MESS with Sydnee Washington & Marie Faustin - "The Sex Toy Expert" with Suraiyah Ortiz

Episode Date: November 17, 2017

Can you use Yogurt as LUBE? Did you know that most women don't come from penetration? We talk about female ejaculation, how old we were when we lost our virginity, being a hoe and how to talk about sex with your dad. Not WITH your dad but TO your dad with Suraiyah Ortiz. Marie thinks male strippers are sad. Put in your anal beads & pull up a chair!----Listen to The Unofficial Expert Ad-Free on Forever Dog Plus:https://foreverdogpodcasts.com/plus----BONUS EPISODES AVAILABLE NOW ON PATREON:www.patreon.com/TheUnofficialExpertBUY UNOFFICIAL EXPERT MERCH:https://www.teepublic.com/stores/the-unofficial-expert-podcastFOLLOW THE UNOFFICIAL EXPERT:https://www.instagram.com/UnofficialExpertFOLLOW SYDNEE:https://www.instagram.com/JustSYDbwhttps://twitter.com/justsydnycFOLLOW MARIE:https://www.instagram.com/Reeezyhttps://twitter.com/MsReeezyFOLLOW ANDREW:https://www.instagram.com/mcgui_guyTHE UNOFFICIAL EXPERT IS A FOREVER DOG PODCASThttps://foreverdogpodcasts.com/podcasts/the-unofficial-expertSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

hey what's up doc welcome to the unofficial expert podcast with marie and sydney super excited to be here today oh yes i mean i feel like we're getting so much done we've been on our productive tip yeah people don't even know how hard we work oh we out here looking good and grinding do you know how hard it is to do both i know a lot of ugly people who are successful marie and i know a lot of cute people who are not successful so you see oh my god marie you know this is why we have no friends that's a lie all the friends that we have all the listeners the the thousands upon thousands across the world who listen to the podcast hey listeners can you hit us up on twitter or instagram and let us know do you like us are we likable you see that's why people

don't like you because you ask questions like i have to ask you gotta assume they like you and they just they're gonna be like i want to be her friend remember at our show we're like are we mean and people were like yes they did they were like absolutely i was like i don't know who they talk about i listen i grew up in a home that like if they treat you mean that means they love you the most and marie you're haitian i'm sure they do the same i went to your house and all you guys did was roast each other yeah but that's because my family's funny it's not about love it's about who can get the loudest laugh oh my gosh i was like overwhelmed i was like oh my god i was like i think i need to take a nap this is like exhausting sydney you take a nap literally

everywhere listen tati was getting in there y'all was roasting samyal i was like i don't know if i could be in this family everybody could get it yeah so what's up what's up how you doing i'm doing well um i'm doing well i think uh you know just life has been good it could be better like the other day i was home like damn do i need to start taking vitamin d pills why because vitamin d is like you get that from the sun right and if you don't like go out enough or like so in the wintertime that's why people get depressed they don't be outside because they don't have no money that's really what it's about they don't be out it's cold the sidewalks are slippery you don't want to get salt on your shoes and your card is getting declined i really feel like the root

depression is money sydney is that true i mean that's the only reason why right now like i'm super this has been the best feeling i've ever felt i mean my body made a little money this my body is falling apart like but i would be happier if my income was a lot better but overall everybody wants to be richer you know it's not even about richer it's just i would just want to be able to do whatever i want like i was like yo marie let's go to la next week that's what i would want to be able to do just get a flight and go and cancel those bar shows that we have not even cancel them just don't show up don't even go up like uh i had marie and sydney on the lineup but i don't see them anybody seen yeah and then they'll just see a post of us at roscoe's chicken

chicken and waffles exactly just living it up they can't take us i know but like honestly i've just i'm everything is going pretty damn good cindy you made a little money this week no i didn't i swear to marie joy in your face no marie i'm so this is the poorest i've ever been like you know i used to make i don't know eight hundred dollars a night waitressing i have no steady income i'm weighted on checks i've been texting people about checks on checks like for two weeks now i feel like all the money that we talk about and the money that you used to make i feel like you failed to realize that i've always consistently been poor like in the entire time that you've known me i've never had you can hold on you can make a hundred dollars last for two months

you're really good at like you know when we get to the table yeah no i'm not putting an extra dollar not putting another 50 like another friend of mine but i just it's it's not even that it's just like also not only have i been consistently poor but i feel like i'm spending more money now than i have ever spent yeah man i'm paying for my own stuff now also that other friend of ours is also yeah he died oh yeah i'm so sorry for all my friends are dead all my friends with money are dead um so that that's what happened uh marie was i expert in anything this week i don't know sydney were you i don't know i've been traveling i've been you know i've been traveling a little bit with that's why she were in philly i'm going back to philly i'm going to boston i mean it's

nothing like i'm not making no booze but i'm i'm on the road i'm on the road now so like how is it performing in different cities it's you know every day i look in the mirror and i'm like this is me okay this is what i'm giving i like i honestly am just embracing the messiness that is me that the wig changes i like the wig changes i i'd be mispronouncing people don't know who you are yeah i'm this is me like i i you know sometimes i fail to spell check some shit but i am not embarrassed of who i am and i'm very honest and i'm an open book and now i go to another place like we just went to yonkers and i'm like this is me this is who i am like if you don't think it's funny that's you but i know that i'm funny yeah i have a good

time yeah whenever i'm like at my best everybody is feeling it so i'm just happy that i'm going to a different state and figure out like this is working out like my material so you're an expert at being yourself? Keeping it real. I think so. I think I'm Cardi B be yourself right now. I'm an expert at that.

Cardi B is a little bit more be yourself. When you see me in the street. That don't mean I fuck with you. I don't know what that bitch be talking about.

I don't know the lyrics. If I see you and I don't speak. That don't mean I... Now Sydney just stop. You are not a Cardi B expert. Leave it alone. Yes.

