MESS with Sydnee Washington & Marie Faustin - “The Rude Expert” with Zack Fox

Episode Date: December 14, 2018

For this weeks Unofficial Expert, we are on our worst behavior with Rude Expert, Zack Fox. Zack explains cat calling, how to be rude to your stalkers, and more! Plus, Sydnee crosses paths with an one of her old drug dealers, while Marie reveals that she's done way too much this week.----Listen to The Unofficial Expert Ad-Free on Forever Dog Plus:https://foreverdogpodcasts.com/plus----BONUS EPISODES AVAILABLE NOW ON PATREON:www.patreon.com/TheUnofficialExpertBUY UNOFFICIAL EXPERT MERCH:https://www.teepublic.com/stores/the-unofficial-expert-podcastFOLLOW THE UNOFFICIAL EXPERT:https://www.instagram.com/UnofficialExpertFOLLOW SYDNEE:https://www.instagram.com/JustSYDbwhttps://twitter.com/justsydnycFOLLOW MARIE:https://www.instagram.com/Reeezyhttps://twitter.com/MsReeezyFOLLOW ANDREW:https://www.instagram.com/mcgui_guyTHE UNOFFICIAL EXPERT IS A FOREVER DOG PODCASThttps://foreverdogpodcasts.com/podcasts/the-unofficial-expertSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

forever dog hello what's up uh-huh shut up what's going on marie hey sydney i love everything that you're doing today i wanted to do a little bit more for you today for me yeah or for the guest sis because you don't never dress up for me i guess you know windbreaker and it's two degrees outside i don't know about this guest maybe it's lined you know it might be one of these heat tech japanese uni clothes well i will tell you it's not everlane shout out to everlane shout out to Everlane. For blessing us. Okay, I got a little Christmas package in the mail yesterday. For a few things. Okay, everything

I'm wearing is Everlane. I didn't get, well, I didn't wear everything today, but I wore the fleece, and it's great. I feel like I'm going upstate. Little cabin with my boo thang. With your white boo thang, sis. Your beige boo thang. Definitely. Okay, because black people don't go to cabins

as a duo. That's not our ministry. That's not what we do. Yeah, so the fleece is warm. It's a zipper? Yeah, half zip up. Okay. uh-huh like i play like i might play sports you know i mean but we know that you don't you might could i mean you look like you may be like professional checkers yes thank you boo thank you're welcome thank you for uplifting me this crazy morning i raise you up shout out to josh groban you look great girl you're giving me uh love and basketball thank you so much thank you

thank you you know i have on my everlane fleece yeah and my uh hoodie i mean and my everlane sweats so uh again shout out to them niggas yeah it looks like oh wow she's straight okay no no no no no i did a show last night and i had this hoodie on and somebody was like thank god another gay comic and i was like no i don't know how women split checks on dates and i don't want to find out so like i know if i go out with a dude i don't have to bring my bag but like if i'm going out with a chick we go in dutch yeah i gotta venmo her it's kind of like when you when we go hang out you know i'll be like you want to get one plate and we split that yeah but that's because we're poor yeah it's not

because we're dating right but if we were dating i'm like you want to just kind of get an entree and split that i mean we're not dating and i still be like sydney i'm gonna venmo you when i get to the house and i get some wi-fi and then it'd be like i'm not gonna see sydney for two weeks yeah you're so Haitian it's great thank you so much what were you an expert in oh my god

I was an expert at doing too damn much this week can we talk about this so I got an opportunity to audition for the top comedy club in the city

and everyone was like you gotta do your A material don't do nothing new and I was like you know what I'm confident these jokes been hitting

I'm gonna just do some new stuff anyway not the right time or place or outfit everything was I got on stage

and the first couple things I said hit really well and then I launched into this new little situation, some C material and it wasn't the set sis. The Alexa joke. No, no sis, but I'm glad you don't like that joke. Thank you so much for letting me

know. And I think what it is, is because in gay rooms, I'm thriving. Like when three or more gay beige people are around, like I kill. But when it straight white dudes with white women it's not always the same vibe and this particular joke

that i did the squirrel thing only does well when i'm in a room surrounded by gays and so you know also it was white people having brunch and they were like what they wanted to call peter they were so confused anyway uh the feedback that i had gotten was when you perform at this club the booker either says yes or no or come back in a month she didn't say nothing to me so that's how well i did i was i first of all i was there and i i love how confident you are you just it doesn't even seem like you be phased by anything sis did i look phased that day because i was like oh this ain't the set well when you when you when you got off stage and you talked to me after you were like no that wasn't it but everything before when you got up while you were

on stage all of that i didn't know that you were upset or like didn't like what was going on since i was upset uh so i had five minutes you can't really flip the set in five minutes uh my my jokes are real long-winded you know i'll be telling tall tales and i was like i can't stop telling this story in the middle of this story but sis let's talk about that see-through turtleneck okay sis it was a body suit i looked i looked great um my hair was not dry my scalp was moisturized you're so moisturized i was upstairs eating burrito like they were like somebody else that we know who auditioned past was like um when she got there she didn't eat she didn't sit with nobody she didn't talk

to nobody i was up there touching the lady's knee talking about can i get a breakfast beret like cracking jokes like showing her memes anyway i think that's partially like that was also also part of the problem like i was real comfortable real quick and then i got on stage and i was like oh this is this did i learn anything no but um that was why what i was an expert on this week is just like doing too much when i should have just like i knew what i needed to do and i didn't do it but you know the thing is that these these places try to flex on comedians a lot and make us feel like oh we gotta be like oh yes so thank you i'm so glad to be here and it's like no just come in and be fun and do your shit or whatever and if you don't get past yeah you'll be a little upset

about it but it's not gonna stop your career you're still gonna be doing other things okay i'm in i'm in a gifted everlane she's an influencer okay she's an influencer anyway sydney what were you an expert on this week i also was an expert in doing too much boom i was hanging out with uh our guests and the other guests that was supposed to be here uh i went i went to their shows two nights in a row wow sis like a fan like a fan two nights in a row When I saw the Insta stories, I assumed that you had just posted something late. You went two days in a row. I'm upset.

