MESS with Sydnee Washington & Marie Faustin - Very Professional

Episode Date: March 5, 2021

After last week's episode, we are nothing but professional on this week's Unofficial Expert! Sydnee recaps Syd Can Cook and Marie talks about a recent date she went on. Plus, Sydnee thinks about getting her drivers license. Enjoy!----Listen to The Unofficial Expert Ad-Free on Forever Dog Plus:https://foreverdogpodcasts.com/plus----BUY UNOFFICIAL EXPERT MERCH:https://www.teepublic.com/stores/the-unofficial-expert-podcast----FOLLOW THE UNOFFICIAL EXPERT:https://www.instagram.com/UnofficialExpertFOLLOW SYDNEE:https://www.instagram.com/JustSYDbwhttps://twitter.com/justsydnycFOLLOW MARIE:https://www.instagram.com/Reeezyhttps://twitter.com/MsReeezyFOLLOW ANDREW:https://www.instagram.com/mcgui_guySee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

forever dog hi good evening sydney washington oh well you know this comes out in a morning so i'm gonna say good morning andrew afternoon good afternoon good afternoon or or good morning afternoon how about that what i'm trying to hit every time of the day and you just okay good evening good night good night i was gonna say well good night marie good night good night moon thank you um okay well uh this is gonna be a a slower pace episode than the last one sure is bitch sure motherfucking is ain't no food coming i don't have no i lock my door there's not gonna be any interruptions um phone over there it's not over there not even gonna be looking at the phone um i'm i'm gonna be all the way tuned in all the way you know what this is ladies

and gentlemen a breakthrough wow um sydney what did you eat today let's just get into that because people were really into the salmon teriyaki saga of last week and um you know the people want to know what did you eat today uh leftovers from sit can cook uh had a salad again wow i did some fried chicken macaroni and cheese had some of the cobbler all delicious then you know snacked on some grapes had some blueberries drank some water wow yeah oh grapes and blueberries and water this is this feel like the most you've eaten since the pandemic started shut up that's not true there was a time where i was having three meals in a day and now it's now we do two you know there was like a there was a little like a maybe a two-week period of the pandemic where i was eating three

meals a day too yeah three meals a day what were we going through um we were trying to readjust three meals a day yeah i remember it was breakfast it was lunch it was dinners classically class it famously famously the three nails andrew how many meals a day do you usually eat it's usually two and like the second really doesn't even count i feel it's like usually like a little easy mac in the microwave it's not good if you don't watch sit can cook yesterday we we have a macaroni and cheese well we have a mac and cheese recipe that you can it worked out in the end there are some haters along away well because apparently a rule is white people mac and cheese and black people don't do

that i'm just glad that i wasn't the one that provided the recipe i would i wouldn't be able to live with myself yeah i mean listen mac and cheese at the end of the day can be made all different types of ways and has so many different type of recipes and not one is the end-all be-all so people just need to calm down and when you look at a recipe and it doesn't look like yours that's okay that's okay it's fine i think people need to calm down in general you know i think emotions are real high and people don't really have anything else to do so sit can cook is real interactive that's sometimes those people that are watching that I haven't talked to anybody all day.

So they're all sitting and going crazy in the comments because that's what they have. Yeah, somebody was messaging me like a few weeks ago and they were like, pandemic anger is a real thing. So it's like, it's anger from the pandemic, but it's displaced because you're directing it to the wrong person. So you're mad about everything that's going on in the world.

But and then when you finally get a chance to let off, you're firing at the wrong target. And I feel like sometimes that happens. That happens to me. Mm hmm. You know, and but it's fine. We are going to get through it, Marie. It's fine. Oh, Sydney, you're real calming today.

Well, you have a good day then, I guess. Yeah. I mean, listen, we talked last night. um you know i realize that when i'm having a hard week or a bad time it's it's okay to just cancel just just cancel just move on i love a sorry for the inconvenience but i can't make it i love that do you ever send a sorry for the inconvenience i feel like you're just straight up like no i'm not coming yeah but you know what no that's not necessarily true sometimes i do that Like, if I know it's something that, like, when we were outside, for example, if I was, like, late to a show and I was like, ultimately, I'm not going to get anything out of this, I would say sorry for the inconvenience.

And I always say sorry when I'm running late. But, like, if they were like, oh, we have you closing out the show, you the headliner, if I know I'm not going to make it to that show, I'm sorry for the inconvenience. Right. you know sometimes i said yes and that was an inconvenience so i'm not wrong anymore yeah and do you think i just no show no call no show there have been times uh recording this podcast where uh you're simply like no and a simply sorry for the inconvenience would have you know went a little bit further but it's okay who am i inconveniencing who am i open open forum solo episode who am i inconveniencing uh me and sydney potentially if if she thought we were going

to be recording at this time okay well i guess we'll put that i don't i don't yeah with with hr i don't want to get into it simply just making uh you know andrew said black history month is over i got some complaints they said he was real quiet last episode he said it's time it's it's andrew's time he said he said those paper plates are clapping right now well andrew sorry for any inconvenience that i've ever inconvenienced you with um thank you it's all forgiven i'm sorry for having you on as the first guest last night on sid can cook i really thought that would be a good idea but clearly you were not well walk us through why you thought that was a good idea just walk us through walk us through what the thought process was of course i i figured

