MESS with Sydnee Washington & Marie Faustin - “The Wedding Expert” with Dave Mizzoni

Episode Date: October 19, 2018

Hit the open bar and get on the dance floor for this weeks Unofficial Expert with Wedding Expert, Dave Mizzoni. He discusses bands vs. DJs, stealing the floral centerpieces and how to be a better guest at your next wedding. Plus, Sydnee talks letting go of some friends while Marie describes bettering herself with some Taraji P. Henson energy.----Listen to The Unofficial Expert Ad-Free on Forever Dog Plus:https://foreverdogpodcasts.com/plus----BONUS EPISODES AVAILABLE NOW ON PATREON:www.patreon.com/TheUnofficialExpertBUY UNOFFICIAL EXPERT MERCH:https://www.teepublic.com/stores/the-unofficial-expert-podcastFOLLOW THE UNOFFICIAL EXPERT:https://www.instagram.com/UnofficialExpertFOLLOW SYDNEE:https://www.instagram.com/JustSYDbwhttps://twitter.com/justsydnycFOLLOW MARIE:https://www.instagram.com/Reeezyhttps://twitter.com/MsReeezyFOLLOW ANDREW:https://www.instagram.com/mcgui_guyTHE UNOFFICIAL EXPERT IS A FOREVER DOG PODCASThttps://foreverdogpodcasts.com/podcasts/the-unofficial-expertSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Forever! Dog! Hi guys! Hello! What's going on girl? Oh my gosh, we're doing it. We're doing it. We're in the studio. The heat is working. Is it? It is. I feel it. I'm sweating a little bit between my legs.

Between your legs? That's cause you're dirty. I am. I did not take a shower this morning. So sorry. I ran out the house. I was like, ooh. But did you shower last night? Yes, I did. Okay. I shower before I go to bed. Do you? Every night? No, not every night. Okay, because I feel like I know you, friend.

That don't sound like your ministry. Wow, Marie. You just be throwing. Marie is queen of throw your friend underneath the bus. I also drive that bus. Yeah. You do not Taraji P. Henson me at all. Sis, when we're at the Golden Globes,

I will Taraji the P out of your Henson, okay? When I'll say, oh my God, that's my friend. I'll take my shoe off and throw it. And then I'll go get it because it's a $3,000 shoe, but I'll go get it. Yes, yes, yes. But you need to Taraji when I'm at my low, too. You can't just wait until the top moment.

That's not fair. That's not ride or die. I mean, it's ride. I'm not going to die for you, sis. No, not at all. I text you when you were talking about the stalker. I was like, I'll come through. Let me know.

Sydney, what are you going to do for me? Be loud. You going to be a shield? Sydney, your body's too thin to stop a bullet. I'm going to be loud. I'm going to tell everybody. I'm going to go live. If a stalker is coming at me, I'm going to have to save you from saving me from the stalker, I feel like.

I'm going to go live. The followers will save us. No, the followers are going to be like, oh, no. Oh, no. Are those the shoes that you wore to get murdered, Marie? What are those? I'm not ready. So, Syd, what were you an expert in this week?

I'm an expert in I think it's time to let some friends go. Yes. It's time to let them go. It's so hard. To say goodbye Listen, I have to pour out a little bit of Pellegrino for some of these folks. It's just like you move up,

like it happens. The separation, you're just like, I feel like we have nothing in common anymore. I'm super sober. I'm going out of my way to keep up with these people and their lifestyle. And it's just like, it's not conducive to me being on the top.

I'm gonna be at the top and I just can't have this riffraff around. it's just riffraff riffraff first of all you hit us with conducive and riffraff all in the same sentence here for it i know i'm exhausted mind you well you just threw that in there because you wanted me to add that word to the list yeah i'm not adding that but it's like i had so many friends before i started comedy i had so many and it's just like everything is dwindling down to the very very last because of comedy or because of your sobriety or because you're getting older and you don't have time to waste time all three all three but especially sobriety

I think that I wrote a post on Instagram saying that for the month of November, if you really want to hang out with me, you can't drink around me for the month of November. And, you know, I think I think a lot of people hit me up, but it was also people who don't drink. Yeah, I was like, Sydney, me and Carolina are down to do that. Sydney was like, you don't really drink around me. I'm like, sis, only if the drinks are free. But like, I'm not somebody I'm not a big drinker. No, you'll have one or two drinks and then you'll just hold the drink and make it slow. Yeah, you're a slow.

Well, have a long train ride home, okay? Because I'm not jumping in an Uber pool. You're not. I can be guzzling drinks and then getting on the train like. You're so good. You always get on a train. It doesn't matter what time of night it is. Sis, in a storm, okay?

In a hailstorm, I'll click my heels together and walk to the train. Yeah, so I just have to, I just need to let these people go and just realize it's okay. It's okay to not have them in my life anymore. I totally truly miss them and I miss not having enough friends outside of comedy that I could just like vent to or just listen to their problems right it's okay it's okay I just make new friends I mean do you want to listen to people's problems yeah to make me remind myself like shit ain't that bad I mean it could always be worse you know it could always be worse it is but I'm you know I'm glad with uh I have this list of like who I'm letting go oh you made a

I made a list, bitch. You rolled up. Anybody who don't give me no black hand emoji claps on my Insta. Yo. I only use the black emojis. So much so that when somebody sends me a white one, I'm like, who the hell is texting me right now? If I've ever posted some good news and you haven't wrote congrats, you on that list.

I'm being Betty as fuck, yo. If you text me HBD on my birthday, you on Sydney's list. HBD. You can't spell happy birthday? Nope. not out not the whole thing also hbd that's three words happy birthday is two words it's so lazy i mean i deserve more i deserve better okay well what about you marie am i am i still gonna be on the list with uh the taraji p henson energy or no bye joel well sydney just broke the fourth

wall so sorry um what was i an expert in this week um i don't know oh just bettering myself okay okay you know I started taking another acting class because she's trying to book something for pilot season next year and uh so that we can go to the globes and uh you know I have this acting class I walked in it was all women in the class and I was like look at all of us women I was the only black girl but still it was all women uh and then this guy came in and I was like oh is this somebody's boyfriend he's an actor he's in the class he's giving me like a young who was the basketball player I mean the football player on the Giants

that is like kind of Dominican okay nobody knows he's like he's I feel like his name is Aaron no not Aaron that dude killed himself my god Marie I can't remember what his name is he was I feel like he was dating Carucci who's Carucci dating right now

oh Vince Vince something is it is it Vince somebody google this I don't know how to spell Carucci but anyway the guy came in he kind of looked like that and I was like oh well welcome scene partners Victor Cruz

Victor Cruz I knew it I had it did you look it up you know who he was I knew who he was cause he ain't shit so I knew

I was like oh I know all the ain't shit yeah yeah yeah that guy football players the guy that came in into my acting class he kinda looked like that

look at him okay work so he's tall he had body he was tall he had body he was darker skin than Victor

and you know his acting was like male light he had potential he has potential for growth yeah you could be in the gym with him

you could be shooting in the gym with him yeah he was tall and he had a nice body right anyway i don't remember what i was talking why i brought him up but he's in my class the attractive man is in my class i thought you said it was all women though right but he's in the class and i'm like so was i an expert in anything this week no not really no better than yourself you paying for an acting class listen right it's expensive to do what we do it is because it's a lot of just investing in ourselves. Right, because we're not really making money yet. No, we're not. You guys spend a lot of money to make money.

Should I strip? Should I join the Players Club? Well, for your birthday, you damn near just... I was butt-ass naked. There was like a layer of glitter though, sis. Because I'm Christian. Your outfit was like the outfit they have on before

they get on the pole. You know when they walk around to see clients? To say hi to the regulars? Yes, when it's like some little real sheer robe situation. And I'm just like, hey, Donald, how's your wife? She's doing good? Yeah, that's what you had on for your birthday. He's like hitting my butt. I'm like, ooh.

And then you try to like put your clothes together like, ooh, I don't want you to see anything, but it's like, bitch, we can see all your nipples. I mean, honestly, I'm trying to better my body the best way that I can, and that's going to the gym. And do you know what a pistol squat is? No, what's that? Okay, the guest knows. Okay.

