MESS with Sydnee Washington & Marie Faustin - “The Landlord Expert” with Gastor Almonte

Episode Date: April 5, 2019

Landlord expert, Gastor Almonte, is here to talk about the craziest things hes witnessed in his ten years as a landlord. Hes telling us everything from his cockfighting tenant, where to kick the door in to knock it down, and how long you can stay in an apartment without paying until you absolutely have to leave. Also, Marie is looking to get her ass face-tuned and Sydnee reveals why half of her shit was gone when she came back from LA.----Listen to The Unofficial Expert Ad-Free on Forever Dog Plus:https://foreverdogpodcasts.com/plus----BONUS EPISODES AVAILABLE NOW ON PATREON:www.patreon.com/TheUnofficialExpertBUY UNOFFICIAL EXPERT MERCH:https://www.teepublic.com/stores/the-unofficial-expert-podcastFOLLOW THE UNOFFICIAL EXPERT:https://www.instagram.com/UnofficialExpertFOLLOW SYDNEE:https://www.instagram.com/JustSYDbwhttps://twitter.com/justsydnycFOLLOW MARIE:https://www.instagram.com/Reeezyhttps://twitter.com/MsReeezyFOLLOW ANDREW:https://www.instagram.com/mcgui_guyTHE UNOFFICIAL EXPERT IS A FOREVER DOG PODCASThttps://foreverdogpodcasts.com/podcasts/the-unofficial-expertSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Forever. Dog. Dog. Hey. Da-da-da. Da-da-da. Da-da-da. Da-da-da.

Da-da-da. Da-da-da. Don't even know what song it is. What song is it? The final. Yes, I don't know who sings the song. Yeah. None of the words, but hey, friend.

I love your new situation that you got going on. Yeah. Hi, guys. I'm back from L.A. Hello. Ew. I'm so miserable. No, hi, guys.

I'm back. How are you? Hey, Marie. Hi, Sydney. Hey, Ponytail Marie. How you doing? Girl, the ponytail is attached to this hat. Oh, my God.

It's one piece. I love a two-in-one. Okay, this is like a bank robbing costume. The glasses were attached to the hat, and I had to take them off. Oh, beautiful. Oh, my God. It's from all the paparazzi. Papa, paparazzi.

Yeah. The show is still on. Yeah. And it's still quite bad. No, my God. But I got some fan mail from Romania today. What? Somebody in Eastern Europe slid in my DMs and was like, keep doing what y'all are doing.

J'adore Vice Live. Yay! So, you know, one person likes the show. From Romania, though. Okay, international. That's a big deal. Mrs. Worldwide. Hello.

So, you know, that's exciting. But I'm very tired. And grateful for this terribly amazing opportunity. Yes, it's very grateful. It's terrible, but amazing. No, it's insane. Like, Marie's got a new phone. New phone.

And, you know, I just want the same for myself. You don't even have a case on your phone. I don't have a case on my phone. Or screen protector? But I feel like, no, nothing. Oh, wow. I'm hoping that an ex will come and just fall into my lap or just knock me in the head. Something.

Oh, okay. Not an ex-boyfriend or girlfriend, but an ex-to-phone. iPhone X. Oh, okay. I got an XS. Yes. Well, whatever phone Marie has, I would like that. XS.

That's the newer one. And how much is that? Sis, it was like a cool $1,200. Wow. But you know, I wrote it off. Oh, my God, Marie. Or I'm saying wrote it off, but I haven't done my taxes yet. But I will write it off.

Wow. It's like a computer for your pocket. They were like, are you going to be doing a payment plan? I was like, uh-uh. Put it on my business card. Oh, my God. That's how rich Marie is right now? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

I'm not rich, friend. I just, I'm going to write it off. Oh, my God. Wait. Are we, we still never went to dinner. Wow. Well, you were in another state. Well, I'm back.

I know you got Fridays and Saturdays open. I have a show tomorrow night, but Saturday. Yeah. Saturday might be a cute night to do. We going to Nobu. Oh, my God. I'm going to, oh, I'm going to wear a see-through. We're not going to Nobu's.

We can go to Papa's. Oh, my God. Marie, why did you get me all fucking excited? You're such a bitch. Because you're a very hungry friend. Oh, my God. I'm actually not. I went to dinners.

Like, I went to dinners and lunch when I was in L.A. And I was not as famished as I thought I would have been. That's because you were getting all that vitamin D, you know? Yeah, I was like, I wasn't even that hungry. I was like, I'll just drink this water with lemon. So people weren't paying for you? No, they were. They were.

But I was acting as if I was paying. Oh, wow. That's how, I was acting so frugal, but that wasn't really the situation. Wow. Yeah. But it's fine. Okay. It's great.

Well, did you know that they were paying for you when you got there? Oh, yeah. They were like, hey, I want to take you out. And I said, oh, yeah, absolutely. Because, you know, we order different, we have different energy when we think we're paying. Yeah. And then when that person puts their card down and they're like, I got it.

And you're like, man, I could have got a juice. No, no, no, no, no. I could have got an app. No, no, no, no, no. I could have got a creme brulee. No, no, no, no, no. they knew up top I had been talking about

oh man I've been spending so much money yeah this week too Lord I'm so poor like I just kept saying that out loud and people knew

they were like okay I had people like oh you want me to drive you you want me to Uber you like what do you need and I was like

everything I need it all the American dream sis yeah I was like take care of me and people were just taking me to lunch to know my business

and I was like lying I was like I have a couple I had like inked a deal with you know NBC

Thinking about buying a building out here on Wilshire. Yeah, I'm pretty close. I had like 12 callbacks. 12 callbacks. For like this new Will Smith movie, I'm sorry. Lies. Hilarious. Is that what you were an expert in this week, is lying?

No, I'm an expert in coming back home and my shit being gone. That's what I was an expert in. My girlfriend Marie condoed the house without me fucking being there. So literally she's just throwing my stuff out. I was like, I should have a say in this. And she's like, I've been telling you about this stuff for years. And it's all things you can get again. It's from Rainbow.

And I was like, what the fuck is that supposed to mean? Rainbow slander? I was like, how do you know what my money is set? She's like, actually, I know what your money is set up. And you can buy these things again. And I was like, I actually can. I really can. So she threw away a lot of stretchy pieces?

Just things that I'm just like, no. I haven't even looked to see exactly what she threw away. I just know that the piles are half, half of what they were when I left. And I'm very upset. I mean, Sydney, I've been seeing you a lot recently. You got a lot of new looks. I do have new looks. You went to the West Coast and got a whole new look, my friend.

I do have new looks. I was like, somebody's at Buffalo Exchange three times a week. No, I was going in Megan's closet. I was like, you're not going to wear this, bitch. Give me this. I saw some easy breezy beautiful rompers. I saw a lot of white boots. You know, friend, I think you'll be okay.

No, I will not. I will not. But I just want to let you guys know, if you're in a relationship and you want to clean the house, the other person needs to fucking be there. Like, you can't just, you can't do that. I had a heart attack. I was like, where are my things? Where are they?

I was looking underneath, like, the cats. Looking underneath the bed. I was looking underneath the bench. I was like, maybe she hit them. She did not hide them. She threw them out. You know what's going to happen? And I, so I left a bag of clothes that I was planning on returning to, that I wore and

that was planning on returning. I left a bag at LAX in the bathroom. And like over the course of like the next couple of months, and even now, like I'll remember stuff that was in the bag that like I miss now. When was this? Like when I lived in, like four years ago. Oh, okay. But like, I'll be like, that blue dress with the long sleeves.

Like I'll remember, because you'll look for it in your closet and be like, oh, that's missing too. I'm fucking miserable. I'm very upset. Well, you look great. I don't know. I was just like, are you breaking up with me? Are you taking things out so you can move another bitch in? What's going on? I was very confused. She would never

kick you out to bring another chick in? I was gone for three weeks. It felt like you were gone for longer than you were. And y'all were just having so much fucking fun without me. I mean, friend, we were cold, so we were like, let's hang out.

