MESS with Sydnee Washington & Marie Faustin - We're Having a Baby

Episode Date: August 28, 2020

On our last episode before a two week hiatus, Sydnee talks being stranded in the desert this week while Marie plans a trip with her sister. Enjoy!----Listen to The Unofficial Expert Ad-Free on Forever Dog Plus:https://foreverdogpodcasts.com/plus----BONUS EPISODES AVAILABLE NOW ON PATREON:www.patreon.com/TheUnofficialExpertBUY UNOFFICIAL EXPERT MERCH:https://www.teepublic.com/stores/the-unofficial-expert-podcastFOLLOW THE UNOFFICIAL EXPERT:https://www.instagram.com/UnofficialExpertFOLLOW SYDNEE:https://www.instagram.com/JustSYDbwhttps://twitter.com/justsydnycFOLLOW MARIE:https://www.instagram.com/Reeezyhttps://twitter.com/MsReeezyFOLLOW ANDREW:https://www.instagram.com/mcgui_guySee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

forever my friend your voice is deep it's deep what we been doing what we been doing you know you know I'm just going back to my gravelly throat roots

I had a sleepover last night I was at a sleepover last night like a like a party I mean i guess you could say that a party for two people oh girl you had me set up for something i'm like

yo bitch did you do an orgy what's good yeah yeah i had a little pandem uh orgy orge orge a pandem orge or von orgy yvonne orgy um anyway uh that's what's happening here my manager is messaging me i'm not really sure what's happening she said your production is slowly starting to get back up if you're okay with being on camera then i'll let them know just got an avail check for something you taped in february what did i take in february okay is it a callback maybe it might be a callback girl you might have booked i don't remember what i what i auditioned for in february but okay yeah put self put self tape in my phone to see what pops up sydney how are you doing today friend uh had to run back you know run back because i

you know i'm on the run on the run tour um i went to joshua joshua tree which is um uh two hours out of la and it's a desert and um a lot of cartoon character trees yes it's a lot of coyote ugly um no no no the wily wily coyote you know what i mean a lot of cacti uh scorpions all that good stuff and so you went we went there in the dead of the heat um we y'all know who we is and i don't need to say who we you know y'all already know me y'all are doing too much which is fine um right totally fine uh but yeah uh it it was cool you know i'm glad that we went it was very romantic um but sometimes niggas just shouldn't be in the desert that's i'm gonna say that i'm gonna put that nigga shouldn't be in the desert put that on god uh period it's very dusty

uh there was no whap and if it was whapped it was because it was a thousand degrees and the pussy was sweaty so um it was he was yes damn drip ass pussy yes drip drip came through dripping but not the type of drip that i don't think anybody on this call wants okay so you drafted um joshua tree jose's tree and is it full of people no it's not it's not like that it's it's just like there's a town and then there's joshua tree and i feel like native americans are there but i'm okay so the three that are left yeah but yeah but i we really didn't see that many people in town we went to sonic's which um i've never been before but i'll try anything once and um sonic is where paris and nicole had that job that one episode yeah and they had on roller

skates because i've never been to sonic either yeah okay sonic i don't i don't recommend it for anybody the slushies were all right um the tater tots were cute if i was offered a million dollars to work one shift at sonic you would do it i couldn't do it because i can't skate girl you would figure it out so stop for a million dollars i would teach if they're like if they're like a million dollars they're like show up to sonic right now at 5 p.m to work the evening shift tonight and you are not allowed to fall oh the well the fall and i mean well i can't help you on that so it's but i'm just crawling on my knees to everybody's car yeah okay so you go to sonic they are bringing you food on skates it's not good no it's not good what did you get um i got uh

the popcorn chicken popcorn chicken the barbecue sauce very poor i'm i'm just it's it's like thick it's not it's not real barbecue sauce it's kind of like when i think of barbecue barbecue sauce though i think it it should be thick you're saying it should be watery you're talking about rich rich rich this is thick like to like you dip it it doesn't dip right it's like oh i don't know it's hard it it sucked um but okay you know when you're in love things don't taste as bad but actually they it tasted bad so i actually didn't even guess you're not in love friend but before we even get food our our car got stuck in the sand and we had to um shovel ourselves out of it and it was a million degrees and like i'm i'm in like booty shorts this person is in sweats

