MESS with Sydnee Washington & Marie Faustin - What’s Up?

Episode Date: February 22, 2019

Sydnee and Marie ask each other whats up? on this weeks Unofficial Expert! Sydnee catches the listeners up on her court case drama while Marie discusses her wild sex life.----Listen to The Unofficial Expert Ad-Free on Forever Dog Plus:https://foreverdogpodcasts.com/plus----BONUS EPISODES AVAILABLE NOW ON PATREON:www.patreon.com/TheUnofficialExpertBUY UNOFFICIAL EXPERT MERCH:https://www.teepublic.com/stores/the-unofficial-expert-podcastFOLLOW THE UNOFFICIAL EXPERT:https://www.instagram.com/UnofficialExpertFOLLOW SYDNEE:https://www.instagram.com/JustSYDbwhttps://twitter.com/justsydnycFOLLOW MARIE:https://www.instagram.com/Reeezyhttps://twitter.com/MsReeezyFOLLOW ANDREW:https://www.instagram.com/mcgui_guyTHE UNOFFICIAL EXPERT IS A FOREVER DOG PODCASThttps://foreverdogpodcasts.com/podcasts/the-unofficial-expertSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

forever dog uh hey sydney what's up sis what's up what's up hi everybody i feel like we haven't recorded in a while uh we've been uploading episodes but i feel like we haven't recorded in a moment no no no no we've been busy busy busy but busy and blessed yes um what's going on with you marie um i've been busy with this new job thing um i'm a little bit um nervous is not the right word but every time they post something about the new show somebody makes a Jesus and Mero comment and it's like okay all right we get it you miss Jesus and Mero and that's not who we are but like suck a dick like what's happening like what's wrong that's what that's what people do but that literally is like for a little bit and then they actually see it and they're like

oh okay like we have to get over it well I go to the pages anytime somebody posts and it's always like some like young beige child and it's like what are you 12 yeah you shouldn't have been watching Desus and Mero anyway people are just negative they got time to be negative that's all it is but it's just for right now and then when it comes out they'll be like uh we were so dumb to be like Desus and Mero well everything is not for everybody right like certain people still not gonna like it like remember when we used to watch 106 and Park with AJ and Free yeah and then they switched to Roxy and Terrence and everybody was like boo Roxy and Terrence

suck like they're not and then they were on for longer than AJ and Free were I think but they were terrible but like they developed their own thing I mean I still stand for Free and her fat butt

and her fat afro but AJ is actually accused of sexually assaulting several women so what happened I didn't read I read the headline and I was like wow I read the headline as well, but I had heard through the grapevine, like people were working with him and he was disgusting. What was he doing?

What disgust did he have? Just making inappropriate comments. So, oh, he was saying stuff, but was he doing stuff? Well, in the headline, it's actually he's doing stuff. So, wow. Yeah. That's so fascinating. Because I had to, we had to do like an HR thing yesterday, like a sexual harassment

thing for work. and the lady had this powerpoint that she was like trying to like make fun because she's like sexual uh orientation and sexual this and blah blah blah and the powerpoint would like star out and like starring and they were like all these like goofy sound effects and it was like are you trying to make this fun like are you trying to make nobody laughed but she was asking us questions and she was like trying to make like the pictures were fun and they were it was like sis Harvey Weinstein pulled his dick out nothing about that is fun like is that

in the slide? Is his dick in the slides? I think because it's maybe because it's like a cool office but when I used to work at the hotel all of that was not fun he didn't even try to make it funny it seemed like a seminar and he was like very stern

like yeah if you do this I was like okay sir did someone touch you? What happened? Meanwhile they got you guys wearing dresses with your cleavage down to your belly button yep sure did j-lo versace vibes they didn't give a damn but wait okay so they say that um six women have come forward and that he lured them to hotel rooms and then tried to sexually assault them hotel rooms led them to their bedroom or hotel room and assaulted them how does one lure you to a hotel room i mean hey can you come pick up these files for a 106 in

park no you can just text them to me also what files do are we picking up for 106 and park at a hotel i don't know maybe you know going on dates whatever the case may be if i come somewhere you don't have a right to touch me if i don't want to be touched absolutely um it doesn't matter what time it is i could be butt naked in your house if i tell you not to touch me you can't touch me yeah i mean but i can i can get the security guard to get you the fuck out that's what i'll do of the hotel yes i will call security okay so let's let's set the scene you you have a job like a nine-to-five uh your boss message messages you via email hey sid meet me at i don't know what's a nice hotel the carlisle meet me at the carlisle uh so uh we can discuss you

know i don't even know what what uh what time is mid mid midterms i don't know we could talk about your uh fourth quarter review or something what time is it it's 6 p.m okay that makes sense 6 p.m yeah you're going to the carlisle at 6 p.m it's first of all it's not too far from office hours i'm probably just getting out anyway okay what if he hits you it's like 2 p.m he's like meet me at the carlisle at 2 p.m in my mind i'm thinking oh he gonna get me lunch right yeah that's also late lunch that's a stunt that's a that's a lunch stunt absolutely little uh little afternoon delight i mean again people who are in power can say anything meet me anywhere and you're like okay well maybe this will help me maybe this they are giving me information sometimes you just don't

