MESS with Sydnee Washington & Marie Faustin - "The Sex Date Expert" with Molly Austin

Episode Date: September 28, 2018

Prepare yourself for the steamiest Unofficial Expert yet!Molly Austin is the Sex Date Expert. She joins Sydnee & Marie to discuss her experiences in the sex-dating world, bizarre threesome meetings, the perfect sex date look, what happens when a man buys you a mountain of sex toys, and much more!Plus, Sydnee cant get any money for her old clothes and Marie tells stories from her Studio 54 themed birthday party.----Listen to The Unofficial Expert Ad-Free on Forever Dog Plus:https://foreverdogpodcasts.com/plus----BONUS EPISODES AVAILABLE NOW ON PATREON:www.patreon.com/TheUnofficialExpertBUY UNOFFICIAL EXPERT MERCH:https://www.teepublic.com/stores/the-unofficial-expert-podcastFOLLOW THE UNOFFICIAL EXPERT:https://www.instagram.com/UnofficialExpertFOLLOW SYDNEE:https://www.instagram.com/JustSYDbwhttps://twitter.com/justsydnycFOLLOW MARIE:https://www.instagram.com/Reeezyhttps://twitter.com/MsReeezyFOLLOW ANDREW:https://www.instagram.com/mcgui_guyTHE UNOFFICIAL EXPERT IS A FOREVER DOG PODCASThttps://foreverdogpodcasts.com/podcasts/the-unofficial-expertSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hi guys. Hello, hello. Oh wow, my voice is back. Sydney, yours sounds like it's leaving. I'm tired, man. It's fucking haggard. I mean, we were together last night. How late did you stay up?

I did not stay up. I fucking went home. I went to sleep immediately. I didn't even wash my ass. You didn't wash your butt? I did not. I put my dirty self in the bed. Disgusting.

you're just soiled fucking nasty but i i could not i had to go to sleep i was exhausted i had gotten up i worked a freaking 11 hour day with only three hours of sleep three hours of sleep yeah what were you doing the night before um what was i doing what was the night before was wednesday no i don't know the days yeah what are the days no i we who when You don't have a day job. What day is it? What are the hours? I'll go through entire days thinking, today's Friday.

And then somebody will be like, today's Tuesday. Yeah. And I'm like, really? But when you're unemployed, every day is Friday. I mean. Friday, Friday. We remember that song. Can somebody find Rebecca Black for us and have her come in and do the podcast?

I want her to be our. X-rated on Fridays? No. Because I could get somebody who works at TGI Fridays to be there. Oh, yeah. I just, I feel like she should be our like privileged white girl expert. You know what I mean? Like her parents had extra money and paid for her to go to a studio and record that.

But we went to a rich, we had a rich bitch expert, Greta. So you're saying we already had a white woman. We already had one. We already had one. Hi, white ladies. All three of y'all that are listening to this right now. Well, Sydney, what were you an expert in this week? you just can't put up with shit sometimes sometimes you just you've had it up to here

and i went to a consignment shop that i shopped there fucking frequently and this time i was trying to drop shit off i was like let's get rid of some of some things so i can bring more things to the crib or actually i was just dropping stuff off i was like y'all could really use 30 dollars right now right you like bring stuff to the consignment shop they they they value your goods for so much less than what you think you should be getting for him. I said,

let me get a cool $30 real quick. Bitch, I knew, I knew, as soon as I walked in that bitch, I was like,

that bitch is not taking none of this shit that I have. This other dude, he walked in before me, he looked homeless. He legit looked like he doesn't even sleep

on a mattress. Right. He looked like he was in a band. Right. Grungy. Yeah, just nasty.

And he had a bag of things, if that's what you want to call them. Trash. articles clothing whatever and the lady at the register kicking picking up stuff like oh my god this is so great yeah but when you see a homeless looking white person it's called designer sis that's ball main whatever that's easy and i don't even i don't know i don't think he was white he was something else okay he was other that's cute he was just dirty those are um and she was kicking

with him hard and i was like yo i bet you that's his that's her friend like the way she was talking to him he didn't seem like a stranger anywho he's got like bags of stuff and she's taking this and taking that she almost took everything that he had he had what like an ikea bag full of stuff yes he did like a big blue he did and i i was fuming you could see the the heat coming up off my braids i was mad one of the braids slipped out that's how hot it was or old whatever it was loose it was loose anyway yo i i had like seven pairs of jeans she didn't take not one she said oh they're a little worn um she's like oh we're not doing low rise like that we we need a longer zipper like it came at your low rise she said these are not up to date when they look at your stuff and then they

start folding it back they're not taking it you know they're not gonna take it when they're not even and it's not even like a like a uh an even fold they just like haphazardly yeah they just they roll it they literally throw it on the floor and she's like yeah so we're not gonna do

we're not gonna take anything from you today nothing nothing and so I said well what are y'all taking

and she tried to explain and I said let's go to the racks let's see what y'all have right now you have to do that because it's a lot of

Zara they be having Forever 21 stuff oh I had labels tattered things I had labels I had good jeans that cost a lot of money

that I actually spent money on you had some J Brands yeah I had J Brands from seven years ago whatever I mean it was low rise you know bitch

you know whatever went to the racks right there was tons of shit and I was picking up stuff left and right I said what is this

and what is this and what is that she's like well you know there's different buyers and so we're trying to train people so that we can all

be on the same but it's kind of like whatever the buyer's preference you should have said what days are you not here because I said

so all I gotta do is come back here tomorrow when you're not here right is that what you're saying right she's like i know your frustrations blah blah blah and and i just kept and then i went to another rack and i picked up a shirt and i said what is this right what is this miss right this is a dish rag right this is a strap though it's not a look strap it's not a look what in the f is i picked up a shoe i said i think this still has shit on the shoe yeah stuff will be destroyed in that spot and i'm like y'all paid for this she gave me a five

coupon that's it oh they do coupons give me five dollars off I'm gonna go out there and curse somebody out we'll see what happens so that was an expert in letting somebody have it and getting five dollars for it oh my god so sorry what were you an expert in well as we all know my birthday

was on Sunday and I turned 20 something cute and I had a party on Friday I was an expert I think at just bringing different types of people together this week because the people who came to the party

were, I want to say all over the place, but everybody was either gay or a woman. So there were like three straight people there and they just happened to all be related to me. And those people came in. I mean, they were Haitian. Yes. Thank you so much, Sidi. Where are the Haitian gays at, man?

I don't think that those exist. I don't think you're allowed to be Haitian and gay. You got to pick one struggle. Right. That's like being... You can't be both. yeah you can't have like third world country roots and be gay yeah you can't like you can't you gotta have money to be gay okay it's expensive you are gay and you ain't got no money listen i was straight i was straight and poor before i became gay and then i was like you were rich

when you were straight i was rich okay see you must have listen you don't even have to do a 20 a 23 and me i already know that you come from a third world country the lineage of no money I can tell that your ancestors are from the Caribbean. Somalia, maybe. We came here on a boat. Sounds expensive. Yeah. It wasn't a yacht, sis.

