MESS with Sydnee Washington & Marie Faustin - “The Honesty Expert” with Joyelle Nicole Johnson

Episode Date: April 26, 2019

Were gonna be honest with you, this episode of Unofficial Expert is FIRE! We have Joyelle Johnson in the studio talking all things honesty. She reveals how she handles lying to her friends, why she usually lies to white people, and we all reveal the last time we cried. Plus, Sydnee spills on her new day job and Marie reveals some work place beef.----Listen to The Unofficial Expert Ad-Free on Forever Dog Plus:https://foreverdogpodcasts.com/plus----BONUS EPISODES AVAILABLE NOW ON PATREON:www.patreon.com/TheUnofficialExpertBUY UNOFFICIAL EXPERT MERCH:https://www.teepublic.com/stores/the-unofficial-expert-podcastFOLLOW THE UNOFFICIAL EXPERT:https://www.instagram.com/UnofficialExpertFOLLOW SYDNEE:https://www.instagram.com/JustSYDbwhttps://twitter.com/justsydnycFOLLOW MARIE:https://www.instagram.com/Reeezyhttps://twitter.com/MsReeezyFOLLOW ANDREW:https://www.instagram.com/mcgui_guyTHE UNOFFICIAL EXPERT IS A FOREVER DOG PODCASThttps://foreverdogpodcasts.com/podcasts/the-unofficial-expertSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Forever Dog. Hello. Hello. Wow. Hey. Hey, guys. We're here on another day that we don't usually record, and this is a lot. It's very weird.

You know how, like, when you had to go to school on, like, a Saturday, or you went to church on, like, a Wednesday, and you're like, this is not... It feels wrong. Yes, absolutely. That's what it feels like right now. It's headscarves and ashy ankles right now. I look at my ankles. it's just dryness and head scarves yes but I'm wearing a scarf because I need

to wash my hair what you got a scarf for for same thing okay look at us same thing they got me out here on wash day yeah unbelievable it's it's out of control but happy to be here we like you guys yeah as friends we'll do whatever we can for the pod we'll switch

it up yeah I guess sure that being said we need to record some bonus episodes so maybe tomorrow yes okay yeah that's right oh man we're being really professional with this podcast now it's a business it's a business we had some chicks come in well it's a business now because we finally got some paychecks and i was like well i guess we gotta we i'm doing i'm signing emails to sydney now with warmly or regards yeah warm regards all my best uh marie faustin i love it i'm just giving you

dash s yeah oh i love a just an m yeah a symmetrical m that's how i'm ending all my emails now now that the checks are coming in yeah i don't don't don't throw the dash in just just s okay so people know as per my last email right right uh we ain't doing this oh bitch i'm so tired i can't this is too much um i have a day job so yes let's talk about work This was the first week of it, and it ain't for me. I'll just throw that out. I mean, you did five days? Yeah.

Already? You not, what? Day jobs are not for me. I'm a night person. I'm not getting up before noon unless it's a gig that requires, you know, extra zeros. You know what I'm saying? Like, I'll leave my house early. What time?

What time are you getting up? What goes through the day? I'm getting up at 7. Wow. Yuck. I'm getting up at 7. I'm going to bed at 1.30 probably. um and then i'm getting up then i'm getting to running to the train because the train literally

how do y'all be on time i don't get it how do people who have day jobs be there exactly the time or early because there's always something there's always a delay there's somebody always throwing themselves in front of the train it's just pigeons committing suicide it's a lot pigeons it's too much okay so you're okay so you're up at seven you're out of the house out the door at What time? In order for me to be at work on time, I need to leave at 8.45. What time am I leaving? Why are you sprinting?

You up from 7 to 8.45 and you still running? Yes. Sid, you not making breakfast? Nope. Oh, I'm putting my lunch together. Oh, you brown bagging? Yeah. Brown bag, Sid?

Yes. Okay, what's going in there? An apple? A chocolate milk? No, there'll be an entree, a Biscoff, and some mango chips. Girl, what is going on with these Biscoffs? because them cookies is too damn dry.

They're so delicious. Are they sponsoring you? No. The way that you talk about them, I'm like, Sydney must have a new partnership or something. She got a new,

you're trying to get, a Biscoff bag? I'm trying to secure the bag. I don't know how bad the Biscoff, the Delta snack bag is, but, wow.

if I secured a Biscoff bag, then Delta will be like, oh, you want some free flights? Yes. I don't think that's how that works. Watch it happen, bitch. Let me,

I'm putting it in the universe. Fuck you. Okay. okay listen speak them dry ass cookies into existence friends yes speak it i mean it's nasty but okay how dare you speak in your instagram story yesterday it was in your it was in your hair yeah people were loving it also all up and through they were like oh the wig is hungry i said yes the wig gotta eat too if i eat the wig is eaten oh my god it's a long ass day i don't get out till six um i'm smiling i there's so many white people that i don't know

and a lot of dirty sneakers. It's a mess, but it's great. It's great. I love every, I already love everybody. We don't like dirty, these are not my dirty ones. I thought I had my red Converse on. Let me put the clean white ones back under the table. Speaking of expertise, my expertise this week

was getting what I want, getting what I want. They took me to lunch. It was like a welcome to the team lunch and I saw the menu and I was like, oh, everything over 20 something dollars here. So I could go off And I was like Well what's the limit

They're like Nah this is celebration Get what you want So I got the Alaskan Crab king King crab legs Crab king Sorry

The king of the crabs How they gonna survive up there You ate the king of the crabs I don't know I'm tired Alaskan king crab Yes That's what that legs

I feel like eating crab It's too much work For very little payoff Yes Marie We've heard that before No I feel that about lobster also, but I'm saying the crab legs is just like, you gotta

like have good forearms. No, no, no, no. And like you gotta work your tris. No. What you gotta do is you gotta go to places that already do the shit for you, okay? It was already scooped out and then put back in the leg. It was real cute. The sauce, they had like a ginger aioli sauce. It was great. Wow. Oh, niggas

is doing aioli sauce? Yes! 2019 is getting good to you. Aioli is ginger. Yes! Clears your sinuses right up. Yep. We was at the Dutch and I was not paying Dutch. It was great. Wow.

Oh, my God. Wow. Marie, were you an expert in this? Tell us what the price point for the King of the Crabs was. It was like $40-something. For the crab legs? Yeah. What were the sides?

