MESS with Sydnee Washington & Marie Faustin - "The Irish Expert" with Maeve Higgins

Episode Date: March 30, 2018

Are ya'll all caught up? Don't worry because we aren't. Totally recorded this a while ago but who gives a damn, the funny is still all here. Have you've ever heard the word "indicative" in an Irish accent? Is the St Patrick's Day Parade like a white pride parade? Are Irish Americans doing the most? Did you know Ireland was the first country to vote for same sex marriage?? Can gay people really thrive in Ireland. Maeve Higgins tells us how she really feels about Lucky Charms. Kiss the podcast for this episode because we are low key Irish.Follow Maeve Instagram @maeveinamerica Twitter @maevehiggins----Listen to The Unofficial Expert Ad-Free on Forever Dog Plus:https://foreverdogpodcasts.com/plus----BONUS EPISODES AVAILABLE NOW ON PATREON:www.patreon.com/TheUnofficialExpertBUY UNOFFICIAL EXPERT MERCH:https://www.teepublic.com/stores/the-unofficial-expert-podcastFOLLOW THE UNOFFICIAL EXPERT:https://www.instagram.com/UnofficialExpertFOLLOW SYDNEE:https://www.instagram.com/JustSYDbwhttps://twitter.com/justsydnycFOLLOW MARIE:https://www.instagram.com/Reeezyhttps://twitter.com/MsReeezyFOLLOW ANDREW:https://www.instagram.com/mcgui_guyTHE UNOFFICIAL EXPERT IS A FOREVER DOG PODCASThttps://foreverdogpodcasts.com/podcasts/the-unofficial-expertSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

hello hi welcome to the unofficial expert podcast with marie and sydney hey boo what's up uh me i'm awake i'm up uh i got on sweatpants that don't have pockets so i'm doing pretty bad uh how are you doing i'm fabulous unfortunately the listeners can't see how great i look honestly she looks fantastic okay let's go through let's give you head to choke ham yes so she's wearing her uh my favorite wig from her yes it is the middle part blunt bob it's an oldie but goodie it's good it's the part looks very natural today thank you i tried you know i put the concealer it looks good you went past the hairline it looks fantastic uh and then she's giving us brow and gold shadow and then like a like a subtle smoky a little a little smoky

little brown at the end i just dabbed it with my pinky i was like honestly because the brush didn't work but honestly i feel like i do better makeup application with my fingers oh my god this is finger pain bitch that's what i do my face is a canvas okay it's working and it's like all like it looks very nice did you do like a baby contour today no i didn't i put a little shimmer i had like this little shimmer from sephora for free because my birthday's coming up so i it's from your beauty insider i am a i'm a v vib oh no i'm rouge i don't know what that means uh they send me stuff and i don't i don't buy enough rouge means you have a certain amount of points or something yes yes you have all the points yeah uh and then you're wearing like a

green i thought it was like a mustardy but it's green low cut like low like to your navel The neckline is very Spanish man It's very low because I'm like Listen, I know it's two degrees But the tits gotta come out sometimes Sis, they are sitting I always wear turtlenecks, I always cover my chest No, no, no, tell them why you got the titties out

You had an audition today And I was like, you know, I don't know how I'm gonna be But I know that the titties are gonna be there Just so you know, the casting director is quite gay So gay, so it doesn't even matter His name is Clint um also you're wearing a an acid wash high-waisted mom jean yes i am capital the fupa is popping oh sis it is sitting listen the fupa's coming out further than your boobs i don't even know

i mean i feel like fupa brings people together so i'm okay with it no i think fupas are a result of having children yeah fupa is like yeah like i feel like mom's got fupas are right yeah it's like a c-section scar are people who you know vagina is always eaten vagina i don't want a fat vagina i want it to be skinny okay well let's not talk about our genitalias anymore not on not two minutes into the podcast hey we hot it's a christian podcast welcome uh brother malcolm uh sister sister sid and sister marie thank you so much uh hey do you have an expertise this week uh i feel like this week i was an expert at not getting murdered um and what that means is i've been going i've been really going on a lot of

these dates but i've been going in the daytime okay uh because you know i i'm telling people that i'm not drinking and i feel like i'm i gotta stretch this dry january thing through february okay because on these dating apps when you tell men that you're not drinking because the first thing they say is let's meet for a drink and then when you say oh i'm not drinking this month they're like let's do lunch and i'm like look at me eating and drinking a juice or like having some breakfast or something and uh i am queen you know i'm queen of the the check come and then i just look at it and then i pick my phone up but i feel like something in your profile is saying like just here for the food it's my profile specifically says i'm just here for the food but i'll stay

for the wine so they're probably like ha ha ha she's so funny and like no no no that's real that's real life that's how i am for real but so i've gone out with a bunch of people and i'm trying to like stack the dates like do like i'm trying to see how many i can stack in a day honestly like breakfast or not even breakfast like get lunch then meet somebody for a drink then like meet somebody for like uh an entree and then meet somebody for another drink and then meet somebody for dessert and then coffee that's like six dates honestly i don't understand how there could be starving women in new york city if you got an app bitch just pay your phone bill and you can meet somebody you don't even need to have wi-fi in your home you do not because you

have them at the train station now or starbucks just hit up starbucks literally or a library a public library in new york will get you have free just walk into the checkers and be like y'all got wifi here and that's it sis just like latch on to somebody's little like hot spot get that you can catch me at the hot spot and then that's it like you're just eating like i think that's what i'm do i'm gonna do a challenge and see how many days i can go without paying for any food marie you don't pay for food you know that right honestly the child in real life i'm at uh i haven't been paying for food since 1996 don't pay for food you don't have your wallet or you're like i don't have cash i mean i do have the wallet it'll just have like my monthly metro card in it and then i still

might ask you for a swipe right hey uh you got this uh the the the door no the swipe um so i haven't gotten murdered yet and i'm doing something where i'm dating people like international folks like people of like that i wouldn't actually want to date to see you feel less bad about i don't like them no it's not it's not that i feel as bad but i feel like the stories are more interesting the conversations are like different than what i would talk to somebody else about it's like you know boring but like sometimes it's like i'm learning a lot about you know the netherlands or whatever i don't know do i really want to hear some dude with an accent tell me about his day no yeah but what if he's paying for you know the sushi y'all eating i mean nothing i'm at this

point in my life that not even food can fix the situation at hand if you're a boring person no i listen i'll listen i'll fake laugh at you talking about your dad problems wait and then your dad said what it was the transmission yeah let's go ahead and get some more apps for the table i'll eat a couple noodles before i go on a date and have to hear somebody yes but you also have a girlfriend who won't let you go on a date so i mean honestly when i had that boyfriend remember that that beige dude i dated four years ago i was still going on dates but you know what i could still go on dates she doesn't have to know i mean i'd be like i'm going to a show uh i would tell soosh that i would be like oh we went out and got ice cream or whatever and

he'd be like that sounds like a date and i'm like yeah but like he paid and he was like that sounds like a date and i was like i don't know what that means oh that's terrible i know i'm very honest Sidney, what were you an expert in this week? I'm an expert in being a fake-ass model. Okay. I had a little gig where I'm modeling at an electronics store. Yes, that's my life now. I model in an electronics store.

