan no no don't call me john or robert don't call me bobby like those people are not people that you want to have in your life they're too professional they're too like nine to five workplace people don't tip and those people will ask to split the check with you even though they have more money than you it's true i have so many friends like that i have a i have a couple of allisons but they're all they all go by alley and they're cool they're like i got this i'll take care of it don't worry yeah but alleys are fun allison is a problem my friend alley she got me a plant she got me a plant for my birthday your friend allison asked to speak to your manager she was like sydney i know that we're friends and everything but the service was subpar

is your manager here that's allison yeah i had a good time i like doing uh crowd work in comedy shows especially when i you do your set all the time you're like i really like talk to people and see what i could get out of them and i usually just talk to white men because they they don't know oh they're bold there was a white man at the show last night that wanted to be a part of the show so bad he kept yelling his response to stuff while people were on stage that's so rude he didn't yell while i or you were on stage oh he knew but he yelled for everybody else he knew i got on tenor we're not doing this today not today scott scott not today speaking of not doing it today okay we're not having it today okay because our next guest is literally i'm so happy to have her

honestly great writer great comedian we've been trying to get her on the show for a while but she has a job she is she has a job she hasn't come in to record during she has a job and she be doing things because she is our grown woman expert give it up for shalewa sharp everybody i'm grown oh He's so grown. You are a grown up. Okay, so first off, I've been listening to you talk. So you need to keep some hair on your head because whatever you think the shape of your head is, it's still with hair. Bald, you never know what's going to happen when you shave it all off.

They might have dance in it. Absolutely. I was a bald child, and I had a natural until I was like six, just a short little Nas natural. yeah and my mother had the same haircuts i was like that's what we're doing and she um had my ears pierced at one month so people knew so really don't have to worry about the makeup earrings maybe my ears are not she don't wear earrings you don't have a little clip-on i do got some clip-ons it's just something a little something if you don't want to do a makeup just something so people are like okay but it also has to be i love his earrings yeah

It has to be like a very, like a particularly lady-like earring. Right. It can't be like a stud. It can't be a stud because then everybody's a stud. Or like a Michael Jordan hoop. You can't do that. Or you can't do like a lightning bolt. Just one lightly bolt.

You can't do that. A dangly Harrison Ford joint. You can't do that. Harrison Ford. But so I thought, okay. And then also I had a bad perm experience in seventh grade. Had to cut all my hair off again. Damn.

They left the perm in too long and it burned. First time getting it too long, I guess I looked older than I was. But I was like, this is all, you should be able to touch this and tell. So how long are you supposed to leave a perm in for? Well, I feel like before the scabs form. Well, they say, like, when it starts to burn, it's already too late. Yeah, but that's how you know it's good. But also, like, yeah, certainly before it's, because it's burning because there might be little cuts or scratches in your.

Well, they say you can't, you're not supposed to comb your scalp. You're actually supposed to let it build up the dandruff and shit. Right. So it'll eat through that. Yeah. And by the time it sets the scalp, you know, you're good. Why do we do that? I don't know why.

I don't know why we have professionals doing it. And then I don't know why we sell kits to do it at home. Just for me. Why? Why would you do that? My mom never let me perm my hair. You've never permed your hair ever? My mom never let me do it.

When I went to college, I permed my hair. My mom was so reluctant. But she was like, all right. Because I was like, look, I can't do these little Afro, weak little Afro puffs that you put in my hair. I'm a woman now. That's why they let your permit so long. Yeah, I've been carrying a maxi pad in my book bag for a year.

No period yet. Waiting to use it. Waiting. Waiting to use the net. Just a huge, massive, this was way before. It was probably the size of a MacBook Air. Yeah, basically. Way before wings.

So I just had this, just like a cushion for my books. It looked like a Twinkie. Oh, my God. Yeah, I'm like, well, my mother's like, where are you even going to? And, you know, this was still a few years out from belts, remember, sanity. Oh, they did have the little belts. belt it wasn't like a garter yeah like around your waist and then you attach the pad to that it was a parachute i don't even know what that is it was a parachute for the pad yeah it was

i've seen it in movies it was like um you put a belt on sanitary belt you wore it around your waist and then there were straps and you attach the pad to the straps and then put your underwear on over that so grown are you so grown that's too grown i didn't have to use that that's a tbt but i was old enough that when my copy of are you there god it's me margaret had the sanitary belt in it and i was like what what is this my mother was like oh that's just how we did it like you know like 10 years ago or so i'm so glad that we don't have to look like a nightmare and she's like no what a nightmare is is that maxi pad in your book bag please take it out take it out so are you here for the always infinity pads because they're like the thin those are fine the one

before it which was just like a regular old thing that's good the infinity ones they scratch me up a lot they do yeah i don't know what it is about and i mean i'll take you know it's good everyone down that comes down the pike like what are we doing with wings now i don't know what's going on with those scratch me up i like an always infinity i hate a tampon you know what's good the diva cup i'm not i'm not here adrian lives for the cup she lives for it i would feel like that's a young girls game i feel like i'm not gonna you know first off i mean like i'm not as promiscuous as i wish i could have been okay so i mean my my elastic is probably fairly strong well i don't know but they're still you should be doing your kegels right now all the time but

i'm still not sure i'm diva cup well when you put it in also i'm like you fold it you fold it and then it opens up in you i'm not doing that see i don't try oh boy what if i trip and then it falls and it's just a cup of blood everywhere what if my cup runneth over yeah see that's my issue yeah because it does but you know what you could do you could catch a case you could just like fall somewhere like trip down something and then the cup come out you'd be like oh my god i'm suing yeah i don't think anyone's gonna believe that no i gotta go into my pants yeah and then i gotta I don't know if that's going to work. Get that money, girl.

