MESS with Sydnee Washington & Marie Faustin - "The Runaway Bride Expert" with April Storm

Episode Date: October 27, 2017

This is our MESSIEST episode of ALL TIME. Sydnee is living her best Caucasian life so we're discussing messy lesbians, Despacito dick, contouring your boobs with makeup and delusions of grandeur with April Storm Perry. Sign those divorce papers & pull up a chair!----Listen to The Unofficial Expert Ad-Free on Forever Dog Plus:https://foreverdogpodcasts.com/plus----BONUS EPISODES AVAILABLE NOW ON PATREON:www.patreon.com/TheUnofficialExpertBUY UNOFFICIAL EXPERT MERCH:https://www.teepublic.com/stores/the-unofficial-expert-podcastFOLLOW THE UNOFFICIAL EXPERT:https://www.instagram.com/UnofficialExpertFOLLOW SYDNEE:https://www.instagram.com/JustSYDbwhttps://twitter.com/justsydnycFOLLOW MARIE:https://www.instagram.com/Reeezyhttps://twitter.com/MsReeezyFOLLOW ANDREW:https://www.instagram.com/mcgui_guyTHE UNOFFICIAL EXPERT IS A FOREVER DOG PODCASThttps://foreverdogpodcasts.com/podcasts/the-unofficial-expertSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

hello hi hi hi welcome to the unofficial expert podcast with sydney and her her friend her male friend marie are you saying because your voice is deep yeah i don't know what's happening to my throat um but uh i have like perpetual morning voice now young man it sounds divine thank you so much you know quite wonderful thank you so much queen and sound and like my voice is very like young don't you hear it you hear that i got an old dion warwick voice that's what friends whatever how you doing what's up you're looking great thank you so much i'm doing great uh yeah i'm doing good i'm doing really well i got up and got dressed this morning to go for a run and then did not leave my house it's so hard i mean it's hard did you go work out today i surely didn't

I woke up early and looked at the things that I had to do. And I was like, I'm going to do all this stuff and didn't do a damn thing. Really? You ain't get nothing done? I mean, I got a couple of things done. I had to write a couple of jokes that I was like, oh, these are going to bomb. Oh, you got up this morning and wrote some jokes? Yes, yes.

Wow. I'm thinking about me doing clean material and it just don't feel right. Ah, yes, yes, yes. It don't feel right. I said, what is this? I need like a- Clean jokes? You got a youth group show coming up?

Oh, man. I can't. i'm trying not to curse as much i gotta find another word for dick penis no not even penis i want to think of something creative eggplant parmesan eggplant emoji no i like eggplant parmesan too much for you to call it it's too good is it have you made eggplant no but my mom makes it now her raggedy Haitian ass oh well it's really good tell her to send your my sister makes it too okay well I'm in the family so can y'all make that for me as well yeah I'm uh I'm gonna add that to the list of things that I'm not gonna do how are you doing I see you got a long sleeve

on with a long pant first of all I have a mock a mock turtleneck yes it is like the ninth episode of the podcast in a row that you had on let me tell you this is gonna be my signature look I want to have a mock turtleneck so people think i'm all reserved and shit and then i come out like bitch oh fuck you what up niggas see that i see that clean set didn't uh it didn't where the hoes at that's what i want to say no you know what you should keep wearing a turtleneck so like when you when you get famous you do like a capsule collection for like j crew or like with top shop or whoever and it'll be a line of turtlenecks you know yeah yeah yeah yeah but i I don't know if I want to be famous and wearing turtlenecks.

You know what I'm saying? So, you're going to wear them to get famous and then stop when you are famous? Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. See, I like to do the butterfly thing. Like, I'm in a caterpillar right now. This is my caterpillar wig. That's your cocoon? This is my cocoon wig.

And then when I get money, I flourish into, you know, Beyonce status. Beyonce's never wanted turtlenecks, sis. I know, but I'm saying right now. This is for me right now. Let me have my time, yo. I feel like you should show your boobs until you become famous And then start wearing total necks No, no, no, no, I have to cover my boobs now

Because when I get famous, I'm going to get them bigger Really? Yes, girl Wait, you would get bigger boobs? Yes, they're not big enough Oh my God I don't even know what to say Anywho, Marie, what was your expertise this week?

Oh my God, let me tell you, this is embarrassing I'm so embarrassed To say what I'm about to say So let me tell you guys the back story so my roommate is moving out the white woman that lives here and uh she uh she was out of town um this weekend so i was like cool i could show the apartment to people who want to move in so i had like two or three white women who also showed up because i guess that's who wants to live here now and uh you know i showed the apartment to two people one of them was like

this woman in her 30s so i was on the phone my mom like is this this old lady coming and my mom was like y'all like the same age so my mom is dead to me right and then um like this 29 year old chick came in and she was cool i liked her we connected and then i left the door open right the door to my roommate's room open and i went out and lived my best life and then when i got home i i put my keys down i walked barefoot across the living room and then i was looking and i was like what's that on the rug and i was like oh my god it's a mouse stuck on a mouse a glue trap but it came out of my roommate's room because it was over there stuck to the trap still like it was this little tiny mighty mouse that like threw its body this is how many feet you think this is six

six feet i'm about to leave let me pack my shit up okay i don't have time yo the mouse was still alive on the trap i'm screaming i walked by it barefoot and it didn't say excuse me sis or nothing this is the mouse's home now this is a mouse house yeah yeah so i had to house so i had to uh wait for my my cousin the next morning to come pick it up so i was an expert in having a dirty ass house that's probably why my roommate is leaving oh man definitely that's not why shut up oh you sure that was her mouse it's the infant uh infestation of uh shut up sydney you are an infestation of roaches on my couch right now um but this is our couch bitch that's you and the mouse's couch i'm like will you stay on your side and i'll stay on mine mouse is like shut up nigga

uh but yeah it was still alive and went in the morning when my room my cousin came to throw it away yikes well i'm glad it's dead zoinks uh i'll be missing you all the while i find the way okay they don't care about us anyway uh what was i an expert yes what were you an expert in uh i was an expert in living my best caucasian life absolutely i went to newport rhode island oh it ain't no black folks there i it was just two of us me and the other black person and it was wonderful who was the other black person oh um i don't know she was at the show she was at a show and i was like hey sis she was probably like that dove commercial where it was like she's a dirty white woman