You hiking in crop tops and head wraps. I was like, well, you know what? It looks like Sydney's never going to come back. I was in L.A. for a month last year, and I took one photo and posted it on Instagram. Sydney was posting several times a day. It was like, wow, I guess my friend is dead to me now. Adrienne, throw all her clothes away. I feel like y'all were in cahoots.

No, if we were in cahoots, then she would have called me, and I would have picked up some pieces before she threw them away. She knows that they're throwaways. There was nothing in the vial. If you washed it, it would have disintegrated. That's what kind of thing she threw out. Well, maybe she didn't throw it away. Maybe she sent the laundry out and everything melted in the industrial washer and dryers.

Shut up, bitch. What were you an expert in this week? This week, I was an expert at wearing Fashion Nova jeans. I've never in my life worn a pair of Fashion Nova jeans. Wore a pair last night for the show. they were a size zero because you know Fashion Nova be hating on

us skinny thick people and it was like a really big flare and it gave me a little bit of like a boop like a little boop should I order Fashion Nova?

sis I feel like you might need to but zero is your size friend it's very stretchy and it's gonna hit your butt is just gonna like like that line under your butt that like pops it up

video hoe butt is what I call it I had to get up during the show to do a full turn so people could see my butt really? and I shouted out Fashion Nova

So maybe I'm a Nova babe now? Am I a fashion Nova babe? Possibly. I'm upset because I need to get these jeans now. Oh, girl, they're so good. How much are they? They were like $44. But I didn't pay for them, friend.

You know, wardrobe. Are they going to let you keep them? I ripped the tags off like they were mine. Oh, my God. I ripped the tags off so they couldn't return them. Oh, my goodness. I was like, wow. Yeah, so that's, you know, what I was expecting this week, friend,

is just, you know, hashtag ad. Oh, man. Wait till I post this freaking photo. Mind you, my butt looks very small in the photo, but you know, the camera deletes 10 pounds. Let me see the photo. Let me see. The camera deletes 10 pounds.

Girl, let me Facetune tune that ass. Let me Facetune tune. Can you warp it a little bit so it looks more round? Oh, I got you, boo. I got you. I'll give you some titties, too. Says I don't have Facetune on my phone. I have it. I have the Facetune dude

We're not doing that I just want to let The listeners know I don't use it I don't need it But you know Sometimes you have Like a stray

In a photo Like a friend That you're like That you had a Facetune And you're like You don't really My god

What are you posting This is disgusting Don't you hate it Love it Show Andrew Show gay producer We do have to Intern tall sexy Andrew

We have to Facetune The butt though Just a little bit Tiny bit Tiny bit Andrew give me My phone back You know what?

Let's get the show started. I can't stand you, Holmes. I got to go to work after this. I don't have time. Oh, my God. For you whores. Our next guest needs Facetune, too. Amen.

Amen. Amen. Amen. He can use it a little bit. Sidney, I missed your raggedy ass. Our guest has actually done the podcast before, but we recorded it in my house before the students, and Sidney's laptop died. We lost.

We lost. As soon as the episode ended, it deleted. So we're so excited to have him back here. Super funny comic. He's done my show. Yeah. He's done Vice Live. Yeah.

Vice Live. Yeah. Vice Live. Yeah. He's done the soon to be canceled. Shut up, Marie. I don't want this negativity, nigga. Like, come on now.

You know, it's coming, though. No, shut up. Shh. Stop ruining his intro. Very funny dude. We love him. He's been laughing this entire time, which means, you know. Oh wait hold on

Before we introduce him fully I want you guys to know That we're number 102 On the iTunes comedy podcast charts So if everybody goes to subscribe We'll break that 100 It's literally up to y'all Really

Subscribe Tell a friend Tell a friend Right And just for Zero payments of zero dollars You too can make us One of the top podcasts

On Spotify Post us on Instagram Twitter You know Shout us out Grab your baby daddy's phone And just subscribe on his phone Yeah, don't even tell friends.

Just get aggressive. Just start grabbing phones. Grab that Android. You could be rough with those phones. Yes. And give it up for our landlord expert, Gaster Amante. Amante. Thanks for having me.

This has been a blast so far. It's been fun, huh? Yeah, I'm enjoying this. Well, you've been listening for about 12 minutes. Yeah. What do you feel about what you heard today? So, I am genuinely hurt for Sydney. I think that's truly cruel.

You should never make that kind of call on your own. And in particular, because of the method she used. She was following those rules that that lady set, right? And one of them is, if it brings you joy, keep it. If not, throw it out. How is she making decisions on what brings you joy? You know what I mean? Wow.

You're coming in hot now. Wow. She's a word expert. Right, right. Is that Jeremiah? That's the book of the Bible. That feel like Ephesians. Yas.

And the people say. Can you be my lawyer? Can you just come in and pretend that you're a lawyer? That hurt me. How does she make a call? How does she know what relationship, what history you have with that shirt or dress? Oh, she knows. She fucking knows.

She was scrolling through Sidney's Instagram like, oh, she wore this on a date with that dude. And she deleted it. Gotta go. Now, my question for you is, as a dude, because women, we know, men have terrible fashion sense and common sense. yeah so i feel like when you date like when you date a man it's easy to be like oh he loves this chair i'm throwing it away or oh he loves these sweatpants i'm throwing it away does your wife do stuff like that does she throw your stuff away all the time because right off the bat like if you know me and like i'm very i love what you guys do in terms of wardrobe i can instantly tell you guys

put effort and it looks great i do not do that i buy the same shirt over and over again i was gonna say that yes sir i was like you have 12 of the same shirt it is what it is every time i see You're like a cartoon character. I'm like, this fits. It looks good. I know it works. I'm going to rock it. And then if I go back to the store, oh, shit, I found another one of those shirts that fit me last time.

And it's the same brand. It's the same size. Why am I going to spend time thinking it's over? So I just keep buying the same things over and over again because I don't have to put effort in the morning. I hate having to make another decision of what's going to look best. I just want to be like, yo, this shirt, this pants, they're about the same. They're always going to match. This is our Latin King of the Hill.

That's what it is. You're Doug Funny. I don't know if y'all remember classic cartoon throwback. Doug Funny the cartoon. He went to school one day and they were like, Doug always got the same clothes on. The cartoons clowned him. But they wear the same clothes every day too.

Everybody had the same clothes on. They all rock it. He went to his closet and it was all the same. Vest, khaki shorts, and undershirt. They're like slightly different colors My pants are def exactly the same And I buy a lot of sneakers I don't know if the listeners can hear

But you're a bigger dude You started saying hefty in stock She was like you gonna sit on me You're a heifer You're a heifer No you're a bigger dude You're a bigger dude So when you find something that you like and it fits

You're gonna buy a whole bunch of it Tell the listeners your stats I have very few options with that I'm six feet tall Andrew is also 6 feet tall I have a 6 foot 1 But he ain't got no weight on him He ain't got no ass

It's like a dry leaf that fell out of a tree Andrew, how much you weigh? I think maybe like 135 Andrew, I weigh 122 I'm the same as Maria Me and Maria are the same I haven't seen myself in a while I'm not sure

We're just going to bump you to 140 I'm 325 325 and I've lost weight in like the last three months cause or like the TV shit people was like

yo we could've booked you for this you know but you don't got the sexy look so like did you tell them that's never gonna happen I'm like yo

like I don't know if you want from me cause I was I was in shape actually up until like maybe eight years ago oh I was like

before we knew you before y'all knew me exactly pull up the TV nah nah nah let me see a photo of you in fashion over jeans I wanna see

nah all city linebacker and shit I had the six pack and all that It's just my wife cooks dope, my mom cooks dope, my mother-in-law cooks dope. Oh, don't blame it on the women. No, no, I'm not blaming them. I'm just saying that I have access to all three of those, and they're all within a block of me.

Wait, your mom, your wife, and who else? My mother-in-law. They all live within one block of my house. They all cook incredible. Oh, that's still too close. It's a little much sometimes, but the food is dope. So, yeah. And it's my fault.

I could just say no, being frank. Well, I need to live with y'all, so I could get at Thick'ems. Right. Come on, man. I want some weight on me. We got no food. Thick Toosies. Sidney, she look fat.

