MESS with Sydnee Washington & Marie Faustin - "The SHADE Expert" with Courtney Kornegay

Episode Date: December 30, 2016

Marie and Sydnee learn how to throw SHADE in the newest episode of The Unofficial Expert, Tune in and share!----Listen to The Unofficial Expert Ad-Free on Forever Dog Plus:https://foreverdogpodcasts.com/plus----BONUS EPISODES AVAILABLE NOW ON PATREON:www.patreon.com/TheUnofficialExpertBUY UNOFFICIAL EXPERT MERCH:https://www.teepublic.com/stores/the-unofficial-expert-podcastFOLLOW THE UNOFFICIAL EXPERT:https://www.instagram.com/UnofficialExpertFOLLOW SYDNEE:https://www.instagram.com/JustSYDbwhttps://twitter.com/justsydnycFOLLOW MARIE:https://www.instagram.com/Reeezyhttps://twitter.com/MsReeezyFOLLOW ANDREW:https://www.instagram.com/mcgui_guyTHE UNOFFICIAL EXPERT IS A FOREVER DOG PODCASThttps://foreverdogpodcasts.com/podcasts/the-unofficial-expertSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

For you, the listeners of Unofficial Expert podcast, Zipcar is offering $25 of free driving credit at Zipcar.com. To earn $25 of free driving credit, go to JoinZipcar.com slash Unofficial Experts. Again, that's JoinZipcar.com slash Unofficial Experts to earn free driving credit. Hello, hello, hello. Cha-cha-cha. Oh my God, I'm in such a good mood. Unofficial expert, we ain't got no theme song, and this song has no beat. None at all.

Hey, this is the unofficial expert. Hi, guys. I'm Sydney. I'm Marie. You know what? I stopped saying my last name. Can you believe it? I just noticed that you did that.

Did you say, I did that for you. I remember you did that for you, because you know there's people out in these streets that are like, but did you say it was Sydney Elizabeth? Oh, yo. Listen, someone said my first and last name in the bathroom stall the other day, and I I was like, wait, what? Wait, somebody from the podcast? No, no, no, no.

I was about to say, girl. I did a show. I did a show. Went to the bathroom. I guess the girl came in the bathroom. And she didn't check underneath to see if my shoes were there. And she was talking about me. But I had tuned out.

I didn't know who she was talking about. Or I wasn't even listening until she said, Sydney, Washington. And I said, I'm in the last stall. Wait, what was she saying? I don't know. She ran out? I think she probably was saying something good, but I have no idea. I said, I'm in the last stall.

And she's like, oh, I love you. But I have no idea. You know when white people say your first and last name, either you're really important or they talking shit about you. Yeah, I think that's how white people talk. But when they know your first and last name. That's what happens. You got too many people in your business, Sydney.

Speaking of this business of yours, what were you an expert at this week? What did you kill it in? Shopping. Oh. Bitches be shopping But you ain't got no money I sure don't And that's why

I'm an expert at shopping On barely any money at all You know I be at the It sounds like you're an expert at Debt Shut up Listen I bought so many cute things I bought cute shoes for $16

That then fell apart That broke the night That you wore them out When we got tacos The tacos When I tell you I was like oh those are cute Those are new

She's like they're new old And then the heel was like Bye bye It was like, boom, boom, boom, boom. The heel was like, and scene. It was a legit broke down mountain, but not like the gay one. It was just like broken down mountain. It went from a heel to a flat real quick.

Oh, it was definitely a flat. I had to take them off. That's terrible. And then we put some Gorilla Glue, and I was back in business. I was like, ready to cha-cha. Let's go. Yeah. Cha-cha that.

Dangerous. Listen, I go to the thrift shops that you put me on. I can't believe I put her on. Now she'd be at the thrift shop all the time taking everything that's my size. And she'd be like, look, Marie, look what I found. I'm like, I was just going to go get that jacket. Like, now I can't. It's terrible.

Listen, we are in the sisterhood of traveling somebody else's pants. So I need you to be on board with whatever items I get. You know how I get it for YouTube, boo? No, if you wear it, I don't want it. So, Marie, you'll wear a random person's clothes from the thrift shop, but you won't wear mine. Listen, I clean everything before I wear it. You, on the other hand, will get the other person's pants from the thrift shop. Throw it on.

I have never bought pants from the thrift shop. Throw it on. I put on a jacket. You put... And a shoe. City will walk out in the thrift shop stuff. No, I won't. I'm like, the tag's still on.

You're not even going to clean this or dip it or like shake it out outside. Listeners, Marie is a liar. I am a truth teller because I'm a good Christian woman. All she does is lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, and delete, delete, delete. Because that is not true. I don't know what you're talking about. all i've got listen shoes and jackets and have you washed any of the jackets no the answer is a big fat no listen if if it's a rich person's things i want all of their spirits so if i wash it then i

no longer have the rich i want to say cindy went to a thrift shop in like bushwick brooklyn she picked up a dusty jacket a dusty blazer she threw the sweater vest on on the way out of the bush it's terrible you're an expert at being you're an expert at being gross you're a damn liar you were in the thrift shop with me trying on coats yeah i trust the phone and then i take it home and wash it or get it dry before as soon as you tie it on somebody's bad spirits and mojo is all over i'm not about the spirits i'm not trying to get like another person like a poor person's hepatitis c or like i don't know crabs i don't know what lives in these things white people likes i don't want none of that in my life i'm doing really well i have and actually this week i was

an expert at uh making an old man fall in love hey grandpa daddy uh he was old uh i was chatting with this dude he had a little beard it was it was gray it was all gray and he had a little hat on and he came over he approached me like the queen that i am did i see him you did see him that's crazy i was like oh i like him okay so we're talking right we're chit-chatting and then of course you talk to a man after i leave i'm talking to all the men after you left hold on hold on let me tell what happened we were at a crown royal event last night and um we sure were a plug that we were doing work we were we were working and then we were like oh my god i can stay for the food and so uh this guy came over and we're chit-chatting and then he was talking to somebody

else and he was like well i'm not i don't play those games because you know i'm 52 years old i was like 52 that's too old that is daddy it's too old daddy age that's legit like 25 years older than me that's set are you trying to do the math i know you're not good at math so you said 25 years older than you that's what i said anyway i feel like we learned a lot about what we're good at wait hold on hold on why were you attracted to him but what made what where was the spark he was like okay okay i didn't say i didn't say the word spark okay don't don't put that word like i said we were having a conversation and i was like oh i like him you never say that well that's because i hate everybody it's true but he was like nice and he you know it was a black man who was talking

to me like he seemed like the type that would like wipe the the subway seat off for me before i sat down he seemed like he was alive during the harlem renaissance he seemed like a harlem renaissance game right there like maybe he played stickball with langston hughes you know what i Does he call you Madam? No. Madam Marie. He didn't call me Madam. Madam Marie.

