MESS with Sydnee Washington & Marie Faustin - "The Sorority Expert" with Catherine Cohen

Episode Date: April 27, 2018

Singer, actress and voice artist Catherine Cohen is answering real questions this week: WTF is a sorority? Wheres the grossest place shes ever had sex? Is she the richest person whos ever done the podcast? Marie talks cocaine and white roommates while Syd finally learns to trust her instincts. Pour a vodka soda and listen to our Sorority Expert!----Listen to The Unofficial Expert Ad-Free on Forever Dog Plus:https://foreverdogpodcasts.com/plus----BONUS EPISODES AVAILABLE NOW ON PATREON:www.patreon.com/TheUnofficialExpertBUY UNOFFICIAL EXPERT MERCH:https://www.teepublic.com/stores/the-unofficial-expert-podcastFOLLOW THE UNOFFICIAL EXPERT:https://www.instagram.com/UnofficialExpertFOLLOW SYDNEE:https://www.instagram.com/JustSYDbwhttps://twitter.com/justsydnycFOLLOW MARIE:https://www.instagram.com/Reeezyhttps://twitter.com/MsReeezyFOLLOW ANDREW:https://www.instagram.com/mcgui_guyTHE UNOFFICIAL EXPERT IS A FOREVER DOG PODCASThttps://foreverdogpodcasts.com/podcasts/the-unofficial-expertSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hello. Hi. Me, me, me, me, me, me, me. Me. And me. I think I feel like I sound really good today. Okay. You too, Marie. Honestly, sis, you know, I'm in these streets, okay? I am in these voiceover streets. You don't sound like Bohemian Rhapsody right now. Rhapsody? Rhapsody? I don't know what you're trying to say. Rhapsody. Ratsby. No. Uh-huh. Yeah, you don't sound as hoarse as you usually are. Oh, okay. That's what I meant to say. But I still feel like there's a little bit of gravel there. You know, like a little... Pebble? You got a couple pebbles? A little unbreak...

Unbreak my heart. I feel like there's a little of that. It's sexy. Thank you. You need just a little bit. Just a little dash. Okay, but you sound a little hoarse also. I do?

A little morning voice. Maybe because I've been screaming at them badass kids outside of my fucking window. Are the kids out? Yeah. Everybody's out. Kids are out. parents are out i need everybody to stay the ass in the house it's too much listen sun's out kids out okay that's what you do when it's nice out you put your kids on the street and then don't

let them come back inside until the sun goes down i don't want to see nobody's kids i don't care how nice it is i just don't it's not about you sydney damn think of the community we don't have no community well we actually have a community garden so that's probably why that sounds gross in bushwick i wouldn't i wouldn't trust those fruits or those vegetables oh my god we got a little spice we got a little time yeah got a little time a little mint can we talk about time yeah why is it time and it's spelled t-h-y-m-e it's time somebody black did it no no somebody somebody white like well the h is silent but it's time like t-i-m-e yeah i don't know it doesn't i don't get but um i don't really use it for anything is it is it a seasoning that you should be using

yeah i feel like my mom uses it and i don't know where but it always makes stuff taste better really yeah okay so should i be throwing it on i feel like she puts it in rice beef patty and cheese okay see that's how i sprinkle it on i said rice you said something else okay i mean i can see how you confuse beef patty with rice it's basically the same thing sydney uh how are you i'm feeling good uh you know i feel like good things are happening coming things of that sort you look really great yeah you're giving me casual like terry richardson photo shoot vibes like my nipples are mad hard nipples are hard the shirt is real thin nipples are mad shirt is real thin and it's white my nipples are hard for the guests i wanted you to feel like real hamptons in here you know

honestly are you wearing an espadrille do you have on a wedge sandal not today no okay do you have a straw bag no actually but i have a mint bag that's not the same people that feels very jitney people in the hamptons don't wear backpacks this is like a drawstring type situation yes yes yes but they don't wear backpacks in the in the hamptons you'll be you'll be surprised if it's a label on it they'll definitely be wearing it since they do like gucci backpack they do like a straw if you drop it too fast, it will break a bag. You know what I mean?

Okay. Like a circle Chanel woven bag. Or that Bloomingdale's brown bag. Do they use that? That falls apart as well. I think poor people do that. Poor people reuse bags. Yo, I used to do it.

Yo, my mother used to put my things in a Bloomingdale's big bag when I would go to high school. And she's like, people are going to think you have money with this. I'm like, no, they're gonna think i'm four yeah only poor people do that no but she's like no this is like a

prestigious place to shop so how long would you reuse the bag for oh man sis till it was like creased and wrinkled and ripping i'll be taping the the handles honestly i feel like your mom uh lied to you i was like ramona you're doing a lot she's like this is a status a status item like a brown paper bag my mom had like a black canvas lord and taylor bag oh yeah and i felt like money when i had that on the totes but like i had never been to lord and taylor in my life why would you you were young lord and taylor's for an old ass woman trying to get some business uh work clothes trying to get a blazer with a shoulder pad oh my god a work blazer i think they're just called blazers no it's there's a difference between a

blazer and a work blazer what's a casual blazer a casual blaze there's a blazer that you're like oh you know i want you to think that i'm doing things in the day but i'm not and then there's the blazer that no i've been i've been by the fax machine for weeks that's just the blazer two different type of blazers son okay well you guys sound off in the in the comments or send us a message is there something with different types of blazers one blazer pocket is real the other one is sewn shut yeah i hear what you're saying that's a casual blazer cindy what the hell were you an expert in this oh my god girl trusting my instincts okay trusting my instincts that's a good one so i'm you know i was at home doing a lot of work or whatever and i was like oh you know what i want to

just like making my way down down to rainbow i wanted to go to rainbow and i was like i wanted to go did you sing the song on the way to rainbow i was like i'm gonna go to rainbow uh-huh but i was like hmm should i put a face on should i get done i was like i am going to the city maybe i should i was like yeah but it's like i'm just going to rainbow why am i doing that i shouldn't do it but go into the city to go to rainbow i didn't even know that there were rainbows in manhattan there i thought that was like a brooklyn queen staten island thing bronx department store there's rainbows everywhere sis wow anyway i was i trust my instincts i was like no girl get done you're going to listen you're going out of your house be ready you never know neighborhood it

might be a casting director you never know okay uh-huh be prepared sure so i had like a little boot on i have my face a little dewy look uh-huh you have no makeup makeup oh oh i love a no makeup makeup like just eyebrows like everything else i was like i'm just gonna do my eyebrows real well dry brows done yeah okay uh-huh so right when i fucking get on the train i'm i'm feeling good about how i look or whatever and then i look up and somebody i hooked up with seven years ago was on the train. Seven years ago? Seven years ago.

Where was I seven years ago? You know why, wait, hold on. You know why I know exactly seven years ago? Because he told me. Because I had no idea. I didn't remember him at all. This man was inside me and I could not place the time.

I was like, where were we? At your house? My house? Oh my God. In a basement? Where were we? But he was like, yeah. Don't you remember?