sis or sister who is it who's in there sister sister wives yeah i was the only uh black person there but it was awesome they put me up in a nice ass hotels it was called gurney's shout out to gurney's for treating me like i wasn't poor gurney's doesn't sound like the name of a nice anything it doesn't but it is and uh i walked in immediately i was like who paying who who's is this under me what was so nice about the hotel it was like right on the water uh so you can see like the yes yes yes yes but i want to go back what was so nice about the inside of the hotel they had like white people cleaning the rooms or something yes they did actually oh all right the lady who came to change my towels was a white anglo-saxon whoa a little protestant like they

don't even have spanish people like what's going on here no asians no nothing nothing nathan's uh so anyway i'm in there hanging out i'm blasting my music nobody told me to turn it down because they were like it's a negroid in there oh they were like let her be she's she's the only one so let her be um but in it actually the person who was driving the shuttle was haitian there was another black person there okay guess what the shuttle was mercedes-benz don't yell into the thing like that because sorry people you're gonna blow everything i just got so excited they're not listening you said you've never been in a mercedes-benz before uh my patience has been in mercedes before i think i've been in three who is calling you now i am this this is terrible it's a

lot going on right now who the hell is that that's your mom who the hell is this anyway shut up so listen anyway i was there the shuttle was in mercedes-benz yeah you're really excited i saw in your instagram stories very excited about it the haitian guy dropped me off then a white guy comes to get me he's old as hell super old and i felt bad because i was like oh they got this old white man working this late so i tried i was like hey do you have venmo he was like venmo i'm like i want to tip you he's like what's that i'm like it's an app you said do you have venmo and he was actually i'm a sagittarius exactly exactly i was like well you don't want to tip you want to devenmo him three dollars yes i did because he's so old he was so i was like thank god white people

working in yes but you know white people like look older than they are so he might not even have been that old sis he was a good 85 no if he looked 85 that means he was probably 64 Ooh, shout out to all the white people that listen, and Maria's rude as hell. Shout out to all the white people listening with or without collagen, with or without elasticity in their skin still. Oh, my God. Shout out to all our melanin-less listeners. So rude. Anyway, so I was an expert in living my best Caucasian life.

Absolutely. Shuttling in a Mercedes Benz. I was on the water, you know, just not tipping people. Very Caucasian. It was great. Quite beige. Asking to speak to managers and stuff. oh yeah alabaster i was very alabaster um so let's wrap this up speaking of alabaster our next guest

is not a white woman oh absolutely not um so sorry to disappoint but she is uh she's great you guys are really gonna enjoy her because i was intrigued when i saw her perform you heard that word intrigued intrigued there's a g and a u in that word isn't it is that an sat word um i'm not sure sis you better do it okay yeah anyway so she's a she's an actress and a comedian and she is our um runaway runaway bride expert everybody it's april storm perry hey april hey april hey how's it going sis you got a lot of names i do have a lot of names yo storm is a middle name storm is an unofficial middle name because i was born during a winter storm in unofficial middle name That means it's not even on your birth certificate.

It's on my headshot, though. Sis, April Storm. Sis, you got your Facebook name on your headshots? Yeah. April Tempest Perry. Wait, April Pearl Storm? April Storm Perry. Or we could just go by April Storm.

But I was thinking that makes me sound like a stripper. That low-key sounds like a stripper. Ooh, April Storm also sounds like a rapper, too. And I low-key kind of want to be a stripper. Okay, well, let's get into that. Come on. Come on into it. What leads you into that life?

i've always liked to twerk okay okay i'm from north carolina so you know like we started like bouncing like way back in the day i would probably say like 1998 i'm aging myself oh shoot i don't know dude i mean i can't tell how old you are you look great so i have no idea i mean also i mean i feel like you're built to strip i mean you don't have no bra on and the top is look how low cut the thing is that's my cleavage wait i can see your belly button for the christian listeners i'm not a part of this okay and you were just talking about getting your boobs done so please don't even act like like god ain't disappointed whatever god wants to give me i'm going to take it no you already rejected the first titties don't act like you please i was like god

take those back no thank you you regifted your boobs i sure did so you're thinking so like legit like would you strip no i wouldn't i mean i want to i practice now that i have more like you go to like amateur night at the strip club no i just practice in front of my um my mirror at home well then we're all strippers then no no no no but no i can like for real strip sis you got a lot of time aren't you an actor comedian you guys think you don't have are you got shows what's up you can't be twerking and now you like she twerks on stage we know comedians who twerk on stage i have been so stressed out lately twerking is kind of like the thing i can do to kind of leave it right okay well i'm trying to figure out how i want to get into how i want to delve into this

that's an institute right there i like that delve uh delve like should we start at the beginning should we start like can you tell us a little bit about like who you are and where you're from so um again my name is april storm perry because i was born during a winter storm in april but in north carolina no in brooklyn oh in brooklyn okay okay so you were born in brooklyn but then i grew up in north carolina when i moved to north carolina when i was eight years old and i went to college there and then i moved back to new york h h hbcu no i went to unc i was way too broke to go to hbcu why hbcu is so expensive i don't know but like they was trying to get me to go to famu and like they were like oh we have a scholarship for you and they were

like oh it's a partial because my sat scores weren't high enough so she didn't know words like dill april or intrigued exactly so when did you meet your husband boyfriend your man okay i met him i met him in may of 2011 isn't that hilarious april and you met him in may literally any month that she said you would have made that connection i would have april and you met him in december and i was born in april so that's what really like people are like oh is that why your mom named you april i'm like precisely see that's that's the kind of mom i'm gonna be just real lazy but be like what month is i'm gonna have i'm gonna give birth and i'm gonna look up and whatever i see first is my baby's name i'll be like oh my

baby's name is papa john's as soon as my baby's born i'm gonna let the baby decide i'm like whatever you want to be you want to that's my baby that's my baby right there what's your baby's name it's exotic it's thai yes with a little two little dots little squiggly thing on top little accent on the e so you met him in may where'd you guys meet at the club at the church no i met him on plenty of fish girl i know which is like the ghetto is website it's not ghetto it's just like you're pretty you don't need to do that well at the time i had just got out of this other relationship right right right you're a serial dater no i'm not a serial dater i was okay i met this dude at my job and then you know one thing

led to another work and then he had you bent over the coffee machine or not at the cross he was on a fax machine the copy machine yeah it was a two-in-one no i was bartending at the time so anyway so so but so this dude this dude was like dominican right and i was like all about that dominican penis wait what's the new beyonce song whatever insert that there and then put the word penis after it i was all about that and then that turned into a hot mess situation because because you worked with him because i worked with him but then like i got i wound up getting fired from that job anyway because of him huh april april you truly are a hot mess no i got fired because people