that you would ask uh and um essentially what i was thinking was um obviously you and sydney have um this dynamic together that people really love and they they love to see you together and playing off of each other and so i'm thinking hey if sydney's going live and and marie they get the notification sydney washington is going live with breezy right then they they tune in because they're like i love them together let me check this out and they stay for the entire show you clearly hated the idea and that's okay not every idea is gonna land you know why i didn't necessarily i i i see what you're saying i'll receive that okay and i see how logically for you that made sense but i feel like yesterday when i logged on first of all the energy was

already off for me um and then why why was it off well because it was like you were like you have to update the app and oh yes yeah yeah that's true get on and that is very true and i'm in the comments like talking and sydney's like well i don't see marie marie's not here of course she's late and i'm in the comments and then i was like all right well i guess i'll i'll leave and come back leave and come back still can't get in there's no sorry for the inconvenience yeah well i didn't make the instagram was making everybody update last night it was it was i don't know what that was about and it was like well when did this new update come out instagram and what is it like you know but i also i also like accidentally updated my phone recently so

i think maybe that's why i had to update my instagram oh is that what it is yeah you know it'd be like update now tonight try tomorrow like i always hit try tomorrow and then it just you hit a point where they're like we did it while you were sleeping you took a nap bitch yes well here you go new emojis um so anyway but yeah and then i mean sydney i didn't even i don't know if you talked about it at the very very top about like how you were feeling feeling last week but i feel like i feel like maybe that wasn't in the beginning of sick and cook so i did i actually told him that this this is the next month is the last episode i said that up top i said thank you for your services guys but you know i've this is you

know it's a the show is a lot and you know i gotta go and and everybody was like no wait i saw those comments they were like hold on hold on they're like sydney says this every third episode you do say that often you do say it often yeah but like it started out as something that was like fun and like as something to do on a sunday night that like you were talking to all your friends about like you bring your friends on and you have a kiki um but it doesn't feel like that's what it is anymore so you know maybe a hard reset and come back maybe restore the factory settings yeah i think um well i mean it's it's it was it is a fun show but i mean you also have to be a certain type of person to take that much one criticism that much chaos and also be in control

so it's it's not it's not crazy for me to feel the way I feel because I put a lot of energy into it like people can pop in and come in and you know make a comment but like I'm the one trying to get the recipes going to the store getting every chop chopping everything up setting everything up it's you know it's it it's a lot we're not calling you crazy uh i i realized last night after i got off sick and cook i was like that show gives me anxiety too i never feel funny on it i feel like you always stressed when i talk to you and then when i come as soon as my face pops up you already you'd be like yes marie and it's like oh my god andrew am i am i that's just that's how it feels to me i mean it's a it's a stressful show i think that's the appeal though right um but it is hard

i imagine as a guest yes listen my friend is stressed she said i'm the the worst person the worst guest on the show let's bring her back in and it's like i didn't say that you were the worst guess you said the meanest or the what you were like it's it's marie first and then langston and i was like well and then you were like come on bitch and then i get in and you're like you're like well why are you yelling at me and i'm like okay well i'm gonna go like i was like i don't like the way i feel like i always look ugly on sid can cook i'm not doing i'm not doing sid can cook no more this is my that's that was my that was my farewell tour last night no what marie are you serious i'm being so serious every time i do that show if i've done the show how many times

you think i've done that show like 10 times so many times if i've done it 10 times then eight of those times i get off the live and i'm like oh man i could have said this i could have said that i could have talked about it like i'm thinking about all the stuff that i didn't say and you're but then you replay it back and Andrew you're one of the funniest people people are like Marie has to come in you're the funniest I didn't feel funny yesterday sis it was you're saying well I think it's because you had to worry about the recipe but whenever you come in you never have to worry about the recipe because you're always at the end when things are already done you're just roasting like the whole situation you're like girl when y'all first started like you give us the

playback right but yes i was like oh i was like i gotta pray about this i said lord i said lord should i still be friends with sydney after this oh my god are you serious and my god whoo my god said this gotta be the last episode of the podcast too i said langston was mean but langston again the funny he what i said you were first and then him by far the funniest yes yes yes mean in a good away you your your bio in twitter is uh the mean friend like it's like when i say mean i'm not saying like you're really mean yes yes yes yes yes yes but i'm saying when i do it it makes me anxious it makes me feel away i think because like i'm not i don't know i'm in the moment and i'm trying to like i don't i don't know i don't know what i'm trying to do but i feel like whenever

i get on sick and cook i don't do it so it's like it's like you're a great and you're great in the comments too well that you know what that's where i'm gonna live then sis me and alex english in the comments alex english every 15 seconds yeah and larry owens but larry owens loves a poppin he he'd be like yeah i just wanted to say hi and sydney be like well you have to go yeah and he's like well patty mayonnaise is in the comments and she said and here's larry with the comments yeah he's like i trust patty mayo and i'm like okay all right well should i just bring patty in then i don't know i have no idea but i can't marie i said last night i said it just we need a we need a sid can cook with just marie marie and sydney

oh my god andrew said he doesn't like that idea he doesn't like that idea why i just think that would be i mean your two segments last night marie i was watching them with someone else and we were both just really taken back but you you're very critical it is it is it would be a very hard like three hours of cooking it wouldn't be a three hour it wouldn't be three i think if me and Sidney did an all Sid Can Cook episode together, we would both have to be making the same thing or we would have to be

making something real simple. Yeah, we would do something simple. Yeah, we would do something simple. Because the first time I did it, it was just with Marie. No, Amina was there. Oh yeah, she came in when the stuff was on fire. But for the most part

it was you and you didn't have the recipe at all and that's why it was even funnier. Because it was me trying to listen i'm i'm i'm telling y'all right now that i am on a hiatus from sid can cook oh man like i feel like it's breaking up families it's it's split level we are in splitsville right now i'm just gonna i'm gonna mind my business in front of my blue couch and sit in the dark i just how are you how are you on hiatus if there's only one episode left exactly i'm on hiatus so you you've already made your your final appearance yes that was it yeah

that was me at madison square garden last night that was funny one night only one night only did it that was me at the wind that was me at palms hotel anyway whatever i feel like we talked and i feel better today but like I didn't feel good yesterday. So, you know, that's me. I don't think that I'm being, I'm not trying to be critical. I feel like I'm recapping things and my tone sounds critical.