What was that? That's not what Christopher Columbus arrived in. It was a ship. Anyway, anyway, anyway, anyway. So the theme was Studio 54, right? I, being the gracious host that I am, provided fried chicken and biscuits. Sydney bought the biscuits to my house. Sydney the biscuits were going

like people were like y'all have honey do y'all have jam the party was very adult nobody died nobody broke any glasses and I wasn't even at the party so I just want to let y'all know I still contribute even if I'm not there honestly like that's the best type of party guest

don't come but still send stuff it was beautiful the boomerangs were on point everybody adhered to the theme I don't even know if that's the word that goes there but uh somebody showed up in just underwear and somebody was like well that doesn't seem very 70s and I was like yeah in the 70s the dude that had no pants on was the dude that had all the cocaine uh he was literally holding it in his butt so uh it was a lot of white folks there so

it was a lot of drugs at my party and uh nobody OD'd nobody uh broke with the coffee table everybody was fantastic it was fun i mean i wasn't there but i felt the vibes i felt the fun vibes from the insta stories yeah and uh you know people were people were happy to be there your girlfriend dj'd the music was phenomenal i don't have a girlfriend all right well your roommate dj's and the music was phenomenal such a good dj yeah um and uh you know i made a jacket with these like gold streamer things and uh the gays wouldn't leave the jacket along along and it uh they just shredded it it was like gold pieces all over this well since it was a it was a diy yeah sure it was a diy but still like i was gonna just wear it

and just like you know when you have something delicate or something that you know is not built to last you don't you're not twerking in it though you just take pictures in it dude people were twerking in the jacket you were supposed to be like a blogger with it

that's it you were just supposed to take photos and then hang it up they wouldn't even let me do that dude they wouldn't even let me live my best blogger life the devil be thriving speaking of bloggers our guest today couldn't be a fashion blogger if she wanted to Absolutely She's got impeccable style

Oh my god And pieces that are Quite expensive Pieces Pieces Poor people don't have pieces No we don't We have stuff

We have things People with money have pieces We have things that you could Just throw in a garbage bag It's like well you know I like to mix high low Low and low Low low

This is Kmart Mixed with a targe This is black label Kmart What are you talking about? This is consignment You see the zipper is long Shut up bitch Sydney in her low rise jeans.

Anyway, our guest today, super excited. I talked about her expertise briefly a couple weeks ago. So I'm excited to have her come on and talk to y'all about exactly what she be doing. She is our sex date expert. It's Miley Elizabeth Austin. Hi, Miley Austin. Miley Austin. Hi, guys.

What's up, boo? You know, I just want to let everybody know I'm not rich. So I'm still. Girl, bye. You live in an apartment by yourself. By yourself. You got your own bed. okay your own bathroom my own bed yeah who's sharing a bed whoa girl i don't want to talk

about it but there's some people who like three maybe head to foot well it's a little bit actually i don't want to say it i don't i feel like you can get in trouble what do you say what about your bed about my situation about my situation yeah being real uh secretive on the podcast people want to know what y'all are talking about because the legal legal things right there's legal things right but i but i subsidize you know what i mean i get legal things oh i hear what you're saying I feel like you guys are putting out the idea that like, I don't need a job. Like I need a job.

Don't Molly. What was the last time you had a job? Like a day job, a day job or like a, I don't know. A surf. Have you ever worked in the service industry? Yeah.

I worked retail for years. Ooh, where'd you work? And then I was a nanny for years. I don't even know who you are right now. Oh yeah. I know you work. You put in that work,

work, work. Oh yeah. Yeah. I always had a job. I had a job. I had jobs before I got hit by that car

and then I physically couldn't work that's right Molly you did get hit by a car but then that car accident low key

kind of a blessing yes such a blessing honestly if I could go back in time and someone was like you have a choice get hit by the car don't get hit by the car

I'd be like hit it hit me hit me baby one more time one more time one more time because it was it was a blessing a lot of good things

came out of that yeah you got sometimes you got to tear down to rebuild you know what I mean truly I really believe that car accident And if you just get in a little wreck, like a wreck that where you, you know, you can misplace something, but still walk.

I fucks with it. What'd you say? Misplace your entire back? What did you misplace? Your spinal cord? And still walk? Is that what you're trying to say? Like, what did you, did a wallet fall out?

Right. I had $80,000 cash on me and the car accident took it away. when I was younger my entire family was going to Pathmark to go to the supermarket you know to buy cold cuts or whatever and we were in an accident and everyone in my family had to wear a neck brace oh my god no it was like but like three little ashy Haitian babies and then my two ashy Haitian parents and uh you know I feel like there was a lawsuit uh I don't know if any money came out of we're still poor but uh we wore those neck braces for like a month did you take a family photo no of course not we didn't go to sears i see like a sears and robux like family photo yeah get that

platinum package you know magnets and whatnot with like all of you in the neck brace and then individual neck but we would wear them and my dad would be out like we would wear them out in public because like my parents sued and my dad would be out doing like yard work without his neck brace my mom would be like come inside and put your neck brace on you know they're watching us and my dad would have to run back in the house run back in the house run to get his neck brace and then hobble back out like his neck was severely they do watch you they watch you they listen to you especially on social media my case you yeah okay my case was pending and um i they were like trying to fight my my claims yeah and saying like i didn't because i left no one checked

me for a concussion and the effects of it didn't happen until like a week later i lost my hearing my sight i had to be on bed rest for two months you visited me hearing insight yeah i like collapsed on the street and then i had to be on in bed for two months and i but i was so out of it i was like chewing on my own hair that like i was just like not really talking to anybody i was just kind of like staying inside and well what do you mean didn't you hmm sydney go ahead sydney speak didn't you have a sex date while you were on bed rest you had a concussion well i'll tell you what i'll tell you what molly you had a concussion girl you already got that money you could talk about it i'll tell you

what sometimes you need a man to make you fruit salad and lie down next to you okay you know when you well i couldn't go anywhere i couldn't go anywhere i couldn't do anything and like by the way sex those sex days were so sad it was just like why were they sad because my back was all fucked up so i'm just like lying real still hey some people that's a that's a mo i'd lie real still okay then you're not doing it light as a feather stiff as a board that's how i remember your vagina just mannequin challenge trying to call spirits forth through your vaginal canal. Yes.

So were you wearing a back brace when you were having sex on this? No, I take it off for sex. But I was wearing a back brace. I feel like that's when you need it, though. Arch support. Yeah, but I'm not going to have a back brace on my naked body. Yeah, Miley,

you could do that. It's your house. Yeah, you're right. It's your world. You had a man come over and make fruit salad? You should have been like, also, strap me into my back brace. and put on a condom. Right, we need to use protection. He gets the condom and is like, actually, my back breaks.

It was honestly less sex, more like sleepovers. Oh, okay, okay. It was like not that. Well, girl, you could have had me for that. Yeah, but I need to snuggle. I was having, because of my concussion,

I was having nightmares. So I was really into snuggling. Girl, I'm good at snuggling. You have a girlfriend. I am single. That's what she's saying on the podcast now, Molly. We just bellowed it. I have no idea.

