MESS with Sydnee Washington & Marie Faustin - "The Light Skinned Expert" with Langston Kerman

Episode Date: April 28, 2017

For a special of The Unofficial Expert, Sydnee and Marie catch up with Langston Kerman (Insecure) to talk about all things 'Light Skin' As always they hold nothing back.----Listen to The Unofficial Expert Ad-Free on Forever Dog Plus:https://foreverdogpodcasts.com/plus----BONUS EPISODES AVAILABLE NOW ON PATREON:www.patreon.com/TheUnofficialExpertBUY UNOFFICIAL EXPERT MERCH:https://www.teepublic.com/stores/the-unofficial-expert-podcastFOLLOW THE UNOFFICIAL EXPERT:https://www.instagram.com/UnofficialExpertFOLLOW SYDNEE:https://www.instagram.com/JustSYDbwhttps://twitter.com/justsydnycFOLLOW MARIE:https://www.instagram.com/Reeezyhttps://twitter.com/MsReeezyFOLLOW ANDREW:https://www.instagram.com/mcgui_guyTHE UNOFFICIAL EXPERT IS A FOREVER DOG PODCASThttps://foreverdogpodcasts.com/podcasts/the-unofficial-expertSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

hello hey hey hey oh your voice marie oh thank you it's very uh deep what are we doing barry white tonight no i just you know i think uh the older i get just the sexier everything about me becomes anyway this is an unofficial expert podcast with sydney and marie oh my goodness we're having such a great morning or day or whatever whatever time it is whatever time you're listening to this uh evening it's a great the moon is out uh it's a red moon tonight can you see the moon in brooklyn shut up i'm sick i'm having a rough time i'm very congested yeah you sound awful well i feel like i can do some phone sex with this voice right now not with all that coughing that you're doing absolutely not uh what are you yeah what are you wearing

some people find bronchitis sexy so i mean remember when i had bronchitis for like two years yo you were bagging everybody left and right they were like ayo maya angelo what's good they were like sir a word yes i was like no thank you oh my god i'm struggling right now how did you get sick um well i wear a lot of h&m jackets that don't have no lining yeah that's what it is so it's just a paper mache and it's it's like hot and cold and i'm going back in between you know it's going to places that have ac and then going into my friend's apartment that got like hood heat it's good heat yeah where are you going that has ac it's been warm but it hasn't been that warm in new york uh h&m that's where i'm that's probably ac is always blasting it don't matter dude you

need to get uh on that uniqlo heat tech i feel like you gotta get i mean i don't own anything from there but i see like bitch you don't know i see the ads for it on the train no damn you in any of your wardrobe no absolutely not if i can't find it at the thrift shop i'm not wearing it so exactly i've never seen uniqlo at the thrift shop yeah i need to get better jackets but it's about to be hot and i'm about to have like tank tops and nipples out so it's fine no that's not what we're doing this year uh this year wait what are we doing we're doing uh long silk kimonos this year we're doing booty shorts and kimonos okay i'll do that and then i'll also have like some nipple tassels underneath the kimono okay all right i'm trying to get my burlesque game up okay

all right well do what you need to do live your best slutty life shut up uh marie were you an expert in anything this this week oh let me tell you what i'm an expert in this week i don't know if you guys can hear my loud ass fridge in the background let's take a minute to listen yep that's my fridge um so you know how my electricity keeps getting cut off right it's the man downstairs who's cutting my he just goes downstairs and flips the switch so wait how do you jessica fletcher this how'd you find out well let me tell you how i did it okay let me tell you how i uh nancy drew this mess so let him know let him know so my power keeps getting cut off around like three four five six o'clock in the morning hours that your ass should be asleep

right right right right but he was complaining to my um super or the dude who like cleans the building he was like something in that apartment keeps vibrating at like three four o'clock in the morning and it keeps waking me up i don't know what it is like a phone or like a vibrate whatever he doesn't know what it is but something keeps waking him up at the same time that our power keeps getting cut off will you be using the vibrator at three o'clock in the morning i'll be minding my business sometimes i'll just be coming in the house where you'd be putting the lavender oil on the pillowcase and be vibrating let me tell you what happened so he changed the the super changed the breakers or whatever down there and it's still happening

so he snitched on himself when he was like they keep waking me up at three four five six o'clock in the morning. Marie, you'd be using the Hachitachi for him. I believe it's pronounced Hitachi. Hitachi magic wand. Yes, he'd be using the Mishibushi. Mishibushi.

Sydney, you need to stop buying these generic vibrators. That's why you sit, your whole vagina about to fall off. Shut up. You use the Honda Accord of vibrators at 5 a.m., huh? No, nobody is doing anything at that time. My sister gets up at 3 o'clock in the

to go to the gym oh so it's probably your fucking sister making all that damn noise no because she didn't go to the gym today she woke up she woke up and then like half an hour later the power cut off and you know my roommate dumb she just goes downstairs to get into that car i'm like three o'clock in the morning i'm not getting up to go down there because what if he's waiting down there with like a bat or like i need to live here this is where the this is where the comedy is so let me tell you what i was an expert i'm an expert at i'm at war with him so like i wear heels in my house now and just stomp i roll the rug up and just start throwing things at the ground because if you thought we were being loud before when we weren't i'm gonna definitely be loud now

yo do you be bachata in it as soon as we finish the the podcast i'm turning all the music up and we just gonna start dropping bodies we just start we're gonna start throwing our expert on the ground we're gonna drop down and get your eagle on i mean but we got to make sure we record this first because we need electricity to uh record the podcast but like what's wrong with this this neighbor of yours that he couldn't just come up here and say hey y'all be making mad noise at three four five six seven in the morning no one is making noise don't nobody be awake i don't know but we need to figure it out because you need the electricity yes i do and My fridge is still trying to warm up.

You hear it? What if your neighbor would be like, I don't care if it's 4, 5, 6, 7, 8 in the morning. Boy, you better call me when you think you're getting on it. I don't know that song. No? Nobody in the room knows that song. That's with that, what's her name? Soleil?

