MESS with Sydnee Washington & Marie Faustin - This is the Last Episode

Episode Date: July 31, 2020

In the final episode of the Unofficial Expert, Sydnee, Marie and Andrew discuss ideas for a rebrand and how Marie plans to celebrate her birthday during a pandemic. Thanks for listening!----Listen to The Unofficial Expert Ad-Free on Forever Dog Plus:https://foreverdogpodcasts.com/plus----BONUS EPISODES AVAILABLE NOW ON PATREON:www.patreon.com/TheUnofficialExpertBUY UNOFFICIAL EXPERT MERCH:https://www.teepublic.com/stores/the-unofficial-expert-podcastFOLLOW THE UNOFFICIAL EXPERT:https://www.instagram.com/UnofficialExpertFOLLOW SYDNEE:https://www.instagram.com/JustSYDbwhttps://twitter.com/justsydnycFOLLOW MARIE:https://www.instagram.com/Reeezyhttps://twitter.com/MsReeezyFOLLOW ANDREW:https://www.instagram.com/mcgui_guySee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

forever dog grand rises everybody wait let's do that over why Sydney let's say grand rising together no I'm not

Andrew leave all this in the podcast so people can see what it means you guys have been doing I feel like you did the same thing last week where every week where Sydney's like no do it one more time I want to say hi i miss me too and me sydney big only child image well everyone doesn't know this but i am a third child i am the baby my brother and sister are like 18 22 years older than me and um i i grew up by

myself well not by myself i didn't grow up with them because they were full-blown adults when i was a baby so yeah so it that i mean yeah i'm not gonna deny that i'm not gonna deny that i do act like i'm the youngest because i am no you don't act like you act like an only child you act like show me how to do it oh my god wait carolina posted on her tiktok that sydney is doesn't know how to use a blender hot that's how hot sydney is she does not know how her blender works attractive i'm honored thank you i was crying at that when the delivery guy that came and talked to Sydney and not Carolina.

Yeah, he talked to me because I was getting her package because me and Marie got Carolina an engagement gift. Yes. We're not going to say who it's from or where it's from. Yes, but we got her very nice. We didn't even use a promo code.

No. Marie, I think that's the nicest gift I've gotten someone for a wedding. Yeah. do you ever give anybody gifts for a wedding absolutely i go to the registry and i pick not the most expensive thing but not the cheapest thing either my mother told me you got to get something like into who so he gives you know us the pack gives me the package and i'm talking to him like okay you got you yeah see you got shorts on you show your knees oh so you were flirting

with the delivery i was i said i was being nice and i was being funny i was cracking jokes i wasn't serious and i looked a mess and then he we have our number on the side of the the door because these they be dropping the packages off in front of the door and it's like sir it says savage fenty you can't just leave it there somebody's gonna take it it says sephora no like call us so we could come down so our numbers on the side he got carolina's number and he texted her that uh if i just got if i just gave you the package you're gorgeous and she was she wrote back no that wasn't me that was my neighbor and you need to take your job more seriously and it was well what did he look like who who would play the delivery man in a movie

paint a picture for him uh no offense but fat albert and you have the hat on right now you have the hat on marie did fett albert have one um uh what is this thing called a beret a beret was he wearing a beret friend or was he just wearing a red hat i think he was wearing a red baseball hat no let's see i've never seen fett albert um uh wow so she's you were flirting and laughing at fat albert i wasn't he was like oh oh no he didn't even have a hat on he didn't have a hat no he wore a red shirt sweater he just wanted to call me chat no no no no i'm gonna put my wig back no no no no anyway it was funny you guys

gotta follow her on tiktok it's it's great she's she's she's really great yeah she's doing great And so, you know, I love that, Marie. You look better than me today. Oh, shit. Sydney, I'm not doing this with you. Podcast listeners, Sydney is, and this is what I've been saying, Sydney is a mean person. What? And people are like, no, she's nice.

