MESS with Sydnee Washington & Marie Faustin - “The Romantic Comedy Expert” with Will Miles

Episode Date: January 25, 2019

Get ready to get all lovey-dovey on this weeks Unofficial Expert, with our romantic comedy expert, Will Miles. Will talks about how Knocked Up was problematic, his favorite rom-com of all time and the most romantic thing hes ever done for someone. Plus, Marie reveals how close she needs to get to a Target for her to finally buy some new deodorant and Sydnee talks about why she ordered only bacon when she was taken out to dinner.----Listen to The Unofficial Expert Ad-Free on Forever Dog Plus:https://foreverdogpodcasts.com/plus----BONUS EPISODES AVAILABLE NOW ON PATREON:www.patreon.com/TheUnofficialExpertBUY UNOFFICIAL EXPERT MERCH:https://www.teepublic.com/stores/the-unofficial-expert-podcastFOLLOW THE UNOFFICIAL EXPERT:https://www.instagram.com/UnofficialExpertFOLLOW SYDNEE:https://www.instagram.com/JustSYDbwhttps://twitter.com/justsydnycFOLLOW MARIE:https://www.instagram.com/Reeezyhttps://twitter.com/MsReeezyFOLLOW ANDREW:https://www.instagram.com/mcgui_guyTHE UNOFFICIAL EXPERT IS A FOREVER DOG PODCASThttps://foreverdogpodcasts.com/podcasts/the-unofficial-expertSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Forever Dog. Look at us back in the studio. Oh my god. Back to back to back. Well, the heat's not on in here, so. And yet my armpits are sweating. But that's because I ran out of deodorant. Wait for it. Three days ago.

Oh, I just read up on some deodorant. And it's not the one that I usually use. You got like a natural deodorant? No, it like smells like it's deodorant but also like there's remnants of funk no that's you no it's secret the funk is within you no no no but i put the deodorant on when i don't have any funk and then it still smells like i could be sweating or is it like a gel or a no gel is great actually really yes but that's probably has the most cancer yes the most cancer yeah right copious amounts of

cancer and that but yeah no i just feel like the deodorant that i got is from the bodega so it's probably not even real it's like it's like yeah it's like it's like marshall's level yes it's like it says secret but it's really it's like shushing me secret it's like it's actually secrete to secrete you picked up the wrong thing and you thought it was secret yeah like all the Dove is Dove. Dove. Dovers. Dove.

Sydney, you got a Hamilton shirt on? Yes, ma'am. You know? Did you go see Hamilton? No, no, no. This is for the school. From the school, from the kids. You know, they give you a whole bunch of stuff.

And most of it looked like Duck Dynasty shit. But no offense. Shout out to Hamilton. What was in the... USC didn't give me shit when I went there. Except my money. What else did they give you? They gave me a hat, they gave me pins, they gave me three cheeses, three different spreads of cheeses.

Wait, for you to eat there or you took the cheese home? I mean, the way they set it up, they didn't lay it out for me. They still had the fucking wrapper on it. Oh, you just took your green room cheese? Wow. Yeah, but, you know, they give you some things, some stickers and whatnot that I'm not going to use. Did you get sweatpants? I did not I got this

sweater or shirt or whatever it is it works I feel young you know I feel youthful I feel like I could bag a child right now that's problematic it's a problematic thing to say in 2018 it is but I see you in your fleece

Everlane you see me in my Everlane sis yeah I'm really hot in it it's good it works anyway yeah you know they say deodorant causes cancer so so you're letting it go or No, I'm going to go get some today. I just needed to get close enough to a target to do that.

But truly, since all the years I've known you, you've never really smelled, ever. I thought you were going to say, you've never really smelled like you used deodorant. I was like, huh? I should have said that. But no, I'm here doing the honesty hour. Sydney, what were you an expert in this week?

Hanging out with old friends. I hadn't seen my friends in a minute. I had a friend in town from Houston and every time she comes in, she's always doing some like big name shit that like, I don't have the clothes for and don't have the coins. Um, but they went to this event that Alicia Keys was there. Like it's for Qatar airlines or something like that.

Okay. Excuse me. Yeah. So it was real like red carpet and whatnot. What was Alicia Keys doing there? It's a pen playing the piano. I keep on falling. And an incline,

like, uh, victorian dress like a high collar yes long sleeve yes i feel like if i'm a piano player i don't want to play with long sleeves she like i feel like those are my those are my instruments those are my tools she look cray she look crazy yeah she looks so she look like you know what i'm performing in front of very wealthy people and they don't know what style is anyway so i'm gonna show up in whatevs you know she didn't have no makeup on i mean she had maybe like a bb cream nah she it looked like she just rolled out of bed, threw that dress

on and was like... She had the pillow lying on her face? She's like, let's go get these coins for me and Swizz. Swizzy. Oh my God. Remember when everyone thought Alicia Keys was a lesbian? Yeah, those cornrows. And then she stole that lady's husband. I love that. That's that undercover shit. It's like, you

think that I want that girl over there, but I want that girl's man. It's great. It's just funny. It is. Good for her. And now she has like three kids. Or four kids. Being the other woman is not that bad if you come from money. I don't know.

I saw a video of the three of them hanging out recently, and they look like they might be on their Will and Jada, Dwayne Martin swinging thing now. Definitely. But when you're that comfortable financially, whose man is it really? But broke bitches? It's our man.

But broke bitches, they were like, no, he don't have enough to be sharing with another bitch. You know? You know what? I feel like you might have just invented a fact. That's what it is. It's like, you know what? there's enough money to go around for everybody but like broke dudes is like he barely take you

out on dates so like how dare he have another like woman on the side right right right because you're getting you getting my kfc is that what it is those are my biscuits those are my biscuits exactly yeah but anyway i hung out with them and um we uh we went out with this uh this guy who had money and uh that was i haven't been out on a like a dinner that i didn't have to pull out my money for a minute you know yes it's like i see you drooling a little bit i'm salivating you're like listen i had a meal like that it's so yo i opened that menu and i closed it immediately i said there ain't nothing here for what are the apps looking like oh it was like it was oysters it was steak it was caviar it was everything that was like 30 and above market price yeah

It was just ridiculous. And he's like, oh, get this, get that, get that. And I'm like, okay, there's some people who are like, get that. Because they're like, you should try it. And then there's somebody who's ordering for the table. Oh, I love a for the table. We need the for the table folks. But you can't be the one that's ordering for the table.

No, absolutely not. Because you are like a plus one of a plus one. Yeah, no, no, I would never. I'm going to be like, so what y'all getting? What y'all snacking on? I did eat with you that one time. We went out with that eater guy and Sidney was like, let's get lobster for the table. Well, we knew we weren't paying.

And then nobody ate the lobster Because the lobster was trash Anyway Marie It was a special ed lobster It was Actually it was one of those moments That I was like

Ah if Marie was here She would have definitely ordered All the good stuff You know What did you end up getting? This thick bacon That was just It was like

Bacon steak I don't know what it was Oh no But it was so expensive And it was It was good Was it applewood smoked? It was

And it had like Apples on the side And arugula But anyway That was just the meal? That was just the meal piece of bacon and it was like forty dollars bitch no stupid but that's dumb the the best part was when he paid and he tipped the guy the guy ran out after him to tell him you didn't have to

give me this much and then i was like dude i need to put on a little shirt and be a bartender what the fuck how much money did he give him he said it's the holidays i said wow and then and then gave the hostess like over $100. Oh, I love that. Why don't he pass me some money? I know, sis. I've been in the service industry. You know what it is? Because you look too put together at the dinner. Well, I'm a veteran. You should have like pulled a

shoulder out or like stretched your collar out a little bit. Shut up, bitch. Maybe like push the wig back so we can see. Anyway. Oh, it was back. No, it was Wendy. It was Wendy on Saturday. Anyway, Marie, what are you an expert in? I was an expert this weekend. Lying. Okay. She's an actor. Okay. She don't be booking,

but she's an actor. So my friend was like, oh, I'm going to the gym on Saturday. He was like, I'm going to Equinox. You should come with me. Like, come work out. And I was like, I'm not a member. I don't know how that works. And my friend goes, all you have to do is call them and say, hey, can I come work out for the day to see if I like the gym and I want to join?

