MESS with Sydnee Washington & Marie Faustin - "The Single Black Female Expert" with Marina Franklin

Episode Date: August 30, 2019

Marina Franklin is in the studio this week as our Single Black Female Expert! She's talking everything from micro penises, to her first beige breakup, to why she drags her ex's on podcasts. Plus, Sydnee's house is in shambles without her girlfriend around and Marie manifests something dope.----Listen to The Unofficial Expert Ad-Free on Forever Dog Plus:https://foreverdogpodcasts.com/plus----BONUS EPISODES AVAILABLE NOW ON PATREON:www.patreon.com/TheUnofficialExpertBUY UNOFFICIAL EXPERT MERCH:https://www.teepublic.com/stores/the-unofficial-expert-podcastFOLLOW THE UNOFFICIAL EXPERT:https://www.instagram.com/UnofficialExpertFOLLOW SYDNEE:https://www.instagram.com/JustSYDbwhttps://twitter.com/justsydnycFOLLOW MARIE:https://www.instagram.com/Reeezyhttps://twitter.com/MsReeezyFOLLOW ANDREW:https://www.instagram.com/mcgui_guyTHE UNOFFICIAL EXPERT IS A FOREVER DOG PODCASThttps://foreverdogpodcasts.com/podcasts/the-unofficial-expertSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

all right hey oh my gosh we're here we're so on point today wow this energy is very nervous that it is it is i'm having i'm having a day an episode an episode okay let's get it i'm keeping my sunglasses on uh have you have have you been crying no okay all right i should be crying but it's fine it's just I'm I'm not doing everything that I should be doing so

but none of us are yeah but really specifically I'm not doing what I'm supposed to be doing on all fronts so I'm just I'm wearing my sunglasses on because I'm like you I need the witness protection right now I feel like you're being

very vague I am being vague you could be talking about anything from like a body that you buried improperly to somebody that you hit with a car. Like, sis, do we need to know what you did last summer? What happened? No, but I will say I'm an expert in...

My girlfriend went away this week and... That's the body that you buried? No, and I am spiraling. So that's what it is. That's all it is. Spiraling in a way negatively for, like, you physically? Like, your health and stuff?

No. I'm not going to relapse. I'm not doing anything like that. But like the house is in shambles. Naturally. Naturally. It's just, it's gotten out of hand. I realize why she's so angry at me because I am disgusting.

How many days has she been gone? Too many. I feel like she's been gone for three days. I think she should be gone for three and that's tops. No, it's been like five, six. She's been gone for a week already? It's been too long. She needs to get back.

The cats have called the cops on me 12 times already. CPS? Cat Protection Services? Oh, they're so mad. They have literally sat at the door and was like, they're looking for her. They're like, Adrienne, why did you leave us with her? Yes, yes.

Where's mom? I gave them food. They are not really fucking with the food that I'm giving them. Well, what you giving them, sis? White bread? I'm giving them. You slicing up white bread and putting it in water? You giving them ramen noodles beef flavor?

What is happening? I'm actually giving them the seafood kind. That's their favorite. You're giving your cats ramen? What kind of hood rat cats? That's a cartoon. Write that. That's a pilot.

The rat cats. They're bodega cats that we rescued, so they should be happy that they have shelter. Have you seen these bodega cats? They are living the life. They get to sleep on the Doritos. They get to lay out on the ATM machine screen. Like, what? Maybe you should bring the cats back, sis.

You bring them back to the bodega. That's what I feel like. I feel like she's been gone and I realize, oh, I'm at a certain age. I should be able to keep a house together and I can't. I was looking for one black shirt. One. It was really specific. It was like a mock neck.

A mock neck? It was like a cropped mock neck turtleneck. Okay, is that like a slouchy neck turtleneck? No, no, no, mock. So it's like half of the neck. It's not a turtleneck. You're cropped up so your neck is cold but your body's hot? Yes, that's me.

You know, I don't have iron. I'm low on iron. Iron deficient turtleneck. That's what I am. That's what I do. Iron deficient turtleneck. And I looked for it for a good 35 minutes, and the house looks like someone tried to come in and rob us

and realized we had nothing to steal. They had nothing to steal. Yeah, the robber was like, everything in here is synthetic. I got to go. That's exactly what happened. Wow. So your life is spiraling because you can't find a shirt? Is that what we're talking about right now?

No. Well, you don't have this issue, but you ever wake up and you're like, what is going on? Every day. Every single day. Most of us wake up and don't know what's going on or what day of the week it is. But does your house reflect that? Oh, well, I put all my laundry away today, finally. But it did.

I've been sleeping with my clothes for two weeks. They've been folded, though. Oh, my God. Listen, I like woke up. There was like Biscoff rappers everywhere. It's like, am I going through a breakup? Like, what's the deal? Why are you projecting a breakup into that, though? Well, it just the house looks like, you know, when like Angela Bassett, Angela Bassett and Will Barrow. Yes. Got it. Got it. Got it. She hadn't done her hair in days. Take your shit. Take your shit. That's really what Adrian would do to me.

So, no, but she's been gone and I just don't know how to handle it. And when does she get back? She gets back on Monday. Okay. Thoughts and prayers, friend. Thank you. We're with you, but we're not going to come clean or nothing. But we're with you.

Yeah. I haven't bought any food for myself for the house. Well, your body looks fabulous. Thank you. Yeah, your butt is sitting. Our guest is very concerned. She is like, I don't know if I should hug you. Should I give you the trail mix that I have in my purse or my knapsack?

It's a lot. Marie, what's going on with you? What were you an expert in this week? Oh my God. You're lovely. Thank you so much. I feel like the prettiest boy in the room. Super handsome.

This week I was just an expert at, I think that I'm manifesting something pretty big. I feel like I'm putting out all of the right, this sounds super stupid. I feel like I'm putting out all the right energy. I'm saying no to things that do nothing to please me or help me or move me forward in any way. and I'm only saying yes

to stuff that I feel like is gonna be fun so that's what I feel like in the saying no and saying yes to stuff that makes me happy I feel like I'm manifesting

something dope for either the end of this year or like top of 2020 okay do we have contracts coming in

what's up no we don't I was like did we book did we book we haven't booked we haven't booked anything else sis

I was like sis give me the tea mail ma'am come down i was like another vice live okay i hope not vice live adjacent absolutely absolutely not okay well did you cut off some dick what's going on no but i got dick waiting for me at the house so i probably should go we gotta keep these uh we should have been on time are you i gotta go home and shave oh my god you have an appointment after this after the podcast you know daytime dick well wait i thought you were late because you were getting no i was not

i was late because i missed the train and had to wait for the train that's it that's you know it's saturday all the kids are out sydney you were out getting some last night no absolutely not wow this is aggressive unlike our guest today wow she's fantastic we've been on her podcast several times yes friends like us professional comedian it's so good she's on time and she makes sure we have waters and whatnot unlike us. Wow.

Actually, she makes us come. I did. I did bodega coffee. You deserve better. It's cat hair in there. It's good? Oh, great. Okay.

That's the cat hair. I'm surprised but it's very good. That cat hair is awesome. She's an amazing comedian. Amazing comedian. She performs all over the country, all over the world.

Yes? Yes. You've done international other things? It's been a while but yes. Yes. Okay. Australia or something?

South Africa. South Africa. Scotland. Ireland. I feel like you would do well in Scotland. Okay, wait, let me just introduce you. She is our single black female expert. Give it up for Marina Franklin.

Yes, Marina. Rocking it. Marina has been kind of mean to me today. No. And I think it's because she doesn't like my haircut. Well, it was new seeing you talk the way you talk without your hair. Because your hair is usually also talking. That is a factual thing.

I used to put my hair in ponytails and stuff. No, you had it out at times. I used to worry about you. I was like, she's going to get snatched up in a fight. But now they can't latch on to anything. So you're good. They'll be like, you know what? Let me just grab you little elbow.

