MESS with Sydnee Washington & Marie Faustin - "The Spiraling Expert" with Jo Firestone

Episode Date: June 18, 2021

Jo Firestone joins us on this week's episode as our Spiraling Expert! Jo tells us what it means to spiral, how she stops herself from spiraling out of control, and of course what Winnie the Pooh character she relates most with. Plus, Sydnee elaborates further on her birth and Marie talks about a bad experience on set. Enjoy!----Listen to The Unofficial Expert Ad-Free on Forever Dog Plus:https://foreverdogpodcasts.com/plus----BUY UNOFFICIAL EXPERT MERCH:https://www.teepublic.com/stores/the-unofficial-expert-podcast----FOLLOW THE UNOFFICIAL EXPERT:https://www.instagram.com/UnofficialExpertFOLLOW SYDNEE:https://www.instagram.com/JustSYDbwhttps://twitter.com/justsydnycFOLLOW MARIE:https://www.instagram.com/Reeezyhttps://twitter.com/MsReeezyFOLLOW ANDREW:https://www.instagram.com/mcgui_guySee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Forever. Dog. Hello. I'm loving it. You know, I learned recently that Justin Timberlake and Pusha T came up with that little jingle for McDonald's. Wait, really? Yes.

And now it makes me like it less. But hold on. Ba-da-ba-ba-ba feels like they've been doing it for centuries. Ba-da-ba-ba-ba. No, before that, McDonald's was, we love to see you smile. We love to see you smile. Oh, yeah. I feel ancient.

Ancient. Yeah, yeah. And then I don't know what it was before that. No, it doesn't matter. All we know is that Justin Timberlake was a part of the bop, bop, bop. Apparently he came up with the bop, bop, bop, bop. Bop, bop, bop. And Pusha T said, I'm loving it.

I said, well, when did they cross paths? and how does one write a jingle for mcdonald's because i feel like they get paid every time the commercials come on yeah marie i'm kind of kind of confused that how come we haven't made a jingle we haven't even made a jingle for our own fucking pod okay don't do that okay i am coming up with stuff regularly it's me too i'm coming up with vernacular regularly same that is in people's like every day i mean yes that's what we're doing sis we're we're we're gonna be in the websters yeah i mean i came out the womb dehydrated so there we go just the dry ashy baby and here i am moisturized as fuck did you have hair when you were born sorry i feel like since we're talking

about it people want to see the visual okay so i was supposed to be born on valentine's day but i was born a little early obviously on groundhog's day because i ate some of my mother's placenta coming and i got really really sick so i was stuck in the hospital they had to shave all my hair off they had to shave the baby with a soft spot how you do that what kind of clippers they use for that they cut all my hair off because they had to do like tests and whatnot and my mother was crying she said i looked like a lizard uh my sister my sister said i look like grace jones which i i mean she's iconic i'm here for that but at the time grace jones wasn't seen as like the hottest thing i can see grace jones you know cosplaying as a lizard too though i see it

i see the fit in my brain oh man you atrium of those placenta how lesbian of you oh man i mean out the womb gay a fag gay a fag you know born early that's i marie i stay on brand okay i'm about this life early early yeah i come early i come early i show up late i show up late come early i love that for us how's my how's my sweet sweet baby marie i'm fine thank you for checking on me sydney um uh i was supposed to be born in october i think and i came in september i was early too that's the last time i was early too that you have never showed up on time anywhere so i'm i'm really glad for your birth literally september 23rd 2000

last time i was early that's the day i was born put that in guinness guinness world record yeah um i'm good though um my good sis sydney messaged me last night and was like what's going on and I was like I'm sitting on the couch feeling sad and she was like I'm available do you want to talk and I was like no and of course she called me immediately and she made me feel better so you know I woke up I feel good um or as good as one can feel on uh whatever day of the week it is morning um and I'm not trying to be cute about it I legit don't know what day of the week it is um so shout out to you if you know the date and if you know what time it is um i love that for you you know you know the date and the day of the week whoo that sounds like

you're real responsible sounds like you have a daily planner yeah this sounds like you are you know mentally stable and that's not i so or or maybe you're you know one of those people you know like a beautiful mind types if you know the date and the day like that means you got it written all over the walls of your house oh so you're mentally unstable but genius genius but also whatever the other word is that you said yes tiki tiki boom that's what you said tiki tiki boom yes what you said you're britney spears yes um shout out to mental health mental health awareness month i think that's this month or last month or whatever i feel like there's always no this month is pride babe i feel like you should know that oh well tomato tomato honestly

those things are so close to me. Mental health and pride that it's just meshed into both. I think mental health was last month or Asian Awareness Month. I think that was March. You know what? The tea is there's always something to be aware of, you know?

When is Awareness Awareness Month? When is that? I don't know, friend. I don't even know the date. I don't even know the date. Were you an expert in anything this week, friend? I mean, honestly, I was an expert on being a little bit difficult on set, but like it was like good trouble.