didn't want to see me happy because no no no no no see that's a delusion of people right there delusions of grandeur no no no i got fired because i wound up going to brazil with my friend carlos who i'm living with right now and then like i stayed for 10 days and then and didn't request those days off no i did request a time off this time you would and they but they only granted you six you said i'm gonna take this extra fall though she was like i'm uh i'm scheduled for a double but I had acquired three six days so oh see you was adding up shit that wasn't even on there no I don't know why I got no really because people used to hate on me and Carlos see no for real because y'all were the mean girls you were the Regina George bartender no because no Carlos was

my manager okay and how did you you went on vacation with your manager but you were banging some other Carlos is gay that's what he said no no he's definitely gay but he said that to get you in the house me and carlos wound up becoming friends because when i started messing with the dominican dude carlos was like i also sleep with him too mommy okay no what happened was he noticed that like i was coming to work like because i had to be at work at like eight o'clock in the morning even though i was bartending so i was starting to come into work with like makeup on like you know putting my eyebrows on and all that stuff you're doing a lot the dick you already had the dick you don't have to be no i was made up to get it i was so digmatized over this penis

that you needed to put me he hadn't already seen your real faces exactly makeup okay no but we hadn't we hadn't we hadn't slept together at that point we had went out one night with a couple like other people from the job and then we wound up getting some drinks and we made out on a dance wait hold on what kind of drinks were you drinking girl no no what were we drinking i don't know like probably tequila something no we actually we started out at a wine bar and then from there we went to a club and then like a little sauvignon blanc it was sauvignon blanc to start oh girl you be changing voices yes i've been changing up voices got accents oh you role play yes oh see now i know why you got married girl wait wait so you get back from brazil you get fired you and

this dude from work still sleeping together or not he like you unemployed i was i was kind of chasing the dick a little bit you was thirsty i was thirsty we don't do that you need some polo springs or no no no no i'm totally my throat is a little dry right now this is all in the past okay this is my journey yes i've definitely changed speak your truth so then we wound up getting me and the dude the dominican dude wound up getting in a relationship and i was really happy about that but then he wound up cheating on me absolutely i mean i'm not come on girl nobody listening is surprised at carlos's house actually he cheated with carlos no not with carlos carlos was in the hamptons when i found out that he had cheated on yo introduce us to carlos he

sounds like he's living his best i want a spanish gay friend no who got actually brazilian and i love him but he got money for brazil and the hamptons introduce us to your friend girl okay so carlos we met he was my supervisor at this place that i worked in the meatpacking district and where it came um it's not open anymore it's called 202 oh yeah i never heard so even though i got fired when i put it on my um my resume i'd be like oh so this closed so that's why it's perfect they have nobody to call no references or nothing i love it yes that's how you do it girl listen my whole bartending resume is like marquee and display and people are like what yeah all those places don't exist no more thank you so much we became instant friends because he

was the first one to like see like he peeped that i was messing with the dominican okay can i ask you a question what was the dominican doing what was his position um he was if he was a busser you gotta go was he a barback he was a girl shut okay thank you for the unofficial expert he was so fresh off the boat too like he barely spoke english oh yeah but he probably was like really good at like baseball or whatever what did he look like he was what he was light skin okay and he was tall he was tall okay and papi chulo ish no he was a bar back not that i'm going to get listen i don't want y'all to think i'm classes or whatnot but i'm saying though i know how much classes and i know how much they make and it's not the same but look by the time i finished

with them he was a manager at another job that i wanted oh your pussy your pussy upgraded okay that upper mobility pussy okay broken pussy exactly okay so let's get into this so you and he cheated on you he cheated on me we broke up okay so then i was really sad and i kind of went on this i i was going a little wild for hope you went through a whole face yeah i had a little haltation going on but to aid in that my other dominican friend this girl is a girl named carmen she was like you need to get on plenty of fish and at the time what was her name carmen carmen carmen uh listeners out here never listen to a bitch named carmen so carmen unless it's carmen san diego and then at the time like i was also doing this workout program so i did this whole

body transformation so then i'm like well it's about to be summertime i got this new body i got this new body i got my haircut i was waist training i wasn't waist training at the time because it was a long time ago no no no i was working out i did brazil butt lift and then i wound up getting in the videos like i really got my life yes i'm in like the videos the commercials all that stuff i got my life after i got over this penis ah so that's a good penis then it was it was definitely can you shout it out so the listeners can hear about this what is this workout a brazil butt lift this is beach body um i have another brazilian friend named leandro carvalho oh i need to be that oh is he free can he do the podcast no well he's not free but y'all

can always come to my free class because i teach in his studio okay we will be there yeah it's fun okay yeah it's really really fun so my my body was looking real good so carmen convinced me to get on plenty of fish so i had posted like you know just normal pictures of my face and then And how many pictures of your ass? See, when people say normal pictures of their face, trust me, the cleavage was in there as well. What cleavage? You had this Versace dress on? I have no, like, this is not boobs, so I don't have to wear a bra.

Girl, you put that Victoria's Secret very sexy push-up times 12. And still nothing happens. I don't believe it. You be putting chicken cutlets in there. Okay, chicken cutlets sometimes. Okay, I know, girl. Me too. I would use to do that too.

But it still don't be like the line. The only time I can have a line is if I, like, contour it on with some makeup and a brush. you do a drag chest no i did i actually i did the short film one time and i had to like i was supposed to be in like this sex scene so i was like well i'm not going topless so we had like duct taped and put all this extra stuff on and then the guy had put some like contouring on my boobs so i was looking i was supposed to be prostitute april i can't keep up with you yes where are we going with this okay so plenty of fish you meet this man uh-huh yes okay so And then we met and like we got into a relationship and it was great.

But the thing is, he was the exact opposite of the Dominican dude. So he was white? No, no. So he was a legal citizen? Okay, no, crazy. No, when I say exact opposite, I mean in type. So he's short? No, no, no, no.

My husband, he's a good looking man. And actually, he's from Dominica. The place that people think you're saying wrong when you say it. Yes, and they don't identify as brown, but y'all are. Dominicans are black. No, he identifies as black. Okay, no, but I've met a lot of Dominicans. No, you're thinking of Dominicans.