I was like, bitch, I went away for three days. I am single. Damn, I don't know what y'all talking about. I don't, I'm not in a relationship. I'm out here. Okay, you know who else is not in a relationship? Molly Austin. Oh, that's right.

Molly, let's talk about. Yes. Let's talk about how this sex date thing even came to be. Okay. Okay. That's good. Take us to the beginning. Because I just want to say, y'all don't know what Molly Austin looks, but I don't feel

like, you know, you look like you just sexing all the time. you know you look like you that's why I'm such an avocado surprise I like that we're here for that avocado toast sis you don't see it coming but I'm pure guac pure guac

does guac mean hoe now? I have no idea I too would like to be pure guac cause you know it costs extra two dollars extra full of cilantro I have no idea what I'm even saying right now so what how did it start I was in California yes the land of the hoes the land of the hoes

home of the brave I oh I know I was getting out of a relationship I had gotten out of a relationship I was already out I was all the way out of the car but I was like a few days out my move my number one move in a breakup is to always get right on a dating app that's my number one move Whether or not I go out with people or not is besides the point. I like seeing that other people exist. I like seeing that other people are attracted to me. It makes me get the fuck up over it faster. Beautiful.

And I decided in this breakup that I had wasted a tremendous amount of time and energy. I don't want to talk about it. It was a lot of time. It was a lot of time. We were there. It was a lot of time. You were there. I mean, the people weren't there.

It was a lot of time. There's a lot of time. Because it was a breakup. It was a second breakup. It was a second breakup. And it was like there was a relationship in between the breakup. And then there was like, it was too much. It was too much.

It was like some 90210 type romance. It was 90210. It was Brenda and Dylan shit, right? And yeah. And everybody knows he ends up with Kelly. Everybody knows. Everybody knows. The writings are on the wall, bitch.

Yeah, Kelly, obviously. What was Tori Spelling's character's name? Wasn't it Tori? No. No, it wasn't Kelly? No, Kelly Kapowski. Kelly was the blonde chick, but what was Tori Spelling? She was like Donna.

I didn't care about the belt. Donna Martin graduates. Donna Martin graduates. Donna Martin graduates. I never cared about Tori. Nobody cared about Donna. No. But her dad created the show and she was on the show.

So they had to put her on. But you guys don't remember? I know. Erin Spelling. Ain't that a bitch? I remember. Your dad created a show and everybody was like, actually, we could do without you. I'm looking at my, I'm like, Sam, Samuel, when are you going to create a show?

cast me as a lead oh you're talking about your dad i'm talking about my real dad my real non-errant spelling ass dad i hope your dad doesn't listen to this he does my dad doesn't know what a podcast is hey poppy uh so molly you so my relationship out of this relationship my move dating apps i decide wow i've been really um just trapped in in a in a cage in the closet in a closet of like sexual repression for an and emotional like trash for too long so i opened up the door and i decide when i get out i'm gonna have a threesome i've never had a threesome oh yeah right away right away right away right away right away does that make you feel like she wasted 10 years in this relationship yeah yeah yeah threesome if you wasted so much time you're

like actually i need another person on top of another person i need to be betwixt two people I need a sandwich now. I wanted to be betwixt, and I also have never had a threesome. So I was like, let me at least, because my threesome, I feel like. That's real ambitious of you, Molly, though. Like, you wasn't getting dicked down properly in a whole relationship. Now you want to come out. You got to test the waters before you do a threesome.

No, you don't. No, you don't. Because there's a woman. Oh, really? So you know she's going to know what to do. I'm saying, Molly Austin is a grown-ass woman. Thank you so much. Let her get between, and honestly, if you listen to the story.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm like, you're not wrong. I know what I'm talking about, bitch. Do you have friends that you wanted to be in a threesome with or you just joined an app? No, I joined an app. I don't want to know these people. I don't want to see these people. I want to go to a hotel.

I want to leave. No, Molly, you're going to die in that hotel. Listen, I live on the edge and that's part of it. You don't watch any Lifetime movie, anything? Well, I got a friend tracker with my friend Margo, so she knows where I am all the time. Molly, Sydney, let's get that. Yeah. Actually, you know what?

Let's not get that. I talked about it on Instagram and everybody was like, nobody want to know you. You're the worst person to know where everybody else is. You'll just show up. I'm like, well, that's a fucking great friend. Where is the lie? That's a great friend. All of a sudden, Sydney's peeking through a window.

You're at the gynecologist and Sydney's like, all right, well, how do the stirrups feel on your leg? And you're like, Sydney, why are you here? I'm checking on you, bitch. I'm like, it's 1 p.m. Do you know where your friend is? So I think this is a genius idea. this like I'm like great it's gonna be athletic it's gonna be emotionless

it's gonna be because I've also never had like purely physical interactions with other people right I've gotten involved with people and they're like oh I'm not looking for anything serious I'm like I'm not looking for anything serious then it ends up getting like right people get people got feelings people have feelings but I was like this is pure physical

but nowhere in your mind are you like I might die at this fake threesome at a certain point in your life well I will say I will say that anytime a woman is murdered the number one suspect is her husband and she knows that motherfucker so

okay okay okay let's go back Elizabeth Smart and Natalie Holloway in them they didn't know the people who took them those were new and improved beige folks that took them Elizabeth Smart remember she was like walking down the street who is Elizabeth Smart the little the little white girl

she was like walking home from school I'm not a little white girl I'm a grown ass woman she's grown now but look she was walking home from school or something and some like I'm too heavy to pick up and put in a van. Molly, you do not weigh that much. Molly, you weigh 135. Where?

At how much you weigh with a back brace. Oh, my God. You fucking asshole. How much that Teflon smile. Right, right, right. It was Velcro, for your information.

Velcro just sounds like straps, dude. What's the actual brace? The brace is like a... It's a waist trainer, honestly. That exoskeleton. Velcro's off and you swing it around, it's a weapon. Anyway, anyway, anyway.

Listen, I'm scared for you. You're telling the story. But I've also online dated before, so I don't see it as any different than online dating. And people are pretty, like, my move is to just get on a date and feel someone's vibe. I never fuck around on the first date. I always spend one to two hours, and I hit it.

Hit the road. Hit the road. One to two hours, okay. Right? Depending on how it goes. One to two hours on the date, and then you beat it. Not the dick, you just leave. Okay.

Right, right, right. Right, right, right. Right, right, right. Great. You got to be specific. so I show up to the date and well first of all wow threesomes are a weird

group of people to break into I will say as because like I just want to let you know people who are openly looking for threesomes are fucking weird like any threesome I've had it just fucking happens any threesome you've had how many threesomes have you had sis

I just you know give us a number I need a hard number yes hard like her spine I need like a one, two, three, four. Give me it. Am I in the teens? Where am I with this? No, bitch.

It's less than five. So four? No, so five. She's had at least five threesomes. Whatever, ho. This is about you. This ain't about me, but let's talk about your threesomes. I didn't know you had five threesomes.

