MESS with Sydnee Washington & Marie Faustin - “The Hot Boy Summer Expert” with Jay Jurden

Episode Date: July 19, 2019

Jay Jurden is back from Fire Island and in the studio this week as our Hot Boy Summer Expert! He reveals how to have a Hot Boy Summer while being in a relationship, how to plan a sex party and in the end, we all share nudes.----Listen to The Unofficial Expert Ad-Free on Forever Dog Plus:https://foreverdogpodcasts.com/plus----BONUS EPISODES AVAILABLE NOW ON PATREON:www.patreon.com/TheUnofficialExpertBUY UNOFFICIAL EXPERT MERCH:https://www.teepublic.com/stores/the-unofficial-expert-podcastFOLLOW THE UNOFFICIAL EXPERT:https://www.instagram.com/UnofficialExpertFOLLOW SYDNEE:https://www.instagram.com/JustSYDbwhttps://twitter.com/justsydnycFOLLOW MARIE:https://www.instagram.com/Reeezyhttps://twitter.com/MsReeezyFOLLOW ANDREW:https://www.instagram.com/mcgui_guyTHE UNOFFICIAL EXPERT IS A FOREVER DOG PODCASThttps://foreverdogpodcasts.com/podcasts/the-unofficial-expertSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Forever. Dog. Hi. Hello. Hi, my darling. Oh, my God. What a day. So excited.

Yeah. Today's cute. It's been a cute weekend. It has. I mean, some people are exhausted for other reasons, but, you know. I mean, some of us was getting dick last night. Hey, oop. And a oop.

And a oop. Well, that's not my brand, so it clearly wasn't me. How you doing, Marie? I am doing really well friend I had a good week I had a great week I'm so tired I'm gonna go home and sleep

After this And change my sheets But I'm doing great We got a play to go to later So don't sleep too hard I gotta be rested for the play Exactly We're gonna go see Larry Owens tonight

We are a strange loop I don't know Is this coming out? This is gonna come out Yeah this will be out next week Yeah but it's probably gonna be sold out By the time this drops It's like

I spoke to the lady About the tickets And she said everything is sold out Like Except for those these expensive as hell seats I know niggas and you know what at this point in my life all my friends anytime it's time to do something it costs money yeah good but there's something cool too about being able to pay for something also you know what I mean like it's a lot of

money and I didn't want to buy the damn ticket I was like somebody else should pay for this but uh there's something cool in that like we're not just doing like these cheap like poor people things you know what i mean like we're adults like we should be yeah we should be getting dressed up and doing stuff we should every once in a while you know you're getting dressed up tonight right i'm gonna throw a little sex in the city you know i'm gonna throw a little samantha jones yeah you're gonna have a little hill a little a little carrie bradshaw can we do it a little espadrille yeah we gotta bring snacks too we gotta bring snacks to it oh we gotta bring snacks i mean because the snacks that they got there there is do they have snacks there well

because it went to the same place as when your roommate. Yeah, but I bought a sandwich from home. They had snacks there? No, they didn't. That's why I said we have to bring snacks. Oh, okay. I was like, what?

Like the movie theater. Ah, yes, yes, yes. Okay, so somebody's going to bring wings. Somebody put chicken in their clutch like Tiffany Haddish did at the Met Gala. That's the energy that I want to bring into the classy play we're going to tonight. If you, Marie, I will get up and not speak to you.

After you take a wing. Ooh, and you know I be busting down them bones. I'm like, I will eat all of it. Sucking the bone marrow out just like a West Indian man. Ooh, is this teriyaki soy? What kind of glaze is this on the marinate? Sydney, how are you doing? How was your week?

Let's get into, you know, let's get into that. I mean, week is good. You know, I just, you know, I want to say that I'm an expert in something, but it was mainly it was you being an expert in something we we were asked to do something together and then i was like oh yeah i'm okay with the price and marie was like well what about this and then they were like hmm and then marie was like what about that and then marie like up the fucking price the rate and i was like it like doubled yeah i was like well i mean i guess i'm never okay with the price i was like i should let marie lead more um was that what i was an expert

in this week is getting us more money yeah i was like well because as a third world country first generation haitian american i'm never okay with what money they offer also when you know these these brands and these companies have so much money and they refuse to pay people like us yeah but all of the top ceos and whatever are making you know 10 million dollar christmas bonuses a year you know what i mean so like give me add some zeros to this and then get back to me mind you people the first offer was cute too yes sydney it was adorable but the new the new money is is uh is beyonce okay the old offer was latoya luckett and this new offer is beyonce giselle knows yeah that's her middle name right giselle i don't know but i i mean it's low-key

blue ivy but we'll take it i mean blue ivy would not do anything the offer that the second offer that you were asking for was beyonce and then they were like we'll give you like we'll meet you at we'll meet you at surrey yeah sir we'll meet you at the twins yeah we'll meet you at uh what sir yeah sir i don't know roomie one of the roomie and sir uh moroccan and morocco yeah something like that what's the mariah carey's kid's name moroccan oh monroe and then what's jennifer Lopez kid's name? What them twins' names? Mark and Anthony. No, they're not. I need to know.

Yeah, one of them is a girl. Yeah, I was like, wait, Maureen, they didn't have two kids. The girl's name is Mark. I need to know. I can't believe J-Lo had a baby with Mark Anthony. I believe it. She didn't have a baby. She had twins. And they look like him. I mean. Jennifer Lopez's

children are named Maximilian and M. It's like Emma but with an E at the end. E-M-E? Some people don't deserve the right to give their children names. That's just, some people just don't. They shouldn't be allowed. I think you should be able, you have to take a fucking test before you name your kids.

Well, what's the first kid's name? Maximilian. Max. So his name is Max. But she's talking about the full name, though. Maximilian. Right. Usually you go for the Maxwell.

Oh, Maxwell. However, you want to be extra. I was like, that's what Max is short for, sis. Maximilian. J-Lo, we know you have money. Like, duh. But I like Monroe as a name for Mariah Carey's kid. All right.

Well, we said you don't like it, but that's fine. Whatever. No, no, no. It's fine. It's fine. I'm here for it. It's Mariah Carey. It's Mimi's babies.

Them babies. So I was an expert in, you know, just living my life. Yeah. I've definitely decided that I was like, I need to do more things that are not comedy related and i've been saying no to shows yes i'm like no i can't do it and um well send them to me because i got stuff that i need to prepare yeah yeah i was like i'm not gonna i'm not gonna it's fine that's great yeah that's that's that's what i was an expert in this week also not saying no to shows but you know also like trying to i'm i'm giving up meat for a little while like i'm giving

up chicken and beef i'm only gonna do fish um so i'm doing that it's terrible i went to chipotle yesterday and i was like this bowl is so sad wait why i was like how is the vegetarian bowl cost the same as the chicken but like what because it's chipotle it's chipotle i was like i could put some guac in here anyway um why no and then so i'm getting up early because i don't have a job right so like i'll do gigs randomly throughout the month but yesterday i woke up i had no idea what day it was and i laid for like the first three minutes that i was awake i was like what is today Thursday like I had no idea what the day was and I was like Alexa what day is it like I had to so I need like some type of structure in my day-to-day because otherwise like

I'm not leaving my house until way too late to do shows or to like go to Trader Joe's because my freedom you know what I mean so like I'm forcing myself to get up every day and go to the gym and like I'm trying to go to bed earlier so that I can get up and like read and journal I'm doing all stupid stuff now so all right no you know my name is gwyneth so that's what i'm doing it's beautiful i think that's the change that's needed with snm the growth that's because i'll sit back and i'm like hmm how come we are not right here and it's just like you gotta switch some things up yeah and the other thing that i have to do is i i think i need to like stop being like i need to stop checking instagram so often i got all this time now and i just i feel like when i was busy i was

like i i lag off instagram when i'm not on it you know that right and i i log i'm not on it later than 10 p.m or before 10 a.m but in in the recent weeks it'd be midnight it's 1 15 in the morning i'm on instagram and i'm like and it's so easy to compare yourself to the good stuff that people are posting because people only post the highlights they're not posting like you know them falling down the stairs or you know their abortion twerk video you know what i mean like they they're not posting that so that i needed abortion twerk video what is wrong with you there's a video of this woman getting an abortion it's on twitter i'm gonna find it and i'm gonna send it to you ignorant and she the caption was me at my abortion and she's twerking butt naked

and they're trying they're like ma'am we got to start the procedure and it's yeah it's the whole i was anyway i'll send it to y'all i'll post it on the underfoot please don't in the stories i don't we cannot support that i don't i don't support you sis listen i support your choice i don't support that choice that's that's wrong that's why they trying to shut our shit down bitch oh my god you can't do that in this climate sis and then posted it on twitter oh it's like sis viral viral but like sis you're butt naked and you're getting an abortion and it's on twitter Like, sis, pick a struggle. Actually, maybe not having the baby was the best choice that she made.

