MESS with Sydnee Washington & Marie Faustin - "The Immigrant Parent Expert" with Garrick Bernard

Episode Date: June 4, 2021

Garrick Bernard joins us as the Immigrant Parent Expert on this week's episode! Garrick talks about being a first generation immigrant growing up in LA, whether or not he got allowance, and how his family felt about him dropping out of school. Plus, Sydnee and Marie talk about a very hot party they recently attended.----Listen to The Unofficial Expert Ad-Free on Forever Dog Plus:https://foreverdogpodcasts.com/plus----BUY UNOFFICIAL EXPERT MERCH:https://www.teepublic.com/stores/the-unofficial-expert-podcast----FOLLOW THE UNOFFICIAL EXPERT:https://www.instagram.com/UnofficialExpertFOLLOW SYDNEE:https://www.instagram.com/JustSYDbwhttps://twitter.com/justsydnycFOLLOW MARIE:https://www.instagram.com/Reeezyhttps://twitter.com/MsReeezyFOLLOW ANDREW:https://www.instagram.com/mcgui_guySee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

forever dog oh hello hello marie oh wow the voice annual you have every year once a year your voice changes very deep oh is that just the season tis the season yeah well no this is this is not seasonal this is you know i just i was out the other day screaming um at me it's okay so me and cindy went to we outside okay we went to a rooftop thing where everybody was very hot all the men were tall and their beards connected all the way around marie couldn't believe it she i texted her i mean i said marie you need to get here right now she's like sis i'm 10 minutes away i was like everybody's cute every single person was hot right 48 minutes later i arrived right and everybody was so attractive and like young and the skin it was

like it was like i said to sydney i think i'm gonna write my number on the wall and whoever calls me just can call me man woman or child yes well no children but there there were some kids on the roof too yes and they were cute and fuck them kids but yes um there were kids on the roof and it was like people really just be bringing their kids with them to stuff marie as a as a childless woman you don't understand i don't have to have children to understand that kids don't need to be nowhere actually me being childless i understand it better i understand it better um but sometimes it's sometimes it's hard to get a nanny sometimes it's hard to get a babysitter sometimes you don't have the coins are you coming from yes sydney also a childless woman what you

talking about the cats it's yo you'd be surprised how many people are like i'm allergic i'm not gonna be in town i can't do it i could do one cat i can't do both so like i i feel for the women who have to bring their animals or children to a party sydney if you ever pull up to any place that i'm at and you got the cats in a little bassinet i'm gonna roast you until you go home i'm gonna roast you until you leave um i was i just read this thing today this girl was like my sister doesn't want my newborn baby at her wedding should i be upset and because her sister's having a no a childless wedding and she she was so upset and it was like girl you gonna have a newborn at the a six month old at a wedding we definitely don't want that i mean what's the return policy

on a six month old baby it's still brand new you i don't think you that babies are so unpredictable so like people could be doing their vows and everything and then they're just like screaming babies are predictable they're crying they're sleeping they're pooping that's it but you don't know when they're gonna cry it could be right when she doing her her vows she got tears in her eyes and she's like right you know i never and now your baby is teething or whatever i don't know what babies do at six months but something annoying or or if the the pastor's like uh does anybody object to them getting married i mean i understand what you're saying marie but the kids were fine on the roof i was too busy looking at everybody's moisturized foreheads and beautiful

hairlines it's the summer of the hairline i think um yeah so if you're listening to this get them plugs get them sharpies get the that brown uh lip liner pencil just do what you need to do to get the edges to look how we want them to look yeah they and they have lace fronts beards for men so y'all could try those out as well do what you need to do honey if you got to do that then make sure you use the the gorilla glue to really hold it to the face imagine marie you take a guy back and the lights are off and he's like busy taking his beard off and laying it on the side he's folding it oh my god i get to pee in the middle of the night and i see it and i think it's a mouse and i step

on it yeah because that's happened with me with my lashes or my wig so i it could definitely happen into a lace front you stepped on your wig yeah yeah sometimes it just slides off because i don't have a like a little mannequin head so it just does what it wants sydney takes her wig off and she folds it and she puts it on the couch and jam be sitting on it speaking of jam uh our our guest today is my jam one of my favorite one of my favorite people in the whole wide world so special all the way on the west west coast thriving marie would say thriving thriving living and thriving the skin looks good i see the stainless steel refrigerator in the back the beard is fully connected all the way around yeah yeah he's he's one of my most successful friends that

is very humble and i think it's because of his background uh give it up for garrick bernard and he is child of an immigrant or child of immigrant parents oh yeah child of an immigrant we can just say immigrant parent expert immigrant parent yeah there we go yeah yeah andrew was like what word am i writing yo what are we internet parent sorry internet immigrant parent immigrant parent okay hi how you doing garrick I'm good. How are you? Y'all chilling?

We're good. Your teeth are very white. What's that? Thank you. You use baking soda? This is, I use baking soda. I use, what is that? 3D white.

