MESS with Sydnee Washington & Marie Faustin - Vibrating Panties at Applebee's

Episode Date: October 30, 2020

We've got our Kwanzaa wishlists out and ready for another episode of The Unofficial Expert! Marie tells what happens when she got her Covid test, Sydnee updates us on her neighbors, and Andrew pokes hole's in the shows' Instagram account. Enjoy!----VOTE! Verify that you're registered and make a plan to vote on or before November 3rd 2020. Find voting resources here: https://foreverdogpodcasts.com/vote----Listen to The Unofficial Expert Ad-Free on Forever Dog Plus:https://foreverdogpodcasts.com/plus----BUY UNOFFICIAL EXPERT MERCH:https://www.teepublic.com/stores/the-unofficial-expert-podcastFOLLOW THE UNOFFICIAL EXPERT:https://www.instagram.com/UnofficialExpertFOLLOW SYDNEE:https://www.instagram.com/JustSYDbwhttps://twitter.com/justsydnycFOLLOW MARIE:https://www.instagram.com/Reeezyhttps://twitter.com/MsReeezyFOLLOW ANDREW:https://www.instagram.com/mcgui_guyTHE UNOFFICIAL EXPERT IS A FOREVER DOG PODCASThttps://foreverdogpodcasts.com/podcasts/the-unofficial-expert/See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

forever dog hi let's talk about how we're recording right now at nighttime this is the quiet storm after dark yeah nobody knows that we record you know what day what time nobody has any idea and i love that we're disclosing that now well this is the this is nighttime the sun is well i guess the sun is up where you're at but it's it's nighttime here i done had dinner i had dessert oh how was dinner dinner was cute it was cute i made some basmati rice is that is that how you say that basmati um i did that and then i made some uh the dog pooped oh my god this is crazy i'm sorry now i gotta get out of the poop room oh see this is why you can't rescue dogs they poop when you save them but no it's not a rescue dog it's it's um there was a breeder involved so well

that's the dog has an attitude that's why you can't get breeders you gotta get a rescue is what i'm trying to say friend i love how you switch that up that's what it is that's what it is there more there's i think there's something right there okay sorry sydney this is yikes i apologize did you leave the room and then come back to the room well i still want to lay on the bed you know so i'm just i mean isn't there a isn't it a two-bedroom sis it's a whole nother other bed that you can lay on yeah i didn't step on it sorry oh somebody made a guest appearance on the pod hey yes okay the impetus somebody is making a guest appearance on the pod right now yes oh my god celebrity sighting okay

wow she's mad never mind uh okay so uh yeah so how was your rice delicious rice is good i don't know why people say that rice is hard to make it's very easy for me um an expert at making rice is what i am you are really you really are good at making rice because i went to your house and you you did it so easy it didn't even seem like it's like second nature for you i just i feel like i watched my mother make rice every week for my entire life i just i don't know what the hell a rice cooker is or what that how that works people are like rice cookers are easy it's easier for me to just put it in the little pot well i don't know if you guys are giving out gifts uh these holidays that are coming up um you

You know, even though Thanksgiving is canceled and so is Christmas. But I would love for a Kwanzaa gift if somebody would like to give me a rice. A Kwanzaa gift. I gotta go. That would be amazing. Sidney, how many days of Kwanzaa are there? Eight. There's eight days of Kwanzaa.

Can you name them? No. I can't confirm or deny if there are eight days. Andrew, can you tell us how many days of Kwanzaa there are? Kwanzaa this year starts on I did not need to look this up oh and yet you're reading yeah I was like

okay Andrew just knows yeah I just know Kwanzaa I mean the people you date definitely celebrate Kwanzaa do you know anybody that actually celebrates Kwanzaa yes I do actually know people yeah really okay I've yet to meet a single person

it starts on the 26th of December and then ends the first of january so it's eight days or seven days that's like five or six right i don't know the city was in the ballpark i wasn't too off i would love a rice cooker y'all for a kwanzaa gift okay i don't know yet what i would like for a kwanzaa gift but let me think on it by the end of the episode i'll be able to tell you guys what i want as a kwanzaa gift great okay um andrew what would you like as a kwanzaa gift i would love um an amazon gift card so i don't need to spend my own money on amazon it will be someone else's

money now how much let's talk about how much because you know we got to talk about uh you know price points here how much you're willing to spend it really there is no price too high i feel like 50 is a good gift card starting amount it is i think 50 is is a good amount i think a hundred dollars is like even better we've been friends for a long time or you're obsessed with the podcast and genuinely in love with us wait hold on let's speak about people being in love marie you received a beautiful artwork from a fan that said they loved the unofficial expert but it seems like they only love marie faustine because i did not get artwork as well you know what's really funny maybe maybe this young artist her name is tatiana grace shout out to you sis

maybe this young artist only knows how to draw bald people and she couldn't get the braids down sis i don't know i don't know you know you did say that you did you did try to um uh you know you tried to help her out but she said the unofficial experts which she only took a drew a picture of you so i'm her well i mean sydney that's neither here nor there people have done artwork of you before and i'm not in my feelings about that at all so i feel like sometimes you just gotta let people get their gifts and you need to mind oh sometimes you gotta let people get their gifts and you need to shut your lips how about that no no no no no i disagree people have drawn you before it's on your instagram i feel like your your avi on instagram

is something that someone drew it literally is it's literally a painting that someone made it's another comedian who drew that just throw that out there well i am also a comedian and that comic didn't draw me i know if she know you she know me so let's get down to brass tacks beach um but yeah it was the girl is from she lives in in the uk because the stand i mean she it came via dhl i think or dhs what's the whatever the the international uh mailman is um but that was really cool yeah i would like that for kwanzaa as well i would like some artwork you know what i would like for kwanzaa some skims i want somebody to send me some skims loungewear because i am not giving kim none of my money so we shouldn't be supporting her business so there's definitely

a black-owned business that has you know skims equivalent i'm positive with that or a white person listening to the podcast can go steal some skims and then send them to me with the little security tags on them i'll figure out how to take those off i am not supporting anything that marie faustin said on this podcast today um i'm not telling people to steal steal specifically skims not telling them to steal that i'm specifically asking you to steal skims anything you can steal uh from a white or beige or alabaster anglo-sax business would be lovely um and then please support black businesses during um this difficult time yeah but i would like you to genuinely go on google search for something that is skims equivalent that's a black

owned business and then also send that that that's how you put the money back into the community that's just wow wowzers but your girl but your girl your fan art marie faustin uh wants skims so if you also want to help her out for Kwanzaa get her what she wants listen you know what I'm going to do tomorrow I'm going to go get a P.O. box I'm going to go get a P.O. box I don't know how you even get those or where one is found