What? Oh, who is the who is the the congressman who just died? Good trouble. He like marched with Martin Luther King. The black guy, he's bald. Sis, John Lewis. Yeah, John Lewis. I know nothing. I know nothing. Damn, Sydney, you don't know John Lewis. You better ask Siri. Siri, ask Siri, ask Alexa. I ain't got it. Sydney, this close to Juneteenth, you let a white man answer that question?

you know and that and that is the work that needed to be done he's doing the work he's knowing the work and doing the work um yeah yeah yeah thank you andrew for being an ally of course thank you for that um good trouble i was legit sitting here like who was it john john adams john snow i could not remember the last name john snow right but um he uh anyway so i was on set this week and um the day before i got there the the hair person was like her name was yeah you can't say no you can't say that i want to say her name you can't all i'm gonna say is when i saw her name i thought it was a black woman and then i got there and i saw it was a white lady and i was like oh the white lady's gonna mess up my hair um and then the makeup

artist was a black woman and i was like i've been burned too many times by makeup artists of all colors so like i didn't know what she would or wouldn't be able to do equal opportunity to fuck that face up girl thank you i mean i wish this was a solo so that could have been the title but let's put it on tote bags um but anyway i just i got there and the makeup artist was the the hair person blew me away she was prepared she did what she needed to do um the makeup artist not so much She came out with, like, the Fisher-Price Crayola brushes. It felt like she didn't read her syllabus. It just felt like everything she was doing was wrong.

And when I bought out my supplies, she tried to tell me that I was wearing the wrong colors. Like, she's like, oh, that's not the right foundation for you. That's not your shade. And I was like, sis, this is what I wear. And she tried to. Anyway, all that to say, she did my face and it was. she tried to like i look like you as a baby it was it was all bad she uh she tried to paint with all the colors of the wind on your face yeah but except she was using like you know the darkest

brown and the lightest brown at the same time it was a lot of like ashy pastel pink colors on set that we we both know like not with these undertones no um anyway i basically i didn't yell at her but I told her I didn't like it in the most stern most calm voice that I could and um she tried to throw a little bit of a fit and I stood my ground sis I said I don't like this and you need to change it I love that that is and I I want everybody listening when you don't like something it's okay to stand up for yourself and say no I don't want that no thank you well I mean especially when you're sitting in a chair like how many times have you been to a like a hair appointment and you hated it or you didn't like it or you thought it was you it didn't look

how you wanted it to look and then you leave you don't say anything and you still tip and then you get home and you're like crying you're sending pictures to your mother who's laughing the group chat is lying to you maybe your boyfriend is rubbing your back but like you say something in the chair yeah in the chair you gotta you gotta say something and uh you know i i will i'm gonna cut my uh expertise short because we we got to get our guests in here but um i also stood up for myself this week um i was at a comedy show and uh you know i had a great set but i saw this beautiful couple at the at the end of the you know room or whatever and i was like you know if you guys are looking for a third

I am available and I was joking but I was I was kidding but the girl ended up was like you are so funny I would love to see your comedy again so when she said comedy

for the first time I thought you were going to say I want to see a coochie no you're so funny I would love to see your coochie no she's she's coming to the knit so um will she be coming at the nips no i am i'm taking and the only person that's coming is the person who is dating me so there's that sis as long as you're making her come that's really all that matters um speaking of not making someone come i love this

guest that we're about to have today i was that intro was weird you think she don't make people come no no i've no i've never made her come that's what that's the intro sydney is giving you need to watch the sexual harassment no wait no i'm saying giving you gotta watch the sexual harassment no no you're saying this also like you make most of the most of the guests come yes how many of the guests have you made the people want to know Ba-da-ba-ba-ba, I'm lovin' it. Okay, now, now, hold on.

This guest, world-renowned, world-renowned comedian, writer. I mean, voice has been all over the place. I mean, you could have seen her in Shrill. You could see her literally anywhere, because I'll be watching random things on TV or Hulu. TV or Hulu. Hulu or Netflix. And I'll be like, oh, snap.

Like, it's her or Michelle Buteau. So those are the two people I see in everything and anything that I watch. Booked busy blonde. Give it up. Yes, give it up for our spiraling expert, Joe Firestone. Yay. Joe Firestone. Joe.

Thank you so much. Wait, okay. So you know how I, okay, so spiraling, sure. But you know, I did a panic. I had a big panic moment during the pandemic. And I was like, I can't do comedy anymore. I have to apply to acupuncture school. Did I tell you this?

No. Okay, so this was like, I'd never had acupuncture. And so just like putting that out there. But now I'm like taking these classes. And there's this one therapy called Nikon therapy. It's like a Japanese therapy, but it's like psychotherapy. But what you're supposed to do is you're supposed to, at the end of the day, write down everything that you gave

and everything that you received. And then what trouble you caused people. and but the trouble doesn't have to be bad but that reminded me of marie what you were saying that like you think about like sometimes it's not bad that you tell people what's wrong with what they're doing but it's just you just keep note of it and this therapy when prisoners did it in japan they didn't go back to prison as much oh first of all they give prisoners in japan therapy amazing that's a cute place to get locked up abroad write that down um so you write down what you gave what you received and trouble that you caused yeah and like it's not like

it's not like i gave like a like a feeling to so it's like all stuff that other people could observe so you're like oh i gave money to this store and then they gave me a sandwich for you know it's like that kind of thing oh joe can you text this to me because i like yeah i mean joe the snapple facts that you got going on up top at the pod i mean brave very brave i i was like i don't know i don't know where she's going with this but i was on for the ride the journey yeah i popped popped open the snapple they changed it they changed the jar of a sample okay i mean the bottle they did it's plastic yeah it's a jar now not a bottle joe talk to us about acupuncture school um how many years you got to go to school for that six it's a huge mistake it