The Crest or Colgate 3D white. The strips? You don't use the strips, do you? No, I don't use the strips. Just the brush. Just the toothpaste. Because they take off the enamel. The enamel.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, but how much enamel do you really need, sis? You know what I mean? I think all of it. Honestly, you need every single gram, every drop of enamel. I'm sorry, her baking soda. And I was like, oh, let me put in the grams for her drug use. We get it.

He's a very smart guy. He's a very smart guy. Now, Garrett, do you have anything to say about men wearing lace front beards, hairlines connecting? Yes. All right. Hey, guys. stop it don't do it chill out don't just just embrace the baldness embrace the fact that your

beard doesn't connect i don't have those problems but i will say if you know if my hair goes and all that stuff uh i'm gonna get those plugs probably i'm gonna spend like 10 grand or some shit get that you're gonna let them let them put pubes on your hairline it's the back of your head it's they they take they take hair from the back of your head put it on the top and you just you're chilling why not but i feel like you would look good as a bald person because you could look the fact that you have facial hair you could be completely bald and just get like a right rouse just like yeah james harden well moisturized moment yeah i don't want to find out if i'm being honest i don't want to i just want to well garrick you're also very young so you're fine like you're not even 30 yet

right no i turned 30 uh in september september what fifth oh okay well happy birthday i'm i'm sorry i apologize no my birthday is on the 23rd i don't know why i got so excited september wow somebody else that was conceived in january okay at the beginning at the beginning um okay go ahead sorry i was gonna say so you guys have never met each other in real life this is your first time speaking but i was like i told garrick i was like oh you and marie are going to get along very well because you have some of the same uh backgrounds in terms of immigrant parents except she's haitian and you're nigerian trinidadian oh trinidadian we i was also going to guess nigerian look at sydney that's right nigerian well his last name is bernard

yeah bernard i guess that's not nigerian sis it would have more consonants and vowels yeah everybody's like hey you nigerian you dark as fuck like it's it's oh it always goes there and i'm like hey man uh you need to reevaluate your biases or whatever um i would not have guessed trinidadian you need neither yeah i've i've canceled trinidadians in my life numerous times oh oh wow okay what happened well if you don't mind me asking the daddy and men being trinidadian men and that's okay um all right and uh that's basically it so okay i can't say i can't say anything specific but i just know that caribbean men men from the west indies there it's too much ego involved it's too much ego too much cheating i just yeah i can't be bothered also

they're men so i just also can't be bothered with that as well fair enough yeah fair enough um my uh my i think i lucked out a little bit my dad has been married to my mom for i don't know 30 years plus um so he was i guess quote unquote one of the better ones i don't know if he's one of the good ones but he's one of the better ones i don't know that he doesn't have a side family in trinidad he doesn't have a side family i'm hoping he doesn't have a side family and if he does kudos for keeping that a secret yeah honestly you can't be mad at a dad that was able to keep a whole family a secret for the whole duration of having a family yes you can no you can't you get to the funeral and you're like who are these other these must be cousins with the same exact face as us

you can fully be mad at a dad that has family on the side the only time i would be mad at a dad for not telling them about their other family is if I just so happen to meet, you know, a daughter of his, and I'm like, damn, she fine as fuck, and we meet up, and we link up, and now we dating, and now I'm like, wait, that's my stepsister?

Right. That's fucked up. Sis, this sounds like the plot line of all the soap operas that have ever existed. Yeah, truly. Except with a gay twist. With a twist. So, Carrick, tell us about growing up as a Trinidadian American.

Are you first generation? First generation, yeah. Born and raised in L.A. It was weird because a lot of them go to New York. Yeah, I was going to say, Trinidadians are in L.A.? Yeah, I'd never heard of that. None. When I lived in L.A., I was one of two Haitian people who lived there.

And I was like, wow. yeah there's no west indians out here i think like the only ones we really met were like through church so you know big church family la church i would never go to la church just it's congratulations congratulations on that don't do it um uh there's there's not enough praise dancing you know but yeah like it was it was normal ish you know you don't really know anything different you know so like i went seventh day of venice church uh went to church on saturdays that was the first like off thing um i would i remember bringing uh curry goat to school in i want to say like third grade and i got destroyed like you just bought like a plate of curry goat a plate

of curry goat and they're like oh what is that that looks great i'm like it's goat and they're like yeah you weird like for the rest of my life because because you know you go to you go to na any la usd school and most of them you know know each other there's about like you know the six degrees of separation there so like that was you know i was goat boy for years no yeah wait goat boy so that's why you you know you do stand up and try to become famous so you can be like who's goat boy now nigga they're gonna be like oh my god still you still you yeah it's still you so you're telling me that they didn't even try the goat no they didn't even try it because it's excellent it's fucking incredible i love curry goat it's

