MESS with Sydnee Washington & Marie Faustin - "The MTA Expert" with Cousin Jon (Bus Driver)

Episode Date: November 18, 2016

Marie's Cousin Jon and Bus Driver tells Unofficial Expert listeners how to properly ride public transportation and what to avoid.----Listen to The Unofficial Expert Ad-Free on Forever Dog Plus:https://foreverdogpodcasts.com/plus----BONUS EPISODES AVAILABLE NOW ON PATREON:www.patreon.com/TheUnofficialExpertBUY UNOFFICIAL EXPERT MERCH:https://www.teepublic.com/stores/the-unofficial-expert-podcastFOLLOW THE UNOFFICIAL EXPERT:https://www.instagram.com/UnofficialExpertFOLLOW SYDNEE:https://www.instagram.com/JustSYDbwhttps://twitter.com/justsydnycFOLLOW MARIE:https://www.instagram.com/Reeezyhttps://twitter.com/MsReeezyFOLLOW ANDREW:https://www.instagram.com/mcgui_guyTHE UNOFFICIAL EXPERT IS A FOREVER DOG PODCASThttps://foreverdogpodcasts.com/podcasts/the-unofficial-expertSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

the listeners of the unofficial expert podcast zipcar is offering 25 of free driving credit at zipcar.com so to earn that 25 of free driving credit go to join zipcar.com slash unofficial experts again that's join zipcar.com slash unofficial experts to earn free driving credit hi what's up what's up what's up this is the unofficial expert welcome to another episode of the smart people show yes i'm marie i almost said my last name do it do it and you are sydney washington boom sydney elizabeth sydney elizabeth washington which is not even my middle name no but it sounds good that's the fucking middle name that you gave me it's ridiculous sydney elizabeth washington how you doing today girl i'm fabulous i'm feeling so good about everything i

can't believe it how are you how was your week going you know i'm an expert in uh curving baby showers and weddings that's a solid curve but i'm actually doing the opposite i'm gonna go to a baby shower this sunday actually that sounds like terrible well you know what since i'm an expert in being a good friend sometimes you have to show up and show out oh is this more of that friend stuff yeah the last baby shower i went to i got it said it started at four i got there at six she's jamaican she didn't get there till 7 30 and i was one of the first people there when i got there two hours late and then the food didn't get there till 10 o'clock so i'm there for four hours and i'm hungry when you sent me the pictures i said oh my god my god where was this baby shower

it was in queens was it at that like palace that everybody has like their prom or graduation no i It wasn't at a palace. It was at like a big open event space. And I was like, damn. Well, you could have been at a baby shower that was at a community center. I feel like we've all been to that baby shower. I've been to many of those. And I was like, never doing this again.

I'm going to send y'all a card with some money in it. I feel like some people just shouldn't have baby showers. Like, just register somewhere and send it to my house. Well, I have to go because I actually canceled last minute on this girl's wedding. We were really close friends. I'm still cool with her. you know she's got married she got a baby why did you cancel on the wedding money when did she get married in another state it was farther than where i wanted it it was not in manhattan or

brooklyn or queens it was upstate somewhere it was like i needed to get on the metro north and go like past westchester and whatnot and this is where that baby shower is now it's it's it's in In the same place? No, but I got to get on a train. I got to pay for a train ticket. I got to go there. So are you bringing a gift for the baby? Nope.

Okay. I feel like you should just give her your train ticket. I'm going to show myself, and I said, I am here today. You should tuck your train ticket in, like, the bassinet. I should get a card and then put my train ticket in, like, I was here. That's what I would do? No, I'm not going to. That's how I would play that game.

I'm going to figure it out. Probably give her $50. I don't know. Whatever we make from the warm-up, I'll give it to the baby shower. You've got to look at the registry. She might have something that's cheaper than 50 on it. My mom's move is she always buys the most expensive thing on the... Well, not the most expensive.

Sometimes they'd be like, my baby needs a bike. My mom would be like, nah. But my mom always spends money for baby shower stuff. Always. So I'm going to get pregnant today, and hopefully your mother will hook it up. I mean, if you register at Bye Bye Baby or Babies R Us, she got you. If you register to anywhere else, she's not going to go to those places. because that's what's by her house.

Bye-bye, baby, or babies are us. Bye-bye, baby seems like there'll be some good items there. Yeah, it's like cute stuff. Babies are us will be pretty tight. I don't know, girl. Babies play with boxes, and they grow fast. You could just throw a pamper and some socks on the baby, and that's fine.

I hate when I see people out with their kids, and their kids don't have on socks. I just want people to stop getting married and having babies because I cannot afford it. So you just want the human race to die out so you could keep the money in your pocket. I see you, girl. I'm sorry.

There's tons of people. When I get on the train, I'm like, this place is too crowded. Yeah, I think I got friends that are like baby number three right now. And I'm like, girl, you're doing so bad. And they want me to be excited about something that I'm like, yo, everybody's doing it. It's not do something that's different. Do something different.

How about you kill a baby? No, don't do that. I'll go to that shower. How about you're like, oh, I'm going to the moon. And I'm like, oh, okay. I'll come to that party. That's it, though. No, send me to the divorced shower.

I'll come to that. Like, girl, he left you for his secretary? Well, girl, you know you can't trust these Nigerian dudes. I was going to say Jewish, but they pay to keep the lights on in here. Okay, you better stop playing games. Don't bite the hand that feeds you. Even though I'm always hungry. Okay.

I don't think a Jewish man has ever fed me, nor would I eat that kosher food. Oh, no. Marie, listen, our listeners are all over. They're from every background. You think somebody from Israel is listening right now? Absolutely not. Well, shalom. Shalom?

Is that what they say? Absolutely not. What does shalom mean? Does that mean hello in Hebrew? Nobody knows? Where is the money? I don't know, girl. I don't know.

You know where the money is at these jobs that I keep applying to. Oh, yeah. What were you an expert in this week? This week, I was an expert at going to interviews for jobs that I know I don't want. I think I nailed these interviews, though. You're very charismatic. I mean, if you walked in, I'd be like, hire her, please. Oh, no.

And then I'll look at you. I'm like, you know what? She got a mouth on her. She'll say something slick. Nah. Nah. And you know my resume is a bunch of lies. Well, everybody's resume is a lie.

Nobody's telling you. Yeah, but you know I haven't had a job longer than six months. There's stuff on my resume that says, like, three years on it. And I'm like, girl. Are you going to show me an example of your resume? Can you show me? I can send you a copy of my resume. Yeah, send me a copy.

