MESS with Sydnee Washington & Marie Faustin - "The Rich Adjacent Expert" with Solomon Georgio

Episode Date: July 5, 2019

Our Rich Adjacent Expert, Solomon Georgio, is so knowledgeable across the board that hes also our honorary Spite and 90s Black Sit Coms Expert as well! Solomon talks what he wants for his funeral, how many bedrooms he has, and why he always pays for black women. Plus, Sydnee thinks she may have a concussion and Marie is unprepared to leave the country!----Listen to The Unofficial Expert Ad-Free on Forever Dog Plus:https://foreverdogpodcasts.com/plus----BONUS EPISODES AVAILABLE NOW ON PATREON:www.patreon.com/TheUnofficialExpertBUY UNOFFICIAL EXPERT MERCH:https://www.teepublic.com/stores/the-unofficial-expert-podcastFOLLOW THE UNOFFICIAL EXPERT:https://www.instagram.com/UnofficialExpertFOLLOW SYDNEE:https://www.instagram.com/JustSYDbwhttps://twitter.com/justsydnycFOLLOW MARIE:https://www.instagram.com/Reeezyhttps://twitter.com/MsReeezyFOLLOW ANDREW:https://www.instagram.com/mcgui_guyTHE UNOFFICIAL EXPERT IS A FOREVER DOG PODCASThttps://foreverdogpodcasts.com/podcasts/the-unofficial-expertSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Forever. Dog. Ugly people are so bald in 2019. I'm like, actually, your face claims that you're the hater, actually. Actually, God hates you, which is why he made you look like that. Anyway, welcome to the Unofficial Expert Podcast. We have started, baby. Yes, we in the building.

In the building. Pull over that ass too fast. Pull over that ass too fast. Oh, my God. I need some energy. I'm tired. You need some cocaine? No, absolutely not.

We could call a white friend or something. No, I'm just tired. I'm, like, worn down. Worn down? Yeah. Why? I mean, I did two shows last night, and, you know, I went to work like everybody else, but I must have a concussion or something.

I don't know. I'm just like, ugh. I'm sorry. So you are tired. Yes. because you worked and had two shows last night and you think you got a concussion? Did someone hit you at one of the shows?

No. Did you slam your head against the floor? No. Because that's what a concussion is. I know. But it feels like it could be. Sydney, what do you think a concussion is? Do you think a concussion means fatigue?

No. Do you think a concussion is like a period side effect? No. Like you could take a Motrin? Oh, my God. I must have a concussion Then he like slips She slips like down the stairs

Must have a concussion She comes to work late Must have a concussion Oh every time Every time I sleep Every time I take a nap at work I'm like I have a concussion You know you're not supposed to sleep

If you have a concussion right Yeah That's the number one rule I've heard that About concussions Yeah but the way my God is set up I don't know I don't know if we know the same God sis

I can take a nap on my concussion Wow Actually, whenever I get a concussion, go to sleep, I wake up well-rested, sis. That's because you almost died. Stay away from the light, friend. Yeah, take a trip to heaven, come back, like, I'm here. I'm ready to go. Let's work.

Girl, I don't think that you know what a concussion is. I know what it is. I'm joking. I'm just tired and beat. It's hard. You know, most people have nine-to-five jobs. Fuck those people. They're not creatives.

they they don't have like they know exactly what they are doing at work it's very oh most people very basic most people hate their jobs but like exactly yours is not terrible it's not terrible but when you have to constantly think about things when you constantly have to think i mean i'm just like pitching stuff and thinking about things that i'm don't normally think about it's a lie oh my god oh my god your life is so hard wow crazy okay marie how dare you when you want to talk about you know how you feel I let you do it when do I talk about my feelings

I mean you've labeled yourself as unemployed which is not true but I am unemployed you're not unemployed Marie I am fully unemployed you're freelance that's unemployed that's code for that's like oh I'm freelance when somebody says

oh I'm freelance I'd be like oh he ain't got no job I'd be like oh you live at your mama house absolutely not Marie you don't have a bedroom door you have a sheet there Marie is not unemployed. Unemployed is somebody, I'm not even going to name names, but there's real names of unemployed niggas that have not seen an offer, have not seen an offer, have not seen a show or stage in years.

Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. But it's a different, I'm unemployed light, okay? You know, during the week I'm not doing like nothing every day, but like, you know, some weeks I'll shoot something for somebody. I fly over to L.A. That's what I was an expert in this week is, you know, just living my best unemployed life, which was my expertise last week. But, you know, mind your business. I honestly was an expert at not being prepared because that is what happened.

I am flying to France for a three week solo Eat, Pray, Ho trip. That's what we're calling it. Yes, yes, yes. We're getting shirts. We're getting jackets made. Eat, Pray, Ho. and uh i my passport expired a full year ago and my mom was like you should get it renewed and i was like i have time and then i decided to go on this trip six weeks ago and i was like oh i gotta

i gotta get my passport right so i paid to get it expedited which was 170 dollars so it's 110 to renew it and then 60 for the expedition expedition i was like what i was like do you know what an expedition is it's an ugly ass car it's a journey sis it's expedited for the expedition yes oh can you go back and be like so what's up with my expedition what's going on listen uh i only like big black cars uh anyway so i i paid all this money and then i they sent it back to me they were like you forgot to sign it so that and then i called them when i was in la and was like hey what's the status and they were like yikes they were like we haven't started your passport yet i'm leaving in nine days right yeah they were like we haven't even started it

yet so uh we can put a note on the application and i was like i paid you guys to do this quickly and they're like yeah we had it for two weeks couldn't do nothing with it it was just sitting here fuck just sitting there right stupid dumb i was like well can i leave the country and then try to sneak back in i was like this is not this is not the right climate they're not even gonna let you leave bitch they won't let me leave no well anyway uh so i called them and i was trying to figure out how i'm gonna be able to go because they were like you gotta go to the agency in new york in person at 7 30 in the morning and then it'll still take eight days which is exactly the The amount of days that I, right.

So, right. It's a lot of, I was scared. I was, I called my Airbnb chick. I was like, hey sis, something wrong with my passport. I might not be able to come. I might have to change my dates. I'm looking at plane tickets. Everything's like $800 one way.

I'm like, ah, I told everybody I was going to France already that I like and some niggas that I don't like. So like what? I'm just going to stay home in the house all of June? I was like, listen, I was like, we got to figure it out. I was sending you websites. I was like you can expedite it in one day because that's what I did

I know but those services I need my passport I need my passport and then you pay like an extra like $300 and then you get it in like two days that's what I did so I'm like I'm freaking out that evening

when you were rich friend money yes I got an email from them that night and they were like we printed your passport we're sending it out you should have it by Wednesday so beautiful oh so i tracked it i might have it on monday so look at god godly look what a what a beautiful ashy god we serve look at god i love it it's so necessary uh so necessary clothing uh what were you an expert in this week i'm just like i'm an expert in uh winging it i'll be at

work like what am i doing today people ask me that every day what are you working on i'm like a script what are you working on scripts but they're just like not finished i'll like start them and then i'll go look at something else and then like two hours will pass by and like fuck what's you what you'll be looking at topshop.com you know i ain't shutting down yo we going after the podcast no i went there and it's a hot mess you gotta pay all cash everything is just cash and then there's full price shit it's just like but y'all niggas is shutting down everything should be cash yeah you can only pay cash oh they're not trying to pay back their debtors that's exactly mundo that is some hood i was like do you think the government doesn't know

that you're selling this shit and they still got full price stuff full price stuff and i looked at the girl like you think i'm paying this amount for these jeans when y'all shutting down in two days yeah and and what made me so upset is that y'all work here for what how what is your pay rate do you why do you care i don't know just give it away probably like a cool 15 an hour give it away if i work there i'm like yeah it says take this take the whole rack take the actual rack because we about to shut down honestly i would just be in there trying to set it off if i worked at top shop like legit jada pink is or or braid bob or you know what it is they're like oh if we don't sell this shit then we can probably keep it right because the website is still going to be live

you're still gonna be able to order stuff from topshop.com you in the united states you won't be able to go to a store. No, but I'm talking about the workers. If they're like, yo, if none of this shit go, then we just get to pick through it and take what we want. I don't know. The discount's probably not even that cute if you work there. It's probably like 12%. It's probably like 30%. Top Shop in Soho.