Oh, a trial. They were like, oh, he was like, it's going to be like a five minute conversation. I was like, OK. So I call them and they're like, yeah, come down. well ask for Paige when you get here that's her name too Paige

so you already know she's chatty she's problematic there's no ain't no quiet pages that we like long winded okay

long winded Paige right so I get there and it was the the one the Flatiron Equinox so like the big one oh it's busy

oh I was like oh it's busy so maybe I could sneak out right celebrities be there too I go in my friend said

it was gonna be a five minute conversation with this woman and then I could work out and then we would sneak out. Fuck your friends. 30 minutes I'm in Paige's office. She's like, well, where do you work?

Where are you from? Let me see if you get a corporate discount. She's pulling out the class schedule for the week. She's like, we do the app. You can reserve a bike for the, I was like, sis, can I work out? She gives me a tour. We in the sauna. I'm like, Paige, like, how do you lockers work?

Can I just put my stuff in? And then I'm texting, and my friend's like warming up. It's a 30-minute warm-up because that's how long I'm in this lady's office. And they go, they were like, well, just say that your friend is here and you want to work out and you want to talk to her later. So I go to work out, and it's cute or whatever. The gym is clean. It looks nice.

It's a lot of people with money in there. It's Equinox. Because Equinox is like $260 a month. But they stealing these people's money because nobody really looks like they work out. oh there was a there was a buff there was like an american gladiator in there when i was in there yeah there's just like this lady that was like excuse me i need to use i was like whoo sis uh ma'am sir ma'am it was a lot but for 200 and something dollars a month i better look like serena williams yeah this person looked like serena williams that's how that's how big this

chick was and she had a full face of makeup on so you knew she was a lady and it was like girl So you got on lashes at the gym right now on a Saturday. So and then, you know, they got all the Kiehl's products. So I showered. I mean, they're just trying to steal lotion and stuff. And then I snuck out and Paige just called me just now to be like, hey, Marie. Y'all dating now. Well, I only picked up because it was a 212 number.

I'd be like, ow, it might be a job. No, it's Paige asking me if I want to join and how my workout went. She about to be a stalker, dude. She probably looked you on Instagram and everything. oh this would be a great clientele I'm like damn I gave Paige I should have given her a fake name you should have but I didn't think it was going to be you was going to be called how did she have

my phone number you didn't write it down no oh you know what it is I called the gym before I went to the gym look at that look at me being stupid look at the phone numbers though uh speaking of phone numbers we got our next guest uh phone number today I didn't even know I had it

it saved in my phone oh I didn't have it yeah no you you did have it i didn't have it you had it you had it you had it you just didn't save it and the truth comes out the am i not savable you know how the phone be like maybe oh my god i love that maybe you're like oh wow i do love that i love that maybe that maybe colon such and such and you're like oh okay

that's who it is let's bring you in our guest today is a number that I have saved but Sydney did not have saved he is a comic out here doing the damn thing and he is our romantic comedy expert

let's talk about it it's Will Miles what up I'm Millie rocking but y'all can't see the shirt that you have on is super crisp thank you it's new it's pressed yeah it's pressed oh wow it's like you got an apple watch and a pinky ring we'll get the scowl well it seems like you're friends of uh the guy who owns american eagle like that's like this shirt is from his house well this is from antler wood oh and i am friends with the

i knew it i felt like this was gifted i'm rocking gift gear yeah Don't you love gifted girls? Everyone at the table got something gifted on right now. Yep, exactly. Look at us, thriving. Those weekly pictures, by the way. Okay. Use that shit.

I'm a picture every week if you want to give me some clothes. Listen, so Will and his two friends used to be the host of the knitting factory in Williamsburg, and we inherited it from them. Yeah. They pass it down to the most ignorant folks that it's great. It's wonderful. It makes sense. it's a wonderful thing

I mean I got there last night late and I was like look at all these people who came out in the rain cause I was like isn't that crazy

crazy a real fan base yeah thank you y'all that's y'all's fans now all we gotta do is show up pretty much

just roll it just I guess we doing some comedy so let's talk about why you left where are you what are you up to these days I'm living in Los Angeles

just stuntin just stuntin he's wearing a jade necklace jade necklace i'm meditating i mean he's ironing his black shirts it's crazy got to yeah you live in l.a you you look in real health every you know a little bit of weight on i had to that's that writer's room all those business dinners yeah they pay for everything i'm like all right yeah i'll get everything do they really pay for everything yeah well this this last writer's room they paid for lunch and breakfast every day i'm like this is crazy where did you

write for? There's a sketch show called Sherman Showcase. Oh, for IFC. Yeah, yeah. You was ordering extra shit. You were getting things to go. He was like, I'm going to get a lunch for later. They're like, you can only spend this much. I'm like, can I? When people tell you what you can't spend, you'd be like,

oh, okay. Okay, now I'm going to exert power. What would the limit typically be? I think it's $20. For lunch or breakfast? I could get a lot of breakfast for $20. I could get breakfast for the week. If you do sides. If you do a lot of sides you know just get like a side of eggs side of toast side of pancakes yeah you get one or two silver dollars yeah yeah yeah that's a side oh man i love that side of bacon

well sydney got bacon as a meal so yeah yeah that's interesting wealthy people are so bored of everything that they just start making up shit to turn into like an entree. There's no way bacon, it was, they were so thick and it was like five pieces and it was laid out. It was drizzled with some shit.

It was like, dude. Was there a lot of fat on it? No. No. This bacon was top of the line. It was beautiful. This was a decathlon pig. It was. Some good ass bacon. Like the pig spends it's summers in the Hamptons like it was very nice well-raised pig I wanted to get to know the

bacon you ate babe sis that was a hundred percent babe that spider is crying now Charlotte Charlotte so wait well you're in LA how long have you been there uh February like what is that I feel like you're coming home eight nine months almost a year yeah it'll be a year pretty soon shit so it seems like everybody that a friend of ours that goes to la just great things freaking happen yeah i think may i don't know that's because we work oh this is gonna sound like i'm shitting on la i'm not trying to shit on la but people in new york work really hard and so then when it's not it's not as expected that you're gonna work that hard in a new city in la because everyone's very laid back yeah they're laid back they got all this free time so then you go out there with this

new york energy and they're like okay i guess you want to work yeah you're like yeah nigga i've been trying to i need money what are you talking about right and they're like word we're gonna go to the beach for lunch and you're like what now i'll finish a script or something yeah i haven't seen you with pictures on the beach at all none you've just been grinding none nope nope we went to uh Oh man, I said we You and your boo That shit corny No, no, no

Will is in a relationship Will, you've been in a relationship for how many years? Four and a half You are officially a we I know, alright, yeah You're no longer I said we, that's corny I'm calling you a they

You're they But I'm a real ass nigga still A real ass nigga with a we Yeah, yeah, I'm a we So we went to Palm Springs and that was dope But we'd Palm Springs is so weird to me It feels like when I used to watch, like, the Roadrunner cartoons and the Wile E. Coyote stuff.

Like, it feels fake. It is. There's, like, nothing behind that first row of buildings. It looks like a set. Like, you're just looking at desert and mountains. You're like, this looks beautiful, objectively, but what is happening? And what is there to do, you know? I mean, they got a nice hotel.