Let's just go ahead and bring the guest in because he knows what it is. It's like a one-legged squat situation. It's very, you know, you gotta have good corn a good a good thigh sounds like a flamingo situation yes if flamingos had nice legs you know they got them like needle legs yeah they do it's basically most of the men in new york city they have flamingo legs because they don't do leg day they only do upper body it's trash yeah tragic moment of silence for all the men who don't do leg day all right but speaking of somebody who does do leg day on a rag our guests oh la la we're so lucky excited blessed this guest he's a great

comedian he's a great performer and he's blonde now so blonde you're always switching it up and i love that keep me on my toes daddy give it up for our wedding expert dave mazzoni hey guys i'm thrilled to be here and you know what a pistol squad is i do know what a pistol squat is it's hard i know i did them yesterday it's like you don't move your you you hold one leg out and you go all the way down and all the way back up on on that other leg so you are solely using one leg to lift your whole body weight back up it's impossible cindy doesn't see what we're talking about i'm gonna do i'm gonna demonstrate it for you okay let's see okay this is this is my strong leg okay it looks like this yeah this is it's like wow we've been doing that on a dick too

I can already tell you be doing that on the D you are not picking up the dicks that is certainly a move that you could pull out thank you

it's tough that's like what people do on Instagram when they're like flexing about how like much they work out like all those thoughts you gotta go all the way down

and come all the way back up yeah they can make they make it happen sometimes it's tough you did it that was great those Instagram fitness chicks

make money though oh absolutely like they were in Forbes last year for like Sydney's gonna try to do a pistol no that's not

your leg has to be out yeah leg out one of your legs have to yes now do it Now down and up. See, down's real easy, but back up is tough. Wow, that was hell.

Then you did it in a heeled boot. That's a hell in back, y'all. Just for the people in the studio. Everyone was like, ugh. Well, you both went for it. I mean, it's the effort that counts. It's all about trying. Dave, I feel like I don't really know that much about you.

So talk to us. Where are you from? Let's see. I am from Rhode Island. Oh, wow. And you don't give me Rhode Island vibes at all. No, I dropped, I had an accent really bad when I moved to the city. I went to NYU and when I got there, I was like one of the only, yeah, let me just, I'll

drop that casually. I could have bought a house, but I went to theater school instead. Could have put a car in the garage in that house probably as well. Yeah, it's like $90,000 a year. Oh yeah, it was so much and they didn't give me a dime because of how white I am. I mean, did you tell them on the application that you were gay? No, you know, at the time I was still in full denial, which in retrospect was a huge mistake. But also, I mean, I was going in and auditioning for the theater program, so I don't know.

They knew. They definitely knew. I mean, like, I graduated from Tisch with a degree in drama, but certainly minored with a degree in dick sucking. Hey! Sucking the dick! I'm just saying. Well, since you put the dick on the table. It's on the table.

Is there a proper technique to suck a dick? Wow, Marie. Is there anything that the listeners maybe are listening to that they don't know that they should be doing? This is going off the rails real early. I love it. It's a good episode. We're going there.

Yeah, no, I'm with it. So here's my thing on sucking dick. And my boyfriend and I were talking about this the other night. He's got his hand on his thigh, y'all. I mean, he's about to say something real prophetic. I'm about to give wisdom on the dick sucking. Teach the children. I mean, it's just like, it depends on whether or not you're dealing with a circumcised dick

or an uncircumcised dick. Oh, my God. I don't want to talk about the turtleneck dicks. No, thank you. listen circumcised dicks are mutilated i i was circumcised as a child and you lose sensitivity in your penis that's what people always say but it's like your dick still feels it still works it still works but you like when you have foreskin you're the tip of your penis is only happening when it's happening but when you're when you're cut it's like i'm the tip of your

penis is constantly touching everything so it's so that's why i don't know how to act that's because it's it's just it's just brushing against everything fabric your jeans like it's constantly just out there so these little touches like you just you don't feel that so we need to have more uncircumcised men so I'm saying yes I'm saying

so in regards as it pertains to dick sucking right if the man is circumcised then I would say the it's about as much time you spend off the dick as you spend on the dick the contrast between the word contrast you better give us

a vocab while we talk about dick sucking I mean, this is like one of the only things I feel qualified to get academic on. He wrote his thesis, sad tish. I actually did, yeah. This was part of my minor. Oh, my God. Anyway, yeah, it's like the temperature change between being hot on the dick and cold off the dick, like, increases stimulation. I would say, personally, for someone who's circumcised, someone who's uncircumcised, just go for it.

Just have fun. They are going to blow no matter what. There's no rules. Yeah, there's no rules with them. There's no rules because there's no cuts. Don't be afraid, but make sure it's clean. You know, like a man who takes care of himself, I'm all for it. But like, if not, I'm not going down there.

Like, I'm absolutely fine to say no. Ladies, have you some standards, yo? If you see some lint at the tip, girl, run. That ain't the dick for you, sis. No, no, no, no, no. Oh, no. If the dick start looking like underneath the couch and whatnot, just dusty. Just bunny dick.

Just bunny dick. And like a skittle from like 2015. Honestly, that's not the dick for you, sis. No, it's not the one. I agree. Get out of there. Call the Uber. but i would get on the train i would eat the skittle though because the more lit on the skittle

the more flavor it's got oh it's nasty taste the rainbow skittle and what if it was a purple skittle would you eat a purple skittle no no no but if it was a if it was a red skittle absolutely that's the favorite one it's not really red though it's a yellow one that turned red because it's been in there so long ah look at you you maybe have one of them skittles too bitch no sis science you're making me want skittles let's get back to where we were so anyway i think we were talking about weddings oh no we're talking about tish right so because i wanted to get to know you yes yes went to tish um it was really great i moved from rhode island i describe rhode island to people as like a combination of new jersey and boston yes that's exactly what it is because

it's like you guys should have more manners but you don't no it's like it's a bunch of irish people and a bunch of italians and like everyone has in common that they are over drinkers um but like i know it's like uh boston leaks in there and i really to be honest the boston crowd's not for me everyone in rhode island when they're looking for colleges they're looking to get out of the out of where they grew up everyone goes to boston and i went there once and was like this is not for me it's homogenized it's just it's absolutely what it's homogenized is the perfect word for it like it is i learned that in college i don't know what that word means it's the same they say that like new york's a city of the world and boston is a city of bostonians and it's like you either

you either are Boston or you're not you're either at Fenway Park with your significant other in Red Sox tees and having genuine fun it seems it seems

it seems or you're in another city I mean it's just not doable for me baseball is so boring to me I can't you know I have to care all of a sudden about baseball

because my cousin started playing Major League Baseball for the Toronto Blue Jays so oh okay your cousin like black girls or

honestly he's so cute he's 25 years old he's been like hustling for this so long Like one year younger than me. One year older than me. Same.

It's tough for them, though, because we often would relate at Thanksgiving when we would get together and I'd be like, oh, we're both chasing dreams out here. What you're trying to do, what I'm trying to do, while they are very different, they're both like one in a million chances and you really got to give your all to it. He didn't go to college. He went straight to play AAA baseball. They bust them around. They pay them like $100 a game.

It's chicken shit gigs. I didn't know that. Wait, so he just, and he just went pro. Yeah, so he got the call maybe two months ago. So the season has ended, I believe, or is very close to ending. Good for him. What does contact look like? You know, to be honest, Thanksgiving's about to happen.

You'll find out. And you better believe I'm going to get the tea on that. You'll report back to us. Because we might need investors. I got some projects going on. Game me show, all right? All of a sudden, I've got somebody who might have some serious cash flow. I mean, you need an investor, honey.

yes i do and he's he's a great kid but like now all of a sudden i gotta figure out baseball it's just it goes on for a long time but you know what it's fun it does feel like it never ends the emos to get like wasted though for these people or to eat like the food at yankee stadium i which is the most recent game that i went to is lit it is it yeah it's especially lit when you ain't paying for it that's what i'm saying i mean the food is lit they got rice there they have sushi they have sushi they got a sushi stand i did not order it i absolutely absolutely that's what that sounds like it's a no from me

and it's also like for a California roll it's like $21 oh that's trash it's trash no we're not doing that it's for people who never had sushi before

and they're like honey you gotta have this fish it's cold I definitely went for the bucket of chicken fingers there's a bucket of chicken fingers what is it $50

at the bottom is tater tots yeah it's expensive it's like $49 at the bottom is tater tots yeah but that's cute honestly I had that And like Stella, the size of a gallon of milk.

