MESS with Sydnee Washington & Marie Faustin - "The Hosting Expert" with Peter Smith

Episode Date: September 7, 2018

Peter Smith (The Bongo Hour) is the Hosting Expert! And they are dropping the supreme wisdom that will transform you into the perfect host at your next party. All your questions will be answered: Is it okay to fall asleep in the hosts bed? Is it okay to put edible glitter on everything? Is it a good idea to leave a tub of liquor-soaked fried chicken in your apartment for two days AFTER the party is over?Plus, Sydnee needs a new birth certificate and Marie is in a relationship with Kale!----Listen to The Unofficial Expert Ad-Free on Forever Dog Plus:https://foreverdogpodcasts.com/plus----BONUS EPISODES AVAILABLE NOW ON PATREON:www.patreon.com/TheUnofficialExpertBUY UNOFFICIAL EXPERT MERCH:https://www.teepublic.com/stores/the-unofficial-expert-podcastFOLLOW THE UNOFFICIAL EXPERT:https://www.instagram.com/UnofficialExpertFOLLOW SYDNEE:https://www.instagram.com/JustSYDbwhttps://twitter.com/justsydnycFOLLOW MARIE:https://www.instagram.com/Reeezyhttps://twitter.com/MsReeezyFOLLOW ANDREW:https://www.instagram.com/mcgui_guyTHE UNOFFICIAL EXPERT IS A FOREVER DOG PODCASThttps://foreverdogpodcasts.com/podcasts/the-unofficial-expertSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Forever. Dog. Unofficial expert. Wow, we're here. That's copyrighted. Don't steal that. Okay. Hey, guys. Hey, new people, old people.

People who don't know why they're here. Just in case people don't know who we are. I'm Sydney. I mean, you should know us. My name is Marie. And this is the Unofficial Expert Podcast. It's a podcast where we talk to people who think they're experts at things you don't actually need skills for. But they come prepared, though.

They got notes. They got people bring resumes and dry erase boards and, you know, just, you know, what they think the rest of the quarter is going to look like. A lot of that. It's great. And I love it to shut them down and be like, you know what? We came you came here prepared, but we go and talk about some. We just want to talk about some other shit, too. We just want to talk about your eyebrows.

Like, let's talk about the out. let's talk about the look that you threw on for this today and your meal plan what your fridge is looking like do you have a meal plan i feel like you skip all the meals no no i'm actually doing better with my eating okay so get the last three things you ate go today you had i had a yogurt oh that's not a meal sis that's it's a snack that's a supplement that's not true uh what you had an insure that's what you're trying to tell me and then before the yogurt what did you have? Kennedy's fried chicken okay sis great and then before

your hood fried chicken what did you have before that? I had a salad a tuna salad. Okay it was in a sandwich? I'm just trying to figure out what you think. Listen Marie we're trying to bring positive vibes. No. Same

no new friends. Same energy. Don't bring me down we're in a new network we're trying to bring ourselves up I've been eating more You don't see the thickness You had a yogurt today for breakfast and lunch Because I had Kennedy's fried chicken last night

You had that before you went to sleep Oh you gonna die in one of your dreams Blame Larry Owens Larry Owens Thank you for asking me what I had I know you do well I made a kale salad yesterday for the first time And you know kale is trash to me

Because I'm black and collard greens is the number one green And I was like Well, because I've had a kale salad before and it was like hard. But I learned you got to massage the leaves before you eat it. Did you know that you're dating kale now? You got to like soak it in olive oil and lemon juice to make it soft. And when the leaves darken, it's ready for you to eat it. You're in a relationship with kale now.

Since you know I don't do relationships. You're in an open situation with kale. Okay. And then the day before that, my mother just discovered green juice. And she's been telling me I need to make a green smoothie. so i i made a green juice and it was so much work so i guess i'm just doing salads now how was the green juice it was like i put kale spinach cucumber and all this other crap in my tiny like cheap ass blender and all the don't do that it's not cheap it's your it was free sis

it was like in a gift bag for an event i attended it was cheap um but all like the gunk like all the green stuff like is it the bottom of the i had to like filter it out it's too much work you're an expert in in uh health you're doing healthy shit now no no no no no no no since i bought a list of things that i was an expert for in the last two weeks i've been an expert at a lot of things okay because we haven't been here for a moment we have not it's been a moment we've had to you know we had to do some changes and uh now we're here speaking of doing changes i see you're not wearing a bra today i am not i'm not wow we got a producer here so you know i gotta make sure the visual is cute okay well i have on gym clothes uh your your your your neckline is looking cute

it looks very uh uh basketball loving basketball oh my god thank you so much Did you just call me a Sonali thing? Yes. Wow. When she went to prom. Thank you so much. Did she have a strapless situation on for? I don't know what it was, but you just knew her chest was strong.

It's like, damn, you definitely play outside of this movie. Thank you so much. Thank you so much. I feel like I'm doing better, you know? You look good. This week I was an expert at, like, I feel like improving my life all around, you know? I did have that green smoothie. I had a salad.

Today I ordered a bed in a box, okay? A bed in a box. wait what you know how you can order a mattress and they put it in a box and they deliver it to your house and you gotta like unfold it and you can sleep on it i did that today all right girl i'm moving on to like bigger and better things for the rest of 2018 i love it a bed in a mother effing box that is so i'm overwhelmed it's supposed to come tomorrow yeah man so i'm you know i'm an expert at just like improving everything so wait you're doing this bed in the box are you gonna christen this bed in the box it's a bed in the box um you know i don't know

you can't be getting g stains on a new bed in the box you gotta you gotta at least sleep in it for a month since you know you get it for a hundred days and then if you don't like you gotta bring it back i can't send it back all stained with so christened juice so you have this uh like probation period with this bed in the box and if you really love it then you'll get the cum stains got it no sis you it's gonna be sheets on the bed okay you're disgusting sitting what were you an expert in this week getting my life together as well um my taxes will be in order they will be in order good news bad news is i need my birth certificate and my social security card which i did not know where either of them are so went to the social security office early yesterday

um that was a lot it's something where is the social also that sounds like a place where old people die uh no no there was a lot of um multicultural folks there okay so no white people were there no white people was there and the security guard was the oldest black woman harriet tubman was the security guard of social security and sojourner truth and it's something about an older black woman just reading people all day like brought joy to me but also gave me anxiety she's like i'm not gonna read it to you i'm not the instructions are right there y'all can't read i was like it's espanol espan pero she she didn't have her glasses she was clowning and it stressed they were calling numbers the whole time and it was like what's my number it's

my number right and i thought i had the right number i didn't and how do you have the wrong number i you know like the wrong social security no no no the number to they're calling numbers to come to the window so they're like 23 24 25 8 20 how did you have the wrong number i'm dyslexic so i'm there i was like i thought it was i saw it 23 but it was really a 28 so they were calling 28 like so many times and she's like what idiot is in here that can't and i was like you're like must be me and uh so i did that and that was cool um where is the social security office i feel like This is Staten Island. No, it's downtown Brooklyn.

