MESS with Sydnee Washington & Marie Faustin - "The Only Child Expert" with Kalen Allen

Episode Date: August 13, 2021

Verified superstar, Kalen Allen, joins us this week as our Only Child Expert! Kalen quells the rumors surrounding only child syndrome, everything he's looking for in a partner, and his rise to fame. Plus, Sydnee and Marie talk about their upcoming tv appearances and Sydnee goes from a Michelle wig to a Kelly wig.----Listen to The Unofficial Expert Ad-Free on Forever Dog Plus:https://foreverdogpodcasts.com/plus----BUY UNOFFICIAL EXPERT MERCH:https://www.teepublic.com/stores/the-unofficial-expert-podcast----FOLLOW THE UNOFFICIAL EXPERT:https://www.instagram.com/UnofficialExpertFOLLOW SYDNEE:https://www.instagram.com/JustSYDbwhttps://twitter.com/justsydnycFOLLOW MARIE:https://www.instagram.com/Reeezyhttps://twitter.com/MsReeezyFOLLOW ANDREW:https://www.instagram.com/mcgui_guySee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

forever dog ah oh when i tell you me and marie hoggart hoggart sydney turn your microphone down please for a little bit oh sorry or slide back for me for a moment how about now how about now is this good is this better yes okay great all right now tell the people what's going on okay so you know me and marie are a little booked right now so you know the oh put put the hair behind the ear just a little bit we're on we're on set until 6 a.m honey playing chic zombies yes okay um first of all they put all this nasty i got you know we got their face was made up because you can't trust these makeup artists but also we were coming from shows so we show up looking cute looking good smelling good and they took all our makeup off except for my cat eye and

then they turned us into just gross zombies and sydney was living her very best life i don't know what it is about my good sis but anytime you could put makeup on her to make her look ugly she thrives y'all remember the halloween costumes oh my god we will never get over me and uh just being what who was I was I again I forgot who were you trying to be Roger Roger Klotz I was Roger Klotz for Halloween in like 2018 and you were Roger you were Roger Knotts yeah I was Roger Knotts I I thought I was green I was not I was a I was like a disgusting olive it was not good anyway sis the people know they they love it they yeah yeah yeah um but so we played zombies last night and um you know sydney the the wig looks fantastic right now but oh this is a new one honey

i i that was the set wig and now the set wig that was also my real wig which is the marianne marianne hay is gonna be furious with me because yes sydney of all the wigs to select to wear you put the good wig on like you don't have like a gym wig you could throw on no i don't go to the gym friend what are you talking about I hop in the uber I get out the uber yes but sis the gym wig at my house is any wig that's stuck in the ponytail position that's the gym wig I don't do I don't do ponytails oh not hold my ponytail okay I don't sorry I don't do that but anywho she she curled it and everything for it to just get fucked up anyway so she's gonna be annoyed but it's fine I paid her and she's not gonna be annoyed because you keep paying her to do the wig

So she's going to be like, dumbass. Well, that's why if there's any networks listening, I still need to continue to get books so I can pay for this hair. I need a hair budget. It's imperative. It sounds like you already have a hair budget, sis. What's the hair budget? What's the wig budget giving?

Beyonce Jr., what's it giving? I'm going to say Kelly Rowland and Jason. Kelly? Okay, girl. The wig budget is Michelle When Jesus says yes No you will not do that to me Nobody can say no

Not in front of our new guest today No you're not doing that to me You think you got a Kelly Rowland Have you seen the Kelly Calandria wigs Yes So I'm saying from certain angles And perfect lighting

Yeah I will You think you're spending the same amount of money on your wigs That Kelly is spending on hers That's what I'm asking you That's the question. You don't even know. Kelly could be frugal, and she could be renting hers. Sis, your wig budget giving like Tavia.

That's what it's doing. Latavia. Latavia. You know, I'll take that. That's fine. You know, I'm humbled. But it will get to Kelly Rowland soon. I'm hoping by 2022.

Okay, wow. Okay, put it on the vision board. I'm putting it on the vision board. So, anywho, we were there until 6 o'clock in the morning. very very tired um but i wanted to have blood all over me i wanted to really get into it and marie was like i'm a vegan zombie i don't eat nobody i don't eat people they kept trying to put this black ass blood in my mouth and i was like what is that is it gluten-free and then he was like more but just believe like it was wild um at one point she threw the man at the window so

So that, we weren't even recording it. She just. Anyway, it's going to be on HBO. It was an episode of Search Party. So y'all can look for us for the finale of the series. Wait, can we say that, though? Can we say that? I just said it, sis.

Yeah, but I don't think we can say that, though. Why can't we say that? Oh, she's like. What's the logic here? I don't know. maybe an NDA well no they didn't even did you sign something sis no I didn't okay okay all right okay it's in keep it it will work keep it in Sydney okay Sydney we got home I said I went to bed at seven o'clock this morning I've slept for um I don't know five hours where is this

energy coming from that you're shouting into the mic what time did you go to sleep uh no I went to bed same time around you but i just know that i'm working on myself because i know that i can be very uh uh very lax and very much like always in a nap state you know what i mean like i'm very like what's this drowsy drowsy what's the the seven dwarves it's drowsy was there a drowsy dwarf no there's no they're sleepy oh don't be sleepy not drowsy not can't operate machinery yeah well that's me i'm i'm drowsy i'm the drowsy dwarf so i'm working on giving more energy and just being you know present and i'm i'm loving this today this feels good okay sis um i love that for you i love that you're working on you um we uh have a guest this week we do um so thank