Yeah, that's where I was. Yeah. And the pool. I was just at the pool pretty much the whole time. Just working on your tan. Yeah. Just working on y'all's tans. On our tan.

these tans was cute yeah so your wee was here like a year ago maybe she was our breakup expert and you're the romantic comedy expert so let's talk about cause you're a grown

ass man right I am you are a real what did you call yourself a real ass nigga we're not gonna repeat that but that's what you say from Chicago but I repeated it yes yes yes but you so let's talk about how or why you like watching romantic comedies? You know, I don't know.

I think I was, well, I'm like 35 in my generation. You look good, Will. Thank you. You know, you look like you settled in at 35. You look comfortable. You look comfy with the age. You look like you're not letting it stop. Nothing's going to stop.

Making the most of this mid-30s to late-30s. I mean, do it. You still have all your hair. I'm holding on to it. It looks good. that's why it's coming back you got a different coral pattern now

you know I had it long I was like I'm gonna cut it and then I was like wait this ain't gonna last let me grow that back out

wait so I'm in the middle of that well now I wanna say you look like a nice guy like I could see you in a long term relationship oh yeah

just putting that out there well thank you you've been for four years but you look like somebody who's like I'm thinking about the future yeah he's like yeah

but you did a story yeah I'm thinking about it you did a story on Bad Date Great Story where you say you was a hoe. Like, you used to... We were on that show together. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You was a fuck nigga. That's what you said. Oh, yeah, I was. You were a hoe? I was a hoe. When? In your 20s? From, like...

All through college? I didn't lose my virginity until 19. Okay, that's not... At a party, and then... At a party? At a party. Like a communal bed?

Yeah, it was somebody else's bed. Gross. Somebody you were dating or somebody you met at the party? Met at the party. Because you was ready to lose it. I was like, yo. You were like, please.

Take it. And it was like a movie almost in that, like, the girl I was really interested in was across the room. And moving in slow motion. It was a little hard to get over there. And so I was like, who's closer? Yeah, that is romance. Yeah, definitely. That's a 90s romantic comedy right there.

You wanted Jennifer Love Hewitt, but you settled for, I don't know, the one with the glasses. But she ended up being very nice. We're cool. We hung out twice. Oh, twice? Was she a virgin? No. and she made sure to tell me

that she had experience. So she was showing you what to do. Yeah. Okay. So did you tell her you were a virgin? I think I did. I mean, I'm sure she could tell. She, yeah.

It was like... I'm sure. Like, virgin, come on. Yeah, oh yeah. Meanwhile, all this playing... She might even ask in the middle, like, wait, are you a virgin? Meanwhile, all that's playing in the background is,

I don't want to wait for our love to be over. Will has like a whipped cream. A whipped cream thumb Oh my god I came out of the bedroom I was like I don't want your life

You're just on the bed Like Just posing for her I have that photo That's hilarious I believe it One time sent it to Julia But that's another story

That's so funny That you didn't want To cross the room I know right But I get it Why did the chicken Cross the road Because the girl

That he liked Was over there Was all the way over there Was all the way over there Clearly was looking To talk to somebody else So I was like Alright you know what

I'm not gonna I'm not pressed Honestly, I love that. Yeah, that's okay. I'm happy for you. I don't even know the person who I lost my virginity to last name. I don't know his last name either, Marie.

I know his first name is Patrick. Really? Shout out, Patrick. And he pushed two twin beds together. Wow. And I heard he was a grown-ass man at the time. You heard? So you don't even know how old he was.

I don't even know. Sydney, did you get me too? No. She don't even know how... It doesn't sound good. He was like 40. no he wasn't 40 but he definitely

wasn't my age which was I don't wanna wait yeah yeah is there a crime he was 19 yeah alright good was it a crime

no yeah okay good and the black community is different you know we just tell me about it cause I I grew up

when I grew up down the street was R. Kelly so I've seen it lots yeah so did he really live down the street

with you yeah yeah and he really I mean is this He really allegedly Had a bunch of teenage girls over So Clark Jones I ain't getting sued

Clark who used to do the show with you He was a Chicago expert And he was spilling all the R. Kelly tea He was running his damn mouth He used to pull up to high school Me and Clark went to the same high school He used to pull up to school And pick girls up

And he would do that at Kenwood where he used to go to Allegedly That's why when all this shit started coming out what was that recently like we've known since 99 so i mean we've known since he peed on that girl yeah okay when did that come out was that two that was like oh two oh three so i knew in oh two but you guys have known since before because we've seen it like in front of us was saying that he would be at like the basketball games and he like you'd be like oh there's r kelly the whitney young simeon game that's where like like derrick rose went to uh simeon quinn richard went

to whitney young so we're big basketball schools and that game every year was a big deal that There'd be bands, and every girl would be dressed up. So all the young girls would come out. All the young girls. All the girls would be dressed with their finest fashion over. And we'd be 15, 16, like, damn, it's about to be some girls up there. We're about to kill it. And then we'd see R. Kelly there.

They're not there for you. Yeah, and we're like, oh, they're going with R. Kelly. It's like all of them would just jump in R. Kelly's car? A good amount, like a couple. So it was like the flavor of love for R. Kelly. Enough for me to get jealous. Two. It's enough for you to get jealous.

Yeah, exactly. I saw one I like. I'm like, oh, man. you're like they're all getting it oh man come on seems like you don't even so you go for a reason why he sang that song oh my god so you go from r kelly to i'm i just want to settle down yeah yeah well i i don't go from r kelly at all that's not the starting point i'm not r kelly is there's a we really this was it to interrogate you yeah i'm like whoa

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. How often do you pee? We have the tapes. Forever dog? Roll them. That pee house, though, is the house that was right by me. The pee house? The pee house.

Wait, how do you know it was a... How do you know what the house... Did we see the house in the video? No. No, but they all said it's his house on George Street. I was like, I used to live by George Street. The pee house is on George Street. That's crazy.

That's a pee house? That's going to our Kelly tour when we get to Chicago. You know how much money you got to have just to specifically have a house just to pee on people? Just. That's the only reason. That's the pee house. Not the outhouse. The pee house.

We can't be laughing at this, guys. That's the golden shower house on George Street. Yeah, yeah, exactly. That's now listed as... That's what it says on Streeties. How much it cost, y'all? $1.8 million for the pee house. That's terrible.

What happened to the pee girl? Because she got to be like in her 30s now. Well, we know a comedian who went to high school with her. He can tell us. Oh. There's a, yeah. It ruined her life. That's what happened.

That's what I'm talking about. We don't even know what her name is. I do. I mean, does she still live in Chicago? I think she does. Yeah. I think she still lives on the west side. No, you got to move out.

Of course. You got to start fresh. You got to change positions. Yeah. Change your sheets. Yeah. Change your clothes. Change your life.

