MESS with Sydnee Washington & Marie Faustin - Whole Milk for Your Whole Ass

Episode Date: March 19, 2021

Sydnee and Marie are back for another solo episode this week! They talk about having sex to Alicia Keys' albums, Sydnee's bad shopping habit, and gen z versus millennials. Enjoy!----Listen to The Unofficial Expert Ad-Free on Forever Dog Plus:https://foreverdogpodcasts.com/plus----BUY UNOFFICIAL EXPERT MERCH:https://www.teepublic.com/stores/the-unofficial-expert-podcast----FOLLOW THE UNOFFICIAL EXPERT:https://www.instagram.com/UnofficialExpertFOLLOW SYDNEE:https://www.instagram.com/JustSYDbwhttps://twitter.com/justsydnycFOLLOW MARIE:https://www.instagram.com/Reeezyhttps://twitter.com/MsReeezyFOLLOW ANDREW:https://www.instagram.com/mcgui_guySee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

forever dog okay okay all right so we did a patreon episode we did going over to patreon if you want to listen a lot of diary of the mouth a lot of uh i won't tell I won't tell I won't tell I won't tell Your secrets Your secrets Break it down

Oh that's such a good little That's so bad I won't tell Oh my god Alicia Keys Diary The best That was a good ass album is that what what was that what jealous of your girlfriend was on that i think i'm jealous of

your girlfriend or was that her first album i don't know but that album i was dating this guy named michael and he lived in the bronx and he fucked me to that whole album and then we had sex to uh destiny's child and the album that was like cater to you is that the one that we're like thou shall not thou shall no no no that's no no no that's um that's uh writings on the wall not that album the one that's just her michelle and kelly her her michelle and kelly when there's already a hurry yeah but there's already a her so i don't i meant to say beyonce but you know when i'd be like alexa play her it's it's some beige band wow i have to say alexa knows her as h e r interesting i guess her is h e r babe okay got it um diary of alicia keys

karma heartburn yeah if i was your woman you don't know my name if i ain't got you and then some other ones we had sex to that whole album it's 15 songs it's so weird you remember that yes girl remember okay i remember what song i lost my virginity to but i don't know any other song that's been playing when i had sex with anybody else i remember when people play a whole album i'm gonna remember that and especially if it was good if it was like a decent album i'm gonna remember now you have a good memory because my memory is hot garbage you remember what year was this or when where were you you were in college you were in high school where were you it was it was right before college it was right before college and

you had sex to this album yeah I remember the guy's last name too and I googled him and there's nothing no hits well what's his first name Michael Fassbender no and then I thought that I saw him in the airport like two years ago was that when you was getting arrested imagine no imagine when you were getting arrested somebody recognized you yeah Carolina no not her I'm saying like somebody else that was like randomly at the airport no nobody would vacation bible school they wouldn't dare no thank you but yeah i remember that whole album so that there's that anywho go to the patreon do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it no i'm doing do it do it do it do what is that come to me gave me what you need diddy is that nicole

she's a nigger so she's a nigger i don't know what is it nicole is giving moana i i think she played the mom in moana really because you know i watched the making of the random things that you watch listen this is where i'm at i there's like classic disney movies that i've never seen or i saw them late um and then there's the ones obviously that i have seen the the lion king the aladdin the mulan and then the newer ones like i saw frozen but like it was like no and then i saw coco and then yo coco coco makes a bitch cry coco is a movie it's a fucking movie it's a film yeah um that and up i will up will always have me fucking bawling crying and up when she loses the baby

oh my god when she loses the baby i'm like in tears but are you somebody who cries typically during movies no bitch not like that i cried coco and up oh my god and then like the poor guy he's just like we always try to figure i love a movie where it's like there is like a meaning there's a there's like a what do you call it a theme no not a lesson a lesson and like we're so hard on like mean older people but it's like they're a reason why they're so fucking mean and grumpy some people are just mean and grumpy no but i would be grumpy and mean too if i lost the love of my life and felt like we didn't get to do what we planned to do so can we just then assume that everybody who's mean is heartbroken because people are getting broken up with and and losing jobs and

losing like people are struggling through stuff absolutely I do that's why I'm that's why I'm kind to everyone Marie oh yeah that's why I am nice and give the benefit of the doubt to everyone Marie yes yes yes yes but I mean because I could have lost lots of things well okay Marie let's you on the couch right now won't you tell us what's good well I've obviously lost on all the auditions i mean that's both of us sis that's not true sydney you are booked no that's not true the difference between you and i is that i will literally say yes to anything and then wake up and be like what the fuck why did i say yes to this stupid shit oh my god and then have you going through loops and hoops and i'm like how much how much was it paid why did i say yes to

