MESS with Sydnee Washington & Marie Faustin - "The Hollywood Expert" with Matt Rogers

Episode Date: January 12, 2018

What would it sound like if we talked about every single thing that popped into our heads for an hour? Las Culturistas' Matt Rogers is here and we cover everything from how we lost our virginity to the first season of American Idol. We ask hard-hitting questions like: DOES Lady Gaga have gas? WTF is fibromyalgia? Which Real Housewives city is the best?? Take your ADHD medication and listen RIGHT NOW.----Listen to The Unofficial Expert Ad-Free on Forever Dog Plus:https://foreverdogpodcasts.com/plus----BONUS EPISODES AVAILABLE NOW ON PATREON:www.patreon.com/TheUnofficialExpertBUY UNOFFICIAL EXPERT MERCH:https://www.teepublic.com/stores/the-unofficial-expert-podcastFOLLOW THE UNOFFICIAL EXPERT:https://www.instagram.com/UnofficialExpertFOLLOW SYDNEE:https://www.instagram.com/JustSYDbwhttps://twitter.com/justsydnycFOLLOW MARIE:https://www.instagram.com/Reeezyhttps://twitter.com/MsReeezyFOLLOW ANDREW:https://www.instagram.com/mcgui_guyTHE UNOFFICIAL EXPERT IS A FOREVER DOG PODCASThttps://foreverdogpodcasts.com/podcasts/the-unofficial-expertSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

welcome to the unofficial expert podcast hey guys with sydney and marie oh my goodness this fantastic day i'm feeling good energy is high why is that sid you got some last night i'm just in a good mood like i'm feeling like but 2018 is about to be it okay i'm feeling it it's in my soul it's Like, in my wrists, my nipples are itching. It's great. They might just be dry, too. They probably are. I got some orange oil.

They probably are. To prep them on your nipples. Do you have some lavender oil as well for me? I do, sis. I got peppermint, rosemary, eucalyptus. The lemongrass. I need that in my life. Well, it came with the humidifier that Sasha sent me.

We know you got it. Thank you so much. It came with eight essential oils. Thank you. Thank you so much. Sasha, send me one, too. Thanks, boo. I already have one, though.

so like honestly i mean i could use one for the bathroom does your humidifier have an oil diffuser no it doesn't okay so then you don't have one i have a big one like for like a real room but it's fine i'm sorry this is awesome i have rooms here i mean the living room foyer kitchen is one room but we got bedrooms and bathrooms bathroom fantastic listen your shoulders are out you're glorious i'm feeling it my bra is too small energy is high cleavage is popping not really i mean for me looking at your chest just stop looking at my chest hashtag me too you usually have a sweater on bitch i'm sorry i'm so hot right now are y'all warm uh no i'm fine i had the window open earlier i'm hot i'm dead inside i told you i'm fine what but you're in a good mood

i saw you yesterday you were so happy it made me mad you were so annoyed she's so happy right now i was so happy to see you that's not why you were happy when i got there and i had just taken my braids out we're at serious xm sydney's like you took out your hair and i was like you're not gonna be yelling like that in front of all these white people i'm gonna be taking out my braids and i and i shushed her and she was like sorry like stage whispered where's all your hair no i didn't no i was like i have hair i just took out the braids they were blue yeah you were letting everybody know i was like she's an intern she don't it was legit a receptionist there that was like i don't i don't care please stop talking in the lobby anywho it was great we did it great

that podcast was awesome we were on we were on fire oh my god fuego dude yeah she was like mateo's prediction i'm gonna be on board with it i said yeah you should well they asked uh mateo who did their radio show or their podcast who he thought was gonna pop in 2018 and he was like oh sydney washington and marie faustin and so that's why this lady had us on and actually people who heard him say that listen to this podcast now so shout out to y'all out to y'all y'all doing the lord's work thank you very much we're appreciative we're very appreciative um marie were you an expert in this week so a couple things couple things i have jury duty tomorrow and spent the morning trying to figure out how to get out of jury duty and uh i think there's no way why didn't

you message your people your your uh what do you call those reezus the the rezy fans i'm sure they'll find i don't call them reezus what do you call them they just follow me on instagram the reezers the reezers the reezers the reezers pieces the reezies pieces yeah the re-hive you call them that they're gonna be like rihanna's here no but i saw that tyra banks calls her fans tigers ew gross and i was like t-y-g-e-r's she's so old no offense to the people who are listening but i'm just saying tigers like who would say that i don't know somebody's aunt great tyra you're doing great everybody doesn't need a thing for the group what does demi lovato have a thing like

what are her people called the lovatics lovatics that sounds terrible thank you guess we didn't bring you in yet well i looked at him because i feel like he knew carry on i mean okay so beyonce has the beehive rihanna has like the rihanna navy then it's so dumb none of it makes sense the only one that makes sense is the beehive i'm down with that yeah and it's really whatever so so i'm trying to figure out how to get out of jury duty uh i think i'm gonna try to be racist uh but that usually doesn't work it doesn't work i'm just gonna i'm gonna act like i hate the cops because i don't really like them anyway so i'm to do that and then we're gonna see what the case is uh i have to be there tomorrow at 8 30 in the

morning oh golly and then there's like an hour and a half lunch break and i'm like well can i just leave and i'll come back but i might get fined and we already know that i owe lots of money to lots of people we don't have that but i've been taking some acting classes that's what my expertise is this week i took an acting class yesterday came home i was so inspired that i just watched all the oscar winning speeches of the black people in the last 10 years so i watched uh viola davis jamie foxx lupita morgan freeman of course he's got one yeah but he won like it was like he got up there and he was like hello when people were like oh my god god won yeah and so that was fun to watch uh i just watched all these people win octavia spencer yeah i saw hers and i

just sat and watched them and like i got a little emotional and i was like this is gonna be me in x amount of years yes absolutely girl i mean whoopi got one i mean but whoopi is the she's like the actress before everybody was acting what yeah he's the first actress in the world for me is that what you're saying to me i feel like she's the first for molly girl you in danger because that's what she won for ghost i mean i'm here for the ghost that's that's what i remember her from i saw ghost uh recently for the first time and the neighborhood where the robber lives in which was like a bad neighborhood in brooklyn is like up the street from my house right now hilarious also not a bad neighborhood okay look everything's full circle yeah yeah so as an expert

and then i watched i ended the night off by watching um angela bassett scenes uh memorable uh viola davis scenes and then you know i capped it all off with meryl streep's 10 most memorable movie moments she is everything like people should watch her and i think she's been acting for like 40 years but there's still people who are not on and i just don't get it she does everything honestly the stuff that i saw yesterday i was like yo she like baby meryl and then she'd be like chubby meryl and then she's like fun mom mama mia meryl and it's like then she gives us miranda priestley devil wears prada meryl like she's amazing she never gets typecast because she could she does everything so much and she does accents and dialects and it's like dude is that

dutch i don't even know what dutch sounds like uh meryl if you're listening to the podcast we'd love to have you on we'd love watch wait listen that is something that's on the vision board yes yes meryl streep on the unofficial expert yeah yeah we'll come to you sis we'll come to you watch you be an expert in like essential oils or something right right right right actually or whatever i don't know how she sounds in real life and i'm doing her julia julia julia voice right right right sydney what were you an expert in this week girl i've been having a good week but like so much shit has happened so much i got banned from dominoes that's not even i mean we have an episode of me talking about dominoes but like i might well just how did the band thing