Downtown Brooklyn. So that's cool. And then I have to go get my birth certificate on Friday. Your mom doesn't have this stuff? You know I don't talk to Ramona like that. I did have it, but remember, I don't live at that place anymore. And they took my stuff to a storage in Queens. Not happening.

So I'm just replacing things. They took your stuff to a storage unit in Queens? Yes. Oh, sis, that's kidnapping. the kidnap your birth certificate and the TV that you were supposed to give me yes no that's not in there that's at somebody's house

I got it so yes I'm doing that and then I've been riding my bike that has been exhilarating because exhilarating because last summer I rode my bike everywhere and I realized

I needed to be drunk and high to have the energy to do it I've been struggling on this bike for days and people have been drunk and high, drunk and high. At the same time. Oh, man, mama. Wow. Yeah. OK, so now I'm on the bike sober as hell and and it sucks.

And people are while I'm riding, they're like, are you OK? And I'm like, I'm fine. And then I look at myself. I'm like, I am not OK. Well, before we introduce our guest, tell us what is the sober bike uniform? What are you wearing on this bike? I'm looking cute. I got like some color coordination type situation.

That makes you don't match? No. If I have a blue shirt on, I got my blue sunglasses. I got little shorts. I got sneakers that match the sunglasses. Are you wearing a bra? No. Okay.

That's what the listeners wanted to hear, sis. Nips are out. And you would be surprised how many dudes think I'm selling ass on a bike. Yeah. It's crazy. Yeah. Why would I sell dank pussy on a bike? Because it's very dank.

It's summertime. It's dank and stank. Dank and stank. Some people like it like that. Some people like it like that. Speaking of dank and stank, our guest is not that. Speaking of dank and stank, our guest is that. Super excited.

Our inaugural guest. Yes. I know. Another word. Another word. Bang, bang, bang. Is an all around jack of all trades, right? You're an incredible performer

Yes Comedian Yes Actor Fashion icon Fashion icon Yes Give it up for our hosting expert

Peter Smith Hi Hi Peter Hi How you doing? Peter, are you I'm great I was gonna say, are you high?

I'm a little hungover Okay And a little high hungover Which people say you can't do But you can feel it the next morning It's just cotton mouth Yeah If you have too many bong rips

It kind of ends up lingering in the next morning we're still doing that oh i'm still doing it it was my birthday yesterday so i had birthday thank you bong rips are like the whitest thing that you can exactly with a big white t-shirt and adidas slides with socks on that's for the folks at home that's what i'm wearing socks is pretty black yes it is but bong rips is definitely way bong rips is definitely way with some uh planet earth playing on the flat screen tv i feel like the thing that i learned recently is you can smoke weed and then drink but if you drink first and then smoke weed it's not gonna be a good feeling no i try not to mix never mix never worry with

poisons drinking and edibles is a no-go oh edibles and anything is it doesn't pair edibles dangerous yeah yeah i had red wine and then a birthday cake that was filled with weed when i tell you i was on that toilet saying all types of lords and jesus and please help me yeah i threw up everything say his name say his name and then it was an outer body experience because i'm so high and i'm like invoking jesus i'm looking at myself i'm picturing myself on the i see myself on the toilet i'm looking at myself throwing up and it's like but you are the one throwing yeah i was uh a few months ago when i was in la i was hanging out with this dude who i was like oh he likes me like this will be fun like i don't he likes me more than i like him and we he came to one of my shows we drank a

little then went back to his house he was like oh do you want to take a bong rip did it coughing all over the place so high that i went to the bathroom sat on his toilet so you know i was high because i don't sit on anybody's toilet sat on his toilet fell asleep on the toilet wow wow woke up i don't even know how long later this is a new story i didn't even hear this oh the dog was outside scratching the door i think the dog thought i died um and then i was like oh he thinks i'm in here taking a dump and i came out and was like i gotta go home he was like i think you better oh wow then he was like um peter let's talk about you okay where are you where are you from why should people care

I don't know why people should care But I'm from Chicago My family We moved to Montana So I'm from the mountains That's home I was just there this past week It's gorgeous

The people are spooky as hell Have to drive past a gigantic Trump sign To get into my parents What does the sign say? It's not even a sign It's a flag The guy that lives in front of my parents We share the same long windy road

And he has this flagpole with a comedic sized American flag. And then above it, he's put a comedic sized Trump flag, which is just all black with white capital letters that says Trump waving in the wind. No. So I spat on his lawn a few times, flicked him off a few times when he was in the driveway. You know, you got to just kind of pay it forward. Okay. So that's where I'm from. Okay.

So what is something about Montana that you can tell us that we don't know? Literally anything. Literally anything. I think you can imagine most of it. Whatever you can imagine in your mind is true. Have you seen Twin Peaks? No. Have you seen any David Lynch movie?

I don't like the word Lynch at all. Well, this guy's like capital W white guy who has only one wife. And his last name Lynch? Yeah. he's from montana and he makes uh if you watch it his brain is uh something only montana could create when i think of montana i think of like red dust like dusty red roads it's there is that it's more like brown roads and the mountains are really green and there are a lot of mountains but there's a forest fire all over the west at the time being and it's really smoky there

i thought no i won't be going there yeah i won't be going out there at all wake up coffee i mean you aren't gonna go there anyway you can come with me it's very fun and very relaxing you don't talk to anybody how was the shopping how are the thrift shops in montana uh they're hit or miss you go to one and it's like wow this is all from people that you know bought this at the thrift store like 20 years ago that was purchased in like it's kind of garbage but then you go and you find some real good stuff like a bedazzled jacket with shoulder pads exactly from some like secret rich lady that moved there in the 70s so there's some good stuff i got some good stuff from some rich ladies that moved there in the 70s i follow you on insta and i know that you got the looks

i have a lot of looks yeah and i feel like it's out of town looks it's definitely not oh yeah i shop out of town okay oh you hear that i shop i shop on the roads imports and exports yeah on the road also your hair is blonde now i don't remember it being this light very blonde i did it um production paid for a baby production paid i for my play i was in they tied it blonde he's in peter pan yeah peter was in peter pan peter was in peter pan as how meta as peter pan yeah i thought peter pan was like a child uh yeah this was you know uh but you're so different uh different look on an old classic you know what i mean okay so tinkerbell was black and had dreads no tinkerbell no tinkerbell was white and very very femme and gay but uh peter were there any black people

at this play yeah okay in the play in the play okay okay and their characters were in the play yes at the plate no this was upstate at some at a college and it was all i mean you walk out and everyone's hair is so white it just reflects the light back onto the stage so just this glowing white audience of old people of old people just the light bouncing off their wrinkles the light bouncing off that blue hair beautiful okay so let's talk about some events right like sydney has worked a ton of events i feel like for the last couple years i've attended a bunch of events because you know i'm like give me on the list uh it's how much no i'm not coming um same i feel like my birthday is coming up when i september 23rd okay i love a themed birthday party they've

been so good every time really what have the past themes last year the theme was suits you wear some type of suit cat suit uh zoot suit yeah uh jumpsuit a regular suit uh um jumpsuit anything people were somebody wore a snowsuit somebody wore a bathing suit like somebody had a suit of cards so my people had suit of cards on it was like okay yeah um and then the year before that it was fresh prints i feel like this year i wanted to be disco oh i think i wanted to be like yeah shiny you look really good in a disco look thank you so much yeah like just channeling donna summer just do it and i have so much crap with sequins yes and bell bottoms yes i'm ready and then you got like the playlist is taken care of so okay so now where what you're doing stuff right

already you're setting the tone thank you so much you just set a strong tone well the theme helps if you don't um it helps okay so can you get it tells people like what to expect what to wear yeah people showed up last year like rules yeah i was like oh okay i'll do that yeah fun so what what else what other what else do i need to have like a productive disco birthday party oh you need Tunes Well what's at a disco place You got liquor Yes