you for uh bringing that energy for the both of us because whoo let me just drink my coconut water not from concentrate um also you know i'm coming down from a a really big high you know jojo was in town in the building the girlfriend was out and about i was running her around you know just lunches dinners i want her to hang i was paying for lunch that's how happy i was i i paid i we went to lunch maria i paid for it i went to lunch i feel like this oh you're paying up for lunch with everybody yeah yeah oh okay that that's another reason if the networks are listening i need a lunch budget so i need to keep working so please book me you keep asking for these budgets that you already have yeah the person the people who should be asking for a

lunch budget are the people who ain't paying for lunch they're running out the people are like did y'all already add the gratuity like the people who are struggling to pay for lunch are the ones who need the lunch budget ma'am oh my god i remember when i was a waitress in this big ass group it was like a 15 people and they were like we didn't have graduity and i was like that's it's there's there's no d but not graduity we're doing like we're not paying for the graduity and we were like but you absolutely are you are playing you're paying for that 15 people were fighting about leaving a tip they were like what's what's the gratuity it's like oh my god i said i don't know these people that i don't know them i think they were from detroit oh you could have lied for

the story you could have said that they were from anywhere you could have said they were from norway you could have said it was it was 15 cheap blonde kids no it was it was beige it was beige people from detroit ah okay yeah thank you thank you for fixing it uh marie are we are we ready to bring in uh yeah i think we're ready to start this episode so i can uh go back and lay down yeah absolutely let's uh let's do it zombie number one chic zombie number one to you uh well obviously you know we have a lot of our friends in the pod but today today we have a new b fresh fresh fresh meat to unofficial expert we're popping we're popping his unofficial expert cherry right uh you could have seen him on ellen okay he i mean so many followers he's he's a he's a blue checked

verified bitch we love a verified bitch yes and he is our only child expert give it up for kaylin allen hey y'all oh hey y'all hey baby you sound like paula dean sans the racism oh my gosh i know they're fried chicken say we're gonna add some butter we're gonna add some butter right here hi caitlin how y'all doing good um so where are you from first of all originally from kansas that's probably the accent this is kansas yeah i'm from kansas city oh wow i don't know that's one of those states that i don't really think about but like have you seen ted lasso on apple tv no i don't know but everybody's talking about it though oh it's superb but jason sudeikis is

also from Kansas City and his character in the show is from Kansas well it's from Wichita Kansas but basically the same thing but we have a very similar accent I was like oh okay so I do hear it now okay listen this is what you can do for me sweetie you can go ahead and drop your Apple

password right in the chat so that we too can enjoy Ted Lasso yeah you can't get on the unofficial expert pod without giving to the community so drop it in the chat and we would love to know about this Ted Lasso Okay, wonderful, wonderful, wonderful

I will do that Okay, but Where do you live now? Los Angeles Los Angeles It's a well-lit Home, there's a little dog in the background The fridge is giving like super

Stainless steel, okay Yeah, we got We got a lot of sunshine You know, we live the same day every single day here Yeah, yeah Yeah, but don't, you know you don't have to talk about the sunshine because the sun could be on but it could also not work because sometimes they'll be like you know the sun is shining and then it's like 42 degrees over

there at 6 p.m that's true that's true that's because it's a desert you know they just irrigated water into the land that's how they built it into the city it's a desert come on the accent the accent and irrigate the lane yeah I think irrigate is a SAT word is it I didn't take the SAT I didn't have to I only had to take

the ACT okay well I didn't have to take did I take the ACT why is that why you didn't have to take both I think it depends on regions I think if you live on like east coast you have to do the SAT too but if you live in like the midwest

they only require ACT it really depends on the school i think okay so now here you are our only child expert born and raised in kansas city kansas yeah uh talk to us about talk to us about how the hell you ended up in la because i feel like a lot of people who are from small towns usually stay you know where they grew up yes yeah not me now caitlin may may i step in just for you're a star baby that's why the fuck He's not in Kansas City no more. He's got the talent, capital T. So he took his talent to L.A. and blew up like he was supposed to.

Well, there's a little bit more to the story. Okay. City trying to give us the SparkNotes version of you. I went to school in Philadelphia. So I left Kansas, went to school in Philadelphia, and I didn't choose to move to Los Angeles. I was moved to Los Angeles. Ellen DeGeneres moved me to Los Angeles.

and that was when i started working in la so when i moved to la i was already working in the industry i just came straight into it uh but that doesn't mean that i want to live in la i would prefer to live in new york city wow because that's because because you have eyes that's because you know right exactly um yeah why is it that you would rather live here just let the listeners know well I would rather live in New York City because LA is too slow for me I think because I'm only 25 I think

I still enjoy the hustle and bustle you know like I want the rush of the city every single morning also primarily everyone that I know lives on the east coast but also there is an authenticity that resides in the species

of humans in New York City that does not live here in Los Angeles in Los Angeles you got a lot of people trying to be just like the person next to them you know in New York you got individuals that wake up they got somewhere to go they don't care about what you're doing or who you are they got goals and dreams and aspirations and New York feels magical to me New York feels like anything is possible listen and then cue Andrew then you could have the song absolutely but that is a that's the best way I think to explain it because I know there's there are people listening who maybe are trying to decide whether they want to move to New York or move to L.A.

And that's, to me, the best way to explain it. Well, if that is the case, then I think it's also important to understand that I come from a very privileged space that I me moving to New York is going to be very different than somebody, you know, fresh out of college moving to New York. So it's important to understand the difference in that. He said you're rich. Right. He said you're going to move to New York, but you're not going to live how he lived. No, I'm just saying is that that, you know, living in these big cities, L.A. especially, like rent is not cheap, you know? And so it's like if you have an idea, like you can't go to New York and think you're going to be living like Carrie Bradshaw.

