MESS with Sydnee Washington & Marie Faustin - "The Projects Expert" with Jordan Temple

Episode Date: December 8, 2017

Syd & Marie talk with comedian Jordan Temple as the Projects expert.----Listen to The Unofficial Expert Ad-Free on Forever Dog Plus:https://foreverdogpodcasts.com/plus----BONUS EPISODES AVAILABLE NOW ON PATREON:www.patreon.com/TheUnofficialExpertBUY UNOFFICIAL EXPERT MERCH:https://www.teepublic.com/stores/the-unofficial-expert-podcastFOLLOW THE UNOFFICIAL EXPERT:https://www.instagram.com/UnofficialExpertFOLLOW SYDNEE:https://www.instagram.com/JustSYDbwhttps://twitter.com/justsydnycFOLLOW MARIE:https://www.instagram.com/Reeezyhttps://twitter.com/MsReeezyFOLLOW ANDREW:https://www.instagram.com/mcgui_guyTHE UNOFFICIAL EXPERT IS A FOREVER DOG PODCASThttps://foreverdogpodcasts.com/podcasts/the-unofficial-expertSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hello. Oh my goodness. Good morning, afternoon, or evening. Welcome to the Unofficial Expert Podcast with Sydney and Marie Samuel. Oh my goodness. What a day. What a day. What are we doing? Dude, every time, every couple days, something will happen and I'm like, is this my life? Honestly, I can't wait till the whole world knows how amazing we are because the things that we go through oh my goodness oh shout out to everybody listening in australia we got people listening out there shout out to people listening you know just across the world uh somebody slid in my uh venmo like two months ago and gave me some money like for just because i said give me some money so i want to say thank you to that person i think her name was molly i'm

not for sure but molly just sent you money from the oh yes molly krueger paid and she said some coins for sydney elizabeth washington in hopes for a shout out on the unofficial experts to this dedicated podcast listening beige woman named molly oh my god national venmo day don't roast me molly i love you i can't wait to meet you and see you i'll give you a hug molly you didn't slide in my venmo because you didn't ask i don't have to ask i asked on twitter i'm not asking i'm telling y'all you ask and you shall ask and you shall receive thank you molly for sending sydney some money yeah i'll listen we've i'm sure we shared it in a cab and whatnot how you doing girl oh man i'm doing really well i uh i feel like i feel like we're ending the year really really strong

right 2017 has been lit um you know the comedy's going going really well i feel like 2018 is gonna to be an amazing year like y'all not even gonna know me in 2018 absolutely you're gonna be like remember when marie and i'm gonna be like actually no i totally agree on that i mean do you remember me from absolutely not i'm gonna change my name so it's not even gonna be fucking sydney right right right because i'm like too good to be a marie it's gonna be like anastasia anastasia anastasia is the sydney still gonna be in the name no i think i'm gonna change my name to tamu what you want yeah that's what i'm trying to do um exciting so marie what were you an expert in i was an expert at not being prepared to be an expert this week um that's crazy because we have

the same expertise oh my goodness look at the i mean i think what it is is i'm just really excited about this guest and i feel like maybe we should just like jump into that i think we should do that i'm so for that okay see we're in a good place we were in accord yeah uh this next guest honestly everybody should know who the hell he is he's a great writer comedian stand-up actor he's written a couple plays that you guys should see oh absolutely hidden fences hidden fences which was a jenna bush like mistake at like the golden globes or something and he turned that mistake into a really, really funny play. A freaking gem.

It's such a gem. And then he recently had The Color Urkel, which is a mix-up of The Color Purple and Steve Urkel. Amazing. Okay, we've seen him all over New York City. Give it up for our projects expert, Jordan Tempo. Oh, shit. Projects.

In my projects. In my projects. Give me projects. Who sings that song? Do you know? In my projects? Who sings in my projects? Is it Project Pat?

Probably my mom. Project Pete? Project Pat? Project Pat, maybe. Project Pat, probably. Your mom, what? My mom. Your mom sings that song?

My mom came up with that song. Did she? In my projects. In my projects. When I was late for school, she would sing that. So you're born and raised in New York? Yep, from Queens. What projects are in Queens?

South Side, 40 projects. Far Rockaway. Wow. Hamels, Edgemere. Oh, you listed all the projects. So what's a, what's a, is there a famous person that came out of your projects? Because I feel like. I'm from Ravenswood Projects.

That's from, that's the project over from Queensbridge. So like not, you're Nas adjacent. Nas adjacent. Jungle adjacent. Mob Deep. Mob Deep. Prodigy adjacent. Okay.

Okay. Hood, Hood adjacent. What do you mean? Project, in my mind, project is Hood always. yeah is this my project was described to me recently as the soft projects oh somebody came for your struggle so y'all wore like y'all wore like skinny jeans and whatnot so y'all dads were around in the projects i would skateboard in the project i skateboarded in my projects that's crazy so you were kind of like what's that guy's name kick push

Lupe You were Lupe Or even like Kareem Campbell He's a black skateboarder Kids would call me Black Tony Hawk In my projects

I love I love when I see Black people on skateboards Because I just feel like We make it look So much cooler Than our Beige contemporaries

I just want to see A black dude On a skateboard Rob somebody Pull up on that skateboard That's Drew Dowdy That's exactly Who I thought of

Oh my god Oh my god Listeners Drew Dowdy Is another comedian who is fine as a girl. He's sexy. So sexy. He's got a great beard. I feel like he's

too tall for a skateboard. I don't know. No, but he's got long legs. He's got legs that are good enough for a skateboard. You can't be above a certain height. You can't be 5'10 on a skateboard. How tall are you? I'm 6'1". You're 6'1"? You don't give me 6'1 at all. Because I'm humble.