You got music Yes You got fun lighting Yes Oh see I wasn't even thinking about You just gotta get the lighting right I wasn't thinking about the lighting But I was thinking about like

If you got like streamers If you got like Yeah Colored curtains If you get the beads Yeah A bunch of like You could get a

Put some like Powdered sugar cocaine everywhere Ah No the people The people that come to the party Would do that Powdered sugar Well then

Then just leave mirrors everywhere Oh my god up for this wait oh can i be in charge of these mirrors that got cocaine on it can i do that you don't get cocaine for the party no friend the sugar the raw sugar uh last year i started a tradition where i do molly every year on my birthday okay so i won't be doing no cocaine sugar molly's pretty disco too thank you so much but i didn't really have good molly last year no as somebody watching her on molly i was like this is whack like she didn't pull a titty out or nothing nothing she did it and she's like don't touch me and she's like hold my phone i don't

trust myself sydney was like super excited that i did molly yeah and she was like taking video and shooting picture and she was just i felt like she was really close to me and i was like please just don't let anybody touch me and we got that on tape that's it good great you got footage of it it lasted for like an hour it sucked it was not that good but this year you know i got a couple weeks to get my molly connection together so i'm gonna do it for real this year uh allegedly if my mother or my pastor is listening um yes thank you so much and i was like don't tell anybody but i'm on molly but i said that to every single person at the party so everybody knew a shared secret's always a great thing for a party yeah yeah wait so peter it do you think it should be

heavy on like a party should be good like with drugs and alcohol or you could have a party without out i have a thing like i if i have people over and i i do smoke weed and what you know but so i will have some people don't drink some people only smoke and i'm always sensitive to that because you know i'm always sensitive to it so because i don't sometimes i'm not eating that thing or sometimes i you know all that shit so if i leave weed out for people i always have to call my senator that morning people are in jail i can't be like you know the too many people are in jail so i gotta wait do it i gotta call if i'm about to be like everyone have fun off of this i'm like someone's in jail for this and we're just having a great time here i feel like we need to

take another step back feel free you just leave weed out for people i do if i have enough if i have enough orders i mean yeah i'm an expert baby you're literally the best expert i'm an expert you gotta leave it out you just leave every party i've gone to when the host is just so generous with things it has been the best party literally yeah cause you're just taking stuff

and putting it in your purse yeah well sure you get a to-go bag of coke it's great you got a blender you got a blender

I did get a blender so you gotta get a blender you gotta maybe steal a little weed from Peter's jar of weed that's fine well we'll be at Peter's house

Peter do you live with a comic? I live with Sandy Honig we were there for a photo shoot with Matteo Lane and Star Rose yeah

okay good to know it's a home it's a home studio we've got a home and studio it's cute where all the good stuff is that now i know i know yeah yeah have you ever been at a party when and a guest was just like ridiculous with the the drinking on the drugs or like a party i've had yeah people there's if i have a party someone always passes out in my bed in your bed one person will well i'll always be fine with and i'll i will then you know tuck them in for something i'll be like you need water okay great i'm gonna shut the door okay tap it off like i'm you know no you're gonna have them on with the outside clothes on your bed if i love the person it's fine if it's a stranger that

someone else brought i'm like yo get this who is this get them out of my bed but if it's a friend of mine i'm like oh they're sleeping what if your friend is passed out in your bed with their shoes on uh i'll take the shoes off what if they got their coat on i'll be like i'm gonna call your car okay that's what i'll do a pool an uber pool marie would be like yo who is this you're like marie it's sydney i'll flip the whole bed in the box over i'll put you in the box and kick you out my house exactly but if someone passes out a you know that's always like all right you i guess i had enough stuff here for people to have a good time he's like well that's portion control great host great host there's always excess of something i always have too much of something have you ever

been at an event or at a party and done too much yes let's talk about that um oh the first thing that comes to mind i haven't thought about this in a long time was a new year's in high school actually that's a this is far this checks out okay this is like the first i think like i made a mistake here and i um someone had like adderall and i was like great new year's up all night baby cool i'm 16 and then i drank two bottles of red wine what two because i was like baby i can't feel this i'm on adderall awesome yes again the whitest thing you can do is take an adderall and drink red wine um and look like a bloated justin bieber for the folks at home i do right now um so there's a visual and uh i threw up on my way to the bathroom and didn't make it all the way in and this was

with a bunch of uh like 30 year olds i was i don't know how i got to this party how did yeah 30 someone brought me there and i was like i'm amazing ooh adderall cool red wine awesome throw up outside of their bathroom what were you wearing yeah i was wearing a gold uh a fully metallic gold french connection like bomber jacket french connection i had bought it that morning because i was like hell yeah it's new year's i'm buying this yeah and i'm gonna spend all the money i got working at the art store on 979 this was on sale i remember it being on sale because i could not it was like 30 bucks but i vomited it all over it french connection french disconnection by this was like yes oh yeah oh i definitely got it marshall's or i got a coles or

something tj's or something like that but vomited all over that vomited on my clothes um and then just passed out in the vomit in on their couch surrounded by people and i was like fully catatonic definitely alcohol poisoned and just being like this is mortifying and you're 16 16 yeah and that's how law and order svu starts out there's like i've had enough i've overdone it and i've been like i'm gonna be fine like often but this was one of the only times i was like oh i don't know 98 of the people here i'm 16 i might die but i can't move bye that's the problem oh oh i got a good ass story i got a good ass story i was at this i was at this party i was with dj clue can you believe it dj clue clue where's dj clue now sis i don't know but at the time not at this table

Not on this podcast, but I was at a party and it was, I was with like models and my friend from work, my friend Caitlin, and I'm drinking Patron. And then somebody was like, ooh, let's do, what's Bailey's? Let's do shots of Bailey's. I just got, you know, if you mix the coffee Patron with the Bailey's Irish cream, it tastes like a little Frappuccino shot. Yes. But that, but this was not coffee Patron, I'm guessing.