Did you hear how you just complimented me? That was so mean. You look better than me today. I'm not mad at it. meaning that you look better than me every other day and today on the day when you got eye boogers in your eyes you just woke up you cannot deal okay sis sis i'm gonna need for you to put some humility on your vision board okay oh honey it is it's there every day every day i wake up you'll be like what am i doing today oof nothing again wow yikes that's every that's

speaking of um having nothing to do we actually have something to do after podcast and uh we have a meeting and um it's it's us trying to come up with ideas to to pitch for a show no one no one has asked us to pitch a show yet but you know we gotta work towards it yo i gotta go sydney posted sydney was like oh we don't know what we're gonna do for this meeting okay wait hold on we get i get on the phone with Sydney maybe an hour ago she goes um Marie what what's your favorite thing you like to do with me what do you like to do with me and um then she hung up on me because she was disrespectful and she got on Instagram and wrote Instagram do your thing give us ideas that I already got to you don't make us look stupid just got off the phone with Reezy and

she's in tears and unable i hate it here pandemic is draining us from creating i'm doing this for friendship and because our managers are probably following this account yeah they are following each other um and then you guys are in real time giving us suggestions on what we should say at this point so let's read them out loud please there's so many this is funny this is great baby okay oh people are really writing yo i need to do more of these these are full ideas okay someone said a variety show hosted by youtube we need more funny things you guys are super funny and know a lot of funny people i'll kind of get the nit but on tv i'm gonna i don't know if i want watch i'm gonna tag amina and be like what you think sis

i would love to see a comedy drama about your lives basically just everything that you two talk about on the podcast all the weird funny dramatic and mundane things that happen on a day-to-day basis dramatized in a show preferably on netflix so i can watch it here but seriously you two are fascinating and i watch you every day if i could sorry if that sounds creepy but That is the truth. That is what creepypastas are. Yeah, definitely. When they tell you they're creepypastas, they are definitely creepypastas.

That's so nice. I know, I know. We love it. She is, yeah, she is Aisha. Shady talk show. Bring the guest in, drag them, and then have them compliment you before they head out. I'd watch. I like that.

I actually like that. Six people liked that. Write that one down, Maria. Now seven people like it now. Yeah, yeah. Okay, let me write that down too. Let me like that one. Okay, so people want reality show, not scripting?

yeah an entire reality show about your lives you guys you guys retell stories on the pod amazingly but if you could if but if we could watch it in action i watch i would watch every day or broad city type vibes of a show with y'all because y'all are amazing lol y'all should do something similar to girl code like a black version or y'all can do a reality show similar to two broke girls where we follow you around on casting calls writing scripts and doing odd jobs not bad people want to see a reality show but it's like we don't really do nothing during you really there's oh i forgot to say hey y'all want us to do a tv show but we're literally in quarantine and there's nothing we can fucking do yeah we have to come up with an idea that's

low budget that doesn't require uh too much leaving the house that's exciting okay a show about the first five years of your friendship and where where you were in your life and comedy at the time a whole show themed after third wheeling sex troops what that's actually funny threesomes with sydney i'm just what three's company um a blind dating show where you guys are helping one of the daters remotely start with helping them figure out their dream love interest getting ready for the day and speaking to them throughout the evening helping them navigate the date that's kind of something that we that was kind of something that we had talked we did but it would be us in like an

earpiece yeah advice but it would be bad advice someone said um unofficial expert y'all fake your through a day in the area of expertise with one rescue call to the guest that was on the unofficial expert oh that's fine i like that okay i really love you like that somebody wrote this okay i like that a show about you guys how you met marie's haitian family you growing up without a dad then you guys do a podcast and try to raise money to move to la and her show but one of you gets a big break before the other one does oh okay drama okay somebody said scripted your characters are competing influencers who go after the same man until sydney's character realizes that she's gay and only pursuing for the clout real life as source

yo i mean i think that i think that sydney character would have to already know that she's gay she would just like hate my character so much that she just wants to take the man so i don't get him yes that's drama friend i mean maybe that's maybe that's the way that we should be looking at it is not necessarily us as friends like it's not a buddy comedy but more it's like we are consistently trying to sabotage each other like what's the like spy versus spy how about a show about nothing but y'all try to come up with something that's actually funny i like that too okay but what so scripted or non-scripted janelle said i did the same thing yesterday no shame in crowdsourcing

picture it one girl is straight and the other a lesbian run one one of the two have dogs named peanut and butter two dogs i mean yeah but we got to get dogs on set they they're gonna be all over our shoes I don't want that Sidney are you reading or texting? no I'm reading no that's a stupid one