I want to see. Okay, I'll send it to you. And then I'm going to copy and paste all that shit and make a resume finally because I don't have one. Sydney has had like two jobs. And I've had them for so, listen, like eight years. That's crazy. And I've done every single thing to possibly do to get fired. Eight years ago, it was 2008.

You've been at these places since 2008? I need to. That's wild. I need to die. I went to these interviews, and the first place I went, the receptionist was giving me attitude. And I was like, whoa, Shanice, don't be mad at me because I can leave after I'm done speaking to you. Because you know Shanice got to stay until the last person leaves. I was like, girl, bye.

And I'm thirsty. I'll take a water, please. Thank you. That's probably why they didn't call me back. You're so rude. Well, she was being stank to me. She was like, actually, you have to go to the fourth floor. I was like, but my throat is dry on the fifth floor, Shanice.

Where is my water? I'm surprised nobody hasn't knocked you upside your head. The way you talk, the way you speak. You know what it is? It's my delicate bone structure. They're like, oh, if I hit her, she's going to die. I will knock the cheekbones off of your face. Sydney, I will slide your cheekbones from the left side of your face to the right side of your face.

It is already doing that, unnaturally. Well, you know, that's what happens with age. Oh, shut up. Age before beauty. That's why Sydney always comes before me. so we are having a good week i still don't have a job but i got this podcast y'all are here listening we have a really cool expert today i feel like what you guys need to know is that new york city there's like 13 million people in new york city every day it's too many so a lot

of us don't drive because we don't have money who has cars we take the train we take the bus if we're doing really well like sydney will take an uber pool i want you to know it's a pool That means I'm sharing it So it's pretty much a bus No it's not It's just the nicest bus That I've ever been on It's a nice bus

So our expert today Our expert today Is an MTA expert And MTA is like They run all the buses All the trains in New York So they the devil But this guy

Is our MTA expert And my cousin Guys give it up for John Hey John What's going on ladies Cousin John Oh the voice Cousin John

Thank you That's my podcast voice okay can you put on your uh mta voice hey what's going on y'all no there's no voice i don't i don't talk too much you don't talk to them on the bus no not really you gotta ask me but what about a stop like if you get to the next stop let me hear it okay well next stop 42nd street that's that's it yo you got nothing you'll be trying to be sexy on the bus no no no sex no sex that's Chris, how long have you worked for the MTA? Next month is going to make it three years.

Three years. What? So somebody in your family knows how to keep a job. Well, yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Most definitely. Well, yeah. There are people in my family that keep jobs, but I can't keep a job.

I can't work in no damn office until 6 p.m. So, John, three years. Three years. Three years. So you drive one of those giant buses. What made you decide that you wanted to be a bus driver? Well, it wasn't really a decision. You fell into it?

Your PO was like, you got to take this job. I was just taking a lot of tests, you know, like, you know, bus, you know, corrections, court officer, whatever came my way. And, you know, I took the test in 08 and 2013. They sent me a letter. Wow. It took them that long for them to send your results? That long. That long for them to send.

That means you were like third tier. They were like, everybody else died. So let's get that John guy. If you'd like to try, you know. you know what is what is the test for that like what is like easy stuff easy stuff uh so easy that it took them that long if you was if you pretty much if you if you take transit if you've been taking transit you anybody could pass give me one question that they were what stop this is a question i know i got wrong because i still don't know the answer to what stop do you

get off on the train if you're trying to go to the statue of liberty to see the statue of liberty and oh there's multiple choice and i think i picked uh bowling green or something like that what is it what is it i don't know look it up dude yeah i know there's google for the bus test you want to remember it that's on the bus test that was on the conductor test but i hear the tests are similar so that's why they could hire off of either list you know wait you took the conductor test you wanted to drive the train i wanted to know the guy that says stand clear not stand clear of closing doors. You want to be that dude? With that voice?

Staying clean. Watch the door! I just want to close the doors. Hey, yo, son. Hey, B, yo, you're killing me right now. There's another B train right behind us. That's it. There you have it. That's exactly it. That's what you want to be? Yeah. The operator, he just drives.

He doesn't talk to nobody. Is he up there by himself? Right. He's all the way in the front by himself, and the conductor is in the middle. In the middle. By himself. So the conductor could be on the phone, but the driver can't. Correct. I guess if he has service.

If he has service. Union Square has service. A lot of those stations now are getting service. Transit Wi-Fi. Well, we're going to be having more accidents happen. What happens if the train operator dies? Oh, well, then, you know, everybody dies. I'm just saying, like, he's up there by himself.

What happens if he just like Stroke and he dies They should have somebody Like a backup Yeah like an assistant operations guy And that's not the conductor Right because the conductor is half way If he had to get up there

He got to walk through all the trains He got to walk through all the homeless people All the like show time dancers All the training ladies with the cans He's never going to get there Chances are the conductor doesn't know how to You know operate the train anyways oh really they just want to do the doors right oh what a waste you know what a waste

open and close doors but you know what it is and they be acting like they are so much better than us okay conductors especially the female like the black female conductors don't you dare do that no let me tell you what they do to me okay okay well when i maybe it's your energy well let me let me tell you what happened okay i was i was running for the train i was running i had on uh wedges and i'm like running i get to the door and i stuck my leg in and the door closed on my leg right so she opened it a tiny bit so i could take my leg out but not enough for me to stick my body through so i just left my leg there why would you do that again because i needed to get on the train you know i was late to wherever the hell i was going probably some job that fired me so the doors

oh she just kept opening it a little bit like a little bit a little bit a little bit and i was like i looked down i couldn't see her i was like well i'm not taking my leg out until you let me put my body in so it was a bunch of white people on the train when i told you this white man grabbed me to throw like to pull me on she opened the door finally like for like a split second and then he pulls me onto the train when i get off a stop later i walk by and it was a black lady chewing gum rolling her eyes at me i was like you see i'm a black woman you're a black woman you know i got things to do here mind you the other because you can see that half of the train doors were still open she just didn't want to open them for me i was like maybe you went on a date with

her man nah that's no there's no way i date somebody who dates people who are conductors look at you look at you it's personal it could have been personal yo people gonna be waiting outside the dull for you after this interview do you do that like when people you see people running for the bus do you peel off fast yeah what's going on in your head when you see somebody They like running in a Zirconi, like a leant over sneaker trying to get to you. They got their briefcase all open. They got shit falling out. They got like pineapples falling out of their bag.

Now, it depends on a lot of things. You know, a lot of things play into factor. Like, let's say your bus is running late and, you know, you're about to go on lunch. Chances are you're leaving that person. You know, like, I got to go eat. I didn't bring my food today. I only have 42 minutes. They give us odd times.