I think at the post office I'm going to get a P.O. box so that people can send me stuff because giving you guys my address is weird I mean we used to give the address to the studio but that doesn't work anymore so the studio is officially shut down you guys stop

what happened y'all doing bad what's up I'm doing bad yeah it's fucking 2020 let me find out y'all y'all unemployed damn the forever dog

is also hit by the coronavirus oh that's crazy I didn't know y'all was poor yeah well I mean like we're not we're recording on zoom right now why would we actually that means y'all don't have to pay rent so y'all should be doing great that part yeah i mean i guess we're doing well podcasts are having a moment right now so they are they're having a long 10 months moment i mean it's an ongoing moment it's uh just won't stop can't stop can't stop won't stop yes um well i don't know if you guys could see me bravely

sitting on my living room floor right now but the other day I came home and something did I say this on the podcast last week something crawled across my rug and I thought it was a mouse and it was the biggest bug I've ever seen in my life

stop it Marie that bug must be from Kenya another thing on the Kwanzaa list I think Marie needs to fucking yo the bug was the exterminator she needs an exterminator it was the size it was the length of my what the fuck was it marie and it was it was the legs were long it was like a pop-up bug it wasn't

like flat on the floor like a roach it was like 3d legs and i was like oh this bug is in imax and so like i sprayed was it something in like maybe that would be in like a bug's life it was one like well i saw a bug's life recently maybe like a praying mantis a praying mantis no it was it was it was not praying sis i was praying the buck was i don't know it was like a big ass beetle water bug thing with like stilts well then it was it was a tall water bug sis just sis it was the decambo matumbo of water i said not in my house and i sprayed it and then i tried to kick it and of course it landed on the front of my sandal and i was screaming screaming it was on the edge of my burks no i didn't take a picture okay if you didn't take

a picture it didn't happen sis like wow time for content and here you go this city out of this world wildlife uh it's a it's a connecticut a greenwich connecticut uh water bug aka a roach this this roach was a dupe it was two stories tall i was like i got i have to move this is roach's house now um anyway i guess was it okay so it looked like a water bug it was like it was like that it was like that big sis why were you not screaming your fucking i was i was screaming my brain i would have banged on my neighbor's door i'm like sir come get your girl i said did you leave your dog in my apartment the fuck he's like that no but but you know when you see a roach or a spider or a mouse you have to stay and see where it goes so you know where it's at

otherwise i wasn't going to be able to sleep that night knowing that somewhere in my house was this godzilla ass bug and there's probably more of them too no no no no no andrew don't do that don't do that i'm just singing that was a once in a lifetime in a moment like this so this bug was a rolling stone it was a one time only one time only yeah my this bug was uh anti-social um but uh i i managed to step step on it with my burps so shout out to white people for inventing burps wait did you take a picture of the splat no because i went to go put some gloves on and then put my hand on like a tissue because you can't i didn't want to bare knuckle it with a napkin i went to go get a glove and it was it was like i saw it moving and i was like

this the ghetto like but first of all it's just like girl you what you have to do is there's an app for that there's an app that you can like take a picture of a bug and it tell you what it is so it's like you could see how like there's an app for that there's an app it's called your house is nasty app it's called it's called gross wait city that's so funny that you're calling my house nasty you literally stepped in dog poop right before you hit record on this podcast and also you're the one familiar with this app too so let's talk about it familiar i see you're picking sides here pick sides of two black women having a disagreement you're not making it better andrew you're not making it better stay out of it

andrew sydney's an angel investor in the app that's why she anyway i i picked it up and i flushed it down the toilet that bug was not going in my trash there's somebody right now listening to this their fucking edges are burning off they're upset because they're like why did you kill it why they got they got their scrunchie in about in a bunch right now why would you kill you it could be going extinct tell me to tell it was me i want them to know it was me i can't i can't stand these people it will it's not that i can't say like of course like don't kill the bees don't kill the bees the bees are dying like let's preserve the bees the bees are that's it bees are the only animals that we care about yeah but i'm just trying to figure

out what does a fucking roach do for me what have you done for me lately roach except really make it hard to have a freaking party at my house oh i mean we could be socially distancing anyway but the bug the bug was in here like he paid bills i was like oh i i didn't realize you were watching tv in here um but yeah it was oh and it was so fast anyway right where i'm sitting right now so i'm very brave i just can't believe you didn't take a picture of it i can't believe you wanted me to take a picture of this nasty ass bug in my house we're trying to erase evidence matter of fact i might need andrew to delete this from the podcast no no no i don't need people to know that there was a dirty they're gonna be like reesey got a dirty house no no no sydney just wants you

to use the app hold on this is a great prompt question guys now that it's getting colder what little critters are coming to your house as a unwanted guest they got your place looking like a hostel right now they're coming in with their suitcases like i'll be here for about a one to two months i feel like the only critters the only critters that are coming into people's houses right now is is like you know dudes that are banging for uh shelter let's talk about that now um i mean i this is the time of year that it's like trust no bitch like trust no one everyone is out for their own good they're trying to get trying to get cuffed they're like yo i want i want to have turkey for holiday i don't have any family they're like i don't have electricity so i i want