Y'all about to shut down. Stop fucking playing with me. And it's a whole bunch of brown people working in there with attitudes and it's like Sis, because they about to be unemployed. Okay, hold on, hold on, hold on. Exactly. So when you say unemployed, there's people at Top Shop like, bitch, you a lie. I should see if they need some people parking

time to do inventory before it closes y'all need uh you know somebody to work 10 hours a week well don't they get like a severance pay or something like that at a retail store no what is wrong with you i've been working you know so corporate i don't even know how it works for y'all's in them the the poor so sorry i don't know how that works anymore uh speaking of poor Our expert today is Richard Jason He is an expert On so many things and we want to hit

All of them today right Is that what we settled on as the title is Richard Jason We're Richard Jason but we're going to hit you with A little bit of spiteful A little spite expert Yeah he's good for that And then like 90's black sitcoms Also tall black sexy

Cheekboned realness Ethiopian goddess And also rude rude rude yes yes I'm quite confident Zach Fox came in as rude but this is also

the queen of rude queen okay her majesty the royal duchess of rude look I don't think I'm rude I just don't like

being disrespected yes and on that note there were so many slashes in that y'all know what we talking about yeah yeah yeah

you'll figure it out we don't know what we gonna title it but it's gonna be in there yeah but he's also a writer for many many things He's writing on Shrill right now

Shrill, great show Do it up Awesome stand-up comedian It's Solomon Georgiou Obsessed I'll stop We love I love you both

We stan You guys are wonderful Yeah, it's good to have One of our kind In the freaking studio Right, right, right Because sometimes we're not used to You know, this

Some people come in and like Hey guys It's like, nah, we need heat We need energy Oh, no, no, no I cannot be I'm not feeble I'm not a tiny

Feeble We love Feeble That's an insult Next time you see somebody And they disrespect you Say something about them It's feeble

Be like Feeble ass knees Look at your feeble ass Bank account balance Your feeble ass confidence Your feeble ass eyebrows Feeble ass edges Yes

Feeble ass edges And that's me I love that Feeble ass Your edges ain't that bad When somebody says That bad It ain't that bad

That means they're awful Yeah He's just trying to be nice I've seen worse I mean Naomi Campbell I mean Remember when that photo

Of her leaked With her edges Like all the way back to here It happens to the best of us Okay Well it's also That was a disrespectful move On whoever

Just let that photo leak The wind Because the wind Blew the hair back And then you were like Oh she ain't got no hair To her ears You like

Yeah Damn My forehead go far back Well that's what it is When you wear wigs When you wear sew-ins Like all the way back All of your life and, you know, true blend contacts, that's what happens.

No, but there are people who wear wigs and weaves regularly and still have healthy hair. Like, Angela Simmons will regularly hit us up with like, hey, look at how my hair is doing. Well, that's true. But a lot of people can't get, like, if it's your whole life, she probably, because she's like modeling since she was like, what, 13? Yeah. She's been doing it for like 30 years. Yeah. And that's back when they were just not using any of the right black products.

Okay, okay. They were not giving a fuck about. They were like, just put some water and some gel in it. Huh? It was a guy named Tom And he's like Something about pink lotion Exactly

Yeah He's like This is regular lotion You like use shrimp Just like in the hair Just jacking up her black hair Just not giving a fuck Yeah

You're right And it's people in like Europe You know I don't give no dams They're like They're like Vanille Sassoon didn't teach us How to do it So we just gonna blow it out

No we just gonna hit you With some Tresemme That's good enough right Yeah Tresemme Wait wait wait How fucks with a Tresemme though What what Like a dry shampoo sis

What you using What are you fucking With Tresemme with Like they have like three-in-one like conditioner that's real good three-in-one a shampoo conditioner body wash it's really good no no the shit that i use looks like it was made in a black woman's basement i don't know you use like that like african exactly that's in like soap it's in like a regular tupperware you have all-purpose black soap yes you can like do your hair put it on

your body and clean your fountain your counter uh so solomon tell first of all let's tell people what you look like real quick. How tall are you? Six foot four and three quarters. Six foot four and three quarters. That's how you know he's proud to be the height he is. You use it as a credit.

Look, people know that I'm here. Like if you're at a party and you come with me, you'll know where I am at all times. Well, let me look for that Ethiopian lighthouse. The lighthouse up there. There he is.

The Ethiopian giraffe is here. Thank you. Okay. So you are six, four and three quarters. You got on a tiny, a little gray short. Are these Topshop? No, these are ASOS.

That's why Topshop's going at us. But that's why they're going bankrupt. People shopping on ASOS. Well, ASOS got discounts and a better fit. So maybe Topshop, you need to up your game. Talk about it. Be about it. These are facts.

Also, let's talk about plus sizes. You don't got none, Topshop. ASOS do. No one at this table is plus size, though. That is true. But thank you for being the advocate. That's how you make a corporation thrive, is you care about all sizes.

right and asos has q plus size stuff because carolina shops there like exclusively and she stay in a two like she always looks great yeah and she stay in a crop top oh she's staying a crop top skirt combo yeah and that's the thing if you have q plus size clothing you're gonna last and you're gonna beat out your competition yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah you ain't the top shop no bottom shop bottom shop started from the bottom and you're still there you're still there you're right back but also the the heiress of top shop is dating that uh the hot felon and you know he taking all her money she's pregnant and he's taking all her money yeah you remember the hot he's about to joy on the scammer her she doesn't know it he left his wife and like his like three

kids were to get with this chick but he probably told his wife like listen listen you know what i'm doing here this is for us yeah this for the family you want alimony that's the only way we getting out of the money yeah okay you know i ain't got no money he's like since i just got out of jail he was like since i can't get no references for jobs i'ma bang this heiress and i'ma get us all some top shop i'ma get us out the hood yeah and uh now it's uh and that's a risk she probably wasn't the it was probably her idea is like listen motherfucker if this bitch is hollering you better go to her yeah honestly i mean will everybody at this table would you date somebody because they were rich no what no no you wouldn't date somebody because

they were rich oh it's been offered oh okay well talk about it be about it he must have been ugly because oh they usually are but that's fine though that's fine like i've fallen in love with people who are physically unfortunate so it's not like they were rich no so that's what i'm saying like if i could be i don't understand what you're saying if i could be with this people yes she has dated I have we were all 21 once

no I wasn't I have never so you've just been 45 the whole time no it has to be one or the other like I'm not like you cannot have

both of the terrible qualities on the table these are facts well those are the people I'm drawn to sometimes okay I mean we found each other yeah

and I'm quite poor but you're not ugly at all so yes this is true but you your spidey senses was like

she's poor no I'll happily I'd rather I would be happy with an attractive poor person than I would be with an ugly rich person. No,

because I feel like attractive poor people don't have to work hard because they're just like, I know what I look like. Yeah. I know what I'm doing here. Wow, Sydney,

you just telling everybody my business? Oh my God. No, here's the thing. Attractive people know how to game the system. So a lot of them aren't poor because they know how to,

they know how to trick people into giving them. They survive. Attractive poor people. And by poor, we mean like not homeless. Although, you know, that's a thing too.

But like, you know how to kind of survive I feel like I call him financially unique that's what it is financially unique

we don't have to call him poor anymore listen I'll date somebody who's rich and ugly I have no problem no qualms about that

and when I say date I'm saying that with quotation marks quotation marks very loose about it well things are like either don't date rich and ugly

because rich and ugly is like I just don't like somebody having confidence for something they don't have like don't walk around with attractive energy Walk around with rich energy I'll be fine

Well it's similar What's the difference You know you want to fuck me energy Which is like sir I don't want to fuck you I want nice things I want your money I want your money Thank you

Gay producer sexy intern Andrew He came and he made a run Which one of these is cream Regular cream and sugar He did a run for us He did a run the thank you so much and he got some water. We're so blessed.