Sola? Solange? And was it Trick Daddy? I don't know that song, Sydney. We don't listen to ratchet, trill music. oh my god that's this guy's crazy i know i know but how terrible is your life that you gonna get up in the middle of the night and actually go downstairs exactly exactly exactly well at least he's determined he's got determination he's a painless and uh we gonna deal with this uh like

the west indians that we are and because i'm not big enough like if i was a big ass if i was john if i was my cousin john i would just go down there and cut his power off and wait for him to come down and be like doing that we got a problem my man but i'm not i'm we've sir is there an issue that we need to resolve like i'm a lazy troublemaker so the i'm not only doing trouble that's convenient for me i'm not going putting my shoes i gotta put shoes on go all the way downstairs yeah you do see and you know there's a fucking draft in the in the basement nah listen what if the other to get stuck and we just both down there hanging out with the trash and the washing machines you know what i mean like that's i can't what is the nationality of this man

uh he spanish oh some type of spanish but i feel like he's more like a spaniard like from spain no no not that he's not that he's like like puerto rican or something like that i don't know any puerto ricans that's going all the way down to the basement and cutting off people's elections puerto ricans in flatbush that's what they do he's so terrible and he's come up here to yell before and my roommate called the cops on him once so he hates us oh so that's why he cut yo bitch you know but jenna cut call the cops on him after i told her not to and then i was like well if you're gonna call him don't say our room number and then i heard her go apartment 3a and i was like nigga well you couldn't list any other letters listen snitches get the electricity cut

off that's what that is you fucking snitching ass bitch i mean this was like last year when she called the cops he's holding a grudge on that he mad well i don't know what is in her room that's keeping him up but there's nothing in my room maybe she got the hishi hashi the hitachi i don't know but listen i will keep you guys updated on the war the war with 2a oh my god we on the case we on the case thank you so much sydney what is were you an expert besides coughing all over my couch i'm being cold and sexy having a cold and being sexy um it's really hard to have um mucus all up and through your nose and still like have a low-cut dress on and cocktail waitress you know because i was at work on friday i mean the word mucus is

ugly you know what i mean i feel like the word there's a there's some group of people out there that think mucus is hot you know sperm is mucus i'm sorry one more time sperm is mucus so you got sperm in your nose right now that's why you sick too many dicks in your nose shut up no secretions are is mucus as well okay sydney i feel like you i don't know what morgan fulman narrated documentary you watched before you got here but anyway bitch so yeah i was at work um with my cold sneezing and whatnot and i was like listen i'm gonna do this the natural way i'm just gonna like sweat it out i'm gonna work the cold is gonna go away the right way i'm not gonna take any NyQuil or DayQuil or anything like that so I'm at work what you're trying to say is you ain't got

no money for NyQuil or DayQuil yes them checks didn't come through yet so I'm on a budget I'm on a budget so I'm there you know I got my dress on I got my uh new wig just killing it at work and I'm sneezing and coughing on everything so I go to the table and I got the bottle with the firecracker on top and I couldn't even hold the bottle right because I'm coughing over my shoulder Because I'm really considerate. That's what I feel like. I wouldn't cough in front of people. I'd cough on the side.

So I go down, and I get to the table, and I'm coughing, and I look crazy. And I wipe my hands off before I start pouring drinks. That's disgusting. That's disgusting. I wipe my hands off. I start pouring drinks, and I cough again. And then the guy is like, listen, I think you're real nice, but I need another waitress. Yeah, you can't be wiping your hands, your mucousy hands in the VIP.

That's disgusting. He gave me $80 so he didn't think I was racist. So he didn't think he was racist or whatever. He was like, listen, let me give you $80 for your trouble. He was like, here's the money so you don't touch me or my bottles for the rest of the night. Yes, that's exactly what happened. And then, so I still got paid, still had a cold the whole night. And I made money and I still look good.

So you were an expert at being asked to go away. shut up bitch and get paid for it no that's not what i had a cold but i still remained sexy and i made money not sexy enough to stay at that dude's table though is what i'm trying to say so listen nobody wants uh titties that got a cold that's what that's what i've been told yeah keep your secretions and your semen nose shut up bring that to the regular bar and the poor people who ain't got no money speaking of secretions oh my goodness this guest that we have he keeps the panties moist damp damp very damp very white damp oh i mean people have to wear panty liners whenever they're around him

it's crazy depends they gotta wear depends it's ridiculous i mean this guest is a comedian also an actor. He was on HBO's Insecure. He is our light-skinned expert. Give it up for Langston Kerman. Hey. Hey, Langston.

Moist. I'm going to call him moist. People don't like that word. Why? I think it's good. I don't know why people don't like the word moist. It has an M in it and a bunch of vowels. Doesn't Betty Crocker have a moist devil's skin? Super moist.

super moist there's nothing wrong with it I don't think there's anything wrong with it I used to get in an argument I had an ex-girlfriend who refused to allow that word around her type shit she was white? no I never dated a white woman

can we have just a moment of silence for that let's add some applause oh yeah hold on hold on and the crowd grows wild and the black women go wild

and the white women died really you've never dated a white girl I've been on dates oh there's a love motherfucking loophole you didn't got a hand job from a Suzanne Summers I've had sex with white women

oh god how we go from never dated to well I've penetrated several girls that was such a light skin comment I've never, I've never taken one to meet my mom. I've never like introduced them to my group of friends.

I mean, to be fair, I never took my white boyfriend to meet my mom either. I never had a girl that even made it so far as a boyfriend. In fact, I think I've only either had like first dates or one night stands with white women. I mean, I think white women like one night stands. I feel like if you're listening and you feel like I'm wrong, then tweet me. My Twitter is just Sid NYC Listen My white friends listen to this

And I have no relation to this woman Named Marie Fox I don't even know who that is So What type of women are you attracted to? Because you have a girlfriend now I like black women I think that's

Your girlfriend's pretty light She's quite light Like you guys could be cousins First of all, watch your mouth you guys can be related she's quite fair skin yes very fair uh and that ain't her fault that's god's mess up oh don't you blame it on don't you blame it on my god is light skin my god jesus got hair like wool okay right nice wool not that cheap shit he had hair like marley hair it was wool okay they're like uh quality wool wow j crew wool

You know what I mean? He said not that foxy brown wool. His hair was like rainbow wool. He wasn't that slave wool. They like made y'all, you know,

they put people out in the fields with the wool. He had hair like rainbow wool. Okay. Whatever you want to say. Thank you. H&M wool.

No, I think I've dated a pretty wide range of mostly black women. Okay. And some Spanish. Have any of them been dark skin? Yeah.