to have lights on i want to have wi-fi i want to have cuddles i mean wow i need a comforter niggas don't even have duvets right now they're on their floors just freezing no heater no nothing so like i say like date with precaution first of all you shouldn't be dating anyway because we're in a pandemic but if you are gonna risk it all right now because we're in the second third fourth fifth wave sydney shut up i'm stopping you right there you're in your boo's bed right now telling be careful listeners that they shouldn't be dating right now i think this is i think you should wait till the new year no you didn't wait till the new year you didn't wait till the new year no no sis because i was prime time i didn't wait around for y'all hoes i was like listen we

got march april may secured by may june so okay i say now it's now you should be looking for your mate to date right now it's because we're getting we're coming up on peak depression season you don't want to be alone during a damn by yourself with your bug house okay but also you don't want to get you sad with somebody else who's fucking sad and can't go anywhere with you no wouldn't you rather be sad with someone else who's sad i think it depends on the level of sadness true but i also think that it's not when you say stuck with you don't have to be in the house with them for the whole winter hibernating yeah i think that now is the time to try to find somebody before depression season truly

kicks in. Sis, the whole year is depression season. What you talking about? We all been going through it. I'm trying to figure out when has it let up? When has the season stopped and started over again? Depression season is wintertime, sis, when the sun sets

at 2 p.m. Yeah, but unfortunately, based on everything with, you know, our current president and the coronavirus, I mean, we've literally been hit with months upon months of sadness. this is true I'm not gonna argue with you about that everybody everybody is sad right now but I think that you still got to find things that uh you know you gotta find the light at the end of

the tunnel friend and maybe the light at the end of the tunnel is cooking for your friends or maybe the light is uh I don't know yoga in your house but naked at 7 a.m whatever it is you need to find that thing that brings you a little bit of joy and you need to hold on to that because being sad the entire rest of the year into next year is not going to bring anybody any time of any type of happiness okay oh and that's great the

fact that you just said what you said a keyword friends let's focus on friendship because friendship is going to be there you know you were bringing in and out we got these people that you're like oh I want to date but you know who's there your friends your friends are going to be picking up when you know you want to do some ratchet

hood ratchet they're picking up FaceTime calls at 3 a.m. You know, they're getting you Kwanzaa gifts. They're giving you... Okay, but sometimes you FaceTime your friend and your friend is in the bathroom douching they booty off. Which is

entertainment. You're welcome. You're welcome. You're welcome. Why are you FaceTiming while you flushing your butt? Sometimes your friend is nasty. Sis, it takes a village to douche your ass, okay? No, it doesn't. Sometimes it's a group chat.

It's a group chat community situation It takes one bulb I want you to take that back I'm not taking that back Did you take it back when you took it out? Oh I had to throw it away sis I had to throw it away I couldn't put it back

You don't want to douche you throw it away It's a one time use only I've never douched my booty but I'll think about it Also wait Another thing for the listeners Don't take on someone else's you know issues because we all have our own issues and that's the issue with dating is that like once you really get invested then it's like oh my god we're we're in this together and it's like man i

only got enough rope for myself so well you can't pour from an empty cup how about that because if you're pouring up if you're pouring if you're pouring all of your positive energy and all your light into somebody else's cup who is filling your cup sis yeah we could you gotta you know unless unless your uh cup is a brittle run it's over you know it's a brittle filter and you know you put stuff in it comes out and it's restored then you're good but unfortunately we're not unlimited with that stuff so i say protect your energy guys right this is not this is not olive garden no unlimited uh breadsticks and salad here new ma'am um but uh what else did i want to talk oh i went and got a i got a covid test today oh yes that's right and it was so different than the

last covid test i got at city md they shove the thing literally onto your cerebellum they scrape your brain fluid but they get in there yes yeah and they and your eyes water and your fingers like involuntary like it's like you start to do it smell it smells like you're about to have like a nosebleed you know you know that smell it does feel it feels like your period is coming and it feels like you're about to your nose is about to bleed um but today she just like dabbed it in my nose for like five seconds like right way down here and i was like oh this must be how they do it for people who have insurance no no i i say oh god i think that some of the tests are right and i think some of the tests are like the test adjacent to be honest i don't think all the tests

are right well that's when i got my test today they were like this test is 98.5 effective this is a good test and i was like so what the other test what are the other tests they kind of wrong yeah i'm in la and i went to dodgers stadium and it was so easy except i didn't put it up my nose it was only in my mouth and i was using a swab all up in my mouth and then i dropped it i know i know you like that nasty gross actually i'm holding back from oral um no wait so was dr stadium full uh no people were driving in and driving out it was so quick fast fast fast just in and out lines are so the lines are so long in brooklyn yeah and there was no line for you no because i was it was i went in like for a job so they i went into the office to take it

right and it was just the employees down there waiting to take their test too i said yeah i work here too that's beautiful um it was nice and i mean it would have been nicer if they provided some type of cookie or jupes after the test but i guess that's only for when you donate blood or whatever yeah or a really thorough pap smear um have you ever donated blood friend uh not voluntarily oh i've lost i've lost some blood uh but not because i was trying to give it to somebody so that's weird have you no i've never donated blood i feel like i needed to be in my body yeah i'm already pretty anemic and i feel like i have all these issues that i don't know what they are and i just don't want to pass that on to anybody else nobody needs that

nobody else needs that drama andrew you seem like somebody who might donate some blood you ever do that no he's not allowed he's a gay man i'm a gay man it's crazy gay men aren't allowed to donate blood no ma'am no it is the most homophobic thing oh my god i'm not i'm not vocally like at like angry about it because i hate giving blood to begin with um but so but like when you were in high school were you out i was out my senior year because i i worked blood drives in high school and people were donating the weird the weirdest thing at my high school they only made you like they made it like almost required of the honor students to give blood like to be part of the national honor