You got munchkins? Oh my god! Wait, is this money from the Patreon or this is out of pocket? Is this why we haven't gotten paid in several weeks? Oh my god. I asked for mostly chocolate. That's good enough. You're so kind. I mean, it's a lot

of jelly ones in there. We love you. Shake the munchkins back. Thanks so much. So yeah, what's the difference? The rich energy is like... Rich white energy is the equivalent to attractive anything else energy. Yes. And that's the thing is like

my issue is like, hey, be ugly, be proud, live your life. No, I'm like, walk in the alleys. Don't walk amongst us. And definitely don't ask me what time it is. Don't present it to me like this is as good as everybody else. Like don't try to sell me a product that I know isn't

that great. Tell me what you have that you know is great. But maybe they're so confident. Maybe men that are ugly are confident because they know the dick is good. No. I'm going to say absolutely not. That's also false. As I was saying it, I was

like, it's a lot of confident ugly people with bad dick. Because rich people, they'll be lazy on other ends, like the sex or just the conversation, because they're like, well, you don't like this conversation? Let's go to Miami. Let's go to Paris. Let's go to Morocco.

What rich, ugly people you speak to that are boring but got jets ready to go so many you know i was working at a fucking bar for 10 years that it was like the the best of the best of new york city was walking in there and i would see people roll their eyes talking to people and they're like they have nothing to talk about but they didn't pay for this whole table we going back to the loft ah the loft we have a weekend trip this weekend we're leaving tonight we flying out this evening that's what i'm saying i love that i would i would hang out with a fun ugly

rich person see that i don't have that problem it's just i don't i don't like the part where i have to become an actor and be like oh you are attractive like no oh no i've never i i i dated a dude once and um he uh would always tell me that i was pretty like you you know when you're having you're like intimate with somebody and they hit you with the you're so beautiful and you just hit them with the thanks but i don't think men expect to hear that back though but it would be an awkward silence every single time because i'm not an actress she not out here booking scripted things no they're they're waiting for their compliment too you're right and you're just are they you're like one time i was

like you're so nice you know when a woman says he's nice he's ugly i'll be like i'll be like i love your neck. It is one of the best. You don't have a line or a wrinkle on it. I was like, what kind of pillows are these? Wow! Is this down? Is down pigeon feathers? I would have just grabbed his hands and be like, you have the softest

hands. That's not attractive to have a man with soft hands. Your earlobes are so proportionate. That is, that would scare the, that is some serial killer. Your earlobes are so symmetrical. Yeah. But the great thing is that at least I'm not

rich and ugly i'm rich and attractive so that's very confident let's talk about where you're from where i'm from well i'm from a lot of places okay talk about it she's on the run she's on the run she's uh don't don't track me down um okay snapped right now i live in la uh born in a refugee camp in uh cartoon sudan uh say it one more time cartoon sudan cartoon sudan cartoon sudan well i don't know your accent is weird i was like are you chewing on gum yeah we don't have That's my accent. We don't have a Sudanese duolingo program. Don't come for us.

It's Arabic. That's the language. We don't speak that. Yeah. That's a comment. But yeah, no, I was born in Sudan. My family's Ethiopian. We came to America when I was three.

And we lived in St. Louis, Missouri first. Oh, with the same lunatics? With Nelly and them? Oh, yeah. They were just hanging out. He already had his band-aid on. You landed in St. Louis. How do Ethiopian people end up in St. Louis?

Did they know people? No. For this kind of programming, we were the flavor of the decade. Everybody wanted Ethiopians to eat. And so St. Louis was like, yeah, let's get some of that. It was that. We had a sponsor there. Let's get some of those long neck, perfectly proportioned, head-shaped niggas in there.

Yeah. You know, they look a little tired in the eyes, but it's fine. They're hot. They got great skin. When you see Ethiopians on the street, you recognize them right away. Yeah, I know. Right. It's a certain look.

Iman, Ethiopian, yes? No, Somalian. Somalian? Well, guess y'all neighbors, cheers. Iman. I feel like you were right on time, friend. I felt like I knew. I was like, I know.

Yeah, I do not know. Strong and wrong. Loud and incorrect. Me love. That's the name of my memoirs. It's sort of the same like area. It's like we're relatively the same people. Okay.

We have the same roots Okay But yeah the long necks Yeah the little heads You know we just We had sex with a lot of Caucasians back when That's fine

Really And then we stopped And then you stopped And they were like We're good And then you're like Let's go back to Wakanda Yeah

It's too many of us That look like not us You quit cold turkey Got it We love that So then you went to After Missouri you went to Fresno, California

What Fresno Fres No The Bay Area Or Wish It's Central Valley That's nowhere near

The goddamn water Okay It is Well look at me Stronger than Ron as well The Bay Area And I'm from the Bay Area That's so weird

And I respect the Bay Area That was my dream Is to be in the Bay Area But I was in fucking Fresno Which is a shithole of a city Yikes Fresno They have like weird accents there

Right They're kind of like Midwestern or something I don't know They just don't have teeth Because of the meth Oh my god Breaking bad

Hey Some of my closest friends Are on meth Some of my best friends are meth Some of my best friends do meth Yeah I like that Don't you do that Don't you shame meth

This is a podcast where everybody does meth That listens You don't need teeth to listen to the pod You know Yeah your gums You can listen real good on meth What do you do Come on

what do your parents do my parents were both janitors okay got it they both worked two jobs yep life of an immigrant my mom would wake up

at five in the morning making food for the whole family how many of y'all is there I'm one of seven children they was getting it in at that refugee camp yeah y'all know how to procreate that's for sure

y'all know how to put some holes in some condoms yeah oh dude we did not have you're like who needs money when you have family see the thing is that

we don't my parents never used condoms and I remember my dad got a safe sex shirt when I was a kid. A safe sex shirt? He got a Three Stooges shirt and they're all wearing condoms and he did not because he's illiterate and he doesn't know what a condom looks like. He was walking around. It was his favorite shirt

for two years and he got so mad at them. They had their dicks out on the shirt? No, they just had condoms on their heads. And he thought they were just funny hats. Oh, your dad is my dad. Is your dad's name Samuel? His name is Johannes. Johannes, I love it.

That's a hot fucking name Yohannes sounds Greek It sounds Mediterranean It is Greek He sounds good looking That's what I'm about to say Yeah cause it's Ethiopia has been

Like with them Like we're like a big Trading post Old civilization Greek Hebrew Like all that area Hebrew

It's Hebrew people And Hebrew people Is that a people I don't know if you know this They were They were slaves For a bit nearby In a country right above us

You knew that Called Egypt Building a pyramid Okay though If I'm looking at If I'm looking at a map of Africa Where is Ethiopia on the map Ethiopia is right at, you know where the Horn of Africa is?

Eritrea is that corner. Oh, I don't know what word you just said. Eritrea is that little corner piece right above Djibouti. Djibouti. Djibouti. Djibouti? We love Djibouti. No, below Djibouti.

Djibouti. And Ethiopia is a landlocked by, but it's right under, so it goes. It's right below Egypt? Yeah, it goes Egypt, Sudan, Ethiopia. Ah, look at us learning things. Y'all see that? I see it in my mind. You're very educational.

I love it. Educational? Knowing where my country is You're very You're very educated Educated Well no I'm like educational

Like you're teaching You're learning Teaching I don't know That's not That's not That's like when I said expedition That's kind of

I think the word you were looking for Is informative Informative Yeah But you can't say educational That word means something else Hold on bitch Y'all keep talking

I'm gonna look this up Siri You're very educational Something can be educational know but i don't think a person can i don't know yeah we're on the next judges i think no you're using it right sydney a weird way though you're using it you are not you as a person speaking it's weird coming out of your mouth you're right you're right no i'm i don't think you're wrong it's just uh no one does that oh no no no i'm not gonna say my friend has a concussion

She don't know I'm tired guys She concussed She concussed Okay so you left Fresno And then where? Then we moved to Seattle, Washington Seattle where you linked up with Jack Knight

Jack rude ass Knight Yeah palm trees shady You know he's never been rude to me Oh he's not rude to me He was rude to us when he left our podcast He is reckless which I do enjoy I do love a reckless negro it's hands down

one of my favorite elements well he's doing really well he's a writer for Black-ish now yeah he is oh network money ABC money network money

after you do the pod just bigger things happen honestly and truly that's what happens you see we started the podcast and then Sydney got a job oh

fuck you we started the podcast I got my passport yeah hopefully on time yeah you will you will

how long did you You didn't stay in Seattle. I was there for 16 years. God damn. That's when I started doing comedy. You went to prom in Seattle? Yeah, with my lesbian friend, Hope. Lesbian friend named Hope.

What did she wear? Did y'all both wear suits? Hope is definitely a lesbian. Neither of us were out. But she did sew in like a flask pocket into her dress. Okay. Well, that's not pretty gay. Very, very gay of her.