Let me grab you bottom. Yeah, there's nothing for me. Okay. Well, Sydney, I'm ready to fight if we need to fight somebody. Well, no, Sydney's in trouble. Because you've got a lot of things to grab. You've got boobs and braids. Yeah, and my braids are actually hanging on by a very thin thread.

Thin, thin thread. So, yeah, we won't be getting in any fights. But, yes, Marina, we are so happy to have you here. Thank you. This wonderful, wonderful day. And thank you, you guys, with your sunglasses. I did it in solidarity. No, I put mine on because you put yours on.

Because for Sydney. Yeah, because we're. She's feeling this way. I want to be with her. With friends like us. Whenever I put sunglasses on, so do my friends. It feels good. Thank you.

Saturdays are hard, yeah? What's a typical Saturday look like for you? usually oh i'm usually not up until what time until probably no i'm up but i'm usually not moving until maybe 1 p.m oh wow yeah i slowly because usually the night before you do late gigs you're out last night i got to see yamanika at the grammar seat yeah how was it absolutely killed it was amazing to see her just with her fans yeah she has a lot of fans my favorite part of that was to see how many fans that

love Yamanika or I should say Yam the Yams I went to the bathroom for a second and I heard this girl go I can't she's killing so hard I gotta get back in there to see Yam and it was on such a personal level that I

loved it and so yeah I was out a little later than I would want to but you were shaking that thing you guys went out after no no I actually had to leave early i didn't see the whole show but i saw i saw most of it yeah but i was tired yeah but you have fans too you've been doing this for a while i love them marina franklin is like my little sister so i love seeing i i love seeing what's happening to a lot of the women in the comedy scene women of color specifically in the comedy yes black women are very trendy right now we've

been trendy yes but i'm saying for like highlighted for them for others them they get to see what we're doing yeah they get to see the nuances of us which is that's new i think yeah you know just the the highlight of that so i love it and her audience was very mixed i know i'm talking more about her than me no no no we got time it's fine it's just i i just love seeing like other people do really well when they're doing good yeah when they're doing good work now yeah yeah not all of us are out there doing good work and and um i think it was zaynab yes she has this joke yeah She has, because of racism, she has to uplift, like, things that black people do that are not good. Yeah.

She can't say that they're bad because of racism. Yes. And Zaynab is a very honest person, so I've seen her hold her tongue. Oop. And a oop on some- Sister Zaynab. For the cause. For the cause, we've had to hold back.

But I love that you're uplifting and you're pouring admiration of Yamanika. She's also been on the podcast. She's outstanding. She was our no dick expert. Yeah, no dick. We'll have to have her back because she's getting dick again. Oh, yeah, she's getting dick again. And she's talking about it.

I was like, you left me in the journey of singleness. You're single. Let's talk about your journey. First of all, where are you from? I'm from Chicago, Illinois. But I grew up in all parts of Illinois or Chicago. So I grew up in the north suburbs, Highland Park, which is a mostly white neighborhood.

Then I moved to the south side, which was mostly black neighborhood. What is that like? Yeah. You're, like, you got a yard and no weeds, and then you move to the hood, and you got, like, daffodils? Well, yeah, that neighborhood actually was not, like, the hood, but where I went to school was. Okay, you went to Eastside High?

Oh, it felt like it. Because I went from basically, like, a school where, like, Donald Rumsfeld went to to, like, a school where, like, maybe. R. Kelly learned how to read. Oh, my God. He been dying. He cannot read. wow okay yeah it was rough it was very rough that school and then we moved out to the south suburbs

where it was the utopia of black and white um relationship in schools everyone was was doing well uh economic wise everyone was even and fair yeah that's balance to get to get all get to get everything because i was born in new york but i lived in california and then i came back so i was I saw best of both worlds. Like things could get really bad and then they could get like, oh, I'm getting driven everywhere. In California,

I did not have to walk anywhere. Is that what wealth is to you, sis? Yes. I was getting chauffeured everywhere. You're like, it's the best of both worlds. I had a car in Oakland and I had to take the train

to New York. High and low. Like, is that high and low? Yes, absolutely. Marina, you don't agree? I do agree. I would love a personal driver. A personal driver

That's something sexy Yes it is I want a whisper shut toilet A whisper chef? Whisper shut toilet You know this toilet that don't slam You like close it and it goes Oh that is fancy

Only poor people toilets slam Oh my god Yeah it's true It's true It's true Rich people they get bailing And they flush and they warm up your buttock Really?

It's heated seat toilet seats? What are you saying? You don't know this? Marina you have that in your apartment or what's good? No but I've been to wealthy people's apartments And I've sat on their toilet for a while. And I'm like, this is what's happening. Yeah, but doesn't that make you poop longer?

Or pee longer? Like you're sitting on the toilet for more time, yes? Yeah, I mean, you don't get things done, sure. I mean, I went to like Jim Norton's house and Amy Schumer's house. And I was like, I got to do more better jokes so I could get a toilet. Does Amy Schumer have the hot toilet seat?

She has the hot toilet seat. Yeah, you have options. But I don't like how that feels. Is there a bidet attached to the heat? Yeah, of course it is. There's no way. Where there's heat, there's a bidet. Where there's heat, there's water.

Yeah. Where there's heat, there's a bidet. Yeah, there's no way. Who's going to just give you a heated seat but no bidet? Or a cold bidet. Isn't that the standard? I think you get an option. That's the whole thing.

You have choices. You can set it up. You can set the water temperature of the bidet? To what you want. Oh, wow. Marina, if we go to Bed, Bath & Beyond, I'm pretty sure we could get a heated bidet and work it out. Nah, you're going to burn a hole through your asshole.

That's for the poor people. No. Bed, Bath & Beyond. If you use a coupon for it, you're going to burn a hole through your ass. Nice. Okay, so wait. You were in Chicago, and then when did you move to New York? So I moved to New York right after Syracuse, where I graduated from.

Got my master's there. Oh, okay. Well, okay. I didn't finish the thesis hey no no they don't care about that it's just one final grade yeah

I had a broken heart so I couldn't finish this statement wait what so was this your first heartbreak I'm like this is oh what I'm gonna talk

about was this your first heartbreak this was one of my worst heartbreaks it wasn't my first one though but it was my first

it was my white boyfriend first your first beige heartbreak yes you let a beige man break your heart she said it was the worst you from finishing school?

Since that's what the white man be doing. They want to keep us uneducated. Keep us down. Keep us down so that they can make 75 cents more than us or something. I don't know what the math is. He probably set it up that way. He probably broke up right before it was time.

What happened? First of all, describe this white man to us. Was he an athlete? Was he on scholarship? Nah, he was no good. He was no good. He's a bad boy? He sold drugs? What's good? He didn't even go to school since he lived He was a teacher. Oh, Scandal Andal.

Professor Blake. He was one of those white teachers that after graduating, they send you into the inner city because that's where you start out. Oh, he was Michelle Pfeiffer. Yes, he was Michelle Pfeiffer. He wore a leather jacket when y'all were hooking up. And if he was Michelle Pfeiffer, I probably would have stayed with him longer. But yeah, he was very...

Can't laugh. So he was very uneducated about black people, though. And I found that out. And you were like, I'm going to teach him. Yeah, because he was like, he wanted to know how to teach these kids. And like, he tried to write like a story for the kids that was about like eating turnip greens and soul food. And I said, what? That's problematic.

Did he have salt in his house? No. Okay. No seasoning. Okay. Yeah. He just I was like, why did you why do you think that's the story you need to tell these young black kids that about soul food? Like, is that your connection? The only thing you think they have? Yeah. But that was like the beginning of realizing, I think this is not going to work.