happen the band happened because i was i was ordering too much and they wouldn't come to the house every time they would charge and say that the food came but it never came right it was waiting for two and a half hours right right right for some cheesy bread and yeah cheesy bread and buffalo wings not even the pizza right right right right so um i'm going to the train station and the train station is in the direction of domino's and i you went in there and you went in there i went into i pulled up two motherfucking domino's and i said let me talk to you for a sec you pulled up on foot you didn't even have a car to jump into but i acted like my uber was outside i was like i gotta talk to the manager real quick and the manager comes out he's like 16 no well i've been

calling them they won't pick up the fucking phone so i went in there and i saw all everybody everybody all the employees were on the phone laughing i said oh was uh rahad there rahad was there everybody's kid was there i was dude i was so angry i was like are you serious everybody's on the motherfucking phone and y'all all got lgs y'all doing bad oh yeah they got green bubbles listen i pulled up they could see my chest was real high and they were like oh she got a problem what so or she got back issues just real quick tell us what happened you said something i pulled up i said yeah i need to talk to somebody real quick and the girl was like uh what's the problem i said everything this whole establishment is trash and she was like whoa it's two o'clock

what what happened to you what are you going through i said what am i going through i haven't had cheesy bread in three days but y'all been charging me for the cheesy bread that i've been ordering y'all said that they are y'all came and everything yeah i didn't so they were like oh well we've been having some technical difficulties and i was like what's technical in this bitch y'all all doing everything by hand the website the website still works it's saying that it's in the oven right now and she was like well let me get the let me get the manager and the manager looked like uh he was delivering the pizza i was like well there's no real managers in dominoes which makes well when you think about fast food it's usually kids it's kids that work in fast

food no and then like an old dude that like you know ain't really got his papers you know anywho i explained to them everything that i went through like the turmoil the just waiting for two and a half hours for just you know jalapeno bacon cheesy bread that's all you didn't say that that's what it was that's what it was and the next the next day that i didn't get it i was like i'm gonna order it tonight and i my mouth was salivating for it i was like i'm so you ordered pizza three days three days in a row didn't get it any of those any of those days but the fucking tracker was saying oh it should be in your mouth right now you know what's not in my mouth nothing nothing is in my fucking mouth not even balls i was so upset not even balls not even balls but i don't

even fuck with balls but anyway i told i mean if it was jalapeno bacon balls yo i went off on them i said i said your establishment is trash dominoes i only order when i'm extremely desperate which is three days in a row three days in a row i was like well little caesars was closed so that's why i called y'all and i said your pizza tastes like cardboard with a sprinkle of garlic powder on it and then they said um but i also was like um catch me outside i was saying all these like references that they were like well i was like you gonna learn today i was saying all this shit and they were like yeah you can never come back here because i was yelling like i was very lucky for you you have a girlfriend who has a different phone number that you can call no but they know

the address because i what happened was is that they were like well you should get your money back in like 48 hours but also you know sorry about that and i said that's it sorry i'm not gonna get anything for free you're not gonna give me no comment you didn't even get the stuff you paid for what you thought you was gonna get for free i mean but i'm here now y'all can't hit me off with no cheesy bread now you can't hit me with no six no sauce no nothing no marinara like really that's not really that's not great you should have stole some forks you should have stole some there were some boxes and i thought that there was something in it and so i tried to take it and it was just an empty box that's why you got banned and ladies and gentlemen that's how you

get banned from dominoes in brooklyn oh man shout out to dominoes on no don't shout them out don't shout them out they banned you for life i know man i'm gonna go in there with a different wig they won't even notice me they're gonna be like i know those cheekbones i'm gonna do a little meryl streep i'm coming with glasses good day meryl call us please speaking of somebody who's merrill like um our next guest ah fantastic i'm so happy to be on this couch with you right now i just feel the the rich vibes from you and even if you aren't rich you feel the sweater's giving me like a cashmere blend blend also edges are laid love this person so much didn't even ask him to take his shoes off okay and you usually do you usually do no no

don't take it on now we don't want to see your silk socks yeah okay he got a little chelsea boot on i was like yeah that's fine he's growing out his facial hair because i know he's got a part coming up in la i mean i feel it honestly living his best life okay uh marie you want to bring him in uh he is the co-host of an awesome podcast called las culturistas as i'm saying it like i speak spanish it's an awesome podcast you should definitely listen to that after you listen to this one because you're gonna we were on the live show honey i don't think so it's just called i don't think so honey but you said honey i don't think so but cool cool yeah uh it's matt rogers hey hey matt rogers you guys first of all i'm very very excited to be here and i have so many

thoughts on the tea we've spilled so far yes dominoes is universally a fucking mess yes it's not even this local dominoes which we don't want to blow up where we're at but i have all of them routinely i will wait two hours and be calling and be calling and they're just a mess they're universal mess they don't care what happened to pizza hut is that still a thing what it is it's on time square it's in every bus terminal their pizza hut is like a pizza hut taco bell yeah and i find that when i'm going in there i'm distracted by taco bell and i want the taco bell instead i'm like can i get a taco pizza combo can y'all do that you like can you put some gordita crunch on the crust yeah and they get upset that you're like that you want both you guys know of kentaco

hut which is the kentucky fried chicken slash taco bell slash pizza hut kentaco that's the dream that's like you can spend all day in there it's like a turducken that's like a disney world of fast food all i need is a roller coaster and i'd be there up matt i'm trying to be skinny this uh year so i don't care about that food thank you i get it i get it although i will say i i got here I came, I'm here to record I popped up out of the subway I saw the checkers on the corner I gasped, I audibly gasped

And I said, well So I posted up in Posted up in the checkers You pulled up and posted up No, I say I posted up because I whipped out my laptop You pulled a laptop out of the checkers? I pulled a laptop out of the checkers No, I was talking to my phone

I sat there, enjoyed my cheeseburger And fries and watched The View Which they were showing that's how you get robbed matt dude checkers he was like what's the wi-fi but you know you have a code on the bathroom they were like no bathroom they were like what and also there were no outlets of course because they don't want people because they don't want people posting up and yet you parked right up no but also wait can i say yes wait there's there's i want to react to dominoes if i ever got back from dominoes it would be a serious problem

also jury duty they tried to come for me last year and i gave them an excuse in advance like you do you have to give like the two months in advance you have to give an excuse why you can't so i did that got it though i got it but reading it said like i had a week up until the week uh before i could have tried to get out of it yeah so you just missed it but so now i moved away from my address and i remember what happened to her i had told them that i would do it like you can defer it so i said i'm not doing it now in like september or whatever it was but in you know call on me in february but now i've moved away from my address and like i've now moved away twice and i have never heard from them so now i'm like thinking is there a warrant i'm for my arrest like how does

that work though it's a it's it's gonna be like a fine or something like that when they finally get me but i'll just tell them you know i moved there was no way for me to know they're gonna be like you should afford it your mail you know this is the criminal justice system they don't care you get 40 a day tell me why i feel like i might have a warrant out for your arrest dude i mean between dominoes and this oh they throw my ass in jail dude they're gonna sondra bland me right away oh man we'll say your name we'll say your name cindy elizabeth washington you're not gonna be like that's not her middle name oh my god and now finally i want to say meryl streep yes that is the one and i've been watching movies like the oscar movies because she's in the screen

actress guilds now so she got the screeners and oh she did she got so she got itania and she got itania which i also saw in the movie theater which i am here for itania always really and i voted for that movie i voted for margot robbie you don't like fuck that movie i'm not saying that but our friends thought it didn't like it fuck the movie because why are we bringing this shit back like there's so much going on right out why we got to dig in the crates to bring out a movie that they already did on lifetime channel yeah but that's because it was a lifetime trash this is the margot robbie richness this is although i will say they get this is hollywood banks no how dare they get how dare they get that woman

