MESS with Sydnee Washington & Marie Faustin - The Homophobia Lies Within

Episode Date: April 16, 2021

It's just the two of us again this week! Sydnee and Marie talk about trips to the DMV, respond to some listener questions, and ask each other some very personal questions. Enjoy!----Listen to The Unofficial Expert Ad-Free on Forever Dog Plus:https://foreverdogpodcasts.com/plus----BUY UNOFFICIAL EXPERT MERCH:https://www.teepublic.com/stores/the-unofficial-expert-podcast----FOLLOW THE UNOFFICIAL EXPERT:https://www.instagram.com/UnofficialExpertFOLLOW SYDNEE:https://www.instagram.com/JustSYDbwhttps://twitter.com/justsydnycFOLLOW MARIE:https://www.instagram.com/Reeezyhttps://twitter.com/MsReeezyFOLLOW ANDREW:https://www.instagram.com/mcgui_guySee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

FOREVER! DOG! Hi guys! Hello! We are back, back, backity, back, back, back We're back Hey, Marie And you're supposed to say hey, Sydney

Oh, hey, Sydney Oh, God Hello, lovers We got so much great feedback from last episode we're gonna do it again with just us just us just the two of us just the two of us we can make it if we try just the two of us and and and andrew as well i'm here as well hello andrew you're clocking in on time today now andrew you're wearing glasses today do you usually have contact lenses i usually have contact lenses and it's like there's a

problem with my eye it's gross and it said that it would you got pink eye no not pink eye it was just i don't know marie why would you think that andrew a gay man has pink eye that's homophobic no it's homophobic for you to people yeah it's homophobic for you to call it homophobic that is homophobia right actually i i i can't do a gay on gay crime honey so that's not happening you actually can babe that's that's how it just happened it was just recorded you actually just if you run the tapes back it's because i'm calling out homophobia not because i'm actually because you're homophobic you just assume no it's actually because i am not homophobic and i know my good sis who's haitian what i'm hearing is where the homophobia

lies within you you you you first of all the fact that first of all first of all what you what you think you think only gay people could get pink no that's you no bitch bitch bitch that's crazy that you would even come in my face and come in my good sis andrew's face with the bullshot come in andrew's face is how he had to take the contact so i know he's wearing you bring it back bitch see this is why oh we starting off real hot already i'm i'm loving it i i feel like um the homophobia lies within is a good episode title i love you strong it starts so strong in this family this family is so fucking strong the way It's built on funny only, okay?

This family is stronger than a Tyler Perry movie family that has made it to the end of the film and is crying together and hugging each other. Yeah, I wouldn't even recall a Tyler Perry family being strong because something is always going down. Right, and then at the end, they're like, at the funeral or at the bakery or at the church scene when the choir is doing the Millie Rock,

That's when they, like, they realize that they need each other. Mind you, I haven't watched a Tyler Perry movie in forever. And also, this is the second week in a row that we mentioned him. So, shout out to Mr. Perry. I feel like there's a role coming for one of us, or maybe just you, Marie. Yes, me and Tyler Perry in a really bad wig. Absolutely. Yeah.

Sure. We'd love to see it. I mean, you know, a sheck is a sheck. A sheck. a shack is a shack shackles on my feet that's shack spelled with a q u e a shack shackles on my feet okay so andrew's giving sexy librarian today um oh thank you sydney's giving love and hip-hop headed to the reunion um pre-makeup you got that bonnet on sis is giving uh basketball all wives rolling my eyes thank you well the thing is is that i'm still on the what west coast

i'm still in the west coast i'm going going back back to galley galley but you're still there so it's not back back yeah i'm still here guys and so it's quite early for me but very late for my friends over there it's 12 18 it's noon here it's nine o'clock in the morning for you people people be collecting at work after being on a train for a commute at this time yeah and yet sydney you're the one bringing the most energy today it's pretty wild um you know what i will it's reminiscent of a crackhead that's also a good title reminiscent of a crackhead um but because of my uh my loyalty to the addicts we will not put that as a title your loyalty to the addicts and you put that I think that's another time.

Loyalty. Loyalty to the addicts. What? That's so good. Loyalty to the addicts. Honestly. Loyalty, loyalty, loyalty. Loyalty, loyalty.

Okay. So, Sydney, why are you so energized? You had a Red Bull for breakfast? I did not, Marie. I actually didn't. I went to bed. I don't know. I feel like we kind of went to bed late last night.

But my lover. What time is late? I don't know, like 1230. We've been going to bed early here. 1230 is not late. But it's, I mean, it's kind of late for us. We've been going to bed at like around like 11, 1030 even sometimes. She just gets up early.