No, no, no, no, no. She's sick. That's my goals for 2020. There you go. Agastra or Monte Thicke. Come through. It's a little much. What did you say, 320?

I'm 325. Oh, my God. That's three of us, Sidney. Yeah. Crazy. Wait, and your wife, what size is your wife? I don't know her size. I don't know how that works.

I would say right now she's like 130. She's stunning. I just don't know her size. When we met and we started dating, and there's like a picture of it on IG. No one believes it's me because of it. But I was 165 and she was 101. I think I saw that picture. That's when we first started dating.

I think I was like, wow, they were thin. Yeah, she was 105, super, not even. I think she was like 95 at that point, and I was 165. And this is what family and love does. Fuck family and love. Family and love, children, yuck. They make you hefty. Wimpy, wimpy, wimpy.

When you're single. Hefty, hefty, hefty. When you're married. Listeners, I'm not body shaming Gaston. He's doing great. And I'm happy. He's got long duck. we had to get an extra chair for it's a little ottoman under the table

anything for our guests above and beyond oh my god honestly and truly by now we should we should be number 98 there's no way we're not that literally oh my god okay so tell us a little bit about you so you are a landlord yes indeed and have been for how long uh officially uh for about 10 years unofficially my whole life just because uh i've always worked with my dad in his buildings um and he was a land he's a landlord yeah my dad uh currently owns like eight properties in east new york i own two and a half two and a half yeah okay you see he tried to throw us off the scent of east new york by saying the word properties yeah yeah well it's it's accurate though because uh my dads aren't all houses some of them are like vacant lots that he rents out to

like mechanic shops and stuff like that so it is a little like varied oh i could own a vacant lot yeah i can't but i could no you can't not anymore they were cheap you got it marie i don't have it friend before before it gets canceled you better go get you a lot hold on let me just say this one thing um somebody sent me a dm yesterday and they were like i had a dream about you last night that I was at your show at the Knitting Factory and I turned to my friend and they said, you know, she's a millionaire now. And he was like, that was the whole dream. He was like, do with that what you will.

I was like, ah, premonition, I'm going to buy me a lot. Would you still be hosting the Knitting Factory show? No, he wouldn't choose not. Just dripping in crystals. Swarfskeed out. Just like, hey, poor people. Oh my God. I wouldn't allow it.

We would kick you out. The jokes wouldn't even be good. it would just be me reading my receipts. Me and Amina would vote you out. I would vote it off of the island.

I would get y'all banned. I would buy the knitting factory. Impossible. Impossible. I would do a GoFundMe for us to buy it back. I would own that property, Frank.

I'd be the landlord and be like, y'all gotta shut it down. This show is terrible today. See? See? You can't give nobody shit. Nothing.

She got a show now, she don't want to fucking act. Too much power. Too much power. Yeah, but like what kind of because you're like my landlord i feel like it's tiny you are big kind almost you're nice you're like a teddy bear yeah but i feel like if you knocked on my door asking for your money i'd be like oh my god he's so scary yeah and that's definitely effective and

it's something i use a lot because my dad isn't big anymore he's like a little dewey 5'4 so did your dad shrink uh yeah he did over time he's like 5'8 back in the day but uh yeah what we do is he kind of goes and collects rent from everyone that's cordial and on point and i'm the guy they sent after so oh did to do the follow-up yeah like if you haven't paid and we're late then you start getting business from me no way i want to know what is it a walk-up is it the elevator oh so they got you now we don't want you to do the follow-up because when you get up there i'm like i'm like i'm legit angry yeah it's not even about the money like yo you made me come up these four flights yeah okay i was thinking six no four is a lot that's a lot you're sleeping i

live on the third floor i only use my stairs right but you're not going up with an extra 200 pounds on you i am not if i weighed 325 i would never leave my house yeah basically um so show us on the table how you be knocking on the door is it like a do-do-do-do-do-do so it's not that the knock is necessarily gangster is that all my tenants are like latinos so i purposely only talk in english like i'm like yo i need you to know this is like bank level like scary like i'm call somebody. And they're like, pero... They're like, quien es? And I'm like, yo, open. You know, so it changes the whole

tonality. My dad comes in with the like nice, hey, como tu estas? Que pasa con la renta? Whatever. Arroz tal, arroz con el pollo. I'm here for business. Que hora es? Que hora es my money? Que hora es? You know?

You get none of that from me. You get three knocks. I'm here for the rent. They always get one of their kids to translate and they come and talk to me they act like they don't know what day of the month it is they act like it'd be like the seventh yeah i'm like ah you saw the guy last week i'm the much bigger taller younger version of him and i'm here to collect what you didn't give him last time and i tend to say that pretty seriously wait how long i wait a week a week yeah oh come on

isa bruh that's a a week a week what you mean you live there you know you gotta pay to be here yeah how long how long is is justifiably late without being told anything about being late i would say two weeks without saying that middle of the month you know in two more weeks you owe me my money i would say on the 29th okay of the month prior i'm okay waiting a week but you gotta give me a heads up like oh yo my bad i'll have to text you yeah like if you haven't told me anything you're def gonna get a visit um my management company takes the money right out of the bank exactly like that's how most of them function i i'm definitely collecting in person there's advantages to it um legally i don't want to say wow oh we know why you'll be breaking backs

there is leverage to it but uh yeah i'm deaf there to collect in person have you ever thrown anybody out of a window no no no i have uh kicked out people quickly but not Quickly, Gaster, how you quickly? By putting all these stuff outside. Oh, you go in, you go in. There's, so. Yeah, like. Oh, you do that.

I personally have not. What I've done, I've kicked out people aggressively when we've had not official relationships. Like, something that I can't put, like, a leash on. So, like, I can say this now, this is no longer the case. I think I told y'all about this before. Yes, yes, talk about it. I had a tenant that we were renting out the basement to because he had chickens for cockfighting. So, this is a situation.

And you snooze. okay well invite us to one of these games speak into the mic I want to see some cock fighting so the cock fighting wasn't done in our property but the chickens were kept there oh I hear you, you're for the law on the record

okay Michael Vick, yeah keep going okay Colonel Sanders so what happens when a chicken loses like I said I didn't see any of this I don't see the fight but they stored them in my crib they took them out elsewhere they would keep them there

from what I understand there's some training there like exercise there was a little gym down there a little rocky for the roosters it was fight club for these chickens

yo and then they would take them out at night and they would go like do cock fighting elsewhere and this was on yikes this was beneath

my laundry mat that was renting out from us so I remember it was a big deal when he agreed because he had to do a lot of work

fortifying the basement because I'm like yo like there's customers upstairs that have nothing to do with like they're not random

you don't want to be like doing your shirts and shit and you hear that yeah do they sound they had to do a ton of work I would say

spent maybe like $10,000, $15,000 just on repairs on the basement. So you got to finish the basement for cockfighting now. Right, exactly. So they kept it downstairs for maybe three to four years. You know how much money that they were making that they were like, yeah, yeah, we'll spend $15,000. And how much they were paying. It's easily

to this day, that was almost 10 years ago now, to this day it's still the most I've ever got paid for it. Wow. So think about that. 10 years ago. I got apartments that are three bedrooms that have inflation. They're fully brand new apartments. How much is a three bedroom?

A three bedroom in East New York. My dad's is upstairs. It's probably one for like 26 right now. For three bedrooms? East New York. Yeah, it's East New York. Just so you listeners, East New York is pretty much Staten Island. It's not far, but it's scary.

But gentrification is still coming out there. It's white people in East New York now. Yeah, and you're starting to see that with the property value. They're so dumb. I'm from here and wouldn't go there. Yeah, those are the white people that I'm worried about. And I'm like, you don't mind being there? Oh, God.

They take the train out there late at night. Yeah. They be on their phone on the sidewalk. It's crazy. No fit. Those are the low-key killers. Okay. They got bodies in their basements.

They soundproofed their basements for 20K. Yeah, for the bodies. For the bodies. So now you have an insulated soundproof basement. You could have your sex dungeon. Okay. You know, we do it up. Candy-coated nights.