Get a shower on. Okay. peel your skin off put some new skin on yeah and you know what this is not to shame anybody who's into water games i think that's what they're called i'm shaming y'all you're nasty oh pee all over what you need to pee on but you're not coming to my house now with that pee shit now with that pee energy you better comb your hair got that pee here she probably is like a senator or something now the pee girl you know she turned out to be

Kamala Harris that girl would grow up to be no I'm kidding please Kamala I would love to work with you and something

I don't know listen we're getting a lot of hits so you better watch what you say bro I obviously love Kamala Harris I live in California

voted for her or something or some you don't even know I don't know if I voted for her you did the absentee ballot you voted for R. Kelly

okay so Robert oh I was a ho yeah alright you were a ho And then So after you lost your virginity You were like

I gotta I just I need All the sex Yeah Well I I had A good amount of sex in college

Then the last year of college I had sex with maybe The finest girl at school Okay What school did you go to? I went to Morehouse So she was Okay so there was

You have real It was some queens there Yeah There's real Cause you know how people Are like the finest girl It's like But you in Wichita

But you No but you went to DeVry So you was home Yeah She was definitely up there And then she was top tier okay she's probably kamala harris now yeah uh so that made me extra confident leaving college and it was like a big deal like how did you get how did you get this girl do you

do like romantic things to like win people over oh yeah enough to be made fun of like there was one day i had roses in my bag for somebody else and i thought it'd be a good idea to go to my cousin's room to like grab some weed and then i got in my cousin's room his dad was there my parents were there because we went to the same college right they were all there to get some weed no they were all there because it was like one of those weekends where parents are there and i was like uh i'll meet everybody later i'm gonna go hang out with this girl give her these roses but i didn't say i was gonna give her these roses but they saw the roses poking out of the bag and your dad was like dad nigga okay wow so aggressive your mom was like what a bitch i mean kind of

and then the whole yeah your family's from chicago so they were they was like what is this what the hell is this there's a lot of roasting going on in that room love it so i was like oh right right right i gotta do this in secret back then flowers were romantic now it's kind of like okay everybody's fucking doing flowers so that's not even that's not true it's somebody listening

right now who's never gotten flowers before who? someone who's listening to the podcast listener if you have not received flowers

ever please hit us up and we will find a way to get some flowers to you by we we mean Sydney yeah yeah I'm gonna say

about Will okay Will got the money he in LA you can reach me at Sydney Washington on Facebook you had flowers what else is like what else is romantic uh you know to us i i stole an idea from

uh road rules which is a terrible which is not a movie it's a show it's a show but this dude yes remember yes from road rules was he black no he was like filipino or something okay no i don't And he drew a rose. And I was like, I was an art student up until I started. You went to Morehouse for art? I did. That is so dumb. It was a bad idea.

You went to a historical black college for art. I know they were laughing at you there. You went to the school that Martin Luther King graduated from for art. Yes. To draw. To draw. Just so I could draw. To use your hands.

Not to build shit. To draw. Not even sculpting. Just drawing pics. So sad. So you're up there, you got your gel pens out. Yeah, I got my gel pens. I drew a girl a rose and I wrote a poem about her.

Oh, damn. Outside the rose. Do you remember any of the lines? None of it. Any of the stanzas? Honestly, I think I took a Warren G song. So you plagiarized? Yeah, I plagiarized.

You plagiarized. I Quentin Millard'd the situation. I wrote the Warren G lyrics around this rose that I drew, gave it to her. It was my high school girlfriend. she was like oh this is great thank you like she was so touched

and I was like hmm something to that something to that I ain't gotta spend no money let me go on Amazon and get some more pens

no you gotta do that in high school a grown ass bitch is not gonna I don't want no painting oh hell no he didn't even say it was a painting

since he said he drew it it was a number two pencil I do not want any art was it colored as least not even it was shaded there was some shading wow

it was some light shading it's not romantic together there was gradients of gray it was it was beautiful and i hope she has it still up no yeah in her house she got it husband and children somebody's friend somebody peed on it okay it's definitely not it's at the p house on george street okay so wait so then yeah that fine girl set me off where i was like all right and like i have it was like a weird situation where she was dating my friend oh and so you ain't shit yeah kind of i i wasn't shit up until 28 so so there was like her friend was a friend of mine girl yeah she was dating your friend

my friend what's your friend's name i'm not saying that she's in politics the woman that the woman was dating another woman yeah that is well that's trifling i know i'm aware this is a movie right here I'm aware but I will say a lot of dudes at Morehouse were like damn okay

how you do that I was like I truly truly don't know didn't try the dick that good will I don't believe I'm that it's not the dick

that's that good because he had to get her first I did it's the charm I was very charming you were using all that money

he was doing all her work yeah yeah like whatever you need she was an art student as well so it wasn't like so she was also dumb you were swiping those meal plans

It's like crazy, huh? You're doing them swipes. I had connects. When you think about the innocent charm, man, I got lunch for free every day. Because you were poor? I wasn't poor, but I was in college. Oh, for college. Okay.

Yeah. I thought you meant like you were on the free lunch program. Oh, no, no, no. Like growing up? Yeah. I mean, I was. I would eat it, yeah. Because we were poor.

My mom was like, I'm not giving you food if they have food at the school. And it was like, it's not good. And she was like, well, we are eligible for it, so you're going to eat it. And he was like, but I want food. So what's your favorite romantic comedy? Failure to Launch is one I really enjoy. Who? Failure to Launch with Matthew McConaughey and Sarah Jessica Parker.

Oh. Did they do another movie together? I think they did. They did. Or maybe I'm thinking of Kate Hudson. Yes, I think you did. Oh, that's How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days. Or Fool's Ghost.

What is it? Fool's gold. Fool's gold. Was Matthew McConaughey in that also? With her? No. Owen Wilson, I think. Yes.

They be recycling these blonde actors. Yeah, they do. Which is crazy because it's the same kind of story, but with different variations of beige. And it's just like, y'all all are like. But you know what's going to happen too, right? Like, how do you lose a guy in 10 days? You're like, oh, they gonna fall in love.

But there's a bit or something. For a minute, they were doing that with Morris Chestnut and Gabrielle Union. Yes they were And Vivica Fox It was like Or Jamie Foxx It was like Two can play that game

Yeah yeah yeah I love That's one of my favorite movies Really Two can play that game And Fuck what's that other one What about Woo

Yeah I love Woo Remember that With Jada Pinkett And Dave Chappelle That's right Eating chicken Dave Chappelle has quietly Been in like a bunch of movies

You've got mail Yeah Dave Chappelle's like 50 years old I know but I'm saying Like he's been In a lot of Like he's in something now

Right He's in Starsborne a star is born and it's funny to watch it's pretty good I haven't seen it but I saw the trailer the movie's good

but he's also pretty good in it is that technically a romantic comedy I mean romantic yeah I don't know if it's a comedy a romantic comedy

that shit doesn't end funny at all I don't know that scene where he's like hey I just wanted to look at you I laughed that's funny as fuck

just watching the trailer I laughed of course hey I just wanted to look at you one more time bye wait so what's the plot

of Failure to Launch Failure to Launch is this kid Well, Matthew McConaughey can't move out of his parents' house. So he a bum? A bum like me. No. Like you used to be.

Like I used to be. And there's hope. That's why I think I like it. Where you're like, you can be a bum and you can get out of that bum life. Okay. And move on up. But it's like Sarah Jessica Parker is a woman whose job it is to get grown men out of their parents' house. What job is that?

In these movies, they always have some weird-ass job. I would never. What job is that? That's not a job. No. They made that up for her. she's a babysitter she's a life coach

and Zooey Deschanel is in it being weird that's her brand okay quirky she's a quirk she's a quirkster

what is she in the movie the roommate or something Sarah Jessica Parker for some reason has a roommate and she's the roommate even though she's trying to help

but she got a roommate girl bye I'd be like sis you can't help me you have a roommate my mom is my roommate so what's the difference here but it's a good movie

why why is it a good movie I don't know that's the thing about rom-coms they're not very good but the story is so simple that i can watch it over and over and be like that wasn't bad like you can put it on and you're like that was fine i do like a movie like that like i like everyone hates katherine heigl but like i like 27 dresses i love 27 i thoroughly enjoyed that terrible scene where they're like dancing and singing it's totally unrealistic yeah it's like come on and then they fuck in the car outside it's like

what are you guys doing yeah they bet they had sex in like a volkswagen beetle for some reason in the trunk yeah i i didn't watch that but i hated knocked up because it was too real like i was like where the fuck is the romance there's nothing good about this then it did seth rogan and it's like yo you settle like yeah yeah like hey the baby's coming you gotta settle what was the storyline for knocked out um well he was a stoner he's bum ass he's so bum but how did they meet uh at after party she just got a bump up in her job and she went out with her girls and then And he was, like, the busser? He was there, yeah.