These is blood issues. There's a video of this lady. something they're like everybody's uh abuela or whatever and she's like reading the lyrics to uh bodak yellow and it's so funny she got this thick accent and she's like this is a bloody shoes but like i can't do the accent i'm not spanish but you know what i mean uh it's really really funny uh yeah but like i'm just happy being me and things are going great what about you marie what are you experiencing this week i was an expert at sleeping in oh and you never

sleeping you always wake up at like 7 a.m and you'll be running in a park and i'll be like oh she thinks she's better than me because she's up at 7 a.m running because i am yeah that's fine because i'm better than everybody whatever and also uh but yeah like i'll go to bed late because i'm somebody who like i can't like if i get home it takes me like an hour and a half to like decompress and like wind down and take a shower and go to sleep and then i i don't like being in the bed too long because i feel like i'm just wasting the day so i just be up and tired like i just be like whoo this is can i take a nap am i too old to take naps um i feel i don't take naps though during the day yeah but i feel like you've been like well rested your calves look

like they're getting sleep like you know i feel like i feel like you've been resting boo you ain't got no makeup on you still really refreshed never wear make like i don't i mean i wear makeup when i have like a show or something and i feel like people are gonna see me but i don't usually wear makeup good for you it's just my regular ass face so do you how to learn i mean i see you trying to be the real you you're being the cardi b version of yourself yeah the real you doesn't have any makeup on underneath anything i wear less makeup when i need to but like you know for a while you was going on the street where like we were both just natural and people were like who those two dudes but then you like you were like let me just draw my brows oh my god let me just put a little

bit of gold dust on my lids and i'm just like sitting next to you like please don't take any pictures of us together because this is what i look like and in pictures it don't look that good no like a flash you know what i mean i'm looking tired i'm looking fatigued listen but speaking of beautiful and fatigue our next guest speaking of tired is neither fatigue or tired only beautiful only hilarious this next guest is a comedian i feel like you be writing you be creating you just hit us with some shades that you made. Customized sunglasses so we could put them on

so we could blind the haters. You know what I'm saying? You were on the New York scene. You're getting up. You got your own show. It's about roast... Is it roasting? Roast beef, yeah. Roast beef. Hilarious. Roast beef. Yeah, it's a variety show, right? It's like a monthly roast dedicated to

whatever Zodiac sign. Yes, yes, yes. Anyway. Yes. Yes. Let me bring you in. I've been asking you questions and you haven't told people who you are. Yes. Give it up for our sex toy expert, Soraya Ortiz. Ortiz. That's an O and a Z.

Ortiz. Ortiz. Soraya. Yes. So, first of all, you bought us like nine pairs of sunglasses that you customized.

Yes. Thank you for that. You're welcome. We're going to take a bunch of pictures. We're going to do a slideshow. Please do. It's going to be dope.

I might finally sell some of them on Etsy. But also, let's go. Let's hit the head-to-toe look that what you got on yes right honestly i can't even deal like this is what you came to the recording in she has on a chanel inspired uh choker uh boot uh combat boot she got on a fishnet stocking and a high waist booty denim short but then also a sweater is that a sweater you got on you got a little the funniest thing is that this woman texts me like is the podcast

live uh no home it's at 1 p.m in the day so we don't have an audience but i feel like she was asking because she was like i want to get my outfit ready i want to look wait you got dressed and then asked if it was live or you thought it was live i mean we do a live monthly show we do we do i wanted to know if i should have people tune in and listen oh no they can you could have them tune in when we aired it the same day no no no no we you know every friday we release a new episode uh they can listen to your friday so soraya let's talk a little bit uh you're a sex toy expert yes so what that mean like you know about like anal beads and stuff i do actually know about anal beads i can tell you a thing or two go ahead tell us two things uh okay well

you have you have a couple different kinds um why do people like putting anal what is it like a necklace? I don't really understand the hype. Or is it like a stick with little beads on it? Okay, so there's two different kinds. One of them is better than the other one because it's more sanitary. Usually the ones that have like the little ring and then you can just pull it out. It's like a little bended wand

kind of thing. It's usually made of like plastic or silicone or something like that. It has like the large ones and then they go smaller. So the big ones be at the top? Or the little ones be at the top? The big beads are at the top. And then the point of entry is the smallest one.

okay right because you kind of gotta you know get yourself but let me tell you is it on a string or is it on a stick well that's what i'm saying there's two different kinds there's some that's on a string those are not sanitary you probably can't really clean the string exactly the ones that's on like a little bit of stick it's like a malleable stick it's not it's not like hard malleable so like it conforms to the shape of your asshole well it just like it bends it's flexible mm-hmm bend and snap i just want to say that um i have problems getting things out of it so out of my butt so you're telling the listeners that you're constipated i be constipated sometimes and i just feel like she said you need to graduate dude i don't know i just know i mean like like

even like okay oh it takes time to open it up you're right you can't you can't just uh plunge in there do you need lube for anal beads yes you absolutely do i mean you definitely should some people don't some people will use like spit and dumb things oh no no no that doesn't sound right you should definitely that hurts well let's get into these these things that you can use this lube because people be using like lotion or no no people be using things like listen shampoo and or conditioner doing that marie oh i'm just saying for the listeners people be using like yogurt vaseline or cocoa butter vaseline is an absolute no stop answering my questions you not be expert my guy i'm telling you what i've been through right what are people i want to know more about

what city's been through um no you should definitely not use any of those things like no household products don't don't be using like vaseline and lip gloss and all that dumb shit you lip gloss i mean listen i mean if people if people gonna use vaseline like people still using vaseline on their face and shit i'm just like that's not if the product is next to fabuloso in the fucking cvs you definitely shouldn't use it no exactly go go to like a local you know sex toy shop or whatever or write a you know you know that aisle get you a silicone base or A water-based lubricant. A water-based lube probably is like the healthiest.

Is that water-based? I mean, there's different kinds that are okay because some people are allergic to whatever ingredients might be in silicone or even water-based. They might use like... Who's allergic to water? You'd be surprised. The same person who's allergic to gluten?

Yeah, but your body's mainly water. You're allergic to yourself, sis? I can't answer for all that. People suck. I hate everybody. I mean, there's a lot of different interesting lubes out there, but use something that's actually for Is there such a thing as a flavored lube?

Yeah. Absolutely. Yeah. Definitely. And there's like vegan flavored lubes too. That sounds gross. That's disgusting. You're taking it too far. I mean, listen. That's gross. There's vegan everything. But actually flavored lube tastes disgusting. They don't taste good. Why would Okay. Anyway. I knew about it.