Right. And then. But you had already fell for him. I was young, too. So falling for him was very easy at that age. I remember my mother seeing us together and going, oh, wow, they're just young and not knowing what that meant. But then I understood exactly what it meant. It's like we didn't really know each other. You saw him in some hard bottom shoes and you were like, he's the one. You're like, wow, he wears a belt. OK, he's got it together.

He had these like he was my first white boyfriend. So there was a little bit of like curiosity, too. OK, so how was the sex? In college, it doesn't count. I don't know. No, no, no. It does. It does.

She's right. Sydney, you're right. In college, I don't think I really enjoyed sex at all. So, yeah. Yeah. How was the sex? I don't know. It was there.

Yeah, we just did it to do it. I mean, we had our own room, so why not? But I can't say anything spectacular happened after having college sex. Yeah, nothing. Besides a UTI. Okay. But I did meet him outside of college. So it was more of like, I met him through a friend in Chicago and it was like summers

in Chicago. So what happened, which kind of destroyed it, was I went to Syracuse to finish my, you know, my master's and he wanted me in Chicago. He didn't like the distance. So he got really upset. This man didn't like the distance. I want to find him and hit him. What's his name? What's his first name?

Eric. I can say the whole name. Oh, what's the whole name? Can you? Are you sure? What's his whole name? We're not trying to get sued over here. Eric.

Mo. Professor Mo? Gross. Well, no, high school, like, not even professor. Oh, Mr. Moe. Mr. Moe. Mr. Moe. Was he a PA?

Don't lie. Yeah, he was a gym teacher since. He taught... He taught dodgeball? Yeah, yeah. Okay, Mr. Moe. Yeah, Mr. Moe from Iowa. He was interesting because he was from a small town,

very, like, one block of a, like, town in Iowa. So all of that was very fascinating to me. Sometimes I date guys based on I just want to see what world you live in. And that's probably the problem. You date an ugly, interesting person before an attractive, boring person? What? Would you date an ugly, interesting person over an attractive, boring person? Yes, Marina?

Yes, I would. I don't know if I could say the same. I'm just so fascinating by, like, but I have dated a very attractive person person just because I wanted to see what their life was like. But you're attractive, Marina. Oh, I don't think of my... I'm okay. What? Ew. With them shoulders

you're talking like that? With that posture? That's unacceptable. With them edges all smoothed down like that? First of all, I just want to let you know they're full-blown edges. They're grown-ups. They're not baby hair. No. Yes. Oh, I don't know.

You perm your edges? I don't. No. There's a texturizer on those. they look good just edge texturizer little pink lotion little S curl let's get this part

with my toothbrush no this is just my genetic makeup I guess I just recently did 23andMe so now it makes sense so now they own

your information yeah I don't even care I know people are like all nervous about it I don't if they're gonna care I've been a good person

so if 23andMe finds anything it's gonna be good Did you find out where your origins were from? Yeah, where are your people from? Yeah, so 27% is, like, white, which I didn't know. Well, I mean, I can tell by them baby hairs. It's a little bit of Irish in there.

It is. Scotland. Scotland. She got Scottish. It's Irish. It's Welsh. British. A lot of British.

Yeah. And then Ashkenazi Jewish. What? 11.7. Jewish? Jewish? Go ahead and get them perks, sis. You go on your, what's that trip that they got to take?

It's a birthright. You better get your birthright. You better get your birthright, sis. I think I'm going to go. I am. I dare you. I don't know if they'll let me in. They will.

They will. Put a little hat on. They want birthright, literally. I said put that little hat on. They want everyone to marry the people in Israel. Oh. That's what I think birthright is. Yeah, they're trying to set you up and make you marry.

Yeah, if you go. Yeah, if you find your husband or wife on that trip, then they pay for the entire thing. What? Yeah. Okay. Single black female. Marina, we're trying to switch this title now. Okay.

We want to amend it. Yeah. We want married Jewish black woman. Yeah. And I didn't, my mom, my mother's mother, my grandmother, my mother's mother. I know. I was like, okay, I'm following here. Your mother's mother's friend's friend.

My grandmother never knew her father. And it was during that time when, you know, there's interracial stuff going on. You didn't talk about it. And so apparently they introduced her to a man that was not her father. That's because they lied to my grandmother for years. So my grandmother died without knowing who her father was. It's really sad. And then so my mother and my uncle, they've been on that journey to find out who my great-grandfather was.

And she found him on 23andMe. And she just recently found her cousins. No way. Okay, well, maybe I'll try this. But now do we believe everything that they're saying? In my mind, I feel like maybe it's like a trick. There's also phone records that my uncle found that is connecting the man to my grandmother.

Really? So before this, before the technology of 23andMe, that's how you can sort of find out who's linked to you. It's through phone records and when someone got pregnant. Oh. So they were talking a lot and then all of a sudden she was pregnant. And then the call stopped. That's insanity.

I'm really interested. This can turn into a documentary, Marina. I think you should. Finding Your Jewish Roots. Yeah, flip this little script. Finding Your Jewish Roots. I think you should get into it. It would just be roots with a Z.

Okay, so how did this first heartbreak happen? So the first heartbreak, it was basically because I wanted to continue at Syracuse. I wanted to finish my thesis, and I wanted to continue in my acting career. it wasn't going to happen for me in chicago just because that's not really where things were at that time i mean now you could say like chicago was like a real thriving comedy scene but back then because i grew up there there wasn't a lot that i saw that was like for me an opportunity i really wanted to go to new york city yeah but and he got depressed about the fact that i wanted to go to new york or the fact that i was even into my career yeah but that was already a red flag

Like, any dude that's like, I want you here with me and I'm not changing anything about my life, but I want you to change everything about your life so we can be together is problematic. But people think that's love, though. They think like, oh, you just really love me and you're obsessed and you just want to be near me. But it's just like, it's control. That's all it is. Control and it's also bringing someone down to your level, which he didn't seem like. Drag him, Marina. Drag him.

Dragging how he dragged you, sis. Like how he tried to drag you back to Chicago. Drag him. Yep. Well, I will say, you know, what's funny is, like, years later, you know, I always felt like, this is going to sound weird, but I wasn't black enough for him. He really liked, he had a stereotype. I was like, I was dating a white guy who only had stereotype ideas. Like a, mm-hmm.

Yeah. Oh, I was thinking, like, somebody real African. No. Like, bald head. No. Like, he had, like, tribal clothes at the house. Like, he was like, you wear that, right? That's cool for you?

I wasn't doing the job as far as I wasn't tough enough you read books and stuff and he was like actually I don't like that yeah it was just not he was from a small town in Iowa so he absolutely had an idea of what black was

somebody from Maury absolutely so years later when I called you called him I did to say look at me I'm thriving on Netflix no it was one of those little calls where you go, hi, how are you?

Like, I just wanted to check in. Uh-oh, Marie's going to be like, why did you do that? Yeah, like, let him see you out and thriving. Let him Google you one day. Adrianism. FaceTime me. And be, and, okay. Sorry.

You want to answer that? Is it okay? I'm just going to tell her that we're here. What? Okay, sorry. I'm so, we have a whole podcast that we're recording. And Sydney just picked up a FaceTime call. Hey.