when damn well they knew they should have got amy schumer because that's who looks like tanya but all the way to shade but also it's so funny because they were always all the cast is out there doing the interviews and they're like what did tanya think of the movie and i'm like what the fuck do you think tanya hardy she yeah she's gonna have an opinion on the movie margot robbie played her if margot robbie played you in a movie you'd be like yeah i liked it the most beautiful woman in the world are you serious the only woman that i wouldn't want to play me is uh zoe seldana because she gonna throw some blackface on her black yeah that was that was fucked up i i forgot about that and saw it again recently and i was like she really did throw some blackface

she really didn't she didn't even think twice about it no she didn't literally she was very defensive about any other black woman could have played anybody they have a whole fucking list of people like where's gabrielle union well no i don't want you don't want gabrielle no she wouldn't even play it right i'll be like where's the she'd be real uppity she'd be like i don't really know why uh people don't like me yeah and he's like shut up gabrielle i i couldn't see her playing but i just feel like that's so rude that they had tanya there at the fucking award show she was at the golden globes what did she have on she had something with shoulders uh something real macy's something very basic and black too to have the cause oh well time's up yeah time's up

for sure it looked like cachet something that she had on a bb dress yes she had an arden b she had an arden b dress she looked healthy and good i guess healthy healthy makes me it sound like she looked like she was chubby no no no she looked like tanya harding well she looked like amy schumer then tanya i was like why didn't they have amy play this because amy is not a good actress well amy would have been cracking you don't think you that you weren't here for a train wreck train wreck was a train wreck in that like the movie was really predictable i was like she's gonna end up with him this is what's gonna happen lebron james gonna say something dumb which he did but then like the way the movie was set up the dialogue she was performing like a

stand-up sure it was everything she said had three jokes three punch lines it was like i'm gonna say this and then i'm gonna say this and i'm gonna say the funniest thing last and it was like people don't have actual conversations like that and if you've seen her if you've seen her stand-up or her specials you're like is she doing her special in a movie because she's just running jokes yeah i i liked the movie maybe it's because maybe it's because i want to be an amy schumer movie i see you matt yeah i'm really trying to get cast okay um always always working um no but fucking uh maybe it's because i wasn't super familiar with her stand-up that's the thing i need to get better at is whenever anyone special comes out whenever anything goes down i don't watch it i like to go

out and like see stuff yeah and i i genuinely enjoy it but in terms of watching things i'm bad even when it's my friends like i'm always like that's okay like i don't know i don't watch like a lot of the comedy central specials no it's not because i don't want to it's just because i don't know if i want to sit down in my house and watch stand-up no you live it every day and also you don't want to hear other people's jokes because whether you know it or not sometimes it fucking seeps in your freaking brain and then all of a sudden like seven months later you're thinking of a premise that somebody else did on their special and you're like where's this coming from you like because you watched my special at 3 a.m waiting your for your fucking dominoes that

never showed up exactly tell them how you really feel sis i don't want i don't want comedic influences i want to be my own thing yes and you are so what are you watching because you're here to talk to us about kelly clarkson and pop stars but what are you watching what am i watching right now yeah what's in your what's in your queue what's in my queue okay so now i'm very into real housewives you just got i just got on because i like i've always been into it i like to be like literally five to six years late on everything like i i will yeah like i i think like like i still haven't watched game of thrones like i i mean you got time i'm gonna be late to my friends i'm gonna be late on all of it like so for me i'm very right into beverly hills right now erica jane

is queen who's on beverly hills right now because when i used to watch vanderpump right so rena uh the one with the lips erica gerardi slash erica jane and then you got kyle richards oh kyle and then kim is kim still on that messy ass kim richards no she's not on anymore because now she's too messy to be on how are you too messy to be on real housewives kim richards that's the one who had like the pill addiction yeah that's paris hilton's aunt yes every time i watched it i cringe because i was like it's obvious that this person is struggling like she's not sober she's not she wouldn't be sober in her confessionals it was like ever her eyes she was glazed as f yeah so when i used to watch beverly hills camille grammar was on

and she's like very much like a featured star now like she'll come in but you can tell there's just not really a narrative there so they don't have her well i mean because when when she was on her and kramer well i'm calling him kramer him her and frazier yeah had uh they had they were married And then he cheated on her with a flight attendant Who he married But she got half Like she got half of what he has She's dating someone new on the show now

So she seems like she's okay And then there's this girl Dorit Dorit sounds like a mess Dorit is a mess And then there's literally John Mellencamp's daughter Teddy is on it And she's kind of like much younger than the rest of them And I don't really know how she's working out

But that's what I'm watching in terms of reality And I will i watch a little bit of new york and atlanta is next um you should always be on atlanta that should be first yeah atlanta is the most kind of all i know it's the one it really is i don't know why you hold it back you don't want to be great because i feel like i don't want i don't want to get confused on my storylines like i want to like separate them but honestly they're literally all the same story i know i know i know okay so atlanta i will start watching immediately and then in terms of like shit that's like scripted yeah i've been kind of enjoying putting your hand

on your hip let's hear it i'm putting the hand on the hip to say uh-huh i will watch this marvelous mrs mazel we watched it it's good and also i'm kind of sort of friends with the girl that plays the lead rachel rosnahan that's awesome so she went to college with us she's she's like an nyu girl and so i know her through friends could not be a nicer person it's so exciting to see it happen for someone that's super nice but also literally shocked to see that she's playing a stand-up because never knew her as like a funny person never knew her at all but she does she did it it's the show and did it and i was really impressed i was like dude how much coaching did she go through because the the the timing the pacing it was like well noah garden shorts is one

of the consultants on that show and he is a stand-up comedian he has like half hour specials and stuff he said he consulted on the stand-up stuff and the jewish stuff because apparently no one who worked on the show is jewish yeah i think jen kirkman does some stuff for yeah jen and uh noah but noah's is jewish because he's with a jewish woman and he needs to also his last name is garden schwartz but when you see him you're like oh no hang out with niggas he's you're like no is that fribble you got on a fubu yeah he's always down in a fubu no one looks like he wears do-rags to bed oh all day with with the cape out he looks like he has sex with tim's on ew wait so have you guys watched the whole series yeah okay i'm on episode three

and i love it i have to keep going because i heard it's better i like the way it looks i like the fashion i like like old 60s 70s new york because we put their money in they the budget into it that's what i'm saying when you're doing a show make it look good it may look all the difference like with mad men i was all about mad men i love the way it looked like i need to be immersed like that's another thing i liked about itania is i it felt like the early 90s do you know what i mean like i thought aquanet you know what i'm saying a lot of like curled bang curly bang yeah yeah like that kind of like it just took me i was like like cold being cold in the woods like you know what i mean whoever was on wardrobe got the right jackets you know what i mean like it just it was

just a thin windbreaker that couldn't break no yeah they went to burlington co-factory like give us the whole store no no they went to a thrift shop in like milwaukee and they were like yes all of this is great yeah yeah yeah you know they hit a goodwill hard yeah yeah also do you know sebastian stan from that movie who's the actor in that movie who plays jeff galooly no sebastian stan sebastian stan he's like an actor he's he was in also the captain america movies he's like in the marvel superhero movies so he's like a superhero actor like he's like well known like he's handsome and everything but i never really got it then i saw him play jeff galooly with that little dinky mustache

and being a dweeb and everything in the sweat all sweatsuit wait who was Jeff Galooly in Britannia Tanya Harding's husband

who was like abusive towards her who in real life was a dud was a dud okay Jeff Galooly him in this movie let me see Marie

for some reason he has a very forgettable hallowed white but he kind of looks like Scott Chapman he looks like

that comedian that also looks like Evan Williams he kind of looks like a mashup all white men look the same he's also giving me