No sides. Garnish. Oh, hell no. And you know I ordered a burger, too. Wait, you had a burger? Oh, yes. You got to get what you want, sis. okay so then the next day that was what was in your

brown bag it's crab legs yeah scooped out sticking out the top of the leg like a baguette hello wow I'm doing well now oh my god honestly I don't even know you in 12 months I'll be able to get a iPhone X 12 months

you're predicting that you're going to be there for the full 12 who knows I fell asleep at work yesterday they called me they caught me asleep i was like oh man i was like oh i had something in my eye um yeah he's like sydney uh you gotta go meet such and such i was like fuck yeah i was sleeping it was it was like 3 30 that's like nap time girl whatever bitch what were you an expert in this week um what was

i an expert at this i was a little bit shady this week but you know that this week yeah oh wow you got a new job and you think you could talk to me any kind of way sis do i need to call hr yeah okay look so there's someone that i work with who i don't really trust their work okay okay so what that means is i'll be showing up already ready right okay yeah but we always do that we always go to a lot of gigs where we're just like yeah i don't want you touching my eyebrows my edges are fine yeah if it looked the way it look on camera at least i could blame myself right right also uh confession i don't really be watching the show it's still not that good oh my god so if it looks bad on camera i have no idea unless people tag me in something

on instagram and i'd be like oh i should have plucked my part a little bit more um but uh you know for the most part uh you know this is what i was an expert in this week i was an expert as sticking to my guns good because because sometimes we as women especially we think that we gotta like tiptoe or like watch what we say so that we don't hurt somebody's feelings or get somebody fired but like at the end of the day if i don't feel comfortable i'm not gonna be performing at my best right and i just i'll be doing what i need to do to prepare myself at the house and then when i get to work i do whatever i need to do when i'm at work this we're gonna do this on the patreon the patreon this is the patreon gonna be yeah the tea gonna be there listen we're gonna

have to move it to like ten dollars if you want to hear this if you want to get name you gotta you gotta buy us king of the crabs i'm so tired of you speaking of being tired uh our guest today uh she we walked in together because she looked so slow and so tired on the sidewalk in front of me and i was like uh girl is that you and she turned in slow motion um anyway she is a freaking funny ass comedian she performs all over the country right you'll be touring i'll be seeing you she's at the comedy cellar she's done our live show a couple times uh she is our did we say honesty am i being honest yeah honest uh she's our honesty expert give it up for joyelle are we saying the middle name yeah Nicole Johnson hey ladies good morning hey you got a nine to five

or a ten to six absolutely not uh I'm living this comedy life full throttle so I'm nighttime last night I was on stage at about 1 a.m 12 30 oh yeah so I went to bed I tried to go to bed early for you guys what time did you go to bed maybe five ah oh wow so early early in the morning You went to bed at 5 I just want to tell the listeners Y'all can't see them But the baby hairs is pulping The baby hairs look like they got

All over the case I didn't even do that on purpose You were out but the baby hairs were sleeping The baby hairs take a night off occasionally The baby hairs had Cucumbers on their eyes That is an amazing compliment The baby hairs had king of the crab

At lunch At lunch unbelievable yeah but you had uh you had like a you had a day job for a while yeah i mean i've had day jobs yeah i've had plenty of day jobs but now when you were bringing your lunch to to work were you bringing your lunch are you one of these like 12 salad niggas um i'm like a 15 tie lunch person i every day yeah i'm not good with my money same friend i like to eat i eat i get what i want and that's all I want is to be able

to take cars and eat when I want and pay my bills you know but are you paying your bills if you're spending $15 a day on lunch five days a week

I sure am she didn't say they were on time she said she was paying them they might not be on time she might be doing installments yeah

some aren't some aren't here's $15 for the optimum bill yeah but that was when I was making money I don't you know

I don't do that as much I don't eat all day I eat like once a day me too that's not how you that's not good for your metabolism but nobody's listening to me

my body looks amazing so I don't know what you're talking about I mean honestly and truly I can't tell that sweater is a little bit lumpy there you go wow the waist is cinched it's cinched wow I don't think I've ever seen your midsection yeah no you probably have now she be wearing them see through tops and what not

yeah but the cleavage it be it be titty windows it's not like belly windows yeah it's titty windows titty windows yeah I'm gonna do more belly windows for the summer you could do it i'm here to tell you thank you don't hold back i want to be like you on runyon canyon yeah in the sunshine you know west coast is yes we hate her she looks so happy on that mountain i was like what the book is this glowing just on a rock just living her best life i was like the level of disrespect holding dogs and shit i had to record i had

to report her as spam oh my god they tried to take my my picture down they did oh yeah i think i muted it i was like this is hate speech i'm so tired of y'all i don't i don't like this at all yeah wait now joel how do you feel about marie and her situation like sticking to your guns when you're on set oh how you feel about going to gigs well i have an unrelated story i will uh say hair wise you know since you weren't talking about that um I I made the mistake I had a photo shoot recently where I specifically asked if there was somebody who could do our hair our hair our hair yeah um and they told me yes and they sent the first the first picture they send of the person's work is Simone Biles so I was like

that's not a good example um whatever it is yes and so I show up to I show up to set mistakenly like a white girl woke up like this do-rag hair a mess and the guy looks at my hair and he just goes this is perfect oh no it's like you're it's like you're great everything's everything's fantastic wait wait wait you say you had a do-rag on i'm talking like marie faustin right now like okay so you had a kerchief i had a i'm doing a rosie the riveter yes we can you're doing more than i was doing that no sis i'm feeling i'm feeling auntie mama that you said the riveter i'm looking at i'm thinking about maple syrup okay sis should we talk about what your hair is doing oh i can you're giving us give us a sweet oh absolutely you got an amistad oh hell yeah oh bitch i'll

take this wrap off and give you cleo oh yeah i'll give you cleo from set it off i was giving cleo from seven off that day and um and then the guy was just like it's perfect and that was one time when i wasn't honest because i was so mad and whenever i get mad i start to tear up oh wow because i want to fight someone and then right when that happened this different race person starts doing my makeup so i was like i need to calm down because you can't cry when someone's doing concealer who was doing your makeup a different race a not a not one of us okay so the person who said your hair looked great was a white man a white gay man how dare you andrew How dare you, Andrew.

Andrew, get your people together. Gather your folks. It be your own folks. I was like, and then the woman was, she was Asian. So now I'm worried if my makeup's going to look crazy. Sis, you thought she was going to look like a geisha? Yes, and they were shooting in black and white. Oh my God.

Yeah, no, it was stressful. And then the picture they chose, I just, I'm sweating. Do you have the picture on you? And then the director was trash. Yeah, I do. We need to see this picture. Yeah, we want to see the photo. We want to see the picture.

Well, yeah, I'll pull it out. I feel like when you get to a certain point in your career, you know everybody's going to have the makeup, the hair. Everything is going to be done right. But it's the in-between. But that's because you can get them to hire people that you work with or people that you like. Wait, hold on.

Let me see. Come on, Sydney. Oh, Sydney. All of this. Don't make me. Oh, I'm so mad at them. Yeah. Oh, friends.

Jesus Christ. Oh, wow. I'm going to cry again. No, no, no. No, it's just because I saw the other people who were in this spread. And they looked great, right? And they looked amazing. Wait, Joyelle, is that your age?

Wow. Yeah, they put everything out there. Sydney, did you see the age? No, I didn't even look. I was too busy looking. Wow. What is happening right now? Well, we're honest.

Honestly, friend? I thought you were a lot younger. A lot of people do. Thank you. Well, as long as you look it, that's all I'm saying. Thank you. I'm glad. I mean, also the photo is black and white.