I'm not even going to read that out loud that's not nice they keep saying Broad City style show okay we get it they co-run a blog website and a podcast with their hot date friend okay okay we got a supporting Andrew that's you you're in the show someone's looking out we're we're shortening the name to just Drew Drew we actually I think that's cute actually

Drew do you like Drew I I Drew sounds like a little bit too like sophisticated to me no Drew Drew is the person who holds the drugs and then drops them some of my messiest friends names so honestly it's sophisticated that is true yeah yes yeah i mean what would the other option is to go by andy andy's a little bit like too childish i feel like andrew is like a it's a good medium no andrew's not a medium though it's the full name it is the it is my birth name yes uh full-on comedy y'all play teachers camp counselors leading student groups through nyc museum shenanigans on and off the clock not bad wait why teachers well because it's because it's expert yeah it's excellent but with children yeah but then we gotta we gotta get kids on set

i don't like children um maybe little people or adults like children cooking and wigs I know what you did last summer eat pray ho gold rush a show where you introduce your guests while on poppers y'all got to get these poppers out your life you need to grow up

you need to grow up sorry the two of you as waitresses in a kinda nice restaurant Marie being mean and funny getting tips and Sydney as the hostess oh cindy remember we had a show about us working in a restaurant working at a hotel a hotel bar i was a i was a bartender and you were uh a waitress yeah we were both really bad

at our jobs yes and then you were gonna get fired or something like that every episode every episode yes every episode you get you get fired where is that at that's in the google doc somewhere yeah we got that somewhere we got that um actually i think we should revisit i don't hate i don't hate these things that you guys are suggesting the actions are i'm like i'm really impressed and surprised and i love you i love you for everything that you're doing i love every single one of you and i would kiss you on the ear um you are you are walking inspirations i feel you have saved my life multiple times without even knowing your impact on your listeners my idea would be a round table my favorite thing of your podcast podcast is that real conversation

authenticity at its best so the red table thought provoking and always a touch of naughtiness with loads of laughter you are naturals i support anything you do i love seeing you thrive and always with a sense of humor even in the darkest times oh thank you babe very nice oh that was machata machata he's very sweet i'm gonna follow you back or they thank you ma'am yes yeah um yeah saying forever dog for 20 minutes straight forever yeah so i mean we're kind of at a standstill because one we've been doing the same thing pretty much over and over and over and over again

with like random things happening in between but nothing has been going on besides me squirting and Marie also squirting also squirting oh that's right take that out

Drew take that out I'm kidding I'm kidding it's a bit it's a bit Drew damn Drew damn Drew damn drew damn drew damn drew damn damn drew damn i like that yeah yeah but it's just like we've been in the house and now you know oh oh you know what you guys have to stop going back to people about what you've heard on the podcast it's rude this is between us

in the thousands of people who are listening. If they didn't tune in and listen, then they should know. And they don't get to know. Then they don't get to know. So just stop. Just be a good friend. Stop running your mouth.

The only thing you should be saying out your mouth, go listen to the Unofficial Expert podcast. You don't have to say specifics. Who are you looking at right now? You're like looking at a wall. She's yelling at me. That's how, that's how. Well, let me give you a little bit of backstory.

Okay. Let me tell you where we're coming from. Yeah, so you know Sidney and I do these bonus episodes on Patreon, and people are asking where they get the Patreon. On the Patreon. Yes, on patreon.com. Serena Williams' husband provoked it. Serena Williams' husband did give us a shout out.

Alexis, thank you very much. Alexis. Anyway, we were talking on the Patreon. Somebody heard something that we said about somebody, and they messaged the person we were talking about yep and said i heard this on the patreon so i'm gonna need for y'all to respect our privacy our privacy why if we talk about something that's between us we family come on y'all yes do you want to be invited to the cookout or not like or do you want to be outside of the club hating because you can't get in because you can't even get in because you know

what i'm gonna find out who said something and when i do i'm gonna block you you hear me i'm gonna block you i'm gonna find you and i'm gonna block you you know what on the patreon it has everybody's emails so i'm gonna look through names and cross reference oh because baby's got the time baby got the time you got the you know what she's not doing in that time she's not providing the show that we should be pitching that is exactly yeah you have time for that though very much i I love that you brought it back to that. Thank you. I love how great you are, Marie.