like it just were two brown people in the middle of the road that nobody goes on it was it was deserted but the airbnb people came and they were trying to shovel us out and they were hippies i was like we're gonna be stuck here we're just gonna die and so when you're stuck in a hole you have to dig deeper into the hole to get out it was sand like gravel it wasn't like a regular like road right but i'm saying like if i so like the front of the car was in the hole the front of car and the one tire the car is low it's a low car like the the body of the car is very low to the wheels yes i guess it's like a race car or something like that okay tokyo drift okay lesbians be doing it too fast too furious too fast and um it just we were stuck for an hour and a half

i really was like okay well i guess i can die in these black shorts i guess this will work um honestly i feel like booty shorts are the best shorts to be stuck on the street in because you know you can move your legs better and also like if a car drives by and sees you guys in trouble your ass is already out so they're more likely to be like boop boop hey you guys need a hand i was if your ass is i was not that time i would did not look like hitchhiker ready bad bitch it was like she's disheveled she's got diabetes her sugar is low like drenched in sweat like i i wasn't even shoveling and i had to take a seat i was like dehydrated i i was trying i was trying to give her shade it was it was embarrassing and i was like she's gonna leave she's gonna leave

me because i mean she's gonna bring nothing to the table she's gonna leave you because you didn't help her shovel out of a hole in the desert i tried like we took her shoes and we're like taking the sand out of the shoes it was so bad it was so tacky and just not hot and let me tell you what happened let me tell you how god comes through uh okay a mexican man what did god do what did he do a mexican man in a pickup truck comes out of nowhere and they were like wow this it's crazy nobody comes down this road except our dumb asses he has a truck we we have rope and he pulls us out he pulls us out he doesn't speak any english at all and this is what i'm tired of people saying hey do you they say oh you know espanol and they're like un poquito no

bitch that's the only word you know in spanish you don't say a little bit you you don't know me spanish you can't help us this man is speaking you know nothing like her and the airbnb people were like yeah he's a little spanish no y'all don't because you're saying i speak a little spanish why are you saying that in english the fuck so they don't speak no spanish no they don't but he was able to communicate with them well enough that he could pull y'all so maybe they doing sign language and shit i don't know he was doing the world's greatest choreography which is i took like i did a you know rope i put some around my neck and i was like no no i'm not laughing at that in this economy um no

okay so then you get to joshua tree and then what the hell are you guys doing in in the desert you dig yourself out of the dirt you building sandcastles her friends are there who have like a much better house we're in an rv we're doing we're doing it we're like we're in the desert let's it went in rome and hmm i never want to go back to rome no i do but just like get a nice house because we're in the rv and hmm you need a car that's further above the ground a little midsize yeah little suv situation absolutely absolutely and she's like they should have said that in the airbnb they should have left that in the fucking notes and i was like yeah they should have left a lot of things in their notes but they didn't because they want people to come they want people

well yeah but like what are things what are things that you need to know when you're looking for an airbnb like because okay so i decided that i'm going to take a trip for my birthday in september right we're going to go to tulum um and so i'm looking at because that's the only place that's still taking american passports is mexico which is hilarious to me they should not be letting us in they should be like i've known so many people we're gonna build a wall we're gonna build a wall yeah huh and there's been so many people that have gone to loom already every time i log on to instagram i'm so not six other people that i follow are in to moon so i don't know uh so i decided that i want to do that it's gonna be a little girl's trip um my sister is coming which

is going to be interesting because i don't really think that we travel that well together but this is going to be interesting this is i'm i'm excited to see that because i've never seen this out of all the years we've been friends so this this should be fun what me and my sister being in the same place for multiple days together and me being there too you know because i'm kind of like the third sister okay i just i just got a very clear visual of how irritated i'm gonna be in mexico uh but no i don't really think that because even like i was with my sister this weekend we went home to see my mom and my sister will say stuff to like provoke me and she was trying this weekend and i just was like unbothered i just was like oh that's how you feel cool

okay great we're we're not washing our hands today great like i just i don't know she she kept trying to poke me and i felt it happening and i just was like no i'm not gonna take the date today so september might be good that's gross since yeah well also like and you know i'm scared of your sister so i'm not even gonna be provoking that and i'm gonna be looking like that's a lie i feel like you are gonna provoke everybody like literally like with your fingers just pass the salt please can you just pass the wap the wap but anyway so i'm looking at all these airbnbs down there and you know you need to know a couple things you need you need clear photos yeah you need to know how close you are or how far you are from the airport or from like photos from like