Yeah, so it's good. So it sounds good. And my tone might be a little weird. The words are not critiques. I know it sounds, I'm not critiquing, but, you know, my tone is. tomato tomato oh my god hilarity and you know speaking of tone or not the hat i love it i mean people were like you guys cannot fight on the podcast anymore i don't want to hear it i don't want to hear it it's no someone said i won't be caught i won't be listening again

hated it y'all had a good run yeah you had a good run though thanks i mean that's fine um i mean it's not like we having full blowouts on here any argument i think that we've ever had on the podcast has been about food low-key marie yeah the cereal yes that's crazy hashtag never forget never fucking that was that was the conversation of the decade um and was the serial around this time it was earlier it was earlier it was like is it like january or february yeah it was january because me and carolina didn't speak for a month and look at you guys now butt buddies i mean she won't allow me not to be butt buddies with her you guys are the twins

what's that Sweet Valley High do you know what I'm talking about whatever you guys are Tia and Tamara Sydney you say that she won't allow you to not be butt buddies with her but y'all do and y'all do a lot of the same things

and have a lot of the same taste the only difference is she's Afro Latina and married and straight and you are black and lesbian and simply black and she would not stop mentioning that me and Hamide met oh my god I mean Chloe and Al do you know that this person was there when

Hamide had his traditional African garb on she would not and then she got on there with Marie Marie did you know that Hamide I was like girl you got to get on your own live to talk about Hamide I was like let's see if I can get her to tell the story again and she told it again um yeah i was like marie no ma'am carolina was on 12 last night you were killing me last night marie with the comments every time she brought up this story again carolina said i'm gonna tell our origin story and i said sis we i was like i don't know when have we not spoken about we've given you many

many highlights of Hamaday and she said y'all are going to get this story tonight Carolina was in rare form yesterday like it was peak Carolina last night for Sid can cook Carolina going Carolina like you said show up

show up late and then towards the end it's like the food needs to get cooked so I you know fuck fuck the guests fuck the guests we are frying chicken ain't nobody on right now we gotta do it yo the fried chicken no one helped you with it like the who was the who was the last person on langston langston didn't even cook yesterday he just no he just dragged the fuck out of me he's like this is this show is a a sad show about a

woman who dresses up in euphoria makeup and watches another woman cook he dragged the fuck it was so good i was like good god i can't believe he popped up and everybody was like oh he is sexy i was like it's like they've never seen somebody look good before ever and i was like i couldn't believe it i was like so y'all just haven't seen anybody attractive well even in the comments when we posted him last week on our page people were like oh he's fine he's fine yeah i was like what y'all gotta get a grip he is very cute though so there is that but you know he's also famously light-skinned and i'm not doing famously famously i said alzo is just as fine yeah but you know he you know

maureen you had to be there oh my you had to be there anywho anywho me and marie i mean first of all we've been friends for six seven years now and we in the beginning we rarely got in arguments or tiffs or anything like that so if you've been listening for i don't know four years i mean yeah this is four years in bitch like what do you expect what do you want sisters fight or have disagreements what do you want i know but like it's also very clear like people will draw lines in the sand and they pick their side and it's always interesting to see who people side with in the comments well it's always you marie they side with you that's not true they were team teriyaki in the comments for the langston actually team langston and then team teriyaki they said we

felt no they people were like i feel sorry for marie she's so professional i didn't i didn't see i saw that no i saw it i saw it you must have deleted it i said i was like okay i think they put it in the itunes review actually i feel sorry i said i'm gonna head out they said sis do better that's what they wrote in night sydney do better no yes in the itunes review check it sis i ain't got to lie i ain't got to lie craig you know they were like langston was de-escalating and then escalating oh wow yeah somebody did somebody somebody did write that on friday i really support this podcast but it has to be more professional i feel bad for marie

because she's so professional sydney sis do better but then the next comment after that is you feel i you feel like marie sid marie and sid are your best friends they and andrew not afraid for call each other to call each other after being dummies refreshing real hilarious all right you know that's like one good one bad from your pal cindy we love cindy your pal cindy hey cindy hey cindy um sydney cindy sydney so sydney what you got planned for the week sis you know we're trying to turn this around um you know got on the phone with my psychiatrist talked talked talked um you know a new load of meds are coming tomorrow excited about that um she said I'm probably vitamin deficient yeah vitamin d deficient yeah she's like she told me

what vitamins to get she's like you gotta leave your house every day for 20 minutes I told her I got a stepper she's like that's perfect Amina was making fun of me that I got a stepper but I mean that's it's real Jane Fonda of you sis Jane Fonda Jane Fonda is clutch and an icon so I'm not mad at that um so you gonna leave your house for 20 minutes a day or are you just gonna jump on the stamper no i gotta get out she's like even if you like get out and like sit outside she's like you have to go outside and get some air um i was reading online that cat litter like cat pee and litter can drive people crazy too but that could have just been in a blog but um you know i am i am cooped up in here with this cat so are there ever any windows open over there oh all the time

you know the project he is blasting in this bitch shout out to my super carolina wow um i don't know everything that you're a psychiatrist psychologist psychiatrist who the lady said sounds like stuff that i've been saying to you for the last year but you don't hear me though so i tell you to go outside once a day cindy don't like to walk but she said you could just sit so you got a little stool a little that little brick wall yeah sit and scroll on your phone 20 minutes then get up and go back inside and scroll on your phone in that poisonous cat air i feel like it's doable yeah it's um yeah i just gotta get out and it i do be in my house a lot like just period I'm here and it's cold outside so it's like why why go outside Andrew do you get out

