MESS with Sydnee Washington & Marie Faustin - "The Subway Expert" with Gianmarco Soresi

Episode Date: December 1, 2017

What's the easiest way to get punched in the face on the NYC Subway? We talk homeless comedians, what men should NOT wear on dates (cargo shorts + Sketchers), and Oprah disrespecting Stedman with Gianmarco Soresi. Put down your book & pull up a chair!----Listen to The Unofficial Expert Ad-Free on Forever Dog Plus:https://foreverdogpodcasts.com/plus----BONUS EPISODES AVAILABLE NOW ON PATREON:www.patreon.com/TheUnofficialExpertBUY UNOFFICIAL EXPERT MERCH:https://www.teepublic.com/stores/the-unofficial-expert-podcastFOLLOW THE UNOFFICIAL EXPERT:https://www.instagram.com/UnofficialExpertFOLLOW SYDNEE:https://www.instagram.com/JustSYDbwhttps://twitter.com/justsydnycFOLLOW MARIE:https://www.instagram.com/Reeezyhttps://twitter.com/MsReeezyFOLLOW ANDREW:https://www.instagram.com/mcgui_guyTHE UNOFFICIAL EXPERT IS A FOREVER DOG PODCASThttps://foreverdogpodcasts.com/podcasts/the-unofficial-expertSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

hello hello welcome to the unofficial expert podcast with tibby and marie ah feels so good it does feel good right to be back even though we were here last week uh-huh next week there was no break no it feels good to be on the podcast with you drinking uh some nice herbal tea thank you for that raspberry yeah you're so fancy marie yeah i mean for me i think it's like a basic tea bag like it's not like i've you know like it's not like i had a bunch of dry herbs when are we gonna get like that like that kind of rich where you have like have to steam our own herbs for tea i don't know our friend molly does that yeah but molly's probably the richest person Yes, he is.

Shout out to Molly Austin. She's going to be our wealthy expert. She wants to be something else, but we're trying to figure out. Yeah, we're really trying. She wants to be the wind expert. Can you tweet us and let us know if you guys want to hear about the wind? The wind beneath my wings. For 59 minutes.

Yes. What the wind? I don't know. Love Molly Elizabeth Austin, though. She's dope. She's the best. Sydney, besides the tea, how are you doing today? I see you got a little sweater vest on.

Oh, my gosh. first of all i have my turtleneck on and it just makes me feel so much better than everyone in here okay like don't i feel like don't don't i look professional like i could be a professora you look like a teacher i look like a teacher because you have on black pants that aren't ripped nope a turtleneck and like a cardigan sweater vest sweater the sweater vest was taking it to like like education oh i just need a chalkboard behind me teach you uh you need glasses with a chain on them oh can you get me like a wobbly like a substitute teacher under arms oh i kind of have that no you don't i don't i don't know what i mean like when the old lady like yeah yeah i know i

don't have it the wings the wings beneath her wings wobble baby wobble baby yeah my arms don't do that so what are you doing they shouldn't do that you've got skinny long arms you're right you're right like a swan's neck thank you you're welcome i heard you how you doing i'm good i went to the gym today i did laundry yesterday i didn't i just made my bed this morning oh i saw that you saw that so i'm doing well i'm really excited to go to sleep because to me there's nothing better than like a freshly washed like duvet and like the pillows are new so i'm excited i'm going to bed right now at 1 p.m. Is there a space for me? Absolutely not. There's a space for you here on the couch or on the floor next to the bed. It's the communal couch. Yeah. It's

no longer my couch. It is. It's the streets couch. But she's getting out anyway, so no matter. Does she listen to the podcast? She's here. Oh, hey sis. Anywho, Marie, were you are an expert this week? No, you know what, Cindy? I am going to defer to you and see when you were an expert at this week so I can think about my tea. Oh, you're so slick. Thank you so much. Cindy, what were you an expert at?

I was an expert in eavesdropping. Ah. I think I am one of the nosiest people on this planet. You are? I'm going to agree with you on that. I find out all the tea. It can be hot, lukewarm, chili tea,

iced tea no tea like I that's true because sometimes I got tea for you and I'm like what happened

and then it'll be like a story that like I don't care about you're so like bored you're just like falling asleep

you're texting while I'm telling this story because you're you're rude anyway I was in a good old fashioned

uber pool because it was only five dollars because I just want to let you guys know I'm doing bad no

I just it just so happened that it was five dollars from where I was going I was like going from a show to home or whatever it is both in brooklyn okay um but i'm in the front and i usually have my headphones on because i'm gonna listen but i had a little crack and this girl was in the back and

she was on the phone loud as hell um which is the only way to be in an overpool i mean it's it's rude you shouldn't really be on the phone but i let her live because it sounds juicy she was on the phone with her boyfriend and she i guess he was saying how he wants to quit his job and he he just feels like trapped and he doesn't feel like it's doing anything for him and she's like no you cannot quit your job i am not going through this again i the last person i was with quit their job and then they didn't get another job for four years four years four years laurence women's security oh my god i feel like she was she's like i'm not doing that and she's like if you quit who's gonna pay for the dates i said she's asking real questions priorities my friend

who's gonna pay i was like she didn't talk about anything else except the date yeah she's like if we don't go out and how are we gonna like explore our relationship i said wow what kind of dates are they going on they're going on some like kinky ass uh polyamorous date she's like if you quit how are we gonna go to the haunted house she said that she didn't say that so i get it you know you mean oh my gosh she was just letting this dude have it and so me and the driver are laughing so loud and i feel i felt bad for the dude because i'm sure he's like is she like making fun of me but i bet you he's not gonna quit he ain't gonna quit because like she embarrassed him in a car full of strangers so how many people were in this pool it was me the driver someone else and her

oh okay and she was wasted she's like i was just at all work i was at a work dinner all they had was pina grigio you know i hate pina grigio i was like but she was drinking it though yeah you was drinking that shit you was at the open bar like one more pino you had peanut uh peanut grigio bartender pour me another glass i like wine yeah so i was listening and I was laughing and then she got off the phone and I said I was like listen it's okay for people to just be unemployed for a little bit I'm an employee

and she was like yeah that's why you're in this group but so was she yeah but she probably works part time I said listen me and my girlfriend right now she understands that I'm an artist and I'm working through it and she knows that one day all of this is going to be worth it yeah and then you're going to leave her

for a white woman no I would never thanks marie okay did you find your expertise yet i did i uh it's coming to me right now uh i feel like this week i was an expert at making white people uncomfortable i'm usually an expert at like 362 days out the year are you the new jesse williams uh No, because Jesse Williams left his wife for Minga Kelly. Yeah. And also my eyes are too dark to be Jesse Williams.

