MESS with Sydnee Washington & Marie Faustin - "The Molly Expert" with Usama Siddiquee

Episode Date: May 5, 2017

Marie & Sydnee welcome comedian Usama Siddiquee to discuss the world of Molly. Learn, laugh, enjoy!----Listen to The Unofficial Expert Ad-Free on Forever Dog Plus:https://foreverdogpodcasts.com/plus----BONUS EPISODES AVAILABLE NOW ON PATREON:www.patreon.com/TheUnofficialExpertBUY UNOFFICIAL EXPERT MERCH:https://www.teepublic.com/stores/the-unofficial-expert-podcastFOLLOW THE UNOFFICIAL EXPERT:https://www.instagram.com/UnofficialExpertFOLLOW SYDNEE:https://www.instagram.com/JustSYDbwhttps://twitter.com/justsydnycFOLLOW MARIE:https://www.instagram.com/Reeezyhttps://twitter.com/MsReeezyFOLLOW ANDREW:https://www.instagram.com/mcgui_guyTHE UNOFFICIAL EXPERT IS A FOREVER DOG PODCASThttps://foreverdogpodcasts.com/podcasts/the-unofficial-expertSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

hello oh hi my goodness how are you girl i'm doing swell oh i hope everyone is swell uh welcome to the unofficial expert podcast with sydney and marie oh i missed you so much sydney i saw you yesterday and the day before that and the day before that i didn't see you yesterday i didn't see you yesterday no well you know the days just blend together i feel like you face charged me on the toilet or something oh come on but i spoke to you yesterday i did i spoke to you as well i spoke to you at the end of the night and we were kikiing oh so shady what were we i don't know how we have any friends well marie you're the shadiest out of both of us i'm the shadiest out of i feel like shadiness involves being like a little bit covert about how you feel about people but i'm

honest about how I dislike people. You know what I mean? You are. Like, I'm super upfront with my hate. You are. Thank you. And I mean, I don't really hate people that much. I feel like you lying. I don't. You're an expert at lying. Oh, no.

In public. Come on, Marie. Listen, Sydney always acts, like, really good around company, but behind closed doors, she is a bitch. Wait, Marie. Sydney, you could be just as mean as me. Oh, and that's only when we're roasting people in their face oh we roast people every day yeah i'm only mean when they're in front of me you're mean when you with me which is every day i've changed are you having

a good week uh yeah i am i feel like um i'm out here doing what i can i just uh did that one woman show finally it's over it's sydney did a one woman show it was called the death of a bottle girl it's done she was supposed to do 60 minutes she did 90 because she rude no she did 90 minutes no the stuff that was working i just like when i kept going on and on and i was like oh god i was missing stuff i was like should i light her i wanted you to light me i was like damn i didn't tell marie to light me at all i wanted you to light me at 30 minutes i wanted to stand in the back and like like a dance mom and be like wrap it up like a like a kid's mom perform like mouth the words with you and then be like and you're done i know i needed that i was like looking at

adrian i was looking at people like is it done like should i should i wrap it up and then finally i was like all right so that's what was going through your head when you were on stage you were thinking damn i've been talking too damn long my mouth was so dry oh yes it was like some people's mouths on a regular you know oh yeah there's people who have like the white on their lips i def had a mouth crust oh my gosh i had the ring around the mouth ring around the mouth bucket full of ashes yeah it was disgusting and i had water i had water i placed the water on stage for you i didn't want to let you because i was like they don't think i'm hating on her marie can't stand to be not the center of attention no and now she's trying to steal

sydney shine no you would never and all your friends were coming up to me like i was mother of the bride they're like congratulations and i was like thank you i didn't do anything i was like i cut out some of these flyers but uh yes you did you're such a good friend congrats i was like all right thank you that's amazing um so yeah that's that was that was awesome you did a great job thanks you're gonna do it again though right yes yes but it's gonna be 60 minutes this time yes it's gonna be 60 minutes i'm gonna go over it i'm gonna be on time i'm doing right listen let me tell you guys not only did sydney do 90 minutes she still had another half hour of show left shut up she was she could have gone for another half hour but i was like damn i gotta

pee bad like i got up to pee you did yeah i got up to pee and when i came back i was like carolina let's wait to see like i didn't want to come in while you were like in the middle of talking so i was like oh i think there's another act left and then it sounded like people were getting ready to start clapping at the end. And I was like, we're missing the end of the show. Thanks a lot, Marie. Thank you so much. Were you there when I was being all sensitive?

No, thank God I missed that. You missed it? Oh, gosh. Thank goodness. Oh, you cried? Did you cry thug tears? Nah, but people were about to cry. I was talking very serious.

You see, God got me, OK? Because he knows I don't need to be there for those tears. I said, well, I shouted you out. I said, I got sober for my best friend Marie. and for Adrienne. Don't say that you got sober for me. You got to say you got sober for you. Of course, I got sober for myself,

but also for you and Adrienne because y'all would both leave me. Yeah, I'd probably leave you. You know I get uncomfortable when people do things for me. Shut up. Remember that dude who stopped me on the train and was like,

I'm getting my life together for you. Oh, yeah. He's like, I'm going to move out of my mom's house. And I was like, where are you going to go? I was like, kill yourself. Marie, what were you an expert in this week? This week, I pride myself in having really good gaydar, right?

And gay people, gay men love me because I'm like a little mini drag queen, I think, right? Like I talk loud and my hair is big and I like sequins, so gay men are like attracted to me. But I feel like I always know when somebody is gay. And this week, I was an expert at being wrong every time I thought somebody was gay. Why? Because they pulled their dick out at the end of the conversation? like hey marie you want some of this no i was talking to this guy after a show and he was like so you know so my daughters um and i was like okay in vitro or not in vitro but like uh you adopted some kids or don't you know will and grace like sperm donation type stuff and he was like

what no my wife and i and i was like his wife he's lying he just sounded he'll be gay i mean this is true see so thank you sydney so i probably was right because there's people who had whole like families and whatnot and then later they realized you know what you know what i'm yeah like um miranda from sex in the city yeah i didn't even know that i've just found that out like two weeks ago oh yeah no she was married and had like a bunch of kids and then after sex in the city ended she was like i'm gay i am a gay she was probably so happy that it was over she was like oh now i can finally be with the thing i love pussy no because she did She did that season with Blair Underwood, and he turned her off dick.

She was like, oh, you know what? You're an asshole. Blair Underwood is terrible. I've hated him since Set It Off. Oh, my God. Sydney, what were you an expert in this week? What was I? Oh, I was an expert in Sephora.

Okay. I went in there to get my makeup done before the show, and I was looking for a black woman to do my face, and I was like, okay, I see what she's doing. The eyebrows look good. Sometimes the black girls don't know what they're doing. Okay, exactly. So I'm looking and looking, and finally I was on the wait list, and they were like, if this person don't show up, somebody's going to do your face.