You're a promo model. I model at PC Richards and Sons. No, that's not. Circuit City? Dude, you're better than that. Best Buy. Well, exactly. You're Best Buy prettier.

I'm in the Best Buy. You're prettier than Circuit City. You sure? Yeah. Okay. So Best Buy is the top electronics? Yeah, I think so. Or what's the B&H?

Yes. The photography place. That place is nice. It's Jewish. So yeah, maybe. Yeah, but that means you're not probably going to get paid that much. You're right. Anywho, so I'm there.

And it's real photographers. They got like real pages. Got a whole bunch of followers. Model Bayham pages. Just such a bitch. Remember? They got a whole bunch of back pages. So anyway, I'm there.

And I'm the model. And they don't tell me anything. They don't tell me about what's the setup. It's a different setup every time. How did you get this job? um i was on craigslist no i was on a set acting you know doing my doing what i do and he's like hey are you interested in doing this modeling gig and i was like oh yeah model people tell me i should model i know you got there a little dusty naomi campbell i could do it a little dry a little

ashy naomi if naomi lost it all yeah totally and he's like yeah you know it's only a hundred dollars and i said i could do that he's like it's only an hour or two and i said so you agreed when you heard the money but you didn't know how many hours yet what if it was a hundred dollars and it was for like eight hours then i just would four hours i just heard money and i didn't have to do much i said yeah let's do it so you go in there and all the people who come to see the demos are men it's all they're creepy as f they're there i feel like they're there for the fucking model i don't i think they care about being a photographer they don't even have cameras They're like, I love my camera at home, but I'm going to take these on my phone.

It's crazy. So I'm there, and the photographer sets up. He is so nervous. And I was like, ooh, these pictures are going to come out bad. They're going to come out. I was like, I'm going to look like Samuel L. Jackson. Watch. But with a blunt bob.

With a blunt bob. Samuel L. Jackson had like a nice, like, synthetic blend of hair. Yes, that was me. So I'm there, and he's like, okay, so we're trying to find your light. So we got a diffuser. He's talking about diffusers, lights, all this other stuff. He's like, so, it's going to look a little harsh. I said, oh, wait a minute.

I said, wait, we didn't talk about this in the contract. I can't be seen looking crazy. He's like, well, you know, we're trying to find out the light. So the first picture, I swear to you, it looked like I hadn't slept in days. You know in Top Model when they do the challenges where you can't have makeup and they don't have any Photoshop? It's like that. So when I saw the picture, all the dudes looked up and they were like, oh, there was one dude. Did you start packing your stuff up to go home immediately?

There was one dude looking, squinting in his eyes like, that's the same girl? That's the same. I said, same girl. Same girl. Yeah. And then so he's doing all these like, finally, he gets a decent picture of me. And I was like, is this how I really look? Now, this is going live.

This is live. So they're live streaming? They're live streaming. People from Belarus were watching this? This is live streaming. And they're like, okay. So the guy is trying to show me how to model. And I was like, I don't think you know what you're doing.

I don't think you know what you're doing, sir. So I was like, the pictures were coming out so bad. So I put my turtleneck and I put it all the way to my nose. I said, maybe my eyes. Give them Gap Ad realness. I said, yeah, I'm going to give this Banana Republic realness. I'm just trying to do whatever I can. So finally, at the end, I'm embarrassed.

Because I was like People didn't see me My bags They seen the crust in my eyes Damn My lips are dry I was like I need to drink more water

It wasn't like that You could see my pores My pores were waving They were like Hi bitch You crazy You look real stupid That hundred dollars

Doesn't feel like enough money now Does it? Oh no That's why when people say You should model I'm like Do you Listen

Some people look good Under a filter Some people just look good On a Snapchat With a Coachella Little thing On top of their head not everybody should be a model that you think is getting 500 likes on instagram like myself but you

know not it's not that easy it's really not and then if they don't have the lighting right if they don't have a weird camera yes but the light is right and the camera's right and the the post production photoshop dude is right anybody can look amazing yeah but when we do photo shoots nobody's seeing it nobody's seeing they only seeing the good pictures i know all these people even the niggas in the store who weren't even in the workshop was like oh they had a screen broadcasting on the street you're all over time square just looking regular there are asian people up there just taking photos putting up uh the peace sign they're like oh it was like a it was like a tourist thing people were it was so embarrassing uh that's i was a fake house model

and uh you know i don't suggest anybody do it so speaking of embarrassing our guest today uh it's not embarrassing but she's uh i'm excited to have her here uh she's a comic she performs i want to say all over the world because she's not from here uh yeah but i've never performed somewhere that doesn't speak english oh she also real rude she didn't even let me okay can we can we intro you in boo it's uh she's our she's our irish expert and you'll hear why i mean you probably already heard why uh it's mave higgins hi thank you for having me hey mave that was hard not to laugh at your story oh gosh have you been there have you been in a place where you saw somebody who thought they were cute not look cute in a photo honestly sometimes i take pictures and

i'm like am i ugly yo it was so humbling have you have you taken a picture you're like that can't be me that's not me there's no way that's my face not really like no it's worked the opposite way where i'm like you know like i thought that was going to be a disaster but it worked out better than i thought who you're a photographer no do you know what's happened to me a lot i remember days where i felt like so gross and then i look back at the picture and i'm like oh like you were fine so i think it's in my head no every time i'm like i look like shit and i said i said girl you need to sleep i'm like i'm like please no photos no no no no no no i i think i'm gonna start carrying sunglasses and throw them on at nighttime like no no no i'm just gonna throw a bag over my

head i'm good i'm like my bangs for rihanna this is the new rihanna just throwing bags over here so mave how irish are you talk to us about like this you know what i just got the train here stupidly because i actually live really close to here so i like got the train to fort hamilton i don't want to give away your address i don't even know where fort hamilton is it's like a death stop like the last stop wow so anyway but there was a guy on the train wearing a baseball happened it said like god loves the irish and i felt like you're not irish like because he's american irish which is a big difference oh tell it between you know irish american and irish there's many differences like one of the most interesting things that i thought was like

really indicative like how just this one thing that i thought was really indicative okay so pennies are moist um okay i put my glasses on no i don't have glasses um was like do you know the saint patrick's day parade that like takes over manhattan every every march and it's almost like a white pride parade like it's led by like essentially men in white onto horses they they where sashes and you know all the men are separated from the women and it's just uh firefighters are allowed to march and police are allowed to march it's the only one where like civic workers are