Like how dark? How dark is dark? Probably your skin color is as dark as I'm dating. Okay, Moist. Thank you, Moist. That wasn't a cut off. It wasn't like, I won't go

no darker. She don't pass the paper bag test or whatever. What celebrity said that? It was like Method Man or something. Somebody stupid like Flavor Flav. Okay, somebody who looked like a burp turd. I was about to say,

that motherfucker is... He look like what your poop looks like if you eat a lot of grease. Don't you dare. Talk about my fellow dark-skinned brother. You and flavor not the same shade. That's two different crayons. I'm not opposed to that level of black, but he's not maintaining it.

Don't you talk about my brother like that. His skin is all cracked. I feel like you're supposed to like lotion more often. Right. I feel like you need to use like a shea and a cocoa butter at the same time. So Langston, how long have you been light-skinned? When do you recall that? That's a solid question. What's your earliest

light-skinned memory? Your earliest light-skinned memory as you all know uh most of us come out white so i started off white i'm pretty sure i was brown i found my voice i found my voice about like six weeks in i would say yeah your light skin voice hell yeah okay what did it sound like it's just it was just a baby going girl yes oh my god i feel like light-skinned dudes are always whining or crying about something. See, and I think that's an

ugly, dark-skinned propaganda. Wow, ugly and dark-skinned? That you all have proliferated for the sake of attacking our grace and beauty. That's an ugly thing that people are like, ah, light-skinned people

are always in their feelings. There's nothing we can do that y'all wouldn't say we're in our feelings about. If I was like, nah, I don't eat Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Light-skinned, Here we go You think you better than me I know I just don't want fucking goofy ass sentiments We started the podcast at 11

Well we told you to get here at 11 What time did you get here? 11.02 That was so light skinned Like if you were dark skinned you would have came in at 11.30 We were expecting you at 11.42 Yes we were Because that's what time a black person would have arrived I got plans

Here's something about the light skinned taste buds That I noticed just this morning is we all, I had three hard-boiled eggs, and we all ate them. Sidney and I put Laurie's mustache, Lord Dobo. On top, and salt. And salt. Langston ate his egg with

nothing on it. He ate the shell, I feel like. You had a bear boiled hard-boiled egg. It was bear. It was delicious. No season it. God made that. I don't got to fix it. No, GMOs made that egg. Seriously. God and science

came together to make a delightful product that I don't have to I didn't need to fix it here's a question about you as a child did you were you born with like baby hairs like very yeah I had a full head yeah can we can you remove your hat we just want to see the texture of your I'm having to grow my hair for a part so oh look at that plug that plug it you like solving working I'm a working actor so I'm getting money now I see your hair is giving me Bobby Valentino slow down I just want to get to know you

now he's not light skinned but he gives me light skinned man vibes I had a teacher he was a poetry teacher of course you look like you do spoken word I did do spoken word again I'm the expert light skinned is my brand

okay if it ain't light it ain't right I am not just the owner i am also a subscriber okay i uh no uh would you go i had a a poetry teacher sort he was a mentor i guess more you had a poetry mentor call me uh randy debarge he's i look like the one of the members that nobody's heard of yeah the barge company i feel like that the way that your hairline is like laid right now well that's just because i need a haircut oh it's very like Let's not draw attention to my worst parts.

No, I'm not saying it's bad. I'm not saying that that's bad. Your hair is your worst part? Right now, yeah. Wow. Wow. If that's your worst part, get the fuck out of here. I don't even want to see the rest.

Woo! Let me see your feet. Here I am, y'all. Moist. Oh, no. My feet are fucked up, too. Nah, I feel like light-skinned dudes got nice... You could tell their toenails are not dark.

Oh, no. I got a couple weird dark toenails. Really? Is it the pinky toe? No, it's the one right next to it. The one next to it? I don't know what we call that. Is that the ring?

The ring toe. Does one get engaged and then add a ring to that? Listen, that sounds like a dark skin problem. No, what it is is I play a lot of sports. Okay. And so my feet have taken damage. A la resulte. Do you like soccer or football?

No, I'm seeing lacrosse. Really? I've never played lacrosse. You don't play no fucking basketball. I don't care who. What position you play. Point guard. Point guard.

He said, I can hoop. That was very light-skinned of you. No, I just went. Okay, here's a legit. This actually will probably help prove your point. I was a practice player for the girls' basketball team in college. And I went to a D1 school. They were good ladies.

They were good ladies. Here's my follow-up question to you about that. You should have kept that to yourself. No, listen. I got free gear and everything. Here's a way to test your hoop knowledge as a light-skinned man. What kind of shoes are you wearing to play basketball in? What kind of shoes?

I feel like you're wearing a van. I do not wear vans. Or a Chuck Taylor. I do not wear vans or a Charles Taylor. What are you wearing to play basketball? I have some all red KDs that I like to wear. Okay. Kevin Durant.

Oh, I was like, KD. Can you see my face? I was like, oh. They were both like, hmm. No, I know. Because I got hood kids in my building. I know. KDs, I was like, is that the new K-Swiss?

I wear my K-Swiss. K-Swift 2000. Shut up, Marie. I hate you. Shut up. Anyway. Yeah. Okay.

So you wear Kevin Durant. Some Durants that I like. Not a New Balance? Sometimes I feel like on your off days you'd wear a New Balance. I don't wear New Balance. I've never worn a New Balance. Wow. And plus now New Balance has aligned themselves with the devil.

I can't do that. I feel like people who wear New Balance also drink Pepsi. So that's out. That's out. You drink Pepsi. You get slapped on United flights and you like it. You work for United. I deserve that, sir.

Please take my seat I'll stand for six hours Okay Yeah y'all are really trying to pull my black card No no no I want you to take us through your like Childhood like can you tell us about your family Are you the lightest in your family

Is your mom light, dad light Well my father's white That's how this ended up Okay Yeah so we didn't even need to go to like Ancestry.com Your dad's white he's a uh jewish man your dad is jewish yeah get the f out of here get the matzo ball out of here

are you serious very much so wow but that doesn't make you oh your mom has to be jewish for you to be jewish well i think uh it's more just if that's what you're raised with and practicing my dad's an atheist like religiously so he's not wearing like the little jewish fitted no yes that's what they prefer to be called jewish frisbee the little frisbee hat yeah they don't they also like that the saucer he didn't want a little no i didn't i wasn't raised with much uh religious background although most of my family practices like my extended family and so like i would go to like family events and they'd be singing like hanukkah songs and i'm just like sitting in the back like Ha ha, yeah, it's funny.