Some of them are just like lightly flavored but some of them are so heavily like, it's just like, whoa. Who want their, you know, vagina to taste like that? Yeah. Now here's a question. Have you ever accidentally squirted lube on the ground and then brush your ass and then breathe. Try to get a glass of water.

No, not yet, thankfully. Okay. So what's another? We did A for anal beads. What's a B sex toy? A B sex toy? A B. Something that's just specifically

for your clit. They have little vibrators that are really small. You can't insert it inside you. specific name of a toy yeah so go ahead let's let's talk about the bullets um bullets are great i mean i think bullets are good for solo play obviously solo play all my friends are dead when you all your friends are dead and you ain't got no one to fuck around with uh a bullet is great you know kind of just get the job done quick um it's not like a super super

high powered vibrator no um so that means it's not loud it's not loud well some of them can be a little out but um bullets are cool you know some of them they just come with like one setting so just on and off some of them have different settings like pulsation and things like that your phone vibrates the bullet i think is one of the most underrated toys and honestly uh heterosexual males like y'all need to y'all need to step y'all game up like y'all have a bullet have a bullet some condoms and some lube by your bed at all times if you're gonna be sleeping with women have a vibrator you know women but then if you said women so that means you have to have multiple vibrators guys don't use the same or clean them or throw a condom i don't care how

clean you say they i see how niggas clean their sheets so no i don't want to be sharing it's not going to be for everyone but i still think it's a nice idea for a dude either to have little like disposable toys or even just be like hey i'm okay if you use toys like i'm i'm down with that like y'all need to get on that train. I feel like a lot of men will be, are threatened when you bring your giant magic wand out. They be like, that's going in my butt! That's what you like!

You're like, is there an outlet near the bed? Don't worry, I'll take the extension cord. But see, those are the vibrators they need to fucking make friends with, though. Yeah, stop being intimidated by sex toys. I mean, like, honestly, like, women's not looking at your dicks and coming right at the sight of them shits like that's just not how a lot of us are made most of us come from uh external stimulation

so you got to externally stimulate and if you're not going to do that yeah like if you're not you know be there like you can't you can't give her head while you're having sex so she's she likely will need something else like not everybody just comes from penetration most women don't come from penetration do you have a statistic about this how many women you think don't come from i'm gonna say 85 it's a lot it's a lot most women do not come from just internal stimulation it's like it feels good you know but you can and and guys will think like i'll fuck the shit out of her beat nah you kind of probably fucked her raw i mean like you fucked her sore exactly but i don't mean that she came i don't it'll be system be fucking this up though sis because in my head

i thought i was coming and i wasn't that's what they doing to us do you know what they doing to i had to tell me one time in my head i was just shaking my body i there was times where i was shaking my body because i was thinking like oh well if i shake it will come no i'm not i'm not an actress i'm not here to know when you come but yo keep a bullet by the bed because they're great they're great during sex because they're so small like if a woman's on top or you know you're hitting it from behind or whatever like it's so small she could just hold it where she need to hold it and yo mad nuts soraya mad nuts now soraya you are well versed and educated in this can you tell us a little bit about you like how'd you get into the sex toy game let's talk about this how old

were you when you lost your virginity what marie that's a real question yes how old i want to say 13 what marie was it 13 uh i think it was 15 okay okay still very very young well i mean i mean i I don't know, I guess is that like an average age? Not for me, but, you know. Well, how old were you? It doesn't matter, honestly. No, I really want to know. No.

It's my 18th birthday. God. God damn. All right, well, fine. Cindy, that's lean. That's why she was shocked. Couldn't all save it for love. No, because she knew I was going to swivel to her,

and she was like, Marie. Cindy, you were 14, 12? No, I was not 12. 14? You were 14? I was like 15. That's a lot. you like 15 means 14 no i was 15 that's the average age sure i guess whatever hose i didn't

give my period until i was like 13 i got mine i was in high school when i got mine no i did not i wasn't it took mine it took me well you fast i was 14 i was i think it was no matter of fact it was 13 in the seventh grade remember when i said 13 and you try to act real shocked and then you told me it was 15 then you were like maybe it was 14 but it was 13 the whole time it was actually very shit anyway soraya so how did i get into it yes um i when i was like um oh let's see i must have been like 22 i went to a friend's they went y'all know about like passion parties yeah they're so tired parties i know yeah tupperware parties but with sex toys so i went to my tupperware party just with the tupperware yeah there's like midwest women that just be

selling Tupperware at their house. Yeah, that's like the 50s and 60s, I think. Yeah, people do this with, like, dicks now. Avon and all that kind of shit. Tupperware parties. You can get sad. You see how it snaps? It just clasps back to the lid.

Anyway, go ahead. Back in the day, you know, women was being accused of having hysteria, probably because they was having Tupperware parties instead of sex toy parties. But I went to one. I thought the woman who did the presentation, she was dope. And I was just kind of like, you know, I see myself doing that. Like, I'm not shy talking about sex, which is funny, because I'm really shy talking about sex when it comes to, like, my family and stuff like that.

Of course. Who's talking about your family? Some people are mad open. Like, people be like, oh, you're a comedian. You don't have your brothers come to your shows. I'm like, I talk about hoeing all the fucking time. I don't need them to hear that. They don't need to be a part of that world.

No. But, like, one-on-one or, like, talking to groups of people, I'm not really shy talking about sex. And I've always been very curious. You're not ashamed. Wanting to learn about shit. So I decided to become, like, a passion party toy consultant. toy consultant that's the official title oh my god uh this was a long time ago this was 10 years

ago so you ain't got no cards i ain't got no cards we can still start it up though so right after the podcast honestly i feel like it's not a bad idea especially being a comedian now like i would know how to command a room a little bit better because i that was i was cold doing that you know like you're like please insert the unit the apparatus cold fingers but it was cool because it's like you know you start off you invest like my father actually gave me my investment money your father wait a minute selling dildos but he's right you got a dad i do have a man yeah that's a whole for you i mean i got daddy issues too okay okay when he gave you money for he knew what you were doing with this money yeah i told i told him what i want to do but you know my father's

an entrepreneur he used to sell like leather jackets and shit to rappers and stuff like that This is a drug dealer. No, I'm just kidding. He sold him to drug dealers. Just kidding. He's a drug dealer. He respected the hustle. He was like, hey, I respect it.