Because you're lying. No, because he's a lion. It's a damn lie. How am I lying? How tall are you? Give me your ID. Don't go by the ID because you You put the height down yourself. No, I'm six foot. I don't trust you. You're 5'11".

What? You telling me to choose six foot that means you're at least 5'11". I'm true 6'1". Well, stand up right now. I just want to see. You are tall. You know what it is?

You know what it is, listeners? I have a very tall sense of self. So I just assume that I'm the same height as everybody in the room at all times. You have a short personality. But you carry it short. You carry it low. Low.

Low. Sweet cherry You carry it in your calves I'm humble y'all I'm humble You have a hat on That says daddy on it Yeah

You're not humble at all You know what it is You have a short neck Your neck is short If your neck was longer I could see the height My mom says I have a long neck No you def don't

That's just things That moms say To people with short necks My mom is trying to be nice I need to get one of them Things that make my neck look No you gotta get What's that

Like those tribes That do like the necklaces That like elongate their necks Oh elongates Yeah yeah yeah Do I have a short neck for real You do have a short neck Yeah it's real stubby

Damn stubby You got a circumcised neck Is your other neck short You got two short necks I got two necks I never thought When I came to do this podcast Y'all make me feel self-conscious

About my neck Oh my that's what we do I love that I love how that woman was like Don't roast me We'll build you up and bring you down. I don't know. I feel good about my neck.

No, you're good. Jordan, you are handsome. You're Haitian. You're doing well. Wow. It's your handsome beard. People don't usually say. You're handsome and Haitian?

Wow. No one's ever said that. You're doing better than most. Pick one. Cindy's an idiot. Well, you know what? I'm stunning, and I'm Haitian, too. And I'm simply black.

People say that to me all the time. Simply black. Can we talk about growing up in the projects? Yeah, can we? Did you, like, were the elevators always broken? Did people pee in the hallway? Did people smoke in the hallway? Like, what's that like?

Did you lose your virginity on the roof? I peed in the steps. I fucked a couple of my girlfriends in the steps, too. The same steps? The same steps where I peed earlier that day. Okay, so what's a good floor to pee on? Between four and five, you need to, like, be kind of in the cut, like, around the corner. So there's like two different doors that swing open.

One where it's like you don't expect anyone to peek out up to the next floor. They're going straight down. Right. And the other one where you could just be like, oh, just me and my girlfriend just hanging out on the steps. So what's a good sex floor? Between four and five. And there's also the pee floor. There's also, and you can pee on it.

You can pee on any floor though. On the second floor is the camera. So anything above four. oh and the second floor is where the laundromat is sydney what every building is not the same also when did you become a project expert what are you talking about you grow up i lived with my friend in the projects for like a couple months and they had a laundry room oh my god that's a co-op oh my goodness that's a town home yeah that's a yeah that's amazing oh my god see you said it like you knew for a fact they all got

the same blueprints nah so why not just go home to pee oh sometimes i don't know sometimes oh it wasn't your building sometime if you go into other buildings or you smoke a weed or you coming back from getting some weed sometimes you gotta take a piss can't you just pee outside nah sometimes you could do that too you could pee everywhere it's the projects it's so cheap already it don't even matter yo so like i feel like when people think of projects they think of like really ugly paint and like roaches and stuff yeah i have broaches my mom's paint my mom still lives in projects and the paint is chipping crazy yeah the water is foul the water is bad too uh oh no i meant the water in the wall that makes the paint look like that yeah it's pretty bad um but her crib

is nicer than mine. I don't even know what I'm talking about. Actually, I moved out of the projects and into a worse apartment. Not in the projects.

How is that possible? Because I got two other roommates before I was living with my moms. Yeah. I was in the PJs until last year.

Really, Jordan? I didn't even know you were struggling like that. Yo, going through it. What? I did not know. Man, my whole life turned a corner this year.

I'm an entirely different person. No, you took a car here today. I did. Yeah, but you took a car here but i still feel the projects like the the remnants of it i still there there's an edge there's project crumbs yeah you're no i don't see that at all i would

not have known that you were from the projects ptsd you know can we talk about that what's the what's that like just seeing a group of niggas sometimes i'm just like come on come on niggas like i'm ready i hold my pockets and when i walk by a group of niggas sometimes hold your pocket no no i've been yeah man you've been jump before oh definitely jump can we talk about it first first time i went to so it's like a neighboring projects to me a story of projects it's like the project we beef with and projects beef with other projects yeah yeah y'all both doing bad yeah we're all laughing at you guys yeah we're we're actually we're we're trying to stay there that's why we keep fighting you know what i'm saying yeah we got solutions to problems that

created us up you know i'm saying i sound like um ben costan's son yeah you do i don't i don't want to say that but i was like wow it's a character i'm working on now it's a character i'm working on no i'm not no it's just yeah i do have pj ptsd this is crazy so i'm um i'm going to this party there's this girl big booty girl in the story of projects i'm like gotta see her again gotta see her because her butt was fat absolutely absolutely what her face looked like he don't even no no her face was was beat but you know that's just life that was the cars that she was dealt that's her face yeah her god gave her that her god well my god wouldn't forsake me because i don't have a little i have a little butt so yeah whatever she was um she was jamaican i don't i

gonna blame her for it but you don't blame her for it man so you are going to the neighboring projects to beat up big booty judy yeah judy it was a house party and then i go i'm not going to a house party in the projects and i was like yo let's go and then uh a fight broke out some people was getting stabbed i think um you think i just heard i just saw this if y'all can't see that's my hand going up and down it's like the mic the jason arm yeah the jason arm it was a pretty bad time uh and i left and it started raining and i was like wait y'all i left my umbrella because i went back for the umbrella i went back for the umbrella but really to see big booty judy and then And I walked back out of the building and, like, 40 niggas were like, hey, who are you niggas?