They give you 42 minutes for lunch? 42 minutes. So I got to get my Chinese food. Why 42? Not even a 45? It works that way, you know. Some people, 42 minutes. The MTA, y'all don't make no sense.

Y'all make no sense. 42? You know, it depends. So, you know, now let's say, you know, it's a day like on a holiday. You know, I drive buses here in the city, you know, first, second, third, Lexington. So, you know, on holidays, you know, it's open road, just nothing going on. So I could be like five minutes early. You cannot be early to a stop, you know.

Really? Not only is that frowned upon, you know, you get suspended. If they want to take it that far. What? But how would they know you were early? Everything's computerized. There's a guy on a computer like, wait a minute. Like, you know, you got GPS's on the bus.

It's like, the B-15 is moving quite fast today. What time is he supposed to be? Oh, no, he's five minutes early. Call him. They call us on our little phone. They be like, uh, you know you're late. Yeah, but when you're late, they don't give no dams. They don't care when you're late because the buses stay late, the trains stay late.

Even that, that depends, too, because, you know, a lot of things could play into factor for that. You know, it could be a blockage. When a president's in town, forget about it. Everybody's late. Everybody. At least 45 minutes late. Yeah, they're like, fuck it, everybody's late. Everybody be late.

It all comes around full circle. Everybody's late. Now, if you're early on days like that, that's when you're asking questions like, how is this bus two hours late and you're here 15 minutes early to go eat? And the president. The president's in town. The president's in town. Exactly. So, you know, they like, yo, respect Obama, you know.

So what happens, like Obama was here like two, he was here a couple weeks ago. Right. So a bunch of roads get blocked off. So where does the, how does that work for your bus route? You'd just be like, F it. Obama's here, so I'm not coming all that way downtown. Some days they have detours, but that's rare. Things like that, like Obama in town.

Depending where it is It's better to be on the west side Because if you're on the east side It's done You might as well just walk Because that's what I had to do I had to walk Yeah, people was on my bus

20 blocks 20 blocks Mind you, I have paid a cab To go all the way to where I need to meet Marie Waste of money Waste of money Spent $20 on what?

10 blocks Yeah, waste of money And then I had to walk the rest I was like Are you freaking kidding me? Yeah, that's crazy That's why people With their city bikes

Be thinking Oh, we're winning We got a city bike Like, ha ha You can't tell if somebody's on a city bike, no. Nothing. Have you ever clipped a city bike with your bus? Have you ever been like, tap the tire, just boop, he wouldn't be here.

I plead the fifth. Ooh, it's not like you hit somebody's back tire, and then you're like, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep. There's been times where buses have hit me. I mean, bikes have hit me, my bus, but you know. Wait, what happened? Wait, how does a bike hit your bus? Hey, man, you got a lot of confused folks riding bikes here in the city.

Taking a turn, and they thought you was turning, so they just hit the side of your bus? Some of them are probably, you know, under the influence. It happens. It happens. What do you do when somebody hits your bus with a bike? You keep moving? Uh, yeah. Now, wait.

Go ahead. There was, I don't know if you know about this one, but there was a bus driver that got into an altercation with another passenger and then he uppercut her. He said, you're going to learn today. Now, bus drivers have a stressful job. Yeah. In situations like that, how do you not get to that level? Because that's kind of extreme.

First, hit someone, but street fighter uppercut them? Uppercut. Uppercut a woman right off the bat. I'm pretty sure that uppercut came from, you know, his own personal issues, you know. His wife of 12 kids and shit. Cheating on him with probably another bus operator. Yeah, but everything is, you know, situational because, you know, like with that, if it was MTA, I don't know how the other rules and regulation goes for any other job. But MTA, you're automatically fired.

You're not supposed to uppercut nobody. Like they tell us that, you know, you're supposed to sit in that seat and wait for police and supervision. You got to keep that little door closed. So anybody could do anything to you. You got to stay in the seat. Yeah, they pretty much pay us to be sheep. Wow. Yeah, for the most part, yeah.

They don't want you to... Has anybody ever... You can defend yourself, but you can't do things like that. Like, if somebody hits you while you're in the seat, you could probably give, like, little swings. Come on, man. That's not the... Right.

They should give you something. They should give you a shield. They should give you a baton. Yeah. You should have, you know, a shield that, like, when somebody hits you, you can just put it up, and you're like, oh, you can't fuck with me no more. A lot of the buses have partitions.

Yes, you need a partition. That's what you need. A lot of them, but, you know, the partitions, you know, like, they could only do so much. Were you in the Bronx? Oh, the Bronx. They have the most interesting stories. You got bulletproof. I heard people done got hit by eggs.

On the bus? On the bus. Bus drivers, like, you know, and people just still coming on the bus. Doop. Dipping in a metric car. This happened to a friend of mine, and he said, finally, like, after, like, the seventh the eighth person walked onto the bus

a lady offered him a napkin she's like you got a little egg you got a little yolk you got a little yolk see I can't he was upset

he was upset but you know he just he could have taken the bus out of service but this was new he was new

when this happened he was new so what does that mean when you take a bus out of service you just cut the light off and you be like this bus ain't in service

yeah you just be like everybody out you need to transfer wait for the next bus everybody out damn have you ever done that have you ever been like

I need to take a quick nap back here nah nah nah The bus is not in service. I never had to. Yeah, you can take it out of service. A lot of things, you know, you got to really, really use the bathroom. Where do you go pee?

Anywhere. The world is our bathroom. The city is our bathroom. You can just be like, excuse me, I parked my bus right here in front of this pizza hut. Can I just run in real quick and use the restroom? They tell us wherever you see a bus stop, that's our parking spot. We can park there. But, you know, if you really, really got to go, just leave the bus where it is.

That's crazy. Yeah. Has anybody ever tried to test you on the bus? Has anybody ever been like, you shut your ass up, you bus-driving ass black man. Like, has anybody ever come for you like that? Uh, yeah, kind of. Give us a situation. Like, let's say in a situation where, you know, a day where buses are late.

So, let's say the 607 bus is late, the 615 bus is late. Like, yeah, 6.07 bus a day, 6.15 bus a day. Let's say I'm the 6.22 bus and somebody's been there since 6. So then, like, the 6.07 bus, 6.15 bus don't show up. So then they see me on time, mind you, and they're like, what happened? Why are you so late? What were you doing when you was drinking tea and coffee with your friends up in? Like, what?

What are you talking about? Like, I'm on time. Like, what are you talking about? Yeah, I know you guys always playing around, blah, blah, blah. And, you know, you kind of just, like, you know, you don't want to escalate the problem, but, you know, depending on how you feel in that day, you can. What would you say to him? Would you be like, shit, if you don't get your ass off my bus? Yeah, because it comes to a point where you can't really, you can say something, but then it's like you're almost arguing with everybody.