Like a little baby Jon Snow thing With the hair slick bag Evan Williams Is giving you everything On Instagram Yes he is I have to say

He's got a great body It's sick And also he's funny And nice And talented Should we talk to Evan I'm not saying Well it's so funny

Because you guys Came out and saw Christy's solo show And you were fantastic That was fun You nailed it That is an amazing actor I was like

You are an actor Work it Thanks for saying I was so proud of you Oh thanks That's really nice So you and Evan Rehearsed together

So we actually Had met until that night And I knew of him Because I thought He's so handsome So then he was In the show As Christy's dream man

Yeah Which I was like Which made total sense And he wore that suit I said did he buy That suit for this It was all custom I was like

It was fitting In all the right places So I Literally was I was there And I was like And then we started Talking and I'm like

Oh he's also really nice fuck like and because you expect him i know it's so sad he actually looks exactly perfect that's actually like your type right right 100 well he what does i'm saying he looks exactly like evan williams to stand up you guys should check him out he looks exactly like the best friend i had in high schools who i had like unrequited love with he looks exactly he looks like everybody somebody would have a crush he looks like his name should be evan williams that's perfect it's so good we were talking about acting and he was like i don't know what kind of roles i'll get i was like uh you'll be a cop you'll be a senator you'll be a judge you'll be the rich dude that

don't nobody like you'll be a superhero like literally you're a white man who's blonde and got muscles you'll be everything in everything and he's the perfect height for a movie i mean apparently everyone in hollywood is short exactly that's what i said that's what that's actually shocking to me they gotta fit on the screen dude i guess that's true and also i guess they should be uh sort of level height with their leading ladies make sense i actually recently almost got apart oh and like almost got apart almost got apart and then i did this a screen test with the girl and that was i was gonna play her best friend but we needed to have like you know chemistry like we were best friends yeah but i stood up and i'm telling you i was a foot and a half taller than

her and i'm like i'm not gonna get this specifics what was the what was the well it's i i didn't get it's going to be this YouTube Red series or whatever but like this and I was close but the thing is like I was so much taller

than the girl I was like oh wait now I get this it's like you need to literally be on the same level as someone

for camera reasons and also like you don't want to be nothing can be distracting you know what I mean like which I get and that's casting

and not fair I thought I mean I thought I was good for it Carrie Bradshaw and Big like I never noticed

how much bigger he was in her than, except for in the movie when he goes on his knee to propose to her. And that was her height. And he's the same height as her on his knees.

Yeah, no, but his name is big though. So it makes sense he's big and Carrie is really small. Right. She's like the tiny woman that you would want to be

in New York, but just, you want a different face. Her hats are bigger than her. Her hats always look so big. I'm like, no, she's just small.

That hat's normal. Yo, she's an example of a different face. Yo, you're an idiot. just telling truths on this podcast telling truths and throwing shade matt are you gonna watch american idol when it comes back because apparently it's coming back i will not watch american idol

because here's the here's the deal i watched american idol when i was very young yeah you like everybody was like in ninth grade yeah i was i think it was it came on and i was like just kind of like uh hitting like i guess i was like right when i hit puberty and it was like right when i started to like i think right when it started to become obvious to everyone like oh that's a gay kid that was when i first got into american idol how did it become obvious you were one of these kids that was like when you're a little kid how old are you all kids are gay i'm 27 now no i'm saying how old were you oh i was 13 yeah 12 this is 2012 2002 but i feel like that's a weird phase because you're you don't know you're un for sure yeah no matt probably knew no i knew when i was

11 like i don't know i don't know if most homosexuals out there can relate to this but I remember the moment I realized I was gay. The moment. I didn't even know what the fuck gay was, though. What was the moment? The moment was I had my friend over from school to play in the pool in the backyard. Okay. And we were playing in the pool, like, whatever, like, jumping off the diving board, being

silly, like, just being kids. Being kids. And that night, I was going to bed, and I was, like, thinking about the day, and I was like, oh, man, like, I love my friend. Like, he's so great. Like, I love... This is your Evan Williams friend? This is my...

No, this is... Prior to Evan Williams My Evan Williams friend This is like years before So I was like I like my friend so much Like He's one of my best friends

Like I really like his back You know I really want to like Touch his back Like you know As a kid? All of a sudden I was like

Well 11 is when it comes in That's when you start to hit puberty And that's when your sexual I think identity kicks in So all of a sudden I was like Oh fuck I am

Gay Like I am gay I'm literally realizing I want to fuck my friend Wow This is hard and it was just like this is while you're you're in your like cabbage patch cheat so you're i'm

like up in bed like looking out the window and i remember this is so gay the moon was coming in through the through the window i don't even remember seeing a moon as a kid there what like where'd you fucking live man i know this you had a backyard obviously i grew up on long island so it was like marie don't also long island yeah just don't disrespect me on the podcast right now i don't have the time to talk about the suburbs right now where on long island are you from uh huntington oh i'm from islip i don't know what that means i don't know either i have no i don't know anything about long island i just know that i lived there for a little bit and then i left yeah no that's kind of what what happens so i i was but it's also like it's like a super weird

it's like very heteronormative like and you know when i realized i was gay it was terror because I didn't know like what that meant for my future you know what I mean I was like oh I can't see myself because there was

nobody in media that was like I mean you had Will and Grace and even that was a mixed message because it was like there's Will

who's the straight one and not even Jack who's the gay one Jack who's the ridiculous one so it's like Will accept you and treat you like

Will and you can be the star of the show quote unquote if you act like this and reign it in but if you're Jack you are a punchline and ridiculous yeah and that's not to disrespect that show it was doing what it

was able to do at the time for the time they needed that for the time and they definitely were serving you gay humor yeah but it's funny to see it come back now and see them wrecking with the new world because it's like this is so different from what it was but so when i say i couldn't see examples of like a real normal happy life that looked like me that was just horrifying Because it's like You're 11 years old And dealing with this For yourself

I was really mature for 11 Because I was like I was thinking about Oh I burned my house down That's all Right I mean that was definitely A thought in the back

Sydney do you Do you remember When you realized That you were gay Well I told you My first kiss was With my neighbor And she was a girl

And you were a cool Four years old Shut up bitch No How old were you again I don't remember I feel like you were seven I can't remember

She remembers She does i don't remember but my she's like i don't know it was like april the moon was coming in through the window there was a lightning bug on the shield or i don't know whatever you know exactly how old you were my neighbor all i know is my neighbor was hot yeah and she has a big ass titties and i was like good lord yeah your neighbor was a grown-ass woman if you were a kid dude she was she was no she wasn't he was like hey mrs robinson i forgot my key and my mom's at work can i stay at your house no i swear to you marie oh man but she's still alive this is embarrassing

that would be a good episode actually you know somebody approached me about doing this thing where they were like hey um uh we were doing this project where we have people come in and they contact the person that took their virginity somebody hit me up about that yeah and i was like i was like we are not on speaking terms i was like i think he did who would be on i don't even remember that fool's last name where how could i don't know if his first name was patrick that's it that's all i know his name is my name was joey his name is patrick he got a big old schlong i don't know what it looks like oh it's so schlong schlong but you always remember this oh i remember the schlongy and the fact that it was two twin beds together

i remember everything unfortunately so do i oh man but um the reason i say all that is because then american idol came on and i think the reason why i imprinted on kelly clarkson so hard is because i was fucking going through this turmoil and then her whole vibe was she was like not only extremely talented but also goofy and very much being herself like she was like right though that was a good song the girl next door like in a way that i was watching america like fall in love with her for being herself also it was like american idol was one of like the first reality show competition shows.