was a huge mistake so yeah have you got have you gotten acupuncture i just got it for the first time no no we're not i'm spending my money on like hair and like clothes from pretty little things i'm not getting acupuncture not at the not at the moment friend uh-huh yeah well i found out that in the one time i went i found out that it's all because my spleen that's the big problem what's wrong with their spleen what does a spleen do and where is a spleen not sure but I do know it means

that you're anxious you got stomach problems and you're always craving sugar that's me that's me too oh interesting I mean I think I got like two out of the three of those things the always craving sugar thing that's only once a month

you only crave sugar once a month the closer I am to my period the more I want desserts i'm like i crave sweet things but like i'm not eating candy and stuff i'm looking for like cheesecake and banana pudding and oh like like treats like things like that um interesting yeah now joe now when you were listening uh to us talk did you did you have any anxiety coming into the pod uh no i didn't i i really uh felt like i'm just kind of i don't need to do much now i can interpret that two different ways yeah yeah you don't need to do

much because we're doing all the heavy lifting or you don't need to do much because we're not doing anything no no no okay it's like a terrarium you know what i mean it's already functioning it's growing and you just put in like a little uh little stone you know what i mean the stone's not taken away but it's not you know i just figured this will be uh you know what i mean i feel pretty good about this i was pretty i was feeling i was enjoying myself okay now now that is uh that's a compliment coming from joe because i i don't i'm not saying that i don't think you enjoy yourself often but i also don't think that you're just like hanging out and having fun with anybody you're not all willy-nilly with your good time you know yeah i'm trying i'm trying but no

yeah that's a big that's a big problem you have to be a fun person you know what i mean it's really it helps but i would say both of both of you are considered fun people by and large yeah yeah i think we are but you don't have to be a fun person sometimes you like that and i've never said this word before so i don't know if i'm saying it right melancholy you know sometimes you got that friend that's like you know life is terrible and things are sad and then the people in the room are like it's so funny it's so dark it's so melancholy that's okay i said it twice now in my life um isn't that wait isn't that Igor Igor from where um from you were yeah you're sorry you've been rushing Winnie the Pooh yeah yeah yeah he's melancholy he's melancholy or no he's

just depressed what I think he's just depressed okay he could also be considered in some circles melancholy he's definitely the melancholy friend yeah and they still hang out with Eeyore right mm-hmm well i i think he was considered the like the black friend so they had to hang out with him oh i thought tigger was the black friend oh i thought tigger was the crackhead in some circles also considered i thought tigger was like the the you know like you know like the kid we all went to school with that one kid that had way too much energy and they put him in that special class and it was only four chairs in that class tigger is that friend they didn't let they didn't let him switch

classes now joe where are you in the spectrum are you you know uh the black friend or the black friend where are you between yeah between the black friend and the black friend it's a great question i actually got it i kind of uh i don't want to even say this i know say it no no say it i think i'm more of a rabbit oh i know it's not good i'm just you know paying attention to the carrots and kind of getting pissed off when people eat the carrots yeah now you know i was gonna say carrots rabbits have a lot of sex are you saying that that you identify as a very horny horny friend i would actually i guess i'd revise it to piglet then joe joe do you want to know something though here's another snap effect you ready yes you

know how they get little piglets to run around you know when they you race piglets little oreos wait they race piglets yeah i mean some places where there's not a lot of entertainment yeah joe you you will i feel like there's never a dull moment in a conversation with you because you're gonna just start saying shit that like all the information that you have it's a diary of the mouth you're gonna you're gonna spill it you're gonna spill it and we love that now now how does that tie into you spiraling though is it is it a thing where you don't want there to be you know silence so you start just saying anything or maybe i'm not asking this well maybe properly yeah can we define what spiraling is first for the people who are like spiraling

Thank you, Maureen. Is that the dragon from the video game back in the day? And it's like, no, that was Spyro. My goodness. And that's like how you make, you know, zucchini into noodles. What if that was my expertise? No, I do. I think that maybe spiraling is when you like have start to like have some anxiety and then

you just kind of add on to it really fast to make it worse and worse. Like, for example, like if you send an email to someone and you think it's you realize that maybe it's a bad email or somebody's not getting back to you and then you're like oh I know I should text them and then you text them and then they're like what and they don't respond and then you call them

and so it's like these kinds of things that elevate the conversation or the situation not not in your favor you know what I mean oh Sydney I feel like you be doing that like not not not really all the way that but I feel like drag me

drag me bitch drag me I'm not trying to drag you this is a this is an open forum and this is a safe space joe is here our rabbit i'm sorry our piglet um and we the three of us me you and andrew are the oreo for joe um so i um i mean like the other day we were in the car together and you were like is so and so mad at mad at me should we call them and i was like no and you were like let's call them now and i was like no we're on a way to do something like let's enjoy the day and if they are mad we can deal with that later and you were like i could see you literally in my brain yes like biting your nails yeah i was like girl i'm not i'm not doing this with you i do i do that yeah no i do that i am in a constant state