You know, like, he gave me my startup money. How much is it? I think it was like two something. You get like several different toys. And, you know, you get like your pamphlets and business cards and all that. Okay. So, yeah. And I basically, like, I started doing that.

I did a couple toy parties. So, what is a toy party? How does that normally go? What does it consist of? You usually have, like, a host. So, like, say, Marie, you, like... You said a hoe or a host? A host.

No, a hoe. She didn't even have a host. Ho Marie. Yeah. Ho Marie. H-O-E-S-T. Hoest. Usually has somebody who wants to throw the party,

whether it's for you or, you know, you throw a bachelorette party or, you know, baby shower, whatever. Baby shower. I have seen all kinds of reasons to throw a toy party. Fuck. But let's say you want to throw a bachelorette party for Sydney and you're the host.

Or the hostess. and you know you would hire me to come basically like the parties were free so it was like you're booking me for free and i come and give a presentation about some of the toys okay play some games with you guys that kind of thing you might dance a little bit no but i get chased by a stripper one time at a party oh because the stripper was like you on your her turf um the stripper was like they like the girls were hosting the party i did my presentation and then they had a stripper come in and dance which i actually thought was a really good idea but it was like when i was in the back just count my money and stuff like that they was like oh go get the uh

go get uh soraya the toy consultant go you know whatever and he came in the back and he was dancing and i'm not here i wasn't mad at it i'm not here for i don't like men strippers i don't like it fan but it's gross it wasn't the worst thing that happened i don't care if you have a six-pack i don't like it with baby oil i don't like it i don't like skimpy panty dudes no and their hairlines always be like boxes and shit very like rectangular hairline fresh out of jail body yeah lasered in hairline they waves be all like crooked apparently channing tatum was a stripper oh i see it he was able to do it for me though no but i'm saying like he was able to do that and parlay that into magic mike good for him or stomp the yard or whatever yeah bless him it's

a good living i mean if i could twerk oh yeah if i could twerk i would strip absolutely saraya yes that curl pattern is not meant for stripping you better stop it girl she would put a wig on tap come on exactly so i could have like a persona exactly is that what bitches are calling them now oh this is not a stripper that's a persona this is a persona this is good girl hair so what kind of toys do you bring to a party you bring like some vibratey things you bring some like things that taste good some insertion type deals those are dildos oh i want to make this clear for all men out there yes a dildo and a vibrator are two very different things absolutely not all vibrators are meant to be inserted that's why they're freaking out when they see the magic

yes they'd be like yo she got dildos it's like that's not a fucking dildo that's like a tiny ass little clitoris toy like relax so there's a magic wand is not a tiny ass uh she's talking about she's talking about like bullets oh okay i thought you were talking about a magic wand because that is huge but that's not a dildo that's a vibrator right right now that that is not to be inserted it's a back massager external neck massager what would you say is like just when you think of vibrators what would you say is like the top like elite top shelf vibrator out in if i had enough money to buy it yeah like what would you say is like the hottest one in the streets right now hottest one in the streets right now i've been off the toy scene for a little while

but what i'll i'll tell you this um for about like 50 bucks you can get a really really good vibrator. Because Elite is not necessarily saying anything. Elite, you know, might look really nice or whatever. It got all these settings. It'll be sleek and you can put it on the mantle. Right. Maybe it's quiet. Maybe you can recharge it. You don't need batteries. I like quiet vibrators. Solar operated.

I would say if you like a real quiet, like sleek, kind of cute vibrator or something with like a nice texture to it, I would go with Lilo. I really like that brand. They're soft, too. Lilo is really nice. And Form 2. It's like

a little bunny shaped kind of vibrator? I think I've seen the Lilo's. I've tried the Lilo or whatever, the fifth element and it's not... Is it not strong enough

for you? It's not strong enough. Well, batteries are... Magic Wand. Magic Wand is the no-fail vibrator. Magic Wand will burn your clitoris off.

It depends what kind of vibration you like. I don't need it. I'll be like, throw the clitoris away. Right away. Give me a new clit real quick. You gotta know...

See, that's the thing about being a toy party consultant or even like a sex toy educator or whatever my job you know eventually eventually when i stopped doing toy parties i started working at a sex toy boutique oh okay and so i graduated to sex educator so like if y'all came into the store i would be able to give you a tour of like what was going on in the store and just try to figure out like well let's figure out what kind of vibration marie likes because she

might not like the same kind of vibration that sydney likes sydney might like really how do you figure that out you like you touching people in the store no i don't touch you guys at all but i just kind of asked you like and i encourage you they were always like little like sample toys um sample so you would put it on their arm and be like how'd i feel yeah but it's different on my arm no well i mean you have them uh people people are not as stupid as uh i have a thin pant on a leggy shut up have on a bike short yeah you can't do it through your denim no you can't no you gotta have some yoga pants on i gotta go into the fitting room and try it on yeah no no nothing x-rated like that um more just like you know like you turn on a toy

and you're gonna be able to think oh i like the way that feels like it's it's not hard like you're you know you use your intuition you grown bitch you grown you know about vibration you know if you turn something and you're like i don't like the way that sound i don't like the way that feel because you know like some vibrators is cheap you know they're real yeah if it vibrates like a phone i don't like it you probably don't like the same kind of vibrator now that you like when you know maybe you bought your first one my first one was a rabbit it was a rabbit and my ex bought it for me for christmas everybody had the rabbit and it was i didn't have a rabbit somebody got me this like bright orange lightsaber for my for my birthday that's rude popsicle yeah like a popsicle we were

we had been drinking and everything and we were all leaving this bar and we walked by a sex store and he was like let's go get maria vibrator and i was like my brother is here that was the orange one but how did you like that what did it is that was that like it did it's the first one that i had ever yeah it was cool for a while but then it was like because it's new but but you would probably never buy that vibrator ever rabbit i would never buy a rabbit again it's why was the rabbit was was so popular because of sex in the city sex in the city absolutely like when women would come into the store that's exactly where's the vibrator that's on sex in the city and it's And it's just like, that's why they want it.