That's funny because it was like the guests look like they were just wearing the same shit they were wearing the day before. Right. But anyway, I came to the first show because I was like, I need to scope this out because Jack was like, oh, you want to open for us the next day? And I said, sure. But I was like, I don't know what these niggas give. Let me go. You know exactly what they give. I didn't know what our guest today gives.

I've seen him in conversation, but I don't know how he is on stage. And honestly, I'm so glad I went the day before because I was like, wow. Anything that you thought somebody wouldn't say on stage, they said it. Well, that's what they are. There was domestic domestic abuse jokes. But did people laugh? Was the crowd engaged? They were.

They were. All right. They were. OK. They had to take a moment. And then they were like, well, well, also the day before, Sam Jay had like a similar are joking. We're like, well, if a woman is saying it. Yes, but is it Sam J? What do you think, woman?

Watch your mouth, Marie. Watch your mouth. Yo, when Sam pull up in her Evelyn. When I see Sam J, I be like, sir. No. Yo, Sam J got a lot of, again, I'm doing too much. Shout out to you, sis.

Go ahead. Yes, so we ended up, we went after the show, we went out, we went to the box. Who paid? You went to the box? yeah i didn't mean to scream into the microphone yeah i feel like a lot was happening sis yeah um i got one text and uh that was it yeah the text was like i'm going to the show now i'm going to the box after i didn't think i was going to the box after and then um the guest's girlfriend or his boo was like let's go to the box and she's beautiful so i was like yeah we're doing whatever

she wants to do who paid for everything um oh some uh some industry was there and they paid they had the corporate card down and I said oh I'm absolutely coming oh wow okay cool yeah after that we went to the diner I told them I'm not paying for anything I mean I don't know why you would have said anything at all I just would have not offered to put my card there no you gotta these is young dudes that honestly don't give a they knew I'm not fucking so they don't care so they were like yeah put your put your money else in it I had to let them know and pull your money out or pull it to the out one of the two yeah so I hung out way too hard and I thought that I can hang.

And I'm sober the whole time. And as soon as I walk in the box, my old drug dealer was like, Sidney? I was like, fuck. I had a new wig on. I didn't even look like the old me. But that means your face

hasn't changed at all, sis. That means the drugs did your body good. Your old drug dealer was like, wow, Sidney? Also, how good a client were you that the drug dealer remembers you on site?

I was pretty good. Okay, sis. You had like a punch card? You had 10 stamps? No, dude. After I asked too many times for the free cocaine that's when I had to

that's when I had to pay I didn't have those punch cards they were like oh cause you know you sent me just give it to me buy one get one

yeah but shout out to cocaine after a while they were like you gotta pay $100 for cocaine yeah sis I see now

why you have no money saved I was buying a lot of cocaine oh absolutely look at God yeah won't he do it speaking of speaking of cocaine

niggas doing cocaine our guest today oh nigga what oh yeah yeah yeah yeah yes he he's a he's a Christian

he's a friend he's a colleague he got a blue check I think he got a blue check on Instagram he's a verified account he wears sandals with socks give it up for our rude expert Zach Fox Zach Fox

Zach Fox I don't think I was that rude this week yes you were like socially no well what do you what do you consider rude because like like if someone's talking to you and you cut them off and walk away that's rude why were they talking to me okay see look at that but also i understand where you're coming from but i mean this is like i'm i'm in rome i'm in new york y'all niggas just be rude for no reason here it's not no no no no we always have reason

to be rude here come on also we're not really rude we just like we not putting up with the b We don't have time to waste. We're in a rush. We not rude. We'll just stab a nigga. L.A., y'all be bullshitting. That's why it's on fire right now. That's why y'all on fire.

Because y'all not being real. If y'all were real, it would be moisture. Fake ass niggas, that's why they on fire. Because y'all made out of wood. The Lord wouldn't bring nothing to you that you can't handle. Okay. Burn it up. Girl, make it hot like the roof is on fire.

Okay, R. Kelly is canceled. I couldn't think of another hot song. Right, right, right, right. Okay. You couldn't think of a Sean Paul song? that nigga made like six songs about fire okay yeah right i what about temperature that was from like grand theft auto you're so wrong we're in 1999 so so zach fox is on tour with jack knight there was supposed to be our second guest today but he rudely did not show up

didn't even text us back no nothing he got a new man oh yes because he went to the box and there was this uh trans person that had a bottle up their ass and pulled it out and put it all the way back in and zach what kind of bottle uh it was like a heineken or something it was like a family value bottle of budweiser it was like a it was like a 40 ounce yes that they put fully in their ass yes the whole thing yes i just imagine like that they're a state farm agent or something during the day yeah in the daytime state farm and at night i set my dick on fire yeah he said his dick on they said they set their dick on fire uh like wrapped uh they wrapped a paper towel around it oh okay so safe it's almost like smoking it oh yeah yeah yeah just like a flame broiled

dick yeah it was like incense yeah yeah uh jack had his mouth open the whole time and i was like oh that's his that's his type okay come on come on jack that nigga was wet yeah he was wet yeah so they're on tour being reckless all over the place the the tour is called cancelled why is that uh because it was it just it's so appropriate for what happens when me and him are together that like this nigga don't know how to stop i don't know how to stop and it all kind of culminates in this opinion that's like sometimes kind of good but it's still like you can't really talk like half the shit that we be saying i couldn't tweet that shit no like i was blown away like it we be i'll be coming from like a real you know a real honest standpoint of

like this could make the world better but oh is that what you're trying to do you're trying to make the world better always okay can you give us a bit that you're like it sounds terrible up top but this is really the blueprint maybe less a bit and more your opinion on something that people think it's terrible but you're like this actually is a good thing oh i was just talking to somebody recently i mean i know i know louis did this whole thing you know let me hear this but the whole pedophile thing man like is a good thing no it's not a good thing we just got to figure out like we got to talk to these niggas and figure out what's really going on because it's a disease definitely it's a disease but like niggas be born like no a lot of people who are pedophiles i feel

we're also abused as kids. But that's also a stigma, and that's not true. It's a stigma. Not every person who's a pedophile actually had a daddy or a mama who was like, shut up, nigga. Throw grits on them. That's not always true.