want to think the bad of somebody so not ty i believe i think the worst of everybody all the time i've been like look at this man looking at me he must want to touch my titties and then it'd be like he'll be like ma'am you have a booger in your nose right it's like oh well sir thank you so much what a gentleman well situations like this it's like you know it's he's he say she say and you you never know it's he say they said because six women yeah you know it's not our um it's not uh bill cosby numbers but six is a lot like six is like that means you've done it you did it you tried it you might have failed you tried it again you might have like men are gross um but i think the situation is this happens so much that it just takes a long time for everybody to

put the pieces together and be like damn this he was doing this for a minute shit you know yeah we should say something does it say when the first the first when i'm not reading all this blurb You don't see four numbers that make a year? No, there's no date. Is it 1996 or 2014 or 2018? The first accusation became public last June. Wow. Why do you wait so long to tell us?

It's February, March, April now. Because they got to get the story right. They got to get the... They got to go... Well, I wonder if they're going to go to court. Well, Mandy Moore was trending on Twitter yesterday. Yeah. something her uh some dude was like telling her she wasn't a singer she wasn't a musician because

she didn't play an instrument and like that's part of the reason why she stopped singing but she was married to him it's like your husband was trash and then a bunch of women came out and said that he like assaulted them also you married this man it's a domino effect listen let let a husband or a friend or a man that i'm banging tell me that i'm not a funny comedian i'm not staying with you like what yeah i'm gonna tell you that well you're not a man because you ain't got no abs like i feel like if you're gonna say something negative about me i'm gonna say something negative right back and then it's like why are we married also he looked real squishy like mandy moore was married to that yeah that that side bang that stringy right that stringy greasy that mass

shooter haircut okay a hundred percent columbine cut yeah okay it was not cute um i wasn't here for it his name is ryan adams yeah i wouldn't first of all i don't fuck with the name right first names also wasn't brian adams a singer from like mad long ago brian adams wherever you go whatever you do i will be right here waiting for you that's a good song that is a good song Is that on Spotify? But fuck him. Well, that's Brian Adams. Brian Adams is somebody else.

Who knows? Anyway, whatever. Sydney, what's going on with you? How are you doing, friend? You look cold? Yeah, it's a little cold in here. You look hot, but you look cold. You turned the heat down, so now I got to put my coat back on.

It was so hot in here when I walked in here. No, no, no. It's fine. Literally, armpits were sweating. What, what, what, what, what? What's going on with the diet? How are we doing? What's the resolutions looking like?

did i have resolutions i'm asking did you i don't think i did i think i was very true to my brand which is uh you know i'm just gonna be myself it is what it is okay yes uh it is what it is uh yeah i went to court um i am no longer a criminal yes it was uh it was funny because i just went there and i was like i shouldn't be here i should not be here this is so fucking early and then um all the people who were in court the literally the no offense the dustiest people that i was like you did it you definitely did it you got a nautica a windbreaker on in the winter you did it um a nautica windbreaker oh that's that's a tbt right it was it was just well you know i felt bad because i walked in and obviously i was dressed very well what were you wearing um

I wore like slacks, very nice slacks. I wore a turtleneck. Slacks? Yeah. I don't think I've ever said that word in my life. Fitted slacks? Yeah. Dress pants.

Yeah. Slacks. Oh my God. How old are you, sis? 48? Old. Slacks. I had a birthday.

Okay. Slacks. Yeah. And then what was the shirt? Turtleneck. Fitted turtleneck. It worked out. I mean, I walked in and people immediately was like, who's that?

I cut my glasses on. It was messy. Oh, you walked in real Michael Jackson? Yeah. I was like, I am not guilty. But then my lawyer was like, actually, you have to say that you are guilty. You have to say that you were a part of disorderly conduct. Disorderly conduct?

That's what they charge you with? Yeah, yeah, yeah. But, you know, you pay a fine and then it goes away. So that's what. Well, go ahead and tell us what the fine is so we can get the GoFundMe popping. I mean, yeah, it's like $247. Okay, you heard that, listeners. $247.

Let's round up to $250. Matter of fact, let's bump it to $300 just so, you know, for time spent and the MetroCard that she had to swipe to get to court. I just want to thank y'all for sending me money for my birthday. That was quite kind. Excellent. It was money for my birthday and my, you know, lawyer fees. So we're working towards it.

I mean, I'm so far from it, but thank you. So far from the goal? Yes. Okay, so we're just going to bump the GoFundMe to $10,000. $10,000 is what we're asking. And, you know, if you call now, if you call right now and donate, then, you know, we can end world hunger. By world hunger, we mean Sydney. Yes.

Because Sydney is my world. So, yeah, it was a situation where it's like, damn, I see the type of lawyers that they give you. And it's awful. Just like disheveled. One guy had on like a sweatshirt blazer. Like, it was a blazer, but with sweatshirt material. A sweat blazer? And then the judge had aqua eyeshadow on, and I was like, this can't be real.

This is... She was black or she was white? Well, she was Spanish. I think she was Spanish. Like, everybody looked crazy. Like, I think this woman was filling in for the district attorney or something like that. Her wig was twisted. To the side.