allowed to join in uh like if you compare it to like uh oh i don't know who that is it's the cops it's the irish cops the seamless you're not be ordering stuff guys yeah i'm on marie's account but okay so the interesting thing about the parade was gay people were banned from marching under their own banner right yeah which is rude as fuck well this was until the ban was lifted actually last year was the first last year wow and so if you're gay why do want to also be irish you know what or but if you're gay you want to go on a parade though they're so good at parading not the saint patrick parade no thank you it's it's they're all it's

very boring it's bagpipes the boots are very thick yeah ain't no ain't no like there's no good rhythm the beats is no one's wearing a good way related i think because gay people were not allowed it just stayed really boring yeah exactly straight so but okay so that was i would say irish america right at its like finest right the parade the parade right they held on to that for like over 100 years and they kept it the way they wanted it like no gay people like very white right meanwhile back in ireland the country like things moved on and so like we were the first country to vote in same-sex marriage really yeah by referendum by referendum yeah i don't know what a referendum is yeah that means that everyone votes on it so some countries like decided the

government decided you know we're going to allow same-sex marriage but in ireland they were like let's like leave everybody so that means like it was only it was like a 60 but still that means the majority of people were like okay there were a lot of gay people in ireland i guess it's the same status if i was gay i wouldn't want to go to ireland i wouldn't want to be there i feel like i can't thrive exactly follow up it's just mountains and shit and like fog yeah i mean our prime minister is a gay man which is interesting he's the son of an immigrant and he's a gay man now he's quite conservative immigrant from where india his dad is indian that's the prime minister yeah we're learning so much ireland is a spot no no i don't want to

mislead you i don't want to mislead you but like those are some facts but i would say also ireland is still quite repressed in a lot of ways like abortion is illegal okay okay but plan b can we sneak some plan b's yeah but only for the last few years oh yeah so so it's mad babies in ireland so many babies there's mad babies people are just fucking having kids so many babies be gay as fuck and indian and indian yeah and gay as long as you have six children that's fine okay so like uh irish people are like super catholic yeah in that sense yeah god wants us to have babies i think what's up with that i think that like there was very little separation between church and state for a long time so like all of the schools were catholic so if you wanted

your kid to go to school like you still kind of just like baptize them or they won't get into school oh damn they manipulate they drown in the babies they drown in the babies listen if you don't believe in god you can't learn you can't learn to read you're gonna be illiterate and a heathen yeah so yeah you went to catholic school yeah i mean that's the thing like i didn't even know you know when you're in where you live i know what you're saying and you just don't really see yeah so like i didn't even think of it as catholic school we was like school everyone makes their communion everyone makes their confirmation you know it wasn't until i kind of grew up and left and found out about other people's experience when how did you what how

old were you when you left when i left i was actually nine years old the first time i left and me and my family moved to zimbabwe what hold on yeah wow you've lived the life you know your Your accent is not indicative of your Zimbabwe upbringing. Do you have a little Zimbabwe accent or not? I don't. How long were you in Zimbabwe for? We were there for two years. Two years?

Nothing? That's long enough to get some friends and get an accent. I mean, I don't know. Get a little Zimbabwe twang. I don't know. First of all, there's lots of different accents in Zimbabwe, so I don't know. Maybe it wasn't. What do they speak in Zimbabwe?

They speak English and then they speak Shona. do you speak some shona shona i actually if anybody from zimbabwe is listening uh go ahead and send us a message can you you can reach us it's www.shona that's s-h-o-n-u-f-f shona shona so do you speak shona shona i remember some from school like i remember how to say like manguanani manguanani that sounds like a dish oh manguanani is good morning manguanani yeah and then like manguanani that sounds like a fruit uh what you eating uh the manguanani it got seeds in it no just we had cool food like we would eat like fufu and we would

eat like gem squash and um yeah let's take a step back let's take a step back because you're in about we're eating food with flavor uh i'm assuming but when you're in ireland when you're in ireland what are you eating sausage uh like what's the what's the dish it's kielbasa it's kielbasa it's potatoes it's potatoes yeah we know about that what are you thinking of kielbasa kielbasa is that sausage sausage right oh i don't know i never heard that before oh so that's not irish i don't think that's that it's yeah here's shire farm here's shire farm that's when i get is it good it's so good turkey sausage oh nice girl yeah it's so freaking good really damn you don't have any more no sydney you know this is a i don't i got no kielbasa i would have made you

some definitely we put a little onions in it or some chicken sausage wait i'm not no i don't know what do you guys eat besides potatoes um we have unbelievable butter unbelievable butter i'm telling you the i had this idea like seven years ago i was like i someone needs to import irish butter like to america because it would be really in all the like fancy brunch places yeah like you could be like with irish butter and then uh all my friends were laughing at well i didn't say it to like that many people but i remember particularly my friend daniel laughing at me and now it is in all those places listen i'm not gonna lie carrie gold i was at my mom's house this weekend she was bragging about this fancy butter that she had that she paid eight dollars for yeah

it was irish butter okay so what's the difference honestly it just tasted like butter is it sweet is it i don't know it's salted we never have unsalted butter yeah it's salted and like i think it's because so hypertension is high for y'all oh definitely look at the color of my face it's white for those of y'all that are wondering it's white steve bannon steve bannon sitting here like white and purple i feel good i can see the veins in your forehead you're right i feel fine um yeah it's like just salty and i think it's because um the cows i can't believe i'm talking about this but i think it's because like the cows go outside and eat like grass all year round it's not like they're just fed grain so i think that's what it is okay so you shading

our cows yeah you're saying your cows are living a much better life yeah they're just so happy and productive so does that mean the burgers are better i think so yeah irish beef is another big um yeah wait we gotta fly to ireland to split a burger wait do you think that we would thrive in ireland um oh she's saying that sounds like a hard no you could be gay as fuck but don't bring your black ass over here you got indian in you i mean so i mean you i think you i mean both of you are like like career wise i think it's kind of no no we're not talking about we're talking about people want to pay for us yeah take us out we mean socially would we do well socially yeah you'd have a ball yeah you'd have a really good time i think definitely yeah one of us is sober and the other

one doesn't drink beer now would we have a good time thank you she's asking real questions what a good i just want to know because if they're gonna be like i ain't gonna be here and i'm like what a serious question how do you feel about lucky charms um i feel attacked i feel i feel like they're you know i actually love eating them but we don't have them in ireland like they're not enough that's a big ass shit yeah they're not it's kind of like chinese food in america is not real chinese food in china yeah like they don't have any of those dishes yeah they don't have general toast i mean it's different it's general something else they don't have general toast general soul how do you say how do you say t how you smell tso so she says

so too yeah you say toast toast that's indicative of your uh crappy education you go to china i'm like how come the chicken ain't orange i want the orange chicken y'all know how to act they're like you've been eating garfield garfield is orange orange vision they might have like american restaurants in china where they actually sell like that stuff well yeah you know like you know like mcdonald's in different countries is different everywhere yeah like when i went to paris they had like pain au chocolat and croissants and i was like what and when i went to spain they had real chicken wings like before mcdonald's had the chicken wings that are like for the black people they had real chicken wings in spain in spain yeah in madrid it was dope there was it was so

many flavors they had curry they had curry sauce in spain yes in spain i said wow this is where i'm gonna stay do you y'all have mcdonald's in ireland yeah what what's on the menu there I just remember, like, living in Dublin. Potato bread, sis. Potato bread. McPotatoes. McPotatoes. McPotatoes.