I just think we need a bigger conversation about it. Why do you feel like you need to lead this conversation? Do you feel like you need to lead the conversation? Not me. You, Ayana, what's your face? y'all on my watch no i that's just something i've been thinking recently like we all like people

hear that word and we just shove it to like oh put that nigga in prison but really it's like that's why so much are you confessing to somebody right now no no i'm i'm being like i'm being for real that's some shit that i see and i'm like i do agree i do agree that there is like a a real big stigma on pedophiles there should be yes but also it is a disease like why would you think that somebody wanting

to be with little kids is like right in the head they're not they're sick yeah because you acting out on that sexual desire you're ruining a person yes and you going to jail is not going to fix that right okay come on let's take a step back niggas

because if you take the word pedophile out and put any other criminal there it's the same thing why would you think stabbing somebody is okay because violence thinking that you're gonna take them send them to jail is gonna fix them because violence is something that that can be conditioned and be taught you know what i mean like men in america we taught like yeah you're supposed to beat that nigga ass like but that's something that the country conditions us to be like you know what i mean so when you go out and you like i want to run around stabbing niggas look at you hipster nobody was born like i'm gonna fuck these niggas up as soon as they come out i mean i don't know

this is this is not where i thought the conversation besides me it's very deep every i feel like i need to be high for this yes my bad i feel like i need an animal sydney i feel like you switch teams immediately sis uh you go to the box one time with this light-skinned dude and all of a sudden i see where you're coming from you know the if a white dude was sitting here right now saying the same thing you'd be like actually connor shut your beige ass that's a fact that now it's like because this man you know what okay great uh i started i threw the ball way down the field i'm sorry it's early unprepared i'm not drunk we were just talking about michelle obama and you bought it to people touching people touching kids i'm sorry michelle

obama is you know she's not here for this yeah so tell us a little bit about you like where you from like what's your background so people can be truly in your business women got to get better at sucking dick wow see this is the stuff that i was talking rude okay so that's where you come from okay tell us why women got to be better at sucking dick when y'all have literally no skills at eating box i don't want to hear no y'all in this shit okay so i'm saying y'all because most men can't do it most men are you saying that you you with that mustache with that mustache you putting it down oh no way absolutely are you joking i'm positive oh come on i pulled a 34 year old woman out of just the streets of new york nigga i'd be eating pussy okay but did she come

yes multiple times nigga multiple times my head up nigga my temples is bruised she sat on your face that's how you know she was older she's like i need something to lean so what did you say to this woman this i ate pussy till my thoughts hurt so your thoughts oh that's good that's poetry right okay put that on a shirt is that how you get them in the bar that's what you said to her I've actually never pulled a woman I've never been like hey girl I've never done that so this story that you just told us is fake

no no she pulled me what did she say she literally tweeted me and said nigga marry me she didn't say nigga but she was like she was black she's Chilean that's different that's my issue with like guys

like you you get all different types of people throwing themselves at you and then I go on my DMs and I was like why everybody look like uh they're from syracuse no they only eat potatoes okay see you get that i get like legit like is this a sierra leone like where where why is there dust in your photo there's no filter you got on sandals but no lotion like it and it'll be like a man i'd be like listen followers right with 12 followers and it's like you are a queen and i'm like you are a queen please come to africa when the last time a chilean dude hit you i don't i don't

know any chileans i know i know a dude that like i met near chiles but i don't know anybody from chile like that's so she's slitting your d also if a man slides in my dm is like marry me i'm gonna be like oh blocked and reported as spam perfect perfect because this guy i hang out with them and but that's just something y'all get to get away with they had a stalker no i'm afraid that somebody's gonna kill me not like make me come kill me i don't know i just feel like i don't know because it was endearing to me because i'm a dude but if i did that to one of y'all and i was like i mean i look at all your photos and be like what is he wearing sandals yeah i'm a yeah this nigga crazy well marie they had an issue they had a stalker that at the box

no they had a stalker that came to the show oh yeah they've been hitting you up for months or weeks or whatever well let's talk about this what is a stalker to you she that just means she's ugly because i feel like women be in your dms regularly so what made this person a stalker she i mean she wasn't she wasn't chilean fine she wasn't a stalker until she showed up yeah i feel like she just kept hitting you up and you wouldn't respond were you responding you never once sent a response back to her you know how people do like the soft dm where it's like they reply to your story right so that's not really hopping in the dm right she would do that like regularly routinely right and then all of a sudden she's at the show but i didn't record because i didn't even i wasn't even going on her

profile right and then i was like who is this who's this girl and why is she like looking at me weird and show's over we're hanging out we're all like let's go to the box we call big two big ubers and i'm like i'm like counting you know who's coming in the uber everyone in my shit was like my niggas and then all of a sudden we're all outside waiting to go in because our home girl had the straight just you going in here and she's there was she in one of the cars yes she finagled her way into one of the i don't know she finagled i think they just let her they just accept they just accepted her well for how many people because when it's too many people because remember we've all been home alone it was like a lot of kids how many people we go one person might get like 11

people right so what's a what's a 12th exactly so nobody was like who knows her so everybody thought she was yeah that's what happened but she wasn't really talking so that's that's what happened weird thing like she wasn't she didn't talk to anybody to get to finagle she just got in the car with she just like waited and then like she was just covert yeah she was covert about it like she so was she in the car with her head down i'm sorry she was like she wasn't in the one that i wasn't because if she was in mine i would have been like no i don't know shorty but didn't then we're all at the box and she's just there and i was like oh fuck and i'm going through my dms on instagram and i'm like like i'm like i never really clicked her profile and i click it and

she's standing right in front of me did she say something to you no no that's a soft stalker if anything she called her she's going to ride into the city that's a soft story she didn't say anything she just showed up at the shit was trying to get on the bus see if a dude did that Marie, we were just talking about all the stalkers you got. If a dude did that to you and was just in the club like this. First of all, let's take a step. In the back like Batman. Yes, imposing and gross and Jason Michael Myers type stuff.

But, you know, how tall was this girl? She sound little. She little. She had bangs. So you're telling me to beat her ass? When did you hear me say beat her ass? You bring your signs into it like that matter. How you go from dysphilia to domestic abuse.