No, no, I said I support your choice, but I don't support that choice. To twerk? No. Butt naked. Ma'am, we need to get ready to start the procedure. It's like on a loop. The doctor's like, he's like, I'm just going to kill both of them. Essentially, that's what the doctor said.

And I would have been okay with that choice as well. I want to know what kind of sweatpants she was wearing afterwards. Oh, you know she came in like a Fashion Nova jean. Somebody who twerks at an abortion is not wearing sweatpants to an abortion. She is fully wearing a Cardi B look. She's got like a crop top, something, highlighter or something on. And, you know, she scammed her way to the, you know, she scammed somebody for the abortion money. So she's not paying out of pocket.

She's got those Lucite wedge heels. Yeah, she got the Kardashian-Jenner shoes on. Yeah, she's like, oh, I'm going to do my abortion late so I can just go out after. she probably had a waist trainer on at the abortion honestly look we're not shading abortions no we're here for it we're again we're shading we're shading this specific person for twerking at the abortion she didn't even twerk after it's like sis they got things to do before they did it she was I mean the baby almost fell right out oh my god Marie speaking of babies No, speaking of falling out, our guest today, freaking, honestly, came into the studio and

matched Sydney's entire crop top under boob situation. He is probably like one of the sexiest people we've ever had in the studio. High praise. Possibly. High praise. A word. He's a comic. He performs all over New York.

And we are super excited to welcome our hot boy summer expert. It's J.J. You're dead. What did you do, baby? Baby. Do you have any thoughts or comments on what you've heard thus far? Number one, I am on board with the abortion twerk. Because she was celebrating her right to have an abortion.

What I'm not okay with is the fact that I haven't seen this video yet. Oh, God. I'm enthralled. Take me for a loop, Jay. Take me for a loop. I'm super excited. I'm very excited that you guys are going to see a strange loop. Have you seen it?

I haven't seen it yet But as a queer black performer I need to You guys In my head I was already thinking And I loop And I loop

And I loop And I strange loop So I'm very excited Congratulations to Larry Owens And all his success I'm just happy to be with you guys Melon and popping in this room Well let's give everybody

A full body Of what you got going on Alright First of all It's clear that you do arms Yes You do Arms, shoulder, back, chest

I pull up on these hoes You do all of it Oh is that pull ups? Pull ups is what Andrew write that down Pull ups So that we can all Pull ups and chin ups

Are different Yeah just on the grip What's the difference Between a So pull up hands Are gonna be facing the bar Chin ups Either gonna have

Like a neutral grip Or an underhand grip So you work at the gym I used to be a trainer Clearly Yeah Okay well let's Hook us up with some sessions

Yeah what's going on Yeah let's do it We can pop off for a few Andrew you're invited as well Thank you Andrew The chemistry between Jay and Andrew is hot

Boy summer That's my type that bitch i'm gonna ride a dick all night yes ride the dick all night actually i'm not riding it on i'm tired that's it that's exhausting yesterday that's the joke right like girls only ride it for a few minutes guys ride it forever that's what men are supposed to do like guys ride it on some lil nas x level like i got the horses in the back and then you bouncing on it yeah so you can't no more i'm adding that to the sex playlist horses really no obviously not he is a child okay so you your your muscles are rippling and sexy he's in a

short as well i do i like the fact they led with me being funny and now they've skewed in on the nakedness well because the listeners it's a very visual podcast let them know what you look like because that determines if they're gonna be invested or not right because if you start talking and they don't know what you look like they're gonna be like well let me go ahead and I'm wearing a crop top tank top with a mouth and a tongue on it because I'm subtle. You're staying on brand.

I am on brand. I'm wearing a patterned summer short. It is a short puffy short and the butt is sitting. I got it from a little place called my boyfriend's closet. It's a good store. A lot of people have been in it.

Oh, have a man, have had a man for almost eight years. Eight years? Get the fuck out. Get the fuck out. Get out of my pocket. We don't have people

who look like this in relationships besides me. I'm the only one that's allowed to look like this and be like, wait, you're taken? No, I feel like I've been with him for so long that both of us are adults. And so if people want to flirt, people want to hit on me. Oh, it's open. Cool.

It's not completely open. It don't sound close. It's like a store. You have to know the owner and be like, technically it's open, but we only let a few folks in. Okay, so it seems like y'all banging everybody. Yeah. Because y'all know everybody. It's like, what's up with O'Shea? Is that current? Get going. It's like Planned Parenthood.

you gotta take a number you're like 2-4-5 2-4-5 we're calling it one more time 2-4-5 there's been some folks

in the queue as the Brits would say in the queue online that's what we say in New York people are online not in line

so we've had an open relationship expert on the podcast before but now what's the setup for you guys we've been together

so long that I know that ain't nobody else gonna pay half the rent that's not true that's a lie you might find somebody to pay all the rent

I'm telling you right now no one's gonna want to like walk the dog we've been together long enough we've been through like deaths we've been through like loss of family members we've been through like so much stuff oh you don't watch mori at all i'm just saying you don't watch mori people be ready to leave no but i'm telling you just like people cheat at funerals i'm trying to figure out what are you talking about i'm saying that we're committed to each other so much so that sex is like definitely this like third fourth most important thing so if you want to hook up with someone, if you want to come with someone

else, that's fine. You're making direct eye contact with me while you're saying this. Whoops. Jason, whoops. Oh no. What have I done? I've been listening too much to Megan Thee Stallion.

Megan Thee Stallion, Hot Boy Summer. She just turned the Hot Boy Summer switch on. And so, just went to Fire Island, that's the other thing, with the boyfriend. We were in a room. Yeah, it feels very now let's talk about this real quick uh because not everybody knows what or where fire island is yeah let them know because you know this is international okay so it's what mike pence thinks gay people do all the time in the sense that it's just it's at the end of long island

it's this gay getaway we're in the pines it's primarily gay men and cherry grove it's a bit more lesbians and like straight people that makes sense cherry grove should i what kind of lesbians um rich ones women like diane keaton type let's do it like should white blaze white you guys should definitely i don't know how you guys haven't been yet i have never heard of cherry i've never heard of it i literally have only ever heard of fire are we fucking going we gotta go we gotta get a little vera bradley bag do we have a connect a cherry grove connect hit play we should take the jitney out there like some real white women no you gotta first of all you gotta get to long island you go you go l-i-double-r and then you go then you go sayville and then you

take a ferry either to cherry grove or to the pines now i was in the pines which is like we were in a we're in a the beyonce room in our house so there was a beyonce room a wisdom eyes room like in two other themed rooms there's themed rooms yeah in this house how much it costs listen they love a theme and the price was on point for wednesday thursday friday saturday sunday my boyfriend and i only paid 1200 only yeah only also you could have just said wednesday to saturday yeah you were like wednesday thursday friday saturday you made it sound like no i had a couple of days in there no it was 1200 but you didn't that's right now i didn't have to pay for alcohol i didn't have to pay for i don't drink so you gotta give me something else bro

so why you ain't bring no weed to the studio I had to leave it there nothing tons of naked boys it was just I mean it really was it's what I needed it was so much of a vacation

that I got back to New York and I was like I need to work I need to do things I gotta get to work I have ruined oh you didn't you did anal all day huh

not all day poppers for breakfast sis poppers and pop tarts there were there were a house brand of poppers like there was like just well

poppers just well not well a house brand a house brand small batch So they made it specifically for that house. Oh, that was Demi Moore-ing it up.