He was, like, with his buddies, like, Oh, my God, that's so good! He, like, he probably knocked over her drink or something like that and had to, like, get her a new one. And then they go to his place, and honestly, the scene is problematic, but... Why is it problematic?

Because she says no, and he's like, oh. Well, he, she is, like, get a condom, and he's like, okay, and then she says, just do it already. And then he doesn't have a condom on and he fucks her. And then she's pregnant. That is problematic. It's very problematic.

Who is that eager to bang Seth Rogen? That was like, what, 09, 07? Yeah. But nobody, that wasn't talked about very much about how like, oh, you need to have a clear condom discussion. When it's to their benefit, they don't talk about it. Talking about wrap your tiny dick up. I'm not having your ginger babies.

Is he a ginger? He's a ginger, isn't he? So the whole movie, they made her look like this whiny, complaining bitch. But it's like, he is a bum. But also, I was like, sis, you got $500 for the abort. For the abort? For the abort. She had just got a bump in her pay.

Yeah, you didn't need to. She couldn't just, you know. Yeah. She didn't have to have. It's true. And I mean. There's options. You know.

At that stage in the career, it's totally fine to make that decision. Right. I just got promoted and I'm having a busser's baby? No. Not a chance. A bartender's baby? that's when you're like pro choice yeah but i love that's when you're like how many flights up are we right just like throwing your body down the stairs but i love the movie because it was

like oh messy white people yeah having like ratchet situations happen to them too i feel like if they made it now they'd step out that conversation about hey by the way that condom shit yeah maybe that needed to be a bigger discussion like well what was the what was the black rom-com Jamie Foxx was in it and the whole plot of the movie is them trying

to get some condoms so that booty call booty call booty call the whole movie is just them trying to go

get some condoms well the date started where they went to the Chinese restaurant and they were like Jamie Foxx is ugly and I was like

he is and I love that because in like these other rom-coms we're supposed to pretend like oh this guy

is like somewhat attractive or there's something about him and it's like He is ugly. These are not attractive. Sorry.

I just got so mad about it. Most people are ugly. Yeah. Most people are ugly. Like who they, I don't know. That's why Knocked Up is good, too, because like Seth Rogen is realistically attractive, I think, right? No.

No. All right. Well, there you go. That's our hard note. He's a man talking this shit. I'm a man, yeah. He's like, yeah, he cute. What's wrong with him?

He got a nice personality. He got both his eyes. Hey, he's funny. What's going on? He grew up in a football. Yeah. Exact same age as me. He's good.

He got fingers. He got a neck. What's the problem? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He's doing his best. Come on. But the women are always hot and the men are never attractive. That was a, yeah.

If they could write a new one where it's like, realistically, you both look the same. Sorry, like y'all on the same level. At the end of the day, rom-coms is really for y'all niggas, you know? It's really for y'all dudes. I mean, historically it has been. Yeah. Really? I feel like it's for women.

That's what they try to market it as? Right. But if it's for a woman, why can't he just be attractive and like put the dick down and And then like put on a condom. That's a rom-com to me. Well, since you're watching the wrong movies, you got to go home and watch like a Hallmark movie. Those are great. Lifetime.

Like a Hallmark holiday movie where it's like a woman who's like busy in the city. And then she has to go like to some small town or her car break down. And some like country dude is like, I reckon you need a tow. And it's usually starring some woman where you're like, what sitcom was she on in 92? And you're like, is that the chick from? and you're trying to remember who she is for the whole movie. My rom-com is how Stella got her groove back. Yes, old bitch, be with this young

dude who's like, he's like 17. It's like, Angela, you're doing some reckless shit right now. Stella, I can't change being 30. Winston. My Jamaican friend hates that movie because the accent is

so bad. He's like, excuse me, are you dining alone? She's like, at brunch. Gross. and that scene where he's like dancing oh my god

with those shorts on those tiny blue shorts and then remember when they're in the canopy bed and she's like they're fucking and she's crying

it's like ugh no I don't remember that scene oh no there's a scene where she's like crying when they first have sex or like later

later so that whole movie the whole premise for that is she was like some grown ass woman got her shit together and she for whatever reason was friends with

Whoopi Goldberg yeah well everybody was No, but that made sense. Whoopi has an EGOT, so really, who are we to judge? I'm trying to be friends with her, yeah. Yeah, it made sense that she had a friend. Because everybody had that one friend that's super funny, that's like rough around the edges.

But like older than her, too, though, yes? Yeah, you've got to have like, you know. That's the role I'm trying to play. The friend, the old friend? They get a movie with Jaboukie in it, and I'm going to be that best friend? No, you can't stay at my house. I'm doing Airbnb this week.

And then you close the door and Jaboukie stays. that's a great one write that down I see that in your future you will be the friend at like brunch or like at the

baby shower that's like you know it all changes after the baby comes we're not gonna hang out anymore man yeah exactly

I'm dying exactly dying and then so what she goes to she flies to Jamaica just to fly to Jamaica yeah

she's like or for work she needs a little vacation somebody breaks up with her right no she quit her job and she's like

I need a vacation yeah cause she had been working with her because does Whoopi die in that movie? Yes, she does. Was she sick or something? Yes, she got cancer towards the end.

She didn't tell her though. But they go to Jamaica together because they both work hard or whatever and she's on her vacation. We deserve a girl's trip. But this is like grown women having a girl's trip because they don't really want to do shit. They pushing themselves to go out.

Right. Yeah. Right. But while she's at breakfast, she meets this young ass dude. Excuse me, are you dining alone? Are you dining alone, eating berries? Yeah.

and Angela is that an orange slice Stella he's like he's like dripping the juice down his chin or whatever

and she's coming out the pool she got and her body always has looked she got her vacation braids on they pan back from the arms

and you're like those aren't Taye Diggs arms those are animal breasts damn she has her vacation braids still got that Whitney yeah

but that's my wrong comment it's like this is this is some real shit like you know she's really living her life and then He doesn't have money like that.

He's not even a citizen. Doesn't he come to the United States from Jamaica and she got kids and he's like eating cereal and playing video games? Like that's easy. Just bring a nigga from Jamaica. But yeah, just bring a dude from Jamaica as a plus one. Where's the visa situation? Let us know. But at least he's sponsoring him.

At least he's fine and he has abs. Like at least that's attractive. That's what I'm saying. You sound real passionate. i am because i think there needs to be more movies where the woman is doing her thing and it's on her terms yeah it was on her well that's like every that's every j-lo movie yes yeah and she has another movie coming out the one where she's like worried about somebody stalking her some shit oh enough enough whoo nobody was stalking that was her husband yeah oh right that was like a lifetime

channel movie brought to big screen absolutely it's like beating her open hand but then wasn't Isn't he also a cop? Am I making this up? Yes, but that's how those Lifetime shows, like it'd be like a pillar of the community, beating the fuck out of his wife. Okay, it'd be a pastor. Beating up Lacey Chabert or whoever.

Wait, what is that from? She's on Party of Five, I think, right? Gretchen from Mean Girls. Mean Girls, yeah, yeah, yeah. She tried to make Fetch happen, yeah. Lacey Chabert. I do love a sloppy Lifetime movie, though. It'll be like, she's too young,

and it'll be like some teen girl and the mom is like the same age as her as an actress weird right right

and then it's like some dude starring Candace Cameron Bure yeah and you're like okay 4House and every time

you're like wait he hit her just cause she didn't make the sandwich right like that it's always like wow she got beat

for nothing like she did nothing wrong but they always make it seem like that's the first time it happened and it's like

since he's been beating you since before that sandwich is not number one yeah since you know

You know how to make a good sandwich. Come on. You saw signs. You wearing sunglasses and you not at brunch? That's weird. Like, you're just wearing sunglasses all week long. I'll tell you what my favorite scene from a movie is. When Angela Bassett, okay, I mean, she gonna come up a lot.