This is the problem with the black men of today. yeah so anyway what was she wearing did she have a look on come on sydney sydney remembers she looks like an american apparel worker like she looks like she works in the factory oh sis so she was asian she was real asian is what you're saying to me because that's what i'm hearing she was asian yes she was asian oh see you don't remember what your stalker looked like so that's why i said it's a star okay so hold on well this is when i get in so then sydney you's ready to get your face sliced hold on jack jack is like yo shorty keeps bothering me this is for y'all talking to the women who are in there y'all should be talking y'all should be smacking the

shit out of her now when i smack her it's gonna be crazy but she all up on me and she's bothering what was she on you or jack i honestly she was really drunk i could tell so it could have been like she was like well zach got a girl that's usually what happens because i'm in the club Like, well, I'll take the other friend. I'm daggering in the box, like dry humping my chick. And so she was probably like. Daggering in the box. I'm jumping off couches like.

Like a Jamaican man. Yeah. At a dance hall party. Literally. Jack is drunk and she's trying to dance with him. And then he finally blows up. And he's like, see, this is why this happens. Because y'all women are supposed to be stepping in.

And I was like, I'm not your security guard. y'all are grown ass men when you saw her outside the box you should have been like you gotta bounce but we didn't know and nobody

nobody really noticed that until we was already in the shit you know what I mean like but when we were still outside I was still like I don't know who she is

but no no you gotta nip it in the bud I didn't realize she was the stalker you know what I mean listeners what y'all think

what y'all think about this stalking situation this whole thing was handled terribly also man when we see some weird shit going on like I know what the popular

narrative is that oh men never step in we just be watching shit like that's what it sounds like you did at the box no bro like and at union hall so we got the stalker chick all the girls are just a dude come up to my chick and regardless of her being my chick or whatever like i was probably like the last person to be like blah blah blah but somebody came up to her and was like hey what's up shorty every nigga in a 100 foot radius was like hey bro you trying to get your ass whooped yeah because y'all know her no no this is you i mean for somebody who's rude

you was real polite to this crazy girl because she was a hundred percent i don't care you saying that i'm not gonna endanger myself yes but you but she's there like the the you're in danger because what if she what if she like that's a time that's a bomb though that's what i'm saying like at one point the girls was like when we was at the diner all the girls was like you should told us we would have handled i'm like no y'all y'all would have done some dumb shit i'm not the whole shit would have turned into a fight okay hold on i'm not stepping in just for some dude who i'm not banging who not paying my bit like you got some your chick is here why didn't your chick handle it you sound just like a man the chick that you because i'm a nigga the chick

that you were daggering at the club why didn't she say something well jack was yelling jack jack was yelling at me and her like y'all should be here i was like first of all i just got this hair i'm not i'm not doing this is a new piece yeah it still got the tag on it this ain't my fighting hair but anyway i went to the girl and i said hey uh people are uncomfortable we don't know you oh you went in over like a manager yeah i went over like you gotta go and she was like well why i said who do you know here who do you know she's like but like i don't understand i said what if she had said to you sydney i listened to the podcast oh then come on but then she followed sydney the next day she followed then she followed me and i was like well

well she might be shout out to you sis uh thank you for giving us uh this conversation starter for the podcast but i told her i told her she had to leave she left i i spoke to her yes but i'm sydney what i'm saying is you didn't have to do that you should have done that but i know and also i'm not gonna put everybody else in a weird situation to ruin they night you're gonna put in a weird situation by letting her stay that's weirder to me it just was like we already in the club it was like i was looking at it and i had all the math equations were you guys buying bottles huh no buying bottles no no it was a you know it was a tame night but like they were buying bottles of beer yeah i'm saying like were people buying her drink i'm just that's what i'm asking

no and also she was she was a distance away like she never came up to me and made me feel unsafe i was just like this is weird yeah but marie if tables was turned if table was turned if tables were turned first of all i'm not ordering two ubers for everybody we all taking the train yeah second when we get to the box and i'm talking to the bouncer i'm gonna be like she not with us a hundred she's not with us i'm or he's not with us i don't know him okay but remember we went out for uh like chris and we went to that club it was the same situation some girl jumped in the car yeah and came with us to this club and and this is the thing that's weird to me is if this is how i know a girl is crazy if she comes out by herself yeah i'm like oh she's insane she

said that she was supposed to do things with her man that night and she canceled them to come to the show because such and such was gonna be there you're actually your partner in crime she was following jack and then she came to the union hall show on she was there yes yes i was like jack isn't that home girl he's like yo i didn't even think i was like how do i know your stalker better than you do honestly sydney you go with faces because i forgot all my stalkers faces already um but i just i feel like it's what what are we trying to be polite we trying to make sure everybody's night is not ruined by kicking somebody out that makes the night better no it was it definitely wasn't that i was just like will this i'll call every man in my phone

and be like you need to come down to the box to get this man out of my face i like that's what i'm doing but that's how men handle shit by not handling it because she stayed no i'm saying i'm saying that like men will jump up and be like oh we finna beat this nigga ass like that's not how you can handle a situation like you don't have to beat this woman you but jack was telling sydney and your chick that yeah they needed to slap this chick that's jack the thing is well for me why i was like oh you guys are like rude because you'll be on stage and you can say all this stuff which is awesome i i think it's funny here for but then a situation like this is like this is the time to actually be rude and they're like uh man actually actually a moment of your time uh-huh and it's

like no just tell her to leave she's not invited like don't don't don't you have like something about ugly chicks you said something about ugly women what how important they are yes yeah why are ugly women important let's talk about this um because they do all the shit that like y'all traditionally beautiful women don't do and they don't complain about a lot and they actually fuel the life of this planet they make the world don't retract say say it louder why are you like you know this they do you you you know the bit like i don't have to do the whole thing i just i love ugly women my girl is beautiful but when he was saying all of that on stage i was like yo is she snaggled too fist girl and then she came out i was like wow the opposite good for you

ugly women they just i'm just saying well what do ugly men do for the world because i don't feel like they do nothing do ugly men make the world go around well i've been with a lot of ugly men and i just want to say they've call me back oh right no no an ugly man back you wouldn't circle back with some of them ugly niggas if things got rough you would wow Sydney I'm learning

a lot about you today in your Everlane fleece I'm learning so much I mean I think that ugly men are the rudest I think that I think ugly men are the most confident I don't know if they're the rudest but the level of self esteem that they have