I was like, no. No. Do you know how terrible it is If you're like I don't know That you've been inside me but you definitely Have been inside me And you know where I used to He's like yeah you used to live on 127th

And I was like oh shit You was in my house Sis Well how did he look people want to know He looked alright he looked okay But like I looked amazing But you were going to rainbow But he didn't know that

But I was just like fuck man like i thought after seven years the person you had sex is dead like they don't shouldn't be alive anymore i shouldn't be able to see you walking freely and you shouldn't be doing well after me yeah you're without me but imagine if i went away like bare face straggly dusty musty going a rainbow oh my god even like you don't be looking straggly or dusty i mean you'd be musty but you don't be dusty but i was so glad that i looked good he's like oh somebody was telling me that you do comedy now who is this somebody who are these others i don't know girls you know as soon as you get on time out magazine you out here people know who you are shout out to david goldberg

yeah i was just like oh why are you why are you on this train dude he's like yeah i live in bushwick i was like oh you have to move you have to i can't just see another person that has been inside me oh i hate new york it's too much it's so big but so small it is it's only small when you have sex with people so you're gonna be a nun marie that's what i'm like you want to hoe it up make sure you go like check your vicinity look at the map and then see where you want to plan out where you're gonna get your dick honestly i feel like for the rest of the hostentennial it just needs to be off the same train line as mine like it's gonna be like i'll take the q into the city Or the B into the city

But I just I don't want to Transfer trains for dick But imagine you being On the train And three of your penises Is on the same car Oh my god

You know I'm not good With faces or names sis I will pretend I don't see them Because I don't Remember them Oh but they're going To come up to you

And I'm going to be like Where? And he's like You live on Ocean Avenue No I'm going to be like I don't have any money Sorry I don't have any change I'm sorry

I don't know i'm listening to my music sorry bye well we had a show last night and this guy was like because you know again i can't remember people's faces and this guy came up and was like have you guys started yet and i was like no and i couldn't place him but he looked familiar to me and i think it was the dude who came to the first show and was like you have until 5 p.m to text me or i want to Ask somebody else out. I think it was that creepy white man that came to the show last night,

stayed for a moment, and then left. Because he didn't stay for the whole thing. And I was like, is this the man? I don't know, girl. That I banned from my vagina? I don't know. That's why we need security at all times. You know who we are?

We in Time Out magazine. Shout out to David Goldberg. Marie, what were you an expert in this week? What was I an expert in this week? honestly i was an expert at bringing my family together to see a mediocre movie what movie was it um quiet place i'm i feel some type of way that i wasn't invited to this family gathering well you're not related to us by blood i am related though you didn't come out of my mom or my aunt's vagina yeah but but your mom loves me as if i was a daughter yeah my mom just likes

all her kids she don't love any of us she likes us as a friend you're so haitian it's ridiculous honestly that's i'm okay my mom probably might like you more than like my sister oh my god i can't wait to come over and have that black rice again wow so y'all went to the movies and it was trash movies i like set it all up uh we went we did a matinee we're all in a group chat together that i had to mute because they they be john i know you're listening y'all just be y'all be texting too much um and my sister was like what's the move because i hate planning stuff for groups of people but the reviews for this movie have been so good so i went we went to see it at 11 15 in the morning we got to this theater there's three other people there and my brother's

like oh i'm gonna be as loud as i want to be he got there like a cool 10 minutes late but your brother is loud he is like it doesn't matter if there's three people or 500 people he's gonna be loud he was like putting on he was performing yesterday and then my cousin was like i gotta jump on a call for work and he went out into the hall and we could hear the whole conversation and because the movie was called a quiet place it's there's no talking in the movie and he's like yeah okay well what's up okay well tell brian i'm a beat like loud screaming why would you go see that movie chatting you should have saw i feel pretty that's what i want to see oh no let's go see that okay well only if we can mandate it yeah let's do

it you want to do it only if you pay for me damn marie we have to take the money out the patreon okay speaking of i feel pretty our guest today is gore josh gorgeous gorgeous oh my gosh she's iconic she's everything that you would want in a performer and a friend yes okay and maybe a lover in the lover, maybe? Oh, I can see her in the bedroom. Okay. I feel like you're

the type of person that keep, like, an off-the-shoulder shirt on while you're having sex. What? Real classy. Just, like, clavicles and vagina.

But then she, like, she peels the whole thing down from the shoulders. Uh-huh. She doesn't go over the head. No. She just goes down. Yeah.

And then you touch her. She's like, don't touch me. She's like, not there. Not there. No, no, no, no. Not here.

Okay. Our guest today is a comedian, is also a singer, an activist, a philanthropist, a sister, a daughter, a mother, and a dad. Give it up for our sorority expert, Catherine Cohen. Hi, Catherine. Oh my God, I'm so thrilled to be here. Oh, this voice. Wait, I was motioning earlier because I wanted to know why someone told you they had to text you by 5 p.m. Okay, so this guy came to the show.

we thought he was rich right we just thought he had money because he had marrows on he had on the marrows like an ugly what is that that's like it's a white man jordan pretty much okay so it's like an ugly hiking sneaker that white men wear casually i understand okay where are you going exactly so we thought he had money i gave him my number and then after i give him my number he like reaches behind the couch and pulls out like he had a bunch of art supplies and i was like oh he's an artist he's poor he had a knapsack but he had been texting me he had been calling me he called me a couple times i'm like who called in 2018 like that's gross right obviously he's a killer and he he sent me a text and was like uh let's go out and i was like i hadn't responded

and he was like you have until 5 p.m to respond or i'm gonna ask somebody else okay you should have been asked somebody else i was like i'm concerned but i think he was at the show last night and just like oh my god hey marie and i'm like hi and i'm like do i know him oh no oh i love you shady bitch i love it you can't remember but you also shady so even if you did remember you would still act like that you know this morning i was scrolling through insta and i was like oh that person's cute so i click on him i was like oh i've had sex with him oh shit so people really come back to haunt you in ways you aren't ready for do you follow this person on instagram still? No. But you know if you see

someone and you're like, what's there? And you kind of click on their profile. Explore page? No, no, no. You're just sort of scrolling through the feed. Maybe they're a friend of a friend of a friend. Yes, yes. I get lost in Instagram. Yeah, you're really in it. You're in it. Oh, God. Right off the bat, revealing the crazy. Oh, no, no, no. No, listen. You have such a great voice. Yes.

The crazy doesn't even sound. It's not sexy. You know, I was going to say, I could also be, I'm also an expert on vocal health. You were mentioning your sort of rasp. I've been through it. What vocal health? I mean, are there T's? So in college, I had a vocal polyp, which is like a blister on your vocal cords. So I had to go to vocal therapy.

A polyp, like herpes? No. Throat herpes. I mean, I'm such a hypochondriac. I once was having this meltdown with my singing teacher. I was like scared that I was going to get HPV in my throat. Oh, my God. Because I obviously have it down below.

Cheers. Is that something that'll happen? Cheers. Does it shift to the throat? No, no, I was like just feverishly in the deep, dark circles of WebMD being like, what if this happens? Where I'm not allowed to do that anymore. Yeah.