society you also gave blood i don't know what so i gotta be smarter than everybody and i gotta fucking donate my blood exactly yeah that's your reward they say we don't want none of that detention blood give us some of that honor roll nerd blood yeah we don't want we don't want blood from people who are showing up late and not doing their assignments we want them extra credit niggas come on through extra credit niggas they said i'm sorry you your gpa is what a 2.5 yeah if you don't get your dumb ass yeah we don't take bloods from uh we don't take bloods from people who uh get d minuses no thank you they said you in the bobsies program nah we don't want that that that derived yeah we're all um i was in the national honor society but i also have never

donated blood in my entire life um okay so i didn't i feel like maybe i i had heard a whisper of that but i didn't know that gay people like what if you don't present as gay what if you just show up and you seem straight oh no no like it's like you need to fill out a form and it says like have you had sex with another man since like the year like 1990 or something so oh wow okay that's problematic we need to get kim kardashian on this case because she solves it all that feels wrong i mean people have been we've talked about it for many many years they that is the one thing that they not gonna let up on they're like you all have aids i don't care if it says it's negative you have aids we don't want your blood that's so crazy your your blood has the potential to

have aids no thank you that is pretty wild yeah but you know it's just like sperm banks it's like you you can only be five nine or uh wait what you can it's not just like sperm banks but in order to wait you can only donate sperm if you are five nine and up that's a lie yeah look it up is that is that true i feel like i feel like short men have so much sperm to give no sis their sperm shoots as much as uh their height is so listen if you're under five nine you put on some tom cruise wedges and you go donate that jizz because you deserve to be a father to somebody that you'll never meet how about that no i disagree what are you doing this for i was like who did this help marie yeah short short people short people who wanted jizz and cups no short people who are you

no i'm gonna who are you showing up wrong but new for that sis that's that's not helping any of your good sister and me and sydney are talking about like showing up for gay men you're talking about showing up for men underneath 5'9". It's we're not the same. Not the same. Well, there are gay men under 5'9". Yeah, and I don't care about them. But wait, you can donate sperm

if you're a gay man though, right? Yeah. I don't see any reason why you shouldn't. I don't know. Don't fact check me on that. I believe, yeah. No, you're the gay delegate. What are you talking about?

Andrew, you knew so much about Kwanzaa. You don't know nothing about gay sperm. I naturally knew so much about Kwanzaa. say yes um sydney what are some of the other requirements for donating sperm because i feel like you in it now the unofficial sperm expert i don't know enough i know that i know that you have to be you know five nine and above interesting and yet all men do not have tall babies no some babies still gonna be

short I think they're saying that men under 5 9 are kind of like stunted like they're like like a defect baby I think that's what they're saying kidding is it men under 5 9

is a handicap no I'm kidding I'm joking shorter than 5 9 is the new cleft lips wait I'm so I'm so sorry but Sydney, what are you doing in your pants right now? That you can see me. And she's smelling it. Yeah.

No, I was not. You just keep on returning. You're a fucking liar. Take that back. Ew, you put it in your pants and then you smelt it. No, I did not. I forgot. Sunny beach.

I forgot that you guys could see. Yes, we're on Zoom. Yo, Sydney, after all this time, you forgot how Zoom works? Oh, God. wow the comedy just keeps coming and coming and coming no okay is that what you're doing over there with your hands in your pants is coming and coming and coming i'm actually very tired of come i'm up i don't want anymore i'm all set okay so speaking of come what's the update on the neighbors yes um just you know just being really quiet and respectful i mean i put the

note on twitter and you know it was 50 50 but most of the people were like these people are nice neighbors and you're just you're just being an asshole and blah blah blah blah blah and people were in your dm saying that no they were writing it under the comments because i made a joke and i posted it and i was like this is racist and homophobic someone telling us to be quiet but um that's that's the joke but obviously people don't get that and they're just like at a time like that's you can't be joking and calling people racist and homophobes i'm like shut you are the problem not me being loud you're the problem they said you the problem sis they said it's you not them but i will say i'm gonna go on record again if two black lesbian women are being allowed

let them okay just let them just let it just let it rock i don't know i'll call the cops on if i'm in my house if i'm in my house trying to touch myself i'm trying to have my nightcap i'm trying to watch my my lovecraft season finale and it's two lesbians upstairs being loud i'm like yeah it's two niggas being loud i think i think they got durags on and there's something up there i need you to come send a unit please oh my god marie i can't believe you would make that kind of joke considering how uh terrible the police are but do you boo do you boo yes yes yes but i mean i don't live with the police i'm living with two loud lesbians hey can you send a car please that's uh that's so weird considering you know black women are disappearing left and right

bring back our girls knowing that black women are disappearing you're keeping your volume all the way so we know that you're still here yes yes yes yes during the day too that was the part that was the part no no no no it was that we got the note because of the night time so it was of the night time okay not justifying it but thank you just just throwing it honestly honestly sydney i think you know i'm not gonna say no names or point no fingers but i think maybe some people are jealous that you're having sex regularly in the middle of the day loud sex at that yeah yes but i mean sis live your truth you just put the pillow on your face that's all all i'm gonna say is if you were taking a nine inch fat cock you would be screaming too oh my god did you say the

word cock on this podcast you said the word cock oh my god nine inch let me let us see show us show us the penis absolutely not show us i've already i've already you know the person already said let's let's tone it down does the person know that you just said the word cack on the podcast? I was joking. That was a joke. I'm a comedian. Jeez. Calm down. Okay, well just turn your laptop a little bit so we can see it because I know it's right on the nightstand. It was.