She's just like an early bird gets the worm, you know. And she had to go to the DMV again today. For the worm. Yes, exactly. and i just don't understand why the dmv is such a hectic uh chaotic toxic place like why does it have to be that way the people that work there are not happy the people who go there are miserable it's just why can't i just send in a fucking photo and y'all just there it is yeah but you know what's wild is the dmv is trash in every city in every on any block it don't matter

yeah it doesn't matter where you live i don't think if you're listening to this please send us an email or a message and tell us of a positive dmv experience that you've had because i don't think that those exist oh okay i will say that um uh the dmv near the um near financial district in new york there's one there's a there's a dmv that's kind of small it's not it's not a big-ass dmv and there was literally no one there and i went there and it i don't know i was in and out i will say that was what did you go to the dmv for since you don't have a license ah the funny thing is what was you doing at the department of motor vehicle that was the last time i had a non driver license license i had identification card the last time i went i got it there

and the person was like hey i think you have something on your on your mouth before she what was it i don't know maybe a crust or something i think i had a croissant before i went to the dmv a crust a crust um that's really funny yeah but i was in and out and it wasn't i think i think there's this there's a broad city episode where she goes to that dmv and it's not in and out it's like it's not good people don't people know not to go there but that's when i used to live in harlem and there was no way i was going to harlem i remember when i went to the social security office in harlem and when i tell you i wanted to shoot myself okay babe what does one do at the social security office this is sounding like you are in your early

60s what what were you doing at the social security because i lost i lost my all my information i had like threw all my stuff away i was drunk and just threw my whole wallet everything away did you lose everything in a fire no bitch i was drunk and i had stuff in my wallet and i threw it all away people leave their house with the social security card in their wallet why why do you have that yeah look at me and andrew's faces who are you showing that i've never even seen my social security card i think social security in my damn wallet that's also a title no no that's for the boomers is there ain't no boomers here babe i am so exhausted from you two anywho yeah so anytime you go to the um the dmv or social security office or anything that has to deal with

getting your life in order it's not going to be a breeze you're going to be miserable so i just i'm like how to how can they make it better i think it's because a lot of these people are underpaid and um i don't know they gotta wear them do they have to wear ugly uniforms at the damn no i think it's giving mailman uniform kind of no they wear what they want well the thing about being underpaid is honey we're all underpaid that's not true some of us are not underpaid not here on this chat but i mean there's people who make good money i'm talking mainly like entertainers and jeff bezos well those people are not listening to this fucking podcast we're talking we're speaking for the people who listen to us right but you can't say most people are

underpaid most government jobs like low low level government jobs are underpaid teachers are underpaid comedians who have a podcast that they record on zoom underpaid but hold on there's a fire truck somebody somebody's on fire are firefighters um underpaid some of them are volunteer they don't even get paid yeah that's crazy you won't catch me couldn't be me sis couldn't be me i'd be like yeah i'm gonna wait in the truck huh you want me to raise the ladder up yeah i'm gonna do that but i volunteer to turn the water on for the hose i'll do that right right i'll be on water duty but i'm not going inside no in a fire a whole one nah i'm good i'll put the outfit on and take pictures in front of that truck every day to bring awareness to fire you

know what i would i would volunteer at the firehouse you know like when they want a cup a cup of noodles i'll heat them up for them you know i'm not cleaning up i'll turn the tv on oh i like cookies i'll make some cookies but like yeah sid can cook at the firehouse yeah you would how to start a fire at the firehouse you would burn the fire marie why are you so fucking funny bitch um um i don't know i um i mean sydney if we do the math you got like 10 hours of sleep too you got a lot of sleep 12 30 to what time you got up nine don't do that don't do that i got up 10 minutes before the podcast so nine 8 50 8 50 sydney you got nine hours of sleep last night and that's why i'm on bitch so

what's the problem no i'm just saying like you're like i'm i woke up early for you guys but since you got more than the recommended amount of hours is what i'm saying i am underpaid and underappreciated so at least i can do for myself is get in an extra hour i think you got somebody that's appreciating you pretty thoroughly over there right now so please don't do that to me and andrew and our single asses in our houses right now it's true do i smell a hater no babe you said you smell a lonely one less lonely girl you know what's not lonely our emails some people have emailed us marie people have emailed us let's fucking get in there bitch um marie is really great at reading out loud and that's why she

books for voiceovers so i think she should start this one off oh wait before we start yeah i have an audition on friday to be the new voice of bet oh my god marie yeah yeah and right before we did this episode i recorded a voiceover audition for this like new nickelodeon show where i would be playing a teacher named miss williams but she's like the cool black miss frizzle i said okay yeah i mean we could totally see it you have the voice yeah yeah yeah yeah um thank you so i feel good about that um hopefully you know me she who does not watch bet will be on bet that would be cool um okay this email is long okay wow so many paragraphs damn well it you see like the one the uh the one paragraph that starts with now to the main topic of this email the first few

paragraphs the first two are like complimenting you okay we want to hear that okay i mean we don't have to read them it's a lot of words um but this person says that they're a huge fan and they're a patreon subscriber to prove what a big fan i am suffice to say okay suffice to say come on word of the week word of the use it in a sentence um many a night i have fallen asleep to sydney is the new orange often specifically at the point marie but they didn't mirandize you sis sydney i know those bastards that was a great episode that classic suffice to say we love it too babe okay now to the main topic of this email i would like to ask for your advice as i think you represent often