And Shonda Rhimes don't know me. Hey, Shonda, I know you looked at a podcast. If you want to hear how to get away with murder experts. Imagine if she came on the podcast. She would definitely not. Never. She would want to sit here on Sidney's bed. On the communal couch.

Yes. On this bed bug couch. Yeah. Yeah, Shonda, tell your people to call me. Because I ain't got no people yet. But yeah, so I did a couple shows in, wait for it, Yonkers. Ooh, Yonkers. Yonkers.

We were the queens of Yonkers. Well, I mean, Yonkers is a bunch of serfs. So we went to Yonkers, home of people like DMX. That's where he was born and raised and addicted to crack. No, I feel like he did crack outside of Yonkers. No, no, no, no, no. First time he smoked weed, he was 12, and it was laced with crack. I think he might have been 10, but he's been addicted to crack ever since.

Anyway, sad story about DMX. It was in his behind the music or whatever. What were you doing watching that? I was cleaning my bathtub, and it was playing in the background, and I was like, oh, my God, while I'm scrubbing. I was like, this is so sad. You cried? It's just a sad story.

No, I didn't cry. You know my tear glands are quite dry. yeah you're haitian cold so thank you so much but the story's still set anyway city shut up so we did we had four shows scheduled this weekend uh two friday to saturday and we had to go to to do them and um this is exactly what i told you no who is it christy cello let me see if she called me she did not call me um so but city so it's not on do not disturb sorry what's happening here sorry i specifically asked you to turn it you know what keep going keep going do it in yonkers telling jokes about being a queen

and calling white women princesses and they don't like what you call them that you know that's what they are uh no they loved it i was there they were laughing i don't know it was just weird and then there was this white man in the in the crowd yes this was the best this white this is so good he told us that he was a doctor and his name was mr walsh so i called him dr walsh and when i was on stage i was rapping at my set and was like oh well i don't know what i should say what i should leave you guys with and i was like dr walsh what should i what should i do and he was like i don't know take your top off he was legit a cool 72 he was serious and his wife was sitting there and she was laughing oh god freaks she didn't even shush him she was like i told you listen these

old dudes be ready take your top off i was like dr waltz and i stripped on stage so that's what i was an expert at this week and then he kissed you on your cheek he did he had on your cheek oh no no he gave me a little side hug and then he went straight to your cheeks with his no lip ass it smelled like butterscotch uh anyways where there's original speaking of butterscotch uh our guest today uh is a comedian uh and a storyteller who performs all over new york um he has a weekly show uh at the pit he just headlined at uh the world famous come um caroline's caroline's caroline um uh he is our subway expert but you guys are going to hear exactly what type of expert this is uh he has done my radio show a couple times funny tiny guy

it's uh john marco cerezi hello hey john marco so your name is spelled very yes it's very italian i'm much more jewish uh but it's with the g g i g i g i a n marco but that's one name it's one name everyone thinks i'm being very formal when i introduce myself yeah like you're saying like your three names like sarah michelle giller or yeah but it's like no it's two john marco it was like can i call you joe can i call you john it's like no no it's not in high school i went by g i was going through a golf phase and i was doing all sorts of experimenting You're wearing a guy liner? I was very bad at putting it on, so if someone would do it for me, but I did do the black

nail polish. Oh. Hot Topic exclusively. Oh, I love black nail polish. Did you draw your eyebrows? Your eyebrows are very thick. Yes. They're very hot.

Italian and Jewish, it's all thick hair. I didn't know you could be Italian and Jewish at the same time. Yeah, matzah pizza is what they call it. Matzah pizza! Is that a thin crust? That's a real thin crust. that's a cracker with tomato

sauce my favorite oh that's a poor pizza for me my mom loves matzah she's Haitian she's not at all Jewish or Italian

she just likes matzah she eats that really yeah it's like it wasn't supposed to be a snack it was like

they were running from the pharaoh and they couldn't make bread yeah my mom I'm sure if they saw it now they'd be like who are you running from

my mom's like it's a huge story she's not running from nobody no at all she's watching Kelly and Michael or whatever the hell

she's watching Kelly Ripa and like dipping it in jam or something oh god she crazy so can you talk to us a little bit about like where you're from

okay so I tell people DC but I'm from Potomac, Maryland wait a minute do you know our favorite show is Real Housewives

from Potomac well tell me about it because I saw like a trailer and I was like that's not the Potomac I know he's like

ain't no way I'm going to know this show where is the white women they're missing there's a white girl on the show we like to watch is there no white women in the show no there's one is there the one that her husband like is leaving her but they still live together wait are you sure she's white no i think it's all black women actually they have blonde hair like white women the show is like these women think that they're so much

more important than oh man they act like they have so much money but they're like Sis, I see that countertop. That's not wealth. That seems very Kmart. This doesn't sound like Potomac. I don't think I knew any black women with blonde hair. In Potomac? Yeah, but you grew up in the 90s.

Black women have blonde hair now. It's very common. Beyonce used to have brown hair now with blonde. Okay. If you go back to Thanksgiving. She started with brown. Exactly. And then she did those cornrows with the blonde.

And I was like, sis, I already know what you're doing. And then she was like, now I'm a blonde. Beyonce, Gisele, no. Okay, so grew up in Potomac. Yeah. Parents. Parents. What do they do?

Well, let's see. My mom is now Pilates teacher. Ooh. Oh, she's just doing something with her free time, right? No, well, it's like it's, you know, it's a long thing. So my dad did, he used to clean up oil spills. That used to be a big thing. Oh, your dad used to like save the dust?

Put a little soap on the dust? He saved the dust? Yeah, yeah. He was really concerned about those dusts. Real worried. Well, when I think of oil spills, I think about the ducks and with the duck soap that they like rub with a toothbrush to get the oil out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, so your dad.

So he would do that. Like he would hire the people who would do his running of the company. He wasn't out there with dirty pants. He wasn't in the church yet. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I thought your dad was Captain Planet. Yeah. No, no, no.

Not Suncred. So it's one of those things. My mom used to be a lawyer, and then I think my dad asked her to quit to raise me, and then later she became a Pilates teacher. She's living her time right now. Right now she's doing what she wants to do. Yeah, it's good. Now she's getting into certified Pilates and how it helps your sex life. What?

Your mom is so free! I know, I know. What's your mom's age? Oh, gosh. I'm not supposed to say. I've been doing so much stand-up. I said her name. She was upset?

Very tense. Okay, what's her first name? Irene. Irene. Okay, that's all we need. You don't need her first name. you know but maybe it's a calling card for her honestly i will actually want a class it can yeah sure where is it in potomac i think she just got certified so if you're a potomac

you're going to visit the sites of real wives housewives of potomac absolutely yeah because pilates is like a lot of old people do a lot of 60s 70s because like you're just lying down you're working oh yeah i thought pilates was for like everybody yeah it is but it but it's one of the few things that when you're 70 you can also do well that's more of my speed so i will be doing doing the best in class yeah showing off in irene's class yeah put my leg to the top have you done did you do blood no i took a blight class once i feel like i liked it more than yoga you don't like i didn't like yoga oh i'm a big yoga are you one of those people like walking to the streets of new york with the rolled up mat on your arm no i rented there that's a lot of work

I have mats at home, but I never get them. Do you wipe it down? Because you don't have a lot of mats. Yeah. No, you don't. I do. Right on. No, I do a cursory wipe, you know, one long wipe, but that's not enough.