And I just like went and sat down and was like, all right, baseball. Here we go. Here's baseball. Well, that's nice. Yeah. So you mentioned your boyfriend. Yeah. How long have you guys been together?

We've been together for just over three years. Wow. It's he's my first boyfriend. I waited a long time. I gave everyone the run around. You're like, I'll get back to you. I'm not sure. I'm not seeing boyfriends right now.

I just came out late later in life. and so like uh i would say 19 20 okay 19 i came out 20 i was like i've accepted this i'm gonna be a hoe okay i love that yeah like and it's funny because a lot of the people that i actually like started experimenting with like at a very young age i'm actually like really close friends with now i feel like you could do that in the gay community like just keep it all in the family and then still keep up and it's just like straights it's like if we fuck i don't want to see you ever again right you need to just disappear you should be dead yes the bridges get burned uh-huh i think it's a little bit more like because nyu was so like oh my god we're all here it's like

going away to camp but you don't have to find like the gay camper everyone's gay so it's like whose dorm we going to tonight how are we gonna pair off here but you learn a lot about what you like and what you don't like and also like it brings you you know sex is a component of it but also you just spend in time with those people yeah a lot of my sisters that i still am very close with i met just like thinking they were going to be my boyfriend okay when you wait when you said sisters you meant i mean my gay boys who i hooked up with who are not my romantic interest you know and that's what you call them all right i didn't even know that well i mean sis is like definitely like y'all's thing um thank you yeah meeting on this podcast i love the the like sister

vibe but also like in the gay community you're like sis is like somebody who you've been through it with yes or at least like knows what's up we definitely been through it yeah sis honestly but anyway um so where did you meet your boyfriend we met through friend um we were watching rupaul's drag race ever heard of it yeah it's a big part of the gay super bowl um honestly what were what were y'all watching before drag race honestly i don't know like true blood i can't remember y'all definitely weren't watching the L word that shit was tired no I didn't watch the L word I tried to watch an episode of that and I was like

it's so old it's very old I feel like but it was old when they were when it was going on it was like damn they couldn't get no young bitches on the show it's like what the hell they're all established gays like that's not how gay works you don't just come out a lawyer

like well I feel like lesbians do it different who knows maybe I'm waiting for like the true to life slay lesbian sitcom like where is it well maybe it was was it the Ellen show oh no

because that's not everybody's narrative yeah yeah yeah and story agree was she gay on that show no actually I don't think so she was

like she came out after she was she came out on the Laura Dern and Oprah episode yeah right but like how many seasons into the Ellen show was that

yeah it was all for like nine seasons and then she was like I guess I'm gay that was the whole yep I'm gay thing yeah because she yeah it was on

she was the cover of Time Magazine see I'll be reading but you're still 24 yeah but I got Time Magazine for Kids do you remember that or is that

or is that after your time wow but yeah we met so we were watching Drag Race and he had done a show he was a performer for a while and he'd done a show

with one of my friends who I went to school with and so we just met that night and kind of like chilled and then I kept bumping into him at parties and it snowballed like really slowly

really organically we went to this one party called pretty ugly which is in like uh hell's kitchen kind of like uh underground it's at the place where they do uh queen of the night which is like a almost like a sleep no more like interactive theater experience you have dinner i've heard of it it's cool um and so we were down there and we hooked up that one night and that was like when i started to like you know be like i'm actually very into this like we're not only are we compatible you know just conversationally but also there was like sexual compatibility yeah so we just started hanging out more and more and

He's really cute, too, your boyfriend. He's cute, yeah. Super cute. You know, he's been through a lot. His mother passed away. He's been, he's had a whole different set of life experiences than I have, like, completely different. I'd consider, like, the way I grew up in Rhode Island, comparatively to, you know, all the people I've met in my life so far, pretty nuclear, pretty basic. You know, mom, dad, I have a younger sister.

You had a dog? What? My dad actually breeds dogs. Wow. My dad, so my dad's a firefighter. He was on the fire department for 27 years. It sounds so Boston. It sounds so straight.

Yeah, it's super. My dad's a corp. I am not a corp. No, he's not a cop. He's a fireman. He's a fireman. I don't know how to say it in an accent. Yeah, that wasn't in the Dupati.

I see you giving me the Family Guy vibes right now. No, I'm trying to do the Dupati. It is very Family Guy. Family Guy takes place in Rhode Island. Yeah. So I was doing it. I was right on the nose. Yeah, you weren't off.

You weren't not not correct. You weren't on, but you weren't off. Pock the car. Pock the car. Yeah, my dad will say, I love, he goes, Dave, I made this chicken this morning in a cast iron frying pan. It was unbelievable.

Unbelievable. Unbelievable. With lemon, thyme. It was unbelievable. Thyme. I love the way you say thyme. Your mother and I love it.

They're in Florida right now. Florida. Yeah. I love the accent. So you lost it in school? Yeah. Oh my God. They wrecked me like day one.

They were like, what? They were like, say that again? And I was like, I was like, what? I'd be like,

park. And they'd be like, park. Park. You know, it's just like wide open. and also the oars it'd be like i'd be like in the drawer like uh oh yeah my can you get my notebook it's in the drawer but for the draw and i just very quickly i was like this is not a cute

bit i don't want to keep repeating this myself i am not a seal like no i'm just like throwing me fish every time so i was like all right i gotta knock this and also at nyu like we did while it was drama school is interesting and actors teaching other actors to act is and that was what i was interested when you said you took an acting class it's like something i i definitely should do again like it's been a little while and i want to like sharpen my skills but also i like spent so much money and so much time in acting school that i'm like i just feel like they don't deserve any more of my money yeah well you you did like the basics of acting so it's kind of like these classes is for i don't know comedians that are also doing acting right and like trying to slay sides yeah

yeah yeah just trying to memorize 10 pages to get booked for the pilot or whatever now did you go to school with the marvelous miss mazel yes i did she the same year as you rachel was the same year as us yep she um she and i actually didn't cross over too too much at school it was like when we graduated that she kind of our like friend group started to intersect she seems so much older i feel like than like you guys yeah she's she's definitely like um i mean especially on camera too it might just be like the time period that her show is set and we just like imagine her no because i remember her from um what's the kevin spacey house of cards i remember her from that and I felt like she was old she felt older to me in that too yeah I mean she I was with her

speaking of learning sides like she was at our apartment with yeah you were telling me about my roommate Carly drilling these sides for Marvelous Miss Maisel I remember the day like we were like chilling and she was like downstairs and like Loki were kind of like is she really here to like was she gonna drill these sides in the living room should we go upstairs like I guess she's like commandeered the space but she took over the space oh y'all got a downstairs in and upstairs for now um so i was like uh anyway i watched her to run her sides and i was like wow this girl has got it like she's knows her lines is drilling them so hard trying to make choices so nervous like up till three in the morning oh my god and she got it and she booked it and she

got a golden globe out of it oh my god and an emmy and an emmy i mean it's unbelievable like And she really is, like, just a regular ass chick. I'm so jealous. She does not have, like, parents that gave her any fancy into this industry. So she's not Blake Lively? She's not Blake Lively. She is just, she is an inspiration. I think that she, I watched her put the work in, and to see it pay off was, it made me feel good.

It made me feel like, oh, okay, you can just really go for it and, like, really, really try. And do it. And do it. All right. Well, I'm going to learn my sides better. You got to do it until 3 a.m. in the living room. Okay, I got it. But I got to find an upstairs and a downstairs to do it.

We have a duplex in Harlem. It's cute. We'll be there. I got to go all the way up there. I'll be there, Dave. That's the thing is that we like it up there, but we'd settle for a one-bedroom like in Chelsea, to be honest. I mean, honestly, that's settling.