That's just not. No, listen, Carrie Bradshaw technically shouldn't even been living like Carrie Bradshaw. She didn't have no money. She didn't have no money. But that was the only show that like glamorized New York. Like, everybody else is living in a bum, you know, walk-up apartment. They have many roommates. What are you talking about, Sydney?

Friends? I'm at your mother. All these shows where the white people live in lofts and they all work in coffee shops? Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on. First of all, Friends was not in New York. Yeah, it wasn't. But also Friends. Friends wasn't in New York?

No, baby. Oh, bitch. Okay. Andrew, as our resident bitch, I've heard Friends wasn't in New York. No, Friends wasn't. France was in L.A. No, it was in New York. No, France was in New York.

Central Perk? That was in New York. Wait, hold on. Not you coming in hot, loud, and wrong. Wait, no, hold on. France was in New York, baby. France was in New York, baby. They lived in the West Village.

Girl, they were living lavishly. Yeah, they were living that. I don't even think apartments are that big in New York. Oh, my God. Did I never watch Friends? I've never watched Friends. No. So why would you say it?

Why you bring it up You know what I'm confusing friends with 90210 That's what it is 90210 is a whole different show Same thing though Pretty much same show I cannot

90210 is a whole ass Dip code of Beverly Hills The name of the show Was 90210 Beverly Hills I'm confusing the whites That's the title of the show Confusing the whites I flipped it

That I had In my head I had No Kaylin Don't do that You have to be on my side You're a guest

You're a guest Say sorry Say sorry I'm not doing this I apologize I apologize I'm not doing this with you I'm not doing this

Not say sorry Respect R-E-S-P-E-C-T Give me some of the T Now Sydney Did Aretha also live in L.A.? Cut it Cut the tape

Deadass Cut the camera set ass okay i don't know what the point is that you were trying to make but girl we were talking we was talking about how you know you got to have a realistic perception of what it's going to be like when you move to these big cities right but new york for me sorry sydney new york for me is a better city to move in even if you have less money because the cost of living in la and new york is comparable you're spending the same amount of money you just get more space in la boom yes but New York is easier to make friends and and build a network and form a like a a group LA it's more

it's more um New York is more convenient yes you know it's it's easy to go from one part to the other in the manner of 15 minutes you know and I think it's also cheaper transportation wise than it is in LA because in LA you gotta have a car like we have no subway system that is reliable that will get you to where you need to go to you know so yeah i just think new york city is built for community and culture while la is not and new yorkers right you can make friends with other new yorkers and the people could kind of look a little bummy and um like very homeless and you're like oh they they might come from money you don't know but in la if you look homeless they will assume that you are homeless and they're like oh they're not booking they don't know anybody i can't be friends

with them yeah in la you have to have like what are you doing what's next are you working on a pilot do you have a script do you have a development deal in new york you could be like yeah girl you know i work at chili's and you know i work at the strip club on the weekend and they'll be like oh what was good the garlic parmesan wings is popping let's go right yeah or or you're a waitress and then at night you go be on broadway that part well that class structure is blurred la is la is what are you working on in new york is i gotta get to work you get out of my way like exactly very much so so that's it that's our little the more you know uh east coast first west coast but kaylin you said you came to la privileged so what is it like you you had saved money are you a prince

no i told you i was moved by ellen i was already working in tv okay well tell us that's true okay And so Ellen DeGeneres moved you to L.A.? Now, what happened? She saw YouTube, and she was like, ooh, I like this. And she made you come dance. Yeah, that's exactly correct. I made some food videos in November of 2017, and then I moved to L.A. January 2018.

It only took a matter of a couple months for Ellen to see the videos. You were so viral. I was seeing your videos everywhere. Yeah, and so then from there, she picked me up, and I moved to Los Angeles and I've been here ever since. I don't think I saw these food videos. What you doing in the food videos?

I'm talking about the food. The commentary. And your voice is very distinct. So it's like, people can't do what you do. I've seen a few people do it, but yours is very special. Oh, well, thank you.

Ellen got a good eye. Yeah, when she needs it. We've grown a lot since then. We've done a lot more since then. So I'm just grateful for the journey. okay talk about the journey let's start from the beginning of the journey okay because I don't know how many minutes in we are but so you are our only child expert and you seem like a normal well-rounded human being when I think of only only children's I feel like it's gotta be something

a little off about them because they grew up alone but you look not boo I don't like what you just said yeah yeah that wasn't right but uh i think so for me for me i think i was always well my mother was very much very strict on making sure that i was aware that there were other people in the world you know like it wasn't now i will say there is a tendency especially now and i tell people this all the time is that because sometimes somebody would be like it's not always about you And what I say is that, well, I don't really know any different because I'm an only child. So, like, I don't get it. Like, it doesn't make sense to me.

So I have to be very, you know, conscious of it. I have to make sure that I'm always being considerate. Like, I'm a very considerate person. People know that I will always put other people before me because I already know because I'm an only child, it will come off that I'm only focused on me. So I'm very aware of people around me and how I make them feel and if they feel welcome and if they feel that I care about them. Yes, I hear what you're saying. But in order to prove that we have a guest joining. No, imagine we have one of your friends on the line.