And I was like, I don't know. Just came to get my umbrella. I don't know. This is back at the party. This is back outside of the PJ's project. Oh, okay. And then they chased us out. They chased y'all out, but did you get beat up?

Yeah, yeah. Niggas threw a beach chair at me. That's a good fight. That's a good fight sequence. I don't know where it came from, but it was just a beach chair. Like, which time of year was this? Huh? It's really like December.

Time of year? Uh, yeah, it was. It was freaking wintertime. It was winter. It's a wonderful time of the year. Project Niggas are... Resourceful. Improv, man.

Yes, they are. Niggas are just like, now I see a beach chair. Made that shit up. Did some object work and threw that object on my head. Yo, make sure that when you write the next, the movie that you write, make sure that you incorporate a flying beach chair. Oh, I got you. It's super important.

Yeah, that's pretty much That's my brand Absurd shit happening in the hood What's the most Like dramatic Like what kind of fights did you used to see? Oh, I'll tell you a fight I got into When I was 16

There was this kid, I think it was over a basketball game Probably I mean it wasn't a soccer game Nah, mm-mm And it was your feet cold God damn it She put her feet on my shirt It's under your shirt

It's under your butt too I'm so cold That's fine Sidney you have one of the most clothes I'm dying Me and my friend Sid I don't even think I let my girl do this She wouldn't even try it

She know better She knows better but Sidney does not I do not Yo feet Feet are crazy Yo Sidney move your feet You got your feet on me. Sidney, oh, my God.

He's looking at your feet now. Don't look at them. Wow, look at those feet. Oh, shit. Yo, yo, roast him for like two seconds. Get in there. Oh, yo. Give me your best.

Your feet look like a bunch of abandoned homes. Keep going, keep going. Your feet look like. Your feet look like my projects. Your feet look like the orphans in that abandoned home set on fire. Oh, man. Little Annie? He said your feet got third degree burns, sis.

Damn, yeah, they got third degree burns. Look at how smushed against the side of the couch he is. He don't even want to do nothing. Your feet look like Afropunk. Yo, that, okay, so they're beautiful. So they're doing too much. Everyone at Afropunk is always doing too much. They're proud, and they want to be seen.

They want to be seen. Oh, my God, Sydney. Please tuck your toes in the cushion or something. I'm sorry. Keep going. I hope there's not no hole in your pants. Is there a... It's like I'm thinking of an Afropunk shirt, like no sexism.

See, you're doing too much. You are Afropunk right now. I know. You're doing a lot. You're doing too much. I'm high. I'm sorry. Yeah, continue your...

I'm sorry for your feet. Wait, so who got... Let's talk about this site. Oh, so I had a fight. We fight over a basketball game. We take off our shirts, because we little niggas, in one show that we've done a couple push-ups and then we um we go on in we fight i throw a couple swings at him are you winning are you losing yeah and i'm winning i swing and i hit

him and he spins around i hit him so hard wow haitian haitian anger but i feel like i don't know jordan you don't look like you could like hit wow jordan you don't look like you can hit also you don't look like you're from the projects yeah i almost feel like you're lying like you had a yard and maybe a dog no i didn't i didn't have shit you had a cat you didn't have a dog no i had a cat i used to throw him in the ceiling fan what that's not like jordan that's not like some project behavior are you serious yeah i can't be your friend was the would the you know my feet my feet deserve better no thank you no your feet deserve i fell back onto the bench over a bike and he like pummeled me in the head i got a huge speed knot

speed knot yeah big knot that appears very fast ah speed knot okay i get it wait can we go back to this cat in the ceiling fan you would just throw it okay what is wrong with you while the fan was on yeah it was on are you you would legit throw the cat in the ceiling i'm really upset yeah why because she's a cat in my project it's a damn animal he's an animal sydney you're clearly an animal i'm from the project sydney he won't deny it he's a you won't deny it what else is the project known for what is usually around the projects several liquor liquor stores right uh kennedy fried chicken a kennedy fried chicken or a spot okay let's throw the lucy spot you could buy single cigarettes uh-huh

Lose cigarettes. Do you think people have misconceptions about the projects or everything people believe? No, I think everything we have is right. That people from the projects are dumb and that people from the projects don't have anything of value outside of, you know, like they think we're just like chilling, drinking and smoking all day. In my project specifically, I remember we used to stash like chess pieces in the bushes because there were like a chess board on the place where you sit, like a little table, stone table. and we used to play chess all day niggas playing time chess oh you're a little clock yeah there's a little chess like tournaments and stuff okay well what projects they're right in the middle of the projects in his projects so yeah my question for you is you said you lived in the

projects up until last year you were bringing women to the projects so you're saying liz was coming through to the projects you have white women she came a couple times oh you need to Marry her. Did I? You need to marry her. Wait, did she? No, I was going to her house a lot. Okay, I hope.

But she came at least once. Yeah. Yeah, a lot of them did. A lot of them. You got a lot of nerve. I know, that's why I said it. No. Okay, I have a question.