Very Home Depot. And also like a place for cigars, too. Cigars! That's it right there. She bought cigars. She had a pocket watch? Hope was older than all of y'all. Hope was 30 at the prom.

23 Jump Street or whatever the name is. She showed up with like scotch and I was like, oh, Hope is an old ass man. That was definitely somebody's auntie. I'm not surprised that Hope was a ghost from the past. Yeah, just came to help you get through the prom season.

That's your guardian angel. Your fairy god lesbian. I died 200 years ago, but I'm just here for prom. She's like, I see you. I'm here to help this little gay nigga get through this. Do you remember what you wore to prom? Oh, yeah. I dyed my hair scarlet red to match my scarlet red shirt.

Lady in red. So you had already came out. No, no, no. No, you thought she was in the closet. You were in the closet with that? The door was clear since. Yikes. There was nothing transparent about me.

Yeah. You didn't have to come out. They were like, yeah, we know. It was like, oh, I'm going to tell my brothers. They're like, I made them pause the video games. like i need to tell you guys something and they're like and i told them they're like you made us interrupt you paused fifa for that you paused crash bandicoot for this okay like we see me eat popsicles for 20 years like you eat popsicles like uh jill scott you eat them like jill scott

you you you caress the balls wow yeah you don't need don't even wait for them to melt you just be biting it crying just slide it right on down yes love it missed it 16 years in seattle then you took your you know sexy ass to la to be very la well i wasn't actually i was working as a server i wasn't being extra yeah i feel like i feel like you as a server still very extra you were twirling with the tray i feel like you were like pouring wine with a flourish i was a good server. I believe that. Yeah, I think you were I think you would talk to people, you would have fun I'm patient. Yeah, you wouldn't take your job

too seriously. No, I took my job very seriously. Really? I was very good at my job. Okay. I feel like you could be really good at your job and not be that serious Okay, tell him sis! You could take naps at work and still be good at your job Okay! And somebody with an immigrant work ethic. Yeah, Cindy is

just regular black. She regular black Hey, not regular. Simply Simply black. Simply the black Yeah yeah it's like oh it's not on the menu i have no problem going to ask the chef hey can you just put a little extra something on there wow you know i feel like somebody who's too serious about their job would be like oh no absolutely not that's not on the menu we cannot help oh no no that's not that's like i'm good like i was i was good at customer service okay like i was like i

was the kind of server you showed up and you complained too much i would make sure you're you left happy oh like i was the one that if there's somebody came in with a bad yelp review they'd be like Solomon I'd be like okay alright okay so okay so what me and Sydney show up

this is X amount of years ago you're serving us yes we not happy about anything what you gonna do I'm like the food is cold it's not

there's no salt on the table the fries trash we ordered for some reason we also ordered eggs and they just put the slice of cheese on top

it's not even melted what you gonna do I am so sorry I'm so sorry that it even happened to you that should have never happened to begin with first of all

I'm going I'm not you're not paying for any of this that's what I thought All right, that's how we need to be at the table. That's what I thought. Let me go ahead and get a lemonade. And you know what?

We're going to correct this and whatever. We're also not going to make you pay for that either. Ah. Yeah, you are a good server. You are good at your job. When you comp everything and be like, let me get you something else, that's great. Well, that's the thing that you want to comp.

Like, that's the thing. Like, most restaurants would rather comp than have you leave pissed off and bad right about the upper view. And that's what I was like, fuck yeah. I don't give a shit. Yeah. I don't own this company.

I love that. But wait, being such a people pleaser, how did you get to be, like, so confident, so, like, you know, rich adjacent? Because I feel like taking care of people sometimes looks like, feels like people kind of look down upon you a little bit. That depends. Like, I think people can, you can be a caretaker and put limitations on how people, you can put limitations on being taken advantage of. Okay. Yeah, know your worth, friend. that's that's things like when like i'm always happy to help other people but they also know

that they they owe they owe me now really we owe you no you don't owe me nothing okay because let's talk about salomon we've been gone to the diner a couple times now we've gotten to have several brunches that's a different situation as black women i owe you more than you ever owe me oh my god you are not alone oh michael jackson the podcast is over now you just ended it beautifully let's talk about it Sydney and I went out to eat and Salomon was like

listen when there are black women at the table they don't pay and Sydney and I were like oh my god I almost threw my wig across the room

I threw my wallet across the street it was empty but I threw it I try to do it as often as I possibly can it's just it makes the most

logical sense it's beautiful I love that are you close with your mom oh no she don't like me none

she don't like you now no we're fine we're not we're close and we'll talk every once in a while she listen to podcasts what's up oh she don't listen to podcasts what's your mama name you have

to give her a phone first she wouldn't know what to do what's your mom's name i'm mana i'm mana mana mana mana mana mana mana mana yeah well i think that when i when you did that for us that is kind of like a rich trait like a lot of people who have money like to take care of other people i've gone to like many trips with friends and the person who has the most money is like oh we going to nobu don't oh don't take your card out no we're gonna get this boat that i got it we're gonna get this boat that's the only sentence i want to hear summer 2019 i just oh we're gonna get this boat like with restaurants i'm i'm particular because i'm like i just do not want to be in that position again as where i'm the table full of comedians and all of us pull out

our cards and we start pulling out a pan start doing like none of us are good at math so i don't know why we all have it that's true i just i would rather just be like just please take my card all these fools need to calm down yeah it does get messy right but then also you don't ask people to venmo you like i feel like that's something that like like if i was pulling my card out for first of all i would never for a bunch of comedians yeah um i'd be like uh everybody got a venmo $22.98 now and then we not

leaving until I get the money I think it shows a lot about you that you're like first of all you know we at the diner so how much you think

this shit is I mean we've gotten some pretty expensive bills at the diner it'll be like a bunch of us and you've come to the diner with us many times

it'll be like nine of us at the table and the check comes and you're like did they put gratuity on there twice oh my god Marie

Marie definitely did that you know somebody who ain't got no money they're like I think I see gratuity in tax 12 times I said it's two gratuities on here

you hit it twice she hit it twice and I ran to the front I was like it's two gratuities on here and Marie did the math and was like yes they definitely

put it on twice and they're like actually they did not and they did it again in front of me and they're like no it's they were like

you guys are here every week we love you guys please leave but also give me my money yeah give me my money

yeah I mean I've been I feel like where you are in comedy like not like money is a big deal but it's just like if you have it if you're making it if you have like a regular job what what is a hundred dollars look what is a hundred and fifty dollars

do you are you good with saving no oh dude and i never plan on being that way wow okay well you know live your life and everything but you need to know i i am very good at saving i do have like i'm very good at um making sure that everything is taken care of bill wise and like at least but for the most part he's like nah i'm not i don't give a shit if i die poor you can't start poor get money and poor i think that's the best way to live your life because you know what happens all the way up here a lot of good times to get all the way you start poor right third world country poor because that's that's what my truth is me too you start okay so twins start poor make some money like start to do well then when your money

starts to go then you marry that ugly rich person and then triple your uh your worth no i think all of that i think all of that is like relative and also it's foolish i've seen so many people who have tons of money and when it's like at the end of the road and they're like at their last days they're not really that happy and they what old rich people you know that died don't worry about me just know that i know them just know that i know that they're relatives of friends of mine like stories that i've heard and it's just like at the end of the day you can't take any of that money with you and if you allocate it to people i mean at the they're going to be just thinking about oh are you giving me this money when you're about to die what's good see i just yeah i'd

rather go out with nothing not being like i want people i want i want somebody to look at me at the to life. I'm like, what happened? You want to be a VH1? You want to be a Temptations movie? You want to be a biopic? What the heck? I just have my sunglasses on and my deathbed. You want to be a true Hollywood

story. You think you know, but you have no idea. You want to be a Biggie Smalls behind the music. He died penniless in an alley. It took four weeks for his body to be identified. David Ruffin. Yes, that's how he went, and that's how I would like to go as well.

See, I'm not going to go, like, that's, like, doing too much drugs. And, like, I want to, like, definitely. Yeah, I want to be sober. But, you know, if I accidentally have a fire in my place, leave me there. Accidentally. You know, the fire, the cremation. We ain't got to have to do a funeral. Two for one, sis.