Just respect our privacy. That's all that we ask through these difficult quarantine times. Yeah, and you know what? When you do that, that stops us from being great. You know what I mean? Because we can't spill the tea that we be spilling if you be going back to the people. So what do you want us to talk about?

Air? Because that's what the fuck is going on here. Air. Tell me how I'm supposed to breathe with no air. so they really they really want you to work with animals um there's another someone else yeah someone said we're a show with you two as roommates who run an animal grooming business called two black cats there are animals and gay clients and weird parents and you interact with the other business owners on your block of course there is a bodega and marie falls in love with the

owner eventually of the bodega honestly i see it and i love it for us it feels real and related it feels real it feels grounded wait but then they they say that sydney eventually becomes the borough representative and marries a woman politician okay cynthia nixon this is very layered and uh it feels like at least two seasons no no no let me tell you guys what we don't want we do not want a show with animals because that means we got to be on set with animals and animals are difficult to work with. They are. We do not want to show children because kids got

they got to be outboxed or their tutor is there. Yeah, their diva is there. We don't want you know, Katherine Heigl's mom. I can't curse. I can't be having those problems. No Disney channel babies. I don't need none of that negativity. Katherine Heigl?

Katherine Heigl's mom. Her mom. Oh. Her mom is her manager. Oh, okay. I thought you were suggesting that Katherine Heigl is a child okay but i think she acts like a child right isn't that why she's blacklisted after uh knocked up 27 dresses yes um so no shows with children no shows with animals because those those things are annoying to work with yeah and yes i call them both and realistically to be honest it's just like when is when is anybody filming like we say for instance we we work on a show

right when we pitch we're going to be able to pitch but we're not going to be able to film this year like anything that's getting picked up that we need to film on a set i don't think it's going to be made like this year and you have the time to get it together we do and we do we do so that's why we're going to take all these ideas and run them by our managers and then they're going to be like well was it your idea or the listeners and it's like none of that matters they're like are the listeners whoever gave you the idea is going to want some of the credit it's like well we're going to remix this stuff no no no we're going to delete the post somebody said someone said i'd love to see sydney as a guidance counselor and marie playing a teacher

who are best friends with me at the same school who comedically inspired young black girls by giving them advice and are constantly dragging their white co-workers mostly comic comedy but deeply real and speaks to the criminalization of black and brown girls in school okay oh wow oh let me click on this profile see who this is yeah okay julian morris i see you baby i think you should um i think you should follow that person back because i really like that he's so sweet he's very nice julian yeah you know him he's like messaged a few times he's very nice yeah oh shout out to julian okay uh game show hostesses i like that idea it feels like a more funny fun dangerous minds how about that um with michelle pfeiffer yeah

i like i like it i feel like there's some cool ideas here there really is i guess we just not coming up with shit but the people are out there they actually they have some idea it really sounds like they've been sitting on some of these ideas for a while and they're just some of them for sure have some of them are posted more than one time um here goes um another one upstate road trip comedy younger sibling graduating from syracuse uh funeral for a distant relative or make a weekend out of it so a road trip to a funeral to a funeral or somebody's graduating or something um yeah i i don't hate that as a scripted show

because maybe the car breaks down in some rural-ass, dusty-ass town. I think that's so funny. That would be really good. Figure out how to get up. Yeah. Maybe hitchhike. You know Too Long Foo? They drive to this town

that has the... What is it? They drive to the town... Oh, they're driving because they're going to... Is it... Yeah, I can't remember. Did you watch Chuan Fu?

Thanks for Everything, Julie Newmar? No. That's why neither of us were helping you finish. I know. Why haven't you guys watched that? We have to watch that, Marie. We have to watch that on the projector. Okay.

Well, while you find it, there's a really long comment here. Go ahead, Drew, read it for me. perform the entire journey pod journey from the start uh to now sydney show up late with food while marie is sitting and waiting bicker at each other for a bit still have friends come on uh uh on call wait wait my mom just tried calling in the middle of that um uh show up late with marie sitting and waiting bicker at each other for a bit still have friends come on called the dusty friend segment piece start with your friends who are getting a netflix specials so you can use some of their audience continue as usual we listen for your authentic