I'm not allowed to go on that website. It should be blocked. I'm not allowed. Yeah. Anyways, I had a, so I did vocal therapy and then this past summer I had a vocal hemorrhage. What the fuck is that? All of this sounds so disgusting. That is where your vocal cord, it's almost like a bruise, but it like starts bleeding

a little bit. Cause you like, and I got it from coughing when I was driving on a road trip. From coughing? Where did you go on this road trip? Let me tell you, I was, it was just sort of a perfect storm of being dehydrated, exhausted. Oh, y'all were partying. Okay, got it. Somali.

And I have to say that I was sort of coughing. I acknowledged that I was coughing in a way that was because I wanted someone to say, are you okay? So you were fake coughing. I was sort of over coughing and the good Lord was like, no, bitch. He was like, here's some blood on your throat. So what happens when that happens? That's crazy. That basically, it's almost better because you don't have to do therapy.

You basically just have to not talk for an entire week. So I did a week of silence this summer. A week? Marie, can you do that? A whole week, bitch? Remember when I thought I had bronchitis and I just kept screaming? No, Marie, that hurts me to hear. I just kept screaming.

I was like, I'm going to do all these shows. Oh, my God. Yeah, so I did a full week of silence. I was an absolute delight to be with. i was just sort of i instead of laughing i would just clap and i would just nod so emphatically that i was like hitting my head on surfaces left and right did you write notes were you yeah i downloaded this really funny app where like this british woman says what you type so it's just like marie i think you should do that for a day i was i can't do a week yeah i was out

with my boyfriend thank you so much to the fans and um i said something like i'm glad we're having fun even though i can't i can't speak and it was like i'm glad we are having fun even though i cannot speak this little thing so now forever i'm just like even though i cannot speak oh it sounds like the sex doll yeah sort of what's the app um this is it's just some sort of like text to speech app oh okay but i want the british lady i want a british man i think the default is a british woman and you can maybe maybe change morgan freeman so you have a man so you didn't have to go through that alone no i couldn't i can't imagine going through it alone if you didn't have i would have gone completely crazy i also um had this sort of wealthy friend whose parents have a home and

summer home in connecticut summer home and i called her i was like i need to go there so i went with her parents she didn't come it was me and her parents a weekend of silence in the country damn marie that is some caucasian behavior do we have anybody we could just call up and be like i need to get away for i don't have a single friend with a summer home no summer they barely have a home everyone that i know who has a home lives in that home yeah with other people yeah several people roommates so let's talk about let's talk about sororities right yeah that's where i'm coming from where did you go to college so i went to princeton godly you're so prestigious let me tell you this so that's actually not why i'm an expert although i was so here i'll walk you

through it so i'm from texas originally so that's why i know like the sorority sorority sort of scene then when i went to princeton they have sort of an unofficial sorority system okay but they also have this thing called eating clubs what it's sort of cuckoo let me walk everybody's like super thick so you have um it's basically this street with these like 10 big houses that are these sort of co-ed brats where you eat your meals and where all the parties are okay so that's like the real core of like the social scene there and then on top of that there are these sort of like gentle fraternity sororities that aren't officially recognized by the university gentle i've never heard of fraternity or sorority as gentle they're kind of like these lame

there's some lame versions of sororities but i was basically in one for like a year and then sort of teetered off okay in this gentle eating club yeah gentle so how dry was it no no no everyone was drunk all the time oh everybody was drunk all the time yeah but it was like you know you'd go to an event i would go maybe like once every two months it wasn't like these are my sisters this is my life whereas when you're at ut or whatever in the south it's like this is my family i never leave this house it's just complete crazy well you said that you knew a lot about it when you were in texas well how are those sororities like like in the movies it's it's like in the movies like so my friends from home who were going to these big state

schools were prepping for their rush week so what is it what is a rush week so when you get on campus like the week before school starts you basically have a week where you go to all these events for different sororities to see which one you want to join and then you go through the rush process which is i guess like a series of like interviews and events and determine and hazing determine if you're worthy of being a sister worthy wow marie did you do that when you went no but my roommate holly did oh yeah she pledged and she her rush week she first of all i feel like she didn't shower for like the entire oh my god she had no time and she um they would make her do like really dumb stuff like stay up late and go to the supermarket to buy uh what's the cereals

that have letters alphabet alphabets or something and they had to like spell stuff out lucky no that's something they had to like spell something out she had to spell something out with like all the o's or something oh god and the girls had gone to the supermarket the supermarkets around campus and bought all the alphabet cereal except for one box so all the girls that were rushing were like like fighting for this box of cereal what that's sad i don't know she was doing a lot of cocaine too so okay okay you did tell me that story about that she didn't shower for a week and i would see her and she'd be like i haven't i haven't been to bed in several days and i was like holly you look crazy and then she'd be like she'd do a bump and be like i'm going to class

and then she she crossed over or whatever and she was like this is great i love my sisters and i was like they sound like they abused you for a week yeah i feel like one of the craziest things about getting into one of those sororities too is you have alums of the sorority write letters like letters of recommendation is if you're like applying to college again oh so my mom was in a sorority and she'll have tons and tons of people every year ask her to like write them these letters being like, Chloe will make an amazing sister. Like I've known her since she was a child. She should be in the family. It's just wild. What?

Wait, is your mom still close with her sisters, her sorority sisters? I think maybe she sees them like once every few years. She works all the time. She doesn't, she's not really like. You said your mother what? She works. Oh, you hear that? She's like a business bitch. Her mother works.

What is your mom's name? My mom's name is Lisa. Okay. She's amazing. What does Lisa do? She works in oil and gas. She's a treasurer. Lisa got money.

Wait. Oil and gas? Catherine, are you the richest person that's ever sat on this couch? No. I feel like, yeah. Oil and gas? Oil and gas. That doesn't make any sense, Catherine.

She got Abu Dhabi money. I don't know the full extent of what she does, but I know that she's always flying around. Okay. Lots of money. So when she's not doing that, she's just at home on the couch chilling alone. She doesn't want to see anyone. Frequent flyer miles. She has like a cashmere

snuggie. Your mom doesn't lounge in like poor people clothes. She lounges in this pair of pajamas that I got her like six years ago that she wears like every day. Isn't that the cutest thing you've ever heard? Yeah, but they're like probably Prada like pajamas. They're from Anthro. Anthropology.