Yeah. Like, that's how I want to go out. Two for one. Easy. In a fire? Easy peasy, yes. No, sis, we not going to be able to do open casket. I don't want open casket because every time I go, every time I've gone to a funeral,

I'm like, that don't look like that person. that's a terrible lip color they put why are they fucking wearing this like prince blouse in the coffin I feel like a prince blouse

when you die is a moment it's a moment a thigh high boot with a prince blouse oh my god some chaps Marie

I don't even want to be I don't want open casket I want to be hung in the air like a ballerina leaping what is wrong with you so you want the legs in rigor mortis

spread so you want to be like a museum exhibition why not The whole point of having these legs is to show them off. Then you're going to close a fucking half casket on them? Fuck that. Well, maybe close the top half and leave the legs out.

Very true. That can be done. How do you feel about Aretha when she did like three clothes changing? They crossed her legs at the ankles. They changed her outfit three times. They had Aretha in the casket with the legs crossed. Look, I think if they didn't change her outfit three times, she would have came back to life and made a change.

She would have came back to life and dropped her coat on the floor. excuse me queen of the starting a show in a full fur coat and then just dropping it on the floor sis we know you have money you didn't have to come out in the chinchilla and that's the best part about it that's but that's you solomon she got paid in cash most of the time what that is some old black mentality keep that shit under the piano until her performance was over her piano her money they were like take my goddamn cash under the piano and then when it's over so i can keep an eye on it yo aretha franklin would tape her money under the piano she would tell them to do that while she's performing so that way when she leaves she can take the bank and go wow secure the

bag secure that from now on every time i do stand up i want a piano on stage a keyboard yeah not a grand a keyboard with a 20 bill or a drink ticket oh my god i'm gonna be like aretha pay me in cash No more Venmo bitch Just give me my money It's ten dollars Why are you Venmo me ten If you can't give me ten dollars Right now

While I'm here To be fair Well what kind of Establishment is this A lot of people don't got cash A lot of people do not Carry cash It's a bar

Good point And people paid in cash I don't know You got your tickets in cash No Shout out to Union Hall For always giving us cash baby Baby

At the end of the night You know the The people who Do the show They not getting any money You know right away In cash We'll Venmo y'all

Yeah we gonna Venmo y'all you guys are lucky because in other cities we don't get paid for shit LA don't get no one get no money yeah I was hearing that a lot

no no yeah how do you make money in LA that's the only reason I got rich was because I didn't get paid oh you can make money you know being like

on TV and shit ah let's talk about the television things that you've done what have you done baby what have I not done is really the question

okay who have you done who have you not done where I'm gonna respond like that what have I not done no I just no I like I

I actually was working at my restaurant job when i got my conan okay you were on conan yes and then i had to go back to work the next day and that was that's humbling as fuck oh that is was the was the day manager hating everyone was so nice to me which made it worse like and somebody came to the restaurant i was like oh i saw you on conan last night i'm like i'd be like i don't work here i'm just i'm holding this tray for my friend i'm literally here to pick up my check and that's it i don't even i've never i'd be like no you did not i have a brother named solomon and he's doing well my name is sergio

and he tried to tell his parents and everything and they could not give a fuck about me and I was just like I do not want this they were like what are the specials today exactly you worked a full shift they didn't let you do a half day a summer Thursday no because I got the day off yesterday to be on TV

and I didn't have any money oh you didn't get paid for going in like that no you don't get paid immediately nothing was taped under the piano I should have asked for cash you should have asked for cash up top you should have arreasted them I considered it but

Okay so you did Conan And then what else are you doing Have you done I've done Conan twice I did a half hour special Yes you did do a half hour special Which was fantastic I'm just trying to remember everything

You did two Dope Queens I recently did two Dope Queens And now you are here with two real Dope Queens Oh Marie here we go Leave it in there Here we go they paid me money hbo yeah yes yes yes yes and i also love them very much yes we like them fine oh my god you're we're also dub queens oh they're i think that's the whole point is that everyone's

a dope queen they just happen to be the host of that that is that's not true everybody is not a problem i think that's the this is with this like body positivity this is everybody is a star This weird term you just took. There's a real dip. A real dip. Wait, hold on, hold on, hold on. You're saying you don't believe in body positivity. I don't believe that everybody got a good body.

No, that's true. That everybody doesn't have it and not everybody is a queen. Because if we all calling each other queen, then what the fuck is a queen? I'm not what y'all are. Wow. Well, first of all, I think. I'm not talking about them. I'm just saying in general.

Like, yes. Well, that's what happened. You know, Broad City came out. Broad City came out and Solomon's like don't you be messing up my bag now all these white women

you already got paid all these white women are calling each other queen now and it's like sis you're a princess oh no barely you're a princess

come on sis you're a pauper like a lady of the court or something I won't give you a sis you're a lady of the court sis you are a shepherd

you're not a queen sis you are a shepherd oh my god look villager villager villager villager you are a pawn

you're a pawn sis what's your move sis you can only go sideways okay that is it you can't move across the board all the directions but also keep in mind real royalty is not that great anyway that's like years of incest they're perfect human beings oh here we go now you want to be real specific no but you know what we talk about but the royal family is real they real i'm not talking about them dusty ass people over there in england i'm talking about we we here in new york city i'm talking about queendom here.

Queendom here. You're talking about coming to America, queen. Yes, that's exactly. And no, like, to each his own. I'm here for it, but also... Nah, to each not his own. Look, we live in a democracy.

We should vote who gets to be a queen. No, Sydney and I are the only people who should be able to vote who gets to be a queen. No, it would be shady because we would be like,

what shoes they wear? What do their feet look like? Sis, you got those lean-witted, rock-witted Uggs on? Those Uggs are linked. Not my queen. Not my queen.

My queen don't wear Uggs. not my god not my queen see this is why we are where we are because we're not with the um well everybody is everybody's acquainted well i only say that because you know just growing up i had to i had to work so hard to get to where the fuck i am right now but if you're giving kids confidence up top then there's nothing to like work for and to get better at because you're already like well i look good i'm great i'm everything i do is gold it's like no it's not that's not true i don't know I don't want somebody to tell me after a set I did great if it's a bad set

oh no look I think yes you should not give false confidence to somebody I think you should give people confidence on what they're good at I definitely think you should be confident I don't think confidence is an issue I think false confidence is the issue

you should be if somebody's out here like I'm a great people that show up to American Idol singing terribly oh the she bangs guy remember him I have no professional training in singing. Yeah, we know. We know. Like that kind of stuff.

Like somebody, like there was like at least 300 people on the way to that point that could have been like, you need to stop doing what you're doing. Right. But I would never say that. I would never say, hey, you need to stop what you're doing. You're not. You would never say that to somebody who is not good at what they do? I'm not telling you that you're not. You should know by the responses.

I'll tell you. No responses. A lot of people aren't self-aware. I think sometimes you got to shatter some dreams. Mm-hmm. well Solomon you could be the one to do that I'm here to shatter dreams yes let's shatter some dreams okay but I'm also here to build

confidence in what people are good at oh I'm all about uplifting the community the community I'm all about that but I'm also like I think we're just a little bit too lax with like what is great what is oh this is oh you killed like come on now let's be honest I don't lie to people

about who do badly on stage in front of me like you we've all had the conversation after a show someone comes up to you and they're like oh you did great tonight and then they look at you and you're like thanks kind of like when the dude was like you're beautiful and i was like thanks everybody like i'm not here to lie to you no i'm here to tell them and i feel like you don't give out a whole bunch of compliments just randomly no no i don't i would never but that's how we know that they're sincere but yeah that's also like i'm not out here lying to your face

because you gave me a compliment i will sit there like if i if you didn't have a good set i would be like well you were on stage i like i like the buttons on your shirt well how did something else to compliment well solomon how did you get your confidence how did you get to where you are right now um well that confidence like i actually have like had issue competitions growing up too i was always uh because my parents weren't the best uh in regards to like building our confidence so oh yes yes we're all here the very african african you can show up with straight a's and still be like you stupid i'm like what are you doing yeah i i grew up in one of those houses like i would come home with a test and be like i got a 98

and my mom and dad without fail would be like what happened to the other two exactly exactly but i'm i'm messing up the curve in class like what are you doing i got the most points and they'd be like okay but you didn't get a perfect score yeah and that's what i grew up and yeah that's things like i thought like when i got out of that i was like because i had such a low self-esteem confidence and then by the time that i was able to figure out what i was good at i was like oh shit oh wait i am good at everything yeah it's like i don't need to know how to spell oh fuck i'm good at this it's not that bad like it's and it's just like especially with performing that sort of uh because i try to be self-deprecating and people like no they don't believe how it's

How dare you? I can't. I hate self-deprecating comedy, but that's because I can't do it. I'm not going to get up here. I love it. I'm not going to get up here and, no, I'll deprecate y'all, right? Bully. I'm lifting me.