Your phone should have been doing our thing. We're still in the podcast. I'll have to call you back. I want her to be happy. okay we're at the podcast babe she said who she wanted proof she said she needs proof

Cindy you've been lying to her no that's why she facetimed you she was like well let me see let me see the microphones what producer is there what's the guest expertise Marina's like I just want to make sure nobody's beating you at home

okay you started with the sunglasses I need to pick it up Sydney hasn't removed her sunglasses Sydney somebody pushed you she uber-eated somebody to push you down the stairs while she's in Europe girl

so you weren't what he was looking for he broke up with you but the point I'm trying to get at is that I called him and she answered his new black girlfriend when I say he got the real deal I heard it over the phone

what'd she sound like give us an impersonation first of all she picked up his cell phone when your name popped up it wasn't his cell phone at that time everyone still had a landline

she had a rotary the landline it was like she had to go all the way around and wind it you guys are so cute yes it was when you had to

pick up the thing you put your finger in the the dial okay you guys are so cute that's what you had sis they did that's what they had

that's what you could do you could actually dial a number and they would pick up a phone yeah and so she answered it his house phone number how did she pick up hello no it was

it was like hello I was like can I speak to you and who is this that actually just sounds like somebody's mother it could have been his Iowa mom what time is it at this hour you want to speak to who

Eric don't pay this phone bill Eric with a K she's like and who is this and i was like oh um never mind and i just hung up no marina we don't even know if that was his girlfriend that could have been his it was i knew he had a new girlfriend and she was black so i knew and i could tell from the way she her tone and everything that i should not be called and then i found out like years later because i left it alone after that he saw me at the comedy cellar he actually came in saw the joke that i wrote about him work yes and then i said so how's that going and he goes oh she turned out to be crazy she had split personalities

and one of them did not like me okay that's not like a movie i would watch that's m night chamelon split i would watch that film a black girl with two personalities and one of them don't like her white boyfriend yes we need to write that marina let's get let's get in this writer's Let's do this. Get Netflix on the phone. Get Lifetime on the phone. It's hilarious. And I was like, this is what he deserves.

Good. Good for Eric Moe. So that ended that story. Gross. And that's the wonderful thing about, like, I feel like you're successful in comedy. All the romances that you- Well, I don't have a bidet. That's fine.

Well, Sidney has one. So if you believe you can achieve- I told you, Beth and me, if you don't just get on Amazon- Listen, I'm going to gift you a bidet. How about that? Gift it. Gift it. You have to get somebody to put it in because I can't.

You need help. That is the problem. She's not putting her face in nobody's toilet. No, no, no, no. That's not her ministry. But I will say the thing about being in comedy and also being successful, all these romances that you used to have, you get to stunt quick and fast. So, like, you're a single black female, but it's not a negative connotation.

It's just, like, empowering. Yeah, this is just what's happened to me. I mean, I've had so many boyfriends over the years. You have, Marina. Marina, I've seen so many boyfriends. No, I only know of like two or three of your boyfriends. Yeah, and a lot of the comics who've known me for years, like I've been doing this for 20 years.

20 years. All the comics who've known me, they know from my first boyfriend, which was, he was Haitian. So that was my first boyfriend entering the comedy scene. Okay, he was Haitian. How did he feel about you doing comedy? He did not like it.

Okay, well. So did he look like Marie right now? Ça passait. You are bringing back feelings Okay let me go get my bandana Let me put my durag on sis She about to get her fedora She ready

Yeah but he was old school Haitian too Like you're a new generation Yeah cause I'm Haitian American He was Haitian Haitian He was from Haiti but he did grow up In America but you could see the Effects of moving here and what it did Cause he grew up in Canarsie

during the time when it was still mostly Italian so he tells them all those stories but yeah Marina you like them rough around the edges

yeah but but able to make a good little pasta sauce okay what he's making his sauce from scratch sis they showed me how to do

this in the neighborhood also you not going out tonight to do comedy you staying in tonight the Lumbee was the thing the Lumbee yes girl what's that

see that's the aphrodisiac in the Haitian culture is it is it an aphrodisiac Wait, talk about it, Irina. You're too American to know that one. The Lumbee.

Oh, they used to go crazy over the Lumbee. Did you go crazy for it? What is it? They told me it was for the men, not for me. But I loved the Lumbee. I was like, I have a dick for you, too. Oh! For some Lumbee?

How was the sex with the Haitian guy? I don't really, again, I still wasn't. Okay, well, I mean, you're. Sex didn't become good for a long time for me. Do you remember the best that you've had? Huh. Ah. yes I have

recent recent okay let's get into the good stuff let's get into the good stuff about being single single black female not the

sad Haitian no we want we want cause you're not the voodoo controlled sex no no no you will like it

no because I feel like as women they they want you to pick your family over your career a lot of times or they look at you funny

if you don't have children or you're not in a relationship my aunt Tati every time I see her she's like do you have a boyfriend because you need to get married and i'm like your daughter ain't got no

man and she's here yeah i had them praying over my belly the first weekend i met his family praying over your belly for a baby which whose family we were just the haitian because we were just dating yeah so he was like i remember his his grandmother she was like oh oh baby oh baby oh baby i was like what's happening i'm from chicago and this is a lot did he have a job like Why would he pray for a baby and he doesn't have money for the baby? What, we praying for his 401k? I just think it was cultural. They just wanted a baby right away.

They were like, there's no time to waste. I mean, but you're allowed to be, like, I don't know if I ever want to have children. I feel like I just want to be a cool aunt, you know? Yeah, there was that pressure. I mean, I had a sister come over and say that she didn't understand why, speaking of toilets again, why the toilet was not clean when you have a woman here. I'm like, first of all, I don't live here. We just started.

You don't live with him and you got to go to his house to clean his toilet fan? And I'm also not in a relationship to do toilets, okay? I don't do toilets. I don't do dishes. And I don't do the, what is it? Windows. Yeah, I don't do any of that. You don't do windows?

What does that mean? You don't like places with windows? I don't do windows. You know, like, you have to clean the windows? I don't do those either. I don't do dishes. I don't do windows. Well, that's why your house is in shambles, sis.

Put my sunglasses on top of your sunglasses. You should be ashamed. Who's scrubbing the tub? Because you live there The cats Wow They're exfoliating the tub With their hair

That's disgusting I will say that Whole expectation That I was going to be That type of woman Was a bit much When I was just dating him For the first time

I even had her show me How to stir Like she's like You need to come over We need to make sure You know how to fix the rice You know how to stir the rice And I was like

Do you know how You need to learn How to stir rice Yeah You don't cook at all I mean I Not really What you doing over there, Marina?

She be boiling things. I make vegetables. I chop a lot of, you know, the raw diet. You do crudités? I mean, Marina, you do date white men because white people love her crudités. They be like, I'm going to slice these peppers real thin. Yes. And then we going to dip them in something.

Hummus. You do a hummus? I do a lot of hummus. Hummus and carrots. I can't cook either, so it's fine. I'm not saying that you can't cook, but I just, I feel your energy that you're like, we're kindred spirits in the kitchen. I'm not a salt bae or an iron chef, but I know how to cook things that I'll be able to eat and not die for the rest of my life.

I got an Instapot, so I'm doing it. I don't even know what that means. An Instapot, you put everything in the pot. Like a crock pot? Yeah. So you make rice in an Instapot? You make chicken in an Instapot? Yeah, you can make rice.

You can do like a stew. You do chili. But you have to add all the ingredients. Yeah, but you just throw it in there. You don't wash it or nothing. Just a whole onion. Not chopped. All the skin is still on it.

The chicken. And you just leave. Leave. Go out, run your errands, and come back. It's done. House burnt down. But the chicken is ready. But back then, I really, like, I would say now I can do some meals.

But back then, really couldn't. And he caught me trying to make greens. Speaking of greens, right? I didn't know I had bok choy. So that was good. That's different. That's not just, like, any old type of, like, green. Yeah, bok choy is very different.

It's very niche. So then I had to go back to the store, get turnip greens, and then what happened was I didn't follow directions. I had put a cup of baking soda into the pot. A cup? So they disintegrated. They disintegrated. Oh.