Because, like, everybody, they really don't know the whole dynamics of the job. Yeah, tell people how hard this job is. Just driving a bus is one, is not easy. but how are you taking them turns in that big ass bus oh it's not that bad actually i'm driving those buses are actually easier than oh so it's easy so y'all just y'all just fucking up the driving part is easy okay everything controlling all the factors around you is the hard part you know the bikes you know the cabs you know traffic so if you can't control if the other buses if the other buses that are before you don't come and you show they could

just do that they could just not show up yeah i should be a bus driver if they cut somebody short like let's say somebody's supposed to go all the way up to washington heights and they'd be like at 42nd street just stop right there just turn around and because you're so late and then me now i'm just driving on time and then now i'm picking up all the people that needs to go to washington heights and they're upset and so you know i'm just arguing everybody so then there's a point we just like i don't want to argue that's terrible that's terrible let's talk about that wheelchair situation yes why are they allowed on the bus okay marie marie well what mta is um extremely um handicapped wheelchair people got to get around too i mean yeah but they got wheels

already like oh my god some of them are not automatic you fool the people in the automatic would just be booking it too yeah a lot of them think that you know it's free for them which it isn't it's reduced but you don't you don't you don't really have to argue i've seen drivers argue with i'm not arguing with somebody that's you know in the wheelchair you know no me personally you look crazy if you argue with somebody where's my money where's my 135 and that's that's another thing too mta doesn't want us you know arguing about the fear which is which is crazy which is new to me because you know growing up you know taking them but there was no way you know like i was trying to sneak on a bus and stuff i always had like around then it was like i think 50 cents

60 cents for half air for kids well half air in general yeah i always had my money because nowadays student half keep it moving i'm like yo that's crazy because i feel like whenever i get and it comes back to women again like the the the male bus drivers if i get on the bus i'll throw a couple pennies and think like when i used to be when you used to be able to pay with change throw a couple pennies in and it'd be like 11 cents and they'd be like alright now have a good day and don't say nothing but if it's a black female

bus driver I'm telling you for whatever reason they don't like my face or my edges or something no I'll get on and I'll throw a couple a handful of pennies and they'll be like you need to pay the full fare yeah cause they like bitch why you hitting us with some pennies get your

quarter game up they not even supposed to be arguing with me about the fare you ain't got no you ain't got no silver dollars no nothing no sack at your waist I don't think the machine takes

you just got pity get your pity ass bitch out of here no but then you know you gotta come back and be like I thought I just put in how much did I put in

and they be like 12 cents I be like I thought there was some quarters in there but you know if push came to shove you know

and they wanted to really push the issue like alright I'm gonna call supervision they're gonna be like drive your bus please so you'll never win for the most part yeah

they could go the extra mile like you know like okay if there's a cop on the road I'm gonna flag down this cop and you know oh that's who is doing all this

extra stuff cause everybody in the back is like yo if you make me late for wherever I need to go we gonna fuck you up after when the cops come right

so you know oh me oh come on man but fight the bus driver let me get where I'm going so we can all be on time or need to work have your monies ready

you know who you getting on the bus see the thing is is that like when you get on a train You gotta have your money ready But on the bus You're like

Oh well I'll just see what kind of change Is laying in my purse And get on Now Have your Pennies ready When you get on

Yeah but You know I got this Unlimited MetroCard now Because I'm doing really well So I'm doing fine But like when I was paying Would change Me too

Every time it was a Black female bus driver She would Like she'd make Basically make me get off the bus I see it Well now You see it

Well now We have a podcast And we can reach These female drivers maybe you can build a rapport with them now and fix this hey Shanice listen I don't know what

your kids are doing to you right now yo I don't know why your bus is late every time that I get on it and then what's this express bus nonsense I gotta pay before I get on the bus what is that tell the story about what happened to you so I had an interview for another job that I did not want

and then after we were done I was done Sydney and I were gonna go get some food and she was like come get some food and I was like oh my god she's paying so I was running to get uptown and I was not paying I googled yeah but I thought I heard she was like I thought she said free food

so I was like oh my god so I was gonna I googled map how to get to where she was at and I was like oh there's a bus stop right in front of me and the bus pulled up and I was like look at God and I was like won't he do it God is good and I ran onto the bus and I had my metro card out and I'm trying to pay but the box was all taped up

and I was like they so stupid stupid ass mta and the driver was also laughing and he was like she's so stupid but i didn't know what he was laughing at i thought he was laughing because i was laughing i go to sit down and it's a bunch of loud ass kids on the bus people got like these little receipts i'm not paying attention i'm like what are these playing cards so right the stop that i was getting off at i get up all these cops get on the bus like we need to see your receipts i was like i don't know what you talking about excuse me i'm trying to get off the bus he was like hold on a minute ma'am and i was like wow you don't even know me but you're calling me ma'am that's rude and because

you know i'm young right like i'm like early 20s easily this was like last week and so everyone's showing these receipts and they won't let me off the bus and the guy's like do you have a receipt and i was like receipt for where and he was like for the bus you're supposed to pay before you get on did you pay of course i say sir i can't lie to you yes i did pay we're reaching i'm you know i'm pulling i'm pouring my bag out i'm checking under my hair i'm checking like around my ankles i'm like i must have somebody must have grabbed it he was like tell you what this is what i'm gonna do i'm gonna play devil's advocate and start writing you this ticket i said i don't know if you know what the devil is but you the devil so 100 for 100 it was 90 it was a 90 ticket 90 which is

100 which is really 500 it's basically exactly it's 500 i'm homeless now yeah because of this ticket who has 90 or 500 but i had the metro car and i was like dude like there's a machine right here let me just pay like retroactively let me just pay now i have the car and he was like yeah i already started writing the ticket so you didn't bat your beautiful brown eyes no when when cops hit you with the already started writing the ticket they are not going to stop writing that ticket yeah i'm like you would just put your pen down you know how pens work sir you could just click it closed and put it behind your ear or shove it up your butt if that's what you need to do duane but he yeah i got a ticket and then you know what i tried to do is i tried to take the

bus back down and to get another receipt and then fight it and they're like yeah you uh you bought this after you got the ticket because i went to bus court and everything so wait you went to bus court you went to bus court i mean bus court with an already paid for a ticket that was after the fact uh-huh you're so bold i did i went so foolish but you know your metro card they can see when you use it they can see what time yeah it's amazing i didn't know it was like a debit card technology is amazing i'm like y'all you guys don't know who killed tupac but you know when i did not swipe my metro car yes we did if that ain't some bs i don't know who killed john benet ramsey but you know where my metro card was last used no no john you are very attractive

you're a good looking you're a good looking bus driver thank you you're good looking for a bus driver so thank you i'll take that wait so a man like you do you get hollered at have you ever met any nice girls on the bus have you ever seen a pretty girl and was like you know what i'm gonna let her slide and then hopefully she'll give me her number after yeah how does that work do you you do you pull the bus driver card and be like so i ride the bus i got you you know no no no You know how many pretty women I pick up every day? You're the prettiest. I'll be damned if I say that.