So if the makeup was bad, I can't tell. We can't tell. Yeah, no, that's great that you couldn't tell about the makeup, but everything else. So what, were you wearing a hat? They put a hat on top of. That's how you know when they're like, we can't do your hair. Here's a hat. Mind you, it'll be like a hat that they found in like a broom closet.

They'd be like, the janitor wears this sometimes. It was humiliating. And it's going to be in a magazine for an entire quarter. So that's when I was like, oh, use your voice. Be more honest. But that's okay. So Sydney and I had worked on a bunch of shoots and stuff like in the last couple of years together.

And you know, you sit in that chair and you think, Oh, this person looks like me. So I should be okay. And those are the times that I've been the most unhappy with my makeup. Wow. I shot something for like,

um, like Bravo with candy. Yeah. You know, and it was like a test and the makeup artist was this black woman. And I should have known by the way, her, um,

her leave out looked by the way, her leave-out look that she was not on my side, right? Oh my God. I was like, sis, did you put me in blackface? Yeah. Like, how did you put darker makeup on me than what I came in here with? Like, didn't even know that existed.

It was like, girl, you couldn't blend no yellows into this? And the crazy thing is, is then you'll see the other people who obviously don't look like you at all. Right. And you're like, well, how come she look like, flawless? Right. How did you make the dingiest white woman look hot?

You look like Charlize. I don't. Sydney, we're being honest today. Yes, we are. And I feel like that's, I mean, people who are listening, that's what they want. Because I'm not saying that all white women are ugly. But I'm saying that, like, I'll be on a shoot and me and my perfectly placed cheekbones will look like a pancake. And they'll be like, well, how did you get Mallory to look so good?

You contoured Mallory. Right. Mallory got a highlight. Or why do I generally look younger than everybody? and now I look the oldest. Why did you put that wet and wild shimmery blue shit on my lips? This not even called for. What are we doing?

Wet and wild. It stresses me to no fucking end. And now I've learned my lesson to be like, oh, so I should come full hair and makeup at all times. But why do I need to do that? It's taking away from my art. That's taking away from everything. Because if I have to learn the lines, if I have to prepare,

now I have to do my hair and my makeup and make sure, oh I have to bring another outfit it's like what the fuck or do a stand up set I've seen I've seen female friends bomb television shows because they were so stressed out about their hair and makeup oh that is so people don't understand how hard it is to be

an attractive black woman because it's true like yeah cause if you're ugly everyone expects that if you're ugly and you're a female comedian you know whatever but you know when you're you hold yourself to a certain standard

physically right yeah instagram be popping you be getting all the likes and then you show up and the the team is not prepared and it's crazy because as a white stylist hair or makeup you just have to know how to do white people's stuff that's it really like a barrel curl or whatever but if you're a black artist girl right if you're a black artist a black hair or makeup person they they they quiz you they'd be like well you know we don't want it to be too much we're not looking a love and hip hop look they be shading them really

as a black makeup hair and makeup person you have to know how to do black people stuff white people stuff Asian people stuff but with a white artist

only know how to do fair skin and then when you show up they be like did you bring your base yeah it's like my base your base right

no I didn't bring I don't even know I don't know what my color is but I know what my color ain't it's not the darkest shade and then it's like I have to spend my own money to make sure that I have

oh the makeup for my house but also the makeup that I have to bring with me to all these other kids. My road makeup. Your high definition. Yeah. Yeah, your 4D contour palette.

Which is, it is so expensive. It's like $60 for this stuff. Sis, write it off on your taxes this year. Right, right, right, right, right. Write it off. Yeah, but I just feel like

I shouldn't have to. You should just have the color palette to go with. Yeah. Why do I look so dry in this? Should. Sis, how am I ashy

and oily at the same time? At the same time. Yeah. Yeah, it's humiliating. But it's nice to know now but it also makes me see how people turn into quote unquote divas

because I'm like oh I'm never doing another shoot without getting the proof first I need you to I need to see what you're putting

in this magazine yeah because how dare you like who chose this picture did you tell them did I tell them what how you feel about it no

it's just like it's out it's whatever I didn't you know it's out and my you know

we just left it luckily it's not in an oh it's not it's not Vogue it's not Vogue it's gonna be like

so what it is though it's gonna be a zine and Winter's gonna be like bitch and I'm gonna be like bitch she's gonna be like but how do you do that

in this industry how do you how are you honest but also like nice about it like diplomatic I don't think that you have to be nice

if you're being honest because being honest doesn't necessarily mean thank you so much but being honest doesn't necessarily mean mean like now when I show up to stuff

it'll be like a little it'll be a little a little hairstylist and they'll be like well what are we doing with your hair and I'll be like we already did it at home right and they'd be like oh yeah I'd be like oh and then that's it

I don't think I don't I don't think I'm mean am I mean no I don't think you're mean I think you're stern I'm stern you're stern oh stern is like a step right below mean yeah it's stern and it's one of those things like um I might have to talk to your people instead of you if I want to get something through I like that I put off that facade yeah I mean first of all you tall you're like uh six two yeah you are really tall how tall are you i am five ten and a quarter you know i didn't realize what the height difference was until we hugged earlier and i was like yeah i was like so let's talk about like and let's talk about dating sure are you honest in relationships what type of men are you attracted to i'm attracted to men who will be mean to me and unavailable i've

seen just i've seen the shit joya and i'll be i was upset i was like girl no wait absolutely not what did i mean well i i mean one we were at the taco truck and yeah some stray animal was there okay i think he bought you a taco yeah just one because i need to get at least three no no i think he bought you a couple of tacos yeah okay union pool yeah but he just looked mass shooter-ish oh yeah so it was a white man yes yes oh wow i remember that you were there he had a neck beard you you had been drinking so like well maybe i shouldn't be so harsh because you were drinking so it's like whatever you know it's not as it wasn't like you were sober picking this dude but wait you picked him or he picked you at the truck i mean he picked her he definitely went up

to her i sit i feel so great no no no yes please okay well uh you know that i if i show you the people that i've been with you would be like what thank god you're with a woman yes um thank god is a woman you know um and that guy i remember that guy it was so funny because i recently saw him he came into the comedy no yeah and he's a return customer he came in to try to get a seat and he couldn't get a seat and i saw him and i smiled because i didn't recognize him and then he paused and did the thing like where he's like uh-oh and then i was i've smiled like what's up and then as he walked away i was like oh that was a dude yes so it was a fun moment for him to get rejected from the door me like being about to go on stage like body oh that is boss okay this still feels

very vague to me yeah i think all of the listeners is this somebody that you dated uh no we just well yeah we went on like two dates okay so sydney found out he was married no so you like married dude no no she doesn't you like unemployed no unavailable mean married yeah that's just unavailable yeah and so that way how did you find out uh you know as you get more talk get to talking but i don't i don't even remember i think it was you were like what are you doing tomorrow and he was like well my wife and i yeah what my wi-fi is wi-fi my wi-fi my wife fi yeah uh yeah yeah it came out of conversation because i'm not the type of person you're gonna be able to lie to for a very long amount of time uh because i'm i'm honest and i i take honesty out of people i

believe that wow you can't lie to me so uh you know he was able to keep it down for one day but on that second one i was like oh well where did he take you on the second day because the first They sounded like he took you to a truck that we met at the truck. We were already there. Yeah, we were already at the truck. Did he get Sidney's tacos? No, he did not. We already hate him.