selves or an eat pray ho turn to love discuss the journey so like i guess you would go on like a eat pray ho journey and then you would eventually fall in love with someone that you're hoeing out to or you could do eat pray ho with me and then we fall in love at the end no i did that you're just people would want to see that people they actually do because remember when that episode where we're like we should hook up and everybody's like do it do it no no the episode was not should we hook up yeah the episode was should we swap partners that was no i don't remember should we have sex in front of no you're you're rewriting history right now literally yeah what rewriting history i don't remember that okay wait so two long blue thanks

for everything is elite manhattan drag queens vita noxema impressing regional judges in the competition securing births in the nationals among and los angeles when the two meet pathetic drag novice chichi one of the losers that evening they charm vita and noxema agree to take the hopeless youngster under their wing under their wing soon the three set off on a madcap road trip across America and struggled to make it in Los Angeles in time

that's that was a great it was a great movie Marie we have to watch it together but that's kind of like a who is Chi Chi is Chi Chi Wesley Snipes no Chi Chi is um John Leguizamo I think we should watch it you want to come over tonight

I don't know Marie It's like, you don't make any time for us. Sidney, who are you? Right now. Somebody's calling me. Who's calling me? Hold on.

Hello? Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Every time. They always get me. It was a telemarketer. Yes, every time. It was a creditor.

You know you owe money to people. Every fucking time. I was like, is it a job? Is it a job? Hello? Did you hear my, hello? yes good afternoon city washington yes speaking who may i say is calling yeah

marie well tomorrow then come over tomorrow what time is your thing that we're doing i don't know we even we haven't figured out our idea for that either but i said the same thing yeah we'll do that no no no but tomorrow i think tomorrow i thought we should cook together because that was fun we did that for a show i just want to let you guys cooking together it is an audio it's not visual that's right i love how sydney is on the same exact email and or text threads as me and she only reads the parts that she that matter to her i saw that i saw the amount of money i said oh well i'm in

money marie i'm there let's let's have a moment of silence for that extra six hundred dollars that we're gonna lose in unemployment benefits this week it's so hard that could be a really cute mashup yeah it's so hard to say goodbye i mean i told you you guys heard on the my mother said you you can't be doing well you're you're on unemployment i'm like everybody's on unemployment she tried to drag me me for being on unemployment so what are you on right now because you're not working she on

medicare k well i think i think she retired so what do you get when you're social security she probably gets social security that's basically unemployment exactly um but you know who's not on unemployment kiki palmer she is not i know i know kiki palmer so there's that we're good on that my sister keeps calling me and i don't know why she's calling me but um i would like to say that after i posted you know all this information about my mom she has not called me my family has not reached out except my sister but my sister does not speak to my mom or something like that so i mean sometimes you just gotta post it and then the universe will work work it out come on tyler perry presents the washington's the washington's that's the show that is the

show marie that's the show and i'm the neighbor that comes over and judges the washington's and then you act like you got it together you're really a hoarder and you come over there you got like dead geese in the back dead geese not smushed cats yes hoarder house actually that hoarder house sounds like where the washington that's also a fact maybe that's the show the washington's are hoarders and they have this dysfunctional ass relationship and one of the characters let's call her sydney burns the house down and now the washington's have to move into my house i love that that feels too real it's me and the washing it's too on the nose

listen sometimes i like that marie though i actually like that idea yes yes yes you know sometimes art mimics reality yeah um what was the question sydney i mean i'm really just trying to figure out what are the next we have four months left in the year five five five five raggedy ass months left and i'm just like what what do we have to look forward to well my birthday's in september what should i do we have to figure out what we're doing for your birthday yeah what am i doing for my birthday let's talk about it well it's gonna be small it's just us and the family right i mean i feel like i've already been exposed to covid i might as well have a blowout party

no marie you took the antibodies test and you don't have it you didn't have my antibodies test came back negative yeah i've never i've never never have it and we we could have swore that you did have it i mean i i just keep saying i got it back in march and no i did not but literally the lie detector test saying that they're like why do you think that you had it in march because i had a cold that wouldn't go away because i was no sydney don't don't talk about what i had it went away it it did not not go away i had a cold i was sydney please stop you are not my doctor that's a lie yo sydney is a liar yo i'm not this this is gonna be the last episode of the podcast for me because

the way that this individual will be disrespecting me on the show is honestly, it's not good for my well-being, my mental health. Sydney is emotionally abusive. I'm only here for the truth.