And I said, whoo, thank goodness. So I'm waiting, I'm waiting, and then finally the person comes up, and it looked like some white chick from Nebraska. I was like, mm-mm. I like tapped the black woman next to me. I said, you can't do my hair. You can't do my face. You can't.

She's like, I'm sorry, I'm busy. I'm like, oh, no. But she did my face really good. Yeah, your face looked great. I was like, you know what? I'm just going to give more people chances. I prayed on it. I prayed.

I crossed my fingers. Yeah. I hope to die. I was like, I hope this girl from, what is it? Omaha. Omaha does my face right. And she was actually really nice. I mean, her makeup looked crazy.

Her hair looked like she got it cut at Supercuts. But she shut it down. She was giving me a little contour and everything. Yeah, but you know how sometimes people can do their makeup and can't do anybody else's. and then other times people can do people's makeup but they can't do their own face yeah like i can only cornrow my own hair i can't cornrow anybody else's hair i know i've seen you thank you so much i've seen you at work but when i got my makeup done uh at sephora for the mtv vmas the girl who did my makeup was like spanish and i was like this gonna look awful awful why i was so

mad because i don't like i don't trust somebody that doesn't look like me to make me look like me does that make sense like i would never let a white woman do my hair oh you're so racist thank you so much but I would never like if you don't have the same texture as me I'm not gonna let you touch it even though white women love touching my hair but she didn't she the girl who did my makeup at Sephora did the best job I've ever yeah like she did my makeup amazing and now she's my makeup artist so shout out to Jadira shout out to Jade she's so good Jade Ramirez yeah she's great anyway we're smart and judgy yes speaking of faces oh my goodness this guest right here has a A beautiful face.

I mean, I can see all the bones in your face. It's orphan chic. He's super thin. He could be a model. He's a comedian here in New York. He's done our show a couple times. Funny every time. He is a philanthropist, probably.

I have no money for myself. Can you let us introduce you? Stop talking. You're acting real Christina Galston right now. I'm a philanthropist. I got to stop walking. Sydney, can you introduce our expert for us today? Give it up for our Mali expert, Usama Sadiq.

Is it Sadiq or Sadiqi? Sadiqi. Oh, well, I've heard somebody's called you Sadiq as well. Yeah, white people. Like Raphael Sadiq. Q you, I got this. I got this part. Sydney, I got this.

Okay, Usama Sadiqi. osama where does the name osama come from uh it's an arabic word meaning friend or king oh king friend yeah king friend sydney do you know what your name means sydney bottle girl african term don't come up here roasting up top i'm googling my name right now i don't know what means marie marie tends to be wonderful girls if you got one hold on tight not only is she amazing in bed she's also extremely fun oh that's urban dictionary yes definitely written by you two years ago that's definitely not true the name for the

irresistibly mysterious girl who you see around often yet know nothing about i mean wow uh so my name is a french meaning uh well no my name is french and it says is a follower of saint denies oh i thought you were gonna say satan i was gonna say damn okay wait um urban dictionary says sydney is the most stunning girl you will ever meet sydney sydney's are perfect which is true often have brown hair and have the most amazing eyes she's talented fun loving hilarious extremely kind and gentle this is all true stuff who are these virgins right hold on hold on let me let me go back to marie they are the epitome of classiness and leaves every woman

jealous of her looks. That's a damn lie. Marie is always two steps ahead of their man and due to her confidence in beauty, Marie is always wearing the pants in the relationship. Wow, that's so real. Shout out to Sush.

My mother's Usama's have huge dicks. That's a damn lie. So Usama, you Indian. No, yes. Bengali. Bengali. What's the difference? Different countries. So Bangladesh is a country to the east of India Oh, Bengalis are from Bangladesh

Bangladesh, yeah So there's India used to be the whole thing Pakistan, India, Bangladesh used to be the whole thing Yeah Then in the 47, after Gandhi You know Gandhi, right? Yeah, yeah, the brown dude You know Gandhi

Yeah, I know that name Yeah I'll be 14 dollars I'll fuck for Gandhi Yeah, so he liberated us, right? And then Britain cut India up into three countries Yo, Britain, England was always cutting some up Always cutting shit up, right?

so then india was one country then pakistan on the west and then east pakistan on the east which is now bangladesh oh i'm like east pakistan try to do some more shit try to subjugate them bangladesh my mom's baby my mom's fucking brothers and everything fought for freedom oh and this is like in 70s what's the name of that war uh fuck dude damn utama i'm the expert on molly not uh i have a cool a real question um how much on united does it cost to get on over there how much is a united flight to bangladesh yeah it's gonna cost like a 600 ticket yeah now not now on united it's got to be like 12 round trip 13 rupees not even dollars so let's talk about your background so you are from where you're from texas texas how do how do people

from bangladesh end up in texas my dad went to canada well you got a scholarship they were giving out scholarships to a lot of people the reason every brown dude you see in like as the stereotype is like they're smart is because the the type of visas they gave out were about professional visas so that's why so it's like you can only be over here if you're doing some educational shit a lot of people came out to that that's why they're all smart here there's dumb people in india they're not all so when i call uh the call center when i have a problem with my laptop and they transfer me to indy i'm talking to the idiot yeah those people didn't make it Miss, please, please turn your browser.

And I'm like, wait, what? Oh, God. What was that accent? Who can play that game, Marie? Who can play that game? I don't even sound like that. But you know what I'm talking about. Like the people in the call center and you'd be like, yo, I just answered this question already.

Why are you asking me this again? Marie, we're going to get hate mail from you. From who? Sissy, we don't even have a mailbox. We don't even have a mailbox. We got a peel box. You can go ahead and tweet me at MsReezy, M-S-R-E-E-E-Z-Y. Okay, so how does an Indian whose father got a scholarship and mother had brothers fight in a war end up in New York doing comedy in Mali?

Yeah. How did that happen? Most of Mali. Yo, so it's like they were in Canada. Mostly Mali. And then they had me. And then my dad's the one that got me. Oh, you're Canadian.

I'm Canadian, yeah. Wow, I'm learning so much about you. This is in like 10 minutes, yo. This is crazy. I'm Canadian. I'm a Canadian citizen. I'm not even American. I can't even vote.

You're from Canada. Canada, yes. You're from Canada. You have a geography expert here. Sydney, Washington. Shut up. You're from Canada. Does that explain why you're wearing high waters right now?

What's going on with your fucking pants? And they cuffed. They cuffed, too. I always cuff my pants because my legs are way longer than my torso. Your legs are longer than your dick. I mean, everyone's legs are longer than their dick. Not some people. Whose legs are not longer than their dick, Sydney?