it's a lot of big dick energy on that ugly face it's a lot but I don't think that they do anything to make the world better they make it worse why? because they're disrespectful those would be the ones who cat calling the ugly ones

you've never been cat called by a cute nigga? no, never not once I feel like attractive dudes they just mind their business or they come over and miss uh excuse me i just wanted to come across the street and tell you you got a nice ass no ugly man this is what they'll do so if an ugly nigga came up with that approach he'd be like but ugly man don't say excuse me they scream but no no no no but i'm

saying if he did what are his chances oh uh i'm gonna look at his shoes and then i'm gonna look at his pants and then i'm gonna look at his fingernails then i'm gonna look back at his face and be like yeah you know i'm late to a podcast and that's why we cat call let me tell you what good looking men do good looking men will be in the club they'll see a girl that they actually like they'll go to the bar reach over but can you pass me that napkin and then you like oh shit i didn't even notice how fine this dude is and then we end up talking to them y'all engage they indirectly get they can you pass me that napkin right yeah I'm not excusing Keck

I'm just seeing how if nigga ugly he just from day one third grade excuse me no excuse me no he gonna hit 18 and be like bitch across the street

come here honestly so we need to have therapy for these men like we need to be teaching them like hey it's okay to look how you look

but just don't snap is it okay it's not okay to look how you look I'm just saying the people who catcall look like Kodak Black and the people that you want

cause like even Kodak Black had a moment he was like I only date light skinned girls and you gotta be mixed I don't date black darkies essentially but it's like

Kodak Black if you had no money and nobody knew who you were Kodak Black's money is not that long one two Kodak Black looks like

a gremlin And he's in and out of jail He can't vote He probably has never Paid a bill in his life He look like he eats He dine and dash Drag him

Drag him He dine and dash I don't understand why The whole culture still Listens to Kodak Black's Opinions Like this nigga is Out of prison

And he still eats Prison food He's out of prison But still in prison He has a personal chef Make him like Velveeta The pockets

Where you like Put Cheetos You crush up Cheetos In a bag Who is a personal chef He just got a jail dude Cooking for him He got somebody

Making grilled cheeses with irons yeah i don't listen to kodak black somebody else told me that he doesn't like i love kodak i would never listen to an opinion yeah like anybody any man with a tattoo given the opinions though nah any man yeah any man with a tattoo on his face i'm not listening to ever like ever come on no you know life scans you gotta be indian what if he had a good tattoo on his face what's a good tattoo on your face like a bible verse yeah praying hands what if he had the constitution tatted on his face the constitution is trash it's so bad no thank you percent trash i'm definitely

kicking him down two flights of stairs okay what else thank you constitution on his face no gross what other what can you tell us about yourself that like you know you feel like people judge you on but you're like this is still me being nice i'm being honest uh you do community service no just shit that people judge me on like what what kind of people judge on a lot okay well what do people judge you i get judged by men because because of uh me appreciating homosexuals yes you do and it's so good we're gonna have to fix these levels i'm sorry you appreciate homosexuals that's great yeah i mean i grew up around them in atlanta Oh, Atlanta is the capital.

That's the meatpacking district. Oh, Lord have mercy. That's where they make black gays in Atlanta. They just churn them out like this. Yep. And they come out, ow, hey, yes. Atlanta just like a gay jack-in-the-box. Yes, it is.

But you say they say like the savviest things. Like they have wit. They do have wit. They know how to talk to other men. Yeah. I feel like Atlanta gays, like New York gays, and maybe some L.A. gays, like really drive culture. like it's like no i'm not i'm not giving la gays that no definitely not i'm not giving la black gays in atlanta and new york and black women like they bounce all the lingo yes all the style

and then it pin balls between them and then goes into the it goes viral and then people are like wow then you know all of a sudden we're all doing our eyebrows like this oh yeah like a like a black gay is who does the kardashian wigs yeah make kylie jenner feel like oh i invented wigs and it's like sis we've been harriet tubman wore wigs yeah okay yeah you didn't invent wigs uh the black dude that put them on your head is what's elevating you as a star but like yeah so why you get it's my whole thing is is that so why are you getting mad at the kardashians get mad at the people who are still working for them no no no they gotta make money kardley got a billion dollars to spend let me make some coin by putting some false lashes on her face or you know attaching uh

Or just give her the color that is her color, though. I definitely think telling black people to not work with someone to stop a bag is kind of racist. Yeah, it's kind of racist, Sidney. You're kind of racist. It's not racist. You got this Everlane fleece on and you just racist.

By the white man. The white man's Everlane. But it's just like, come on. The person who put that fro on Kylie and made her look like... Who put a fro? When did Kylie have a fro on? did a she did a vogue oh no no no no sis that was not a fro that was a white person that barrel

curled and then teased the hell that i've never seen a black person with a quote-unquote fro that looked like that she looked like marie antoinette if anything right if anything she was going back to a white person did that and there's no way in hell a black person did that hairstyle a white person curled and buffed and tweaked and juiced that right juiced and it was a straight white lady that did that i could tell okay or what about the what about the kardashians wearing cornrows who doing that white people light skin lights white people white women that date black men no absolutely not i've seen the i've seen the tutorials black gays be doing the cornrows okay but the black gays aren't saying that they invented that vogue again owned by white people

are saying they invented this boxer braid style it's not the black gays that are i just feel like they'd be doing it on purpose like they know now that like anything they say anything they say or do will be scrutinized so they're like let it be yeah you know what i mean that's what it is go ahead and say like yeah i invented this boxer braids if you were in that position wouldn't you want to be like yeah sure i mean beyonce does the same exact thing no beyonce just steals she'd just be stealing she'd be stealing but then they're like oh it's beyonce's and it's like it's not beyonce she didn't do that song that's not her dance move yeah those are not her clothes yeah well i mean at what point are we just gonna be okay and i'm just asking putting the question

out there because i know it's you know a lot but when are we gonna be okay with white people um never the answer we ain't never gonna be okay yeah what what would it take for you to be okay with with white people with uh white people like a nigga wearing dreads and like first of all white people dread is always no never never dirty their hair doesn't lock it just be clumpy clumpy it looks like they got elmer's glue in it yeah their hair doesn't lock naturally and that's why it looks bad but black folks hair locks like if i stop combing my hair today i just mean appropriation as a whole not just style fashion here my issue with appropriation the same styles that they're doing now we couldn't get jobs for thank you we were judged upon oh that's that's ratchet that's

urban that's too hood even having a fat ass was like yeah so it's like it was like grotesque put her in the circus put her exactly in a museum fat ass so that was my only issue with appropriation That's the only issue anybody should have with appropriation. It's like, oh, if you really valued and thought that this was the look, then you would have said that in the beginning, not all of a sudden now that you're capitalizing on it, on getting money. And there's still niggas with dreads who like getting kicked out of class. Yes.