last year they're not gonna be recent but that's why i like looking at reviews too i love look at reading reviews for products i won't write one but i will scroll down and read the one-star reviews and the five-star reviews and then i sort them by most recent to see what's changed we fucked up there was only two reviews on there and that was that was our fault you know that that's that was our fault but whatever and you checked them after the fact no if there's two reviews on anything that's not good that means there's not enough people that have went there to let you know what's the real deal you know right right right if there's a thousand reviews you can skim through 20 and like get a real gist of if it's good or bad if there are a thousand

reviews in a room you only need one review one bad review but it's the photos that still trick you because like we'll see something and it's not really to scale like even when i was in when i did my e-pray hole last year i did a couple of airbnbs and you know like i would walk into one there was one that i had to like walk through a courtyard and i was like i'm not gonna make it out of this somebody's gonna murder me in this house yeah um and obviously i didn't die because i'm still alive now but like the locks weren't real on the doors i felt like the locks were stickers it just it wasn't it didn't feel safe and i don't know why i'm thinking about that right now because i suppressed that memory it was probably the worst airbnb i've ever seen really

yeah what the locks were the locks in for it just like it was a weird yeah the locks weren't like real locks the apartment wasn't that easy to get in and out of yes that's the same thing we were having issues with the lock of on the rv it was yo let me tell you when i it took some whoo-ha i got you all in check i was like woosah it was like okay everything's gonna be fine don't worry i'm so glad that i'm on medication because the old me would have flipped out i would have cried at least twice i would have been so bad to be with but okay so now so the person that you're with you got to see them under pressure and you learn a lot about somebody yeah when they're under pressure what did you did you see anything that you like do you think that this person is a good

problem solver like talk to us about how you felt watching them dig out the hole great problem solver was still really nice to people i mean i knew what she was thinking in her head because she had said it before they came in the picture but like just kept her composure just really strong team player just yeah somebody that i i can see very long term oh okay it was because the voice dipped a little bit no no just like just really i was very surprised and if i was her looking at me i'd be like damn this bitch all she got is fucking fenty highlight that's all she got that's all she bring into this fucking problem this sexy a useless beach exactly a sexy useless beach whatever you have other strengths yes yeah

like so uh my strength which is um andrew i wanted to include you in the conversation because i felt like you were just really far back and not really in maybe this is kind of just boring to you but like you know oh wait what do you mean what are you saying i just you know just trying to get your thoughts on things have you been camping before if not went uh camping i went to like sleepaway camp a few times as a child not the same we know we are not the same so sleepaway camp is a cabin upstate for kids um upstate um it's in new jersey uh that's the one i went to at least uh but yeah no i went like when i was like in fourth and fifth grade uh during the summer that was fun the first like few nights really fucked me up because i was like i literally

could not like survive like without being at home um but then like yeah and then by the end of it it's like okay i can actually do this and then you finally go home right uh and you get home and you're like i miss i miss the lake i would always like yeah every time i would get home from camping because i wouldn't poop the entire time sorry this is like tmi but i wouldn't poop the entire time that i was like wait you wouldn't poop for how many weeks it was only like a week long that's a long time to be backed up my friend yeah i know and so when i got home it was like it was crazy every explosive yes so much um yeah well i don't know i don't know what it is like have you ever like when you go on vacation like you don't poop for whatever reason have you had

this problem yeah that's happening i think when you're on vacation you're not eating like regularly or you're not eating necessarily good food when you're on vacation so maybe that's why your um poop schedule changes but i don't think that i have a hard time pooping on vacations i have a hard time pooping in people's houses that i'm sleeping with um oh yeah yeah yeah yeah i've I've never encountered Marie pooping, ever. That's crazy. That's, yeah, it's insane. Like, I've never, I've never smelled you farted.