But it's all based on talent, though. Like, you couldn't just come there and not be able to sing. I mean, you could. That's what all the auditions were.

Yeah, that was a funny part. It was like, she bangs, she bangs. Remember the she bangs guy? The Asian guy that was like, I have no professional training in singing? Yeah.

But I also think that's... And wait, can I hear, can I say why I'm not watching it? Because of that garbage. Because you know that man should never

have been on television. But we need stuff like that. We need fillers. Nobody We can't see a whole bunch Of talented people You're like Okay we get it

That's what like The voices Or the star Or America's best dance Or so you think You could dance Whatever Did you see the new one

That's coming out Called The Four No What's that It's fucking Fergie Is the host It's like I'll see some Fergie

With her tight ass face I'll see that Botox ass Fergie I want to see I'm not here for Josh Duhamel's ex I'm not here for Fergie You know why she Has all that Botox though

Is because she Was addicted to meth She got meth And she had to fix the meth face. I know. And I'm just like, I have some thoughts on this, but I'm not going to say it. For another episode. It's for the episode when Fergie comes.

I'll save it for the bonus episode, but yeah. Patreon, bitch. That's how much, that's what she has with the Botox? Yeah, well, she's been through a fucking life journey. Yeah. Well, no, I felt like she was like the poster child of meth. Like, oh man, it's okay. Yes, but the poster child of meth is like, you know, the before face and then the after

with like, it's all peaked. Yeah. You get your skin. She's been through it. I'm going to put Fergie myth and see if an old photo comes out. And see what pops. Her eyebrows were non-existent. I mean, her eyebrows are stuck on what right now?

They're like stuck. She always looks surprised. I respect Fergie because she consistently gives you something fun to watch and listen to. Like, she came out with that song Milkshake. Okay. No, Milkshake was Khalees. No, no, no. But there was another one.

Milk Money. Milk Money. I'm not here for milk. The milk shit. I got that milk money. She had Kim in it and Chrissy Teigen in it. They're like, look at all these milkshakes. They're all fucking rich.

Don't put no rich-ass mothers on there. No, you need the woman that's on the bus that has three kids. And you're like, wow, she has two abs? How did she do that? Put my mom on. My mom would do the same. Oh, your mom is outstanding. First of all, that's Fergie's face before the plastic surgery.

That looks like a completely different person. Is that Fergie's real? Yeah, that reads. I mean, that's also everybody in Hollywood. but I mean, they all face look different. Like, it's... Well, yeah. I mean, you know, somebody cute, like...

But even the cute people mess with their faces. I don't know when the meth came in. I mean, to be quite honest with you, that second picture looks like meth. The now looks like meth. Yeah, the now looks like meth. But anyway, I don't want to be shady towards Fergie. I do like Fergie.

Okay, so let's go back. So who's... Fergie's hosting this show, and then who are the four judges? Okay, so I don't know who the rest of them are, but I know Diddy is on it. Okay, so Diddy. And I feel like DJ Khaled is going to be on one of these shows.

This is going to be a great, messy, terrible show. It's going to be a mess. I might watch the first episode. And also, Fergie, it made me laugh because she comes out and she's like, Welcome to the four! And I was like, what the fuck is the four? Welcome to the four! I was like, these pop stars and their non-singing voices need to get out.

It's like when Katy Perry comes on stage and she's like, Come on, everybody! And you're just like, no! For a second, I was doing a character which was Katy Perry announcing that someone's car lights were on. She's a mess At the Super Bowl Her non-singing voice

And literally Her singing voice You're like Stop Matt I'm dying And you're like No This bitch is a recording superstar

She's famous for that voice No, you're not here for Katy Perry. To be honest with you, I'm here for Katy Perry when she is joyful and having fun. What? I am not here for Katy Perry any other time. I'm here for Katy Perry who knowingly shoots whipped cream out of her titties and is like California girls. No, I hated that song.

That was so terrible. Well, that song was a response to the New York song. I see the appeal of Katy Perry, but I also don't get it. Well, it's gone now. Have y'all seen old Katy Perry? like christian katie perry she's going acoustic guitar katie she's going through it she really is going she's going through it and i think she's hurt she's going through it is she lady gaga's going through it i mean there's so many people who are just like trying to what is gaga dealing

with she got money she's very sick she's very sick with fibromyalgia yeah what's that i mean i've seen the commercials with the little you know nerves and stuff check the documentary she's always in pain always well she should not wear them shoes that are nine inches high i think she could give herself a break too i mean that's the thing if you watch the documentary what's it called five foot five foot two she works a lot she works too much and someone with her condition you're not supposed to be working that hard but she doesn't know right now how you spell myalgia fibromyalgia okay but i will tell you the documentary did not depict malger malger zero whatever it's called fiber my algebra it didn't it didn't like bring awareness to it because it

just looked like she was complaining and getting a masseuse and she's like with her top off and then she has shorts and a hat and she's like i just want to change my look and it's like are you doing country now like what's going on like it's widespread the aesthetic is changing the documentary was like i see what she's going through but not really this is all curated Okay, let me talk about what fibromyalgia is. This is what Lady Gaga got, right? It's widespread muscle pain and tenderness.

Those are the most common symptoms, right? It says constipation, nausea, or passing excessive amounts of gas. You don't want this. Fatigue. So Lady Gaga does gassy and sore. She's farting up all up on the tour bus.

I think I have micro abrasion. Micro term abrasion. I think I got that. I think I got my Christmas arrangement after all. Me and Lady Gaga got the same shit.

You're an idiot. So are you a Gaga fan? I am. I like Gaga very much. But tell us why. But here's the, the tea is, I am not a Lady Gaga super fan.

I, however, I'm always going to be interested in what she does. I'm always going to check out her new song. I'm going to see what she does. Like, for example, I don't fuck with

American Horror Story because I don't do scary. I don't watch scary. I don't like it But we watched it But I did watch The first episode I sat down and watched it

Sydney made me sit and watch The Angela Bassett season Yes Which one It was great Well she's on more than one season Yes she is But Coven was I think

The first one she was on And that was Apparently very good I did watch it Because I can't just She crushed it It wasn't scary I thought it was gonna be

Like freaky scary gross Coven was like the one That wasn't like Horrific But the hotel one That you're talking about With Lady Gaga It was a little weird

It looked like a fucking She was a vampire Or something It was a lot of her titties was out a lot i was titties were out also she was fucking right next to matt bomer who's the hottest man in the world and they were like fucking and they were killing people and fucking and she was farting the entire time yeah she had she was she had you know uh malaysia um so but fucking okay love gaga love love love beyonce to me like i've seen her three

times in concert like i will keep going i didn't know you were wealthy well that's the thing is i i the first time i saw her was actually at roseland ballroom which is now closed but i saw her when she was doing it was huge yeah she was doing the tour for the album four yeah and there was literally it was like she only did four shows of that and it was really small and i paid to see her for i got it was like a hundred dollars it wasn't that bad okay and i was so you're by the bathroom i was 25 feet away from her no i was right there who did you elbow to get that close i just got there sort of early oh so you were there the day before and i'm telling you then i saw mrs carter tour and i paid a lot of money to see it because this is after the beyonce album

dropped i'm just gonna go ahead and say it i paid 350 dollars to see her 350 dollars but like her her most recent tickets are going for like 600 sometimes 50 now beyonce good this is right after mrs carter and this is right after she dropped uh blue beyonce i'm like blue the beyonce album which was came out on itunes and was like yeah blue okay so this is when she dropped blue um so then the last time i saw her was when she was at uh city field for um not formation on the road on the run no no it was i saw the formation road tour oh formation yes oh how much are the formation tickets i paid 200 bucks and i was i was in the last row of city field i'm telling you the chain link fence was something you were in the parking lot my dude yes and let me tell you