Yeah, I'm not sure that's going to work for me. It's just, it's too youthful. You need, in addition to an elastic vagina, you need the confidence and belief that you're doing it right. That you can do it. Big stacks. Well, how the hell does this diva cup work? I shove it in there. In my mind, it looks like the little water fountain cups, you know, like the little triangle cone cups.

Is it like a little cone, kind of? Yeah. And you just, like, twist it, and then you... No, you squish it down and make it flat. Right. Because it goes in... You put it in. It goes in like a card.

Shoot. And then it opens up. I'm not here for a house of cards. I'm not putting cards in my... I just need something a little sturdier. I just want to be honest. I actually have never used it, so I'm just assuming this is how it goes. No, I believe that's what everybody...

And also, people are too adamant about it. and i'm like what's what's seeping in you exactly from the cup that's making you believe so hard well i don't i don't feel about tampons it's very similar to the female condom that's what it is i've never used one of those yeah and i never used one of those because i was like there's no way this is not getting lost absolutely that's in my throat and not and not from and not from anything the dude did just for his negligence and then me falling asleep have you ever have you ever had sex with somebody with a condom and then after you were done we're like well where's the condom and he was like and then you found it later no i haven't it comes out only because um uh

the majority of guys i've been with um don't use condoms okay no no no i mean i'm reckless because there were years in between okay yeah yeah i i fucking eras that's how grown you are that was the drummer era so uh with that dude there was a condom every time because he was a jazz drummer you know he was already he was with everybody he was on his ray charles yeah he was with the bathroom probably i don't know he also was kind of weird but what does that mean you know like just like andre 3000 weird yes because this was in atlanta so you had to deal with a lot of um as my sister i call them just a lot of cody chestnuts for every for every andre 3000 um

which already is a particular there's just a particular type of atl dude um you got to go through a few tis ah you know what i mean i love a nigga with a silencer so you just gotta like every like you just everyone just has like a rico in their background you know what i mean they're just always a rico and even i have a couple so like yeah they're not all gonna be winners um but usually i'm pretty good at like fishing out whatever i need to fish out okay well let's get into it how do you as a woman who's grown you know as a grown-up how do you how do you get what you want from men life men or life any anything um and shit has to happen to you and you have to understand that shit has to happen to you you have to go through some you

have to go through it even if you yeah it's because the first time you go through it you're like oh well i'm glad that's over no what are you kidding it's not over you have to do it a few times before you're like okay i guess i should be learning from this oh abortion yes yeah so the first time it's over you're like oh that was nothing right do this again and then you're like oh no i can't know my name they know my name in here we live in the era of plan b pills a plan b as you know that i know is 50 or 39.99 if you go to uh target oh if you use the um off brand i had i recently had to use an off-brand you group on it there it was all that was left and i was like well it's a target or something it was at walgreens and their off-brand is called take action

and how much does that cost i want to know how much money i'm selling it was only like five bucks cheaper because it was in new york city but i'm guessing elsewhere in the country it's probably a chunk cheaper see i can't take that risk they had nothing else because i fucked around and went to a walgreens over by uh nyu so i don't want to risk it though i don't want to risk with no generic brand exactly like i might as well just raw dog and that raw dog it was almost like uh yeah no i totally get it i definitely want name brand how fast my tissues are kleenex my my oreos are double stuffed oh all that you know what i mean like i want no no no i understand that but i'm saying for my contra for my emergency contraceptive i needed to be name

brand top shelf like i need to have all uh like let me see the date on it i don't need i need organic i think what made me go let me go on and give the take action a try is because when it comes you had a coupon no when it comes i have found that when you buy store brand um over-the-counter drugs it's a little stronger and i think it's because they ain't paying as close attention in the walgreens like factory as they are in the tylenol oh they slip in a couple yeah you know i feel like it's a little stronger like family dollar version nyquil knocks you on your ass immediately really yeah i feel like they're still using ingredients that they're not supposed to be using yes so i'm like well this is not name brand but you know what you might be right because you

know the you know the bootleg liquors like yeah what's that ray and something ray and nephew yeah no right if he was not it's not bootleg no okay well like that's jamaican overproof rum really yeah i thought it was something else dude okay like alex like like evan williams yes something like that oh yeah that's so strong it's strong it's cheap it's gasoline it don't taste good but it definitely gets what it's supposed to get done exactly very quickly so i was like you know what i'm gonna i'm gonna roll the dice on this take action i mean i guess it was fine also it's a possibility that old dude's sperm probably wasn't doing what it needed to do you know what i mean like it probably wasn't getting where that's a good thing when hooking up with somebody you know

older you're like this shit might not be working wait hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on question so you have sex with this man right yes who was it like what what type of man was it was like a was it it wasn't a comedian it was a comic oh she really she should have taken two plans people are trash no matter what they do yes but i don't want to see the trash on stage you're not gonna be trash before me and beating my vagina is what i'm trying to say no no i'm okay with that i have a very low self-esteem also but i can also i mean i see i know who is a quality comedian okay i know who's very funny right and i also see who has drive i don't your drive can't put me in an uber pool in an uber i mean if you i mean if your drive