Yeah, she was a star. In Waiting to Exhale, when she's like, she finds out that her man cheated on her for a white woman. And she's like going through his closet and like putting everything in a wheelbarrow and throws it in the car and then sets the whole car on fire. And then the fire department comes and they're like,

ma'am, it's illegal to burn things that aren't trash. And she's like, it is trash. Oh, that's a good. And she nailed that. Why did she win an award for that? That put a stop to interracial relationships for like 15 years. And yet here you are as a we. I know.

As a we. You're weeing it up. I'm weeing it. I allow it. I allow your we. All right, thank you. Such a good movie. And then there was like a man in that movie with a leather vest in the summertime.

for some reason with no shirt and he was Bubba from Bubba Gump he was raggedy right wasn't it Bubba from Bubba Gump Shrimp

I don't know from Forrest Gump maybe possibly possibly he was in that movie I'm pretty sure did he have on the same vest

with no shirt underneath yeah I believe so see I want to be that I want to be in a black rom-com I want to make a black rom-com I feel like they use the same characters

for black rom-coms they do yeah well Kevin Hart had the what is it best night ever or like about last night about last night

Yeah, with Halle Berry's ex with the hair. The Eagle? No, what's his name? Oh, Michael Ealy. Michael Ealy, yeah. Light skin. Yes, very, very hot. And then they, what's her name?

Joy Bryant? Yeah. They found her from underneath a rock, and they were like, let's put you in her life. Yeah, they were like, girl, your forehead's still good. Let's go. Who else was it? Oh, Regina Hall. Regina Hall.

It was actually cute, but it was a remake. It was a remake of a Rob Lowe movie? Yes. Rob Lowe. In like the 80s, yeah. oh okay I met Michael Ealy once and I was disappointed

at how dusty he looked oh really I was like oh my god like he just looked was it early in the morning or something it was like midday

we were doing some stuff for like some high school or something like for the kids and I was like that's how you you show up for the kids

for the kids that's what you don't have no these high school girls no moisturizer on they gotta like I don't know look at you and be like

oh he really is fun yeah but no they weren't they were like who's that old guy with the nice eyes. What's he do? And I was like, oh, that's Michael Uly.

My top tier romantic, it's not a comedy, but just romantic movie is Titanic because they were problematic whites also. Yes. She was engaged to somebody else and banging a poor man

who won a ticket to the boat. That movie was way too long. But what could that poor man do though? He could draw. Full circle. It comes always back to you, man. You know, he could draw. Well, I mean, draw me like you draw your French boy.

Oh, and he was like, I'm in. Cool. I got this. Draw me wearing this. Okay. Just this. Yeah. But you know what?

She wins because she had enough room to put Jack on that board. And she's like, ah. She's like, you poor. It's never going to work for us. It's going to get weird. I can't bring you back to New York. I can't be like, where's Billy Zane? Oh, don't worry about Billy Zane.

but I got this nigga don't worry she's like no that is a romantic comedy that was funny I laughed it's funny when they play the violins

down in the basement for the poor people and all the rats are dancing we'll die like this with dignity dignified

when it's really like y'all shouldn't have been on that boat anyway no I mean yeah wasn't her family like poor like she had

no money left and that's why she was marrying that guy for money It was Billy Zane, right? She was marrying, yeah, she was marrying Billy Zane. Has he been in anything else? He was in Zoolander.

Okay, I've never heard of him. Billy Zane. But he was like a star, I think. He's like a Billy Bob Thornton adjacent. That's what he is. I couldn't see that. Really? Mm-hmm.

Well, Billy Bob had sex with Halle Berry, which was, listen, there's no. That seemed like it was real. Yeah, no, there's no way, no. Halle knew for a fact that she was going to win an Oscar. She knew, because I was like, when you read that script, sis, Did you really was like this is groundbreaking But it seems like Halle Berry to me feels like She don't read the whole script before she says yes

She'll read like a couple pages and she'll be like Oh yeah I could do this She's like is there a terrible wig involved Yeah I'll do that that's for me Is Diddy involved Right cause Diddy was Diddy was her husband Well the story

Let's get into the story What was the story for Monster Ball The story was Monster Balls Because that was the name of the movie, right? Monster's Ball, yeah. Monster's Ball sounds hilarious, though. Monster Balls.

It's like a dance where all monsters show up. She did the mash. Oh, it's a Lady Gaga tour. Oh, Monster Ball. Oh, nice. Okay, look at that. And Lady Gaga. It all comes back to the stars, Warren.

I'm just a boy! Okay, well, y'all didn't see that a lot, huh? Y'all got that on repeat. Y'all went three times that whole weekend. Hell yeah. But the plot of A Monster's Ball is Billy Bob Thornton is a cop. His son is working at the same jail or whatever. And then Holly Berry's husband, who's Diddy, is on death row.

And they kind of. For what? Which is ironic. I don't know. We don't know what he was on. Death row killed his best friend. Death row did kill his best friend. Yes.

Okay. But I did like the story about like Diddy's on death row. I did think. I was like, oh, this feels. You were like, kill him! Yeah, I did feel like the acting was pretty good for Diddy, so I was like, look at him doing it. It was, right?

I was, like, compelled. A tear almost came down. And then what happened was Billy Bob Thornton's son, when Diddy was doing his last walk before he gets electrocuted or whatever, he throws up. So he's like, you ruined this man's walk. And then he somehow meets Holly Berry after that.

Right. So did Billy Bob pull the switch? No. no he just was there yeah he was there and i work with my dad on death like on death row it's a weird situation and then he like who plays the son um heath ledger wow it was actually he was really fucking good in it he was really good where you're like great he was young he was young in that i really liked him in um the taming of the shrew no the movie with julia styles yeah that was a remake of the taming of the shrew no 10 things i hate about you 10 things i hate about

you but that's a really it is a rom-com yeah we're full circle bitch it's also it introduced us to julia style's dancing and then she would later dance in the save the last dance okay see i've never seen that movie and i cannot bring myself to watch no save the last dance it's unacceptable black dude is teaching her how to dance what you're getting into juilliard or wherever the hell she's trying to go clark was almost in that movie really he was gonna be the dude they shot some of that at our high school the corny dude right no it was so bad and then every time julia styles with a prototype for the for the chick that would date a guy like him she was in othello right after that right where she did with him also mckay with mckay pfeiffer where

i was like this was unacceptable they this was a this could have went straight to dvd no point did that go out into theaters yeah yeah and it was like under the helm of like oh it's crazy did you know othello was about an interracial couple yeah we did know that i did not know that it was about an interracial couple yeah and we didn't care about it Then and we don't care about it now. It was like, who gives a shit? So were they speaking Shakespearean English in that movie? Yeah, which I...

Was it Zine and Wine and Wilst? Only one, like the new Romeo and Juliet with Leo. That was great. That was good. And Claire Danes? That's the only way I can watch. Yeah, and Claire Danes. That was good.

Were they also speaking in Shakespearean English? They were, but you couldn't really tell because it was like modern day. Because Leonardo DiCaprio was like, I'm not memorizing all these damn words. But that movie, Romeo and Juliet, you could tell they had a real budget. like the othello was like cinemax yes it was very like we just gonna put this on the cable it's like we got 12 so let's make it work yeah we got a handy cam you kiss that black dude the the but romeo and juliet is like like that's i mean that's not a comedy um i mean it's kind of funny that they both thought that i think so i mean yeah it was kind of funny it's funny when

one of them wakes up like they did kill myself and the other person wakes up like wow they killed themselves they didn't get the plan yeah and it's like i would i can it's funny because i was like i've never been in love like that right i was gonna say do i want to be in love like that no you don't i don't think so no that seems like it's like abusive you know what it is all those people that did that they didn't have um cell phones no they didn't know that there was social media They didn't know that, like, we have other things to do. I'm not killing myself because you died. There's other options out there.