it was also the summer it was freezing cold oh wow the wind was whipping and this is how high up you were i was literally you couldn't see her and i was like you should have sold some um some shirts in the you should have sold some ass dude i know i was about to sell ass um but the thing is though like after being that close and now it's like literally all i can afford is the last rail it's like maybe my days are over yeah but i've seen her excuse me first of all you are on a podcast where you got sponsors and shit y'all that shit out she just got a humidifier from saying on the podcast okay so i did say that i mean i've been saying i was shilling for casper mattress you'd think they would send us a mattress i did about 10 episodes of advertisements for

casper mattress they never sent you anything no casper mattress arrived listen i i thought that casper was just giving away those mattresses hello because that's what you hear i applied for a job and in the thing it says if you get high you get a casper mattress i applied i applied for the bed just for the bed i wasn't even qualified i didn't get the job or an interview but i know these comedians that did a show for casper and they were like they could either get paid a hundred dollars or get a casper bed and you take the casper because that's a nine hundred dollar bed oh it is the bed yes yeah everyone took the bed and then like three people sold the bed because of course you just sell it and you get your money and you know what and they were only going to give

you a hundred dollars except but i can make eight hundred dollars oh fuck out of here you say fuck that i'll never spend a hundred dollars on a mattress then sleep on a casper mattress You'll be saying We're saving up Dude Do you have a Casper mattress? No But this is what I'm saying

It's that Why don't I have one It's because no one Will send it to me I'm not spending $900 On a mattress Not yet Not until you get this podcast

No Somebody gives me a mattress For free Or that's it For free You're getting bed bugs dude No I'm saying like Casper

You need to get Listen this is how rich people And famous people Stay rich and stay famous They get shit sent to them They don't pay for nothing This is what we're saying We know the game

We are not Shading Casper mattress for the product we're shading them because where is it casper first of all do you know how many pictures i'll take on your fucking mattress i'll put a little lingerie on too i'll have a different wig i have a disease lingerie yeah i think i have lingerie i've been nauseous that's light fiber i'll have a specific wig just for the casper picture you guys you guys on instagram are goals, period.

You know what? We do what we can with what we have. We can. We were doing, we're trying to do more, but it's just... Literally, I see pictures, I say goals. Bitch, I'm who they're trying to be. You just put a little Juno, a little rice filter on it, and it's like, is that me?

Honestly, I need pictures taken because now I know the game has been... The way your face is set up, especially in comedy, I mean, you are already at the top. No, come on. No, first of all, you're very attractive and talented, and you can be shady when you want to. I mean, the world is your oyster. A triple threat, a triple threat.

A triple threat. Honestly. The world is in your hands right now. Well, this is the thing. It's like, and you guys know what I'm talking about because I know you guys like to look good. I also like to look good. yes and sometimes with comedy and also like liking to look good you can feel that they're the two are in conflict but also fuck those rules is it is it in conflict well sometimes it's like oh that

person takes himself seriously it's like no you are putting that on me that's that i like to look good when i perform like at certain places in front of certain people for certain shows i'm not gonna throw on a lash to do a show in a basement with some rats you know yeah but like if i'm like our show we always we like to look good at our show we'll put a sydney will throw a brow on yeah i'll do what i can you guys always look good i'll do a little fenty i do like when i know there might be a photographer there when i know there might be certain people that yeah i'm gonna look good you know but when i'm going to the bodega oh listen let me tell you that i wish we had recorded i don't think so honey live because you guys showed up looking so good

everyone showed up looking so good i was like this is a fashion event sydney threw a heel on like a suspender but like a full house suspender you stopped the show to say look at my pants and everyone did and they were like they're like yeah that's a good pant i said the shoes do the shoes are cute i mean everything looks good everything was right there's nothing wrong with looking good in comedy i'm top if i pay 25 to see somebody perform in a hoodie are you fucking kidding me i could have went to a basement show for that well i think i think people the mindset that a lot of people have is i don't want to look like i'm trying too hard i want my comedy to speak for itself so they'll throw on like a legging but when you look at like a joan rivers or like even the

way like kathy griffin used to dress before she went like a little bit tiki tiki boom boom uh john used to perform in like a gown with like a like a bell sleeve you know what i mean like that's i like that i like it too i like presentation dude i mean i'm not gonna lie throw a sequined tuxedo on and live your life i always say if i ever go to an award show um i am wearing a canary yellow tux jacket i see it i could totally i am showing up because guess what also there are no rules bitch like and i just feel like except for this pascal and right exactly i was gonna say unless there's like an event where i have to dress in black i will absolutely unless you're that random chick that's like no i went away because it's passionate because it's passionate

and like i don't even know who you are yeah how did you even get in the show people are talking about her because she had on that red dress publicist was like listen we don't know no one knows who you are because i'm not doing my job i need you to wear red yeah it's like i can't get you into the event but i can get you outside the event also throw on red the president of the hollywood foreign press when she came out she had the pin on but she was wearing like a bright color when she addressed everybody and i was like that's interesting you know you're going to be on stage you know what everyone's doing you are the president of this event yeah yeah like but she also was like i am the president she was like i've been saving money for this alexander mcqueen

this is what i'm wearing it happens to be teal and then it gets weird because it's like well why aren't you dressed in solidarity but also don't question a woman and her choices it's like okay but no one can win here it's crazy all those people are doing so well that like it's just so funny to see a whole room of the people that you might want to be one day yes just have an opinion and like stand by it because i feel like hollywood is such a mess it's such a mess how can i don't know dude honestly yesterday when i was watching all these uh award winning academy award speeches when denzel won right for training day he does his speech he gets on stage he's like god is good god is good none of the white people said all the time which is the

appropriate response yeah when someone says god is good you say all the time and then i say all the time god is good right that's oh i didn't even know i know i didn't even point to you matt because i know you know i don't know so denzel gets his little he gets he does his speech He gets his award and then Julia Roberts jumps into his arms while they're walking off stage. And she's like, she's like, I'm so happy for you. I love my life. Denzel Washington. Right.

But in that moment, it was like, oh, my God, they're friends. Yeah. They have a history. They have a history. Yeah. They were in a movie together quite early. I think it was called. No.

No. It was called. She was not in Philadelphia. I forget what it was called. people in philadelphia was tom hanks and denzel washington that's it i don't remember anybody else and maybe like a doctor no that probably a doctor at some point probably a doctor to diagnose them with uh every micronesia um but um no actually they ripped julia roberts i remember being young and watching the saturday night live after that man you making all these references

you ain't no 27 you 55 i'm 78 years old you look amazing yeah work on this you clearly don't have fiber but fucking um the amy puller was playing julia roberts and she was playing julia like giving denzel the award and she was like oh my god this is so much better because i'm involved and it's like yeah that is hollywood in a nutshell you're leaping at your chance to be involved but also these are people who've known each other for years and years so like maybe they don't they don't care about like poor people problems right oprah doesn't even know what like debt is right these people have been rich longer than they've been broke at this point i think oprah might be the exception because she genuinely came from like nothing i think i feel like she's always googling

researching she's always she's gotta know what's up yeah yes but like when people talk about like jay-z and stuff like that and like they're like oh he's from the projects it's like jay-z Has been rich At this point Longer than he's been Poor He'd been poor Yeah if you have a boat

You're out of touch Also he's worth He's worth If you're on a jet Like if you're never On a commercial plane Ever Listen like

You know who flies commercial Madonna Apparently For real Allegedly It's been like There's pictures of her Like sitting like first class