This was Patron. And then I had vodka, vodka and cranberry juice. So I had all those things. We're having a good time. They're like, let's go to this guy's house. This guy has like a huge condominium in Soho. Beautiful. So we're in the Escalade.

We're going there. The Escalade. Were the rims spinning? It was DJ Clues' car. Oh, right. Right. Right. Absolutely.

So we're having a good time. We get to the house. The house is beautiful. like I shouldn't even I should be I should take my shoes my my clothes it was pristine if the couches were white everything was great wow everybody's having a good time I black out and I start projectile vomiting everywhere that's what I did on the couch everywhere on DJ Clues not him it was another guy's etan or whatever they take me they take me to they take me to the bathroom the bathroom is beautiful it's one of those like marble tubs marb so nice

shower everything they throw me in the shower they turn the shower on absolutely bitch and you know how the hair situation was it wasn't my hair and it shouldn't have been in that shower was it a a synthetic wig or was it some some clip ins it was it was like me in college

so this was like so it was like it was package hair beauty supply store hair Sally Beauty's hair Sally's beauty hair exactly Peter so another girl was like

we should take her clothes off they take my clothes off while I'm in the shower this is the law and order right here okay I'm convulsing convulsing in the shower

I'm about to die and DJ Clue is like right outside of the bathroom you thought he was outside he was inside holding your soggy blouse he was like that looked like beauty supply store hair he's like that don't look like new shit new shoot new shoot new shoot new weave new weave um so anyway i throw up they they wrap me up in a in a blanket they put me on the couch um the guy was

really sweet about it he was like i just wanted to make sure you're okay i thought you died i was like so y'all rolled me up in a blanket yeah they're gonna put me in a row in a rug or something throw you in the hudson that's how low no rsvu should end blues clues dj's blues clues how old were you when that happened uh i was like 24 right out of college i feel like the drunkest i've ever the first time i ever got blackout drunk i was also 16 and i wanted to get drunk I was drinking to get drunk because I was like this is gonna be fine you know I'd seen all the teen party movies like I was like this is I'm supposed to do this and I was a block away from my house at my friend Farrah's house and her brother just kept giving us shots of like

do y'all remember Smirnoff yeah it was something like that so cheap so cheap so like like fruity tasting and I got real drunk and they were like oh we can't take her home like this because my friends are they're good friends but then her parents were like she has to go because their parents suck they threw me in the car i kept jumping out of the car because i was like oh they're gonna beat my ass right like i knew i was too drunk and uh they put the chop locks on so i rolled the window down and tried to crawl out of the window of a moving car what and they put me between they sandwiched me between them and then we pull up to my house the people across the street or having a party uh i'm trying to get out still soon as the car stops soon as the child

locks are open i fall out of the car land on the street right now i have one of these dads that has like a real scary face like my dad looks like like a like a young samuel jackson like that's what my father's face looks like and his name is samuel and his name is samuel so everyone in my neighborhood was always terrified of my dad so this guy across the street saw me fall land on my face he was like is that he kicks me up he tells my friends to go they leave me and he sits with me on the porch my dad is in the window behind us watching this happen and he opens the door right behind us this dude runs across the street he's like nope don't want these problems with this Haitian man I'm so drunk that I'm like well maybe my dad didn't see me I crawl behind

the bushes my dad is like I could see you I'm like well now I'm peeing so I have to stay here oh my gosh they pull me in the house i'm like covered in pee i threw up there's like water bottles all in my purse my mom was like my mom was like she's on drugs and uh i'm sure they beat my ass i can't remember that's how drunk i was but that same day my brother came home high in brand new shoes and my mother was like where did you get those and he was like they were having a sale so my parents they thought that they failed that day and they kind of did uh but my sister was there she was reading books yeah yeah highlighting stuff in a big big book yeah yeah with glasses like drinking water yeah yeah yeah so peter one of the rules is not having a

16 year old at your party not being 16 years old they don't know how to have drugs that's the yeah because the mistakes you make after that it's like no this is i mean it's your fault when you're 16 but after that it's not really forgivable it's not and so leading to that food the food is a big deal at a party because when people tell me they have food at the house i'm thinking they have food crackers not food that's right that's why you gotta i like i like having a meal or like something like pizza or like something actual pizza's not really whatever but something but pizza's so easy and you can have it people can eat that for dinner or whatever but then i usually have some crackers but just that and you're inviting people over at like seven it's like

people are expecting dinner here real food yeah but if you invite somebody somewhere at seven they're not gonna show up till like 8 30 exactly because they are eating potentially you never know you have to you have to so what if i want people to come to my house at 7 30 what time should i invite them to the house you want them to be there at 7 30 uh i don't know i don't know if you know if you know that they're all going to show up an hour late invite them at 6 30 they're gonna come at nine i know well that's hard well marie said 6 30 i know she's always about an hour late yeah i don't want to be the first person there so i get carry the one divided by six 11 30 uber surge pricing i gotta get there at 12 it's brunch you'll do brunch the next morning exactly yeah

yeah people suck you know what are you what are you gonna have on the on the like table though when people are coming in at your party well pizza or fried chicken's always really good except the fried chicken you clean up is a major thing oh you gotta know what to do with the clean should i have a disco fried chicken party no one gets more excited when there's this gigantic pile of fried chicken on the table it depends on what kind of fried chicken you did you make actually that's a horror story i have of a party i had let's talk about this let me uh i would i lived in missouri and it was about it was like it would be terrible trash no there was some there was okay chicken in Missouri um but St. Louis St. Louis uh but

I had a party I don't care about the I think the Kentucky Derby is like scary is that the horse thing with the hats right the hats and like it's like just scary to me so um and but I had a kentucky derby party okay in college okay and um in college that's classy and uh it was a you know people put you know their finest stuff it's on whatever but i was like i'm gonna have a bunch of fried chicken for this party it's like may it's hot have it out all day people love it whatever i had like i ordered over 200 pieces of fried chicken from where like meat all of it full bird the whole thing big gigantic pile of it and i had there were like 50 people invited and it was a large party and i had a took one of those plastic bins you like put stuff for storage in and i made

that nice i made that an ice bucket okay you thought she you thought no no no the chicken chicken was on like brown paper whatever um but at the towards the end of the party it lasted like eight hours because people got there at like noon so uh no that's like 11 hours but at like six o'clock the ice bucket had all melted by that point and it was located by the fried chicken so people were started thinking that that was a garbage can so people were then throwing their like old chicken bones in this like liquor water bitch no and i then uh didn't realize that until two days later two days because the party people left at 11 and then i went to like the party moved someone else's house yeah i then stayed at that person's house um spent the day the next day at

their house we went to like this lake whatever that night okay sounds like you made a love connection it was a good time and then i came back to my house the following evening and i was like I thought I had cleaned up and then I was like what is that smell and then I discover a like cesspool

of chicken bone it was like Azalea Banks' closet it was like chicken bones chicken bones and like I don't even know what

and it was the most disgusting thing I've ever had to deal with in my life chicken veins oh it was all of it but like with liquor

and like beer smell soaking all that it was just really that might be a new business idea it was a bone broth yeah liquor soaked fried chicken it was disgusting you that's gonna be at the party put a pin in that yeah just put a good a clear garbage can next to those that chicken you know so just people know

where was the chicken good because the chicken was really good okay because you were there biscuits i had biscuits i had chicken i had actually i called martha stewart for this party i talked her on the phone i called her on her podcast how about that you're a lie that's a damn lie i had twitter i just got on twitter and she was you know she's always active on whatever the up and up is and she was tweeting about her XM radio show. Sorry to advertise a different radio provider. Okay, yes, you are. She was like, call in your questions or whatever for parties.