Halle Berry wig, like, from a few years ago? No, it was more like a Hasidic Jew-ish woman wig. Oh, yes, with the hard part. Yeah, it was like, oh, we know that's not yours. The thick part. Which is fine, because if you go through some of my TBTs, you're like, we know that's not yours either. So I relate.

I, too, I have happened. Yes, but you've grown, friend. Well, because of these braids. Right, growth. But, yeah, I walk in, and I have my lawyer, and, you know, he's well-dressed. What did he have on? He's very well-dressed.

Okay, so custom men's warehouse. Yeah, kind of, I guess. But no, he looked great. He was late, but that's fine. And I mean, he just knew everything to say. And then I just saw everybody just trying to like pick up the pieces. And they were going to be there for a long time. I was in and out.

Okay, that's good. I was first and I got the fuck out. And I was like, bye guys. So it's like open and everyone can hear what's happening? Yep. Oh, and the judge was like mumbling. So I was like, huh? Huh?

What? What? And the lawyer was like, I told you, just say yes, guilty. Yes, yes, yes. Like, I've already told you it because I was like, excuse me. I can't, can't hear. Could you speak up? Can't hear you over that loud eye shadow.

Oh, my God. The shadow was like. Aggressive. It was not even just like on the lid. It was towards the eyebrows. So it went all the way up. Yeah, I was just like a cartoon character. Girlfriend.

Like how we did our makeup in college? Like Barbie. You know how Barbie has her eyeshadow all the way to the lid. Oh, you know that was the CoverGirl Queen collection. Yeah, it was strange. And there was a couple people who were on my side of the bench. And they were talking to my lawyer. And I was like, excuse me, you have to pay him.

If you want to ask him anything, you must fucking pay him. It was the person that had the sweatsuit blazer lawyer? It was like, excuse me, yo, my man, how you say, is it guilt tie or guilty? And then this other guy was next to me And he's like Trying to find out what I do And then he asked me for my Instagram handle Did you give it to him?

I can't have criminals following me Friend you 100% have criminals following you They got cell phones in jail Somebody from prison Followed me on Instagram And all his photos is him And the double decker The bunk bed in the background

And the metal toilet yeah yes that's he slid in my dms and was like how are you you know everything was spelled wrong i'm like how do you spell you wrong anyway uh they following you sis that's uh the criminal justice system is part of that can y'all hear a podcast is it cell block nine can you hear us can you hear before the unofficial expert we love y'all shout out to all the people on death row listening right now um we can't put any money in your commissary but we can make you laugh absolutely cannot put any we can put some joy in your hearts that is all we can afford come on el chapo shout out to y'all um only if you didn't kill anybody um you know or touch a

child otherwise you know petty crime yeah you know come come to the shows everybody's selling weed it's fine i mean not illegal to sell well we're doing better than that you know we are adjacent to people who sell weed on bicycles are we i mean we were uh i i even when i was doing my worst i was not that i was not even adjacent to that no no i'm saying we know people that do that oh yes we know i would never but we know that is not in we know people who don't have no insurance but they cross a bridge selling weed are you listening no is this mic on so rude uh so gross anyway after that happened you went back to la oh no you're coming back you're going back i'm going back talk to us about this uh talk to us about that uh yeah i'm going

i'm gonna be there for a minute i got like like mad stuff yes and i i mean honestly if something pans out i'll move to la wow yeah um moment of silence i'm like actually like you're ready yeah i feel like if i can secure something in la i would go oh my god yeah unprepared i was not ready for this I didn't know that we were talking about this right now Sarah McLaughlin cue Sarah McLaughlin or be just by cold so I mean I hate New York in the winter it's just and I mean but it gets cold in LA because I was there and it was fucking raining and it was cold and I was just like I did not pack for this nope I am not ready I just came here too stunned I think it's been raining in LA a lot too that is literally the devil the devil is working very hard it's crazy

Okay, so you have a bunch of shows lined up. You got meetings, auditions and things. Mm-hmm. Okay. You trying to audition for some scripted stuff? Yeah, but I actually, Larry is helping me with my show, my one-woman show. Yes.

And turn it into an actually show. So I'm going to try to pitch that out there too. That's amazing. Yeah. So I'm like, whatever. You know what I mean? Like, I love New York, but it's like, if I could just do half here, half there,

that would be like ideal. That's the American dream, baby. Half here, half there? Yeah. And like only here for like the spring and the fall. Yeah. Honestly. Or it's just like when it's warm here.

Yeah, but not summertime because it's hot here. Not hot, dirty New York. I like the heat. Like cool, like, oh, look, I'm wearing a light jacket in New York. No, I like when people have their booty cheeks out and then they sit on the dirty ass train. It's like, oh, my God, old New York. See me.