Y'all was doing Whippets or Whizzins or whatever those. Whippet Good? Yo, house brands? Some people actually do VCR cleaning. They spray, they huff it into like a bandana or a towel, maximum impact, and they huff it. And that's like the next level. Anytime you start using household utilities and like cleaning supplies, these drugs, that's when I'm like, nah, I'm good. What are you talking about?

That's frugal. that's using what you got your necessities also who still has a VCR they sell VCR cleaners I think that's what they sell it for now it's like when people

are like oh no this is a hemp shop this is a head shop a head shop what's that hemp you mean hemp hemp

head shop but also like when people sell glass pipes you're like oh I love tobacco out of this glass pipe you're like that's not how any of those work

so this is a front it's a front definitely a front okay so what else what happened to Fire Island Lots of outdoor showers. At one point, I saw a couple, there was an outdoor sex sling and I saw people. Sex sling?

Yeah. No, swing. It was a swing or a sling. Technically, it's a sling. How do you strap into a sling? So you have like a place to put your feet and it's like kind of a leather basket situation. And it's hanging down. A leather basket situation?

Oh, so something from Pottery Barn? Cute. Leather baskets. Yeah, just home decor. Yes, yes, yes. Homo decor. And people, there was a couple. That's it.

Okay. There was a couple that was in it while everyone else was in the pool. And they weren't fully having sex, but they were, like, getting ready. And everyone in the pool and the hot tub was like, oh, so we just ain't even here. I mean, hot boy stuff. If I pay $200, nigga, I'm doing whatever the fuck I want. I'm having sex in your room and your room on Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday. Sunday.

You gonna be in the bed, I'm like, scoot over, this is my space too. I'm gonna be like, slide down. The wet spot is over here. There's an underwear party. I'm like telling all the secrets. There's an underwear party. No, no, no. We want to hear.

I saw Wanda Sykes there. There was an underwear party. So you name a name. Wait, was she at the Pines? Was she in underwear? Cherry Grove. Cherry Grove. Cherry Grove.

Oh, Marie, we got to go. We got to go talk to her. We got to fucking go. How do we get there? What do we do? As a queer woman of color, it's your duty now. Wanda, we know you're listening, sis. Go ahead and send that Uber helicopter.

She gave like a big group wave. And here's the image I want to paint. So we're all in line for the underwear party in our underwear, jockstraps, thongs, various accoutrements. And she sees this long line of gays trying to get into the ice palace for the underwear party. And she just kind of gives a queen-esque, hey, you guys, and then scurries off. Because she knows people are going to be like, hey, I love your special. I want to talk to you. She's like, I don't got time for these faggots.

And then she's left. Oh, wow. You said the F word on. Oh, I said it. You said it? I've had enough in my mouth. I can say it. I've had enough in my mouth.

I can say it. He knows what it tastes like, sis. taste the rainbow. Okay. Okay. All right. You're going to say a problematic word

on the pod. I like it. It's not problematic if a gay man says it. I like it only for emphasis. You guys are fake too. You guys say problematic

shit all the time. You're going to get mad at this. No, they got, they let the woman have the abortion. Okay, so we have a white delegate who's a gay.

Wait, white? I've turned Andrew. Oh my God. Well, Andrew is, you know, Andrew's team J. But I'm not saying that he can't say it.

I don't have a problem with it. No, no, no, no. It was me. Sidney says it's problematic, and it's like, but he's, you know. I won't say it again for the rest of the podcast. This is his N-word. No, say it. You want me to say it again?

I like that, yeah. Oh, that's, he's into that. Andrew said, say it again. Oh, my God. Andrew, you're going to talk on the mic one more time. I'm like, just do it. Just pull it out. Pull the dick out.

Pull the dick out. We got a sex sling. It was fun. So, underwear party, which is, like, crazy because it's this huge dance floor. The second room was a massage room this time. A massage room. But just still relatively PG-13 to R-rated massages. No penises were completely out.

And there's a back room where, like, it's just all. No holes barred. No. All the holes are barred. Like, everything is out. Like, you just walk back there and you're like, oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know you guys were having sex right here. Hey.

I mean, but didn't you, though? Oh, I did. That's why I went back there. Hey. With my opera glasses. Oh. I'm kidding. I didn't need them.

The two guys from the Muppets. Waldorf and Stanley people have called me and Cindy those guys many times I love it no but Fire Island is an amazing place

I love it lots of cute people people get worried about diversity but I'd say there are lots of diverse types there were black boys Latin boys

white boys and even some broke boys so everyone what on Fire Island? yeah well because if you you don't always pay your way there so people

some people day trip in the hopes that they can find a place to stay so you go Without having a plan Flirt your way Into a couch

Or a bed Oh this messy gaze At Fire Island Should we do that Marie Cherry Grove Or should we have a plan Sydney we got We got an Airbnb

Something It's not gonna be $1200 There are hotels In Cherry Grove And there's like An all nudist I think resort

Slash hotel too Should we do that Marie You should do that You halfway there today Sid Shut the fuck up bitch You too Sydney you got

Your underboob And you ain't got No bra on today sis You love it Jay you came in here With your rectum Wide open Shut the fuck up

I thought this was a doctor's office. No one told me different. I just got health insurance. Hot Boy Summer, you just got insurance. Well, yeah, so you can get tested. That's what you need during Hot Boy Summer. Get tested, everyone. Oh, I love that.

That's a great one. What else do you have planned for your Hot Boy Summer? I'm going to Miami. So that's going to be fun. Wait, hold on. So you can have a Hot Boy Summer and be in a relationship? You can. You can have a Hot Boy Summer and be in a relationship.

Jay's like, I can. Because Hot Boy Summer is about not only celebrating your sexuality, but also celebrating the fact that we're only here for a little bit. We should be able to be hoes or like, I don't care what you want to call it. Just be out there and be sexually happy. Make sure that you're orgasming enough. Make sure you're coming, sis. Yes.

Or go. If you're not coming, leave. Yeah, but I feel like dudes are always coming. Yes. And women are not coming enough. Or they are coming and it's just like, are you still satisfied after you came? Like, I don't know. sometimes you do come and you go wow i need to go home but sometimes you go oh all right didn't

know i could pull this off and to me like my hot boy summer is actually about like showing people that you can have a lot of fun and be in a relationship but also still like have shit going on i'm still like working but i still want to play it's kind of like what you said like there's so many times i'm like comedy comedy comedy comedy but fire island i was like no comedy just pool boys alcohol marijuana boys penis yes penis yeah well i think the boys is a part of the penis maria yes unfortunately they're attached to them poised penis i don't know poised penis a poised penis okay so good timing okay hold on i heard that you be sliding into people's dms okay this we can get spicy yeah i'm gonna pull the card i mean you it's a hot

boy summer you're doing what you want i what happens is people like photos and then they send an emoji or they like a story they react to a story and all stories end up in your messages no matter what no matter the react so dm sliding to me you guys who ian dm expert right sliding dms expert ian and me i guess like have similar vibes in the sense of like i slide in a lot of dms just both unsolicited and reactionary. So if you like a photo of mine and if you like my story, you're in my DMs already

as a smiley face or as a reaction. So I'm going to send back- I see your loophole. I'm going to send back a devil emoji. I'm going to send back what I have to. You know what? I feel like that's an underused emoji in my phone. I'm going to start sending devil emojis.