So so and so said, I'd be like, that's probably true. Yeah, I think I think we need to have a better discussion about, oh, you only care about yourself or like selfishness. because there's I think we live in a world that like you can't help someone unless you help yourself first true like you can't put on the oxygen mat you got to put on your oxygen mask first and then put on the small child that you didn't really want to have in the first place so oh my god wow I think that it's okay to have you as a priority and you don't even have to be an only child to have that mentality look at marie what you said all of that just to end with first of all i'm a middle child i am the oldest girl in my family so i have an older brother and

a younger sister um i don't know nothing about this i can see that yeah thank you um but now does does your astrological sign have anything to do with this oh yeah i'm a capricorn okay so a hard worker and a little bit annoying when it comes to work child that's all i do i eat and breathe it and when you ask me what do i do for fun work i was in saint lucia for 10 days and by the fourth day i was like i need to work i can't do this i can't just sit around and do nothing so i started working and that's what i love to do this is a cute amount is a long amount of time who are you there with I went with my best friend

no baby I don't have no bae are you kidding me I got work to do I don't have time for distractions come on we gotta get you a bae you can't have a cello in the back and no bae to play it men are very stressful exactly

I don't even deal with them there you go see look I wish I could switch it up so do I you can choose your fighter Kaylin choose your fighter it's up to you so you were in St. Lucia for 10 days

with your best friend are y'all hooking up is it like a no she a girl no I knew that I needed to get away and so I took the whole month of July off and so I was like I'm not doing anything

for july and i was like okay well i definitely want to get out of the country because i've been stuck at home so i was like let's go to saint lucia and so we went to saint lucia i was there 10 days baby and it was absolutely relaxing and pure joy and you were like i need to do some work right now yep and so i good thing i had my laptop with me because i showed up pulled it out and got to work well you unplugged for at least four days so I think that's that's the vacation for you honestly um so talk to us about what it's like growing up as an only child in Kansas City what what do you do to spend like how do you pass time so the thing is that and I'm a I'm a natural homebody which may also be because I'm an only child it's like when you're an only child you

have to find ways to entertain yourself you know because there isn't somebody there and also all of my like cousins were way older than me so it was like I wasn't going over their houses or hanging with them so it was literally just me so um and that's why I think that I am very very very self self-efficient and I am very independent uh I can take care of it all you already know uh and so I think that was a perk for me you know I know how to take care of myself and I don't really need anybody that's why I always say especially when it comes to dating if you are here you're here because I want you here not because I need you here and there's a difference you know okay that's a little aggressive okay is it you think that's aggressive I'm sure men love to hear that

yeah I don't need you you're here by the grace of God okay no I didn't say that you need to thank your lucky stars i did not say that i said it's a difference you know how a lot of times especially when when you're growing up and you have you know childhood trauma or whatever and then you have codependency and stuff like that and people you know bring people in because they want to feel taken care of or to you know fill up those holes from their childhood i don't experience that because i just always figured out a way to take care of myself you know which i think is also a trauma response you know to be like well i know that i can depend on myself and i'm not going to give anybody the clearance or to be able for me to believe that they will you know take care of me

you know it's like why even bother and so that's something that we work through in therapy okay okay i love that for you but yes that is definitely i think a trauma response uh saying that you could do everything by yourself and you don't need anybody because we all need people um even when We don't think even if we don't want to need them, we need them, which is yuck. OK, so that's Sydney over there got a lot in her mind. And I just need to know what you contemplate now. I just I'm like now I have a I have a brother and a sister, but they are 18 years older than me and I didn't grow up with them. They lived in New York and I lived in Oakland, California.

so I I maybe I had like a different way of life because I didn't have like I knew that I had them but I didn't have them so I was always kind of like searching for friendship and my family was very very strict like I couldn't have friends like that they were like your family is your friends and I was like well I need some family that's around my age like I know that y'all are my friends but y'all are you know 65 I need people that I can play you know ball with I play ball with y'all y'all gonna y'all gonna fall so um and now I and now I'm you know I'm in my early 30s and I still carry that with me that like I'm always searching for friendship so I you know I wish i was as um self-sufficient and not needing anybody um like y'all well i do think that i think

you can label yourself as an only child because and the reason why i say this i can relate to the fact of like i do i have two half brothers but they two both are very older than me and we lived in the same city but i never saw them like we didn't grow up together so it's like like you said I knew of them but I didn't really have them and we didn't really get close until I was an adult you know um but I do understand the need and the want for friendship especially when you're like by yourself and I also think it may be a regional kind of thing you know especially growing up in Oakland California so close to San Francisco heavily populated that you're around people all the time while in Kansas City is not as highly populated and is spread out and also I always

felt like especially as growing up gay in Kansas City and being black and stuff I was always ostracized there was nowhere that I really fit in you know and so I think that is also another layer so it's not only just being an only child you have to

add also being a gay man and being a gay black man and how that operates within the space as well and I think that kind of adds to the independence as well Kaylin you were gay the whole time oh yeah okay so Always been gay.

Oh, was it part-time? Is that what you're asking, sis? Always been gay is merch. Did you think about it later on? Like, did it come later on in your life? No, no, no, no. Always from the beginning. So what's that like, being gay in Kansas City?