There was plenty of girls coming to my project. And how is sex in the projects? Because I've done it once, and I walked out, and I definitely felt like I was sexually assaulted. but I wasn't. Felt like I needed to call Olivia Poe. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun. It's like sex any other places.

No, it's not. Except the light flickers a little more. No. And there's a bug on that. There's no headboard. Yeah, no. Oh, damn sure is it. Marie, did you have a money in the project?

Mattresses on the floor. Nah, I ain't have no floor. Have you hooked up with somebody in the project? I don't remember, Sydney. I'm going to go ahead and take a minute. I feel like we did a video about it. I'm going to take a minute. We did a YouTube video about it.

Come back to me in a minute. It's not the worst. We did a YouTube video. Everybody go to Miss Wheezy on YouTube. This was my mom's house, so it looks like your mom's or like an auntie. It wasn't like, it wasn't a

male-dominated household. It was my mom's crib. So like plastic on the couch? Plastic on the couch, cushions are down. Nah, nah, nah. Like futon, like new age, like nice kente cloth in the corner like in some auntie house little little little black like like little

african like dogs so when you bring a girl in like what kind of refreshments did you have for her yes yes cranberry juice because i always think of spray or ocean spray only and yeah what other kinds is there another type of there's like c-town brand i want to like associate yeah I live near a C-Town. Really? In the projects? There's no C-Town? There was an Associated, I think.

Yeah, that's like the same thing. Or a Key Food. Oh, C-Town? Wait. Yeah, C-Town. Did your mother ever make any of like the packet iced tea? Nah. No?

My grandma did. That's not necessarily a project thing, though. What is it then? People in the suburbs drink packets of stuff. She never made Kool-Aid. Nah. My mom was different, man. What's better than that?

Let's talk about your mother for a little bit. My mom, oh yeah. Let's talk about her. so what is your what's your mother's name rosalyn rosalyn yo that is a sexy name that's a good mom yo that's a hangout they're your mom hangout name my mom oh rosalyn here we're at rosalyn's house rosalyn's tough yeah yeah i met rosalyn she's beautiful i really like her mom's held it down that's why uh the crib was decent and i'm a half decent person you know are you yeah i'm pretty I'm alright

I see the way The things that you say And the comments That you made on this podcast You ain't shit You were throwing Rosalind's cat In the

Circle fan Oh that was my cat No it was definitely That was your fucking cat? Yeah What? Jordan I can't talk to you anymore

After the project After this We're done Okay I'm not even gonna tag you in this Okay that's fine I'm like some nigga named Jordan Who throws cats

In a That was a one-time thing. No. And after I saw how much the cat didn't like it, I said, hey, I got to stop. And I did. I put my foot down. On the cat. On the cat.

Exactly. Exactly. Yep. I saw where you were going with that. On the cat. People are not going to like this at all. I mean. I mean, I'm not really a cat person, so I don't really care.

Yeah, I live with a cat now. I'm nicer to him. Def. You only got no ceiling fan? Liz cat. You throw him at the box fan? No, it's pretty high, though. You'd throw him at the box fan.

Yeah. Okay, let's continue talking about Roscoe. I'd throw him in the AC. Marie, stop laughing. It's funny. Stop condoning this. Sidney, he's already doing it. I'm just talking to him about it.

Thank you guys for having me. He's our cat torture expert. Oh, my God. You're no longer Project. The ASPCA or whatever is going to reach out to you. Okay, so what else about the Projects? So, talking about your mom. Oh, my mom.

Did she, like, not let you go out after a certain time? Like, was she one of these, like, you got to be home because people are crazy out here? Or was she like, yeah, you can get in when you fit in? It wasn't the craziest. There would be a couple of things happening here and there. But no, she just let me go out when I wanted. I would come back, like, wasted. One time, more than a couple of times, I'd come home, like, super high.

And it took me forever to graduate. And at one point, I just didn't go outside because I wanted to finish high school. It took you forever? You were left back? I went to five high schools. Wow, Jordan. Wow, you kept getting kicked out? I got kicked out of one.

Left back? No. You weren't left back? No. Okay. I got kicked out of one. What happened? I got expelled for smoking a cigarette on the campus.

That's it? That's stupid. I got into a previous fight before. It was a boarding school. Oh, you went to boarding school? Yeah. Oh, so your mother wanted you to do that. So your mother sent you out of the projects.

Yeah, but my school also helped facilitate that, but my mom wanted me to get out. and you know it was uh that's why you don't have that project vibe because you went to a boarding school that's what it is really it erased all the projects out of you no but it's not a bad thing to have the products in you um i'm sorry yes it is you have the do-rag and have the tail out yeah yeah that's not tim's and shorts yeah there's a problem it is a real world reversal it's like at first i'm just like you know what i think when i see it now you're ready to fight for the project He's like, no, that's mine.

Ah, man, bricks. We got hearts, too. No, but like... We give out turkeys, you know. We give out turkeys. But like, do you keep in touch with anybody that you grew up with in the project? Who didn't go to boarding school? Yeah.

Because they're probably not in the same place that you are right now. I don't know anyone from my projects. But don't you feel like you should contact them or at least try to stay friends with them? Because you can help them get out. What? They can look at what you're doing and be inspired. But they didn't go to boarding school, Sid. You don't need to go to boarding school.

But if you see what Jordan's doing right now, like if they came to a show or came to a play. His face. No. You got to be like Sean Carter. You got to give back to them. No, Sean Carter barely just started. It'd be cool if they did. But I feel like I isolated myself so much.