Ew. Okay, so wait. All right, so that happened with that. so but yeah that tenant we kicked out aggressively uh essentially because there was a two-week period where uh the chickens were making a ton of noise and they and the guy hadn't shown up to care for them there was a guy that uh the person we rented to was paying to come in daily feed the chickens and take care of them and it was like out of hand like it was it was stinking um he probably died on the way to work i'm not denying we didn't put a missing person's report out for

a dude that was feeding chickens again i don't know the i i there was you weren't friends with them so you didn't care i don't care it's just you're paying me an obscene amount of money to rent out the basement chickens were crying out for him yeah and y'all were just like well it stinks down here he died thanks dude gotta go so so wait did the animal precinct come no we literally just packed everything up um at night when everything closed we just left it out front you let the chickens out sis on the curb curb alert yeah and you were like anybody needs some chicken he's like it's niggas around they know what to do with this chicken kennedy fried was like oh wow they said you're on the popeyes chicken lady pulled up she was like

baby let's go chicken strips oh my did you keep any of the chicken why would i keep chicken Hold on, you could have broke the neck and ate the chicken. Nah, I'm not going to do that. The ASPCA is coming after us, dude. They might. Nah, they don't listen to podcasts over 100. Nah, but realistically, from there, my dad said he went to the corner store and he talked to the people that he knew that were actually involved in the betting of it, and I'm willing

to bet that they all got scooped up for that, because they disappeared that night. So wait, you put anything on the sidewalk in New York City, they're going to take it. It could be a broken Ikea bed frame. Someone's going to be like, oh, I could use that wood. I'm worried. I'm worried about these chickens right now. How many was it? Sydney.

Okay, I'm stupid. This is foolish. You eat chicken. Don't act like you. Don't do that. You know. You're not PETA. It's enough that it was work.

Like, I made more than one trip down. But how many chickens are in a crate? You got to be like four to five because, you know, like, you got to remember you could put more, but you don't want to because these are also fighting chickens. This is fascinating. Yeah, they on steroids. These are jailed. These are Rikers Island chickens.

they do pull-ups on the don't walk sign just for your own safety like you know i didn't i never i'd never done it before i literally showed up i collected this was the only tenant where like the relationship was i'm scared of you type thing you know so yeah i didn't even want to go down there after everything was set up so the first time i'm down there i'm touching these like boxes that i know for a fact have chickens that have killed another chicken so i don't want to touch okay see you didn't check the boxes it might have been guns underneath the chickens it was drugs You think they just had chickens down there? You think they soundproofed

for some damn birds? Come on now. You think plucky duck needed to be quiet? No. I do only because of the amount of money that's involved in betting and cockfighting. I feel like there's enough bread in that that you can justify just having chickens. Okay, I have a question. It was a money laundering scheme.

Now hold on. Okay, so you kicked them out two weeks. Now when does it, when the marshals have to come? How many months do you not pay for them to come and unlock just break the door down yeah but like normal tenants yeah normal time um so it's it's a brawling process so brawling yeah so a buff process right off the bat when you don't pay rent um i have to give you notice after three days in uh writing that you are late then from there

there's uh i believe it's a week mark and then at the month mark is the first time i could report you as you know like you're delinquent i got like a cool three and a half weeks and i pay my rent And that's before I even report it. From the moment of you not paying to kicking you out in New York, I can't do that in under six months. Like if I'm like a super on point landlord that like I'm sending every document in instantly, there's no way I'm kicking you out before that. It's impossible. So I have six months. Six months and I pay no rent.

You can go from not paying a dollar today, six months later, you'll still be in that apartment. You heard that, listeners? Six months, rent free. Welcome to New York. New York. Because this is a renter's city. Amen. Now, with that said, it won't be a friendly six months.

Like, keep that in mind. Like, months three through six, you're going to get some, like, aggressive tactics from your landlord. Like? Like, I'm going to walk out to check them out. They're going to go tackle me by the legs. Real talk. Like, they'll start leaving. You know, like, it starts, like, with, like, phone calls, voicemails to, like, in-person visits.

Sally Mae do that? I didn't worry about that. I didn't worry about that. Sally Mae don't have my new number. She got my mom's. She got my mom's number. But, yeah, you know, it does make it uncomfortable for certain people. What makes it hard for you to have guests come over and things like that?

Hey, man, I haven't paid my rent. Just to let you know. So don't take your shoes off. You can't get too comfortable. I know this guy who lived with, who had a roommate, and he was paying his roommate, because the roommate's name was on the lease, for months and came home one day and was like, they got kicked out because the roommate never,

he was using the money and he was traveling to Dubai. He was going to Morocco. he was traveling the world with his rent money and not paying it and they both got kicked out so six months easy easy i would say in most cases you'll make it a full year if you're a gangster six months is like this landlord has one problem tenant and he's like on top of every freaking email and text and i don't know any landlord like that like no landlord the first because you'd have to document all that so like the first time i talked to you about late rent realistically if you've been good up until that point it's probably just an in-person like yo everything all right

so i haven't even documented the whole first month of it you know so it's just hard to have that kind of like systematic approach to it so easily six months you and you'll usually make it a year but it is awkward so i heard that like in new york state if you don't pay your rent and you're gonna get um kicked out they can't lock the doors unless you leave the apartment so you so they just gotta you gotta stay home because as soon as you leave they can get in there and like you won't be able to get back in i had someone who was rotating people in their place to make sure there was somebody always fucking there for sure you'll see that a ton dude it's like just pay your fucking rent man you're just rotating homies like rotating broke friends you're a bum ass just pay the

fucking rent man wait so what's the difference between a landlord and a super oh sure yeah i get that a lot it's basically has to do with ownership so um if you're a landlord that means you own the property and you do the jobs of a super whereas a super is someone hired by a property owner um so you usually see a super at like a building with like you know 20 or 30 apartments or someone that owns several properties whereas a landlord is typically someone like myself where like i own one to two you know they're three to four apartments so i could kind of manage it on my own and i don't but it wouldn't be economically like smart for me to pay someone else to do that and the landlord typically doesn't live in the buildings but the super does correct

Landlords can. Like, I live in one of mine, but I obviously wouldn't live in all of them. So, yeah. But the super does only because, A, it's more efficient, and B, it's usually one of the perks of the job. Like, they'll give them an apartment for free in exchange for the work they do. Cindy, we should be a super. I want to be a super. We should be supers.

People sleep on it. You'll make, like, 40, 50 grand doing work, and you'll get an apartment. I have to work. Yeah, I don't know. I got a little clock toilet and stuff. Okay, wait. Let's talk about that. what is actually the job of a super yeah so being real uh unclogged toilets i probably wouldn't do

that i think you can kind of handle that on your own um but anything that affects your ability to live normally so uh if the toilet is a mouse um i would say a mouse one no if you have a mouse problem oh so i have to have mice no different like if you have a mouse problem that's different def call me for that infestation yeah without okay but one one annoying mouse i'm expecting you to kind of handle that if you have a mouse problem like yo i'm seeing mice in the hallway i'm seeing mice in all the random apartments i'm gonna just lie listen i'm gonna call 411 and be like listen this building is trash i did call 411 i had a mouse and you know they say when you have one you got more than one yeah and that's kind of the thing it's pretty it's something that's

you're gonna have a hard time disproving as a landlord like oh you're done you only got one i called the state of new york i called the department of housing and snitched on my building Girl, that mouse was a roommate. He wasn't paying no bills. He was so nice. He would come out and be like, what y'all eating? He was like, little tiny Stuart Little glass of rosé. He's like, you guys eating jollof again this week?

He's like, girl, you need to leave him. He was like, the dick was trash again, sis? He was like, it was. I was there. Saw the dick, sis. It was trash. Coming from a mouse. Hey, oh my God.

But they are supposed to do a fumigation at set periods, and that's actually in your lease. So they are supposed to do a building-wide fumigation for mice once a year in my building leases. I don't know if that's different for, in your case, you live in a bigger building. But there is a set amount of times that they have to. So that way, if you had a mouse problem and you can show, oh shit, they haven't fumigated. You got to leave the building when they fumigate? Usually you would leave your apartment, yeah, definitely. I've been in my building three years

They've never fumigated No one said like yo we gonna do like some extermination No I've been there I'm gonna call 411 I'm gonna send them a text right now Oh and remember there was a woman that's like She's a hoarder on my floor And when she started her kids came in

And started throwing stuff away that's when my mouth popped up I think that was a super valid argument Cause how would they It's a building in Brooklyn Like it's almost impossible to keep it without mice unless you're regularly checking in for that. Also, it doesn't matter how clean you are in your apartment.