You know, I don't think I really realized the difference until I left. Because I think I was so just used to the culture. And I think a little bit that still like I'm I still have certain things about me that are very conservative, I guess, in mindsets. And so because of me being from Kansas City and it's more so like a presentation kind of thing or something like if you see me out, I'm going to be very polished. I'm going to be OK. So very like presentational. No bonnet for you. No bonnet. No. Oh, no. I'll wear my do rag outside. I'll do that yeah you know it

but I think it's more so like how I present myself how I do my work how I handle myself in emails and stuff like that I sometimes fall into respectability politics because of growing up in Kansas City where it's majority you know all white people and even though so me and Janelle Monáe are from the exact same county

Wyandotte County and so we're both from Wyandotte County which is the poorest county in Kansas but it's also primarily all african-american and hispanic and so that was a little that helped me as far as my blackness being able to understand that but when it came to being gay honey needle in a haystack you know so a lot of my identity was built out of the identity that i didn't see if that makes sense

so i created who i am based off of what i didn't have access to you know so for instance with being black and gay I talk about this all the time it's like I was asked uh in LA to judge a ball uh here in LA and I was like I don't know anything about that you know and everybody thinks just because you're black and gay that you know about a ball you know and I'm like I don't because we didn't have that in Kansas City you know but if I would have grown up in New York or something like that then yes I would know that culture you know um and so you have so I often think about how our identities are built out of our environments and our experiences

but did you judge the ball oh yeah okay yeah you had a fabulous time yeah oh yeah no I went you know because I you know I've been exposed to things like Paris is Burning I've been exposed to Pose you know and all those type of things so I had a basic knowledge to

be able to sit at the table and be able to give a good you know read right you know how to say tens across the board exactly did you watch Legendary Megan Thee Stallion is not that versed in ballroom culture but she was there and she was like you did your thing

you did your thing I liked everything you had going on you had the energy Megan Thee Stallion was definitely the Randy of the judges very much that whole judging panel is kind of questionable interesting

that's not shade it's true it is true the other one the one that jamila jamila's on there and then there's uh law is on it now laomi yes like that makes sense of course that makes sense i just think and and i do feel strongly about this it's like if you are going to do a show about ballroom culture you are making that for the ballroom scene right so you should put people on the panel that have a relation to that so that people can truly experience what that is instead it's just become american idol you know but making it more it's making it palatable to white people right you know that's

really what it boils down okay so who okay here we go we're recasting the show who do you think should have been a judge on that show i think well definitely laomi should have stayed you know and i'm okay with like adding in somebody else but they got to have some type of connection like be some type of like gay icon or something you know i wouldn't even been too mad if madonna would have sat on the judging panel oh now she know her gays right just because of the vogue song and it also with her including people from paris burning like you clearly have some type of knowledge of this this space you know i think that's what i would have wanted to know like just not just well they don't have any connection to this i just want to see people that have a

relation to that culture in some form that's how i felt when i saw the judges as well i said jamila i thought she was like a a news reporter or something she said i'm queer i'm i'm bi i can be now i would say like i love i love jamila and i understand you know working in this business and and getting those offers for certain jobs and stuff and even if you don't really know it's like okay i get the angle and want to participate i don't even think that's something that's like her fault or you know or meg's fault i think that's uh that's a network thing that's this network not really understanding I guess diversity all the time

you know and that's that's a Hollywood thing in general we're always talking about diversity inclusion but do they really understand what that means when you're surrounded by people that look just like you you know and not really in those cultures diversity inclusion for Hollywood is well we have three blonde people in here let's get a brunette

yeah yes that's diverse like that's yeah you dated a black guy in college right yes so this this is diversity and don't be don't be black gay and a woman they're like oh that's perfect that's all three of y'all in one let's go that's enough yeah yeah yeah black gay and a woman but you have an asian father absolutely come on in exotic not the layers come on exotical oh my gosh okay so so kaylin you um you you went

to la right yeah um you didn't have any friends or you had a few friends uh not in la i mean i probably knew like a couple people also you know i keep my circle this tight it is right very small um so france was never a big priority to me you know um i know sydney like what do you mean sydney's like you ain't got no friends no no no i i i understand it because first of all you're coming to la already like with this audience you're already coming you know ellen job all of all of it and then um so you don't need a whole bunch of people to navigate los angeles but i'm just saying like if something went down who would you call in la so now i do have a cohort you know i definitely have a a few people that i would definitely call you know um right on the dime uh

like my best friend Tori so me and Tori went to school in Philadelphia hey and because because I didn't have any friends here I moved her here because she was hold on hold on place of privilege you moved her across the country yes this is some only child bullshit right wait wait let me explain let me explain no no Kaylin Kaylin just first of all how long were y'all friends for we've been friends over like six years okay that's that but wait wait wait wait no when you moved her over there how it felt like oh no no no no but that would have been about like four years at that point yeah marie i would move you to la if i if i had the money i would move you to la i would yes but sydney nobody listening to this is surprised about that oh my god

sydney's like you could sleep in the bed with me and my girlfriend babe make space for Marie Marie Marie grab the blanket sit the blanket friend uh yeah wow Marie ungrateful that's what you are girl okay look hold on so you move this what was she doing when you moved her let's talk about at the time nothing you don't know if Kaylin Allen says get your shit we going to LA you get your shit and you go actually you leave your stuff and you're like i'm starting over yeah okay she studied journalism and so she was living in dc and she was trying to you know figure out what was next for her career just graduated or whatever and i was like well why don't you come out to la to try and see how you like it out here you can

live with me i'll handle all that and then i sit in the trade-off will be like and you can basically you know work for me at the same time and so yeah as your assistant yes exactly exactly so then so then that's the way it worked and she's still here but now she's going back to the East Coast because she's going to grad school so she's going back but I mean and she runs my social media actually so she's my social media producer

and it works wonderfully but now let's talk about it what does it feel like because basically you pretty woman you Richard Gere and she's Julia Beige Roberts and is she beige no she black okay well okay I just wanted to