I had somebody from Ghana. He had elephant titus. He just threw his dick over his shoulder. You were a good set last night. You didn't wheelchair now. His dick was a stilt. It's crazy. You are so dumb.

Who wants to go to Mardi Gras? Listen, Osama's mother might be listening to the podcast. What's your mom's name? Nargis Begum. Nargis Begum. Yeah. Nargis.

I'm here for a Nargis. Nargis? Yeah, I'm here for a Nargis. You call her Nargis for short? I call her mom, but people call her Nargis. I call her mom. Boo! Is that weird?

Is that weird? Nargis Banquo. Okay, so let's talk about this. When you got to New York, you were like a pure Indian child, and then you were like, ow, drugs. Yeah, who put you on? I hadn't even drank before I came to New York. Who put you on?

Tim O'Malley? Yeah. I wanted to do it for a long time. Did I used to rave sober back in college? No, no, no, no. So who was raving sober? Who gave you the drugs? White comic, damn it.

Obviously. Obviously. Is that white on my fucking eyes right now? Who gave you the drugs? God damn it. Did you catch a Molly user? White comic. Come on in and have a seat.

Chris Hansen. I'm Chris Hansen and Usama snitched on you. So you used to go to raves sober. Can you tell us what the hell is that? Why? I love the music. When you hear the bass, when you hear the- That's a damn lie.

I went to Pasha. I went to After Hours. I went to all these places, and I could not listen to it unless I was rolling out of my head. I was a kid in college, so just the environment's so cool. You're driving two hours to a random field. So you were a nerd, and you were just so happy to be out. Yeah. Happy to be like, oh, my God, what part is this?

You didn't have no cool friends. Yeah, hell yeah. You were just happy to be out and about. On that popular kid's table, right? It was just a fun time. So you went to college You said in college Or in high school

High college So in college They party in fields In Texas Yeah So you drive out Like three hours To like a random field

Ain't no party that good That I need to drive out Three motherfucking hours In here to beat And then I'm sober When I get there You are You're gonna beat

For like three hours It's like And then you gotta come back Cause what time Does the party close Like 4am 5am That's it

You drove So that means You gotta start at like 9pm You gotta leave the house At 6 From Dallas all the way down south to Austin. It was next to Austin.

Y'all were bored as fuck. And y'all got a lot of gas and a lot of miles on your cars if you're going out. I had a scholarship, so I would just use that money on gas. But you wasn't using that money on drugs. You could have done the drugs in your dorm. I was a little Muslim boy. I was a little Muslim boy. I was like, drugs are for bad people.

Drugs are for shaitan. You could have went on a Pandora station, got your Somali, and just stayed in your room and did it. It would have cost you a fraction of the price. You're speaking like a 35-year-old. Yeah, I could have done that. But I was like, no, I'm a young boy. I'm warm-blooded. Were all your friends also sober?

No, no, they were all Molly. So you was the designated driver? You was holding everybody's coats while they were dancing on the dance floor? Keep going, guys. He was holding people's shirts and pants, too, because you know you're on Molly. You're taking all your clothes off. You probably had a fanny pack and everything. Oh, a fanny pack, yeah.

Holding bottles of water. Two fanny packs, one on the side, one on the back, two on the sides. You probably had Gatorade on the side. You were like the water boy. So what changed when you got to New York? What did this white drug dealer say to convince you that drugs were not for bad people? He was pretty convincing. He was like, try it.

That's it? That's it? Yeah. That's it. You didn't pay attention and dare? No, because I remember when I came to New York the first week, right, I was like, I'm never going to drink. I'm not going to drink.

And this girl I wanted to fuck was like, I only date guys who drink. And I was like, bleh, bleh, bleh, bleh, bleh, bleh, bleh, bleh, bleh, bleh. Okay, wait. How did this girl look? Who was this girl? She was this girl that I knew from Texas. Okay. I came to visit New York

for like a week and she was like, you want to hang out? And then I hung out with her and then she was so fucking hot that I just lost it. How hot was she? She was only here for a week

and you lost your damn mind. It's like, in my soul, I really wanted to do all these things. You know, it's just all you... Were you a virgin? No.

Okay. But almost. Wait. So wait, you fucked before you drank? Yeah. That's crazy to me. Yeah.

I fucked before I drank. The girl I first fucked was a drunk. Oh, well, you got to type. She's gotta be Unconscious

They can't run They can't run Big and slow And drunk You're like the Law and order SVU host Ice T's narrating Good shit boy

Good shit boy Man Okay so The first time you did Molly What's up What happened What was you wearing

It was Did you have a headband Get on a backpack Just a fanny pack Just a dick flagging out With a fanny pack Did you have a Hawaiian shirt It was just a white shirt

White through the looms This girl that I did it with Was my ex-girl from Texas So she came Why would you leave and still bring These Texas hoes with you Why are you bringing the farm to the city You know how many hoes are here in New York

That would do Molly with you They're free range Free range hoes I want to try a free range hoe An organic hoe Yeah, a grass-fed hoe. Yeah, you haven't had a good... But she came, and then she wanted to do Molly, too.

So it was my birthday, my first birthday here. And then we both did it. And it wasn't a girl I loved. And I was like, I love you. And Molly was so good that I said this, that I love you to this girl that I didn't really love yet. But the Molly was so good. But now, when you first did Molly, were you scared?

Like, were you like, this, I might wake up under a bridge sucking a dick. Like, I... That's why... Why do people say that? Well, because that's what my fear is with like, you know, no, not Molly, but like, that's what I'm afraid of. Like cocaine and like heroin and all these other drugs.

Cause I'm like, if I do this right now and it's too much, I might, I feel like I'm going to like wake up in 10 years, sucking a dick under a bridge. I mean, you don't know. Maybe I have an addictive personality. You know what I mean? I know you as a friend. You don't. That's what I thought.

Like I used to always like not do drugs. It was like, what if I become under the bridge guy? I watch Intervention. Yeah. But every time I realized, it's like, as long as you take a dose, you are in more control of your body than you think you are. Like, it's not, you don't take one ounce of cocaine and then just fucking, you know, lose your, lose your body.

Are you sure? The first time I did, the first time I did ecstasy, I didn't even do my, Molly is like the better version of like ecstasy. It's the pure form. Yeah. So when I took the pill, I was like shivering. I was not having a good time. Like, well, because your body temperature changes.

Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Like you get cold. Right. Right. like all the vibrations in the club, I was holding the speaker for an hour.

Like I was in a corner. I didn't have that thing where I just licked one of the fucking boasts. You licked the speaker? I was asking my friends, I was like, when does it get fun? Because this is not fucking fun. Like I'm freezing. My jaw was like, I was like a typewriter. It was so weird.