That's why you're putting your hands in your pants. I think it was. Oh, you know, here's another thing that I want for Kwanzaa Christmas this year. I want a pair of remote control vibrating panties. Ooh, that's fun. That's what I want. I don't have anybody

at the moment to press the button for me but damn sis wow you do what are they made of how what is that how does it even work so there's i don't know what the science behind it is what the magic is uh the wonder of disney in the panties but no there's something you put the panties on and there's something in it that like vibrates and then your lover or your dad i don't know whoever has the um remote and while you're like walking up the sidewalk they hate it and it's like and you're like yeah i would hate for you to to rely on me to hit the buzzer because either you'll be waiting all night for me to hit the buzzer because i'll forget or i'll be having too much fun i'm like i mean if if i was responsible

if i was responsible it would be um like at the bottom of my purse and i'd have to throw my purse down yeah and then i gotta i might leave it in now right i might leave it in an uber you know what i mean but i think that's a fun gift to get a loved one this year for kwanzaa so every kiss begins with kwanzaa yeah so yeah i got you friend i'll take care of you um i mean also we've had this conversation before but i was like you know every secret santa i get marie Every Secret Santa And what does Who does Marie get

Some other friend And so I'm I'm calling you I give good Christmas gifts Yeah and I'm calling you out bitch I think we need to have A Secret Santa

With just us Oh cause you want me To get you a Christmas gift Yes A Kwanzaa gift bitch I want a Kwanzaa And a Christmas What else is on the

Kwanzaa list That I want I don't know You want a Kwanzaa And a Christmas gift I'm not getting two gifts Sis the nerve

you pick one friend the nerve I was complaining to Maria about that how she doesn't give me gifts and then she started scanning the room of the gifts that I've gotten her she's like look at that gift you got me over there I said you got me that light right there you got me

you got me things Sydney what else would you like to get okay so Secret Santa what's the limit how much money are we spending for Secret Santa this year let's talk about that hmm andrew what's your fifty dollars fifty dollars what's what the limit uh i feel like it should be i don't know make it big go hundred oh okay i like andrew i like andrew okay wait

what if we did what if we did the three of us to secret santa nah bitch you got a great chance but you won't get you got me you got me and i got andrew no no we not doing that no no we just get each other the vibrating panties and then do it during the recording oh that or or we'll both wear our vibrating panties at the same time and each have each other's remote how about yeah like a little battle yeah i think that that would be fun for everybody involved um okay let me see how much vibrating panties cost remote control remote panties panties amazon long distance okay remote panties long distance oh okay how much like 17 or 39 nah sis you gotta really go all out don't you don't want

no cheap ass like fabric ass panties and then it's gonna shock me yeah it's gonna like burn wait a minute they have to be fabric panties what kind of panties you think you think i'm having some no but like cheap fabric the fabric is cheap like it might catch on fire sis that's what i'm saying sydney savage panty don't have vibrating panties so rihanna get it together bitch get some vibrating panties on there thank you so much well i mean the reviews on adamandeve.com not that good let me go on long distance fun oh bluetooth we can get them with bluetooth oh now that so you can like play music out of it like what's the deal people in your building can connect yeah

you could um yeah you could um airdrop stuff to the pants all right i'm gonna do some real research on it later but so that's what you want sis you want some vibrating panties for real because i better have i want to get the remote on the weekends no i don't want the i don't i I feel like a lover, a loved one, somebody that you're banging has to get those for you. Or you got to get them for them. That's like a sex gift. What?

Are you serious? No, that is a gift that your best friend gets you. Yes, they do. It's like we talk all the time. Okay, here's the plan. We're going to get them for each other, and then we're going to go to Applebee's for half-price appetizers. Stop.

Yo. Wait, vibrating panties at Applebee's, that's the title thank you vibrating panties at applebee's um or or we have to get the vibrating panties and then we have to wear them for sid can cook yo but that should be for only fans only that should be on our yeah yeah yeah that would be whatever we'll figure it out um i think that would be a great episode for sid can cook yeah i'm taking a i'm taking a hiatus i'm gonna do um i'm gonna uh i'm not gonna call it thanksgiving because i want thanksgiving to be canceled this year i mean we've had enough we realized that user for columbus was trash

and we destroyed the native americans so like why do we keep celebrating this your grandmother cannot cook i'm tired of seeing all this stupid food on this day and i'm supposed to like that and be like yeah your mother can throw down she can't she can't i don't care what part of the south she's from the the turkey look dry no you said you don't care what part of the south she's from she's probably not from the south that the chicken is dry she's probably from some one of the states that ain't got no lakes um i i also i feel like i take for granted the fact that my mother is a good cook because a lot of people's moms can't cook no and that had never occurred to me i think i thought it was a requirement that in order to have children you had to be able to

cook no the requirement is just you have a uterus that's the requirement to have kids that's all you need a uterus that works if you can't cook you should lose your um reproductive system no that's not fair marie that i i'm gonna rebuke you on that bitch because that would mean me and we're not doing that oh sis Sid can cook um you gonna do it with the baby uh when I have one probably sure you know Andrew can Andrew can your mom cook no I felt personally attacked by that exactly so what would you guys eat what would you guys eat after school for dinner uh it would just be a lot of like um macaroni and cheese out of the box you know yeah a lot of y'all a lot of y'all are eating uh boston market on thanksgiving and it shows it shows and so i just like just cancel

it just we're done no more no mas i am shocked moment of silence for all the people whose mamas can't cook mama you know i love you you know that i love you mom so a lot of a lot of hamburger helper listeners on the on the pod tonight i don't know but i mean if you guys want to write in the comments what your mom is like best at in terms of cooking I would love Cindy let's talk about the comments you haven't posted on the unofficial expert page literally since 1991

since before gay that's a lie yes the last person who posted on that page is me and that was I mean you asked me to do that and I was like I guess and then you just never went back wait I have I have a I have a comment about this I didn't think this

would finally come up but in the last post that you made you said the link in the bio would be coming soon and why did you just add it what does that even mean andrew i can't believe you are dragging a black woman on the podcast with close to kwanzaa because it's like you took the time out obviously to create this post but you didn't have the time yeah but you know what it is because because on our in our comment i mean it the link is our like link tree and it's like i said we gotta add it to the link tree and then of the bitch i'm alive it's coming soon anyway it's still we still have time it's still coming soon so soon is all

relative yeah this is so good andrew you are fucking patty you are petty patty mr sin park Andrew, you are mayonnaise. That's who you are. You are Petty McPherson. I was just so confused. I saw that and I was like, it's not coming anytime soon. You are Petty Giselle Nose. Okay, Andrew, you sent us flyers for last week.