But that's okay. A lot of people settle in New York. It's totally fine. That's what we do. It's fully about settling. That's our tagline. New York City, where you settle. but let's talk about settling with love because you're our wedding expert right yes so what is a

good like what's a good wedding that you've been to that you walked in and you're like like the whole time i think a good wedding is money yes where where uh so i like i said i'm from rhode island so they're in newport which is like one of the fancy areas there first of all it's the creme de la creme okay come on i went there with the bilingual with the dual language There's the marina It's literally just boats It's stunning It's so much money

And it's people who are just like They don't care I went to go I was in a hotel And there was a shuttle And the shuttle was a Mercedes Benz And it was the oldest white man ever Who was driving

Yeah that's wealth But a white man is your server? That sounds like Rhode Island Yeah That's some old white money Down there I mean those Some of those estates

That's where a lot of the weddings happen is they'll like rent one of the mansions. There's lots of like, a lot of them are for private events. Not like nobody lives there. It's just kind of like people rent it out for literally weddings. How much do you think it costs to rent one of those out?

Oh, like 60 grand to 100 grand. What? For the space? For the space. Then I gotta send out invites. Then I gotta get some cute flowers. No, thank you. I gotta buy the damn dress. Yeah, there was one at,

it's called, I was gonna say Roseland, but that's not right. It's called the Rose Cliff. It is just a mansion in Newport And I went there for a wedding recently and it was everything. But it's also like, I think the space sets the tone. But when you blow all your money on the space, I mean, we can't have like a chicken finger.

No, that's not what I'm eating. I want steak. Yeah. I also love that when there's a live band. I think that that's fun. Over a DJ? I mean, I like when there's a live band that like it's happening while the party's going. And then like as soon as like they have their first dance, then we kind of move into like DJ play songs we know.

Yes. But, like, I can't do, like, Usher and, like, Pharrell Happy. No, stop it. Like, all night long. I went to a wedding with a live band, and the live band was so tired. You could tell they were not paid properly. Fatigued. They were looking at their watches, like, bitch, we are not going over a minute over this.

We are leaving exactly at freaking 10 o'clock. I'm not playing no games with you. No, 100%. And they're always like, we'll be right back, guys. We're going to take a quick five. and then you see them like wipe the smile off their faces like go find a plate to eat yeah smoking cigarettes by the fountain and then they look at the food and they're like this what they got here no what are they not paying us right well i ordered the salmon so i think at that i

went to a wedding that was like not at that rose cliff mansion it was like you know a little bit smaller and there was like a giant sculpture of like bread it was like you know it was actually really funny like it was a great friend's wedding um but we we just like i i couldn't believe in the back corner of thing there was like cheese everywhere and that's just like a huge statue of like baguettes kind of like like like but like like an ice sculpture um yeah but it was like baguettes and like different kinds of like rye bread hoes be so bored it's like come on just put the bread i don't want to sculpture of bread no and i was like who's cutting this bread sculpture to like you were supposed to use this for the cheese no right is can i use this to eat the

cheese i don't want to destroy your wedding bread sculpture okay so you're so you're wait you're all about the the space oh you want to walk in and feel like okay we add a wedding absolutely i also like when you come in and there's like a little sort of table with cards where you like yes go get your little card you see where your your seat is also i'm i love assigned seats you know how do you feel about skip it like people going well i guess i'll just sit at your table you got an extra chair no they set the tables up specifically they're like well this is the family this is my single friends these are the friends that are about to get married you know people always come to a wedding they didn't rsvp to like there's always like at least i want to say

three people who at least they like didn't rsvp but they just assumed that you knew they was coming no no no you can't do that first of all that's rule number one if you don't rsvp and they will harass you like are you coming or not i'm playing for a plate yeah this is this is not um i've seen it like i my family members have done that like that's a relationship they're not paying for the plates like papi did you rsvp that's why you can't find your name in these cards and my dad's like well you know and i'm like yeah no there's gonna be a bouncer at my wedding if you didn't rsvp i'm sorry you out you're not on the list they're not on the list honey you can't do this yeah this is It's not like family style.

You pick up stuff like there's assigned plates. I wonder if family style could be cute. We went to a wedding that was family style. It was OK. Because like, you know, some people like because I do see like you go to weddings and like maybe like a like a pathetic little salad sits down as the first course and half the people don't eat it. No.

Right. And like, you know, because they don't like this or they don't like that. And I'm like, it would just be so much better and so much more cost effective. And also like even when you do the even when you do the own personal place that they like checked off what they wanted people don't always eat everything on the plate no you're throwing away more food than people are actually eating i hate it i hate a really big wedding because the food is not going to come out properly because they're making food for so many people if you have a small wedding like 70 people the food is going to come out warm and it's just it's going

to feel a lot more special because i went to a wedding that had like over 150 people and the food was so tired you could tell like the temperature wasn't right on the steak the salad had been sitting out i was like y'all didn't spend no y'all didn't spend your money properly i feel like the salad's gotta already kind of be out when i sit down like the salad should are you shouldn't be bringing that out i agree right it's always in rhode island it's always rolls people love like bread yeah bread is great bread and olive oil it's like oh the rolls are out they're sitting on the table you gotta rip it you gotta dip it i love that it's all about the rip and dip rip and yeah um i went to a wedding that had like a different um different type of food for each

uh table like they had chinese food they had italian i love that they had sushi like a bar mitzvah right there yeah they they hooked everybody up it's like you could get whatever you want and you you felt like oh i'm gonna get what i like here exactly i spent all my money to be here i bought an outfit i got you a gift take care of your guests 100 don't cut corners with us dude no because we see right through it we're here to celebrate your love and we hungry yeah very i'm not here for a cash bar no and like the beer and wine thing the beer and wine thing i guess like i don't know it's a lot though like some of these places like open bar they know that they got thousands of dollars if you're coming for a bar they can fuck you it's i mean

it's like like astronomical and who even knows what people are gonna drink you know it's like oh people are gonna drink they they their whole day our whole year has been about this fucking wedding i'm getting blasted it's true i might even do some bumps like let's go bumps on the bride's train it's a beautiful wedding congratulations so like people make weddings such a big deal and they forget like the guests need to have fun totally especially if your your friends are single sydney it's not about you it is about us i found love no i found love if you found love then you wouldn't be putting on this whole ceremony parade.

We got money. I found love and I found some money. So that's why we're playing. It feels like a big, also like just a ploy for an expensive photo shoot. Don't you notice how they stretch these girls from I don't know, in my hometown, those people that don't really leave, that just kind of don't got much going on. This wedding photo shoot

is stretched for like months. Like years. How is that a thing? You have to take a photo shoot before the wedding to announce the wedding. It's like, yeah, they get ones of them in a forest. Yeah. Kind of like maybe like hugging each other.

Like getting out of a cab. Right. It's like a vintage New York City cab. Exactly. You in front of a barn. You fucking on a horse. I'm like, what the hell is going on here? I don't know.

It's like you guys are from Chicago. I don't know what you guys are doing on this wagon wheel. Wait, how many weddings have you been to? Probably like maybe nine. Nine weddings? This year? No, no, no. Not this year.

Just in general? No, yeah. No, all time. And that's not all. I mean I have friends who like have had nine this year oh I know people like that my friend Maddie's like had like he was like friends with a bunch

of girlfriends in high school and they all were like just those kind of girls that as soon as one got married it was like boom boom boom boom boom boom and he's like the best gay at every wedding yeah I don't like that because then it's like well now I'm realizing that you don't have variety in your friends why am I the only

gay at this wedding don't you feel embarrassed in high school from high school yeah I feel like in a small place like rhode island like they probably he only they only had the one gay you know what to be honest like we we really did only have like maybe two out gays but now at the at this juncture there's a few more and it's so funny this guy shane that i went to to uh high school with i saw him recently in provincetown in massachusetts which is like iconically gay the tip of cape it's like fire island to boston and i was like shane and he was like hey and i

I was like, you're gay? Oh, my. You added your friend? And he's like, yeah. No, he added himself. He knew. I hadn't really followed up with him in a long time. So when I saw him there, I was like, we could have had so much sex.

We could have had a normal childhood. And he's like, yeah. Yeah. We just never got around to it. But I do look at people's weddings and I side eye them. Like, I'm your only black person that you ever met ever. Like, you don't have nobody else that you work with. Like, I'm the only one.

You should low key be embarrassed. I've been to so many weddings where I'm the only black person in the picture. And I'm like, don't you feel like shit? But you don't have the right filter for me. Like, yeah, I look crazy. The aperture is off. The aperture is off. I literally look like a shadow next to you guys.