Are you sure you are? No, but Molly is a more pure form. And Molly is, so you're chilling. It doesn't work for a while, right? and then 45 minutes and you start feeling like more empathy and that's why

Molly's the best I think not because you want to dance because you feel love towards a person I'm going to go ahead and disagree with you on that

because the first time that the only time I've ever even attempted it was with you Osama and people were like Marie you're going to be

saying that you love everyone and so I just fought it the entire night and I hated everybody I was there you didn't hate me because you love her before Molly

but also I was like I need Cindy to keep me alive I can't give love What if I die Yeah because I didn't do Molly If you're fighting

In your soul And you don't have A good time You have to let it ride And also There's different drugs She was on edibles Sydney was on edibles

And you were on Molly So there's like That doesn't mix as well In terms of like Of a hang So a lot of things Probably went wrong And first and foremost

You didn't want to get Mollied You know what I'm saying No I was so When I tell y'all I was scared I was like I'm going to die

Also, yes, love that. And everyone was too close. And I was like, well, maybe I did too much. You came over there and you were chatty-mick-chatty. You were like funk master, chat flex. You were like dropping bombs of tart breath. Your breath was tart. Molly breath.

Molly breath, boy. But you kept coming over and like checking on us. We're like, nigga, we fine. We good. It's the empathy. It's the empathy. I felt zero empathy. I was like

Everybody in here Was terrible Empathy When someone's coming at you With empathy And you're feeling no empathy It's gotta be the most annoying thing Are you okay?

I was so annoyed And you're like You got heart breath right now I had to come up to her I was like She good I'm here She not here by herself

I'm good The way I took that I'm telling you This is all empathy So it's like Oh my god Cindy you love her It's like so great

I know That's you were It was all just love And I was just so on it That probably the energy If you weren't feeling it You probably got like A little weirded out

Yeah but finally towards the end Marie was like having a good you were dancing I was swaying

by the speaker we were having a good we were dancing we were like there was a nigga without his shirt on and he looked terrible Molly's so intense

Molly's so empathetic or empathic that as I was dancing with other people with Chika and them my mind was on you guys I hope they're having

a good time they're not here I can't see them having a good time I hope they're having a good time everybody was too close I was like

it's empathy it's pure empathy but also I don't like to be touched when I'm sober So I'm like, don't touch me. Yeah, and then eventually you gave me a hug, and I was like, this is weird. I was like, she was never doing Molly again.

I'm not allowed. That was it. That was it. Epi-da-set. She gave me a real hug. I was like, this is a real hug. This is weird. It wasn't even like my usual one arm hug.

No, it was a real hug. Yo, I love you, girl. No, no, no. Yo, Maria, you okay? No, no, no. She was like, you know what? Let's hug. And I was like, what?

Okay, okay. She's never doing Molly again. Never again. I'd rather do edibles. I would rather do edibles. You probably would like edibles more. See, I didn't conceptualize how you'd take Molly, because I didn't realize how insane you were.

You know, in terms of like, to not. I'm the only person who hates people. Oh, no, she's like, really? Oh, I fought it the entire night. So I didn't conceive that. If I had known that, I would not have said, do Molly. See, the reason I said you had to do Molly, the entire time, I was like, you got to do Molly.

Because you're energetic. And I thought that you'd love the energy of Molly. but that other side effect but you love energy but you hate empathy she has her own energy no person has ever been like that in the world

I get my energy from my lack of empathy so like also my hatred fuels me so it's true you stiff arm all the people trying to get to your heart

I'm like hitting people in the neck with my elbow and that's how I you know I'm like so wait if Molly makes you apathetic maybe we should give it to like racists

like people but here's the thing once it goes down they'll say the n-word ten times more on that come down like what happened to you Jeff

we were doing so well I got some drugs from the mirrors yeah he's probably like oh nigga nigga don't believe me just watch

and you know how the molly's doing but how much n-word he says you know what I'm saying just say the n-word again no he's just saying he's just saying

the n-word on beat he's like that's awful well okay so Reed's had a whatever time So what made you Continue to do it Cause I've been told

That the first time Is usually not the good time Yeah It wasn't a good time I didn't have You have to do it You have to do it Another time

Cause I love I love dancing more than anything I'm a dancer When you dance You dance like the Wacky waving Inflatable Yeah

You're terrible I don't look good dancing Cause I'm like Fucking skinny as hell Yeah And also you Do all my dancing From the butt

Right So I Do the booty dancing Worst combination Skinny guy doing booty dancing It's It cannot It's like a Tim Burton film

Wait let's talk about Usama's body So since y'all Listening maybe Don't know what he looks like He is six foot one He's one yeah 141 pounds

What up girl I'm limber Most of that weight Is in his dick I'm limber Yeah Okay so you like dancing The first time you did it

You enjoyed it with this chick Yeah Did she like it She loved it So then after that How soon After that So we did it every

Two or three months So since that first time I've been doing Molly Every two or three months So how many years have you been in the molly game uh like two and a half years that's it that's all yeah i feel like you seem like you've been doing it more people years and more months i feel like i should be the expert then because you haven't even put enough tenure into fucking molly every time i do

molly i do molly you know i'm saying like i get in there go in every time i do molly i do molly like i everything wait don't you have a joke about how you like did molly you were on a beach You ate some girl's ass I was stoned cold sober I had a sober ass eating debut I was totally with it and present Wait you were tossing salads Sober? On a beach?

Spring break Walk us through this ass I was senior year spring break You don't even love yourself I loved her ass though Yo, when you're on the beach When I lack in self-love I make up for in ass life

Oh my god Okay, wait What time of day was it? Was it in the beginning? 2 p.m. 2 p.m. 2 p.m.? 2 p.m.?

Yes So that ass been sweating For like at least four hours That ass was dang And it was a Mexican ass So you know She was eating some quesadillas before Oh, you ate an empanada ass?

Oh my god You had a churro ass That's great Churro ass Salsa verde so it was this girl so what happens is um you can shake beads at girls at spring break it's like a it's a beach right everyone's partying everyone's drinking every college is there you shake beads right so this girl had already shown her tits previously uh and so she was already she already

done that ass you know the uh tit you know reflective whatever so she was like what else can i do and i was like perchance i don't know and she she said you want to lick my ass she asked Would you care To lick my ass Wait would you care Is this medieval time Would you care My sir

Excuse me my lord Excuse me my sir Pardon my Madam It would give me A great pleasure It's my lord Some stranger

On a beach Asked your sober ass If you wanted to Lick Usana Because she wanted beads She wanted beads And I was like I'll give you a bead

Okay so you should have Made her lick your ass For the beads What the fuck is wrong With you Usana Don't put your mouth On the mic at all That was a couple years ago

And I've been watching since But I could miss some spots Who knows So disgusting And she was like You don't like my ass I'm like Well if you insist

Well if you insist Well if the lady Did you put down your cape? I let her on the floor And then I opened the ass And I ate it Were there people around? Why are you so nasty?