What's your bus driver game? No, there's no bus driver game, you know. I'm not even going to lie. I've gotten phone numbers on. They asked for a transfer, and they put the phone number on. What? Wait, who has a pen getting on the bus as well? A secretary?

You know what? An assistant? Somebody with a job? Twice. Twice, girls ask for pens. They asked You from Brooklyn They asked

I'm a bus driver By the way Let me shut up I can barely speak English So it's fine I remember there was one big Spanish girl She was a big girl And that was the first time it happened

And I didn't know what she was doing She was asking for a pen And she was like, okay I'm here, here, you know, here And she gave it to me And she got off the bus And she walked around the front And she looked at you while you

Yeah, she looked me in my eyes you know what bold that's bold yes so did you call her no um why because she lived in the bronx you like her neighborhood she lived in harlem but no i wasn't interested you know but um and then it's only probably one time only one time i gave a girl no she gave me her number i asked for her number because she came on a bus she was like yo she only had um she only had um I think like a dollar or something like that So you're already setting yourself up for failure because you're getting a girl

who don't even have a dollar No, she had a dollar in change No, what is she doing with change? And I was like, yo man I was like, yo what's up? And she was like look, all I have is paper. I was like, alright

then I guess you owe me I'm just like, I owe you hell She sounds fast How you planning on paying me back? Wait. Are you planning on paying me back? Are you planning on paying me back? With my phone number?

And it don't even work? She was like, 718. Did you call her? I think I texted her twice. One time. One time, actually. Because she... No, I texted her one time to let her know it was me.

Then the second time I texted her was to chill. But I think she wanted to chill in Harlem. I was like, no, forget it. Yikes. He was like, no, forget it. And it was early. it was like when I first started I was like

nah so when you get on the bus and you whip it right around getting it has an old woman ever tried to like give you like a church pamphlet

or like hook you up with her grandbaby like how does that happen this one lady actually she told me she was like a video vixen older lady like she was like

she was in videos so she was in videos when Harry and Tubman was in Underworld right so I was like I was like the videos she was in

Harlem Renaissance she was like the Commodores she was like She was like, I was in CL Smooth. I was like, wait a minute. Did they even have girls in their videos back then? I don't even know who that is. Me neither.

Who that is? P-Rock and CL Smooth. You know what I mean? They pioneered hip hop. Nah. One of the pioneers. She was like Earth, Wind, and Fire. I was in the video for that.

She's on a, what is it? V.S.H. She was like a preacher's wife now. She didn't change. Yeah, she had like a church radio show. God is in her life. So now she's a church video vixen? I guess, you know.

She's a vixen for the Lord. She twerks for Jesus. She twerks for Jesus. She twerks for Jesus. She's doing hand praises. You know, a hand praise video vixen. But yeah, you know. So she said that, and then she was like, I have a daughter, a grandbaby.

No, she, she, she. She wanted, she was trying to get to her. I think she was telling herself. I think she was trying to sell herself. John do you ever see celebrities on the bus oh I seen Charlamagne the God one time

that was cool really he got on the bus no he was outside the bus you know who I think you know who I came you know who I think

came on my bus not came but came was like wait what he got on my bus like Lil Duval no the guy from

House of Cards Kevin Spacey Kevin Spacey Kevin Spacey got on the bus? I believe Kevin Spacey got on my bus. But you don't even really know white people like that, so you're like, he look like that Kevin Spacey dude? He definitely look like Kevin Spacey.

A lot of white people that get on my bus, they look famous. No, they really look famous. You know what? But John drives down Lex, right? Lexington, 3rd Avenue, 2nd Avenue, 1st Avenue. These people, they love public transportation. Nah, if they taking the bus,

they can't be famous. But Kevin Spacey, I don't think he's that famous anymore. Wait. Yes, he... Are you serious? Well, you know what? Kevin Spacey looks like literally any other white man who lives in New York. Even Kevin Bacon. I read an article about him talking about

how he loves taking public transportation. He said he just hates weekends. Look at Kevin Bacon's face. It's a bus face. Kevin Bacon looks like bacon grease that's been sitting out for a while. He looks like he takes the bus. He looks like he drives the bus. He's got that bus driver face. You know, he kind of does.

And the Asian lady from orange is the new black uh she came on my bus twice twice the the i think she works in the in the in the library some uh the yeah it's the library it has to be the library there's an asian yeah there's an asian she was dating pusey was she yeah on the show really the one that was like a hippie she's real annoying that asian girl she had like short hair and she was short and i couldn't i couldn't get her age i felt like well you can't tell with the asians yeah because they're really young and then they're really old she was cool she was cool she came on my bus twice she was cool i assume she lives in the city i took a soul cycle class with lucy lu once yo she is bad like

she looks so good she sidebar exactly what is soul cycle it's uh white women sweating on bikes to loud ass music it's a soul music it's a waste of 30 dollars any it's it's whatever music the instructor wants to play yeah 30 for a class per class it's foolish i never paid for a class because I ain't got I don't even have 11 cents for the bus so you think I'm gonna have

SoulCycle money oh I mean yeah but celebrities yeah I think just Kevin's face

I think and an Asian lady from Orange is the New Black what's the craziest thing that's ever happened on your bus the craziest thing that's ever happened

like has anybody ever like you call people banging in the back you call people smoking like are people like fighting over dudes

on the bus like how what's happening on the bus people shooting at the bus crazy on my bus or on a bus I'll even take another bus

I know I've heard stories I remember so your buses are usually tame it's something about your energy people don't want

to fuck around no with me no I never really have issues personally but I've seen stuff I've heard arguments

I've heard bums arguing you know what's your best bum argument there was this one bum are you saying like homeless people

or just bomb niggas that just be on the bus? I know, I really, yeah, I do. This guy, for sure, I know he's homeless. I know he's homeless. Because he lives on your bus?

No, because no matter what time of day you come to 125th in Lexington, he's there. He's on the corner. But for some reason, I'm always picking him up

around 116 or 106. So you know his schedule and shit? No, I just always... Or he knows your schedule? No, I just always see him. You kind of see the same faces.