Let me see what's happening on Hinge. Like, I don't have time to be sad about your death. I will find someone else. Seriously, literally. Eventually, I'll be fine. Yeah, they're like 15-year-old kids. Yeah. The person that is coming to pick up his body, like, I could fall in love with him.

Yeah, you never know. That's actually a good rom-com, right? Your man dies. Yes. The coroner comes, and you're like, oh, we got the same eighth period class? The coroner's abs slip out. Yeah, like all of a sudden you're just a little red. What are those?

What are those? Nah, let's write this. I'm down. Okay, let's write the movie. A black rom-com. This time, no more stress. I would want to do The Wedding Planner, but like... Okay.

I like The Wedding Planner because, I mean, it's in San Francisco, which is like a very romantic... Is that where it's set? I don't know where any of these movies are set, but you knew that? It's ironically a major plot point. Because as she's, like, trying to get her shoe out of the sewer, it's on a hill where a trash can is. The trolley car? No, it was a trash can.

The trash can is, like, falling down on her, and Matthew McConaughey saves her and goes, all right. Did she? Will, do it again. Do it again. Do it again. All right. You are so dumb.

But did her and Matthew McConaughey do, like, two movies together? I think so. who was in Made in Manhattan I feel like it was Matthew McConaughey no it was another guy with dark hair he was Rafe or something like that or a Liam a Liam or a Rafe

or a Fiennes maybe Rafe Fiennes I think oh there you go Ralph look at that I like Stanley Tucci he's Devil Wears Prada also up there I love the Devil Wears Prada but do not like Anne Hathaway I like her

we could have taken her out in the movie No, she's boring. She's so bland. She's nice. Nothing about her is sexy. He said Princess Diaries. No, just because you do one movie, that's not enough. No, it's not enough.

She gets a bad rap. No. It's her face. She has a face that I don't like. She looks like a... She's deadpan. He said a basset hound. Wow.

She is giving dog show realness. She got them big eyes. Good lord, that was mean. Something happened, though, where she... They cast her as Catwoman, and I was like, there's nothing sexy about her, and that's when I was like, no. But I think that's when everything went south,

because she's... Because she's been constantly working consistently since The Princess Diaries. And The Devil Wears Prada is, that's a good thing. But no one watches that movie for, and you watch it for Meryl. Absolutely for Meryl. I don't care about her story.

Say, Yarlsberg cheese over here. Right, yeah. Oh, you're not going to eat it? I made all this Yarlsberg. But you know what? I went to Dean and DeLuca where it's like yo that movie's so good

I watched it on a flight the other day like not the other day but the last time I was on a plane and I was like I watch it like I don't know it

I know me too but you know all the words you know Stanley Tucci I'm gonna finally get to see Paris and you're like no you ain't no you ain't

you still work here no but the best best Rob Com ever is Something About Mary that is I love Something About Mary it's the goofiest

it's the most outrageous and it's like Ben Stiller yeah he looks like that but everything else makes up for it also the writer of Green Book made that movie really Green Book the movie with Mahershala that's out right now

look at you just knowing things is he also an artist? does he draw? no he doesn't I wish he did but they made me it's the Farrelly brothers who made Me Myself and Irene and all that shit one of them is now oh he makes serious movies yeah right i'm like what oh i've heard good things about the movie

i'm not gonna say that movie about the siamese twins green book is stuck on you or something uh green book is like a very it's oscar nominated what is it it's where like the white guy has a black friend the black dude has a white driver and like back in the day yeah yeah he's like a really good piano player yeah the black dudes are really yeah So it's disguised that this white driver is really a racist, but he just so happened to be. I think everybody is racist back then. They do, yeah. Well, you're driving him, dude.

But at least the black dude is not the Uber driver, sis. So I think that's what really matters to me. It's not driving Miss Daisy. It's Miss Daisy driving you. Miss Daisy's driving Morgan. Also a rom-com. Did Morgan and that lady and Miss Daisy fall in love? in the movie?

Didn't they smash? They didn't hook up and she didn't put her hand in the window? It was sweaty? No. And then he was like, you can come to R. Kelly's house

and make water. Ew! He's like, it's the pee house on George Street. We just gonna make this left right here. Oh, are we on George Street?

Let's stop into this house real quick. I gotta make water now. Oh my God. That's my takeaway from that movie is he calls peeing making water.

Okay, see, I didn't see that movie. I gotta make water, man. I don't normally watch movies like that. What movie? Driving Miss Daisy? that's what it was

it's one of those where they want you to be mad if you're black watching it yeah but I don't watch a lot it's not gonna make me

get mad like I've never seen 12 Years a Slave me either because I know it's gonna make me angry same yeah I watched Rosewood once

and I said yeah never again I don't even know what that is I feel like they make those movies to make us mad yeah right

and then they're like get fired up yeah I'm fired up already right I'm already incensed I gotta go to work still I'm like well make me laugh

yeah they don't throw no comedy in that is there a funny slave movie coming out no i don't want to see it yeah yeah so like we got just you know anything that morris chestnut is it we got this christmas and last christmas and i did like this christmas four christmases and uh what is it best man i saw all those why did i get married yeah why did i get

married too yeah it's a bad sequel title second yeah t.o.o why did i get married why did i get married too what no wait there was a two yeah why did i also get married could have been the title Well, I didn't really care about the first one. So I was just like, anything Tyler Perry does, I'm not here for. Daddy's Little Girls is good. Well, that's because Idris is in it. Yeah, maybe. And Gabrielle Union is the lead in that.

But he had like three kids. Gabrielle Union is too uppity to date a dude who got into that. But then she's married to Dwayne. She's married to Dwayne. Dwayne is a real ass nigga from Chicago. But he also has a bunch of kids. Yes. And a problematic relationship with his ex-wife.

Yes. And he had a side baby. Yes. A baby, a whole baby on the side. A whole baby, a whole 8-pound, 11-ounce baby, huh? Yeah. Oh, and what about the movie, Why Do I Hate My Wife or something like that with Chris Rock? I think I love my wife.

I think I love my wife. It's not I think I hate my wife. No, I think I love my wife. I think I love my wife. And it was Kerry Washington. Yes. Was the one that he cheated on his wife with. Yes, which makes sense.

Yeah. I get it. Yeah, I think that was like the first movie that I saw her in. Yeah, but Chris Rock was dry the whole movie. Yeah, I know. It was unacceptable. Well, he was playing like a version, like not him. It's like, you're not like this.

Well, I don't remember. Well, maybe he is like that, but he was like just being like a. Disgruntled. Yeah. Just like. Like an office worker. Kerry Washington just showed up. She was fun in that movie.

She was great. Yeah, she had like a little guardian. She wasn't taking herself too serious in that movie. I enjoyed her. I watched her and I was like, okay. Okay, sure. I think I love my wife. Yeah.

Maybe I don't love my wife. But wait, didn't Chris do another kind of rom-com, Top 5? Top 5. Rosaria Dawson. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Rosaria Dawson pops up every, like, 10 years just to, like, collect a check and leave. Yeah. Right?

Because she's not really working. I feel like she. No, she's like Jessica Alba. Yeah. No, Jessica Alba got that little, the Honest company. Honest, yeah, yeah, whatever they do. Yeah, she's making, like, organic baby diapers or something. Sometimes a lot of people will go into more entrepreneurial or activist stuff,

and then they're like, but you don't act anymore. Because they make more money that way, and it's like acting is hard. Like, do I really want to listen to this whole or read this whole script and then memorize it? No. It's like, let's just make some baby food. I can do one thing. Yeah, right.

I'm good. Well, you see, that's what Jessica Simpson did. She was not a good singer, but she's worth like a billion dollars now because her clothes are at like Marshalls. Smart move. She was not a terrible singer. She wasn't a good one. And she had a brand.