Isn't that crazy that she's had six threesomes? I mean, seven is the lucky number. Eight threesomes is crazy, dude. I can't believe you had that many. Let the listeners think whatever they want to. Y'all know damn well I haven't been with you. What are you doing with your boobs right now? I'm just massaging my boobs.

She's missing the threesome because it was more hands on her boobs before. I feel like I'm at the gyno with you. Wait, what? I'm not touching myself like Daniel. You're just checking for lumps. I don't check. Anyway, go ahead. Yes.

You got to check. I know, but I feel like they look smooth. That's true. You're a fool. Anyway, so you meet up with these people. They're weird. So I meet up with these people. Did you have a preference?

You wanted, I mean, I guess it was going to be a girl and a guy. Well no I was open No I was like open to Discussing all options Guy and guy I'm like That's a porno I don't know Something about two dicks feels very violent to me

Like swords Right like pew pew pew pew And like you get a cut somewhere right But I'm like also like not shut down to the idea But I'm also not like Molly you would take two dicks That's what I mean I feel like I'm not judging you

but I'm judging you. Sounds like you're judging sis. I think it would have to be like a very I don't know I just like I don't think I could handle two dicks.

I had a friend who took two dicks. You think you could handle two dicks? No I feel like you could handle two dicks is what I said. Why you feel like I wipe

what about me? What about me if there's two dicks? You'd have one like getting snacks set up and then you would bang one and then like he would rest and then you would eat

you know little break then bang the other one. Well Molly you got a new back so you definitely could take two dicks. That's what I'm talking about. I do have a new back.

Maybe not two big dicks, but like a medium-sized dick and then like a... I'm not fucking around with two dicks for below average dick. I mean, I feel like people who have threesomes don't have great dicks. In my mind, I'm assuming. I want to say, yeah. You're right. Right, that's why they need help. As a threesome expert?

I'm going to tell you, no. You're a monster. Sydney and her nine threesomes. anyway so i get there i get there he's there already and what he looked like i mean talk about it like clark kent like six three real broad real like tall dark and handsome just like a knight like it like a retired chippendale he's like fucking buff and he's like hot you are painting the photo here i mean this man is just like his hands like fit across my entire back like he's huge wow he's a huge like a giant beautiful man who like yeah he's like a giant

and i'm just like so you are a dork yeah but if he's that big and that fine i would assume that means he either doesn't speak english or he's very dumb right yes no i made that no i definitely make because i once i dated a male model so i was like perfect right this is right up my alley they don't like no words i mean i've seen a picture of him he's good looking but he don't look dumb no he's actually not he's actually very smart and like smart i can see the way he part his fucking hair he has a head he has a part he has a part yes he parts his hair it's smooth he's like slick he's like very you should have

led with the fact that he parts his hair. I said Clark Kent. I didn't know that Superman was part of it. I know that Clark Kent had glasses. Clark Kent flies through the air and never loses his part. Never loses that curl. So what does the girl

look like? So she's late and we are like and I was like. Which is a terrible move for her because if I bring in my man and meet another bitch. Oh I'm getting there early. We're pulling up together. No no no I'm getting there early. I'm like

No together is the move Right Like it was weird Where was she That he got there first Meet me early I'm gonna get there early Talk to the waiter

Listen Another bitch is coming in Yeah yeah yeah It's gonna be messy So Well she gets Oh my god Sydney Is really

Why is it so violent for you And it was like I'm under the Well I'm told That it's her idea The whole thing is her idea The whole thing is That means he's about to

Break up with her And she's panicking Right Right That's what that is Wow you just ruined The end of the story Sydney Well that's what happened

No, I'm saying that's a fact. Like, if you were like, yo, I'll do whatever you want so you can stay, it would be a threesome. Well, yeah. See, this is why I don't care about how men feel. A desperate Hail Mary pass to keep my man is to bring another chicken to the situation. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

I would never. I'd be like, if you want to go, go. And also, I'm never going to bring someone into my situation. I'm going out. I'm going out. I'm going out for food. You know what I'm talking about? Because I want to go home.

I don't want these people in my home. I don't want them in my space. I don't want like, no. No. No. I'm here for that. I don't want to never see these people again. I don't even want them to be from this coast.

Yeah. Boom. Well, you said they were in California. And they're not. Look at God. Look at God. So I'm there. She shows up.

She is visibly miserable. Like, I can, she's like arms crossed, like looking down, like uncomfortable. It was not her idea. It was his idea. And that annoys me because I'm like, well, I'm obviously not moist. like how are we going to do a threesome and you look like you upset well I already know it's done

it's already done when I see this what was she wearing it sounds like she threw on some gym clothes some errands she looked like she was running errands she had some lululemons on she had like a really tight tank top and like really short shorts and then platform heels and I was like this isn't even my time

that's an errand for a real housewife it was a very like off duty stripper vibe but no she's not a stripper she's a veterinarian But it's, like, also, and she's, like, very short, and I'm, like, there's nothing, I like, fine, short people are fine, but I don't want to, I was so much bigger than her. Like, she was, like, 5'2", or some shit. Gross. And, like.

You said gross? Yeah. Sydney, you're, like, 5'4". Um, yeah, but Sydney's, but Sydney's, like, broad, Sydney's not petite. Sydney's, like. I got a body. She's got a body. All right, we gonna put a pin in that body and come back to it.

But, like, you could, like, you could, like, she could fall through a grate. She's so small. But he was so much bigger than her. And her tits would just get hooked. Do you know what I mean? So she looked like a Polly Pocket. She looks like Polly Pocket with tits. Yes, yes, yes, yes.

So she's upset. You're there. What's she wearing? Exactly. I told you, tight tank top. No, what are you wearing? Oh, I look cute. She has some Alice and Olivia Jean on.

She had like a jacket. She had a duster on. I did have a duster. She had a bow tie on or something. I did have a duster. Molly, you had on a bow tie. I had a duster. Well, I get chilly, so I like to carry a jacket

If I know there's going to be air conditioning But what are you wearing under the jacket I just have like a button down tied up I got these jeans that like Is this a business like what are you doing It's an interview for a threesome She had questions she was like What would you say are your greatest strengths in the bedroom

That's exactly what it was and I like have These jeans that I always get hit on from behind So I put them on tied my shirt Up put on some cute red heels right But it's like it's classy but it's sexy Right yeah I know what I'm doing So and then I had like these really pretty blue earrings that I wear.