If anything, I don't want to work with you anymore. This is the absolute last episode that we're doing. Okay, and you don't want to be what? That's the title of the episode, the last episode. The last one. the last one oh my god and you write that down i'm sorry last one drew drew write that down yeah i like that um i feel like you can make it a little bit more dramatic the last it's just

gonna be the last one this is the last episode it should be this is the last episode this is the last episode great title everybody will listen and be like what happened yeah yeah they're gonna let i can tell it's sydney no if anything would be you marie because you are well actually i will say after that little blowout we had with carolina you became a better friend that's because i talked to you about you being a bad friend and i was like i'm gonna do all the opposite i was actually the best friend and until you started meddling in other best friends um business things were fine oh okay i'm just gonna let people listen to the episodes themselves because

survey says you were wrong. No, it was split right in the middle. Yeah, 70-30. Right in the middle. What are we going to do for your birthday? I don't know.

Our birthday is in September. September what? 23rd. The U.S. passport is useless everywhere. You can't even wear it. I gotta sneak into another country and they're like, ah, where you from? We could go to Mexico, Marie.

I don't want to go to Mexico. What's happening in Mexico? I mean, that's where everybody's been traveling to for a vacay. Mexico was the new Miami, friend. Yeah, that's true. It's the new DR. We don't need that in our lives.

No, we're better than that. We are, um, I don't know. Maybe, oh, you know what I saw the other day on instagram that i was like oh but this is it's not for like groups or anything this is like a couple's thing right us you can get like a i'm not even gonna say what it is no more never mind no say marie please um it's like a not necessarily a cabin in the woods it's like a one room box in the woods um i'm gonna send i'm gonna send it to you on it i don't like that that seems it's not it's not

about you baby i wouldn't i wouldn't go with you where's the page where's okay it's called getaway house so you're basically just in your house but not it's in the woods you're in there i mean you're having in the woods you're having sex in the woods that's that's all it is there's a big ass window and there's like chairs outside but it's really just you banging somebody so that's what you want to do for your birthday marie i mean if if we still can't do anything as a group right then maybe i should do something you know not solo but not with you but with some other somebody else you know that's crazy marie

because my birthday this year, I made sure to include my best friends. What did you do for your birthday? Oh, yeah, we went to dinner. That was before pandemic. Yeah, that was literally a whole month before the pandemic. Yeah.

The pandemic. The pandemic. All right, well, I guess we'll pray on it. I'll meditate. Maybe it'll come to me in a dream what I should do for my birthday. You guys should put in the comments

what you think Marie should do for her birthday. What we, Marie and I, Oh my God, you're asking so much of the listeners. Yeah, Drew said he's not here for it. Why? Okay, just come up with something by yourself. Wait. It's like they can't do all the work.

I'm sorry, Black women have been doing all the work for centuries. Sydney, what work have you been doing, friend? Let's talk about how you just learned how to use a blender this morning. Listen, the backs of my ancestors are on my back, pushing me forward to make sure that i'm enlightening everyone that is in my sphere and i'm touching toes and and noses with my creativity and my content and i'm pushing through through depression and through the civil rights so i am doing a lot okay wow and i mean i'm and i'm being overlooked and underrepresented in the industry go ahead and go ahead and cut

you lost me like the nose and toes part my girl got a foot fetish shut up she said my ancestors are on my back no your ancestors are laughing at you your ancestors are like what's she doing what is that what is that what is that your ancestors are like what i can't um i can't believe i asked you i said hey marie what would you like to do with me and she said absolutely nothing no i said he said what's your favorite thing to do with me and then sydney hung up on me on the facetime she she fully hung up on me because i said something real and some people what did you say marie tell them sydney yes you want me to say this right here on the podcast yep when i said about you that made you hang up yep sydney was like man i gotta take

these braids out and wash my hair it's making my skin bad i said sydney in all of the time in all the years that i've known you i think you've washed your hair 10 times i was like you never wash your hair your braids be in forever and the wig be glued to your forehead the wig be glued to the forehead for eight months out of the year and now she's like i have to wash my hair i don't need this from you this is black women tearing down black women in front of a white man of course of course my ancestors are on my back right now your ancestors are on their back laughing at your dirty scalp your ancestors are like perpless head and shoulders sydney you got a two-in-one uh conditioner shampoo at the house i actually bought um some

thank god i'm natural which is a black owned business oh yeah and um it's really really good and uh i will be taking out my braids and washing my scalp and the dirt will be gone but you're probably like i probably only wash my hair like twice or three times a year to be honest maybe the show is this it's sydney doing regular people activities that she has no idea how they go well i mean like that's the same thing as like sid can cook exactly exactly it's it can cook it's Sid can wash her hair. It's Sid can do her taxes. I cannot do my taxes.