And he came in and he was like, something smells. They were in my hand like this, and the greens are just, and he just, he found it funny, though. But yeah, I was not that. This Haitian man thought it was funny? could he cook yes yeah

if he could cook I mean as long as one of us could cook I feel like we gonna be fine he made some jerk chicken wings and oh my god

that sound basic what else Sydney you making things in an instapot but you saying what sound basic you chef DDA over here you're ratatouille

I can get jerk chicken you're chef linguine right now at golden crust that's nothing to me give me something I can't pronounce come on let's go

what do you got he made oxtail lumpy like yeah that was pretty much his oxtail

his jerk chicken his lumbee he made plantains like sweet and fried and the rice the way he would make the rice I've never had

rice like that so I really kind of do miss him you miss him there are we talking about the rice too or what are we talking about the rice was really

fantastic there was a way that he seasoned the rice yeah my mother is good at that I don't know how to do it either and it'll be a big ass pot of rice

and I'll be like I make this little tiny thing and I can't figure it out so whatever what relationship like made you kind of change as a person

like they were they were so what was your breakthrough yeah fantastic as a person that they made you want to change oh I gotta think

I think they all did all of them every single one they all make you change they either make you learn I'm not doing that again but I would say the one that made me

really change as a person was the one that probably this one did break my heart the most is the one he was he was white too marina how many of them have been black we should have you an expert as white you white man expert white man expert timeline of white guys how many white guys

you think you've been with well this was two whites ago so i would say he was probably the most calm guy like i've ever met like we were functional together like he actually worked with me like with my temper he managed it so he a therapist yeah that's what he was he well he was willing to listen when i was upset he was willing to talk me through things he was like yeah sounds like your therapist is yes yeah but the thing is is like it was a give and take it was like i would do the same for him okay so he would share his i don't know his issues with you Yeah, he would. I'll be listening to my therapist sometime.

So, yeah. Shut up, Cindy. Yeah, well, your therapist is like, actually, the check bounced. So I'm not going to be able to see you this session. But you know what the real test in a relationship is if it's going to work is if you can go on a long road trip and not fight. Yes. Ah. And we had that.

And that was like kind of the beginning of our relationship. Where y'all was going? Vermont? No, we were actually. Massachusetts? You guys were going Mapling? you're like you're like you would have to have gone to vermont this little interracial couple well because i went with my white boyfriend to vermont for a wedding so that's why i threw that

out there oh i thought that's that's like their hajj that's their pilgrimage you gotta go touch a horse in vermont no it was cool all the way to california uh driving well no we drove from ventura california to sonoma valley okay girl we don't know what none of that means how long is that so you don't know that's a long drive that's like about a good eight hours what yeah that can it can with traffic and there's mountains and there's like the one you know you drive on the one and when you go around those mountains in those curves the wi-fi cut off and then you can't like play the music that you gotta and you gotta talk to them yeah you have to make eye contact with this person

my god dialing and wifi Siri is unavailable in this zone I don't even think wifi was discussed at the time when we were

y'all had CDs they had a book they had a book that you unzipped that you had all the CDs in the pockets oh my god remember those

yes I don't have them oh y'all had records I still have those I should have brought those she said y'all had cassettes cassettes y'all had tapes

we had 8 tracks 8 tracks in the car but we it was like testing because there was a point where i was talking and he was like okay you're gonna have to be quiet right now because if you go around on the one on those mountains it's terrifying yeah his back was stiff and he was sweating but we never fought it was like a very like we worked together on that journey because there are moments where i could see someone else getting really upset and fighting

and it was good. Can you drive? Did y'all switch off? I can drive, but he wanted to do that trip. Okay, let him be the man, sis. Yeah. Jesus, take the wheel.

When I went to Detroit with Adrienne and we drove all the way there, she drove all the way back. She was so annoyed because she was like, wow, I really wish you could do something. And I was like, I played music the whole time.

And you probably slept and she was awake driving that by herself. No. I had one eye open and I was picking the song. That's because your eyelash messed up. Shut up. But yeah, we didn't argue because we barely spoke. Like we said enough to get things going. But I feel like when you're talking and talking, then it gets repetitive and you're like, do I actually like this person? So that's how you survive on a trip. You don't say much.

No, not necessarily that, because sometimes sitting in silence is comfortable. Right. but sometimes it's like tense and you feel like you have to feel the silence but if if you can't have a conversation with somebody that you're in a relationship with then like why are you with that person in my mind marina you're the single black female i thought that was for you and you were like i'm looking at you marina i'm just asking yeah you want to answer the room i'm asking the listeners oh okay like you should be able to sit comfortably in silence with the person that you're in a relationship with and don't feel like you need to feel all of that silence all the time but also if you can't have a conversation with somebody and you

don't have anything to say to them yeah there is a point where that silence goes too long right where you're like oh we're not even in i have nothing to say together right but yeah when you're like out you're eating and you realize like an hour has gone by and you're not even in the same space with each other you're just existing i'm just here for the food for whatever reason yeah have you ever been in a relationship like that right sure i mean that happens in all after a while of being with definitely the

the Haitian I mean we were together for four years and I didn't even know was that your longest relationship that was my longest four years Marina

yeah four years was long and four years is a long time I think it was the voodoo personally oh here we go Marina I gotta go

the stereotypes here we go come on Chicago let's go get it out I just think it was unexplainable voodoo dick

ayy ayy It was that rice. You stayed for the rice, Marina, for four years. It's the lumbie. Well, yeah, the food will keep you. It'll keep you if you're a girl or a guy. A man that can cook is so sexy, though.

Really? Yes. Yes, it is. It's so hot. I guess I haven't met one of those, so that's why I'm a lesbian. I haven't met a man. You're also a woman that can cook. Well, anyone who can cook for you would be sexy, right?

Wouldn't it? That's very triggering and aggressive. Which part? Calm down. because she said i can't cook because you can't you just told us you couldn't but i can't cook because i'm out here working you hear that i have a day job that hungry starving that's merch

it's fine but yeah i think that men that can cook is attractive it's beautiful because i feel like men are so like useless most of the time. A lot of men can cook, too. Men know how to season meat very well. Oh, you're talking about the grilling? When they grilling? Yeah, like my cousin,

speaking of Ventura, where we started, my cousin is a professional chef. He's single? No. Does he have a tattoo of a radish on his leg or something? No.

I think a lot of these professional cooks now, they got... He's like that grill master. He's one of those... He's a salt bae. Barbecue competition. His brisket wins awards. What?

Meat melts in your mouth. Very sexy. Yeah, of course he's with somebody. Well, when he's doing friends like us, you know, and invite friends like us to friends like us. We'll be on time. We'll be on time. He's not very chatty.

That's the problem. He's too busy cooking. Seasoning. People travel for him. Massaging the meat. Simply marvelous barbecue. That's what his brand is? Yeah.

He got a sauce? Yes. makes a cherry rub and he makes a cherry barbecue how long you been married he married he is married

how long you want to break up a happy home you want to break up a happy home for some barbecue yeah they got kids they don't yet

okay so this is okay no I was just going to go over there and be like can you teach me I need help you going to take off work short short shorts

no I would come in there in sweats in a do-rag she going to put on nipple tassels and be like this is how I cut

Instapod says shut up Marie anyways Marina have you recently had like a relationship that you're just like you want to dog that person out but you're trying to be a bigger person girl yes

yeah I mean I've had a few I've wanted to go on some rants about and then I found out I was wrong about it because I had a person recently actually that I dated that I thought was not there for me during a very tough time was it during your cat was it your cat oh no it was something else but that too yeah but I was you know I got some health stuff going on that's very

intense and I felt abandoned so yeah I really wanted to I want to go on a lot of podcasts and like really trash him I wanted to dog him through the me too movement I want to make that a me too i was like oh yeah you abandoned me isn't this a me too yes yes you abandoned me but you put your dick on my forehead before you left that's a me too yeah that's a me too yeah no i would have liked the dick on my forehead okay marina okay that's what we do that's what that's what got them baby hairs laid okay you're like a rolling pin wow the dick is like a rolling pin with The dick is like, Tennessee. Oh, man.