In New York. literally whenever somebody sits there they're clean but on the fucking train that's the dirtiest ass on the train you don't have a shirt to wrap around your waist i'll stand i'll stand in my booty shorts on the train and not put my butt cheeks on the seat but that's because i have i come from a two-parent home but the thing is is that like everybody acts so funny about germs like there's literally germs every this is there every there's homeless man particles in the fucking air yes but on my ass cheeks don't you feel have you ever gotten a mosquito bite on your butt and then every time you scratch it you just feel dirty yes because you're like oh people see this and they

think i'm i got like bed bugs or something or when you shave when you shave and how y'all feel about like razor bumps oh razor bumps i had to i had to shave recently and i was like i'm a little bit more careful about it what were you shaving that got razor bumpy that cat do they still do those commercials no was that friskies it was meow mix oh maybe it was friskies i don't know no it's my mix you're right um yeah i had to i had to shave that cat but this time i was like very like oh let me watch let me before i would just like just one good swipe i'm like just a dull blade yeah but you had to razor for like three years oh my god no no shaving cream no nothing oh you know me dry skin just i gotta do this real quick before i leave the house oh

you know me so well thank you so much you know what i discovered is good for like um not for like keeping razor bumps and ingrown hairs away this stuff on uh amazon it's called tinned skin it's basically rubbing alcohol oh wait wait wait yes yeah i know what you're talking about yeah it's great you could get it at ricky's oh i did not know that yeah i don't do my grocery shopping at ricky's okay okay but ricky's sells a lot of stuff that like you like y'all got food here it's miscellaneous yeah ricky's love a miscellaneous item that you're like why is this here you're Like, oh, y'all got honey bunches of oats here? Mm-hmm.

It's weird. And then all of a sudden you could do your taxes there. It's great. Ricky's is the shit. And you could get pasties for your nips. Shout out to Ricky's. I mean, whenever y'all want to sponsor us, we here. Shout out to people named Ricky.

Yeah. Ricky! Oh. But yeah, Tenskin is awesome. Also, like, because I put it under my armpits and now my armpits, it like lightened them. I got Beyonce armpits now. It's like, wow, Marie, you got money now? And it's like, no, no, no, sis.

Tenskin. I gotta fucking get that. Tenskin. Somebody complimented me on my armpits on Instagram recently. She was like, oh, they're so smooth. Are they touched up? And I was like, no. Yeah, my underarms are.

Like dark. Not really dark, but they're just, they're hanging. They're hanging. But I'm telling you, and the stuff is not that expensive. I think they sell it at Target too. It's T-E-N-D skin. Shout out to them and my smooth ass arms and my razor bump-less cat. I'm going to get them.

I'm going to get that. I need that. especially if you want to be in LA just stunting eating sushi and stuff that is the that's the goal see the issue the thing is I have a lot of stuff going on but the money I'm like oh I'm gonna have to

budget because but also my friend Megan has a car so I'm gonna she gonna drive me she's like I'm gonna stay at home mom so I can drive you some stay at home mom she got a dog she's a dog mom yeah she's a dog mom she can fucking drive me somewhere white women with money are shout out to Megs Meggies

She's like, you know, if I can, I was like, well, you're going to have to can. You're going to have to make it. You're going to have to can. If I can, you're going to have to. You're going to have to make it happen. She's like, yeah, you know, I see you. Venice? These places are kind of far.

I said, yeah, Megan, you. What's in Venice? Oh, you have shows out there? Yeah, yeah. I'm like, I literally, I was like, anybody who hit me back, I was like, yeah, I'll take it. Didn't even Google where the fuck it was or nothing. I was like, oh, yeah, sure. Yeah, I did some of that, too.

But I'm good at Googling. I'd be like well let me see what's the address I'm gonna be staying at oh 19 minutes let me see what the Uber and then I'll jump on

the Uber app and see how much but it's a different it's a surcharge in New York yes all the Ubers killing us softly yeah

we're getting charged like extra money now they raised all the prices because they're like because of pollution and traffic and congestion shut the fuck up Uber

you just trying to get your you know what the drivers were complaining that they're not making enough money the yellow cab drivers also everybody was complaining so they were like

oh well just raise it and just put it on us. Add $9 to every trip. It's like, shut up, Uber, and take my $4. Is there another app that's for taxis or whatever that can sponsor us? Well, all of them went up. Lyft went up, Via, Juno.

They all went up and check in. But they all have the same New York surcharge. So in LA, that 19 miles might only cost you 12 cents. Yeah. I mean, I'm going to try to make friends as much as possible to hop around so that I'm like, oh, where are you going? You know, before the show even start.

So where do you live? What are you doing after this? I start Googling exactly where they live. So I'm like, oh, yeah. I'm on the way. Meanwhile, they're in the valley in your Koreatown or something. Oh, yeah, absolutely. I'm totally down for it.

Listen, people act funny in L.A. and I'm ready for it. I can act funny too. Yes, people act funny, but they're not funny. You are a real comedian and you are funny. and we know people out there. I mean, people out there know you. You go on a show and they're like oh yes, Sydney Washerton.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's true. That knitting factory has definitely helped me. Boom, boom. They're all up in aren't you one of the new hosts of the knitting? Oh, people are really saying that to you. We're booked. Yeah, we're booked to 2020. We're pretty damn full. Yeah, sorry.

I mean, but if you want to put me on your show, just cause. Well, don't say no to them yet. Just take the spot and then Then when they're like, when I'm in New York, I would let you be like, actually, I don't book the show. Go ahead and reach out to Marie Faustin and then I'll just never respond. Somebody hit me up recently and asked me, can I have money? No. Somebody who did our show who was like famous.