There are dirty people in your building. You got a big-ass building. There's definitely five dirty people. It's six stories and there's two sides and there's six apartments on each floor on both sides. Yeah, that's nuts. We do once a year for mice and twice a year for roaches.

Twice a year? I feel like East New York needs to do roaches once a month. I feel like once a day. butt roaches there and that's what I'm saying like at least we do that much like your building hasn't done any in years

I'd be nervous we have an exterminator that comes for like ants and like bugs and stuff like that like dusty ass pests but not for mice wow

we've never had that either in our building and we have we have two cats luckily so like I never have to worry about so you got people on patrol at the house

yeah I don't have to worry about mice but like no roaches or anything like that we've never had extermination for that ever that's dope

good I mean if it's not an issue then you're good but uh it's not an issue when we're awake but when everybody's sleeping that's when the bugs

are like ah hell it's ladies night and I'm feeling right yeah but we get centipedes what about that we get centipedes the ones with a lot of legs

no I dig that they don't go to East New York y'all too dirty for centipedes they're not walking it's too far the centipedes are like

woo hoo I'ma just stop here yeah like I have no where would they start from like where is the centipede coming from to get to your apartment well we have windows

right right So centipedes come from outside? I think so. They have to. I saw, oh my God, I was trying to get into the shower and one crawled across the floor in front of me and I was like, do I need a shower today?

You got it. I've never seen a centipede inside one of my buildings. You've never seen a centipede? I've seen them. In East New York? Not in any one of my buildings. I'm going to Google centipede because maybe you don't know what it is. Yeah, I feel like he doesn't know.

It's with all the legs and shit. It's not a spider, my friend. It's mouth to butt. Right, right. It's like a hundred legs. It's a human centipede. Centipede. I feel pretty confident.

I feel like I've only seen that in other places. Now, what the hell is a millipede? It has more legs? You've never seen that? Not in the apartment. I've seen them in life, like in general. I've lived long enough to have run into one. I've definitely, yeah.

They're so nasty. So, Gaster, how much money do you think you save by being a landlord? Well, I mean, at the very least, if you have just one building and you balance it right, i don't pay rent so you're looking at you know 1500 bucks why are we not because because we're not dealing with um pests yeah we're not unclogging toilets and i'm too small to be knocking on somebody's door to be like you're where's my money you can venmo me now like do you have did you have another story other than the chickens that was just like oh my god i might need to stop the craziest tenant besides that that you think you've ever had well we've had a few issues we

had someone that we had to uh that uh we had the cops called on them because uh they were holding their wife hostage oh kidnapping yeah and this happened on the first day i got promoted at my job so i had to like give this as an excuse to like my boss i'm like yo listen i'm not gonna make it into work there's a hostage situation he was like okay denzel all right okay thank you So he's like You could have just said you needed a day You need to make up some story And when I get in the next day

I go to explain to him He's like nah nah you don't even need to tell me Everybody told me you live in East New York But yeah dude He held up the block on Martalk Between Pickens and Belmont I've never even heard of those streets I feel like I've heard of maybe one of those streets

Yeah he had a hostage situation There for like four hours on a Monday morning. I believe so. Since he's in New York. Yeah, I'm not... She had a gun. My understanding is

he said that he had a gun and four hours later he got taken out with handcuffs. Work. That's what I saw. In terms of if he had one or not,

I did not want to check. I'd let the cops kind of handle that thing. Only reason I was called over is because I was the only other person that would respond that had keys. So I had to go to the building

and they were like, yo... But in a situation like that, wouldn't the fire department come and like... Right. Jaws of life. And that would be the case.

I didn't get the call from the cops. I got the call from my fellow landlords on the block saying, yo, they're going to kick in your door. And you were like, ah. Those doors cost too much to replace at Home Depot. And we show each other love. They're like, yo, yeah, so there's a hostage situation. There's one of your tenants. It's in your building.

So I show up. And they're like, yo, like, you're going to need to be available because they will freaking kick in your shit. And unfortunately, that's something that. How much does it cost to replace a door? It depends on the door. The ones in East New York, they're like brawling. Yeah, they're like prison doors. and how much is that

you'll drop a G on that easy aww come on a G a G on a door you got that you're not paying rent right but why is that

cheap though it's not cheap I didn't say it was cheap Sidney said it was cheap a thousand dollars where you just spend twelve hundred dollars on a phone

okay I could've got a door friend but that door wasn't gonna have wifi wasn't gonna have LTE oh my god

okay that's steep because the apartment doors are like two to three hundred bucks but the front door for a building like you want to avoid

break-ins for sure like you'll drop real bread on that okay well you know you did the right thing so you had to knock the front door down and that's what I'm saying

like if they kick that in that's going to be besides replacing the door like they're going to replace all the keys it's just work that I don't want to get into so I'm like yo

hey do what you got to do no you did the right thing so yeah they kicked in the door for the apartment that I could you know I could take the L on that

now as somebody that has a probably a big foot and a strong kick where do I need to kick the door for it to come on like how where do i hit it with my foot under the doorknob or above the doorknob i would go directly next to the doorknob actually oh okay you want to go to the point where there's the

weakest link to the frame you heard that sydney we we kicking in the door it's gotta be closest to the doorknob okay well i actually have a problem in my building i was wondering if you can if you can come uh help her handle it now i live in a building it's it's not that big like i live in a one bedroom but I can't imagine the two bedrooms being any bigger our next door neighbor

has a rock waller like a full grown like a dog a loud ass mean ass dog it's literally as big as you and

I feel like it's it's inhumane to have this dog in this apartment and then the dog is crying from

6am to 11am okay every day and you should cause he needs to pee no like howling like just

it's It's probably just a bad situation for this big-ass dog. There's, like, three kids in there. In a two-bedroom? It's bad. It sounds gross. But the dog is crying every day. So what do I do?

What would you do? No one is complaining because they're like, look at that big-ass dog. I'm not trying to get eaten up. You want to call 411 for me? By Beethoven. That would be one of the steps. If your landlord isn't being responsive, 411 is your friend. My landlord don't give a fuck.

I would be annoying with that. I don't know what other states have, but 411 is our non-emergency number that we call. That's what you call it. It'd be like, what side is parking on this day? Right? 411? Just call and complain. And they're the truth.

They will follow up. And they'll show up with their little clipboard and be like, what's going on in here? And I would make it a point to get enough people to call that it's something that they're like, yo, we got to respond to this. A. B, for your own protection. If the dude got a big ass pit bull. It's a woman. Either way, you just don't want them knowing that only one person has made that call. Well, Sydney, she just trying to protect herself and her kids.

Yeah, but if you have like 20 people call, then they can't narrow it down to Sydney made that call. Okay. But you got to get people in the building to call. They're going to be like, well, Sydney and 3B said we should all call, so we did. You don't know Sydney, the girl with the wigs? Oh, shut up, bitch. And then, wait, we have one more issue. Well, I won't be there anymore, but-

You know, I'm home during the day because I freelance. Okay, but she got a little 9 to 5. I got a day job. But my neighbors would have sex for an hour from 11 a.m. 11 a.m. to noon. Okay, so the dog from 6 to 11 and then sex from 11 to 12. Yes, yes. Oh, my God, they're banging the dog for an hour?

Let's get it. The dog is crying because you know the dick is coming. I can't believe. Wow. Oh, my goodness. What is happening in this building? No, that's another neighbor. You shared another wall.

It's my upstairs neighbor. My goodness. But the neighbor that's on the side has the dog, and then the upstairs neighbor has the sex. Okay. So what's the question, friend? What can I do to be like, hey, guys, you're banging for an hour. I hear it.