Right. There's like some little black girl that went to school with cornrows and beads and the teacher cut her hair. What? Imagine sending your child to school and she comes home and she's like, they said that my hair was a distraction. You cut my daughter's, I'm cutting the teacher. Yeah.

yeah a hundred percent no way but then when kylie or northwest or whoever has the same style it's like look at this cool new way to do your kid's hair and it's like a met gala yeah it's like meanwhile holly berry's kid it's like come on you still haven't brushed her hair come on she's only half black so the baby's less black than that and hallie's like i don't have to brush it it's just gonna it's gonna be silky eventually uh then holly came out with that wig and you're like sis you definitely never gonna do your dad wig was like to the side too the bangs was by her ears i just hallie berry officially does not give a fuck her movies are trash her children's hair looks bad uh you know i feel like she just needs one good thing right now she need like a

stand-up special way to take it home thank you yeah that's you know hallie berry needs some black gays in her life that's what she needs she don't have that and she needs a black woman to be like sis that's not what we're doing today she needs one black gay and one black female friend to be like because you could tell Halle Berry's surrounded by would you do it would you do it for the bag would you absolutely I'd be like Halle Berry does it for free she fucking tells me all the time says that's what we doing she'll really well because I like to say and this is not really true but I like to say that I'm Sydney's first black friend and it's not true as an adult Sydney has a lot of beautiful white friends and they all have money and they're all skinny and

they all you know forever dog network like that i just i feel like when i met sydney it was like sydney we would go through your photos and you was the only black girl in all the photos and then i popped up and people were like oh my god sydney good for you what's your black friend can i ask her the question that i asked you yeah you'd be dating white men i've dated white men yes you see how she did uh i've dated i've dated yes i've dated white men you still do i mean i dabble I dabble in pink teen she dribble with it but ultimately

I don't care I know that you don't care you look like you bang Chileans and let them sit on your face I would never let a white man sit on my face you know what no Malcolm and Martin didn't die for that

that's not the dream at the mountaintop for a white man to be sitting on my face my new thing is I won't date I just it's only white women

that I'm like and that's white women of all European you and Jack say that shit so what I mean you date like Hispanic women

I'll date Hispanic women I'll date a Chilean woman yeah I'll date a Indian woman I'll date a Persian I'll date a black woman you know 2019

is my year and I'm gonna date if I'm single and you white and you come up and you throwing some pussy I'm a real nigga I'm gonna take it

but we can't really somebody put that on a t-shirt but that's merch if I'm single and you're a white woman and you throw some pussy at me I'ma take it

if a white man throws dick at me I'm not gonna take it you're not gonna take it no you just said you do I'm not gonna just take it just cause you

throwing dick at me if I want it and I feel like I need it I'ma take it but I don't listen I'll take a white man's money before I take his dick

I'm not saying I'm gonna be give me like I'm just saying if somebody come up with a slice of pizza you better give me

that pizza right now you know what i'm mad at give me the pizza right now i don't want to beg for it heterosexual i mean can someone throw some pussy at me like she's louise okay wait what sydney this is some like like you're like obviously the baby in the family it's like some only child behavior can somebody throw some pussy at me you have a girlfriend i do not she throws pussy at you all the time i do not have no girlfriend no okay all right i forgot that's how we're talking about this well sydney doesn't have a girl sydney i will i will find somebody to throw some pussy at you after the show i will find someone it's gonna be it might be cuffed now it might be homeless it might be it might be a woman on the bus you like bus vagina no i will

not take an m42 pussy i'm all set on that express bus vagina you don't want me to throw that at you oh that's more money if you get on the express bus right no it's what's that bus that go to like Westchester. I don't take that bus. I don't know. I'm not familiar with that route. There's a bus that you have to do like two swipes. Again, Sydney, I don't know. I don't know. I don't go to

Westchester. I don't. I saw the girl on the train. Let's talk about working stuff. Have you ever had a job where you said something so crazy that they were like, you have to leave? Oh, man. Because you're a comic. You look like you don't have day jobs. No, no, no.

they don't they don't I got fired from every job I ever worked that's great every single one what's why

the last the last job job I had was texting me bro you could have just put it on airplane mode I know the last job I had

was in 2015 that's the last that's the last time I worked what were you doing bartending oh my god that's

this is my story right here yeah totally every job I've ever had bartending slash serving fired bartender or bar back what were you doing

be honest okay okay he was the he was the beyonce of the bar not the michelle the front of the house he wasn't the little one with the grabbing glasses can i get some more glass you are bussing tables okay cool just want to make sure they always make the the the bussers real short too they do so we don't have to look at them so mean see that's why y'all but we don't have to look at them i've never really said anything that got me i'm more so done stuff it was always physical i always oh you was fighting people at the bar always like throw something or walk out

wait on the clock you're throwing stuff yeah that's hilarious as a bartender never threw anything at anybody and i regret that right now i punched a hole in the wall at my last job and they why did you do that you chris you chris browned the wall what happened because they made me have a party they gave me a like i was finna be off i was finna be off i was finna be and this party of like 40 white people came in they set up the whole back was it a holiday party no it was just like some girl like did they put a card down to have a minimum um they no they did not put a card so it was separate checks so it was all this like oh my god that's a reason to and i got your hand in a wall and i got and i got far enough but i could tell like even my manager

was like watching me like what you gonna do like because he know i was like ready to leave and uh You just leave. That's it. I just, like, put my hand through a wall and left. But you're hurting yourself, dude. How deep in the shift was this? This was like, I'm supposed to be going home. Like, it was like midnight.