such divergent equally valid viewpoints okay come on worldly wise okay i would like to start with the admission that for a while now i've been toying with the idea of moving to the u.s okay this is this is why this person talks like this yeah they they didn't get educated yeah at all okay okay um i've been toying with the idea of moving to the united states in order to find a wonderful african-american man i can build a life with good luck i was like our good sis who's reading this is also looking for an african-american right right you should stay where you're at babe because you know i'm looking for the good african-american myself um i must admit that that wow this wow this these words is hard intensification

and publication of racial conflict in the u.s over the last few years wow is making it really hard for me to give credence credence credence oh my god this is this is a bonus um somebody else got to come in and read this okay hold on there's another siren another volunteer fire truck driving by do y'all hear that yes yeah there's a lot going on over there what do you live in the ghetto okay i am at oh okay that was an amulet not an ambulance that was like a like an old person ambulance i'm at a point in my life where i have worked out through working on myself that i want a man with whom i share a background and it happens i can't seem to connect with afro-european men but afro-americans slide into my dms regularly that's because americans ain't

got no shame right um and i find them for the most part hot although things are not perfect by any means what okay what andrew what is this email did you although things are not perfect by any means for afro-europeans and do i risk the level of comfort i have built in my current life for the uncertain to me dynamics of being in the u.s i don't know this listener is too smart for yeah i was like i was like do you really listen to us girlfriend girl why are you listening to this podcast you got to listen to something like the the nightline nbc podcast the cnn podcast okay for context i'll be as blunt and honest as i would like honest advice i am attractive and almost regularly reply to only a tenth of the men contacting me on dating apps oh i love this

confidants baby a lot okay a lot of people bore me i am mixed afro-european and speak five languages with varying degrees of fluency okay i have a six-figure salary and admittedly amazing health care okay blue cross blue shield okay i think she's attracted to me girl if you want to date me just talk to me well hold on hold on let's let's get the rest let's get the rest of the um the dating profile i am clearly academic yeah you are i can challenge most people intellectually and the white side of my background has afforded me a good education oh she's mixed well yeah you didn't get that from afro-european yeah yeah i cook well okay i can iron i can dance i enjoy the theater i exercise regularly i know the privilege i was born into and yet

i am riddled with said self-hate parentheses sydney question mark so this person wants to know if they should stay in europe with all of this stuff that they have to find a man that bores them or move to the united states for a black man is that what the question is girl i don't think you're listening to the right podcast because if you really listen I think we've given enough advice to be like, stay your ass where you at. I think that what you need to do is travel. I don't think you need to move to the United States, but like, you know, do like maybe do like a summer here or do. And also where where in the United States would you come?

Yeah, but the black men in New York are different than the black men in Atlanta, different than the black men in Chicago. Like it's all different. She's like, I don't want to be bored. I want to be constantly having anxiety, wondering if my man is cheating on me. Girl, come on over to the U.S. USA, if that's what you really want. USA. USA.

If you constantly want to be doubting yourself and wondering if you got that good puss enough to keep somebody to not want to date your best friend. I mean, yeah. Come on over to USA. Come on over to Brooklyn. also sweetie have you not tried like you know have you been to london i feel like it's some hot africans and or jamaicans living in london you haven't have you been to you know are there hot black men with unbuttoned shirts in the south of france she said that she can't connect with afro-european men but she's like happy that african-american men are sliding into her dms

regularly and she finds them hot so you like people who speak in slang and misspell words sometimes it's not what you need sis i'm trying to understand why she said i'm riddled with self hate sydney sydney question mark what the fuck does that mean that's what we really need to the podcast she listened to the podcast because you'd be like i hate hot people and then i drag you for being hot and you'd be like right well am i but say it again you know so maybe she do listen to the podcast but that was a weird thing to put in the pool i think she was trying to be funny like you marie lol uh-huh trying oh i meant andrew my bad sorry andrew question mark um she said in any case it would be nice to talk to you as you live rent-free in my mind

um i know you've had a code switching expert on the pod but maybe you'd want one from the european perspective perhaps on the subject of third culture children like marie is okay wow um wow you sound like a stalker babe yeah someone who seems consistently to appeal to white doctors lawyers and investment bankers here's what you do babe you take those white lawyers doctors engineers investment bankers you let them take you all over the world you meet you treat them like cassie treated diddy how about that she spent like the better half of her 20s you know living lavishly and then when they broke up she met the love of her life and had two kids by him so i think you just gotta get outside i don't think you gotta move here yeah i don't think

you need to move to the united states wear your good years out with somebody rich so like you you have culture and you have money and you and you have jewelry and you've traveled and then settle down with like the love of your life and they could be whoever they are you know whatever it is financially because you've already exhausted that life so right right that's it that's our advice for you friend use these beige bankers till you are done and then find you you know a little uh a little shamar more with cornrows yeah and also you never sent a photo you're you you right you you you got all this comedy but you never sent us a photo of you so if you if you're listening what's her name uh Cassander I'm gonna call you Cassie Cassie if

you are listening we would love for you to one send us an email uh with a photo of yourself and also would you like to be on the podcast because I would like to talk to you well that's what my sis was saying she should be on the podcast yeah I don't necessarily want a photo I feel like I want a little video clip That too Send us a reel With all the bullet points that you hit We want to see you ironing shirts