Okay, you're a great expert. I'm glad that you found your boo. That's my boo. I'm just saying. Then he told me how old he was, and I was like, let it go. Marie's got a man at home. He's actually at the nursing home. He probably sleeps.

He's eating applesauce. I don't know. Shante's got a man at home. We have a man here with us today. Yes, we do. And no one's going to know that song. Because Shantae Moore did it. I love you, Shantae.

My bad, girl. Hold on. The shake. Can we introduce you properly? Don't be rude. I mean, I was waiting for an entrance, but go ahead. Go ahead. Do y'all got the music?

Hold on. What music? Don't be rude. Okay. He's already shaping up to be the expert at what he's here for. Exactly. We have with us today a very special expert. I feel like this is something that we all need to hear and learn about.

We have Courtney Kaye here as our unofficial expert in all things shade Shade Shady boots Hello guys, how are you? I love the voice So good Isn't it good? Yes

I actually feel like I need to turn down the mic Turn down for what? So was that shade you just threw me? So the great part about being an expert is you can tell when somebody's throwing shade at you And she just threw shade at me basically saying that I was too damn loud It just got really dark in here It was, right? For no reason, I ain't do nothing

I didn't come for you and the Gorilla Glue, the heels, though. Actually, you mentioned it. How do you feel about a Gorilla Glue poop? It was a wedge poop. I mean, if you're going to go through that trouble, you can just take it to the shoe man. Every neighborhood has a shoe man. He can fix that heel for a good old $10 at most. That's shade right there.

Is there a shoe man in your hood, Sydney? Everybody has a shoe man. I don't think they go to Bushwick to fix shoes. Bring his gas. She's gassed Because she lived near a park So she's like Oh my neighborhood's so good

Because I have a park In my backyard We also have fresh fruit And vegetables in my neighborhood You got those in Bushwick? You also have You also have Popeyes And Kennedy's fried chicken

And rainbow Like everybody else So don't come for me Wow So I'm out here winning There's a park And Popeyes So I don't know

Who the expert of the shade is There's so much shade Being thrown I guess I'm As the expert Am I supposed to Just keep telling You're like the judge right now

I'm the judge You're Judge Shady Judge Shady So can you tell us What shade is Because some people Listening to this Are like what's that

What are they talking about They got a lot of shades You know what Shade has been around forever But I think it has evolved From like Have you guys ever Heard of the expression

I mean I know you over there Are only 26 So you may not know This reference That was shade You know how people Used to jig You know that term jig

No I don't even remember that I'm from the South, too. I'm sorry. I'm a little country. So, G, when you're cutting somebody down, I feel like shade is just a new way of getting someone together. Gathering somebody. Yeah.

Just have to check them. And can you translate that for our white listeners? Damn. Because I don't even know what getting someone together means. Oh, that is true. Getting someone together is another slang. The definition of this slang is another slang. Can you give us the Blake abridged definition?

I think throwing shade or shade itself is bringing light where there is dark you sound like Jesus yes is that who you are Jesus the son of God bring into reality no hold on let me think let me see what is the exact definition of shade I feel like it's kind of it's I feel like shade is like insulting somebody underhand it's like an underhand underhand you don't have to always be underhanded though it could be pretty blatant it could be like right in your face like y'all rude ass folks right here well you got them cheap ass shoes and then you went and you don't have a shoe man in your neighborhood how dare you see and then and that brings you to the point about shade i got a couple of notes i came oh thank you mr expert so throwing shade when it's fact

Is it really shade? That's the question to pose to that But what is the fact though? That you ain't got no shoe man in you As much as the shade is true So is it really shade? I don't know That was a front shade right there

If you don't get out The podcast is over Because you know how people try to Like not realize that I mean the shade is valid You know Some shade is absolutely true So shade can be

True or false Okay Or just completely shady and then you got unintentional shade or intentional shade what's unintentional unintentional shade

is just like like say for instance if you were like do I look cute and I'm like oh that's cute for you that's that's still intentional

you tried it you still tried it you still tried it like I wouldn't wear that or or if you're like do I look cute and I'd be like

oh you look cute today yeah yeah you look nice today or like oh do I look cute um it definitely looks better than what you were wearing the other day

you know it's really cute i don't i just it's not for me that's how that's not the look that's unintentional because you're like that's not for me but yeah but it's cute it looks great on you oh yeah you know what or do i look cute you know what i like you in that thing that you're not wearing right now that is shady like what happened to that jacket that you had yesterday you need to wear that that windbreaker today nah nah shmoney no that's not shmoney so courtney you're from where where in the south are you from north carolina do not sing that song i wasn't gonna sing it but i took the shirt off i thought whenever i say that and there's a pause that's what people usually i wasn't gonna but then you said we're different

Courtney We're different We're a special breed of black We sing Shante's got a man At home Okay I got a man

You remember that? I know that song He ain't cheating on me Criminally No I feel like you got the album And you heard it No she got the record Yeah

You got the cassette single See that was shade The cassette single That was shady So you're from North Carolina I am How long have you been in the shade department? How long have you been in the shade?

At a pretty young age. I am very expressional with my face. I see. So I will throw mad shade by eye contact alone. I wanted to say. When somebody lying, but you just got to look at the other person in the room like. I mean, you can do so much with your eyes and not say any word. You could.

Hold on. Without saying a word. I'm sorry. I was talking so fast that I realized that. Okay. Continue. But before you came here, I told Maria, I was like, Courtney has a very cunt face. I don't know if I'm supposed to take that as...

See, you take it how you want to. Was that shade? No, no, no. I like cunt. It's like... Kind of like a resting bitch face? Yeah. Kind of like, not today.