It's not like I'm not cool with them. but um i also like people just don't like i'm just on my own fucking yeah no i get it i completely understand it sydney's trying to compare you to jay-z it's like not realistic oh so what did jay-z do for marcy projects nothing literally nothing i'm a comedian i can't call them out call out my projects like a rapper i know well first of all queens that's why huh queens because they're queens projects nobody cares oh boy queen oh boy come on i can't believe you bought jay-z up sydney i am okay i mean i'm just saying like recently yeah yeah that seems like a cool dude that was cool yeah i was dope i have a friend that dated

him so so what does that mean i have some things what do i mean you got some dick pics in your phone from your friend who dated Nos? No, I just... Your friend got nice feet. She actually... Her feet are like two levels above mine. They're not the best, but they're not terrible. But she's gorgeous.

She's stunning, so you won't even care about her feet or her hands. I got project feet in the hands. Let me see. Take your shoes off. Oh, no. Come on. I want y'all to see my feet. Come on. These are my hands, though. I just showed you mine. You show everybody your feet. Oh, my God, Cindy, please put your

feet away oh my god yeah i always wanted to get out though i wanted to i mean my brother i didn't know you had a sibling dude i didn't know you had a brother i have an older brother what do you look like by nine years you got pictures nine years yeah how tall is he you tall five nine okay you got his instagram he's married he doesn't have instagram he's not online he's not on facebook he's this is what you're you it looked like you ran this by so many times yeah because everybody be asking yeah he's a sixth grade sixth grade uh teacher teacher okay that's cute rosamund did well she did and i she's just wonderful what's the scariest the scariest thing that's ever happened to you in the project

or just like scariest moment where you're like this ain't it for me i was selling uh drugs you were selling drugs you jordan you were learning so much skateboarding ass shakers playing you look like a hipster i was a really bad weed dealer so you probably smoked all the weed yeah i did you did i would smoke it i smoked the weed with a couple of girls at school and i remember coming back to uh the dude who i was selling for his house and he was like he's like what happened man where's the money and i'm like and i'm like sitting there quiet and his friends are like laughing around me just like ah this nigga smoked it he smoked it you smoked it with some bitches didn't you and i started like tearing up you cried at your drug dealer's house and he

was like yo you crying right now yo you about to cry he was like yo you did yo yo come here man come here and he yoked me up a little bit and then yo and then he gave me more weed to sell and you smoked that too yeah i smoked that too you got a fucking problem dude yeah i was like 16 i was lost i was like a black boy lost i was like gone yeah black boy lost that's a play right there oh i'm so tired you're so tired you're like you don't want to write anymore okay yeah no i'm ready but i don't know but yeah no that was a pretty sad that was a sad time i don't know mostly it's like uh i feel super like oh damn i have a lot to prove like i'm from uh the projects like i ain't grow up with a silver spoon and i see some people who have and it makes

me like it gives me even more fuel sometimes people just don't know what people think people are like dumb who grew up in public housing especially like new york city like some fucking brilliant people came out of nycha you gotta fucks with nycha you know i mean nycha never heard nobody what's niger yeah new york city housing authority the project um do you have any good like what good moment that happened in the project something great i feel like i even want to take a i want to take a step back even and talk about some other famous people who've come out of the projects who else is from like a new york city housing project that's famous most most deaf no this is jay-z it's all the rappers literally everybody is it is it did asap rocky

come from the projects i don't think so um he's from harlem there's no projects in harlem is that what you're trying to tell me okay there's no projects in harlem no i don't even know what project what's the scariest projects in uh oh the pink houses wait can we talk about something positive like this project i've ever been to was um what's it red fern red fern yeah how do these projects get far rock away that's where my that's where my aunt lives fucking terrifying. Really? Red Fern? Just once I went and I was like,

why? Why are you doing that? Why, guys? Not me. Red Fern Project. Hey, man. Run your shit. Aw, man. I'm just showing my business. Aw, man. But look at you. You got a hat that says daddy on it. Look at your button down, your jeans. I would

rob you. Red Fern got one Red Fern got one star on Apartments.com. That's terrible. Wow. Why are they rating the project? I don't even know, but you could, yeah. White people. Jordan, was there a good moment that happened in the project that you can remember?

When I left, bye, niggas. Happiest memory. He skipped out. Oh, such a good prevention thing for life. Oh, my God. Nah, a good moment, just basketball tournaments during the summer. Can you ball? You don't even look like you could dribble with both hands.

I would go. You don't even look like you own a pair of sneakers that you could play. I don't play basketball. I don't. You don't even look like you're on a bear sneaker. Yeah, I don't. You got them skirt skirts. That's why I don't really have friends outside of comedy.

Only people who have seen my comedy and actually like my comedy, I'm actually friends with, and it's sad. I don't have a lot of friends outside of comedy. So how do we get you to get some outside friends? I don't know. I'm almost tired of meeting new people. Yeah, I mean, I feel like that's what happens when you're an adult, though. Like you'd be like I'm good here

Yeah You'd be like pause I'm on base No more friends No but I like to I like to meet new people And hear new stories Because

That's because you nosy I am I'm not gonna lie on that I like to hear Because sometimes I forget My life I'm like Oh this is bad

Da da da da da And then I meet somebody else I'm like Woo It could be so much worse Absolutely So sometimes I like to Hear other people's stories