Yeah, it's pretty much Prada. Pretty much Prada. That's their tagline on their website. Pretty much Prada. okay so your mother you're adjacent your mother grew up in in the sorority so yeah she's from houston as well that's where i grew up but you don't have a twang no no no no no you went this is a vocal coach that you went to well houston's such a big city so it's not all like it's not super twangy but also my dad's from new jersey so i have that influence okay that northeast vibe yeah he's like jewish like affluent i feel the affluent from your voice yeah affluenza

so i wanted to know like what what drew you to like oh joining one yeah because you got to be a certain type of person to want that well lifestyle yeah because i felt like i wanted to be a delta and then i was like no i don't want to do it it looks like a lot of work yeah i think the main thing was just where i grew up like every single person was in one so i just went to school like oh yeah i'll join one and it's a great way to meet people when you don't know anyone but then once you college is you don't know anybody when you get there i know but then like when you join a group then you automatically have people being like this is the thing to go to whereas when you're a freshman kind of scrambling you're like we're gonna go to the dining hall for like

the cookie night and i'm like that's not where i want to be no i want to be at like the party at the club let me tell you when i first started college i had like a von dutch hat on i had converse i looked so cool super cool those white people didn't know what to do they were like we need you yo i met seniors immediately the first von dutch like i had that von dutch trucker hat they were like you oh my god we need you at the party now we know we know you're gonna do 99 apples and bananas at the same damn time remember 99 apples the liquor no oh damn katherine she went to princeton they're drinking they don't drink that shit drinking like gin martinis or no we drank just everything in sight it was there was no 99 apples in there there's no black people

there that's why they're there she said they're there they're there how many if you can count them yes because she literally was like um there was charles and shatasia all right what did you go to princeton for uh for kicks for fun for kicks um no my major was english so for nothing just to literally to hang out wow you really went to college for for fun yeah when i got in i was like oh i can relax because i was such a psycho in high school about like my grades and stuff so when i got i was like i'm just gonna enjoy myself and that's what i did first of all i want to know how late how great were your grades to get into princeton they had to be amazing they're just the top just the top like casually it's i was the most obnoxious person you've ever met in

your life like in all my classes i was just like in the front like and if i didn't understand something i would just make this face they'd be like explain it like i was uh you would not have liked me at all like no one no i was not did you wear glasses no perfect vision but thank you oh my god i just i feel like you were in the front row with like fake glasses just like yes just to look smarter no i was just like sort of chubby like hair tied back in my uniform like but with a scrunchie like a thick yes just it was bleak and then you came and then you became this then i tried to blossom No, you definitely blossomed. It takes time, you know.

Were you always like hot and cool? No, bitch. Are you serious? The reason why I have personality and funny is because I used to be like a ragged duckling duck. I saw a picture you posted of young you and you look 50 years older than you are now. Damn, bitch. Don't you think? No.

Wow. Did you just come in my podcast and read me? She was like, don't you think? I mean, you look so young and hot. Wow. She said you look 50 years older than you look now. I feel like that's that sorority shade right there. I was trying to give you a compliment.

Oh, no. Can we take a step? She didn't say 50 years old. She said 50 years older than you look now. So like 80. Fuck you, Marie. You look 80. Fuck you, bitch.

I feel like it was the bifocals. I mean, you look a cool 18 now. And then you look, you know. 50 years older than that. Well, it's 40. that urban life is like it wears and tears on the children you know like you you're working kids hardcore with that urban lifestyle when i say urban it's just like the city like the city life but you're in the city now and you look younger she's saying because i don't do shit that's what

it is i'm not i don't have a job you look moisturized yeah she uses a toner i do use a toner thank you guys she shows up at the show in like a tailored outfit head to toe it was made for her body she'll show up in a boot like a heel don't listen to marie first of all y'all bitches both come in with a sequins catsuit yeah yes but that's for certain shows that's for like my show you show up to a regular show in a like a dress blazer a dressy blazer well i feel like it's important to put your best foot forward even if your shoe is from Rainbow. I really feel like it's important. I couldn't agree more.

I'm not doing that much laundry for the week. Y'all not getting me in new clothes. You're getting me in repeated outfits. I re-wear. I just re-wear. But you always look good, Catherine. Thank you. You always look well put together. It always looks like you thought about the look.

I do a lot of H&M, head to toe. And then maybe a fun statement piece. A statement piece. And what are statements? Like a bib necklace. Maybe something you'd find at a thrift. Do you know what I mean?

Like one of those expensive retail shops. Like a brooch? Like something's old, but it's like $80. But you're like, oh, it's cool, though. I'm going to buy it. You do a lot of consignment shops? I like that, yeah. You do a lot of like cool leather jackets.

Yes. So what is your summertime? Like what's your summertime style? I don't love the summer. I have to be clear about that. Really, Catherine? I really feel like you would thrive in the summer. My thighs, they rub together so much.

and it's just so they sell these bands that you're supposed to like put on your thighs that like it's supposed to i know that's sad i just like to like do a little deodorant swipe or something yeah yeah my thighs rub together yeah i just don't i don't like being hot like i get really moody and difficult i can see you being one of those people they're like can i speak to the manager oh yeah i'm always crying on the trains i'm like how is it this slow i'm just like i need to sit when steven and i get on the train he knows oh it's ripped out my ear he knows that i'm sitting and he's not and he's just well that should always be like yeah he's a man well when you guys go out on dates and it's like the booth or the chair do you ask where he

wants to sit or do you just sit where you want to sit no i get i do what i want you look like you do what you want it might be that sorority life yeah low key i know i yeah i just i want to know more about you as a girlfriend at this point oh really did you did you date while you were in the sorority yes we'll talk about it okay this is a good story messy story please yeah i had um i'm a horrible girlfriend but no i had this amazing boyfriend um for a while in college and why was he amazing he had like money in his like i don't know nice hot tall checking the boxes you know what i mean yes so i took him to the theta formal the theta formal what's that it's like an event where it doesn't sound fun at all they get you they pick you up on campus in like a

bus and they take you to this like sculpture garden where they have this party set up with like open bar and a dance floor and stuff wait so what was the sorority that you were in it was called theta theta theta okay what's the colors black and gold black and gold yeah so i take him to the formal we have fun we get really drunk on the way home the bus like gets lost from the sculpture garden to campus oh it's time to fuck that sounds like a scary movie no it's time to fuck it's the opposite of that it's time to fuck yo we lost in the woods everybody pull everyone's gonna die it's time to make out city's like orgy buzz yeah trying to whip it out no whip them titties out yo no flash everybody this does not go that way

i'm like i have to pee i've had like a hundred vodka sodas i'm like i have to pee so bad and i'm like does anyone have something i can pee in like i i'm not gonna make it So this sweet man has this, like, finds this plastic cup on the floor. Your boyfriend? My boyfriend. A little solo cup. Yeah. Well, so I start peeing in the solo cup.

Okay. It's broken. There's a, you know, it was like one of those clear plastic cups that, like, kind of, like, splits sometimes. So I'm kidding you that. Oh, my God. I mean, like, you have to stop. Like, the cup's broken. So I have to stop.