This is what you should have did. Because I've done this before. Tell everybody. Yeah, the cards are not working, the readers. So you got to pay cash. Take everybody's stuff, cash, and never come back. Take all the cash and leave. Take all the money and leave.

Wait, what? set it off at the bar the card reader's not the card reader's not working we're only taking cash see if I tried to do that and I got this loud voice the manager probably over my shoulder like what did you say about the card readers

they work fine and then it's me just looking dumb with a bunch of cash like I'ma just put this in my tip jar I'ma put this in my tips I've done that on a Monday night you know I'm the only waitress there's no bus or no nothing the card reader is not working we are only taking cash my manager be like it's actually working she

she don't know how to read there's no manager there you know i'll be a manager waitress i'll be everything i'll be bringing out the food and if there's a big party i'm like listen cash every job i've ever had i've cash only i've also been fired from yeah so but like you didn't punch a wall you just left quietly i got dainty bird hands i'm not punching a wall i'm only gonna hurt myself and you know i ain't got no insurance i was just mad it was it was like 2015 summer is Xanax future had like what future had like four albums out it was just toxic it was like that was my most toxic year 2015 I think that was the last year that I had a job as a bartender future future said on a song go on fuck that nigga get it over with wow and that's how we feel I was just like

wait were you taking Xanax that summer uh everybody was dabbling it was Atlanta everybody I don't even know what a Xanax looks like sounds expensive no definitely not somebody gets a prescription and then everybody we all partake it what does the Xanax high feel like you just feel like a nigga

just dipped you in syrup I feel sticky you just feel slow like molasses you're supposed to be it's anxiety medication everyone in the south is already slow so y'all are slower

yes yeah and then it was like you got so slow that you get fast like wait what it was out there like the 28 days later zombies just like powered up niggas was fighting and shit people were like on xanax on xanax and a lot of it's like like now like you know there's a lot of deaths caused by xanax because people will be cutting it with other shit why are you cutting a xanax oh you guys snort the xanax you don't just like take a pill some people do that i i would just take it yeah that's why people are dying they snorting xanax a lot of my friends was like going way deep into that hole and it was this guy you got out man this guy slid into my dms on instagram uh yesterday and his whole i went to his page because he like doesn't use any real words it's like emojis and like you know

how like dudes use numbers as letters it's weird what like people use a four instead of an a oh okay and it's like you could have just spelled the word apple what's the soundcloud i don't know what a cell cloud is but you know there is one you wrote him in like illuminati words every post is like a sprite bottle and like a bunch of codeine and like all like him and he's like selling this stuff on his page and i'm like this is who's sliding into my dms is people like that you said nice yeah no that's not like i don't want to see what he's talking about he's not saying any real words see that's the thing with men see what he's talking about you will take a chance with anything you're like well it might kind of it might be right like no no standard the

dude is not my type no yeah okay we have standards do y'all geez no i don't think that you like we just out here just monsters ain't just yeah absolutely you literally said if a chick throws pussy at me i'm gonna catch it i'm gonna take it if she's if she's up to standard like okay what's the standard what's the code here she's in she got both legs both arms and she got intelligent beauty like she's attractive like she got to be intelligent for real she got to be smart i mean because i'm not the one i don't i said i don't go out like hey what's up like i don't i don't i don't have no game i have no pickup game so for us to be having sex you have what i don't pick up game i don't i really do not i would not lie to you got those like brownish eyes that is that is physical

attribute you do your eyebrows a woman having big titties is not game listen that's all that's all that matters to sydney your eyes are brown sydney my eyes are brown when you say a woman with big titty that ain't gay wow you're just gonna say that to my ten thousand dollar titties right now you having titties is not game that's not that's not getting me to do nothing you ain't got no game sis there are a thousand a million terabytes of titties on the internet right now terabyte thank you thank you for saying i'll just uh see my way out thank you so much thank you so much forever dog goodbye i can google titty and spell it wrong right now and still just be just flooded with that right so anyway i'm mad that i'm upset that i'm upset that you said you got brown eyes

those are the worst of all the eye colors first of all the least impressive of eye colors you got doodoo doodoo pupils you got brown eyes that's the one that you're like ah no but it's the kind of like the the lighter shade of brown it looks brown it looks like regular like if i hit some light in there like oh my god if you hit some light in my pupils they'll be light too yeah hold on look at it no no look at my eyes did you do xanax this morning i should have dilated what's going on are you on drugs how much time we got left 10 minutes we got 10 minutes i know i'm looking at the time it's a lightning round now fuck well you got to be ready you should have listened to the episode to prepare uh the unofficial expert is what we do here but that's

what i'm saying though back to what i was saying a woman for me to be getting engaged to a point where we gonna have sex we had to have had a conversation really yeah so you think you butted in somebody because she just slides and you're having conversations okay because you because you're exchanging words you think you butted in everybody sydney just flipping everything at this point listen i went to a club i was i danced with somebody for two hours no left with them didn't even speak we hooked up it's just a connection i don't think that's weird that's of chemistry. Nah, that's the drugs, sis. The chemistry was in your brain, sis.

That was the $100 of the cocaine that you did that night. We didn't even speak. We just went to his house and we had a connection. No, your dick, his dick was connected to your butt for two hours. That's the connection. I have never in all my years as a Christian

done that shit. You gotta feed me and then maybe I'll sit on your face. That's what you need? A meal? Yes. I think that's worse than having no words you only that's what y'all mean we're eating and talking

what are you talking about I'm not eating like a sap it's not Monsters Inc the bar for y'all is in hell all I need is a meal you fucking hobos go eat feed me and we'll talk

but I'm saying look Sydney just twerked on this dude for two hours and they left actually you feed me and we're talking and then it's like oh maybe i mean it's usually gonna be no but like possibly it's a chance but i'm not gonna just like you're not gonna grind on my butt for two hours and then i was and we out it was very alvin does a man have to pay for the meal i ain't got no money so he's gonna have to pay okay

because it doesn't mean I have to pass it I don't have any money so the answer is yes do you ask men on dates no no but I feel like

whoever asks has to pay so that's why you don't ask I mean also why would I ask like this this is my house face you see do you see how stunning

I look in this terrible light let me shine a light let me shine a light on you Marie get my pupils because I also have brown eyes you see them girl you did Xanax too

yes you look crazy thank you so much okay Okay, so before we go, did we learn anything today? I didn't learn a single thing. Not one thing. But that's the beauty in this podcast.