To make me feel better About myself So Well that's why Jordan Is here to talk about The projects Yeah but like now but since you've been out of projects you've been doing really well right like so can

you talk to us about these plays yeah how did the uh how did uh come about wait how did you get into stand-up i did i started stand-up i started with improv where i um i did yeah i know well my mom has a master's in applied theater so she's always been like a theater yeah she got it last year rosalind is dope she's she's the best i really like her and when i see you with her i'm just like oh i'm so proud of you right because you have like a mom that's in your life i love my moms yeah but yeah my mom got me into it she was like oh go to this improv thing and there was these two people performing who were like a part of ucb whatever and did you have to pay i paid for the first class and then and then i got a scholarship for yeah diversity levels i did 201 301 401 and

then i met some stand-ups at a meet and greet shit and then i was just saying i've just been doing stand-up since listen um you see bb having some cute little meet and greets the food be free and the liquor be free yeah it was good as hell i need to i needed to like figure something out community colleges was taking me too long to finish too long isn't community college like two years it's four years you did it in four i did it in four like a bachelor's program you know i didn't you know nothing was easy i'd be like yo i'm gonna do high school for six i'm gonna do or five and then i'm gonna do um fucking college for four damn dude that's

years of school what a bad time um so here's my question for you uh when you want to get some food delivered do they deliver to the projects yeah they do all the time oh well okay but wait what places deliver because not all because honestly domino's is getting real shiesty pizza lupe got that song called deliver he's like pizza man don't come here no more you're not gonna be robbing me while i'm carrying this little hot bag Like, even the livery cabs, even the livery cabs, sometimes I would, like, go to the process because my friend lives there. And I would try to call a cab and they're like, yeah, you got to meet us, like, three blocks away from the process. Yeah, you're not going to jump in my car and rob me.

I'm not even coming to pick you up. That's foul. I'm like, it's like, well, you got to be adjacent to a place with lights. Lights adjacent. Me and Sydney were in the projects a couple weeks ago. We went for a barbecue, remember? We did, yeah, yeah, yeah. So Nori, our baby daddy expert, invited us to his girlfriend's, his ex-girlfriend's cookout.

Let's not lose, lose, whatever, sis. No titles. It doesn't, that's who she is. So we get there, or I get there, and I was like, you invited me to a cookout? You didn't tell me it was in the projects? I mean, the food was good. But it didn't seem like that. It was in Yonkers?

No. No. It was in Brooklyn. It was here in Brooklyn. But we about to go to Yonkers this weekend, so. Oh, what, what? We'll probably be in the projects. No, I'm not going to be in the projects.

Projects Adjacent. It's the Hoodington Yonkers. I'm not, nothing here. All the mother hard niggas, they come from Yonkers. Oh, like,

like, 50 said that, yeah. Uh, DMX is from Yonkers. Yeah. He is. And you see how he turned out.

Oh, man. Earl Simmons. But I feel like he's the only one that his story was publicized, like, how bad it, how bad it could get.

I mean, you know, he started doing drugs, and I think that literally is what made him spiral out of control. jordan started doing drugs and he spiraled into a writing job yeah but he was doing he's doing weed you don't do hard drugs no no no dmx the first time he smoked weed was never never the first time i mean coke yeah

wait what that didn't mean more drag yeah wait what happened inhaling It just came out? What do you mean it just came out? I had to start doing it. They were pressuring me. Jordan, just say no. It was crazy. I should have just said no.

It made me crazy. Tell us what happened. So we go to some of Liz's friends' house. And we haven't seen them in a while. They work super hard. They live in the middle of Manhattan. And they have a backyard. So you know they're insane.

Oh, in Manhattan. Backyard in Manhattan? Oh, fuck yeah. First floor. they're nuts yeah they work mad hard so they just try every means of escape you know we they had weed they had their own whiskey like bottle there they had um like coke for some reason they had a vr like what's vr oh virtual reality helmet you could like you know i guess he had porn on there at some point but yes yes sorry don't lie i wish i did

Take hard dick. He was like, I feel like it's hitting me in my face. I wish. I've been looking at the same pussy for three years. You got a lot of nerve. I'm tired. No, I have a lot of lack of nerve because it's hard to. Yo, if I was Liz, I would fuck you up.

Fucking reckless like this. What? She don't have you in control. She don't have him in control? No woman ever has. I'm out of control. I'm completely out of control. Yeah, you are out of control.

Let's get back to these freaking Whippets. So these Whippets, though. What does a Whippet look like? Yeah, what do you do? Oh, so there's like an actual canister. A can. It's a can. You squeeze the part, and then you put the nozzle in your mouth and just inhale that

shit. Is it the computer cleaners? No, no, no. Sometimes it's like whipped cream. Like empty whipped cream cans. Like that, just air. And then you're just like, you know what you need with Whippets? You need to do cocaine.

Oh, see, I'm not doing both of those things. Are you trying to kill all the brain cells in your fucking head? I'm so tired. I don't want to think. Well, what is the Whippet High like? That's like, yo, I can't even think. Like, I feel retarded. Why do you want to be on...

So then on top of that, you put cocaine? You feel empty. It's like K. It's like ketamine. I don't know. It's like ketamine. That's what it is. Sydney, you've done Whippets and ketamine?