delicious but i gotta admit i don't love it i don't love goat that's fair yeah well they have to make it right they have to make it right it's not always good if it's made you know yeah relax yeah and if it's like real hard and whatnot no you don't want that you don't want a tough piece of goat you want it to be succulent you know and you also don't want it gummy you don't want to like no you don't want to gummy either i'm not no that's one of the worst right yes exactly did you i was talking to somebody about this the other day did you go to school ever and people would say you smell like your house no so we didn't have that problem thank god because uh go ahead uh middle class i think that's i think that's it uh we uh aerated the home

very often i just like sometimes my mom would cook stuff like she'd like fry fish or she'd like cook something that was like really and it would be like in my coat and i'd go to school and people be like what is that smell and i'd be like what smell because you don't you can't smell it it's all up in your nose hairs right right people would say that i smell like my home but my home smelled like larks cigarettes my mom would smoke a whole pack like a day so i always smell like cigarettes and hair grease so dax i don't know if that's a cultural thing or just i mean my mom thing i don't know i would just call you sick as fuck honestly smoking already god damn that's pretty dope that's pretty that's wild yeah yeah

but like if you come if you come in the house like smelling like curry or you come to school come and smell like curry that's you know that's a big that's a big problem i think because that's a very pungent smell you know um but luckily um my family only did that on the weekends they only cook like wild spicy stuff on the weekends or um at night to where you know the smell would dissipate by the time we woke up in the morning for school or something like that at night and the window's not open it's in the sheets it's in the sheets it's in the yes it's Literally, it's in your pores. Yes, it's on the washcloth.

It's on the bath mat. It's on that little rug that goes on the back of the toilet in old black homes. It's in everything. Oh, my God. You got to look in the daytime. I like to have the cross breeze. Yeah. Here's a personal question.

So what did your mom and dad do for a living? So my mom was a PA, a physician's assistant. And then my dad was a contractor. so uh baldwin hills we up there you know yeah yeah for those that are not in the know that's like black people that was the hills for black folks it was the hills for black black people uh laguna beach uh or like that was like their their take on it well gary so it sounds like i mean you you you said immigrant parents but i mean it seems real simply black to me i don't know Okay, so this is where the explanation must come in.

Yes, please. We were still poor for the most part. How? They got the house up there because they're just like, oh, well, let's put all of our funds into this thing to keep our kids from the surrounding areas. and then we would get sent home or sent to school with like hand-me-downs or with fucking all of the regular there was a whole year where i wore um a uniform when the school didn't require a uniform just because i'm not paying for these clothes you know we got we got a mortgage to pay the uniform still looks

good and she is she's sewing she's emming the stuff making sure right all the tattered shorts are still like looking neat what was the exactly uniform a white shirt with a navy bottom and in the winter time it was like slacks and in the summertime it was like little school uniform booty shorts no no no booty shorts it was pretty much just la is the same temperature the whole oh right right right yeah yeah that weird thing um was there a lot so no seasons there wasn't a lot of trinidadians in your school absolutely not i was the only one you were the only for my entire life probably the entire school career what any other ethnicities just i mean there are there are a couple nigerians i guess and like persian folk uh persian a couple

persian folks in la a couple yeah mostly yeah in um in high school yeah but honestly i was the only caribbean kid in school for sure when you came home from your first day of school would your mom ask you about the kids in your class no she don't give a fuck that was my mom my mother's go-to anytime i came home from school she'd be like how many black kids in your class how many this how many that and i would i would i would count i'd be like it's me jasmine because like i would count them out and she'd be like okay okay okay it's black kids in the class and it was like there's always gonna be black kids in the class this is new york yeah yeah yeah so there was yeah they were very adamant about putting us in black schools up until high school like

all black schools pretty much until ninth grade when they shipped me out to fucking Palisades to go to school there. Why did they do that? For college reasons? College reasons. Yeah. You get into better colleges. And I didn't. So it

didn't work. All of my friends that stayed in like black high schools got into better schools than I did. And I was like, why didn't you just keep me with my friends? They kept shifting me around. You should have stayed at Eastside High with Morgan Freeman. Yeah. Yeah, should have.

Marie, did you move schools a lot? Did you, like, switch? No, not really. My parents were like, the bus runs right here. You're going to take that bus to that school. Okay. It was like, nope, that's it. I know they knew the route for the parent-teacher conference.

That's where they were going. All right. But my parents were big on parent-teacher conferences. like my dad as as an immigrant you know everything that he wears is tucked into his pants yes i don't know if you have one of those dads but like he'll tuck a sweater into some sweatpants and put on a dress shoe put a hard bottom on with those bottom but my dad i was home a couple months ago he still like buffs and shines his shoes he has like a brush and a polish and he is shining them to go

it's like you're on an errand you can't throw a dad new balance on no because they always want to look good I don't know if it's just like immigrant parents but it's also just like older parents they always want to make sure that

they're looking their best even when it's like is it your best but like I understand the notion of like polishing your shoes but i don't get that i don't get the see this is why sweats this is this is why monique is coming for y'all with the hair with the hair shit it's just like yo chill monique no chill let me wear my fucking hat you know i'm sorry what the scarf bonnet i don't know i called it a hat it's a