With buttons on them And we want to see you dancing and cooking And enjoying theater And also if you like women I think you have a better chance of finding someone Just saying I don't think that she likes women Just based on what the whole email

I know what the email sent But I'm just saying like if if you were into women i think that you would have a better chance in america specifically brooklyn okay love that for you all right whoa and that's it that was our first uh and honestly flawlessly handled email with big words we love okay we have another we have another email from our good old jesse hey andrew and marie hey sydney oh um that that's a weird way to break it up um hey andrew marie exclamation point hey sydney period yeah yeah i don't know how that feels okay i got out of a four-year relationship last summer 2020 and it's been

kind of hard for me to get back out into the dating scene earlier this year i was seeing a guy from grinder okay jesse's gay oh that's why they said hey andrew first because they're it's a gay man um we went on two dates right right right right right we went on right okay yeah we went on two dates both of which he uh he initiated no sex slash intimacy it was kind of on me to set up the third date but i didn't do it he's a nice guy and cute but i for some reason didn't feel motivated that was like two months ago since then he has tapped me four times on grinder andrew will know no Andrew what's a tap that's like a reminder like a hey hey ho it's like it's like a message but like it's like a poke on Facebook it's just to let you know like hey

I'm interested a poke on Facebook wow I miss I miss the poking I miss poking too but not on Facebook yeah okay continue work um okay no texting or messaging just tapping this is kind of hot to me because i basically rejected him and he's kind of still pursuing me so he must really be into me question mark also i kind of want to just suck his dick any advice should i ask him out or has it been too long love you guys jesse from indiana okay jesse from indiana you are toxic and we love you um no jesse you are not toxic yes you are jesse next time he tax taps you pokes you whatever don't ask them on another date just can i suck your dick question mark hey i'm thinking too honestly that's what you gotta do yes i disagree that's hot do that

and then you don't ever have to see him again if you don't want to or when's the last time you just text somebody hey i just want to suck your dick that's not happening do you know who i am when when when why would i text anybody that i want to suck their dick i don't want to suck their dicks right hey i want to sit on your face right i've texted people i've texted people things like that um but if what you want and what is turning you on is the sex part then you're clearly not into this person like dating wise you just got out of a four-year thing yeah this is going to be a rebound so rebound like the hoe that you want to be and then when you're ready to stop doing that you can meet somebody that you actually want to talk to what what is your advice uh sydney

about toxicity i mean it seems like well when you said that he's nice when anybody says nice that means i'm not really feeling you and that's your that's your initial thing it's like i'm not you're nice like you're not a bad person but like you're all right you're not really what it is so what's the problem the problem is is that now all of a sudden because you rejected him now and he's still into you you like that that's weird i'm sorry that's like that's not weird that is weird it's not weird we like when people like us and sometimes when people like us we like them less because we're like and that's toxic it's not toxic it's human nature it's human nature to want people to like you and sometimes when someone is too into you you're like also two months have

passed since they hung out you know I don't like you but you still poking me that means you want to poke me in real life it's not about a relationship or a connection this person is horny too and he didn't say he wanted he said he wants to provide him a service i just want to suck his dick do it be a good person and suck that dick but he only wants to suck his dick because he's like oh i rejected you and you still want me okay but it's not babe i understand what you're trying to say here i understand what where you think you're going here but this person rejected you and still wants to suck your dick like let them do that i'm like and i said he could do that but i'm also like that's toxic behavior i don't think that andrew what do you think i think i'm

with sydney more here actually i just i think that this other person that is pursuing jesse might be a little like unwell if they're not getting the message across that like it wasn't a date that went well and they shouldn't like pursue it further so I think that if it does sound like a good idea for like Jesse to get just so go suck his dick but like I think that like the guy would just be so obsessed

with like oh my god attention from Jesse and it would just be taken to the next level and it's like you don't want that that's what the black button is for also restraining orders are I think easy to get now stop all of your advices no ma'am

get you a little Kevin Costner bodyguard and call it a day then the next email hey guys i'm emailing you from um a bush that i'm hiding because you know you know that man that i sucked his dick now he's following me everywhere what should i do love you guys but jesse from indiana but i understand that but he didn't say that the guys stalking him or showing up at his work he said but it's like this guy is him on grinder four times this guy is taking the time out of his day to like continuously pursue it doesn't even matter that it's a tap it's like you are continuously pursuing someone that it just didn't go well with so it's like why are you doing that this person's not well it's a tap too it's

like just did it yes but they didn't say that the dates didn't go well they said the person was nice and they it was on them to set up the third date and they just never did it no but there's a reason that jesse's not like he's he's not feeling great about it he doesn't want to do it jesse doesn't want a man jesse just wants to suck some pain i don't know if this guy's all right then jesse just said going in the street do you know how many people want to get their dicks like you don't have to get this person that doesn't have to be this person yeah right right but i don't know how much option are in indiana oh jesse you didn't send us a picture hey moving forward if you guys uh ever send us email you should just slide on a photo or just give us your instagram handle