You've done ketamine? No, I've done ketamine before. But have you done... It's that feeling, like a little empty and like you don't even know where you are. It's an out-of-body experience. Yeah, my head was like empty. Your head is still empty right now. I can tell just by talking to you for the last

40 minutes. No way. I was also sitting on the chair for an hour. I was like, damn, what? Well, you got here real early, so that's a you problem. I'm sorry, bro. We're having a blast. What you mean? Y'all just doing back-to-back podcasts. I think y'all... Need to do some

whippets? Need to do some whippets, yeah. So you're out with these white folks, right? They got all these drugs out. They like pick your poison, you pick up the virtual reality helmet, and you're like, oh, and whipped cream. Whip it, can't. And they're like, oh, snap, now you want to try Whippets? And I was like,

alright, whatever. And then the girl threw up. She threw up like she had like ten glasses. That's the end of the fucking night. Some girl just throws up after Whippets and cocaine. No thank you. And ten glasses of wine. You could be in the projects for all that. I mean,

people in the projects don't do Whippets. Yeah. People in the projects don't do Whip It, Sidney. Come on. So you're saying they don't have whipped cream cans in the projects. They do Cool Whip in the jar. Cool Whip. Cool Whip.

Okay, so, and then after that, you did Cocaine. Right. Do you recommend it to others? Cocaine? Yeah. No, don't do Cocaine. That's what I was telling you last night, fool. It's bad.

You did Cocaine last night? No, Sunday. But he was telling me about his story. And I was like, don't do it, dude. You're too old. You're too old. Yes, you're too old. Oh, my God.

You're too old for cocaine. You are. How old do you think I am? Old enough for cocaine. You got to be 24. Me? Yeah. No, I'm saying to do cocaine and it be like nothing to you, 24.

What are you talking about? Famous people do cocaine. They mad old. What kind of cocaine do you sniff? Yes, and besides, you know. I'm talking about the cocaine when you sniff it, you get younger. What cocaine is that? The real good kind.

The Charlie Sheen shit? That winning? That's $1,000 a bundle of vial. That cocaine is a hell of a drug, cocaine. Oh, that Rick James. Rick James did not look, he looked terrible. Yeah, he did look bad. Cocaine's bad.

I mean. Don't do drugs. I don't know. I'm not here for any of that stuff anyway. Me neither. I'm sober. I don't even. I'm clean.

Yeah, no, it's good. Clean body, clean soul. I was just out of control. It was a long week. It was a long week. okay well listen to the people who are listening to this right now who have never been to the projects and will never go to the projects like do you have something like you said that people think that people from the projects are dumb any other misconceptions that you think people have

about being from the streets um they think i mean i feel like you proved a lot of them already you really did because i was like sydney please move your feet dude what is wrong with you i don't know It's a class thing. It's like people look at people in the projects that were all broke and spent our money on the wrong things. Like, I never had a pair of Jordans, and my name is Jordan. That's a great joke. Oh, Lord. Is that new?

I don't know. It's just, I don't know. Like, people do treat me like that. Like, you know, you see you go in the projects, they assume you spend all your money on one thing. There's a lot of certain politics that I feel like people have, like respectability politics people have when they talk about people that live in the projects, because they

have the perception that we spend all our money on Jordans and Tims, which sometimes we do. But then that's like a lifestyle choice. That's not for someone to be like, oh, you need to not do this to get out of your position. it's like if i get jordans or if i bought tim's it's like that's not the thing that's keeping me out the projects my grandmother and my mother have already lived in the projects my family my entire family up until my brother and his wife even are from the projects too and the baby just

just had is honestly the only person in my family who was out of didn't live wasn't born and lived into projects so it's a generational it's a generational thing more than anything and one pair jordans or a couple of pair or me just sleeping in maybe because my my fucking grocery store is like two miles away mine isn't but i'm saying other people live in the food desert yeah that's the shit that's keeping people in the projects yeah it's a lifestyle choice isn't gonna help one thing get you out the projects and the perception is that oh it's one choice it's one for one choice so that's why you're in the projects yeah oh that's why you are a certain way when it's not and i feel like so real so like so your nephew nephew niece niece so your niece

is out here just thriving yeah what is your where where do they live they live in westchester she's really doing well they're doing wow i'm proud i'm proud of your brother for doing something else great you know i was in westchester the other day and i was like look at all these little make mansions yeah we um get out the projects that and uh you know more generations are gonna be born out the projects okay all right you keep you keep wrapping it up yeah and you're and you're with a white woman so you won't ever be in the projects again she's so broke no she looks like a dining waitress didn't you guys say that wow we never said that oh no you said that about another see this is what happened oh what had happened was you said another brother we were talking

about nori and his what girl like his white girl looks like a diner waitress yeah i don't remember whose words were those and no no but i heard diner waitress white girl looking like a diner waitress it was probably me saying and i and i laughed and i laughed a little but i couldn't laugh too hard because i know my white girl looks like a diner waitress you look like she work at tiktok she would love that oh my god she's great white people in the projects uh-huh are there white people in the projects yeah oh definitely especially my projects it's queens you talk to white people you in queens you think it's just like regular goofy ass white people and they'd be like speaking greek and all russian and stuff i was like what language you're trying

speak i don't know they sound like muppets okay yeah well i mean i feel like sydney do you have any other questions about the project guys got project questions or just jordan's upbringing is in general i mean what did you eat on a regular basis because you don't look like you don't look like you ate a lot but you don't look like you ate terrible i don't know my grandma lived right across the street. In a co-op. So I went to grandma's. Grandma did help me out. So grandma looked across and laughed

at y'all doing that. She was just throwing away food scraps. You want to come over and eat your poor bastard? She was getting her little fresh direct delivered laughing at y'all. Now that grandfather has died, I have plenty of money

because I have two pensions. You broke Project Bastards. Nana! I got two binges. That was the song of the summer for me. That shit helped me get off the projects. Shut up. I need two phones.

