MESS with Sydnee Washington & Marie Faustin - “The Lying Expert” with Dee Nasty

Episode Date: June 21, 2019

We would never lie to you, but our guest, the Lying Expert, might! Dee Nasty explains what makes her a hood nerd, why its not as easy to steal anymore, and how she knows when men are lying to her. Plus, Sydnee feuds with her petty Uber driver and Maries still unemployed so she went to karaoke two nights in a row.----BONUS EPISODES AVAILABLE NOW ON PATREON:www.patreon.com/TheUnofficialExpertBUY UNOFFICIAL EXPERT MERCH:https://www.teepublic.com/stores/the-unofficial-expert-podcastFOLLOW THE UNOFFICIAL EXPERT:https://www.instagram.com/UnofficialExpertFOLLOW SYDNEE:https://www.instagram.com/JustSYDbwhttps://twitter.com/justsydnycFOLLOW MARIE:https://www.instagram.com/Reeezyhttps://twitter.com/MsReeezyFOLLOW ANDREW:https://www.instagram.com/mcgui_guyTHE UNOFFICIAL EXPERT IS A FOREVER DOG PODCASThttps://foreverdogpodcasts.com/podcasts/the-unofficial-expertSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Forever. Dog. Hi, friends. Hey. What's going on? Oh, my God. So excited. This is, I'm already, I already know this is going to be a hot one.

A fuego. It's going to be a fuego episode. Go ahead and give it 10 stars. And send it to six of your loved ones. Yeah, can you? Before you listen to it. Just send, what are y'all doing for your friends? Y'all not letting them know what's really good out there.

So, this is it. This is a good Father's Day gift. This is a good Mother's Day gift. It's a good birthday present. Unofficial expert. Send it to your friends. This is a good summertime motivation. You know what I mean?

When you're in the gym and you're hearing us talking shit, you're like, ooh, I'm about to get all the abs. You know? Ready? Ten more. Nine more. You got it, boo. Eight more.

Fix your form. Okay. Your ass too high up in the air. Marie can tell you about that because I have no idea. I'll just be there in the mirror like, ow, you know, gym worthy. All right. Sydney's that.

Sydney's go to the gym to watch TV and take photos and be like, hashtag gym. yeah body goals i'm doing it have you been to the gym yet for the uh for the season no man i just feel so scrawny like i like stand next to like women who got like hips and shit i'm like what am i doing well the gym's not gonna make you have hips oh yes there is there there's like those if i get some squats going together my butt but not your hips my hips will grow too i don't know what workout you think is gonna make your hips grow it's your butt sis your hips are not a muscle it's a bone

it's not a muscle but whenever I get more stuff in the back the front like it goes out too okay Sydney just get fat

when you get fat you have hips I'm so sorry guys that's just not possible I just can't get big the lies

Sydney went to Detroit and came back and I was like why you look so juicy and she was like I don't know and we just all assumed

that she had gotten her ass done in Detroit that's where you would think I would get my ass done I feel like it'd be cheap. You could get a house in Detroit for like $10. Oh, here you go.

This Detroit slander. Okay. Do we care? Is anybody in the studio from the D? No. Hey, listeners, anybody from Detroit, don't shout us out. We're good. We're all set.

We don't need that. Wow. Shout out to Detroit. Motor City. Sydney, what were you an expert in this week? Let's get into it, friend. I'm all about challenging the petty. That's what I'm an expert in.

This week, you know, your girl is getting consistent checks now. So I'll be taking an Uber X. You were taking Ubers before you was getting consistent checks. Pool, baby. Pool. X now. Okay. Let's talk about it.

I look at prices. I'm like, I got that. And then I look at, I'm like, what am I doing? Anyway, I got an Uber. Well, no, I didn't get an Uber. I, you know, summoned an Uber to come and, you know, like four minutes in, I get a text message from the driver and he's just like, can you tell me where you going? And I'm like, Brooklyn. You always, you got to say no, because they, when they ask where you're going, they don't want to go with wherever you're going to respond.

I know. You got to be like, nope. But I wanted to be honest because I wanted to see where this was going. And he was like, yeah, I want to know if you on the way because I'm going to Harlem. I'm going home uptown and I was like okay cool I'm not going there you need to come here and then he's like

oh well can you just cancel and I'm like I'm not canceling if you need to if you need to cancel then you need to cancel and he's like it's gonna mess up my status I'm like I don't care about any this is through text message are we friends sir what was his name Ishmael

you messing with my dad well it actually when I cancel too it fucks up my rating so I get it I'm already at a 4.6, and I don't even know why. Because I know why. You get in the car. You be loud. You ask for the aux cord before you even say your name.

You be like, you got an iPhone charger? And they be like, Sydney, are you in the right car? I've seen you get in Ubers. I know why you're at a 4.6. Let me see what I'm at. Yeah, word. I want to see what I'm at. I don't even know.

Anyways, so the man doesn't cancel. And I'm like, I'm not canceling. 4.81. wow wow 4.7 that's well retarded anyway so so he doesn't cancel and i don't cancel and then i see him on the map going the opposite direction of where i'm at so this man is going home he's going home but he won't cancel and i was like i want to see how long you're gonna take this yeah until he cancels so i'm waiting and waiting and then the person i was with i was with molly austin and she's like just take a lift and keep it keep it running let's see this man goes all the way to

the bronx that's not harlem that that's what i said i was like well one he's a liar or he just don't know how maps work he like everything is harlem he's like i'm not claiming the bronx right maybe he was embarrassed that he was going to the bronx if he would have told me that he was going to the bronx i was like oh sir i'll cancel immediately immediately sir it's gonna take you three days journey to get there i got you bro i got you so long story short he leaves it on until the next day and he doesn't cancel until like 10.30 in the morning he doesn't cancel the ride and

it helped me because I got a 4.7 after he canceled so I'm glad that I didn't I'm glad that I did not cancel for him and how dare you sir and he had a 4.9 stars I was like how because he don't ever cancel no rides he goes home

I wrote Uber and I was like I'm appalled I'm distraught I felt stranded I was stranded I was stranded I felt stranded and I was stranded and they gave me $5

so fuck Uber Uber's response is always $5 yeah no matter what you could be like they hit my baby they put $5

the man touched me oh $5 that's it it's like I can't get a whole ride for free what ride is $5 Uber like little short ones

anywho that's what happened to me if y'all understand where I'm going tell me about your ubers your uber situations at me let me know yes slide in our dns the crappiest uber experience you've ever had we'll read them on the podcast yes uh next week yeah what were you a expert in a friend you know i'm fully unemployed now uh i was an expert at being living my best unemployed life this week um uh i did karaoke two days in a row that's that's what happened

That's a cry for help, my friend. Is it though? It is. Because sis. Okay, so I don't like karaoke when people invite me, but then when I'm there, I'm doing choreo. I'm doing, I'm harmonizing. I'm doing, like I'm doing ballads.

And mind you, Marie can't sing. Just in case y'all don't know. Sydney, you know, as a friend, I'm gonna give you a 4.6 rating as a friend. Well, you know what? I'm gonna give your singing one star. Well, that's because you're bitter. uh you mad that you ain't got the range that i got sis you're right you're right you know so

yesterday me and andre went and we did uh we we started the whole evening off mind you we were the youngest people in the room it was all like old temptation ass like al green ass people yeah this guy came up to sydney he was like you are beautiful uh they call me brooklyn isaac hayes no i thought he said it's brooklyn barry white and then they kept calling him barry barry i was like what is his real name brooklyn barry white and he was like uh he walked away and somebody was like he's famous and i was like is he in this i said you know who's famous barry white and and uh he sang and people were like two-stepping it was real motown like in there uh the bartender looked like smoky robinson it was interesting so andre and i started with bills

bills bills i don't know if you guys know this but the outro in that song is just the chorus like 19 times and we were like wow uh and then i did uh when you believe i sang both whitney and mariah i was there because i'm both parts i was there and they wanted to boo her but they were also like this is a classic no disrespect no all black people don't care about not being disrespectful they were feeling me oh they loved it they were like look at these young ass kids with they fresh ass hips yeah we started singing

Freak Me Baby and everybody was like are they having a stroke we were like let me lick you up and down till you say stop yeah that's me

and Sydney's go to song oh wow that was so good I really wish you had that energy last night also yes both sharp both flat whatever

oh wow anyway speaking of energy super excited to get this episode really on and popping King. Our guest today is our, she's a comedian.