And I was like, I think I got this under control, but it's Kentucky Derby time. Maybe she'll be like, oh, yeah, we can talk about that in the air. That's something people want to talk about. So I called her, and I was like, hi, wow, I'm having a Kentucky Derby party. What should I put out? And she was like, put out some brie and cucumbers.

And I was like, I know that, lady. i was like i've seen a television show i like this is you know and i was pissed what you put out though no but then she said i'm going this year and i said oh and she was like i need to find a hat i i probably have a hat around and i said oh i bet you do and then she sniffed pretty much and i heard like the air come out of the recording studio and then she said well thank you and then she hung up i love that stewart i accidentally pissed her off but whatever well Thank you. She told me to put brie out.

And I was like, we know. That's... Well, it's not going to be no brie at the disco party. No, no, no. But I think there should be a fried chicken there. I think cheese is a hard one. I think cheese is a hard one because unless people eat it right away, that's gross. If it's a long ass party...

Did you know you're supposed to leave cheese out for five hours before you eat it? What? Yeah. Wait a minute. That's what French people do. What? So it gets room temperature. French people are weird.

That's why they look like that. Yeah, that's why their teeth look like that. That's why their teeth are gray. it's all that warm breeze that moldy breathing and cigarettes exactly no wait five hours smoking in the house I let that happen if people are over by the way

smoking cigarettes yeah that's rude I feel like the only cigarettes people should be allowed to smoke inside are like the long throwback ones well I just sometimes when someone's smoking a cigarette inside I'm like that's fun no that's not fun to me not for me and my hair not for me and my Ikea couch

how do you feel about bringing stuff should people bring stuff to a party let's talk about it sure like bottles or you know drugs to share or a friend like how do you feel about these things uh if you're gonna bring a friend you better bring enough booze for two more friends because that friend's gonna drink other people's stuff yeah so you gotta be prepared you should bring enough for you to be like oh uh this is enough for me i think unless the person says don't bring anything you know what i mean how do you feel about people who say don't bring anything because every time then they better have enough shit at their party every

time i come and they're like don't bring anything i get there and i'm like where's the seltzer where is the lemon yeah yeah like you they'll have the alcohol but they don't have the things that you drink with you gotta have but if you don't drink alcohol then like what where's the other beverage exactly refreshments for my black ass yeah you gotta have you need to have a you gotta have all options for everybody you have to because i agree that you should have some non-alcoholic it gets expensive but you know what if you're gonna do it right treat if you're gonna do a party do it do the damn party go big or go home while you are home and you're not being big or if someone or if someone's coming and they have like really specific i don't know if they don't drink

you can be like you know bring something to drink in case i don't have enough free drinks do you have any gluten-free drinks sorry i just had to repeat it for some reason i had to just imagine somebody saying that like a vegan that doesn't drink yeah exactly how do you feel about people who have those like restrictions coming to parties they could all die they can leave your gift and go i mean as someone who will bring a restriction to a party but it's not i'm not going to be like you don't have something for me because that's not fair it's not parties not for me it's for the majority of the people that are there so if i'm coming and i'm like i don't eat that right now then i will either shut up and deal with it or i will bring something that maybe

someone else doesn't eat that right now sydney how do you feel when you go to parties and there's nothing for you or there are no sober people options as a sober person the party ain't for me it's not for me right there'll be nothing there for me like there'll be a flavored club soda and maybe a tostito with a hint of lime okay i feel like if you know sober people are coming you better have a fucking Tostito with a hint of lime bitch did you just bring

a regular Tostito you talk about the wait okay so people only want lime flavored chips you talking about the chips that you did yes

cause I don't know why I'm thinking of Tostitos pizza rolls is that a thing Tostitos Tostitos Tostitos Tostitos though

that's fun for a party Tostitos oh I like the lime ones people like bagel bites you know what I'm talking about that kind of shit no that sounds very bro-y

it's gross it sounds like you said pizza bagels we not doing that I'm talking about like Tostitos or anything like frozen tater tots that's also really white you can also have uh that's why i like fried chicken though because everybody likes fried chicken and it's dinner i went and an appetizer in one i went to a chicken and beer party once under a bridge hell yeah it was

a fried chicken and beer party so cool it was fantastic but i don't drink beer i was like it's not a rosé it's a chicken and beer party not a chicken and rosé party so i just had to take my chicken and go yeah that's good thank you get what you want from the party and if once you get what you wanted from it get out of there so how do you feel when you plan an event right and then because you know like people will double stack things right they'll say i'm gonna go to this thing for half an hour and then go to this other thing right how do you feel when people come to your thing get drunk on your stuff and then dip early is that something that like you or just in general i've never gotten pissed about that i've never that doesn't that's fine yeah i had a i had

a couple friends who have problems with that what happened it was well it was her birthday actually well just don't tell don't tell the person don't be like i'm going somewhere better bye thanks for the drugs and the booze thanks for letting me pre-game here but sorry i cut you up no no no no that's pretty much what it was they came to her birthday they didn't bring anything nope nope which i think is is it's uh it's a toss-up it's like how close are you to this person but it was an intimate thing at her house and her house if you're not that close to me why are you at my birthday party one right but you're not bringing anything to and it's at my house it's like 12 people here yes yes yes why are you here i mean that's not true i've invited people that i'm not

really that okay right shut up and it was in the financial district and the apartment was bomb like you would have gone marie absolutely everybody's gonna come to this place they would have looked at the address easy street or street easy or whatever and they're like they'd be like 60 water stream okay i'm there i'm there taking photos i'm getting my old my new apps out my facetune 2 and everything elevator new hinge profile so she's there and you know one the people came in with um other friends which like you said if you're gonna bring somebody you better bring stuff exactly they came they drank they she had food that she actually cooked prepared herself they ain't that and then they barely spoke to her and then they bounced that's rude

were these people she knew these are like neighbors like people who heard the music and they came in ate and then left yeah they live in the vicinity but no they weren't neighbors that's rude it's very rude right well it's like either you're gonna come and leave soon so you better leave something i don't know like there's rules to it put a bottle down like i gotta go but here's one celia that's like okay great thanks a lot for keeping the party going instead of taking the party and then leaving and dashing people are rude i sat here and and slaved over this roasted chicken and you just ate some and then left that's how she roast the chicken that was a dinner party it was honestly it was yeah and while she was telling me about this party i said