Triple devil emoji means what's up. Okay. Okay, I didn't know about that. Hot boy summer. Also- I also heard about your close friend stunts that you pulled. oh yeah we can pull it up

where's my phone on Instagram you know there's a section that's just close friends just close friends and close friends is that's it gets tricky

because you're only putting up oh only a few people that are close to me are gonna see this so you're gonna oh you know I can have a little

fake nude here cause we're close friends fake nudes but fake some of the people that you put in your close friends you're like

how did I get in close friends what did I have oh you and Jay's close friends no no no oh you wanna be no no no I do we're gonna pull up the most recent

close friends yeah let's look because for me it's definitely me and some red to exist and it's something that like everyone's already seen oh okay cause you've seen me in a speedo oh wow can we use that photo for the podcast screenshot that please you know what you guys

I'm gonna send it to you guys oh wow show Andrew send it to me as well pull up there it is well baby you gotta give me the insta you gotta drop the at

I just followed you baby send his three devil emojis what's up send a link to an Amazon sex swing no I think that like the close friends to me like sometimes I guess straight people use it for gossip or like

like show them throwing up I don't know or like talk about how much they hate people show them throwing up I don't know what straight people do with close friends. I have not used close friends. The close friends for gay people. I started to, and then I was like, these, I don't really have anything to post.

Nah, close friends for gay people is about posting nudes you don't want taken down. And also like sometimes just straight up smuttiness, just straight up. What kind of smut? I'm talking about debauchery. Ooh, some Sodom and Gomorrah. Exactly.

I've read the Bible. Okay. Brought my hands when I picked it up. I'm kidding. It's fine, mom. And so what happens is like. Your mother's not listening. in this episode

not yet what's your mother's name Margaret what up Margaret Maggie Maggie the cat Marge so I think that

close friends for gay guys is just way more sexual it might also be that way for like some straight dudes like they might show girls they hook up with but like gay guys Andrew and you can attest

to this close friends on Instagram for gay dudes hoes everyone no actually I don't have the same experience for close friends

I have a finsta I feel like that's a oh you go finsta we go finsta Instagram it's the one that you hide from your family and parents like very close it's it's close friends that follow you on your Finsta and then you just like all the teeth do you have wait do you have to download it on something no no no it's just like another Instagram account it's on Instagram but it's a fake Insta but I don't I don't want to have another separate account oh

and it would just be you posting messy stuff there and only like but it's private talk shit about people and it's a private probably yeah and it's like yeah if you share like what I said on my Finsta other people like you're shitty you're getting you're not allowed to follow it anymore and they're always request driven too do you want to follow my Finsta?

yeah yeah yeah my Finsta is McGuire guy my Finsta is Magoo Goo McGuire guy and Magoo Goo oh my god wait I see what you're doing here it's on brand yeah currently I'm Reezy so maybe I'll be Wheezy

Or something Yeah Nah I'm just gonna Keep posting on my Instagram Magoogoo That's sexual as well Magoogoo That sounds like you

Choking on something Oh my god Oh my god It sounds like how Some of these dudes Left other guys Magoogoo Okay so your mother's

Name is Margaret Yes Where are you from From Mississippi The Magnolia State Crooked letter Crooked letter I Yeah

Crooked letter Crooked letter I Hunt back hunt back I That's it It's cool I'm from Mississippi that's actually where I met my boyfriend Mississippi and we're in an interracial

gay relationship so we were like you met a white man in Mississippi and you guys have been together for 8 years that's crazy we want to get married either there or Alabama just to piss the states off how about both I feel like you can do both ceremony in one reception in the other

just be as gay as you can be down there so that's where I'm from I went to school in Mississippi up until like graduate school and then I wanted to change the pace So I went to Alabama because it's so different. Wait, what did you go to school for? I went to school for English and then theater.

So I got a B.A., B.F.A., then M.F.A. Stupid, stupid. I'm stupid. Stupid, stupid. Waste of money. Stupid, stupid, cute. It's a waste of money. And then I moved to New York.

Got signed with an agent who was terrible at her job. Some of them are. She was like, are you? She's like, you're in New York. And I like moved up here because I was already training. I had some money saved up. I knew I could train here. and then I was just like oh man

like she's really bad and so whenever you're in that situation as a performer you're like how do I make sure I can take control of my career trajectory so I've been doing stand up and I've done it in Atlanta I've done it in Alabama and Jackson so I was like I'm just do stand up in New York because she can't touch this

because I don't want her to mess this up so I started doing stand up here kind of as a reaction and not being able to control my career path because she was like you should go you should go in for kinky boots I was like girl I can't walk in heels what like who told you this she was like but you're black and gay exactly i mean it's not like a stiletto it's like a it's a wedge a sensible way

such a thick ass boot heel strappy way brady did it if way brady can be kinky boots then you could be kinky they put everybody and they mama in that damn show this is true so you're saying it's too many of those people so you're like oh i'm not interested no i'm saying that Kinky Boots was not my sweet spot, not my forte, not my look, not my zhuzh. Not your magoo-goo? Not my magoo-goo. It's not my maga-gao, not my maga-gao, not my magoo-goo. Okay, so what is the dream role?

The dream role for me would be crafting my own half-hour comedy based on being queer in the South and being black. and kind of like an everybody hates Chris but so much gayer. So whenever you pitch that, that's what everyone wants to hear. And then you go to generals

and people are like, great, we don't have money for anything but unscripted right now. And you go, girl, why'd y'all ask me that then? Exactly. Sis, you could have

sent this in an email. Yeah, you could. I paid for an Uber to be here. You want me to do impractical jokers, is that what you're saying? Yeah. But if you're black

and you pull pranks in public, you get shot. That's why we can't do shows like that. Yeah, we don't do that now. How dare you? Why would you even we're pulling guns

we're pulling guns so that's like the dream role for me also I would shout outs to the other two if they need another

gay black person next season I'm down I would like telling secrets so I went in you do or you don't I like

you do I feel like you name names shout out to Margaret there's literally no reason not to she made the best of the best we're in an industry where it's gonna happen

regardless I auditioned for the black gay out of the instagays for the other two. And when I read it, I was like, this is going to be so fucking funny. People are going to love this show. They need an instagay that's vapid and shallow,

and they probably need like a black one, a Latino one, an Asian one, and a white one. I got this on lock. I walked out of the audition, I was like, crushed it. And then like a month later, I was like, oh, he got it. It wasn't me. Well, kudos to him.