I think sometimes, yeah. I think sometimes I do. For most of the time, it's like, not today. Yeah. So I would say pretty early on, I was throwing shade, expression-wise. But I think Who taught you this? Yeah, where you pick the shade up from?

I think it's just natural When you like talking shit Because that's all it is It's really just talking shit And getting people together Is your family shady? No, my mom is kind of shady She will try to read us

I feel like it's It is It is She can be real shady But then it just really propelled In my life Probably I would say Even in the past two to three years

Oh, coming to New York Yeah this is a place you know i've been good at shade like throwing shade though for probably like good six seven years you know i've really become the expert that i am today i thank you do you think shade is only in the quote quote gay community or that it's like everywhere oh no anybody can throw shade okay like the best shade is when you're not even really trying to throw shade but it just come out that way okay give me an example like old people can be old people They'll throw you mad shade.

Like, mad shade. I was going to say, old white women with money. What is it? Give me an example. Oh, my God. Let me think. I feel like they'll shade, like, your shoe. Like, it'll be, like, an outfit shade or, like, something like that.

Like, oh, I didn't expect to see you here. Oh, I didn't know you were part of this country club. And you'd be like, oh, what? I got money? I mean, I don't have money for a country club. When they say, you clean up nicely. So you say I look like shit Every time you see me

Here's the way people shade They'll see your hair They'll see natural hair And they'll be like Oh Let me That's interesting Interesting is always a little shady

Like Interesting when you use that term Yeah Interesting like Is this new? And then they're like Oh it's actually really soft Didn't expect that

But they're not going to say that Because you're not going to be touching my hair Well I feel like people touch your hair all the time Cool I don't know I feel like you seem like The type that's like Sure Becky

And Meredith And Gwendolyn Put your fingers in it You seem like that type See you're trying to be shady Right now No I just feel like You have a lot of white

Beige friends Marie is pretty So Marie She does have a certificate Or two in shade Because Marie will Marie will read you Low key

Because she rude No no no I just feel like Sydney has a lot of beige Like eggshell friends Have my eggshell friends Ever touch your hair But I've been seeing you

On the snap too But you're with these friends too, right? Yeah, well, when I went to Sydney... They're friends with her as well. Her friends are around. She's got great friends. But those are... Like, Sydney has a lot of...

I'm Sydney's first black friend. Let's just put it there. Are you? That is a L-I-E. I'm her second black friend. I have black friends in college. They're still there? Are they still in college, Sydney?

Because if so, you need to drop your friends. And that is the shade report for today. If they're still in college, that's okay. Take your time, baby. Take your time. Yeah. Nah. Unless you...

Nah, it's money. But wait. You got a lot of base friends. I do. Because you did too. I work in places where it's only like one or two of us, and I'm friends with them as well. I'm friends with the other black woman that works there.

She is my manager, actually. Oh, she's great. So she's more than a friend. She cut the checks. She makes sure I get my coins She run tings And she comes to my events So

Well, Cindy, I can connect with you Because most of my friends are other as well I don't have that meaning I see your snap But listen, I got a black All black I do Look at my African Americans

Shut up I have a roster of black friends Marie, where are your friends at? They at work Marie is notorious for knowing Where are your friends, Marie? They at work She's like oh friends

I have myself Jesus And my family that's all I need Okay won't he do it Won't he do it Amazing grace No you're not going to do that here So next question She's not going to do that she's not going to sing amazing grace

Courtney what are the do's And don'ts of shading Yeah Okay so one of the things that I hate about people When they try to throw shade is they try to Rev it up like it's a joke and you guys as comedians know you can't throw good shade when you're revving it up when you can't warm up the shade the shade has to be instant so when you give shade you it just got to be quick like no breath

between just go marie is again she's exempled um several times already in this conversation how she came for um miss sydney over here she's tired she's tired and i hate her um and you got to commit to the shade another do is you gotta commit to the shade so like sometimes you got to give that expression that facial expression when you get the shade like and what the end what shade like and what and then what happened and then after somebody knocked that damn hat off your head then what you gonna do that's not gonna happen but maybe in their dream then you pick up that hat and try it again no no after they pick up the hat You dust your hat off

And try it Okay Did a great Did a great Teller say that Like A great Yeah

A prophet said that Yeah A historian I believe the prophet's name was A L-I-Y-A-H L-I-Y-A-H A-L-I-A

I said a lie R.I.P. girl R.I.P. Baby girl R.I.P. Okay So what are some don'ts With the shade

Um Like where do you not Throw shade Your mother Don't do it to your mom sometimes I throw shade at my mom too that's rude

everyone everyone no one is exempt exempt from shade because sometimes shade is like you just gotta check somebody

you said the don'ts yeah where would you where would you not be throwing shade church no don't be shading

the best shade is probably in church yeah them church ladies them church ladies with the hats and the fans that's probably where you guys asked this earlier

that's probably where shade started them church ladies because we black black people know we'll throw some shade Um Well

Let me think You should not Throw shade at a funeral I think a funeral Should be off limits Until you leave The funeral You have to leave

No, no, no No, no, no I think that's the time It's breeding ground For shade It's like Because you know Like a funeral

You're at a funeral The dude's in the The dead body's in the casket And maybe two or three Women show up And Everybody leaves Before they're like

Oh Oh Oh She wanna make an appearance now mother of the year i'll be shading the outfits i'm like you in a sweatshirt i do remember your um video your snapchat story um that one hour long story thank you for shading me right there that was shade because let me tell you something you shouldn't be let me grab to that a snapchat should be short okay it's a snap

It's a snap Thank you Thank you Marie But why people Be putting a story And the story be like 30 minutes Ma'am this has

Already been done It's called YouTube It's youtube.com Log in Record And submit I ain't got no YouTube channel Cindy you know

YouTube is free You ain't about to pay $16 for a YouTube channel I ain't got no channel You could have had See you could have had A YouTube channel While your phone was broke

See that was shady See You see Her phone was broken For like two years Exactly She could have had You could have 56 videos on that channel in the amount of time it took you.

This is my question, though. Summer 16. Sometimes you have to understand the shade. Because I know I need to get an understanding of that. So the screen was cracked, but why did it make it fuzzy? Was that a filter you put on? I've never understood that. Because what did a crack have to do with a smudge on the...