isn't all that great i'll probably fuck you because i'm not gonna see you later on ah you know what i mean like this is a grown woman right here if i'm due to make me laugh off stage but really can't bring it at a mic then yeah i'll probably fuck you because i know i'm not gonna see you at knitting factory like you know what i mean like you have to shout out to clark jones comedy at the knit on sundays wow no he just did it he did the podcast you know just so you guys didn't use a condom or the condom broke oh no we didn't okay no we didn't we know we just raw dogged it yeah his house or at your home oh no at my place okay well see that is grown women stuff i feel like i got i feel like i got a lot out of that um that was good but i i

want to know some more stuff chalet i want to know about like how do you deal with people now that you're older because i feel like you don't have the talents for shit you can't you're not putting it up really and i already i mean like i've been an old man since i was like 15 just like crotchety you know just ornery as the day is long so i can't wait to be uh to turn into an old man it's i mean you want a quenchy jones it that's what you want to do well no because i still have to i mean like i'm not at his level of just like hey i also know who killed various things but i mean i usually am out places and i keep my mouth shut and i watch and i right get people to talk because they will eventually tell on themselves that's true so that's fun and um and then you

just file that away for later and i uh you i don't know man it's you once you go through shit and you just see people going through shit empathy kind of hopefully grows so you can still time yes you can still not care but empathize i mean it sometimes may come off a little condescending like but it's a you run that risk of like no i get where you're coming from i feel like you're the person at work that like somebody will ask you a question more than one time and you'll like you just look at them and make them feel real smart yeah that's exactly what i did to these two women at shake shack yesterday asking me to move over you know what i like i was telling you um i feel like everyone is just fed up right now um and it feels very uh i feel like people are

also trying to uh i don't know maybe assert themselves in places where they don't necessarily need to assert themselves that's everybody right i think that's because of social media because people have access to say whatever they want and also in new york new york is basically just fighting for agency constantly and sometimes you don't actually have that agency and you have to accept that just and so um i was just there was just a day yesterday was a day of just issues where um and also your train yeah well just watching yeah just watching people force their way on the trains then they get into arguments about that or they silently acknowledge you know what i mean just everyone was petty yeah just jammed into spaces yesterday and i felt like

everyone had reached their limit of of doing so right and so i was trying i try to adjust my whole thing is i i try to treat time here in new york like i treat like a public restroom where you never knew i was in there you know what i mean i'm peeing all over the wall like you just you just like i'm in there i do my thing and i'm out like i don't want you know what i mean because i'm not trying to know but there are spaces where i can stretch and breathe and know that there's a line like you're not gonna look in a mirror you gotta go in and out so you know i'm at a i'm at a shake shack there are lots of people there and it's one of these shake shacks where they don't even have cashiers it's just kiosks so you know they don't even want you to sit down you are like

a mick cafe no no it's some new thing that they have over by my job is close to nyu so it's there so it's just a bunch of they don't want to deal with them damn yeah exactly so they know how Like, hey, put your parents' card into this machine, order whatever you want, like you've been doing, and they'll pay for it. And, you know, anyone else at lunch, you guys just have to stand, like, at a counter at a pizza joint. And you just, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah. You eat it quickly. You pay $10 for this burger, and then you've got to stand up and eat it. Yeah, and then you don't even taste it because you have to inhale.

You pay $10 for this burger, it don't come with fries. Yeah, so it was one of those situations. So there are already three women, and I don't want to say the race, but you'll figure it out. We already know what they look like. Okay, so they're at a place where it's supposed to be individual people able to eat. And they're chilling like it's a table. So I'm just there hovering over them with two other people like, when are y'all going to get up?

Because you're going to have to get up. Because I am at my wit's end and I'm ready to push you off of stools. And so finally they got the vibe and they're like, oh, I guess we should go. Yeah, you should go. You finished eating like 10 minutes ago. you should have been eating while walking to your next destination you're wasting time this ain't no french cafe let it digest by that twirly cube i mean if i get up too fast i might catch a cramp

this was not your place for you so you could tell that you could tell it's that kind of place so uh so they move we i rush in with two other women we set up very like in a way like the bar is long but it's also kind of deep so we put all of our things stacked deep so we're very like we're not spread out we're moved spread forward right and uh and we're waiting on our food we got everybody gets their food there's one woman who's put her stuff down and i guess maybe she went to the restroom she's on one side of me there's one still on the other but she put her food down and they went to the bathroom not her food her stuff her stuff does she think he was gonna watch it well no it wasn't even i keep my eye on stuff she didn't ask

okay and she didn't put it like in a way where it was like kind of under so you'd have to really feel like stealing oh you have to move a stool and all this and i mean like sometimes you do but not you wouldn't have had the space to move out layers have never kept me from stealing so i'm there i uh i have my extremely healthy hot dog um and i am housing it in the ugliest way It's not even attractive to men walking through and looking in a window. But it's yours. You bought it, so you do what you want, girl. Exactly.

I'll eat it how I want. And these two women are there, and they're waiting on their food, and they're just chatting, but also kind of looking around in the hopes that someone may take pity on them and offer them seats. No one's doing so, because it's New York City. Right. And then they see that there's something empty on the other side of me, but they don't take it all in.