Right. But like, I mean, I feel like we've all kind of felt like that. you've gone to auditions where you were like oh that it couldn't have gone better it couldn't have gone better

and you're like telling people you're moving to London you're like they said she had braids in the script yeah yeah yeah yeah

she looked pretty much just like me they were like oh she got commitment issues that's me yeah I almost didn't come to this audition

because of my commitment issues exactly exactly so you know you read these things and you're like there's no way they're not gonna book me

and then they never do oh performance I feel like our industry finds a way to make sure you're like hey by the way be humble yeah but then there are people who like who don't have those growing pains like they just they be booking things regularly but i don't see i don't see their nose just like people don't see my nose yeah what you said about instagram like no one posting was

the yes the highlights if i said everything i didn't get on my instagram people be like jay you a complaining ass bitch what happened to the news people find a way to the news i'm here for the nudes they're like drop a pic dude damn you're complaining a lot people find a way to just complain on there so i mean you wouldn't be alone but it's people who are doing well too that are complaining anyway i guess let me stop complaining then because i'm it's not that bad it could be worse i could be ugly uh that is you know i'm gonna say this right now i as i look around this is the most beautiful podcast i've ever been on i agree i'm looking around we're four for four 4 for 4

4 for 4 4 for 4 4 for 4 4 for 4 4 for 4 it's like is that an order at Wendy's

could you get a 4 for 4 at Wendy's is that the thing no that's a Domino's 5 for 5 dollar

something for yeah but we're we're more expensive though we still snack oh this ain't Wendy's this is not

this is at least Olive Garden Shake Shack Shake Shack Shake Shack baby no not this not this Shake Shack cause

Sydney found a bug or something I found hair it was a long piece of hair somebody's weave was in the chicken sandwich in my chicken sandwich

in the chicken sandwich and you know people were looking like well maybe it's your bitch I'll slap fire that's not the type of hair that's in my braids right now you're like

this is synthetic and it's blown out no oh man I'm still gonna go today but man it's so good wow

I've eaten ass I don't care I've eaten ass okay well yeah let's talk about eating ass like you tossing salad like what's the prep

what we doing like are we going to dinner or are we just going straight to drinks and then eating ass so So people, if you don't, if you if you have a rendezvous and you don't go to your house, what we call it, if you have a reservation, an open table, if you don't go to your house

and clean up before you come over to me and my boyfriend's apartment, or if you don't clean up there, that's not happening. I need verbal confirmation that you hop in the shower and thoroughly check. It can never be a booty hole. OK, when you say clean up, you were talking about ass because I was like, oh, the house I was like, yeah, you're right. You can't eat my ass if you're going to be dirty. Clean your tub.

If your house don't smell like Fabuloso, I'm all set. Then you can't eat my ass. You can't eat dinner off no dirty plates. I can't eat dinner off no dirty plates. What if it's Tupperware? Sometimes Tupperware stains. Tupperware does stain.

I need glassware. I need Pyrex. I was like, what about Pyrex? I was like, what about paper plates? yeah paper plates that's what you call it when you hook up with a skinny white boy with no ass

Andrew let us see your merch I feel seen I feel seen no I can find one for you that's merch yeah do you think I can find one I can find an ass for Andrew

that's when you hook up with a white boy with no ass y'all always clapping these paper plates together paper plates not sturdy at all oh my lord have mercy the cookout plates from the shores i see very good hamstring development so i'm thinking that leads to

something of respect. Well, Jay, can you show us a couple, like what's a couple, or not show us, but what are like three good workouts to build a butt? Alright, so for the butt, get in a plank, so fully extended plank, palms out, and what you want to do is raise one foot,

have your leg completely straight, unlike your trainer, me. You want to basically go to dorsiflexion of the foot, so flex that foot, don't point it, and do a single leg glute raise. I got on sandals, so I don't think I can do it, but maybe Andrew can show us. Yeah, so if you want to stand up and you stand up come on paper plate no he don't have the type of gap shorts to do it

so okay full plank yeah so give me profile so face the other way don't let jay fool you now extend one leg up lift it up good so don't point that toe flex that foot other way other way good yeah so now isolate that right glute lift up wait what yeah lift your leg up lift leg goes straight up no just as straight as possible like that like this yep now raise it raise it yep just like that lower it back down now up again but the foot got to be down yeah flex that foot don't point it flex it so we working on your ass right now that's what we're doing eventually okay so that's a good workout and through the shorts i could see i could see a I saw a little poke.

He said he saw, he might have seen a little snack. A little num num. A little Facebook poke. Where are you putting that, Sydney? Goblet squats.

Close friends. Close friends. I wrote, the caption is training for the D. So, goblet squats, that's where you have

a weight in front of you. You know about those. Yeah, you can go with a kettlebell or with a moderate weight dumbbell. I think, And you just squat. Yeah,

you squat. Make sure you have something that gauges depth so either like, I could be underneath you or a bench or a chair. I could be underneath you, Andrew. Come on, Andrew, show us that one, Jay. We'll get underneath you.

And then the one thing I think enough people don't do is lunges. So actual body weight lunges back and forth. So front lunges and make sure you're coming to 90 degrees with that knee. Don't go too far over the toe. And lunges going backwards. What's a backwards lunge? So just the opposite direction. So a lot of lunges people think go front, front.

So if you reach back with the foot, so the opposite direction. also like trains neuromuscular pathways okay sounds like you should have got your BFA your kinesiology biomechanics your baby yeah well like it's funny because you can get that degree or you can get like a $500 certification and still train with

folks oh so that's what you did that's kind of the hustle okay that's the gag the gag is it's $500 that's it and Sally Mae doesn't hit you up for that no she's not gonna take any of that in fact you go wow that's so great you went to school for this i i got a lot of gay clients though so i gotta go you have fun talking about your science

i gotta get back to my clients also part of your part of being a trainer is like having a rapport and having enough of a personality that people like i want to work with him yeah you know what i mean it's literally just selling yourself yes 100 that's all it is um but let's get back to that tools and solid let's go yeah let's get into it so they gotta clean their butts clean the butt 100 how do you how do you thoroughly clean your butthole yeah well there are a couple of devices enema yeah so there's also like a bulb like traveling douche that people use some people use water bottles with the with the squirt nozzle and some people have an attachment for their shower head you want to be on that like the sure shot or the power shot and it sprays water up

there and it's like a that's like a thorough power washing for your inside so you just spray water in your butt but it has to be warm uh not hot i mean not so like tepid like you gotta test it on your wrist yeah like a baby bottle okay so we so hold on we cleaning the whole rectum you clean it in a colonic i don't think i've ever washed my ass my butt is dirty yeah no usually as long as your fiber is on brand no it's not 100 Sidney we gotta get some probiotic yogurts Some Yoplait And some Pure For Men capsules

They sell products for so much gay sex now So what happens So Pure For Men is like a fiber It's basically Psyllium husk And it flushes you out as well So it just makes you poop for hours Well it doesn't make you poop for hours

It just makes sure you do poop that day Maybe twice that day So you have to have a good Bowel movement before you toss salad or get well that day

and then you have to clean up after that as well okay so it's a two day prep not two days two steps because look if I take my

one two steps if I take to eat ass no thank you I'm so lazy yeah but if I take my laxative too late what if you eat in my butt

and I'm like oh oh and I poop and I poop and I poop no that's that's a very specific subcategory on Pornhub

that I don't necessarily get into so I think they're called brown showers No I think As long as you're like ready It's cool

I do also understand that some people It's a massive undertaking So you know it's not for everybody That's why I think anytime a man has ever tried to Toss my salad I'm uncomfortable Because I know I didn't pray It's like sir I didn't know what you A tongue can only go so far

So as long as you got a little bit on the inside And you clean the foyer and the doors Of the mansion You're good with a tongue yeah with the tongue yeah okay with the penis that depends on the penis that depends on a lot of times it's not reaching anything yeah a lot of factors yeah have you dealt have you had to deal with like a surprisingly small joint oh yeah like this week yeah really how big uh it was i don't i don't know this so like a bodybuilder bodybuilder boom oh the

The pictures that you showed us. I was literally about to ask him. I was like, are you inside right now? But I did not want to do that to him. Are you inside? Are you versed? Did you top him? No, no.

I'm not topping a bodybuilder. That feels weird. They have good boobs. They have great butts. They got good butts. Why not? No, I have no desire yet. So you just don't top in general?

No, I don't. Andrew's like, look at me. Look at me and my butt. But you know what? That's a valuable service. full bottoms are needed and respected in this community, no slander will fall on you. Well, in New York,

yes, but also, like, okay, let's say you're setting up a sex party. Let's say you're setting up a sex party. You need people. Okay, you're setting up a sex party. Let's talk about how one goes about setting up a sex party. What's the location? You see how we went from hot boy summer to, like, sex parties? I like that.