I didn't even remember you were there that night. I was there, sis. Can Sidney be looking and taking notes? Yeah, she really did. That's hilarious. She'd be like, oh, he got on a new balance? I'm going to remember that in seven months. Honestly, it was so long ago.

I mean, this is years ago. Yeah, that's why I'm like, i don't even remember but yeah probably went out and then found out he was married and then he tried to like still hang out and i was like leave me alone yeah what the hell i mean men you know are so bold oh yeah um so okay so do you have an example of your like what did you say to him when you found out he was married i mean you said leave me alone obviously yeah yeah i was like okay we're done here and then he was like but but like it was like the we're separating type of thing the loophole shit yeah yeah yeah and i was like we're separating figure out your shit she got full

custody of our eight kids yeah yeah yeah yeah but we live together i'm like what what do you have a curfew why would you want to do i don't understand i there could be no way that i would feel comfortable still being living with somebody and then dating other people no i mean i can't you can't come back to the place well no you gotta go to the place you have to yeah and you have to have a you have to have you know when someone's always coming over your house you're like what's going on at your house yes yes yes what is happening i didn't realize that i didn't realize that when i was younger but now at this age i'm like oh if they're not if you're not going to they place they hiding a body underneath the bed yes or a living body on top of the yes they have

they have 12 bowls that are like have half eaten food in it underneath the fucking dresser that's a hoarder yeah that's a hoarder or a killer or or they have a roommate that's like 62 years old oh my god that's who actually owns the place you're like oh that dude he got a bunk bed yeah one if they don't invite you to their house they got a bunk bed or a mattress on the floor oh they have two hamsters as pets so for their butt where did the hamster butt thing come from uh wasn't it uh an actor i think it was richard gear yeah but who was the first person to be like i could put a hamster in my butt that sounds like some medieval uh some feudal lord some feudal lord realness i thought it was nutty professor that's how the black plague started um well i heard the

rumor before nutty professor right so eddie murphy was putting prosthetics on and then putting a hamster in his butt i believe it hercules hercules this took a turn okay sorry so besides relationships i know you got friends oh yes that you got to be honest with i'm terrible at friendship really friendship is hard let's talk about i don't understand friendship i never have in my entire life um i was the i was the girl who uh had the hate club in middle school what's that um a bunch of girls decided one day that they hated joyelle and they were like we're gonna be mean to her today why did your boobs come in before theirs uh no actually i didn't well you were taller than him for sure i know i didn't hit it later i hit puberty very very late um i don't know i i don't

know what happened my you know your mother's always like they're jealous of you and I was like jealous of what like I didn't I was in the little smart classes when I was a kid but that's something to be jealous of yeah yeah I was smart I was like look at her she can read yeah yeah I was in the smart classes so that was part of uh the jealousy but it was all the black girls in the school were like we H.O.A.L. so ever since then because they were my friend one day and then the next day they weren't so um I've never been able to attach to friendships really but I think that's now that i'm learning about i just feel like that's emotions i feel like in high school middle school you're going through so many changes oh yeah it's hard hormones yeah oh my god 12 year

olds they're junior high school it's disgusting i mean we oh sis like satanic little creatures beasts yeah but i think that like the fact that we were able to survive middle school and then high school and now we're adults that are still struggling is like still struggling like where's my where's my award yeah and that and that's the thing where i'm like i'm still struggling because for me as a friend i'm very open initially i i received love initially i give you a chance to turn on me like and the second that you do we're done that's so funny because when people talk to me i've been like look at this nigga he trying to get booked or he trying to get some pussy don't men men or women i'm like look at that she trying to get she trying to get some

pussy she must think that i'm a gay oh my god you do be hanging out with sydney you do you know i'm queer adjacent yeah yeah so i i'm the opposite i'm i mean i'm closed initially and then i'm closed at the end you're closed you just stay closed all the way closed i'd be like out for lunch yeah yeah i'm out yeah and it depends on what you do because for me you have to do something major and like i know you got an example sure sure sure let me turn oh example uh somebody that was your friend that did something gross that you hate now I had

a friend who I was dealing with a person and I told them about it and then their reaction was to side with someone else in the situation that's not your friend exactly and then that's

why I was like oh cool you're not my friend and so now moving forward my problem also is that I just don't need to say anything to you about it because I don't care. No, you have to address people. I think that at this age, it's okay to tell people

like this is how I feel. We don't have to go anywhere after this, but I just have to get this out because then I'm going to be holding this in or telling the people who don't need to hear it. You need to hear it because I have the problem with you. And also for me so where my honesty comes in is once I'm asked. If I'm asked, I will

be so very honest. You're not out here lying. I'm not out here lying. so do you know can you tell us about the last time you did lie about something even if it was

something small Sydney do you remember the last lie you told I'm always lying that's cute everything is a lie I think I lie to white people

those are the only people I lie to especially when it comes to money like if I'm late for something I'll be like oh the train's late

those are the lies I tell those are white lies that's the New York lie everybody lies about stuff like that I'm trying to think

when someone says the trains are late I know that you left your house late right exactly because that's what I'm saying it yeah because like

today I was like oh I'm late because I went to get coffee and that was why I was late so I was like I don't need to lie to y'all about the train because you know

we wasn't we wasn't niggas ain't here so for me I'm trying to think I don't I don't lie I'm not a liar

you've never lied to get out of something at work or lied to a dude lied to dudes no work work related

would be the only type of time I would think about lying to white people yeah it's usually it's usually white people well i feel like in this industry everybody is like you feel like they're your friend but they're also a co-worker so there's like blurred lines with that and i do i do have to skate very thin with in terms of being honest with people because

somebody will like well do you think i'm funny and it's like i haven't booked you on any of my shows any of my shows i think no but i like you as a person i think you're cool but somebody might find you funny i just don't get it now see i wouldn't i would say that if you ask me do you think i'm funny and i don't i would try to nicely say you ask me i will tell you do you think i'm funny i will tell you the truth are you asking me yes very much so okay you make me laugh a lot i mean after you guys were like this picture you guys were very honest i don't think i did ask oh i didn't ask oh well your your eyes showed your baby hairs i just showed the picture your emergency contact somebody somebody did ask i

felt it uh my spirit um well i i had to be honest with somebody who asked about a spot at the knitting factory yeah um i sent it to the group i said what do y'all think of this person and everybody was like, absolutely not. And then I had to write them, and it was like, yeah, you're not a right fit for the knit. Who are you talking about? Because I feel like I say no regularly. Mouth fit to me.