of like stepping over my feelings so much that i'm like i'm stumbling i'm just like falling into the bullshit and i i set myself up for failure a lot because i'm so worked up that when i finally talk to whoever they're like bitch what what it's too much coming at me why what is the deal what's the real issue i feel you're in a constant state of are they mad at me and oh yeah i can't live there i live on that block it's really important to have somebody that doesn't live there that's really important to have a neighbor that lives a few a few blocks away because it is it's like the thing is it's like you think someone's mad at you and then you think everyone's mad at you and then you think it's because of something intrinsic to you and

you think that you can never get over it and it will be and then it's like what we're at six flags calm down you know we're at six flags but it is i think the key is compartmentalizing or having somebody that i sometimes it is like about like having someone uh like shoot it down but i also think compartmentalizing is huge okay but but i'm i'm all there's us joe and then there's marie marie's on the other end of the spectrum where she's never thinking what somebody else is thinking about her she's never worried no i i do think about what people think of me i'm a person with feelings um i don't know when i can't think of it right now okay yeah yeah i'm like when marie but i do i do have moments of oh did i say the wrong thing at that place or was i talking too

much or damn i really am funny i should have let other people shine for a moment you know what i mean like marie when do you when have you ever thought that in the all of the seven don't do that all of the seven seven eight years of me knowing when have you ever been like when i when i come home when i come home late at night when another world is sleeping that that's when i that's when i spit and i'm like okay so you're but when you spiral i think you you kind of keep it to yourself joe i don't know if you do this but when i'm spiraling i'm calling everybody i'm calling everybody until i i get out of the spiral yeah it it does uh i find that the the worst situation

for that because yeah you can call people and sometimes they help but it usually doesn't help But the worst is when you it doesn't even make sense, like why you're upset and you have to spend so much time explaining why you started spiraling in the first place that it's like it's just exhausting. That's the worst case scenario. Do you have an example, like a recent example of you spiraling? You know, I I think I spiraled a lot during during the during our quarantine time. But like, for example, like if I that was everybody, you know, that was everybody. But like, for example, this is a classic example. is that I if I did really bad at a show if I bombed if I got heckled or something and I couldn't

talk back to them I would be like I am the worst I am the worst comedian I've out of everyone I know yeah and then I'm like there's no way I can go back on stage it's actually it's something about me that's weak and bad and unfunny and and then I'll be like I'll call someone and be like hey uh i just really did i did really bad and i'm i'm bad at this and they'd be like no and then uh and then from there i would just kind of like i would like try to move on but then like i'd have like tears strolling like down my face i'm like yeah okay let's just let's go to dinner or something but it was like i couldn't get over it and it was like really i could tell that it was like hard on my friends too like it was just like they didn't want to deal with this because it was

like i got really stubborn about it well do you do it a lot do are you always spiraling and that somebody has to come and kind of like clean up on all seven and just like mop up all the mess well i found that i've kind of exhausted my resources like the the spiraling usually happens at like you're pointing to you myself oh yeah yeah and it's like i feel like at this point What usually helps me now, because I can't do that anymore to people in my life. So what I'm doing now is I'm just smoking a cigarette and then I feel a lot better. Joe, you smoke cigarettes? It's really bad.

It's really bad. I like how you whispered it into the microphone. Yeah. I thought you were going to be like, so I just do a bump of coke? Like, you're smoking cigarettes. Cigarettes are nothing. I thought you were going to say weed. i've been smoking weed you said cigarettes like illegal i know it does feel kind of like they're

illegal though like for some reason it seems like worse okay do you have because they don't even do you have a pen or something nearby i want to see your smoking technique are you holding it between the finger are you holding it like so stupid is it a long sexy capri this is like this is really what i'm doing i'm like it's like it's not even it's not cute it's like it's not cute of i it's okay yeah but it i find that it's like the um the more i yeah i just kind of i don't know sydney if you're stubborn like this as well but i get really stubborn about how bad i am and that it's like this story it cannot be broken and that's why the spiraling kind of stays low which is crazy joe because you have a comedy central half hour you're constantly getting booked you're

working you're like joe pera show you're doing everything you're always you're in a room or you're on screen so like also i've never seen you bomb on stage yeah yeah joe yeah i know i guess it's like it's the kind of thing where like okay so one time this is kind of a funny a little you know a little fun experience okay so i did um i did just for laughs a couple years ago and i was pretty sure i bombed that set like i was like like you know when nobody talks to you after a set oh yeah i don't know if you've ever experienced but then you're just like oh this is what it oh shit and so then i was like i think i bombed i think i bombed just for laughs and then like a lot of people had to talk me down and it was like you know you did fine you did fine don't worry

about it and then uh i kind of forgot about it eventually i just kind of was like you can't talk about it anymore nobody wants to hear about this and so then a year later i got a call from a number i didn't know and i let it go to voicemail and it was a another comedian saying uh i heard you bombed it just for laughs i just want to know if it's gonna be okay and i was like i did it was kind of like validating in that regard i was like well i'm not crazy i'm just bad at comedy okay because you a voicemail and said that she but imagine you minding your motherfucking business you it's a year you right you don't got closure you don't you're done you're done you've booked other things you're got new management and everything you've started over you even have

a new name like it was it was joanna it was joanna firestone and now it's joe because you had to switch it because you had bombs just for laughs and now this bitch is calling you on a fucking saturday like hey wondering is your is your career okay because i heard you bomb just for laughs a year ago it is but it is just like i completely understand i completely understand why she did it and i also think that somebody was she was probably talking to someone being like i bombed i bombed and someone else was like you know who you should call you know it probably It wasn't her idea. She wasn't there.