Wait, Marina. I just see like a dick just softly. Yeah, they look great, sis. Thank you. A penis glaze. Wait, Marina, how did you be a bigger person with that? Because I see a lot of people doing that in this day and age. Just social media, live tweeting breakups, going off.

And it's just like, how do you be that person where you're like, I'm not going to trash. That's so crazy to me that people be live tweeting breakups and relationships. Like, people share way too much. That's where the Me Too movement got kind of, is like, one of the things we have to be honest about as women is we do have that part of us that when we're hurt, that we do want to burn you down. And so that was kind of corrupting the Me Too movement. It's like, no, no, no, this is not that. That's something different. Oh, yeah, yeah.

You can't cancel this guy just because he hurt your feelings. Well, yeah, there was a there's a guy in particular a couple of years ago. People were talking about him and I was like, well, what did he do? And they're like, he's not nice and he's not a good guy. And it was this all over this Facebook group. And I finally get the story. And what happened is he met this girl. She really liked him.

He was trying to hook up with her and she was like, we can't hook up if we're not going to be boyfriend and girlfriend. Oh, I know the story. They hooked up and then he kind of ghosted her. and that's a story a tale as old as time because she you know women are dumb

and we do stupid stuff like that and by we I mean y'all and but she they made this dude seem like he did something horrible

to her like and they were being so vague about it and they were like don't book him on your shows he's not a nice person he was losing

like job opportunities because of it and all that happened is he had sex with her and then lost interest yeah a few days later a few weeks later

so yeah yeah you're right marie like i mean and sydney like there's a point where you have to acknowledge the fact that you are just her and i think it takes age actually and years of experience to come to that point when you're younger it just sometimes it doesn't you don't understand it because it's so big when you're young yeah and yes you feel like your life is over yeah you do but i think there is that moment where you you do have to kind of accept the fact that oh my god i was wrong about this and then you i have had friends like who've acknowledged the fact you know this person's a nice guy and what you're doing is wrong so my friends checked me as well so you have your friends check you and then you gotta listen and then you check yourself

and then you just swallow that big lump of like okay let me just be let me be okay and I actually wrote him a text and I said I'm sorry but I really felt like I thought you didn't understand what was going on with me but now that I know that you didn't know I'm actually sorry because my rage was more about what was going on with me not you that's so honest Marina I rarely hear people just being upfront about, hey, I made a mistake and this person really isn't trash. I rarely hear that.

I always hear the bad story about the person and then I have to do the investigating work myself or I won't get the truth. Man, who's got the time to do all that investigation? Well, sis, when you're unemployed, you got time. You got weekends. You got months.

You got a job, sis. What are you talking about? I mean, when you got lunch. Googling the public record. So what is, so what do you want? Like, are you dating now? Are you on the apps? Are you out here?

I don't want nobody. Right now, I am just trying to focus in on my life, what I'm doing. My health has to get better. So that's most of my energy right now is I don't really have the energy to let someone else in. I've got to work on myself. And if that, you know, sometimes when you get older, because I am an older black woman, you can't tell. OK, obviously now with them clavicles. OK, shoulders popping out.

But when you get to a certain age, you have the panic sets in. I've got to do this. I've got to have children. I've got to have a family. You're looking around. But at the end of the day, you've got to be happy. so really it's about working on myself and sometimes relationships when you force yourself into one you get distracted by that so it's about right now just making sure everything

is good with me yeah my finances that bidet toilet i want uh-huh i want the hot water splashing my ass you know a better place where i'm living i'm looking at like other homes and stuff and i'm like are we purchasing no but i want to yeah okay little townhouse i want to make things good for me yeah now and not for someone else and until that happens yeah i can't be in a relationship so single black female is that's great the title is also the title of your new special that's out as well we could chat a little bit about that yeah just that's everything that encompasses empowerment for me because it's there's so much pressure to to want to settle down and have a family and think that's the only thing that makes you worthy so to hear someone saying no actually

it's okay yeah I'm doing this I found I'm fine yeah absolutely and I you know when I was working on the material for single black female a lot of the producers wanted me to do a lot of my old material so i kind of like we we made a you know i i worked negotiated with them whereas like i kind of need to talk about this stuff now yeah and i'll bring in some of the older material that fits with that idea of just being okay with being a single black woman that's really what was on my mind and that's what i wanted to talk about and then people in the audience i would find like specifically young women shaking their heads like yes it's okay to be single so i knew i was resonating with what was in the air so that's why i talked about it in the set well also i feel like it's younger women

are connecting with it because we live in a different time right like women are making their own money we paying our own bills we got rotations and stuff now like we know that we don't need men to do anything for us right and being single and being able to travel and have a hot girl summer and like eat pray hoe it up is something that like people like maybe my mom and my grandmother that weren't able to do but like I can do whatever I want now because I can afford

to do it and I'm not and my identity is not tied to a relationship or a man or a family or blah blah blah and it feels great

and it feels it's so powerful how nice is it to come home and not have to check in with anyone oh girl I hate a good morning

beautiful text good morning beautiful I'll be like ugh my goodness like I gotta respond to that and if I don't

I'm in trouble absolutely I'd just be sending spongebob memes or kermit yeah i totally agree with you guys i just think because my family was so um disheveled and people weren't married or people didn't have enough family so when like three people passed away then that's like the whole tree so for me it's like oh i don't need to be in a relationship But I do want to have some type of family tree for the future.

And so I do understand that it's it's sometimes we think about, oh, it's a societal thing that you think you need to get married. But it's also like, yeah, family is kind of important. No, because I mean, I'm not close to my family at all. I don't speak to my mom. So, you know, I know what it is to be a single black female because of watching my mom. and in the back of my head is like I don't really want to be that I want to figure out something else

for my path and that's why I'm gay and you know I won't be out here just trying to have all the babies and the way you make your family and you're a good example of the idea that you have to meet a man to make a family is wrong you can do it on your own

you can adopt on your own if that's really what you want but the thing is there is that reality like you were saying like to have people around you right is really it's this is something that i i do go through i mean the reality is you're okay with your singleness but there are times yeah where it sets in and you're looking at like you know at my age everyone's married everyone has kids and it's a holiday yeah thanksgiving sucks for me so when you're just kind of by yourself just on instagram minding your

business and you're like oh everybody wore matching red velvet sweaters this year like i can see that Or you're the friend that they invite you to their little family thing. And then you're the friend that everybody's like, oh, well, come on over. Then they're like feeling sorry for you. And it's like, bitch, I'm just here because I heard there was glazed ham. I'm giving ham, huh? Like, why are you stressing me out? Yes, exactly.

And then it's awkward, right? You're like at the family and they're looking at you like, oh, you have no family. Yeah. Or you're relying on your friends and you go to that dusty ass Friendsgiving where nobody could do mac and cheese properly. And the cheese is canned. You're like, what? Why? But that can be funny.

No, when I'm hungry, it ain't funny. When I'm famished. I'm not laughing when I'm hangry. When I'm hangry? When I'm eating somebody's turkey and I almost choke because it's that dry, that ain't funny. Yeah, but I don't be going to people's Friendsgivings. I just go to my mother's house. Well, that was like my first white boyfriend.

That was probably the saddest Christmas I've ever had was in Iowa. All the food was... Sounds sad. They had something called glorified rice. What? Glorified rice? And it was not seasoned. it was not glorified he could have learned from the Haitian

okay you should introduce your exes to your exes yeah that's a great book you should have dropped a little you know a little recipe book on your hands right there but it's you know you figure it out I mean I think it's all about what you need to do at the time

and then you make choices to make that if you think because there's families that are miserable it looks like they're happy but they're not there's You know, you look, I mean, you go to senior citizen homes and you find out, oh, I guess this didn't work out for this person because there's no one visiting, you know? That's so sad.