OK. Hey, can you give me their number or you have their contact because I want them to do my show? And I said, one, you didn't even ask me to do the show yet. So that's a no. and then two no this person is i'm not giving you their information i don't have their emails i have their they contacted me directly through cell phone oh somebody asked you for the person who did the nits number yeah oh i thought you said somebody from the that the famous person asked for my number and you said no oh wait if somebody's famous i would have been i would have given your

social security number the fuck yeah okay yeah no people are weird people i will say this y'all don't know how to ask for anything not just comedy i'm talking about in general you have to know how to finesse how to finagle i have some like you know tack like just chat somebody up before you start asking for things not like all up jump okay so what can you do for me it's just like i'm not gonna be i'm gonna be hesitant what can i do for you literally nothing like you didn't even say hello to me just now yeah what can i do for literally nothing it's like i could take a dump on your face how about that yeah and it's just like come on guys we got to do better in 2019 i mean some people just they don't know how to talk to people you know social media is massive

but in that you might have 15 000 people following you out but you might you don't know how to talk to one person face to face yeah it's hard i mean even me i'll be talking i'll look at people in their face and i'm like yeah why didn't i start this conversation now i gotta get out of it now i gotta know you know um yeah i feel like what i've been doing lately is i'll be having a conversation with somebody and they'll be talking and i will a hundred percent not be listening but i'm like and then i'll i'll be agreeing and making sounds like i'm listening and then i'll step back into myself and be like i haven't heard a single thing this person has said and they're still talking to me people listening if i'm not listening to you you should know to

stop talking that's rude to keep talking to me if you know i'm not listening it's rude of you to keep list to keep talking you know what my eyes glazed over i'm literally just waiting for it to be silent so i could start my story that is a very on brand of marie foster oh sydney's done talking okay great um okay so what else you're gonna you're gonna get some fresh air you're gonna bring your sneakers out there and do some hiking yes that is that is the goal um i hopefully i don't die on a hill don't say that knock on wood that's not i mean knock on knock i mean i just that is not the place i would like to die so hopefully i get up this hike and i i feel like i need to work out before i go hiking are you gonna do that um i'm gonna try

megan has a gym membership so hopefully i can get the hookup through her oh shout out to white women with gym memberships that share. Yeah, yeah. Well, her husband has, like, supreme equinox, whatever. So, hopefully I can get that buddy pass. Just be an elliptical a little bit, you know?

Just, sis, I want you to go to the gym. I want you to do 15 minutes on the treadmill. Like a jog. Like a jog friend. That sounds like that's gonna hurt my legs. Strap them boobs down. It's gonna hurt my legs. 15 minute jog. It is gonna hurt your legs

because you don't be walking. No. You don't be running. Who walks and runs? Who's doing that? When's the last time you skipped? Who's skipping? Now that.

People who are truly happy. I skipped the other day. I was like, look at me. And I was like, let me stop before I trip on this sidewalk. That's true. When was the last time you galloped? You know, like these are real questions. Your legs are going to hurt for the first three times you go.

I feel like that is, that's not for me. Oof. Hurting legs? I want you to come back and be like so healthy and so sexy that like people are like, Marie, have you seen Sidney? And I'm looking dead in your face and I'm like, no, I have not seen her. I have not seen her at all. Yeah, we'll see. You know, I want I want to have at least three more abs.

That's that's a three more abs. You said more as if there are two currently. How many abs are there? Don't you do that now? Don't you? Don't you say three more? I have one ab. You want to see them?

Yeah. Andrew in the studio. You've seen them. I mean, I don't recall. We might have seen them in 2018. We ain't seen them this year yet. I mean, it's been cold. The haters are going to hate.

But we did see a butt in Miami. Let's talk about Miami. Yeah. For the birthday. Your butt was out. It was. The ass looked fabulous. We didn't see the ab that you talked about.

But the ass. Because I had a one piece. I'm here for a one piece, yo. you know you can manipulate your body if you get a one piece you can just like hike something up you can move something around and it's just everybody get into one pieces I love a one piece with a

cut out yeah it has nothing to do with like what your shape is it's just it's great for everybody it's it's it's great um so yeah I had my ass out uh went to Fort Lauderdale went to South South Beach it was I mean it wasn't that hot

it was warm but like it wasn't in the 90s but it hit 80 and people were just out there in like fishnet like one pieces yes

stripper wear it was weird I was like is this spring break like what is the attire in Miami is a straight up no for me

well people don't go to Miami for the fashion sis they go for the art and the drugs and the plastic surgery those are the three things that we go to Miami for that's true

because when I was just people watching which was so hard because it was just like you need to people watch and you need to be able to have like

that face that's like oh I was just looking over there but I'm actually looking at oh yeah you're not you're a good

people watch partner but you be looking and pointing right in people's faces yeah Adrienne Adrienne was roasting so hard oh my god

it was like great to sit next to her cause she was on it and I was like oh I don't even have to say anything it's just her let's go back

cause people were like people were messaging me like oh so she is still with Adrienne ah yeah and I was like yeah she's never not been

with Adrienne she just lied to us we have an open relationship just so y'all know it's it's so open i'm like it's so open that i'm like please adrian find somebody um oh my god find somebody who can bring something to the table uh yeah find somebody who can bring a table yeah somebody adrian if you want to find somebody who can make a table for you open to that little aid in sex in the city action as long as you bring the table back to the house girl for us to use people were like ah because you've been talking about her like y'all like you've been single and people are like i knew she was still with adrian