You are a liar, dude. So how did you end up coming from Potomac and ending up in New York? Oh, gosh. Well, I came up here a lot with my dad. My parents are divorced. They got divorced when I was seven days old. Seven? Yeah.

So it might have been my fault. so your dad really didn't want to change them diapers at all i well then he had to because you know they separated and he's the only one in the house to change them and he can't drop me off in my mom's every time i take a show seven days old and then so they get who got you when like your dad got you they had joint custody so back and forth from the time i can remember that's a lot that's two two cribs two strollers though you live in the life that's two yeah how I got two Christmases, that was it. I got two Cribs.

Yeah, two Cribs. You celebrated Christmas. Well, my dad was Catholic, mom was Jewish, but remarried another person who was Catholic. Wait, you got best... Yo, you had Hanukkah gifts. We're really only focusing on that one day of the year where it paid off. That's what you look forward to. This is our holiday.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That one day. That's all that matters to us. We care about gifts. Don't you get like eight gifts for Hanukkah? No, you get one good gift in the beginning and the rest are bullshit. the rest are socks and like

yeah it's bullshit really oh yeah I was like I thought the gifts were nice no it's like oh here's a dre

here's some chocolate coins nah my friend she got a TV she got a watch what she got earrings like her

that's the rich friend you were talking about oh man it was in middle school she was like killing it so what was your mom's like

I didn't go I wasn't her friend at that time I guess terrible see I don't have more misfits cause my mom

She grew up in Long Island, and her parents told her when she was 12, you're going to have to have a really big bar mitzvah, a really big sweet 16. And she chose the latter, and that was the end of my heritage. She's dumb. She should have got that bar mitzvah. Nah, the sweet 16 is better. The sweet 16, you're going to have a good time. No, but you get more money.

Money. But how are you supposed to know that when you're 12? Listen, when I went to a bar mitzvah, my mother gave $300. What? She's like, you can't go there. I was like, what about $50? You can't go there with $50. you were asking

your mom for $50 my mom I went to a bunch of bar mitzvahs a bunch of bar mitzvahs I don't think I ever bought a gift I think I

I think I stole some coins and then gave it to the next person I got a steal from one and then gave it to the next and then I bought you

some gold coins I bought you some what are the chocolates with the cherries in it those things you know what I'm talking about the chocolate

and it has like the cherries inside and it has like a little syrup yeah yeah yeah you're terrible we understand

I wish I had I have people my age and they still like they're like well I still got that bar mitzvah money back up plan yeah people get

funds trust funds yeah it's crazy well the thing is I went in and it was we only had like

maybe 20 kids but then the rest was all it was not the adults was getting lit we were having

Shirley Temples and everybody else was having like I don't know Johnny Walker Black on the Rock well there was always for me

like with the guys there was always people at bar mitzvahs and they hadn't got to puberty yet so it was just guys and I was like hey we're all boys

and then there were the ones who hadn't gotten to puberty boys and girls and it was grinding baby got back having a good time baby got back

it's not a bomb it's terrible is there like a Jewish baby got back no baby got back I don't think that's how that goes

that's not how it goes I'm terrible Girls that are hollering in your pants. Holler. Girls that are hollering in your pants and you have to see me. Okay. So you get to New York.

Yeah. Do your parents are happy that you're here or nah? They knew it wasn't going to work out from early on. Like they knew this was what I was going to do, stand up and acting. So I think like they didn't have any high expectations. I didn't disappoint. I disappointed them early.

So I think they were fine with it. I mean, you've got to get the disappointment out of the way early. Yeah, yeah, yeah. When what? Disappointment? Yeah. That would be. I actually was performing since I was in, like, the first grade.

And I think I was just one of those kids that was like, this is what I want to do. I knew what I want to do. I want to come out to musical theater. So, you know, again, they were like, maybe I'll become a doctor after this BFA in musical theater. You look like you could be a doctor, though. I could play a doctor, so that's good. Right, right, right. Your glasses are very doctor.

Yes, I wear them. Everything I've ever booked, they say, make sure you bring the glasses. Yeah, they're very Grey's Anatomy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Again, second Shonda Rhimes reference. She's listening. She's coming. We're going to know.

We're going to hear. She's going to start a new show. Now she's on Netflix. What's the show she has on Netflix? No, Netflix, just like she's moved to Netflix. Right, but we don't know what it's called. Pilot season. We'll see her pilot season, Shonda.

Yay. Shondaland. Okay, so you get to New York. Do you remember your first subway experience? oh uh or your what's your most yeah i mean so there's this one guy so like you know we all have strong feelings about the the performers yeah and but there's one that i always really like to see and uh because he's a stand-up comic and i think he's he's very what i like is he's like you don't know a lot of homeless stand-up comedians so i've never met one i've never

encountered anyone trying to do i mean they'd be funny though when they'd be telling their little stories but then they have their like perspectives that you don't like he has a joke that man over there in that car told me i got old dirty clothes and i said i might be homeless jack but these are name brand clothes of our name brand look at that central park van cortland park washington square park and like all his jokes it's like oh yeah i've never heard anyone make that joke before so i always like to see him and i don't know his name i call him subway seinfeld subway seinfeld yeah that is honestly a character he could be in him he could be in a movie or yeah i know but the thing is like he does the same four minute set every single time oh let me tell

you we know a lot of comedians who do that yeah of course we know that but like they get to like go from place to place like he's always playing the red line okay and so like i've seen him do really well before like if there's tourists if there's tourists i've seen him in slay i've seen him slay you've seen him slay i've never seen an homeless man slay listen oh no he's slow he's slave i feel like doing comedy on public transportation is rough like i i agreed for some reason to do a set for some reason you got paid on the roosevelt the roosevelt island tram who paid you for this i don't know the person who asked me to do it so i had to do comedy the tram ride from side to side i think it's like four minutes right so it takes you to this little

island and then it takes you back for another four minutes and i can do stand-up for these tourists who don't speak english who didn't know who the hell i was people who like just didn't get it and with a camera crew it was awful they had a camera crew yeah they're like we're gonna try to sell this and i was like wait what why would they do that that was the whole reason why they were doing it it was awful but so they didn't speak english either yeah but i've done those hostel shows where you do it at a hospital and there's always but there's always like you have references you're like do they know what lunch is like i you don't know what you know but you always like you always over clarify you're always like it's a thing here where we do the thing