That is the saddest. Right, so that's why you have to make sure you're happy within yourself. You've got to do things for, you've got to work hard to be happy. But then you also then have to think about your future because do you want to be that senior citizen by yourself? What I'm saying, it's no guarantee that your family is going to do that. Yeah, that's true. There's no guarantee that.

I've seen family where it's like they have a family and they're not visiting. Yeah. So there's no guarantee. So you might as well just do for you while you can. And if you can't make that family happy, good. If you can't make that family happy, then good, too. Make yourself happy. Yep.

And nobody will be in the will. Okay, fuck with me. Fuck with me. Nobody will be in my last will and testament. How about that? But I'm saying if you don't have any kids. Okay, so my mother's friend, like an old family friend passed away recently. My mother was at the wedding, the wedding, the funeral yesterday.

They're all the same. So it's a big family. This woman was like one of eight, her eight brothers and sisters each had eight kids or whatever, but she only had one. She had a daughter and her daughter never got married. And her daughter just had her mom. And now the daughter is 60 something, 70 something and has no family. so i'm saying that is scary yeah and it's just sad you know but it's all about looking at it as it's always the grass has always been here on the other side you know it's like when we're in it and

we feel it we think we're so miserable and this is our story but someone on the other side of it has their miserable story about being with a family that they hate ah that's true so it's all it's hard in the moment to have that perspective but that is the perspective it's not always what it seems yeah that 60 year old woman she may be having a great weekend you pray ho she might be out there too she out here trying to break their hips sis throwing that thing back just putting her walker with the tennis balls up in the air living her best life yeah absolutely uh do you have a type what is your type i don't i don't i don't think i i think my type may be a little purple thing

that walks around ew sis that's gross you a vibrator walk around yeah where'd you get that one from

that's a new Hatsushi magic wand can you send that to me baby Hatsushi I don't know what my type is it sounds beige sis

it sounds no I mean I don't think there is I try not to go with I only date like you date a white guy

and everyone thinks that's all you date I've never been that person I only date who I find interesting like he said okay so it's not like a tall or short or y'all just got a vibe you gotta connect

i mean i used to date a lot of unattractive men my father used to say and uh he didn't but you were like but i'm so interested in him well he got really upset with me in high school because my dad used to stay in a hotel and i had snuck a boy up and to the hotel room and he crashed in and he i thought he was really mad at me until i heard the conversation later and he was like i wouldn't have been so mad if he wasn't so goddamn ugly work dad he dad got standards okay yeah he cares about his baby yeah unattractive people but i think that's why i went towards unattractive people despite that dad i got it it's fine your dad only wanted you to like have the most likes as possible on instagram that's what it really was about he didn't even know what that was

subconsciously that's what he knew the future what the future was projecting so yeah he just You know, I always just found if a person was interesting and smart, I love smart. If I can have a conversation with you where it's we're on the same level, like not even on the same level, but if you just have something interesting and intellectual to say. Yeah, I mean, because I am not the brightest person in the room. So I need someone there who can help me out at times. But also you want somebody that you can have an interesting conversation with and you can be like, really? Oh, I had no idea that you can learn something. Teach me something.

that's another reason why I would never date a comedian because I don't want to talk about comedy all the time yeah that's what I had to learn the hard way I dated too many comedians and then now I know it's so nice to get away from that conversation of comedy and with someone who's had something else

going on it's just interesting and it gives you a different perspective for your comedy later you know what I mean like it'll only help you grow as a person and as a performer absolutely Marie you see me okay Bob Marie is smart yeah here for it

she's still not on time but she's smart yeah what's a deal breaker for you before we go like what are like what are things

that like maybe give us three things three deal breakers and we can go around sex being bad that's a deal breaker because now I actually do enjoy sex

you care yeah yeah you know I was about to say a small dick okay okay

we don't we don't care about micro penises here you can shame them yeah I did have one have you seen I've never seen one.

I want to see one just so I can see what I react. I would say I felt one, but I didn't feel it. You didn't feel it. Wait, you had sex with somebody who had a micropenis? Eric. No, I'm kidding. Mr. Mo. And Mr. Mo, we let you know.

That's the real story, guys. I didn't want to hurt his feelings. Yes, yes, yes. Yeah, you know, there's nothing like pretending that that sex is good and you don't feel anything. I'm not faking it. There's a lot of acting going on. So that's a deal breaker for me. No shame on it.

You can have your small penis if you want it. No, shame, shame, shame, shame. But just, you know, find the person that your little puzzle piece fits with. It's not going to be nobody at this table, though. Puzzle piece. That little penis puzzle, that micro puzzle piece. It'll fit with some, some people might like it. Yeah, that little piece of meat on the chicory board or whatever, yeah.

Yeah, that little Vienna sausage. Yeah, somebody could do something with it. Yeah, somebody likes those. Yeah. Somebody's in them little cans of meat. There's a lot of anger behind those micro pieces. Of course, they're furious. those are very angry men

they're angry because their penises are small and they're usually short yes yeah do tall people have micro penises I feel like no yes

Andrew's saying yes finally hot gay producer intern Andrew I've definitely seen I feel like it's more common with taller guys

that have small penises yes but a micro penis not a small penis but like yeah what are you talking about when you say micro penis I feel like my thumb oh really

I've never actually seen me neither I had one in college. Asian guy. Yeah. I don't like to throw stereotypes out there. But you're throwing in no questions asked. Asian guy.

Let's just say Asian guy. Well, to help that Asian stereotype, I slept with an Asian guy who was wonderful. Very limber. Look at you. Okay, he was the dude from Ocean's 8. Okay, he was doing flips in the pussy. And what's he doing?

It was that guy. Okay. No. Well, okay, you said that sex was good, but was the dick big? yeah it was okay i mean it was cute and it wasn't big it was just necessary necessary it was cute i like that necessary clothing an older woman will be like a necessary dick it was necessary so i think chemistry sexual chemistry is very important i think that's definitely a deal breaker if that's

not there it can't happen conversation is a deal breaker if i can't talk to you and you can't come back with something that like if it if i'm always stunned by how dumb your response is it's just not gonna work right because i'm stunned and you think i'm dumb but i'm just looking at how dumb you are right i'm just like oh my god when you meet somebody that you're like wow i'm really not that dumb okay cool yeah it's a deal breaker because they're not we can't go into the world together really i can't show you to people no because you're gonna you're gonna embarrass me in front of people that i care about right and i can always my dad has since passed but i could always hear my dad's conversation like what is this guy gonna do my dad used to always say

he believed in dreamers right people who had dreams so even if you weren't working my dad was always into people who look like they could get something done they had more than just uh a work ethic they had dream passion so for me and he installed that in me so for me i i like to see someone that has that that dream that passion that wants to ambition ambition yeah some but See, I need you in my life. Sydney might need you to help her find a black mock neck turtleneck. Oh, man. I don't want to get in the middle.

No. I've seen your girl. She will be like, I'm not getting in the middle. No, no, it's fine. She'll probably be like, please take her. She'll have my garbage bag ready for you at the door. Like, she's ready. Garbage bag equals suitcase.

It'll be at least two garbage bags. You got a lot of shoes. Lots. And also a bag for the wigs. So three bags. You're right. Clothes, shoes, wigs. Everyone take a bath.

Your wigs are gone. No, I still have my wigs. I'm not going to put them on because I'm afraid. There's nothing for this wig to sit on. Also, I feel like I got to let my hair grow out a little bit. You have such a pretty face, it doesn't matter. Well, you cut your hair off too a couple years ago, yes? I just made it shorter.

You know what it is? I went natural long, like 20 years ago. Before it was cool. And I didn't know that you had to shape the bow. Do a style. You could do a style. That's when I'm dating them white guys, Marina. They don't shape their hair either, girl.