You know, you can't stop mid-pee. When you're drunk and you're peeing and you stop. Oh, it's coming out. It don't stop. Yeah, because it's, like, gross. rushing out so i then proceed to hold it we finally get back to campus i've already developed the uti like it's too late it's done but then because we're so drunk i'm like let's have shower sex oh so then we have like i have sex on this uti and the next morning i'm just like so much

you're screaming everything's broken wait you develop a uti that fast from not something happened not from not peeing and then immediately like having sex in this it was just so messy there's a lot going on okay it was messy and then the next morning i'm like i have to go to the student health center whatever but then that night i had to like sing in this concert but i was so uncomfortable that i was like sprinting from the bathroom in between songs it was just terrible well it's a uti it just it just hurts when you pee but it also feels like you have to pee all the time oh that happened to me once i got one uti yeah i only had like that bad the one time so that's all i got bad the one time like less bad other times oh everything down here for me

is just broken yo i had a one time because i was a i was a junior and i hooked up with a freshman and he rabbit penis it was oh my god i was like why would you ever have sex with anybody this age i said throw them all away in the trash throw them away it was like and i didn't know how to say like this is garbage but there was definitely a time where i looked at him like dude just hurry up you were a junior and he was a freshman why i don't know did he have on a von dutcher i don't know girl i was just like in a bad place yeah i had to be in a bad place if i was having sex was a freshman honestly i know and like he looked like he could play basketball but also look like he could just be watching basketball i never hooked up with somebody who was younger than me

really like like oh because marie's been 21 for like no it's just something that it's just a preference of mine like i just i feel like i never hooked up because i i lost my virginity when i was on my 18th birthday so 17 18 thank you so much uh so just a couple years ago and uh the dude that i lost it to was like i don't know he's like 24 or something like that um he was 30 she's lying no he was young but i'm saying that like i i don't have the i don't have the experience of hooking up with an 18 year old because i don't know what that's like but i feel like the sex is all bad it's so like traumatizing i was traumatized i was like i never want to have any type of penis like this ever again and now i'm a lesbian so it's great yeah it's like i

literally will never have that i mean but you could you skipped like 10 years of like thanks your sexual wow marie like you were you were working these streets shut the fuck up okay Thank you. Catherine, were you working these streets? Oh, yes. Let's talk about the streets. I've been all over the place. Let's talk about it.

I feel like it's hard to tell. You can't always know if someone's going to be good at sex. No. And sometimes you're surprised when they're good. Sometimes in a good way, you're like, oh, my God, you? Yeah. And then sometimes it's so easy to be better than this. Yeah, but even if they are good, then they start talking,

and you're like, oh, man. You don't like to talk? Some of them, just the conversation, the things that they say. Oh, I thought you meant in bed. No, no, no, no. No, no, no. It's not worth that. In bed.

Who's having conversations in bed? Well, he has all his business blazers. I guess we're going to talk. Well, I hooked up with this girl that was like, I thought she was cool. I thought she was hot. And then she came back to my place, and I could tell she was nervous. And I was like, listen, I'm not the best at this either. It's OK.

We don't need to act cool. but then she started talking like throughout the whole thing and i was like okay well what was she saying was she like asking you if you liked it or if it was good or what you wanted or was she like it was like dirty talk slash conversational talk no what kind of conversational talk it was kind of like so like i felt like tonight was really good right and i was like wow you're doing it oh no no fish come on no fish i was like no thank you just can we just quietly do this and be awkward and just be in the awkwardness and that's it but i feel like if you're having sex with a woman you're going to be talking to them because women are like what are you thinking

about right now no how are you feeling are you gonna call me later should we do brunch we do brunch tomorrow no it's not like that i think she just was very weird and awkward but also we were really drunk so it was kind of like what was attracting you to her in the first place um jello shots okay oh okay jello shots did you have a lot of that in sororities did you have like just drinks so you were just like what the fuck am i doing yeah all kinds of bowls full of punches and all that and bowls are bad because jungle juice bowls are bad because you could get like herpes from that oh god yeah because you're like uh sharing it's like a big it's like a big bowl of drink that people but i don't think a bowl no i thought a bowl i thought

they were like you were scooping the cup into the bowl you were just drinking out the bowl i'm thinking like i'm thinking like a fish bowl like you know bobbing for apples in there you have like several straws oh no not that that's what i'm thinking she's not talking about dallas bbqs Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what I thought. It's a house party. There's bowls of punch. You know, yeah, dunking the cup in. And you are okay with these bowls, even though there's predators out there doing like... I was so dumb. I don't remember. I don't remember.

I just wanted people to like me. I just wanted people to want to hook up with me. I was doing it all. I wasn't this, you know, confident... The woman that you are. The goddess that you are, yes. No, no, no. so my question is did you ever like go to a party where you did too much and woke up one day and you were like because we've all been to parties when you you drink too much and then you're like well

what happened did you ever do that like at a sorority party or a friend that was like every weekend in college and then you look and you're like who the hell is that and after i'm like yes i've done that all the time um oh well actually what's interesting so because i'm this is uh dark yes since i'm from houston and i was right went to these like christian schools and i got really into my youth group and i was like went to this like evangelical camp in arkansas and i was convinced i was like saving myself for marriage growing up i'm sorry it actually was good because that meant that throughout college i was kissing everyone but i wasn't always spending the night until i got the boyfriend and then everything went out the window but it i think it protected

me even though it also stunted my my growth i don't think that you gotta just i didn't go through a whole phase in college i don't think that you have to bang everybody in college i don't think you it stunted your growth no i just mean like it like the shame and everything that you have to get over once you're when you've been raised in that environment it's like it's bleak i have no shame none i think i had some shame i think i still kind of had some shame i think so too marie oh let's dive in yeah i mean were you raised religious yeah my parents are pretty religious so religious extra religious like marie shouldn't even be my friend with my gay ass like that i'd be like sitting in her girlfriend and my mom's like her girlfriend like my mom doesn't get it

do you talk about like sex stuff on stage no i don't talk about sex at all girl we literally this is four years of like us being almost together almost every day we finally divulged a little bit i still don't know shit yes yes because this is my whole year yeah it's the oh that's great you need that but i'm just going through my whole phase and it's not even really a whole phase it's it's real dry i'm like girl i'm living through you i do sydney's like well it's gonna get warm out so you can just yes people are gonna go nuts i'm excited for the summer because I feel like that you're going to just be going on dates and then there's like

the frying pan. You ever been to the frying pan? Where's that? It's on the West Side Highway and it's like The West Side Highway. It's on the highway. It's by the pier. It's by the pier. It's like a docked boat.

And you can have like oysters, shrimp. Yeah, let's go. And then like a whole bunch of people, like after work people go and like people have like white wine and beers and it's a cool place to It's just a boat to have oysters and get drunk on. And meet people. It'd be packed.

That sounds great. It'd be packed. There's like a wait. Some people wait to get on this damper. When was the last time you went to the frying pan, dude? Because it might have been 2008, for all we know. It could have been before the recession. Honestly?

I think I went when I was wearing those Juicy Couture sweatpants. Those tear cloths. You went to the West Side Highway frying pan in a Juicy Couture sweatpants? Yo. That's 2006. But it was so many people and so many dudes that I was like, Marie, I really feel like you could thrive here. Yeah, but that was like mad years ago.

I still feel like it's Catherine. I mean, you're in a relationship, but I feel like we can take this trip and just like see what's out there for me. I would love to. I want to pick some, I don't want to pick somebody for you, but I just want you. I also don't want you to pick somebody for me. She's going to be like, look at him.