You're like, Wait, are you an atheist? No, I believe in a higher power. That was very light-skinned. That was quite light. Oh, I believe in a light-skinned God. Listen, my God. I cannot emphasize that enough.

My God, my God. He dark. Okay. Your God is dark? My God would get stopped and frisked. See, I don't want that for my God. I don't know why you would want that for your God. He's everywhere and nowhere at the same time.

Let me tell you what my God would be doing. He's summering in the Hamptons Your God is white Your God summers Black people don't summer Chirping You're only proving me right I don't know

She don't speak for the podcast She don't speak for S&M I'm a little sick So she confused So your father was Jewish Do you have siblings? I do, I'm the oldest of five Wow, your mom and dad was getting it in

No, they weren't I have a very messy family. So you got a side family? Do tell. No, not so much side family. Both my parents have been married three times. Both of them? That's six? Yeah. Since you've been alive?

The only one of my dad's spouses was pre-me. Oh, okay. And then the rest of them Oh, pre-you. I was like, a pre-me? Why are we telling you? Come on, Sydney. he married a malnourished baby on life support and thank god she made it no uh yeah he he was married once before me and then he married my mom okay so let's let's break

down the parental units because they led to the beigeness that you are uh your dad what does he do is he a good looking dude he used to have his day okay yeah i never wanted to listen because They say, like, mixed people are, like, the better looking of the people. Listen, I'm not here to make that judgment. Yes, Cindy, I'm also not here to co-sign to that. No, no, no. I'm just saying what is out there. Well, I think the reason people get excited about mixed people is because we blend into something that people don't necessarily see in the standard races.

But it's not always a good mix. No, it's just like you get best of the both worlds. Yeah, maybe. Lips and a light skin Right Well I I don't know I'm not here

That's some social construct shit Yeah Where people are like Light skin equals beauty No This is Listen I don't date light skin men

I'm just I'm just No I'm protecting my situation You're not even on my radar Langston Okay If I was to go back to dick It would not be any of this You don't have to start here

But at some point You would consider Don't do that Listen Langston If Sidney had on panties right now They would be dry Right They would be dry

Just, like, light-skinned niggas shamwound my pussy all the time, okay? Shamwound. Wait, hold on. Sidney, your pussy aside for a moment. So, your father, good-looking Jewish man, he must have some money that he not spending. I'm assuming.

No, he actually, well, he comes from money. Okay, there it is. But he is, my dad's a socialist. Like, he bailed on his family and, like, moved to California to, like... To be with your mom. No, to study, like, the worst, not the worst but the the most absurd version of politics at the time which was socialism and like

committed to that and like rejected like my dad was my grandfather talks about all the time but he said my dad was like the smartest of his kids that had the most potential every one of his kids besides my father is a doctor my dad like went on to like just work on like you know socialism and like he out there smoking weed he's smoking weed and fixing not anymore but he probably was at a time you're doing mushrooms out there so wait i want to know how your dad bagged your mom then yeah because socialist doesn't sound sexy to me he then moved to uh to detroit your dad was out of detroit your dad was like you know what let me take you out of this bad place come with me come with me darling hey you met her in detroit hey they they got it where did

he meet your mother in detroit at a gym my mom was also interested in socialism oh that's beautiful what is that's such a love story right there it's beautiful for her not really for him and they made a baby and the baby was you that was me and i'm the only of uh the that pair i'm the only kid from that pair so then you know i had two sisters later that my mom for my mom's second marriage and then my mom got divorced from that dude and in that meantime my father and his third wife adopted a son wow who is my my brother who's below my two sisters right is he white black mix asian uh he we don't know exactly what he is oh he's like some version of black and okay oh okay other uh not good looking ugly wait wait hold on like no no i hope he's listening do you

have a photo do you have a photo sure brother's name yeah but i don't want to shoot because then y'all gonna be like didn't they get ugly no no you called him ugly i did but i'm upset that you said that now okay so you got some sisters in your lives how they look my sisters they look like they're very dark skinned oh so what do they look like okay so they're all they're full black yeah i'm the only so they're better looking than you you're the only mistake in photos you have photos of them show us those two queens yeah i like that you thought i was gonna be like yeah yeah they're way more beautiful than me okay so your brother is not ugly come on let me see I don't like his face.

His face is not for you. You know who he looks like? He's not ugly like Julian Williams. He actually kind of looks like you. You got a lot of nerve. He looks like Julian Williams. And his hair is all full. New, did you want to see?

She don't want to see. He's not ugly. He's not ugly at all. He's going to grow into his face and watch. He's going to bag your girl. That's you already apologizing for. He's going to take your girl. He's going to grow into his face and beat your light-skinned ass.

And you're going to be legit black and blue. He's attractive. She said he's attractive Just because he ain't on Insecure Like you nigga That don't mean that he can't survive And you never will be with that face That's what I'm saying

What are you talking about? Season 8 They're going to say no thank you Your face It grosses me out Can you send us that photo Because we're going to post that On the unofficial expert

He's 17 No He's 17? Yeah He's a good looking kid He's a little grown No he looks like he's 17 Yeah he looks 17

That looks like he's at a high school Ball practice Listen He doesn't play sports But he was Oh he'd just be hanging out there he'd be like can i get your coat he's like in the middle of figuring out uh he like got into a few schools and it's like figuring out what he's gonna do and like literally can't make a decision

because he has no motivation you're trying to say that that's how you're trying to say hold on one minute you're trying to say that he's like that because his skin is darker than yours no uh although i think you need to do some self-reflection good question I like that. That's what you're saying. Well, you were like, no. So, well, it sounds like you want to be a mentor to your brother a little bit. I don't.