but they laugh because they're like do they not know we know about food yeah it's so crazy though because the last ride that i took nobody was laughing at anything i was saying right and this little boy said something and people were like oh and i was like oh you're trying to you think funny now and he was like mm-hmm and i was like tell the truth and he was like what do you call a cow with no legs and everybody was like waiting to hear and he was like ground beef and everyone was like oh my god and i was like y'all at ground beef wait that's pretty good i've never heard that one no i've never heard that you can't even come up with that damn joke that's fucking rude anyway i was with a little boy he looked like he was maybe like six or seven he's about to get

kicked I don't know all of them get kicked off the trail I'm gonna try that on stage sometime

see if it works get back to subway style okay subway style so he does the same stuff the same set every time

and there was just one time I was coming from a I take a weekly hip hop class and actually

go into it right in person yeah if you want to come to 30 to 4 it's advanced beginner so

what's advanced beginner we're born advanced beginner oh my god you don't need a class oh it's really

fun and that was a really good class and as I was coming I was going home from that I live in Harlem and so I got on the train

it was around 4 o'clock the 2-3 uptown and who was headlining but the subway sign felt himself and so he started into a set and things were going fine

but then on the other end of the car he had a heckler so there was a guy and he just I mean he was he started and he goes

shut the fuck up we already heard this shut the fuck up it was I mean vicious yeah but like

the comedian we'll call him Jerry Subway Cycle his name's Jerry Jerry like kind of ignored it he knows his set he just kind of

plowed through but then the heckler started anticipating his punchlines that's how well we all know his set so he'd be like name brand close

picked him out myself and then the heckler would come and be like Central Park Ben Corland Park Washington Square shut the fuck and so that's when like jerry decided to switch it up to some crowd work

so he turned to the heckler and he was like this homeless man is doing crowd work he's doing yeah like he's already got a hard life why you gotta do the crowd work he said to me said how about i shut the fuck up i fucked your mother up the ass and then it was just like chaos people started screaming wait jerry said that jerry said that to the heckler Oh, man. He deserved it. Someone was filming. Someone shouted, world star.

It was like, it was a crazy moment. That's how you know it's real. If somebody don't scream world star, nothing's actually happening. And so, like, I wanted to say something. Because, you know, I'm a performer. And I felt bad. But, you know, I didn't because I was a coward. And so, we got to 72nd Street.

And the doors opened. And Jerry got off the train. But he looked like shaking. You know, we've all had bad shows. not on the two train but not a bad show and you're homeless and you're homeless

and you're on the two train you got a bad show then you gotta go home there's no home and home is the train you gotta get back you gotta get back on the train cause that's your home

so I felt bad and so Jerry left the doors closed we kept going but the heckler kept was still like he kept he was like

stupid bullshit I don't have to hear this shit I wrote three fucking jobs unfunny ass motherfucker and like when you know when he called him unfunny like something something in me

I felt even worse and I just I couldn't help it it came out of me I screamed back I said hey he left so why don't you

shut the fuck up and it was like the first time in the whole ride that everyone shut the fuck up until the heckler yelled back

who the fuck said that were you ready well not really because as a reminder I was coming from hip hop so what I was wearing

at the time I was wearing a beige American apparel tank top you can't be a white man in a big It was on sale while they were closing down.

You didn't have like a little track jacket on? I don't go to hip-hop to look good. I go to hip-hop to feel good. No, that's not what hip-hop's for, dude. To feel good. You gotta have a look as well. You can't just be. What?

Hold on. What else? Did you have a backwards baseball cap on? No, I didn't have that. I did, though, have juicy sweatpants. Neon blue, juicy sweatpants. Juicy on the butt. No, you didn't.

I don't even know they made those pants for men. I don't know if it was, but they fit. I mean, I think they do. Oh, man. Did you get it from a consignment shop? I feel like. You had on women's. I got it on sale.

You had on women's. I feel like you must have seen it. No way. It's not women this tall. This must have been men's. How tall are you? I'm 6'3 and a half. 6'10 women.

Lisa Lobo or whatever is that tall. Wait. So you had some juicy pants. It said juicy across your butt. A beige tank top. And Crocs. And you were doing hip hop and Crocs. No, I changed after Crocs.

Okay, because that's a lot of nerve. And then we have to end the podcast. No, no, no. You will not desecrate my hip-hop. No, I changed after class. I wore very cool sneaks for the class. What cool sneaks you had on? I had the Nikes.

What are they called? The Nikes, they make all different colors. Yeah, we were really cute. You mean New Balance? I bet you it was a New Balance. No, I don't think you've seen New Balance in Nike. It was a Skechers New Balance. I'm like, Nike, it has the N for Nike.

New Balance. You had an N for Nike. and so here you are looking like a target you scream shut up shut up so he said who the fuck said that and i saw across to me like there was this guy like if crossfit was a person it would have been this guy like he's filling out his tank top a lot better than me and i thought oh this is the moment that all those muscles are for this this kind of fight so i gave him a look kind of like hey man i'm in a pickle uh if shit goes down you'll take care of it right and he gave me a look back like nah and so so the guy the head was stood up at this point saying who the fuck said that

i can tell the way he's saying it he really doesn't know who said it right until that crossfit guy points directly at me yeah you should wait the crossfit you got connor in the same field like we're in the tank top we're in the room tank top cross these guys on those crotch and he was like that's not my people that's not my kin

and so so the so when he points to you in no like at no point did you feel like oh I should just

point to him we should just all keep pointing going back and forth yeah no I think I was too I was so stunned at this betrayal

of who I thought was my friend this stranger I thought her brother's son if this drama on the train I don't want to be involved

I'm not pointing at nobody because what if you I don't say anything but I think it was one of these things I think we were the only if I remember correctly

we were the only two men on that side of the train so he probably was like I don't want to deal with this this is the guy who opened his god damn mouth yeah but the CrossFit guy was probably bigger

than the heckler right yeah but he doesn't want to fight he's not looking for a fight maybe he came from the gym he's tired he should have just been like

not me if the guy came to his thing I wouldn't have said anything or it could have just been quiet yeah what are you pointing for he didn't have to say anything maybe he was on the heckler side

did he point with flair did he throw his whole hand up or did he just do a little flick it was just a flick or maybe they did that on purpose they set it up that's maybe their thing where he yells at this he's a heckler

and his friend sets it up it's a scam anyway maybe that conspiracy theory wait people listening want to know what happened so he points to you So he points to me, so now the heckler's coming to me, he says, you fucking say that? And he's walking towards me.