She's an influencer. She out here doing videos. She got height. She probably the tallest woman that I know. Probably. She's also from the Bronx. She probably know what to do that left you. That didn't cancel. I got like two cousins that drive over.

She is our lying expert. It is D Mother F'n Nasty. What's going on guys? D Nasty's in the building. and i met at vice because uh that's where i was working and i used to call her d gross you know how migas do they you know we get a little shady and then that's how you know i really like you

exactly you gotta have my feelings a little amigas with some friends the music but with the bachata beat

you gotta put a little tambora in that bitch wait do you guys have like a latin friends is there a show that's like latin that we don't know

that's on telamundo I feel like all spanish shows are telanovelas are there comedies they do have comedies and I feel like there has to be

a latin friends you know what's crazy though like I don't watch that much latin tv like i just discovered latin youtube and i'm obsessed but like i am yeah latin instagram is a thing also yeah like and i'm i'm dominican but you know i was born and raised in the bronx so i don't know who i am no he was kidding is that how you start off you're like so i'm dominican and i'm from the bronx like is that you're like you intro a real quick that's always what it is because people need to know like this is where i'm from i'm proud yeah very

Yeah, but no one that has ever come out of the Bronx, I feel like, has been ashamed to say that they're from the Bronx. When people say it, I'd be like, oh, I wouldn't have shared that. But they'd be like, BX to all day, baby. I think that's what it is. I think we get shit on so much that it's just like, well, look at me killing the game and I'm from the Bronx. And plus, it's like, it really is a part of me. Like, I don't really know how to explain it, but being from the Bronx. It's all up and through your voice, dude.

It's in my voice. It's in the way that I walk and shit. It's the way you line your eyes, too. My eyes, my hoops. You out on Timbs with your booty shorts? She has on Air Max. But I do have white Ups, which are just as... Are they called Ups now?

The Ups. For the listeners, Uptowns are like a Harlem and Bronx staple. You are not from the hood unless you have a pair of Ups. And they're the low tops. Yes, yes, yes, yes. How tall are you? I don't know. I think I grew recently, but I think I'm 5'11".

No. That's hot. I think I'm 5'11". How tall are you? Right, 6'2". Are you taller than me, Andrew? I think that, uh... Okay, yeah.

A CD. I might be six, though. Like, I feel like I got that giant gland that, you know, you're supposed to stop growing when you're, like, 21. Your thyroid? Yeah, I think I'm gonna be on TLC very soon. Like, you know when they have

them big-ass 7-4 bitches? Yes. Because I was in a friend's house the other day, and she lives, like, in a basement, and... Oh, so sorry for your friend. You understand. But she's little, and I had to crawl in them. Was it, like, Alice in Wonderland?

Yes. Boricua? No, not Boricua. Dominican Alice in Wonderland. But she's Boricua, so yeah. Oh, what? Look at that. So Boricua is just Puerto Ricans?

Yes. Basically. Okay, so Dominicans can't be that? No. Okay. My family's from Haiti and Andrew's white. He didn't know. Yeah, no, no, no.

Boricua, I don't even think that like Puerto Ricans from Puerto Rico call themselves Boricua. That's a very New York thing, I think. What does Boricua mean? Unbori, I don't know. I have no clue, but that's just what we call them. okay we don't know what it means when you say we you're saying dominicans i think anybody who knows a boricua okay yeah people who have flags hanging from their car exactly yeah that little baby shoe

with the flag all in the back window yes yes yes yes and yeah that's what that is i'm here for all of that okay so you're our lying expert but you seem like somebody who keeps it pretty real yeah like no i think i think that's why like i can definitely tell when people lying to me and i grew up with a mother who like for the first couple years of my life uh she was very strict so i had to do things i had to like kind of get around it by lying so i consider myself a very good liar um so when people lie to me i'd be like you lying yeah i had a strict mom too and we would lie to her also yeah like that's the only way you get shit done is by lying like that's how we got outside exactly yeah so without lying i wouldn't be who i am i would be like a little like shell

shocked person you're a nerd sis yo i mean i am a nerd i'm definitely a nerd but i'm a hood nerd so it's different it's different what that mean what's a hood nerd i don't know you know uh how to make a chopped cheese and say like what's the math a hood nerd you know i'll be reading comic books from time to time but i also do know like every big pun song big papa like you know what i'm saying i know the lyrics to everything i could also fight like i guess yeah you can write oh i thought you said and write that makes you a nerd you can fight and write so that's a hood nerd i love it wait fight and write fight and write fight and write that's a song yo we're about to make some bars yeah we're not doing a podcast no more we're doing an album yes

fight and write fight and write get on my level get on my level see i was so bad at lying that's why i'm always trying to tell the truth because i would always get caught yeah so i learned early that oh you're just bad at this and you should just probably tell the truth yeah growing up i I needed to be honest because every time I lied, literally the next day, it's like, okay, so your shit is not adding up. This is wrong. You should have stuck with it. You know, the more you lie, the better at it you become. Practice those fibs.

Queen of lies over here. Queen of lies. Queen of lies. I just feel like lying is exhausting. I also do feel like it's like a childish thing. Like I got away with it as a kid. But now that I'm an adult, I don't give a, I don't care enough to lie anymore. Right.

so I feel like that's why when I meet people like you know when people lying when their life is too elaborate like bitches there's always a bitch with a story

a tall tale a very tall tale and I'm just as tall so I can see the lies from that so I just like like I can't even think about it

but somebody will walk in and they'll be like yo I just hitched a ride on a giraffe over here like bitch no you didn't this is not a 90s sitcom like what are you what is your life

do you remember a time that you lied and forgot what you had said like because Like, it's easy to add to a story, and then it's hard to remember what you said. You get caught in webs. I don't remember a specific time that I might have gotten caught in a lie.

I'll tell you about a time that I got caught in a lie. Let's hear it. So, when I was little, I used to steal. I used to steal. Oh, my God. I used to steal from the school store. I used to steal from, like, the holiday boutique. I used to steal people's snacks out of their lunchboxes.

I would steal. And it was stuff that I didn't need. Like, my mother gave me a snack every day to go to school, but it was always something real healthy like an apple or a tangerine or something stupid like that and all the other kids were eating like chips and the cracker with their watery cheese and a little red stick you know what i mean like that yes and my mother never bought that rectangle shit yeah i forgot what they was cooked i don't remember i want to say lunchables but they're like no it's like ritz cracker like it's like it was like a nabisco situation yeah so right i mean the cheese was

not real cheese it was just orange water yeah and it was glue it was glue and it was cold velveta velveta yeah that like liquid cheese yeah that you oh yeah that's a mac and cheese though there's a brand of velveta called mac and cheese but that little thing i think was crafts crafts you're probably right because the little you talk about the rectangle with the yeah you peel the back off and there's like a rectangle crack like a stack of rectangle crackers and a little cheese and that's it was like a hood cheese plate that's what it was oh my god that was charcuterie and uh my mom gave me like 50 cents to get something from the school store and i came out with a bag a giant bag full of stuff like i stole like all those erasers that were shaped

like soccer balls or whatever and like all this crap that i didn't need like lisa frank folders all of this stuff and my brother is a year older than me my mother gave him the same 50 cents we were on the bus he was like all i got was this uh pen and i was like oh they must have been having a sale when i went and i get home and my parents are like the hook is this like they they were like okay the school 50 cents goes far right because my parents third world country realness like they were like okay well you stretched that money and then it was like well what did you get to my brother and he just showed them and they were like oh an oatmeal cream pie yeah they were like you're lying and i was like no i didn't i found it i just i can't i was like i paid for this and

then i was like i found it and then i was like they gave it to me and like all within the span of like a couple of minutes they beat my ass uh oh damn yeah i mean i used to steal as well i guess i'm a good liar and a good stealer because i used to i used to steal like i was a queen of thief and like me and my cousins were broke and i remember we would walk to park chester which is kind of like this part of the bronx where it has like macy's and a few bunch of other stores i know I don't know about Park Chester. Did the 6 train go over there? On the 6 train.