I have to let you know Up in the delta I served her And that bitch looked Nothing like she do In person Like she looks Like a skeletor

She's high she looks like a hard she looks like that though to me in pictures yeah but it was just almost it was one of those things shocking yeah that you see somebody you're like that look like a busted ass madonna you're like oh no it's madonna it's for real for a madonna okay how does she tip you yes because i've heard she doesn't she did not she didn't tip you didn't tip no no no no she left nothing she didn't well first of all she didn't even have me she had another waitress but you know i did my thing yeah yeah you gotta go check in she had a tea i think she was either doing an interview or she was it was some business going on so i think that she was staying in the hotel

and she kind of like i'm here for a couple days this might be my first stop i might tip along the way you know it was kind of like that's disrespectful let me see what her net worth is because that's rude but please say for instance don has been around since like before fergie she should tip she should be going everywhere throwing money okay okay but there's also respect like listen i'm coming in and getting a tea you really gonna charge me seven dollars come on i'm madonna the tea was seven dollars she could have threw seven hundred dollars down for that that's a fact i don't think anyone's better that's a fact but if oprah came in and like ordered a tea and sat there for like 40 minutes and then didn't tip me i'd be like i'm just so gracious that i was able to be

in oprah's presence because it's really hard to be in her presence madonna is worth 800 million dollars she couldn't pay for the tea and then pay somebody she paid for the tea did not tip She didn't even leave a $10 bill Because it's just a tee She don't have no cash But I'm saying she has a reputation For not tipping on heels She don't tip

And she don't pay her dancers Really? Oh no Because people are so hyped to be these people's backup dancers And then they're like Oh why are you still struggling the way you are Because they're going on tour and they're not getting paid I don't get that

What do they do with their money then If they don't pay people that work for them That's why they have so much money They don't pay people that's what i'm telling you that's why i'm telling you we need to get on and get what we need through these like you know podcasts honestly and i would get some backup dancers just to walk behind me just and that's what they would do i'm hiring late twins from beyonce yeah let's take the you know they don't pay for anything they wear on the red carpet no the jewels are rented the

designers are like please wear this because then the regular rich people are like oh i need to look like jennifer lopez let me go buy that dress or let me go buy yeah that's jewels and you're like but wait you're not even making as much as these people why would you buy that shit i wonder if jennifer lopez still owns her famous versace i feel like it's in like a museum it's gotta be it's gotta be in the shit like as thin as that fabric it looked like a cover-up like a swimsuit cover-up it looks like you actually look at it it doesn't look close if some water hit it it would disintegrate so honestly i don't even think it's here anymore yeah you're right it was actually never hear it was a myth it was the emperor's new clothes not real she used it as a dishrag

in the movie enough how she used it to wipe her brow after she had had enough how do you feel about j-lo i love jennifer lopez i mean i also i embrace all her strengths and weaknesses i think that people are too hard on her sometimes because i do think she's good to her people and i do think she's a nice person i just think she's unbothered like so people sometimes confuse that with being like too good but also she came from the fucking bronx too allegedly she had a baby shower at a hotel right allegedly when she had the twins she had a baby shower she was up on the roof she specifically said i don't want any of the staff to speak to me don't talk to me don't even act like i'm here talk to this person so everybody had to talk to the specific person if they wanted

to like relay a message to her bitch are you fucking kidding me did you have your baby shower in your fucking house yeah you were in a public place you don't want the staff to talk to you of the nobody where you're nobody could speak to her like if you spoke to her you would get in trouble i believe that that went down that's a ridiculous demand have that shit in your property then you have so many properties yeah i believe that some version of that story went down no no that's like some version of that story allegedly that's what happened but i'm telling you at your hotel you're trying to talk to jay allegedly i'm telling you that's what went down allegedly i'm saying allegedly actually but here's the thing i do think that jaylo gets some shit for not being

a good actress which is ridiculous you have to go back and watch selena she turned it yes selena but she was playing a performer she is a performer that's fine but the performance was good also the costumes were good on that yeah i'm saying i feel like it's really hard to fuck up a biopic when you cast it properly yeah yes like that's why jamie foxx killed it in ray and that's why that's a win if you could get one of those and they set it up right that's you're going to get an award that's why an award that's all that acting is for the most part is casting the right person and letting them go like it you know what i mean like jamie foxx like that he will never give a performance as good as that never because he won't he was good in collateral that's the other

taxi driver and he driving around that was killing people that was good jada pickett smith is in it yes and cheeks on fleek yeah so yes to this day yeah um but honestly the fact of the matter is like like we're talking about i was been watching my screeners and everything and actually two nights ago and i didn't watch it because i can't watch scary movies like i can't do it and i knew this was going to be a really good one but i just watched get out because i wanted to make sure i watched it before i voted for thank you and what did you think it voted for everything it was nominated for fucking unreal daniel kaluuya that's his name the lead actor he is beast yeah and james franco beat him at the golden globes yes it was which gary oldman that beat him no no it was james

franco which is fucked because i saw did you guys see disaster artist i don't i'm not here for anything james franco does i feel like james franco plays the same character in every james franco is james franco dude yeah he doesn't give me any range he he plays like tommy was oh this movie which is the guy that did the room and like he does a good job but it is like a sketch comedy performance if you know what i mean right whereas like this dude daniel in this movie here's what i've clocked when i was like watching it it is so hard to be the lead of a scary movie because you have to acting this fucking hard over act no but you want to react to what's happening around and you have to get a liver you have to hear information and that's hard and like discover

horrible truths and that's hard yeah and his reactions were so real because i was like yo i would have reacted like that but i had to remain calm and that's what he was doing he was like reacting you know still trying to be oblivious it was a lot going on the movie was really good i'm saying i'm saying this is a movie that should absolutely win best picture i think if it gets nominated because it's so different from all the other movies it's even different from the scary movies that you see because it just was innovative on every level and i think across the board the whole cast was amazing really well i thought it was gonna be like a like a scary movie spoofy movie right i mean because it's jordan peele you think there must be some comedic element

and then when they categorized it as a comedy at the golden globes they was rude that was rude they were also it was it was definitely the studio being like we want to give it the best chance to win to win and they didn't think it could compete with like dunkirk and like all these other movies that are like because they know the deal they know how fucked up the system is and they know that they're they won't they won't get anything meanwhile i think it could have won that that drama category because i think that people were going to vote for a lady bird because it was the hell is lady i liked it i liked it so much you guys should check it out i know that you guys are not going to be excited about lady bird but like it's a white girl

rapping with an accent is that what it is no that's what i thought it was it's it's definitely like a white girl it's like like a white girl and her mom in sacramento but like it is a it's a good it's good i'm not paying 15 for it so no you can i mean if i get the screener i'll let you know he got the uh the dvd there you go have you on the couch see that's what i'm saying give people shit for free that's what we're all for casper we've been talking for an hour and we could talk for an hour more i know i have not even talked about kelly at all so maybe you might maybe you might have to change my expert status to be the the hollywood industry expert yeah i like that i like that we're gonna do that industry insider matt rogers okay thank you for giving us that

can you give us any hollywood tea like anything about hollywood that you know or you feel like people should know james franco is canceled as of like yesterday wait why is he canceled because now there's allegations many allegations and it sucks to hear but also do you not believe it on james franco are you gonna spill the tea on the podcast right now should we bonus episode this i'm like should we just keep let's just keep talking i have i have a friend that dated james friend is code for you no no come on girl james franco is not my type i don't care how much money is i'm like i'm not touching that dick i'm all set you know that dick got lint on it's it's been places my friend was seeing james franco um she was waiting and waiting to hook up he would never