They don't think that they're black. No, when I went to college, there was a lot of them from Massachusetts, and they don't think that they're black. Well, if you live in Massachusetts, then you're not black. Yeah, it was Massachusetts. So anyway, so yeah, we got into a relationship, and we dated for... Well, where was the first date? the first day oh god okay you're asking the real question thank you so much the first date

he was like we're just gonna meet up and talk i was like okay he wanted to get to know you girl i know he didn't have no money and he wanted to get to know you like you know i don't know he was so basically so we met up in the city right and then we had got he was he was drinking starbucks and then we went into ricky's oh sis and i because i was doing a photo shoot earlier that day right so i was looking cute but the photo shoot was at some crazy park in like washington heights that was not a photo shoot that was somebody's a model mayhem profile actually i did meet the dude on model mayhem you see april i am picking up what you're putting down i did meet the dude on model mayhem it's seven days seven nights photographers i got you talking new york this

is about to be this is too much information the funny part is i had to take a dump like really really bad april during the first date before he met up i was like damn where am i gonna go you pooped in the street no i had to go to the start i mean everybody goes there so actually that's the best place to do it no because so you blow up the starbucks bathroom and you come out he's standing right there like april yeah it's pretty much that's so wild that's hilarious i was like wait yeah so anyway so that's what happened so then we went to ricky's and we took a little walk and then we went to get something to eat we went to this place called friend of the farmer okay farm the table yeah he's like you know oh you know this is one of

my favorite spots so i'm like okay how many uh dollar signs on yelp i don't know i don't know how many i know that we got so here we get there and we got drinks appetizer entree dessert oh he let you get all of those things all those things okay that was a good day so then no but i'm not done yet because when they say let's can we want to split some apps up gotta go that's not enough no some tapas but that's not all that happened though so at the end of the date here i am i'm trying to be like politically correct and i was like oh you want to split it no one good and well i didn't have any money oh see i don't believe in pc culture so yeah what's wrong with you yeah exactly but then he was like yeah i guess that's fair i was so mad he said yes i guess that's fair

and you married him i was so mad and i was like i'm never going out with this dude again and then when you know the waitress comes over i'm trying to like drop hints i'm like i hope my card goes through like you still didn't pick that up girl that's terrible he also didn't pick up the chick so then i had decided i was never gonna see him again okay because i feel like you should have went with that yeah you should always trust your first instinct but no but um he he contacted me again and he wasn't like a bugaboo so we wound up getting he kept on asking if i wanted to do different things and i was like no but then he was like oh you want to go to the roots concert so i was like okay okay i could go with that and so that got my attention for whatever reason we

wound up not going to the roots concert i don't know what happened i can't remember no no no we hadn't and i waited with him how long did you learn my lesson i was like i'm not gonna be out here thoughting it out how long did you wait two weeks like it's like two and a half months oh marie that sounds like you reputable yes i told you i had grown i had grown mature so yeah like i want to keep this one i mean he's not picking up the check but you know what i'm saying it was funny because the next the next date like he kind of got that like i like to eat like and he needs to be paying so after that it was cool it was cool how did he how did he realize that when your card was declining and you kept ordering stuff they're like this card's been

declining she was like i'll take something else and trust me had i known i was gonna be paying half there's no way i would have got drinks appetizers entrees and desserts out of control when you're paying for yourself you get you order what sydney a coffee a coffee that's what i do coffee yeah i got food and you get free refills i asked up top do you get refills yes i'll take a coffee no i would probably at least get like french fries because i'm always need to have something to eat because i'm greedy or you could split an app or you split an entree actually hey do you want to get the steak yeah you ever cut up like you ever julian some steak but if you you can actually you can actually ask them to do that in the back oh they do that at steakhouses

yes they do that in the back yes oh did you learn that with your new boo or what's that no no no no i learned that from just being broke long enough um all right so where was i where was i in the story so i feel like you so you said he the next time he took you out he got it he got it and he paid i feel like we need to fast forward a little bit i just want to know so how long did you guys date for five years five years marie we we're friends for three i feel like five years i feel like in five years i won't even know you yeah i'm gonna be brand new yeah me too you're gonna be like latavia and i'm gonna be beyonce no bitch oh oh you got a lot of nerve uh-uh ho i'm just gonna be beyonce you're gonna be latoya lucky no no no i'm gonna be beyonce as well and i'm gonna cut out

every picture that we i'm gonna just post the picture i'm just saying like those people i'm just saying like those people can't even say that they know beyonce yeah that's what i'm saying that's gonna be us in five years yep you could be beyonce too exactly i'll be uh you got a lot a fucking nerve bitch i don't even know that's what her name is yeah you it's octavia it's octagon no octavia is the chick from the help oh well same thing okay so five years you're together i mean but and he proposed in december of 2015 and we had a year and a half engagement only because of money okay and i didn't want to wait a year because i didn't want to get married in the wintertime so oh yeah yeah okay that's a very bright so talk to me about uh no who wants to get married in the

winter time it's all cold my friend my god sister got married in the winter time and her marriage ended in divorce so um i got married in the spring and well how did he propose um i was in brooklyn because i teach improv acting to incarcerated youth right april how many jobs do you have a lot i do i do a lot you were always on the go hustle hustle hustle never got no money know so how are these incarcerated youth supposed to pay for improv yes and is it right is it the city paying um we get grants it's a non-profit so it's different okay so so bloomberg paying yeah i teach it with a organization that's already established which is actually my friend's organization so anyway so we had a christmas eve show in in in brownsville oh my

god that's terrible that's awful for those that are listening brownsville is um like the wire if it wasn't pretty much yeah so he because i knew that he had like he had already talked to my mom to like get this ring and stuff but i'm like damn it's like it's about to be the end of 2015 oh you know he spoke to your mom because your mother snitched or he told you my mom kind of like oh come on mother what's her name faith faith have a little faith have a little faith faith i mean he kind of made it obvious because my my mother had came to um to new york i think it was mother's day and he was on the phone like don't forget the ring so anyway so so anyway so we had it we had a show and then after the show i had convinced him to come to the show with me because we were there

for a while in brownsville you bring your men to brownsville wow you don't want to live huh you don't want to live either but look but then after the show my other friends had convinced us to go to long island or some shit long island to go to their house for chris for a christmas party so we walk from where we were through like east new york which i thought i was literally about to die april you walked yeah because we couldn't find a cab there was no cab yeah because they know not to go to east new york yeah and i don't i don't blame them there was no lift no uber no nothing no they turned off the app when they passed through the neighborhood it's like not available so um so anyway so yeah so we walk over to the train station we get there i did not know