see who you were really uplifting in the community so you move her out there what is it like living with your friend in a in a city that both of y'all are kind of unfamiliar with and she ain't got no job i love it well she got a job with me uh but i i love it because it it really helps us to be able to explore the city you know and not having to worry about the the fakeness of it all you know because we got each other so we don't have to worry about people trying to come in and mooch off of us because it's like well we good you know so and it really allows us to just be able to get up every morning and be like okay what are we gonna do today you know and just enjoy the city for what it is and

not having to get all caught up well i mean she don't gotta worry about nobody mooching over her but you flew her out there yeah and you paying for all the groceries and yeah kaylin i fucking love you that see you're an only child but like you're still giving you're still oh yeah that's my flaw why is that a flaw no wait well it becomes a flaw when men get involved because i am a i am a natural nurturer i like to take care of people you know and so it's like a lot of times i think people me and girl and then they get into the mommy syndrome and then it's like i just end up taking care of them and you know building them up and then they just they go find somebody else you know and and so then it's like they be borrowing they be borrowing your car to go see some other

dude oh no they don't do that don't nobody drive my tesla you can't drive my tesla that's no you You cannot drive my Tesla. But I mean, it's like people like the way that I make them feel, you know? So like they want to come here and they want to get the white picket fence kind of treatment, you know? Because I'm a cook. I'm a cook dinner every day. And I'm a clean the house. I'm a take care of the dogs.

I'm a do it all, you know? It's two dogs back there? Yeah, I got two. So it's like. Kalen, you like gay women? Oh, come on over there. We can be in a relationship. amen amen we don't even have to have sex oh my gosh i'm asexual i'm asexual there you go

beautiful beautiful yeah but no that's what happens is that i just end up taking care of them and it's like i i gotta be i need to be taken care of too you know it's like i want to feel good too i don't want you to just enjoy the fruits of my labor and i don't get anything back you know and i think also that's why i say being independent can be you know bittersweet because people say well Kalen doesn't need me or Kalen's good you know and stuff like that and like I said it's like yes I don't need you but I want you here

because I want to share my life with you when I go out in this world and I'm Kalen Allen and I have to be on I want to come home and be able to melt into you and I have to be on melt into you a poet

that's the title of a song I'm gonna write it melt into you look out for it on my album coming out okay okay i want to melt into you now kaylin we have a large you know gay following you know a lot of gay men at that um you know andrew could tell you because he's got fans and um they're they're listening they're listening and so like maybe like maybe four things that you're looking for in a partner four that's a really weird number you could have said three you could have said five but four four four is even number four is an even number sure yeah i like that um well one

first thing is that you cannot be like anybody else oh if that makes sense damn that's number one you're looking for a snowflake i need you i need you to be different i need you to be unique and i need you to own that uniqueness you know like i don't want to be able to find another you in the in the pile you know because i believe you're not gonna be able to find another caitlin so it's like if you can't find another me I don't want to find another you I don't want you to try and look like everybody else you know I want you to be your own individual uh two you got to have a strong sense of self and be very self-aware you know I need you to be able to be like okay I messed up here let me fix it you know you have to be able to be willing to grow and to be

able to become a better person I don't need you to be perfect on day one but I want you to be able to become who you want to be and that's what's important not even who i want you to be who you want to be and actually put in the motions to make that happen okay um three i need you you don't have to be rich but you do have to be working towards something okay he said he said i'm not taking that potential okay you potentially have to already be doing something right you got to have some type of dream and aspiration and putting everything that you have into it and be willing to sacrifice everything in order to get everything sacrifice everything in order to get everything okay all right okay and number four the number marie marie is writing all this stuff down we're writing it

down all right number four is and this is like because of my household is like you have to be good with dogs good with dogs dogs yeah oh that's easy that's easy i think dogs are easier to um to deal with than like cats well i don't i don't i'm not good with dogs so that one i'm like yeah Some people not good with dogs. And that's very important to me because my dogs are my life. Those are my kids. You let them sleep in the bed? Yeah.

They sleep in the bed with me. Oh, you kiss them on the mouth? Oh, no. I don't do all that. I don't kiss them on the mouth. But I mean, like, they're my kids. They're my children. You feed them table food.

Table food. They have table food. They eat human grade food. I don't feed them table grade. I mean, I don't feed them from the table, but I feed them human grade food. So they live a very luxurious life. So you making barbecue for the dogs? Mm-hmm.

Honey we unthaw it every single night We heat it up in the morning and we serve it to them You call the dogs when you're at work and you say Can you get the meat out the freezer I came home a day earlier from my Vacation because my dogs were having Separation anxiety from me Kaylin you gotta

Stop you gotta let them Like be without you They were for nine days It could have been ten okay So hold on let me read What I wrote you need a unique self-aware not poor not rich yeah person who likes dogs so in my mind i feel you need like an older um like an not an art like an artist maybe like an architect oh i was just about to say that yeah

like an architect or a computer tech person yeah somebody not in the entertainment entertainment that's working that's oh wait i gotta add a number five you got you gotta have some type of intelligence intelligence oh i love somebody that's book smart smart oh but you gotta have common sense too baby i love it i thought that was given though i thought that was given who doesn't like somebody who's smart have you been in la see that's things like you live in new york so you're around a whole bunch of intellectuals that's why i love new york i can have a conversation with new york and we could talk about some deep shit you have conversations with here people in la all they talking about is who gonna win the ammy the tiktok and like who's famous and who

they met last week and how they was going to say, I don't give a damn about none of that. Kaylin, you need to come on over here to Def Row. I'm coming. You need to come on over to Def Row and hang out. We're going out. And you know what? I'll put my Venmo card down for us.