They just cut the potato and have it throw to beef. They're like, hash brown, hash brown, hash brown, hash brown. That's what they got. But the hash browns are probably better. I would love that. Yeah, I'm sure. I would actually love that, yeah. The only difference I noticed was in Dublin, like, during the boom, you know,

Ireland had this big economic boom. You know we don't know nothing about the boom. well because then there was a bust right like so then there was a big recession in ireland so um but just before that i was living in dublin and i remember they introduced like mccafe for the first time in ireland because like we were all getting like notions like we were like we don't need burgers like we need cappuccinos you know and i just remember being like this is strange that like mcdonald's thinks that the irish people are the ones who are going to go so like fancy and mccafe yeah mccafe it's liquid diabetes first of all literally so you know

they put mad sugar but then they write mccafe in script so you're like oh i'm better than everybody in here yeah oh you're drinking a mcflurry i got a mccafe but yeah that's what mcdonald's is now like they in new york they pulled most of the people who work out and now it's like you order on a computer screen and the food just comes have you seen this yeah i've seen it but it still don't make the food better i mean i don't eat fast food i just go in there to pee real quick i'm like i'm like what's the bathroom code i go there for the fries and the caramel sunday and also it seems like to break up fights because the last two times i went in and i'm not i'm not gonna let you do that i'm not you're breaking up fights in it was probably two

it was probably two pregnant homeless people no it was i mean granted it was definitely like not like tough guys or anything but it was like a granddad and his little grandson were having a terrible like he was basically being really mean to the grandson and like screaming you stepped in while he was disciplining his grandson i didn't step in what i did was i just went over and started talking to the little boy as if like we were like buddies oh you were trying to get fought i was trying to get punched in the face over a mic you're trying to get your face busted wide open it was so intense it was so tense but like he was hitting the child how old was the little boy he was young he was like five or six i'd say and he was like weeping and cowering i wonder what he

did yeah he wasn't eating fast enough he must have spilled the mccafe sis he threw away the fries in the bag i mean he had a gun but i don't know oh my god no he was like he wasn't eating fast enough and so the old guy was like screaming at him and hitting him being like eat it like i got it for you as a treat like and it was just so violent and gross i got it for you as a treat and like yelling at you because you're eating your treat too slow old people are they don't have a lot of time left they're fussy they're angry they're upset they want to be outside but not really people are pushing them they never want to give them a seat they're going through a lot they want to wear sandals but their feet are cold so they throw on the socks it's a

get on the crosstown bus just to go three blocks it's it's annoying i know but that's not all old people some old people are the opposite like they start out real mean and then when they get old they're like softer yeah because they ain't got no strength yeah they know about like vulnerability now or something yeah i don't know i was a strange one because i was like i don't know this these you know family i don't know the dynamics but i was just like i can't just like watch the little fella getting hit. But do they do that in Ireland? Do they break up fights there? Because I feel like y'all fight probably all the time.

It's a fight. Somebody spills your stout and you punch somebody in the face. Y'all a little violent. Y'all a little violent. I mean, I'm trying to think if I, I mean, of course I've seen, I don't think I've ever stepped in though. Have you ever been in a fight? No. One time I punched a guy.

That sounds like a fight. Because he pinched my sister's butt. Yeah, but it's not a fight because if you punched him, he'd be KO'd. That's a KO. oh did you knock him out did you knock him out i'm like triple g right he pinched your sister's butt real rude in ireland it was gross yeah did he say something when he pinched your butt no that was the worst thing he did it and then he sidled away and she was just like oh like i know a drink or nothing just pinching ass just pinching and

walking pinching dash yeah it was gross um but thank you for standing up for your sister oh of course yeah wait so you punched in my piece of meat and then you pinched her other side of her butt yeah when you punched him did he fall no he did not it was like pathetic it was my i really imagined myself much stronger like in that moment it's crazy because i've never this is my first time meeting you but when i see you in pictures i'm like oh she could definitely win in an arm fight yeah thank you you look like you could fuck somebody up yeah i hope so i mean i hope if it came to it that i could but like i wasn't able to like the way i imagined punching his stomach i thought he would have like doubled over oh you punch him in the stomach in my mind i was seeing

you punch him in the face right no i should have yeah this crazy lady told me in the park and like she didn't come across hold on can you say it again with this crazy lady the other part in the park in the park the park park go ahead park um so you gotta start over in the park in the no don't say that we don't want to hear it the way we say and um wow your american accent is really good she was saying like she was totally like seemingly fine like she was like it looked like fancy woman she had like a poodle and uh well that's why she looked fancy she had a poodle that's all you need was the poodle shaved like a poodle or was like a regular poodle it had berate it has a like little tough yeah it's it's a designed like it had like a haircut it was a

gucci poodle well because sometimes you'll see a dog on your back what kind of dog is that and they say a poodle and you're like but why it's hair looks regular like they won't style it you know what i mean yeah no this one was like it was a little bit outgrown but you could see it had a shape can't you technically cut any dog's hair to look like a poodle yes if you think about it yes you can um they might not have the same kind of hair check texture right right it won't be it won't be as kinky since it won't be as coarse you could mousse it up and you could permit so this lady had a stylish poodle oh yeah so you know we were just chatting because our dogs are playing or whatever and somehow it came up like how do you break up a dog fight if one starts in

the park which they do sometimes yeah and she was like you know what you have to do get the get the aggressor and get its two front paws and pull them apart and you'll kill the dog that way and i was like oh no i meant you know like just to stop she said rip the dog in half yeah she said like um if you can picture it yeah no you get their front and i was just like pull them apart you kill the dog they just kill it oh they don't give a fuck about dogs i thought you were gonna say this is in prospect park oh well they don't care about dogs in brooklyn either surely don't I thought you were going to say that she said, put your finger in the dog's butt. Because I thought that's how you broke up a dog fight.

Oh, is it? I haven't heard that one before. I'm not a historian. Where the fuck did you hear that from? It was probably... Not a different place than the lady heard to pull the legs apart and kill it instantly. That's how you break up a fight. Rip the dog's rib cage open.