I mean, Jordan, so you're doing Hidden Fences. You're going to do it in L.A. too, right? I would like to, hopefully next year. But for now, I'm doing Hidden Fences at New York Comedy Festival on November 8th at the Bell House. Yeah, that's a great venue too. Seven doors.

That's huge. Dude, 7.30 show, yeah. That's a big deal, Jordan. Yeah, the Bell House is fantastic. That's amazing. Yeah. I'm so proud of you. So say the date and the location.

Brought it up from the creek in the Crave. Well, say the location again for people listening. It's going to be at the Bell House at 7.00. 7.00 PM. Yeah, 7.00, 7.00 door, 7.30 show, November 8th, as part of New York Comedy Festival. That's fantastic. And does S&M have to pay to get in?

No, I wasn't planning on coming to pay in any case. If you want all the drugs. Just say y'all on the show. I'm going to be like, I'm one of the blacks on the show. Thank you. I think they're going to let all the black people in for free. Yeah, they should. It's going to be dope.

Where can people listening get tickets, or can they pay at the door? You can pay at the door or definitely get tickets in advance. On the New York Comedy Festival website, Hidden Fences should be listed. Or just like the Hidden Fences page on Facebook. And you'll find all the information. Actually, you have the ticket link pinned to the top of that page. Yeah. Langston Kerman hosts it, right?

Langston Kerman, our light-skinned expert. And Carolina Teresa, our lady in the streets expert. That's dope. All right. Well, what's next for you? What's the next move for you, my un-projected living brother? Who's next? White woman dating.

You're going to get a black woman? Diner waitress. Yeah. You're going to take a break and be like, Liz, I need you to test the sisters out for a second. definitely um you'll slide over to the fenty beauty once once once i uh actually really get along i'm gonna i'm gonna leave my white girl that's a lie no i mean you're lying i'm not lying or or i mean it's the opposite of kanye ask liz and be like hey can i get it can i bring a black

girl into the relationship she's gonna say no she's gonna say hell no i don't know i feel like liz might be a little down i don't know um look at him he already asked she already said no she already said i don't know what she said um let me talk to her yeah talk talk to liz she'll be like sydney i'm like i'm gonna be like that ass is rotund girl what's up it is rotund i said come on come on girl you don't want a little threesome threesome threesome i think um um yeah no it's definitely gonna polygamy is in right now it is polygamy is when you're married to more than one person not when you're dating more than one person yeah i don't know she trapped me but um she trapped you how she trapped you how did you and liz me

she didn't i don't even know this isn't uh the interracial relationship expert oh yeah we already We had one of those. I don't want it. Yeah, my brother. Oh, yeah. The white woman whisperer. White woman whisperer? Yeah.

Jordan, I feel like I learned a lot about you today. I did. I feel like I'm glad to know that you're in a better place. Also, shocked to hear that you're... You mean outside the project? Shocked to hear that you are six feet tall. Yeah, didn't even look it. I'm 6'1".

It must be the genes, at least from the gap. Like, what's up? I don't know. These joints got a hole in them. Yo, where? In the butt. Oh. What's next for me?

I'm writing for the Rundown with Rob and Thedee. Yes. That's my job. My next job. That's fantastic. You know, I went in there and warmed up the audience last week. Yeah, and she's going to be the warm-up. You are?

For real? Yeah. No, don't listen to Sidney. That's not what happened. Oh, shit. I did it last. We got to edit this part out. I'm finna get in trouble.

Wait, you want me to edit it out? Nah, nah. What happened? You know, we're going to talk about it on the podcast. I was asking people who was in a relationship or whatever. And then I asked this woman and she was like, I'm a widow. And I was like, way to bring the mood down. That's hilarious.

Amazing. That's hilarious. All right. Well, all right, Jordan, you were fantastic. Thank you for being here and doing this. And, yeah, I'm glad that you're in a better place. Even though you've transcended the projects and now you're doing whippets with white people in backyards. Yeah, I'm tripping, man.

I need to get my life. What is this? I'm glad I'm not getting it in the project here. Nick, do you have an Ensure in here? I got an Ensure. I love Ensure. I had one this morning for breakfast. It's pretty good.

I like the way they taste. It's great. I walked down the street with my Ensure, too. I was like... People were trying to catcall me. I was like, nah, you see, I'm trying to get my life right. I need to go get one, then. You probably should because you don't have enough vitamins in your diet

I'm straight up dying I'm not even playing I hope you guys come to my funeral We'll come Let's end on some good music Let's plug some things Marie, where can we catch you? You can catch me

Well, not at Robin Thede because I don't think Anyway, so you can catch me Shut up, Marie You can catch me on And Instagram at Reezy, R-E-E-E-Z-Y. And you can catch The Unofficial Expert on Facebook at JustTheUnofficialExpert. And then on Instagram at UnofficialExpert. Yes.

And you can catch me, JustSyd, B-W-J-U-S-T-S-Y-D-B-W. Hit us up on Twitter, too. Like, add us. Like, ask us questions. Slide in our DMs. Be more proactive, people. Okay. Send us Venmo.

Venmo money. Venmo is more. Molly, slide in my Venmo DMs Like $10 next time Send all your money to these funny and beautiful and talented Thank you, Jordan And make sure you keep coming to see us live

It's looking like it's going to be the third Sunday of every month At the Tank In New York City, 312 West 36th Street Guys, Sydney, take it away In my projects Yeah In my projects

Just different ranges of In my projects In my That's Project Pat, right? No, it's Coco Cal Oh, Coco Cal Coco Cal

Stupid Bye, guys Bye