i am single yeah everyone just know that i am single lies in an open relationship that's not open she's single in an open relationship that's closed yeah uh it's open i said adrian do what you want you live your life really get it yeah when you're in la you want her to be uh out here just getting it in honestly do what you want the cats will tell me no they won't they're totally on her side they team adrian they will literally somebody else will come in and be like please can you be our new mom can you please they still not you still haven't connected with the cats i mean i've been giving them skin to skin uh just what are you gabrielle union i've been putting them on my chest you know that's why they don't like your friend all your moisturizer and your

bronzer and stuff being on those cats i was like here take this tit and they're just trying to breastfeed them i mean they're literally like three years old those cats are older than that no have you only had them for three years i think three years yeah oh wow yeah they old that's like 21 in cat years yeah those cats are almost middle-aged um obviously we're putting this out you know whenever but whenever are you doing that are you doing anything for valentine's day or did you do anything for valentine's day uh no i have some shows tonight yes uh valentine's day the day before Valentine's Day I had two shows and I was talking to

I was like look at all the couples in here and I made them clap and I was like ladies he's gonna be with his wife tomorrow he's gonna be with his wife he told you he had to work on Valentine's Day ain't nobody gotta work he ain't got no job they were like it's Galentine's Day

I was like oh my god ladies, girls the day before Valentine's Day is Galentine's Day that's when you're with your gals I don't need that type of energy in my life I'm like I'm so past that I'm so past holidays like this

and that and just you know it's just dumb it's like you need one day to show somebody you love them you should be showing them every fucking day or maybe Valentine's Day should be more about the sex you need one day to have some like freaky deaky

crazy sex but then why am I sleeping with you the other days yeah that's a good purpose yeah i'm like well also it's just like you want to have sex on a day that everybody's boning uh yes no yes we do really yeah you don't want to have sex on the day who cares everybody else is having sex they're not having sex with you what the problem is my neighbors are fucking disgusting i'm there every day because you know i'm freelance no right right because you work in the evenings i'm a freelancer and you know i work from home right and i hear them they banging for 30 minutes they have and i was

like oh broke people have the time yes and the energy yes to have sex for 30 minutes that much and it's just it's like it's 30 minutes a long time to have sex it's a long time to not be having it, but here's somebody else having it. Right? I feel like it's a consistent amount but it's a lot. For 30 minutes? For 30 minutes. I don't know. Is that with the foreplay or without the foreplay?

I'm just trying to figure out what the timeline is here. Okay, we got a stallion next to us, y'all. We got a roadrunner over here. We got a Speedy Gonzalez. Mira, mira.

Arriba, arriba. wow we got a bull over here no I'm just like also I'm never looking at the time when we start and when we finish I just know when I be in my Uber I'll be like I was there for that long I just I don't 30 minutes

I don't be straight having sex but like you don't be having the whole night y'all you get a snack another round starts wow you doing rounds you run downstairs to pee you come back up there's two floors yeah it's two floors that's why the sex is so good they got two floors we still been continuing this

sis i just i feel like wow i haven't even asked about this in such a long time well because i don't i don't see him every week i see him like every once in a while that sound like every week it's not every week i don't even see you every week well who am i i am i am just a mere colleague yeah who am i um anyway yes let's go back to your uh whore ass neighbors your slutty ass neighbors wow marie has been getting her back blown out consistently and i didn't even know that honestly that's because i'm a good friend and i don't tell you about it yeah that's smart look at andrew's face shut up andrew shut your ass uh the the word friend is so loose here you know yeah there's you know there's many definitions a friend is somebody that'll

give you a ride to the airport a friend is somebody who will uh pick up when you call them in an emergency situation a friend is somebody who will laugh at you when you try to facetime them unannounced you know what i mean like a friend i think you're the third wow thank you so much i think you've nailed that right thank you so much yeah i mean listen i feel like after a certain age nobody's talking about their sex life like that anyway i mean what is this what do we carry Bradshaw and Samantha, they're not even friends in real life. Yeah. Okay? And if you watch Sex and the City again,

Carrie is the most annoying person on the show. Ooh, Carrie Bradshaw. But I, too, relate to being annoying, so Carrie, I feel you on that. It be's like that sometimes. I mean, everybody needs an annoying friend. Or an annoying sibling,

really. Yeah, yeah. Right? I mean, when annoying is situational, though. Situational? yeah because it just depends on the day like it depends on how you're feeling yes compared to like what the energy that they're giving right and like things can be annoying that aren't annoying to other people or on other occasions like if somebody texts me too much like in a row and it's just like hey girl this is what i'm looking at today how you doing how's the new job i'll be

annoyed that's me bitch no i'm not but i'm not talking but i'm not but in this in this exact instance i was not talking about you specifically this and this exact specific i literally just did that last night no no no well listen i'm not a person that likes four texts in a row send me one big paragraph of a text i'll read it then i'll respond that will never be me i hate when my phone vibrates like back to back to back to back to back to back to back so much okay that's you a lot of us a lot of y'all that's y'all i'm on my phone sentences my phone has been on do not disturbed literally for like three weeks me neither me neither i like to isolate things okay so so for y'all it's annoying when someone sends a paragraph yeah because then i gotta read