I'll tell you after. Because I say no to everybody. Cindy be like, so-and-so, and I be like, uh-uh. No, I'm good on that. Meanwhile, Marie hasn't been to a comedy show when? When's the last time you watched someone's set? Exactly. You know I'm working in the evenings now.

who wants to do that honestly yeah who wants to sit and watch comedy when they're not performing no and I've had dates try to be like

let's go to a comedy show I'm like no absolutely not you want me to go to work on my day off no thank you and you're not gonna take me to a good one

right you're gonna spend a lot of money for me to see nothing good right we're gonna be in Times Square okay sis

that's where you're gonna be I said drag them so let's talk about like your upbringing like where are you from is your mother real honest I feel like you gotta Oh, Brooklyn Project mother.

Yes. She's the most honest person on the planet. Like one of my examples is when I was a kid and my first breakup, I'm crying to my mother and she was like, you'll be fine and it'll happen again. But that's the right thing to say. Well, you're black. So that's what I don't think that is. She's actually Haitian.

It's different. It's a super black. It's a different level of black. Yeah. Yeah. No. You'll be fine and it'll happen again. And you're like, what do you mean?

why would you say that I'm 15 you didn't have to say that he was a little bit fast friend uh 15 yes I think that that's really funny uh yeah she my mother's very honest so honest single mother nurse oh they have to be yeah they have to be but the thing is Ramona when she was honest it was just like she was smoking a cigarette while she was being honest So it just hurt more. Ooh. It's like your mom smoked cigarettes. Oh,

well not anymore, but growing up. Yes. Oh, she was a chain smoker. Chain like back to back smoking. Oh wow. So it's just like,

she's drinking coffee, smoking cigarettes, drinking E and J and just like letting you have it. Oh, I didn't know you had a black mama like that. Ramona Marie. Absolutely. Ramona Marie.

Yeah. Okay. Absolutely. I like her. I like, yeah. No, absolutely.

I just feel, she sounds hilarious she does she sounds like a jennifer lewis character oh jennifer lewis i mean i think i've told this story about i i had a talent show and i had to sing and i was like mom can you take off for work and come and she came and she she had her trench coat on her jean jacket on she had like two wigs on sunglasses she sat in the front she had two wigs on because you know she's a drag queen yeah and she saw me she saw me sing and uh after the show she was like don't never have me take off for work for something like this again so we all have mean moms great she's like nothing for this that no no you should have said to her you'll be okay and it'll happen

again yes i did not invite her to anything else it was too embarrassing oh how old were you high school yes oh so you were you were an adult friend you were like 16 you're fine you're fine i was not fine i well going in i was like i shouldn't be singing i can't sing do you remember what song you sang it was oh holy night i did it with my friend leticia and she's fucking a mess because i was like girl this doesn't sound good oh holy night you gotta be able to hold you were a little sharp right there yeah i hadn't heard tone deaf in such a long time like i kept i've they kept telling me that i'm tone deaf and uh they kept telling the audience the audience was like she you choned him ramona ramona threw one of her wigs up there that's how she booed me

she booed you she threw one wig she threw her clip on bang at you yeah that's exactly how it happened so yeah ramona i'm used to my family being honest honest it's just necessary mine is very necessary but also it borderlines on um emotional trauma it does it's a child but like I think I think when I talk to people and we we compare notes about like our upbringing, my childhood seems like it like I was emotionally abused. Yeah, but I feel like I'm fine. Yeah, I mean, but there are people who are in therapy for things that like I'm like, oh, that happened to me and I'm I'm fine. I mean, I'm I'm very deep in therapy. So let's talk about it.

Yeah, sure. Let's talk about it. I found my therapist a couple of years ago on Craigslist. Black female. absolutely not imagine she was a referral from a family member

and I wouldn't trust it absolutely not she's a rat I love it even more she's a rat I love it even more because then she has

family background but it was a cousin it's my cousin so it was fine but yeah she has family background so when I'll say something she'll be like

oh that's that person so she knows more about my family oh you don't have to give her the back story exactly I don't have to give her as much of a back story

so we can get into the deeper stuff quicker you know is it a young black woman or no she's older and uh just a wise yes maya angelou type i'm yeah not that old but yeah yes and she's like 42 maya angelou was 42 before yeah but she's always looked 80 morgan freeman yeah morgan we're never young um yeah so no she's great she's black she's a woman and that's what i think everyone needs in their therapist somebody who relates to them in some way shape or form

in their demographic when you say relate I mean I don't want my therapist I don't want her to look like somebody I would actually hang out with right

I don't want my therapist to know the lyrics to Drake songs no my therapist does not know the lyrics to Drake songs she's older than that I don't want my therapist

like out at any place I would be no I wouldn't be like oh you come here too yeah Cecilia yeah oh wow

yeah no she ain't that person she's older than that so it's great but when you say relate to just like culturally yeah because you need I need to be able to talk to you and say that happened because I was black or female and then you'd be like cool what happened next right like I've talked to white

guys before they're like well maybe it wasn't because you were black yes it was now let's move on we're not going to explore why I thought something that I know exactly that I know you're not going to sit here and gaslight me and then that's the thing that a lot of people don't know that they're doing if you're talking to a person and you're trying to tell them their experience isn't their experience that's gonna make you feel like oh I can't even get deeper into this conversation which is why a lot of people are turned away from therapy I think in my

opinion because they're talking to a person that can't relate to them I don't have a therapist but if I did if you did she would be like bigger than me but not too big and she would be you're talking about the body type

yes yes yes you know she ain't ready for therapy she's not because if you're not taking care of yourself how are you gonna take care of me it's very true so i need you to be like maybe not this skinny and sexy but like i need you to be you know like motherly but not my mom yeah you know whatever i need you to be a middle child because i'm a middle child you know it's the same tinder like what the fuck is wrong you're not gonna date the bitch what's wrong with you it is like dating though finding the right therapist i think is

like dating and that's Sidney. My good friend is psycho. Sidney, you were complaining about your therapist wearing Toms the other day. Yes, because it just, no, that was the thing about. That's real. That's like. My therapist wears real. You cannot show up to a job just that casual. Toms are not,

it's not a day shoe. It's not a night shoe. The shoe should be thrown away. It should be canceled. I feel like Toms are in the same category as Crocs. It's like a gardening shoe. It is a house shoe. It's a running to the grocery store shoe. No, no, no, no. It's check the mailbox downstairs shoes. It's to throw the trash away

type shoes. That's what the fuck it is. I wear mine on the airplane. It might be a good airport shoe. Because I wear my regular boots and then I'll put my Toms in my bag and I'll wear them on the airplane. The Patakis. They're fucking jail shoes. That's what the fuck they are. When they threw a

wedge on the Toms, I was like, oh, I gotta go. Toms are doing some great things now. No, they're not. Shut up. We're never sponsoring Tom. Tom, if you're listening to the unofficial expert, we're not doing any if your name is Tom we not even really

rocking with you nah if you go by Tom you gotta go by Tommy yeah we're trying to cancel Toms hilarious yeah

and so you're all the way honest with your therapist you get down to it oh yes I do nitty gritty you don't hold back

we're getting down to the deep stuff I'm having a lot of breakthroughs recently and it took years it took years to realize you know

things where I was holding myself back and trying to heal it like part of you know pursuing unavailable men you know what's that

So where do you think that come from? I think that's everybody. Daddy, for sure. It's daddy issues? Yeah. Because I think it's just like a challenge sometimes because the people who actually like you, you're like, oh, you're so thirsty.