so we can check you out. That would really be helpful. Preferably in high res. Yeah. We don't want pixelated photos. That's not the bee's knees, babe. Don't take a picture of the pictures, upload it into your scanner,

and then send, no. Yeah, and don't send us a photo of all four of your friends and you somewhere in there. Like, I don't want to be looking, you know, duck, duck, goose to figure out who's Jessie from Indiana. And if your collar is popped in the photo,

we will roast you um not sure why it would be popped if you listen to this here podcast but you know um i think moving forward in 2021 do as you say and say as you do like if you want to hook up with somebody message them say hey i'm interested there is no like stop the tapping the poking the like i'ma like 20 of your photos in uh two minutes like that's just just we we've already been through so much if you want something go and get it and if they reject you then let it go right you gotta let it go but also you have to do what you do intentionally yep if you just want to hook up with somebody you got to be intentional about that hookup yep hey you're cool i'm not ready for a relationship yeah suck your dick if that's what it is that's what it is yeah

if you want more if you want a relationship if you are looking for your husband or your future wife or whatever then you got to be intentional in how you date and who you date because telling people that you want to be in a relationship and then they're like well i'm not really into that but we'll see that person is not being intentional which you don't let them waste your time yep and also stop thinking that you're gonna change people's mind oh i'm gonna wear them down like they don't want a relationship yet no bitch they didn't told you no they don't want no relationship So stop trying to think like, oh, you know, I got it in the palm of my hands. No, because then you got a year later and you're like, I wonder why they haven't asked me to be serious yet.

They're playing games. No, babe, you're playing yourself. They're not playing games. You're playing yourself. That's a great title. Thank you so much. You're playing yourself. I mean, I don't like that more than the other two that we had.

Okay, well, I'm just saying. But, you know, write down you're playing yourself. Sure. Don't play games. Play yourself or something. whatever it's something like that what she said right um but yeah sydney i agree with that i think that you know we at this point have survived a global pandemic and coming out of this i feel like we had a lot of time to reflect on who we are and what we've done and what we want so like

you know you nobody knows you better than you know you yep so if something isn't um doesn't align with how you feel or making you feel good or whatever whatever just stop yep but also speak on it because you know I had to block somebody recently and with all caps all caps block it was but it was like he was sending me blocks of text and I was like I'm not reading any of this I don't have it in me to read this I don't care and when I told him I didn't care he was like you do care because I care and I was like you don't care either that's not how that works yeah but my only regret in that blockation situation is that I did not properly curse this person out but what but why why why do you need to curse people out you're like your point is you're moving

on you know that I think that is I think that's the last word you moving on but the word could have been a little bit more mean first of all this person called me mean in the last conversation that we had and i was like i literally have been the nicest that i could possibly be to this person that i could have like i agree nicest to him i agree nicest i will say as someone who's known you for i don't know seven years now um that's what i'm saying and it was like so if you're gonna call me i should have just been mean when he said that but i just i didn't even i didn't even have it in me to do that but like if i had been true to myself then i would have destroyed his feelings and then i would have blocked him so he could never speak to me again

Okay. Well, you have the floor now, sis. Without being too specific, what's something that you would have said? Like, I am that person. What would you have said to me? I'm not. Actually, I'm having actually a really good morning and I'm coming from a place of positivity right now. Oh, okay. Good. Good. Oh, that's great. So I don't have it in me to say any of those things to you, Sydney. Well, that's because you love me. right but i mean i guess at one time i loved him too so there's also wow but you know sometimes you have to really love somebody to then really hate them right love can turn into hate so that's something that we see on tv all the time we be seeing it in the movies we be seeing it on the

documentaries where people murder their wives or whatever yeah anyway whatever that's not what i wanted to talk about but i just think if you feel something and it's something that like you either go to sleep thinking about or wake up thinking about then that means that that that's that's what you feel and sometimes you just gotta tell the person that you're with or the people that you're dating exactly how you feel so they know that they can't waste your time you know and without me being too specific about something another thing people can't read your mind if someone has hurt your feelings or have done something that you don't like you should tell them you can't just let other people like hey i i think such and such is mad at you because x y and

z we are too grown we are too grown just just tell them what happened hey you hurt me when you did blah blah blah when you said x y and z this made me feel this way i mean these are i i don't know why i'm acting like a therapist now but you know these are these are ways that you can open up a conversation for a dialogue for things to be solved if you don't tell someone you're hurt how will they know how will they know they'll never know how will they know so they're gonna know so moving forward i want y'all to work on that communication communication is key but also i mean yes i feel like that's the only way that we should ever live our lives like you got to be honest about what you feel because if you're not like if someone's like oh did i piss you off and

you say no but you're mad like sis that's you now it's a you problem that's you now you have to work on that right because they're gonna keep doing that thing that pissed you off that you didn't tell them pissed you off you know yeah people are not mind readers yeah you really have to just say that over and over and over again like people some people are literally living in a bubble and like marie marie's living marie is marie is living she's not thinking she's not thinking about every little single thing that she said or did so like i have to you know my memory is yeah she smokes copious amounts of weed so like it's crazy yeah she's edibled out and so right sometimes i have to say hey marie you know you hurt me when you know you didn't say i love you