Okay, so what happened? What had happened is I had one little crack. And you know the snowball effect. Okay. Because she didn't put a screen protector on it or, like, no scotch tape on the crack. Okay, so then half of the phone cracked, and then I put some tape on it. Didn't put tape on the other side, so the part where the camera is cracks them up. So let me give y'all, let me give you this as a translation.

So wait, then I took the- She didn't wipe the phone off like she should have probably before, so she put the tape on the dirty phone, which is why the damn phone was smudged. Listen, Sidney's day with a dirty smudge phone. I'm sure that's what it was. Girl, you got to wipe the phone off before you put the tape on. Look at my phone. Oh, I'm not going to throw it. Who is that?

Your grandma? That's my auntie. She passed away. Don't you say nothing about her curls. Don't you say nothing about her curls. Let me see them. I figured she passed away, so I was not going to. That's when it's not right.

You cannot shade somebody. You know how you shade a photo like that? You look at it and you go, oh, yeah. And you look away. Like, I just did. No, I shaved the funeral. Like, my grandmother, when she died, they did her makeup terrible. And my mother was so mad

And I'm like Mom You okayed all of this Before the funeral You said okayed to all of You know that was not The lip color That Grammy wore

That wig is How old is that wig? You called her Grammy? Yeah it was Grammy Well I think when I died So you've been white All your life You've been white

The shade is heavy I can't I'm like That's your Nana? She's like This is a Grammy I feel like when I die I want like a smoky eye

Like a cat eye A cat eye Yes And a false lash I want Marie With your Individuals I want you in cornrows

I want you in a very Set it off I'll take a set it off As far as the smoky eye Is done properly And I want you in a Like a A bright pink lip

No No No no no no Don't come No No It should be just really natural Smoky eye

Yes Call girl Call girl night marie getting hers in heaven okay i mean you know it's not all people up there waiting for me uh courtney do you have some crazy experiences with either throwing shade or someone giving you shade like do you have that one moment where you're like where you had to clutch your all of your pearls um oh i don't know like nobody come for me they wouldn't dare no people come for me My friends will come for me

It's the ones that It's kind of like The unintentional shade Like I was saying Do you have a moment Where you're like Fuck I can't believe that bitch

Brought that up No cause you just You know what When people throwing shade at you The best thing to do Is just acknowledge it Acknowledge it Like oh you

Oh you throwing shade Okay And just move on You can't spend too much time On people throwing shade But you don't come back? Sometimes It depends

Like when it's fat You gotta like Touche bitch Touche Or you can't come back But you don't You can't come back right away You gotta wait for it to be natural

Cause then you just doing that It's just a waste of your time You gotta wait more And say Oh Oh you said you didn't like That restaurant But you just ordered takeout

Oh okay That's interesting That's really interesting there You ever had like Somebody that you dated That shaded you Like anything crazy That you remember

Yeah get down to the Nitty gritty here Oh shit yes Um I mean Not really I mean I'm kind of a bad bitch Sydney so

That you are But even the baddest of bitches Have gotten by So don't play yourself I cannot think of a single Oh that's so crazy Here we have a transcript of the shade That was thrown in your last break

Yes pull out Well that's so interesting You can't think of anyone Because we contacted some people And Robert had to say that On January the 12th 2013 He did not pick up your phone call Marie let's start it off

Have you ever had a moment Where like an ex Or a friend Or somebody who just like Coming for you I mean people try to come for me Every once in a while But I feel like right now

The way that my life is set up The only person who ever tries To come for me Is Sydney Washington The way her life is set up First of all Now what does that mean I am one of Marie's

Biggest supporters So whenever I come for you Also the shadiest person That I know That is a L-I-E. Sidney, okay, let me give you an example. So we were doing a music video. We were video hosts because we're amazing.

And they had me in like a clear skirt, like a clear shower curtain skirt. The body was banging. And like a bikini top. With bananas on it. I come outside. Sidney's like, oh, my God, Marie, your body's amazing. She was like, why you always got them ugly ass sweaters on or something? Wild like that

Yeah that people Want to know I was like Cindy You all But every time I wear something That's like Like I got the titties out

Cindy's like I think also part of it Is because you gave hell You be like Oh my god Titties are beautiful I'm just acknowledging What God gave you

Yeah God gave me a lot But he also gave me Them baggy ass sweaters That I love to wear Terrible I didn't know you Wearing baggy sweaters All the time

I mean I don't wear them All the time But Cindy's like Cindy you know Cindy stay in a bodycon Okay she stay in some That's all the way tight Oh

Now where you I'm here in Vegas, Miami. Because you know, Vegas and Miami are the bodycon capitals. I think Vegas is the bodycon capital. You cannot go to Vegas

and not have a bodycon dress. When the hell have you seen me in a Herbalajar? It's not that. Never. You stay in a bodysuit. You got on a bodysuit

right now. The last time I saw you having a black dress, you got on a bodycon at work. Yeah, that's so yesterday. So that I can make the money to keep us going. And don't let the money

make you. Gotcha. I got you. Keep the lights on here. A really intelligent woman. Marie, so you... Okay, besides me, you never had like... I'm sure, but like I don't document.

Like I don't, you know, I don't have the talent. Oh, but when it was my turn, honey. So yeah, so this is... But now we don't document it now. But listen, Mr. K, I gave one example. You didn't even give one. Oh, God. What example did you give?

The one about... Oh, her. Oh, okay. I was about to say a love interest. No, you didn't. No, just... I don't have one example. It's hard for me because I throw shade and receive shade so much, too.

So there's no vault. There's no vault that you're just. Well, Cindy, do you have an example? Maybe something you say will shake something in his brain. Let me tell you what happened. What happened? Yesterday at work, I was late, very late. And I came running in, barely had my fucking uniform on.

Come in, take an order, get the order, get the drink. I walk away from the freaking bar. slip and fall like a life alert commercial like i'm falling and i can't get up like real messy the hostess was right there seeing the whole thing go down she looks looks at her phone and then walks away oh that is the realest shade that i've ever gotten where she looked at it didn't offer to help me or nothing wait she looked you dead in your eyeballs and kept it dead in my face it was like and walked away like she was gonna get help but never got any help did you bang her man or something what happened oh she just can't take me wait did you laugh it off or were you mad

i wasn't mad i was like damn and then a white guy came a white guy came to help me up a little bit weren't you i thought you were in your feelings that would make me laugh even more white guy came up to me he's like wow i'm glad no one saw that that was the shadiest moment of the whole thing It wasn't her that shaded you It was him I'm glad No one saw that That's the unintentional

That's the unintentional shade And then he held me up And I was He's like oh man You alright? And then he was like So you like black White guys named Chad?