They just don't see that there's someone jammed in. and so one woman was just like uh excuse me could you like move over so me and my friend could eat together and i looked at her and it was a long pause it was definitely long enough for her to it was a moment yeah where she was like oh maybe i shouldn't have and before i could open her mouth my mouth the woman came back and was like actually my stuff is here blah blah and she was a brown because she i think sensed that i was about to pop off prepared to fight this woman yeah um and she was like oh okay okay all right and then she was i guess they're just i guess we just have to stand here what is going through your mind when you're getting ready to pop off

on somebody because if i have honestly i i try not to i try to go blank usually i see red what i was thinking then was do i have enough money in savings no to get me out of whatever i'm getting ready to get myself in because you went shake shack you went shake shack they're not gonna call the cops if you're mcdonald's but in shake shack they call the cops right so that's why i was like don't count chalet with coins you don't know what's in her savings i was like do i have bail money i don't want you to spend your whatever savings you got you don't waste it on that that's what i was woman she got a rainy day jail time that's that's where i that's where i was so i got bail money and coins i was madder than normal because normally i'd be like i'm not even gonna

talk to you i don't have time for you but i was like not only do i have time today i also have reach apparently i don't understand this isn't even a pms week so i don't know why i want to pms you have pms weeks yeah oh yeah no it's terrible it's horrible but um yeah so i uh this woman saved this white woman's life she really should have thanked her have you ever um have you ever blown up on somebody and like you were wrong does that make sense probably yeah sure you have one specific one that you were like oh i have to go back and say sorry not because you're a grown woman you right you do have to yeah you do have to say sorry um i'm sure let me think wait when you when you say you say sorry are you one of these people that

you you'd be like i just i mean i came over to apologize and then you never say sorry no no i do i do say sorry or i'm sorry how you feel yeah i'm sorry i'm so you feel that way yeah i mean there is also a little bit of that yeah depending on what it was i said but if i say i'm sorry you feel that way it is because i'm not i'm not necessarily sorry that i i i feel bad that you feel bad i'm sorry for your feelings i also still believe what i believe what i said to you and that i mean we're gonna have to work through that oh no so where do we go um because i'm not gonna stop believe i am trying to i'm my esteem my self-esteem is fairly low why do you keep saying that it is terrible because i'm you know i'm that magical kind of uh self uh low self-esteem person

that does comedy so i'm narcissistic and also low self-esteem really whenever i see you on stage i'm like yes strong black woman yeah no i feel fine up there because i'm like yeah well you gotta listen to me now but also i'm talking and i'm saying things that i think right so i'm not i feel good about my brain and i feel good about things that i think and write and say um you're because you're very smart but i don't feel thank you that's very kind of you to say i appreciate that but how do we know that she's smart that's what i was gonna say yeah yeah how do we know i read her tweets i'm following her but um but yeah so i uh but i also were my thing is visually i am not happy with how i present myself visually and i do my best to

i mean i feel like every time i see you have like a red a matte lip yeah yeah you had a soft pant can i yeah yeah you always have a dress on a blouse yeah a cardigan yeah a cute shoe what it is because i'm like well this ought to hide whatever i got an issue with and now i'm like oh well this is i guess my aesthetic and when i attempt to do the the chill look of the of the youth even when i was young i've always i mean like you know we sing the chill look of the youth somebody put that on a t-shirt we sing songs about the brick house woman but wither the brick house girl what happens when you look like a brick house at a time when you weren't yeah you know what i mean when you're not supposed to so chalet were you saying you would go back in the day i

was a baddie all i'm saying is when everyone was talking cat calling issues i i wanted to be there for you but all of my cat calls were from men 60 and older from the time i was like 15 what is a 60 year old man yelling at you yeah well they start with from there everyone starts with that so i've been like oh man cat daddy nip forever cat daddy so you so it's like i get it and i feel like i understand like maybe feeling scared but also can't you just go oh you so uncle you funny and keep it moving but now i realized oh no no i guess this is a

well they're aggressive now like the cat daddy was like i'm too old i'm not gonna get up and try to approach you but these dudes yeah yeah they got strong bones and shit i think i'm also used to like a like a cat daddy on a porch right somebody who's sitting on a chair he's not getting up oh no he's gonna take him too long again exactly but like like cat daddies here on the street they're already on the street so they're that already makes them closer so are you saying that you've always looked older or more grown than you actually just my body has always been more of like a womanly body and so i've always not necessarily looked older like my face hasn't looked right right and uh and then also stylistically i lean towards like thrift store

dresses okay so i always style something with a shoulder pad yeah well no like oh like oh like i i look like a sam cook song right so like i just looked about like hoses were turned on me yeah you know what i mean so i feel like i'm kind of triggering something would you wear a brooch absolutely yeah yeah yo my mother made brooches yeah yeah i'm down with that absolutely that shit is fly you got an heirloom heirloom on our fucking shoulder oh for sure oh my god yeah yeah yeah definitely like that kind of thing so that i feel like maybe adds to the girl and then i have like a i think i have a maternal streak which is weird because i don't want kids oh dude ain't nothing wrong with that don't nobody want kids but some people do i guess i mean our mom i mean

some people in this room got kids so yeah that's true but like yeah so but i still kind of you know like so i still come off a little maternal like and i don't do children flock to you like the kids like sometimes they do but then i find out later there are the kids that were like me so there are kids who normally didn't play outside or read a lot or something like that and then they just took to me i was at work yesterday and one of my co-workers brought his son in uh one of two he's got like a set of twins or something how oh you must work at a nice place they got people who got more than one kid sydney poor people can have twins okay that's a thing that happens a rich person sydney's thinking because beyonce just had two

poor people can have more i mean you know good on her for carrying those babies and that is all i thing about that because i do not want you to be uh inundated with bees and lemons or whatever but um yeah like so he only brought in one twin to work and the kid uh came up to me and was just like uh hello i know we've met before uh but i cannot remember your name how old is this kid too old to be talking like an old man but i was like but i get you you talk like you know i get it i understand why you were weirdly formal and talking six-year-old came up to you was like we ever been formally introduced i like kids like that you're grown as hell little boy i don't like a grown-ass child i like it's a little it's a little weird because get your ass to work you