I used to be on the 6. Ah, J-Lo used to go to Park Chester, I'm sure. Oh, J-Lo was such a Park Chester chick. You could just see it. Because Park Chester was like low-key kind of fancy a little bit. Yeah, because they had a Macy's. They had a Macy's. Yo, I remember one day me and my cousins were sitting down in my aunt's house and we were

like, yo, I'm tired of being broke. And I'm tall and I've always been tall. And I was like, I'm tired of people making fun of my high waters. Like, everyone could see my ankles at all times. And now they're in. High waters are in. Listen, they have never been out. They've never been out.

So I remember my aunt, you know, she had a lot of bags, a lot of big bags. And we were just like, yo, let's go shopping. So we each had a big ass bag. I don't know how we didn't go to jail this day. And we went to Macy's and we went to 579 and Rainbow and all this other shit. And we were just like, it was crazy. Like one of those videos that you see on Instagram where you're just ransacking shit in a bag. Like supermarket sweep.

Yeah, like I got shoes that day. Shoes? I got shoes. Like who steals shoes? Like I actually walked in, you never walked in with a pair of shoes, like tried on another and then left with the new one and left the nasty raggedy ones. I've never done that, but I've seen that like in the box. Like you're like, well, these are off white.

That's so smart. These are off yellow. Dirty ass shoes. Yeah, but back in the day, you could steal so much easier. Like I had friends that would go to Bloomingdale's and they would steal Ralph Lauren, like cashmere sweaters and I would go with them and they would go in the dressing room and they didn't have the same type of sensors.

We're all in ninth grade, so it was nothing to them. I would go with them, and I wouldn't steal because I'm just like, I'm too, I know how Ramona gets down. She knows everything I have, any item. She can tell, she can smell something new in the place.

Yeah, that's some mom, that's some mother skill too, though. My mother knew all of my clothes in high school. Oh, Ramona's your mom? Yeah. Oh, that's what you're talking about. Ramona was a friend that was stealing with you. I was like, we need a Ramona.

That's Sidney's mom. The listeners know about Ramona, but yeah, I talk to her about her first name. Very beige of me, but whatever. Disrespectful. Sidney called my mom

by her first name once. One time. I didn't know she was on the freaking phone. You didn't tell me. I had Sidney on speakerphone and I was with my mom and Sidney was like,

what'd she say? She said, my mom's full government. My mother was like, who is that? I was like, I gotta go. She did.

She got in trouble. I said, my mama said, we can't be friends no more. Yeah, that's pretty much right. That is exactly what happened. Yeah, I feel like just as a kid. It was easy to steal, I think, back in the day. It was really easy to steal. Yeah, and switching out the tags was a thing, too.

Ooh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, I do that as an adult, so. It's not really stealing, it's just a discount. Right, it's just this. We're not paying full retail, it doesn't cost that much to make it. Which you are the devil for even putting that type of price on this shirt. What's wrong with you? Let's get into corporate greed.

yeah yeah y'all are actually the problem i'm doing this for the sweatshop workers yeah you know how this helps them but it does it feels like it does is we're sticking it to the man um i stole a dkny tube top from macy's once fancy i didn't even know what the hell where i thought i was going young thought young thought i love crunchy like what yeah it's a hair tie right it's a headband um i had a friend that worked at aero pastel remember when that was cute and he came in and he was like um they don't have no um sensors on any of the clothes oh and he was like and there's no um security and the cameras ain't got no wonder dominicans right he was like the cameras ain't got no uh they're fake so we would jump in the car and split up into teams and just spend probably

like a cool half hour just panties shirts sweaters jeans shoes i don't even know if they say get to Go to the fitting room and put it all under your clothes. That's another one. I never did that. You're hoodlums. That's so sad. I'm a hoodlum. You just walk out real thick.

Yeah, you're getting five pounds. You're just like, yeah, I'm just going. I'm up. But I never got caught stealing. I only got caught, you know, from my parents. Well, this is my biggest stealing thing, and then I'll move on. Okay, yeah. How did you set it off, sis?

Well, I used to work at Victoria's Secret at the mall, at the Urban Mall in Massachusetts. What's the Urban Mall? Yeah, I was going to say, is it named the Urban Mall? it was in no Auburn it was Auburn mall it was in Worcester, Mass it don't matter but anyway I worked there and I really is that where all the urban people no right it was the black people mall it was where Jimmy Jazz and V.I.M. and stuff was no it had every it was everything that you needed in Worcester it was a mall it was just a regular

mall okay but I worked there and I I used to take the sensors off the bras and just layer my freaking bra up with other bras. And I would steal bras for friends and for myself. Wait, this is while you worked there? Worked there, yes. Inside job. Oh, yeah. You need an inside man sometimes. Yeah, I used to work for Levi's.

And you used to steal Levi's? I was pussy. I didn't steal the jeans, but I would steal all the leather belts. I would put them here. Yeah. Oh, I have a nice collection of leather belts. You were doing waist trainers before everybody else was doing waist trainers. Yes, I was, darling. Just thin-ass belts. I mean, you see that you're not

getting paid enough you see like all the shit that you put into the place you're like i'm gonna get mine fuck this i think it's less it's that but also they built into their budget people stealing yes it's called lp loss prevention yeah they like love me an lp they know that they're not gonna sell everything they know people are gonna steal so they like that's part of their budget so it's like if you know people gonna steal then i'm i'm doing what y'all want me to do for the people facts yeah i don't feel anymore now i'm too old i feel like i can't go to jail for stealing you know stuff considering i see you know people who go to jail and just get right out i feel like i'm not one of those people so yeah i feel like i don't want to risk it you know like flashback to

a couple months ago yeah i did get locked up in the airport i heard about it yeah i was a con egg on a young Jesus and I was like I got a stick like it's a stick it's just a stick it was a baton it was a police baton

yeah but I feel like that that was funny but to get caught stealing that's embarrassing it is embarrassing and nobody's gonna

help me get out nobody because they're just like bitch why you got caught stealing you so dumb yeah you know like you you've been stealing

all your life now all of a sudden you getting caught like come on work better yeah the older you get like I am more afraid now but I still be stealing

like lip glosses I'm not paying $10 for a lip gloss I heard Sephora The spot if you want to steal That's what I heard I saw somebody get caught stealing at Sephora once And I was there and I was like Wait hey what happened

It was a couple years ago It was the Sephora in like Herald Square Near the Macy's That's too big I feel like Sephora is too easy So I'm afraid They're watching Their cameras work

I heard their cameras are good. Like, they be like some CSI shit. Like, they got the Vegas casino cameras. Yes. I think that's what I heard. I heard the, you know, the little travel size stuff that they get by the register, like, to scam you to get more stuff. That's where people be getting caught, because it's like, oh, there's so much little stuff

here. Oh, you know, I'll just swipe this like that, and then nobody gonna see it. And they're like, no, this is actually to catch people who are thieves. If you're stealing from the register, you gotta have big balls. No, I'm not a register. you steal from there and then you gotta walk all the way out the store

that's true it's a long walk of anxiety right also Sephora's good for samples you don't ever have to spend any money at Sephora

just be like can I have a sample of this this this and these eight other things yeah but sometimes your hands is hot and you're like I don't want a fucking sample