bitch you did not invite me not never one time i said i would have stayed the whole night i would have brought an overnight bag bitch that's why you didn't get invited i would have brought some rice krispie treats like i would have had the dessert yeah rice krispie trees those are good because those can just kind of stay out and they don't get funky yeah you gotta figure out stuff that doesn't get funky if it stays out we were at a barbecue recently and somebody made like homemade right who was that i don't know oh rebecca vigil we had so many rice krispie because that's the thing if you're famous for something or you have something good it's like hey bring that yeah don't bring a like alternate understudy snacks no bring the thing bring the

thing that you invited you for yeah right make that dip you you had a friend that did what they made a dip she makes this like dip that's so it's like a taco it's like you mix a bunch of shit and it's terrible for you but it's so good oh got like msg it's like a seven layer dip you bring the tostitos with lime it's like just yeah bring it over okay but my thing is how do you feel about trusting people who make things at home and then bring them to party talk about it dirty hands dirty hands they don't wash the lettuce like they don't know how to make macaroni salad that's on you if you see someone that's like suspect you got to just be like so um this is this uh marie made that you know just be clear when you're like showing people come in like there's food over there

marie made that oh no no no not to say it's you but you know but i'm saying like i i'll wash and rinse and triple everything but i was at this party uh with uh an ex-boyfriend you know the one the only one that i have years ago and uh we were eating this like anti-pasta dish it was like lettuce and with salami right salami i was like yes went back for third yes okay you hear me went back for thirds the guy who made it happened to be standing next to me and uh i was like this is so good and he's eating his dog with his hand he was like no this he was like it was real easy to make too i didn't have to rinse it or nothing because it said on the package it's triple rinsed i said you still need to rinse this there's ants in this yeah there's legit bugs like you

listen just because the back says triple rinsed or whatever you still have to rinse the the leaves tell them there's legit there are bugs there are bugs still tell them and i i don't know how many you know farm roaches i ate but i had three bowls of this yeah anti-pasta and i've been trying to put that in there i know i heard you i was ignoring you just waiting by the microphone but i did go to a barbecue once and it was like on somebody's roof and they were cooking on the grill and i was eating a cheeseburger and i was like okay this is kind of cute and the the guy on the grill a dog came up to him and i was watching him flip the meat with like two of his fingers and the spatula and then the dog came and he let the dog lick those same two

trash i threw my burger off the roof yes you did because it's just it's like not everybody is clean and not everybody sees in things the way and how do what do you do when you bite into something and it's trash at a party at the party and you see the person that you're like i know you made this you know what i do i throw it under the couch i spit it into a napkin and then i throw it under the couch i can't i can't think of the time that that's happened to me right now i can't i can't i don't you've never been to a party i'm sure i have but i really can't think of something but what i would do is i would yeah it's been into a napkin and chuck it sidney what do you do if you bite into something in his trash i'm so vocal that i'm clutching my bro i'll probably clock that it's

trash before i eat it though that looks weird no i'll stay clear i'll ask who made it i'll see what their fingernails look like and then if i taste it and it's trash i'll warn all the black people coming in after that i'd be like no don't eat you don't want to eat that if i'm there with marie i'm going live on instagram look at this macaroni dry ass salad my throat feels like i just swallowed glass do you like macaroni salad no not really anything that's like mayonnaise based i'm not really mayonnaise pasta i'm here for a macaroni and cheese and even that like there's a there's an art to that oh yeah you know like not craft how do you like it do you like it with cheese up baked you like it with breadcrumbs you like it with that's the only way a macaroni

and cheese should have like three cheeses it needs to be baked yeah oh marie what's that thing that we had that was like a pea it was peas it was peas and cheese it was where were we oh yeah salad and every when it came in everybody was like nobody's touching that i got up and had some i said this is phenomenal everybody was like is it everybody jumped up it was gone we bust that shit down okay so you can't have everything brussels sprouts peas and cheese no that is brussels sprouts okay okay but i put it all on the same plate need the whole day yeah so good so that's the thing you're either given dinner or you're given snacks okay i'm gonna add jenny's name to the list for the birthday yeah she did the and if it's a birthday and you have

friends that like you know it's like can you please make that it's so good and they're like sure that's your birthday gift i like when people just bring bottles you know like bring stuff that when the party's over i'm taking this home exactly and i'm not a big drinker so that stuff will last me for a cool year and if you're a guest you can bring a bottle up but you can if you know there's going to be enough for you whatever you can hide it in their fridge with like a little note on it and how good is that when you find like a secret bottle or something you're like oh thank god i got this rosé right now oh peter the guest list how do you feel about and you invite you it's open you're inviting everyone but there's people who have drama with each other what's up with that

yes uh that is their problem that's what you think and then they're arguing it could become your problem right because then they get into a fight and they break your coffee table now what what's up uh you cocaine dust all over the place yeah yeah cocaine dust donna summer's blaring on the speaker you uh it's bad girls you got to um i don't know kick them out say what this isn't about you you're gonna have to go but do you invite both parties though or you like the more unless you you invite the one that you i mean you know if you're friends with both you shouldn't take sides but if you're closer with other women don't or you tell them that they're someone's gonna be here so and so might come just so they know yeah but i feel some type of way like we

if we close friends and you invite somebody that you know i have a problem with what we doing sis i'm inviting her for the gift uh she's coming because you know she gives good she brings good presents or if you're friends with if you like both people you just gotta tell them beforehand like this person's coming so you can either deal with it and i'll talk to you later so i'll be like what yeah sydney went live at my birthday party last year because i didn't invite a bunch of people that i don't like but i was inviting total strangers i was like oh you're cool you'll throw a cool suit on come come to my birthday um and sydney went live and was like marie throws the best parties if you weren't invited she don't like you and people were messaging me the next day

people were messaging me the next day and they were like um i see so-and-so was invited to your birthday party i thought that we were remember there was a there was a friend of mine who i'm still not really cool with a year later because he didn't get invited yeah and it was like but you kind of boring dude like you didn't get invited because like you're like a wet blanket i'm not inviting you to my birthday party so you're stuck on me all night like i want to spend time with my friends and i don't want like some like uncomfortable like dad dude they're like okay actually you might need a coaster for that okay like that's why you weren't invited exactly not you but you can come this year okay i'll bring stuff what stuff peter what are you bringing to

a party what am i bringing yes let's talk about it um it's a case-by-case basis but usually it's bottles yeah um because like bringing food on the train's hard it is on the train oh you're taking the train the folks at home if you're taking the train if you can take a car and you can put you know a couple cakes in there do it but if you're taking the train it just put a bottle in your bag and call it a day call it a day what's your go-to bottle usually rosé yes thank you it's so classy or i'll get like yeah rosé yellowtail does yellowtail make a rosé no it doesn't get like a like i'll find actually someone brought trader a trader joe's box of rosé and it tasted fine if it's like i like box i'm into it i'm really into it i like box one i like

a can of rosé there aren't big bottles they're like that you don't have to open the bottle you just kind of like pump it out i'm into it there are good ones there are good ones there are good ones capri sun of rose there are good yeah a high seed juice box rose absolutely actually one time we were at a barbecue sid and i had to leave and i didn't want to leave my wine and i cut the top off a juice box and poured my wine into the juice box do you remember that she's a crafty bitch i think people should it'd be it's nice if people leave with something you get it again blender you leave with memories of my birthday party and you leave all your battles some people live leave with hpv it's great okay sure but now okay hold on how do y'all feel about people who bring

you something for your party then leave with that thing oh that's fucked leave with it okay it's fucked peter hold on what if you make something for the party everybody look at it and be like i'm all set and so it's there so you're like well i'm taking my thing back actually you know what i I did this earlier this summer. Okay. Talk about it. So I was in this play and there was a 4th of July party

that everyone was going to and I had come back to the city for something and I was at Grand Central Station. Yes. And there was, there's a Magnolia Bakery there. Yes. Yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy.