You accessorized for the threesome interview? I'm here for it. Yeah, I needed them to know that I'm here to fuck, but I also care about fashion. Ah. We gotta put that on some jackets or something. If you fuck but also care about fashion,

I don't know if the fucking's gonna be that great. Honestly, I don't think it's gonna be that good. It's not gonna be that great. Well, I guess I'm here to prove you wrong. That's right, Molly Austin. Anyhoo. Well, that's why she's upset. She came here, she's like,

oh bitch I thought we was chilling why are you so dressed up I'm not dressed up it's casual no but your casual is her dressed up yeah okay well that's a personal problem for her then so she's visibly unhappy I know it's not gonna happen but I feel bad because she's just miserable

so I go into like crowd work mode and I just comedy the situation so now I'm just like doing crowd work with her I'm a full clown and just like I just I'm gonna finish this drink and I'm gonna leave

but I want her to not feel bad I don't know I just felt like she felt bad and I felt bad that she felt bad and I was like

meanwhile he's having the time of his life time of his life he's like look at my hose yeah I'm like not even making eye contact with him because I can feel

how like she's like viscerally upset so I'm just like it's like her and I'm like small talking to her we're having a good time she starts to laugh

we start to have fun you break that laugh you're like oh we might pop off tonight I was like wow I'm really like good at comedy no and by the time it got good i was just like i still you're exhausted i'm fucking tired i'm tired i don't and i don't came off and she's too small honestly she was just too

small i'm just like i have a height requirement she wasn't your type she's not my type but i was just like but he was so hot that if it had been a different vibe i'm gonna see how his pants out because i still want this dick because i mean he was so hot i mean he's still hot he's alive okay So it's not going well, but I like turn the attitude around and he's like, this is going great. Should I get us a hotel room? And I'm like, in my mind, I'm like, no, but I'm going to let her in. She's going to say no.

She's like, no, I got a kid. I got to get home. And I was like, oh, bitch, if that'll sham while my pussy, keep that in. Did you say kid? Did you say you have a child? She's got a fucking kid. Yeah. And I was like, this is not for me.

No, no. how long had they been together well i this is what i start figuring out so like i'm and so i'm like you know what it's cool like we'll meet up another time i'm lying i'm telling all kinds of lies i'm hitting the road right i say goodbye to them and i get in the car i leave i notice it's like really tense between them when i get in the car and leave but i'm like not my problem adios amigos right and i get home and he's like already very like sending me very sexy texts so disappointed it didn't work out like he's like very sexual right away because that's what we're doing right so and you can't get mad because you were like well i know i'm like this is what i

signed up for and i was like yo how long were you guys together have you been together for nine months and this is already an issue nine months what a nightmare yeah so they end up breaking up right they end up breaking up that week because clearly she was because she asked him to come home with her and then he was like no because i have work but she's like but you were gonna get a hotel room for us he was like your baby's at the house time to babysit and honestly i agree with that i don't want to go to my friend's place why are you telling you about this because that's not hot i don't want to know about your life well because we if we're just fucking because i want a fantasy well no i need to know some stuff like how dirty is your dick

right right and well he told me that because he asked me out by myself and i was like i don't want to i don't feel right about that and then he was like well i think we're breaking up and i was like well when you break up let me know he called you 10 minutes later it's done well it's handled i'm outside he's like sydney in the window sydney on friend finder yeah so he's so he's he asks me out but i'm leaving california right and i was like well i'm leaving and that's you know whatever and i was like whatever he's hot and he's like all these things but i mean i i had to go and but i was also coming back in a few weeks because i had to for for some for work for work bam so he was like well when you're back to be

continued well not even i was just like whatever let it go like it was just like it was a weird situation and i was just like he's hot but like there's hot boys all over the world i mean there are if you know where to look so i what so i'm just trying to think so okay so i i'm he's like well when are you coming back and i'm like i'm coming back this week and he's like well can we hang out and i was like well i have meetings and i have shows and i have all this stuff and i i can't commit to you so maybe we can play it by ear that turned him on he's like you can't commit maybe we can play it by ear yes he's like i love ears he said talk dirty to me he's like you don't have time in your schedule for me that's hot oh well yeah and he goes well what if you came a day

early i got us a hotel room i bought you some panties and i took you to dinner and i was like you know what that's all you need to hear i think that's a great idea did he pay for your ticket no i was coming back already for work ah see that would have came if you're like can you pay for the flight the flight was paid for ah well we can fix that send me some bottles okay so you said

sure I'll come and I was like you know what yeah that sounds great did you have to give him your measurements or was he like I already know

what size your butt is no he asked me my size and I told him what's your size small if anybody's shopping for me small on

small for panties medium for tops I have broad shoulders just in case somebody's like wow Molly you look great in a top okay so you get there that's where but that's where you come in right so i'm going out there

and you came over right before i left i did because i'm a good friend because i was like i don't know what i'm gonna wear like i'm like playing with all these outfit ideas marie shows up i turned out on a business suit she said this is what i'm thinking about wearing for my sex date i said sis is that a blouse marie i said she had a blazer on and i look like mary tyler moore showed up for the first day of work. What's wrong with you? I said, Molly, you can't wear that to a sex date. I don't know, you guys.

I don't wear tight dresses. Like, I don't have tight dresses. I know. You could go buy one. You text me with that bullshit. She's like, I might have to borrow some of you. I was like, what do I wear? Condoms.

You'd be fucking arm holes. She said you'd be wearing Fashion Nova. And Molly doesn't do that. No. No. I don't have none of that. A sex date? Like, a real one?

Well, Sydney, you have looks for a sex date. You 100% have sex date looks. I've seen you do stand-up in sex date looks. Okay. Wow. Oh, absolutely. That's what we want to say on a- In like a sex date jumpsuit with the back all out?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You look good. You look good. You look good. Cindy, don't even- You did stand-up in clear heels once. What? In a clear boot.

In a clear boot? I'm not having this conversation with y'all. Let me borrow that boot. No. Yes. Unless you're going to keep the boot on during sex. Well, I do keep my shoes on for sure. Yeah, of course.

Okay. You keep your shoes on for sex? Well, I do now. wait wait wait let's let's get okay okay okay because we gotta get into the other one okay so i show up for i show up for the sex date right and he's like um i'm gonna wait in the lobby for you nice um so you can like like get get ready and have the room to yourself and i was like great thanks so much i love gentlemen i love space where will you stay there what i want to know the fucking room what the room i mean the hotel oh oh we're at the culver okay it's cute that's

cute it's cute that's nice so um we're at the culver as long as it's not the stratosphere in vegas no okay you think i'm getting on a plane for fucking stratosphere dick get out get the fuck out of here some of us just go to stratosphere for work for work yeah you gotta pay me in money to go to the stratosphere you can't pay me in dick i'm still waiting for my money shut up marie molly finish i'm trying okay so i get to the city wanted to know the fucking hotel deals so okay so i get to the hotel room i show up and i'm like i've never done anything like this before marie helps me pick out my dress i feel like really good my dress is cute right it's like tight but it's like classy and it's like knee length i got these like cute

turquoise heels, velvet turquoise heels. Yes, here for that. I look great. But that's not what I fly in. Really what? Turquoise heels? Sydney, stop talking. We gotta get to the sex of the sex day. I'm not accepting fashion critiques. I will say that. Okay.