That's hot boy summer, sis. Pride just happened. The world pride was insane because there were a couple of extra million gay dudes in New York and those same gay dudes stayed for the entire week and then a good portion of them

either went to P-Town or went to Fire Island the next week. So like we had even more gay dudes on Fire Island than usual. Than normal. The island is too small for that. A bunch of poor gays

sleeping on couches? No, it was some rich gays that were also sleeping on couches. It was some rich gays. Every now and then you go, man, yeah, actors and dancers are gross, but doctors and lawyers

are disgusting. Wait, why? Well, because they are like animals because they're repressed all day like I get to come on podcasts and talk about eating ass they don't get to do that they gotta talk about procedure habeas corpus blah blah blah they gotta give a chick that's

twerking in abortion so when they get to Fire Island they just go off so they just be coming on people's foreheads with a stethoscope tied to their head exactly tongue depressors for everybody so like I think that

what happens is whenever you like back to bottoms you need people that are like no no i don't need to top anyone i just came here to be of service to everyone here exactly oh so you getting a train ran on your ass some of them love it choo-choo choo choo is that choo ma goo goo and I choo he said absolutely

he said he said he got his ticket choo choo ma goo goo and it's a one way it's a one way you're not getting around

it ain't no trip baby choo choo ma goo goo come on come on Thomas the tank top engine oh my god I might change

my finsta might be that Thomas the tank top engine I love it your finsta's gonna be what choo choo choo choo ma goo choo choo ma goo I want everyone to know

that i love just how sexually free we are being right now because like we couldn't sometimes people get really weird about this shit like you end up being like oh yeah you know we had sex with blah blah and people like i don't need to hear all that i'm like because you don't have sex do you not well what's the problem but this is these are conversations that people have with their friends yes yes so this podcast we're friends with everybody who's listening to your business right we're super friendly shout out to margaret yeah we're all friends and at the end of the day You're learning stuff Because I did not know

About any of this See look at me I'm an educator We're going to Cherry Grove Bitch To see Wanda Sykes Get your bag We're going

Since I got a fanny pack That's all I need That's all you need That's all I need That's actually all you can bring Into the underwear party You have to have like Smaller bags

Cause you go And you check your clothing For free And you can't like You don't have any place To put your phone So I was just wearing like Oh ooh

Yeah show us the look What lingerie you had on The look for the underwear party Was Savage fenty Was an Aussie bum look with like a peekaboo in the front and a peekaboo in the back. A peekaboo in the front. So the tip was out.

No, no, no, no. The tip wasn't out. Jay, if you just want to show me your dick, you can. It is a nice dick. Jay, please show us your dick. It is. It's a nice dick. So that was the look for the underwear party.

Oh, you went with the glasses? No, I didn't go with the glasses. That was a pre. That was a pre look. It looks great. Jay, what the hell are you? Jay. Okay.

Jay, you are packing, dude. Jay, this is not even hard. Jay, just pull it out and put it on the table so we can see. Jay, this is stupid. Can we set levels for it when it makes a noise? Oh, my God. A loud bang. Jay, it's...

It's nice. My boyfriend is bigger. So... Okay, wait. So can you tell us what your boyfriend looks like? Yeah. Is he on your Instagram? Yeah, you've seen my boyfriend.

I've never seen you. You always look single. I'm sorry. I hear from other people that you have. His dick is bigger than yours? Yeah. I could see it, yeah. You see it?

He has that personality, yeah. Yeah, see? You pick up on it. Skinny, tall boys. Skinny, tall boys that are kind of meek, not like super showy. They always have bigger than expected dicks. Yeah.

Yes, but bigger than expected. I'm expecting it to be tiny. Nah, you could tell. No, no, no. And he got a lot of like... It looks heavy. It does look heavy. Heavy, you hear me?

like a bag of groceries you gonna weigh it on the produce scale yeah it looks like hey well you gonna have to pay extra I don't know how to do that

what's the code for the bananas I don't have it it's my first day oh my god it's my first day no we had like house speedos you guys are getting

a lot of looks I'll send these just show us your dick that's where we're at right now the dick pic yeah this is act like this is Howard Stern but to me I feel like

so much of the fun is like the reveal and the titties oh you one of those bitch you talk all that shit and then when it's time to pull it out I mean we can see the dick

I actually am very like He's like oh Just a shadow of a dick We kill The suggestion of a dick Here's the Here's the silhouette Of my dick

The silhouette of The silhouette of my dick I mean Marie Show him your nude That's gonna be Cindy show him your nude I'll show you mine Mine is cute

Yeah it's really nice But I Pick for pick Pick for pick 100% Like for like Follow back Follow

So this was What the boyfriend took That's your boy Oh that's you That was me Oh okay So that's what the boyfriend took Uh huh

Oh wow It's hanging yikes that's not that's not hard that's your dick at wrist his is big well show us his

Jay that's insane that's not insane I have never seen a flaccid dick look like that but that's like also like if I know we're taking pictures like it's hot you're not like cold it's not penis it's not like outside

it's not tucked in it's like you've had some you've had some time you know you're taking these pictures this wasn't a surprise yeah you a little

you a little you a little bit hard you turned on at the idea of the pictures maybe exactly where these Mariezy nudes

hold on let me go to the group chat where we the group chat where all the nudes live I was like I'm deleting this I don't need this

on my fucking it's fine I got Sydney's nudes in here too we have nudes right in front of us from Sydney I mean

fuck you I have clothes on don't you dare I thought Sydney's side boob side booty shop was, I was like, why don't more comics do this? No, because they can't.

Because they can't. Because they can't. Because they can't, bitch. Everything ain't for everybody. I mean, I gotta go all the way up. The nudes is far. Don't make excuses. There were people just running around on the nude beach

on Fire Island. I took an Instagram picture and in the background there's a guy who literally walked up to a volleyball game that was going on with his dick out and didn't have anything to do with volleyball. He was like, what's up, you guys? and we were like you just you interrupted their game

wait y'all just nude nude volleyballing so just dicks flapping in the sand I'll show here's this was the you had a video

so that booty in the background that guy just walked up to them oh his butt looks good though it's a juicy piece it's a bubble butt it was a bubble bubble bubble butt

that ain't no paper plates that ain't no paper plates okay that's a hefty hefty oh wow that's a that's a casserole dish I love

I love how great everybody's body is I'm I'm turned on by that I'm like wow people just work out and stomachs are flat and yeah but that's these young days body dysmorphia runs rampant in the gay community so i would let people know that i don't always think that i look great but i do want people to always celebrate what they look like and where

they are in their journey okay you just hooked up with a bodybuilder who looks like bam bam bam bam but then you get to his penis you're like oh okay and while we're not body shaming small penises i do realize that everyone has something going on with them that are not as we body shaming small penises that's what we're doing i'm with you on this body shaming small penis small penis bottom then like you're fine but like look at me like i'm i'm physically great but then you see my feet and you're like that's my nude baby all right listen come through all right has have you know what if you showed those to france i feel like they would pay haiti their money maybe wow okay these are boudoir shots this is that's that's like who's who we're getting who's getting this

uh picture uh sydney carolina did you have a tripod i was trying to do them and if i show you the outtakes you're like oh what a struggle yeah you want to see sydney sydney can i show them yours yeah yeah yeah that's fine someone asked me to do a nude comedy show oh i love that one These are all so classy Well that's what We woke up It was Monday morning The sun was shining

We were like Let's all Those are very classy I want everyone to know That these are some of the most Classy nudes I've ever seen The classiest nudes in the world Well we are classy

These are like bust down Busted open nudes These are like very These are silhouettes These ain't We have a little bit A little bit of a nipple Showing

But also a whisper of pubes Whisper Whisper of pubes You can hardly hear it Whisper of pubes That's cause you didn't Zoom in sis That's a whisper

Cause she was looking At my tits sis I was not looking At you like that I was like This is nice I was like This will do