But Sydney, that doesn't surprise me about your friend groups. Like you got these like supermodel, like exotic friends. And it's like, yeah, Sydney's going to be the only black girl in all these photos. Put them on that cut list. Yes. I mean. Since it's happening That's the whole list

But yeah Sidney's got all these model friends I'm not surprised that They're like oh well Sidney you know she's black They don't sound like that They speak English She's a black Sidney where's your other black friend And you're like Marie

She ain't got no money for this wedding How do we feel about What are your thoughts on wedding dresses Or the way that people dress For weddings Let's talk about it i am into a bold choice i i say like i my favorite weddings are the weddings i leave and i go that was them and i know so that sounds so tacky but like you know don't you want to give into it i

mean we're here at like essentially like a live action like ending scene of a romantic comedy so like let's just go all the way here and i want to leave the wedding being like that dress was perfect for her or that suit was so great on him or oh my god i actually um officiated a wedding oh look at you yeah you took a class online so it's 20 it's like the same way that you can get like your pet qualified as like a service dog 25 and like a like an online certificate yeah it's like truly there is nothing there's no reason um but there's nothing you need to do in order to become officiated it's 25 bucks that's it yeah you just pay 25 and i get a certificate to the universal life church which is just a fake institution church they sound like they really

They need money back. It's fully paid. Listen, people listening, I'm going to get ordained to be a minister and officiate weddings. So if you really like this podcast, I don't see it. Holla at me. I'm going to wear a velvet white tuxedo. It's a good thing to have because if your friends ever need it, you're out of a gift for the wedding. Because hiring a priest or an officiant is like $800 to $1,000.

Well, that's how much you should be getting paid. Who, me? Yeah. If you're hiring your friend and they're like, well, that's my friend. So, you know, we're going to give her like $200. i'm like no i need to 800 to a thousand dollars so going rate currently for for black officials it's actually higher than that it's so rare black girls don't do this no it's a whole certificate it's 25 what do you think about the the the bride having a dress for the wedding and then they slip

into another dress a little party dress i'm into a reveal i mean that's i'm gonna do that at my wedding i'm gonna have like a suit for the ceremony classic suit and then like some type of i'm hopefully gonna be very rich at this wedding yeah yes some type of custom mark jacobs like crazy sequin expensive extra yes yes and when we enter something like that i don't know i i want my boyfriend and i to definitely we have our wedding is gonna need to be at like radio city like you said you have big weddings yeah but we have so many friends and like and i love all of them and i i actually like something that i've always done is try to bring the party like to my house like even when i was at nyu it was always my dorm room that i would put on the line with my

ra to have everybody come over and get drunk i just didn't care i wanted what y'all doing in there oh it happened so much oh sorry you meant to invite you uh brandon we thought you were gonna come but we used to make weed edibles in my dorm and i would saute garlic and make bacon while we were doing it because it made the hallway smell like more like garlic and bacon than it did like straight up cooking weed but like garlic bacon and weed sounds so good i mean they they pair well with my tongue it was definitely lit i we enjoyed it very much but like my my ra would come knocking on the door and i would just be like i'm making bacon and garlic i was like i'm cooking in here it's like and then your ra is like what's bacon and garlic that's a dish is that a

side yes we do it in rhode island goodbye slam i think that the two dress thing is just i don't No, it's just you can't get a wedding dressed as a two-in-one. Like a tearaway? Oh, I would die for a tearaway for just like a reveal coming and then just like for Pam. It's like it's an instant bride hoe garment. Oh, yes. Bride hoe. Bride hoe.

I love. I just think people spend way too much money on weddings. It's ridiculous. And what if it doesn't freaking work out in the whole time? 50% of them will not work out. Yeah. And it's like. Is that really the.

Is that really it? It's like half. Yeah, I believe that. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. I mean I'm not in a hurry to get married by any means I'll certainly go to

weddings and enjoy it I like weddings I have fun I like going to them I had a friend who I went to high school with she got married like two years ago they have no money like none but she's like these are the floral arrangements I want they're $9,000

I said sis you ain't got no money she wanted two dresses I said you still don't have any money and she was like and why are the flowers so damn expensive They're from out of town. They're like off the coast of- They're like fresh cut.

Off the coast of Costa Rica or something like that. But no one cares about the flowers except the old black moms that make you take them on the way out. They're like, you'll go get me another one of those flowers. Do white moms take the flowers too? Oh, my mom, absolutely. Everybody takes the flowers. Moms take them. Even people who don't fucking like flowers and are allergic to flowers are like, well, I could use this for something.

Yeah, I mean, this glass vase is nice. We'll just take it. It's a square vase. They got pebbles in the bottle. We can use it. Yeah, we'll put it in the bathroom. It's like, I gave them a nice gift. I'm going to take all these flowers.

Well, put it in the bathroom is so real. I mean. But there has to be, in my mom's bathroom, at least two centerpieces from weddings. No, that's how it is at Mama's house, too. She's like, there's one here, there's one in the living room, there's one in the kitchen. Like, why do the flowers, when you get married, are you going to do, like, crazy expensive floral arrangements, you think? You know, my parents did, for their wedding, they just did, it was like calla lilies, which is a very specific flower. that kind of like they almost look like an upside down bell sound cheap yeah well it wasn't like

that it necessarily was cheap but my dad was like we're gonna do one kind of flower and the arrangements are gonna be like elegant arrangements of this one flower yeah like keeping it really simple and polished rather than like roses and lilies and like hanging dangly things yeah like all of it it was like those really clean cut wrapped in a ribbon simple and i was like that's a i think that that was way ahead of its time because it was in the 80s when he got married and that was like I mean my mom's wedding dress is a whole nother story

shoulder pads oh shoulder pads she got this little not on me maybe I could pull it up she like had this like little tiny like almost like a fedora

like not fedora no wrong word wrong word cowboy hat on it was like it was like a little with a veil

I don't know what yeah it had a veil on it like a Charlie Chaplin hat it was like bobby pinned in on the side and it had like kind of a fluffy tool in the back

oh that's totally 80s oh it was so 80s the bridesmaids dresses were like this color green like the door green like that sort of like like a throw up green

doctor's office green like the the fabric of the table that he makes you sit on before he like wiggles your stomach yes the bench table bench table

how do you feel about the bridesmaids situation I don't know how many is too many less than five oh I've been to ones that had like 10 like junior bridesmaids

and it was like all these bitches have been there from the beginning they don't they barely know your man why are they in the wedding party but I don't get

why they have like if he I'm getting married to a dude and he has a sister she's one of my bridesmaids now no no no i don't know you colleen no no thank you although i'd like to say that like by the time you marry your spouse you should probably be close to their siblings do you have to be close though can we talk about that like well you know i don't know everyone's siblings are different yeah i never put that on on my boyfriend i'm like i feel like he likes my sister so it's never really come up yeah but he has an older sister younger sister

he has uh another brother like and you're cool with all of them big family yeah i mean i see some of them more than others yeah well you're family oriented so i could see you like falling for his family too yeah i also think that they were like really ready for him to find somebody so like when they met me and like everything was cool and then also i had them all over for christmas eve and cooked christmas eve dinner for his whole family he could cook they were like oh yeah like him i got i got right in there through their stomachs so that ever since then they've been pretty good you're a good host you got to learn how to um what they make fun of your man for and get like on the same page with them yeah like my like ariel loses everything wallets keys

bags he thought we spent 10 minutes this morning before i got here looking for his fanny pack which had all of his belongings in it passport chapstick airpods all of that where was we found it it was like underneath the couch i don't even know how it got there but we found it but i always crack on him with his sister and she loves that yeah oh you know how to get in with the family yeah Exactly, you feel like you are going to get on him in the same ways that they get on him because you want him to be better like they want him to be better. Now, how do you be a better guest at a wedding? I would say...

Because I need help with that. Don't talk shit loud. That's a tough one. You can't. That's a tough one. It's easy to talk bad about the wedding that you're at if it starts an hour late. Yes. If it's a Lauryn Hill wedding, it's like, how dare you?