that he had the ring on him the whole time oh he was he was ready to get around wait you okay you had a nigga walking with the rain in brownsville brownsville wow that should be um a lifetime channel movie this is how that sounds like an episode of fear factor yeah no really i thought i was gonna die like i never feel and this is in december yeah christmas so y'all had the little puffer jackets on yeah a bunch of dirty ass snow what did i have on she had a little baby she had a little half coat on i was halfway cute the baby fat she had the baby fat jumper yeah but it was like a crap top coat i had like with my butt out of course you did of course you did we already know your ass was out yeah we definitely knew that so you get to the train station he's like

i'm so happy to be alive i want to spend the rest of my years with you no no no so anyway so then we get to my friend's house we're both at this point like really really hungry and like in a bad mood so we get our food we get drinks and then people are like partying in the other room and then we're in the kitchen i was going to get another drink and it finally was just me and him and he was like oh you know i always like i always have to wait on you because he had to wait on me for the show to start when we were in brownsville he would probably waited like an hour and a half almost two hours oh girl i would have left your ass five years my ass yeah you know i got good pussies but not good enough for the dominican okay come through okay i got receipts right so so anyway so

then he was like you always have to wait on you while i was waiting on you like i started to write you a poem so he was like you want to hear the poem so he read the poem to me see i would have been like no thank you and then i don't want a haiku i don't want none of you don't want five syllables i don't want no love jones in here no brother to the night i'm all set brother to the no raisin in the sun no that's funny all right all right so yeah so he read the poem the end of the poem was will you marry me and then he proposed that's corny yes he proposed okay so let's get into this runaway bride situation roses are red violets are blue i'm tired so will you marry me pretty much that was beautiful that was freaking poetic poetic i'm tired so will you marry

me yeah that's pretty much what it was but at the time like i couldn't see any of this because we had been together so long and i guess i feel like i kind of like you felt like it was it was happening the way it was supposed to happen yeah well almost like if you if you're with somebody so long and it's like even though it's wrong that's your normal you know what i mean so my normal okay okay like he he was hitting me from the start so like this is i don't know anything else but it's he was beating my ass from the beginning so it doesn't i mean that's how tina turner felt okay like that's her normal you know what i mean i mean we it definitely wasn't an abusive relationship or anything like that sorry listeners i didn't want to get that confused

no no i just had to be clear that was me taking it too far but it was like i don't know it's just like it was stuff that i hadn't seen but and the other thing is it's because like i had a a history of dating dudes that weren't there and weren't responsible like when i started dating him i thought that he was like the one and i thought because he stayed no because this is the first one that wasn't doing all the other shit the other dudes were doing and that's where you fucked up you got to get you he has to get the he has to start you off with how you're supposed to be treated in a relationship and then you move to another relationship yeah and so you it just gets better and better and you level up it's levels to this good levels to this pussy but here's the

thing i was also seeing a therapist at the time and like you were a black therapist uh-huh was like was like she was like a upper upper west side or upper east side was she white oh wow you can't be a black woman going to see a white female therapist with your father so you know obviously like you're searching for a man who you know kind of like you've been dating men who were unavailable because your father was unavailable so all that should have been like no they just had good dick you know all that kind of like me it's true all that made me think that i was like doing the wrong thing so i was like obviously he's the right you know he's the right person for me okay so let's get into the story the actual story that made me feel like dude you got to be here

you're you're you're the expert in this so you are engaged right walk us through what happened to like kind of shift everything a little bit all right well this is hard to talk about but i'll say you alive you're ready it was already at the tip of your tongue so you do you need a moment you need some water are you about to cry there is no there's a no crying policy listen i their mice are allowed in this house but no tears okay marie shamwows all tears listeners listeners uh just sidebar yeah no one's ever cried on this podcast no one ever like not even close as mean as we are to the guests sometimes they don't even look they cry outside uh-huh but i'm not about to cry though okay yeah i was just thinking about like damn

how much am i actually going to you know share on the internet we got 30 you got 30 minutes worth of sharing to do so okay so basically um my a couple of my friends came in town to help me find a wedding dress did you have like a like a type of dress in mind like a mermaid or a cinderella i didn't know what i wanted i just went to david's bridal no i went to kleinfeld oh okay excuse me no i don't know david's bridal you said that y'all didn't have no money yeah but i'm broken bougie honey like so broken bougie you broken foolish okay got it because i went to the sample sale and i actually found a brand new dress that was supposed to be three thousand dollars nobody had ever even tried it on and it was a like a mark zanino it fit like a t like it was

really really cute i had a beautiful dress and how much was the sample 9.99 i think that was the best choice you ever made the entire podcast also you should also strip that's my other thing that i think that you should look that's a good choice sometimes it's rough right now think about it but because i work with kids i don't think i would be like a good yeah yeah yeah so anyway but maybe bartend in a strip club that's not really stripping anyway so So, I got my dress, and then after that, me and my friends went to a concert. We went to the Drake concert. We had, like, front row seats.

What? Who paid for these tickets? One of my friends got the tickets. Okay, so who, was it a man? Because the way you said it, you said it was one of my friends. Carlos? No, not Carlos. Carlos did get me a pair of Christian Louboutins, though.

Louboutins? Did you say Louboutins? Yeah, Louboutins. Louboutin. Louboutin. Louboutin. wait i'm not gonna because i would rather say it wrong the boots the bootings that's i mean listen we we all knew what you what you meant y'all know what i'm talking

about uh it sounded too real though it sounded like that's how exactly how you say that is how i say that's exactly how i say it i'm not gonna be one of those annoying people and talking like this and i'm like oh yeah and carlos actually got me a pen christine louis you know what i feel like we're missing the point here not only can you not say the word but carlos got you a pair of Louboutin. Yo, when is he free? Can we set up a meeting with him? I honestly just want to interview with him and see if I can get in there as a friend. He sounds like he's like a

great friend expert. He is an amazing friend. He really is. He's gay, paying, and he don't want to fuck. Uh, yeah. He's me up. Freaking fantastic. Yeah, he's an amazing friend. So you wore those for the wedding? Oh, yeah. I wore them for the wedding. They're perfect, too. So anyway, but me and my friends had went to a concert. We went

to this great concert. So we was feeling ourselves. We was looking real cute or whatever. And, um, then we went back to the room and we was just you know drunk chilling or whatever and we was sleeping three two we was three three of us in a bed because we only had a king-size bed so it was me my friend and my other friends sleeping the opposite it's all women i don't like any of my friends that much where we slept in an air mattress before yeah and i ended up on the floor remember you were like uh you're taking all the cover and you're taking up all the air mattress

But I was used to it because these are like, these are friends that I've known for a long time. And they're like my travel friends. We would go on all these trips together. We would go on them. So this wasn't nothing new. So basically something happened between a friend and I. While the other friend was sleeping in the bed. Sis, okay, we got to go to a short commercial break because, bitch, I am not ready.

