MESS with Sydnee Washington & Marie Faustin - “The Houston Expert” with Fat Tony

Episode Date: March 8, 2019

Houston, we have a problem. Its our Houston Expert, Fat Tony! He dishes on all things Houston rap, the best things to do in Houston and whether or not he can see Beyoncs house from his own home. Plus, Sydnee practices being a quality friend this week while Marie gets her very first pimple.----Listen to The Unofficial Expert Ad-Free on Forever Dog Plus:https://foreverdogpodcasts.com/plus----BONUS EPISODES AVAILABLE NOW ON PATREON:www.patreon.com/TheUnofficialExpertBUY UNOFFICIAL EXPERT MERCH:https://www.teepublic.com/stores/the-unofficial-expert-podcastFOLLOW THE UNOFFICIAL EXPERT:https://www.instagram.com/UnofficialExpertFOLLOW SYDNEE:https://www.instagram.com/JustSYDbwhttps://twitter.com/justsydnycFOLLOW MARIE:https://www.instagram.com/Reeezyhttps://twitter.com/MsReeezyFOLLOW ANDREW:https://www.instagram.com/mcgui_guyTHE UNOFFICIAL EXPERT IS A FOREVER DOG PODCASThttps://foreverdogpodcasts.com/podcasts/the-unofficial-expertSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Forever. Dog. Good morning. What's up? Cindy, you look great. You're giving me that 70s show sexy Cleopatra vibes. Yes, ma'am. That's what I'm doing right now.

You got your titty meat out? Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. No. Just got to give the people what they want. Mm-hmm. You seeing somebody important today?

Somebody special? I am. I am. Doing some cute later. So, you know, I was like, let me try this time. Otherwise, I was like, I was going to put on nothing. But then I was like, you know, no, you look good. Thanks. I like that. You look. Thank you, friend. Don't even don't even finish the sentence. No, you look fresh face. Exactly what I look like.

I just woke up 30 minutes ago. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because she did. Yeah, it's cold out. But, you know, I'm excited to be here with my with my colleague. Yeah, my colleagues. Andrew, Andrew, the intern is also here. that's a terrible title to give him rude well what should i call him exactly okay well cut that out wow andrew the producer is here oh wow marie well you know somebody was like somebody commented and they were like don't you have a cute gay intern and so did would that it was a guy it was a guy oh my god wait tell me no because you don't like andrew the intern as a title so Andrew the cute gay intern would that have made a difference I mean yeah who commented on

that you know one of the listeners he's listening right now oh my god I'll go through my dms he's listening right now hey boo um uh okay let's get into this episode Sydney do you want to talk about your expertise uh yeah sure um I'm an expert in having a good heart yes but the listeners already You know that. That's my brand. Friend had an audition. She has two kids. And, you know, kids are not my forte.

She's like, oh, the audition is like at nine something in the morning. Can you please come with me to the audition with my kids? And I was like, wow. I mean, you're really pushing the friendship. Do I, one, I don't want to go to an audition that I'm not auditioning for. How old are the kids? One is like a baby and the other is three years old. a lot i wanted a girl who didn't give a fuck about my feelings she was just looking at me like

who are you why are you here not really interested and then the baby was a baby so the baby was cute but just like you know where my mommy at so um yeah i went to the audition and i had the kids so people were looking at me like oh i'm auditioning i got these kids like it was real like losing isaiah holly berry like disheveled why did she why did you have to bring the kids with her why couldn't you just go to the house and watch the kids while she was out because she don't trust me the kids by myself which she shouldn't oh wow which she shouldn't i'm glad that she did not but um yeah it was uh you know it was great going to the audition and seeing like because she's like a singer she's a singer so it's a different type of audition like

musical Broadway people. Everybody was in the hallway like la la la la la la. Yeah, and they just got a different vibe and their confidence is just different.

It was like good to see but then I saw them judging me the side eye like oh look at how I have babies. I was like this is my kid not my kids

and I don't sing. Okay. But were the babies cute? They were cute. Okay, well then great. Everybody was fucking with the kids. They were with it

but it's just I see how hard it is to be like a mom and have like aspirations and dreams and shit. Sis, you were at the audition for how long? With these kids?

Like two hours. Because it was one of those things where it's like open call type situation. Oh, American Idol? She was trying out for The Voice? No, no, no, no. And then at the end of the day, she didn't even get to audition. So I was pretty upset for her and myself. So you got there at nine, stayed till like 11.

She didn't get to audition? No. Because of the kids? no it's just you know you do parking and whatnot and the parking was until like 115 and she's like well i'm not paying another 50 to say something that i might get yeah oh wow well she looked in the room she's like oh i could definitely get this she's like oh i know that i'm better than half these people in here wow yeah wow you do have a good hard friend did she pay you with lunch she asked me but i was like i'm tired dude i just want to go back home do my work more tired than

hungry yeah i didn't because then i have to eat with her and the kids so this is true what is a steak if there's a child involved are you eating steak at 11 a.m yes honey if somebody else is paying absolutely you sound real yamanika saunders right now yamanika loves steak um that is you know round of applause for you standing with them yeah booger-nosed kids can't even imagine yes what were you expert in um wait before we move on i want to say that this girl that i went to high school with i was we're not friends no more but i went on her um facebook the other day and she got three kids three kids three dads they all have the same face but she's dead to me so that but can you imagine having three kids?

No. I can't imagine having no kids. I seen them kids yesterday, and I was like, I think kids are not in the cards for me. I think I'm all set. Throw those cards away. Speaking of throwing things away,

I was an expert this week at being all the way impatient. Let's talk about this right now. So two weeks ago, I was getting ready to go to the Knitting Factory. It was a Sunday night. The show that Sydney and I host and produce with a friend of ours.

and I was like is that a pimple on my chin I was like problematic but I uh I went to the show no one saw the pimple I have this tv thing now so I was like well I can't be on tv with a pimple on my face so I popped it right you've never seen you know I don't know Paula Abdul on tv with a pimple on her face or Rihanna doing an interview with a pimple on her face so I popped it and then they put all of this makeup on me and when I got home I was like oh the pimple is still here so I popped it again and then like two days later it turned into this like giant scar and i i've never had a scar on my face i've always had like good skin on my face so i was like freaking out i was like yelling at my mom on the phone like why did you give me such terrible skin i mean meanwhile

skin is amazing um researching all of these ways to make this scar go away mind you it had been a week my sister's like you got to put aloe on it no my sister said you gotta put castor oil on it Amina said you got to put aloe on it. I googled all of these regiments. So I found online turmeric face masks. I don't know if you know about these. I do. But you get turmeric from the store, like in powder form.

You mix it with some honey. And I put a little bit of almond milk in it. And then you brush it onto your face. And it's supposed to be good for like just clearing up hyperpigmentation. And scars and stuff. That's crazy that you didn't ask me because I'm like the queen of skincare. Sydney, I saw you and I was freaking out about the scar literally, oh, exactly a week ago. I looked at it and I was like, wait, what?