I haven't been getting out recently just because I'm like well if I stay inside I can get more work done you know so it's just like I have no reason like we're not traveling to work we haven't been traveling to work for a year so it's like my mind I'm not outside yeah so when you do leave your apartment to go outside andrew yes do you feel like when you come back in you're refreshed and ready to do more work or do you would you i think so yeah yeah it's just i need to make time for that like i either need to like wake up earlier go do that already and then but it's been it's it's warming up recently but especially the center i was just like there's no reason to be outside it's too cold and i can get worked on inside so yeah yeah but even before the pandemic

it was hard for me to do work in my house i would have to like go to like a hotel lobby when where me and sydney would share a charcuterie board oh remember those days wow at the ace hotel right or there's one downtown in soho that we would did you go with me that day maybe it was my sister um there was one downtown in soho that's like not that far from molly's house that we would go to or I would pop into a coffee shop and like steal their Wi-Fi for a couple of hours. But I'm

not doing those things now. No, ma'am. I'm in my house ignoring all work. Ignoring the emails, letting them pile the fuck up. 100%. Ignoring letters from the IRS. I'm just being a terrible garbage human being. Yeah. But last week

I felt good and I'm just trying to carry that same energy into this week. But add some work, like sprinkle some work on top that's it i don't know if i'm gonna be able to do no i'm gonna do it you are gonna do it it's gonna happen yes yes yes yes um but i had a good weekend i went on a date i was outside i took a long walk through the streets of new york and it was let's get into this date let's get into this date let's talk let's chat was good um he was very nice he was very nice i didn't really like you know what the what the pants were doing you know it was like a

weird cut pant um also i was like what is this is this raincoat material i wasn't really sure um he was very nice very cute um you know it was like a six one situation tall tall we love tall but his six one didn't look that maybe six one is not tall to me anymore because it feels it feels too close to my face i'm just like three that's coming from somebody who's five four five three and a half babe you got delusional it's an even five four no half here sis it's no partial sizes um but then and things are going really well we're like laughing we're having a good time and then he said my roommate and then i blanked i blanked i said oh i said Well, let me see what time my train is coming back

because I gotta go. But, you know, he was nice. He texted me today. The guy? Okay. What'd he say? Who are some comedians that you admire? Oh!

Girl! Bitch! No! This might not work for us. This might not work for us, friend. but you still seem like sort of on board with him no man yo i said i don't know i don't i haven't i haven't even clicked it you know you get the little preview on your screen and then you're like girl i'm not gonna click it because i want

to still respond but girl my face is like what maybe he just thinks that's what he should be sang that's what that's what i mean he sent me first he sent me a song that i haven't listened to yet but it's free nationals and i like them um and then he asked me about comedians and i was like oh i guess i'll uh let me ponder that and get back to him on that ponder replay yeah yeah yeah but you know i just i feel like uh it was like a nice it was a walking date i guess because what we wanted to do was closed so and then you walked and then you got you got something to eat yeah we got

some ramen ah that's I love ramen because you could just slurp see what see how see how they work yeah Sydney exactly you know what I'm talking about yeah yeah yeah see what that tongue is about so are you gonna go on more dates or know with this person or just in general in general in general um you know i just it it took

a lot for me to message somebody on an app and then respond when they responded so i'm i'm beat i think that's it for this month it it i will say all of it just feels like a lot like and then you got to meet them and then you got to go um wait but before you meet them you got to figure out what to wear yeah it's like i'm probably gonna be outside so i gotta be warm but you want to be cute and then you're like should i put on a comfortable shoe to walk or should i put on a a shoe to strut and it's like what shoes did you wear uh my doc martin's okay i like those it was raining outside yesterday i feel like those they give me like a little uh what's the little bully from recess they give me that yeah i know what you're talking about

I feel like the little bully from recess. And I said, he's going to know that I'm up. But maybe that's why he seemed short to me because I had big-ass boots on. That could be because those do make you look big. Not big, but taller. I feel like they're giving me 5'6". Yeah, 5'7", actually. Oh, wow.

Giant. Wow, huge. James and the Giant Peach. She's a model. A model. You want to be on tap? it's different like going on a date now is different and going on a date is different if you gotta take the train versus when you're taking a car versus they're picking you up versus

you know what i mean that's right you did get on the train i mean marie who the fuck are you this is 2021 different i put my mask on i said i guess i will take the train and i i can pay you can pay with your phone now so i don't have to touch the dirty metro card machine how do you do that i have a card saved on my my debit card is saved on my phone so i just don't tap people in the uk know what i'm talking about they do it in london to get on them ugly buses i mean i couldn't i couldn't imagine me having to go on dates right now i just i don't think i would be good at it i wasn't good at it before the pandemic so i'm definitely i'm gonna be trash but sydney what does being good at a date mean to you um good at flirting um not taking yourself