They were cheering me on What is wrong with you? This was in front of people? Yeah They were like And you were sober Yo Spring break is a magical land

What the fuck is wrong with you dude It's a magical land I'm judging you I was you know It was college I'm judging you dude It was college years ago man Holy fuck

I went to college I never licked nobody's ass And I never had anybody Eat my ass on no beach Nope Not at all I was a different boy back then I was way more

This was like four Three years ago Yeah This was like five years ago This was in 2012 I'm trying to think What was I doing five years ago Not eating ass

Okay That's not what I was doing I don't know I'm 100% confident I wasn't eating ass on no beach You guys never even ate ass before? Absolutely not. I am a queen.

Did you not hear what Marie means? Wow. It means just not eat ass. Okay. You don't even like hugging people. Of course you wouldn't like eating people's ass. I don't hug people, but I love ass eating. Wait, hold on.

Sydney has gotten eerily quiet. Sydney, have you ever eaten ass? Yeah. What did you do to me? I have. So it was, but maybe it wasn't a 2PM. You ate a man's ass? Wow.

Wow. In the eternal words Of Marie Fawcett Wow Like are you fucking I see Who is this man A girl's ass is actually clean

A dude's ass Who knows Oh you know It's like Who knows Tingleberry No this was after Tingleberry City

This was after the shower Like we had been in the shower For at least 45 minutes Marie's so fucking Looking at me like that So y'all bodies Were super pruney

He was Yes Are you a little You ate his pruney ass I'm gonna smack you Like for real You should have smacked yourself Welch's

How did you know he was black? What the fuck? I know you're not going to eat a white guy's ass That's not your style If I know Sydney, I know she won't eat no white guy's ass Absolutely not She even needs a queen A white guy's ass?

I will not have some Tanner ass Some Skylar ass Okay, so what happened Sydney? You guys were in the shower and then you just You dropped the soap? Well, no, we were on Ecstasy, and that's why I'm, like, so against it. I'm like, I'll never do it again. Oh, because you did Molly and ate some of that.

Okay. I was feeling it. Like, we had. That's a side effect of Molly. Weird side effect. You want to eat asses after that. It's like a weird thing. It was so strange.

Dancing empathy, and you want ass all of a sudden. It was so strange, and I was like, yeah. Did it feel good for you? I mean, I don't even remember having it. I fucked up Molly once. It was probably the top five sexes I've ever had in my life. You've only had sex on Molly one time? One time.

I had sex on Kay, and it was like... Oh, God. Sydney, you take a horse tranquilizer. It was cat tranquilizer. Kay is horse. It's the same as to you. Kermit is horse. Let me look this up.

Look, Osama is brown. He probably like half doctor. He knows. He's Indian. My personal opinion is that it's horse tranquilizer. I've always thought it was horse. But that's why Molly is so good. It's like you just are down.

You're just down. And it's like It's just love But you don't like it But it's fine It's I think Most 99.9% of people Want to feel more love

And connection Oh those people But it's not real Those people said gay Molly makes you gay Okay It's truly deadly So what's the worst thing

About Molly then The comedown The comedown You come down And you feel Because Everything you put In your body

There's like a reaction Against it right So you get to not do drugs Because There's no highs that can just stay that would be best you know that drug would just be the best drug ever so sometimes i'm small i'm a small body guy so like drugs affect me heavily so i only come down i'll get like you're you're 90 uh 90 pounds soaking wet yeah so i i dance off 35 pounds and uh it's

brutal and i got i always come down kind of hard i always not depressive but like you can't get depressed it's very exhausting and it's like you need it you need like at least two three days to like recover yeah you can't the molly there's no way you're doing something white kids in high school do molly like friday saturday sunday next week friday saturday it's the most unhealthy thing to do because the dopamine uh the serotonin that gets stimulated when you take molly and that is what the happy thing is right so uh you're when you're done with molly you're like depleted and so you can't think you're like not happy you're exhausted and then you have to do molly to be happy and then you that's how you get it and you know within a month you're just like it's just

your body's just like out of whack. And so people like stop doing it forever. But if you do it every three months. Yeah, that's me. That's basically me. I was doing it at like every weekend. I was dropping Molly.

I was NK. It's fun. It's a really fun. It is fun. But at the same time, you like the next three days I had to stay at my friend's house. I was like, I couldn't be alone.

We ordered Papa John's. I would just be like on the couch, just feeling like blah. Yeah. Yeah. And then, and then I would wait until Thursday and I'm like, Oh,

doing Molly again. Papa Molly. I'm sweating. Woo. Future song played Before he was even Like even a thing I was like

He's really Before his time Like Popped a molly I'm sweating That's not future That's Trinidad James No I'm thinking

About Molly Percocet Oh Percocet Molly Percocet So is there anything That you've done to Molly That you regret Like have you Have you told

Like some feelings That you shouldn't have said Have you been mean To somebody by accident Like were you talking Too much Like explain Yeah

Come on Regret on Molly Most of it's body based Like when I One time I took Molly Three times In one night And that come down

Was so bad I was like in a fetal position For like 24 hours In my house Did you have a roommate? I had a roommate Yes And by roommate

Were you like Staying at their house? Like were you sleeping In the foyer? I don't know The foyer You gotta work that in Every two days

The foyer You say furor most of the time Yeah I do um yeah i was it's my my apartment my room and i was just there uh laying down physically i try if i if i say beautiful things on molly to people i try to save them the next day because i hate the idea that i say loving things while on a drug well uh i've read some of your statuses on facebook let me uh let me let me get one of these things you said I don't believe that you only do Molly

Two, three months Every two, three months I do, I do, yeah You don't Because you seem Look at the time stamp on that shit Do you do any other drugs? Weed, alcohol

Cocaine a couple times You wrote Next to Molly trying to do Wait Next Molly trying to do with disco music Does anybody know any clubs in NYC That plays disco until 4am You were on Molly when you wrote that

No, no, no I was trying to get That was like He's trying to set up his next Mali appointment. I was doing some Mali pre, some pre-Mali detective work. I felt like you were high when you wrote this. All your dreams can come true with hard work and determination and a perfect face and an amazing ass. Were you high?

No. I just speak funny like that. You wrote a whole status about, like, I love being in comedy. I feel like I believe in everybody. Everyone's going to make it. You wrote this long status, and then at the end you were like, by the way, I'm on Mali. Right, not to be a joke. I think the idea of saying I'm on Molly's is a funny thing.

One Molly status was like, this is why you should be nice to... People ask me every day, well, I'm nice to everybody. Number one, because we're all people and we're all in this together and the only antidote for the shit that is life is love. And the second one was, new comics are people too. They're just human beings like us. And the third one was, trying to get booked, bitches. And it was a joke.