We've literally not spoken in years. Why? What happened? Let's get into that. Again, my family is messy. Yeah, but the kids don't need to be involved in all that. Right. Well, that's the problem is that the adults involved oftentimes make decisions for kids

that make it a lot more difficult for the kids to maintain relationships. But that's the one that was adopted. Yeah. so my my father's third wife his current wife is his mother and she and i never got along when i she worked very hard to keep us like separate you know what i mean separate but equal yeah obviously me this is some light skin drama this is very deep this is a light skin telling again this is my argument from the beginning that y'all were going to turn this into some light-skinned shit when in fact when in fact this is just a black ass story of like a bunch of people

with like fucked up relationships you're right i agree with you you're like nah this is different yeah this sounds different it sounds like light skin like uh the way you're presenting it it's just me talking and you're like yeah your voice it might just be because your voice is so beige you know what i mean like your voice sounds light i feel like you let me live break out in a spoken word like brother to the night i probably do have a poem yeah wait so you did spoken word in college do you have it in i did poetry where did you go to college university of michigan and then i went and got a master's degree in poetry at boston university because you were like you know what i'm so confident in my light-skinnedness that i will get a job with his master's degree in

poetry like what wait okay you went to school with my girlfriend actually yeah michigan yeah that's crazy yeah when she first when she saw you immediately she was like yeah she was like uh doesn't he do poetry i was like no he's a comedian she was gonna get fought in front of you and all your friends you're gonna hit a woman you're gonna snitch on me i gotta do what i gotta do that sounds very dark skinned of you i gotta take yeah but now is it snitching i mean you doubled down and went to school for poetry twice so like that's what you went that's what you were passionate about

at some point so why is that snitching on you but I was at a comedy show shut the fuck up and enjoy the laughs do you remember any of the poems that you did in college or high school or anything like off the top of my head for convenience sake absolutely not you can't hit us with a couple

stances no who am I to be like yeah of course I remember no can you give me a shit i would love a high give me five words i don't even do that what kind of poetry did you do it was a lot of uh i actually don't think it's that different than my comedy it just was sad so it's like a lot of like you know based in like true stories and experiences so it was like drake exactly poetry thank you sydney thank you so much his uh his hype songs the ones that we play in the club and then he's got his marvin's rooms Marvin room was what I was writing poetry for you were writing a lot of if you're reading this it's

too late yeah you get it yeah no I was listening to some of that last night um okay so what made you decide poetry's where you wanted to be uh I I had a teacher in high school who was a our like poetry instructor and uh he just he made me feel uh for the first time in school like any of this shit mattered you know what i mean like i was always a good student but i didn't give a fuck this is so deep i'm a deep sydney do you have do you remember any of your teachers from high school no i don't i think i had i think i had a mrs chang i had a mrs chang she was math science she was science you see i said math or science that she was one of the things that i said i had a uh miss vega and she was gym you remember your gym teacher you remember your gym teacher remembers their gym

teacher that's where i was thriving that's a damn that's where i was a star mr lead better he was cool bed wetter that's crazy he was cool he was a baseball coach and he you could tell he just smoked weed every day and chilled lead better so wait you said you were a good you were a good kid but you just didn't give a fuck i just didn't have i mean i think we all go through that where we're not motivated yeah for any particular reason and poetry i played ball through high school i'm still having trouble seeing that do you have a yearbook photo i can't even see you in a jersey my man i feel like your jersey had a collar your jersey had a pocket square okay I don't want to be on this podcast

Y'all don't respect me No we do Honestly you said you were a good guy But a bad guy Were you popular? I also didn't hear you say that Were you a popular kid in school? I was well liked

If that makes sense Everybody knew me, everybody liked me I wasn't like the dude you hit up To go out necessarily But you were If something was happening I was there You were there

I feel like you're the type of dude That nobody knows He's getting hosed But you were getting hosed I wasn't I had a girlfriend I've always been like A serial monogamist

I guess You see We going back to the But I feel like What do you want me to do? I am I am Who and what I am

Give me some DMX Sidney Sidney he's not DMX is dark skin That's not what this is This nigga speaks in barks I speak English can you give me a light-skinned dmx though like your wizard

i feel like y'all don't understand who light-skinned men are that's not okay so tell us how do y'all move drake at at his drakist right is doing foul shit he's he's but he's a diva about it he's not dmx doing that foul he's saving strippers in strip club hold on sydney let's saving anybody drake sings about saving them but in reality he just fucked them one time and made them feel like they were special you don't think that drake is an emotional ass dude absolutely but he he's emotional in retrospect not in action i don't think that he's actually like cuddling with these women i think he is i think that he is i think he's cuddling i think he's absolutely cuddling i don't think that he's cuddling and believing this is forever i think

he cuddles he was dating malia forever malia malia who like still twerks on instagram and has like tummy teeth years ago okay i don't know drake's uh dating history i just feel like if i ever met drake he would probably weep like drake don't seem like somebody who cries he seems like somebody who weeps like you're like like his shoulders be shaking and his words be like You know, Drake is out here smashing, grabbing, and then making sad love songs about you. No, I think that Drake, I think Drake cries at least twice a day. Drake is like if a KC and JoJo song became a person. No, definitely not.

If a KC and JoJo song became. It's all my life, but then we're going to go do some cocaine. No. Drake don't do no drugs. Yeah. In my mind. Oh, you're crazy. Oh, he does this rap about smoking and hanging out.

Yes, yes, yes. But Drake is a liar. he's the one that like pays for the weed for everybody and then he's like are you guys having a good time again dark skin dark skin propaganda would you guys like some refreshments

this is all propaganda the man literally tells us what he does and all y'all can do is re-imagine people can say whatever they want no people can say whatever they want but the Drake that I see with the Jewish mother that he got he's not who you think he is

Listen, his sweatpants and sweatshirt outfits, his line, his clothing line, they're not bummy. He's bummy. No. I feel like he's got a cashmere blend and some of them gray sweatpants. No, Drake is pretty bummy. Drake's dress is pretty terrible, but that's the white man in him. How do you feel about that? Absolutely.

Okay, thank you. I won't fight that at all. Okay, thank you. He's comfortable, though. Yes, he's comfortable. He's comfortable, but he seems like the type of person that when he goes out, he's like, I don't know. Everyone's looking at me.

Again, you don't get it You're out here selling your own shit You're out here selling magic beans And the nigga already got plants He's already got a tree growing in his backyard Drake is the type of dude that has sex with you And he'll say sorry when he comes You ain't gotta apologize

I'm so sorry Drake definitely apologizes You ain't gotta apologize to y'all Let me get you a towel Jesus Christ You want a hot towel or a cold towel? He'll bring out tea after he fuck you. Would you like chamomile or mint?

On a tray, though. On a tray. This is absurd. Tea in bed. Listen, speaking of absurd, let's talk about something that I feel like affects black folks in general. Hell yeah. This is some, I pulled up some statistics. Okay.