too seriously just being like at ease you know that ain't me um when i met you you were flirting with everybody male female cat dog i met sydney and i was like oh she okay she's fun okay sydney would be at the shows in her little top shop dress sitting on some comedian's lap wow marie i'd be like is she gay or sydney you are good at flirting i don't know why you think that you're not in person and when it comes to the to the like writing stuff I mean that's why I be bombing on Twitter and like I just I can't I'm not witty in that sense I got I'm good talking on the phone but it's the texting that kills me you know what I feel like for me flirting is just saying exactly what you think and if you feel like it's too much

then it's probably really high when you type it does that make sense yeah I hear you sis but I'm like wow I could not I'm like the stuff that I think is so well give us an example sis what are the things that you're thinking

remember I said the person asked so what are you looking for mutual physicality and then I looked up mutual physicality and it meant nothing from what I thought it did embarrassing and then i was like sad i was like wow she hasn't hit me up yet and it's like because bitch she thinks you're dumb well what were you trying to say because we we bring this

up every once in a while what once a season what were you trying to say with that sex i was looking for sex but i didn't want to be like you should have said multiple orgasms that's what you should have said when she said what are you looking for you should have said you know hot sweaty magical sex you should have said multiple organ you should have said sex some version of like hot sex um mutual physicality i think that you maybe should have like looked up mutual physicality no no mutual physicality thinks it sounds like mutual physical energy just i agree but i guess not to everybody i will say sydney that like obviously you love a face time and so i think that maybe that that is your that

is your form of communication yeah that's i i nail that because you know i'm gonna look cute you know i'm gonna have the look together and then i'm gonna be able to flirt and not think about it's just gonna come out of my mouth when it comes to writing i'm overthinking right so i mean you thrive in that area and i think that you should be proud of that yeah you do you are queen of the facetimes yeah that's unprompted out of nowhere at a facetime sydney so so andrew so andrew so you don't want me to facetime you no more is that what you want you want me to call you because i i just like i feel like i mean because i'm thinking in my head now my face is taking up all of sydney's screen and i'm like i don't know if i'm ready for that you

How do you get ready? You're a man. I understand. Are you drawing in eyebrows for the FaceTime? No. I will say I just want my voice to be my representation, not everything else. Andrew, I was shocked when you jumped on Sid Can Cook the other day.

I did not. That was my last thing that I wanted to do. He declined it twice. He declined it twice. And you just kept calling him, Sidney? That's bullying. The people kept asking for him. that's bullying you should have said fuck them people actually the way that you'll be ignoring

the people in the comments you could have just ignored them about that but i know andrew i was surprised that you picked up i really i fully did not there are so many comments saying that we do not want any beige guests on this on this black history month episode um and of course i was the only beige guest i'm proud of that no and i kept telling i was like you guys say sorry to him right now and marie was like but it's black history month she's like why are we saying sorry to him no i didn't say don't say sorry to him i said you did you said it's black you're like but it's black history month right i said that regarding him being on the show oh okay okay you were like andrew baby pick up and he declined andrew get on and i was like but it's black history month

anyway it was fine um i think i also in the comments while you were on the screen and you i said you looked very cute i don't know if you did oh thank you for some reason you can't see comments while you're a guest so when it when it's really i shouldn't be seeing i shouldn't see comments i shouldn't see comments i they need to block the comments from the actual person like no because i get flustered from the comments that's what it is yeah and they move really fast but all you see you see fast like no no trash it's okay we're fine we're doing great you know it's it is what it is um andrew what do you where do you think you thrive flirting wise via text via in person i love an in-person moment i i do

i do miss that to some regard just being like in a bar sitting on like a disgusting couch or something you know just like talking with people um hate texting as well i think that is it is a full-time job to be texting someone that you're interested in um but yeah i yeah i i like i like a date i think that's fun i don't know andrew i feel like i can't even i can't even see you physically i can't see the physical mutuality or whatever shut up like when i think when i think about flirting in person i think like you touch somebody's knee you know you lean in oh i like like a negging moment you know what i mean like just like like light bullying as a form of flirting do you do that i feel like marie you would be a master at this andrew you said you like light

bullying so that's so i'm your type right now i like being the bully and not the bully people no i feel like we had bullying yeah it's it's like it's it's like i don't want to be like i don't want to come off as too interested you know you know i need to bring them down a few pegs i feel like i don't remember that about you when we know well because not one never because we've never been on a date I feel like I have to go here I think this is a perfect time

for an ad just okay noted anywho Marie you have any goals coming up goals for us goals for

you my goal is to learn how to swim this week I'm gonna put my I'm gonna put my whole body in the water and I'm gonna kick to the wall you're just you want to do it in one day I think doesn't take swimming takes time no well yeah but like so I started lessons last week and um they were like put your face in and kick to that wall and I was like no like how am I supposed to breathe like I don't know why when i'm in the water all i want to do is inhale so it was just a bunch of dirty pool water in my brain um and i think it might still be there maybe that's why i was confused this weekend but i um i don't know i when i left the class that's when i'm like jinkies i should have

done because they like some people learn by just being thrown into the water and their body just it's like you're like some people learn that way i think a lot of people don't but some people just throw their toddlers in the pool and they wait for them to come back up and that feels dangerous but yeah i'm not i'm sorry i'm 36 you throw me in the pool unexpectedly i will die you will have to get somebody has to come in there and save me because i'm just going all the way my whole mouth this going no i don't think it's smart a hundred percent but you know my swim teacher's name is jonah like the dude from the bible and he is in the water with me the entire time so it's not like i'm gonna drown also it's four feet six inches of pool so i can just stand up but there's something