I So I show up to the room. I like put my suitcase down. I look over at the bed and the panties are on the bed in the middle of the bed surrounded by just every sex toy

that's maybe ever existed anal beads? I thought she was going to say flowers not to be like boo every sex toy are there anal beads? I don't even know I don't know what most of them. Molly you know what anal beads are they're like little and then they get big I don't think I saw any anal beads

but there might have been anal beads honestly I like blacked out when I saw it I was like oh my god were they surrounded like in a design yeah like i had to reach in the middle of the sex toys to get my panties did he make a word with this no but it was like a tie-dye right it was like a tie-dye design like it was like little clusters of toys it was just like a it was like a flower right but the panties were the were the middle and i was like i had to like reach into the sex toys to get the panties and i was like like so nervous so nervous i like i'm taking a shower

and i'm like i've been over my head i've been over my head i'm like panicking i'm like i've never done anything like this before like i don't know what's happening it's like full 50 shades i'm like how many estimate how many toys you think they were i mean i would say like 20 what you yo he dropped a dime on that shit that's a lot of fucking he's got money yo that's Molly, you should have also told us he was rich. Yeah, but wait. What'd you do with the toys? Can we sell them?

Well, I mean, no. They didn't use. Oh, you didn't use all of them. Not the anal beads. Such a good example of anal beads on the black market. Sidney's walking around the street just like, anal beads, anal beads, anal beads. Like, trying to pass off. Sidney's like, you didn't use the anal beads.

They were in his butt while he was waiting in the lobby. Excuse me, ladies and gentlemen. I'm trying to sell some sex toys for my basketball team. I don't mean to disturb anybody. Oh, my God. So I so I. So you shower because you're classy. Because I.

Yeah. Well, and I'm on a plane like that's I'm never having sex like fresh off a plane. Right. People do that. And I'm like, you know, what's what's happening? OK, cool. You showered. I shower.

I put my dress on. Well, yeah, I put my panties on. I put the dress on. I put my velvet heels on that are fucking cute. Sydney, thank you so much. So then I go downstairs and I am more nervous than I've ever been in my entire life. like my entire life i like guzzle i guzzle a martini yes and like i drink like the whole like carafe of water right i'm so thirsty i'm so nervous right i don't know what i'm even talking

about meanwhile he's cool as a cucumber cool as a cucumber like doesn't laugh doesn't smile i am pretty much fucking the devil right and like this man is just like the beautiful a beautiful devil and he's just like got a tight t-shirt tucked in it's like i you can like see his bot he's like his body is like insane so i'm like sitting there and i i honestly like i think i only talked about the plot line to mama mia because i watched it on the plane like that's what i talked about that don't make nobody dick hard whole time yeah but he knew he had since the anal bees was in his butt he was hard yeah yeah he didn't care what i was talking about and i didn't want to stop talking because i did not want to go upstairs yeah you want to go upstairs i didn't want i was so freaked

down he was like so what did you think and he like stops me and i was like i about the movie was great he's like no about the stuff upstairs yeah yeah and i was like um well i've never really done this like i don't know you know i don't know what to do i'm like such a loser and he was like well he was like i i brought a lot of stuff that i thought you would like and uh we can try you looked on your instagram how you know what you like people because we've been toys for you yeah for to use on you not to use on himself right for me so he was like so because we've been sending sexy texts oh okay so he was like i brought a bunch of stuff that i thought you would like and we can try it out and if you like it we'll use it if you don't we'll stop

and he'll return them oh my god to me 30 days return policy amazon will take everything back so oh you guys are so gross Molly okay so what did you eat on the sex date I feel like we need to know this we need to talk about the cuisine did you eat bread did you have tomatoes I was about

no I had an heirloom tomato salad salad is good you gotta have your stomach you just need to coat your stomach lightly you can't be fucking on a full stomach you can't have no eggplant parmesan And then go get some dick.

Just some spaghetti. You're just like, ooh. A lot of spaghetti. So we get back up to the room. I'm filled with booze and water. And I'm like, I just have to pee. I'm just like a floaty device at this point. So I go, I pee, I come out.

He's on the bed. No. He's at the window. No lights are on. It's dark. And I'm like, this is really, is this too sexy? No, this is good. Okay.

Fucking keep talking. come through you got sunglasses on you got a real bad attitude right now I'll say that look down don't look at me

actually neither of you look at me nobody in the room look at me when I say this okay so I come out of the bathroom he's like standing

at the window the lights are off and I like I'm like oh my god I'm so nervous like right so I like walk up to him nice that's bold

you walked up to him yeah because I don't know what to do because in my mind I'm at the bathroom door like should I should I turn on

some lights yeah I was like should I go I would have plugged in a night light I need to have some lights I'm too old for this no I mean it's like there's street lights so the room is like

lit like I can see and like the street lights make it like pretty bright so so you lay on the bed no I walk up to him and we like kind of like start making out a little bit and he like immediately turns me around unzips my dress pulls it down

and now I'm just in my panties and my heels my cute heels you be so yes so then he like i don't know how to explain this and in any other way but just say like he just like he already had a condom on no he like he busts it wide open no he like it's the the point is like not penetration the point is like making me come so he like thank you so much right so let me get some water yeah so he i the only way i can explain it is like he makes out with my entire body from like my ankle to my ear like and i'm and i like went to move and he was like stand still and then i stand so i'm just standing like as still as i can and he's just like i don't even know what this man is doing to my body but he's

getting low he's getting high and he's so big and quiet it's so weird he's like a sniper right so there's no music playing it's just breathing well yeah i mean i don't have no um you don't need music no no wow what's that no abba playing in the background from mama mia yeah excuse me can we just play abba from mama mia you guys want to listen to uh fernando so he's like making out with my body i and then he was like and then he like stands up and moves away from me and i like go to turn he was like stay there and i was like okay so now i'm just naked standing there and your shoes still on and with my shoes and my panties still on and he comes over and he like puts a blindfold over my eyes.

I'd have screamed. You can't just put a blindfold over a black woman. No way, Jose. I'm not no dramatic woman. Black, white, Asian, whatever. I'm screaming. I don't want to get taken. Well, I saw it on the bed.

So I knew it was, I knew it. Right. All right. So I saw it. So I knew it was there. My memory is so bad. I would have forgot. I bet chloroform.

He trying to kill me. He trying to Cosby me. I'm getting taken. I'm getting taken. So he blindfolds me And then makes out with my whole body Like the exact same way again And I'm just like standing there

Still standing there And then he like puts me on the bed He carries you He like guides me and then like lifts me I want to mush you into the bed Get over there Trust exercise Like a trust fall

And then like proceeds to like flip me around like a pancake and use like every toy he brought and then like breaks it up with like going down on me and it's just like for hours. It's for hours. And he's fully clothed the entire

time? I have a blindfold on. I don't know. And then we had like traditional sex, right? But he doesn't come. He doesn't come. That's great. I've had approximately five orgasms

at this point and like it's been hours and I'm looking in the room for some hard dicks nobody's hard here well he has a laptop on his lap that's not good that's not good for sperm and stuff but like

it's I'm so exhausted that I like go to I just like pass out with my heels on I'm like butt naked I've never fallen asleep in my heels and then a few hours later I wake up and he's like making out with my body again I don't know how else to explain

it other than like he like makes out with my whole body like and he's like so big that his like wingspan is like you can get an ankle and be on my head like he's like the whole thing is just I feel like dough I feel like pizza dough in this man's hands it's amazing

and we start and he just like starts again DiGiorno? Real pizza real pizza brick oven I'm doing the I'm like flipping around like a saucer

so we and then we do it again and then for hours for for about an hour girl his whole point is

tired is making me cum like that's the whole point of it so like he he got a brother like a twin he got a

like a dad who like a mentor he's got a mentor who's your mentor he's your mentor like who taught him this

because men don't just know this stuff. No, no. Most men don't know anything. I texted you this. You know what technique he knows? Remember when we went to I Don't Think So Honey and Catherine Cohen talked about the ladybug technique? Yeah, with the fingers.