But he got on the bus and he has a walker and he's sitting like in a seat right behind me like you know the single seat and cause he ain't got no friends

probably and some lady comes on the bus and then like I don't know exactly what he said what she said maybe she gives him a look

I don't know I don't know what initially sparked it but he said something like I don't know what the fuck this bitch looking at and then she was like

yo you got a mouth on you but you don't have a mouth when them dudes are kicking your ass on I don't know what block she said he's like

fuck them niggas and fuck you too and you know they're like just going back and forth, back and forth. So she recognized him. Right.

I'm pretty sure they had, this was the first issue they had. And it was a short argument. It was from like 116 to like 123rd. Stop it. It was only about three stops. Wait, how are you paying attention while driving and listening to this conversation? I have to. Otherwise he falls asleep.

Yeah, like it's all entertainment for me. Everything is entertainment for me. The people fighting outside. The lady struggling with her stroller and her baby and the baby's books. And then do you ever get off the bus to help somebody get on the bus? It's happened a couple of times. As recently, no. But it's happened a couple of times where I got to go get a lunch.

And there's a nice old lady. And I'm like, oh, OK. I know how I reckon. Come, miss. Come, I got you. But if it's a stranger, if it's an old face you don't recognize, you're like, well. If it's a stranger and we have time, then that's what we're doing. We're just going to wait.

We're waiting. Have you ever seen somebody running for the bus and then you waited until right before they got to the door and you shut it? One time. One time. But I kind of felt disrespected. I'm on 181st and Amsterdam and everybody's getting on the bus. Big fat Spanish dude. Everybody's getting on the bus and he's talking to his homeboy.

So I look, and I see the light turn green. The light's about to turn red. And I'm like, I'm not waiting for that to stop again. That's what's not going to happen. So I close the door, and I'm getting ready to leave. I'm looking to the left to pull out, and I hear, yo. And I hear knocking on the door. And I look, and I was like, it's too late.

Because he wanted to give his friend a dab and stuff. Kind of like what happened to your cousin or your brother that time when the cab stopped for him, and then he wanted to say bye to us, and the cab drove off. Yeah, you know? Like, yo, you stopped me. Yeah, don't be. I didn't have his money, so I left.

but that was a bad scene because like I heard the knocking and I don't know if he threw anything or not but anyway you're like this is a bus

anything you throw it's not really going to affect me right this ain't even my usual bus exactly I was on OT that day

so you know and the bus makes a lot of noise you hear a lot of noise so like around 167th or 168th some lady comes up to me she's about to get off the bus

she's like poppy poppy you glassy breaky break I was like what He broke the window I guess when he was knocking I don't know if he threw something

Nah he didn't knock He definitely threw his briefcase His ass had no damn briefcase He threw his sidekick He kicked it with his beef and broccoli Two way pager At that point bus is out of service I gotta pull the bus in

Vandalism So that chubby dude messed the whole bus schedule up for everybody after that. That's terrible. I'm good regardless because, you know, now I'm just driving Now you got a 43 minute break. Exactly. But you still get paid though, right? Yeah, we

can't control vandalism. Yeah. Then I would get my friends to vandalize the bus all the time so I could just chill, yo. From what I hear from the senior guys, everybody had, you know, their own type of, you know, they'd have people come on the bus and

throw up. Dirty bus i got a dirty bus gotta pull it in dirty bus yeah you know dirty bus i get to go home early so what else so dirty bus is a thing vandalism is a thing vandalism is a thing uh you can have somebody come on the bus and punch you in the mouth and oh why would you do that that's assault and i'm out for two years now you're out because somebody assaulted me are you getting paid for two years for two years yo i would do that all of the time right but you know my two years as soon as i come back after two i have to do it again punch me again i think it was the same person that punched me again on my first day you know my neck is killing me and you get paid for this

get paid for this that is crazy okay so john i just want to before we quiz you can you give us some do's and don'ts of just like regular transportation that might apply anywhere you know yeah um i think uh you should know where you're going that's one that's that's that's that's most important does this bus go to times square don't tell me that tell me where you're going like don't don't come on my bus and say uh what's the next stop and then i'm like uh um the next stop is uh 42nd and what's the stop after that uh 50th when i was dumb when i first started that, I'd be like, uh, 47th, 50th. After that, 60th, and we there for 15

minutes. I'm listening. Now it's like, yo, what's the next time? 42nd? And I'm like, no, no, where are you going? Where you going? I'm going to 57th. Well, I don't go there. Thanks, player. You know, so there's a lot of trouble. So, yeah, you got to know where you're going. Is there, like, a quick way to get in good with the bus

drivers or, like, should I be bringing you, like, treats or, like, macaroons? Drugs? What are the bus drivers like? Like, if I bring you, like, a little seltzer water, like, what? Well, no, welcome. Do I need to bring You're a dime bag. Bacon, egg, and cheese. What's up?

To each his own. But there's actually some bus lines where you actually, the express buses, the big silver buses that go from like on the highway and stuff, they pretty much pick up the same passengers every day. Like, so that's your route. You know, you know these guys. Hey, Gregory. Hey, Steve.

You know, how was your day? You know, Wall Street. All bus driver names. You know, like, so those guys. Will bring stuff for people. They be getting bonuses and stuff like that. Yeah. You know, nice little envelopes filled with money.

Filled with drugs. Do you get any of that? No, but when I go down Bowery, go up and down Bowery with the Asian people, that bus line is usually, those buses, you know, 30 minutes, they be waiting, you know, with their wheelchairs and their walkers. They usually come bearing gifts. You know, I've done had apples. That's not a gift.

They got razor blades. Yeah, you know, they'll give you like a dollar, like a little ball. like they just stuffed in your shirt. Like an origami dollop? Yeah, yeah. Stuffed in your shirt and like

they just happy to see you. And one of my friends he actually got a watch. We got a watch from somebody. His wrist is green as hell now. I'm pretty sure

because you know we're going by canal. Was it like G-Star? It was a fake G-Star. It was a Grolex. It was goldish. It was like goldish copper tone to it.

He wears it to work. It was a Movado with like an O and apostrophe on it. It was a Movado. Movado. but you know yeah i guess you know just so do bring gifts for the driver or not i guess you don't have to like to me the best passenger is the one that just comes on the bus probably

lightly greets me because i'm kind of funny barely talk to me yeah if you come on a bus and don't acknowledge me at all i might feel a way depending depending depending on what's going on like you know like don't ignore me so this is how i get on the bus i get on the bus i'll make eye contact i'll be like hi how are you and they'll be like i'm fine how are you i'm like great and then i walk away that's cool or should i stay to have that's cool more conversation no that's cool that's great okay if i don't have money how do i get on the bus and get to stay okay drive up yo i don't got it on me all right some some people like to apologize me i don't really know why they apologize, because, you know...