Okay go ahead Sing your favorite Jessica Simpson song Ready Go Irresistible Yeah I remember that one

Irresistible Okay that was a good song That was the best one But it's the only one That's the only one That's the only one I mean And then she did the show

With Nick And that's where Everything popped off Like that was like A reality show That everybody I mean I think That was like the original

Kardashians That jump started Everybody's reality Honestly I loved that show It was great I was like, this bitch is dumb. There's the chicken of the sea thing.

Yeah. She was so dumb, but I was like- Do we believe that she's really that dumb, or she just said that? They had to be playing it up, right? She might be. She's still dumb? Well, she was pilled up. She was definitely on Perks.

She was out of it. Perk is sick. Perk is sick. So she was on Ellen on pills. Yeah. What was she promoting on Ellen? She got a Christmas fragrance coming out? She couldn't remember.

I think, yeah, I think we're still in love. I think- she couldn't remember anything I mean I think I love my wife I think I love my wife I think we're still in love yeah

so um Will what's like top five romantic things that you've done in this relationship that you're in

right fucking now okay wow sis that's a good one that's a good one top five Sydney what's top five most romantic things

that you've done in yeah there we go turn it on her turn it on her your past relationship I gotta think of five I know maybe three

cause I don't five is a lot I'll give you top two top one anal okay that's romantic that's anal

give somebody your whole ass we eat that we eat that romant again I'm crying anal is romance for some people

that's just a Thursday night we had the candle out you know what kind of candle was it it was from

Bed Bath & Beyond no no no it was one of those Joan Malone real nice ones oh Joan Malone $300 candle it was like

fur or mint or something? We were on a rug and whatnot in Miami. In my... Ugh. What have I done? I see you over here thinking. I'm like, what have I... I do a little subtle shit. I mean, you pay rent. I pay rent. All of it. That's male romantic.

Right? Honestly, that's when the lights come on. Romance. But money's not romantic. Yes, it is. I mean, it can be. And she pays effort okay how dare you i know i know she got money she went there too all these gigs she got she got albums out she got money she working on her egot yeah he doesn't have time uh but i mean

i'll pay all the rent if i if i must if i want if i need if if i must if she's gonna leave me then yeah if she threatens to leave me it makes the most sense yeah excuse me no what do i do We go on trips a lot of times, and she'll see a jumpsuit and point it out. You know her. She loves her jumpsuits. That's so specific. We might be out somewhere, or I'll see it pulled up on her computer, and I won't say anything, but then it'll be on the bed. Ooh, that's like some lingerie, but it's a jumpsuit.

Yeah, but it's a jumpsuit. Or like those gold sneakers. Don't wear no panties with this girl. There you go, with a little note. Yeah, I wrote in crayon. Don't worry about that. No, no, no, no, no. You drew a photo in the gym.

You drew a picture of a jumpsuit and put it on the bed. Let me know what you think. You drew a picture of panties and then made an X through them. Put it on the jumpsuit. Get yourself something nice. What a thing I like, bro.

Yeah, yeah. I love that. That's romantic. I think that just being thoughtful and surprises are cool. I like showing up places when I wasn't expected to be there. But what if she was with somebody else? That'd be hilarious.

That's a whole other conversation. I'd probably just go, all right, I'm going to leave y'all. We don't want no pop-up. Right, but that's the rom-com right there, sis. He pops up with his little flowers, with his jumpsuit set up in a bouquet of flowers. And she's with somebody else. And he's just like, you know, he drops it. He runs out.

He's crying. The camera follows the bouquet down. Right, right, right. It bounces for some reason. It hits the ground. and then it bounces and then you're running down the street

and Anderson Park is like playing in the back this is great I love it I love this movie already and then he almost gets hit by a cab and he falls

because there's like a pothole or something and the woman in the cab gets out and she's like are you okay and it's I don't know and that woman is

Kerry Washington and then the cab driver is like get up nigga you have to move it's not a cab though it's an Uber and he's like I give a one stop

and she's like don't worry you can come with me and then Jennifer Lopez pops up and she's like enough yes and then Winston comes

and like excuse me and it's raining excuse me and it's raining are you hit by the car he did that accent having never

talked to a Jamaican ever for sure no Dave Dix was like excuse me excuse me I've got it

yeah that's it excuse me excuse me Excuse me, excuse me. I've gotten changed being from Brooklyn. Yeah. He's like, oh, that movie was, I would never. Treat me like a grown man.

Yeah. And it's like, but you play, you eat Froot Loops. Yeah. You're a child. I cringe at that accent and dance. And then in Brown Sugar, there's a scene where they're. That's right, Brown Sugar. Common was in it, right?

Yes. Common was in Brown Sugar. And they're rapping the Common song. Or was it Most Death? It was Most Death. I think and Common was in it, too. But they're rapping the Common song, him and Sanaa on the bench. And it's like.

it's like he's not it's like you didn't hear that song yeah you didn't have it on your iPod you don't even know the song

you don't know how that song goes why are you rapping like this it's very weird he's a weird yeah well Taye Diggs

is a weird man he is look at his hats he does okay hold on hold on I will say he follows me on Twitter

I will say honestly I feel like he follows all the comedians in New York he's good at that I have served him numerous times

yeah he is like life of the party type guy the hats are always terrible but he tips wonderfully so i'm not gonna talk too much the movies is trash but he he's a nice guy he's a nice guy it's probably he's got some of that adele to seem money he's spending her money he said that's why he gave it away so they have a they have a son together right and he's probably getting that child support well

I mean I feel like she makes more money than him she definitely does she got frozen money yeah okay she's still making

those wicked checks or whatever and she he so he was like oh my son is not black he's mixed whoa

and it was like no you have a black son yeah my son is not black he's mixed that's how hard that's how strong her money is

no no no my child is all the way halfway white somebody hit him up on twitter and was like okay well

when the cops stop your mixed son they gonna they gonna think he black or are they going to think he's white? And he was like, they're going to think he's mixed. No, they're not. Come on, Taye Diggs. You've never spoken to a cop.

He's like, excuse me, officer, are you dining alone? What he's going to do is he gave his son a card that says, yeah, Adele is my mother. Adele Dazeem. Who said that? John Travolta. But he said it like he thought

Adele Dazeem. Adele Dazeem. he didn't even he knew he was dead wrong but he was headstrong he was like I'm going through he's proud about it

fuck it Adele he didn't give a fuck he's like I'm not going back his toupee was too tight yeah I gotta pee real bad okay well we can wrap this up

you going to the George Street house where is it I don't know to drop some water I gotta make water at the George Street listen Will

thank you so much for being here thank you maybe let's go around the table the romantic comedy that you feel like everybody should see

at least once I don't know if it's It's a comedy, but Eternal Sunshine and the Spotless Mind. I have never seen that. One of the greatest movies ever. Okay. Sid, do you have one? Made in Manhattan, because that's the realest movie.

I think she's actually Puerto Rican in that. She is. Actually, I think she's Mexican. She's actually Latin. Yeah. Okay. And I just, anything that, just go watch How Stella Got Her Groove Back. That's what I recommend.

Yes. How Stella Got Her Groove Back. Thank you guys so much for listening this week. Come see us at the Ninny Factory every Sunday. Every Sunday. Yeah, go see them. Yeah. Hell yeah.

And follow Will Miles on all his platforms. And watch my Comedy Central Half Hour. That's right. 2019. Love to all. I got to go pee. Bye, guys. Thank you to the lovely Adele.

The Z. Forever Dog. This has been a Forever Dog production. Executive produced by Brett Boehm, Joe Cilio, and Alex Ramsey. For more original podcasts, please visit foreverdogpodcasts.com and subscribe to our shows on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts. Keep up with the latest Forever Dog news by following us on Twitter and Instagram at Forever Dog Team and liking our page on Facebook.

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