initiate the hookup but she would feel the sexual tension she would hang out she sound like a fan dude she sounds crazy no she would feel the tension but he's not hitting me up no listen this friend of mine has dated numerous celebrities so she'd know the deal that she's a pro at this so she would go to his hotel he would read to her he would read what would he read his fucking book that he wrote he wrote a book yes oh no girl it was like soon as she got into it she's like are you reading your stuff to me yes he would he would read his book to her and then they never hooked up but he would like he sent her you know shoes he's they went on numerous dates he was in a play what play was it it was like an off-broad with him yes yep she went to that like so they

never had sex never had so your friend was friends with james franco yeah no but like you know that means his he was waiting for whatever he had to clear up she thought that he was gay like not just because he didn't fuck her but because of like interest no number like different things he would have candles lit he'd have a gel mask on he had a dildo on his butt yeah but she was like i don't know i just feel like it's not even that he won't we haven't had sex well what does your friend look like gorgeous yeah you need to give us that i'll show you a picture what she looked like just like if in a movie who would play your friend would it be margot robbie margot roble would it be fergie would it be jada pinkett before the cheeks who

would it be dude would it be kelly clarkson with the highlights oh my god wait her chunky blonde highlights let's just say that so we can say we covered kelly at all kelly blew out the chunky blonde highlights and my mother to this day will say to her friends and whatever i'll always catch her saying this she goes yeah i don't like the chunky blonde highlight the only person who can do it is kelly clarkson i'm like that is a touch of deep gut that's rude your mom is hilarious okay Wait, let me look at your friend. Oh, yeah. Okay, so Margot Robbie might play her.

Oh, for real? Yeah, she's gorgeous. Let me see. Wait, you didn't... No, Marie, you met her. She's come to our show before. She's fine. I don't remember her at all.

Wow. She looks like she doesn't have any makeup on. She doesn't wear makeup. Oh, that's beautiful. Maybe she's wearing no makeup makeup. Which is like an hour-long process. No, she doesn't really wear makeup. Who else has your friend banged?

Let's get into this. My friend banged Colin Kaepernick. How was that? a long time ago yes but how was this girl that i worked with banged colin kaepernick working with him um no uh over instagram they met and i believe that a lot of celebrity dudes would be going in dms and she fucked one of the dancers from dancing with the stars oh that she shouldn't tell nobody that that's trash oh it was like one of the one like the big one though that's like i'm hanging up with a waiter like no no no they make a little coin both people on this

couch me and you serve so you better slow your goddamn roll that's what you know with a waiter i've waitressed for 30 years listen i'm going on year 11 so if i become famous i'll act like i i've never served that person they're gonna be like well listening to your podcast the unofficial expert in all life life it's canceled that's not me it says that sydney elizabeth washington uh never met marie faustin in my life i don't know her on the meryl streep episode meryl said didn't you serve me once and you said sure did um she's hooked up with uh derrick jeter reggie bush derrick jeter isn't he uh burning a little bit have you guys ever hooked up with a famous person no but 2018 is my year okay have you yes i have i have one i can't say it on here

but i have hooked up with a famous i'm just gonna say i hooked up before the person was famous i was like i didn't even think it was gonna be like that and then it was like boom boom boom boom boom and i was like oh shit boom boom boom boom is the headboard hitting the wall off air i can't wait to hear who this is oh it's a mess it's kind of one of those things it's like why like you got nothing out of it you didn't get no no spots no nothing like mine's a mess too because i didn't sell her like nothing i should have you did it you so you know i got scared because i thought they were so much hotter than me but they were so into me it was so weird this is like five years ago and i was like shocked at this person i'm trying to figure out who it could i'll tell you

but not on there is it a comedian no it's an actor it's an actor who's an actor doing it is an actor that's out or is it one of these like clouds he's out i but i won't say okay that's fine but i will say we're not gonna directly off air i'm not gonna push it but i'm gonna guess tadrick hall imagine no i think that would not be good yeah he looked like he probably like look at himself he's a bossy bottom for sure um i will say that what you're uncomfortable with that no i will say david beckham in real life is stunning yeah voice is so such a turn off yeah but who cares shut up no it's terrible it's kind of like it's so squeaky that you're it's disgusting he Is he tall?

I think he's average. I don't think he's tall. Like a 5'9"? Yeah, I don't think he's tall. His vibes don't feel tall. Because the voice is small. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's got an ass that is perfect.

I would let him break my arm in bed. Great bike. Just your arm and not your ass? Break my arm. No, I don't have my ass broken. Oh! So that means you're a top? That means you're a top, huh?

You tappin' it Top, top, top, top You have Pizza Hut toppers Top of the world That's hilarious Listen, I This has been too much fun I learned

I learned so much So much Matt, I mean Matt, what's Sorry, I just wanted to know What's next for you Yeah What's next for me?

Let's see Well, we got the podcast So I want everyone to If you enjoyed this To subscribe to The Lost Culture Readers Podcast That would be fun

And we always do live shows Like you two Nailed the last live show They're packed I don't think so honey That's gonna be Check out that So listen to the podcast

And we're always Filling you guys in On what we're up to I just did a bunch Of shows in December So I'm kind of Taking a short break From stuff for this month

But I'll be back Follow me on Twitter At Matt Rogers though And you're so funny At Matt Rogers though You guys know And I will say this I have

Me and Matteo Have a lot in common And we also have in common That we think you guys Are the fucking best And I literally I love you guys And I saw you guys

At Cabernet Cabaret which is a fun show that you should definitely check out in New York oh it's so good every Wednesday Catherine Cohen

hosted it we did it the night before the blizzard and I was like I gotta go bye but you guys slayed so hard and I've never seen

you guys not kill I just like I seriously I'm so happy that like we're all buds now yeah 2018 is the year we're gonna be on a yacht

we're gonna be on a road we're gonna be out of touch we're gonna be like what's happening with the economy wait women are doing what what's that disease called

Malaysia? Micronesia? Polynesia? Malaysian flight 802 or whatever the flight that they never said. Honestly, all respect to anyone with fibromyalgia right there. Our hearts are with you. We're so rude. Our hearts are with you. And lay down on a Casper mattress. You know, Casper mattress uses

two kinds of foam. Memory foam and I'm just kidding. Casper is not sponsoring us but Casper, come through with the... Matter of fact, just send us both a bed. Please. Literally. I'll downgrade to a full-size bed. I'll take a twin, bitch. No, I'm not going to take a twin. I can't go back

I've been on a queen size bed For legit I'll be on a twin And make it a day bed Make it a couch Yeah Put some pillows on it Oh that's my Casper day bed

It's a chaise That would be bougie It's a Casper chaise Let's get that meat and cheese plate We're on the We're on the Casper day bed Charcuterie on a Casper I know what happened

I'll get so fucking high I'll get checkers And lay down on my day bed Casper day bed Watching the view So tacky Listen As always

you can listen to all of our classiest uh actually a deepest darkest secret sydney's business on um patreon it's pretty much sydney's sydney's hour of messiness it's sydney saying people's names it's sydney like legit revealing her soul and then me going what crystal meth yeah how many times and so that's sydney's so open no it's sydney it's actually pronounced sydney you got that you got that milk money yes you got that you got that meth money god we're gonna go uh please make sure that you uh rate subscribe whatever tell a friend make sure you at a party and just open up your phone and have the podcast playing like walk at your parties walk into somebody's house change the music to our podcast here's a

tip grab someone's phone go to the podcast app and just rate them five stars and do that with everyone with everybody everybody's phone and then you can come see us live uh uh on the lower east side on wednesday january 31st at at all at all at uh 8 p.m 8 p.m i love you guys ah this has been great heart you much go to domino's and uh steal a box bye We'll be right back.