He has all his teeth. And I'm going to be like, but he's also a small person. but to have a hoe face you have to want that hoe face you can't force it she's not forcing i don't think you're forcing oh i don't force anything no i feel like you know you're i feel like you're easing into it but you're also picky as hell what i feel like what that's good that's good you gotta be picky i mean i don't want to sleep with a troll for years i've been there i know i'm like i don't need to go there we've done it for both for everyone honestly as a friend. I feel like

you've been through it just being my friend. Catherine, what's the grossest person you ever hooked up with? Yeah, let's do that. Oh God, there's so many. I'm trying to think what a good story would be to tell. I hooked up with someone in the bathroom of a hotel

That's classy. No, it wasn't. Whose hotel? It was my 20th birthday in London. wait no that is classy that sounds classy he had an accent no I wish it was don't remember

that's why I have no no memory of it well I think the thing about memory is like when you get older you lose it and sometimes it has nothing to do with just the drinking it's just you wouldn't remember anything she was 20

that was like three years ago exactly thank you so honestly it's just I'm bad at memory like right now like anything that happened in college it had to be so prominent that i that that's the only way i can remember i can't yeah i can't remember what happened last week bitch like how the hell am i supposed to remember from like when i was 20 i also like i'm not good at having sex in like fun places it's like no i want to be laying down like i'm not gonna come if i'm like standing

against a wall i don't on sitting on the sink no so i feel like in this bathroom i was like trying to like lay on the floor lay on the floor of a hotel bathroom katherine it's all a blurb i feel like i was you're better than that i was young your mother is in gas and oil okay gas and oil i hope no one listens to everyone is listening literally thousands of people katherine you're here for sorority i feel like there's some more stories i feel like i'm unraveling what's the what was the pledge process like for your let me remember um mine was really mild it was just like people giving me cupcakes and me getting people cupcakes that's it that's it i had to wear like this crazy penguin costume one night when we went out and i that was i famously like made out with

someone on this pool table in this penguin costume and like everyone saw and was like laughing about it but i didn't know they were laughing at me anyways that guy's gay now so oh my god now or that guy was gay then thank you so your penguin body was like hey sir i know he's trying and you were like hi and he was like oh why what but i don't understand about sororities and fraternities why is what is the hazing process about why is it about humiliating people yeah it's why would you want to bring people in by humiliating them because it's funny to us is it if i'm already in it and i've already been hazed and i'm gonna haze the crap out of you okay i want to make this entertaining i don't think anyone should be in a sorority or a fraternity i think they're insane

i think they're so stupid i think that people without interests want to meet people and they find that doing shitty things will bring them together which i think if you go through a shared experience maybe it does but it's based on nothing it's based on no true part of yourself but it's all but they they're really big on like the sisterhood the brotherhood like what i i'm i don't get it people just want to belong well what are the benefits of being in a sorority yeah what's the benefits it's like after college it's like you get a job because this person was also and it's like what no i think if you're in like a big legit one then you do have connections like oh the governor of texas or whatever it was like in my fraternity so i can get a job like i think

there are a lot of connections like that yeah but if i text the governor or if i send a letter or an email to the governor of texas and i'm like oh i was in this frat or the sorority he's gonna be like cool let me write you a letter probably they take it so seriously down there really it's crazy the whole other world i don't i don't even talk to anybody from college i speak to one guy and every time i speak to him he's like remember that time in your dorm when you got drunk and we're listening to mariah like he remembers things and i'm like i think you're making that up every time we speak he says something and i'm like that's not a real memory I'm meeting up with my friend

from college. Her name is Amanda. Hey, Amanda. Hey, Amanda Davis. I love you. It's about to be her birthday. I haven't seen her in years. I'm going to her birthday party. And this was like a near dear friend.

She was like basically Marie level type friend. And she had a baby. And that's when she fell off. She disappeared. She's dead to us. Sorry, Amanda. No, no, no. know i think it was because i was in another phase too in my life because sometimes you don't even

have to have a kid or a boyfriend for people to just like split now you have a kid we not really cool but it's fascinating how people kind of just they just die separate they have a baby and it's like oh my god remember valerie she's like dead now when you have a baby you die and then you are reincarnated as a babysitter for 50 to 60 years oh that's what it is catherine you become a full-time babysitter and you don't have a life are you excited about that absolutely not no babies yeah actually the only reason i wanted to have a kid is two reasons one because i wanted to see a little version of myself okay we don't need to see your brother we have a version of you your brother who's he's not a little bit he's bigger than me and he's older than me but a little version

like a little one that's like that does like the same things that i do doesn't necessarily look like me just like like a clown right or a clown a clown yeah so that that was one that was one of the reasons why i wanted to have a kid and then the second reason is because my mother likes children and she i feel like she'd be a cool grandma she would be but like it's not because like i want to procreate like it's not because i'm like oh there's a burning desire in me to imagine you fucking pregnant marie oh my god i would be so dramatic it'd be so funny i go on training be like oh i need to sit down i'm like three days pregnant oh i'm sick and you would be yelling at everybody i'd make everybody just say i'm pregnant and we're like no ma'am we feel

like you have abs it'd be like it looks like you just had a big lunch yeah i'm like oh there's a there are twins in here the twins i feel like if i have kids it'll be because like like in a kylie jenner way it's like i have everything in the world what more could i want oh i'll have a kid like for fun like as a joke as a 20 year old okay yeah she already has the whole world like i'm climbing the ladder you know i want to be a big success and once i am i'll be like okay yeah you're on your way katherine you're ready you're doing bonnaroo this freaking summer thank you big deal for the listeners what's bonnaroo it's a festival it's like it's a music it's a big music festival like in the middle of tennessee you're singing i'm gonna uh sing

They have a comedy tent now, which I think is a new-ish thing. So I'll do, yeah, songs and stand-up. When is Bonnaroo? June 7th through 10th. It's going to be hot as fuck. You're going to be sweating. I'm going to be swiping these thighs. Your little curls, your little baby hairs.

That's the other reason why I don't like summer is because my hair gets so big. It's just unmanageable. Your hair is beautiful, though. What's the problem with big hair, Catherine? It's hard to do it. We are out here thriving. I know. Me and my hair and my ponytail.

Your hair does look amazing. I think I'm going to braid it all down this summer And do like a tapered wig Like a tapered Like a short wig You're going to do a short wig I think I'm going to do a short Like brush the shoulders

Curl under the ears You're going to do like Angela Bassett Like when she cut all her hair off And wait to exhale It's going to be a different cut I'm going to find a photo and I'm going to attach it to this episode Are you going to look like Like you're in front of the desk

you're gonna be front office desk manager listen you think it's gonna be maybe it'll be like a blunt short bob i'm gonna get a mushroom cut for the summer i love that thank you so much what would you call this cut you have it's a long bob it's a lob i was gonna say that's a lob it's packaged hair girl that's what it's called so alza was at our show last night and he was like is that the same wig that city's wearing or does she have a collection of those wigs and i was like It's a different wig. It's $30. How many wigs do you have?