bonnet i'm so sorry same thing but monique is from a different time as well she's an era yeah you know i mean i don't know how old monique is um but she is from a time when people actually cared about what they looked like and people were tucking in things and ironing things ironing things there was no such thing as steaming they were have an ironing board and iron the fuck i mean they would hit those corners so fucking hard the pleats on the pants be crisp crisp yeah i can iron the fuck out of some clothes honestly just from learning from my parents just from them being like you're not going outside with a wrinkly shirt absolutely not uh i remember when i started wearing um i started wearing like straighter suits you know like more slim fitting suits

and they immediately were just like what's going on boss like are you okay uh the whole they wanted to have a whole conversation just because i was wearing tighter gloves they thought you were gay they thought i was gay yeah yeah a hundred a hundred percent they sat you down to talk about it though uh-huh yeah it's just like so your your your clothes are fitting a little bit more nicely it's more snug yeah right and i was like um come on guys we can we can do better it's the european cut they're like it's the european cut right okay okay that's the style it's a truly the style but i yeah i have to understand that like they have been through so much and so if they want to be a really particular about what we're wearing i i'll let it slide

sometimes like me growing up my skirts had to be so long yes because my arms were long they're like no lady should have a skirt and you know my family's not immigrants but they're very like old-fashioned and yeah very church going you know no lady should have a skirt shorter than where her her middle finger hits on the leg and i was the one that had long as i could hit the top of a shelf. Oh, no. Because my arms are so long. Yeah, they weren't accounting, they weren't accounting for the reach. No. Sydney can

dunk. I've seen it. Yeah. Oh, I believe it. They had me looking like a Mormon every single day. I was like, why is this skirt? This is not a skirt. You might as well put me in pants. Oh, no, no, no. No lady would wear pants. No, no, no young lady should wear pants. That's for the men. Right.

So your great aunts and stuff didn't wear pants? No, she never wore pants. She always wore skirts it didn't matter what the weather was it didn't matter if her like varicose veins were popping and bleeding she was wearing her skirts and they she would hit they would be so fucking long i'm like yeah auntie gowns and then beautiful gowns yeah beautiful gowns she would have she would have a slip underneath the skirt she would never wear a dress without a slip and you could see the slip yeah um yeah when i was little my mother wore skirts and i remember when she shifted

back to pants because i i have pictures of her in like europe in short ass jeans and booty shorts but when we were young she only would wear dresses or skirts and i used to complain about it because she would put me in them for school like my mom's big thing was the first day of school every year right so on the first day of school we had to wear a skirt or a dress no pants yeah and that was until i got i think until i got to high school it was like babe i'm i'm putting on these jeans today and yeah you gotta let me wear these jeans you gotta let me fly let me put these jeans on but she wasn't picking my clothes out after i think in after kindergarten and i told her i wanted to dress myself and she let me but it had to be a skirt on the first day

that was like yeah there was no negotiating that yeah and now so i will i will say i just started wearing shorts three years ago really like yeah because of because of like wearing like that was the move you gotta have it either longer or under your knees uh your shorts under your knees or just wear pants or whatever because parents would always be like well what's going on here your shorts are a little high yeah yes yes it was it's masculinity shit is so toxic i can't even i can't even lie i've been i've been hating humidity my entire life and then i just realized i just needed to wear shorts that's all i needed just wear shorts and you'll be fine i'm I'm out here in Atlanta right now, and I'm just like,

oh, this is nice. What the fuck? I'm moving through the, you know, moving through the humidity fine. You got shorts on right now? Not really realizing. I got shorts on right the fuck now. Can we see your knees? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Garrick has good legs. He's got a good body. I got some. I got a

high fucking high thigh short on right now. Yeah, Garrick is solid. Like, you know, he's not that tall, but body is there. I'm not tall at all. You can say I'm not tall at all. I didn't want to, you know, I wanted to give you the benefited out babe you know it's fine i didn't want to throw you under yeah that's not it you did kind of throw him under the short bus anyway you said he's solid he's not that tall that you're

right right you didn't even as soon as you bring it up it's just like all right i gotta i gotta mention it he's a long five eight that's what he is he's a long five eight longer than the skirts we loved it oh god baby uh okay so let's get into finances did you have an allowance immigrant parents are very about saving yeah but also super cheap super not cheap not cheap frugal frugal frugal absolutely not absolutely i didn't get an allowance at all i didn't know what that meant i kept on hearing the kids at school saying like oh what are you spending your allowance on um and i got that whole like corny conversation about like you want an allowance i allow you to live under my roof and blah blah blah blah um yeah classic classic but not never

never in life um i think i would get like a hundred dollars to get clothes at the beginning of the school year uh in high school wow that's actually kind of generous i think yeah yeah i mean they were giving you the money and you could buy what you wanted you can buy what you wanted yeah what can you get with a hundred dollars i think you can buy a jean like one jean no listen you go to pretty girl you go to strawberry you go to jimmy jazz you go to vim these are i don't know if those are in la yeah they're none of those places are in la you can get more than one pair of jeans for a hundred dollars i mean you can't get no shoes you can get a pair of sneakers so i'm just i'm just the jeans nigga at this point you know just