I'm working, quote, quote, working. I'm trying to watch this show for work. I'm taking conference calls from 11 a.m. I'm Skyping butt naked for work. Like, what do I do? You gotta knock on their door

to run. I would be happy for them. That's awesome. It's an hour. No, it's y'all broke. Y'all obviously ain't got no job. Who's fucking for an hour?

Every day? They found each other. Yes, they need love. Who is paying the rent? I need to talk to the super and be like, are you getting this on time? How do you think

they paying the rent? They paying it for an hour up there. Imagine, what if she's a prostitute? She's live streaming. She might could be working, sis. I didn't even think about that it could be a webcam

I don't want to fuck up her are you sure they're having sex? what does the sound sound like? it was definitely like I know the beat just on some sex shit how many times is this guy changing the rhythm oh he's switching it up

you know cause he gotta hit the other hip and then you up bang bang then you are from the ah it's a despacito he does a little

he does a little whine it's a lot listen I will say this the lady the lady that lives above me I thought was having sex also and I was like

what is that noise directly above my bed and I was like she's up there banging I can't believe turns out it's this lady she's like 96 years old and it's just

she's like on a motorized bed and it's just it just be her trying to adjust they're trying to get her out too but you know her because she's been in my building for like 30 years you know her rent is like 12 if i'm 96 i'm not moving at all this is where i die how do you get these people out you can't you can't at all we've never you'll actually see like there's a ton

of properties all over like uh brooklyn where they got like a ton of tenants like that that are paying like $200, $300 a month and the apartments are in horrific condition because they don't even want... Yeah, they don't want anyone inside because then, you know,

they'll be able to kind of assess, oh, this is what I got to fix when this guy gets kicked out when they die and I could, you know, renovate this and he'll get a real value of the building.

So no stainless steel appliances in them nasty-ass, cheap-ass houses. But that's how they... And they put rules in place to protect them. Why are we protecting these people?

Because it's still their apartment, you know, and... Kick them out. They got to go. You're nasty. But if the rent is the rent, you know, that's what they agreed to and nobody raised it legally. There's an amount you could raise it every year.

Okay, let's talk about this. What's the amount? Like if my apartment is not, first of all, tell us what the difference between a rent stabilized and a rent, what's the other one? Stabilized and, what's a rent stabilized apartment? So I don't have any of those at all. Of course not. You're trying to get your coins. You have a family.

You're trying to set up some chicken cock fight testing. So what does rent stabilized mean for people who are listening that may be not from here? So rent stabilizes an apartment that has a fixed amount of rent, and it can only go up an exact amount per year. And those buildings in New York have to be four flights or up. In general, you won't see – I can't own those because I can't afford them, A. And, B, I just don't see the value of it because it's going to cap what I can make. Whereas buildings that are three floors and down, because they have less apartments, they kind of give the landlord or the owner a little bit more leeway in terms of what they could charge. and it'll be more accurate to market value.

So if I've lived in my apartment for three years and it's less than four stories, how much can my rent go up? So within the lease, it can't go up more than what it's renting or 10%. So the job of the landlord to get as much money as possible is to make sure that at the end of every lease,

they literally get a new lease on you. So like they'll come up to you. It's only a one year. Wait, wait, wait, wait a minute, wait a minute. Every year, they're literally coming up to you, hey, let's re-up, let's fix this, because now they can document how much they can go up. But they haven't fixed anything.

Regardless of, they don't have to because the market value has changed. So, like, if in that year... A couple of condos moved in, then it's like... Now I can charge you $500 more and your lease is done. Whereas in rent stabilized, I can't do that. I have to stick to, like, the projected amount that we agreed on. How the hell do I get a rent-stabilized apartment

in New York in 2019? They have them. But people who have them don't leave them. They pass them to their kids. They keep it within the family because they're like, oh, this is a good situation. It's tough.

There's a lot of people that can win them through lotteries, too. They do that a lot in New York. How do we do that? The city puts up a list of every building that's being built. Yeah, it's called Housing Connect or something. Oh, look at you, Marie.

since i've applied for many of those lotteries oh you have my brother kept getting called in for them and we were like why do you keep getting fit he had his income down as like 98 000 it was like you were not making that when you put that i know you i know that's not true you were not making that not at all but yeah it's a dope way of getting an apartment um i know a ton of people that got in on the condos that are built right to close barclays and it was because of that wait wait how much so anytime a new building is built in new york they have to like reserve x amount of them right for affordable housing right so like they're mixed income buildings so but the thing about that is like in williamsburg they were

building these mixed income buildings and people who are paying like regular price for their apartments were like we should put a poor door in so the poor niggas can go through the side and not get the main door that the people who are paying like market price for these apartments. That's so embarrassing. I'm not coming through the poor door.

I'm coming through the regular door or I'm going to cha-cha slide into the poor door. Like, yep, I pay less than you. And they had other flexes too like that. Like they would be like the rent stable, the rent control departments

can't use the perks. Yeah, they can't use the gym. No, no, that's just not right. Yeah, but that's just wrong. Because it's people, Because you got to think about it. If you're paying $4,000 for your apartment and the person next to you is paying $1,800, you're going to be like, well, you can't use the gym.

Well, it's not my fault that you make that much money. Okay? That's not my deal. I'm so sorry. But I should be able to live in a nice place. And you can. You're still living there. You're saying you wouldn't use the poor door?

That's not living, sir. Me taking this other door is not living. I need this on. I got to use the uneven stairs. I can't get on the elevator because my rent is cute. I deserve to have calves, okay? Let me use the gym. I deserve.

Let me strengthen my core while I'm building my credit. I believe upper body strength is wealth. I deserve that. As a landlord, what is it that makes someone just like an annoying tenant? Where you're just like, these are the top five people that I never want to fucking be with in my building. Sure. Biggest thing would be obviously being late with your money. I could deal with almost anything else.

Just late. Just being late with your money will annoy me. Everything else I could deal with. I don't care if you call me for a lot of issues, if they're valid. Because that means that I'm not doing my job. Oh, look at you. If there's something wrong with the building, hit me up. I want to fix it.

Because if it affects you, it's going to grow and affect my building. Let's fix this. Because then as soon as that's fixed, my headaches are away. But real talk, just money. that's my issue you pay me what i what i need because in turn i need that to pay the bank you know i got a mortgage on that building so you know let me know i don't be thinking about you guys paying for stuff i'm like these greedy bastards and and that's in my opinion that's kind of why there's a benefit to having to renting stuff from a landlord directly versus from a

bigger building there is a personal connection and more of a like investment like when something's wrong with my building i care because i i need this to help pay for my kids whereas a super from a building it's it's like owned by a company yeah the super's getting 50k he doesn't care he's just i'm gonna do my 40 hours yeah i haven't seen my super in a couple months now that i think about it yeah he's gonna repair what he needs to to fill in his 40 hour chart and then he's gonna the bare minimum yeah whereas i'm like our chart i i got two weeks ago i was it was on my ig story i was fixing a water pump at 9 30 at night we finished at 11 30 at p.m because a tenant told me he was having issues with hot water so if you call a building for that it'll get fixed but it's

not going to be instantaneous yeah so there's like a level of care that you're going to get from a landlord like that um and then also it opens up the ability to do hustles if you know the landlord is grimy um there's things you could do that uh like let me open my notes section of my phone what's the grimy thing that i could do so it's not messed up on your part but it's something that gives you a ton of leverage in general if a landlord is struggling economically um all those things are public outside of the mortgage meaning any other money that the build that the building is indebted like a tax lien um water bills all those things are public record so you can find you can find out if uh your landlord hasn't paid taxes how do i find that out yeah what website

that's all on the new york city gov page and what will happen is like it switches the dynamic because they raised okay because i've been in my building for three years right yeah and the first two years they raised my rent like 50 and they this past uh this past lease whatever yeah this past year they raised it like 150 yeah and i was i called them and was yelling at them and they're like well you know you're paying you're still paying less than what a two-bedroom in your neighborhood goes for because you live near the park and you live near the train and i was like I don't sleep in the park and I don't sleep on the train. I don't need those.