Oh, too many. Oh, my God. So freaking many. Hundreds of wigs. So many. And I spend so much money. So hopefully, you know, we could do some things where we could get some, like... Quality hair.

Yeah. I would love anybody who's listening who has that hair plug. Not hair plugs. Hair plug. The hair connect. Connect. I would love it. That's what I want.

I mean... We should be sponsored. We should be sponsored, Catherine. i feel like you have people in your sorority or people that you know that sell hair yeah i'll go through my phone book see which one of which of the thetas sell hair now i feel like you have a rolodex of things so unfortunately though i basically like left my sorority after my freshman year so i don't have those bonds anymore why did you leave because it was i didn't really like it i'm glad that you were put your foot down and you were like no no i started meeting like the

theater people and fell into my acapella group and i found community in other places well i think when i think of sororities that are fun i don't think ivy league colleges have fun sororities no no it was just a way to meet people when i first stepped on campus so you used that i used them for sure free cupcakes passes to clubs free cupcakes was like your haze week that yeah well i told you it was gentle it wasn't like a real sorority princeton do better that's all i gotta say to princeton i feel like when i think sorority i think like sarah michelle geller in cruel intentions oh my god meets like everything that uh was happening in uh legally blonde wait was she in a sorority yes she was but wait

she was in croulington she was in a sorority they were like they went to like a boarding school or something or a private school they went to the gut was were they in high school They were so grown They were in high school They were so grown That movie like ruined my life Yeah they were doing coke and anal I was like yo white rich people are wild

Who was doing anal in Cruel Intentions Everyone Everybody Constantly Cause she was Sarah Michelle Gellar was like a virgin or something like that She was having sex throughout the entire movie I think it was like butt sex With her violin teacher or whatever

No that was Selma Blair Oh no Selma Blair Cheers to Selma Blair That was an iconic movie, though. Yes, but how far has Selma Blair fallen? She played Kris Jenner in the O.J. Simpson movie. Oh, my God. I forgot about that.

That was the rudest role you could possibly give somebody. I was like, what? Kris Jenner. I mean, she looked like her. That series was amazing. I really enjoyed it. But Selma Blair looks much better. I said, well, good for y'all acting.

But it was young Kris Jenner. Yeah. This is before the Michael Jackson-faced Kris Jenner. So you don't think it's an insult? yeah she looks fine she had a mushroom cut like a long like what i'm gonna have for the summer stop it with like a little like like a little sideburn curled piece so after that you leave the sorority how do you leave you just say i'm not coming back and living here with you guys or do you there was there are no there wasn't a house i wasn't really that y'all don't even have

a damn no i told you this isn't legit i'm talking yeah you were so i would know i was barely involved then i just sort of like stopped going to the events it was casual okay well you know what it made you a better person you know i mean i feel like yeah yo katherine you're top in the top 10 people in comedy that i like oh my god genuinely enjoy same to you every time you step on stage you're always singing do you have a little song for us maybe oh my god i actually have some new songs i'm gonna be debuting at my caroline show which you're hosting yes oh when's the day Tuesday, May 1st. Tuesday, May 1st.

So next Tuesday. Yeah. I have a new song. I have a few ones. One is about wanting to go to events. I'll just sing the chorus really quickly. Okay, let's do it. Events, events, I want to go to events.

Please invite me to your events. Events, events, I want to go to events. Take me to your events. Scene. Yes. Events, events, I want to go to your events. Keep it simple. That's sort of a talk thingy one.

Yeah, but I feel like that's the song for us for the summer. For the summer. We're going to the rusty pan. What's it called? The frying pan. We're going to the frying pan. We're going to the dirty pan. We're flirting for Marie.

Yeah, we're going to be wearing espadrilles. Community flirting. Going to the Hamptons. I don't like an espadrille. Nobody likes an espadrille. So why are they everywhere? Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. No, listen.

Wait a minute. Sydney likes espadrilles. I love a wedge. Wait a fucking minute. Wait, what's wrong with an espadrille? Let's talk about it real quick. Why? It feels dated.

It feels out of touch. Dated? I just googled espadrille I wanted to make sure So I want I love a wedge I love that I'm here for an espadrille Espadrille implies like the ropey size right Yeah espadrille is like

These things like it has like the It looks like a hemp bracelet on your foot To me it's like mom But then you could get an espadrille wedge No That's even worse I have espadrille jimmy chews And they're jimmy chews

You said it twice we know that they're jimmy chews So are they Jimmy Choos? So does someone here have Jimmy Choos? They're Jimmy Choos shoes and they're espadrilles. And they're Jimmy Choos? They're Jimmy Choos. I think I'm trying to... So for the Jimmy Choos, I'm trying to think why I don't like them.

I think it's because I picture sort of like these Texas moms at the country club with them. It's the wrong type of women you talking about when I have the espadrilles on. These are what you have on? Is these espadrilles right here? Because those are espadrilles. so chanel released a line of espadrilles like two years ago that everybody was running out to get and they just it was like a black leather like shoe with like the woven bottoms and they were like a thousand dollars it's insane for a summer shoe my role never over a hundred dollars for a

pair of shoes or for any for any clothing thing unless it's something like crazy that you have to have staple piece like a coat a coat or maybe like a dress for a cocktail dress or something if you have an event i'll spend a hundred dollars on a dress for a cocktail event and then bring it back after the event yeah take all the pictures i'll spend three hundred dollars on a cocktail dress bring it back but for a playful trend shoe i'm not going over a hundred not a summer shoe a seasonal the red i got my red boots 70 that's okay you know 70 i have red boots girl did you order the ones i sent you oh no i'm sorry i have my money my money ain't right the way the red is already wearing off from where my feet like rub yeah yeah i guess i like hit my

own feet when i walk i mean we need to is it a patent leather red boot no oh okay okay i have a pair of red boots that we got from buffalo exchange he was with me they were 18 red boots Oh, yeah, I love Beacon's Closet. They're red boots, and I barely wear them, but when I wear them, I'm like, $18. Every time I step down, I'm like, $18. $18. That's it.

That's a good price. I feel like I don't want to spend... I want people to send me things. Send me things. It's a podcast. That's what it's for. Exactly. You guys need to hook Sydney up.