about being in the water you can't see you can't breathe you can't hear all of your all you can do was feel and snort chlorine water and i'm just like i don't know i forget everything it's it's being in the water is scary that feels like me in real life girl you go to the beach don't you not really you're not going i'm not really a beach person we're not beach bitches i first of all like i don't like sand in between my toes i don't like that i get real ashy you go in the water you come out you're dry like i need to have lotion while i'm there it's just right i don't like there's jellyfish the loch ness monster is out there um i like the pool we could do the pool the pool is cute i mean i guess it's just like me and scootney that remember your

beach vacation of mexico oh no that was a fantastic time and we went to the beach once we were at the we were by the pool most of the time yeah okay we went to me and scootney hey scootney hey babe um checking in no we went to the beach and we were on mushrooms and we were i was rolling in the sand and i don't go that far into the water if i can't stand anymore i'm going back to the lake i mean listen i think it would benefit we it would benefit us if we could swim like just in general because then as soon as we swim maybe we could go snorkeling friend oh you got some swim classes scheduled on the calendar i gotta learn how to swim too i want to learn how to swim and i want to learn how to drive i need to do the driving thing oh my god

yes learn how to drive what if we what if we have someone teach what if andrew knows how to drive what if we go and use his car in a parking lot why don't we do that that would be fun what car my car my car andrew um andrew cousin andrew oh no okay he's not why he's not gonna let you use his car but like no he like he would teach both of us but i know how to drive since i haven't seen it so you say but i have a driver's license so the state of new york says that i can drive how often do you drive oh the last time i drove was like it was like nine years ago thank you thank you the prominent questions in this bitch it was fully during obama's first term i think even marie i think it would be so funny i think driving to

the polls yeah driving to the polls i would think that would be so funny if we did like a little video of us trying to learn how to drive like maybe for the patreon or something like that Sounds like we got to get some GoPros, sis. That's what you're saying. Well, no, you'll, like, we'll take turns. I'll be in the back. I'll be in the back doing the cinematography, and you'll be driving, or you'll be in the back,

and you'll be doing the cinematography. Okay, but let's talk about where we're going to learn how to drive. What parking lot? Ikea parking lot. There's still, like, light posts and stuff. and no it's actually it's it's i've done it before okay so you know how to drive what's the truth no no no no no wait a minute wait a minute guys come reeling back the person let me in their car and they were trying to show me how to do it and it was very

slow i was not being fast at all it was like little i was making little roundabouts in this area and it was fun it was i mean i couldn't believe it i was screaming the whole time and it's funny oh that i need to see on video a hundred percent but the camera shouldn't be in the backseat it should be in the front facing your face oh okay so we could do a little we could get it done we could i think we can make it happen i could order a little thing that we put in um where the air comes out what do you call those little vents yes i'll get one of those things that we could put you know what the fuck i'm talking about we get one of those i think it would be funny it would be funny and terrifying yeah and then I come to your swim class and just

video that too oh my god so much content that sounds swim swim is sacred for me swim is a sacred space people keep asking me where I'm taking classes I'm not telling anybody I don't need witnesses I think the less people they're watching me learn the faster it'll be the easier it's gonna be for me to learn so you don't want me to see is that what you're saying no even though i can't swim either yeah i remember in tulum trying to learn how to swim and you were in you were in the uh on the side of the pool screaming about anal and butt stuff no no no no no no i was i was cheering you i was like yay you did it like i was great cheering you on yes i was a cheerleader and but what were you saying about butt stuff i don't remember girl

that was so long ago i just know that i was your number one supporter it's distracting if i could tattoo marie on my like arm or something like i would i would i would tattoo marie right like i would get a tramp i would get a tramp i would get a tramp stamp on with marie's name on it and how is jojo gonna feel about that wow you're just gonna say her name you posted her on your instagram yes oh yeah really seriously onto another podcast and talked about jojo as well i was like i was like we're being secret i was like no okay um i don't know i would i'll ask i she knows how much i how much i love you so i don't think she would mind i think she would mind i don't think so i don't think she would mind i think she would be like is marie

getting your name i was like no it's just me i don't know that it's just me and she's like so why do you want to do that oh you know just my appreciation for her i'll do i want to do it on her birthday that's wild sis i don't see what she's saying we could do something else but we don't have to get all right you know what i might get an m how about i get an m like right behind my ear like rihanna yeah what if i do that what if i did get a little m people gonna ask you what the m means marie and then and if anybody asks who's marie i'd be like then you don't fucking know me well i'm not getting an s sis i get the word sis we can get matching sissies we can both get sis

because we say it and we mean it when we say it marie i i mean listen the funniest person on earth i don't know how you could ever not feel funny because when you say something i'm my mouth is all the way open i'm screaming laughing yeah but i see i feel like you see me through like a haze it's different you see me do you agree i think that marie is naturally one of the funniest people that i could think of you like command like you're so just like naturally funny you command an audience it's just so much fun you see how so many other comedians like rehearse the hell out of their bits you know but you just go up there and do it it's fun you do this every week and you do it unprepared unprepared no the most professional person oh yeah that's true

yes yes yes yes yes hashtag never forget that all right well you know i'm gonna work on it um and uh i mean everything doesn't have to be funny all of the time sometimes there's nothing to laugh at but that being said i have laughed at people's funerals before so well why were you doing that because it was funny uh well give me an example what was so funny about uh people were singing really badly oh yes the funeral and so that made us laugh um people showed up late to the funeral i feel like somebody was eating a twix or like a butterfinger or something something loud and crunchy that shouldn't be at a funeral i feel like somebody is for like gummies and gum um i saw i was at a family funeral and they let somebody do like a praise dance