Okay, so don't say, don't say, oh, I'm surprised you didn't ask me. I walked in, I was like, I'm in crisis. It was, okay, hold on. But did I not walk in and say that I was in crisis? Hold on, hold on. If the listeners are listening, first of all, you know Marie's skin, right? You see her face and you see one little scar. you'll be like wait that's like no that that would be a blessing for everybody yes but i've

never had a scar on my face people cannot relate okay so if you can't relate don't now ask me why i didn't ask you for help with my face because literally i was like i'm in crisis like fake crying and he's like oh i don't see anything never did you say oh sis you have you heard of turmeric have you heard of beet juice have you heard of shutting the hell up no you just were like girl i mean let's do the show did you i mean did you take a picture if you i wish you would have taken a picture to shit like no and i was not gonna do that people wouldn't see them like i was distraught they're like what the scar was like half half the size of my pinky nail oh my god anyway i woke up this morning and i can't really i can see it but i can't really see it

as much so it's been two weeks and i've done three turmeric face masks you leave it on i left it on for half an hour uh and i'm in a good place now thank you so much for all your thoughts and prayers through this difficult time thank you i love it it's not funny it's because i know people who have bad skin and like that's just what they skin looks like yeah and then they hear you talk and they're like what the fuck are you talking about but they've had like acne since they were like 14 i have never had bad skin and i have keloid skin so when i get a scar like anywhere else on my body it doesn't go away it's like it turns into like a 3d pop-up scar and i was like oh this is i can't even turn this into like a beauty mark like it was too big for me to like

make it all black and be like oh this is you know my my nicole smith mark well in the future if you have a scar they have little things like little face masks that you can put on blemishes that you see this that is specifically for pimples it's a little clearer thing put it on how much What's it retail at? No, it's cheap. Adrienne has it. You know, because she actually has, you know, problematic skin. And she always has like little, you know, things that she can use.

Oh, I should have messaged Adrienne. Yeah. But Adrienne, I'm actually, I'm not going to blow her up. But you know what I was going to talk about? What? Oh, yeah. That was years ago. Right.

And that was somebody else's friend. Your friend's friend. Okay. So somebody twice removed. your friend influenced her to put pee on her face somebody said if you have bad skin put pee on your face and adrian listen to this dusty ass friend and then i they let me overhear them talking and i was like you pissed on your face like a jellyfish sting i was like no i'd rather just have pimples than have pee on my face i can't believe you stayed with her after that i honestly

it was like hmm should we be breaking up but it was very early do you dilute the pee with something it's early in the relationship

I'm leaving you Andrew Andrew the cute gay producer intern would you date somebody if they put pee on their face like do you

I mean do you completely like do you have clear pee you wait until like you finally oh I don't even know how clear the pee is like how hydrated

I didn't watch it I didn't watch her I didn't watch it go down but any it doesn't matter what she put on her face she had cystic acne and she needed to go to a dermatologist.

No pee was going to help that. Listen, even if I didn't have cystic acne, I'm not putting pee on my face. Her skin is clear now, so honestly... But it wasn't the pee that fixed it. This is irrelevant. Also, she's moved on. This is a TBT.

It's gross. Speaking of pee on your face. We're moving on. Our guest today, I was going to say is real funny because that's how we introduce everybody. But he's a funny dude. He's my co-host on Vice Live.

Uh, he is a musician. He's out here in these streets doing what he does. Uh, give it up for our Houston expert. It's Fat Tony. Hey, Fat Tony. Yeah, bitch, I'm in the building. Okay, wow. Straight out of Houston, Texas, you dig?

Third Ward to be exact. It's an honor to be on y'all's podcast. Y'all are really cute and really smart. I love it. Yeah, we love it. Thank you. Okay, Dad. Thanks, pops.

You guys are really cute and smart. Glad to be here. That's right. Tony, how you feel about pee on your face? Uh, bring it on. like golden shower pee on your face or like um i mean i'm really into skincare especially over the last year i want to have beautiful skin flawless skin as much as possible i spend a lot of money on moisturizers toners face washes and if pee can be part of the equation to make

me more attractive let's try it pee is ugly but is it my pee or somebody else's pee i'm not clear It's your pee I have good pee So yeah So what On the scale One to chicken noodle soup Where is it at

I have pretty clear pee I drink a lot of water I'm a healthy boy Okay good Good for you Also vegetarian I'm a vegetarian As naked

Oh okay So the pee is The pee is The pee is The pee ain't got no protein in it Yeah The pee got a good pH balance But the pee is weak

When the stream comes out You can tell it's struggling Because you're vegan It like It comes through dripping I got strong pee Yo I could pee right now For y'all

If y'all wanna Test No no no no Keep it to yourself We each got cups Marie got the water bottle Sydney got a coffee cup I got a coffee cup

You don't pee in your cup Let me pee in y'all's cups No Taste No no no no This is not Planned Parenthood You don't need a specimen We're all set

Before we talk about Houston Honey The high waters Are so high Come on My pants Your pants

Oh yeah I have these Very cute vintage Abercrombie pants on That are cut off It's a culotte Yeah, I love showing off my ankles. I got nice ankles, nigga. But your socks are pulled up to meet the-

So I went to Nordstrom Rack to get some socks, and I bought these polo socks, and I didn't realize until I got home, but they're the athletic socks, so they're hella long, and I was kind of not feeling it. But when you're in the cold, they're really good. They keep my whole-

Basically, these socks go up to my knee. Y'all out there in Radio Land, y'all can't really see a nigga, You know what else keeps your leg warm in the wintertime? Fucking pants. A full pant. Full pants. All the way down.

I dress better than both of y'all. Wow. I'm going to say that for the record. I can't believe you just said that in front of my clavicles. That's the funniest thing that you've said. I'm a fan of your clavicles, though. Wow. Fat Tony, thank you guys so much for listening to the podcast.

I think we're done. I am crying. Wow. If you don't get your Salvation Army ass. Oh, my God. I would rather pee on your face. You don't get your Salvation Army ass. How dare you say you dress better than us.

I'm just keeping it in the book. The level of confidence. Is this what Houston is? Yeah. This delusion for grandeur? I'm a real Houston ass nigga, let me tell you. Fat Tony's the type to look like he got hand-me-downs, but he paid like $100 for the shit that he has on.

That's a fact. It's like, wow, did your ancestors give you that? No, no, no, no. I went to this, you know, off-brand site. I'm a big H-Town vintage wearing ass nigga. How is the thrifting in Houston? I would say it's really good. I mean, I got into it there because Houston, first of all,

Houston's the fourth biggest city in the country. Ah, the fourth. What's the first? The first is New York. Okay. Well, there we are. There's a lot of rich people in Houston who have estate sales and just get rid of all their shit.