And this was just as we got to the 96th Street stop. And so I saw that across, there was a train, one, going uptown, and the doors were open. So I'm like, I got two options. I've got my time to go. When this train gets up, I'm going to have to try to run the street level, try to find the police, but, you know, he'll probably catch me because of the Crocs. I can't. Crocs slow you down.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You can't run Crocs to the cops. so you say so i go okay i'm gonna go over the option two i'm gonna try it again another train just hope for the best so in your crocs in my crocs but you need to take the cracks behind like cinderella you gotta just crockerella you gotta just come back at midnight or whatever time but it's in a shorter distance i can make it so so the door is open i swear i like pivot past the heckler oh you do a pivot i pivot i did basketball in middle school before you hit us i did basketball in middle school i did basketball in middle school so what did the heckler look like

just uh he looked he looked like uh he was a construction worker of some kind like he was wearing jeans and he was wearing i mean we're talking about dusty we're talking about the race oh i wanted to know everything okay i wanted to know there's a black man oh man now mark you gonna keep that to yourself yeah fuck you you're gonna be like i don't recall i don't look at race i don't see color see color that's why i got that beige tank top so the black dude the black dude in the construction boots uh you pivot past him with those b-ball moves and you run across i run across like i swear to god i get onto the the one and the door is closed before he's able to reach me so he falls down when he's banging on the glass he's like i'm gonna kill you i'm gonna

kill you and i was feeling a little cocky i made it i'm saving so he's like too slow motherfucker too slow are you talking all that shit yeah yeah and that's when the doors reopened see this is i knew the doors were gonna reopen yep that's what happened that's what always happened and that was the first time i got punched in the face no what kind of punch was it it was it was not the bad it was not the worst punch it was like i kind of i thought duck kind of nicked my nicked my chin and then i cowered i mean i cowered i said i'm sorry i'm so sorry and he left did you fall down i like did into the seat did you drop your thing uh no i had a backpack on did you so i was there did you have your glasses

on uh yeah i probably did because i i have to do hip-hop with my glasses on so i can see oh you're doing hip-hop so wrong you're not doing it right again it's about feeling good so then he gets off the train after you say you're so sorry uh yeah because he's got to get back he was able to get back on his way he was able to punch you and then get back on his train those trains sometimes are very slow they're slow when you don't

need them the devil was on his side oh god so were you bleeding like were you hurt no it just like

stung a little bit and I was like you know I was like oh my god my jaw is broken were other people there yeah that's the question were there people

on the train it was not a very crowded train but you know getting people like I'm not messing with this shit he must have

done something someone shouted world star somebody said the proxen like he deserved it he deserved it And someone else was like, that's gay bashing.

Oh, man. So, that's the fight on the train. What else has happened to you on the subway? Because I feel like you probably didn't learn your lesson. Yeah, and I've had a couple things happen on the subway. Once, more recently, I was on a date. I met a girl at a bar, and she was coming back to my place in Harlem. I was very excited.

What were you wearing? Wait, where do you live in Harlem? 125th and Lenox. Okay, that's like a main. Yeah, yeah, yeah. across the new Whole Foods. I see it from my window. No, don't say it like that.

That's gentrification. We don't give a damn about the Whole Foods. And I'm worried if they saw me move in and they're like, all right, we got a market in place.

Let's set up the Whole Foods on Malcolm X Boulevard. That's what it is. It won't be Malcolm X in like five years. It'll be Wayne Brady Boulevard. That's what I'm giving to you. Wayne Brady Boulevard.

Exactly. You get it. So you meet this guy in a bar. What are you wearing? Because we just need to... I was not coming from hip hop, so that's probably

what I'm wearing now. That's your date look? So quickly. Oh, wow. What do you think I'm going to achieve? Well, what night was it? If it's a Tuesday, then you're fine. If it's a Friday, Saturday, that's a no.

I will let you know that I almost wore cargo shorts at this. And I saw something you posted yesterday. And I said, oh, I better not wear cargo shorts at this recording. That's my podcast outfit. Cargo shorts and tank top. And I saw you post something about guys who wear cargo shorts in the fall. And I said, I better not do that. What did you say about guys who wear cargo shorts in the fall?

Oh, I was going off. I was on a rant. It was one of those things where you're like, Sydney, you're being mean. Like, people were in my DMs like, what's wrong with a manhole? Like, they were saying all this stuff. I was like, oh.

Yeah, I saw it and I was like, nope. I was pretty mean. See, Sydney's doing what she can for the community. This is my dating app. What, a suit? I don't know. Like, maybe like a nice bun down. Like, maybe not flannel.

I went to a bar. It was someone at a bar. We weren't going out to a bar. Right, they met at the bar. Okay. Whenever I was wearing, she decided she wanted to come back. So it was a good effort. Oh, whatever it was, it was like...

Whatever it was, it was fine. Whatever it was, it was good enough for her to be like, let me see the house. Let me see the dick. No. Let me see the dick. So when she approached you, where did you approach her? I just want to know what your game is.

There's no game. She must have... You probably were like... Bumped into each other. Bumped into each other. There's no way I saw and made a move. I'm not that type. Oh, dude.

But you're the type to scream at somebody on the train. shut the fuck up I just have like bursts of and also like in Potomac you yell and no one's

fighting each other like it's kind of a thing where you're like oh yeah you can't just yell things at people not in New York not in New York

you yell at the wrong person so so we got on the train we're going back to my place everything's going well and then at 72nd street who should get on

but Mandy Patinkin yeah so Mandy Patinkin he was a in The Princess Bride he was Nigo Montoya he's from

you killed my father prepare to die he's from Homeland Homeland but I went to school for musical theater so he's a big

he's a big deal for me big huge musical theater star so like the cool veneer I've been cultivating all night just like disappeared oh my god

that's Manny Padilla Manny going to Harlem I was so excited yeah yeah yeah that's your voice that was your voice yeah and I was so

you know who who would get on their subway to make you freak out like that like make your voice go oh my god

oh my god Oprah Oprah's not Oprah's not taking the train if she but if she did she's taking the plane if she was on the train

to go to Harlem if she took the train I would freak out because it would look fucking like if I saw Oprah on the train I'd be like

there's no way that's her and I would just be like move grandma and I wouldn't give her my seat because I wouldn't believe that it was Oprah on the train it was Oprah I'm like

she lost it all yeah I would just assume everything would be bad she'd have to make a series of horrible decisions. No, she's like a billionaire. She is a billionaire.

If you go up and she's like, can I get a swipe? And you're like, Oprah, what happened? Yo, Oprah should do that. That should be a great segment. But it's like the thing where if you help her, she's like, I'm Oprah. You win a car now.

You win a car. You win a car. You're so generous. Nah, she'd probably give everybody a monthly MetroCard. I don't want a car. Yo, that's a segment right there. In New York, I don't need a car.

Give me a MetroCard for the year. A MetroCard for the year. Actually, let me get my debit card and link it to her debit card. Yes, or give me unlimited MetroCard and Ubers. She's a billionaire, right? Yeah, she is.