But also, it's a good toy. But it's involved. It's not one of those toys you're just going to whip out when you're like, yo, I need to get a quick one. With the rabbits, the one that has the little claws. It has like the little bunny ears. Little bunny ears. And then a rotating shaft.

It looks like it's got little pearls inside of it. I'm going to Google it. I always thought it was prettier than it was. It's really big. And it takes up a lot of space in your headstand or nightstand. And it's just annoying. It's annoying. You don't need all that.

Yeah. I like something, like, compact that you don't need too much space. It gets the job done, and that's it. You should get a form, too. What's that? That's a rechargeable vibrator. Rechargeable? It's made of silicone.

You put it on, like, a little pod. It recharges itself. It's real small. So my vibrator just propped up on the dresser? People coming in, like, you got lotion? I'm like, yeah, it's on the dresser next to my thing. Those are my earbuds. That's my Beats by Trixie.

I like that. Oh, don't mind those. I like to have it propped when my lovers come over so they know what time it is. So they know what the deal is. What's that? And then I can talk to them about it. So what's the best way, like you having whack sex with somebody that you really like, what's the best way to be like, hey babe, your penis is not enough.

Your penis isn't it. Or you're like not trying hard enough. Hold on, hold on. Marie, have you been in a situation like that? I feel like everybody listening has been in a situation like that. So many times. I've never been sober and have been in a situation like that. i've always been wasted and i've never even think about what i'm saying i just whip it out i don't

even be like can i i'll be like sexy i don't even like i never even thought of a man's like heart or feelings when i'm not getting what i want i'm always sober when i'm not thinking about a man's card or his face i've been like i don't even know his name yeah why are you looking at me please you you should be honored to be in the presence of me and my vagina yeah me and my vagina so right you feel like i feel like you're very vocal like you would tell somebody but it was almost like you were like telling them off like well here's the thing here's the thing about me um i'm not nasty i'm not rude really um i think there's a time that you're nasty you nasty no i'm nasty oh i'm nasty but i don't mean but i mean like i'm sensitive because when you when you work

in a position like that like you learn the language of how to talk to somebody when especially when you're trying to negotiate like yo i want my pleasure from you so i'm not going to talk to you in a way that makes you feel like i don't want to have sex with soraya because she just made me feel like shit about my manhood or whatever well you don't want to make them feel bad of course but i'm but i'm very good absolutely but i'm no i'm really well versed at telling someone exactly what i like i want these niggas to know y'all terrible you ain't shit your dick ain't shit you're terrible well that's why you want to have sexual women sydney well i mean i feel like that's the thing right because for men it's it's easy right right and then when that's

why when men are struggling you'd be like what's wrong with your dick right oh it is scary when you just see it like when it's when it's trying to get hard but it's not there or when it's a Simi? When it's a fucking Simi? I've been like, yo. Yo, are you sick? Did someone die? You on drugs right now? You smoking that stuff? I'm like, you did coke, didn't you?

Simis are rough. Especially when he got a real long or a large. And it just don't quite fully extend. It'd be like, like you know when you put spaghetti in to boil and part of it the bottom be soft and the top be hard.

You'd be mushing around until you could get it in a pan. you ever been in an elevator and it's like mid floor and it just stopped like that's what it looked like and you keep pressing the buttons you're like i'm pressing all the right buttons how come it's not going up yep yeah it's like my mom just died and you're like oh that's why this elevator don't work i've been with somebody where their dad died and they were still able to get it up so i feel like they needed that therapy sex that's that morning wood morning wood m-o-u-r-n all day yeah i mean yeah i mean everybody listening has had bad sex i was saying how do you what's the best way to tell somebody that you care about that sex is trash keyword care

about care about yes care about you know you you kind of like i think you should talk about it outside of the bedroom that's one thing like you should have like a sexy little date you know or something like that and and don't talk about it right there in the moment because more than likely you're going to be frustrated yeah uh even if you do care about this person there's definitely been times where you i'm sure you like yo come on like what the fuck and you don't want to have that conversation at that point because you're not going to be able to nope you're not going to be able to say what you want without hurting this person's feelings um and a man who i mean he is not going to be able to perform if you hurt his ego in that regard yeah fragile creatures they

are very fragile very sensitive you got to take it out of the bedroom and and just kind of like suggest certain things like be direct be like hey babe you know when you're doing this i really would like it if you would do abc and d just be direct as fuck tell them exactly what you want that's a boner killer for me i gotta tell you what to do while you but that's why you're not doing it in the moment like you want to you want to just kind of have that conversation outside of the bedroom what's the word that how do you start it hey everybody likes sex and things like that like you sex text right me no really you don't you've never sexed before you never texted someone no there's no receipts do you flirt i mean i flirt but i don't agree okay hold on hold on hey can

you give us an example of you flirting it's just i'm very conversational and people be thinking that i like them that's all it's not like i'm not like so such and such and such as like it's just it's a conversation i'll be flirting with waiters and don't even know people tell me that i flirt and i'd be like i'm having a conversation okay but they'd be like you flirting with the person while i'm sitting right but you've never like exchanged a cat like a sexy text can't wait to get home i'm off i'll make it up to you maybe i'll do what i gotta do

i deleted all my there's nothing it's not i don't know how to do that and i honestly don't know i when i was flirting it would be overt it would be like tone it down sis it'd be like you go from zero to 100 oh yeah city stay at 98 and then she just goes right to 100 i just i just sent him a picture of my vagina but there you go that's me guess what i'm thinking about it open for a real well i still think that if you need to break the news to a partner that you care about you know you you you definitely should be direct about the things that you like here's the thing like women or just anybody you should know number one what it is that you like because nobody don't know

they don't some women don't know what they like some guys are great lovers and but they still have an approach where it's like i approach every woman the same every woman is not the same the same things that you like you know like sydney might not like so so every you there's some degree of like telling a person you have to be able to articulate the things that you do like are you listening to this fellas pussies are like snowflakes right some some people are intuitive lovers they pick up on things it's kind of like they pick up on those cues they're looking out for it but some some people are not necessarily that way people are just out to get theirs absolutely and you probably shouldn't fuck with those type of dudes unless you have a vibrator on hand and you're

get yours have you ever had sex with somebody and like they were there and they finished and you just whipped your vibrator out and they got offended um no but i have gone into the bathroom to do it really yeah what like a loud ass vibrator no like a small quiet one he's like she's in there taking a dump he's texting his friend like yo i just laid it down quite flat she can't even walk out the bathroom her legs gave out she's been there for 30 minutes i was in them guts and she got the i was busting walls down yo i think i gave her an aneurysm i don't even know what that is you know what i mean yo somebody call ems emt what's ems i don't know emergency something services

Oh, it is? Maybe EMS is something. EMT? And EMT works for EMS? Maybe. I feel like EMS is like something that like the Ice Bucket Challenge would be for. Whatever. Call the ambulance.