So coming up, I'd find Matt Polo, Matt Banana Republic, Matt Abercrombie going to thrift stores. Wait, you said people with a lot of money and then you. Then you said Banana Republic, Express. No, I'm not talking about these mall brands that typically a lot of yuppie ass fools wore back in the day. A lot of those would get handed down to all the thrift stores. And as a teenager, I would buy a ton of it. When you were a teenager, you're like, oh, these are big brands.

Yeah, I mean, they're not just big brands, but like cute brands. I used to work at Abercrombie & Fitch when I was a teen. Me too. It was my first job. I was a model, a floor model. Didn't that shit stink? Meaning I just stood in the front of the store and sprayed it with that nasty-ass perfume. That shit was so nasty.

It was like company policy to keep that sprayed over and over, and the music had to be so loud. That place was trash. Is Abercrombie still around? Yeah. Because they had a moment where everybody wanted to be seen with the—well, not everybody. Everybody white wanted to be seen walking out of the store with them naked-ass bags. It's funny, when I worked there, I never wore Abercrombie. I thought it was corny.

I've never owned anything from Abercrombie & Fitch, still. These cute pants I have on are my first Abercrombie. I don't like, one, I didn't like their stitching. I didn't like the little logos. I didn't like it. It just seemed like the mall. Yeah, it seemed like an obscure mall. So when you were in high school, what did you wear?

What kind of clothes were you wearing? A lot of polo. Houston niggas love polo. Yes. Listen, I had a polo windbreaker that I would not take off even in the summertime. I thought I was the shit because I had it. I've never owned anything polo. Wow.

I'm wearing polo every day. This, like, jacket is, like, denim jacket is polo western, a retired Ralph brand. Polo western? Yeah. So that means it has, like, the ba-ow-na-ow-na-ow-na-ow. It comes with a bolero tie. Polo loves western wear. Oh, look at that little corduroy collar you got going on there.

I love corduroy. I love corduroy. I also love corduroy. Anyway, but that's because that's what I used to wear when I was a little kid. I looked like an ugly corduroy pant. But now, so are you born and raised in Houston? I was born and raised in Houston, Texas. And where are your parents from?

My mother is from Houston. She's from the same neighborhood as me, Third Ward. My father is from Nigeria. Okay, so how did he get to Houston? Okay, real question. So my father was in the Nigerian Civil War when he was a teenager. this really major thing that changed the landscape of nigeria and a lot of africa after that war ended he was on the on the losing side of that war shit was really fucked up you know they were

like mad people starved it was it's it's really a traumatic thing but after that he scrapped up some funds and he moved to the u.s first he came to oklahoma wait worked there for a while and felt like it was too cold and moved down to Houston. Now, Houston has the most Nigerians outside of Nigeria except for London. And I think a lot of Nigerians come to Houston because the climate

is so similar to Nigeria. Look at us learning stuff. Okay, Snapple facts, come through. This is great. Come on, facts under the cap of a Snapple. So wait, okay, so your dad moved to Houston. Yeah. He went to Oklahoma. I would have thought, yeah, I would have

went to Detroit because that's like the cheapest place to live. Ah, $12 house. I think he must have flew to New York first and then got the fuck out of there. He just had a layover in New York. He didn't stay in New York. It's cold and dirty and expensive? Nah, what else is there? Oh, Oklahoma.

Yeah, well, he luckily got his ass to the H and he went to the University of Houston. He was a janitor to pay for his studies and my mom was a TA in his German class because my mom majored in German. She got her master's in Munich and when she came back

from germany oh your mom is sexy the ta she is she was a ta in this class and he was failing and she stepped to him and was like you should drop this class and they started fucking this is a love story this i hope that you're doing your pilot right now she said you should drop this class so she could bang him it worked out because i'm here wow that's wow that is a compelling love story that we need to see in the movies this is a rom-com you could star in it as a mom you could be my dad marie you could be my mom sydney that tony it's time to go i mean i could be a janitor though i got yeah i could do it uh hilarious okay so you you were in houston all your life born and raised there i never left houston till i was like 23 and that's

when I first moved out I moved to LA that's my first time moving out of my parents house 23 yeah okay I got a record deal and me and my buddies decided to I mean it's not even about like record deal it wasn't like you know I got hella rich but I finally got some money and could move somewhere else and start my life and I moved around a lot I moved to LA we stayed there for six months then I kind of moved to Brooklyn I wasn't living here properly but I was crashing with friends for like damn near a year You were a vagabond. I was a straight

vagabond. He was a rolling stone Then I took my bitch ass back to Houston started living between Houston and Mexico City in 2016. Working on some turquoise jewelry. Then at the end of 16 I took my bitch ass back to LA and now I'm back in Brooklyn. Have you killed someone?

Because this is too much hopping around to sound like some America's Most Wanted realist I just like to travel and like check out the vibe. I feel like as an artist, it's been to my benefit to live in different places and connect with so many different people. It influences my work and it just builds my network and it's just fun. And all these cities are really beautiful and really important to my whole development. Okay, well, let's talk about the people in Houston. Are they attractive?

Because in my mind, the men are like big bearded football players and the women are all fat. Houston got a lot of fat motherfuckers. Back in middle school, Houston was declared the fattest city in America. I believe it. There's a lot of unhealthy ass niggas in Houston. But I think that that is starting to change. Over the last few years, I've seen so many vegan and vegetarian and health conscious places, especially in my neighborhood, in my very black neighborhood of Third Ward. Why is it called Third Ward?

Yeah. It's just broken down into wards. Kind of like New Orleans is broken down into an award. So there's First Ward, Second Ward, Third Ward. So when I hear ward, I feel like that means it's poor. Ward is like a neighborhood. But ward doesn't sound like a neighborhood. Ward sounds like, ugh.

Like almost like jail or prison or something like that. Right, ward. Yeah. I'm a ward of the state. Ward, cell block ward nine. Yeah, ward number two. Yeah. Seventh ward.

Yeah. I feel like that's where the levees broke. It was in the ward. Wow. Seventh ward. Right? Yeah, exactly what she said. It feels like war.

like it's like it's a wait so have y'all ever been to houston no have y'all ever been to texas i had to lay over in texas once i would say houston is also like the cultural capital of texas if you're gonna visit texas i would say go to houston first you're gonna get a little bit of everything it's the most diverse city in america according to the la times and a lot of other really smart people to the la times tony who are you tony encyclopedia brown yo you are the ambassador of houston i really am you got a key to the city or not i have my own day in houston i got a proclamation last year july 28th is fat tony day in houston oh who do we have here as the guests i'm what's going on this is nuts listen i just want you to know i found out the

same time y'all did that he got a day in houston houston ain't shit if they giving you a day i'm just saying it's like you got your you got your ankles all out i'm overwhelmed this is a lot but um okay what does that mean that you have your own day that's what so what do they do you you get a proclamation from the city and they name it quote unquote fat tony right right right no but what do we do on your day right so last year i threw a concert this year i want to do some other shit like i want to start doing an event every year where i go to houston have some kind of party maybe it gives to a charitable cause this is something that is a work in development

charitable cause sounds like a because I got the proclamation in July last year because it just fit with like the city schedule but I'd actually like to move it to my birthday March 24th so I need to holler at oh you trying to switch the date or something else so narcissistic I see

because I just feel like you know I want it to be a date that is important to me not just a random ass date but honestly if you think about it like if they're gonna give you a day wouldn't you want it to be your birthday too Sid yeah like my day is my birthday when is your birthday September 23rd I'm gonna give you something when's your birthday February the 2nd it passed it just passed but also like I feel like Cindy when I met you you were one of these people celebrated your birthday for a full month yeah but I don't I don't I don't

have friends anymore so I'm like actually I could do it one day celebrate for a whole month that's On your birthday, don't you feel like, oh, everybody should be congratulating me and saying happy birthday and buying me things. Everything should be comped. Right. Everything should be comped. On my birthday.