And what did I do? I posted in my stories. I did. Yeah, Sydney, that's not where you were supposed to post it. You were supposed to post it on the unofficial expert page. Don't act like you deserve a cookie. You didn't do what you were supposed to do. Yeah, I did.

you didn't even post it on the unofficial expert stories this is what i'm talking about she's like andrew you sent us flyers for the page and i put it on my story marie didn't even promote the podcast but okay marie i don't know maybe i'm just i am being really shady tonight but marie you were the one that asked for the promotional pictures and then sydney was the one that posted them so why did you ask because andrew the last person who posted on the page again i repeat is me so the next post was supposed to be sydney and sydney is logged into the unofficial expert on her phone i'm not logged in girl why are you not logged in because i log out of both of them no sis and i never which is rarely in it guys i just want to

let you know that we were very diligent about the unofficial expert at one point in the career and you know we got busy we're a little busy and for Kwanzaa I would just love I would love to have that old energy back all I want for Kwanzaa is I just want the link to be on the bio

that's all I want link in the bio is that our title all I want for Kwanzaa is the link in the bio it's insane I'm gonna put the link in the bio today or tomorrow people have been waiting a while yes i'm crying you know it's really hard to maintain two pages

during a pandemic you know like i feel like even the stuff that i'm putting on my page is like completely different than what i thought my instagram was gonna be now i'm like holistic and i'm i'm i'm i'm black goop um basically so that's what i do now um but i don't know i guess all I want for Kwanzaa is uh you know uh an unpaid intern that's what I want for Kwanzaa this year is somebody to just do it for us but also like us do it it's so hard I mean let's just have a moment of silence for oh my god the productivity that I was supposed to have um maybe last week i feel like the days were shorter and i didn't have enough time to do than i was supposed to do and then the week was over and everything that i was supposed to do on a friday just couldn't

it just didn't make it in the schedule i was like i'll start over next week you know no i don't know what you're talking about not at all nobody knows what you're talking about also why did it get so dark over there sis there's no lights on over here we're just this is you know just dealing with uh daylight the daylight that's out there but it's the sun is going down so the sun is still up but it andrew doesn't it look mad dark in there and now it looks lighter yeah good now i can touch myself you can't see it i'm disgusting and you love it what would you do without me um i would probably um have a functioning social media page without you wow bitch you with with the link in the bio

i'm the one who started the link tree for uh unofficial expert so then technically you're the one who's supposed to put the link in the bio no because i don't even know what the password is i don't know what our link tree password is oh my god i can't so andrew there you have it the reason why the link is not in the bio is because sydney elizabeth washington the lies okay so what's one thing that you did this week for you like a self-care uh feel good thing that you did for yourself this week for andrew no everybody i'm asking the room well Andrew can go first well I saw bad hair which I really liked but Sydney said that she didn't enjoy it wow okay Andrew what did you like about bad hair I thought it was like campy I thought it

was fun it was like there were like parts that was like genuinely like grossed out by which was a it was a good it was a good horror film I mean it wasn't like Jordan Peele level but like it was fun it was good okay um so how many out of out of 10 how many what rating would you give it i would say i would say i'd give it a 7.5 7.5 that's a that's pretty high sydney what what did you not like about the movie i'm gonna watch my words but i i think that you know the movie I can have the appreciation for the horror aspect, but I will say that black women's hair is just not in at a point in society where it can be satirized. I don't think that it can be used in such a material yet where you can make it look like the hair is bad

when for ages people were saying that our natural hair is bad or weaves are bad. But you know the movie was written by a black person, yes? A white person didn't write bad hair. No, no, no, no, but let's not get it fucked up that, um it first of all it was a black man so a bald black man i'm looking at his yeah so his edges right now yeah just because you are black that doesn't mean that you can encompass all the black experiences and you can't speak on behalf of black women okay i mean i feel like you're trying to get

real deep when you doesn't need to be that deep sis just say you didn't like the movie or say that you didn't like the weaves or say you didn't like who was cast for it no no no no for you to be like I don't think black women's hair can be standardized. Girl, what are you talking about? Did you see the movie? We've seen people with bad hair before and we make fun of their hair, whether they're black, white, yellow, green, brown. You've seen the movie?

I have not seen the movie, friend. Okay, so when you watched the movie, you didn't get back to us. No, but you're saying you don't think that we should be making fun of black women's hair. That's what you're saying. I don't have to see the movie to hear what you're saying. No, no, no. It wasn't about making fun of

black women's hair it's it's the movie is actually what it bad hair like the hair is takes on this monster and kills people oops spoiler alert sorry guys damn see this is why i can't do movie reviews it's all in the trailers that's true it is in the trailer but i i just don't think we're at the point where we can say that but they weren't they weren't saying that the natural hair was bad but it was it was that when she was Sydney you feel personally attacked because your weave is bad

no no no no the girl everybody at the office was giving her a hard time because her hair wasn't done her natural hair wasn't quote quote done even though it was done they kept saying like it just doesn't fit in with the office

it doesn't fit in with the look that we have going on here and then she gets a weave and everybody's like oh my god this is amazing but in reality then the weave starts killing people and by the end of it was regular it wasn't even like this outstanding lavish like beautiful lace front it was just it was just regular it was a regular weave and then the and then the weave starts killing people yeah i think that's the point of the movie sis you're saying that you're making fun of black women's hair and sad if anything it's proven that natural hair is good hair and weave is bad hair