I'm sorry. Your brother seemed kind of slow. He got EMS. Hurry. You're an idiot. Okay. Yeah. So you went in there.

You did what you needed to do. Right. I'm not happy when I do that, though. nobody's happy when they do that nobody's happy thinking he laid it down and you and they're just aggravated yeah and you should be aggravated yeah i mean you shouldn't be aggravated like if i'm if you're having sex you should want you're doing it because you like somebody or you just really want to have sex exactly i'm not having it you really you really want that fucking nut it's like you're invested in that that sexcapade and it's kind of like yeah i'm i'm busting off all right

especially when you talk it's what a dude that like talked this giant talk that was like you not gonna be able to walk for three weeks back in the 99 and 2000s when a dude would come up to me i'd be like do y'all niggas bust y'all good oh yeah do you fuck them till they come and then and then you get to the house or his mom's house yeah like i feel like a lot of guys do that where it comes to like giving a girl head like a lot of oh yeah girl you know i you know i love and they give you like five seconds of the most like lame pathetic tongue don't even know no tongue in a vagina type head well wait as a sex educator do you help men absolutely absolutely i mean like but how do you do it in a like a

professional way where they're not when i saw the way you was doing that uh you want to get some drinks uh here's the thing here's the thing about on a penis like take my card let me tell you something about being a sex educator especially like i didn't work in like a cd like you know gross even though i'm not even shading them because they all have their place but i worked in like a really nice kind of like boutique what was this boutique don't say the name don't say i shouldn't say the name don't say the name do you still work for them no that was a long time ago okay so if you don't where it was it was babeland toys in babeland oh yeah you could mention that yeah i went to babeland in uh miami that shit was popping yeah babeland is dope it

was big they're dope or maybe i was at the pleasure chest babeland there's a few when i'm in the city and i worked at all of them there's one in soho on broom and grand i think okay there's one in the lower east side on uh between on rivington between orchard and ludlow i feel like everything on the lower east side is dirty though so like i'm probably not gonna go to that babeland i definitely have seen a few people outside the store it's a rat coming out at the lower east side location a rat coming in to buy a strap on you like look at this dirty ass rat um but working there like the people who come in to talk to you more than likely like I'm going to tell you men

are intimidated not all men but more than likely the guys coming into that store and a lot of the women too see you as being a sexual expert they're not there to fuck with you a lot of times people are intimidated by how much you know about things and how poised and professional

you are talking about it so sometimes like even like the worst people who come in here to be honest with you it's not even the dudes even like younger kids sometimes would come in and it's not them. It's the bachelorettes. They are the worst.

Any bachelorette having a party, they come, oh my God! Like, they're the worst ones. You can't like... Wearing their penis necklace. They just want all the

like novelty bullshit. Yeah. But then you have some people who come in there who are really just like, well, you know, I want to be able to do this for my girl

or, you know, we're trying to incorporate this kind of play. Oh. And then you're able to just talk to them and they, you know, they come down.

But most people are a little, they go in there thinking like, Nah, I ain't fucking with her She's an expert on this shit Is there a uniform at Babyland Or are you just in there With like pasties

Yeah, what you wearing What you wearing What does it look like What you look like What's your hair What's your wig look like Regular I mean, I was

I'm 32 now When I was working at Babyland Oh, look at you, Sarai Just proud of your age Look at you Well, I'm 27 So I don't know what you're thinking She's like, I'm over the place

I'm a cool 27 I was working at Babyland When I was like 23, 24 So you were like So I was young I was in it In it and when you're 24 like the confidence you have there's no uniform like you you wear whatever

you want you just stroll in sexy you just got latex you got a cat suit on just titties is out you just like yes this is uh the newest edition if you want to if you want to attract some creeps hell yeah but otherwise it's just regular retail do y'all sell like like latex suits and stuff like where can i get like a like a like a sex suit yeah i was telling you where you could uh i want something crotchless hmm you got me got a couple little things when i was working there they didn't have like lingerie and like body stockings and things like that body stock i know where the wholesale hookup is at where's that at in the bank that's a and j lingerie no that's actually a and j lingerie that sounds like they sell cds as well it sounds like they sell like new york

the little old lady who works here is so cute she is the best and she's so fashionable a and j okay it's in like the the wholesale district that it sounds like it is yeah and day lingerie sounds like a place where you got you got to buy a crate of body stackings but you got but you could just get like they don't they don't hassle you you know you go on like some wholesale places and like you got to buy like a whole like case of i gotta buy a rack you could just you could go there just like a regular you just go in there regular to shop but they have like all the sex toys that you see in certain stores or online that are like way marked up you can get them you can get them at the wholesale place but without having to purchase like a wholesale wholesale

thing and they got like a lot of like costumes and body stockings and things like that now here's my question for you because when people think of uh sex toys they think of like vibrators and dildos and stuff but there's also like whips right and like handcuffs yeah definitely so how can we talk about have you ever used some cussing and lost the key you can get your wrist out he he thought he that's gonna die like what the hell we talking about I've never had any

like snafus like that I've definitely had I've definitely played with cuffs before I play with cuffs I play with should I even say that yes you can

you can say whatever you want girl can I preface this by saying yo if it's any like male comedians listening to this do not fucking