That's why my birthday should be, you know, Marie Faustin Day. Martin Luther King Day is on his birthday. Yeah. Right? It's on my grandma's birthday. I actually have no idea when. I'm like the Martin Luther King of Houston, Texas. Did you march?

I march every day. For chubby niggas? That told me. i don't feel like the martin luther king of houston would be wearing polo so sorry nigga what yes he would no he wouldn't yeah i don't know what martin luther king would be wearing like a i don't know like a blazer or something like more business attire no church he would look like a like a deacon yeah well i'll tell you right now i don't go to no damn church well I feel like the churches are

thick in Houston they are Joel Osteen the biggest richest church nigga of all time is in Houston oh he's the one that there was like a flood or a hurricane

or something and he wouldn't open his church doors hurricane Harvey a couple years ago really fucked up situation the church was all dry and they were like it's underwater that's why y'all can't come here and people went to the church and they were like there's no damage down here yeah but he's a he's a big right wing fuck boy i don't rock with joel olstein at all we don't fuck with him either fuck that dude you ain't shit fuck your church well

no don't say no fuck his church have you ever been to one of these mega churches my grandmother on my mom's side was baptist and went to a church that became like a big ass church in her time and I remember going there to see Mace preach. Ah, Mace was on his church tour? Mace and Bethah? Yes, she was like, yo, this rapper is coming to my church.

You would like it. Come and see it. And it was Mace and he was talking mad shit about Diddy. Was he preaching? He just came in and talked shit about Diddy? He was like, yo, the music industry is evil.

Puff Daddy, Sean, Mr. Combs, he ain't living right. He was going in about the music business and Bad Boy and Diddy But Mase went back to music like four times after that. Exactly. He went back to music shortly after that. He went to church to do a diss track.

That's what it was. There was a full choir behind him. That's overwhelming. And he was just yelling. Have you ever been to one of these megachurches? I have not. Like, I went to, you know, church growing up as a kid. It was a big deal.

But as soon as I got out, I was like, yeah, this ain't for me. I went to Hillsong a couple times and, like, that's cool. I went there and like they had raised so much money that I was like, oh, this is a cult. There's no way. Who is raising almost like it was over half a mil. How long did it take for them to raise that much money, though? They went to all of the church. They did like a tour.

So I feel like a month. Well, they got churches all over the world. Yeah. So that. um but i was in miami when i was a kid and my dad took us to this mega church we got into the church and there were like three levels of escalators like to get to like the mezzanine up top to watch the service and i was like are we at a mall right now like it was crazy and it was a bunch of you know sweaty black folks and ashy haitians and i was like this is the most boring but it was like

crazy to see like all the three screens or whatever like it was crazy just seems a little bit much you know what I mean

it is a it's a lot of bit much it kind of takes you out of the zone of wanting to give to the spirit you know when it's all this

gaudy shit happening right it's like Beyonce about to come out what's happening here speaking of Beyonce she's from Houston Beyonce is from

my neighborhood Third Ward and her childhood home was one street over from me okay well let's talk about this I feel like the people

want to know can Beyonce read oh is there a debate about her reading skills there's a debate about have you ever heard Beyonce speak Beyonce looks and sounds like a Houston

girl from my neighborhood she is exactly like every yellow bone girl that I knew growing up I thought they called them red bone that's a different type of tone thank you for red bone has like a different type of complexion yellow bone has like a

yellow type of complex. I thought yellow. You heard that? A yellow type of complex. Oh, yellow. Houston niggas also love yellow bone girls. It is kind of a sickness. It's a disease. Get well soon. I mean, how is Houston doing seeing that Beyonce's from there? I mean, it kind of

puts y'all more on the map. Houston, Texas in general, Texans love themselves. Texans love any product that's from Texas, anybody that's from Texas. Texas beef. So her being such a big fucking star, Houston people

are proud as shit and are bragging about it this very moment I'm doing it right now clearly you're so hyped I was like is Beyonce related to you

I love Beyonce if I stand on my tiptoes in my mom's bathroom I can see her I can see her childhood root like come on Tony she wasn't there when you was there

did you ever meet her I've never met her but I did meet Kelly Rowland recently she was cool and you've never met Beyonce that doesn't correlate it doesn't go together

yeah fat Tony day you should have Beyonce come yeah I'm gonna pull some strings you better pull some some real big strings now it's now Beyonce

the way she looks is that like the norm in Houston like how I would say that how are the girls women are beautiful in Houston what's your type actually

what is what's my type I'm looking I'm looking at your look and I look like you like check other but I don't really have a type

white women when you say I don't have a type I don't really have a type I like all kind of girls black girls mexican girls asian girls it don't really matter that's not like others still like she she gotta be exotical nah i think it's corny when like niggas are like yo it's gotta be exotic looking i also think that that's like super fucking lame it's self-hating that it is yeah there's self-hate

in like being like yes my mother looks like this but i don't want anybody that looks like that you need to look completely different from everything that i grew up around i'm not a fan of that at all but i do think people should love what they love be into what they're into Oh, here you go. I honestly don't have a type. Fat Tony Day. Fat Tony Day. Well, Kodak Black, ugh, hate him.

Is he from Houston? No, he's from Florida. He's a dumb, he's a Haitian dude. Just a dusty little gremlin who looks like a turd that you might have stepped on and then been like, ah, and then you like wipe the poop off your shoe. He looks like that. And he was like, oh, I don't, you have to be light skinned to date me. Yeah, that is lame to me. And I was like, but your teeth ain't even light.

Yeah, but Kodak, whatever his name is, needs money to get those girls. I'm a Kodak Black fan, by the way, even though he's very, very problematic. He's an amazing rapper. Amazing rapper? He's made songs. That doesn't even enunciate his words. I'm disappointed. He's made songs that have straight made my ass cry.