They sure do. They don't know. Yeah, I just had no clue. And then I had a, you go on those movie sets or, you know how you go on movie sets. Everyone should go. We all know how you'll be on them sets. Son on it, Marina. Okay, give us credits.

You'll be on these Fox Searchlights Presents. But you know when they do your hair, and I had a guy on. They don't do it right, yeah. What is it? It was the Jim Gaffigan show, actually. And the guy was like, you know, your hair is beautiful, but you couldn't shape it. you can actually get a style. Did a black person say this to you?

Yeah, I was like, who said this to you? It was a white person, actually. A white person got you together? That's homophobic and racist, and I'm not here for it. He was not the one. He was like, you know, you can shape this. No, he was right, though. He was right?

Yeah. I just didn't want him saying that. Aw, why? You know what was cool about him? He actually understood black hair. He did my hair that day. Okay, okay. He did a really great job.

Well, Marina, how did you show up with your hair? What's that? Yeah. You had a do-rag-le? Like, let's talk about... I used to take a scarf and because I didn't know, I just wrap it around my natural hair and that would give it the shape that I actually needed. You know, what do you call that? When you wrap a scarf around, you got the little Thelma from Good Times.

A pineapple? You pineapple? Yes. There's a Spanish word for it, too. But I don't know it. Yeah, I don't know it. Well, I know I'm a little Espanol. Give me the Spanish word.

I have no word. But yeah, that's pretty much it. was they showed me how to do a better hairstyle shout out to white men but also no shout outs yeah white men white gay man on movie set shout out to white gay men on movie sets that know what they doing yep and hot gay producer intern andrew those are the those are the only ones we stand okay also it could have been andrew yes andrew andrew hair uh look at him i can do hair yeah sure and those kind of shirts absolutely not absolutely no andrew's like i could call you an uber but i'm not doing your hair i could probably find someone for you to do your hair

yeah marina this has been fantastic i feel like i'm just smiling at the game i love whenever someone tells me oh did i interrupt no no no it's fine no i want to hear it i was like whenever they tell me there's a gay man that's gonna do something for me i'm so happy but that doesn't mean that all the gay men do good work they have though but all of them i've been on many a set Not as many sets as you, but I've been on many a set now. I haven't had the experience yet. Yeah, you haven't been hurt yet. Okay.

That's okay. I'll show up and they'll be like, how are we doing your hair? I'll be like, I already did it. And they'll be like, okay, all right. Or they'll pull out some weird wax and they'll try to put my baby hairs down. With a beeswax? Beeswax? Is that for locks that you're going to put on my edges?

Trying to lock my baby hairs down? Oh, my God. They lock your baby hair down on movie, on set? They try. I've had an Asian man do it. It's a lot. Oh, he had a toothbrush and everything. It was a lot going on.

He had a suitcase full of weave I was like, sir, none of these are necessary for me I was like, are you selling this after? What's going on? They had all these packets I was like, beauty supply store down That was just him panicking Because he didn't know what to do

Our hair was ready He was like, I'm doing these black girls Let me bring my blackest kit It looked like a set from Love and Hip Hop I was like, is this your soul plane suitcase? There was a purple colored wig nobody's doing that okay

it was gross yeah what was this for what was this for we can't say because it hasn't come out yet but we'll tell you we'll tell you after

hashtag ads yeah so what do you want to is there a word of advice or something that you could say

to any of the women that are listening right now who you know maybe they're going through something or they they're looking for something

well Mama Marina know we'll say this um before you get into relationships and say you need to fix the relationship fix yourself fix yourself merch merch there it is begin that on windbreaker jackets fix yourself we're gonna put that on a little coin purse we're gonna have a coin purse fix yourself and yeah you have to work to be happy you do you have to put work into being happy you can't it's not just gonna come yeah happiness is hard huh yes yeah sounds exhausting so dumb i'm tired just thinking about i'm just gonna stay i'm just gonna stay angry yeah that brings me joy painting your apartment can actually change your mood

moving moving your furniture around like making the room feel like a brand new room can also change absolutely yeah when my cat passed you guys know i love billy yeah so when he passed that was probably the hardest i know it sounds weird but that was my family how long did you have the cat for uh i just want to say 20 years as long but no but about 15 years yeah and he was well 17 really and he because he was 17 but i would say that was a hard loss for me because i was like my baby yeah so i had to and i realized at the time i really gotta be happy I can't be walking around like this I gotta make some choices

so I painted my apartment and I'm well I didn't paint it I paid for someone you got some tax rabbits in there I was like let's be honest did you put the jumpsuit on or no you put the blue tape down I know I was like I'll pay for someone to make me happy

so I had a guy come over I call him Gary the paint guy what do you look like he's Trinidadian he might be a looker okay might be missing a tooth in the back but that's okay i think he's definitely missing a tooth in the back okay no definitely you mean you've seen it okay got it yeah but here was something cute about him there was a little bit of a connection so um i don't know he's gonna

fix some pipes in my he's gonna fit some pipes in your body yeah girl so that is possible but you know it was all because yeah i just wanted to change the color of my space and it did change everything you know because like a lot of people say this when you walk home and you have a pet that's passed away walking in the door is the hardest thing and i knew that before he passed so i i knew i was like i think i'm gonna have to change the way the space looks so when i walk in it just looks different it's not the same that's smart yeah yeah and then i i did i felt better it worked it worked with the grieving process

sure my little baby my little Billy R.I.P. Billy I'm sorry about your loss again yeah it's so hard but he had a word

to say goodbye to yesterday Marina Marina took the bass yeah fix yourself we're leaving on that Marina please

shout out any of like Instagram, social media, whatever. Where can people find you? So they can go to marinafranklin.com because it's available on all platforms, which means anyone can watch it. It's also an album that they can listen to, but I would prefer you to watch it

because my facial expressions is what really sells it. So go to marinafranklin.com and then also if you want to check out my podcast, yes that's also on marinafranklin.com it's friends like us friends like us

podcast so yeah yeah just check out my special there at marinafranklin.com yes marinafranklin.com and Instagram I guess you know

I feel like such an old lady on Instagram no but our followers are quite nice the listeners are quite positive and amazing so please follow her yeah on Instagram as well

so marina y franklin marina y is on Instagram Yvette Yvonne? How dare you? You came out with my middle name.

I wanted to know what the Y was for, and I guessed on the first guess. You did. Wow, Marina. I didn't. I wouldn't. Marina, why Franklin? I have an aunt named Yvette. I hate my middle name.

No, it's great. It's an old name. It's beautiful. It's old. I like it. My middle name Yvette threw up on a slide when I was going down as a young age, so it stuck with me. Yeah. And that's my middle name.

I love it. Thank you. Marina, you're great. Thank you for all your stories. You guys are great. Very uplifting. You girls are so awesome. Marina wanted to come in and be our house music expert.

So before we go, tell us your favorite house music song. Yeah. Just put it out there so people can hear it and enjoy it. And that'll be their vibe for the rest of the day. I'll give you what's really a good song that I love and that people probably do know of. It's called Black Coffee, which is South African. yes love him turn me on

is one of my favorites with Boosie yes we're here for it it's a good song let's play that song at the end for the listeners

and it's hot it is it's a sexy song turn me on yeah I like it turn me on okay Marina we got a

we have another episode that we have to record so I can go home and get some dick so guys thank you so much for listening keep eating

keep praying keep hoeing make sure you go to marinafranklin.com watch watch don't just listen watch

Single Black Female after you've listened to this episode on all platforms hello baby and keep supporting these young

beautiful women of color yay I'm like Oprah now and you get a woman of color and you get a woman of color

that's called slavery bye guys rate, comment, subscribe bye Forever Dog. at Forever Dog Team and liking our page on Facebook.