It was a joke. So you're nice so you can get booked on shows? I know, but the thing is, it's just a joke on Molly, and so I was just trying to be funny. But people looking at it, like some comic came up to me and was like, were you really just being nice to me because you want to get fucked? And I'm like, listen, white girl named Ashley, I'm good. Like, you're cool. But it was just a joke.

It was just a fucking rule threes joke. Okay. So I'm assuming your mom don't follow you on social media. Dude, I could say cocksucker. She doesn't know what that is. My mom knows Bengali. She doesn't know English. She doesn't know English at all.

So why were you saying, why are you saying the word cocksucker to your mom? I'm not, I'm not. I'm just saying. you have a bit about that on yeah she asked me two days ago i on one of her she now knows she knows how to post pictures on facebook so she posts like 20 pictures on facebook of just her selfies she has no idea yeah it's the same photo same photo 10 times yeah and i'm like mom holy shit chill out and she's like what do you mean holy shit chill out what does that mean i'm like mom don't worry about it like this is a real thing she asked me what holy shit means and i just was

like holy shit holy shit i mean your mom has been in this country long enough to pick up some work no no she's just kind of insular she doesn't really care she knows what like shut up is bad she knows that stupid is bad you know shut up and stupid is that what she's like in my house shut up and stupid we're bad or worse than fuck right and it's like she doesn't care to learn american culture she's very bengali very about robindra tagore you know all that shit what's that he's the like the foremost he's like the shakespeare of bengal oh so he like writes plays and stuff and songs and all that what's a super famous indian actor like that'd be like killing it in the indian right now game yeah bollywood bollywood these guys are hot too like run beer

kapoor i don't know how to spell that i was gonna google him yeah run beer kapoor google him because i want to see if he could get it let's see oh dude y'all for sure if he could get it let's see i'm just gonna google black girls and indian dudes and indian dudes like indians and blacks Traditionally are very Attracted to each other Really? Are we? I

I ain't never seen a guy At the halal That I'm like Oh we should get it Those aren't Our main A team I ain't never seen

No guy at the bodega So let me get That extra white sauce Hot sauce How about a ring? Nah I ain't never seen No guy at the bodega

Where I'm like Yo I should give him my number today. We're not looking at the watch salesman. Who that Haitian? Who that Haitian? Wait, what was his name?

Something Kapoor? Let me show you. He's probably the biggest guy right now. Oh, I found him. Oh, come on. He looked like Mark Norman. Who's the other guy? Ranveer Singh. You got a lot of nerve. Here's the guy.

He looks like Jabron Saleem a little bit. Let me see. Doesn't he? Well, Jabron Saleem looks like the Indian best friend on an ABC show. I mean, this is a good picture of him here. This is a different guy. This is a different guy. Yeah, I mean, but this tap photo with him in the beard and the...

Okay. What? He looks like a hipster Indian. He looks like a hipster Indian. This is a different guy. This is Ranveer Singh. Oh, he's cute. Ranveer Singh.

Okay. I'll let him lick my ass. On a beach. On a beach. 2 p.m. Oh, this is a cute picture. I like this. that's the one that i said is good he looks like a soccer player or something so usama how do you

think your parents feel about uh would feel if they knew you was in here popping mollies and sweating well you're a comedian so you already let them down so it don't matter wait and you're still doing comedy oh god it could be like rabid just coke coming out my mouth wait so you you think go to med school and finally no so they wanted you to go to med school right and you were like nah nah i i was um I just kind of I said it and then I bounced

to New York I was like nah dude JK lol and I just moved to New York that's it and I just moved so what do you do

when you're not popping pills when I'm not popping pills I just do comedy this is my whole life but do you talk about drugs on stage a lot

yeah there's one Molly I feel like you do yeah share share one of your Molly bits this has been bombing but

I feel like you do I mean the thing is is that Usama I know you outside of Molly so whenever you

talk about it I'm like That ain't fucking Usama. He lying. I love it. I don't do it all the time. I'm a smart dude who doesn't lose his mind. You can love something and not be destroyed by it.

Do you hear that? Women listening to the podcast? You can love something and not be destroyed by it. So you say we are in terrible relationships right now. Holding on to a dude who's punching you in the boob. Oh my God, Marie. Sydney, somebody listening to this might need to hear this message. Oh God.

If he punches you in your boob, he don't love you. I've playfully punched boobs You know like Like a boob tap Did you see the video Of 50 Cent Punching the fan In the boob

No He was doing a concert And he put his hand Out in the crowd And some girl You know girls Grab his hand And she wouldn't let go

So he punched her In the boob Just like Popped an implant Yo fucking What's his name One of the Jamaican artists Was like

Who wants to suck my dick It's a video The girl Jumps onto the stage And just starts sucking Vibes cartel Or someone Just in the dick

Well, Jamaicans are very, very messy You can't kiss, but you can fuck So much You haven't seen the dance hall videos That's crazy You haven't seen a Jamaican man dance? They will break your pelvis That's Indian reggae?

That's a halal mix right there You want some Hot sauce White sauce Hot sauce Five dollar Fuck juice Fuck juice

Yo Usama That's right You do You're a beatbox and you do that in your set as well. And I feel like

that's how you get 90% of any of the hoes that you get. Like, I wonder what that feel like. I feel like on my butt. I feel like it feels like you're like doing a rasp

like how you blow into somebody's belly button. I've tried it before. It's not. You beatbox on the box? Sometimes, sometimes. It's not. I tried it once

a couple of times and it's not. Once a couple of times? Every time. It's not as fun as you think it's just like it's not sexy i don't think that it's sexy when you do it they don't i never do it to just do it that's not my move right they asked me to do it and i'm like okay sure and i do it they ask you where are who are these women that are asking just to stop me and these girls

that's like people see the set uh or people who've seen a video that i have these girls are from nyu i bet you okay so usama how much ass are you getting from the comedy that you do um these or real questions? You have 40 minutes. It's not that funny. Comedy, comedians, dude comedians,

I don't know how it is for female comics to kill, but dude comics to kill get suitors, you know? Suitors. Suitors. Perchance,

would you like to return to my abode? I had a dude with a man bun ask me if we could go out sometime and another comic was like, this is my girlfriend.

He was like, I didn't mean to cock block you, but you didn't want that dude's number, did you? And I was like, no, I didn't. There's a lot of suitors, but I don't...

Some white dude. They are confident post-shows. Oh, yeah. And they be having the worst sits. They be having the worst sits. And they're like, yeah, I just was up there for 12 minutes in silence, but I got one chuckle. I did well. Minorities.