Because they knew they didn't have it. Yeah, because you didn't do nothing wrong. Hey, you don't got no money, you don't got no money, or you forgot your MetroCard. Something happened, whatever. How many people you think you get on the bus for free per day? Per day. Shit. Shit. Up and down

Lenox, my bus is like the free bus. More than 10? Oh, yeah. More than 20? Yeah. yeah most definitely like 50 people no a day no man yeah we could average it out around to 20 excuse me i'm gonna say 20 but it also depends what time of day i'm working too because you know when i work late you know i'm picking up less people so you know it's a little different

but i feel like when you work late less of those people have money yes that's very very true yeah but i in a in a sense i'm still kind of picking up less people but yeah yeah so it kind of balances Do you think a woman should flirt with you to get on for free? No, that's not necessary. But I definitely, I remember one time I stopped my bus. The light was about to, I think, turn red. I was like, I'm out of here. And it was like some big butch-looking chick.

Then I guess this was her girlfriend behind. I was like, all right, I'll stop for that. I'll be a little late for that. I'll be a little late for that. And I stopped. Because the girlfriend was cute? So do have a cute girlfriend if you look crazy. Amen.

And pretty girls have more fun. So, you know, if you have a pretty face, you know. If you have a pretty face, you shouldn't be on the bus. At all. Marie, so how is your life? How's my life? I take the bus if I don't feel, if I still need service. I forgot to send this text.

No, but I don't know. There are some times, like, I judge people. Like, one time this girl got on my bus, and she was going with her luggage, a big luggage. She wasn't even an ugly girl. She was kind of pretty. And I was like, damn. You didn't find one dude to drop you to where you was going? Then I was like, all right, maybe she's going a couple stops.

She took my bus all the way to Harlem. I picked up on 14th Street. I'm like, damn, baby. Sometimes you just want to see the city. Sometimes you don't want to see the tour bus. Not with a big ass suit. You don't want to do the double decker. She had snacks.

She had snacks. Girl, she didn't have money. I think she had a sandwich or crackers and a Ziploc bag. She had the Ritz? yeah she was no it wasn't Ritz it was it was like a sleeve

of saltines yeah it could have been and you know that's ghetto yo that has that's ghetto because that

that has happened to me I've been on I've been on the bus the M60 that goes to JFK and I got on just getting on to LaGuardia

LaGuardia I just got on just to get on because I was getting to the next stop and I saw this beautiful girl like stunning

like she had titties rts she was edges everything she was beautiful she had not one luggage two two like two like two giant non-carry-on bags going to the airport and i was like girl you could have made friends with some of the taxi drivers that be at the gas station you could have just rolled your luggage there and was like oh man i wish i could get to the airport you know you know why i wouldn't judge the people that hop on an M60 too much, because if I see you hop on an M60 from like

125th or whatever, I'm going to be like, maybe she lives around here. This is obviously the fastest and cheapest way, so she just took it. But this girl came from like 14th or 23rd Street. I knew it was lower Manhattan. I'm like, wherever she's going, she has to transfer. Like, wherever she's coming from or going.

So I was like, damn, baby. Nobody? Nah, I wouldn't want nothing to do with it. Girls that look like that, but they're taking the bus, there's something wrong with them. How dare you, John? You're the one driving the bus. Something wrong with you? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, most definitely.

But I can still judge. That and water fountains. I see you drinking out of water fountains. I agree with that. It's a kill breaker. Where is there a public water fountain? Oh, I see it all the time in the airport. I'm like, oh, she's kind of pretty, but what? Oh, no.

No, no. No I understand The water here Is four dollars Stay thirsty then Stay thirsty Listen

I'm not paying Four dollars For a bottle of water Yes you need the water Because if you don't Drink out the water fountain You lose your chances With me

If you're that thirsty Lose your chances With me Listen if you're dehydrated You build up White stuff around your mouth So she just wants To prevent that

So when she comes And talks to you Her mouth is moist I'm sorry That's probably Why I'm still single A single bus driver A single bus driver

living in Brooklyn. In the city. John, you are a hot ass man. You're so funny. Listen, we are going to give you a quick quiz to test your expertise. We want you to put on those little expert glasses right there. And I'm going to cut the camera on for you. Cool?

Okay. Well. You're very, I forgot to mention, you're in a sweat pant. Is this your like off-duty leisure wear? I love my sweat pants. You're giving me Planet Fitness, like just walking by,

Planet Fitness not even going inside. I'm not going in. I'm going to the subways next door. You're like, I'm just here for the bathroom. I heard there was pizza in here

because it's Tuesdays? Yeah. You guys actually, I'm so off topic. Y'all had a comedian that said the thing with I want to quit and I was curious

if that was really true. Quit what? Planet Fitness. Y'all probably don't remember it was a girl that she said she quit Planet Fitness and they said,

yo, say you want to quit and you say, I want to quit Planet Fitness and then it'd be like, you're free to go like some stupid shit you have to say that you want to quit

look at you butchering somebody's joke how dare you no it wasn't I'm sorry it was funny John comes to the warm up okay

that's me and Sydney's baby our child I'm one of the most you know supportive I mean John we've had like 24 shows and I think you came to

six no no no it's the second Saturday every month at Karma Lounge in the East Village

and it's dope and it's free and John gonna be there with all his cute bus driving hose that don't have no panties. No panties,

but like a giant suitcase in the back of the club with Tupperware of potato chips in it. John, here's my first question to you to see

if you are an expert at this bus driving thing. I'm listening. When you get on the bus, there's a sign that says if you hit or assault a driver, the fine is blank dollars.

What does that sign say? Shit. Is it 100K? You know I don't know, John. Oh, come on now. But I do know it's punishable up to seven years in prison. Okay.

I feel like I'm going to take that. I'll take that. I'll take that. Yeah, that makes sense. So has anybody, like what you in for? I punched a driver on the M60. What? I wonder, I don't know how excessive it has to be for you to get seven years.

It has to be. Are you going to learn today? Yeah, it probably has to be like an uppercut. Like the person had to uppercut the bus driver. It has to be a female driver that gets hit by a fat dude. Possibly, yeah, possibly. Okay. Sidney, do you have a question?

It's a salt. Yes. How much is the fare for the express bus? I believe it went up to $6.50. $6.50? $6.50. I didn't even know it was an extra charge. Yeah, it's pretty much double the regular bus.

Yeah, it's a lot of money. It's a lot of money. Here's a question for you. Who is in charge of the MTA? Because every time I see the slow, struggling buses or the slow, struggling subways, I'm like, who the hell, who do I need to write a letter to? Yeah. Who's in charge?