No he didn't He didn't even He didn't even want no parts of me He was like you fallen ass Lanky ass Silly ass He was like you knock me Nigga

He was like I'll take a rum and coke Yeah While I was on the floor He's like oh Can I get a salmon platter? Oh, that's shady He was like, still waiting on that drink that we ordered right before you fell down

Oh, that's shady While you're down there, you missed a spot Well, while you're down there, can we get some more napkins? He was like, I guess this explains why you walk so slow You're so clumsy Still waiting on that old fashioned Thank you, guys So, Courtney, I just

divulged that You have absolutely nothing. Nothing. You can't remember anything. Not a specific thing. Most recently, Shady. God. I am so done with you.

I am really done with you for sure. No, I'm sorry. I thought you would have something juicy like a drag queen came for you or something. No, is that a gay reference because I'm gay? Is that why you think? See, that was Shady all in that comment. Because I'm gay, I know the drag queens. Why that?

do you not know any drag queens i really don't i don't know any drag queens we know some good ones courtney i can't with you um a good example y'all i'm sorry okay here can you do you can you name like a shady diva moment you know like aretha and mariah nicky and miley like i'm just miley's on a diva but like you know like because you know patty patty got them pies is there can you give us like some epic shade shady moment or something god oh i think it's probably i mean you mentioned it's so obvious no it's really that's not even that good of a shade what's a good shady moment with mariah and when somebody was asking mariah about j-lo and she was like i don't know but you know what it really ain't that shady that's more pet for me i feel like that's more shady i mean more petty

petty what's the difference and the thing with shade you can't over you can't over shade because then it becomes a whack because she said it more than once i think she said it twice she said it twice after like 10 years later and she's like i still don't know i still don't know who she is i think that's pretty good and jlo was like it's crazy she said that i've met her many times i know right maybe she just forgot no they're shady they're shady than that like you old bitch um jlo was jlo was keeping it very professional she didn't get fly girl you know what i do i don't i still don't have a single thought and i'm sure i could youtube some great points but i think the queen of shade probably was miss winnie houston when he used to throw some shade cocaine will

make you shade your own mama like you're gonna do her like that she's not even you know dion ain't got nothing going on right now the shade in that oh my god you know my favorite shade um my the best shade though you need to go right now and google dynasty and google joan collins she is the queen of all shade all things shade somebody sent me like a link or something i've heard though in shade oh my god it was so good it was so good what was she talking about Yeah what was she talking about What was she talking about

I didn't watch Dynasty So I don't know Oh my god No she was just Shading right She was the diva Really well dressed And she was just

Throwing shade at you Left and right Y'all really wanted me To give a specific example Yeah I feel like You're the expert I feel like you Would have came through

With some like Bullet points and what not Like come on Statistically speaking Who throws the most shade Of all the races Of all the Sexual orientations

Of all the Black people throw the moshé, definitely. What kind of black people? Black women. Black women. Black women? Yeah. Black women and gay men probably throw the moshé.

Yeah, definitely. I think it's a tie. I'm not going to disagree. Oh, who do you think throws the moshé? Asians in bodegas. No. Asians in all restaurants. No.

Like, whenever they're in a restaurant, and you're like, yo, I just want one order. You're like, yo, Jackie Chan, let me get it with the bones in it so I know that it's chicken. See, that's disrespectful. That's disrespectful. Yeah, but you know, a lot of these people come into these, because I don't eat Chinese food like that, because I can't, I don't know what they're making back there. She's shady right there. Listen, that's not shady, that's fine.

That's true. We don't know what they're making back there. The shady part is what I was about to say. I don't get their meat, because I don't know what their, I don't get any protein or anything. I'm going to do the vegetable pad thai, please. Thanks. Veggie. Thanks.

I'm good. No chicken, because I don't know if there's chicken or, okay, go ahead. I'm going to get some shrimp. I'm going to get some shrimp. It'll be not set. The chicken, the beef, and everything, like the rib tips, the general stuff, all that. I'm like, I don't know what that is. I love me a rib.

Does Sidney be tearing up them dogs? Right? Listen. Them little chihuahuas. Wow. I'm speaking on behalf of all my Asian friends. It's not dog. It's rat.

It's the other dark beast. Right. So anyway. I don't know what rat means. No, I think it's gay men. I think gay men actually throw statistically. I think it's gay men that throw them on shade. And they get away with it.

Gay men can get away with doing so much shade. No, but I don't like that. I don't like that. Like, yeah. You got something you got to get off your chest, Sidney? Yeah, I have to get something off my chest. What you didn't know, Courtney, was this was an intervention. Right.

Some of your friends and family are here. Come on in now, guys. I feel like when gay men shade women, it's like, wait, we not on the same plane. Like sometimes gay men Be going in On women But it's like Some of y'all do the same shit

Give me an example What you mean? Ah Like drag queens When they like Again drag queens Not So you think all

No You know I'm actually done Where's that Where's that test at? Don't I have a quiz for that? No Not Not you

I'm not saying Gay men like that I'm saying Oh what does that mean Sydney? Gay men like that That shade All of that comment Came in like that

That's a shady moment I don't mean like that Well Okay Cause drag queens Could be straight men Just dressing up as women No

That's a false You said That's all the way from What straight man Is dressing like a woman And then going home And like Putting it in a vagina

Yeah Where they at I'm asking Where they do that at What that mouth do What club is he working at We could go see him Yeah I wanna meet him tonight

I wanna meet this Alleged straight man That you speak of Miss Sidney Washington. Sidney Elizabeth Washington. Sidney Elizabeth, what club did you see this at? Well, I went to one of these parties, and me and my friends were hanging out,

and these drag queens were coming for my friends so hard. What happened was is that her hair piece was not correct. Your friend. Hold on, your friend. My friend. So your friend was in the wrong, so we started off. But now the Okay but she

She came out She here to have a good time She could have stayed home though Okay can you describe The hair piece Was it like a Donald Trump bang Swoop up