I am a Zuru ninja, okay? A Zuru ninja. Has it ever been your way around? Maria, have you ever seen Sydney poop? Yeah. Oh, yes, yes. Sydney has blown up my bathroom many a time. I have no qualms about, you know, dropping, not kids, adults.

you know how they drop the kids off at the pool no mine are like senior citizens I'm dropping elderly people I'm dropping nannies off at the pool at sleep away camp which is the toilet no I just I don't know

I'm a nervous peer does that make sense like if there are people in the room and they can hear me peeing in the bathroom then it's hard for me to start peeing why don't we just turn on the faucet you don't do that sometimes but like if i'm in like if i'm at comedy central or i'm like at a place

that's where it's hard for me to pee and i can't just turn the water on a lot of them you got to lean on the thing and then you run to pee and the thing stops dripping like it's right so i don't know and i always feel like damn it they don't think i'm taking a dump in here quietly but i'm just trying to pee um i don't know i guess that's something i need to get over because nobody actually cares i've been in bathrooms before and heard people taking full-on like like at home dumps before i would love to hear what you're working memory is it like a or is it like yo

yo after you had fucking sonics you keep calling it sonics but I thought it was just called sonic oh I'm sonics I think it's one but it's it's sonics

it's like you know No, that would be, like, a few different Sonics. It's McDonald's. It's not Burger King's. I think it's just Sonic. Yeah. Whatever. Fuck all these places.

They're bad for you. Anyway, Fran, it looks like you are yawning. You had a long... I didn't sleep last night. Yeah, you're drinking a Red Bull. Yeah, I could not sleep last night because the door kept rattling. And I was like, someone is going to come in here. and Texas Chainsaw Massacre us.

That's the biggest, that's my biggest fear as a person is that, actually, I have two fears. My top two fears are, one, I'm going to fall down and million-dollar baby myself, or two, I'm going to leave my house and go somewhere kind of secluded and Texas Chainsaw Massacre myself. Yeah. So where is the RV? Is it, like, in a lot?

Is it, like, eight miles? Everybody has a, is it in the neighborhood? it is like okay so it's just in the middle of the desert and then the the host of the airbnb their house is right next to it so wow i was like yeah what are they doing here but i was like okay great but then i was like oh you know how the movies go they kill the niggas first so they would definitely come to rv kill us and then you know they would hear us getting killed and they would already be in a you know truck ready to go no no no no no they were away yeah they wouldn't be they wouldn't be in their truck if they heard you guys getting killed they would come

investigate what you guys okay and the screen door is obviously unlocked and they open it and they go sydney and you know i'm loud you know like i'm screaming i'm going live because i'm like well I'm gonna dive I'm gonna I might as well go live you know yes hashtag Sid can die Sid can die Sid can cook and can also die yeah and I would hope that it would go viral you know and I hope somebody be like dang she was alive I was looking for a horror horror movie a horror movie a horror i want you to do my horror my horror horror movie yeah um um so that was cool sucky part is like they can hear anything and everything so we watched it we watched the stars i saw the big dipper that got me whop i was like damn oh my god you would see the stars because there's like

no city lights or whatever yeah it was really beautiful and just like romantic and i was like okay i just i see why people be getting pregnant like i was sorry yeah yeah you see why people be getting pregnant in the desert or just in general you see why people get pregnant yeah like you you see something nice like that and you get all warm inside and you're like come and talk to me i literally have never said the words those three words come inside that's crazy because my shit that's why it's so wop sis because it's a lot of residuals in there it's staten island just dumping mad trash yes exactly it's new it's a barge um andrew what did you say it's all deposits and sydney is a little wop yeah

deposits i'd like to make a deposit and you're like yes i can see the big dipper that is um that's the title deposits deposits in the wall you said sexy useless beach earlier oh that's sort of like that's great yes that's me beach um okay so what else is left friend oh obviously you know the sex came and uh it was great the sex yeah we had sex oh you mean last night yeah did you lay a blanket it on the ground and do it under the stars no bitch we were in a bad i don't i'm not trying to do none of that it's scorpios and fucking ants and like the zodiac does that mean scorpio oh my god you said it and i didn't even

i'm like yes scorpios of course i feel like there's people like me just like sort of just like crawling around yeah she knew what the fuck i meant and that's why and that's why i fucks with marie because she don't she don't have to like you know try to correct me she knew what the fuck i meant that's sister yes yes we're yes we're this somebody tried to say the word dyslexic the other day and he said it wrong it was the funniest thing that i've ever seen somebody that you're not letting come inside you yep somebody that i'm not letting come inside me said this dick dyslexic or something like that i don't know it was some i was like that's not how you say that word um that's why he's not allowed to come inside me because he don't really know