Minorities are better in general, I think, at sex than white people. Listen, I'm not a part of this podcast because we got people listening that's like real fans and y'all saying some real rude-ass shit. White people suck in bed. that's not what i'm saying i was talking about white dudes and comedy okay and you took it to sex okay well comedy too i mean it's mostly just like you're awful shout out to the two white men

listening to this right now we don't mean gay white men we mean straight white men okay gotcha that's what i mean anyway their comedy is quite trash okay i mean i i want to get that like not that i want people to come up to me after the after my set and be like hey i want to take you out but like i would like to get it just a little bit more so i could shut people down like people every time i do my set people were like that was funny or like the oldest man in the room will come up to me and show me his american express card be like that was really funny uh sydney what the problem is you can't go out with this old man and let him teabag you for a million dollars absolutely not it's a super writer with a suit i want like some young looking

people to ask me out. And I want women. I want more women to come up to me. Women are not coming up to you for the show. They're going to be super... They're going to look like young ma. They're going to be like, ooh. You got a funny doll.

You got a funny doll. Wow. You're saying wow, but how many women have come up to you after a comedy show and asked you out? One. What did she look like? Ooh. in post edit that for longer you know so make that silence like three seconds

yo sydney i know these things girls come to people that do the show that's much more of a thing for sure well i think that's not right like i feel like more people should come up to women because we we ready we ready well sydney's ready i'm ready i'm unprepared but no marie you're ready to shut people down or you're like so where you want to take me you want to take me to le cirque okay yay the mark hotel yeah for more lobster than i'm not paying for absolutely yeah exactly i just want the um the option for people to like come up to me and try to talk to me for me to shut it down so you can be like no thanks i'm all set yeah that's it i like that i want to get invited to all the parties so i can say i'm busy you know i'm saying you just want the invite no i want to

go to the parties eat the food and then leave you want to go to the parties no i'm past the party They be having the good food. Y'all dumb. Usama, you definitely shouldn't be skipping food. You look famished right now. You should go to these parties, Usama, and have a to-go little box with you so you can have some food for later. I'll be in the fridge.

I'm going to take this stuff. It's not even for people. A whole fridge for me? Oh, God. Is there anything that you could tell us about Molly that you feel like most people don't know? I think everybody has tried Molly in these ones. Yeah, if you take a lot of it, it makes you grind your teeth super heavy.

Yes. So a lot of Molly users will have pacifiers. Oh, is that why they eat the lollipops and stuff? Lollipops and gum and stuff like that because Molly's, it does something. It's one of those reactions. It makes you not piss at all. You don't need to pee at all. But that's why you have to drink a lot of water.

Drink a lot of water. No, but I heard that sometimes you drink too much water. You do want to drink nine bottles because you'll get water poisoning and you'll die. Yes. What's water poisoning? Too much water. because the so you're droning

yourself at the range the salinity is so low that you just it's water poisoning yeah and so if you take a lot of molly you'll start grinding

like your teeth very intensely oh I didn't know that's what the pacifiers were for people do that on coke as well yes

they grind a lot yes and also your eyes your pupils are dilated so the color thing with the eyes when they do the hand thing that's also because

your eyes are getting more stimulated because there's more light coming in the cones are like kind of expanded so you're like what

you sound like an ophthalmologist I said cones he's the Bill Nye of uh fucking molly bill nye the science bill nye the molly guy yeah you got it right you got it right wait and usama besides the molly like can you tell us something about you that has nothing to do with drugs like things that you like i want the listeners to know that you're a person i love drugs but you know yeah we don't we chill at comedy and we've done drugs together once you

You don't see me just hanging and just walking around. I feel like we've done drugs together. You were edibles. I was Molly. That's drugs. That's not drugs to me. That's drugs. Edibles is drugs, though.

Come on. That's drugs. That'll show up in a drug test. It's weed. It's drugs. Y'all did drugs together. We did drugs together. I was there chaperoning.

We did drug together. I was chaperoning. And I was terrified. I was like, it's too much. You know what I love doing? This is a random thing. I love FaceTiming my mom. I'll FaceTime my mom for like an hour.

Well, that's not going to get you any ass on this podcast. No, it might get you some ass. It might get you some ass. Girls are like, he's cool with his mom. Right, right, right. I think mama's boys are kind of in. It depends. Not like just sucking her tit on at the show.

How involved are you with your family? No. He don't live there. He lives up here. How often do you talk to your mom? Every day. Yeah, I have to talk to my mother every day, too, or she'd think I'm dead. Right.

Is your parents real strict? They only want you to marry another? Yeah, Bengali girl. That's it. Bengali girl? She can't even be Indian. Oh, Bengali. She could be Pakistani.

That's it. That's it? So wait, what if you showed up with a black girl? What? My mom. He's like, what? No. One time I was like, mom, I'm kind of into black girls.

And she's like, no. No. Like smiling, but almost like a crazy smile. Like, no. No. No, nice. No. No.

What's your mother's name again? Nargis. Nargis? No. No. She is the most adorable woman who hates black people. You know what I'm saying? Shit.

Are you serious? him Nargis we was we was being Nargis I was rooting for you Nargis we were all

rooting for you Nargis she's a very Bengali girl very traditional and she's she when Bengali

moms come and brown moms come to America all they see is the media and the media portrays black people

as terrible as like so all they see is the media so they're they like black people it's fine it's just they're

scared of you know quote quote so let's stop watching 11 hip hop exactly it's wrong and you know

it's interesting Thug is actually a hindi word you guys know that for a dog is a hindi word meaning thuggy and when british people used to get uh raided by uh indian pickpockets uh you know the british people when they when they took over india they would get you know fucking stolen and and shit and like people raving bands of rapscallions would like steal their shit so that term went back to britain and went back you know english oh so the original thug the halal guys yeah wow how did it get pushed on us so so it's in english right so thug became an english word and english words you know america speaks

english eventually thugs became you know because pickpockets were the gangsters of india you know i'm saying and they would be stealing shit so if you were a bad dude in india you were called a thug what in the bollywood hell is uh is the indian word thuggy thuggy life thuggy life you Tug You tried to cheat me Tug He's such a tug He tug life

Exactly So that's why I came back here And that you know Quote bad people Thugs Thug life We are learning so much today We really are

Boom But you know what We want to see if you really are The expert in Molly Here we go So we're going to give you A little quiz Are you ready for this

Let's do it Sidney are you ready for this Yeah I'm ready You got some questions for him Yeah I got one question Do you want to ask it It's one of those Last

It's like the last Okay so it's not a good question Okay Shut up bitch Usama can you name We've already talked About two of them Can you name

Three songs Where they talk About Molly Okay Future song Molly Percocet Okay yeah I'm gonna give you

That one but I need Trinidad and James What's the name Of that song Oh fuck I don't know Don't believe me Just watch Nigga nigga nigga

That's not the name Of the song Was that the end word That's not the song Fucking I forgot The name of the song All gold Everything I think

Something Something like that No it's a rick ross song and then um mount olympus big crit mount olympus i don't know that song yeah yeah it's uh he talks about how they want first they wanted traps now they wanted molly it's called approaching nirvana no no it's a mount olympus by big crit oh big crit yeah okay he's the best awesome guy in the south right now so good wait what's a rick ross song where he's Like, I put Molly in her drink, and she didn't even know it.