Ready. so you had a little um let's be honest moment with a friend yes yes but the other friend was also in the bed she would sleep that's what i'm upset about her feet would hurt she was april storm mess i can't april storm mess she was sleeping in the opposite direction though okay yeah but the bed the bed was moving and she was on the bed okay well let's be and still do too much so you could do a lot without doing too much movement but i don't want to do too much it wasn't it wasn't all like that it's not like it was just you guys were just like making out like you know i touched her heavy heavy

it was like high school again it was like high school again and i've never had like i'm not like one of those people who was like you know go to the club grinding on your girls nothing like that your nails clean looking at your nails my nails aren't dirty they're not lesbian uh approved these are my accent nails right here look i just moved okay they don't look gay enough she's saying that they need to be a little more blunt cut oh like marie marie got it they need to be more gay your nails she's saying that they're they're too pretty oh no they're too long too no i like this Oh, no, no, no. But does she like that?

Does she like that? Well, I don't know. We're going to actually, I'm going to. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. So y'all did some heavy petting and? That's it. In the morning you wake up and you're like, whew, well, that's never going to happen again. Wait, so y'all didn't even do anything and that was enough for you?

I got to leave my man. I just want a heavy pet. No, no. This was just a start. I was like, okay, this could never, I don't know where this came from, but this could never happen again. Ever? Yeah, ever.

Because I was like, you know, this really can't ever happen again. And okay, 10 hours later, it happens again. So that makes me want to throw up because any of my friends, I'm like, oh, please. Is that what you think of Marie? I will throw this mic at you, bitch. Yo, we're done. Shut the whole podcast down. I am.

All my friends are gross. All my friends are dead. All my friends are gross. That's funny. So what happened? What happened? And so so then basically during the course of the engagement, the friend who was sleeping in the opposite direction, she wound up bowing out of the wedding. Like she was my best friend and she like she said, I know you're messy as what you was doing in bed and I don't want to be a part of it.

Oh, that's why she bowed out. No, no. She was way more of a mess than I ever was. So why did she bow out? She bowed out of the wedding because she had a messy situation where she wound up dating one of her friends' boyfriends. And then from there, she kind of distanced herself from me and my other friend. Oh, because she felt bad or because she just was having this other secret relationship? With somebody that y'all knew. No, it wasn't anybody that I knew because she lives in Florida. So it was one of her friends who lives in Florida.

but anyway she wound up bowing out because we didn't really like the guy but that's not why i told her that she couldn't bring him it was because we was trying to keep our our costs down so if you wasn't married you couldn't bring a plus one if you were like in oh i get it yeah because she was like in my wedding party too and like a big part of my family so i figured that she wouldn't take it personal but i had told her that she can bring a plus one right but i wanted her plus one to be her son who's my godson so you're asking for a lot for a wedding that didn't even happen wait no the wedding happened oh it did happen yeah you see if you stop asking questions we get to the end of the story yeah so basically so basically my friend one of my friends dropped out

of the wedding one of my best friends my other friend where something happened between us like we wound up getting closer because she was helping me plan the wedding yo this is yo this needs to be a movie well i'm working on it okay okay okay but if you need me to be the other friend let me know and i'll be the friend that leaves the bed is moving weird that's funny let's dab on that so so anyway so yeah we got closer and then like my feelings for her changed from being just friendly feelings to more romantic

feelings. How's she look? She's beautiful. No, bitch. Let me see a picture. I mean, we fly, so... I mean, I said you are fly. I agree with you, but I'm just want to see your friend. I feel like your friend looks like you. A pretty Queen Latifah?

No, people say that we look... Everybody says that we look like sisters. That's gross. But we're not. That's disgusting. We're not. That's nasty. I'm just trying to tell you. I'm going to show y'all a picture. Listen, I will tell you that when I first was gay, I would only hook up with white or Spanish girls because I felt like if I dated a black woman, it felt like being with my sister.

You were only dating white women? Yeah, Marie. Oh, my goodness. Did I not tell you that? No. I feel like I've mentioned that before. I feel like you betrayed a piece of me. There she is.

That's that Coachella. Oh, wow. She is. I told you. See, y'all trying to play me. She is gorgeous. I don't know what I'm talking about. Wait, hold on.

I need to see this photo also. But also, can you tell us? She is really pretty. I know. Sydney, people listening can't see the photo. Okay, we're going to tag her on it. Is she going to be on the unofficial expert page? No, I think you should tag her on it.

Okay, I'm kidding. Ooh, look at that little hip. You're right, you're right. Ooh, sis. Yes, right, Marie? Girl. April, good for you. April Storm Tornado Mess.

Good for you. April Storm Tornado Mess. My brother used to call me Tornado because I had a temper. Sis. So, like, yeah. Okay, so after y'all got closer, then what? This whole time this is happening, your fiance's like... She's trying to convince me not to get married.

Okay, is she a lesbian? No, she's not a lesbian. So this is y'all first rodeo. Like, we actually just fell for each other. But how long have y'all known each other? We've known each other for 17 years. 17 years and you never looked at her like, damn, my body's dead. Look at that ass.

Yeah, never. i never looked at any woman like that i mean even i'd be like she's pretty i mean yeah but not like in a sexual way like damn i'm trying to fuck i mean nobody i don't look at any i don't look at dudes like that yeah marie's asexual okay and so am i no i mean but it wasn't it's not that it's just like we just got closer and i was going i was in a vulnerable state like trying it was so much stress trying to plan for the wedding and i felt like the things that my fiance at the time and i weren't like agreeing on it was just kind of pushing us apart so i was really confused so here i am trying to get married figuring that i'm doing

the right thing by getting married and this is the path that i need to go on however at the same time dealing with wait what the fuck i've never even been with a girl am i a lesbian so nowhere it was like a whole bunch of different emotions going on at once and i didn't tell anybody okay i told nobody so nowhere in there though no well what did the white lady say no a new therapist and she's not white she kind of just listened and supported me see this is why you can't be spending 120 an hour oh i need some answers let me tell me what to do by this time by this time this therapist i was on medicaid i ain't even have to pay for it and i got a free metro card a free two-way metro card every time i went girl i'll go to therapy just for that dude

me too i just need a card for the train so no wait so hold on so nowhere in this process did you think oh i shouldn't get married no because i was kind of like really self-shaming myself about like i just was like i just need to stop having these feelings for her okay wait he was trying to be uh deliberate deliberate i was just i was just in major denial i was in major denial So, wait, y'all were heavy pet. When did y'all actually have sex? The day after. You're trying to make sure the time frame adds up for the shit that you've been saying?