through all this sift through what's the important shit it's like oh hello uh good evening um yeah you know when have i ever texted you good evening or you good evening you don't write paragraphs one and two you don't text unless it's necessary and because you're like i'm gonna see you so whatever i gotta say i'll just see you i mean i texted you yesterday it wasn't necessary i just wanted to text you yesterday yes yes what the problem is no no no that was that i was like oh i said is somebody dying what happened i was like hey friend i see that you've been busy you look great she's like you don't even text me unless it's necessary okay i'm gonna stop telling you you look good i mean she literally just said hey i want you to come back sexy

i want you to look great i want you to i want you to look better and healthy um because you look sick no you don't look sick i want you to come back and like have like green juice body and just be like you know what i mean diet angela bassett you know and people in la are real healthy it's green out there they yoga they do yoga namaste they be having a crystals i thought I'm like, I was like, come on now. They're Rose Quartz or whatever. They go to bed super early. They'll go to bed.

Everything in L.A. shuts down at like midnight. That's not true. I don't think so. I was there and I was like, I mean, the people who wanted who could hang out was like people who were still at comedy shows. And do you want to hang out at comedy shows when you're not at shows? I mean, when I was there, I was like, you know, networking, of course. But I obviously want to have like other things to do. I heard there's like this really cool restaurant called Delilah's.

Hey there, Delilah. That's a white people song. Go ahead. Yeah. And Drake has been coming there like every other week. So you're just going to sit on Drake's lap? Honestly, I don't give a fuck about a drink. But I want to go there.

It's like celebrities are there every night. And it's really hard to get a reservation. And Megan's husband works there. I'm gonna go there post it up you never know I might be in a music video oh yeah and if you guys haven't seen Sydney twerk on Instagram

the athleticism that she the level of athleticism that she shows when she twerking versus when she's at the gym on the treadmill you like is that the same body yeah because Sydney will twerk and the most ratchet song will

be on and she's dropping it low and hitting like a full split and James Browning it back up and you're like wow and then you're like Sydney come walk with me to the store and she's like oh but my legs feel heavy yeah it's crazy it's like it's very impressive

you know I think that I'm you know a chameleon I think that a chameleon air I feel like I'm a Gemini at heart because I'm two people what is your sign I'm an Aquarius oh I don't you said that like I was supposed to know I was like, this is Aquarius time.

I don't know the months, the birthdays. No, I don't know the signs. Yeah, yeah. No, I mean, I'm not really into the signs. I know Capricorn and I know Taurus because of my mother. What's Capricorn known for? Capricorns are very easygoing. Ah, a lot.

My sister's a Capricorn. She ain't cool. Okay, but she works out and she's a bodybuilder. So she's fitness. So that's a different lifestyle than most Capricorns. Other Capricorns are fucking skipping and hopping and gallivanting the streets. Gallivanting. Oh, that's a good word.

Let's put that on some shirts. Let's put that down the one leg of a sweatpants. Guys, how are we going to get merch? I need, listen, I need more engagement. I need you guys to be telling everyone how amazing we are. I need you to be making up words so we can do merch. Merch. I feel like you guys are not working hard enough as people who listen.

Right. What's going on, prison niggas? Can y'all make It's cheap labor there You could put some shirts together Put some stickers on some jeans It's literally like we're helping you be Better people while you're at your terrible job

Sew a blouse or something It's just like do more Honestly and truly The amount of messages that I get And people are like oh my god I listen to you at the gym First of all I don't know who listens to podcasts at the gym But people listen to us there

I'm laughing in class at the library They listening in class shout out to all the people who gonna fail out of college because they listen to the podcast no it's necessary like you just need like background noise when you're working out or when you're at work so we are we are beautiful

background noise beautiful beautiful and we give you things to like think about are you a good friend do you text blocks of text or tiny fragmented sentences back to back to back to back to back to back Sidney texted me last week

good morning good morning She said, what's up, in response, and she went off on me. I was really upset about that. You said, what's up, and she was mad that you said, what's up? Yeah, because what's up is very, very formal, like, what do you want? Yeah, Sydney, what do you want? What did you message him for? I was messaging you to see how you were doing, bitch, because I hadn't seen you.

Okay, but see, this is what the problem is. Sending me a good morning text? You should have said, good morning, how are you? you said good morning he responded what's up you got mad so you was gonna say good morning he was gonna say good morning and then you were gonna say how am i doing yes well the good morning is just like oh this is like um the alert give you the alert that yeah yeah also anybody who texts good morning is a dick like what good morning it's like no it was fucking early no hey how you doing you could have text that how early was it what it was probably noon okay now oh it was early

she might have been in la still i was in la and i messaged you okay so she you went off what did you say after he said what's up tell him read read it from read the receipt then i went on instagram and went off i was like i should i should have at you and then people wrote me and They totally agreed with everything that I was saying. I don't know. Go ahead. Read it. Please read it.

Actually, give me your phone so I can read it because you don't have a microphone. Sidney said, good morning at 1048 a.m. He said, good morning, exclamation mark, what's up? Sidney, how are you? One message. Two, also, I hate what's up. Next message, I hate when people text that. Next message, it's like, am I bothering you?