I know somebody probably mentioned your name. Like, well, Joe didn't have an amazing set. And she decided to call you. You done gone messed up Joe's day. Joe's beautiful Thursday. Imagine you do the work. You went to therapy. You got the closure.

You put it behind you. And now this person is calling you, asking you about this. Did you call her back? The people want to know. I did. yes i did and i left a voicemail but i did just i was like the kind of thing where it was like what there's nothing you can say to make it the situation feel better because you weren't there and you're not in their head but it's like it is the truth that like time the only solution to

spiraling is maybe smoking cigarettes and also time yeah it's just kind of being like i'm not gonna care about this in two weeks how how but like that's the thing like you're not gonna care in two weeks but the feeling is so overwhelming it's the only thing that you can think about it's the only thing that you can focus on but literally time is what makes it better because in two weeks you're gonna be spiraling about something else yeah i think when when something like that like a bad show or a bomb happens you go to bed thinking about it you wake up the next day still thinking about it you're brushing your teeth like i gotta get a real job i'm not a comedian this is terrible after a couple of days it's not the thing that you're thinking about

not the first thing you're thinking about not the last thing you're thinking about you're thinking about other things and maybe like you gotta you gotta what's what's the thing when you're hung over you have to drink water in order to like hair of the dog right hair of the dog with comedy you gotta get back on stage and have another good set and i feel like that kind of cleanses the the mind a little bit yeah who got a dog joe that's my dog yeah but joe the thing is is that like um you know what okay okay the dog is spiraling yeah yeah the dog is spiraling loaf this is not the time please your dog your dog is named loaf yeah i'm crying um joe you're like very like niche comedy like it's your like nuance and you I feel like you might think that you had a

bad set but people are just like listening to get on board with like your type of comedy which I love yeah which I love that yeah if I feel like if somebody is killing in like middle of America their their jokes are probably like so this is mean this is rude but like you're gonna say it though right it it's a little it's gotta be a little hacky just a little you know like like Kevin Hart I'm saying it on the record I don't know he's not pushing any buttons and it's like he plays it safe he plays it safe all the time so like I don't know I think sometimes you have to not get laughs to remind yourself like oh I'm different like

it's not that I'm not funny it's just that they've never experienced somebody like me before I hear what you're saying but listen every time I get on stage I'm just trying to get laughs you don't have to understand me but you're going to think I'm funny

that's it and if you don't think I'm funny then I don't think I'm funny and I'm like well maybe that if I'm not getting laughs then I'm not going to be happy when I go home Andrew what do you think I mean I think that everyone in the Zoom call is funny first and foremost

I think that What is your Question that you're asking Sydney Like have you been at a show Maybe that somebody wasn't getting a lot Of laughs but you were like no I See where they were going I thought They were funny I mean yeah like you can see

Like you see people in different crowds Like I think that Yeah it's unfortunate when like the the crowd is like the person hosting is like not a good time and then it's just like they go into like marie or whatever and it affects marie's set but i think like marie you're always funny because like it's always like it's always something like you're always interacting with the crowd so it's it's never like okay i'm watching this person you know regurgitate set after set right so it's like okay this is a it's a new thing because so what you're saying

about me and joe i'm saying i mean marie is the one marie is the one talking about not having a good night here oh right but also when you see me doing crowd work a lot talking to the audience it's because i don't have anything prepared so when you see me up there talking to people and not doing a set that you've seen before it's because i didn't prepare anything for this show yeah it still works it still works it is it is i do feel like it's the kind of thing where um it's it takes a lot of I think that the like I really agree with what you're saying Marie that you just need a good set to get back on track but I think that I think the fear like the fear is that you won't have another good set you know and then you're like how many bad sets in a row I don't

know I guess at that point you change things up you have to make a change but yeah I mean I understand that but but everyone everybody who is a comedian is going to have a night with that where they're off their jokes are off the crowd is off something is off but joe everybody in this zoom is freaking hilarious i can't see you bombing more than once i can't even see you bombing once so to say like you would do it multiple nights in a row i don't i don't first like that my brain is like okay i don't see that okay well what about what about the art is someone mad at me or if they don't like you that that's the biggest spiral that i have because i constantly i'm in a constant state of not that i want to be liked but i don't i don't like when there's confrontation i want to

i want to fix it right away even if you don't like me anymore that's fine i just want to not worry about what the fuck the possibilities of you being upset at me at you go through the same yeah sydney i gotta tell you something this is really this is dark but are you ready for this no i'm ready in high school okay i used to think people were so mad at me all the time people that i didn't even wasn't even friends with after school i would go through the buzz book remember the buzz book where you have people's home phone numbers the phone book yeah and i would call them on their family's phone the family's phone and i would the landline the landline and no one would pick up and i would leave message being like i'm so sorry for what i did today okay that is truly