Imagine, that should be a show, us trying to do our taxes on our own. No, that show is boring and also kind of sad. That show is sad. I can't. I can't. Yeah, maybe that's the show. It's Sidney doing something that,

like regular people know how to do, but she doesn't know how to do. And then it's us doing something that neither of us know how to do. the thing is is that marie always shames me for the things that i don't know how to do but sydney it's basic things that you don't know how to do friend there's a whole youtube channel that's really popular of this dad who is like instructing uh people and like every video is like a different task and he's telling people how to do it that don't have dads uh and so it really

like popped off i feel like that's like a similar thing what what kind of stuff like can you give some examples like like to change a tire or something uh just like all these like things that i guess typically your dad would teach you oh throw a baseball put oil in the transmission does oil go in the transmission we don't no idea well none of us have dads i guess yeah none of us not a single one somebody even mentioned that in the fucking comments hashtag no dads huh oh you're still reading the comments okay well what what new ones popped up that we can talk about before we go dating app profile auditing outfit makeovers uh sid can cook on the road take cooking classes together

They really like Sid Can Cook It's a fantastic Marie when are you coming back to be my sous chef Because you know I feel like my sous chef Needs a break Oh your sous chef that's Your sous chef That is on a hiatus right now

I think she's on a hiatus right now I think you need to come in this Sunday to be honest What are you making on Sunday Well can we talk about last Sunday Yes we can end the show with this Well marie why don't you give them a recap because you're good at those i can't give you a recap i wasn't watching the episode friend i was at the park taking photos like a fucking whore

she was as if sydney as yes i was nude i was fully naked at the park in the middle of the uh in the middle of the park surrounded by people i was like what's that painting the madonna or whatever she's in like a shell you know the white lady with the body anyway um i logged on at 8 42 or 56 and i see sydney crying on the couch and carolina's like consoling her and rubbing her shoulder and sydney's like well you know they they can't all be winners and i was like what duh and apparently sydney threw all the food in the trash so sid can cry yes it can cry sid can cry i mean i was just having a rough day i thought i i i was like felt ill i was missing my friend's baby shower i felt like i had corona and then

you know carolina couldn't do the show because she couldn't do the show oh because she had migraines she had been having headache for you know days which i totally understood you know i got it i was like i had already planned to do the show without her but i was supposed to make shrimp scampi and crab legs and somehow it became the most difficult task ever like an hour into the show i'm still cutting up shallots like not even getting to the pasta whatever long story short the shrimp wasn't good it was bad shrimp and i didn't realize the shrimp was bad until everything was cooked and i tasted it and i was like this shrimp it's not right but how did you not know the shrimp was back okay so did the shrimp look funny it did kind of look funny while you were

prepping it it looked funny yeah and then you cooked it anyway yeah because i was just like oh well it's summertime so like they probably sweating or something like that you know somebody my source told me that the shrimp was black and blue so i don't know if that was before or after you cooked it but you still tasted it and you Did you actually eat some of the shrimp? No, no, no. I put it in my mouth, and I was like, hmm, this is, wow.

Or maybe it had just been sitting out. I feel like the shrimp needs to pay child support or something like that. Like, the shrimp tastes like deadbeat dads. I don't know. I'm just gross. Not good. Let's spit it out.

Yeah, but maybe. But I kept eating the pasta, because the pasta was good. Did you do the pasta? But then you threw the pasta in the trash. I threw it all out, because everybody comes. They're like, Sydney, if the shrimp is tainted, the whole thing is bad it's not good stop eating it you couldn't pick the shrimp out no they well

if it's if it's bad shrimp it's like it's already been mixed into stuff um so maybe the shrimp have been sitting out that might be what is why it was bad yeah that's probably what it is but anyway i ended up just like being really sad i cried after the show i talked to marie um she was walking back from the park and she was on audio so it just seemed like she well sydney what happened what happened what's happening you you know how the show is it's funny you're not supposed to know what you're doing no i didn't say you're not supposed to know you're supposed to know what you're doing you just don't know what you're doing right every week and you lit a napkin on fire and There was a big fire, and I tried to put the fire out with a knife.