I don't know, sis. He got to move his bestie across the country. And his bestie is going to test me. I'll pay for it. I'll pay for the dinner. Dinner on me. We're going to the Soho house. I love that for us. Wait, you're a member? oh yes honey wow i love all houses oh the international card i love that for us

and you've never bumped into anybody at any of the houses that yeah four of these boxes uh see this is another bad thing i don't think i really pay attention it's like you gotta approach me i i'm more likely i won't approach you because i'm just so focused and into what i'm doing that i don't really pay attention to my peripherals and i've never been like boy crazy like i'm not the type person that will walk through and be like oh he fine or oh he crap oh i need to get his number done i was never like that so it's like you gotta approach me or say something to me yeah but caitlin you miss 100 of the shots that you don't take babe exactly you're right you need to take off hashtag sports take off those thick work glasses and like see some shit you know you're

right let some people like like just oh i love window shopping you know what i mean i already got my clothes on i don't need any more clothes but sometimes it's fun to look you know i'm gay but i'm not blind my eyes deserve this deserves a little eye candy you know so what that means is you'd be flirting with people in the park no no no i just like to look like you see it you see like like i i never really had a type i knew what kind of person i kind of wanted but i i like not until a year ago I kind of manifested what my type was I was like I want

this person to look like this boom boom boom and then the Lord gave it to me so amen yeah so you know sometimes you you don't flirt or know what to look for in a person because you don't have that kind of like oh this is what I want the person

to kind of look like I'm on the other side of that I say flirt with everybody um she's a whore wait what's your sign I'm a libra oh Tori's a libra that's my best friend

that's my best friend she's a real well Kaylin she already has a best friend you right but Kaylin we can go we can go look for people together okay it's a two for one deal just so I would trust both of you to find

me a man no but you know what Marie is really good when it let me tell when she's at the party she's taking several laps and the laps is for her to look who's in the room to see what she wants it's not even it's not even to see what i want it's just so people can one see what i got on you need to see me okay she's wearing a luke or she's wearing a wig specific to the event um and two so i can see who's in the room like sometimes you go out and you sit with your friends you find a little place and you just camp out there and there's a whole other chunk of the party that

one is not seeing you or you're not seeing because y'all didn't move you gotta stop camping stop coming to the party and camping out in the corner and getting all the snacks and just eating the snacks like little squirrels take a lap you see somebody who has something on that you think is cute male female compliment

them start a conversation you never know who you're talking to honestly now I will do that and trust and believe every time Caitlin steps out that hell he giving a look okay Luke oh I believe it I know you got a hard bottom shoe on okay you know it baby and a good little heel

okay a little pop it and you know what you know what else is when you're with someone that's fun you're automatically going to be laughing loud so people are going to see that too pay attention

me and Marie are laughing we're like the little hyenas in Lion King laughing sometimes we laugh so hard people think we're laughing at them and we are no no oh my gosh we're nice we're laughing we're nice we're nicely laughing at people girl but did you see the blouse oh my gosh now kaylin if you find your partner right and you want to start a family do you think

you'll only have one kid oh no i want more than one good question okay okay because you've been going back well i think what i missed out on was i think family you know like i i missed out on because i see like other people and see how close they are with their family and i'm like i never had that because it was kind of just like me and everybody else was so old and everybody had like their own little you know smaller family things you know and so i don't think i ever got to really experience that and i want my kids to be able to have somebody that they can call that you know knows them in through and through you know and so i definitely want my kids to have siblings yeah and i think for you it's it's especially important to do it this way because you don't really have

any cousins right so like for most people your cousins are like your first best friends right because especially if you're close in age so those are also people that you can talk to as like kind of backup siblings um so yeah as an only child they wouldn't have you don't have siblings so they wouldn't have cousins oh that's so sad it's okay we gonna work on it okay so you want to have like three kids four kids how many kids you're gonna four four that's four that's too many kaylin that's too many you asked four questions and he wants four kids so it's even the fiance number exactly i'm glad you knew that andrew got it yeah i see that i see the beyonce portrait in the background yes yeah i didn't even realize that was beyonce in the background the queen

is that from um i am king or yes well that was from the uh london lion king premiere a girl painted it on twitter and i was like can i buy that from you and i bought it from her doesn't it feel good to have money yeah damn yeah it's a beautiful way but i think it's also wonderful to have money when you are already like you know yourself and you know what you want and you're not frivolous and you know what you deserve and uh you want to share it with you know a close friend and you know random people that you met on the unofficial podcast yeah like honestly it's just exactly Kaylin we love I mean you know what the thing is is that I want to have like a family too like like you but I don't think I four is too many just because I know that I am learning so

much about myself that I'm still selfish and four kids that's a lot I have to give up it's already a lot that I have to give up for one that excites me excites you it excites me it excites me to be able to work and be able to provide a life and create a legacy for my children and that by the time I have kids I've done everything that I wanted to do I've lived out all my dreams and aspirations and now it's time for me

to take the fruits of my labor and give them to you so that you can make all your dreams and aspirations come true I've done everything that I want to do you know I don't everything I do now is just a bonus I'm gonna cry Sydney don't cry actually what you

should do is name your firstborn child legacy no my first child is gonna be kaylin allen the second not y'all co-parenting i'm like you're gonna see your father on the weekend i'm dropping you okay that's really funny i like legacy so i wrote it down and i put a box around it yeah i don't think that i'm gonna have children i'm on the complete opposite end of the spectrum as you guys really Talk to us about it. I don't like kids. And the older I get, the less I want to think about. I have to keep this person alive.