words that's not true he's he okay anyway no tell me no what are you gonna say i wasn't gonna say anything come on fuck i wasn't gonna say anything friend i wore savage fenty it was nice i mean i mean savage fenty is i think what you wear friend so yeah the fact that i'm not a brand ambassador Well, the thing is that I've definitely gained weight this summer, which is fine. You know, I'm happy that I've gotten a little thicker, but it's time to, it's time. What's it time for? Just cut back on trash. You know, I got to get slim and trim and cute and just, you know, because I'm trying to look like Bernie Foster.

What are we doing to, no. No, you don't want to be like me. i got on a scale at my mom's house this weekend and i lost four pounds so devastated but i think it's because i haven't been working out and you know muscle weighs more than fat i'm just but you're gonna look great on camera so that's all that matters i feel like i looked great on camera when i was working out um also what camera friend zoom cameras what cameras am i going to look great on anyway whatever i was like the scale is broken and my mom was like no pounds i could use four pounds taken out of my i want my i want my pounds back i want all of my i want i would like

to ideally gain 16 pounds what you don't need a friend yeah i've gained so i too can be thick i've gained five all of my stomach and ass and the problem is what if it's only your butt then the stomach the bigger your butt the flatter your stomach looks i think yes yes the bigger the fatter the ass the flatter the abs i just want it to be snatched right here in the midsection it needs to be snatched so my butt looks like even more i guess protruding but your butt is i mean it's literally in my eyes right now on this call so i don't really know look at it look at it that that in love booty ugh gross please sit down andrew said he's writing a letter to hr he's had he's had enough hey listen i got enough uh thick paper plates for all of y'all's

hefties the scoop plates the ones that like no this is good china good china fine china from sri lanka okay thank you friend from sri lanka okay so you're coming back to new york soon yeah what do you miss about your house oh hold on oh yeah you came to the crib i was at your house the other day back to the crib back to the yes i was at the house um jam yeah is jumping up on the trash now no the trash can why is he doing that he just perched i said i've never seen the cat this elevated at sydney's house he's almost at the counter that's how he's jumping up on the garbage can trying to get the treats that's probably what it is i saw him do it twice in less than an hour i said and i did see him try to run

away from home the door was open and he was looking at the door like he like looked at us because it was a bunch of black women in your house and then and gina and the cat was like and i was like somebody please close the door if sydney comes back and this cat is missing she's gonna be maybe devastated is a strong word but you're gonna be sad oh my god that's a hot crunchy fucking mess okay so what do you miss about your house or what do you miss about new york um i obviously i miss you i mean i talk to you every day but i miss you i miss i miss my apartment i was really working towards something like you know nice the apartment is cute i don't know the feng shui looked all fucked up y'all had like the the bright lights when i was like what is this

like no no no no no no no no not y'all had on bright lights they had on bright lights i don't like it i was like that's not what i my my apartment is not supposed to have white lights on ever it's only a mood it's natural lighting or sex lights that's it well the plants looked healthy i touched them none of the leaves felt crunchy i said okay they're still alive um and my plants are like wop your plants are i don't know if i would call them that but i don't know i'm tired somebody else say something so you was up all night huh you were up all night but for other reasons not because you thought you were gonna get killed something else died last night okay um in that pussy no not in the pussy but the pussy died um so who's worn out huh

yes mike tyson yes friend yeah we were up late we watched lovecraft country that shit yo second episode dumb it made me so mad yeah because the first episode was so good and then the second episode was just like why did y'all do that to me y'all doing too much it was like wait what the lady with the dog what this white lady with a blonde wig that's the same color as her skin it was a lot it was a lot happening we tried to re-watch the second episode um because we were like wait what but you know you know how these sleepovers go you don't really be paying attention to the tv so you miss things so are you looking forward to anything this fall

i'm looking forward to traveling with my friends i'm looking forward to you know going to mexico getting a little private chef getting a little massage i'm looking forward to like riding bikes on the beach we're not on the beach but like in the jungle you know you um that's what i'm looking forward to are you looking forward to uh carolina's wedding oh carolina's wedding is coming up yes yeah i'm excited about that so that it can be done yes because i feel like we've been planning this wedding for the last pandemic yes so yeah wedding bells wedding bells in a pen dum dum i ordered a bunch of white things because i was like oh i don't have anything white to wear so girl i have all these white