walking around with like three pairs of jeans i guess but they're they're ironed they're very smooth they're very very crisp you know um nah i never i never got an allowance i started working at like 16 yeah yeah and just went from there um i was at the pool yesterday and this lady was talking to her kid and she said she gets her 20 a week in allowance i said are y'all rich 20 a week i didn't even have 20 a week in college that is crazy to me yeah um but yeah i think my parents tried to give us an allowance like for like a summer and it lasted like three weeks or maybe less than that probably we were getting five dollars right and then it was i'm still getting if if i ever gave or if i ever asked my mom for money like once i moved out of the house

she's still hounding me for that like two hundred dollars that i might have borrowed might have a couple years ago give your mother her money back you're making so much money garrett give her your mother her money back i'm never giving it back she owed me this two hundred dollars no what's your mother's name dawn dawn oh that's a good mom dawn right yeah strikes fear in a weird way she wasn't i neither of my parents were nice that's the other thing no no immigrant parents no no no they just started like did you get hugs i love you kisses no no no no um i i mean i told you this over the phone um my dad and i just started saying i love you to each other last year oh wow why why is that yeah um i don't know i think i just started saying it in conjunction

with when i was saying it to my mom i would be like love you guys and then he would be like he would like or whatever he'd be like what they sat you back yeah we're like we need to talk about this your clothes are tight your shorts are little you saying i love guys what is all right all right hollywood didn't change yeah yeah you know immediately on that way we need to have another intervention here this is crazy oh my god gary was that so hard for you like just saying i love you to your friends or your girlfriends like because marie is whoo she's a tough cookie i mean my god tough i mean i mean my genuinely my friends uh tried to come up with a theory that i

was gay because of how hard it was for me to say i love you to my friends they're like what's going on there why why do you why do you hesitate and all this stuff and it was just like a really wild situation and then i had to like look back and was like i don't think i've ever said i love you to my dad before which is the first man you should say i love you too and then i just went to my home left one day and i was like yelling out oh i love you dad and he's like oh love you too and then it's just it's just been like that ever since i think if i said to my dad poppy i love you he would say yeah all right yeah all right he would simply close the door yeah i love you turns every immigrant father into steve harvey

it was just like all right yeah yeah all right where'd your accent go yeah okay wow interesting well you have no problem now saying i love you i mean i think maybe it just rolls off my tongue too much um but I've definitely said I love you before to Garrick and I don't know if you said it back but I felt I felt that you felt yeah you felt it I gave you a I give you a strong pat on the back yeah and that's my way that's my way of saying there it is yeah you know it's just now Sidney did people say I love you to you a lot or they didn't say to you a lot no not not rarely rarely like my auntie would um like late night like right before we're going to bed before like she has knotted off reading the bible and stuff like that but she

said when oh whenever she would feel like i got in trouble and i was internalizing how bad i am she's like now you know i love you you know you know i love you that that's when she would reassure me that she loves me but she wasn't just saying i love you not like not before i would leave the house to go you know to school or or leave the house at all and i think that's so foreign to me you would be beating yourself up and she would say now you know i love you my mother would just let me sit there yeah just there in the closet with my arms crossed and i couldn't throw it i remember one day i got in trouble and i wrote on the wall next to my bed i hate mummy like i hate my mom and i forgot about it i wrote it in pencil yeah i walked like

and she found it and she was like what is this and i was like i don't even know everything's misspelled it's height level with my pillow but i'm like i don't yeah yeah damn sis all right well i say i say it i say it a lot i say it a lot because um you know you never know what's gonna happen but also it's it's okay to say that if that's what you really feel you know but is there such thing as too much because yeah what if it loses its meaning what if you don't even know what you're saying you're just doing a call and repeat it's the new goodbye you know well i am 36 years old so i know what the fuck love is i've been in love i i have i have tons of friends you know but i do know that the love that i have i have abundance of it i know that

i'm good at i'm great at giving and when i say something i mean it you know unless i'm being shady and talking to marie about somebody but other than that when you're being shady you mean that too sis don't do that don't do that but what do you mean when you say you mean it like you're just like oh i just mean it you know like can you put that into words can you describe the love in words yes if if you needed something i would try to do what i can to provide um yeah somebody that if something happened to you i would be very affected uh yeah even though i'm very affected i would i would absolutely be affected if something happened to garrick right now yes exactly You would be very affected.

Absolutely. Me and Garrick, I met him when I went to, when we were at San Francisco for the Up Next Comedy Central. And me and Garrick talked at the after party for most of the time. And we just like clicked or whatever. And then I always made sure I kept in contact with him. And, you know, I felt like, oh man, I'm really good at keeping in contact with people.