I love his music. Made your ass cry. That made you cry. Man, I love his Painting Pictures album. Album. The whole thing. I can't believe this I love his Heartbreak Kodak album

that came out last year I fuck with Kodak black music but he very problematic and I gotta call it out I don't like him talking about him not fucking with dark skinned girls I'm not a fan of his sexual assault case he got a sexual assault case?

he's been arrested like 7 times I mean he's got all those tattoos on his face that makes sense and his bantu knots be looking real dry just a dusty little man I didn't know that he was Haitian though I can't believe I shared that with y'all I'm really actually surprised at that

He's Dominican He's a Dominican man that don't speak any Spanish All the secret Haitians out there You know my nigga Eric Andre, he's Haitian I did know that But he's also half Jewish, yes? Yeah, his mom's Jewish He's very wild

He is a wild ass nigga, that's for sure He's on the spectrum Shout out to Eric No wait, Fat Tony Can you talk about the music that's in Houston? Sure Besides Beyonce Okay, so Houston is one of the most important rap cities of all time.

Oh, here we go. You know? Chop and Screw. Thank you. DJ Screw, rap a lot, records. Artists like Zero and Lil Flip. Oh, I like Zero. Zero and Kodak kind of have a similar vibe to their music.

They both make that vulnerable street nigga music. But I can understand Zero when he raps. Okay, and then is Paul Wall from Houston? Paul Wall is from Houston. Now, here's another thing about Houston. Houston is kind of divided into the north side and the south side. The north side of Houston, in my opinion, is a slightly different vibe from the south side. Okay.

And their artists growing up didn't really fuck with the south side artists. Back when I was a child and I wasn't really made aware of this, there was a big beef. North side niggas and south side niggas would rob each other, get into fights, kill each other. Growing up as a kid, I never went to the north side. I only stayed on the south side of town. Well, which side is the better side? Well, Beyonce's from the south side. I would say this.

The north side, in my opinion, is kind of like the more country side. There's a neighborhood there called Acre Homes. Oh, so they got porches and whatnot. There's a lot more ranches, and it just feels like it's more of an old school vibe. The south side is where the downtown is. It's more of a metropolitan vibe. a lot of colleges are on the south side

so why are they fighting Paul Wall's a north side nigga by the way and I do mean nigga why are they but why are they fighting it sounds like

both sides are doing well it was just some dumb beef it was just some dumb beef and a lot of the rap artists were from the south side at first

it wasn't until artists like Paul Wall and Slim Thug and Mike Jones broke into the mainstream Mike Jones they switched the house they are all

from the north side what is Mike Jones doing probably trying to pay his taxes off. How much he owed a lot of money in taxes? Hell yeah, that nigga did.

Oh my God, but who doesn't? Okay. I mean, I don't. Okay, so you're a big music fan, you're a musician.

Yeah. Sidney said, when I got here, you had taken your shirt off to show her a tattoo that you have on your body? Oh yeah, I got a couple,

but I was showing her my Prince tattoo right above my bikini kill tattoo. And Prince, my number one favorite artist of all time. Is he from Houston?

He's not. He's from Minneapolis. Minneapolis. I don't even know where that is on a map. Houston niggas do love Prince like a motherfucker. Favorite, your top three Prince songs. Oh, okay. Let's go around the table.

Ballad of Dorothy Parker, Erotic City. I don't know these. Me neither. And Raspberry Beret. Those are going to be my top three right now. But I'm like a super fan. I'm like obsessed with this nigga's music. It's hard for me just to pick a top three.

Better for me to pick a top three albums. You dig? And I would say Dirty Mind, number one, Sign of the Times, and Parade. My three favorite Prince records. So do you have three favorite Prince songs? I'm so embarrassed, but no. Like, I know of Prince. Obviously, I've heard his music.

When he passed away, everybody was blasting it. But, like, I didn't have that type of connection with him. I know he's, like, iconic and obviously has changed the way niggas wear blouses. No way! Thank you. And like the Dave Chappelle skit, like I was like, oh, Prince. But I don't have a specific song that I'm like, yes. Do you think that Prince is too dated for people our age and younger?

Well, see, Prince and Michael Jackson were contemporaries. Yes. So most people went the Michael Jackson, like mainstream people went the Michael Jackson route. But I mean, I don't know. They didn't listen to Prince. I think Prince is something that like your parents listen to. Yeah. And if they listen to it, that's how you know his music.

My parents didn't listen to Prince. Yeah. I feel like Prince is like a big cult following. Like a lot of people who are really into him are like me, who are like get really like deep, deeply, deeply obsessed. I mean, you got a tattoo of his face or his body? I have a tattoo of his symbol. But it also says Prince.

Yeah. And you know, for like me, Prince is like more than just the music. It's kind of an identity thing. Because growing up, musically, it was really inspiring for me to see him, a black man, who touched every genre from funk to rock music. It was great to see a man that didn't stick to gender roles, that was not afraid to wear anything. Oh, and he knew how to cat-eye the fuck out of his lids.

It was great. That was really important to me because growing up, I wasn't with the super masculine shit. I was a black guy that made rap music and played rock music. And just seeing him was like, wow, this is somebody that I can really identify with. you know someone that's not afraid to break barriers and be more inclusive

okay you are clearly a Prince expert as well I mean if he was here and you were able to meet him what would you say to him I would love to just listen to him cause I feel like the nigga spit a lot of game you know he has a lot of game also he was like the perfect amount of shady

like the perfect amount of shady yes his interviews you see him in the audience you're like okay auntie he knew how to cut a mean side eye It's just like, is that what we're doing? And I think that's why he had like a cult because he was very specific. He wasn't like a people's pleaser.

He was like, this is what the fuck I'm doing. And actually, I don't want to work with everybody. I really don't. And I admire that. That is how I feel as a musician. Like, I'm not worried about just working with who is the hottest or whatever. I want to work with people that share my vision

and want to make music that is specific and unique and kind of goes against the grain, you know? When I see music going one way, I'm always trying to go the other way. Have you worked with anybody from Houston? Hell yeah. Max O'Kream, Ill Faded. I worked with a lot of Houston niggas. Who's Ill Faded?

I'm interested. He is a producer. He works with this artist, Dice Soho, who is signed to Mike Dean's label. You saying names? A lot of people that are from Houston. Mike Dean is a producer and an engineer who got his start working with Rap-A-Lot Records in Houston. And now he works with Kanye West, Travis Scott. Huge name in music

Kardashian Right right right Right right right Now do you have any advice Like if me and Sydney were like Oh you know what We should start doing music Yes

What's step one Alright step one I would say Don't write nothing down Just try to see What comes out of yourself first Because I think A big mistake

A lot of people make Is trying to make music That they think Sounds like something That they want Rather than just listening To what their actual voice is Find your voice

that way first and foremost and then try to acquire the skills. So listen to the track and then write the song. Yes. Nigga, you ain't got to worry. We ain't writing shit down. Okay? Nothing. Everything is very like free-flowing, like riffing, like off the top of the dome type of situation. So nothing's going

to rhyme. No, not at all. Do y'all have any musical talent? Wow! Of course we do! Well, you know, I didn't want to say anything. We sing every week on this damn podcast. Can I please hear something? No, no. I don't hear. How about you first, Marie, solo?