I don't even like dogs, but I wouldn't do that. That's how you break up a fight, bitch. That's how you kill somebody. That's how you break up a human fight as well. Sydney, it's like tie... Get the legs and pull them apart? and then tie one leg to a car

and then tie one to another car and then drive that's it that's basically what this baby told me that's how you break up a fight

split them oh my god yeah somebody can you write that down make sure that's on the list and we put it in our description notes

people listening to the unofficial expert please take note jot that down jot that down but I don't I just I couldn't believe it

because she was so she seemed so harmless but she was absolutely convinced this was like the way to do it and like that she was imparting this like wisdom to me i'm gonna google how to kill a dog i just i feel like there's nicer ways but there's so many like things around with that and also it's like just because the dog is

like it's not like it would never escalate to full fight where you'd actually like you know they do like you know it is it can be bad they can bite each other whatever but like to leave like a string of like murdered dog behind you just because they like and they're like my dog is undefeated i mean the only person who would care about these dogs is dmx that's the only one so nobody else honestly i i feel like dmx has like 16 kids by 12 women i want to say that i heard that on wendy williams i thought you were gonna say 16 kids by 12 dogs i mean he has 16 kids but he probably has more dogs speaking of dogs um how's dating for you thank you so much i was thinking the same thing but that segue was smooth as she

okay that was a professional trend actually there is genuinely a link because i got my i got a dog six months ago and then you got a man that's no that's been it for me like i definitely i'm not like i know she's not my husband but i'm also like i haven't like dated wait no but how how was dating in ireland no sorry i got her in october maybe i was gonna say you at the real white woman right now i'm like i don't need a man no no i'm not saying i don't need a man but i'm saying like something i got her in october and since then i've just been very focused on like getting used to having a dog and just like what kind of dog do this like it's 2018 you had plenty of time to get used to having a dog i would also spend a month in ireland in that time where i live

on an island where everyone is related to me so oh yeah own islands in ireland wow i didn't know we were in the presence of royalty we're gonna be going to your island this summer yeah yeah Oh, my God. On your whole island. Please. Yeah, you should. You would have, you would get a shock because it's a, yeah. What's the tickets looking like?

How much it cost? Can I take a bus there? It costs $139. That's it? Bitch, we can do that. Yeah. To fly there from here? Norwegian Air.

You go to Stewart Airport. Oh, Norwegian. Yeah. But Norwegian Air don't be having good snacks. So, no. Really? Oh, no. They have nothing.

They're like, they don't even have TV. Norwegian sounds fancy to me. Yeah, but it's not. It's not. It sounds like the flight attendants are, like, blonde and have blue eyes. You're going to be looking at just the back of somebody's head for the whole entire flight. Oh, my God. They don't even have headrests.

No. Wow. But it's $139. Flying to L.A. is $118. Yeah. I can fly across the ocean for just $20 more. I mean, that's the funny thing as well. It's the same length of time.

Like, because I just went to San Francisco for shows, and it took me longer to get there than to go home to Ireland. So, yeah. So, you went home. And I would say, like, dating in Ireland, generally, it's so wildly different to, like, definitely New York. Okay, let's get into it. Let's get into it. Okay, but, like, I'm saying it's, like, you don't know what's happening. Everyone knows each other at home.

So you don't know who's your family member in Ireland. Oh, y'all are so gross. It's not that bad. You know, it's the cousin-cousin. I mean. Cousin-cousin. There's definitely married cousins in my hometown and stuff. And, like, you know, there's definitely that element of, like, a lot of people who went to school together just stand up together.

And, like, you know, like, two of my sisters are married to people who are from the same islands as us. You know, like, that happens in small places. It's too small. Yeah. Well, their kids are so cute, though. That's like the comedy community, when people, like, get together. It's like banging a comedian. It's not like banging a comedian, because these men said, no, you will not.

What you're not going to do is disrespect me like that. Okay. Sure, sure, sure. These are good guys. You hear that in male comics? Maeve thinks they're all trash And they're funny She said the Ireland homophobic guys

Are great Are better than the people here Who are comedians And also just here in New York I love how open it is How people ask each other out And it's very clear what's happening It's like we're going to go for a drink

And this is a date and we'll see if we like each other It's very opaque in Ireland It's very like Are we friends? is this a work conversation like you never know a lot of you don't know a lot of drunkenness you even like maybe you sleep together a few times and you're still like what's happening no honestly i've been there before like being honest like you're like dude we've done this about 10 times what i don't even know your last name that's hilarious yeah and it's like serious it stays

that way in ireland and it's always daily we just we fucking i don't know your last name that's it You know that last name is probably Higgins. Yeah. Higgy, get Higgy with it. You're like afraid to ask, just in case you're second cousins. So how do people in Ireland talk, like how do people, how do men in Ireland ask women out? Or do they not do that? They don't.

Would you like this Jager? Would you like some Jager? Can I buy you a pint? I would say like, seriously, that would be so brave of them. That's a marriage proposal. You're like, oh my God, you're such a gentleman. Yeah. I am so parched.

like i think first of all i haven't lived there in like five years so i think internet dating has really helped to like clarify things for people okay um and but i think it's just very cloudy still yeah yeah wait are irish gentlemen though gentlemen like do they like would they would they pay for you to go to england for your abortion yeah you needed to yeah that's what you have to do because that's where oh okay yeah yeah yeah statement yeah um sounds like a no no yeah sounds like they might get you a bus yeah they might give you a ride to the bus gentlemen i feel like that's the other thing that i really like about being here in at least in new york i don't know a whole lot about the rest of america i have to say but like i think like men talk about their

feelings more here and that's still kind of annoying it's really annoying you're so tired i'm like how could i don't understand men who always complain i'm like you in a memory foam sneaker you live in a comfortable life you got on a doctor's show insert how you your feet don't even hurt how you have anything to say i can't i don't know men men i find in my experience are more emotional than women the men that they are attracted to me yeah hold on hold on take a moment she has no emotion so this is why they make they feel like they have to overcompensate thank you Because they might have to check her pulse and be like, are you alive?

Is anybody in there? Too many feelings. Are they trying to get you to feel something for them by explaining how they're trying to explain to you, I feel vulnerable, so they want you to be. I don't even know what vulnerable means. Yeah, that's not even her vocabulary. I had to look up the word compassion recently,

because I was like, well, what that word mean? And I was like, oh, when you care about others. And I was like, oh, OK, I guess I should stop killing those dogs. I guess I don't have compassion for dogs. It was you, the woman with the poodle. Yeah, that was me. And then I killed the poodle when you left. She's a poodle killer.