I've been in the same apartment and I have a mouse as a roommate. Is he paying the extra $150? Yeah, but they said, you know how many Asher's are in this building now? Amen. Asher's. Asher's. And what happened is gentrification is killing me. Because how many Toms are slipping and sliding in the lobby?

You know how many Toms wearing Toms are in my building now? When I look, because my building faces the street, I look out and I feel like, look at all these Chesters. yeah it's Blake over there it's Blake's just a bunch of white folks like in shorts

in the winter time just like living it up yeah and it's like oh this one more ring is going up but wait when you said 150

I wasn't even shocked I was like that seemed low to me it was high to me I hear you man but just to his point like that didn't seem like an outlandish request

your building watches you on Vice Live sis they know you got it what? they know you got it they're like is that three? yeah

they're like you're oh oh i i had a question i fucking forgot um it was a good one i feel like we're does anybody in the studio have a question for a landlord that you feel like needs to be answered oh but yeah with the tax lien thing the reason is dope is because uh when uh someone when they owe money on a tax lien if you buy out the tax lien from the city meaning you pay the debt that they have they have to pay it to you within seven years and the interest rate is brawling so at worst

you're in a situation where for the first time the landlord has to pay you how do I get in that situation yeah the interest rate is brawling

they have to pay what happens if you don't pay me within seven years and then this is the fun part of it I get to own the building yes

shut up right so it literally changes the whole power dynamic NYC.gov you said as well NYC.gov and this is kind of

like how you a lot of people have been curious how people have been buying like 5, 10, 20 buildings in the hood that's how they'll literally

buy up all the liens they'll pay up the essentially they're paying the past through water bill tax bill and all those things yeah but those be mad high maybe like twelve thousand dollars yeah but that's nothing if you have if you have the money i don't have that but i just bought this phone i'm just putting it out there as like it's it's it's a way of a changing the power dynamic or the home ownership um b it's a way of essentially getting a home from someone that isn't doing their job okay now here's my question let's say i see a building in the hood that let's say canarsie because that's a pretty sketchy area so it's in canarsie uh it's the CEO of starbucks was from nato so you know CEO of starbucks is from he's from canarsie oh well who knew uh well you could

tell by the coffee that is from canarsie not that great you know barbara streisand is from flatbush so that's why she was saying all that problematic stuff before that's brooklyn she literally watched leaving neverland it was like niggas die every day me barbara streisand said that because she's from flat she's like i don't see what the problem is she said they wanted to be there yeah okay they were thrilled for thriller anyway listen so let's say i find a building in canarsie that owes taxes i pay it yeah they never pay me back i own the building now how do i get rid of that building because i don't want to keep it so what would happen is if how do i sell a building if you get the tax lien what will happen is uh it's it's

interesting dynamic where usually uh when someone's past doing money like that they bought the property a while ago and what ends up happening is you essentially take over wherever that property value is in terms of payment so what i mean by that is let's say the home is worth a million dollars okay they bought it for 250 you know 10 years ago they owe 170 on the mortgage so when you pay the tax lien he doesn't pay you back you now just owe 170 on a property that's worth a million so you're instantly so you can instantly sell it for a million sell it for the million and can i sell it before paying the 170 or do i have to pay no you gotta pay it out you would have to make the agreement to pay it but you don't have to pay it in full meaning because that's

that's how i'm gonna pull like 45 dollars yeah you'd probably have to put more like two to three grand down like because you're essentially well listeners we got that let's buy us a building in brooklyn because it's like listeners it's like our patreon oh yeah come on we got slides to the patreon so we can buy so we can buy a building come on guys i believe in you i literally this is how we become millionaires or you know i become a millionaire and and buy the knitting factory i think they pay taxes though oh my god they take they handle their business over there but yeah you would literally like have the have the option of negotiating with the bank on new terms based on your history to pay off just the balance because they're not in the

business of selling homes they don't care about the current value i feel like i'm learning you You want to get paid off. I'm learning so much. But, like, I feel like I want to know more about you before we go. Oh, yeah, yeah, it works. How many kids you got? I got two. Dos.

Yeah, my daughter's 10, Michaela. She almost died of cashew poisoning last time I was supposed to be here. It's not cashew poisoning. Yo. Cashew poisoning? It's an allergy. Is it poisoning? There are dangerous kids out there sharing cashews with my kid.

Leave her alone. But your kid? It's her fault. She's sitting there saying, yes, I agree. Okay. Did she know she was allergic? She was popping them like Skittles. She was like, ha!

She knew she was allergic to cashews. She didn't know those were cashews because the kids said they're peanuts. And that's the whole situation because she knows she can have peanuts. Well, your daughter's a little off. She doesn't know what a difference between a cashew and a peanut. She knows she can't have one. That's all she knows. She hasn't seen a cashew because we don't buy cashews.

She's 10, but we don't. She's not going to make it in East New York. When do we have cashews in the house? She doesn't see them. She's not going to make it in East New York? She got a cell phone? No, definitely not. Oh, okay.

I was going to say, she could Google what a cashew is. No cell phone until you're in high school and you're going to school by yourself. Oh, because you drop them off. Yeah. You think you're a cool dad? Nah, I wouldn't go that far. Your voice is cool. Yeah, you got a good voice.

Like, I feel like people listening are like, oh, wait, 325? Six foot? I can work with that. Wow. And you dress kind of cool. You're outerwear. You'd be like, oh, that's your dad? Oh, that's your dad?

Yeah, you got a hat on. Hey, Mr. Almonte. They like me because I got YouTube videos. That's what I figured out. like little kids don't watch tv they watch youtube so then they see like oh dad my dad got youtube clips with like a million views and shit they're like oh dad is dope do that plug you do tell them credits you'd be doing the storytelling thing yeah do a few stories on tv it worked out well i feel like i've there okay so you have two stories that i've seen you do that i really really

enjoy and i feel like maybe you could tell one of them here um i think it either the one about you on the subway as a kid or the one about you going on the date with the chick in the building in East New York? It was in Knickerbocker

in Bushwick. That's when I met the chick. Before it was That's where I live. Yeah? Rock on. He said rock on. I met the chick Claudia.

She worked at the V.I.M. on Knickerbocker. No. Yeah. Are you serious? Yeah, you know he was going in there to get six of the same shirt.

Yikes. Yo, they had the Brooklyn Express jeans. yeah I know about them and you got a bomber jacket six jeans for $20 you're horrendous that's not denim

and you got a bomber for free they give you a bomber jacket for free this hat is actually from that I got this when I was 12 years old it's 20 something year old you have a hat from 20 years oh it looks great

yeah I think it's it's worn in it probably got asbestos in the fibers but you got mesothelioma now but it got no stretch

but you know it looks like an heirloom right you pass it down to your daughter it's special to me like I hold it put it in the wheel please my sister's gonna get it like yeah what's this it's the only hat you'll need

you can survive all the winters with this you'll be safe forever now but uh yeah i met uh shit claudia out there and uh and you know we i was trying to kick it with her try to you know get the date thing happened i took her to you know crown fried chicken i was splurging wow a gentleman trying to do it up how long ago was this this i was like 18 yeah this is the this is the last girl i dated before my wife wow so yeah the last girl kennedy fried that's it well yikes i don't know i don't know if that's like i feel like that just says how far back it was because i didn't have bread for more like that was a big thing i was because i was like flexing i was like yo get you want five wings go go crazy get the fuck get the wing get the combo get the whole combo i got

you with the potato bread get all the soda you want you want to upgrade the wedges no problem wedges oh my god potato wedges you're exhausting me i'm so tired i'm so fucking tired dude that is that that requires extra effort from the cook they have to do like a new batch it's a thicker potato sis a wedge i know what a fuck a wedge is yo remember money mustard okay see i haven't i don't really i don't really eat like fast food like that but kfc used to have some bomb potato wedges the seasoning on it was i was like is this msg it was just it's very cute they had like high fructose corn syrup on it or something yeah they did it well but yeah so you know like uh the first time she invited me over to her crib uh you know he was gonna do the business and uh the first time

yeah and in her dad's room and uh yeah why the dad's room well it wasn't intended that way it's just she was like uh in order like to buy some space from her younger sister we were saying when She was working on the laundry. The laundry machine was in the dad's room. So that was kind of like how it made sense to, you know, like tell the sister, stay in the living room. I don't know why. It just, it's a stupid excuse.