Okay, since I see you. So, you ain't got to say, but, like... It wasn't about the sex. Okay, but when y'all had sex, how was that? It's a beautiful experience. Oh, I don't know about that. She busted out that hashitashi. the hitachi magic wand the magic wand did you have that girl

that loud ass magic wand neighbor knocking on the wall what's really funny though is i had a comedy show um in december right and i so i i did not masturbate at all i didn't use no i don't play with myself because i just can't that's part of my bit like there's nothing about me that makes me want to fuck me right so she was the one well because i don't have patience for like that for myself there's a whole bit about how i'm not about to like put it on myself because i'm normally like a wham bam thank you ma'am kind of girl when it comes to busting a nut but that's another conversation so anyway but my friend she was like you know well you should really you got to get a vibrator

or something april like how are you not in touch with your body in this way so like i had got ones to try out for myself and it was like a total game changer i was like which one did you get the rabbit no it's not the rabbit i call it my purple prince it's called the revolver the revolver bang bang i used it yesterday after i had a very very traumatic moving experience so you moved and then just no because no because i knew it was going to be traumatic so i'm like i'm supposed to have a planned pleasant activity when you yeah when you stressed out you got to do that it's like i get it the revolver you had a little wow wow west wow wow but look we go straight to the wow wow it totally was like that because i was drunk and high by this point

at the same damn time i woke up and it was like lube all over the sheets a hot mess so much so much about my myself i love it so much so i wound up getting married um Was she at the wedding? Yeah. You are trifling. Good for nothing type of brother. Oh, my God. Yo, April.

I was in denial. You are. Girl. So, was she in a relationship at the time? Or is she in a relationship? Maybe. Oh, perhaps. Oh, my God.

Wink, wink. This is too much. So, she watched you get married. She sure did. Yeah, that was hard. She has no soul and neither do you. no that's not true she just loved me she loved you love have no eyes no heart love don't live here so basically but here let me let me fast forward i got married and then that's when it

really started kicking in i don't think i made the right decision so after y'all put down a deposit and paid for everything you were like they put a deposit down like six months before that yeah can you get your money back though no you can't no we had a beautiful wedding too we had a beautiful wedding it's about to be in all the blogs and magazines in north carolina it was in blogs it's beautiful it was beautiful is it beautiful no i mean the actual look of it was because like we're we she's the one who helped me like plan the look and everything because she's like this is how i would want my wedding to be yes not really but but we had we had we had a really really nice i had a nice wedding and she helped me plan it and it was beautiful and that just

shows that any time that we come together and create something like it's always the bomb so basically so but she she did warn me she was kind of like the only person telling me you don't need to get married not just because of what has happened between us but like all the signs for him not being the right one for you is there because i know you well you know what i mean your friends and nobody knew what was going on so your friends had no idea no but nobody else knew what was going on and also no one else really like took the time to like know what it is that i needed like everybody was thinking telling me like this is this is a good thing he's a good man you know like that's where how old were your friends because at a certain point like certain age

your friends be tied and like bitch just do what you need to do well i didn't just tell me when to show up i i mean some since i grew up in in another state like some of my bridesmaids were in that other state so they didn't really yeah they didn't also they'd be thirsty for marriage i got it you're right it's different in the south it really is yeah they know they want to be wise and mothers at like 22 so and then and then um so wait hold on you guys got married and then y'all went on a honeymoon yeah we went on a honeymoon april do you know that you could you could potentially be on one of them shows where this dude kill you because i would kill you we go through all of that we go to honeymoon i paid all that and he was with your friend the

whole time i'm gonna kill you look what i'm gonna need y'all to do that's what i'm saying like maybe don't tag me in this, per se. Okay, okay. We'll put one of those like blur things over your face. We'll blur your face out. That's the only thing I'm really worried about. To protect her identity, we blur your face out.

And then I finally like, you know... Sis, we should have had a different alias then. Yeah, dude. You should have given us your real name. We'll bleep your name out. This is not her real name anyway. April Storm Tornado Mess. It was a storm. It was a mess.

so where is he now i mean he's i don't know i guess at work no no i mean i'm like you moved out like what i just just i just moved out though so basically like literally i just moved the rest of this morning yeah which is why i was late so that's a good excuse for being that's a great excuse it fits with the theme of the day so basically i came clean to him i told him you told him everything oh my god so how do you tell somebody that you've been with your body for bruises wait how do you tell somebody that you've been with for five years that you don't want to be with them anymore yeah so the listeners are here because you're with a your friend um yeah what's the words what did i do okay actually he came to me because he was like are you happy do you want

to be in this relationship and i was like no way too nice and then and then i said no and then i told him why and and then he just you know it's not easy thing to hear but i had to just be i was totally honest i was yeah but how long were you guys married when you were totally well we got married in may and i told him in august bro you had a hell of a year hell of a year right and you don't look stressed you ain't got bags underneath no your skin looks fantastic you look amazing your body's on thank you i'm a buddhist hey girls listen that's what that's really what that i have an astrologer the buddhist people um that and a therapist to keep me like sane and then i just like this is all on the government's dime right you're on medicaid no because when i got

married i got on his insurance so oh no yo shout out to april storm yo no but i actually want to go back to medicaid because the insurance i got to do a copay you really know how and i don't get my two dollar um girl the listeners are gonna hate and love you so so basically so then i moved in with my friend carlos and carlos is going through cancer right now he's weak and he's just like happy for you to be around okay well he finished his last day of treatment no because we was going i was going to his treatments with him we were smoking weed in the bathroom he got that cancer weed oh i've been telling him that he needs to try to sell that oh no yeah it's good wound up no he he was able to get it but then he wound up not getting it um because it's not

it just he wasn't able to walk after a certain point so it was just that's how good the weed is no that's how bad the treatment was oh yeah so he was supposed to help me move yesterday and yesterday why would you ask somebody with cancer to help you i didn't i know he offered i was like carlos you're not gonna be able to do that so i didn't even like i was like um it's okay sit down get some rest got it so my friend came to help me pack and then in the morning she had called one of her moving guys and he came and yeah we moved the shit and now i'm at carlos's house it's all it's all in a room i'm going to north carolina tomorrow and this is me to do what to see my family okay you need some family you also need god she's god she's buddhist no i'm no but i know