I want the whole damn thing and then all of a sudden the eyeliner is in your pocket and you're like bye well then you deserve to be in jail with a crooked

with a crooked cat eye that's it right because that's when they grab her have you ever dated a dude that that you caught lying to you uh of course of course yes of course um like my ex the one that i well this one was like an innocent lie a little bit but basically my ex the first couple like months that we were dating he was lying to me and he's very very very honest he's a very good person so like this he was doing something he was acting shady he wasn't

picking up the phone what was he lying about yeah i'm like what are you lying about right so he I forgot what the story was this was a long time ago but like he just was acting weird he wasn't looking when he finally came to the house he wasn't looking at me in my eyes he smelled different I'm like what's smell different he just had like a smell

that wasn't me and I'm like where were you like what were you doing it wasn't bath and body work splash it was more like like Florida water and I used Florida water to like sweep him off and stuff and he smelled like Florida water like incense and stuff I'm like what hippie ass bitch house were you in you know so like I was trying to figure

it out and then long story short like I don't fuck with like like voodoo and shit I was raised Jehovah's Witness so like wait a minute Jehovah's Witness and you were stealing from Macy's I was a rebel anyway but I don't fuck with the devil I don't fuck with that like like spiritual spells and shit I don't go to no psychics like I don't I don't do that Santa Maria you know no no no I'm not that latina so i don't do that so he has a cousin who's like very heavy into it so he went to these like say like a weird seance and he had mentioned it before and he was like i was like don't go there and come to my house bringing that shit to my house like i don't want your energy with some weird devil bitch on you coming into my house like i'm not about that so he hid that

from me but i could tell that he was lying but i've also had dudes like cheat on me like other like he's a great guy i never call him in anything like that but i had some other dirty ass motherfucker that i was seeing and he just used to lie all the time about what just anything where he was who he was with numbers in his phone numbers oh my god i had like i remember i looked through this guy's laptop you know how like the iMac yeah see i don't i don't i'm not here for that i'm not here you've never you've never been serious yeah but when you search you're gonna find what you want i always search but i've never found anything well this one time i found it all so I found

like at least four bitches and I'm like damn but like what the fuck like conversations photos like just conversations titties

um pussy also a bitch that I put him on like for work I saw him pursuing the whole I was like oh you

pursuing the bitch that I put you on to wow for work for work he was like it's networking he works with clothes and the chick is a model

and she was like a big thing like she went viral for some shit cause she's like very well spoken very cute I'm not gonna go too hard into it cause but you gonna show us

after off the record sure sure sure yes yes yes for sure for sure so this bitch he like apparently she reached out to him to collab

and he was like I don't really know like she ain't that cute I'm like nah nah she's cute her personality's cute like she's like one of them like

I was like she's like one of them ugly cutes like really yeah is that how you really feel she's handsome

she's cute she's cute she's cute she's cute are y'all still friends okay got it but

whatever so he I told him about her and then he was like really pursuing her and like really really going hard for her and i have a sneaking suspicion that that's like his chick now so but i saw the conversations but he was like i like anyway the lie was like i saw that girl him talking to that girl and three other women and he said these are my friends this is how i talk to them it's just like jack like you're a comedian and i'm like

bruh you were like i don't none of this is funny to me this ain't this ain't no joke like it's not a joke also like you know they're not looking at you in their uh your eyes they're being super defensive like why are you even looking through my shit if you think i'm hiding something if i'm if you think i'm hiding something what are you hiding nah that's like spoken like a true liar no and then listen this is my rule of thumb what you hiding this is my rule of thumb for a liar right when you confront a liar and the first thing they say is wow the more w's in that bitch the more w's in that wow the more time he's coming up with a lie like he's just trying to figure it out so wow i was actually first of all first of all if you hear first first of all i was at my

mother's house you went through my computer right let's just repeat everything you said first of all that's my work laptop so like everybody in the office uses that laptop to send nudes that ain't even them not my titties these are professional titties i mean but i'm asking real questions why are you going through my shit like what the fuck because you acting suspicious you No, I think I would rather you just ask me instead of ask instead of go through my shit. No, because this guy, like, you know, I think he was a good liar. Like in the sense of like he would he wasn't messy and he wasn't out there. But I just knew it deep in my heart.

Oh, this is something kind of slimy and skeevy about him. But couldn't you just have dumped him? And the dick was good. But the dick was good. There it is. There was a real answer right there. The dick was good. His soul was slimy, but the dick was good.

Slimy, good dick. Slimy dick. I mean, sometimes slimy dudes got the best dick. they really do well unfortunately that's not a thing anymore i mean fortunately fortunately that's not a thing anymore but wait what's the what's the biggest lie you've told in a in a relationship well we're gonna have to talk about that when we get off air oh wait you can't talk about it come on i'll tell you the number one lie ever told yeah i'll tell a lie i was like this is your i'm pregnant by you oh shit that was a big lie uh-huh yeah what happened it was

honestly I didn't even know but I was like but were you pregnant? I was definitely pregnant I just didn't know who you are not the father I couldn't place it couldn't tell I mean I had an idea but you know I needed to get these these coins yeah

I respect that as a woman who lies and steals I think my biggest lie actually was telling someone that I never had had a threesome before when I have had a threesome oh why are you lying about that? Now, that's childish. Because the timeline didn't add up.

Oh, because you were with him when you had that threesome. Yeah, but you didn't have to say when. But it's not cheating if it's two people at the same time. Right, right. It cancels out, right? That don't count, right? It balances out. Yeah, if you solve for X, you know, you got to, what'd you do at the top?

You got to do it at the bottom, and it cancels out. So you cheated. That's what happened. I should have cheated. I guess. I wouldn't have cheated. I don't think that me and him was that official. So then why did you lie?

because sometimes the old bad pushed in the face. Yeah. Okay, well, let's talk about this threesome. Yeah, because that's what Marie's trying to do this summer. Remember we were talking about this at work and you said that

you said to me somebody might have asked you for a threesome and you didn't realize they were asking or something like that? Because I told you this woman slid into my DMs and said her and her boyfriend really liked the show. And you were like, Oh, she wants to have a threesome.

Oh, yeah. You were the unicorn. Those people live in San Francisco and they were like, we want to fly you out on vacation with us. Yeah, you were the unicorn. You were definitely the unicorn. I mean, yeah. Why not?

It's fun. I think it's also better like that sometimes. Like, I know that the rule of thumb with threesomes is if you're going to have a threesome, like the people that I had a threesome with, none of us were with each other. That was like, we were drunk. We was in a pool. In a pool? Okay.

Well, D, you tall. We be living our lives? You was in the deep end just like looking around like nobody's coming. No, wait, wait. Except me. No, wait a minute.

Was that a local pool or were you out of state? No, it was like out of state. A local pool. A pool in the Bronx? A community pool? Ew, my man. I would have came out with all that.

Since you were at the YMCA? We asking a real question. No, Equinox. I feel like there's an Equinox pool. Are there Equinoxes in the Bronx? It was an Airbnb pool and it wasn't in this. Okay, so you were on,

you were in Westchester on a cusp of like the Bronx she was on the road it was something like that was like New Rochelle New Rochelle that's right

New Rochelle New Rock City you know but it was cool I just think but like the rule of thumb for threesomes I would say

is that you should not know each other I think that it should always be if it's a relationship like if it's a girl and a guy that are together

and somebody wants a threesome the girl has to initiate it I think if the guy initiates it it's kind of like sketch because like oh you just wanted to fuck this bitch so i think the girl the the girlfriend should initiate it and be like this person i met and it shouldn't be someone that either of you

have fucked in the past um yeah yeah yeah because there's like weird shit in it but yeah i always but like for you if are you in a relationship so you single so if somebody if a if a couple comes at you together i think that's cool because like they don't know you they don't know me so I don't trust nobody I don't trust nobody because we had a friend who the guy wanted

a threesome and the girlfriend was acting like she wanted it but at the end of the day she didn't she only wanted to do it

to please him and I don't want to be in a situation like that because it's too much drama too much baggage it's like it needs to be free it needs to be air

like lightly popped popcorn you guys gonna be having sex you gonna bite you all real and you gonna be like no I'm bleeding now and she's like

yeah she gotta go home sorry you're like well somebody get me an uber yeah and then it'll be like 50 shades of gray stunts like wait why are you tying me up okay now you're putting something in my mouth is that a sock now you tied up in a basement somewhere oh no no no you didn't even get your nut off like yeah yeah that's the worst part of it all like tie me up but at least let me get a nut no like i'm just like i don't know i just feel like there's so many ulterior motives with threesomes there's not like organic ones organic threesomes

I would say that the one that I had I was very very young and it was organic because we had nothing to do with each other like he we had all met there so that was I think the most Airbnb? Was this camp? Was this a hostel?

It was like vacation we knew each other that week I mean it was a thing I can't but it was you know you gotta keep some things to yourself sometimes So then the dude that you were dating at the time Asked you about if you had ever had a threesome And you said no

Because it was a crossover Yeah basically I mean you gotta lie to these men sometimes Because men are the most sensitive people in the world They're sensitive and they be lying the most So I'm gonna live my life That being said I hate liars I hate when people lie

That's crazy Marie But I'm honest Now in 2019 I'm honest I'm not out here lying to people what do I have to lie about? Yeah, lying is exhausting. I lied as a child. I stole and lied as a kid.