It is. Admittedly. But you were 18. Yeah. Like that's what we said. When you're 18, you're like, this is smart. Yeah. Like it sounded smart.

It was like, oh, no, we're going to do this low key. We're going to, you know, do the laundry, whatever. So we was doing that. We clipped the lights and we closed the door and her sister's far wiser than, you know, I realized. and when her dad was pulling up to the crib

you know she went to warn us so she bangs on the door she's like yo sis you gotta get this guy out you know dad's home and East New York all the buildings are railed

and you were only 140 pounds so that was fine just a frail 140 you could go through the window and everything it's all you know

and that's kind of what ended up happening like the dad the dad was coming into the apartment and she's looking at me she's like yo you gotta hop the window

to get up out of here and I'm like what do you mean I gotta hop the window I don't fly like you know it's like 20 feet down what story was this first floor but it's not like still it's a hard first floor that's the l like yeah yeah bushwick a bushwick you gotta bend your knees when you when you land because this is one

of them like generic buildings where like they had like you got to take the steps oh yeah i know yeah i know they're like built you know in bulk over there so i was in that so you know i i was like i'm not gonna hop the window but i'll get on the air conditioning unit next to it so i stood on the AC when the dude came in the room and he's looking around he's trying to assess it you know and he sees the window open. Right because I think parents they got like a spidey sense when they're like

oh you trying to hide something from me. And you know you had that Versace red jeans cologne on. I know you was wearing that. You had some curve on. He was like I don't wear this. I had a it was a Nautica something. I had a Nautica

joint. I ain't even gonna lie I had Nautica straight up. You had a Nautica perfume And it wasn't even like the latest Nautica. It was like a Nautica I bought like four years ago because I only used it for dates. Was it the Nautica, like the Body Splash? It wasn't even- It was Nautica that you can get at like Duane Reade. It was like a Walgreens perfume that you're like, oh, is this the Britney Spears perfume?

I'm killing it with this. Nah, it was dope. It was ew. I think I still have like the very last of that freaking bottle. Throw it away. Please. So you jump out the window. You're standing on the air conditioner.

Yeah, I'm standing on the AC. The dad looks around, doesn't see me. he pulls closed the the gate leaves me locked out on the window but i'm good so she's like looking around tries to clean up the room and tries to get him out of the room so that i could come back in and get out or jump out jump down from the window so you know i'm feeling confident i'm feeling relaxed like all right cool i got away with this and then like two cops walk by the side of the building oh my god and the cop is like yo what you doing sir you know and i'm trying to like be like yo chill yo chill my g you know so the the cop doesn't understand what

that means he's like an older white dude he's like what was that sir and i'm like yo just being loud blowing your car he's being like a full-on like cop he's supposed to be doing that he's supposed to just being a dick but his boy his uh partner was like a local so like he was like yo i got this so he went inside the building to the yard goes around to the backyard and he walked right up to the AC he's like yo what's going on and I'm like yo I'm trying to smash this chick

the dad just came home that's what you said at 18 years old yeah because he was like a young dude he's like in his 20s he like understood

I felt so I'm like yo I'm trying to smash this chick the dad just came home he's not going to be happy but other than that everything's fine like I'm not breaking laws

everything's cool so he looks at me he's like alright that makes sense so checks out and he goes around he tells the cop they laugh

and they left they're like cool he's good look at you if ever you're robbing a building just say you're trying to smash and the dad came home so you know

he kept it moving so I'm good so then Claudia comes back to the window and she's like yo gas I'm like what's going on

and she's like you got the wrong pants on I was wearing Dickies the dad needed Dickies because he had a second gig as a janitor and it's real similar look to my pants

so you had your dad's you had her dad's pants on so what the fuck was her dad's pants doing in her it's his room it's his room and that's why

That caused the whole issue. So I got dressed. So I'm looking down and I see like a little emblem on the top where like it's for the freaking jobs. I'm like, I really got to take these off. So I had broken my arm earlier that summer. So I was in a cast. So I'm trying to take off my pants on top of the air conditioning unit with a cast on.

So I kicked down my pants. I kicked down my shoes. I rolled down the pants. I tried to throw them into the window. I missed the window because I broke my right arm. So my left arm sucks. And they fell down to the yard. So I have to freaking jump down

I hurt my ankle Because as I said It was way too high up And I'm balling up the pants Trying to look up Trying to throw them up To Claudia again And the cops come back

You know So you know You just couldn't catch a break man It wasn't my day You know so So now the cops come back And you have no pants on You're trying to throw

Some pants into a window You have an arm and a sling And they said what? You lose credibility Essentially When you try to talk to cops You look crazy Yeah you look crazy

So they wave me over and before they could say anything I'm like yo nothing's changed and the cop is like yo everything's changed so I'm like yo like I said before I'm trying to smash this chick they're like your dick is out sir it's day time

you know you got no say in this and I'm like yo listen all I gotta do is throw up these pants and we good and he was like nah I'm sorry I gotta go check into the building so he starts walking around to get to the front of the house but Claudia came back to the window and she's like nah we good throw them up I looked at the cop he's like yo going i gotta see you try this you know so i'm throwing up the pants now throwing up pants up

the window as is that's hard you know i don't know if you've tried to throw up no it's hard if you're throwing up a balled up well what size pants what's the waist this well this this is the funny part it's still the same size i wear now you know i mean just because back then that was the style was the baggy shit so i'm throwing up size like 44 you weighed you weighed It doesn't add up, Gasser. It doesn't add up. This is the top. You've always worn the same size pants, though.

It was like big pants. It's not as big as this, but it was big pants. This is like, you know, Cameron, you know, whole like baggy clothes era. Gasser, I will tell you, you can throw dirty jeans. Dirty jeans are heavy. And so like when you ball them up, they can reach. But clean jeans, absolutely not. Who are you throwing dirty jeans at, friend?

You can throw dirty jeans. What air conditioners did you stand on butt naked? I'm just saying I've been there, my friend. But the problem was I was throwing them with my left arm. I don't throw anything with my left arm up to the air. So it took me a few throws. She catches it. She makes the heroic catch, and we're good.

Cop waves me over. He says, everything's cool. We're going to wait this out. I have to talk with the lady before everything's gone. So he literally waits till her dad leaves, gets in the car, and drives off. And he escorts me to the front, and we literally talk it out. And he verified that I was going to smash the chick with the chick. Were you going to let him be?

And she was like, well, I've been thinking about it. Yeah, she's like, do you know this guy? And I'm like, yeah. And she's like, you know, dude, what's he here for? And I'm like, we're going to hang out type thing. All of this and you didn't get any ass. That's crazy. No, I definitely got laid there after all that.

I think you have to at that point. Well, it seems like she's not very good with time management because she knew her dad had to come home to get dressed for his other job. Yeah, he shouldn't have been there. That was the whole idea. That's what she tells me. I could see why you didn't marry her

and you married who you married yeah she is somewhere in Pennsylvania Claudia you missed out on 350 pounds of good food

325 sis 325 hey more importantly you missed out on two and a half buildings oh I thought you were gonna say two and a half inches

I was about to die I was like yes or no I was like that's I said two inches isn't long duck take the ottoman away

not at all it must go you must get out you must get out it's over Gastor, tell people who are listening where they can catch your album, what the album is called. Yeah, yeah. I got a new album coming out April 5th.

It's called Immigrant Made. It's about a story. I tell a few stories about people coming here from other countries, in particular my fam, and their journey to kind of get comfortable here and set roots in East New York. It's coming out through 800 Pound, and I'm independently releasing the special through Amazon. Wow. Independently through Amazon. Okay, wow.

Two buildings? two and a half buildings trying we trying we trying oh my god thank you so much for being here

I feel like we learned a lot if anybody has questions about landlord things yeah or if you had a crazy situation with a landlord

you know just let us know we would love to hear that hit us up make sure you rate, comment, and subscribe because we

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anyway bye guys bye forever dog this has been a forever dog production executive produced by Brett Boehm

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