I'm not going to bring myself down or make myself small so people like me. That's something that I will never do. I won't bring myself down, but I will be honest about some of the things that go on. I'm not going to be like, oh, yeah, you know, I lay down the best cooch. That's not true. I mean, that's not true. I mean. Marie, that's what you're saying?

I lay down the best coach. Like, I'm just. Second best coach. I can talk about. We talking about bussy. Bussy. I can talk about my failures and feel like it's not as self-deprecating as just me being like an open book. No, but I think it's, there's a difference, I think, in being able to laugh at yourself and then being self-deprecating.

because I feel like what we do is we laugh at ourselves I laugh at myself every single day I'm not taking myself too serious but I'm not gonna be like

but look at but I'm ugly but I can't like that's not that's not my truth that's not my ministry like I don't come in that I don't come in

self-deprecating I'll come in I'll come in with the with a lot of confidence and then eventually I'll tell I'll definitely laugh at myself and tell jokes about myself

but like if I came with that first they'd be like excuse me sir you just showed up six feet four inches five and three quarters tall sir you gotta

If you got a thigh-high boot on, we don't believe. If we don't believe that you don't care about yourself. Right. A hundred percent. And I think it's just like, it's something that I also just, I do self-affirmations every day. Oh, okay. Let's go through some of these affirmations. Oh, yes.

Look at you. Let's go through some of these affirmations. I have a mantra I have before I go on stage. Okay, let me write it down. What is it? What is it? What's the mantra? Take your time.

Mm-hmm. Be in the moment. Okay. Enunciate. Uh-huh. Radiate. Radiate. Ooh.

That's fucking great. one more time take your time be in the moment be in the moment enunciate radiate that's so fucking good you got that written on your bathroom mirror in lipstick you gotta live love laugh poster at the house that's beautiful but that makes so much sense but see what i say to myself over and over and over again because i'm like your time like every time i question myself on stage my confidence like i i tend to not talk properly i like words run over each other oh that's me that's me every day take your time take your time be in the moment uh-huh enunciate enunciate radiate a nun you know i've never written the word enunciate that's

that's a merch right there we should put that on a shirt for sure for those of y'all who are wondering how to spell enunciate it's e-n-u-n-c-i-a-t-e okay wow I don't think it's Did you say E? E-N-U-N-C-I-A-T This is a motherfucking spelling bee My iPhone auto-corrected it So I know it's right

It's an iPhone X It's an XS I have an XS as well too Oh look at me with my financially unique phone Financially unique It's literally just you know Is that a form? Is that a home button?

Oh my god Well, if you feeling rich, you can also just gift me one. You can send me one my way, babe. It's also called, your phone said, oh, you get a free upgrade. No.

What service you got that you get a free upgrade? Oh, I guess I probably paid for it. I didn't know. You did pay for it. I don't remember. How dare you? They stopped doing free upgrades in 2008.

Yeah. I don't remember. I'm coming to the store with you then. I'll be like, he said. I can get it for free. he said that i could get this phone for free okay so let's talk about like uh where you got where did you get your confidence from did you answer that question yes uh confidence for me was definitely from comedy and uh take and learning how to just hone in what i got and then

eventually into my life when did you start comedy like how let's talk about well i started in the year 2007 okay there was only one other homosexual dude there's one other gay comic no there's there's a few uh but i started in 2007 like when i was 25 okay and this actually brings up to the next topic of spite ah yes come on uh i was dating well i was sort of dating this dude sort of so what that mean he was married like no no no we were we were courting each other okay and he he's like he took me to this fucking weird ass meeting for this thing called landmark that sounds like a a pyramid scheme it's uh it is a pyramid wait landmark the hotel no no landmark is like a program like scientology oh i thought it was like amway it's like scientology without

the without the religion part so it's like the whole point of it is like oh you go this program and then you bring other people in and they pay money and it's all about like it was all this like he was like it's all about finding guidance and like building it sounds like you were at church it was they show up they bring people they give money like he took me to the meeting and i was like what the hell is this meeting that sounds like aa what's going on was it in a basement of a temple uh an arby's what's where was the meeting it was in like a like a community center sort of situation oh that's an aa meeting it was free they didn't even pay for the space they just but they but they were like in order to get the workbooks you have to pay money and i was like

Yep, that's what they do. What's in the workbooks? That's what they fucking do. I'm like, I'm not going to give you money for an activity book. I can just go to Rite Aid right now and get one. I don't. Sis, we got coloring books? Yeah.

Okay, so you're dating this man. So he takes me to this meeting and he's like, yeah, I just felt like you don't have much guidance and you don't know what you really want. And I was like, okay, bitch. You should have been like, I want this dick. But you didn't say that. And when I heard that shit, I was like, and I immediately, because I used to do spoken word.

Oh, wow. Come on through, Langston Kerman. In Fresno You was doing spoken word In Seattle, Washington Oh I feel like In coffee shops In my mind

The scene must have been terrible Wow It was like a scene of Charmed In Seattle They do spoken word Of course Okay well give us a little something Oh I haven't done it

In a long long time I feel like you probably Still remember this I did not even want To do a single A butterfly flew by me Last night No I would

Cause I do It died I would do comedy pieces And I did one I think one of the One I remember Is about Jennifer Lopez Okay go ahead

give it to us it's like on the six i was like i think uh it was because i wanted to i talked about how beautiful she was like look i'm not i'm gay but i'm not stupid i still fuck jennifer lopez and that was my opening is that spoken word that's not none of that rhymed no it didn't rhyme that was the whole point i just would do these comedic pieces that were just like hey here's a quick joke and then they're like what the fuck is this yeah look how many times did you get escorted out of the smoking how many times did they say so we keep saying he would fuck that bitch i don't know if This is spoken word. They're like, ma'am, you got to go.

Yeah. But no, I had a bunch of weird pieces. And I also had like pieces that were like, oh, being gay is hard. And then like I was doing like I was like the second he said that, I was like, you know what? Like I've always wanted to be a comic. I've wanted to do stand-up comedy since I was a little kid. And it's been my obsession. And I was like, fuck this, dude.

I know what I'm going to do. I know what I'm doing. I'm going to go do stand-up. And I went to, I started doing, I started producing a show from there. You started producing? Listen, you went from Jennifer Lopez spoken word to producing comedy in a week. Wait, okay. Well, in two months.

Okay. You started in Seattle, and then you were on that show for Vice, Flophouse. Flophouse. Oh, that was another TV credit. Yeah. That's how I was familiar with you. Oh, when we were partying at my house. Flophouse.

Yeah, I was like, that house is dirty. That house did look dirty. They also made it dirty, to be fair. How they made it dirty? They bought dirt from Vice? Yeah. I mean, that does sound like they got rid of half the furniture, which is like, I didn't make it dirty, bro.