I don't feel anything. She's uninspired. Speaking of music, wasn't Selena... Selena was based in Texas, yes? She's from Corpus Christi, but played her last concert in Houston at the Astrodome. And is a big Houston icon. I'm also a crazy big fan of her.

I'm sleeping. Okay, you see that? Fine, okay. No, keep it up, keep it up, keep it up. I'm thinking of you. Okay, you stop, you stop, you stop, you stop. We should have stopped. We good.

Can I make you love me too? We good. Do you hear the people in the back? Yes, I do. Shut the fuck up. Okay, so now do you think, because if Selena hadn't died, J-Lo wouldn't be here. You agree or disagree? Ooh, this is a good combo now.

I was just talking about this and I do agree because that movie changed her entire career right right because J-Lo as a performer

she can dance but J-Lo is not she's not a sanger I just think her playing the role of such an icon whether she did a great job or not

was automatically going to put her up as like wow you're incredible you just played somebody that we really revered that we really missed

and lost what Selena did for J-Lo is what Ray Charles did for Jamie Foxx. Exactly. That's what it was. Exactly. And because people knew about Jamie Foxx

and he was getting stuff, but after Ray, it just took him to the top. He won an Oscar for it. Yeah. And he killed the role. He did. He really nailed it. That's a Texas nigga.

He from Tyler, Texas. Look at that. Look at us. Wow. Everything's connected. Oh my God. Look how small the world is. I think we're so great at what we do.

Yeah, honestly, I didn't want to say it. and we're being really nice today. We haven't really said a single mean thing today. Honest? This is weird. We could be a lot meaner than this. This is very strange.

Besides talking about my beautiful ankles. Oh, no. We could have really roasted them ankles. Roast them? Come on, nigga. Them tiny ass, thin ass

point guard ankles. Nigga, I got nice ankles. Don't you dare take your shoe off and put it on the table. We don't even want to... I mean, you shave? You be nearing? You have nice legs.

Thank you. For a short guy? I'm not short. I'm 5'10". That's average. When a man says he's 5'10", that means he's 5'8 and a half kiss my ass

what sense is the average what I'm short you're average for a middle of the mall niggas but like I mean yes did you say you're average wow I mean that's producer what is your height 6'2

nigga you are not 6'2 sit your little ass down sit your little ass down so now 6'2 is average Andrew was like pull up the end 6'2 average Did you see the way he got the fuck up He was like The skinny jeans unrolled all the way

You see that Andrew almost boiled his dick out And put it right on a table There it is He said I'm sorry you're five what I can't hear you over your shortness Andrew says shut your Keebler elf ass up I love that

That was a great moment Can we clap for that White man reclaiming his time reclaiming his time reclaiming his height he said I'm 5'10 yeah wait wait wait

Houston food let's talk about it let's talk about it Houston got some great food it's always bigger in Texas or whatever so what's up what are y'all known for

we're known for that smoked barbecue yes okay so what that means like they cover it while it's on the grill yes yes

it's just a different style of cooking it and you know I'm really not an expert on this because I don't even eat meat but um it don't look like

you cook either but whatever I do cook. What you be cooking? You be slicing that hell of vegetables. Tofu, sis. Slice it.

I don't be cooking soy out of my crib, but I be cooking hell of vegetables. Be currying that bitch up. Oh, you be julienning the carrots? Yeah.

What's your go-to? I could cook something that could change y'all life. Honestly, I eat the same thing every night. Me and my girl make the same thing

damn near every night for like two years now. But we like switch it up with different vegetables and different spices. But it is essentially just a shitload of vegetables in a pot

stewed up with beans. And the beans can rotate from kidney beans to garbanzo to black beans. And we eat that bitch with a tortilla or a pita or maybe some farro. It sounds like after y'all finish cooking,

y'all be hungry again. We'd be full, nigga. You'd be like, oh my God. Y'all seem like a camping-ass couple. Like y'all just be in the hills somewhere. I don't camp, but I do like to hike. And I'm going on a good one

tomorrow morning. Here? Somewhere in the Catskills or something. Me and my partner going out there. Partner? You heard that? You're a truly different Fat Tony And that's great

So wait So you got the barbecue down Anything else that's like Well That stands out I have to talk about this Because I made a song about it Called Drive Thru

What a Burger What a Burger What a Burger Is the fast food staple Of Houston, Texas Oh that's y'all In-N-Out That is our In-N-Out That's our Fat Burger

That's our Shake Shack That weak ass shit Y'all eat here in New York What a Burger Is incredible I used to eat it Many many many many many times when I was a child. Yeah, but what's the

fries like? Because the fries at In-N-Out are trash. Whataburger is the best fast food chain hands down. The only thing rivaling it is Del Taco because they got hella options. They don't have a Del Taco. I don't eat fast food. My body is a mother

effing temple. I don't either. I don't care. But Whataburger, Sydney, you have a question for the listeners? Yes. I'm thinking listeners. Is he right about this Whataburger? I've never even heard of Whataburger. Speak on it, Texas back me up is it on is it on the map is it on the map like is it one billion served is it just one what a burger or like if i go to houston and they're all over the place like y'all niggas

ain't cultured ah you're gonna say that on our podcast not cultured we've literally had every single weird beautiful sexy person on this podcast and here you are telling us that we not cultured first of all this podcast is for the culture it's for y'all to you the expert to educate us. We're here just open listening to what you're talking about. So how fucking dare you call us uncultured? Rude! Will I be the first person to get kicked off

this podcast? Nah, we got 15 minutes, but we gonna keep it real tight. I don't know if we should air this. It's gonna be four more minutes. Sydney says she don't wanna air this. I don't wanna air this. This is unacceptable. Tony, how you gonna fix this? Don't tell me I waste my

motherfucking morning. Y'all better air this shit. yo the houston confidence that this man has yeah this is sasha fierce right here sis yeah he showed up in his capri culottes his gauchos talking about y'all ain't got no culture uh you ain't got no pants on yeah you think you 5'10 because your pants are short but your legs ain't long okay you showed and you came in here and you showed me your chest and whatnot and i feel like you could still go back to the gym. No, no, no, no, no, no. I was showing you my tattoo.

You showed me your chest. I was showing you my tattoo specifically. I saw your little areolas. You just happened to see the areola. You got a little... You have rat nipples, just to let you know. My nipple actually getting hard right now. No, it's really...

Cindy, this talk is turning him on. Oh, my God. The little chest hair that you have on, I think you need some, like, Latisse for the chest hair. Do you think I need more chest hair? Yeah. Let me see your chest hair.