You know, sometimes we just bring some of our closest friends here to talk shit. Oh, Jack just texted me. What'd he say? He said, are you still at the podcast? Did he say, I'm outside? He said, fuck. So I fucked up. I'm very sorry.

Y'all mad, huh? Can we get him on the phone? Can we call him in? I already feel like this is going to be terrible. Can we call him in? What is he going to say? Jack Knight in Nashville. How you feeling today, man?

Hey, it's Jack Knight. First time, long time. Big fan of the podcast. Just wanted to call everybody. You got any questions for the ladies today? Is that Chris? That is. This is Chris Redd.

He's also in Nashville. Jack, can you tell the listeners why you didn't make it to the podcast this morning? I got really drunk and stayed out till 5 a.m. and ate meatballs. oh so you were with that man is Meatballs the nigga who set his dick on fire at the box I want to apologize to all the good people

on the podcast now we chilling you just left me in the lightning round between these two god damn it they just tossing me around I can hear you yeah we hear you you don't hear us i can hear you hello okay well i guess the technology i guess i guess we've had enough

there we go i think i'm back maybe he can't hear okay he didn't have any wi-fi he's in harlem that's why he's there's literally no service yeah it's everything except that oh oh we broke or you broke this we're at the studes okay beyonce records here Beyonce is a forever dog podcast member Michelle Obama's on the way that's our next guest you know it's Sasha

it ain't no Michelle it's Sasha well I'll take a Sasha I'll take a Sasha Malia I'll take both he just said Sasha was like Michelle from Destiny's Child you guys got Sasha yeah what's wrong with Sasha Sasha's after the dog bro don't play like that

see that's exactly why you couldn't make it in the podcast that being said I would also take the dog on the podcast I'm here for Bo Bo Mama everybody knows Mo Mama okay Jack we gotta hang up on you cause you not really adding anything to the podcast but thank you so much

love y'all cut his mic off cut that microphone off anything you want to leave the listeners with uh before we go no uh uh akon 2020 that's who you that's what i'm voting for i mean he did like bring electricity or something to all of africa is that supposed to be him being a president or something cindy you don't know cindy did you vote i did in the midterms yeah who did you vote for everybody blue that's a safe answer that's a safe i like that i like that i voted for all

the elephant was there a goose is there a blue goose do you really need to know the names you just need to know the party since you just go all the way down you just need to know the party uh no i actually couldn't they didn't get my ballot to me in la that's another safe one huh that's another safe one i was really upset i was really upset because i had got my registration in right on time and but me and jack had to come on tour so i was like i'm gonna get my manager to fill out my ballot and they sent it it came like two days after i could even do the shit yeah so i'm pretty disappointed that's voter suppression yeah that's what that is all the white people got their ballots all the time it didn't feel like it because i was like bro where

my shit at did you follow up nah nigga who were you gonna vote for anyway i was just gonna probably do the same thing and do like the what was it prop 10 on la they talking about raising rent on and all the old people was like nah nigga don't fuck up the rent i was like i'm a dude i'm a help y'all with that did they did that pass i was more concerned about like california they're gonna be they're gonna be fine they're gonna be fine they don't need my help like georgia needs my help yeah that's what you should that's what you should have sent your ballot that's what i really should have tried to vote i was in georgia because i mean stacy is still waiting she's still like i'm quitting yeah well because she's only done by like 30 000 well they're gonna do a

recount or a recount but a re uh a re a re-vote yeah like well then go ahead and go back to you got time dude i think i might have to do that because you will georgia it's like it's way more crucial than california like my vote in california is just like another like all of silver lake count for my vote yeah they all took care of my shit yeah but yeah so go to georgia and figure it out i think georgia's scary with that shit i feel like either people will come out or it's just gonna be even more racist to be like you know what i mean monster inc that's what it is yeah i love it i'm here for it i'm glad that you were able to come and talk about uh literally everything from um touching kids to touching hearts yeah i appreciate you sydney i don't appreciate you

agreeing with any of that but you do what you could sis i don't know why i led with that i think i just i'm tired you're like this is provocative yeah i don't know why i'm sorry west the conversation i'm sorry to my to y'all listeners i was i don't drink coffee so i just neither do i and yet here we are i got out of an uber and was like ah touch them niggas i don't care wow thank you so much to our rude expert what do you have coming up this is gonna be up for the end of December oh if it's December

I'll be on tour with my good friend Thundercat big deal oh Thundercat yeah that's a big what are you gonna be doing

opening for him I'm gonna switch it up I'm gonna be doing some songs and music no way mixed into my set that's great

you sing I don't sing but I can I can get it far enough to where wait a minute why did you wait until the end of the podcast

to talk about we should have led with that dude sorry you're singing you're like doing some not singing it'll just be songs it's gonna be

Forever Dog can we queue up some Zach Fox tunes I think he's on what's your sound sound clone don't you got a

song called Square Up yes yeah I'll probably be doing just mostly like little fun rap songs and shit

just cause it's I don't wanna give up way too much but it's it's a tour and like me and Thundercat like he's

musician like I wanna make it more tailored to him and I've been like experimenting with more like alternative ways to tell jokes you've been in the

studio i'll be in the stew i've been experimenting with alternative i love that that's great what's your instagram and your twitter you're really good at the social medias follow me on twitter at zach fox and on instagram at dick justice mind prophecy 2012 that's the whole that's his name on instagram and my email is infinite deodorant at gmail.com is that your real email yeah stupid This is why we can't give y'all money The engineer looking at us like We need to shut the fuck up Before we go

Come see us live for the Brooklyn Podcast Festival On January 11th At Union Hall The unofficial expert is going to be sold out So you better Buy your ticket Buy the ticket bitch Wow can we just do our like

Little plugs like that What's your plug What's my plug I'm just going to say yeah that's it okay alright well you listen

buy the ticket January 11th it's a Friday yeah okay bitch buy the fucking ticket nigga

hey buy that ticket nigga I'ma stab you oh okay alright well that's where we're gonna end it thanks guys bye

forever dog this has been a forever dog production executive produced by Brett Boehm Joe Cilio and Alex Ramsey

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