back and she'll she'll laugh and be like girl shut up you know i hate you and then i'll be like that's marie i take her as she is this is church thank you yeah thank you amen amen amen my sis my good sis thank you love you hallelujah in the sanctuary um okay so i think last week we talked about um you know leaving my cats in the house for we talked about leaving your cats in a car with the window cracked open we did do that and you said that's illegal and i said it's not i'm wondering marie would you ever well you're not a you're not an animal person the problem is is that i'm surrounded around people who can do without animals you know i have to get care i have to get carolina on the line but get carolina on the line if i get

carolina on the line she'll just be like i don't know her her cat is her everything now i remember when she didn't have any animals and now she does and it's like her whole insta stories is her cats and her husband and her husband cats you're calling one cat homiday as a cat i mean honestly truly yeah but i'm i'm just people people get pets and the pets become a part of their family and then you um you know you're attached to your your pet now a pet is not the same thing as a child no but some people think that um and those people are what unwell who think it is the same or who is not the same they think it's the same and those people are unwell well i don't know sydney you we be on the phone and you be like i'm saying hi to tt marie and i'm like girl that is

not my niece please get that cat out of my face and you're like say hi say hi like that's a conversation with another another segment is marie what would you do so marie if like say for instance i was displaced i was displaced for i don't know i'm always trying to move in with me on this but you're just guising it as a segment yeah this is a this is another thing marie what would you do if i needed you what would you do if your son was at home crying alone on the bed because he's hungry and the only way to feed him is to sleep with a man for a little bit of money well Sydney what would you do if I was displaced and I was like I have

nowhere to go and I but I have my cats can we stay with you you know I'm not letting y'all stay with me you'd be like you know I'm not letting you stay with me okay you would break us up

I don't want I don't want anyone I don't want a third of y'all to stay here so not the cat not jelly not jam not sydney i mean sydney you could stay for like a day a weekend don't do that i live in a small one bedroom you can see my whole house from this zoom screen so that but also if you were displaced you can't stay with carolina and her cats all true y'all well that's it that's we're just saying like if i'm displaced that means the whole building was burned down oh that is

this is burnt down are you confessing to something no no no are you plotting and scheming is this you confessing on the record why do I hate y'all so much obviously the building burned down

you said if I'm displaced that means obviously the building is on fire there are volunteer firefighters all over the building um so you're so the question is not really the question that you wanted to ask though i feel like you got to ask it different andrew yes if i had nowhere to go and it was just me and my two cats would you take us in i think what we need to understand is is that there are certain friends for certain situations and i think that sydney i feel like you're asking these

questions you know what the answer is going to be from both of us but i what's the question what's the answer andrew i don't i i truly don't know it's hell no it's gonna be no no it's gonna be no i i i would like if if you were really at wit's end i would but i know that you have you you would not be coming to me first yeah no if she's coming to you that means everybody else already said no oh okay then i would consider it she's coming to you andrew that means how long how long until the building you're like i need a date too for you to get the fuck out right he's drawn up a contract before you before you set your bag it's clear that people don't want to take in a woman and cats

no i just it's women and children not women children and cats sis if you had kids i definitely wouldn't take y'all in here so they could wipe their boogers on my good my good plates so they'd be like what's that are you eating hot chips those are not hot to me my mom sydney said i could eat these chips and you know your kids will call you sydney why are you saying sydney said why are you acting like my kids would be bad i'm not really my hypothetical kid like don't do that sis are your real life cats good they're kind of bad too sis no they're not marie i think i need you to take that back mean i'm not taking that back your cats one of your cats is mean and the other one is a ghost so sis is casper she got an attitude um i'm wondering uh for the people who

are like animals and in relationships if you're like trying to shack up with somebody else and they're like well i'm not really a cat person or i'm not really a dog person what do you guys do i would say that in the relationship that i'm in right now that it is the person does have a cat and it does like affect when yeah no not this no shut up marie um it affects a lot of different things yes however but like it it does like wake up at like 7 a.m pause me you know to get fed you know because the cat knows that the other person isn't going to provide um until wait when you spend in the night the cat is waking you up at 7 a.m the cat slept next to me next to my face the entire night and i didn't mind it it's very cute cat but it does like it is an alarm clock

the cat the cat slept next to your face that's why you got your glasses on that's exactly why got in the contact lenses yep well and frank no and well not and frank what is what is her name no what is her name that did the um nancy drew not and frank and frank in the mystery oh my god i'm crying so does this person with the cat have a roommate no it's one bedroom but doesn't like to lock the cat out of the bedroom um the cat just like has like free range of the entire apartment this is this is why i can't get with people when they cats all cats have free range okay i was on the phone with my friend the other day and the cat was on the kitchen table and we were shocked yeah she was like the cat don't really get on the table like that and i was like

it's on the table right now um well her husband was letting the cat or the table that that yawn word thing that you just sorry sorry that's that's not asmr no you're right you're right right um say it again her husband was letting her cat on the table like he was petting it and everything but most people like when i talk to them they're like yeah my cat doesn't like when we close doors here the cat doesn't like closed doors it's like the cat don't pay no bills so she got to stay on the other side of the door andrew next time you spend the night over there close the door and see what happens it's just gonna meow and scratch at the door yeah but eventually it's gonna get tired I don't know about that.