unhinged okay yeah it is joe that is yeah because sometimes there's multiple last names that are the same so you were calling everybody in the phone book leaving voicemails on the wrong person's machine what were your parents doing they weren't home they were i they had no idea but i would believe he's and like can you imagine having a son or daughter or whoever and then like checking the answering machine and just being like this like this sad sad girl being like i'm so sorry to tommy i didn't mean to hurt him and it's like what did this woman do it's like what did you do and then tommy's like i don't who is this yeah but that just so you know cindy if you start to spiral in that way just know that you're not calling their home phone okay it's just like

there is a level that people are taking it that you didn't you did not take it the problem is is that when you said that you're like you exhaust all your resources that's what i have done like if i think someone's mad at me i will talk to everybody about it and they're like bitch i don't know what you want me to do do you just talk to the person like or figure it out but i don't want to hear it anymore because it's it's ruining my life it's ruining my energy i'm i'm in a bad mood because well you know what the problem is is that people are not fucking honest so if maybe if people would like if they're if they're being shady or being weird don't gaslight me and make me think there oh no everything is fine it's not you're mad at me you're upset about something you see

this is why i'm honest no truly like with i'm i'm saying this with like every like fiber of my being it's so much easier to just be honest someone asks you if you're mad if you're mad tell them you're mad and then tell them why if someone asks you if you're okay if you're not okay tell them you're not okay and then tell them why it's so much easier to be honest because when you're honest with people they're honest with you and we don't have to play these guessing games yeah we're adults this is not you know sixth grade recess we're not you know we're grown-ups no like yeah yes i i think that i'm a good friend because i take the guesswork out well that's probably why you two are such good friends and i think that also the one thing i keep thinking about sydney

is like how if these people are kind of like even in this imaginary world where these people are turning on a dime and just being like i'm mad because of like some small slight like those people are are not pleasant to be friends with and that's the thing i keep reminding myself where it's like if i think someone's mad at me all the time like what am i getting out of this friendship joe here we go here we we're gonna this is an unpopular opinion we kind of like that shit if it puts fire under our ass like we're like it it helps us spiral and worry because that's all we fucking do interesting what do you think i i also really hate it when people are mad at me but I I I don't know I think that maybe I actually I think I might have uh cut the people

out that get mad at me a lot oh okay so you're saying people would be mad at you there was like a few people that would get mad at me a lot like high like expectations that were unrealistic example give us some give us some example like uh uh like dropping everything to do whatever they need at any given moment and like that that is okay if it's if it's mutual or if it's like if it's not every day but i think if it's like your child but like you're dropping everything to do something that you need me to do because you're spiraling okay see this is what it is if it's mutual if it's mutual yeah you need me to drop everything that i'm doing because you're spiraling and then when i don't do it i spiral y'all are in abusive relationships you guys yeah

joe i'm glad you're dumping these friends but like this y'all gotta be tired yeah no it is exhausting it was yeah i think that it was i think also yeah i i think that there is a secret space of being honest but also not not making it about confrontation you know what i mean where it's like uh you know i'm not saying to you know introduce the lol after you make a text you know what i mean but like something like that where it's like figuring out a way like to be either funny about it or light-hearted about it or something where it's like yeah you get your point across but it doesn't have to be this whole moment of like when you betrayed me the other day you know it's like you judas you stabbed me in the back well so is texting the way to see

somebody's mad at you no you have to call you can we have to call never text ever emails even worse emails even worse well joe you'll be taken to whom it may concern are you mad at me period lol sincerely joe firestone do you bbcc everybody you're like are you mad at me and send out a mass email of people that'd be funny yeah 100 names perfect yeah all recipients um i think joe i think i've worried more about if people are mad at me spiraling in a sense um in comedy than like outside i think nor like normies or you know pedestrians civilians whatever we call them pedestrians they i think are just more easy in terms of you can tell if they're mad at you also they can't hold their tongue so they just tell you like hey yeah i

didn't like that you didn't show up to to my birthday like that was rude you know those people but in comedy everyone is so you know underhanded and like well i'm gonna have to work with you so I can't tell you that I fucking hate your guts. So everybody is like bullshitting each other and not being honest because they're like, well, I might want to get a gig from them or I want a spot. So it's just, it's more stress in the industry. That's why we spiral. I'm really, I'm really confused on where you're standing on this, if I'm going to be honest.

Because you're saying that, like you're saying that it's exhausting and everything. But then you also said earlier that you love it. She did say that. I'm like, what? She did say that. But this is what I'm saying. When Sydney starts to spiral, I'm like, okay, girl, if that's what you're going to do this afternoon, do that.

I'm not doing that with you. I'm not wasting the day doing this with you. Like, girl, I'm trying to do my drugs in the sun. I don't have time. Well, I think it is. Okay, sorry. Sorry to bring in another lesson from my acupuncture class. No, we love it.

We love it. We love it, Joe. So this is other Japanese therapist named, hold on, let me get the name right. I think it's, hold on, it's Marita. I love that Joe is naming names. Okay, I'm name dropping Marita. Naming names on the pod, we love. Marita is what?