What would it look like It was like Kind of doing that Beyonce wave thing Uh uh uh And the weave didn't match up Huh It didn't link up

It didn't sync up No it didn't So her hair was like A 4C Or like a 4B texture It was like Oh I really want This Beyonce

Good quality hair But it was very Bushwick, Bed-Stuy Mm-mm, mm-mm, I'm not It wasn't even Park Slope weave Like, it was just Okay, you need to clarify Because now everybody listens to this Yeah, people don't know the references

Because you know, in the hood It's the best weave Mm-hmm Really? Oh, listen I'm going to disagree on that Oh, no, honey Oh, no

Oh, you think you got to go To an expensive salon To have them infused When black women Been doing good weaves For centuries Oh, you one of them? Oh, you one of them

Oh, okay Oh, oh Oh I get it You gotta go to Fifth Avenue And get you a weave honey No Is that what you saying

The hood The hood created that weave Okay I feel like you have to go online You don't know what you get When you get it online Oh no You gotta take your

Weevologist with you Take your weevologist To the hood To look at the bundles Yeah I can't believe Really That's where you was

Getting your hair from Online Is that why you took Your weave out Because your Internet crashed I ain't got no more Weefy

Whoa My Wi-Fi is dead Shady moment one Wait You ain't got no Wi-Fi? What's going on? What's going on? Cindy, I can't

Why you ain't got no Wi-Fi? No, wait Yes, all your data being used on Snapchat All the data being used Because you can't connect to Wi-Fi Bless your heart I'm sorry, Cindy Oh my God

I actually feel bad I'm not even going to come for you That's hard Damn Anyway They made their comments About her hair And we could hear them

And I was like Okay I'm gonna let them rock Cause they They're right But they just kept They kept going And then they started Vogueing

And started dancing And like Making shots While they're like Going at her I'm sorry They were vogueing To the hair

They were battling The Beyonce You gotta You gotta love someone That commits Okay You gotta love someone That commits

You gotta commit to the bit Yeah you do I'm actually in love with that So then what happened Did you stick up for your friend Or were you like Well they right girl Nah

You didn't stick up for your friend Nah cause I had my like You know rainbow shoes They wasn't ready My shoes wasn't ready Any One wrong move And the whole shoe come apart

See No so whenever you're in a moment like that You can still be shady But you just gotta get Elevated shady So you have to turn from shady To possibly violent so you know

so you know you can't be fucked I'm all set okay so how you do that the key to do that is you should start off medium but then if they try to get at you

you just over talk them you get real loud so you gotta raise your voice I don't know if you're even able to do that so that's how I feel Shay if you feel like you not ready

how dare you say that I can't raise my voice no my voice for Jack no I feel like you're gonna be like they would laugh at you

I don't think you can really I don't think you have that bone in you to really get there Marie can you tell the situation when those guys were talking shit.

Okay, hold on. Let me tell you. Let me tell you. Let me start. So we were walking down McDougal Street in the village. Greenwich Village

and shout out to the Greenwich Village. And there were these two. I thought you just moved because your roommate was out. To the West Village. Thanks for my business.

I moved from Greenwich back to the West Village. Don't come for me, chick. I just, I'm just saying. Okay, I stand for you. Y'all see how Marie be trying to throw shade? I felt like you sent

a car for me when you said, where i live and i said i feel like you just moved where i reside but that's not your that's your old address okay yeah okay so this is what happened we're in the village and we walked by these two obviously they were like uber drivers because they were like you know these chubby brown dudes and um we can't really get on an armani exchange shirt or something like that like a like a type so uh they're like guys uh who was over there dave chappelle or something is across the street they're there right now and we were like well this is the comedy seller of

course he's here yeah so it was me sydney like two or three other white girls were walking down the street and the guy was like you could have just called them friends i just want to describe i want to set the scene so you guys know so we're walking east and they were standing west and so when we passed them one of them was i don't like her hair but i didn't hear it that way i was like there's no way he's talking to me my hair is gorgeous right exactly right sydney was like what did you just say you said that to a black woman you don't like a black woman's hair so now everybody me sydney all the white women turn around and just start yelling at these uber drivers what did we what did we call them what did we say to them somebody said he was a pirate

he had bootcut jeans on don't you gotta pick up somebody at port authority don't you gotta go to JFK soon. What was the last thing that we said? I can't even remember what we said to them, but we just yelled these insults at them and they were like oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. But Sydney is the one who initiated that. And I was yelling.

She was like, don't you ever talk to a black queen like that. I feel like that's what her voice sounded like. My voice wasn't sounding like that. And that voice is exactly what I was saying. I didn't say queen. Don't you ever talk to a black queen like that. Yeah, it sounded like somebody auntie. No, somebody's Grammy. Definitely not.

I was not sounding like that. You guys are just rude. Yo, Sidney, when she's in like mama bear mode, she'll come, she'll gather her cubs for you. But you didn't yell at these people because your shoes was from Rainbow? Well, because then, listen, because it was going to get to another level where I'm like, well, I'm not moving. I want to stay in this spot. I don't have to, I'm not walking to the other part of the club because now I got to get

away from them. So you were comfortable. Yes, I was. It was uncomfortable, so really you were shading your friend. She could have just took the thing off. Take it off, girl. That was pretty shady. Are y'all still friends?

Because I feel like no. No. I mean, I haven't seen her in a minute. What's her name? I haven't seen her name. Maybe she's listening right now. Absolutely not. I don't burn bridges like you, Marie.

Hey, Mashanda girl. Sydney's sorry and wants to know if you want to meet at Mars 2112 this weekend. Sydney wants to know if you want to come to our show. Wait, what is Mars 2112? That's like a hood club from like back in the day. Oh, you know about that? Oh, you didn't know Mars 2112? Wait, aren't you 23?