that's what it sounds like no you got you just gotta see it marie then when you see it you'll see what i'm talking about you like sydney i feel like i don't know if i want to take movie advice from you because you said that you watched the whole season of emily and and i couldn't even make it through the first episode so well no no i said that the movie was bad i just because i enjoyed it doesn't mean that it's a good show i personally just enjoyed like how tone deaf the show was I loved it I didn't like it

and I actually I don't if you haven't seen it please don't watch it I don't want it to get the clicks and the views on Netflix because we don't need any more of that like the movie the show is like peak white too oh yeah absolutely it was very I don't speak French here's my beret I'm in France

and it was like ugh and then I'm gonna have an Eiffel Tower keychain it's like sis that's like going to new york and wearing i love new york sweatshirt no but you know what's crazy is that is that's american right there yeah usa is it it it was hidden it was on the nose it was on the nose too well how about that um okay so the guy who wrote uh bad hair also wrote dear white people i don't know if that adds or subtracts anything in your mind love dear white people loved it loved that show did you what was your thoughts i i did not see the movie dear white people and i watched the

first season no it was a movie first oh okay i didn't see them it was a movie and he wrote the movie um and i guess the series he wrote the book okay and that's what everything is based on but i uh i watched the first season of the of dear white people on netflix and then the second season it I don't know. The main character, she's kind of annoying. I think that's the issue with me with the stuff that I watch is if the lead is

not likable, then I don't care if they win or they lose or what happens to them. I'm not invested. I laugh when they fail. And that's what I was doing when I watched Emily in Paris for the first 10 minutes of the show.

Yeah, but that's the thing. it's like if you like someone then you're liking them then you're following them just off the basis that you like them but in real life that's not what it is like people that you don't like have a story too and annoying people are usually the lead the like end of the end of story sarah jessica parker and sex in the city bad just annoying selfish yes a bitch that's that's something that we know now watching the series as adults when we were watching sex in the city i don't know five years even ago it was like oh okay she she got cute little wardrobe okay where she worked that she can afford these manolos and she lives alone and she ain't got no roommates and she's

asking her friends for money well well well look who just reposted something on the unofficial expert stories literally seven minutes ago i gotta go link in bio you know what it is is um you know we've been doing the podcast uh all this time during the sure did alone but i by ourselves everybody else got guests and shit we over here just putting it together on our own okay well we're pouring our hearts out because we didn't want guests and then when we said yes when we stopped having guests i was like well i don't feel like posting on the it's just gonna be us again yeah and again and again and it's like we don't have enough like

new pictures of ourselves too yes but last week we had a whole d nasty and we had a whole andrew uh did that beautiful mariah carey flyer for us it was so good what did you do babe sydney excuse me what did you do yes when andrew sent us the photo for the podcast page i reposted it in the stories my page that has more followers just throwing it out there tagged him in etoro Y todo. What? You didn't post it on the unofficial expert page is where I'm back to, Sydney.

Okay, well, I'll do that tomorrow. All right, well, let's just agree to disagree on how the page is being run. Can you hear me? Who wants to post on the unofficial expert page? How about that? No. I think we got to end this episode

because I can't hear, and we're having technical difficulties, and we need to put the link in the bio. In the bio. Get the bio, Marie. Get it together. should that be the title as well link in the bio oh my god i can't stop screaming at this andrew the fact that you pull that out of your ass to come for marie i think every day for the

rest of the week we gotta post something on the unofficial expert page okay i'm bet let's go i think sydney's gone hello oh she froze yeah and my microphone is malfunctioning wild oh wait now she's back i'm back i'm here the devil is always working you thought i was frozen but it was just i'm in the dark oh so why didn't you say anything i did you took like a good like 15 seconds it was a delay friend well you know she's on west coast town so of course look at the palm trees in the back just blowing in the wind okay well you know this felt very fun and dramatic and it definitely feels like you're at a kitchen table with us just kiki-ing over a cup of hot gossip that's what somebody said in the

in the review i know that's what i was doing yeah i don't know why but in my head sydney's new boo is young ma okay no no personal comments please guys just um leave leave the reviews and keep it moving thank you no i adore the comments keep personal reviews um keep to yourself thank you five stars you're welcome please keep the personal comments and please keep painting us and drawing yeah and sketching us like sketching us like you draw your french girls sydney and marie it's actually an official expert i'm fine with you just do one of us per per post that's i'm actually cool with that um because if you do both of us then we're gonna want to post it on the unofficial expert page and put your website link in the bio and we both know that that's not gonna

happen so um you know send it to our individual pages specifically sydney because she has the most followers oh my god no and we'll and and then we'll just go from there i think no i think that they should send it to the unofficial expert page so they're like that page does get some action ultimately thank you yeah wow thank you it's been real dry over there but not like our coochies you're welcome wet macaroni in a pot

alright well we'll bring some moisture to the page this month we will we're gonna you know this is what we're doing because soon yep this is gonna be on Friday but we did it on a Monday so we're just gonna keep it going for the week yeah we are

I'm gonna post a picture of me with natural hair and then a picture of me with a bad weave please don't not actually i don't i don't sydney you even care about that page don't do that don't do that right now okay well god bless happy kwanzaa um canceling thanksgiving and uh don't forget to vote okay yes do that i love that we're talking about thanksgiving in Kwanzaa, even though this episode comes out the day before Halloween? Because we are not

acknowledging Halloween because people need to stop ordering costumes for Bezos. And, you know, you need to stay in the house and stop giving candy to kids. It's all bad. Sydney, you're saying all these things from not in your house, so...

I know. I think Scootney is going to have a problem with this whole episode. Scootney, come see me, baby. Come to me. I want Scootney to be a guest, please. Scootney, Scootney, pull up.