She can definitely give me the unlimited Uber. I don't even go there. And she's not going to ever marry Stanton. Oh, that's funny. How long have you been dating? What's his name?

They've been together for like 50 years. Hold on, let me Google this. 50 years. She said she doesn't want to get married and he's like, no, Juan.

He's like, I don't want to get married either. I just want to be your man. Do you live together? Probably. He probably lives at the other end of the house. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

They don't sleep together. He lived in the West Wing. He lives in the guest house near the pool. Oh, brah and dead men. Okay, wait. Go ahead and finish that. Okay, so Manny Patinkin gets on. Big deal for me, personally.

And he gets off at 9 to 6 or 2. He's not going to home. But, like, I had had a couple margaritas that night. Or I never would have done this. So you felt like you needed to chat. Yeah. I mean, but also because he's not, like, he's famous. But it's kind of famous for, like, he doesn't necessarily take a selfie every day with a

Yeah, he's like, I'm actually doing you a favor, so I'm reminding you that you're somebody, because nobody else would know. I've had those shows where I own the play or something, and people offer me to sign my playbill, like they're doing me a favor. They're like, do you want to sign my playbill? They're like, yeah, I guess they'll make it look cool. That's what you did to Mandy? No, no, no. So I went up to Mandy at 96th Street as he's getting off. Is that a total slap that you got punched in the face?

Yeah, it's not a lucky slap. You should just skip 96th all together. so I I follow him off really quickly I'm like Mr. Patinkin I'm so sorry

to interrupt your night but I just want to let you know you followed him off so you got off the train with your date no so she's there so I'm just like I'm like in the doorway

and basically like as he's in the doorway I'm like I see Mr. Patinkin you're an inspiration to me every day and your musical theater work is just so amazing

and thank you for everything you've done did he have a heart was he like trying to be in disguise and you just were like Mr. Patinkin no I think

he might have been with his mom like he was a much older woman that might be his piece that might be his piece yeah maybe but he's got a big bushy beard he always looks like he's very

he's an intense guy like he doesn't want you to talk to him yeah sure but he don't care but he shook my hand and said see you down the road kid and I was like I was so elated

and he walked away and yeah that was actor that was like actor term get the fuck out of my face no no it was like maybe you'll be on homeland one day kid and we'll have a scene that's how I took it that was like flipping a coin that was like a cool like

1920s like I'll see you around kid and you're like oh man gee mister that would be a star I would say that after he like banged the woman out and was like I'm leaving never see you again see you around kid yeah well I took it very

meaningfully at this moment whenever I feel low. And so I shook his hand, the doors closed, and that's when I realized that as I was shaking his hand, I had left the train, and my date was still on the train. And now the thing is that... Wow!

The thing is that all I knew all I knew about this woman was that her name was Beth. But you did, she didn't have your phone number or nothing. No phone number. So we look at each other through the windows, and the doors did not reopen this time. the train started moving

and so I was looking and she's like she's like Facebook man I was like what's your last name and she was like gone and she went to the tunnel

wait did you chase the train a little bit a little bit but then I went into the tunnel we were closer to the tunnel than far away did Mandy Patinkin see this happening

no Mandy did not Mandy got the fuck away from me as quick as possible yo Mandy my night just cleared up you wanna chill I wanna hang out

with you and your wife or your mom or whoever this wife is to you what a waste so I feel like it's like

it sounds like first of all 96th street is not your friend no in some ways in general I just don't think

well what is the do you have do you have tips for people who take this that way in New York who maybe are listening to this

and have never been on the train like is there anything that you could like do words of wisdom well one I would say

if you're meeting a girl at the bar and you're going back to your place get her fucking number yeah yeah get that

When you're, like, Sydney, when you, like, leave in the bar with somebody and you know they're going to your house or they're coming to your, their, you're going to their house, you're not exchanging numbers. Oh, I always exchange numbers. If, if we're leaving together. I feel like that's saying. I give my number just in case. Like, what if something, I don't know. That'd be like, okay, we're already got something going. Let's make this more intense.

Before we hook up, let's make it so that I can contact you whenever I want. Wait, hold on. You're like, you're good enough to like, let's hook up, but you're not good enough to have my phone number. I feel like most people don't exchange numbers until after. No, I... If it's going to be a one night stand, they won't exchange sometimes numbers at all. I'm sorry.

I don't just have one night stands, so I... I mean, I wouldn't know either. Exactly. It's not the way that my vagina sounds. Dang. Okay, Marie. This is a VIP clip. Okay.

There is a velvet robe outside my vagina. If you guys connect and you make plans to link up later, then you exchange numbers. But if they're going back to your place, you should definitely get their number. But why? You don't expect to be separated in the journey home. In New York, my phone is always fucking dying. Always dying. Well, that's true.

My phone, something always happens. We're like, I don't know, I'll drop it in the water. I don't know. I need to get the number or at least the name. The last name of, what is Beth? Beth, if you're listening to this, boo. I tell this everywhere just in case

one day nothing yo she gonna think you are right wait were you guys making out before you got on the train like

I think we had like a little smooch a little smooch a little but that's what's so I mean that's the thing if you're when I stand

don't take the train because then you gotta like keep things like turned up for an hour and a half on the dirty train and that's hard that's true

I've never done that you're on the train under those terrible fluorescent lights oh so you get to see every nook and cranny you're like How old did he say you were?

You were born when? And then by the 87th stop, you're like, I don't think I really want to fuck you anymore. Well, Calvin, who was at our Walk of Shame expo, did our live show in October. And he was saying that he got on a bus with a guy that he met. He went to Jersey. He was on the bus for an hour and 20 minutes. That's too long. That would definitely, my mind would be going back and forth.

Should I do this? Should I not? I would be thinking too much when you're in a cab it's quick, you're making out you're still touching and then you're there so you're not even thinking about is this a bad decision

but if you're on a fucking bus you can hear the engine there's other people there there's a homeless guy doing stand up do you guys do do you make out in the car or are you just like this Uber driver is going to deal no no no when I'm this Uber driver

and all these pool customers you make out in an uber pool that'd be the worst I've never done that I've never done that I've seen people do that but I've never done that

oh man but before I got in a relationship the like two people before that I met the person at the club didn't even know him

we're I'm wasted I have a day drinking lunch da da da da da day drinking is fun but also dangerous it is

so I'm dancing he's trying to talk I don't even want to talk and then all of a sudden I like fall into him and we start making out and we're making out, making out, making out. And I see him in the face.