Plus, I got to raise them to be a good person. Plus, I got to teach them how to not pee on themselves and cross the street. Like, it seems like a lot. You want to raise a happy kid, but you also want them to be smart. And then you also have to make sure they don't turn into a serial killer. Like, that feels like too much work for me. A lot of weight. A lot of weight is on it.

And we don't really give more parents props when you do meet, like, really good. Like, your parents, awesome that they raised such a well-rounded, smart individual that doesn't need anybody, that's handsome, knows how to dress, and very talented. Thank you so much. Yeah. No, I, Marie, I love your parents. I love them so much. I'm so glad that you're here. But, you know, to get to where you are and where Kaylin is, it's, it's, I mean, I can't even think about doing that for someone right now.

It is a lot. It is a lot because you got to think about it. Like, Kaylin, what do your parents do? So, actually, my mother works from, she don't work anymore. She's at home and I basically take care of her at this point. But she, she, she used to work in human resources. Wow. What's your mother's name?

Alois Alois Oh I would love Alois at my job Because I know that when I come With the HR bullshit she's gonna get on it She's gonna have the paperwork and she's gonna Hold on one second what you said She gonna say well Sydney what time have you been

Showing up for work Yeah she'll take care of you Okay Marie that's personal information Alois is asking real questions You having a hard time at work Well it says here that you've been showing up at 10 a.m every day you know your your shift starts at nine right alois i will well i'll say alois will the weight of the world it stops me from getting to work on time and you know so

as a black woman is that what you're saying as a black you and you in my office in front of my portrait of my son okay okay oh my god thank you thank you yeah the weight of the world um okay well so what's next for you Kaylin like it sounds like I mean because a lot of people think when they think only children they think spoiled selfish bossy um not good with talking to people

but it seems like you kind of got it figured out yeah so what is you know it is waivers it depends uh uh uh I don't think anybody has it all figured out right right right right right what were you saying

i was gonna say kaylin got a contract that he just signed he can't say much about it about his man well what i can say is i am so i always knew that i wanted to be on tv i knew that i wanted to be in that space i didn't really want to remain in the digital space so what i can tell you is that i will be on tv In more ways than one In my eyes you were already on TV In more ways than one So I'm glad that it's in fruition

So good for you Are you the new Wendy Williams? How you doing? How you doing? Shout it out Well Kaylin I really really enjoyed this This was so much fun

I really feel like Only children do get a bad rap and you you showed us another way you showed us you showed us the way the kaylin allen way yeah i mean i don't know if you proved anything wrong about what you wanted to but i will say i see you have a cello in the background and that feels like an only child ass instrument in the back uh-huh it's giving like my mom only had to buy one instrument and this is the one that she bought like my dad had to buy three instruments so it was like clarinet saxophone um viola but big ass cello in the back see i wanted when i chose i was like i want the biggest instrument but uh i

couldn't the bass wouldn't fit in the car so but the cello did so i picked the cello so why cello and not tuba tuba is big as hell no but it's goofy yeah no i love the like the musicality of the string instrument you know to play in an orchestra oh the melody well then why not choose harp because a harp is bigger than that oh that's hard though that's hard to do and i don't know where that heart was gonna go but it's beautiful it is there's a girl on instagram who like does covers on her heart and it's just it's gorgeous we love um anyway kaylin you you got some stuff in the works uh we will be seeing you on tv um you know what uh is there anything that you feel like you didn't say that you want to get off your chest about being an only child or the person that

you're looking for or the children you're gonna have named legacy um or the host or the host that you just met today you know i love this i think this was a great time i truly enjoyed it and i'm telling you when i come to new york we gots to hang out we do i'll be there soon you know filming some things so we're gonna have to do it i love this okay i love this for us okay gorgeous sydney any other questions that you felt like you need to get off your chest is yes um can you let the people know where you are on the instagrams the twitters where like if you're on the tiktoks where they can find tori yeah yeah yeah yeah i make it very easy you can find me everywhere at the kaylin allen literally everywhere you just type in that you will find me and tori will be tagged

in something on my page i'm gonna friend tori first i'm like there you go oh you would love tori y'all would love each other yeah okay thank you guys so much for listening um oh andrew did you have any questions because i you know i'll see you up there in the little window no this was so much fun thank you so much for coming on kaylin i love everything that you're doing it is so great to see uh you know a more effeminate gay man on television i love that uh you must get it all the time so thank you so much for spending an hour with us of course thank you okay um oh wait oh wait i needed to plug you know my solo show is this saturday um at union hall in new york city And Marie is doing a set before my for my show.

So is it comedy? It's it's a solo show about my about my childhood. And it is funny. Yes. Oh, yeah. Yeah. OK. And Marie is a stand up.

So, yes, comedy is involved. And Andrew is helping me. So it's a it's a family affair, actually. I love that. Thank you. Great. We'll do what we can. You know, we do what we can for the community.

Yes. So get those tickets. I mean, it's probably already sold out by the time you listen to this. But whatevs. Okay. Well, you tried. Yeah. Bye.

Love you guys. Bye, guys. Toodle-oo. Toodle-oo. Forever Dog. This has been a Forever Dog production. The unofficial expert is executive produced by Brett Boehm, Joe Cilio, and Alex Ramsey. Senior producer, Tracy Sorin.

Produced by Andrew McGuire. Cover art by Sandy Honig. To listen to this podcast ad-free, sign up for Forever Dog Plus at foreverdogpodcasts.com slash plus. Check out video clips of our podcasts on YouTube at youtube.com slash foreverdogteam. And make sure to follow us on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook at foreverdogteam to keep up with all the latest Forever Dog news. Thanks for watching!