Do I only text when I need something? Next message, no, exclamation mark. so five responses to good morning what's up he said oh my god I'm so sorry to offend she said lol texting to say that I miss you this week smiley face Sydney you could have just said good morning

I miss you right we all listening to this and he was like good morning I keep you on your toes nigga alright that's what I do don't call Andrew a nigga he is a soft white man Andrew loves us

so it doesn't matter. He's in the podcast too, bitch. Thank you. He a nigga. He don't love, he said good morning, what's up?

You made it seem like he just said what's up. He said good morning, what's up? The what's up question mark seems like you want something. If you message me good morning, I think you want something.

Anybody. If somebody sends me a good morning text, I'm like, oh, they about to ask me for something that I don't want to do.

Well, you deal with people who are takers that's what it is people who ask for things i don't deal with people like that yeah because they know i can't give a damn thing they don't ask me for favors because i have nothing nothing nothing if i don't i think you listen you should be appreciative if people are just sending you good morning text not five messages how are you doing text but you didn't say how you doing you said good morning well he threw me off with the what's good what do you want what's good and it was and i know andrew and i was like when he says what's up i know you get

into your business mode so it felt like business and i was also here when you text oh you were here oh you were working yeah even though we weren't here he was in business mode anyway sydney you know what andrew block her take block the number give me your phone i'm gonna block it i'm gonna put it on do not disturb i'm gonna delete the number so when she texts you next time good morning you could be like who's this you would you would never listen have you ever text somebody who's this when you had their number saved ah you just didn't want a casual i'm sorry who's this marie is the devil literally the devil has good cheekbones yes the devil does the devil is a very sculpted face but

it's so rude it's like I'm going out of my way to message you but and you're like excuse me Sydney do y'all chat often do you and Andrew chat often I've been messaging him more I've been trying to get into it you've been trying to get into it but in my mind if I was Andrew I'd be

like it's not really my friend she's my boss kind of a little bit how she needs I don't pay you nigga when have you received a check from me okay he had to wake up early this morning to be here colleague colleague co-workers bitch you came to the comedy show and you got on stage we're friends now okay so how did oh wow you've been trying to message him more but you just think this is the w-2 situation you just 1099 1090 oh that's what it is okay cool so we're not friends

no more he said he said okay great that that being said he got you munchkins for your birthday i know after several episodes ago where you said you didn't get them for your birthday and our our photo is finally on the wall in the middle it's we got beyonce position who do we who do we knock off book of yay good you took two black people down and put two black people up that is so rude for black history it's gorgeous i'm gonna zoom all the way into that it looks phenomenal well it looks like you got it done at kinko's but it's fine wow friend at the library you you wow the library that's all so that was free no somebody had to pay for the frame the frame was already there boo uh that that means the book of yay one is still right behind that

they just put our picture right on top of theirs so just phenomenal it looks great um all right Well, Sydney, goals for, three goals for when you're in L.A. Three goals. Three goals? Yeah. Only one goal. Book something. Fabulous.

That is my goal. In an ideal world, what would the thing be that you book? The thing for Death of a Bottle Girl. I would want to book that. You want to sell the show. Yeah, I would sell it. Sell something, not book something. Yeah.

Sell something. Sell, book, anything that will give me an income. Fabulous. How about that? Yes. Make money Sell something That's gonna make

Residual income Yes I love it I'm here for it But you don't know When you coming back I do Because I booked

A show here So I'm making sure That I come back For that show But I wanna do My solo show in LA So I'm gonna go back In April

Look at that Look at you See Look at this She just World traveler I mean it's only It's LA

It's not international But like She don't need a passport For it But she has one I do have one okay it's about to expire

but whatever you know I mean it's fine my password expired in June and I never renewed it oh you're about to renew it I'm working on it yeah yeah yeah

I'm gonna do it if you guys want to send any well no you're rich now I'm not rich but she's also not poor I was like

I was like should we should we still be Venmoing Marie I mean you can if you'd like whatever whatever you were

gonna Venmo Marie Sydney dash Washington If you can't find Sydney because you can't spell her name, just send it to me and I'll forward it to her.

I'm looking at her like, yeah. You know, I got a third world country DNA, so I'm going to keep that money. But I'll send you a picture of the money that they sent. Okay.

That's nice. It's the thought that counts. $15. Okay. Make sure you, you know, rate, subscribe,

you know, do some more reviews on iTunes and whatnot. Comment, share it with your loved ones. For Valentine's Day this year, you should have just sent people our podcast.

that's true honestly and truly like it's better than next year most of the dick that y'all are getting okay hello

you really will be coming from us you'll come more from us than whoever you are you better not be jizzing right now imagine no

is there a Jojo listening a Jojo touching yourself touching yourself while you're listening touch my butt thanks guys

we gotta go bye guys bye forever this has been a forever dog production executive produced by brett boehm joe cilio and alex ramsey for more original podcasts please visit foreverdogpodcasts.com and subscribe to our shows on apple podcasts spotify or wherever you get your podcasts keep up with the latest forever dog news by following us on twitter and instagram at forever dog team and liking our page

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