Get out of here. You texted me good morning again. You picked up on the first ring. Boring. I love the good morning, beautiful text. Oh, I hate just because that never means anything. Or like good night, beautiful. And it's like, okay, look, you don't need it.

And you send it both? No. From a guy I like. From a guy I like, I don't want it. Yeah. Not every day. like not every day not every day but i like it from a guy i like but uh then the guy i like y'all don't like nobody showing emotions that's what the fuck i do i just said i like feelings

i disagree it just sounded the same because y'all i said i like a good good morning you know what that is because sydney is a good morning beautiful texter oh she's the person that like in a relationship is dating no not maybe not to us no no i feel like the people she's dating she hitting them with a good morning no i'm like hey boo i've messaged you like hey good morning marie like i've said that and i'd be like throw the phone away i'm not having sex with you i was like she's trying to get some pussy oh my god she's trying to get on the knit or get some pussy she's trying to get some pussy oh my god it's too much it's overwhelming so you have to be with a therapist for a couple of years yes yes i have had people tell me that oh i tried therapy twice

and it didn't work and it's like no you can't yeah but like how much it costs for me to be doing it for a couple years i mean i am the luckiest bitch on the planet my therapist sees me for free oh but um what'd you what are you giving her in exchange you sent her your five minute set your late night what the fuck since you sent in her nudes like what's happening a little titty here and there you do her hair she yeah no she's she i'm one of her people that is on her pro bono list but uh oh sydney you gotta get on that list yeah it's crazy it's crazy yeah Well, and I go to Jersey for it. That's why it's free, bitch.

Girl, that's why you got all these emotional issues. You getting on a pass train? Yeah, for sure. You got to cross that dirty-ass Hudson River. I'm going. We can FaceTime. It's worth it. It's worth it.

For free, it's worth it. Well, it's not for you. I'm also from New Jersey. Yikes. Oh, wow. So you just go all the way there. Yes, sis. I would.

Yuck. I've been getting berated this entire time. You love it. You're just being honest with yourself. Honest. unofficial expert we love you so much maybe I'll scale back

I'm not scaling back I haven't cried yet today so do you cry often? oh very much you seem like a crier I cry a lot too but I haven't cried in a while what's a while Cindy? Two days? actually no

in all of LA I didn't cry I came back all of LA I didn't cry at all three weeks damn and before la i had been crying like every other week so every other week i didn't cry for three weeks and then i got back and then immediately cried when you got to jfk no something something had triggered me and i cried the week after and i cried in front of adrian and she was laughing and oh love it adrian is one of my favorite people

adrian is turning into marie and it's love it it's a lot and um she kind of made me feel weird for crying and I was like see this is why you can't cry okay but you were crying about something it couldn't have been super serious if she was laughing at you the thing is stuff that y'all think are not serious it's serious to me so I feel like

it's still valid yes it can be valid but if you were truly going through some type of crisis Adrienne would not laugh at you you'd be surprised you'd be surprised she won't laugh but she'll definitely look like wait she gonna come to her eyes at you but she not gonna

laugh at you that's why if you're telling me that she laughed while you cried in her house in front of the cats i'm like well you know you're a little dramatic friend you know you just got back from la from pilot season and you've been acting and you came home and put on a put on a little show with your tears cindy are you in an abusive relationship with with marie yeah i am actually all the way i'm glad that you've somebody else mentioned it someone else i mean i have no idea what y'all talking about emotional abuse i don't even know what those words mean together i can't do it emotional abuse yeah yeah imagine imagine marie honest but she's she's thoughtful she thinks about the stuff that she's about to say she'll just won't speak to me because she's like i know what

i'm about to say is rude so i'm gonna wait that's good i'm gonna wait on it i'm gonna hold back sometimes but i cry a lot often often very but like what makes you cry like it sounds like when you get angry you tear up when i get mad i can understand yeah i get mad i cry and then you get mad because you're crying i'm happy when's the last time you cried marie um i don't remember but i cry i know for a fact every year on my birthday but this year i didn't cry on my birthday what yeah once a year you're like a dude yeah it's beautiful shit you haven't you haven't cried don't remember the last time I cried I cried last night

thank you Andrew for asking good follow up questions no it's foolish not foolish but the last three birthdays you have have been really good really you've had good parties yeah but I'm saying thank you so much the Marie Gala Andrew you can maybe come to the Marie Gala this year I'm just gonna be naked

it's in September you have to wear a costume but no I don't cry on my birthday party I used I cry on my actual birthday out of happiness no out of sadness friend just like oh my god I'm so old and I'm doing nothing that's why when I see people's ages it's interesting to me because I always compare myself to people who are younger than me and more successful and then when I see people who are like around my same age or people who are older than I am and they just like out here just

like look at me I'm 58 and I'll be like wow 58 that's not how old Joya is I was about to I was like i was waiting for it i was like this is gonna turn into something that's gonna make me where are you going with this yeah but that's what i on my birthday i'm just sad oh yeah yeah that's crazy i get it um but you know and and it's it's because i feel like i'm not accomplishing enough yeah and i compare myself to like celebrities yeah who are your age which is crazy lying about their age oh yeah they're lying so like i'll be looking and i'm like okay well Ariana Grande is 24 She might

Could actually be 24 But I'm also 24 I don't wanna be 24 That's the one thing That is annoying About everyone Lying about their age

Because then when people Who are honest about their age You almost feel bad For being honest I am And it's just like I don't Doyle don't

I don't She from New Jersey She don't give no dams I don't care I don't care You don't No I love getting older

I love it From the bottom of my heart well you don't age bitch that's why your skin looks great thank you what's the diet? the diet's terrible wings from the cellar I'm drinking all the time smoking all the time I'm terrible at my diet

I'm trying to get better you know but whatever you should come to boot camp over the summer people keep stressing me out come to my sister's boot camp girl I've seen your sister I'm not coming to that come to boot camp I'm excited yeah come

she not gonna hurt you I don't do that that looks stressful let me tell you sis I've went a couple times and I was like this is not my lane I need to

I gotta do it on my own her sister looks like she can bench press me I mean she might she's dead lifting things now and she's smaller than me I just no no she's tall

well she's short yeah she's shorter than you yeah yeah so no I'm not here for that I like yoga no I'm a yoga instructor

you're a yoga instructor yeah here we learn so much at the unofficial expert I swear to God. Where you be yoga-ing? I used to teach. I was teaching at a rich school for kids.

And then I was doing 101 instruction. Kids get yoga in school? Yes. Oh, wow. It was a very rich school. Oh. It was 101. Can we do a little one-off?

Can you do a little yoga class for the hoes? I would love. I would love to start teaching again. So, yeah. You should. You should. You should totally do it. Yeah.