But he could have been shady and been like, I'm busy. you know i'm in these writers rooms i don't have time but he was always cool he took me out to to lunch got me ramen yeah so went to eak i think okay so i think that the barometer for me is if someone were to kill you and i saw them in a courtroom and i didn't go like fucking crazy or buck wild like in like those svu episodes that means that i love you or that means that i don't love you if i can just watch them walk past and be like oh yeah that's crazy that they killed my friend but i mean i gotta be a witness you know um well if it happened in front of you i think maybe you would be more emotional but my thing is this we hung out in san francisco we've had

ramen together a couple times i'm saying i love you wait yeah sydney did you say i love you after that first meeting at the end of that first day no no no no this is like years later that's that's been years ago earned yeah we've got i probably said i love you like you know two years after yeah our friendship yeah it's still it's weird to me babe i mean i would watch sid can cook and you would say love you to every oh my god yeah you can't do that and it was like you can't do that right you brought me on you brought me on for a second for sid can cook and at the end of it you say i love you and then i just laughed i was like i and then people in the chat were like he didn't say it back and i was like i don't i don't know i don't know what to do right but yeah like that's

i'm kind of stuck in a bind here yeah yeah but it's it is very nice pressure on other people to say it back and it's like that's not that andrew i don't know what your background is but i feel like you got one of those moms that didn't say it a lot or she didn't say it yeah right so like everybody is not as free with saying the words i love you but it's also different when you say love you as opposed to i love you yeah right or sometimes somebody look throw back like a love ya and then you're like love you and you're like yeah love ya but yeah it is very nice i don't want to sound unappreciative okay fuck all y'all niggas about y'all next next time you say love you i'm just gonna say why i'm gonna say prove it prove it if i died right now would you avenge me

is the it's a real question right how much would you set the limit to my goat fund me to raise 30 000 i would want it to be realistic uh so i don't want to say you know a hundred thousand dollars if i know if i know your followers ain't gotta like that but um marie is you know very verified and she has people who are obsessed so i know that she would get the money and garrick i mean you know nothing but successful um people in la so they would who would still not give $100,000 to my funeral. Let's set it at the $36,000. $36,000 feels healthy.

$36,000 is a solid number. Enough, because it's enough to cover the funeral costs. We hope. That's all I need. We hope. A casket is how much? How much is a casket cost? Oh, my God.

I want my friends going home, going away party, dope. Okay? I don't want to skim. I don't want to be cheap. I don't want to get you a regular old box. You know what I'm saying? I want you to get you nice flowers. I want to be a good funeral home.

Top shelf embalming fluid. Yeah. I want the embalming fluid to have Dulce in it. You know what I mean? No. Put me in the ground raw. Like, I don't need nothing. Just put me in a bag.

I got these industrial garbage bags. Wrap it up, babe. Yeah. Are you serious? No way. No, I think I want to be cremated. But that's expensive, too. Is it?

I don't know. They up the cost? It's thousands of dollars. I want to be cremated, and I want people to be able to follow along with the body's journey like a Domino's pizza. Like, I want them to be like. In the oven. They putting the toppings on the, they putting the lashes on. Like, I want it.

Yeah, yeah. And then to be like, Devante is working on the booty neck. Like, I just. Yeah. That's what I want. That's what I deserve. was is funerals a big deal in like like parents who are immigrants um i'll tell you i'll tell you what a big deal was for me church school that was it church and school church church and school

school church family that's it yeah yeah i've never seen a group of people more upset about the separation of church and state than immigrants you know like they want they want church to govern the rest of everybody else's lives um so like church was the biggest deal i feel like you guys went to sunday school no he went to school on saturday saturday saturday school saturday school yeah it sucks i'm sorry like we called it sabbath school so we observed the sabbath like uh jewish people do so friday nights uh everything had to be cut off no secular activity until sun was secular no fun secular no fun nothing nothing at all until saturday night so that period of time sunset to sunset we were just miserable honestly as a child y'all were reading what

just anything watching tbn watching children's uh fucking christian activity movies or whatever edgy tales mr bean we couldn't even watch mr bean dog like we couldn't do anything and when did y'all when were you able to escape saturday night no i mean i mean like when you didn't have to do you didn't have to observe i was out i was gone um i i stopped going fucking when i moved out 23 so all through high school you couldn't go to no parties on friday nights no friday night parties so like when everybody was like oh man i can't wait for the weekend you know all that shit nothing i was not even excited i was just like well i gotta by candlelight i'm gotta be yes exactly just like a reading the bible and just trying not to get the

candle on the page so it doesn't burst into flames garrick how are you so cool now like you i'm not i am not you've only had a short period to like get your swag together get close like you have style you know how i i'm i'm sure you lost your virginity late in the game late in the game big how late in the game oh god yeah 25 i was 21 21 oh but you were so you were still so but you lost your virginity on thursday because you said yeah i could yeah i couldn't go out right i couldn't go out so you were losing your virginity like during the work week that's great it sucks yeah it wasn't even like a a party situation it was like in a park fucking i i was upset what did you say you were upset was she not she she was upset as well she didn't have a bed to lay on what was this on