I'm not lying anymore. I mean, I'll lie to my mom about stuff now. Like, my mother will ask me how much something cost and I'll lie about how much I spent. That's a little white lie.

Right. Because I know she's going to be like, you spent too much and she's going to complain. But those are the types of lies that I tell now. I'm not lying about where I am or who I'm with

or what we doing. Yeah, like that whole threesome thing, I was like 19. I can't do that shit now as an adult. That's exhausting. I don't have the time

and I forget a lot so like I wouldn't be able to keep up with my lies yeah and do you know where the origin of like white lies come from yeah white people be lying white people be lying this isn't harmful yeah but white lies be the most harmful lies

so do white collar crimes exactly embezzlement Bernie Madoff put all your money in federating Christopher Columbus come on now you see what his lie did to the native americans that's what kind of white lies y'all want

i've never met a native american exactly that's what he did that's how strong the lie was okay that's a white lie that's a white how do we get that out we need to we need to cancel white lies there's no such thing yeah we got we gotta make them what's a what's an inclusive term for white Multicultural lies Gender fluid lies Gender fluid lies Yeah Fluid lies

Fluid lies But Dee I feel like I want to know more about you as a person Like so you were raised Jehovah's Witness Like Prince That's bizarre Serena Williams is Jehovah's Witness She was raised

I don't think anymore Maybe though Because that wedding of hers was odd. Did you see the pictures of Serena Williams' wedding? No. It looked like a fucking kingdom hall. Anyway. I'll show you later.

You can show us later. But yeah, ask away. What do you want to know? You got siblings and stuff? I do. I'm the youngest of three. And yeah, I have siblings, a brother and a sister. And they dope.

I love them. I'm very close to my family. Yeah, you're family oriented. I'll be watching your Insta stories. I'll be like, yo, you got Tia. Tia just out there bachata and it up. in a crop top just hot as fuck.

Oh, y'all be wearing crop tops? No, I do not wear crop tops. You lying. That bitch got an ulcer in that bitch? That bitch got an hernia?

That bitch is not not an ulcer hernia. No, but like your family, like your family, first of all, is so cute and so fun.

And I, every time I know, as soon as I could see the walls, I'm like, oh, she in her family's house. Yeah. There's just certain type of walls

that you like families have like covered in old ass photos. Oh, this is old school. I know where she at. She not home. Yeah. you got plastic couches

you got them little like things that people them Caribbeans like to put on their walls you know what I'm talking about they just like a tapestry or something yeah something weird

like and y'all be dancing and drinking and have a good time I'm like ah this is like family I love it yeah I love my family

we get we go from 0 to 100 real quick so like I'm very very social I like people I'm very conversational

but I got like three friends and then my family like I don't really fuck with a lot of people I love the way you say three yeah say it again

No that's not how you You're like threesomes I got like three fans I'm the baby of three My name is three Karina is across the street from me My name is three nasty Threesomes

But yeah I love my family They're dope, we're a lot of fun My mom is actually the one who's the most conservative Because she I had a very confusing childhood as a Jehovah's Witness because still jehovah witness the only one that jehovah's witness is my mom right okay so um what what's the what's the like what they can't like eat after a certain time but they can't drink you can't come outside you drink they drink like wine and shit but like you're not supposed to be like

drunk or whatever um but they don't celebrate holidays because they feel like every holiday stems from a pagan like the people think that jehovah's witnesses don't believe in jesus we definitely believe in jesus but we don't believe in like the cross because they don't i'm saying weed like i've been there i haven't been there yeah um but like jova's witness don't wear a cross because it's a form of idol tree yes and you're not supposed like god is supposed to be in your heart and in the world like you're not on your chest yeah and plus i always thought that the cross was weird like if if god forbid something happens to my mom and she gets stabbed i'm not gonna rock a knife on my fucking chest but what if it got swarovski crystals on it maybe i mean

i do like knives i like my eyeliner razor sharp yeah yeah yeah um but so they don't believe in idol tree they don't believe in saints they don't believe in in holidays which was very boring and sad as a child if you're not also very frugal you know you don't have to come out your pockets i got three kids we're not doing no i know right i'm about to be jehovah's witness just to not patient what about birthdays birthdays neither because it's basically like you are idolizing this person just for being born when people were born every day and the only person you should be idolizing is God, basically. Wow.

This is confusing as fuck, man. It is confusing. I'm thrown off. Yeah, and the thing about it, too, was, like, basically, my mom was in and out. So one year, I had a birthday. The next, nah.

I'm like, what's going on? And then... Well, you know, it depended, you know, what her pay cycle was. How she felt. Exactly. That's what I really think what it was.

And I remember one particular Halloween that was super sad because if I'm not gonna be able to go and trick-or-treat or whatever, then don't let me do it. But I guess she felt bad and she thought she was doing well, So she bought me like a belly dancer, like a Princess Jasmine type of costume.

Oh, I see. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But then I couldn't go outside. So I was like looking out the window at the children playing with my Jasmine costume. And I'm just like, this is so depressing. And you didn't have like Instagram or anything like that. So you couldn't even take pictures and post up and be like, yeah, look at me for Halloween. You couldn't even like stunt.

I was just running around, flipping around. I don't know. For you. Did you get candy in the house at least? Not like that. Jehovah's Witness don't believe in sugar. We don't believe in candy. They don't believe in sugar.

I know. that's tough it was tough yeah so like my my brother um like i was actually kind of mad at my mom like we're good for mother's day and i was about to not do nothing for her and then me and my sister were both like on the same side and so we called my brother and we were like listen we're not talking to ma so you better do something for her for mother's day so he was like what that he was like that lady don't believe in holidays right i don't believe in holidays either so like whatever we caved and we like cooked it up for her but so so does she like that though because So she appreciates you guys.

Yeah, she does. Because moms love that stuff. Yeah. And they be like, don't buy me. I don't need nothing. And then if you don't, they be like, I don't know. She tried to find loopholes when I was younger for my birthday. That's something I would say.

Like, the week before my birthday or the week after, she would give me something. But she wouldn't wrap it up. She would just give it to me. Just be in the bag. Yeah. And I'm like, okay, thanks. But, like, I knew it was for my birthday, but she wouldn't give it to me on my birthday. Shit, maybe my mother was Jehovah's Witness.

She was in, like, some stuff that she would pull, dude. Maybe. she's like she got the price tag on it I'm like so I'm supposed to know how much this costs yeah

that's very tacky so you know it didn't just fall out the sky exactly like Santa didn't give you this what the fuck about Santa I did exactly

now Santa Claus Ramona Claus Ramona Claus there it is that Ramona Claus that sounds like that should be a clause too that's a good name

Ramona Claus sounds like a drag queen Ramona Claus is kind of like a mob wife yeah right she wear head to toe leopard and none of the leopards match

exactly she got tiger leopard jaguar yeah and she's like it's character guys it's cheetah ramona claus we gonna write the pilot i love it um d you're very honest on social media like you're always your stories you pull your heart out you got you got skits i mean how it how important is it to be honest on there i think it's very honest and i think that goes back to our unofficial expert thing like my childhood i was lying and shit so like now i'm very honest because i have anxiety I can't come up with the lies and like this is just my life like I think I'm a little too honest on the ground sometimes I'm like

I need to step away like people do not need to know this like the other day I was like about to be like I think I got two tampons in and I'm like nobody wait did you have two tampons in? I almost thought I did I was finagling up there to see but I didn't I just have

forgotten like I was like sleepy I woke up in the middle of the night took it out and put a pad or whatever and then TMI TMI but whatever so the next day i was just like you thought she was gonna get tss yeah i was afraid of toxic syndrome hello i am a survivor of it i'm a survivor it happened she's a survivor city almost lost both legs no tell me about that what happened i mean i mean it was graduation and um i was hanging out with my friend anna and desi and we stayed out the whole night after graduation and And then I stayed out.

And then I hooked up with this guy, Cadell. Cadell? Cadell. Wow. R.I.P. He died over a dice game. Over a dice game? Over a dice game, yeah.