Undo the top button. It's a struggly-ass chest hair. Oh. No, no, no, I can see You don't need more? Well, because the chest is kind of bird-like Yeah, I told you, there's no definition You tell me I got a bird chest

Yes! It's dainty Wait, wait, wait, you telling me Yes Do you speak English? Do you understand? Yes You need to do some chest press or whatever Nah, you gotta do some push-ups, really The nerve of this nigga, how dare he

Yeah I thought he was cool. Button up that corduroy and get the fuck out. With your little ass wrists. You're dainty. He got the Ray Charles lady wrists. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Okay, we're going back on track. So Tony, I've never been to Houston. So tell me things that I should do if I go there. Touchdown, where am I going first and then where am I ending my night?

Okay, Houston, Texas. One thing that you should definitely do is visit the museums. We have some of the best art museums in the motherfucking world from the fine arts museum to the contemporary art museum to the Menil

I think you can spend the first half of your day hitting all three of those that's a good like three, four hours if you really put the time in so I'm wiping out my whole day

for museum I think it's absolutely worth it I think it's worth it you should also go to Papa Do's which is a seafood restaurant that is a staple of Houston, Texas

Papa Do's is like where I'd go for my graduations when I got a good report card it's like where every it's where every

black family goes to stunt or to have brunch oh it's y'all Red Lobster it's way louder than Red Lobster

don't blame me it's what nigga don't you dare when you're here you're family don't you dare Papa Do's when you're here

why don't I just go to Papa Do's first and then go to the museum okay go to Papa Do's go to Papa Do's then take a nap I don't feel like

Papa Do's is really morning food like going to the museum is a morning activity right is it yes so you go to museums

okay you hit Papa Do's if you're still hungry you go to Frenchie's Chicken in Third Ward Houston Texas I'm gonna be hungry yes

Frenchie's Chicken Frenchie's back in my meat eating days best fried chicken on the planet Third Ward staple some Creole niggas on it yum yum yum yum yum

very yum so Tina knows in them okay basically you need to eat a lot of food cause you gonna probably go to Whataburger after that too.

Waterburger. So basically I got to go there. I haven't eaten for days. Yes, yes. Touchdown, go to the museum, build up my appetite some more. Then go to Papa Do's because I'm like famished

and then I'm like, it's seafood so I'm not going to be that full. Right, right. It's going to be like a moose boosh. Yeah. Then you take your ass to the Galleria,

a.k.a. the Gallo. It is a mall. Mall. I was like, that sounds like a mall. It's like the eighth biggest mall in the world. The Gallos sound like

where they kill people. Yeah, I'm not going there. the gallows nah so is it like Crenshaw Market is it kind of like that no maybe it's more like Beverly Center oh okay oh Beverly Center big shopping area in LA big big shopping

fancy flashes is there like a boutique specifically known to Houston that I should go to in this mall no actually you know what how about this Johnny Johnny Dang TV Johnny the man who makes the best grills his

shop is in the Galleria you should go get a grill from Johnny Dang in the Galleria Johnny Dang can I use your name he is a Vietnamese man oh

Houston also has a big Vietnamese community okay so it's a lot of what was the food that they be eating over there pho pho love pho

I love Vietnamese food it's like my comfort food can I use your name at this grill's place yeah tell him tell him it's Fat Tony Fat Tony told me to come here and he said that

I get a 50% discount he said put it on his tab straight up Johnny Dang TV Johnny shit is actually great quality and it's affordable. Is he the George Foreman

of Houston? He's got good prices. I swear to God. George Foreman is from Houston. Look at that. So I have to go get a George Foreman while I'm in the mall.

Yes, go and buy a George Foreman grill and go get a grill from TV Johnny. Okay. And now your evening. I think if you go to Houston, you have to go

to a strip club. Houston is a motherfucking strip club city. From Be Live to onyx onyx i've heard of i've heard of onyx yeah i think you should spend your entire night there eat some wings uh-huh throw some money show off your new grill i'm not have my former grill i have my foreman grill at the strip club and be like your strippers look hungry i'm just here to help make them paninis make them panini oh i love panini okay i got that i'll honestly i might do

that that sounds like promising honestly that sounds like a cute day but i'm not hitting three museums in one day? I'll do one museum and then slowly drive by the other. If you only do one, I would say go to the Menil because you're going to get a lot of classic stuff and contemporary stuff and it's really short. You could probably

spend like an hour max there. Heard that, Sydney? We could be in and out in 20 minutes. I think that's my shit. I think that's more of my speed. 20 minutes. 20 minutes. Just run through the museum. Real one night stand-ish. You got to pay or is it one of these suggested donation sucker places? Also, you need to rent a car

because Houston is a car city. You ain't getting nowhere if you're trying to bust it and if you're going to Uber everywhere, you're going to break the bank. Okay, okay, cool, cool, cool. Rent you a car. Rent you a slab

and go to McGregor Park. A slab? Is that like a slab of meat? A slab is like an old school car. It's like a Cadillac that is kitted out. It got candy paint on it. It's really bright, beautiful.

And McGregor Park is a park in my neighborhood where every Sunday all the niggas that have slabs and fly ass cars pull up and basically put on a car show. Okay, so I should go there

on a Sunday so I can do all this stuff and go to the car show before the Onyx? Yes, because you're going to probably make some friends that want to go

to the strip club with you. Oh, we can spend their money. Now, you will find niggas, you will definitely find niggas in Houston that want the trick on you. Okay, now let's take a step back

because we are slim, built, sexy women. Yeah. I feel like, you know, Houston is a city in my mind of like thighs and butts. That is a fact. So how would we do with our sexy ass size two bodies?

I think you find some niggas out there that love slim girls, too. And y'all would be like exotic to them. Just like, oh, we don't get this every day. Oh, baby, I could see all of your bones. Wow. But you're right. Houston loves fat asses, thick people. Everybody thick.

It was the fattest city at one point. You know, that's the culture. But it's fine. There's people out there for everybody. Everybody's got a tattoo. Absolutely. Is there a cute gay community, like a queer section for me? Yes, there is.

LGBTQ? There's a neighborhood called Montrose that is traditionally the gay and queer community. Montrose. There's a lot of dope gay bars over there, too. Yeah, what's a spot that I would thrive in, you know? I would say just go to Montrose, and there's this little section where it's mad bars and clubs. Just hit any of those. I've been to a few of them.

I don't know the names of them. One of those late nights in Houston, huh? And you're like, I'm in a gay bar. I don't know what gay bar. But it's pretty gay in here. I'm here with the gals. Here with my partners. You know, we just riding up, pulling up.

We supporting, we allies and whatnot. Ally niggas. Just park my slab across from this gay club. Yes. Love it. Here for it. Okay. Is it expensive to live in Houston?

I would say it's pretty damn affordable. For such a big-ass city, it's probably the most affordable major city in this country. You can get a nice place there About a thousand bucks a month For how many bedrooms? I had an apartment there That was $750 It was two bedrooms

Big ass living room And it was in the middle of Third Ward Right near downtown How close to Beyonce's house? Beyonce old house or her current house? Beyonce old house Because you said Third Ward About ten minutes

Okay well that sounds To me that sounds great I'm here for it Houston's a great place. I feel like you represented it really well, very hard. I love the H. I feel like if I needed somebody to come in and rep a place, you did a great job.