And I was like, hmm, the 4th of July is tomorrow. I don't have anything to bring. I, what if I, and I looked at the case and there was this gigantic banana pudding. Which is, they're known for their banana pudding.

They're known for this banana pudding. Really? Yes. Yum, yum, yum, yum. and it's this big like bucket of it and i was like what if i roll up with a gigantic bucket of banana pudding people are gonna love that a bucket is it's like it's a night it's a it's but there were like 50 people there like it was like a family no it's like this like it's a nice bucket i'm calling it a bucket but it's like a plat it's a tub it's a big thing with like a sticker and a

you know there's branding on it it's like a gallon of it's for a crowd for sure so i'm like let's go this party with 60 people 50 two seconds ago 60 now a lot of people 70 people i put it in the fridge the party's ending and i forgot to take it out of the fridge oh you slick there's enough slick peter i there was enough food for like five days like everyone brought there was so much food and i did not i did not take this out of the fridge i'm too fucked up and the party's ending and i was like hey you can take this back because this is not enough for the one person who lives here no one saw it i'm gonna take it and i'm gonna bring it to the show tomorrow and the cast and crew of 40 people can have this after the show tomorrow so then i was like if this is

going toward another event i did it i felt really bad but then i got over it did you tell the host that you were taking your thing back i did not tell the host i took it and he didn't see me put it in the refrigerator no one saw it no one saw it to do it you just bring it no but what you got but i didn't intend to hide it i would truly just like i got there i put it in the fridge i was like this it's too hot i can't leave this out when dessert happens later that's noted marie put it in the refrigerator put it way in the back no forget about it the other day i went to brunch and i bought a bottle of champagne like cute champagne too actually somebody gave it to me for my birthday last year and it's just been sitting in my fridge for a year um so i i pulled

i bought this to the brunch the other day there was already champagne and rosé and i was like oh we're not gonna get to my bottle yeah like i gotta take this right before i was getting ready to go to the fridge they were like did you guys want to do another round and one person said yes i said they popped my champagne open and i was like there's still like more than half of the can i take an m like an open bottle of champagne on the q train i didn't take it but i thought about it i I was like I should steal something else Like one of these Disposable vapes or something

Oh hell yeah I didn't take it They saw me looking at it And I was like They gonna know that I took it And they hid it In the back of the refrigerator I know

I feel really stupid For leaving my champagne there Well Yeah I'm having a bad week There are a lot of casualties At parties It happens

You know someone opens One of my pet peeves Is when you open the can Of something And you take a sip And then you leave it there That's my You know what I'm talking about

It happens with the cans I know that happens That's why you get over it You gotta get the two liters I love a two liter bottle I'm all about the two liter Don't give people The options of having

Like something for themselves Individuals It's all about the two liters And you gotta have Enough room in your fridge Cause people bring stuff And if there's no room In the fridge

You don't have ice You gotta have A fucking fridge y'all You're gonna have hot beer And hot rosé No thank you That's gross I don't give a damn

About the beer The beer can be as warm As it wants to be The rosé will be chilled though I don't drink beer But you gotta have That cold cold pink You know what I mean

Well when people get Like water bottles Or they like keep forgetting Where they set their cups down And they just keep getting more and more cups that happens but you just got to keep the drinks cold uh my last question is about hookups how you feel about people hooking up at the party in the bathroom because listen i i've had some good ass stories about people getting head in a house party

if it gets there i'm totally down for it but you got there has to be there has to be another if there's only one bathroom and you're in there for 20 minutes that's rude yeah go home yeah go outside you'll have more fun go use the neighbor's house yeah you will go get a car and go back to your apartment and just have a great time in your own bathroom but if you i don't know if it happens like why not that's fine in my opinion do you want to share a story something happened with you do you have something that you i have nothing to say but i'm just have i i've hooked up people at a party i i don't know i want that to happen people have a great time don't think that i've hooked up with somebody at a party in the bathroom in a bathroom ever i don't hook up with people at

parties i feel like every time i've gone into a party and i've gone into their bathroom after an hour of being there the bathroom is disgusting so i'm def not i went to a party and the host was hooking up with someone that they've met at the party and everyone was like is there trying you know trying to like find more like people were just left to kind of host themselves at this person's house and it's like come on like you know i'm all for you but like kick us out or tell us to go you need like a like a like a party coordinator almost well it's like the party you can't have a party in order for yourself you can't have a party for yourself in a certain sense you know what i mean if you're the birthday party it's for you right but you

can't be uh you can't have it so you can then abandon everybody that you know you can't have That means I'm having a good time though If they're like We're gonna bring the cake out Has anybody seen Marie? And someone's like I feel like I saw her up in a cab 48 minutes ago And people are like oh girl happy birthday to her I mean I'm all

Somebody text her she left her phone Well I guess she's dead She died on her birthday That's how you go out on the day you were born Yeah but the tombstone's gonna be real sad Yeah Four three tips let's go let's go around i guess and and hit everybody listening with your three party

tips peter sydney me you need i you need ice yes you always need ice yes and you're no one's gonna bring it no one's gonna bring ice because it's so annoying to bring it's annoying to bring it that's also like break it by throwing it if you're a guest and you bring a bag of ice you're that's something even though it's frozen water that's important if you're the guest and you bring a bag of ice you're like the person that's like i'm gonna bring cups yeah that's a step up no ice is it is a step up from cups yeah but you're then going to be the lifesaver in like four hours and it's like fuck right you only bought one bag if you're like oh i thought other yeah i was gonna have y'all then bring three bags bring a lot of ice bring you five bags of ice five bags of ice

okay so we got ice what else um enough well i think the stuff about like non-alcoholic stuff is good yes you need mixers yes yes you need mixers if people are just taking shots you're gonna the party's gonna end in like two hours people are gonna die and people are gonna get too rowdy and then no one's ever nothing's ever too rowdy but people are gonna then leave to go somewhere you know you're yeah they're gonna wander out forget their shoes yeah but my third one um uh make sure you just gotta have enough food i love everything that you said ice food mixers all the food he's it has to last you have to make sure it lasts a long time if the ice runs out you're screwed if the food runs out everyone's pissed if there's no mixers and everyone's taking