It could all be so simple. but they'd rather make it hard no I went to a wedding I've never been to a wedding that started on time ever but the longest I waited was like over an hour and there was a lady at the church playing the harp I had never seen a harp in real life before it's an ancient instrument

it's beautiful it's so stunning but it sounds like a piano I wanna fuck to a harp that's some sexy ass shit 1000% that's luxury oh my god just like mounted above the bed just like and then let me hit it while i'm getting hit it's like absolutely there's grapes somewhere obviously absolutely

where i'm like we're in a zeus's like palace yeah everything's all white and gold and really well lit uh but she was playing the harp and she kept having to stop because her fingers were hurting she was playing it for an hour waiting for the and we don't we still to this day don't know why it took so damn long for them i think she maybe got cold feet how do you learn the harp i don't know but it's like the guitar there's like but is it i feel like there's like a handful of people that are like okay i'm gonna teach you how to do this thing yeah this is reserved for god i feel like only like three people left on earth know how to play the harp i feel like they're rare like when you see one it's like wow every now and then there's one on the subway or something and

it's just like i've never seen a harp on the on the subway i saw one once in and the bedford stop at the l and people don't really stop but everyone was transfixed we were all gathered around this woman playing the harp just like it's you it sounds like the piano that's why because it looks like it should sound like something else but it sounds like something we've heard before the the the weirdest instrument i've seen on a train is a cello it's fucking huge it is enormous it's taking up the whole train yeah did you get your uber x yes your uber xl on like what really yeah i don't know what they well they gotta wheel it they gotta wheel it on the train it's got like the one wheel at the bottom yeah excuse me excuse me so sorry and it's like dude no not not on this

train not today i just had on my way here some guy was gambling on the train and he had this thing where he had three caps of like from like pepsi cans he's scamming he was putting a thing under there and like he's wiggling them around oh i've never seen that in real life okay so he's doing he said i got he pulls out his wallet he's got like 500 bills in there he's like somebody put up 100 i'll bet you 100 you tell me where the ball is here watch we'll do a fake one he like does it this guy from across the train goes i'll put 100 on right now it's right there that's his friend he pops see that's what i didn't know his friend he opens the thing and it was there and he gave him 100 bucks and i was like oh my god that's a scam that's a scam well they were i'm telling

you if i had cash i was this close because they did it again he had another homie on the other side of the train who came over so then the two of them made it seem like oh this is easily winnable people are winning it and people started playing uh well no nobody has a hundred dollar bill in them like that i did not have cash i'd be like i have seven wrinkled singles yeah like who has one whole hundred dollar bill just ready to go nobody not i said nobody taking the train during the week like maybe the weekend they're like well i'm about to go meet my dealer so i got a couple hundreds only but that's that's how you get them you gotta have a other friend two friends yeah that's what i said i left and i went you know what fuck that guy for almost

trying to get me but also smart yeah props but i've never seen like i've seen that in like cartoons i feel like in aladdin they had that or something yeah it's definitely like the oldest trick in the book with like to like follow it well there's a movie called mo money and it's about uh the guy who does tricks like that and he got caught or no maybe it's something stacy dash was in the movie yeah so you know it's trash stacy trash yes yes yes didn't she run for like governor of compton or something i'm so tired of her she needs to go she dropped out because she was like they're not gonna vote for me and I was like

yes they're black I'm glad you know they're not gonna vote the black people are not gonna vote for you sis it's gonna be pretty embarrassing girl you should definitely drop out

go to Calabasas how do you feel about your friends getting married and you're like you don't you don't believe in their love

like I've like I've had a couple friends that bitch I know you cheated like left and right why are we doing this

but did you check your friend on that no girl that's your business you want to waste your time go right ahead I didn't go to the wedding either you didn't go to the wedding I didn't go to the wedding

girl I ain't got to I don't have money like that to be wasting three years down the line y'all break yeah I knew y'all were going to break up but are you wasting money

if you show up in something you already own and you didn't buy a gift that's not how it goes dude like for the most times you're getting something a little bit new you got to give a gift

you got to go to all these fucking parties if it's a woman it's too much the girls do so much we do it too much dude it's too much it's like

and also like even with babies too this whole like sex reveal and then like the baby shower and the christening. The way that they're doing the gender reveals now. I saw one.

I saw one. The lady popped a balloon. Nothing came out. The camera pans over. Her mom rips her wig off. I saw this. Had a blue wig on. Yes.

Mom made it. Mom fully commandeered the whole thing. The mom ripped her wig off, had a blue wig on underneath her wig. I'm like, I'm tired. I said, yes, it's a boy.

oh my god yeah no it's so dumb and the girls especially and i was just thinking about that like you know i i reuse my suit like i don't really have to spend that much easier for me i get a different shirt underneath maybe i put a different color handkerchief in my lapel like maybe i wear a different pair of shoes but other than that like you guys gotta get dressed every time even the groom the groom can go to somebody else wedding wearing the fucking suit he got married in absolutely bro you were in a tuxedo to my wedding yes i am yes because i really respect your love man i love love yeah but it's just like how do you feel about that i feel like about them getting married i mean it's i've never had a situation where i did not believe in the love

that i was witnessing i have a wedding on the horizon that i gotta save the date for yeah that you're like oh i met this dude and he's like one of these guys that really slaps you on the back when he's when he says hi to you like he really is just so physical yeah and my friend is um you know she's um kind of a pushover like so you're saying your friend getting beat okay cool i mean i'm just saying i look at them and i go this energy does not match i'm nervous yeah at all times yes absolutely it's just it's not great get your friend out of there i don't i don't know what to say though because she's got the rock on her finger and she's all excited but she also like dart and eye contact all the time when she talks about it like brett kavanaugh's wife yeah

i mean that's like little sad eyes yeah just exactly just like peering down in a way and like also changing the conversation to me in new york city at any time that i bring up her relationship this doesn't sound good yeah we need to have an intervention should i say something yes matter of fact send her the podcast yeah come on here we'll help her out she lives in boston so she's like well what am i gonna do we're not together oh girl you got sis you gotta find an apartment i mean i can't help you on that well yeah my place can't stay with us yeah uh but uh you should leave him um yeah i don't know i think that some people just get they're so obsessed with the idea of marriage that they're like oh all of my friends have done

it and my family did it they expect me to do it i have to do it now right and it's like no it's 2018 you don't have to get married do you think it's for vanity like do you think it's about like the like i want to be the most beautiful i am at my wedding so it's got to be now while i have a two in front of my age some people some people but it's also just like well i don't want to meet somebody when i'm like two in my ways i feel like in order to be with somebody you have you have to be able to grow and be open and like understanding and i feel like when you get 35 40 you said you're like i wish a nigga would ask me to do some shit no you cannot do anal right not for just any old day not in my 40s yeah but in 28 you're like oh yeah my asshole been open let's go do it in my

ear let's do it like sydney how did we get here i don't know sis nobody's supposed to be here it's a big component you gotta you gotta make appointments for anal sex it's not you can't just be flying in and out it just doesn't make sense it's just you can't just be like So please, in your butt. So please. Yeah, but if you see everybody around you getting married, having babies, you're just like, well, what am I doing? You know?

And it's a lot of pressure. It's peer pressure. Certain people are like that. Because not everybody can, like, I see people having babies and I'm like, oh, girl, you didn't have no plan B's near you? Like, you had the baby? Like, that's, whew. Like, it's high school again.

It's like, so what you gonna do? Yeah, what you gonna do? What you gonna do? We're pregnant. Oh, my God. So do you need me to call somebody? i mean i got an extra pair of sweatpants if you need them i got a lot of stairs yeah no i i'm with you on that it's like for me that would be an absolute no i'll have as many kids as i can pay

for which right now is zero well and that's the thing about living in new york is like when you try to get your kids to school it's like college yeah to get them into kindergarten they gotta have interviews and then you gotta interview but they also interview your four-year-old to be like what word is this and your baby's like yeah yeah yeah and they're like oh your child can't come here she dumb and it's like she's four she don't know words it's just all about like maintaining a price tag to be honest i'm not spending i'm not paying for college for you to be in first grade nope no and then i gotta and it's 12 grades like everything is all showing off it's all for everybody else to think that like your life is great and it's just like who is this one this

person barely has heat in a building why are you trying to stunt for them totally you just living is stunting for them so have y'all ever been to a wedding that you guys were like oh yeah they ain't got no money oh absolutely but they but they spent a lot oh yeah yes people who have destination weddings how fucking dare you it's a vacation it's not a vacation if you your cousin your mother's that's not i don't want to see your people on my vacation you know i just did that i went to cabo it was it was actually the cabo's a beautiful place you said it was cool it was cool we had a good time the girl who i went there for i would go for on a destination wedding for and she's like one of the few a handful yeah but it was a whole thing i watched her go through like it was very