Okay, he's a psychologist like around the same time as Freud. OK, but he basically had all this anxiety and this like and he had all this body pain and stuff. And then when he stopped paying attention to it, it went away. OK, so he like created this whole system where basically you like you like when you're really stressed out or when you're like really panicking and stuff. you go to this out this inpatient system where you like rest for a couple days and then when you get so bored you start to do light housework and then you when you get so bored you start to do heavy housework and then when you get that bored you end up going to do chores outside like uh errands but it's like this thing where it's like if you don't focus on your own

anxiety and you focus on like physical tasks uh he says that that is a way to cure anxiety well if i did that then i would be cleaning my own apartment and not having a cleaning person so but my anxiety is so bad that i can't fucking clean my own place so that i was gonna i mean i live there i live yeah too anxious to do anything yeah so i i hear what you're saying um our good sis joe but yeah i don't know no i'm not saying this will work for us but i'm just saying that Like there is something there where it's like, you know, I'm really just trying to get as much as I can out of this investment in school here. But basically, it's like if you I think there is something where it's like sometimes when I don't talk about the spiral, it does kind of feel like it's festering in me. But I think when I don't bring too much attention to it and I really try my best to get over it, it does.

it does go away quicker it'll always go away but like yo that feeling that you have in your throat the like not being able to sleep the like feeling like your brain is going in circles it's a it is a nightmare i know that i said that sometimes i like it because you know sometimes i yeah i want a little drama it's a little boring and everything is going right and i need to like make up a problem but for the most part it just it's not me like it truly just like happens and it sucks marie is looking at me crazy what's the what's the deal you're saying it's not you it is you no it's not that's not who that's who you are no no no not entirely no not entirely entirely

but Sydney cares Sydney's a very compassionate person she cares about how what she does affects people she cares about how people feel you're always going to care about how people feel you're always going to care about how what you do affects folks that being said you're very critical of yourself and if someone doesn't talk to you like I mean Sydney was talking to us and she was like I think so-and-so muted me on sydney so-and-so muted me on instagram and i was like so and she was like i i don't i don't know why they would mute me and i was like well why do you think that they muted you and she was like because i'm not seeing their stories and i was like so that means that you muted them sydney no no no no it was like they're not they're not engaging with your yeah

yeah yeah okay okay she was she couldn't see their content or they couldn't know they i think They definitely restricted me. They definitely restricted me, which is fine. It's fine. I mean, it's fine now, but it wasn't fine at the time. No, it wasn't. But I had to let go. I had to let God in and let go.

I let God in and let go, and I said, you know, whatever. Sydney, you need to live, love, laugh, babe. Yeah, well, it's that whole compassionate thing. You've got to make it about, you've got to be compassionate towards yourself, which is really impossible to do, but it's, oh, and she left. Okay. well anyway that's kind of the that's kind of the gist of what i was going for sydney if you're still out there i just want you to you know be compassionate towards yourself

sydney she went to pee or i don't know brush brush her cats or something um um joe have you ever spiraled in a relationship or spiraled at a job i feel like maybe people want to hear a little bit about something like that going down um let's see spiraled it uh uh i think that you know i once had this uh oh she's back uh i once had um i was working at a job and um they we weren't allowed to um talk to this the um this well okay so we went in to talk to this celebrity to talk about um a bit they were doing on the show and um i could tell as i was talking to this celebrity that she was physically disgusted with me like she was just like doing this face like it was like like like it was hurting her yeah it was

like hurting her to be around me and I was like I was like kind of just like going harder because I was like I don't really know what to do here because like I have to communicate this information and like I know she doesn't like this but I don't I don't know and then um afterwards uh I was like that went really bad but it was probably not it's probably not me it's probably not me it's probably something else it's probably just she's confused and or frustrated or something about something else and then afterwards uh a superior was like listen uh writers are no longer allowed to talk to celebrities and i was like it is me it is me oh my god and i like started to like be like what what could i have done to make this better situation what could i have done to make her

uh like more comfortable or did i fuck it up for everybody and now that i have some perspective it's like she this was a bad bit it was a bad bit it was a bad situation she was late she's she's really hot she's really busy i'm not gonna be the one to tell her anything even if i if i was also really hot and really busy it's just not gonna affect anything so it's like kind of just getting some perspective on it was a little bit was it megan fox i wish it was uh it was another person who um who's dating ben affleck oh it was jennifer look at that well i mean listen certain level celebrities after you reach a certain point they're not that nice and they're also not grounded they're not real people anymore yeah she's the most beautiful person i've ever

but i couldn't really she doesn't drink she doesn't go in the sun apparently she puts olive oil or something i know it's not the j-lo beauty it's it's no it's never the product it's absolutely never the product it's botox and olive oil apparently something like that yeah she's not the the greatest person of all but also people are fucking annoying they don't have any boundaries and you know fans are we love fans but they also do the most and do too much sometimes and joe is a fan in this situation is that what you're saying not not you not you joe i'm saying joe joe how close were you standing to j-lo in this were you were you touching her knee yeah i had both hands on both of her knees and i was like babe you are gonna make so many people

laugh yeah oh my god she said fans are annoying no joe was at work i wasn't talking about what i'm saying she is she is the way she is because like yeah fans people are annoying so like it's a built-up of things it's not it wasn't just you it was just like in general but okay whatever Marie see this is why that was funny Sydney thank you for that thank you for letting us end on a

high note after all this spiral talk for the record I did want to talk about soup but both of you said no to that we didn't want you to think anything like we needed you to know that we were definitely like nah

on that Jo said she wanted to be our soup expert okay sis look we have literally two minutes left what would you have told us about soup or what can you tell us about soup yeah the pitch the pitch on soup well i just was gonna say that you know a lot of soups is kind of the same formula it's kind of easy to master and i just think it's a really it's a good skill can't do salad but can do soup you can't make salads that's why j-lo don't like you because you don't make salads yeah salads and and ben's ass Yeah, she's a salad girl, okay?