How do you know about that? Yeah, but I've been going to the club with my friend's fake ID for years. I saw your seven days and seven nights photos on Facebook. I feel like you always talk about seven days, seven nights. It sounds like you spent seven days and seven nights looking at my old photos on Facebook. No, because I come through with the old photos like, oh, Marie, that's you? It sounds like you spent a lot of time on Snap Using all the data that you got at home

And then on Facebook Looking at my photos Trying to see where Marie went wrong Why you ain't got no Wi-Fi at home? Cause like Why you ain't got no Wi-Fi at home? You ain't got cable do you? If you got cable and no Wi-Fi

I'm done with you I do not have cable Okay good I have a question Are you disputing the bill? No I'm going to ask you Just a few questions

About shading people at work Okay How Is this the test? No this is not the quest The test The quest This is not the test

But I have a question About shading people at work Because then you have to Come back to work And see them I think it's easier Oh co-workers Yeah it's easier to shade

Random people that you don't know And sometimes on the train Even though they will Pop your top off On the fucking extra that's the part of committing to the shade you can throw shade at people and i throw shade in my ordinary people i love i throw shade at um sometimes that's how you show love yeah so you can be a good person and shady absolutely i am a great person a great human being

um but i like to throw shade and you can definitely throw shade at the co-workers because you can't put that much on the shade you just got to deliver the shade real easy and just keep it moving like those shades throwing shade should be so effortless if it's a job or a task you should not throw shade. But like, if a girl come in tonight with clogs or something or something really out of line,

which I feel like it might be you. Because I feel like you do got a bad shoe that you told me about, right? Let me tell you what happened at work. See, nah. So like if somebody come on the call, you're like, oh, you can wear that shit.

Let me tell you. Go look with your tips tonight. Keep it moving. Let me tell you what happened. Oh, shit. So the managers wrote an email saying we had to have a staff meeting or whatever.

Yes. And they had a staff meeting No They had a staff meeting Yes And no And then Like they were like

Oh we gotta talk about dress code You know Some people were coming in With like With Crocs And that's unacceptable Wait Who's wearing a Croc

As a cocktail server Period No If you're not in a garden And you're not Or you're not four years old Why are you wearing a Croc And was it like a black

Dressy clock It was a Croc It was one of them Like Croc trying to upscale the croc. Nah. Croc and Tom's. Let me tell both of y'all

brand something right now. Both of y'all right now, you cannot make a wedge, a heel. You cannot elevate a croc or a Tom's shoe. You can't. You gotta leave them at base

where they deserve to be. It was an upgraded croc. And so the girl who they were talking about, everybody knew who they were talking about. Oh, that is so mean. And so she was like,

they could have just pulled me aside. it's like but you know you knew that they were talking about you so why do you just not wear wait my question is did she have the crocs on at the meeting she had them on with a skinny jean see i think some shade is mean and i think this is probably what you were trying to get at with the drag queen yeah that's mean like i they put it in the email and everybody was when we saw they said crocs then we know exactly who they talk about freaking ashley man i am I am an equal opportunist shade.

I would throw shade at anyone. However, I would never shade someone to embarrass them. It's always playful for me. Wait, I thought the whole point is to embarrass. No, no. It's just to let them. It's just to inform them. Well, then Maria's doing it all wrong.

Because that's all the hell she does is embarrass me left and right. I never said that. I never said I was throwing shade. That is a therapy session that y'all's friends make me to go through. I don't need to go to therapy. I never said that I was throwing shade. I'm just speaking from the heart. The little cold black heart.

She's a rude ass bitch. She's a rude gal. Rude gal. Let me tell you how my teacher once threw shade at me in school. She's giving away awards like, I don't know, best dressed or like whatever, like to the students. My award was feistiest student. I was like, oh, you calling me hooked? She was like, no.

you just have such a fiery personality you just call me a nigga no she said your attitude got herpes she said your attitude std and i was like well let me not get too feisty in here because miss cunningham not gonna like what i turned into hey miss cunningham she terrible she was super sweet okay well we gotta do this test because we've you know we're over time right now we're not over time we're just we're doing it the way that we're doing it we just we we need to get our expert out of here in a timely manner absolutely even though i was shady y'all and i was late to that he was late twice okay well you missed one appointment completely i'm glad you call it appointments yeah i yeah i started the day off being shady but that was unintentional shade

i didn't know but you made it to the gym though to do them squats sure did hunty sure did i like those ankle socks you got going on. Thank you. I mean, they're damn near on the damn heel, but you doing it. Wait a minute, bitch. Wait a minute. They are it's an ankle sock, you bitch. They rolling all the way down.

They gonna be midway, midfoot. See, you know, Sydney be waiting for the shade. So she plotted on that shade from like a minute ago. She was like, well, I can't I can't wait. Because she don't like my socks. I got on a black plain sock, but she just wanted to Well, at least you have socks. God, listeners, that's

what i meant by don't rev up the shade you know let it be natural okay should we sit on the couch am i looking at you can look at us you can look at the camera it's pretty dark and far away so you can't really see on the camera was that shady because i'm dark-skinned i'm not gonna be able to no courtney i feel like we're the same shade of beautiful brown okay okay i was just making sure you and your feelings courtney you're real sensitive today Oh, am I? Oh, am I now? I was like, no.

What if I just got serious, y'all? It's too much. Cut the mic. Cut the mic. I'd be like, let it run. We're doing this live. You should definitely let it run. We're putting this up tomorrow.

Put some respect on my name. No. Facebook live it right away. I'm like, hold up, hold up, hold up. Hold up. Wait, I'm going. Okay, so we got some questions for you. Uh-oh.

Okay, well, Sydney's going to start with the first one because she wrote this down and I can't read her handwriting. Yes, Shay. penmanship class okay so what's the difference between shade and reading someone oh the difference between shade and reading someone um shade is fun it's a little bit more fun like your intention is going to be more of a fun gesture i think and reading someone is reading them for the filth that they are so really making sure you get your points out so when you read someone you really are you're setting out to prove a point where shade is

just all in good fun you just like having a good time it's quick it's kind of like snapchat not your snapchat where it's an hour long of the same story but it's just like you just read me right yeah exactly you said i just read you and i gave you so you can do both sometimes but there is a difference sometimes they coincide though reading someone you can shade somebody and read them at the same time but you can read someone without shading them thank you courtney that's so funny Like, if I pull you to the side, like, girl, you got to get your life together. You just bought them new shoes, but you ain't got no Wi-Fi? Like, if I pull you to the side like that, that's a little shade, but girl, that's me

really just trying to be like, girl. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Okay. I am done with you. That is hilarious. Now, question number two is not on this sheet, so I'm trying to make it up as I'm saying

sitting here um what celebrity would you say is the least good at throwing shade does that make sense like who like doesn't throw shade properly but it's always beefing with somebody online i feel so bad um probably miley cyrus is pretty terrible she's quite whack she's quite whack like i cannot you watch her you watch her twitter no no i don't i don't follow her on any social media platforms but i just feel like she is one of those girls that be like talking mad noise but when it's time you ain't saying nothing you remember when nikki minaj said what's good miley what's good miley what went straight to that teleprompter bitch oh you ain't saying that oh okay but you was talking all of that noise before she was like we'll be right back after the break

well they put that together that was that was a stunt that wasn't real listen if i'm gonna do With that stunt, you're not going to make me look bad like that. I would have went off script. We'd have teamed a team of writers. We would have been in court. We would have been like, oh, this is how we're going to do it. But as soon as we're doing it live, I would have cussed Nicki out. Nicki, you my girl, though.