Yeah, I can come to your sister's boot camp and then I'll do the stretching. I'll lead everyone in a nice stretch. and it's just going to be a bunch of black women going ow but that hurts right there my butt is growing yes no I'm an amazing yoga instructor so

how does a black woman from New Jersey get into yoga you find a teacher once again it's like dating you find a teacher who speaks to you and then she influenced me to become a yoga instructor but I have a dance background so I'll use the strip

Alvin Ailey that's so sweet I'm ignoring this bitch so much is happening here wow I wish I was confident enough to strip I'm not good at that oh well you know what I I did an amateur night at Sin City

I did amateur night let me roll my chair back because the level of honesty that's coming from that side of the table is shocking I'm sorry was John Moses the host no no this was literally this was like right before I went to college I was so strapped for money

so strapped and my friend you couldn't get a job at like an urban outfitter and it was a $500 I'm telling you this was before the Sin City got renovated so I went there I was with my friend Anna and another friend Desi and they was like oh you gotta drink Hennessy

like that's how the strippers do it and then I had like this dress on from American Apparel okay so it was a bodycon silver situation. No, it's one of those things that, like, it was like one of those wrap dresses. Oh, so you could slowly take it off? Yeah, yeah. Oh, sis, what's up? They're doing

bony burlesque. Bony burlesque. Because I know this was before your boobs. Yes, it was. It was. I had, like, three bra on. Oh, cutie. And so I got up there. Before your boobs. And it was, like, three niggas in the front

that already was like, nope, this ain't it. Nope, nope, nope. They're like, young excuse me young man it was so bad it was so bad and then i took the first spin i was about to say a spin she went like this with her fingers she spun her hand around so i have a bra and panty that match so thank god i lifted up the dress and you could see the skin marks the flat cheeks no actually i had a little i had a little boom i had a poke out poke out and so when i did the first spin i heard my friend anna like ah i heard him say ah wait you had your friend there my friends had to come they were there

they were in the audience or were they gonna strip no no no no they were they were like we're there to support you know how you be out and you just late night like oh so let's just go to the amateur night and you already drunk and gas it like let's go do it your friend said oh so they gassed me up took me there yikes it was one of those and obviously it was bad and then i didn't win the money but the girl after me it was like you're clearly a professional stripper that's what would happen you're a stripper there's no way they would come to get money so by the time John Moses was hosting and he would be like

girl I saw you here the last three weeks like you can't keep coming back he was like this is the fourth week in a row and you're like

a Wednesday night stripper who's not a Saturday night stripper who comes on amateur night and pretends you're not a real fucking stripper

yeah you're just trying to make a little extra money what do you do you get $500 $500 and you have to dance for what

one song not the whole song oh well I mean we should do that tonight Andrew what you doing after this no Marie

that's what we're going to do the meetup is gonna be at a strip club so wait hold on so then you know how they line up the people like give it up for such a like when they like people have to clap damn your friends when i tell you it was fucking crickets no they did not clap and there was this one guy that was by the bar that was like yeah and everyone was like oh that must be her uncle he was trying to get booked at the niche he was trying to get some pussy oh my god it was so embarrassing and then i was like oh so we should do i was like let's go they're like girl we already here we gotta stay

for the rest of the night no we don't sure don't it was just and then one of the the bartenders was like you did your thing up there you i was like she said it in that tone i mean that's like you bombed on stage as a comic girl you comedy is hard it's comedy maybe you should do some musical cues yeah dance do you want an application to maybe bartend here wow it was before the titties it was before the titties and I had the chicken cutlets and I had two extra bras it was a lot but my friends my friends was like we give it we're happy that you just went up there and did it anyway.

I can't believe you did that. You're amazing. Unbelievable. You're my hero. This was before gentrified Bronx. This was really like... Oh, no.

I've been to Sin City. Sin City is... It was harsh. Somebody threw a Timberland boot at you. They were like, nope. That ain't it, B.

A Dominican barber threw some clippers at her. Oh, my God. Yeah. People were wearing do-rags as double pieces. Two pieces. They threw Sasson

on the fucking bed on the fucking floor and somebody threw a chopped cheese on the stage wow friend I heard from a stripper who did comedy I was like what's harder and she was like comedy she's like stripping you don't got to talk to nobody comedy is the hardest

job yeah but no I think people judge more when they see your body I think that's harder I mean they're judging our bodies when we're telling jokes yeah we're always getting our bodies judged we have clothes on but they're judging our bodies Also, when we walked down the street.

So that. They're always judging our body. But I feel like stripping, you got to be kind of close to the beat. You know what I mean? Like, you don't have to be on beat to be a stripper. No, you don't. Yeah, you don't have to speak. But she was like, you don't have to speak.

So you could bust a couple shots and then just twirl. Just twirl. Yeah, I did that one lap and they were like. Are you picturing this twirl? I am. I'm picturing this twirl. It was rough. I definitely.

I was like what did your face look like and then the second time I really tried to like pick my legs up it was you had a stretch

yeah but you were young you were more limber I was definitely more limber but it was definitely one of those things where you see your friends and you're just like this is not going well

while you were up there did it sober you up you were up there and you were like ah damn I'm not drunk enough I wasn't drunk enough to begin with

were you scared I was scared I was sweating I don't know how you did that my hands were my hands were soaked My panties were wet But not in a sexual way

It was like just sweating I wore a long sleeve dress You wore a long sleeve American Apparel wrap dress? Yeah When you were taking the dress off Did your wrist get caught in the dress? You were like

I never took the whole dress off You wore it like a roll the sleeves were too tight they're gonna get it off she just unwrapped and then she rewrapped no I pushed the top of the dress I pushed it underneath my bra

and I just tried to show the top of the bra and then I lifted the dress up did you not put titties out they didn't see nipples or anything oh girl that's why you didn't get the money you ain't listen to Cardi she told you

get them titties out would you do it again like if you were desperate for money and you had the opportunity to do it again would you do it again

I got too many followers on Instagram for that right see social media is messing up the game see what if you put like

a wig on and some nice glasses I already got wigs that's my brand what if you put a wig on if I went up there without a wig

then that would be the character right no wig no wig no wig Sid no wig with a mask that's it oh

I don't know if I'm that brave mask off It's fine One of those little burlesque masks One of them eyes wide shut masks One of them V for Vendetta masks Keep holding it up

This is how we You know This is how we bond It's the roasting The roasting is great I think roasting is honest Can we talk about that just a little bit Because I've been told that sometimes

It's being a bully Roasting people yes or making fun yes do you agree uh I'm very very sensitive so I I love it I love roasting uh but it hurts my feelings but I work through it she says at the end of the bond I work through it in New Jersey New Jersey I do work through it in New Jersey oh my god oh we so we should have been nicer up top Marie damn no it's fine be yourselves everyone no I think that like my culture and my upbringing all my family

members ever did was roast each other for sure we never hugged and we weren't we were like we would withhold information from each other but we were always roasting each other and even like Sydney came to my house last year it was too much I needed to take a nap we were roasting each other in the kitchen and Sydney was like

oh I gotta lay down she went through the beaded curtain she went to lay down I slept on the chair because I was like you guys are going full throttle on each other. And in my house, we don't apologize to each other. Yeah, my cousins are like that.