could talk like that we need you a job because children are truthful and um if they are if they are just if they just say their truth and then just keep running around um you can like just sit they're quietly and grieve for your soul because they just cut you down the size but if they are having a conversation now you have to continue to talk to them like they're a little adult i feel like i'll ignore i would ignore somebody's child i have ignored somebody oh i ignore children all the time but sometimes they just come up and go good evening madam so he introduces himself yeah and he was like what could you please remind me of what your name is and i was like oh my name is chile well it is good to make your acquaintance again i was like he's teaching him

all this shit i don't know probably his weird old parents right then right that's what you he got old parents he got those parents that are no not no just we're old but no they're not like those old you know how you have parents that are entirely yes too old and so you end up just being strange and you don't know how to talk to young people because you've been around like you know when you're raised by a grandmother that's me that's me i was raised by people who were senior citizens so it as a kid so i knew about a dialysis cord yeah all these things that you're not that sugar pills like stuff like that i don't know what a sugar pill is but it's for people who have uh the diabetes but that but the fact that you were raised by old people kind of

makes sense it now it's making sense why you struggle with technology because i feel like sydney would be like well how do i oh my god let me put it in the googler and i'm like dude she'll call call somebody with a question instead of just jumping on the googler she'll be like let me call adrian sometimes there's something sweet about that my mother used to once i friended her on facebook she would if she saw a status that she liked she would call me to tell me she liked it and then i finally had to go look look you see you're looking at the computer now yes chalet do you see the little thumbs yeah just hit the thumbs up one and that that'll let then we don't have to talk on the phone all the time my mom tried to join facebook

and none of us would make the profile for her so she gave that up oh that's horrible oh no and we were like well we're not we don't we don't want you there no we had like we had a family reunion uh a big family reunion and uh others there were talking about facebook and my sister and i were just like shut up but you know so they were around they set it up for both my parents and my parents sent us friend requests and my sister and i ignored them for we had to have like a family discussion we had to sit down we're like look we'll do this but here are our list of demands that you can't want want want that kind of thing but they ended up being okay they actually ended being very good with it like they didn't jump on you know how you're having some crazy conversation

with your peers and then an auntie comes on like uh you know your cousin still has that foot thing and you're like no this isn't why no none of my family members are on facebook i have a friend whose mother hops on the conversation and be like well just know that i love you baby right yeah like that kind of thing i'm trying to i'm trying to hit these trolls with these bars and then your mother come in like but baby i love you you don't have to argue with these people you'd be like shut up janice but usually my mother would just call and ask like okay who are those people what what's that about and i just go oh it's this and she's like okay cool and then or and my and my dad would just i believe my dad was uh much more of a lurker so he would read it all and then later we'd have

bring it up bring it up at dinner yeah just like and you're like oh he'd be quietly just cutting his pork chop and he'd be like well i noticed that you said your friend derrick ain't got no hose why doesn't derrick derrick looks like a good looking man why doesn't derrick have no hose he's like who don't got no hose this is going to where the hose are like why are you so concerned about there well maybe i can help your friend derrick out right exactly no one wants hose from the kit kat club dad you know so yeah like that's that's what it's are you an only child no i have a younger sister you do yeah is she grown too oh good lord yes good lord could you give me only child vibes but then you also give me older sister vibes yeah i'm

definitely yeah she's only like three years younger um we're pretty close um especially this is how i realized we must be close because um uh like all right so both my parents passed recently right and so we've been dealing with all of that together and there was no you're dealing with family and you know family friends and they all they all are trying to uh tell you what they think you should do but they're also super respectful of like because i'm in charge with what like what you do with the house what oh okay like the real stuff yeah like real shit because you're an adult if you were like 25 they were like well somebody else someone has to help but they were also very respectful of the bond that the two of us have okay so they wouldn't try to

have that discussion without the other one being there oh that's good yeah they were like whatever real cute yeah it's whatever the two of you decide they would there was a lot of my family wouldn't do that but like uh jason sydney's dumb can you handle this shit she can't she's gonna do so that was that's where i'm like oh yeah because i've seen like that kind of thing like split families yeah yeah i mean luckily we ain't got shit so i was gonna say nothing that's why that's why it's so cute that they would say these things and we would be like well good great thanks and then we're like all right so we just drive his car until they repo it and then we just leave the house right word word and that was what it wasn't paid for and

we weren't gonna anywho yeah i know what you're saying yeah you just you you leave it behind you and um yeah so we just make those decisions together and uh yeah she is she's she's extremely grown you know so so wait um as a as a grow woman like your emotions you you've been you dealt with death you dealt with so much i feel like i want to get to that point where i don't break down do you break down are you just one of those stoic people that are like i've cried and i'm done no i break down i see crying as a tool a tool for what marie clears it clears it out to get on my nerves it clears it out if you don't clear it out it's gonna back up marie what you mean anything marie doesn't cry she doesn't cry and i don't really sweat either so where's the water

that's what i'm saying boy when it comes out you're just gonna just fade away you're literally gonna be the way you say once a year i cry once a year on my birthday okay yeah that's when i get it out why why because every year my birthday is just the saddest day of my life okay now why is it sad we this will be gonna do this right here at my house yeah we're doing it marie you're doing it bitch yes thank you because i i feel like every year i get older but i feel like what i've accomplished doesn't match the time that's passing doesn't make sense and that's crazy no but so the accomplishments that you've done you feel like are not enough for for me to be another 365 days older what um who's setting these accomplishments and what are they based on me oh you know what it

is i'll look at like what justin bieber's doing and i'll be like that's what it is how old is justin bieber 12 that's what it is and i'm like kylie jenner's had a baby named storm and i feel like she's 12 you know what i mean i'll look at and also i know that people who are in entertainment lie about how old they are sure so i'm like well i'm in entertainment i'm just gonna keep lying about my age until i get you know right right or something right okay but it's crazy because it's linked to your job yeah it's basically yeah well because my job is my life right it's not like I have a nine-to-five. That's true.