I just want a dog that has hair like me. So I don't even remember what the question was. Did we ask something? Yeah, I mean, I guess we were talking about like how men can speak about their feelings a bit more. Yeah, or too emotional. There's two called Thomas here. I'm like, dude, everybody in a white turtleneck crying. In the rain.

It's too much. It's like an R&B video. Yes, it is. Crying in the rain shirtless but still has a turtleneck on. Do you like emotional men? um yeah i'm glad i think overall it will work better like if they're able to if they're able to express themselves yeah we have so many problems because they haven't been able to yeah i feel like too much is too much for me maria's going through a lot so honestly yeah

as mean as i and i don't even think that i'm that mean but like as honest as i am on this podcast people will listen to this and then they meet me in real life and they're like proclaiming their love for me and it's like dude like no you know i'm but this is gonna turn into a bit like i'm gonna get on stage and i'm talking about how you cried yeah marie is the person that you don't you don't go up to her and try to talk to her because she's like what you don't talk to me looking like that you got a lot of nerve like that with those shoes with that hairline with that height uh but people like talking to me for some reason yeah but i mean you going on stage and talking about us that's not bad like that's fine that's just the way you process no it's rude

no but i'm saying men knowing that i might talk about them will still be very like emotional and vulnerable with me and i'm like it's a it's a turnoff for me it's a giant turnoff it's like it dries everything up my eyes dry up that's how they just sham wow the whole moisture that's going on that's why i keep losing my voice because everybody's trying to give me their feelings and it's drying my body up i'm like you know and somebody said they love me oh my god so what are you looking for like just a kind of a silent like kind of a honestly i'm not one of them sex dolls that's what the fuck she wants a sex doll who has a bank account take her out and buy food make sure she's okay thank you so much a sex doll that works at jv

morgan chase so if you guys want to go to our gofundme to send me some money for a sex doll you're only two thousand dollars away jump on patreon pay for something so that i can buy a sex doll wait no i'm not looking for anything wait what so wait what kind of guy do you like yes tell us what your type is oh i like um funny guys no no you funny you don't need them to be funny i kind of do though because i hate when they miss it oh mr joe yeah they just need to have a sense of humor though yeah they need to have it actually that's yeah i'm trying to help yabu because whenever you want a funny dude he wants to be funnier than you or have to prove that he's like you don't want to go back but i do like laughing at like funny you know like all my

friends are funny like i want to laugh at him too i don't want him to be but the type of funny guy that i like is the type that i laugh at yeah not because he's trying to be funny but because he's so weird yeah he's oblivious he doesn't know how foolish he is he'll say something amongst all my friends and like the the joke will not hit yeah we'll all just like be silent for a second and then we'll laugh at him for three weeks yeah that's the type of funny that i like when they're working hard to be funny and impress me though no i don't like that shit yeah that's the turn off for me also i don't like that shit yeah no we do this for a living we get paid i got 25 dollars when my joke when they're trying to make me laugh and they come see a show and they're like

you know that joke that you do i feel like the way to make it like they try to help you punch your stuff when they pull out the notebook you like that no no maybe you like that no you misunderstand um yeah wait so how long have you been doing comedy uh for 10 11 years 11 years yeah since i was 11 since she was 11 i did the math real quick i was like uh we're the same age exactly you were born in 1999 as well hilarious yes I've been doing comedy a long time

now I do more writing and that's like you know I think my favourite way to like try and express myself and get those thoughts out I loved comedy always because it was like you know you think of something and then you work it out on stage and like you get it out of your system that way but I think

now it's writing, writing does that for me yeah that's where the coins is at well it's yeah yeah i mean it's definitely not in stand-up right no no absolutely and it's crazy honestly here like i can't i couldn't believe when i first got here i was just like my friends who are on tv and everything nobody gets paid for a stand-up no and like i had come from london where you get like you get like 60 pounds 100 pounds and they're like this is it you know but it's like that's great what's 60 pounds what is it oh it's like a hundred dollars for a spot no for like a stand-up spot i'll send it we gotta go to the uk so we could uh make 60 a show do we

have any uk listeners out there we must we have to somebody from belarus hit us up and i thought no way i thought belarus was in the caribbean i'm not gonna lie as well and then i looked it up and i was like this okay no that's not no it like almost touches germany yeah it's over by russia isn't that crazy damn i want to go to uk so like you know you can make a kind of like it's fine you go out and you do like five shows and it's like enough to keep you going but here i got here and i was like 20 dollars money going like you 25 they're giving you a drink yeah it's rough it's so many people doing comedy and like the ones that aren't that good will be like oh yeah i'll do it for pizza and you're like what you do a full slice yeah i'm one of those people that's like

what two boots yeah i've been skipping a lot of shows because i've been busy and i had a show at two boots pizza in williamsburg and i ran okay ran to the pizza place to do my spot so that i can get a slice of pizza and leave that was the only reason why i did the show literally only reason why i was like and then i took my slice and i finished it i went but i was like you know i feel like my pizza dropped on the floor they're like is the floor your stomach the floor of your stomach you should um you know how myself and aparna and joe are doing the monday nights now Yes, but a boy Yeah, well we get pizza every Monday

Because comics can come in whenever you want And just eat the pizza and get beer Okay, well next Monday works for me I'll slip through What time is the show? It's at 8 But the pizza arrives at about quarter to 8 We'll be there when the doors are opening

We'll be like, ah, I just came for the pizza Wiping the crust off our eyes We'll camp there the night before We'll have a tent We'll have our sleeping bags and everything We'll be like, yeah, we slept on the street we put a pizza the breakfast pizza and the lunch pizza i'll bring my own hot sauce but you know i do find here like it's interesting it seems like you're really really everyone is really like

scrambling and then you either like make it big or you do not make it and that's a very american quality and oh we are all scrambling with comedy okay yeah yes yes yes but we're scrambling we're scrambling near the top of the bottom okay we might still be at the bottom we're at the top of the bottom but what i'm saying is like there's not really a middle ground here and i think that's like all over the place in every part of american life it's like you're either like you know super you're either one a one of the one percent or you're poor right yeah well i just see so many people who i'm like oh shit i want to be where they at and then they're miserable and they're tweeting that they hate life and i'm like well what the fuck what you just gotta be a happy

person because it doesn't matter where you are whatever level you're at you just gotta be good inside i don't want to be good inside i want to look good outside and still be terrible on the inside yeah but i agree that's like this sweet place to get to where you're you're not like um because like everyone knows material things don't actually work like they give you a momentary but i think being those people who told you that never had material exactly people who said that to you they've never had stuff they've never had a disposable income they've never had a 40 000 pearl watch okay they don't know what they talk about you saw my watch 40 000 rolex this old thing mave is doing real well yeah yeah they've never been on a yacht

or ferry in miami but like no of course all that stuff like i'm not saying like poor people are happy but like it doesn't it doesn't work like ultimately like and i think the business we're in a soul there's always one more thing to get yes like you know you like i probably would have been a few years ago i probably would have been like oh if i have a podcast or like if i have a book or if i have and then you get them and then i'm just looking for another thing like i'm looking for another thing wait you have a book i just wrote a book yeah we got a little bit of time what's the story don't worry it's not coming out until august so okay what's what is it called what's it about it's called maven america it's a book of essays and it's like all about you know

it's like i guess memoristic it's about me and my life and my experience all about you yeah it's all about you and you're very interesting you got so much stuff going zimbabwe come on girl i didn't talk about zimbabwe can we go back why were you in zimbabwe so my dad is in construction and he got a job it was during the bless you bless you um the little lady's news we're not we're not gonna say it again you only get blessed one time in this house you get one blessing um he yeah so he was like got a job over there uh constructing a hotel so he moved all of us uh six kids and my mom was pregnant what yeah with another one on the way Yeah, so she was born over there.