approach me about this later okay girl male comedians don't listen to this they don't listen to this it's girl talk they already know

they're like oh those two hoes that don't wanna fuck us yeah fuck that podcast yeah i'm the expert on not getting their ass talking about six stockings and stuff i heard you like collars girl um you pegged somebody would you peck someone before yeah

talk about it okay without saying any names yes or if you want to use their names whatever i'm sure i don't know him but what would you like to somebody that we know no oh god thank god so so how does that did you bring that up did they bring it up oh because we've had somebody tell a pecking story before and she met this dude they went on like a couple dates right but the date the first date he was already asking her about it and she was like uncomfortable okay when she did it it didn't go that well and he go he ghosted her jesus um yikes well i was dating this person seriously for about four years four years but it doesn't take that long for the pecking to happen usually guys know when they want to be usually usually they don't want to open with that

but it wasn't like that no we got to know one another i knew i knew that he was we was both you know some freaks we were very compatible sexually and that inhibited if a man that i was dating asked me to pick him i wouldn't be able to get him like i wouldn't be able to but it didn't happen before we started dating no i would peg him and then we would not I feel like I would turn into like his dominatrix because I feel like I wouldn't like after that like I wouldn't be able to take him seriously as my man people like yo can you make me some dinner you like your own fucking dinner right I feel like I peg you you need to be making me dinner in my mind i would just see him as submissive to me after that so you don't

like submissive men no i need a man to be a man but you know everybody is not that way where they necessarily have an issue with it like everybody has their boundaries marie for you okay that's understandable imagine if he raised his voice you're like don't make me get distraught i'd be like hey hey look at my eyes i am the captain now go get distraught i am the captain but would you do it though i would do it but i wouldn't i would do it but then just know you not my man after that this is intriguing this is too much i kind of want to turn the interview i'm overwhelmed i'm telling you i would never you would never no thank you sydney you would never strap up no i wouldn't for a man no well let me let me tell you my girl i don't first of

I don't like You don't like anal stuff I don't like butt stuff I don't like it Not everybody does I don't like it Because you know Sometimes people miss

Situations Back there You don't like People don't be People don't be fully cleansed Yeah Like and also it hurts Cindy that is the most polite

I have ever seen you be She's like people People miss People miss things Situations back there The only time I liked anal Is when I was on Molly I was fucked up

Out of my mind Like my ass Was already open Before it even got in there You just might need More convincing Or more like negotiation like just careful negotiation all right what is on the table okay how what is the

what is the cleansing process first of all i don't want anal to be like i'm purchasing a car like there will be no negotiating let me see the whole facts no don't do what you don't want to do and don't do what you don't want to do what you don't want to do if that's not something you into don't fucking do it but i i actually i never strapped on and did anything it's like it was more like you know like other little things that we've done i've you know inserted some things but it's also not something that i'm dying to do to everybody i don't approach every relationship like i want to peg you i don't give a fuck about that but i would peg somebody before yes can i ask a question talk about what that situation was like i just

want to know were you barefoot or you had shoes on did you have she had on dockers she had on There were times that I was ass naked And then there were times that outfits were involved Sometimes you need an outfit I'm learning a lot about you on my couch right now Oh my god Okay so he asked you to peg him Yeah but not using that specific term

Yeah how do you ask somebody to peg you I want you to enter me I don't think he really had to ask It was something that I knew that he was He just kept pointing his butt Like a cat He's just moving his butt I just want the listeners to know that I have my butt in the air like a cat.

And we can see her whale tail. Your entire tongue. You see my tongue? You can see it. Do it again. This is going on the Insta stories for the unofficial expert. Oh, shit. So I just want to know.

Okay, so he's flexing his butt like a cat. And you're like, okay. he already had the strap on no we didn't he had it on ice chilling on ice yeah i don't know no on a bucket by the bed it would it would probably be a pot of boiling water because that's how you strap on roasting by an open fire yes so you gotta boil water uh-huh so y'all didn't even use a strap on what did y'all use You know, you could just hold something in your hand No, no

No, thank you You said wrap it in a towel So you need the strap-on then Listen, I just feel like I fully encourage you to get one And there's some really beautiful strap-ons out there Made of like premium leather And some vegan leathers as well

It's like patent leather strap-ons You can get you a nice I can see you in like a nice like red Bright red patent leather Bright red is giving me it vibes It's giving me, you know, like clown news vibes like you prefer black probably black is like uh you know not like a lot nothing glossy nothing glossy okay okay i'll think about it we'll see what happens uh also i'm like i don't i don't

think that i'll ever go buy one i'm just saying like if somebody asked i'd be like well but just know that we breaking up yeah just know i hope this is worth it just know that i'm your man now just know that you my girlfriend just know that my friends need new shoes have my dinner ready at eight um okay so do you have like a like a sex toy gone wrong story a sex toy gone like something you like maybe put something in that you couldn't get out or you somebody it was too much for somebody or too much for you or i don't know anything not so much a gone wrong but i've definitely had someone

be like um do you have to use this every time and i was like wow yeah i kind of do actually this is gonna be a problem because this is every time and you know what fuck that guy i stopped fucking that guy shortly after he asked me that too because i'm just like how dare you try to like negotiate how i come like just fucking what's the problem every time you should have pointed to his dick and been like do you have to use that every time hello you should have just tapped it Like, this. But he also was the kind of guy who would, like, go down and then spit the juices out. But loved to go down for some reason.

But spit the juices out? Like, on the sheets? Like, in a towel. I've never seen that. Right? Like, what kind of shit is that? In a towel? Damn, I'm trying to, Marie, what have you not seen?

I said I've never seen that. Oh, okay. I thought you said that. See? Because you weren't paying attention because you were texting. I was texting the stepmom. And it wasn't like he was hesitant to do it. Like, it was like, ooh, you know, I want to do it.

Like, he would do it frequently, but it was just... In a towel? Yep. That's so weird. I guess it was too luscious. I'm sorry. Like, it was a wine tasting? Yeah, it was like an every now and again kind of thing.

On special occasions, or like... No, no, no. I mean, like, you know, like, you get wet when somebody's going down on you. So it was like, I guess the wetness was too much, and he would have to, like... He was spitting out the wetness? Yeah! Ew! I would have kicked him in the nose.