Yeah, he knows the ladybug technique. And most men don't. It's like instead of, like most men are like just pushing on your clit like as hard as they can, like trying to make a wish. Catherine Cohen was like, if you see a ladybug on the street,

you like pick it up, you like real gentle. Like really gently, like come here. that's what you do with your fingers yeah don't be just yeah yeah you're not smooshing the ladybug to get on here like it's and he like does that like he like i've never i feel like i have had good sex i don't think i've ever had sex like this like afterwards i felt like i had i felt like i had never had sex listening to this story sounds like i'm not having sex at all i it was like athletic sounds like i'm just studying with a buddy yeah i mean i do not i do not and cannot

relate i don't know what the fuck and then we woke up in the morning and did the whole thing again like three separate times so three separate times in the first night i'm exhausted i'm i mean yeah i i had to sleep i slept for like two days molly missed all her meetings yeah i was like didn't weren't you there for work bitch i went i went there for w e i went to the meetings i went to the meetings a show and right to bed like i was like in bed by 9 p.m every night i was like well two nights in a row i was so tired i was just so tired because i had you know had an amazing amount of orgasms so he he left the next day how does one leave a sex date like with a high five good to see you no i mean we were checking out of a hotel so we both left at the same time we

We both had to go. He's like, I'm not getting charged extra, bitch. You leaving right with me. Because I got my card on the room for incidentals. You know I'm about to be getting to Waters. Well, I had a lunch meeting I had to get to, which was like, really? I was like, I don't even know what to say to you people right now. Because I'm different.

Were you wearing the same outfit? I died. I'm reborn. Yeah, what did you wear to your lunch meeting? I'm trying some ash Wednesday right now. In the panties? No, Sydney. I fucking changed.

You're so gross. But you wore that same dress probably. Yes, you did. No, I did not. Stop lying. It's a nighttime dress. You wanted to book whatever you were doing. You wore that dress in the mills.

I don't even remember. No, I did wear the heels. But I wore them with, like, pants. But besides the point. So we part ways, and it's, like, very, like, cold when we leave each other because it is just, like, there's almost no affection. Yeah, but that's how I like it. So he kissed your whole body and y'all didn't make out?

when we were in like public no Sydney that's gross I don't make out in public with men I'm like serious about shut the fuck up you done had every sex toy all up and through your body and you don't want to kiss in the room sis in the room we're talking about a public place I'm not here for PDA

I'm not either I don't want to sit I hate this we're whores for not making out with people in public I hate this alright babe sick fucking gross gross you fucking hussies That's what you are. Cindy, you've had 12 threesomes and were whores?

Yeah. Give me a break. Give me a break. Like a back brace break? Yeah, I guess so. So we say goodbye. And I was just like, it was great. I've just never had anything purely physical like that before.

It was really exciting. So we kind of text back and forth. he invites me to go with him to I feel like I want to I wasn't going to say it if you weren't going to say it I was going to say it he invited you to Hawaii and we were like Molly don't go to Hawaii

you're going to die there well I was going to go to Hawaii but then some stuff came up and I told him I was like I don't know I'm getting stressed out I don't know what to do I have this friend coming in town it's my other friend's show he was like too many words figure it out let me know

Well, he was like, well, I actually don't want you to come if you're going to be distracted. So he was like, yeah. If you come to Hawaii, bitch, your whole agenda is dick. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what the itinerary is. Dick, dick. Dick for breakfast, dick for lunch, dick for dinner.

We're going to get up for dick. Continental breakfast, then dick. No, the continental breakfast is a dick. A guided tour around the dick. French toast, dick. Sightseeing at the dick. So I was like, and he was like, you know, he was like, we can plan for something else. And I said, OK.

And then he invited me to go to Las Vegas with him. And so you went to Las Vegas. And that's I just got back last night. She got back last night. Do y'all hear this, listeners? She got back from a sex date. She's still got the sex date smell on her right now. I did wash my hair.

So for seven payments of $29.99, you too can have sex dates like Molly Austin. No, it's way more than that. Oh, how much is it? I don't know. I don't know what a suite at the Cosmo costs, but it's more. Oh, you're that? She's like that Cosmo pussy. Cosmo cooch.

So I went there this time and it was like, it was interesting because it was like more familiar and we like had actual conversations and we, and, but like, it was the same kind of like, it's a lot of prep that you don't consider, right? Because like you're at, well, I'm like bending in ways I don't know that I can bend. You gotta stretch. You gotta have a foam roller in your suitcase. yes and it's like the type of stamina

that's like for really an athlete it's an athlete's stamina you should have took some of that Molly from Marie's birthday that's what she should have did that would have been great

yeah but also you have to be like aware because it is so like it's still new even though it's the second time it's like stuff

I've never done before things I've like I didn't even know he had no moves the second sex thing it was like a whole new man he should teach a class he should teach a class

he should teach a class and all the men listening straight or gay should bring a friend so everybody can step their techniques up no it was none of the same it was not repetitive

that's the biggest problem with sex a lot you could pass him to me let us borrow him for a moment I will happily set you guys up it's religious it's truly religious

I can't believe that girl broke up with him I can well she wanted she had a kid she wanted like she's like i gotta take out my son i can't have sex for four hours with you tonight he's like all right all right well she wants i think she wants like somebody real in her life he's not like a real like he's so focused on his career and like he does it what does he do he's like he's like a dentist yeah yeah yeah he teaches children he's like well i can't that part i know i can't don't blow him up on the podcast tell us after we finish yeah i'll tell you guys later but i because i need this to keep going yeah right like how long

do you think you can do this for molly i think i got like four or five more times than me four or five nine so you did all that sex and it's still not worn out it don't look like beef jerky down there no no wow sis you're a woman you're a woman who dates women you've never seen a vagina before she's a woman who dates women and she's like it don't look like beef jerky like why does your vagina look like beef jerky after your vagina look like spam this is why you turned to women you couldn't take it because something weird was happening. She said you couldn't take Dixis. Wow. I sure

couldn't. I was like, yeah, send that back, please. I said I ordered it, but I don't really want it. That's not what I want. So I get to Vegas and I just want to stress this because like this is the part that is important. Okay. He makes an event out of it, right? Like every

time. We don't just... It's on Facebook? No. I show up... Oh my god, real I show up I show up to this beautiful hotel room he picks me up from the airport oh he did he fly you to Vegas yes bitch listen do you know how good the cat gotta be where he's like yo listen listen mira mira mira so you keep interrupting me and then you guys get mad at me yeah because I know well I'm trying to get to the part that's important that I need these people to understand I show up to this beautiful suite It's like