I like how you pronounced it. Thank you. Statistics. uh statistically dark-skinned actors are 80 percent more likely to play a criminal nice than a light-skinned actor uh how you feel about that how do i feel about it do you think that that's a real stat or something that i might have just made up right now here's a good way to uh to approach this conversation i recently was uh put in an audition for a drug dealer and i didn't believe it's not happening i don't even see you with a do-rag on well that's my

That's my point I can't see you in a duet Yeah so you're gonna play like this dude's brother Who's a drug dealer Real like hardcore guy in the streets Everybody knows and respects him I'm like no I'm not Not with them lashes

Agreed She wanna fuck Langston Langston Wait Sydney do you or do you not want to go No Langston can you tip them back I will not

and I hope that all your white podcast listeners heard me. You're such a brute. You're a fucking brute. Langston, I can't imagine you in a do-rag either, though. I used to wear do-rag. I used to have braids. I had braids. I had braids multiple times in my life. Were you like Shemar

Moore in fucking? No. No. I didn't have a braid wig. You had a cornrow lace front. You had a lace front cornrow. I had actual braids. How long were your braids? Oh, they went down to hear. Wow. He pointed to his

chest, ladies and gentlemen. He pointed to his chest. Just above the nipple. Just above the nipple. It was a different time in America. I'm sure you looked like a lunch lady. It was a different time in America. We were in the middle of the war on terror. And Baggy... B2K was very hot at the time. So you look like Queen Latifah's

little brother's sister. So I see it. Did you have the facial hair with the braids? No, I couldn't grow facial hair at the time. Oh, well, it's thriving. Is castor oil on your face right now? What's happening? Oh, this? No, this is real. This is real. I just, you know. You preyed on it.

At some point, you become a man, and your body changes. What do you want me to tell you? I'm still not over that you said that. I want to fuck. How dare you? Cindy, we don't have enough time in the podcast to talk about your vagina right now. But my question for you is, so you did this audition. What roles do you normally go out for?

Because I feel like you play, like, the love interest. I get a lot of the love interest. Right. I've had to push back against, because of Insecure, i've had to push back against uh like uh ambiguously gay guy once you give them the green light to be like i might be able to play this and they're like okay anytime there's a motherfucker that like kind of is a little bit on the wait can we can we can we backtrack a little bit and tell people what you're talking about yes because not everybody watched

the show just in case not everybody has hbo if you don't watch uh not everybody has if you don't watching secure uh i played a character who named jared named jared who had a sexual experience with a man in his past one time one time one time two times people were asking three times yes wait okay explain like just the setup what happened like you guys were hooking up he was hanging out with a girl they were fucking and sucking yeah having a good time and at one point he admits that uh well she prefaces it by saying that she had a sexual experience with a woman and then he's like oh yeah i've had an experience like that too one time my boy gave me head and i didn't like it but that's that yeah yeah well links in g in real life do you think a lot of guys go through that

like in an early age where i think far more than i i uh i you or i know yeah because nobody there's plenty of dudes that we know that probably have had that experience and never felt comfortable talking about it. And you know what fucked it? Now the show is like, well, I was going to tell this girl that I got my dick sucked once, but I do, but I'm never doing that because I don't want to be Jared from Enterprise, just

losing out, taking it out. I think what's interesting is how many people reach out to me and are just like, yo, your character is mad relatable. They don't necessarily even pinpoint because of the sexual stuff, but a part of me believes that that's a big portion of it because that's

you know that's a real thing that happens that people go through and especially in the black community we're so like sheltered and closed off we're like man nigga you kick right and sometimes it's just like we're gay or we're not right in this in our world and it's like there's a middle there's like there could be a middle listen if honestly if that was me and my boyfriend was like uh my friend gave me head one time i don't think that i could overlook that either like most black women i meet i feel like that's something you just you keep that to yourself don't tell me that just hold it hold it in your i've only met like two of people that like i've had this conversation with and they were like no i could you know i mean i get over it sydney could you i see the

things that guys do to get they dick suck so if yeah the they ran out of options and the guys suck they dick i i guess you you're cool with that i mean it's just a dick suck that's it it's just one there's a couple times that i've done it i was like i wasn't even that i didn't that would not count yeah that wouldn't mean it didn't count that was the first time i did i was like so this was just a prelude this wasn't the real thing yeah this was like fake yeah so how has being that character then like changed your like acting life your your life as a performer then oh it's improved it i mean you know i i have to a certain extent a fan base now yes you do you did our show and then you had the fans they were there you you said i'm from brooklyn and a bitch

was like where where like an exact address like i had to kick yeah i have like real uh supporters and that didn't exist before and you know i i now have to make like other choices as far as like what I am and am not willing to do, but it was beautiful. Insecure is dope. Yeah, and it was great. And when I saw you on the show, I was like, look at Langston, light-skinned ass on the show, doing well. You were great.

You were such a, I was like, you were great and then you took off your shirt and I was like, woo! I didn't even care about your shirt. Honestly, I didn't care about your body. I did see your nipples. They're big nipples. Yeah, I was like, wow. I was not, I was very surprised.

Sydney is definitely DTF. I'm not saying we are gonna fuck I'm just saying she's down to fuck that's my only that is the she's trying to pretend as if like oh you your skin disgusting your translucent skin I saw your areolas and I was like wow they're bigger than mine I don't even remember seeing your nipples I work out I work out a lot and try to work on it there's no way to fix your nipples there's not like a machine there's no machine at the gym i got a doctor for you for tall nipples yo that is hilarious funny is there anything about being

a light-skinned dude that you feel like is a misconception that you would like to like fight uh well i i think i think our challenge as a light-skinned community is making peace with the awful propaganda that's been spread about us. Can you stop throwing that word propaganda in there, nigga? These are facts. Y'all are a little bit more sensitive than us. Again,

here's the challenge. This is where it becomes difficult. It's because light-skinned men tend to make two choices. They either lean into it hard, as I have done, and just accept that it's going to be some dumb shit said about you being sensitive, even if you're not being sensitive. That just is what it is.

or they do the opposite and you take like a Matt Barnes approach and you just turn into a goddamn like maniac and like violent like aggressive person to overcome the perception of what Matt Barnes did.

What did Matt Barnes do? He choked out Derek Fisher when he was coaching in the NBA for fucking his ex-wife. Oh, okay. Yes, yes, yes. But he's that dude on the court. He's that dude off the court. He's like He's like heavily tattooed. He's very Chris Brown-ish.