Yeah, my little sister was. So how much course do you have? Oh, so your sister was born in Zimbabwe? She was born in Zimbabwe, yeah. That's dope. Isn't that cool? Sid, that's dope. So wait, y'all have a lot of money.

Y'all got a lot of kids, and then y'all moved to Zimbabwe? Mm-hmm. Well... That sounds like wealth. Yeah, she's being modest. Is your dad also the prime minister? I'm not being modest. I think that we were poor growing up until I was about...

I think things changed when we went to Zimbabwe. and because y'all walked in like the conversion rates you walked in with your euros and you were like what y'all got here uh leaves and they were like no we hit money and you were like yeah yeah we're rich here you got shingles here you got shingles shackles you got shackles that's shackles anyway you you got 30 pieces of gold or whatever you get this in by the way what is the currency there uh zimbabwe dollars exactly exactly that's monopoly money that's the game of life money you get there and you're like i own everything and they're like okay that looks like our money

it's bitcoin thank you um yeah i mean you're not far off the truth like i think going over there we had like my dad got a good job over there and um then we came back to ireland two years later and i feel like the whole country. Like, so Ireland was in a big depression in the 80s when I was growing up. So then he got this good job in Zimbabwe. And then when we came back,

things were on the rise, especially in the construction industry. Yeah, but you guys walked in and you guys were wearing kente cloth. You guys had on dashikis. From Forever 21. From Zimbabwe. He wasn't even from Zimbabwe.

You guys came in with your... We got it in the airport. Or H&M dashiki. You guys came in carrying fruit on your heads and they were like, the higgins don't lost their minds you guys were like oh my god okay so that's not in the book uh no that's not in the book how did you miss all of that i mean i think that like um it was i was like nine and i came back

when i was 11 and i think that it was uh it was formative for me in that like like remember what were talking about earlier when you're growing up and you don't like you don't know that what your life you don't know about other lives yeah you're just like this is life this is normal like everyone has like this auntie and everyone has like this church and everyone did you have to like re-assimilate to Ireland after being gone for two years yeah yeah definitely and like I think 11 was kind of good time to come back but I know my older brother and sister had like a terrible time because they went into teenagers yes yeah they didn't want to come back to ireland or they were living their life listen listen they were in zimbabwe they're like look at everybody's

amazing bodies they get back to ireland they're like oh hell no potato snacks they're like where the asses go how do you know about potato snacks and the food the food tastes bland what's that like damn that's what happened your brother was dating some black chick and your sister was trying to date some black dude and they got back to Ireland they were like oh there's not no niggas here they can't come in here they gotta be Indian and conservative um Maven America it comes out in August yeah where can people pick up the book I think well it's Penguin or the Publisher which is great yeah Penguin that's a big deal an actual penguin oh my gosh this is a big I know I was thrilled I was thrilled when I get my

the day it comes out on the 7th of August I'll buy you lunch at least I have to wait until I'm going to put it in my August 7th

okay and it's available where like a Barnaise and Nobly wait wait watch me be like can you come to Butter Boy

I got pizza for you guys I'm going to be like okay it's going to be the same free pizza at the show is the 7th a Monday because if it's a Monday

I'm not coming to get pizza free pizza from you swear to God man sweater god i mean it i can't wait the seventh of the tuesday my advance like the day i'm so excited yeah thank you yeah i thought they called it in advance because you got it before the book it comes in if you want to know like the details yes okay so you get you get uh you get quarter

on signing so i signed my book deal um almost two years ago i don't know we had an author in my house oh so you used all that money that money's gone two years ago and it was just like it's done so far gone yeah and like then i was supposed to write it within a year and then my editor went on maternity leave and i i kind of felt like you have a baby like i was like we're trying to get money that's where the rest of your advance went your editor was like i need to put a baby you thought you got a quarter but she got half yeah she was like there's another person added now she's like it's three of us in the deal so i'm editing for two we get more exactly so she like you know went off and on with her and i just didn't do any work because i was just yeah you

procrastinating to drop that baby and like yeah then she was but anyway so it took me longer than I thought and then you

when you hand in the finished manuscript then you get like another quarter and so I got that in September which I like pretty much like

owed to people or anything oh I was gonna say you used that money to get a dog listen bitch I did too if we talk about

we make a book I'm gonna be telling me oh wait till we get this book money wait till we get I'm gonna put it on my tab and then I get my money

and I'm like oh I gotta split this with Sam yeah i thought we were each gonna get i thought we were each gonna get a hundred thousand dollars marie i didn't tell all these people we getting book money all them the whole thing now i'm gonna be like sydney they're gonna have to just break your legs because i'm not giving up my share of the break my legs and kill me kill me dead kill me first please it won't hurt so much when you break my leg so yeah like so september yeah in august and then you get out

and then i'll get my money and then you get the other half yes yeah yeah that's exciting i know so you're gonna go to two hundred dollars are you gonna go to lululemon and ball out no i might go to lately i've been looking at anthropology do you know that shop yo and that place is so expensive i know it's like a grown-up urban outfit yes exactly yeah ridiculous i mean it's not even my style it's just like a lifestyle that i like you're like i'm anthropology you just wanted i mean i thought you have like a silk skirt and you have like this is my only all my stuff is in storage so yeah i'm not yeah i'm a disaster why is your stuff in storage because i i'm like between apartments and i'm in a sublet yeah and and i'm between apartments okay

oh you got the sunglasses that transition you're dumb uh so your stuff is in storage put you waiting on the advance uh in august to get a place you're gonna buy a brownstone no i mean i'm just like i don't know i'm in a sublet now so i'm just trying to figure it out save your fucking money you don't need an apartment just hop on couches you got so many friends me and my huge dog oh it's a dog you gotta lose the dog kill a dog you want me to come over you want me to come over i handle the dog the killer you want me to come uh michael vick that dog i will victory no emotion no compassion i'm gonna get a shirt is there are there shirts