Your job is revealing as much of your life as you want to reveal. She don't reveal shit. It's all lies. Everything is a damn lie. Everything is a lie. Thank you so much. So then if that is the case, if you don't actually reveal your feelings, it's just work. It's not a normal work time, but it is your job because you're not necessarily.

you know what i mean i ain't got nothing else that's what i'm trying to tell you no yeah but i'm her friend and i've known her for three um like more than three years now and i see all the progress and all the shit that you're doing so i'm like what are you talking about you've done this that and we'd be on timeout magazine and people be hitting me up like that magazine is free that's a free magazine that we're in every day the reason why i'm not going to do take that route is because you're never going to see it the way others are going to see it right i know that's the case facts so there's no need even like giving you that laundry list you you already know it but you're looking at it through a different lens i know i'm like well

when uh michelle obama was sure this age so you this this first you have to understand that the job that you want to do the job that we are all doing is at his core extremely needed and also truly ridiculous yep oh i thought i was going for you to be like truly terrible no no i mean yeah it's not i mean it's not great because you are basically putting out there what you want to put out there that still means a lot to you yeah for people to be like oh nah yeah you know so that is to reject so that it that sucks for sure that i even want to do this is crazy because we must be all a little bit crazy we're all a little nuts when i was a kid and my family will remind me of this all the time i would do you know kid dances that you do like trans recitals or you

would dance for the family dance for the family in your white socks you didn't do talent shows oh yeah no those were there too i did talent shows or whatever i did a talent show my mother took off for work and she came in her church coat and she kept her glasses and coat on the whole time oh and then after it she was like don't make me take off for work for something like this again Oh that is terrible Shout out to Ramona Shout out to Ramona She said don't make me take off a work for music

What was your talent? I was singing Oh Holy Night Can you give us a couple bars? Oh it was so bad Was it with the choir or was it just you? It was me and another friend Solo dolo That is ballsy

That's ballsy for grown ups The choir didn't come in for the last verse That's necessary for that note though bitch acapella at that well you know what i sang i sang there was no music i sang the longest time by billy joel acapella at a talent show for the longest time i don't even think my parents came and actually that was for the best i feel like that was for the best my mother came and she was not happy i'm sure my mother is very adamant she was just like no that's not something i want to hear she's like you and your no singing white boys i'm not supporting anything like that so

everything i was into she was just like this is bullshit she was like this was a talentless show she was so pissed i used to play the clarinet and i'm saying play just i'm using that word as loosely as possible and you know we would have school concerts in the spring and in the fall and all the kids parents would come to watch them perform right and i would just be sitting there just just doing the fingers just like my mouth wouldn't even be on the clarinet i would just be moving my fingers and i'd be waving to my mom like mommy take a picture anyway uh and then we would get like tests like they would test us once a month oh sure if we had learned anything uh-huh like they'd be like well you're gonna play this song for the music

teacher and i was like i didn't learn this no no i don't know the is this a c is this a f sharp stupid yeah no i mean like look you'll you have to lighten that load and only you can do it and you have to decide when to when you're ready to lighten the load off of what you're doing right now that load is driving you yeah that shit on your back is propelling you forward but there will be a point where it'll stop propelling you forward and start propelling you down and you have to like just kind of feel well i mean this year is the first year i think since i graduated from college that i did not cry on my birthday but i also did molly so there's that that's a different kind of cry no i didn't cry it wasn't the molly wasn't that good it was not she was out of it in

like what 30 minutes i was like i have not i have not tried the molly that you kids i don't do the drugs really what drugs have you done because i feel like you've been around to do something well i uh you know i'm uh i'm old so i did ecstasy oh the pill the pill yeah why what is molly is it a powder i thought it was yeah wait well how do you take it do you put it in like your drink like a benefit fiber which is what i'm on now that's what i'm doing yeah yeah just benefit all throughout my purse dude just fiber dust yeah just everybody get regular Do you sniff it sometimes, Shalewa? Yeah, you know, you just cook it up in a spoon.

It's just straight fiber. Shalewa, are you somebody who pays in exact change? I feel like you seem like a different person. I've done that. You have a coin purse. You've got a coin purse. And what I look for in a wallet is a section. Just for change.

A zipper section for change. A section for change and a section for coupons. And, well, you know, I mean, I'm no place now. but yes in my suburban life for sure in my ratty cars and my coupon yeah absolutely because i mean pop tarts you can get them for cheaper than what they're telling you you just gotta you gotta know you gotta know a dude you gotta know a dude you gotta be ready to get that rain check if they're out absolutely all that stuff you can try to keep up with all of that but yeah i look for it and i do like try to keep you know all right i need like six pennies two dimes three nickels two quarters

that ought to cover me in case i hate carrying change so i will count they'll tell me something and i'll be like well i'm gonna give you it'll be like if the total is uh i don't know 88 cents something 88 i'll give them i'll give them 88 cents yeah or i'll do it so that they give me back a dime yeah no i do that too and it's fun to watch the confusion uh on some faces when they're like oh i hate going in my purse for change yeah just give me the give me 28 cents back i will give a whole dollar so i won't have to give the change even though i know the change is in my purse i just don't feel like i'm not doing that no no i have to do that and especially uh dealing with a couple of um the trusted bodega fellas in my uh neighborhood i gotta be on top of it because