I hated him. oh you gotta go yeah you gotta go he's very controlling this ain't no chinese restaurant you can spit the food out in front of me but i don't understand why he would want to do that so it's just like well then why go down like you better put why are you here why are you here how did you get here nobody's supposed to be okay that's it that's all it is well for people who are listening right who are like they they want to kind of try out the sex toy thing they don't know where to start you got to be open that's long you have to be open you got to be open to having just you know honest like direct conversations it's it's not it can be like you can make it a really

really sexy time in your life like this doesn't have to be like a oh god like make it make it i mean it's a little scary it's a little intimidating it can be sure but you know it's it honestly it can make your sex life better right and i and i very i recommend having like a little sex day like especially if you get into know like a new partner even if this is an old partner like one of the best things that you could do is be up front about the things that you like before you have sex with somebody you know like a lot of times people wait and they think like this person's just gonna get me we have such awesome chemistry how could it possibly be bad but that shit happens all the fucking time so like yo just set up a little date go somewhere

kind of sexy a little lounge and yo you know let's talk about let's talk about these things and just and just talk about it in person listeners go to a little lounge go to a lounge have i used to work at a lounge i do not anymore otherwise i'd be like come to my lounge come talk about your sexual fantasies at my place and then go to babeland come talk about sex and have them help you out with it because they'll they'll help you so that you don't need to have the whole conversation by yourself you know what i mean like okay what are you guys interested in all right yeah yeah and to give you a little tour and tell you what you gotta do if we do a live show i mean i feel like you could come down you could bring some toys you do a couple you know demonstrations

demonstrations you could tell you bring a woman up bring a man up you know i just have give me a little inventory yeah have a little a couple come up and you and direct them on trying to find out what's good for them i feel like it's like that it's a fix your fix your sexy life or something like that i like that saraya my question a lot of workshops too my question for you is what what does your sex toy drawer consist of oh it's very i feel like it's probably a closet yeah i don't think it's a drawer it's a milk crate and she pulls on a milk it's a trunk it's a it's a shelf below the bed she pulls the draw out a trunk it's a trunk it's a pirate it's a trunk exactly so what's your sex trunk look like what's this just run down some of the things it believe it or not

it's not a trunk um it is a drawer it's a very cute drum um i'm not gonna tell you everything there's there's definitely a run down the key thing what's the things that you don't want to tell us that you got in that bitch yeah what's your body you said a dead body dead body no dead bodies i do i have a pair of cuffs okay i have a pair of cuffs um at one point i had a riding crop wow a riding crop like something like a whip yeah it's a whip or like something that you would A whip is a little different. No, Sidney, not a saddle or riding crop. It's like a little wand.

Oh. With like a little leather thing on the bottom? Yeah. But you just pow. Let me tell you, because of my history, because of slavery, I will not be getting whipped. I don't like no ropes, no chains, no none of that. But you might want to do the whipping. No ropes, no chains, no white people.

Thank you, Sidney. Thank you so much. Well, I tend to like role play, and I don't mind. I can be dominant. You'll play house life? I can be very dominant, and I can also be very submissive. Let's play house life. I'm not really into those slavery games like that.

Not in the, you know, historical context. Dude, you got the writing crap. You got, what else is in there? I got a couple lubricants. You got some lubricants. I got a couple lubes. What's the best lubricant out there right now? It depends on what you like.

Some people like water-based and some people like silicone. Some people just want that. What's the best slip and slide lube? Slip and slide. Isn't there a lube called slip and slide? Probably. I don't know. Is it Trick Daddy's?

Yes! I love the kids. Marie, we're finished. honestly slip it slack and loose yeah exactly that's the only thing

that I know from that song that's all you need to know well I feel like we're learning a lot so much but I also feel like we want people to if people have more

questions for you they need to hit you up where can they like slide in your DMs like where where can they contact you you guys can find me on Instagram

at rye.uh so that's r-y-e dot u-h I'm on Twitter Sue rye.uh so it's like

sue underscore rye underscore uh spell it because people are dumb yeah s isn't sam ue underscore u h isn't harry underscore oh wait no i fucked that up sorry yeah you did sue underscore rye like the bread yep uh uh okay beautiful okay and i feel like don't be afraid to hit her up be respectful y'all respectful because be respectful right but definitely hit her up if you have questions maybe she can help you with toys yes um also hit us up we on the instagram uh unofficial expert at unofficial expert hit us up on instagram on our separate pages just said bw nyc that's my twitter and just said bw that's my instagram okay and slide in my dms on twitter on instagram reesey r-e-e-e-z-y if you want me to peg you and then never be called again

Slash buy us all dinner Just know we gonna laugh about it after I will be there to world star it As soon as she enters I'm here And I'm not taking my shoes off You better keep them vans on girl These are my pegging vans

Yeah cause I'm not pegging I'm not pegging in Jordans No you cannot I'm not pegging a nice heel No cause I feel like my my core strength not me yeah you need

a sturdy shoe exactly right I'm a big in a combat boot yo you can peg in a combat boot thank you I'll peg in a trainer

in an Asics I will I will peg in some flip flops that's how much I don't care about begging in a foam posse

in a foam I'll peg in a Tim I'll peg in some Skechers oh you can peg in a Tim and I hate Skechers Sarai you've been amazing you've been so far if you could leave

people listening with one final thought about sex toys or pleasure or anything that we talked about what would that be one final thought cindy do you have a final thought about sex too or not honestly you don't need it you could be in a healthy relationship without it love is in the air love is in the home if asexuality is your thing then i say go for it I need to get somebody to talk about asexuality on this podcast. You should get an asexuality expert. That's a good idea.

I'm right here. Thank you. That's a good idea. If I could leave you guys with anything, I would just say if you're curious about something, you want to try something out with a partner, just be open about it. Just broach the conversation. Broach. How do you broach?

But yeah, just be open. Be honest about things that you like. Be open and honest. Or if you're like me, just never talk about it And then leave them after, I don't know, nine years And if you're like me, just pray Thank you so much for listening Don't forget to subscribe

And rate us And we'll see you guys next week Bye Bye guys We'll be right back.