in front of the casket and i had to close my eyes i was like who's calling oh nope sorry about that nope the most unprofessional you're right um yeah i uh i was like i don't care if she is our cousin this is not good this is bad what was bad about the dance did she hit the coffin and it fell no it just didn't look it was it didn't make sense it just the energy it just felt like it should be at you could do it at church just not at this funeral why do people perform at funerals honey none of it made sense it didn't make sense it was unfortunately on the record i'm gonna say it was dumb yeah well because my do andrew have you been to a funeral where people perform no no not at all this is unknown to me yeah when i was at my grandmother's funeral a couple years

ago somebody sang a song i think singing is fine if the person can sing but if if they can't then it's like then we're at a talent show did they sing it they sang at aretha's funeral yes they sang at kobe's they they sang at kobe's memorial but that's different a memorial is like you know i don't know also if you're famous and i'm showing up to an arena to say my goodbyes then i'm expecting to see some type of show but at ebenezer's first baptist church i'm not expecting to see a show um it was a smaller church and i mean it just the thing is is that i understand everybody should have a platform to do what they do i just don't think it should be at a funeral like not everybody

should be giving a eulogy certain people are just made to do that like some people have a good voice some people are good with their words some people write well what do you say like i feel like the family of the of the deceased you know sometimes people just be dragging it on and it's like okay all right we got it and then there's some people who just they're too worked up and so it's a lot of it's a lot of crying and less talking it's a funeral yeah but then that got me worked up now i'm crying more than i normally would cry because you're you're putting on sydney this this this funeral slander you really don't like these funeral critiques all right i mean i just for mine i want it to be a comedy show but everybody has to be funny like i can't i don't want it to

be sad that's yeah you want your funeral to be a comedy show yes i do and obviously you would be the host no i mean obviously you would be hosting you do 10 minutes up top 10 minutes get it ready 10 minutes up top yeah i'll go there and be like look at this dead beach exactly that's how you do it this is the wig they buried my friend in hilarious okay yeah let me get the set together yeah see i couldn't i couldn't host one i would be terrible i would i would be crying my eyes out I would throw myself in the casket and I'd like, take me, Lord, take me with her. You know who had a good funeral?

Whitney Houston. She did. She did. Wasn't it like three days? No. It was like a day. It was like a very long day, though. It was like an entire day.

And it was on like all the channels. Because I remember I was at my mom's house and I was like, well, let me see what's happening on ABC, Whitney's funeral. I said, okay, well, let me see what's happening on Fox. actually fox might not have played it but but yeah you know kevin costner gave a speech because they were in the bodyguard together and it was like okay i guess they were friends and then bobby brown showed up with like more people than he had tickets remember that they said no ma'am we don't have no seats for you bruh he was like i got my entourage new whitney and they were like you have two tickets

i don't know i'm tired um i'm tired i've i'm always tired i mean i explained that to my psychiatrist she said you know what you're probably dehydrated wow she's like she said you're dehydrated and you said what I said you're probably white while she was saying talking I was like I was drinking a LaCroix she was like yeah that's not water I was like in New York it is in New York it is though since it's not water in New York either yeah she was like she's like well you you know I've said this to all my patients first of all if you made it through 2020 you're a warrior okay you survived so you can make it through anything is this

christina what is what did you say your therapist name was kristin kristin no i haven't i haven't spoken with her yet that's that's tomorrow thank you um but this is my psychiatrist who's uh i can't pronounce her name her first name you're looking at yeah I can't that's why I love I was like I love a doctor who's I can't pronounce a first or last name because then I know I know it's good

yeah but she's awesome and she was just like listen you're still here so we can we can still do the work I'm glad she's telling you what it is how it is very matter of factly like that too sometimes I

think that that's but that's why I think therapy is good because sometimes your friends are not equipped to tell you things or you we like we hear our friends say things and we just like they don't know what they're talking about but doctor in front of it it's like okay yeah that's why i'm kind of frustrated that i didn't become a doctor my friends would respect me more i would say i would say things and they're like okay sydney sydney has entered the chat you know girl but any but anytime i say anything everybody's rolling their eyes they're like girl girl you you don't even drink water and it's like okay hold on i i did go to college like geez what i don't know what's happening

i don't know what's happening and do you have any questions about what would happen this episode because i'm i i'm not sure if i'm making the connection between i do drink water and yes i did go to like what like all these disconnected thoughts um i do believe that you could be a doctor i'm curious what kind of doctor you would be that's a good question marie you first what kind of doctor do i think you would be no you oh i don't want to be a doctor sis yeah neither You're the only person that wants to be a doctor at the time. Dr. Washington. Oh, that's a good one, Dr. Washington.

This sounds great. I feel like Sidney would make, like, a good and bad plastic surgeon. That I was just going to say. Marie, this is the things that I was like, yo, we are soulmates, you know? Like, I knew. I was like, watch, she knows what I'm thinking. And you were. Marie, it's crazy.

I mean, the cotton cold that we have going on here, it's beautiful. it's like oil and vinegar or whatever the hell no we're not oil and vinegar we're oil and oil i'm you're just like you know a like a different flavored oil and i'm just regular basic oil okay so i'm extra virgin and you're you're just olive oil yeah virgin no you're virgin you're extra virgin extra you're extra but i feel like you would be a good slash bad plastic surgeon because people come in and you be like oh my god you're so cute you don't need to be in here girl I know I wouldn't make no money yeah but I feel like you would give people boobs yeah I mean for me I think that in order to give somebody good boobs you got to be good with your

hands and so I'm gonna say no that I'm not good at that I'm not good at my hands but I would be Yeah, but I think I would be good at the consultations. What? They have me in the room. Okay, Sydney, yes. I need to be in the room. Let's go to medical school. It's going to be Nip Tuck.