they are earning their millions one quarter at a time that's true doing that change yeah and there's one dude in particular who is at two different bodegas near my house i don't even been doing that this feels like he rolling in it yeah i'm like that's like two different mafia families what exactly is he doing he's just like you give him the money and then you give him enough of the change and then uh he gives you change back that is not enough as if you didn't right you know what i mean so like he'll give you back he'll give you back like a nickel and you're like i already covered this part so you're actually supposed to give you know like that kind of thing and he does it like uh when he's suddenly super interested in whatever is on the

television and something's going you know like they try to wait until the quote busiest moment to suddenly give you a change back all right all right next and you know like people behind you and i'm i'm like no i'm gonna stand here and yeah no no we're gonna hold up i got actually this is six i think that's a grown petty woman thing to do to be like we gonna hold up this whole line i just had to wait for two dancing junkies to get their lucys they can wait for me to get my exact change like we are all gonna wait here we're all gonna die here let's understand it we're gonna be fine but i'm not leaving here without my snapple apple and my correct change that's how that's gonna go i mean the way that i think about it is you're not gonna give me

something if i'm short right so i'm not gonna i'm not gonna leave until you give me all that there's yeah and i mean he knows i'm on the opposite of y'all so sorry yes that's why you don't have any money saved for if you need bail oh my god i have bail money your bail savings is not exist bail money how dare you adrian might have bail money she gonna leave you in there you're gonna get out and the apartment's gonna bail money how dare you i have bonds okay do you have bonds Sis, I thought you cashed them all out to go to college. I did. That's why your mama don't talk to you.

I know. Sydney's business. Just put out all my business out here. Damn, Marie. Shit. I wish I knew something about you so I could spill it. I have nothing. Sydney, this is all things that you've shared with us.

With the people. Every episode, she'll leave a little something. I'm just, you know, connecting the dots. I have one last question. Oh, sure. How do you feel about resentment? are you resentful towards anything that you have to be a grown-up about like you see people doing shit and you really want to be like oh like do you hold grudges yeah oh i hold grudges until

they're grown and can take off on their own like i keep a like oh boy just under my bed just grudges everywhere but um i have been working on and it's something i feel like once you go through the kind of shit that you go through to become you know where you can be like yeah grown or whatever you it's part of that empathy thing so you're like there's that word again yeah so i still there are people that i will always um hate hate oh always and on some level there's something and it could just be like and i could be cool with them and still there's something where it's like i don't know man oh so that's terrible i feel like that can you feel like that in comedy i feel like there's so many people in comedy yeah that's definitely a thing but now i i don't before i

thought i still need to be friends with them i need them to get ahead i need to but now what you learn just in doing comedy you learn when you're not necessarily um whatever it is that's going to make you get attention is whatever is natural to you so you kind of need to make your own way you need to make your own thing and people will see you living and loving your thing and then they respond to that absolutely so once you once you get that i mean you so you just level up on people to hate so now you don't hate these people but it's a new level of people that you may possibly hate so there's still resentment but you just have to not think about it on your off time maybe you know what i mean you just have to go well i mean like i don't know what their

issue is i also have to think about times that i that i certainly have done or said something where people are like i think i gotta go i think that's a grown you know what i think that's a thing that happens when you're more mature right yeah like when you're grown up you can look back at things that you did and you're like oh i was a pretty terrible person yo yeah i mean you can either learn from it or still be your regular right yeah so that's what i've i've been working on is just like understanding okay look we're all doing foul shit that doesn't mean i forgive you or completely understand but i'm not gonna let you take up that much real estate in my brain i don't like i don't like so many people that sometimes i'd be forgetting who i don't like

you have up the shell all the time and i mean when i moved here i definitely i've only start just started to let myself be like open up okay because i was like i know this city is tough and i'm not gonna i'm not gonna be a pollyanna about it you know what i mean yeah people are i mean people are terrible all over the place so i know that so i'm just gonna try to put up as much as possible but you forget sometimes so you're with someone that you've been like man this nigga ain't shit right and then you you they catch you on a day when you're tired or something and you're comfortable in your seat

and you either let them know that you don't think they're shit or you let them see you and now you're angry with yourself because you let the shell down for a second. I do that all the time. I'm always being me and I'll be like, fuck, why did I let that person Yeah, so it's just like trying to find an equal balance

of just like, okay, we all have to work together. Why are you looking at me like that, Marie? I'm looking at you like that because I feel like that's not you. I feel like you're nice. Sydney's like you're nice nice to people she doesn't like well and then i and then i'll see her later and be like i thought we wasn't effing with that person because i'm the friend that's like if you tell me you have a problem with somebody then i hate that person right exactly if you're friends with that

person later i've already decided that i hate i'm not gonna be rude i'm not gonna be rude if i don't like you but i'm not you should be rude you don't have to be nice to people that you don't like i mean now there's a business there's being nice and then there's just this is what cindy will do she'll be she'll say she hates somebody right they'll come up don't don't believe shalewa don't believe her she's a fucking liar she's a damn you'll be like no no how are you doing oh that was great just now she's and i'm sitting there like i can't even believe you would say that i'm going back to the group chat to be like when did we decide that we were still rocking no no no that's not true and then i'll see you later i saw so-and-so she was trying to talk to me i'm