And if it's scratching at the door, it's like filing its claws down. And I will say that it does make it hard for like extended, like if he's coming over here, it's obviously hard because he can't be here for like more than 12 hours or whatever. What? That's a lie. The cat can be, cats can be home alone for at least two to three days. Not two to three days. Whoa.

Whoa. Sydney when I said that last week you were like no you can't leave the cat alone and that's how we got into the conversation about leaving a cat in a car and now you're saying two to three days wow wow I don't I don't recall I can't confirm or

deny babe listen I'm sure Cassie and Jessie were listening last week and they could tell you exactly what you have said um but yeah the cat is cock blocking you Andrew and you I think so but it's I can't come between them but you like this person you can't come between them now i think that if your person

you're with this is for everybody if they have a pet you have to consider the pet if you want to be long term with them if you're like i don't really fuck with cats like that then don't fall in love with a cat person that's a great title don't fall in love with a cat person uh but i don't think that people choose to fall in love with a cat person or not fall in love with a cat person but like if you know that you are limited in in the time i'm not fighting you for your cat for your time i'm not fighting with anybody for them to spend time with me over their pet if the pet is more important to you then i guess we gotta wait the 15 years till the cat dies and then you can come back into my dms or something because i'm not competing with a

four-legged animal for your time and attention and if the cat is waking me up at 7 a.m i'm not spending the night at your house i'm not staying there sydney go ahead i'm gonna close the door yes how do you feel about automatic feeders because that was something that i was like thinking about getting this person it's great it it really does help but they once they get the automatic feeder they they're not as dependent on you but what i like i did a little i did a little you know test where i stopped using the automatic feeder and when i had to feed them they were more codependent they're like in my face all the time right but when i use the feeder they're doing their own thing they they're like okay i guess i'll say hi to her but they don't need me

as much and that's what he's concerned about losing that like dependency okay that's weird oh that's weird that's weird that's weird okay he's afraid of losing how old is the cat or how long has he had this cat for i think like three years oh he's pretty serious about the cat it's only three years yeah you get rid of that cat no well i had the cats for five and then you know a year by myself now and i'm i'm pretty i'm pretty serious with the cats i'm like i want yes but you had them for five years and then you didn't have them and you didn't seem to miss them that much and then you when they were coming back you were like oh no oh that's a lie marie take that back No, Sidney.

I am not taking that back. When the cats were coming back into your life, you were like, I don't know if I want these cats in my house. Marie, that's a lie. Sidney, that is not a lie. It is. You were not sure if you wanted those cats. Marie, you need to stop smoking weed.

Oh, my God. Sidney, you need to start smoking weed. What is this? What? You stay lying on me. Like, damn. Girl, I can tell by the way your bonnet is hanging off the side of your head that you lying. I'm not lying.

I swear to you, I never said that. As soon as Adrienne was acting like I couldn't take care of the cats and they might die, I was like, the fuck I am taking these cats. Yes, but at first, you were not doing that. Whatever, girl. Until she was like, well, you probably murdered them. You were like, well, now I want them. Because you had something to prove.

But when she first was like, girl, I don't want these cats no more. You were like, well, I don't know where they're going to go. and now you're like I mean I guess you forgot it's like childbirth you forget the pain of childbirth and then you want to have another baby look at you with your seven cats

anywho I feel like you know people's pets are a thing that's real touchy and love is real touchy and there's gotta be some kind of compromise if you want both well I mean are you gonna give up cats or are you gonna give up love

giving up cat for the cat cat for cat well it's giving up cats for the cat would you give them up um if if i could if i could just tell people they died i would because i don't want to be that person it's like you gave up you gave up cats for a relationship and this is not what's going on in my life i'm just saying in general like i wouldn't want to be you mean if you could tell people they died you could tell people whatever you want but also who cares what people think about your situation or your relationship it goes back to what we were talking about before you got to do what is best for you at the end of the day the only thing that these cats they'll miss you

sure but all they care about is food and sleep and sunshine yeah so if all you care about is food and sunshine and sleeping then then stay with the cats but if you want to get more out of your life if the person that you're in a relationship with is saying i'm not really i don't have room in my home for these then you have to make a choice and and also remember that cats don't live as long as people so you won't have these cats until you know they they move on and then what you gonna start again by yourself this is you're not talking about my life I don't this is ain't you talking to the to the to the listeners because this is I'm talking to anybody who's talking about my cats are more important than my relationship where my relationship is getting in the way of my love for