shots only of hot vodka people are gonna be like i'm not coming back to this house i don't trust this person what you're talking about just warm real hot vodka hot toddy vodka yeah um okay here are my three ready one um first of all i love a theme if there's a theme and you're coming you need to adhere to that theme don't be showing up in your regular if the theme is dad jeans don't throw up show up in a mom jean okay like show up do it if you're coming uh my second thing is um when the party's over and you see people leaving and you still trying to linger because you think i want your dick you gotta go like don't be okay well like unless you're staying to help clean up like and even then after that's

done you have to leave people be lingering like um did you did you need anything else yeah like then they pour another drink it's like yeah or they're like let's put you know what song i read and they try to put a song on or like watch a music video you gotta go you it's time for you to leave uh and uh my third thing is uh and this is a thing that my dad still says to me as a grown ass woman if you're at a party and you're drinking something you set your cup down when you come back that cup is no longer yours because you don't know as people people be crazy somebody might have ashed a cigarette in it or like threw a roofie in it either way if you set your cup down that's not your cup when you come back keep it with you at all times i'm into that don't get

svu'd don't get svu'd don't get svu'd what are your three party uh rules uh let your neighbors know you got to let the neighbors know because then I've never done that you that or at least invite them so they feel like

oh they knew about the party and that if they want to come they can because the neighbors are crucial to how long the party gonna last

yes remember we were at my friend's party and somebody called the cops and the cop came and the cop knew our friend at the party he was like

is that Helen absolutely he forgot he was there for a noise complaint yeah absolutely and then he screamed he's like alright

you know do what y'all doing keep it down a little bit keep it down a little bit and then he was like are those crab cakes and he just the cop had the time

he just started screaming it was so great is that Helen he screamed is that Helen it's amazing it was hilarious it was incredible

I was like damn Helen you the cop thank God for Helen love Helen leave your drama at the door okay we don't want to hear

about your breakup you can't be crying in a corner bitch we here to turn up like if you having a good time let's have a good time if you need a moment

and we need to go downstairs and you need to vent a little bit let's vent but we in the party I can't be in the corner consoling you they just got my jam on yeah okay notorious no no no notorious I'm trying to do my do

girl like come on let's have a good time we out exactly and then lastly there's a time and a place for drugs so like not like at a church youth party no someone's got like a key with a bunch of coke on it walking around we had a baby shower we had a baby shower why you got a ball come on i had a baby shower let's not to celebrate

life um you're gonna die like um and be reincarnated as that new baby yeah hell yeah um but yeah there's a time and a place i feel like if you're doing drugs at a party yes keep it cute go to the bathroom have a designated closet for the coke like some people we're not trying to relapse so if i come in and y'all all just partying then it's like i gotta go now because now i'm stressed yeah okay the coke closet coke closet didn't you say they had one at azalea banks's house i'm sure i'm sure she does um a mutual friend of of our like they had a party in soho and they kept people kept going in and had this room and i was like what's going on in so i went in and they were just doing cocaine in this classic white line that's classy and

they're like uh close the door you're letting all of the air you're letting all the coke out but also also if you have drugs and you're trying to be sneaky about it like yeah that's weird it's weird like you at a party you don't want everybody to know you're doing coke but i see the ring around your nose yeah also you're going that's their problem i mean that's just that that's when it becomes their problem yes okay i have a question and before we go what if you have a party and people leave their shoes at the door and i go to get my shoes at the end of the night they're not there what are we gonna do carry bradshaw right and you know i'm gonna tell you it was a monolo it was monolo blahniks where are my shoes uh that is really now i'm like i'm stressed

thinking about that i'm also stressed i think uh i gotta leave in some crocs i'm not i'm coming right in with my fucking shoes on bitch no you knew you was having a party yeah if your shoes off household you better have like I don't know that's like booties don't have a party then yeah like because that means you're gonna spill something like what you don't want us to drink anything

on your carpet like get into a bar roll the rug up so we could party yeah roll the rug up put some like sawdust on the floor in case somebody spilled or vomits you're good put some sawdust on the couch you're good that's disgusting

last note um when you come to the party don't put your dirty ass hands on the wall that's that don't put your dirty ass hands in the bowl of food pour it out don't be coming in and digging for things you touch it you take it yeah ice that's a you gotta have something to wear gloves everybody everybody gotta have those gloves so whenever they touch it is clean you know people are gross i love it i'm excited about all the parties that we're gonna attend do you have any parties coming up that you're excited about uh i'm excited for your disco party sorry disco fried chicken disco fried chicken uh sydney are you gonna put i'll bring edible glitter and you can put glitter on the fried chicken wait what i put a lot of glitter on food yes see i went to i went

to sandy's party and they were just they put glitter on the cupcake they had glitter everywhere they're eating glitter wait what's edible you can't like edible glitter is a food safe like really finely i'm pretty sure it's still plastic but you know you can digest it and it's fine it comes out in my poop though oh yeah people will text you people that text me days after parties and like my shit was sparkling unicorn poop yeah cute soup's excited about it keeps going well peter thank you for being here thank you for having me we learned so much tell people listening where they can catch you which uh sydney got it right it's bongo hour september 5th um at the slipper room at 8 p.m we have john early you've got anna fabreca we've got

beautiful strippers yes you've got i'll probably take my clothes off at some point absolutely cover yourself in edible glitter so people will eat you there's nudity and there's jokes and there's singing i've been there several times and it's a beautiful hour it's a beautiful hour everything that you need oh all that is crammed into one hour one hour it's strippers and comedy and naked peter oh it's a good time yeah yeah yeah yeah and sandy and peter gives you looks and singing and i think i'm gonna i'll probably pour hot wax on myself at the next one what for the folks at home oh that's what you're missing is me porn yes okay now what's your social media my social handles go instagram because i'm a i'm a visual person yes you are so instagram i forget

i have twitter weekly i can't even spell i have like a hundred tweets my instagram is my name peter smith but there's no vowels so it's ptr smth and peter you go by they yeah yeah just so they know shout out to you for saying at the very end of the podcast after you used all the pronouns today i'm dressed like justin bieber so if you hear me it's like you know that's my ma'am sir ma'am sir sir and or madam ma'am i just call you human human human being justina bieber thank you so much for being here uh thank you for listening guys uh shout out to all the new niggas and the old ones oh my god i appreciate you guys being here shout out to forever dog And for the last time, shout out to Comedy Hype for letting us flourish and then leave them.

Yes. Comedy Hype, it was sweet. We love you. Take care. Bye now. We like you as a friend. Bye, guys. Forever Dog. This has been a Forever Dog production. Executive produced by Brett Boehm, Joe Cilio, and Alex Ramsey. For more original podcasts, please visit foreverdogpodcasts.com and subscribe to our shows on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts. Keep up with the latest Forever Dog news by following us on Twitter and Instagram

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