a park bench what this is like we're we're both at home so it was either her place or my place or her parents place or my parents place or the park we're just like what about this park and in a in our car and it's like let's make this as special as possible and she wasn't a she wasn't a virgin i was so so you was with a 35 year old woman i was taking advantage i was oh oh did she know you were a virgin before i mean i mean i'm yeah she did yeah yeah she did after this is 100 she's just like oh why are you why are you moving like that why are you so robotic why what's going on like because we in a toyota corolla that's why i'm moving like this before you know i use a car as an excuse 100 we can't put the seat all the

way back so like that's right i'm moving weird was it in the back seat please just paint the back seat yeah okay it was a back seat back seat of a pontiac g5 so it was a two-door and we both had to like scrunch into the back and just like that sounds try try our hardest you know it was bad you are odd i'm gonna say that you're odd i yeah i'm glad you're i'm glad you're getting to know me no i every time i like have hung out with you or like i see the stuff that you post i'm like you know he's a very reserved person but fun but like nobody knows your business like that and then they know it now they well that's after listening to this yeah but i think that makes you human i don't like people who are too secretive and make things like such a big deal and i think

that's the problem with like parents sometimes they're like they keep things so secretive so i know nothing about my mom i know nothing nothing how she grew up barely know yeah how my grandmother like came about of even getting pregnant and having my mom it's like tell your story your stories yeah honestly i don't know shit about my parents before you said that i had never even thought about my right pregnant yeah wow i just had to sit here and think about what my grandma's first name was like it's just like what is it shit is it it's elaine i was like oh that's beautiful and she's trinidadian yeah do you speak trinidadian to your it was daddy trinidad the sings the sing song comes out um when i'm at home can you give us an example absolutely

pretend you're talking to go on gary to the store i'm not gonna i'm not gonna do that for my your fucking thousands of followers wait it's not for your it's not for the phone it's for It's actually hundreds of thousands of followers. I'm so sorry. It's for us. Hundreds of thousands of followers. I can't do this. I'm so sorry.

I can't be that guy. I can't be that person. I just, I don't know any Trinidadian people. So I just want to know. Sidney, you don't know any Trinnies? I mean, you can Google it. You got to know Trinnies. I think maybe.

Well, they'll let you know if they're Trinnies also. Well, you didn't. You didn't. You didn't. This is the first time I, I mean. It's fair. well if they're if they're from there i'm from i'm born in los angeles so like i'm not i'm not gonna come out here and be like yo i'm trinidad i've been in the fucking badlands all that shit

it just doesn't work it doesn't work it's like you're you're a coon stop doing that you know say you're from where you're from and then let people have uh have their origin you know do you have siblings i do i'm the youngest of three oh i have an older sister older brother yeah and they're proud of you they have to yeah yeah they're the ones who are like you should probably i dropped out of school i dropped out of uh yeah i know that was a big deal that was trinidad and you dropped a seven day Adventist you. Yes, there it is. Okay, we're

47 minutes in the podcast and Garrett just dropped the bomb on us that he did not finish school. Didn't finish school. From an immigrant home. Didn't finish college. From an immigrant home, kept it a secret until I moved out. What happened?

What happened? So I was going to school for two years doing like mechanical engineering and that's like you know the thing that can get your parents love or whatever yes yes yes it's doctor lawyer engineer that's engineering that's it's only the three yeah um doing that went to the improv uh and just like sat there at their open mics on tuesdays um and i was just like maybe i should fucking try doing this and i would just go every tuesday and then one time i i remember bringing up that maybe i wanted to switch

to be a lit major so that i can get like you know the pen game down and all that shit and they're like no and so i uh i was like all right let me go back to school and then they were like you have to apply for loans now because you're about to declare a major and all that stuff and i was like i don't think i want to do that and i left and then i lied about it for two or three years not two or three years yeah yeah so how long were you in school for us a year no like two years that's fine that's fine it took me four years to realize yeah this ain't for me i mean my school kicked me out but it took me four years fair enough it took me four years to be like you know maybe this is not really for me at all

you got kicked out for your last semester Sydney no I got kicked out um no not my last semester it was the first semester of my senior year but I don't even know if I had enough credits to be a senior but I got kicked out for plagiarism oh shit yeah everybody plagiarizes but you got caught I got caught I was so bad at it I I had never plagiarized before this was my first time out the gate out in the game of plagiarizing and i immediately got caught and my professor was furious he's like what do you think i'm fucking stupid then he said i was like i was like i hope i said i hope i can go to the dean and let them know and maybe this will uh let me stay here but no they were like it doesn't matter that he cursed at you you have you have to get the

curse because you did something wrong yeah um that is so wild plagiarizing you know you got to switch some words around you gotta look up synonyms and antonyms remix no and then if you google something you can't go to the first page first result you gotta scroll a little bit first result dumb bitch just i was desperate i just needed to turn something in you know how many people have turned in that exact paper that you turned in that's what he said he said i've been doing this for 20 years you think i don't know about this i said sir i've dead i i was in a really bad place i was like i'm depressed and that was the first time a white person just had no response to depression they were like

that is insane so gary where were you going for those three years you were leaving the house to pretend to go to school where was you going yeah i was uh working at jc penny trying to get enough money to fucking move out on my own and it's fine yeah so you were heated but you were still going to you were going to work yeah i was like i was like oh mom i'm gonna i'm gonna fucking work um just to like get enough for the for school and all this stuff and so to live and buy clothes and any excuse i could think of and then i was just doing like hella shifts at jc penny or uh coals or anything that would hire me for like the season or something like that.