Okay so Jay You started to say If you're planning A sex party You need blank blank What do you need Yeah if you're starting A sex party

You definitely need Verse people You need people That want to kind of Be the meat in the sandwich You need bottoms Are there snacks At a sex party

No I mean There's probably Vodka soda Maybe like finger food No finger finger finger popping no the food is on the invite list that's what you know what i mean like ah it's just and usually they're at someone else's apartment like usually a lot of times

it's an after party at a big gay event so like we just have pride so there are a bunch of huge circuit parties those circuit parties you can't i mean if you wanted to i guess you could try to have sex there but it's usually just very loud very dancey the the circuit party i went to at the Javits Center the surprise guest the Javits Center is huge that's how many gays

were in New York it was 10,000 men in there and three ladies and I guarantee you three ladies I heard a guy go it's a lot of girls here

oh no it's a lot of girls it was three girls and he was like ugh look at them that's too much look at them with their tampons

misogyny in the gay community who would have thought so the surprise guest was Brandy she showed up and sang like three Whitney Houston songs

and then they were like alright we got another guest for you guys give it up for Beyonce's choreographer. The Javits Center exploded. I was like, you guys leaned heavy

on that first word. Beyonce's choreographer. That's rude, I think, actually. So that was, it was fun. The choreographer just came out to like shake hands with people who wanted to.

No, he did Beyonce choreography. But then at one point he kind of was like, they know this. And you know, I was like, you can't be like just the hits. You ain't even Beyonce.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But so after a party like that, people want to go and actually be able to kind of chill a bit because the music there is very loud. Everyone's rolling or like on G or like just like too messed up to do anything. So you go to like afties.

Whenever someone's like, oh, I'm going to an aftie, that's like an after, that's an after party. And a lot of times gay afties. Or an after after party. Exactly. And a lot of times gay afties do become very sexual. Would you agree? I haven't been to these.

This is so afties. Andrew, you've never been to an aftie? I've never been to an aftie. Well, first of all, you need to pump up that butt. And he's got the paper plates. That's why it's never gone to that house. I'm going to say right now, you look like a hot Seth MacFarlane. Do you ever get that?

I get like the Matt Damon, like the meaty faces. No, square jaw. Where are you from? I'm from New Jersey. Okay, okay. New Jersey. I don't know if I would have shared that. I'm going to fucking square him up, dude.

He's got a square jaw. I'm just trying to see, you know, what's on the table over there. Jay, you remind me, like, not saying that her energy is like Jay's, but the way Jay is, like, slightly aggressive about stuff, that's how she is. The girl that you had a crush on? Yeah. The girl that you knew.

I get it now. I get it. I have a crush on everyone in this room. Everyone in this room. I met Sydney first. We met first at a show because Ben introduced us. And I was like, man, I love her set. And then I met Marie.

One time I met Marie on the steps coming off a subway. and I like said she was with a boy and she was like oh are you gay and I was like well you know I'm queer she was like you gay

because she was with a guy I was like well you know we don't got to get into it right now she's like okay bye because you were coming off a subway and I was going down

into the subway why did I ask you if you were gay because I was wearing like a shirt no because like you knew but like it was one of those things you were like

I want to be able to joke with him wait yeah because because if you did because if you had said you were straight I would not have liked you you would have been like

no I would have been like he's a liar He ain't straight He's a liar Are you gay? Because I don't need Any more straight male friends

But more gay friends So I can go to Afty's Yeah Or Cherry Grove Marie Well that's lesbians Yes And then this is my first time Meeting you

So I have questions On everyone here If y'all can see how Andrew Is sitting and presenting Himself right now He's ready He's very open So Sydney

To answer your question I do flirt a lot And do slat in DMs If this interview Has shown any of that No I know that you do I didn't need you I just wanted to put it

on the table to know that the community knows. Did you know that one time someone was like, Jay, do you flirt with everyone? And I was like, what? Yes. Who said that? Because 100% true. Especially not take it personally? No, you should take it personally today, because I'm here right now.

You're the apple of his eye. You're a fuckboy, Jay. I felt that. Can gay boys be fuckboys? Oh, yes. Absolutely. I didn't wear my Adidas skinny track pants and my Yeezys and my oversized t-shirt and your lucite heels i know i didn't wear my my chelsea boots and my hat i love

it when straight boys started wearing hats i was like oh so you you cheat i get it that's what that hat is for you grandpa level cheating yo i feel like all men discovered chelsea boots this past winter because everybody has a dusty click clack click clack click clack oh my god yeah but if they're brand new i'll i'll do but like after they're just like two morning who are you asking If I know Do I know Dwayne Perkins Dwayne Perkins

Yeah I know Dwayne Yeah I love him Cause your energy Kinda reminds me of like Like it Up Him up We're so

We're signed We're signed with the same Industry Kong Industry Tong We have the same representation I love him Congrats Brooklyn Nine-Nine

By the way If he's listening He does listen to the pod He listens I'm also super nosy And I love people's accomplishments So like whenever people like How'd you know about Larry

How'd you know about Dwayne It's my job As a comic And as a performer and as a writer and as a multi-hyphenate to be aware of the other queer people

and black people in my spaces who are doing well so like if I see Carolina and I go girl shout out to that Amex commercial got that Tina Fey money

it's because I want to celebrate them when people downplay your shit and you like and they go I don't even know what she does

that's because they hate us they hateful they know they hate us they hate us you sounded real Mississippi

when you said that every now and then y'all I get like very Mississippi Mississippi because it's only it's only two syllables To people from there

Mississippi Can you tell us Anything about Mississippi That you feel like People get wrong It's They're gay people there In fact

Like a lot of gay culture Now is just Southern black culture That's why everyone Says y'all I mean that's why everyone RuPaul is a gay black man From Atlanta

So southern gay culture Is kind of the barometer For gay culture currently And Mississippi Is a big part of that I didn't know RuPaul Was from Atlanta Yeah

ATA I hope I grew up with straight boys So like i like switch on and off from like very gay like i'm like i'm here for a lingo i'm here for the look sis but not also be like what a doofo what a like just because that's where like i grew up and like they knew like growing up some of my homeboys like man jay we gonna sit at this lunch table with the football players and no one's gonna call you gay by the way stop being so gay like it was very they were aware of it but they also just like he's funny enough that he could

stay were you on the football team oh no i played i trained with the football players from january to may we put on pads in may i saw someone get hit and i was like oh for real and then i got hit i did my first backflip which was also my last backflip and then i was like you know what this acting shit is really a lot more fun yeah yeah i was like i'm gonna stick to this i'm gonna act like i don't want to do football anymore yeah i know um well what's next for you what like what's the we talked about your dream goal yes hot boy summer you're going to miami where else what else Going to Miami, doing my college tour this fall. Oh, yeah.

College tour. So you could take us to freaking Shake Shack after this. Oh, I could definitely take you to Shake Shack. Got some of them college checks coming in. Did a Pantene ad. That check has not made it. Oh, yeah, it did to you. It has not made it to my house.

Please, Greg, Pantene, Procter & Gamble, send me my money. Procter & Gamble, run him his money. I was on the Procter & Gamble flow, and a lot of people were like, do you like the commercialization of Pride? And I was like, yes, because LGBT, the B stands for brand. Also, give me my money. Listen, take back, reclaim pride. It's too commercial, blah, blah, blah.

It is too commercial. But also, pay me. Everyone else, you don't have to pay them because it is too commercial. But me, send me my check. Proctor and Gamble, send that money. Where am I going to be first? I'm going to, so, SUNY Albany. I'm there in August.