Hey, Scootney, send us your avail so we can have you come do the podcast. That's crazy that we haven't seen Scootney. Scootney hasn't come back. Come back, Scootney, and make a review or at least add us in something. Geez. I think we're friends now.

I hope Scootney didn't stop listening. Scootney's been messaging us on the unofficial expert Instagram. you think are you are you checking the messages on that thing they wait no they they messages well let's see wait what did scootney say did scootney actually message you i don't know i'm not again logged into the unofficial expert page sorry okay true i'm like you gotta check the the message requests and the actual messages that we get someone wrote um october 9th uh nora rickman hey boo guys so i'm a college senior in engineering and already have

a full-time job secure flex and it's a white woman wow and i want to know your best advice on starting a podcast i've always wanted to start one and one and one would love some advice from professionals hmm marie you want to hand that i'll hand it over to you sis you want to answer that Sure. What's her name? Nora? Yeah. Nora, here's my advice about starting a podcast. Start the podcast and then don't start a separate page on Instagram for it because then you gotta control two pages.

So from my heart to your heart I'm gonna tell you right now engineering sweetie boo boo keep everything on your main Instagram page. Wow. Nora, run with this information. This is gold.

Okay, hold on. there's uh there's somebody else somebody else wrote something okay what they say yeah last week last this was october october 17th it was june 4th no this is october 17th i got it okay last week's episode was everything i laughed so hard i had to replay it after a bad date i had just because i knew it would work love you ladies okay what episode came out before the 17th let me look that was before the d nasty episode i forget what we talked about yeah i forgot oh i think dusty denim yes that's what it was dead tooth yeah yeah definitely okay can i here's an update on dusty denim and dead tooth uh the person that uh i was dating listened to the episode and said

I'm not allowed to wear those sneakers when I'm not with him so that's the update on dusty denims and dead tooth he said those shoes are not allowed to leave the house if I'm not with you I like that that sounds really hot the way you said that okay so someone wrote us on Friday uh Nustra Cosa you guys should check out micro needling it's way better than Botox and affordable but most of all it's just so much better i personally do it and my pores are seriously gone and the lines smooth out than having a stiff face okay we're gonna go to your page and see your face up oh oh okay no she looks good but i think i want to know your age because i really just can't tell you just look you just i think she's latin is it a is it a beige oh okay latin x or

native american i'm i'm not for sure i'm native american okay wait somebody sent me a message on friday about uh botox as well okay they said tell your friends thinking about botox that they need to try derma roller it truly changed my life i use 0.25 millimeters to start and research a treatment that works best for your skin goals but the little roller works sis the best thing that has changed my life this quarantine is ten dollars on amazon spend your coin on the chemical treatment aha works for me yeah but i think the problem is is that uh the issue with the derma it's like you got to do it really really um like clean because you're putting holes in your face and then you got to make sure the instrument is clean and you got to make sure you're cleaning

your face because i've seen a lot of pictures of people who've done it and um got really infected ew you get infected all right that's nasty okay okay wait i have another one oh this is ray reynaldo i remember him i remember him hey ladies and andrew my name is reynaldo i've been listening to the pod since day one with pd and seeing the ladies live at karma before that anyway long time listener first time caller you get the gist i was just reaching out to uh to you all because i was listening to recent episode with d nasty and marie mentioned needing a carpenter well that's exactly what i do all custom pieces made out of real wood and always an aspect of art added in as well beds tables desks dressers etc check out my page i can pretty much make anything out of wood

and would love to create a real work of art for marie or any of you who are looking okay thank you for your time keep doing what you do on the pod city can cook and marie's instagram videos which I love okay in parentheses wow okay cool okay well um I forgot what I said I needed built but uh I'm also trying not to spend any more money on my house um I'm gonna get some wall hooks and a shoe rack and then that's it I'm not I'm not spending no more money oh and some frames and maybe like three more plants but that's it I'm not spending no more money after that um but thank you so much ray i do remember you uh i'm gonna check the page matter of fact sydney go ahead and repost your favorite piece from ray on the in the stories for the unofficial expert podcast

page um he he truly loves you so i really feel like that's that's probably one of your guests sounds like a deflection right there um um and the hoosers okay i'm gonna follow back and then i am going to repost thank you gorgeous i love this for us um okay well my laptop is about to die and i do need to watch the season's finale of lovecraft oh you haven't done that yet so i'ma do that um no i haven't done that please don't ruin it for me i know you love a spoiler right um and um it was good to see you guys today I mean, Sydney is fully in the dark now. Should I turn my lights off, too?

Hold on, let me. No. Let me turn my light off, too. And off. Andrew, please turn your lights off as well. Bonk. Oh. Oh.

Ooh. I'm scared. I'm scared. Yes, Black Blair Witch. Andrew, you wanted a Halloween episode. now it's a halloween this is a this is a fully visual medium this podcast yeah i think it's following me nine inches of cock i'm gonna write a new movie it's gonna be called bad dick

also a horror it's about a dick that comes out of nowhere and brings nothing to the table except chaos it's a it's a dick that doesn't make you come mad dick um okay well guys always a plunge we're gonna record again later in the week so we don't have to worry about recording next week for election day or whatever um and i'm excited to see your faces again yeah okay cool rate comment subscribe do all those things leave comments under the most recent photo on the unofficial expert yes please and send us art aka Sydney

hopefully there will be a link by the time this episode comes out maybe I don't know we gotta wait for Sydney to give me the password to the link tree girl bye please okay alright well bye friends love you

forever dog this has been a forever dog production the unofficial expert is executive produced by brett boehm joe cilio and alex ramsey senior producer tracy soren produced by andrew mcguire cover art by sandy honig to listen to this podcast ad free sign up for forever dog plus at forever dog podcasts.com slash plus check out video clips of our podcasts on youtube at youtube.com slash forever dog team and make sure to follow us on twitter

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