clothes coming i have this outfit and i'm like i need to get i need a corset i think i might get a little corset to put underneath it's like really really tight it just is body time yeah my like my i'm just kidding like i'm getting a little bit so you're like it's just having too much fun you gonna get some skims i think i need some skims low-key high key actually and i'm not high key i'm i'm a woman over 30 it's fine love that for you andrew would you ever wear skims i don't think i know what skims are good that's we'd like him no i like that it's spanks yes would you ever wear oh that's kim's line okay got it got it it's like phabletics yeah no it's not the same phabletics it's like people are

actually working out skins skin is for um whores that are not that don't really need fucking no it's whores that's wearing shapewear as regular wear that's what it is skins whores that are wearing shapewear first of all hard w that whores whores that are wearing shapewear as regular wear um i just thought it was shapewear that you wore under your clothes But it's skin so you can wear it as regular clothes Yeah they be wearing it as regular clothes With an oversized Yeezy overpriced jacket Yep that's what it is

And it's fine I love that for them Whatever They're not sponsoring this episode so don't go get that Go get the Marshall Spanx Go get the TJ Maxx Spanx That's more our speed Yeah

Are you looking forward to anything in the fall? Um or coming up at the end of this year because we are rolling up on the ninth month of the year so that means this is the fourth quarter the last chunk of 2020 is about to start you know this this year has brought me so many highs many many lows many lows so many so many lows oh my god But also good highs, good highs, great highs. And, you know, I'm ready to go into the next chapter of my career, friendships, relationships, finances. I'm just ready to get to the next level because, like, the next time we go on a trip, I want, like, we don't need to be on a private jet.

But one, I don't want it to be a fucking pandemic. One, can that be done with so we can just go where we want? and then two you know i want i want us to be able to do anything and everything i want us to be like yo you want to do that and be like yep that's it we don't even have to really think about the price and be like boom or i would love for somebody to like sponsor a fucking trip and so we could oh yeah yeah yeah on everything yes like right now right now i'm partnering with whores that wears shapewear is real work yes whores that wear shapewear hi um we're here for well because i follow some people that like they got flown out to amsterdam for like amsterdam day last year or

like the the tourism capital of blank sent people to new zealand whatever i would love for people to send us somewhere too especially now like people are going to be scared to travel yeah not everybody because all the niggas is in mexico but people are gonna be scared to travel when this is i know the black people are still doing what they want to do with their 75 flights but um but i feel like there are people who still like apprehensive and like afraid to get on like i haven't been on a plane in i mean since february so or january so it's not something that i was actively thinking about doing but my friend is a flight attendant my friend's a flight attendant he was like no people are flying and it's the most annoying people that i'm having to deal with and something

told you was like hmm i think that would be beautiful for me that would be cute for me i would be that annoying person on the flight i just don't want to be in my apartment on my birthday that's it okay that's the only reason why i was like i should do something else and because as your closest friend i will not allow you to have a ranky danky basic birthday like all these other people in the pandemic i feel like brie you have like actually like an okay month to have a birthday too during a pandemic it's like you can still sort of like go outside it's not the worst you know it's not the worst but like february right i'm in november it's just cold yeah oh your birthday's in november november what november 20th it's right before it's like

right before thanksgiving people ain't even thinking about you yeah that's okay i'm thinking what do you usually do for your birthday baby babe are you asking me or sydney you i know what sydney does for her birthday she celebrates for the whole month i have no idea i'm like depressed thinking about fall and winter me too so i'm like trying to like like sort of gather up like all the optimism that i can sort of like gather right now yeah so i can make plans to take care of myself for fall and winter you know well because it's like what's gonna happen we've been we we're eating on these sidewalks we're watching cars drive by while we're you know devouring sushi or whatever on the street and it's like when it gets cold out what are these restaurants