Your local congressman. Right. I forget. I've seen his name time and time again. God damn it. Every time. So you don't even know. I'm going to say his name is Ted.

I feel like it's Ted. Ted. But every time something happens, he's there to talk. Like, even what happened with the PATH trains the other day. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The one that ran off the tracks. Yeah. I think he talked.

He talked. He always comes. He's like, all right, I'll talk. The PATH isn't even MTA, is it? I think so. I feel like MTA has this. It's New Jersey Transit. They have their hand in everything.

Because in the past, when things have gone wrong with them, MTA is the one that help if they need a shuttle and stuff like that. So I'm pretty sure they're in bed together some way, somehow. Here's another question for you. Why is it so damn expensive to get a MetroCard now? Do you know what Ted's doing with my coins? I think. Is it all the overtime that you've been doing?

No, I think that plays a part in it. But I don't know. They say they need the money for, you know, maintaining things. But the buses stay raggedy. The bus, you know. I'll be looking at the bus sometimes like when it's fresh, when you come out from a trip. And then, you know, they tell you you're supposed to check the bus at the end of the trip. But then, you know, like at the end of the trip, I look and, you know, there's like a cigarette butt in the back and a bottle of Bacardi half drink and paper bag.

And I'm like, yo, the bus didn't look like this when I pulled the bus out. So a lot of times it's the public that does that to the bus. Oh, you blame the public for this $3 Metro card? I think I have to. I think everything always comes back full circle. You know, like they're only going to do as much as, you know, people will. Don't allow them to do? Mm-mm.

Right. I don't, I refuse to accept that. It used to be like $1.50 to get on the subway. Yes. And I believe it's going up to $3 very, very soon. They say it's for repairs. No, they need to repair their budget at home. They need to repair their mortgage.

I have a question. If you have two homeless people fighting on the bus, then a wheelchair person comes on, Then two elderly people Get on the bus as well How late will your bus be? I'm pretty sure I'm missing my lunch You can pretty much bank on that

I love how committed you are to lunch You really like this Chinese food Why don't you just get some snacks dude Just bring some snacks on the bus You can't eat no cashews or nothing back there? I can. Sometimes, you know, I just want my Chinese food. Chinese food isn't going anywhere, though.

Like, you can get it any time. I'm moody, you know. I like my Chinese food when I'm at work. He's just hangry. He be skipping stops. You know, when we miss our lunch, like, they call it blowing your swing when you miss your lunch. Your lunch is your swing. Your swing is your break.

That's what we call it. Blowing your swing. I mean, you missed your lunch. wait so your lunch is at a certain time yes so if you're 42 i'm supposed to get off the bus this other driver is supposed to get on his bus at 4 42 and then i get back on my next bus at 5 23 and where that driver is either going home or he's going on lunch you know and it just keeps going around going around in circles until you know this bus been out on the road for maybe three cycles and then he has to pull that bus into the depot or this except so if you even if

you're not ready at 42 at 442 you the guy will still start driving is that what you're saying no uh so let's say uh a guy's supposed to relieve me on 50th and first avenue i mean he's supposed to get my bus at 449 if i don't show if i come at 5 30 he still has to take the bus but now depending on what's going on what the situation is they're either going to send him all the way down to, we're on 2nd Avenue, so let's say all the way down to South Ferry the bus that goes, they're either going to send them all the way down to South Ferry.

This sounds terrible and boring. Okay, thanks John. Or they're going to cut his trip to Houston, which is why, you know. John, you ought to think, not everybody listens to this in New York. Nobody give a damn about this. They got to know though. I just want to know.

Hold on, what was the initial question? I don't remember what I asked you. What did you ask me? It was if you get there late, Can you still take your lunch or you just lost your lunch? You tell me about how you did it. Oh, yeah, you lost your lunch, yeah. Long story short, you lost your lunch. Okay, this has been my nerdy-ass expert bus driving comment.

You did a great job. You are the unofficial MTA expert. Thank you, John. Yay! If you guys want to catch my bus, you know, I work odd schedules. Yeah, we're going to get to that. We're going to get to that, John. How many days a week do you work?

Right now, just five. Just five? that is the week pretty much all the days that's like a regular work week for everybody except me so where can our listeners catch you driving the bus uh first half second half what bus the 101 uh the 102 103 those buses yeah this bus is right here and again i don't know if i want y'all coming on my bus i don't know if i want y'all coming on my bus i'm gonna see y'all when I see you. We're going to bring you

some snacks, dude. We're going to get you some Chinese food. We're going to roll up $100, or not $100, $1 bills and then throw them at you. I'm going to give you 50 cents.

But yeah, I'm all over. I don't have a set schedule. I refuse to have a set schedule. But yeah, I'm on. He's in the streets. Listen, one day, it was the night of our show and I was outside Karma

getting ready and I heard someone go, yo! And I looked and it was John driving the bus. I'm half out the window screaming. He was hanging out

the window. That's so dangerous, and you're going to lose your job. I was out of stock. Driving slowly. Do you have social media that people can hit you up on? Where can people find you? Oh, yeah. Just Instagram, Oscar Swanson.

Oscar Swanson. What is that? That's my name. In the bus world? That's your bus alias? Period. You know, I never knew what the hell Oscar Swanson was. You hit it rock.

A rapper friend of mine Whose name is Oscar Swanson Okay, that's a great story Thank you so much, John You've been amazing We will catch you on the 101 or 102 Or the 103 We'll catch you

And, you know, me and Marie Have a monthly show Every second Saturday You can catch John passing through Hush your mouth, John Please You can catch him at this show Buying drinks for hoes

Or not Who don't have the full fare Yeah Our show is free Only if you're here before 9 o'clock because the drinks are $5. Exactly. It's a free show. We do it every month.

Second Saturday at Karma Lounge. 7.30. 7.30. My Instagram is Reezy, R-E-E-E-Z-Y. And Sydney's is? Just Sid, J-U-S-T-S-W. No, that's not it. That's not it.

That's not it. All that talk about South Ferry. That's your tongue tie. It's J-U-S-T-S-Y-D-B-W. She was just saying letters. No, I'm just saying A, B, C, D, E, F, G, L, M, N, O, P. All right, we got to go. We all tongue-tied.

We hungry. I don't want John to miss his lunch. It's 4.42. Thank you so much, guys. This was so fun. Bye, guys. Bye. For you, the listeners of Unofficial Expert Podcast, Zipcar, is offering $25 of free driving

credit at zipcar.com. To earn $25 of free driving credit, go to joinzipcar.com slash unofficial experts. Again, that's joinzipcar.com slash unofficial experts to earn free driving credit.