Yeah, like my tongue is in his nose and it's licking his eyeballs. I was like contouring his face with my tongue. It was crazy. That's crazy. I know. And then he's like, well, let's go. And so we're about to walk out the club

and he's like, wait, gotta get something. I was like, oh, he's gotta go get some condoms. No, he gets his skateboard and he said, yeah, my place is not that far so I'm just gonna skate and you're gonna walk beside me you're gonna try are you fucking kidding me dude i am not no way we're getting in a cab there's i am i'm first of all too wasted to walk beside you what oh man so we get in the cab i make out with him till we get to his apartment which was actually not that far

he was right about that but there was no way i was gonna fucking walk get in his place is peach black can't see shit all i know we get to his room i'm taking my clothes off i'm like yeah i'm like i was being aggressive and stuff and then we hook up i probably why was it so dark bitch hold on wake up fucking ceiling is missing he's got barely any sheets on the mattress fucking place is a disaster there's roaches in the bathroom it is it's a scene from that movie candy man it is disgusting i don't know maybe that taking the skateboard home should have been his sheets are probably not freshly washed his sheets were smooshed roaches hold on hold on listen the skateboard had supreme on it so i was like oh he's somebody he's got some points you

know and we're and listen i'm wasted i'm so fucked up i wake up and i was like this is a bad dream close my eyes healing was missing yeah there was parts of the ceiling missing because the They were about to tear that whole building down. You were in a condemned house. Oh my God. You were in a condemned building. Oh my God, I looked up. I said, this is a dream.

This is a dream. Close my eyes. Wake up an hour after. Fucking still. And I was like, this is real. The ceiling is still missing. But I'm so drunk. I'm like, oh, I'm so sick.

I can't get up. When you turned on the lights, he's like, no, baby, let's keep them off. I don't have light bulbs. that's a yellow canopy bed right so you can't see the ceiling

oh my god and then I was like I need to leave he said well stay or order pizza and I was like

okay I said I guess I'll stay the way to Sydney Elizabeth Washington's heart oh my god and some pizza

you ain't even got to have a ceiling girl that's just so it was so yo I felt you have a ceiling

though I do have a ceiling it rains from it sometimes it leaks a little occasionally their little bowls all over your room to catch the drone.

But I have roommates. Did he have roommates? No. The roommates were his brother. No, he did. Roommates are no ceiling. You've got to pick one. His brother. He was going to be moving into another apartment because that

place was fucked up. He probably has mesothelioma. They were renovating this new place, but he was staying in this place. So he was like, I'm not going to be here for a long time. He was squatting. I ended up buying him sheets.

I bought him sheets because the sheets were that disgusting. Like, right there. They were thin. It was like paper mache. What size was the bed, though? He said it was a queen. I was like, this is a fool.

Oh, man. You're lying about the size of his bed. Why do people do that? Like, we know when you're lying. Guys are like, just the size of your bed matters. Yes, bed matters the most. I was like,

bed matters more than the size of your bed. I was like, I'll never have Red Bull and vodka again. Ever. I was like, cut to the next day.

Drinking Red Bull and vodka in church. I'm drinking rum in a Red Bull. Yeah. So you're happy to look like that. Did you give us

some tips for the subway? Well, we learned take a cab and then on the other end, If he's taking a skateboard, then no. Don't go. Don't go to any of those theaters. I don't know.

You've got to be aggressive. It's more about this. It's more about like, mine's more like, please don't do this if I'm on the subway. When people are coming in before you get off, ooh boy. Oh, I yell at them. Oh, I yell. But it's always too late. It's always the people.

I'm always yelling at the people who didn't get on the train. I'm like, hello. And they're like, I know. We were here. No, I yell. and when people when the train is pulling up and people have their kids right in front of the door i'll be like move that move and they'll see my eyes and they'll be like they'll slide their baby to the side because the kids don't know the door's about to open and they're gonna get

like ran over by a bunch of grown folks on the train i will because i'm not looking down i'm looking up i will step on your baby shins move your kid or when people try to put their strollers on before people get off i personally think there should be a different train for people who got strollers and bikes honestly i feel like there's not enough room they need like their own fucking train because it's like and then people be having the double decker stroller i'm like mama bear what are you doing you know jewish ladies the double wide stroller it's the sleeping the sleeping on the benches especially if you're not homeless and you're sleeping on the bench oh like laying down.

I've never laid down on the subway. But do you know how wasted and comfortable you have to be to sleep on the train? You ever fall asleep on the train? Yes. I've fallen asleep on the train before, but I set an alarm so I don't miss my stop. Something in my body

wakes me up right before. So you've never missed your stop. Or the conductor is waking me up because I slept to the last stop. I had a friend, they hung over they slept to the last stop they were like oh shit

and then they started going back they fell asleep again woke up on the other end of the train that's a full night your friend was wasted they were wasted

that is your friend was wasted and alone and it must have been a man cause yeah yeah yeah a woman would have been he wakes up on the other end

of someone's head wait do you recommend people like meeting people on the train like you're giving somebody eye contact and they're giving you

eye contact and you're like you wanna get all front and center on a sex train yeah Who wants No

Oh my god I would never make a move On a train That is a zone Where like Train is a place You have to go Like a bar

You're going Cause maybe You're checking it out A train You have to do it To get from A to B Right So you should assume

You should let people Go somewhere Without getting hit on But you've never Met somebody on the train That you were like Damn what are you doing On the 6th

No Damn what is this 10 Doing on the 6th That'd be my line That's the game That's my line I do what I can what's the 10

what you doing on the 6 to 10 yeah I see you on the D train you want to get on this D train oh boy listen I mean I've done it when I was 23 met a dude on it's so weird 96th street

I met him on 96th street and I was going on the train and I thought that he was coming to Harlem dude was going to the Bronx but I had already like gave him the I was like hey like we're talking and then

you don't even just close your eyes I know you could be like oh but he was like can I get your number and I'm like

yeah and then I'm like fuck he's going to Bronx but I mean we ended up having a relationship and then he

cheated on me with a woman like a chick so whatever she didn't know her chick that her one leg what the hell

I was like what is it I was like what is that bitch doing I was like she's hopping on that dick

I was on the train uh for new year's on new year's day and everybody was drunk coming back right all the people who were like i'm not jumping in a cab taking the train home you have to it's it's hectic it's crazy that's crazy on new year's eve on new year's day so we're on the train and there was this tall like well-dressed guy um he had like a cane i was like what is this professional brother over there he must be a blogger right and then i looked and i was like is he peeing down his pant leg like he peed and it was like i don't know what kind of like catheter or what he had he had a catheter he had a go girl because the pants weren't wet but it was coming out the bottom of his

pant leg he had a go girl he had a go girl yeah portable peeing thing oh god the bag fell off like so but the but his clothes were dry but the pee was coming down his leg like off his foot was he standing like he was standing there cool as a cucumber cute cool as you and your juicy couture pants and hip-hop glass and somebody and the pee is like now because you know when the when yeah it goes stops goes here it goes down and it was like going there somebody was like hey did you just pee everybody like that was asleep woke up and we're all like drunk and looking at the dude and he just nodded and I was like

you admitted to peeing what are you gonna do y'all not gonna fight I would have lied I would have lied I had a bottle of water I'd be like look how dry my clothes are I would have lied I could have had pee coming out of me still

I'd be like nope I don't talk I'd be like my Arizona iced tea spilled it wasn't me the pee is coming out of your pants everyone's just picking their legs up their feet up Every time the pee comes underneath their feet, they're like, this guy's like, you almost got that on my wife's shoes. And we looked and she had on some, like, dusty Uggs.