that just say michael vick on them because i feel like somebody's gonna throw red paint on you guys i'm gonna make some merch it's gonna be available uh on our patreon it's just gonna say michael it's gonna be a black shirt with white words no and then i'm gonna wear a fur coat but it's gonna be dog hair anyway oh my god yeah you're right the coat would smell gross uh i'm not really with her i don't even know who she is so i she's going to la so thank you so much the podcast will be under sydney washington yeah i'm going to la actually when this comes out i might already be there oh yeah you're moving no no i'm going for pilot season okay good so i'll be there probably for like i'll be there till april oh you're so brilliant yeah brilliant yeah you are the

compliments are so good before we go can you tell people who are listening something about Ireland or Irish people that we might not know um sure I can tell you that um oh I've already showed off so much about the butter yeah I've done my butter boasting you played your butter card early you play you reveal your hand too quick oh I would say come and visit my hometown which is the island I was telling about it's called Cove which is the last place titanic stopped before it yeah don't want to ruin the end of that movie i don't know if you want to do that i don't know if we want to do that it is a kind of sad place to visit actually so your island and it's just the higgins that live on that island there's like higgins and

oh donovan's another family too oh donovan donovan oh my sister's husband's family wait did they find the the ruby over there the the old lady throws the heart of the ocean isn't that so rude how she just is like i don't want it yeah foolish no offense foolish white woman honestly so but you know what she probably had dementia she was like it's gonna be cute yeah but there was nobody black on that boat because somebody black i'm going in honestly though my mom every time i speak to my mom about the titanic she's like you know there was a haitian family on i'm like no there wasn't there was not a haitian film she's like there was there was a haitian family on the titanic and then she's i heard it at work and i'm like you work with a

bunch of haitian people haitian people want to be everywhere okay so the cove or just cove just cove okay that's beautiful yeah now tell people who are listening where they can find the book where they can see you so my favorite thing is instagram maven america on instagram that's my i'm obsessed with that actually you're doing well in there i just i use it too much i'm seeing you very addicted it's a lot of videos of your dog in the park i know it's so pathetic um but that's think if i had a boyfriend it wouldn't be videos of him i think he wouldn't allow it do you know what i mean okay let's take a step half a step back yeah real quick in like um in 60 seconds tell us what the man of your dreams looks like who would play him in a movie just who is he oh

do you know who i love but i can't remember his name he's an english actor and he's in black panther and he's like the black dude yeah okay babe i didn't realize that you know but that's Zimbabwe coming out. I saw a picture of him in his time. David Aiello? Yeah! The Martin Luther King? Oh, yeah. Exactly. Who came with his white wife in an H&M dashiki? That movie where he was

like... She did. Yes, she... Oh, you didn't see the picture? I saw him in his office. Oh, no. You need to see him and his wife. They were going crazy on black Twitter. They were like... She's got a hole in her... How dare she come with that dry-ass dashiki? Oh, my God. I didn't see it either.

I did not see it either. Can you look it up? I saw his outfit and I thought he looked handsome. I mean, and he's a brilliant actor. Black Panther. But I didn't realize that. Oh, I see what he threw on. Okay. Wait.

So he was the one that was in the movie with Kate Winslet, right? No, no, no. The girl from Gone Girl. What is her name? That actress. Brie Larson? I don't know. No, no, no.

That's the girl from The Room. Yeah. But there's a movie where he takes, he brings a white woman to his country. Oh, to his country in Africa. Yeah. and they're all mad because she's blonde and he's like supposed to be king or chief and he's like i love my country but i love my wife and everybody was like we were in the movie theaters when the we were in the theaters when that trailer came on and all the black people i was like give me

my money back i mean we were there to see hidden figures come on boom we all boo do you see that david all yellow tell me he ain't wrong for black panther well his wife kind of looks like the lady in the movie unless it's like a meaningful pattern it's definitely not it's so harlem 125th listen canal so that is your type you like a a little a little uh bearded black man yeah he's handsome isn't he yeah so mave do you not date white man asking for the listeners i grew up in bloody ireland so yes yes yes so i mean by default but what you really want in your heart get some brown dick in your heart in your heart in your heart in your heart oh it hurts up there can i just say like so she went to the black panther premiere dressed in this that's let

me see she really has a dashiki on so messy oh but they're married that's confusing but they don't even really met like his shirt and his pants and his shoes don't even really match so he was doing wrong she goes like she threw on the curtains and put a belt on three belts for those of you guys who were wondering what we're looking at just go on just type in David Oyelo Black Panther premiere

and you'll see the outfit in real time I like her shoes I gotta say something nice her purse is nice and her husband is handsome okay alright the man is cute do you care if the man is tall, short, fat, stocky fit

I don't really care damn man you just take anything man okay no but i'm just like i don't care that much about i mean probably not like a tiny little guy not a wee little man because i'm like not tiny how tall are you five eight yeah that's what i saw in your pictures i was like oh yeah she's tall she steals purses on the weekend i can tell five eight three pounds she breaks up dog fights okay Maeve well that was beautiful it was so much fun

to talk to you both you were great so glad I met you yeah you too and then you have a podcast too also if you need a co-host while she's away

I got you honestly maybe rotating hosts for the week I probably will thank you yeah maybe we should do that

I'll put you on the list thank you meanwhile I'll be in LA like it's my podcast we can't hear you sorry it's my don't worry

I'll start a like a sub shut up the more unofficial unofficial or expert I'll be on the podcast. I'm like, oh, she's trying to call right now. Decline.

I'm satellite in. Straight to voicemail. If you always tape at 10 a.m., then you'll be in bed at 7 a.m. in L.A. You won't even know what we're up to. Yeah, but we don't always do this. She'll be up on her onion and shit. Yeah, I'll be hiking. Living a better life.

I'll be hiking, like, calling her, you guys via satellite. Hey, you guys doing the podcast? I want to talk about kale smoothies. I'm going to come back and y'all going to hate me. You'll have a great time. Honestly, I think I'm going to have a fantastic time. it's gonna be popping yeah speaking of popping as always uh tell everybody that you know about this podcast tell them that it's also popping yes tell them tell a friend tell a cousin tell

all your rich people um tell your white friends that we're dashikis yes please tell all your potato people that we're out here doing it and go to patreon be a member listen to our bonus episodes they're messy yeah i spill all my life sydney reveals her soul yeah for five dollars so somebody submitted uh somebody subscribed for a dollar today and i was like well you're not gonna hear nothing nothing i just wanted to donate well that's cute uh but it should be a dollar for me and a dollar for you so they just gave us 50 cents guys you guys have been fantastic for listening uh rate comment subscribe on itunes and if you're in la come say what up but not if you're emotional and you want to talk about your feelings bye guys bye

We'll be right back.