And that's how I learned comedy, was watching my cousins and us roasting each other and still sensitive, but I can get it. I'm sensitive too. I'm very sensitive. But you be roasting people the loudest and the most viciously. Sydney? Marie. Are you

really doing this? Sydney sitting at the comedy cellar table or Sydney sitting at the diner or Sydney sitting at the comedy show. Like, Sydney is roasting people like a veteran in the game. Marie, you are the meanest person I know. Okay? That doesn't mean that you're not roasting people.

When you roast, you roast to the end. Listen, Sydney and I bonded over a roasting session at a comedy show. At an open mic. Sydney, don't do that. Don't leave me out here like people don't listen to the podcast every single week. Are you good at roasting? Oh, we don't do that show. No, we don't do that.

Because I'm too sensitive for that. Yeah, no. And I would love to know, because I feel like Mike Lawrence is the best at that. I would love to know what he would write about me, but I would also probably cry. Have you not done a roast battle before? I would never. I would never. We fighting after.

If we do a roast battle, we squaring up. But Sidney did do a roast battle. And I absolutely bombed. Who'd you roast? This chick who's not even a comedian anymore. So there's the real roast. The gag is, you won that battle, but I won in real life. wow you said you make a money

Sydney said she was doing a roast I was like uh uh cause they asked us a bunch of times they were like would you guys do a roast battle against each other and I was like no never I don't need to do that and Sydney was like well hilarious it wouldn't be a right roast because Marie knows

everything about me I know nothing about Marie oh keep the wall up yes Berlin Wall build that wall I know nothing about her anything that I can find remotely mean she'll be like so right and it's not even that bad but that's the thing that's what

the white people do they get together and tell each other's deepest darkest secrets they write together yeah they be like well your mom died she OD'd I'm gonna talk about that and I be like oh no right no no no no but you won't do and that's that's what I'm like that when it gets deeper like that we're good

I don't need that I don't need that level of honesty yeah my dead dad who had scoliosis and cancer nah and sickle cell We don't need my dead dead beat dad jokes I don't need that And I just feel like When you're battling a white person

And as a black person You know they're going to say something And especially if you're a black chick They're going to say something They're going to call you some type of hood rat Or some type of cheniqua And it's like we're not doing this in front of 16 people in a basement Let's go to the diner

Feed me And then we can roast each other You know, we do it. We do it quietly in public spaces when we roast. I'll roast you in a movie theater. No. And I'm not going to take that. Not from a white person.

Girl, that's a great way to end the pod. I'm not going to take that. Before we go, do you have like three tips on being honest? How to be your most honest self. Yeah. How to be your most honest self. I've been practicing on using my voice in therapy. So everybody use your voice.

Your voice matters. and just like be louder not louder or just pick up for example when when the dude was like your hair looks great i should have said no i just woke up yeah i just i woke up like this and you need to do something to my hair or i should have hit my manager up and said get me the fuck off this set like yeah like could you have could you have left i i wanted to leave they weren't paying me oh you should have yeah i wanted to leave so so that's part of the thing was like i should have spoken up and i should have said something especially professionally so i want everybody to be more honest with themselves professionally in relationships with friendships if somebody

asks you a question answer truthfully you don't got to be mean but you could just be honest okay so your friend comes up to you and says do you think i'm funny i'm not getting booked on any shows you say uh maybe you should go to some more open mics oh and uh work on your this happened the other night this happened the other night my nigga bombed on stage in front of us and came with that bomb face who was it wait be honest can you write it in it right in the google doc look look right in the google doc does that mean anything to you oh yeah does that mean yeah yeah so nigga bombed and then we like came over and i'm not gonna be like good set and i was just like dude i was like the premises are good you just need to work on them you just need to work on your

that's helpful yeah that's helpful I would rather somebody be honest with me because if you're walking through

and people are being fake we have enough phoniness in this industry we do why are we being fake

if you're not funny you already I think know you're not funny I mean you literally just

bombed so and we all bomb everybody bombs that doesn't count everybody bombs

but when I bomb I be like wow I'm not funny and I take my black ass home

I don't go do you guys think I'm funny I would never I be like shh I gotta go back to school and get

my masters like that's what I feel go back to the draw boy right yeah okay tell somebody that

last thing friend brings her significant other over you meet him yes he leaves yes

hey girl what do you think about my man did I not like him no he's a mess he rolled up in a skateboard

okay hairline not right okay yes he's a mess he ain't got no money yes no

let's put another layer on this please you used to date him cute your friend shows up with this dude you used to date him he walks away do you like my man

what do you say girl you know that was the nigga I was telling you about from two years ago right oh do I like your man your man has been up to me yes yeah I would I would be I would well you let your friend still date that man let I'm all about people doing what they want to do

you know I hey there are plenty of Eskimo sisters in comedy comedy because you know it's sparse I don't have a single Eskimo sister in comedy good girl i've i have a few so uh good for you marie yeah good for you marie i'm so proud of you he's a bitch yeah no so uh yeah no i would definitely be honest and be like yeah i was i did that and he was terrible but good luck wow he was terrible good luck that's a good that's honest yeah that's a good that's a good place to leave it i think yeah wow this has been fun we

went all the way around we went to the strip club to therapy we went to new jersey we're here and paid a toll and we're back do you think we've gotten closer through this hour yes i know that you guys are liable to make me cry at any moment so yes you mean just marie i mean both of you i feel like joyelle feeds off of energies and if you start crying she might start crying too oh i could cry for i yeah i'm an empath i'm an empath yeah see i completely would do i see somebody crying i can cry instantly look and i'm so glad i had the sunglasses on because i almost cried this episode no oh my god during which part

when Sydney was talking about stripping oh no I think it was that made me cry you felt sad for me I was sad for you oh wow yeah tell people listening where they can catch you yes you can catch me at the comedy cellar a lot you can catch me I'm just gonna be all over the damn

country so you're very booked Joelle Nicole at Joelle Nicole on Instagram and Twitter website oh you have a website yes Sydney it's 2019 of course she has a website oh you have a website you got a tumblr

like yes you got a website I've been doing this podcast with her for years you know how many times I've cried on the pod how many times I'm about to hold back tears

yeah how many times you've almost cried on the podcast so many times Marie so many times you know what I feel tears coming

we gotta go don't forget to rate comment subscribe listen to the Patreon for the real tea yes we're gonna get on there cause I'm gonna name names

name names bye see you in New Jersey forever dog this has been a forever dog production executive produced by Brett Boehm, Joe Cilio

and Alex Ramsey for more original podcasts please visit foreverdogpodcasts.com and subscribe to our shows on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or wherever you get your podcasts keep up with the latest forever dog News by following us on Twitter and Instagram at Forever Dog Team and liking our page on Facebook.