We were just on a podcast. They sent that dude a fucking suitcase. A suitcase. Away. Away. You know it's away. Dude, it's a fucking suitcase. Okay, Away needs to sponsor this.

you need a way you need casper you need um casper where are you you know what you don't need what if i hear one more ad for poopery on a podcast what's that potpourri poopery oh what's poopery it's always just it's a spray for when you for when you shit it's like when you when you blow up the bathroom does it smell that bad that you need to order something online to fix it just leave the room light a light a match you have to let it just light a match and then throw the match in the toilet that's when you eat taco bell you gotta blow up the whole whole bathroom you gotta just put the whole thing on fire i don't like that so i'm really excited about our summer plans like what else you guys have lined up honestly i just i'm gonna wear like denim briefs

not even shorts denim briefs and then i got a lot i got a couple i got a couple like long a kind of flowy you know like kimono situation oh I love that yeah I want to do I want to do more

a oners I want to do a little oners like rompers yeah I call them oners because I'm an adult okay thank you

oner sounds like babies wear that no that's onesies oner mature that's not just call it a romper it's a oner

that's what I'm calling a oner so shorts yeah pants I actually just really want to be healthier this summer so what do i mean no barbecues we barely go to barbecue is healthy i like a cookout

i like oh i live for a cookout like rice on a paper plate yes well catherine we're going to newark to go to this barbecue we're going to newark to go to the airport we're going to newark gordon baker bone is going to have a cookout for us because he was our cookout expert yes and we're going that sounds awesome i feel like you can minus newark you can roll through but he has these brisket bacon burgers no so that's why we're going i love meat non-stop i want anyone with a backyard to invite us over to grill i'll bring fancy sausages to grill with a nice mustard i'll bring it all oh a nice mustard i feel like you're a really good i could see you as a good host i'd love to host thank you for noticing and i've been

in your apartment, it's real nice. I know, but we need a backyard. Yeah. We don't have a backyard. What are your plans for the summer? So, I'm gonna wear warm colors. Like, I'm gonna do some color blocking. So, like an orange crop top with, like, a magenta miniskirt. With what color shoe? With, like, a

yellow sandal. I have my eye on these platform yellow sandals from Camper. I don't even know what that is. Look, you'll see. Is that, like, the white people? Is that the summertime Maywell? Camper? Camper sounds like Hunter. Camper's got cool shoes. And my plan is to be on a lot of rooftops.

Yes, but that's everyone's plan every summer. I know, that's boring. Okay, so I love, okay, spicy skinny margaritas. Spicy, oh, I do love a spicy margarita. Yes, I love a, but what's a skinny margarita? It's where, is it like a sugar mix? There's no simple syrup or anything. Yeah, it's just like soda, tequila.

Yeah, no, I need that. I want a fat margarita. I'll get some agave, but I don't want the mix. It gives me a headache. It does. I'm very fragile. Yeah, yeah, I feel like classy ladies like you guys should not have sugar in your diet no no i love what i eat bread dry i don't even put i put sugar

on my bread that's how much i like bread and sugar if i eat bread i immediately gain 20 to 30 pounds katherine every time i hear you speak what i'm like you're you're first of all your body is incredible thank you and i try and take care i couldn't even see 20 extra pounds on you i i'll show you a picture okay you know we want to see it yeah um anyways yeah this summer you know i love a jog the oh you know what i'm obsessed with swimming a swimming where do you swim so or you have friends with pools that you holding out on us no it's a combination of borrowing my brother's car going upstate and you got access to a car dude you guys gotta come so we're hanging out we're going upstate this we're gonna do it we're gonna have a little cabin oh my

No, I don't do cabins. No, we don't have to stay the night. We can just go for the day. We could do a one-night Airbnb in sort of like a country home. A country home? That means wraparound porch. If you split it with people, you know, you can get a nice place. Hmm.

I like something that's already just set up, you know. I'll do somebody. I don't want to go to the woods. I'll do a little trailer. Hey, I'll be in a trailer. I don't mind. I like low-key. Sydney, you're on drugs.

Yes, I am. Catherine, I feel like I learned so much about you. Oh, my God. I could do this all day. Is there anything that you feel like you didn't say that people should know? Either about pledging or sororities or gross sex in hotels or espadrilles. Really anything. Is there anything that you want to say?

I think just you really got to do what makes you alone happy and good things will come. Wait, you alone? Hmm. Like you by yourself? I mean, don't worry about what makes other people happy. Okay. ooh that's hard that's not that hard

that's the difference between me and Sydney Sydney is compassionate you're a people pleaser? I am a people's people I've always been like that and it's spilled over into my adulthood and now I'm like I'm really getting older and it's like I care

about people and their feelings but I don't have the capacity I don't have any room to actually care about people anymore. I care so much, but I'm like, dude, I only have this much room in my heart. It's like a little bit. It's too much.

No, I think with what we're doing, especially if you have to take such good care of yourself physically, mentally, you don't have time to deal with other people's shit. I don't have time. And you're giving to them in your performance. That's the gift. Talk to them, Catherine.

You give the gift every time you get on stage. You show up looking amazing. You make them laugh. You charm. yeah that's you're giving love katherine i really i feel like you have the voice to do like meditation like i know i want to i love doing voiceover so please hire me oh yes i bumped into katherine at an audition the other day i loved it i was like oh hey girl she was like hey we both were like hello hello hi what was that for a mcdonald's or something i don't know i didn't book did you i also did not know it's been it's i'm in a dry spell so i would love to

book i would love but you've done a lot right i've done a lot of eo yeah i'm ready for more baby i'm ready where can we hear your voice on what ads right now i did it one for chic razors oh care free liners the pads oh i love a penny liner i'm honestly i feel like i i would like to use them but i don't but i i yeah are you supposed to use a penny liner every day that's insane i would never use that what are you supposed to use that i think it's like on your last day of your period When the secretion is just not as white as it should be. It's not as white as it should be? What words are you saying right now?

Secretion, when the secretions are not as clear. But last, your period comes out white? They're still a little brown. No, no, no. I mean, the secretion is the moisture that, like... Mm-hmm. You've got to land on the penny liner. Oh, our next guest.

He's probably lost. Is someone coming after me? Yes. Oh, let's go. You just line us up. This is a double hitter right here. Okay. Double hitter.

I respect that. So Carefree, Schick. Yeah, those are the only ones that are on right now. I did a bunch for Olay, but I don't know if they're still playing. Oh, that's nice. Catherine O'Connor. She did a bunch of Olay commercials.

That's great. But I need my next big campaign, so I'm ready and willing. I auditioned to be the voice of Maybelline. Yeah, how was that? I don't think I got it. Well, you'll find out. I mean, I'm pretty sure I know.

i got to the audition and i got there late and then i was hungry where was it um which one it was at this place on like fifth avenue and i show up and i went sound lounge sound lounge sonic lounge something like that all those places and i i was walking by the kitchen and i saw a bunch of bananas so i grabbed one and i was eating it and the women came out and said my name for me to go in next and i threw half of the banana away and she was like oh you didn't have to do that we could have skipped you and i was like i was like uh no it's fine i got that banana from here yeah and she was like those are for the clients that pay to be here wait really yeah i always think about that i'm like can i take this i never think i just take them yeah and then she gave me like

really bad direction oh i hate that so i don't think i got it what can you do you're being truthful all right are we off yeah let's wrap this up thank you so much for having me love you guys are the best. Tell people who are listening where they can catch you. When is this coming out? Probably this tomorrow. Oh, great. So, May 1st, Caroline, 7.30pm, Sydney hosts. Bang, bang, bang.

With guests Pat Regan and Irene Farrow. Love me some Pat Regan. And then, the big one that I want y'all to get tickets to is Joe's Pub, June 21st, first day of summer, Come Come. Oh, it's going to be singing, it's going to be jokes. You're going to have a full band. Full band!

oh my god that's godly thank you guys thank you for being here and gracing us with your beautiful voice oh so sexy bye guys