And we're like, somebody should pee on those. Somebody should pee into them. Uh-huh. Right? All you need to know for the train, you just have to know everyone's in a bad mood. Everybody. You have to know, like, oh. Everyone's miserable.

Like, everyone's on this train with me, too. We're all not happy to be here. And I don't know, when it comes to performers, the Showtime dancers, it can be a lot. But do you give money to people on the train? I do. gives him any money anymore because the showtime stuff is like played out yeah i saw a woman get her foot stepped on by a showtime dancer and i was like oh no did they say no he was just dancing music and he didn't even notice so for people who have never been to new york showtime dancers are

like they're these like little hood kids that get on the train and pole dance for a minute and a half they think that they're doing surf do the soleil or whatever but they're not some of them are pretty good yeah but it's not that they're not good it's that so we're like we've seen it so much and it's like it's a packed train yeah also i'm trying to like sit here and mind my business sometimes they start in a train that's packed and you're like oh i don't think this is the train there's no room and they're like no we're gonna make this work and it's so scary it's scary it's bad and then the hat tricks i don't the hat tricks i'm like like oh look and then it never works and it's like oh it almost got on my head cool they'll kick their hat from

their foot to their head and they never make it somebody was telling me that there was a these a bunch of showtime kids got on the train once and there was a man with a giant ass tuba and you know a tuba is like bigger like the biggest instrument in the world right and a very rude instrument to be on the train oh man rude like come on dude put that in an uber XL. Shut up. Poor Tuba. And the Showtime kids were like, excuse you, we need to clear the area

so we can do this annoying thing that we're going to do. And the Tuba guy was like, no, he refused to move. And so they got into an argument with him. He should start playing. No. And they were like, Tuba, you don't want to get...

So the door opened and all the Showtime kids got off and they were yelling at this guy with the Tuba and once I punched him in the face and then the door closed and did not open. What? And everyone was looking

at the stupid dude like, sorry for your face. People were like, thoughts and prayers. So I got punched in the face. It's hard. I've never seen, I've heard there's some magicians

sometimes. I've never seen a magician. I've never seen a magician. That would, I need some new, that's what we just need something fresh. No,

there was a homeless man that got on and he was like, I know y'all just want me to shut the fuck up. Y'all tired of homeless people. That aggressive take. He's like, no, no, no. He's saying all this stuff.

And people were like, yeah. And yeah. And people gave him money because he was being so honest. He's like, you know, you know damn well I'm not going to get no food with this money. People were like, you know what? And then this guy dapped him. This guy gave him a dab. I was like, you just touched a dirty man's hand because he was that good at telling the truth?

Yeah. He's like, and then the guy was like, keep doing what you're doing, man. Keep doing what you're doing. Do the homeless man, keep doing what you're doing. You're doing good stuff. I cried. That is crazy. You know, I gave him a dollar.

See, no, I don't give money to homeless people on the internet. I had a friend who once gave, because Sonny's asked for food, and once gave him those bagel bites, those bagel chips, and the person was like, no, I don't like that. I got a lot of nerves. And my friend was just, the person was like, oh, I didn't know you were going to be picky. So, embarrassed. Your friend was like, now your friend is embarrassed by a homeless person. I'm like, oh my God.

I gotta take these dirty-ass shoes back. It's like, even homeless people don't want these. That's how bad they are. I, uh, no, I, um, I feel like when people get on the train, I don't ever give them money, but there's this, there's two groups that'll come on and sing.

Oh, they're so good. The doo-wop? There's, like, these old black dudes that do, like, Temptations and stuff. They do, like, old, like, Motown. And they're all, they're not even homeless. I think they're just doing it

because they're bored. Because they're old. And their wives are like, get the fuck out the house! but they're so good and then there's these young black kids that have a guitar and there's a woman with them

and they harmonize Adele and other pop songs but it's always really good and then most recently this Italian guy that comes on and does opera in Italian yes he's like and people are like singing some

he doesn't even want any money he just wants you to like listen to him sing and come see it's his open mic you know in london you have to audition to be a subway performer they don't perform on the train but they in the platforms you have to audition how the hell i would be auditioning to be in a public thing you could dance oh it's late fuck that i just i feel like if the subway dancers if the showtime kids like had on like suits like like tuxedos and did it like it would take it to the next level because they'd be like, well, look at this.

Oh, these like regular well-dressed men can also pull them. No. I don't care if they look clean. I don't want to see it. I don't. Nothing makes me happy

on the train unless somebody gets in a fight and then I'm like, ooh, what's going on? This is Worldstar. This is hilarious. Yeah, Worldstar. Yeah.

Okay, well, I think we learned a lot about the train. I think we love the train, talking about it. I mean, the time went by so fast. Yes.

Do you have anything that you want to leave the people with about do you want to go yeah well social media stuff

you know we always have shows and they come up so follow me it's at John Marco Cerezi for everything as we said

at the beginning it's G-I-A N-M-A-R-C-O S-O-R-E-S-I I'm headlining Eastville on November 18th I'm going to be

on the Risk storytelling show November 14th and then I have a weekly show at the pit called The Last Laugh

every Sunday 9.30 to 11 my sketch team is Uncle Function and we're the pit team Uncle Function, what's your function I saw what you did there Marie spell your name one more time G-I-A-N-M-A-R-C-O

S-O-R-E-S-I I still don't remember let's tag you yes, it'll be shown after something make sure you keep listening to us here every Friday literally any day of the week because this podcast is not going anywhere

unofficial expert on iTunes and then unofficial expert on Facebook and you can find me Reezy R-E-E-E-Z-Y on Instagram and you can find me just in B-W-J-U-S-E-S-Y-D B-W

please please please go on iTunes rate review please comment I mean we're doing great things we're giving you nothing but laughs for a whole hour the least you can do is just Let everyone know how amazing we are so we can thrive, so we can be on magazines. Yes.

Do me a favor and grab your dad's phone or your boyfriend's phone or your mom's phone or whoever, your Pilates instructor Irene's phone, and just subscribe to the podcast on their phone. Let all your friends know so we can just be out here winning, winning, winning. You guys, this was amazing. So much fun. Thank you. We'll see you for more dope episodes and more amazing comedy next week.

Yes. And shout out to Comedy Hype where you can get all your comedy news. Bye, guys. Bye.