my animal like I don't I don't know I'm not an animal person so I'm obviously the wrong person to be talking it's clear you're not an animal you're not an animal person you're not a kid person you're not a person's person i'm a person's person that was mean to me yeah and you see who didn't get offended by it me but sydney got offended when i told her the truth about what she said when she first was offered these cats but you know i'm not mean i'm actually really nice and yeah there's there's been some talk around the town that marie's mean so so okay cool sydney first of all i i don't think you're mean okay you just called me me no no no just called me what did i call you mean just now you said that she's not a cat person she's not a baby person

and she's not a people's person i think that we said that yeah no no no no i this is when i say that when i say she she doesn't like they can come or go she's not that's what i mean like She's not obsessed with cats or, like, pets. She's not obsessed with babies. It's not a deal breaker for her. And she's not, I mean, she likes people, but also she doesn't have to, she's not, like, looking for people's friendship or attention. That was hard.

That was difficult to listen to. That's why. No, no, no. No, no, no. Don't do that. Marie is not begging to be liked or looking for friends. and that's good that's what i mean that's not that's not with the tone well i'm sorry the tone was wrong marie i apologize andrew

okay i will i will fight for marie to the to the to the nines okay would you give up your cats for me and stop doing this you're doing this to each other and it's like sydney wants to move in after her home burns down marie no you're putting each other in very difficult position no andrew because sydney can be like well we have nowhere to go would you take us in well would you take would you give up the cats for me meaning like marie you were like sydney i want to be with you and marie if you're like honestly um i'm in love with you sydney and all this time it was the like you and these cats i just i can't you exactly what would you do what would you do if i if i if i came out to you and i was like sis i love you yeah the title is um marie loves sydney

that's the title okay we have a list that we're gonna go over at the end of the episode yeah we gotta go over them at the end but okay sydney what would you do would you give up your cats for me if you were like the only way i could be with you if you didn't have these cats or girlfriend um well if i was the first person you're coming out to i couldn't just have you out here just like rejected so is that a yes you throwing the cats away or i would ask gina if she could hold on to the cats oh hold on you don't think it's gonna be a it's gonna be a permanent thing right it sounds like you're putting an expiration date on our relationship for a few months she said hold on till tuesday yeah i'm like i'm like maria's really fickle so i don't believe

that she would i think she would change her mind immediately after after the edible hits it would be i would change my mind after i had that conversation with you i would be like girl i really love you and i get rid of the cats and then while you were thinking about it or while i'd be like actually i'm not really a people person so i'm gonna go back to my house by myself wow this was a this was a good one i think it's a segment there should be a segment of like marie what would you do well sydney do you have any sydney facts for us today because you haven't shared any sid facts with us for a while um i think they're i think they're if you're gonna do the vaccine i would they say not don't do johnson johnson yeah they recalled them i don't

think yeah the cdc said that that's not the center for disease and control what's sydney I think if you're going to do a vaccine they say don't do this and me and Andrew are like yeah that was trending on Twitter oh my god wow oh my god

wow this has been what a delight what a treat it damn we got three ads today no no we did this already right um let's let's wrap up the episode and then you can complain about the ads that they they fast forwarded through already um guys i hope you guys have a fabulous rest of the week um and uh you guys keep sending us questions please you know what even if you don't have a question for us maybe you could just email us some photos of you so we can see who's listening to the podcast and we can be like oh yeah we'll we'll look at the photos on the on the air and the email again is unofficial expertise at gmail.com that's u-n-o-f-f-i-c-i-l

e-x-p-e-r-t-i-s-e at gmail.com wow you read the whole email i know expertise spelled e-x-p-e-r-t-i-s-e and I'm gonna need y'all this is another thing this is a crazy ask I'm gonna need some more engagement guys I'm gonna need some more engagement on um you know the iTunes reviews and comments I need I need y'all to flood it like it it really just takes what one minute of your time but if you really feeling fancy maybe two but the reason why we're not on the charts is y'all it's y'all y'all are not reposting enough y'all are not obsessing about us it's it's y'all we could be we all of us could be at the top you could be telling people yeah i'm an unofficial expert fan and people be like what me too but they're not because you're not you're not spreading the

word and it's actually racist and homophobic if you're not really doing that so i'm just I'm just throwing it out there We are underrated Podcasts, underrated Thank you Sydney for that Sarah McLachlan Andrew can you include Sarah McLachlan music in the background We can do some Sarah McLachlan in the background

I love that That'll be a great That'll be a great cut and edit, I love that Andrew please add that in there Anyway, as always It was good to see you guys um andrew with the glasses sydney with the bonnet and uh marie with the black heart thank you so much we love you marie life would be terrible without you so and i don't even know if people

would listen to the podcast honestly sydney they wouldn't off a script right now they wouldn't they wouldn't listen yeah this is one of the ads damn we got four asses today bye guys bye This has been a Forever Dog production. The unofficial expert is executive produced by Brett Boehm, Joe Cilio, and Alex Ramsey. Senior producer, Tracy Sorin. Produced by Andrew McGuire. Cover art by Sandy Honig. To listen to this podcast ad-free, sign up for Forever Dog Plus at foreverdogpodcasts.com slash plus.

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