If that's not the blackest death I've ever heard. That's what I heard. But he was calling him. Oh, okay. We've lost no life. And you know it. Yeah, I'm Jim Jones in it. But anyway, so I hung out one whole night.

Didn't change my tampons. Because you didn't have any or you weren't thinking about it? I wasn't thinking about it. I was lit. You know, we had 99 apples. Oh, my God. Remember that? We had Alizé, the Peasians.

We was out on a stoop just doing it up. Yes, the Incredible Hawks with the Alizé. Baby girl, it was so... They had nutcrackers, everything. It was like graduation. It was summertime. It was lit. So didn't worry about my tampon all night, all day.

So this is the same tampon that was in graduation. You got your diploma with that tampon in? I feel like graduation would be at, like, noon all day. Right? It's early in the day because the sun is at its highest, hottest. You mean hot. These are on purpose. Yeah, you're like, oh, my God.

Polyester shit. All day, all night, next day. Oh, you lying. Oh, I'm not lying. I'm telling the truth, sis. I'm telling you, I went to the emergency room. I was not lying. How did you know that something was wrong?

What did you feel? Finally, finally, at, like, 2 p.m. So for 24 hours at least you had this tampon in. The thing is that it wasn't heavy. I was like towards the end. So that's when I was like that's when I was like

it's a little spotty dotty but it's not crazy. It's not soaked. You know? It's not day one. It's a little damp. It's day four. It's moist. It was day two. Don't lie to us. It was the first day

second tampon. My period only lasts for three days, so whatevs. Anyway, so I pull it out. I'm in the bed, and I feel achy. I feel like, oh. Well, you had this hooked up with Cadell. We didn't have sex. I mean, obviously, you had the tampon in there for nine days.

Yo, for real. This bitch had the last semester with that shit on. She took final exams with that tampon in. I was like, you can't put it inside. You got to put it in my ear. Yeah! doing it my nose my nostrils you know i was like i'm a graduate now um i gotta lose my ear virginity my nose for graduation i can hear i can hear you

okay anyway so i'm in the bed i feel swollen um my face is like a chipmunk my whole face blew up And so my mother was pissed that I was out all night and I came back late. And she looks at me. She's like, what's wrong with you? I was like, what do you mean? You look crazy. Like you're so, your face is so swollen. And then she took my temperature.

I had a fever. I was blowing up. I was like a 101, I think, fever. 107.5 WBLS. WBLS. The quiet storm. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

them older black cab drivers and you'd be like can you put the radio on and that's when it comes on yeah you got hot 97

or power 105 please and they're like no went to emergency room with my brother and we're gonna learn

the dangers of toxic shock yeah they took my temperature and they were like so what happened I was like well I left my tampon in for a long time

and they were like you still got it in and I was like no and they were like well let's see so they looked inside to see if my tampon

I was like i told y'all it wasn't in there yeah but they're like you dumb though because you left it in too long and now you're saying that you took it out they might be they maybe thought you had another one in there yeah well anyway they didn't find anything and um my brother was just like didn't know what toxic shock syndrome was and he was like that's disgusting yeah so you know don't have your brother as your emergency contact because he gotta come no matter what it could be anything and you don't want to imagine he didn't need to know yeah you got toxic shock syndrome and the clap that's just a lot i didn't have the clap i'm just saying

that day never had a guy's name the hookup what was his name mikey r.i.p cadet i know mikey's in harlem um yeah it's mike's though there's mike's for sure It's like a big mic. Yeah, big mic for sure, for sure. So, yeah, you know, I feel like... You're a survivor friend. I am a survivor. But something like that, I understand being on...

Just being on this podcast, we've done it for a long time now. And I'm like, damn, man, if somebody reels back, there's too many days where I'm just like too honest. I love it. I freaking love it. I'm like, Sydney, tell everybody your business. Yeah, I'm into telling my business because I feel like it's relatable. And I feel like for so long, people be trying to act like on this perfect shit.

And I'm just not about that. like this is me i'm kind of crazy i mean like i'm trying to actually calm down the morning ones because i'll be seeing other people and i'm like brush your teeth before you talk but i'll be doing it so i'm like you'll be having the eye boogers and stuff so that's disgusting so i'm trying to reel that part of me in but i just talk i talk about what i want to say i also do stand up so i feel like if i talk about it like if i don't put it somewhere i'm gonna forget and i don't tapping on notes like i got so many notes on my phone i don't even look at the notes so my stories are kind of like little prerequisites to material for my stand-up oh work that's great

gee i'm here for all of them work on it but also like people appreciate honesty and realness like they can tell when you're being fake and they can tell when you're being sincere and i think that's what makes a good stand-up too is like when you're being true to who you are yeah the crowd knows and when you're up there faking and pretending to be something that you're like if i got on stage and I was like, I can't get a man because I'm ugly. People be like, shut your sexy ass up. Exactly. I hate when pretty bitches do that. Like, don't. I don't talk

like that. I walk in and I be like, I have better skin than everybody in here and I ain't got no makeup on. And the crowd is like, she's telling the truth. She is right. She is hilarious. Drop the skincare. Yeah, no. But fuck people because you tell them the truth

and they don't want the truth. Like, they don't want honesty. Oh, you're not being PC. It's just like, I'm not about dude i can't do anything for the people it's always got to be about me because that's how i know i feel good like if i'm making myself laugh or if i'm being honest and i feel good later then that's what it is you know what i mean you just somebody asked me the other day about something about them and i was like well i wouldn't say you not funny but i'm not gonna say i'll be dying when you talk yeah like i had this thing at work actually and some girl we we had to talk about

things we hate it and i hate bad shoes i don't fuck with bad shoes bad shoes i don't do bad shoes i thought you said bad juice no i'm not gonna lie i was like i was like bad it's three it's a threesome the three jewels no i don't like bad like bad shoes like i feel like there's a lot of good shoes that you can buy that aren't too expensive so tell us what is a bad shoe to you like i hate a kitten wedge i hate a kitten wedge that's my nerves i don't fuck with a kitten wedge I'm going to fuck with a red patent heel. Oh. I don't like that.

Well, that's rude. A pump? Let me see your shoes. Let me see what Sydney had on. Oh, no, I have two. All my shoes is cute. Those are cute. Yeah.

What shoe you got on today? She got a snakeskin boot. Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes. Listen, I'm here for shoes. I love shoes so much. So, I mean, I think a certain type of person can rock a little kitten heel. I feel like. You saying that like somebody who has kitten heel at the house that we've roasted before.

I don't like a kitten heel. it depends I the one that I really really really don't like are you know like what those cork wedges

I don't like the Hampton shoes I love those jitney bitches but those could be cute maybe if it's open toe but you seen

the little round ones yeah with like the tweed I don't even know the hemp yeah that's exactly what I'm talking about

like the hemp thing and the shoes I don't like those shoes I don't like a peep toe boot yeah that's a disrespect how is your whole foot covered

And it goes up your leg And then your toe is out Oh you know what's worse The heel When the heel is out too When they have like A little opening for the heel Ew

And they crunchy heels Ew Also I hate I hate the sandals That have like a thing For just your big toe Yeah Cause if you have that

Juanette Oh Like gladiator type Sandal No It's just like It'll be like a loop For the toe

And then like the foot Be like I don't know I've seen that You have to have Really good feet No bunions I have one foot

That's really pretty And one foot that I got a problem. My feet are like the movie Us. I got my right foot. Oh, and then your tethered foot. Yeah, my left foot

is my tethered foot. You got the foot that's like She's just trying to be That's all my feet. Both feet look like that. All her toes are dead. Yeah, they are. They're very dead.

R.I.P. But the problem is that I love those clear shoes that look like Ah, the plexiglass. that look like Your feet are cooking in it

I love those The PVC's Yeah except I just don't have cute feet for it So I hate them Because I can't wear them But I actually like Those shoes

I feel like those shoes Like they fog up Like people's feet Yeah that's what I don't like Like yeah It like There's like evaporation And condensation

And it's like Well that's why you gotta Poke a little hole Like on the side What And then it like It comes out Oh really

What You gotta like puncture it A little bit You have to puncture it A little bit It's just like you know When you cook in And you put like

The aluminum foil and you put the holes in it. Yeah, you know when you're baking a potato, you got to put the holes in it with the fork. Yeah, that's what you do with those shoes, baby. No. I think that the clear heel shoes were good for one season and then I got over it.