It's got multi rooms In it right and a balcony A wraparound balcony It is beautiful It's got two bathrooms There was a room I mean not when we were done with it But yeah for sure

So we get there and it's like We get ready and we go Somewhere and we get dressed up And we go to this beautiful dinner this like this like seven course meal seven course meal

before a six day y'all went to Per Se it's like a tasting menu okay so it's like small stuff and he's just like

dressed up in like this beautiful shirt with this beautiful jacket he's just like a woman fell down in the lobby he helped her up

she fell down cause she saw that nigga that's why she was like the effect this man has on women is I've never seen anything like it

like we got into the elevator with all women and I'm like obviously you guys have seen me fly I didn't think he was going to pick me up from the airport and I'm like in half pajamas and these women are like and I was like

yeah right you guys see it too right like it's he's like insane so we go out to this beautiful dinner and he makes an event out of it it's not just like like I have a reason to put on this lingerie I have a reason to get dressed up I have like a reason to put heels on and it's

like and I was afterwards after the dinner I was like what do you what to do? Do you want to like go gamble? He's like, we're going to the room. So I was like. Molly, she's like a loser. You want to gamble? He's like, bitch. He said, I am gambling with you. He said, I didn't

fly you out here to play penny slots. Well, because he was saying, he was like, we can gamble, we can go out, we can do this, we can do that. Yeah, after da dick. And no. And then I have like, I think I slept two hours. Like, it went on for so long. Girl, you better do a Red Bull. It was like head shoulders.

Figure it out. You better do a bump. Head shoulders knees and toes Like it was Different techniques It was like exciting It was fun It was like It was just like

In every room On the balcony On the balcony What floor were y'all on Third The 20th floor You can love me in the shower Both of our bodies

Don't get wet On the kitchen floor I'm not really a shower person But we did take a bath Molly I do I feel like you wet Would be a little weird What

what what did you just say what like you in the shower like you know how some people just don't look right in the shower oh my god i'm one of those people because you be having on a shower cap no i should be looking like a wet dog i look good damn uh molly okay we have i have to go don't touch my nipple sydney sydney you just said that so you talked all that shit now No, because you are also talking mess. You're not flying me around. You're not getting me dressed up. You're not buying me panties.

You can't touch my nipple. Sydney, we could go to Target, pick you up some drawers, like a three-pack. Just like a three-pack of Jockeys. What's up? Sydney, you're not touching my nipples for no damn biscuits. We have not had sex on the 20th floor of a balcony. We don't even ever need to be on a terrace together. I think the point is that you two can do this.

I feel like anybody can do this, And I think we all try to fall into these like traditional relationships because it's something we feel like we should be doing. But life can be fucking fun and weird. And like that men like this exists like men. I don't know. None of those men. So what app were you on again? Yeah. What's the app? I'm enjoying it right now. Listen, I found men like this on Bumble. I found men like this.

Where did you find this specific man? It's a threesome app. I forget. That's a lie, Molly. You know what throuple app you was on. I don't know it looks like I think I I think I tried to download a thing called

Thrinder but then it ended up being something else girl you have one job to give the people the fucking answers and you you get a story

but we no no no no because she doesn't want to share this too well no but I'm saying he was not like the other I don't think you want

to find this dude on the threesome app because the other people on the threesome app like I went out with him because he was the only person who was like we can just have a drink

and see how we like each other everybody else was like suck my dick eat her pussy molly oh my god this this episode is too high i feel like you got to come back well um i have another one coming up um oh yeah you have another sex date coming up yeah i have another sex you've been thanks for that i'll put it in my calendar um i think it's october

event october 14th october 4th that's a sunday y'all be doing sex dates on sundays the devil doesn't rest honey where are y'all going um hawaii no i don't want to i'm not gonna say where we're going he's coming here I'll tell you after bitch you said all that shit and you can't go

because it's leading up to it I'll tell you after Molly she going to Kansas or something somewhere whack somewhere regular like y'all in a relationship now

oh you doing basic shit Molly got passport pussy it's they're going out of the country listen I'll tell you she's going she gotta be at the airport two hours early

that's where wherever she's going I'll tell you after where we went I don't want to like say leading up where I'm going okay well Molly

let people know who are listening where they can catch you besides all over the country doing sex dates hey uh i'm mostly i guess like you mean social media wise i'm molly o austin on everything um and then uh oh i'm gonna be a dead crow comedy uh club october 6th in north carolina yeah october 6th just a couple days before your sex date huh uh you know it's like a smooth Oh, my God. And, yeah, I'll pretty much be doing stand-up around New York City and, you know, living in my sexual revolution. What's your comedy schedule around October 14th? We'll talk about it.

I know it's somewhere basic, yo. Nah, it's not basic. I don't believe that it's basic. I'll tell you. Because they're going to be, like, having sex in a helicopter or something. Cincinnati, that's where y'all going. They're going to Seattle. Oh my god Molly

Thank you so much for coming I just want to stress That like anybody can do this Anybody can do this It's like It's very out of my personality And out of like Out of the usual

Like things that I do Or have done I've never done anything Like this before And like You too Can live Your best sexual life

Listen If people show up missing Because of the unofficial expert Bitch This is all a legend Listen People are getting murdered By their husbands

Every All the time So you might as well They're getting murdered and their husbands are not making them cum. And you might as well be cumming five times before you go. Yep, true.

Because a lot of women never cum. So, of all the sex toys that he used on you, what was your favorite? And be real here. Be super honest. People are listening. They get ready to order stuff on Amazon. So they too can buy something

that makes them cum seven times. I really, what did I like the best? It's hard. I didn't know what a lot of stuff was because I was blindfolded. But you didn't take a picture of it and then scan it somewhere? No.

Scan it? What? Put it on a shirt? I was freaking for the weekend I was running around so scared so frightened oh my god

so horny I can't I think I guess I don't know it's hard like he does like a lot of great stuff

with his hands and like oil so it's like and oil oh wow oh yeah he's got like oil and lotion

he was the one who rubs and stuff oh yeah he does the whole thing you know what you might be having sex with the devil because

I am I am I'm gonna need an exorcism at some point if anybody knows a priest I think that would be the toy that they need to talk about but I think that next week

we have to have somebody real Christian on to scrub the podcast yeah I mean because we gotta cleanse the palate here we do yeah

like a little ginger well thank you so much Molly Austin you were incredible thank you guys so much for listening to the unofficial expert

I hope everybody is wet right now I'm sorry I don't know what my favorite toy is it's so fine I'll know after the next one send us pictures yes I will

if we find out we'll post it on the insta oh god make sure you subscribe rate do all that shit apple

you know what you need to do you know where we are people need to know where we at you know what this episode send it to your mom yes because you're anybody that you know liked the terrible 50 shades of gray movie send them this episode molly really living the truth right here we should write this yeah yeah make a pilot uh bye guys

this has been a forever dog production executive produced by brett boehm joe cilio and alex ramsey for more original podcasts please visit foreverdogpodcasts.com and subscribe to our shows on apple podcasts spotify or wherever you get your podcasts keep up with the latest forever dog news by following us on twitter and instagram at forever dog team and liking our page on facebook