I'm doing another show for them. So, shout out to the Megabus. That is sponsoring you Megabus is sponsoring me Because they pay for travel But they think I'm taking something Way more expensive

So they're like You need this much For travel budget I was like Exactly that much I need even more You're like I need

It's a 250 Yeah I need like 250 Could you like Make it three Why Because it's like The Megabus is $30

So that's where I'm first And I go to like Michigan State Oh okay I go to Arizona Yeah I'm trying I'm trying Wait and the material

Do you do Is it like The material I do is normally me I talk about being queer I talk about being black I was an educator for three years I was a teacher of record at a college campus I've dealt with hungover 18 year olds

A teacher of record I was a graduate teaching assistant at the University of Alabama Is that what we call it? Yeah You've lived so many lives And you eat ass I taught a course on it You were wearing a crop top too

I taught a course on eating ass It was called Introduction to Musical Theater for Non-Majors Shout out to Strange Loop Back to musical theater We made it all the way back It's a strange loop A circle A strange loop

And a loop I'm trying to think So shows Show, show, show Okay, so you've been with this guy For eight years Are y'all gonna get married? Yes, we're actually getting married

On our ten year anniversary So, yeah So we gotta wait two more years Two more years But the wedding pics They're gonna He just ordered a suit for a wedding And I was like this is what you got for someone else's wedding

I don't know what you're going to wear to ours So I'm wearing a dress He's probably also wearing a dress I can wear white because chocolate skin looks good I see it I mean I'm very excited to marry him Also you get to New York And you just start wasting money

And so you go we got to save for this wedding Oh shit we haven't been saving What kind of Y'all going to do something like a destination thing We're actually really thinking Alabama Because it's easier for his family and my family And because his dad might pay for it Oh his dad

A white southern dad Is going to pay for a gay interracial wedding Shout out to Bill Gibbons my soon to be father in law Bill Gibbons Bill Gibbons Robin's friend Bill Gibbons He loves my set He loves my jokes he's a good dude

We talk about football You guys are in a cute place The nieces and nephews love each other Okay so what are you going to wear to the wedding Your dream if money was not an option What's the look Probably like I'd actually pull off One of these people that have been trying to do

The harness Tom Ford Versace look I would love to see you in that I feel like you can do that right now I would actually try to pull that off Also like two looks so definitely like walk down the aisle Look then a reception look maybe even like A leaving look Yeah so three looks for the wedding is ideal

and for the rehearsal dinner something like a bit stunty as well. A little, some Billy Porter. No, but see, I like, Billy Porter loves big trains

and I don't like big trains. Right. I don't need a big train. But if you take out, like, because I've been seeing a lot of the new Pose ads and he looks great

in all of those. Yeah. But he does love an unnecessary train. I don't need a train. I don't, I just, I don't.

I mean, Magoo Goo Choo Choo, that kind of train, yes. But as far as like, Magoo Goo Choo Choo. Y'all about to have a little afty after the podcast.

Andrew, your butt clean or not? Do you have to shake shack? Maybe. You can come and shake shack. I'm trying to see some shake shack. Yo, Jay, you should have been the flirting expert or the butt expert or just the flow expert.

I want to see them paper plates. Dixie, what up? What's good? Let me see that Dixie. Beyonce's choreography. oh the thing that happened at that thing that was okay so i saw gay guys at that big party the we party at the javits center on fire island and i would be like well i'm so sick of seeing the same gays i was like how do i see you at a party full of 10 000 people and at this party and in the

house so sometimes you think things can be like anonymous and fun and carefree and they just and And you see them all summer. You go, wow, you really just keep looking worse. This is my third time seeing you. That's my fear, is that, like, when someone sees me for the first time, they're like, oh, my God. And then by the third time on the train, they're like, oh, wow. She's just like us.

They're like, in this train light, she look regular. 100% both of you guys are stunning. And there are not enough people in our industry that take pride in, like, serving looks. Like, just try a little. They're coming together now. They realize that. They are coming together,

but they also talk to me about it. They're like, oh. Are you guys getting them together? You and Sydney. I really, truly think that we started something that we'll see if they can finish. Honestly, I don't really have much faith in them, but let them eat cake.

We saw the photos. And you guys don't know how smart that is. That was a Marie Antoinette quote from Marie. Do you guys understand the connection? France, Haitian, right there. And I was just there, baby. Let them eat cake. Choo-choo.

Ma-choo. Ma-goo-goo. Oh, my God. Ma-goo-goo. Je m'appelle ma-goo-goo. Je m'appelle. Let them eat goo-goo. Let them eat croissant.

You know? Yeah, I mean, I think that I love that you came in to do this episode and we did it this way because we've been talking about Hot Girl Summer. We've been talking about. Hot Girl Summer. Eat, pray, ho. How to eat, pray, ho. yeah that's what that's always a verb that's the movie that i want to watch

but also like i feel like when you are doing what is what feels right to you other people can notice that and it attract it makes you more attractive to people because you're being honest if you see someone on stage there's always that one second where you go something right they lied about something something is false something there are pretenses here but you're living your life and you're living your truth and you're showing people that you can have a hot boy summer be in a full relationship a full interracial

eight year relationship with a big dick white man and you can be working funny, doing the do attractive I need to come on here more often just for these accolades. You're telling us that you can be black and gay and

cute and have body and booked. This is wow I love this. Honestly we're not this nice to anybody else It's because we want you to pay for this food They heard college shows They're like wait a minute It's SUNY Albany I said well they're sending you money for the bus

I was like I know you got a lot of money left over You take that bus Riding the mega bus to Albany Is definitely one of those experiences Where you're like just get to the show Just get to the show I took a bus to Canada It was so long

Halfway through I was like i'm ready to just turn back it's fine yeah i had to take the mega bus from philly after my good good show like good good theater amazing but like you know what happened i took the bus but like the bus super late i was like oh a guy got on it with a dog a full-size dog on a leash and the bus driver was like he got a ticket i was like that's not fair he had to sit in a seat i was like that's he got a ticket i mean not on my bus i'd be like actually people with small butts uh and uh men under five seven can't come on this bus no short short someone got mad about short gays the other day they were like they were like no they were like you know all these short gay jokes on on

twitter and facebook they're toxic and someone's like you you you understand we wouldn't know you were short if you hadn't posted this sis like we can't tell how tall you are from your abbey but also but still short gays still get dicked down so it don't matter short gays get destroyed yeah oh my goodness and they love it

what's the problem throw them around love a little poly pocket yo Jay love a poly pocket but the problem is I gotta get out of here so Jay please tell the people where they can find you you can find me on all the social media at Jay Jordan all one word

J-A-Y-J-U-R-D-E-N That's on Instagram Twitter and on Facebook You can also You can also catch me I don't know My next show coming up I think I'm on

You guys' show Oh yeah You'll be at the Knit Yes at the Knitting Factory On Sundays Every Sunday at 9pm Yeah but Then he's gonna not be on this

Not But this is Sydney This episode You guys know how time works Yeah Okay Fan-freaking-tastic

Jay thank you for being here Thank you guys for having me Thank you for being queer thank you for flirting with Andrew cause I like to see him he's so happy yeah

what you undo on them buttons what's going on Andrew thank you Andrew we wanna see your nudes baby yeah

damn Drew okay so if anybody has some sexy silhouette nudes they wanna send to the unofficial experts just send it to us we won't repost them

but like we just wanna see them just show us show us your angles where you at how the light hits your back yeah you know

portrait mode only If you got a green bubble phone, don't send us no nudes. We don't want to see nudes on our Android. We're all set. Nah, nah. It don't matter how clear the photos are. It's trash. It's pixelated.

We're set. Okay. Magoo Goo, no thanks. Bye, guys. Bye. Bye. Forever. Dog.

This has been a Forever Dog production. Executive produced by Brett Boehm, Joe Cilio, and Alex Ramsey. for more original podcasts please visit foreverdogpodcasts.com and subscribe to our shows on apple podcasts spotify or wherever you get your podcasts keep up with the latest forever dog news by following us on twitter and instagram at forever dog team and liking our page on facebook