Oh, fucking. I have no idea. Fuck, I have no idea. I know what the song is about. Wasn't he a corrections officer? Yeah. He put Molly in her drink, and she didn't even know it. What's the statute of limitations on that?

She didn't even know it. That's the song. She didn't even know it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's so much incriminating evidence on a rap song. That's so funny. So funny. Who are some artists that you think are, like, super big advocates of Molly?

Like, they're, like, they glamorize it. Every German DJ, you know what I'm saying? And all the EDM scene, you know, Gareth Emery, fucking Tiesto, Diplo, Major Lazer. Well, obviously, Tiesto needs people to be on Molly because I don't get it. I don't get his music. I don't understand. House music works when you're on house music. Yeah, I was like, I'm not dancing to this.

None of this makes me feel anything. I like it. It's just not intrinsically good music. No. I like bobbing to dance music, but as music, it's fucking shit. What's your favorite DJ? Favorite DJ is Diplo. You like Diplo.

I like Diplo. i like skrillex and i like um rusco rusco i feel like they're just they're like they seem like the same person right but rusco can actually scratch he's actually a good dj he knows how to fucking spin you know so he actually brings that energy into a live performance so you like techno or dubstep like what which one dubstep is that shit right uh techno is like that that shit that you probably hate yes And just keeps going For like a thousand years

Yes When we were at that rave I felt like It was two songs We were like It's the same You guys would get super hype When something changed

And it was like And that's just like It's all these fake drops But that's When you're on drugs It's all you want to hear You want to be tranced up It's kind of like

A spiritual experience For that drug user What's the best song To listen to when you O'Malley When you O'Malley Or what you're like When it comes on I love getting lit

Quote So I like the fucking hard shit like when it's like like the hard drops so if it's Skrillex he does like really hard dubstep shit

okay so what's the best Skrillex song to do on Mali too fuck hold on I'm looking up Skrillex right now I loved do Skrillex

Moral Combat what that sounds like something you should be doing to Rux no you know I used to love Benny Benassi

Benny Benassi yeah which is very like he's like a soccer mom how's your you guys listen to the Benny the Benny

and the put some Benny Shut the fuck up Yeah Benny was really good I love Benny Deadmau5 Maybe

Deadmau5 No This is All that music is awful to me Benny's okay Satisfaction I know you love that song Oh I know that song

That's satisfaction That's Benny Benoist Wait I have a question Put your fucking hands up Put your fucking It's so funny What a European guy You can see him moving his mouth

To like to every word Put your fucking Put your fucking Put your fucking hands Fuck This is my shit This is my fucking life You're hurting me

Okay I have a question How many days did it take for Molly to get out of your system Six weeks But you shouldn't be doing it until like three months Wait to show up in Like if we do a drug test Oh shit I don't even know You should know dude

Well some of it will work Cash all cash Two weeks You asking us Did you do the research I thought you knew because since you do it Fuck I never thought about it I just do it and then I move on

He said six weeks Six weeks is out of your system But like To pass up on a drug test I don't know Six weeks is when All the shit Your body is

Back to the same levels Of serotonin But I don't know If you'd still be caught As a Molly user Six weeks after You're an idiot It says

For it to be detected In a drug test About one to One to three days Okay Never mind Okay So after four years

You're good For like heavier users Five days Okay Okay So So some are probably Like nine days for you

Okay Yeah I feel like you passed out Wait no I have the last question Oh I'm sorry I thought you only had the one Oh god here we go

No no no This is good Okay so You're hanging out with a girl Y'all both dropped some molly Y'all having a good time Y'all hanging out Y'all get to her room

Cause you don't have one Always Always her room Always her room You get to her room And Y'all initiate sex Commence with the sex

You could tell She's a little hesitant But she's also Rolling her face off What do you do? Oh god they seem like there's no right answer to this question i feel like there's only you're rolling you're rolling i'm rolling you're rolling rolling here's the thing with rolling

you don't need sex see it'll make you hornier you're actually so much empathy is coming out of you that you'd only look at her and be like are you truly ready for this and if she says yes you'll do it if no you won't do it because you are so in tune with what she wants it's not a horny drug okay you're gonna get so much ass from that answer what up sydney's friends One time I did I did the warm up right And then It was a good show

And it was really well And then after That day I went on Facebook And I'm like Why are all these Porn bots trying to add me I deleted like

Three or four friends They were all your friends You idiot And I thought They were porn bots They were so fucking gorgeous And they were all One mutual friend

Yeah Eagle Probably the one who And it was fucking Sydney's friends And I was like Oh my fucking god Sydney got some Sexy ass friends

You're so dumb dude My friend Agatha Loved you She was like He's so funny I just want to donate To his village To his village

To his village Yes Yo, Usama We gotta wrap this up Thank you so much Yes, this is beautiful Where can people Who are listening catch you?

At Usama Bin Laffin Twitter and Instagram That's U-S-A-M-A B-I-N-L-A-U-G-H-I-N Website UsamaStandsUp.com Thank you That's fantastic

Sydney, where can people catch you? You can catch me Outside No, at the check cashing place Because I'm no longer Putting any of my money In my account Anyways

Interesting Because I'm like I don't know I feel like the IRS Is about to come through on me Oh you didn't do your taxes you know that was last week I feel like she's about to get hit the fan We might not be doing a podcast anymore I might be in jail No I got the equipment at my house so I'm gonna do it The unofficial expert

Shut up you can catch me On Instagram at Just Sid J-U-S-T-S-Y-D-B-W And Twitter J-U-S-T-S-Y-D-N-Y-C You can catch me on Instagram at Reezy

R-E-E-E-Z-Y and then you can catch us on the unofficial expert what's that? Instagram. Instagram. Unofficial expert on Instagram.

And you can catch us every second Saturday in New York City at the warm up. Yes. The next show is Saturday the 13th. Yeah.

And I feel like we're going to drop this before but we also have our live show May 7th. That's coming up. We're going to drop this after. After.

That's why I didn't say it. Oh yeah. You see how you just be unprofessional all the time. Listen, people know who I am. They've been listening. They know who I am. They know what I give. Guys, keep listening.

Share it with your friends. Grab your mother's iPhone. Subscribe to the podcast on her phone. She don't know what a podcast is. Please comment and review. Please. Please, please, please, please. Don't be begging, Sydney.

That's not cute. And also, stay away from eating ass on the beach because you don't want to be like Usama. Unless you want to. Eat that ass. Eat that ass. Ew. Thank you so much. Bye.

Bye.