Very. He's also light-skinned and angry. Yeah. But he also has the beautiful greasy hair that every light-skinned man should have. No, it looks very oily. Right. He's greasy and curly. I would wish that.

It's not curly. I don't like it. He should shave it all off. I want to be dripping. It look like oil. It look like an oil spill on his head. I like it. No.

Uh-uh. No. I'm not. Canola oil all up and through. It don't even look like olive oil. Yeah. It's canola. We are all fighting against or accepting the position that society has offered us.

I'm comfortable with where I am in society. This is it. Okay, so when the revolution starts, what side are you going to fight for? The light skin? The winning side. Which one of y'all winning? It's going to be the dark skin, folks. Because we've got more rage than y'all.

Not statistically. There's not that many of y'all. Y'all better rethink your alignments. Come on, man. Come on. Even dark skin Indian people turn on y'all. that's not gonna work well that's because a lot of people who are black if they're like a little bit light they're like well we're not really black like uh like dominicans and yeah well

your value is based on color in a lot of those other countries all over the world but you travel all over the world now right you're doing shows kind of you are i mean you were out and about you got your shredded jeans on and stuff you got your knees out letting the wind i feel like we haven't even we haven't even critiqued the the outfit uh that our light skin outfit uh expert put on. He is wearing a denim shirt which is cute. It's a black v-neck. Is that a boat neck? It's a regular crew. He's wearing a

black fitted jean. Both knees out. Both knees out. What kind of shoes are you going to cross? Are you going to cross your legs now? Yeah. They were crossed earlier and these are Vans. I actually like these. I like these. No. I don't like them. What?

No. You're giving me like white man that might own a boat vibes. I deserve to own a boat. And see, that's your problem. You don't believe in yourself enough to own a boat. I believe I have that opportunity. I be on boats. I get boats. Yeah, but you don't own

that shit. I don't need to. A boat is a lot of work. You trapped in your mind. I don't want a boat, okay? That's a lot of work. Master P told us you need to own your product. You out here riding. I'm owning a house. You renting and riding. You yin-yang twins on MTV Cribs.

I'm going to own a horse I'm going to get a house and a horse Sydney, currently, let's just run through what we own Just for fun What do you own? What do you own? $10,000 worth of titties Do those go up in value?

Because I think you are overestimating That's what you paid for titties No, they're like bonds you know like they each year sure they increase yeah yeah i feel like titties are like a car once you drop them off you don't know once they're off the lot unless unless you using them to get on these yachts that you listen sorry i didn't get my car from enterprise so my titties are just fine you know a lamborghini loses value too as soon as it's off the lot this is not a car all right this is like a very uh international uh moped this is like a moped sure yo okay anyway

we got questions for your light-skinned ass um we want to see if you truly are the light-skinned expert i am okay uh marie what's your first question uh can you name three light-skinned actors who are killing the game yes you are killing it right now yeah because you can't name. I see a couple beige people who ain't doing nothing. We got my girl Tandy. Tandy Newton. She's killing it. She was the mother

in Pursuit of Happiness. Is she really light-skinned? Oh, stop it. She's quite light. She's very light. Yeah, she's light. And she's very good and very talented. She plays a terrible mother all the time, though. Yeah, she really got that sophisticated crackhead down.

She plays it quite well. Let's go Tracy Ellis Ross. Oh, yes. Love her. Big fan. She's outstanding. She's great. Still with Smash.

And there's another fun one. I mean, you got your classic Shamar Moore. We talked about that earlier. He is not killing any kind of game. He is still on, like, NCI, S squared, whatever. I'm rolling my eyes. I mean, no one is checking for Shamar, but he is still working. He's still working.

And he gave us two women. He's got like airbrushed abs on. I can't. Are those airbrushed? I kind of hope so. I can stop working. I can stop working so hard for these mediocre abs. He's like, I can start putting salt

on my eggs. You're right. Get you some tummy tees in your life. Get you a waist trainer. I want to be one of those girls that advertises. That's my dream. Get your life right. flat tummy T

okay we're going to give you four points for that because you gave us three names so I'm going to hit you with some lyrics you got to figure out which light skin rapper it is it can either be you're going to give him the names why just see if he's not

going to know them first and then no these are from random they're not from like popular songs it's either J. Cole Joe Button or Drake Okay I think you're running from love with me

You gotta face it Are you guarding your heart from a nigga that Always breaks it Oh okay that's the whole thing Yeah That ain't Drake That's not him You're well versed in the Drake verse

Well versed in Drizzy It feels basic which is j cole for sure like he's a basic dude who says some woke shit if that makes sense i hear what you're saying uh so that it has j cole vibes but i don't i don't really fuck with buttons so i i'm tempted to say buttons in protection buttons yes that was a beautiful analysis did you see that light skin did you see that i'll break it down i got another one for you okay good you're so good like i hate you oh that's your dream car nigga that's my old whip

oh that's your dream girl nigga that's my old bitch oh that's that's jay cole it is see basic oh my god but then he say some shit where you like oh you're like oh you're a good father figure i think exactly no you that's you see he said something you're like let me sit down and under that really okay wait wait one more one more nah i don't do the pickup lines i give her the number to the chauffeur with a pickup time that was a good last one that was a good last one listen i was over here researching okay that that feels like uh it could be swaggy drake but not i i feel like that would be too uh too on the nose if you will we will we will i'm gonna go ahead and say buttons again yo you are such a cheater

I didn't see anything. I didn't see anything. I just know these artists. Wow. Except for when I don't listen to them. You got all of them. Dude, you fucking nailed this. Thank you.

Wow. Wait, let me get Marie. Can I give you a lyric and see if you can pick? Yes, yes, yes. Give it to me. She ain't going to be able to do it. I'm probably not. She ain't light-skinned woke.

He says, I'm basic, and then I sometimes say some woke stuff. Yeah. I'm dark-skinned woke. I heard you got a man, but who in they right mind letting you out the house alone? Oh. Oh. Well, that sounds mean, one. That sounds mean.

See? Because like. I'm in my feelings. I didn't address what the lyrics spoke to. Yes, but I'm a woman. It's not has nothing to do with me being a dark skin. I'm a female. I'm like, why would you say that to her?