I wouldn't even rep New York this hard. I'd be like, go to New York. I'd be like, try not to get robbed. Don't ask nobody for directions. Yeah, don't go to the Bronx. Put your wallet in your butt. Why the Bronx? Shame.

Because the Bronx is far and dusty. Yeah, it's just like, why would you go there? What is your purpose? You go all the way up there for what? To the Yankee game? Like, ugh, I don't like baseball that much. You go all the way up there for a chopped cheese? You can get that in literally any borough.

Yeah. It's unacceptable how far it is from everything. Would you say that New York is y'all's favorite city? No. Absolutely not. What is y'all's favorite city? I don't know. I don't know yet, but I know this ain't it.

Where else have you been that you loved? I really liked New Orleans. New Orleans is amazing. the food there is amazing people are nice for no reason just like real friendly and I liked Denver Colorado they were real nice to me out there

oh yeah I went for my birthday like last year and they were just giving me did you go for the weed they were giving me edibles we'd be in Ubers and people would be like oh it's your birthday you're not from here drugs, edibles Denver's cute

I just feel like when I went it just wasn't diverse enough for me no but that's my i was there with my sister and we both have like big rude hair so they were like well what's happening over there like we look like dolly parton drag queens out there like they it was stuff that they don't see so they they were very open to us i would love to go to new orleans with you okay i would love to we're gonna go now texas and louisiana close close connection there Houston is on the east side of Texas, close to that state. And growing up, I had mad friends from New Orleans.

We heard bounce music all the time. I would say if you're from Houston, you have that culture in you as much as Texas culture. Okay. Y'all be eating crawfish and stuff? Houston niggas love crawfish. I have never understood it. It looks gross. I have never understood it.

It doesn't taste good. I mean, I love a gumbo jambalaya, but I don't, crawfish? No, thank you. Back in college, our biggest event was our Black Student Union's Crawfish Boil. Hundreds of people would fucking come. We'd hire a Zydeco band to play. That's Louisiana shit. And it was just niggas pulling that little shit trails out of the little fish.

I just couldn't get it. It's gross. Yuck. Yuck. No gracias. Not for me. I mean You know what

I feel like A place that I really liked Was San Francisco But it was really expensive Yeah It was so expensive But I love Just

It looks great And Well everybody's so rich Yeah So many homes And you look You walk out of your house And you're like

Damn look at the skyline Like I love the day I see everything It's just The hills and stuff The food is cute there too Yeah

The Golden Gate Bridge is cute You know I mean it's a pretty solemn sad bridge yeah i mean if you're trying to jump that's the place you know if you want to peace out it's cute you know what i mean the seals are there they'll grace you i love the bay especially the east bay berkeley emeryville oakland that is my shit now you know that's where i grew up so i'm i was so happy when you told me that earlier that that changed my entire feeling about you i can't believe you asked me if i knew that i was did you know

imagine i was like no yeah imagine if i never spoke about it oh no imagine if i never spoke about now i already liked you i thought you're a great funny wonderful person but to add the barrier to your repertoire you went up this much in my book your resume sis i was there when the when the hills were on fire like that big fire no shit 89 i was there wasn't there there's a big ass earthquake i was there too yep i was there i've never felt an earthquake good for you thank you i mean you're the only one yeah after you get a big earthquake like that you shouldn't really be scared of anything because it was like oh we gonna die mc hammer bay area legend oh i was like is he also from houston you're shaking i was like is she having a seizure over there

where where are you supposed to before we go we got to get out of here where uh where are you supposed to go when the earth is shaking the doorway under a table where do i stand i honestly don't know oh there's like a there's like a system i don't know i just stay in my bed i've i've only been through really mild earthquakes where nothing really shakes too much just feels a slight ooh Sydney do you know where you're supposed to stand I don't know where you're supposed to stand but you're supposed to talk to God for sure cute gay tall producer intern

Andrew do you know where you're supposed to stand when there's an earthquake yes cause that's like the sturdiest part of a house y'all gonna die anyway Fat Tony thank you so much for being here thank you for being all time thank you for

being super disrespectful to us talking about you look better than the lies that your short ass told today. I couldn't even believe the energy that you came in with. The audacity of your dusty ass. I mean, you were playing music up top, and then you were talking loud, and you're like, I'm so tired.

And I was like, actually, it seems like you're on coke. I was like, whatever floats your boat, sir. You know that person at the party that's like, I'm so sober. And it's like, dude, your nose is running, and you're bleeding. I can see the dust all up and through your nose. There's no way that you're sober right now.

So let me go powder my face. Yeah, you're high as fuck. Your breast stinks, and you stink. Not you, but the people in the party. I really fucking love y'all, so y'all know. Yeah, well, you know, we work together, so I was like, we should have Tony come. I contractually love you.

Does anybody have any final words before we go? Anybody? Anybody have anything they want to say? Anything that we missed about Houston? Sydney, you got something you want to say about MC Hammer or Chef Dang's grills? I don't know Chef Dang

his name is Johnny Dang aka TV Johnny and he the live est Vietnamese nigga you ever meet do you have a contract with this dude cause the way

you're promoting him I swear you're in cahoots I just represent the H you're in cahoots with him well listen the way that you're promoting Johnny Dang Chef Dang

TV Dang whatever I hope you have the same energy when people ask you about this podcast I absolutely will I fuck with y'all

I fuck with y'all yeah you got some followers and shit you better repost this shit you know I will I'm tired of niggas coming through and I'll be like are you going to repost or what and they're like I'll retweet

no I need you to fucking be happy about this cause you know we be shady and don't let people on I know y'all listening and have all pitched your expertise and I was like yeah I'm so sorry yeah I can't really help you there but you know listen to the pod

you know that we got a patreon if you want to listen to more of us for the bonus episodes jump on the patreon the unofficial expert page is always lit. There's new episodes on there every couple weeks. Actually, we're looking for an intern to hand over the social mail. I just can't. Must they be tall?

Yes. A tall intern that has happiness in their life and just really good at arts and crafts and Photoshop and shit to make it live. An intern, a tall intern with a Facetune on their phone. Not that we need it. No, not for

us. Not for us. For the guests. The guests need the Facetune. give them a jawline and a chest you know pop the chest out give them some pics are y'all talking about me

yes we are and cut up their ankles yes make the pants long yeah yeah yeah to all my short kings out there

we're gonna be alright short kings guys happy Fat Tony Day thank you so much thank you for listening this was beautiful bye guys

bye forever dog this has been a forever dog production executive produced by Brett Boehm Joe Cilio

and Alex Ramsey for more original podcasts please visit foreverdogpodcasts.com and subscribe to our shows on apple podcasts spotify or wherever you get your podcasts keep up with the latest forever dog news by following us on twitter and instagram at forever dog team and liking our page on facebook