I love you, Nicki Minaj. Shout out to Nicki Minaj, if you're listening. I was like, are y'all friends? You were like, shout out to Nicki. Like, I was like, is this your friend from high school? Hey, hey, Onika. Onika. Onika.

Onika Mirage. Sydney, next question. That's you. Kourtney, I feel like you're doing really good so far. Yeah, you're winning. You're winning. I thought you got maybe like two points. Okay.

From the two questions? Yeah. I'm guessing they're a point apiece. Yeah. Since we were talking about reading, can you read three celebrities, one of them being Azealia Banks? Oh, shit. Read her.

Read her. Let me read those rights. Read the rights. You know, I'm going to keep it very short and sweet with Azealia. If she spent as much time recording an album Than she do beefing with people She might be Grammy nominated People might know who she was

She be writing novels on the Twitter She do She be going way too hard One of them including Zoe Banks And I can pick the other two people at random Oh shit y'all Y'all gotta send me these questions in advance Who I gotta read real quick

Who you not feeling on Um. Rob Kardashian. Black China. Do you want me to read both of them? Tokyo Tony. We're just giving you some names, whoever you feel like. Kim Kardashian and these alleged robbers.

So I'm going to read Rob Kardashian. Yeah. Rob. Robert. Robert Kardashian. I would say you really just need to get your life together and man up. I would say you just need to man up at this point. because you got not only did you have these other girls have you looking crazy these sisters are

yours but then you got your baby mama out here embarrassing you on that terrible show i heard the show is really bad it's pretty terrible but i would say man up get your life in order um why are you doing that you could be on the treadmill too yes i mean are you body shaming rob kardashian listen yes body shaming you should be ashamed uh i am actually i am body shaming because i i think we're in such a sensitive time frame in our society and people can look at your wrist if your wrist ain't that big you ain't supposed to be that big get your ass on the treadmill stop being lazy talking about somebody body shaming you get your ass to moving like That's all.

Does Rob have small wrists? I just used that as an example. I don't know. Now I'm going to look. Now I'm Googling Rob Kardashian wrists right now. I feel like you can look at somebody's arms and stuff and always be able to tell. You know what? You sound like Ray Charles right now.

That's the Ray Charles method of finding hoes. You'd be like, let me see what your wrists feel like, baby. Really? Yeah. You didn't see that movie? Oh, I did. He would touch their wrists and be like, well, I don't know. She's probably beautiful.

And what's the third person? I don't want to talk about them too long. Yeah, because that was all in the same bunch. Trump. Read Trump. Or Hillary Oh my god No I'm definitely with her

Hashtag I'm with her Shout out Hillary Anything You can Oh you should also read Melania if you need to I can't even read her Because she be trying

To give life sometimes She become with a Beat face and a beat outfit That's all the things I stand for In a white cape She stay in a white A snow white cape

I would say Donald Trump You really need to Stop running for office Number one Drop out of the race He will never Drop out of the race

and get a hold of life and what's going on in the world because you have no knowledge of anything from that first presidential debate. It proves that you are an idiot. He literally didn't answer

none of the questions. But that tan was on fleek, wasn't it? Absolutely not. No. I cannot, no. I was here for his new bangs, though.

Brand new bangs. They were super, very wispy. It looked like he went to the Dominicans. Like the Dominicans did his bag. They burned his scalp

all up. they pulled that hair right out the scalp from the root from the root now Courtney I feel like I think you proved

that you are an expert you did a great job I mean you shaded me most of the damn episode I think that's how normally the episodes

go though you and Marie I feel like normally we'll roast Sydney and then we leave right?

isn't that how it works? anyway thanks for tuning in to the end thank you guys for having me I really appreciate it where can people

find you yeah give us your social media where you're at those are the court walk that's pretty consistent across all boards you can log on to my website www.courtwalk.com i also have a youtube channel start out to just to nail the shade in the coffin um so yeah thank you for having me guys is the name of the youtube channel the court walk the court walk yeah here for it the court walk and Sydney, where can we find you? Actually, you know what? I lie. It's actually Court Walk TV.

Oh, yeah. TV. Why is it TV? Oh, oh. She said because it's on the interwebs. Yeah, yeah. She's like, but you're not on television. Well, girl, when you get your Wi-Fi back up, girl, you check it out.

Sometimes you do got to come back and be petty. Be petty, be petty. Oh, my God, Courtney. This was so much fun. We had a blast. I'm impressed. You're such a good friend. Thank you.

Thank you for coming to my job and tipping me, unlike some friends of mine. But, you know. Who be coming to your job next time? Oh, girl. And on the next episode of Expert, we're going to be talking about. The art of leaving without paying for shit. It will be hosted by Marie Foster. And look at that.

Just like that. We're out of time. You can catch Selena at the warm up the second Saturday of every month. Every month. At Karma Lounge in the East Village here in Manhattan at 7.30 every month. Also known as Manhattan for some of you that was like, where? Manhattan is how the Haitians say it. I'm trying to keep you guys.

Manhattan. Well-versed. Well-versed. I am Marie, and this is Sydney Elizabeth Washington. Wait, can I say my own name? Can I say my own name? I am Sydney Washington. I am Sydney.

Sydney, just say bye, please. I am Malcolm X okay I am Malcolm X bye guys bye stay black or brown or Rob Kardashian

get off bye to the listeners of the unofficial expert podcast Zipcar is offering $25 of free driving credit at zipcar.com so to earn that $25

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