it sounds really bad and it is really bad but like i have to like really find what it means to be true to myself and i'm sorry that it happened this way but this is what it well i'm not bored with that i don't think it would have happened i mean in my mind she came up to help you with the wedding and then it turned into oh my god we're in love right if that was going to happen right i mean i don't know if i would have went all the way through with the wedding yeah but i wouldn't have done that but i mean you you also were confused because this was your first woman you have ever been with so you're not even for sure of your feelings and you don't know what's going on and you also were in a weird place with the person you were about to marry so i've been

in that limbo like what am i doing where are we going i've never been in that limbo it's almost like i had to get married to realize that i wasn't supposed to be married that's an expensive ass lesson yeah but it's it's one that i won't make again i won't like i won't i'm not gonna make that same mistake and like it's really more about me being true to myself and i'm like okay this is the point in my life where i'm just gonna take off and i'm just gonna say this is who the fuck i am i'm not gonna be pretending anymore about anything nope and i'm gonna live my life and i and i hope that he's able to live his life in the best way because he's a good person sure he's hurt i'm sure he's hurt i know he is he's not gonna let his next chick have any female friends

no any female friends oh no he's not gonna let her have anything he's gonna make her pay during the day everything like no but you know what i realized i started doing this intimacy without responsibility like online thing april i know you always got a trick or an app or something or a white woman telling you to mess together it does but like i i am a spiritual person so i'm like if i'm gonna fuck up this hard i really do need to learn from this shit yeah you know what i mean like i really gotta learn from it so i and i just so happen to find this intimacy without responsibility thing and one of the things is like you cannot you can't and this is what i was doing this is why it took so long for me to tell him because i was so afraid of hurting him i'm sorry

i just spit but me being so afraid of hurting him is me preventing him from him living the life experience and having what he needs like just like the dominican dude hurt me that was a part of my experience to help me grow and so where i am sitting right here right now dude this is heavy i feel like you could do a ted talk yeah honestly and i feel like you could do it and people will listen and then you know fuck up their life and well if you can say anything a life is a fuck first of all i don't take myself too seriously not to say that this is a joke but like i'm human oh girl i'm laughing it was a hot ass mess i believe it's still a hot ass mess but like i wouldn't go through all this if it wasn't something like worth it like i i don't i don't know if i'm

a lesbian i'm not saying i have to be a lesbian i don't even care i just know that i love her wow okay so um do you have any like uh tips for the listeners out here dealing with like marriage trying to find out their sexuality yeah anything that you could say to anybody okay okay a couple things all right for as far as marriage just you can make anything work with the right person i just so happen to be a person where i can make anything work anyway so you can make anything work with the rich person okay i'll stay because he's paying but um i say follow just don't don't lie to yourself and don't do everything that you think society or your family or anybody just wants you to do because you think that's what you're supposed to do like take supposed to out of your

vocabulary and do what's true to your heart and i feel like if you can have the courage to do that then you can always live a wonderful life who you heard that's in me a wonderful life do what you need to do and what is in your heart not what you are those tears are those tears there are no tears sydney get out get your ass out and then and then it just hit home you know and then about anything about like finding your sexuality i don't know okay i don't know because i wouldn't but does it feel good it doesn't feel good i mean i'm sure that i will still like the feeling of a penis as well but y'all have no strapples huh y'all have no strapples why are you whispering strap on into the microphone today well you ain't got no strap on um and then i wrote a little something i know

this is gonna go over but it's girl you want to spit some bars i got bars i got i got bars i was gonna try to do for the dick challenge and it just wasn't coming to me because i i didn't do nothing for the dick but i did well you're good you're good you're left for the pussy yeah okay well that's what i'm saying spit your bars and then we'll look i don't have it memorized okay all right well i'm excited about this okay this is the first time we've ever had somebody rap okay when we wrap up and i'm like yeah okay so this is how i'm gonna wrap wrap up and i may i'm not i'm not a lyricist but okay where's the beat where's oh we can't do this we ain't got we don't have phone all right i'm gonna do my own beat so i can get into it okay

i changed lanes for the pussy i go both ways for the pussy okay i kept my last name for the pussy rearrange my whole day for that pussy all right i'm on the lawn for that pussy i use a strap on for that pussy uh hold on the bill collector's call okay stay up when you want call for that pussy and then for the long haul for that pussy uh i became a better me for that pussy i fly to nc for that pussy it's just you and me for that pussy stand up to my family for that pussy i throw blows for that pussy listen to what my heart knows for that pussy wow i get divorced for that pussy oh my goodness push myself full force for that pussy okay i don't play about my pussy. I fight a grown man

for that pussy. I'm not fighting a grown man for no pussy. Because I'm down for that pussy. Sure, you sure are. And I go down on that pussy. Oh, do you? Exclusive on the unofficial expert room.

Bombs. Bombs. Bars. Can I drop the mic now? These mics are not paid for. So where can people listening catch you or i mean i mean i understand that you trying to like stay kind of anonymous with this but like where should people hit us up if they want to speak to you or if they have questions yeah they i mean yeah yeah hey hit us up okay it's still real messy right now like i ain't even give

y'all everything it's a lot it's no it's better it's better that you you know you want the listeners want more so they can contact you we can give them your email if they hit us up in the dms slide in our DMs and make sure you send us a picture that like doesn't show your whole face we can blur just show your eyebrows oh I got a good brow

you might have to switch the hair up that's a good subway brow this hair changes all the time honey I was looking like Harriet Tubman right before I came over here send us that photo the runaway slave photo okay I got you send us the help

this has been amazing very exciting intriguing yeah there was a lot of twists and turns it was like a lifetime movie it really was

you can slide in our DMs at unofficial expert on Instagram or the unofficial expert on Facebook yes please and then I am

Reezy R-E-E-E-Z-Y and I'm just Sid B-W-J-U-S-T S-Y-D-B-W April honestly I wish you you and her

all of the best but also kind of wish your man the best too I hope he's okay I don't want him to do anything to himself

or like others No, I wish him the best, too. Actually, this was a big thing, but I had invited him to the Buddha Center because I feel like it helped me so much. I said, oh, you be damned if you try to offer me some fucking Buddha after you didn't put me through it. Girl, I will kill that Buddha. I will strangle the Buddha. You're so dumb. But I just feel like, look, it's a powerful practice for me, and it's not just for me.

Well, you out here winning. I mean, also, it worked for Tina Turner. It did. And Angela Bassett. I hope to see you in Switzerland soon soon guys thank you so much for listening don't forget to like, rate, subscribe

and you know check out Comedy Hype for all of your comedy needs yes bye guys Thank you.