The only soup she eats is Ben Affleck's ass, yeah. You think she's listening to the unofficial experts? Absolutely. Hey, Jennifer. What is it, Bennifer? How y'all doing? You know, Joe has such an extensive network. When we repost this, you know, it might get to Jen.

It might get to Jen. It might. It might. She's going to be like, that's the girl that touched my knees. Yeah, since then we've gotten really close. So it's actually all good. That's why I stopped spiraling. Yeah, we're pretty close now.

We're friends that kiss on the lips. It's actually pretty good. Oh, wow. Yeah. Friends that kiss on the lips. Before we head out, Jo, do you have any, like, last words for people who spiral like myself? Last words for spiralers and maybe, you know,

a good thing about us, you know? so two things yeah two things yeah okay yes whenever you start a spiral think about how great time travel would be because you think right now it sucks three weeks from now actually i'm gonna think about something else and so you think why don't they invent time travel wouldn't it be wonderful the end you know what joe i agree with you on that when i have a bad i'm having a bad time or a bad moment i think about time travel too but i do differently i'm like oh i wish i could just fast forward like two years from now when i was successful and living in a mansion with a pool um and i've been saying that for every two years like like two years ago

i was like i wish i could fast forward to like this year and this year i'm like damn okay so if i keep saying you know two years from now i'm always like a year behind you know what i'm saying i don't know what the mathematics on this is but in 2017 in 2018 did you say which can fast forward two years yeah yeah so you you wanted to get to 2020 and then you got there and it was and then imagine being in 2017 and and or 18 and being like yeah i will fast forward to 2020 and it's like oh wow i really asked for the wrong thing exactly i should have been a little bit more specific in my years exactly um anyway joe this was awesome thanks for having me sorry this got uh really emotional but i'm no i'm glad i got to talk to you nobody cried nobody cried and i cried and

i cry so it's no this was great i um i really do enjoy you joe i think you're so funny and um you definitely are different like in the sense that no comedians always they do too much they be trying so hard in conversation and you're just yourself and you always have like a good time and that's why I can go to the movies with you and now send you emojis via text. The feelings are

mutual. The feelings are mutual. Well, that was a beautiful episode. Let's end. Andrew, do you have a message for J-Lo before we go? Oh, wait, wait. No, no, no. Joe, can you tell everybody where they can catch you and find you? Andrew will put a pin in it.

yeah put a pin in that andrew hold on a second i gotta do some plugs yeah uh i i would say uh you could follow me on instagram but i don't really do that much um you could go to my website i guess i put shows up there uh joefirestone.com and joe's doing the knit soon so i am okay wait why are you saying like you didn't know are you not in there did we not have a conversation about this i don't think so joe i feel like i put you in there oh maybe i didn't talk to you about it let me look yo it looked like we didn't

okay yikes alright I'll do it soon you wanna do it on July 11th let me look or July 18th

this is great content yeah well this is so the listeners know that they can come see Joe Firestone at the Knitting Factory

I could do July 11th amazing you're in there friend Joe Firestone Joe Firestone ladies and gentlemen

you can see her at the Knitting Factory on July 11th yeah bring dead ass bring dead ass now again let's end now Andrew a word for J-Lo or about J-Lo

a word for J-Lo I guess I'm excited for her and her new blossoming relationship with an ex I think seems to be going well alright that's where Andrew wanted to leave it ladies and gentlemen I have nothing to say to J-Lo okay

maybe she'll be at the Knit as well she gonna be there on July 18th on July 18th She also will be performing comedy at the Met. Thank you. She's coming with her good friend Joe on the 11th. All right, guys. Thank you so much.

Stop spiraling. None of this actually matters. We're living in a simulation. Live your life and know that time travel will be possible soon. And one day you'll be able to go back to the thing that's bothering you, fix it, and go back to reality where no one cares. Yeah, and the person that you think is mad at you most likely has herpes. So they're dealing with their own issues, you know?

Wow. Sydney, a Sydney fact. I'm just saying. They're not mad at you. They're mad at something else. They're mad at their burning crotch. Yeah. Wow.

Words to live by. Anyway, amen. Amen. Bye. Forever. Dog. This has been a Forever Dog production. The unofficial expert is executive produced by Brett Boehm, Joe Cilio, and Alex Ramsey.

Senior Producer, Tracy Sorin Produced by Andrew McGuire Cover Art by Sandy Honig To listen to this podcast ad-free, sign up for Forever Dog Plus at foreverdogpodcasts.com slash plus. Check out video clips of our podcasts on YouTube at youtube.com slash foreverdogteam. And make sure to follow us on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook at Forever Dog Team to keep up with all the latest Forever Dog news.