stressful but she did it right like where the wedding was was this really bougie resort we were there for two days expensive but where everybody stayed was a little bit more of an accessible resort a little bit cheaper resort like right down the street and at first when we got there i was like this resort is janky this this all-inclusive food is janky was what the drinks all-inclusive you had a little break drinks were all-inclusive but you know those are just they're like what do you want a mango pina frozen strawberry explosion mudslide with like some triple sec like on top triple sec alcohol is a triple sec right also you know what killed me about that that resort was that the bathrooms were nowhere near the pool there was not one

bathroom near any of the pools everybody was peeing in the pool every time i got into the water i was like this water's first of all very hot and everyone was like it's cabo it's cabo like it bakes in the sun all day i was like no no no no this is body temp this water feels like it's 98.7 degrees this is lukewarm water um but she i think she did it right in that like she made that we could afford it we could all go it wasn't a huge ask and then when it came down to the actual event took us to like the bougie spot you know she didn't skimp on the actual literal wedding i mean and also this is one of those girls who's like so extra with all the photos there were drones flying over this wedding no it was drones they had cameras aerial shots get some aerial

shots of my drunk ass with a pinata hat on my head we had a good time i had a good experience on my first and only destination wedding. I've went to two destination weddings. Where were they? Both in Mexico. I guess that's the spot. One was really expensive and the other one was very doable.

And both of them, I was like, oh, this is cool. I can see how this is done. But when you have destination weddings, people are getting fucked up because they're like, oh, I'm getting all of my money's worth. Absolutely.

If it's all-inclusive, we're drinking all day. All day. At the rehearsal. Yes. At the wedding. The concept's flawed for all-inclusives. I feel like they've got to figure out a better system because there's so much waste.

Yes, it is. But I think the mother of the bride of one of the weddings passed out before the rehearsal. So she missed the rehearsal. Damn. Brenda. She was sleeping. Freaking Brenda. She was wasted by two.

I was like, oh, she's deaf not making this rehearsal. Then we had a friend that fell asleep during the rehearsal. It was just, it was a lot. and then fell asleep standing up i feel like at a rehearsal any rehearsal i've ever been to we've been standing for hours no they fell asleep before the rehearsal so they passed out and then they missed missed the rehearsal and then um the speeches that were given were a mess because people were so out of it it's like you should designate two people to do a speech and that's it not everybody could just come up yeah i don't need to hear all these speeches it's all long

winded yeah and it's like they trying to be funny it's like somebody give him the light so i'm gonna wrap it up give him the light is it sir wrap it up they absolutely need the light it's like the kind of speeches that you would get when like somebody in ninth grade was running for student council president yeah yeah just like long-winded and like shaky mic shaky paper i've always really liked uh brian and uh i'm super happy for him finding love with someone else Kayla, growing up, I never thought that you and I would be here. Yeah, just stupid. We used to play so many times we played.

And now you're getting married. Or they'll just be too real. Girl, you've been through a lot. Remember that UTI? I was with you when you had HPV. When you had HIV. It's crazy. It's like, sis, we're not doing this.

Yeah, or it'll be somebody's dad. it's always the dad that's going off the rails yeah just going ham and it's like we don't want to cut him off because he's in a wheelchair

and he's like and he's paying for this and this is oh my god the wheelchair oh no oh my god the dad in the

oh my god and you're like give me a can oh my god you just you just push him out of the room just like

thanks so much dad oh my god and then they and then they bring in the grandparents and just on their last leg just a shaky grandfather Yeah, they bring a chair from one of the tables for him

What's your family like with you being gay like your grandma gonna be at the wedding and be lit my grandma did everybody who? Have a problem and it's like oh, man. I came out at the right time Problem is gone, and it's just you know you know how light my shoulders are the word cuz like like Religious black people that are from the south. They don't want to hear no gay shit at all and so they're gone and like I'm blessed and I need Sidney. My God always provides.

Anybody who has a problem in my family, I don't speak to them. Right. They don't need to come. I don't speak to them like that. So it's like, and I'm about to have some real money. So they all my,

everybody, I don't have a family. I'm an orphan. Okay. Well, Sidney, so then what is your dream wedding? Like if money was not an option, like where would you be?

What kind of dress would you wear? Would you maybe wear a suit? What's the look? I mean, and I'm going to ask you the same thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I want to know. I see you thinking about it.

Vera Wang always has the nicest dresses and Kohl's it's actually David's bridles Vera Wang also has a line at Kohl's dress barn dress barn has a Vera Wang

Cindy's gonna have a dress on from Rainbow she's wearing Fashion Nova at the moment actually it's Burlington Coat Factory that has the best Vera Wang she looks like a million bucks she looks like $21 shut up

I would definitely do a little Vera Wang dress or I would like to do like a little pant situation too I feel like like Sydney

I feel like you'll have a bodycon dress on it's gonna be short and your legs are gonna be out I don't disagree by the time I get married you don't know sis

your legs gonna look like they gonna look fine I think you're gonna hold up well yeah you're gonna preserve I don't think you have any signs of slowing down

thanks guys I would definitely have it in New York I would most likely have it outside of the city, though, because it's like I don't need all this congestion and subways and like I don't want that during my day. Totally. I definitely would want like a bag. Somebody who got a nice estate. I would want it on an estate. So Westchester, Westchester, Scarsdale, you know, real, real nice. Like where I want to end a place where black people aren't really supposed to be there.

But we're here and we're going to be wild and proud. Real loud. Real loud. This is nice. Yeah. Like, damn, who live here? like yes yes and if i don't have enough friends who i will hire some friends to do that some actors get some actors good for you what is nice plates like like i want it so nice that the people might even steal some of the silverware like yeah yeah that sounds like a cute wedding sis yeah now will there be two outfits no it's not like that i'm not gonna get like a crazy like a reception and i mean sydney it's gonna be two fashion over dresses you better get you

your buy one get one buy one get one shipping is free I mean you gonna order from ASOS both of y'all she gonna have on a Zara jumpsuit

it's actually Zara black label okay sis wait what's Zara black label she making it up oh see y'all don't even have that y'all don't even have black label she pulling that out her butt

it's like H&M conscious brand yeah oh my god wait conscious meaning like they don't use like like children to make the clothes oh no no I want kids to make my outfit

meaning this stuff is like linen oh okay okay fabric yeah zara's whack i'm done with zara oh wait what happened that well first of all i read a ton about all that literally they are like the biggest um abuser of child labor i thought that was forever 21 i i i read i mean it's like zara and then the other ones are um obviously h&m and then um yeah i think that like old navy is a part of it too oh definitely you could tell in the commercials that fucking child labor the kids are so sad yeah it's just not then It's, like, trendy on a dime, but, like, you wash it once and the colors fade. The shape is gone.

Yeah. Why are you washing it? You don't steam it? Sydney, shut up. Shut your dirty ass. You don't hang it on your shower and just let the hot water, like, steam it. Poor people dry clean. Wait, are you saying you wash your clothes by hanging them in the shower and just letting

the steam do their thing? You know, you're washing and ironing, so kind of at the same time. It's dry clean, like she said. It's not not dry cleaning. Come through the SIDS. we also do alterations that is a sketch write that up i hate it with a little downy the downy that's supposed to shut up sydney a little shout a little shout yeah you know you make me want to shout yes sid's is popping yo yo we can get a business going that is it i think that's hilarious

sid's sounds like a disease dude no it is you know what i got i got sid's no that's why you gotta say Sid's dry cleaning you're thinking sudden infant death syndrome yes I am but that's why you gotta say Sid's dry cleaning it's more something that had happened well I put the baby down and then I came back and he was blue it's no longer Sid's it's what had happened what had happened what's your dream uh wedding oh gosh I don't know I think it's definitely like in my future for sure no time soon I think it's with all the people that I love and I'm not stressing about it um because there's a lot of my boyfriend i have a ton of friends a lot in common and a lot from our past that i would want to include i think it's fun i think i'd rather use the wedding

is not so much like um about us like the unity of our love as it is about like the celebration of the family that the two of us shared together oh that's you know what i mean that's being like so how many people how many guests i don't know you know to be honest it's like we're invited obviously you're 100 invited we are you guys are gonna host the thing you do tight 10 up top i think we would get the wedding poppy no it would be lit absolutely honestly we would host the fuck out of some wedding i have fantasies about my bachelor party being um me and 10 of my best gays getting into full drag for all of our best girlfriends and having full-blown competition they vote they rank us like do it rather than the stripper thing or whatever like