gotta open back up on the inside like the like the heaters outside those like space heaters i feel like they a lot of places probably are but all of them don't have that and if it's raining huh they're gonna want money they're going to want to like serve people they're gonna have to open up they're gonna have to do like two tables inside at a time or something because honey i'm okay with just if once it gets cold then i'm more inclined to be okay with being in the house i just didn't want to be in the house while the fucking sun is shining and like birds are chirping you know i mean i guess i get that because but also i'm not gonna want to cook all winter long yeah I already I already don't want to do it right now that's a fact so it's like who's gonna feed me

this Thai place or are they gonna be closed they gotta think about they gotta stop being so selfish they gotta think about us think about me um you know I've just been after this situation that has happened to all of us literally every single last person that is listening to this it just made me think more like about the future and how like you know i i don't want to live my life um just scrambling grabbing for straws i want to start building things um i don't know start a family i don't know it's just i'm like what am i doing i'm like why you say start a family so fast why are you trying to say it like we weren't gonna come back to it gonna be 40 eventually and i'm like if i want to have kids and stuff i need to actually

like be serious about it because i'm not trying to i'm not jenna jackson let's just keep it real and these eggs have been scrambled fried died laid to the side i don't um you know i'm not trying to be yes yes yes friend we know you're we heard your eggs are covered in deposits um eggs covered in deposits that that might be a funny title i don't know i'm just throwing it yes thank you sunny side yuck um okay so we're having we're having a baby we're having a baby yeah i gotta figure it out in the next like three years at least and you know i'm a lesbian so it's not like i can just get somebody put it inside like i have to figure out there's like things that protocols yes you're a lesbian but you can still get

somebody to make a deposit cc um yeah but i just want i want washed very i want like you know pre-washed deposits i'm not trying to get you know just raw yeah i don't i don't need it to be like that i need you don't want it to be you don't have any male friends i need some rinsed no not one i don't fuck with dudes like that anyway you see where i'm no but like i mean like you would just get their semen no no no no just their semen i'm getting their genetics too babe they're jeans so i don't want just sperm i don't want anybody's fucking stuff no no but i'm sure don't you have men in your life that no none okay she doesn't know a single man not a single man that i'm like oh is a good person uh great features uh intelligent no they have some of

those things there's some of those things but they don't have all of it and okay so and that's why you go to what's your dream donor sperm depositor what does he look like what kind of family does he come from okay so he's tall and black and has thick lips yeah beautiful teeth okay great great body bone structure okay and a nice guy too what about if he's all those things well he has um sickle cell that's fine we'll figure it out i'm okay with the um if my baby's not all like not perfect that's fine i'm okay with no that's not fine if you needed it to be perfect exactly if the baby's not perfect we are throwing the baby but i'm saying if we're spending that much money on the sperm then it might as well be damn near perfect oh spending money oh you

you could bang one of your male friends no I don't want that Marie do you hear me I am going to be by the time I have kids I'm gonna be low-key famous so I don't want just anybody's stuff thanks okay thank you well I don't think Mr. Morris Chestnut is going to make a deposit but you know Marie do you want to be a TT to like some regular degular like deposit no you want upscale you want to walk around and be like yeah this man this man needs her nephew or them this is them i mean sure i don't want you to have ugly babies but like i was asking realistically like who is this person going to be or what do you want them to be i don't think morris chestnut is in the business of giving lesbians semen okay oh you said okay like you already messaged him and

he said you know i'm a blue check bitch so i'm a blue check bitch so they they be reading they be reading my message i really hope that you slid in his dms and asked for imagine i should start doing that i should do like a contest a contest yeah like how megan the stallion and cardi b had like a like a wop uh uh contest i need one for sperm what was the wop contest i missed it i don't know they could win like you could win almost like a million dollars or they're giving away a million dollars like they were giving 500 here a thousand here to like girls who like hashtag wop party or something like that and you know but what do they have to do i don't know girl somebody gonna have to they have to post their damp underwear on instagram

probably the wop challenge or whatever now grab a bucket and a mop for this wet ass pussy i don't know the song is nasty macaroni in a pot so i don't even know what that means what is that macaroni in a pot macaroni when you when you like scoop it and put a spoon through it you hear that you hear that sound like the wet sound yeah for the macaroni okay you don't hear that when you fucking you don't hear no i don't hear it when i mac and cheese like a plunger just like um all right well i feel like we've we've deposited a lot in this episode and um the children are lucky to have us the children are lucky to have us because we are actually going

on hiatus for two weeks dos weeks so this was it you guys are not gonna hear us for two weeks um but when we get back i'll have a baby so we'll have a baby inside of me we'll have it carolina will be married um and i will be packing for my 23rd birthday yeah my youngest friend obsessed sydney's gonna have a baby and me and the baby are gonna be the same age It's crazy It's crazy We're going to drop a picture of Andrew For this episode