No. I like a clear heel. You know why? I'm going to tell you why. It's not even that they're ugly. I have a bad experience with the clear heels. Okay, talk about it. A stripper hit you?

So I almost died with a clear heel in a future concert. This is a real story. Well, first of all, why are you going to a concert in a heel? In a heel. what's wrong with you because they were actually very comfortable but you're tall

but okay right you rude you tall and you at the I feel like you in a heel is like 6'6 it was like 6'4 it was ridiculous

and unnecessary well I looked cute that day but I went to this future concert and something this was around here actually first of all

why are you going to a future concert because I because you don't care about your future sis this was a long time ago this was like this was last year

it was like 2-3 years ago so we come to the Barclays Center I'm actually like top tier and we go see Future. Oh, so she was in the balcony. I was just listening to Future.

I was listening to Free Cold on my way in here. You was in a box? No, I was in like the $30 seats or whatever. But they weren't even $30. But you said top tier. Nah, she said she was up

in the top. A top level in the nosebleed section. I was in the nosebleed section. She was in the rafters with the jerseys. I don't know how to speak, so I use my hands to express myself,

but this is a podcast. But when you knew it, I was like up there. Both her arms were like we were raising our hands. Long story short, We was at this concert, and then I actually did have a little bit of an inkling. I was with my friend Tanisha, and I was like, yo, I have a bad feeling about this place.

Because as we were leaving, this is the end of it, everyone was walking inch by inch. It was very slow to get out, and I didn't see any security. It's mad people. So I was like, I feel really bad here. And I grabbed her, and I started maneuvering to try to get out as quickly as possible. All of a sudden, there was a big bang, right? And people thought that there was a shootout. We found out later it wasn't a shootout.

Somebody dropped a chair or something. It was, like, when they were unloading the concert, like, a big piece of something fell. Oh, yeah. And this was, I think, like, maybe two weeks after there was one of these school shootings. So, people were on edge. So, my man. My man. My man.

Yo, this was a stampede of people. Like, the people pushed and pushed and pushed and pushed. Like, it was insane. And me and Tanisha separated. Yo, me and Tanisha. Oh, my God. Like, the Titanic. Like, y'all separated.

Exactly. Our hands. She was in the sea of people. And I was getting pushed out. and then the clear heel was slippery I fell on the ground and then I started

getting stampeded on basically trampled I was getting trampled yeah like Mufasa like Mufasa be

sis you know what's crazy dad dad no except it was like Tanisha and Tanisha's like

I killed Mufasa yo Tanisha was hiding behind a trash can the whole time Tanisha probably had on an Air Max yeah she did

she had on some ups she had some sneakers She has the speakers But basically I fell down there There was people down there With me Oh you landed all the people

Yeah see that's why I don't like giant crowds I haven't been to a big concert Like that since I'm not here for concerts I hate it Or festivals It's too much

When I got out of that I saw people with bloody noses It was a thing It was on the daily news It was like Since you were on there Wow I wasn't on the news

But I saw But you were there It was covered Like it was People were scared And me and Tanisha Had just like This is my best friend

And I think this was our first fight that we had. And we had like a month without speaking. And then we came back and we're like, let's bond over a future concert. So when I lost her, there was a moment that I was about to be out. And I was like, damn, I can't leave Tunisia. So I like did the most weakest attempt to go back and save her. And I turned around because I was like, if I leave, she's never going to talk to me again. So I turned around.

I'm like, like, I got brave. And I'm like, I'm going to save my friend. Because everyone thought it was like a shooting. I thought it was like a school shooter. I'm like there's a white person here and then Denise was like white people don't go to future concerts

white people absolutely go to future why do you see that many people who you think spends money on most of these rap concerts it's white people that's true but I didn't see many

they wasn't in the balcony with you sis they was on the floor they was in VIP that's what it was they was on the floor they were in the box anyway I just

I attempted to go back and save her and then like one person kind of pushed me towards I was like ah try like I just like I got pushed out so it was fine

but we were fine by the end of it It wasn't an actual shooting. It was a misunderstanding. But a lot of people could have gotten hurt because people started to trample. I'm so glad that you were able to be here with us. Thank you.

Because it could have been worse. Well, I blame it on the clear heel. No. Boo. I blame it on being at a future concert in a heel. Yes. I don't know, man. You should have had me slipping and sliding.

You should have had a Doc Martin. Yeah. A stomping boot. You actually should have been wearing boxing gloves, too. Facts. You should have been prepared. I should have been prepared. That was on you, boo.

That was my fault, but I'm still going to blame it on Cleary Hill. I'm going to blame it on future Hendrix. You should have had on some Gucci flip-flops, honestly. Word. But you can't run in slides. You can't. You can't. You don't lose a toe.

And then when that little front piece bends a little bit, and you see your life flash before your eyes. When I tell you I almost bust my ass in my house a few weeks ago, I was like, who's letting on my face? that's so tragic I can't even I don't even think about it I met this girl the other day she said that when she was little she fell on her

face and one of her front teeth died like her tooth died she had a rotten tooth and it turned like gray or something and her family was like well we don't have money for you to replace that tooth she still got that dead ass tooth in her mouth how old is your friend? she's not my friend

I met a girl I was like I don't know this person, and Marie would have definitely not introduced me to her, but she would have told me about her. There are just too many options out here to be walking around with a dead tooth. Right. That should probably stink bad, right?

How does a tooth die? It's still in her mouth. The nerves. The nerves are dead. They're just in there. The nerves are unemployed. I had a dead tooth. That's why it had to come out. You take him out. I took it out. Now I'm just out here, you know, just smiling.

She should just get a gold tooth. Sydney she said you should get a cold tooth I will not who am I Sydney get a cold tooth You could be like Cookie from Empire No thank you With a little diamond in the middle That's not my brand how dare you

But just like sketch a S into it Like Shidney It's not Shidney No my name is Tris Tris Nasty My name is Sydney Tris Sydney Okay so D what's next for you

like what you got in the works um like what in an ideal world what would you be doing in an ideal world i would be going on tour soon for my stand-up and i would be doing a lot more shows like i have a show on thursday next week in the bronx and i have another one on the 30th in brooklyn in the cobra club i'm not sure exactly where that is but we'll figure it out st williams yeah um off the l something like that yeah um so i would in the near future i would be doing a lot more comedy and being on stage a lot more

because that's what I really enjoy doing but in the long run I want to use that to actually have a show in the future like a talk show because I feel like

I am good with people girl you can get that you can get that without stand up yeah well you know do you ever get a talk show Vice got a slot

for a talk show now they do but I don't know if I want to follow them steps no you don't oh god girl I was a correspondent on that show

yeah Dee was on the show she sat on the couch with us regularly yo I miss them little extra chats I wasn't getting what y'all was getting though I was tight when I found out what y'all was getting I was like where?

I'm an employee I mean I don't know what everybody else is making but I know what my checks look like pennies okay pennies compared to what y'all was getting paid I'm Thursday I have $4.06 in my account so this Thursday Dee you not saving no money?

yeah me no not really nah you got you a little savings I'm trying I'm really trying I do have a savings but I don't touch it So I have a little bit of something. Okay, good, good, good. What'd you spend your money on? Rent.

Eyeliner. I have no roommates and eyeliner. You said rent? Yeah, I don't have any roommates. But you're in the Bronx. I'm not in the Bronx anymore. I'm in Washington Heights. Which is Bronx adjacent.

It's basically the Bronx. It's pretty much the Bronx, boo. Oh, no, baby. My shit is gentrified because they stay sending me letters about being too loud. So... That's how you know you've made it.

When someone's complaining about the volume in your apartment. Facts, though. Like, I don't even have a real sound system. Like, I have one of those small little bows. I have that, too. I wish a nigga would. You got beats?

I wish my dusty-ass neighbors would fucking complain. My man, they complain about me all the time. I got a letter talking about that the person who lives under me is complaining about my footsteps. I'm not 800 pounds, and I don't walk that hard. So you shouldn't. You pull up, then. I did.