we do it because i have a lot of friends who are drag queens one of them hosts it maybe we hire a few of them they can put it to the track be like really fun we could do it together we can do some edibles and drink a lot exactly that it would be really fun but as far as the wedding itself i don't know i don't think i want to do it in rhode island but i certainly don't want to do it excuse me do it new york yo i love this yeah no i absolutely couldn't you really thought about this this is great well thought out i mean you got a man they making money they're like they got duplex we're trying well what about you hinge bitch over here what's your wedding gonna look like hinge and she's gonna get into it thank you so much uh i do get into it and they get into it

thank you so much uh i feel like i don't need a lot of people at my wedding because i don't really like people and i'm not paying to feed all these people that i don't like this is all facts thank you so much but i feel like i want it to be somewhere that's like big but like so big and so empty that i'm like walking for like a cool couple minutes before i get totally to the group you know what i mean um everything gonna sound like an echo extra i wanted to everything to be extra like i want the we belong together mariah carey train like you remember the train that was like it was like behind her in the in the drop top like on the street that's what i want i want the veil to be like oh my well where is it just like oh your face you mean we belong together music while

you're talking about this yeah just the instrumental yeah please that'd be great but yeah i just i mean you know i just want like spend somebody else's money and then be like yeah we're in love sis you know i thought it wasn't gonna happen for me but richard uh he's lived a long time i'm anna nicole smith it's gonna be somebody old and dying and he's gonna have the word rich in his name yeah richard rich richie rich i mean rich richard and i his kids are all gonna be older than me he's gonna be in a wheelchair oh yeah he's not gonna have no legs the pants are gonna be like folded under and you just act like he was a war vet

they're like well what war I'm gonna be like sis nam I don't know I don't know how old he is the war on drugs the Korean war he lost his legs the war on drugs honestly so many have fallen

he's a veteran honestly that's it that's what I want weddings are crazy man ultimately I think that everyone's is unique and to each his own but mine's gonna be expensive and not paid for by me boom that's it goals boom that's it that's all that i want dave this has been outstanding i really enjoyed this conversation i had a blast i really feel like we dug into it we kept it real absolutely can you give us like maybe like

three tips on just like wedding etiquette wedding party etiquette wedding party etiquette okay i'll say um when everybody has to get on the dance floor after the after they finish their first dance and it's like time just go okay yeah just go and dance to happy yeah okay just give it to them because they need this they need this they paid a lot of money to this dj and they're all wondering are my friends the kind of friends that dance um or maybe or maybe they're not my friends will not be that situation but get on the floor and dance especially if you're gay they're literally banking on it they're begging you they're literally banking on you getting up there right um get a photo of the bride and the groom eating their food it is the rarest photo of the night the bride

and the groom don't sit down for one fucking second they never eat they never eat they pay for all this money they get a plate i always it's my bit to go over to the bride and groom when they're like eating and like away from everyone and be like i'm just so happy that you guys took some time to eat all right i'm gonna go now yeah that always seems to go over well and then my last is um don't drive get an uber oh yeah because the driving out when you're leaving is like so much It's too stressful. It's a nightmare. I'll give you my three.

Make sure the cake is good. You're doing cake testings, and I'm sitting here eating this dusty-ass, beautiful, dry cake. It's that fondant. Yeah, I don't need that. It doesn't need to be that. Your cake don't need skin. Throw a proper icing on it. Maybe do a cheesecake.

You know? I love a cheesecake. Do a cheesecake. We're going to eat that. um my second thing is uh what's that weird thing where like the bride has like her garter and the dude has to take it off with his teeth have y'all seen this yes why do we need that thank you cut that my mom is here yeah my grandma's here your head is under my skirt and you've taken it off with your teeth yeah we don't need that that's not for anybody here 1000 um and then uh you

what's my other thing what's my other thing sis I don't know what my third thing is but those two things are very important those are so good

yeah they are good the cake needs to be cute and that garter thing is trash it's over yeah my three things bitch bring an extra

pair of shoes why y'all all on the dance floor with no shoes on what the fuck is wrong with y'all so dumb roll up a Dr. Scholl

this is nasty like why underneath your feet roll up a Dr. Scholl have some ballet flats have some Chinese chancletas whatever do whatever you need to do have another pair of shoes because you're first of all you're the bride you're supposed to we're the you're leading the pack i should not see your

toenails no i feel like most of the weddings that i've been to the bride's dress is so long that you can't see her feet but still have a shoe she probably has a sacconi on i hate when that when like they are on the dance floor and like like all of a sudden they're they're like mopping the floor with their gown that's why i think that the second dress is a smart idea to get that your wedding dress off the ground where aunt carol's dropping her martinis and there's a mozzarella stick yeah gin all over the bottom of the dress um there should be a limited amount of or like a limited of what kind of drinks people can drink no long island iced teas no amaretto hours oh my god no hennessy neat like nothing but that's a classy way to drink no no no no

i've never no fireballs like no no sex on the beach no tacky ass fucking drinks where it's just gonna get the ratchet out of everybody like i come on i've seen too many people get a drink they got really we're gonna do this here nice tea you're a grown-up dave that's what we're doing here like have you never been to a wedding before like what are we doing and people who have the balls to order it anywhere i'm always like good for you man but out loud like write a note slide it to the bartender and be like let me get that and the bartender's like a long island iced tea yeah he's crazy um and make sure you have gifts for your guests yeah they leave with little trinkets that's like special like that means something like don't just like throw any like a

ball that has your face on it. I don't want that. I don't want that. I don't want that. Do something that could actually use like a coaster or something. No, I don't even want that. Or a magnet. Coaster?

That was a lateral move. A lateral move. I could use a coaster. You know what I want? I went to a wedding. They gave us little Mike's Hot Honeys. Yeah, that was great. And I was like, this is amazing.

I love their love. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We all use those. A candle, things of that sort. Those were cute. Oh, I know what my third thing is. when you see them getting ready to throw

the bouquet some people need that let them win I'm not about to fight you for this bouquet no no no some of them be running let them have it

they're taking shoes off and throwing elbows no no no I'm good here I think they should take that all out because your bridesmaids have done everything for you

and now they have to turn into quarterbacks to fucking get this flower like they don't have to have some respect they really think it means they gonna get married next

I know but that's why I'm like just cut it out it's not right like I don't wanna see they look good the whole wedding and now you got them like trampling over

fucking people knocking down babies for lilies it's a bouquet of lilies those lilies were probably like $140 so I mean for sure

they could probably resell them tomorrow for maybe around $80 you gonna get you gonna catch some flowers and you gonna be single for seven years bitch don't get them

it's fine cause you broke your arm when you dove for them flowers nobody wants to be like clicking on the chick on hinge with a broken arm you just put out Ashley's eye

trying to get them flowers you're wrong it's tragic week Dave tell people listening where they can catch yes please all right well I do a couple running shows we

have a show called the list that happens at public hotel our next one's gonna likely be in January so keep an eye out for that we also do a show called game show where we take two

straight guys put them head-to-head in a challenge to find out which one is honorarily gay as fuck yes yeah we've given the title of Queen of the Straits we do it every

third Friday at caveat in the Lower East Side I host with Matt Rogers you've been a guest of your show yes Hollywood expert amazing Hollywood expert yeah So that's where you can see me right now.

Also just doing stand-up around the city. You'll find me with Sydney in November, not drinking, having a good time. Yay! Thank you so much, Vince. Thank you both for having me. This is a blast. Sydney, will you marry me? You know what, Marie?

No, you won't. You know what, Marie? If I was on my dying leg, yeah, I guess maybe. If you only had one leg, sis, I wouldn't marry you. Anyway, thanks, guys. Bye. Forever. Dog.

This has been a Forever Dog production. Executive produced by Brett Boehm, Joe Cilio, and Alex Ramsey. For more original podcasts, please visit foreverdogpodcasts.com and subscribe to our shows on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts. Keep up with the latest Forever Dog news by following us on Twitter and Instagram, at Forever Dog Team, and liking our page on Facebook. Thanks for watching!