And it better get all the likes Because if he doesn't get enough likes He'll never be on the page again And that's that How many likes do I need to get? I'll outsource I need at least 500 500? That's doable

Okay okay you get 500 on your own page confident words coming from me i'm kidding bitch stop it i'm joking i mean sydney's asking real questions the way you said it was nothing i'm like hey um you know i'm ready and 500 is reputable and i need and i need all the palm trees underneath the picture yes yes we're gonna post we're gonna post andrew we need all yes don't no words just palm trees but also you know say nice things about our friend because we need to boost up our ally over here you know we're not in the business of uplifting uh beige men but uh andrew's one of the good ones so andrew i like how you show up on the podcast and you dress up

for us you got a button down oh i've never seen you in a sweat pant or a wife beater in my life i'm obsessed no that was like in march and april i i fully was uh but yeah no i figured like i need to stop wearing the same shirt every day okay you think you better than us he's better than us he's spending the night spending the night i like uh i like the same shirt for like three days in a row or not in a row but like every other day what shirt are you wearing i don't think i've ever seen this before this is a a shirt with the the great poets migos um re when you find out what you booked can you call me and tell me the good news about what the airbnb no oh about the show that my manager was messaging me about yeah um yeah i mean she it just says i know you gotta sign an

nda and stuff but i'm different i'm family well yeah okay i'm like i'm gonna find out and i'm gonna let you know i mean i also have no idea i only have you said third so who's the second sister you know who you're saying we have one blue but i don't so who's my first sister me as well i'm the first and the third i'm the first the third in the holy spirit oh that's blasphemous yeah uh go ahead and uh strike her down lord um okay yes sydney when i find out what i booked i will let you know i'm a message cape after i get off yeah and then text me so i can you know i want to i want to be happy for you but also be like nosy yes yes yes so you can and then i'll be like subliminally tweet about it no no i'll be like oh my god my friend has more money for

this tulum trip to a loom okay yeah i'm excited about that um private shifts and masseuses at the house with my friends um okay well i mean i don't really know if we accomplished anything today we did we did we did everything's great tired it's perfect we're wonderful we're getting off everybody leave fucking comments for andrew go go to itunes leave comments review you know we're almost at a thousand reviews it only took us fucking five years you bum bitches no i'm kidding i don't i love you so much i'm gonna leave my tits in the stories tomorrow if you can get us to a thousand fucking comments and reviews sydney will put her titties tits on the freaking stories i promise um no because my girlfriend will be really mad at that i'll put my ass crack though

No, but your titties I mean, your titties are on Sid can cook regularly You can't post your tits Do the ascribe Okay, I'll do that Yeah, give it something different, sis Spice up your life

Spice it up Wap Spice up your Yes, wap That's Sidney's word of the week Wap I know Every time Sidney says wap on this episode

Take a shot Take a shot of secretion Or every time Sidney says wap Venmo a black friend oh and and that black friend is sydney washington so if it mo me every time you hear okay i gotta go but um god bless and leave those reviews and oh happy birthday marie when we get back it will be your birthday almost kind of yeah yeah yeah yeah and i'll have a baby and the baby will have your birthday there's that to me i will not share my birthday with your baby okay well so

you gotta push the baby back to october or either you have to change your birthday i already hate your bitch ass baby so bitch ass baby a bitch ass baby got a wop a bitch ass baby got a no Okay, Sydney, the bitch-ass baby as a WAP is inappropriate. Thank you. Problematic, and we love it. Okay, Andrew, we love you. We love all you guys. See you in two weeks, bitches.

Forever Dog. This has been a Forever Dog production. Executive produced by Brett Boehm, Joe Cilio, and Alex Ramsey. For more original podcasts, please visit foreverdogpodcasts.com and subscribe to our shows on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts. Keep up with the latest Forever Dog news by following us on Twitter and Instagram at Forever Dog Team and liking our page on Facebook.