You wear them clear heels in the house, now? No, I wear flip-flops. I don't even wear, like, walk- Sis, you flat-footed? No, I actually have a nice arch. You got an arch? sis I see you in the bed a lot so I'm trying to figure out how much walking you do

that's what I'm saying I be in bed you be bed rest I'm like damn D I know you're loud I feel like you got rugs some rugs day that's the thing they sent me a letter talking about you know as per your which is a fucking lie but they were like as per your

lease your apartment should be at least 80% carpeted I was like what since when so go buy me a rug then Washington Heights I live in the suburban Washington I'm on Fort Washington burn everything down it's like yeah

I've gotten two letters talking about I'm too loud I have to be considerate as per your lease as per your lease ah burn that letter

burn the building to the ground and like I also I did sub-lease my apartment for a little bit when I started working for Vice cause um

it was a pay cut from what I was doing before so I couldn't afford the rent so I I sub-let it to someone and I sub-let it to some crazy ass lady who apparently

like when I went back my neighbor was like thank god you're back cause she was like they were like you know music hookah smell baby crying like oh my god well because she dropped the hookah on the baby i would cry too if i was a baby so i think it was like they got so fed up with her that they're mad at me so any little thing that i do they want to be on some shit

what the hell was she doing she was having sex parties like what why i don't even i don't know like that that was my friend's baby mama and i just needed to get out but it's washington's heights though it's Washington's heights where little Dominican Republic right but she's saying it's getting gentrified it's very most of my neighbors like I literally was walking out of my building yesterday and I saw a big

U-Haul truck and it was like like the whitest of the whites though like these motherfuckers look like they came from Cape Cod like they had like a fucking Ralph Lauren pink like old school Kanye you know what I'm saying like I'm like oh they're moving into my building yeah but I would there goes the neighborhood

but the neighborhood is gone sis they own it now if anybody wrote me about anything I'd be like location do you see where we at absolutely not

I'm not listening to anything you say first of all I can hear the train like if I can hear a train I don't give a fuck about noise complaints yeah

so sorry I think this is true I don't even like lately I've been lucky enough to have been traveling a lot for work

yes she's on the road I've been back and forth in LA a lot so I'm barely ever there so what noise I got ghosts in that bitch I live I stand

but the thing is it's like you won't be there for long it's fine you'll get out you're passing through yeah

you're just it's a waiting room yeah it's a layover it's purgatory yeah that's all it is and then

when you go you make all the noise you want I'm gonna be jumping hard oh bitch I'll be knocking everything to the wall I'll flip the bed

over twice oh so sorry just moving just throw a bunch of hammers on the ground it's like whoops I don't know how they complain about me

there's also I don't know if we're going over but there's also a neighbor of mine who is mentally ill and he it must be tough to be him because this man be yelling all day

like you hear him and to the point that I asked my super like he's Dominican and Spanish I was like so I'm like is it a domestic violence situation or is he crazy like if he fucking

somebody up? Because it sounds like people are being murdered in this apartment. And then he's like, no, I'm local. He's a crazy guy. The super's like, well, he pay his rent on time. They don't have no problems. He ain't paying them. Somebody's paying that shit.

I remember a few years ago there was a story about this family that got an Airbnb in Washington Heights and they complained about how loud the street was. They complained about people playing music. They complained about people talking under the windows and it's like this yeah right exactly what it's Washington

Heights this is the neighborhood oh my god we the majority of Washington Heights are Dominican and I don't know why we're so loud like I am extremely loud but even I guess like hanging out in Williamsburg with all of the whites I have probably toned down a little bit so when I'm with my family now sometimes I'll be like y'all really loud and they'll be like oh we like yeah I'm the bougie one yeah yeah yeah so i mean you are bougie now i'm turning a little bougie with my whole four dollars okay i don't know so i do know that we're a loud culture but i think that's probably why we stay in the washington heights like this is where we feel safe no one's complaining about our loudness family it's a safe space yeah so but 2019 people talk things is loud if you can't

Handle it. Get the fuck out of New York City. Yeah. Because the whole city is a clusterfuck of noises. Of loud and dirty. Yeah. So it's just like, take your complaints and go somewhere else. And let me tell you, if my rent is over $900, don't you dare say a thing to me.

It's a lot. Because $1,500, I had a friend who was paying $1,800 rent and they were complaining. I'm like, bitch, you are almost spending two G's for a studio. They better suck a dick. Yeah, go buy a house. Suck a dick. Suck a dick. Listen, if you're complaining about how loud it is in my apartment,

then you can go to Crayon Barrel or whatever and get me a sexy-ass rug. That's it. And that's how we're going to do this. Where do you live, Marie? I'm not that far from here. Okay. It's a couple stops on the train, but I'm not that far from here. Okay.

She's doing well. She does well. She's doing well. Dee, you're doing well, too. Yeah. Thank you. Thank you for being here and being, you know, as de-nasty, as de-gross as you could be. As de-gross as I can be.

Tell people where they can find you. Like, you know, just tell people what you got coming up so they can follow you. Yeah. Follow me on the gram, on Instagram. It's dee.nasty. On Twitter, deesownasty. And I have a movie coming up called De Lo Mio. De Lo Mio!

El film. El film. El film! Yes, El Film is coming out. Watch out for it. it actually got accepted to the BAM Film Festival. Wow.

Baby. So, star. A star is born. A star has been born and she's out here in these streets. But definitely look out

for that. That is going to be out in the end of June. So I'm super excited about that. Okay, so will there be a premiere and stuff like that?

Like, can we come to the... Yeah, absolutely. June 22nd. I'll let you know. But yeah, De Lo Mio

and you know, on my stories and on my Instagram, I always put out my comedy shows when they're out. so come watch me crack some jokes

follow this bitch yo she's great I'm great I share my life yeah we gotta get her out of Washington Heights so let's get this

yeah I mean we also need to get me out of Bushwick so absolutely right and we need to get me out of having a roommate

so you know let's do it come on this time let's progress let's get better let's make this money let's build

let's build babies and as you know we do this every Friday so just you know follow, subscribe comment leave reviews and come see us

every Sunday at the Knitting Factory in Williamsburg the show be free yeah okay it's sexy come see us

it's summertime you know your toes should be out if you didn't nair your legs it's fine throw some shorts on like I did

oh my god I could gel my baby my leg hair is down today there was some people there was some people who hit us up

on Instagram in the DMs that I wanted to shout out and we had like a couple of people who

I think one girl Her grandmother passed away and she hit us up and was like, I've been listening to the podcast and you just been like brightening up my day. I'm having such a hard time. And I was like, work. And I can't find you in here. But shout out to you having this hard time with your grandma. We're so sorry that she's gone.

But yeah, listen to us and our messiness. And it's not that bad. You know? Yeah. Right. I mean, D almost died at a future concert. It could be worse. it could be worse

founder Kelly Griffin Kelly Griffin we love you girl no bitch Kathy Griffin is a fan of the show you idiot and I love you down continue your journey

we're here for you and then we had another person Samantha Legg said that she loves when you roast me so I do this for you baby yeah you got to be killing it like I've been listening and saw a lot of I heard the Jack Knight

and the you heard the Jack Knight nigga he ain't shit he just bounced he just bounced and he was late he was late

and he left early a 20 minute interview and now he's complaining about the palm trees that we made people put under his keep putting palm trees on his ass

palm trees I want it so shady on his page keep going I'ma go for one on move on to another photo and put more palm trees under his post

also shout out to Joe Gould Joe Gould oh hey Joe Joe is cool he's always messaging us and I see your pictures on here

who you want on the team he don't never have no shirt on you want Marie or me who you want I see what you're doing I don't know oh wait no

he might be gay never mind he looks like he worked at Equinox and he's confused by me he gots a compliment baby shout out to Joe Gould

we love you boo yeah so just keep hitting us up we love y'all so much don't forget to send us your uber horror stories for Sydney you know

for Sydney's viewing pleasure yes please okay Bye, friends. Bye. Forever Dog. This has been a Forever Dog production. Executive produced by Brett Boehm, Joe Cilio, and Alex Ramsey.

For more original podcasts, please visit foreverdogpodcasts.com and subscribe to our shows on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts. Keep up with the latest Forever Dog news by following us on Twitter and Instagram at Forever Dog Team and liking our page on Facebook.