They actually made it cleaner. Yeah, I know men don't like to sweep. Yeah. What was the cleaning schedule at the house? To be fair, that house was disgusting. OK, I still live in that house, but I fixed it up. Wait, you still live there? Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

I need you to calm your voices down. And the truth comes out. Listen, Jennifer Lopez is not banging you with no floppers. Let me tell you, that house is clean now. I need to see photos It has brand new furniture It has Yeah, but what the

New floors? Because you definitely need new floors Stainless steel appliances? First of all, this is hardwood floors All you have to do is clean them up Calm down Yes, sis All you need is a Fabuloso

And some hot water Did you get a couple of paint jobs Going on in there? Look A lot of people will tell you The house is in much better condition Than it used to be Okay, so

You admit that it was pretty raggedy before Oh, when I showed up It was disgusting Okay He made a He made a house a home now but we go there now you'd be like a gay black person does live here how many rooms you got in there three bedrooms three bedrooms and it's and you live there by yourself i will be living there

by myself when i get back yes wait when are you in la when you back end of june oh okay ouch i'll see you in july you said three bedroom city we could do some shows why don't we do that i do have a guest bedroom so you said you got three bedrooms and just you live there what is a guest bedroom an office room one of them is a sewing room that's where my elliptical and my desk is gonna go you've never been rich before i have never been rich you're saying before i have never been rich i have been rich and didn't think about elliptical or any of that oh yeah i'm done going to the gym and doing it i want to do that at home when i wake up you

got like a peloton you call me lazy for walking out at home get your ass up he's gonna be butt naked on that bike tapping it back you shouldn't be conveniently working out bitch get out of your house are you talking about insane nonsense i've ever heard in my life working out is supposed to be inconvenient yeah probably you can't roll out your bed convenient i'm working out you brushing your teeth before you get on the bike or no no see that dick out dick out i'm not touching any have that equipment, I'm all set. We could use one of the other guest bedrooms. Are there beds

in the other guest bedroom? Queen size bed in the guest bedroom. It's just one, so me and Cindy gotta share a bed? Look. What's the problem, Marie? I feel like Cindy be hogging covers. I feel like Cindy be trying to spoon. No, I would never.

I don't want to touch you. I feel like I'm gonna wake up and Cindy gonna be like, Hey girl, you know you got a little drool right now. I feel like I'd wake up and you would just be looking at me like hey friend look I have a king size bed

so we'll never see each other if you want to see me yeah great great let's do that what room the California king in what room is that you're such a bitch Marie that's what I love about it thank you so much honestly I feel like you really see me friend

for who I am also there's a sectional Oh, yeah, that's not good for my lumbar. I need better lumbar support. But that's where the TV is, so. Oh, speaking of TVs. Because I sleep on my couch all the time. Okay, TVs, we said we were going to get into black sitcoms.

We only got a little bit of time left. Let's chat about it just a bit. Yeah, let's talk about shows that we used to watch as kids. Icon, iconic. Black sitcoms, I think, A, that's one thing you'll notice. That's the kind of white people I like, is ones that can mention shows that black people watched. Like, have you ever watched the Wayans Brothers?

Yeah. You like white people that like the Wayans Brothers? I like white people that know, that acknowledge black culture. They acknowledge it, and then they steal it. To our nuances. And then they put cornrows, and then they say, these are boxer braids. Or they take Living Single and turn it into Friends, you know? I'll be there for you.

When you do something, we gonna steal it, too. No, I've... Did you like Friends? No. Good God, no. Yeah. It was so hard to watch. It's on still.

Like, whenever I'm in a hotel, it's on TV. I didn't watch it. I wasn't here for it. I was like, what is this? Like, why is that many people living in that place? That's gross. Also, the jobs. This is the thing about these sitcoms that are based in New York, right?

Is they always have these gorgeous apartments. And the jobs don't actually line up with what they. Like, they should all live in Bushwick. Yeah. Like, the whole show should be them gentrifying Brooklyn. exactly exactly but they're like where were they were in like manhattan or something they were in like a cute neighborhood and it's like one of y'all work at macy's yeah what how much are you contributing to the rent she was unemployed when she showed up yeah but you didn't need that much

money back then though in the 90s you admit you still know what you're talking about you still needed money. Oh, I forgot you were an adult in the 90s. My bad. Totally forgot Solomon. Yikes. Wow. Solomon was born in 1974. She coming for my gig. Solomon is a veteran. I don't know

if you know this, but Solomon fought in the Cold War. My edges were clean when I showed up. Snatched. So, so, so, so sorry. Solomon was there when they signed the Declaration of Independence. I should call you Mr. Giorgio. Sir.

mr georgio um excuse me excuse me mr georgio okay so we didn't like friends i but living single i just recently re-watched it because i was trying to figure out what the fuck happened to it it was brilliant it was brilliant and then i watched the final season and kyle left the show why why and i didn't google no i don't know why okay i should have googled they didn't they didn't have any alexa why did kyle leave living We don't have Alexa But then they brought in This light skinned fool

And you're like What's going on here Is he Was he Did he replace Kyle Sinclair moved out Moved in with Overton Oh Overton

Yeah That was Old name Then they had to replace her Then this light skinned dude Showed up and lived With the girls And I was like

The fuck is this Who was the light skinned dude I don't know It was not her I don't remember that I guess I didn't watch That part of the It fell off hard

Yeah but I also was like These are very Like they're old To be all living together Right Right Everybody 36? But it's New York.

Yeah, but back in the 90s, you shouldn't have that many roommates. It was a group home. It was a halfway house. It was a halfway house. First of all, it was only two of them living there. And then Sinclair moved in. And she gave her a job.

I don't remember. I don't remember this. It feels like too many 30-year-olds living together. Yeah, that's exactly right. We watched him. And Maxine didn't live there. She lived across the street. She was a high-powered attorney with her own place.

But she always was there. Because they had food. And it felt like she didn't have a home. Or a job, because you're a high-powered attorney and you over here in the hood, sis. You can't Instacart, but you should have a terrace. We should be at your place. We should be at your house.

Also, fun fact, the pilot of Living Single was filmed on the set of Family Matters. No. It's a rare condition this day and age of reading the good news on a newspaper page. A loving condition. Okay. Some people say it's even harder to find

Well, there must be some magic glue Inside these tender wounds Cause all I see I'm just waiting for the chorus Is a tower of dreams Real love bursting out of every scene As days go by It's the bigger love in the family

I miss TV show theme songs I miss them I miss them too but I'm okay with I think we got better content now We're allowed to say more shit now than we used to What? I feel like back in the day You could say you know All the problematic un-PC stuff

But I feel like there was more diversity In casting in the 90s there were now it's crazy how we went back it's like upn9 yep i don't even know if you guys remember this but it was the underpaid negro network and it was like it was centric it was it was the original bet but it was good shows on it right mo to the e to the right and then we had kim and monique the parkers uh i saw a music video that countess fawn did uh it was so rough so bad does she have a thyroid problem because her eyes pop out i don't know scary the video the video it would have you seen any of her music i should know she's a great singer

it was she was a great singer back when no because she's saying she sang on the show several times yeah this video was bad it came out in like 2006 or something i don't remember the name of the song but it was it's called like that's my man or something it was really bad and also kevin Federline was married to the other one Oh Char Kevin Federline had a bunch of kids by her And then left her for Britney Spears Who is in shambles still

Oh yeah Britney Spears is Pray for Britney y'all At least she's no longer with Kevin Federline Yeah but like who's she with now Oh she's actually with that fucking hot dude That hot dude that like danced with her Anytime one of these female art pop stars

Comes out and says she's dating her backup dancer I don't believe it But this is the first time I ever saw her date somebody that I was like, okay, he makes sense. No, nobody ever makes sense. Because he was at least attractive enough. I just feel like, first of all, she gone. She's gone. We're never getting her back.

We're never getting her back. And that's the sad thing about. It's a Lindsay Lohan sort of situation. Yeah, that's the sad thing about, you know, the industry and working in Hollywood is just like, when do you get to be you? You don't. You're always on. And so eventually you lose yourself. but not everybody loses themselves

like you just gotta stay around people you have to keep people around you that will keep you grounded which is the type of friend that I am. She went through like pop star boot camp she's been famous since she was 10? She was in the Mickey Mouse club. Mickey Mouse club yeah yeah yeah so she like she's not even

she on drugs and I think they're trying to tell us that she's crazy but in actuality I think Munchausen syndrome almost like they're telling her she's sick. And I think that would have happened to Beyonce if Beyonce wasn't a black woman and had to deal with society. I think if Matthew and Tina

didn't want her to be a superstar so bad, it could have happened to Beyonce. I think she could have lost her mind and become that sort of like broken person if she didn't have a strong restitution. Well, I think she might still be broken. We don't know. Everybody's signing NDAs.

We don't know how crazy Beyonce is. She might be insane. You saw when Jay-Z was getting his ass beat by Solange in the elevator. She was just standing there. To be fair. I would just stand there too. if your sister is whooping his ass there's a good gut reason why she didn't even she didn't even

react to them and she was just she didn't scream nothing she didn't throw a clutch no she just stood there she knows her sister we do with our family too it was like what drugs you want sis no no that's how that works i'm gonna run up on your man soon so just so you know when it happened act like you didn't see it and beyonce was like bet yeah i'm just saying it's your first of all As professional niggas, right? If a fight breaks out, we're, ooh, right? Like, we're reacting because we're dramatic. She didn't react at all.