Can I hear the lyric one more time? I heard you got a man. Can you use it in a sentence? You need a lifeline? No, no, no. Come on. Read it again. You need a lifeline?

Read it again. Come on. 50-50. What part of the song is that? Is that the chorus? It's the bridge. It's the bridge. I heard you got a man, but who in they right mind letting you out the house alone?

I'm just going to guess Drake because it hasn't been Drake yet. No. That's not Drake. No? It's J. Cole. Well, I don't know. You know why it's not Drake? It's because Drake would just tell you he's going to steal your girl.

He ain't going to talk to you about stealing you. That's some J. Cole shit. Okay. Okay. Drake talks to men. He says, I'm going to steal your girl, and I'm going to continue to smile and sing about it. I'm going to steal your girl. Really?

He talks to men? Yes. J. Cole talks to girls. This is a Drake line. God knows it. You're mine and pure. So am I possessed. He knows it.

anointed and protected. I was chosen. My heart is in a way too frozen to get broken. See, but now he ain't talking about stealing. He's just talking about praising you. Yes. Feels like some Drake shit. Wow. Drake and Kirk Franklin in the family. I see it. I was going to say, that sounds like a

Chance lyric. Yes. Chance loves some Jesus music. Interesting. Wow. All right. Well, Langston, I guess you really are the Lights Connector. Really cursed it. Oh, man. Let's clap it up. Clap it up for Langston. Wait, wait, wait. We got to snap for him

because that's the poetry. Clap. Langston, before we go, do you have anything coming up? Where can people see you? Yeah, plug all your stuff. You going to be out in the sun this summer or not? Because I know you got to keep that glow. I like a little crisp.

Oh, wait, wait. Speaking about glow, what's your SPF? What do you use? Oh, I was going to ask an SPF question. You don't use SPF? No, not really. As a light skip man? I don't own it. You got the knees out and just you just i mean i also don't just chill on the beach so i'm you got your boat hat on so like that's what you'd be wearing dad hat it's definitely a father hat it's a soccer dad hat come on connor get that ball boy uh you just find me on instagram and twitter at langston

kerman and uh every tuesday at uh dizzy's on fifth at the fancy show at the fancy it's a great show It's a fun show. Yeah. What, uh, what, what bomb ass, what's your, what's your dream role as an actor, as a light skin actor? Oh, I, I want to be funny. I just want to be funny. You want to be the funny friend, the funny lead.

Funny lead. I like funny lead. You don't want to be Kevin Hart lead though, do you? I don't ever want to get as big as Kevin. Really? No, that seems scary. A lot of work. It's a lot of work.

and i think you lose control of uh your brand like he's he's in full control of his brand but he's lost control of what he can and cannot focus on to a certain extent because he's always branding yeah and that doesn't seem he's always on too it seems like i'd rather have like a moment where i could just be like i'm talking to the police yeah like it doesn't ruin your life kind of yeah he's on instagram and he literally is on it all day because he's probably getting paid for it he's on snapchat he's like he's going on vacations with his wife and kids and he's on it the whole time well he gets paid a lot of money for twitter and snapchat yeah all that shit totes get it totes get it so funny lead okay so you so you want to be shemar more that's what

you want yeah he's hilarious you want to be shemar more i get it put those braids back on And you just throw that wig back on. That was hilarious. The biggest comedy he ever did was Diary of a Mad Black Woman. Best comedy ever. He put on a wig and squinted. Didn't he beat some lady up? Or he was the dude that saved her?

He was the savior. While having a Drew Hill bandana on. Tell me what you want. Langston, just as a bonus question, can you name all four members of Drew Hill? There were five members. Okay, well, can you name all five of them? Because I thought it was four. I thought it was four.

I don't think I can. I know there's there's Nokia. Angie Martinez's baby daddy. I didn't even know that. How'd you get that info? Because I used to listen

to her when she was talking about it. Damn, I don't think I can. It was Nokia, Cisco. Jazzy. Jazz. That was jazz. I thought it was four members.

All the photos is four of them. No, maybe there was a new. It's four members of Drew Hill. No. Yes.

It's a fat one Two skinny ones and then one with blonde hair Two skinny ones I thought they were fine Wasn't there a new member too? Yeah I thought they added somebody They added somebody Well that don't count

I know why it's called Drew Hill Because it's named after a park in Baltimore That they used to hang out at Wow that's really boring There's nothing to that at all Like Lincoln Park So what's up with the fucking dragons? I didn't hear the names.

It's Cisco, Nokia, Tao. Yes, I would have never heard of them. Jazz. Jazz. I knew Jazz.

I knew Nokia. Yeah, we didn't know Tao. So how did they get into all this like Unleash the Dragon and shit? That has nothing to do Well, they didn't do that.

That was Cisco. Unleash the Dragon. Cisco. They let the shortest nigga with the blondest hair be like, let me pick the name. All right, but wait a minute.

Because he was the Beyonce of the group. There was nobody hotter than Cisco at the time. In seventh grade for me. But the thing is That red leather suit. He had his belly button out

and I didn't even care. He had a star tattooed on the belly button. Kids thought he was cool. He had the nipples pierced. My mom was bumping Unleash the Dragon too. We were all listening to Unleash the Dragon. Without you girl

my life is in the name. That wasn't even the first record. Cisco's real name is Mark Andrews. So basic. we gotta go okay listen you can catch me and sydney live at the unofficial expert at the wild project on may 7th at 7 p.m at 7 p.m it's gonna be all the way lit uh we gonna have maybe langston might be there i mean he might be out thriving as a light-skinned person so we don't

know uh and you can catch me at reesey on instagram r-e-e-e-z-y and then sydney uh you You can catch me at JustSydBW. So that's J-U-S-T-S-Y-D-B-W. We in the streets, baby. Make sure you tune in to Insecure on HBO. Yes. Go and just watch all of Langston's scenes. Yes, and also go on iTunes and make sure you write a review, rate, share, do all that shit

so people know who we are, so we out here, okay? Share this podcast with your dark-skinned and your light-skinned friends, but probably not your white friends this episode. This is a podcast for everybody. Except for Langston's younger brother Anyway Thank you so much for listening Can you say one nice thing about your brother before we go

Um He's got solid teeth You're an asshole Solid as a rock They're not going anywhere And I just want to let you know that I'm not DTF Okay Sydney I got condoms here

You got the free ones Bye guys Thank you.