Yes. We're going to redo the show from the early 2000s. You and me, babe. Marie, we would be hilarious because you would be, like, perfectly critical. But they were like, wow, she's really giving me more advice than I asked. and then i would come in be good cop and then be like well she's highly recommended all over the nation so all over the nation yes yeah world-renowned one fact check five stars five stars five stars across the board tens across the board and then i'd be like you

know she did my tits and show her my boobs i show i would show all the patients my boobs i'm like marie her hands they've been here hilarious hilarious um wow andrew if you were a doctor what kind of doctor would you be oh i don't i would want to be like a a therapist or something psychiatrist i don't know i i don't want to do anything with blood i can't do it i'm afraid to even get the vaccine because of that reason uh because i just i hate shots so um yeah sounds like you have really bad veins yeah i do no i have real i have really good veins but they're just not on the right body i don't think you know someone deserves these veins i they're good veins

i don't know but every time you get a shot they compliment your veins no they luckily like they never have to stab more than once but like once is enough for me to freak out like i've i've passed out getting my blood pressure taken before it's it's so bad this is a bad joke but it's like andrew all the dick that you'd be taking and you're like ah i can't do needles it's crazy well he's not taking needle dicks is i'm not taking it let's just say that yeah juicy juicy grown up dick okay thank you and Marie is my lawyer

Marie would be a good lawyer too to be honest I'd be a malpractice attorney I'd be like yes the client left with the scalpel inside their body but look how good the body looks now Jacoby and Myers I mean Celino and Barnes

alright well I think I need to cook some food and maybe watch Drag Race. Okay. Just want to, you know, put this out here. You know, I've said it all last year, but truly love you, Marie. I'm so happy to work with you. You know, you put up with all of my shenanigans

and I don't know who else I would want to do this with. So, yeah, you light up my life. wow sydney that was such a beautiful poem and i'm gonna get your name tattooed on my labia oh my god it's moved all over the body the finger behind my behind my neck your neck and your back if you get my name tattooed on your labia was it you said labia then you have to show me I want to say it

otherwise you're just saying it happened you gotta show it to me Andrew there it is people that's how Sydney you see how Sydney trying to get people to look at her vagina no I mean you know it's nice it's cute

when there's no gray hair there it looks good not the gray hairs oh the gray hairs not the cruella de vil cooch 101 dalmatians right there is anybody gonna see the new cruella de vil movie because the trailer is giving um birds of prey what was that movie with the with margot robbie yeah yeah i don't know if it's free on disney plus do we have if we have to pay like the extra fee then no oh it's gonna be on disney plus oh i don't know i i just assumed that would be on disney plus but maybe not i don't

know i liked glenn close as cruella deville and i don't think i've ever even seen that whole movie i just thought she was perfect yeah glenn close she deserves everything yeah you saw her bangs at the golden globes her her bangs were like they they basically represented 2020 we've been we've been through it but we made it yo the celebrities were struggling to stay awake on that zoom yesterday they're on the golden globes like this oh yes yes speech yeah because it's hard to be in front of a laptop it's hard like look at us right i mean we're very alive right now but i'm just saying i don't know i'm mad i'm feeling what are you

what are you eating sydney i'm feeling blueberries or grapes no i had a starburst sorry yeah yep that's i there was no way that i was gonna not be a little bit unprofessional on this on the episode i mean you're talking about how it's hard to be on zoom as you're smacking this start you know it's hard to be on zoom it's real hard the good thing is that for most of the conversation i've been present we've been having you know great dialogue there's been jokes i gave you guys a lot of praise lucky and happy to be here you know i did i did what needed to be done this episode yeah sydney you were present and you did what you needed to be done

andrew you don't agree i think that you you give us so much constantly i'm constantly grateful for you i love you guys um make sure oh marie we're gonna do another patreon episode it's gonna be fucking good it's gonna be juicy and i'm ready um also okay sis well give me a sneak peek what we got to talk about for the patreon i don't want to say it out loud but you know what it is what is it it happened last week it happened last week okay give me to me to you i think i called you and i was like about to cry about it what no what you gotta give me a hint sis what's the sign language oh

you were definitely crying oh big shout out to everybody who's listening to us on Patreon because live out loud they can't stop won't stop Patreon live out loud live laugh love

well see now I want to eat the rest of this rice cake okay the microphone away from my face um make sure you guys leave us more reviews um leaving us more comments too i really love engagement it it just really it's the vitamins that i'm like deficient of so please yes yes engagement gets me quick don't need to go outside please please go outside also i am i am did you go outside today for sunshine i did for 20 minutes no but like i went outside for five minutes so that's a step that's a step towards stepping what were you doing outside you took a walk no i just sat i sat on the you know on the steps

all right well i got that i got that brisk dirty air in my face it was beautiful well it's supposed to be nice this week i think for some of the weeks so we should do something else well we We should do something friend We gotta do something Cause we also need to record this Patreon Cause you I mean people are gonna not be available Thank you friend

For respecting my privacy through this difficult time Yes I did respect your privacy That's why you catch yourself I'm getting better Marie Hey Scootney Goodbye guys love you Bye friends bye guys Forever

dog this has been a forever dog production the unofficial expert is executive produced by Brett Boehm, Joe Cilio and Alex Ramsey senior producer Tracy Sorin produced by Andrew

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