Sidney said, yes, Andrew, that face. That face that you have right now. Oh, my God. Wait, so I feel like this is great content. No, the people were dying. They were having a ball. The comments were fuego. But I was reading the comments and trying to cook,

and the comments were kind of mean. And then the guests were coming on hot. They were giving me the business. They were going. People had wrote jokes. They pre-wrote jokes. they didn't know how the show was gonna go but they already had the jokes ready people had a whole set of roast jokes for sydney while she got out of me and i couldn't take all the heat it was

just too much i usually don't look at the comments because carolina's there yeah but sydney the worse you do the more lit the comments are for for the community yeah um so that um but also how are you still lighting things on fire this late in the game babe babe this is what i do okay i'm an arsonist how to start a fire solo show by sydney washington written and performed by sydney washington produced by sydney washington starring starring starring sydney washington guest guest starring sydney washington sydney washington wardrobe by sydney washington sydney washington Yes. But I just think that sometimes you bite off more than you can chew. And you realistically, Sydney, need to read these recipes before you decide if you want to do that thing.

You'll pick you'll pick a thing or somebody will tell you to do something and you're like, yes, that's what I'm doing. And then you don't even read the recipe until you're cooking. And even then, you're still not really reading the recipe, Fran. You love to see it. I would love to come back as a soup. so um you know i don't know what you're doing this sunday but i'm gonna come back with a different wig with a whole other oh my gosh yes can you bring can you bring um asia no asia asia come with asia come with asia oh they would love that i'm gonna have to tell her i'm like um actually marie's gonna come in and uh she's gonna bring a character and she's gonna be the suit

what do you i will be in full character for now i will be i'm excited i'm excited and then you can like take breaks in the living room that has an ac okay we're doing well um okay so sydney what are you cooking on sunday tell the listeners what you're thinking uh maybe we can ask oh it's a vegan it's a vegan meal and um yikes i don't know if i'm gonna be able to make it on sunday oh stop it oh stop it it's a vegan meal so what you making like a tofurkey yeah actually no yeah Sydney, I don't think you need to be roasting anything either. I don't think that you need to turn your oven on. Yeah.

I hear you, friend. Andrew, what do you think she should make for us? It's a golden curry bowl. It's a... Yes. Yeah. It's good. I'm going to send you the whole recipe.

I'm going to send you the whole thing. And I want you to read the whole thing. I'm going to read the whole thing. Okay. I don't understand why you I guess I'm not understanding why you're upset about how the last show went that's like the entire premise of the show

I know I was just having a bad day that's all I was just sad I was just sad I thought I had corona okay I'm glad that you're doing better now I feel better actually this podcast made me feel good

it was so good talking to all two of y'all well I mean you were also interacting a lot with whoever's on your phone oh yes oh sorry yes that's bad you're right the listeners were really part of the conversation they were we

we love that and you guys love when you're when we engage with you and so we're going to try to do more of that uh possibly in the next um version of this anyway i hope you guys enjoyed the final episode of this podcast

we will not be returning absolutely not um drew thank you for all your support through this uh through this difficult time yeah i think you're gonna have to apply for unemployment because you will be unemployed yeah yeah it's been a really fun run it has um okay guys well rate comment subscribe uh share this with your loved ones play it really loud out your bedroom window with the boom box um and keep commenting on sydney's uh lioness post about uh me crying and being unable to work yeah i'm not crying but i am unable to work yes but if you were you know if you guys could just repost this episode

um and let them know let everyone know that this was the best podcast that you ever listened to you know we'll repost it in the unofficial expert um page we'll repost all your reposts and give shout outs and stuff because that's how that's how podcast works the only way we can do better is if you do better so thank you do better be better but actually you don't have to do better anymore because this is the last one the last one the last one sucks goodbye i don't know if i'll ever see you again bye sydney bye drew bye bye guys sydney i'll see sydney i'll see you in 15 minutes on this other call that we're under the air for all right bye friends forever this has been a forever dog production executive produced by brett boehm joe cilio and alex ramsey

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