like you had a conversation no no no no that's that's not true here's what you have to do i'll have a falling out with somebody and then we'll have a conversation and then oh i'll be cool with them again because i feel like we in a better place nah nah i don't live here here's the thing i don't want to be i don't want to be like out and out rude because when i decide to be out and out rude i'm not doing it to get just to move on through my day i'm doing it because i want to destroy you so so my anger is like i want you i want you dead otherwise i don't want to fuck with you so there are plenty of people who probably don't even realize that i don't necessarily fuck with him i'm not super nice to him uh to make up for the uh for anything else but i'm just kind of

like if i don't like and i just don't i just don't in comedy if i don't like you i'm not gonna recommend you for shit i'm not gonna tell people about you i'm not gonna put you on my show but if i see you i'm not gonna be like ah fuck you bitch i'm just gonna be like hey somebody asked me should i put you on a show and i was like if you like that's too many words there's too many words i just like huh i just give them a nod and then i i keep it i maybe give you the nod or i'm really good at not ever looking at you right i'm sure we'll be in the same room when you'll never catch my eyeballs i will look everywhere except you and then when i leave i might throw a bye over my shoulder yeah but i haven't i've never said hello but you probably are more like that than you

realize because this is coming through don't listen to fucking marie she i mean everyone was probably also just a little more heightened than they realized. Everybody in here that's in the studio agrees with me. That's how you are.

Do you guys in the studio... Do the people in the studio agree? They did kind of agree. They did all chuckle. They absolutely did agree. They laughed because they were like, look at Marie Lai

starting to shit. That's what they said. When I said what I was saying, somebody in the background was like, testify. So, all right. So then what you

have to work on... Go ahead, Shalai. If you already did me, yeah you need to cry more and it's just uh get it out and keep it moving we're on what you gotta work on um is crying less putting on is putting on like uh just a you don't you you truly don't have to fuck with them they are literally not even a full sentence in your life they're not even in your book of your life they're not even a full sentence i like that so so you don't have to pay yeah if that maybe punctuation um so you don't have to fuck with them now you don't have

to do it in a in a rude way you don't have to actively let them know you're not fucking with them you can you just go on about your business so you've decided you're not going to put them on any shows blah blah we're good you can unfollow you can unfriend me unfollow these people don't be double tapping can i tell you i don't worry i see you tapping and making comments at people as well the comments that i'm making are hilarious the comments that i'm making are no they're not oh they don't know it's shady i have i have thought and wanted to say very funny things on people's stuff but i won't because i fear that when i see them out now i got to talk to them so i'm not going i'm not going to engage at all marie is tapping and commenting

just me oh my god i'm killing everybody marie the cat crying face they don't know you being shady i'll just put the cat crying emojis like laugh crying and it's literally me me just going girl you so dumb yeah yeah see if no one knows my but i have to be with the right people and then i will go ahead and just expose everybody but then after that i still i'm still not gonna fuck with them yeah so you just have to i do need to work on it just a little bit more of a wall just a little bit more which i mean i know you have because you worked in the service industry yeah i feel like a wall might be too much to ask for right now maybe like a gate i'm telling you if there are people that when you come across them on twitter if you come across

and you're just like this motherfucker block them get rid of do it immediately because then you don't need to try to cut saying this motherfucker out at least a couple of times a day oh that's so grown i like that i really felt like you put your growness on the podcast because we'd be silly as fuck it's time and this was great i really appreciate it i'm glad i could help can you please tell the people your handle your social media handles uh you can find me on pretty much everything at silky jumbo all one word traditional spelling no extra anything it's all just one word no not two cases and uh and that's like for twitter or for instagram or for snapchat which i understand

because that's for the kids and i never put the directions on so fuck it directions i need directions um and i think even if you put it into facebook you'll get to my uh extremely hidden facebook page that i never put anything on but the nigerians love to love me because she was a nigerian name okay uh so a lot of dudes from leo's just like hi and i'm like nope and um oh yeah just because they didn't actually see my comedy why do you like that uh and uh i have a site uh shalewa sharp s-h-a-l-e-w-a s-h-a-r-p-e.com um is that also the traditional spelling also i believe that's a traditional spelling uh some someone in a lift will correct me but uh but yeah they in a lift yeah i don't i'm not listening to any yeah and then what's the

comedy album where can people oh yeah i have an album called stay eating cookies and that's on your itunes your spotify i believe it's on title um yeah i think they just stick it on all i don't No, I'm not actually a... I haven't signed up for titles. No, you ain't signed up. The Jay-Z owe me money, so I definitely... Oh, okay, so they can't owe you money.

That's right. That's right. But yeah, all the listening things. I've got some clips online, on YouTube, again, at Silky Jumbo. At Silky Jumbo. So, Shalewa, before we go,

we have 60 seconds. Oh, yeah. What's next for you? In an ideal, grown-ass, Shalewa Sharpe life, what's the ideal ending to your story? Oh, gosh. probably living alone getting back to that you got roommates oh yeah i live with a roommate

i don't know you're doing so bad thank you for doing the best it's terrible the city is the worst um listen it humbles people that's what it does the city already knew you know you know calling out listen i i pray for you to have a bathroom and a place yourself that you can walk around oh it's the worst yeah you deserve to walk around but naked Oh, I mean I do Well Nah I don't know

And probably just You know Telling Telling jokes still Writing more Because writing is Really My first love

Probably Yeah, you're really great at it I love you on Twitter You know I don't Maybe Maybe a cat More like a dog

I got two, girl I got two We were doing so well Until you said this Hey, now That is a grown You gotta She want a cat

I got two If you, you know The thing is They make me sneeze Show me what you got to get What you need to work on Figure out what the hell you want I know it's rough that's all

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