Not if the cameras was rolling, boo. Here's how that works. But she didn't know that the, what I mean? Here's how, like, for me, if it was my sibling, and I'm like, if something's happened to my sibling, I'm like, look, you sit back. I'll take care of this one. Yeah, that's what happened.

She told her. If I run up on somebody for my brothers or my sisters, they need to chill out, have a moment, because they would have been fucked with too much. Yeah. She knew it was coming. But I'm... Listen, I feel like we need to look at the tape.

She wasn't even looking at it while it was... She was just like standing... Like, that's not weird to y'all. No. I love it. She wasn't even making eye contact with either of them. She's doing exactly what I would appreciate in that situation. I need to be in that...

Ooh, get him, sis! Hey, that's what you get for cheating on me with Rachel... Rachel Roy? Rachel Ray? Roy. Whoever they said... Rachel Ray. Rachel Ray in the kitchen

It's like we need to see The tape needs to look clean So it's like Don't say nothing Don't see You didn't see nothing This is just me going off And that's what she did

And also I think what happened was Like Beyonce was like I'm just gonna be Calm, demeaning Just like you know what bitch I ain't gonna be chill about this Yeah she threw her shoes

Yeah so then Swinging her wig When Jay-Z Went back home To talk to Beyonce She was just like Hey You knew it was coming bro

You knew I don't have nothing to say I told you about Solange the second you met her Solange told you about Solange She definitely did And that's why I love Solange so much She's the fun sister

She's like I'm not going to keep any secrets I'm like that's exactly right I'm here for it And a shout out to whoever leaked that elevator footage Because That security guard doesn't have his job anymore But it was worth it That was a good day at the job

At the boom boom room They were like ah damn I'm sure he was so bored the whole time And then he saw that like are you fucking kidding me? He was like, I'm selling this to TMZ tonight. I want to make millions of dollars.

That must have made him so much money. I mean, he probably got a couple thousand for it, but I don't know, millions. Millions? They pay good money for that footage. That level of footage?

Maybe $20,000. Millions, friends? I'll give you $100,000. Okay, maybe. I bet you he'd- For $100,000, y'all be fired from my job. Yeah.

Honestly for $5 I'll quit For a cream cheese bagel I'd be like you know what I actually don't need to work No more I'm freelance Okay we touched a bunch of stuff today Is there anything you want to leave Our listeners with

If you have a tip on how to be more confident How to get away with murder How to keep your money While splurging like uh what to invest in invest in yourself um okay that sounds like somebody who bad with money no that sounds like somebody who about to get some work done sis brazilian butt lift what we talking about no no no botox to the back of my neck uh me too me too me too you're just gonna pull the whole forehead back miami campbell style i stand have you gotten botox before

no i've not done anything but like i'm saying invest in yourself like just generally like that's where my confidence comes in is like learning not to like you can definitely put other people and take care of other people but you also have to put yourself first along that way too so just take care of yourself take care of yourself take care of yourself take care of the people you love and then you'll always have confidence in yourself wow okay you know i feel like i've been doing that take your time and be in the moment enunciate radiate and steal people's money i feel like that's oh always steal stealing steal that's how you get rid of wrinkles is stealing yeah that's why i look like this i look like benjamin button so you're so you're the

somalian elizabeth holmes i'm ethiopian iman is some i keep looking at you and i'm like iman you're giving me married to david bowie i know i know i know i know can you tell the listeners like where they can catch you on social media um i'm solomon georgio all across the board s-o-l-o-m-o-n-g-e-o-r-g-i-o uh s-o-l-o-l-o-m s-o-l-o-m-o-n-g-e-o-r-g-i-o spell that name again are you dating anybody right now no he's a free agent okay what's your he's a freelance what's your type no i don't know come on we got a lot of listeners all over the world but no one really

hollers at me so i don't really bother they don't holler at me but they might change they might slide in a dm yeah so confident yeah i know but they're they might enunciate all over your dms i'm what is known as intimidating to people and i'm fine with that listen listeners if you want to have a fine meal at the diner with somebody who's very attractive and rich i think you should slide in his mofos attractive rich tall six four three quarters also my dms are closed so you close them yeah how you close your dms you're saying people don't uh hit you up it's because I'm a gay black man on the internet I'm not going to let just open ass

hateful people in the world I mean but the people that you don't follow it goes in like the other inbox that you never check I run my mouth too much to just have my DMs wide open I'm going to slide in your DMs well that's because I follow you

it's real slide in your DMs still so yeah if you want to slide into my DMs slide in my DMs This is Marie. And you can slide into mine as well. And then I'll forward you. I'll be like, hey, I think you should follow this person.

They're good. I looked through their Insta. I did a background check. I think they're the latest. Look, I appreciate that. Solomon, tell us what you're attracted to. I'm attracted to men who are nice. So ugly.

I ain't hot. He's nice. No, and you can be poor. You can be poor as long as you're good looking. Okay, but what's good looking to you? It's really That's the hard thing You like white dudes

You like black dudes You like Asian dudes You like them short Tall fat You like them long hair Thick red bones I like them all Open up your legs to flame

Would you date somebody Missing an eye It depends on the story Depends on the tale Like if it's like Oh I lost my eye Cause I stubbed my toe And landed on the edge of a table

No But if I'm like Oh I lost my eye I stubbed my toe On the corner of the bed going to the bathroom landed on my eye anyway uh you got this you got the whole check i didn't bring my wallet if i lost my eye i feel like i would lean into that yeah i would too i would

still put fake lashes on yo i would no i would have the best eye shadow yo i would draw my eyebrows so thick yeah i'll just paint another eye over the eye just some drag race realness just some what's the who's the drag queen that has the like the big lashes Trixie

Mattel yeah a big ass a big ass eye and then a little eye yes like a cartoon character I'd have one big eye

and one small eye no I would literally just get like a fake a fake sticker and put it on my eye I would get the one that you know the on dolls

where the eye the eye rolls around so I put it on my fucking fake eye ooh that'd be good yeah no you know what I would do if I lost my eye

You remember the bottles we used to feed our baby dolls? It was either, like, milk or orange juice. And, like, when you tipped it, all of the liquid disappeared. What? I put that in my eye. See, I would get a glass eye with rims that spin on it. Oh, my God. I'd get, like, a hazel eye.

A hazel one and then this brown eye. No, I would get an eye that would say Fenty in it. Okay, you know, luxury brand. Yeah, LVMH. It would just say mind your business In like little tiny letters And people would be like What happened to your

Mind your business I would put grills on my eye That's what I would do For sure I'd get a gold eyeball Yeah Ooh just solid gold Solid gold

That's dope Just a heavy gold eye I love it I think that's how you get Like some sort of poison No That has been our freaking show This has been fantastic

I had so much fun I learned so much You know I would say You know let's just Go to the diner But we're not It's early This is for late night

If you enjoyed this You know You should leave a comment Review Even if you hated it Leave a comment That we can delete later No leave a comment

Leave a comment So I can screenshot it And send it to Solomon So he can slide in your DMs And be like Nah What we not about to do So he can go to your page

And then roast you So he can go to your Right exactly he'll write good one liners about you what makes you

think you coulda you know what yeah just this is what we want leave that negative comment we'll screenshot it we'll post it and then we'll just

leave palm trees underneath your most recent post that's our that's our our beehive is palm trees because we're shady

we're solid shady folks tropical shade tropical shade palm trees not central park dusty trees you know not no evergreen

you don't need no sunscreen because it's shady over here Okay, you see it? Radiant. Anyway, guys, rate, comment, subscribe. Catch us on the Patreon. Solomon is going back to L.A. Make sure you see him everywhere you can live.

Come see us at the Knitting Factory every Sunday. And keep saying what up to us. Yeah, we love it. Shout out to Cesar from Netflix. Yeah, seeing everybody that we need to see. Yes, we love it. Okay, bye, friends. Bye.

Forever. Dog. This has been a Forever Dog production. Executive produced by Brett Boehm, Joe Cilio, and Alex Ramsey. For more original podcasts, please visit foreverdogpodcasts.com and subscribe to our shows on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts. Keep up with the latest Forever Dog news by following us on Twitter and Instagram at Forever Dog Team and liking our page on Facebook.

Thanks for watching!