AC seasonal work, heard you. AC seasonal, yes, yes, absolutely. Well, from JC Penney's to shooting a freaking pilot in Atlanta, you're like, you're doing great. I lucked out, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, what are you working on now and how do your parents feel about it? They feel great right now.

um they're they definitely have brought up that i should have stayed in engineering school i mean you would have been great at it right and i was like mom i'm i could buy the house right now like i can pay i can finish the mortgage okay like we can let's but is that so gary okay well no no no not at all i was i was 100 trying to flex on my mom and she was like i don't give a fuck yeah i don't know why school is so important to our parents yeah um i don't know they from a different time but like i was talking to my dad about i think beyonce didn't finish high school and my dad was like unbelievable she should go back and finish and i was like she's worth half a billion dollars and he was like right you don't know nothing and i was like whoa

the beehive is gonna come yeah they're coming and now that they know that they're coming hard but like good it's a good thing that she doesn't know anything because she doesn't say much either so she's fine y'all really left me out there to drive uh y'all look really to drive i mean lots of people didn't finish school and they're they're all richer than us um they're richer than most of the population actually they're smarter than most of the population because staying in school and taking out unnecessary loans and stuff that you're paying until you're 50 60 70 years old is dumb which is why i put you in debt which is why i do not pay my loans i ignore them every i got them on the do not call list uh well before we get out of here

garrick if you have like three things that are like misconceptions about like immigrant parents or children of immigrant parents i would love to hear misconceptions um no y'all got it right for the most part like you guys got it right it's it's fine um no i uh gold is great it's real good go eat it um shit we're not lame i guess do y'all cheat do they cheat y'all cheat a lot stop it who cheats uh my niggas cheat i don't i don't he said his niggas well you know you are the come my caribbean niggas oh oh here's i have a question for you before you go yeah as as a child of immigrants did you get money from the tooth fairy and how much were they giving you because these white kids and some of these black kids are getting like venmo i cannot i cannot believe that

that shit is still going on they're cleaning up they were immediately oh that's just fake god is the only thing that's real the santa claus all of it i remember my my dad because he's in construction he made me take a tape measure go to the chimney measure no the chimney and say do you think a man could fit down there he put you on the roof and then just no no no no underneath he's like nobody could fit in here so of course that's not too fat to fit i was nine i was nine asking for cookies to to you know i was like i bought this shit you know i bought all of this yo that's funny so you didn't get any money you didn't get like a quarter under the pillow or nothing like that like that i didn't get a quarter i

didn't get any of that and a lot of my teeth fell out at the same time so they were gonna give me a quarter anyway they said that looked like that looked like at least a dollar fifty right there yeah right no that's going to the mortgage again that's real shit like that's exactly what yo y'all didn't give me nothing my mom was like oh oh and i think they had that moment where she looked at my dad and he looked at her but both of them knew they weren't gonna give me money so nobody went into the room to take the tooth i got i got money from like my great aunt and uncles but the the quarters were so dingy it was like yeah it was like it had been in their pockets

for years it it was no new money no new money at all it was like if they did give me a dollar it was something that had written numbers written on it maybe somebody's address just real fucked up they would have like their medication prescription on there it's just real messy uh with the with the coinage and the dollars but at least i got more money than y'all so that's very true right And that's why you're able to live in the lap of luxury now, sis. And you can afford all those cats that live in your house.

And for that, I'm proud of you, sis. Thank you. No hateration, holleration here. Thank you. Thank you, Garrick, for being such an amazing guest. If you have anything to plug, plug away where people can catch your ass.

Yeah. Oh, I'm at Garrick Bernard on Instagram, Twitter, all that, whatever. um watch solar opposites and star trek lower decks uh whenever you get a chance solar opposites is on hulu oh you're right star trek lower decks is on paramount plus yes i am okay booked busy blast blick okay well um i think it's time for you to go to work so i guess we'll let you go yes it is um what do we say to garrick before he leaves thank you no andrew that's the wrong answer i know sydney knows what he said before he leaves yeah i love you gary i love you

too i love you too this has been a forever dog production the unofficial expert is executive produced by Brett Boehm, Joe Cilio, and Alex Ramsey. Senior producer, Tracy Sorin. Produced by Andrew McGuire. Cover art by Sandy Honig. To listen to this podcast ad-free, sign up for Forever Dog Plus at foreverdogpodcasts.com slash plus. Check out video clips of our podcasts on YouTube at youtube.com slash foreverdogteam and make sure to follow us on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook

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