this like i'm screaming and pissing and i will talk to sydney at the end of the day and be like what'd you do today and she'd be like oh i had to go to the bronx she'd be like for this thing that i agreed to do in november yeah they're only paying me four hundred dollars to risk my life in the pandemic oh yeah i gotta pay for my own taxi to the bronx listen anytime i book a job i ask for a car yeah um hey can you will you guys be sending providing cars and they're and they're like oh yeah of course i'm like yeah i would rather i feel safer safer not on the train and they're like yes yeah naturally naturally i just feel like yo i just need any gig to support this terrible shopping habit that i have and um and pay off all the fucking debt i keep missing

every fucking stimulus check because yeah my taxes is not it's still not done that we're working we're like getting things paid i'm i'm hitting the marks and da da da da but i'm missing every stimmy there is no stimmy for me you've missed all every single stimmy gone and i said well i've missed so many stimmy stimmy's how much more money do i have to pay off my taxes y'all taking the money and putting it towards the taxes that if anything they should be minusing the stimmy's from your thing sis there is no stimmy for me it's friend but there's no stimmy for rich people either right well i think the cutoff this this time around is like 75 000 whoa that's not even that's not even a lot of money right i think it before it was a hundred thousand dollars but now

if you make if you make less than 75 000 you get a stimulus that's trash but i think it's based on your taxes so stupid you just gotta follow your most current taxes and then you you can get your money friend stop trying to pay the old ones and just do the new ones no and then that's it so what's the what are what are three most useless things well what's the most useless thing that you've paid for on with this uh shopping habit fucking lava labs they're dumb the lava don't be lavaing um how many lava labs did you get i have two it looks it's just working through it it's getting it takes like i don't know like three hours for it to really heat up and get the wax going hours it's dumb it's it's stupid look like i need viagra where is the other

one the other one is in my room okay so i think that people want to know how much was your electricity bill the other day 182 dollars oh i don't know why i thought it was gonna be more no and everybody's um electricity is around the same they're like girl it's the winter time and we're all home what are you talking about everybody's thing is a lot right and i said well why are we boycotting con edison why are we putting up with this shit well you know one person was like 200 and something dollars i was like i would just none of the lights would be on but that person must live in a victorian house or something a loft it's stupid i'm like why are we paying i was like yo people are just cleaning up because we're in a bad place everything is

so expensive the things that the reason i get so mad that things are full price why talk about it is this full price speak on it what speak on it speak on it and i get back when i really wanna why is this shirt a hundred dollars nothing should be a hundred dollars right now right nothing where's this made bangladesh made in turkey made where in bali it don't matter where the shirt is made yeah it could be made in america even more it should be two dollars right I'm paying for the labor how much they get paid an hour and it cost them it took them how long to make the shirt great

that I just I just don't want to I don't want to buy anything anymore I want more things for free I mean you are getting stuff for free we saw you in um that Versace set that I didn't get when the I didn't get I didn't get that for free I had

to return it and they it had cat hair yo I know that that jam was probably just laying up on that thing that right you know when you get like when you open your suitcase and the cat goes right into the suitcase yeah he definitely did that um hangers were all over the place I was like when they finally came to get the stuff I was so unprepared I was like this is why I can't have nice things you just threw the garment bag at them um I mean pretty much but like I accidentally I forgot to give them a hanger that has like you know Miu Miu on it so now I got a Miu Miu hanger and I'm gonna

sell it on etsy for 14 dollars no for 50 with 200 i'm like this is the muumuu hanger that rihanna used in the w magazine just lies what look at jam oh i don't know you had a climbing ass cat friend he this is it's it's almost three he's he's got the zoomies this is what he does at night well where's what's her face jelly she she got the zoomies no she doesn't really get the cat arthur right is she don't work out them zoomies no she doesn't really get zoomies it's all jam i think he's like he sleeps all day and then he's like oh my god and then you're here so he's like oh my god let's play but she sleeps all day too yeah but she's at nighttime is when the cat is supposed to start running around i think i am essentially a cat um yeah maybe i'm a cat that's not neutered

oh talk about it sis she's still got all her parts Sid's in heat yo the cats in the in the alleyway when they be like going off like one moment I'm like oh okay cool for them but the next time I'm like going to scream out the window I'm like that's rape that's rape Sidney he looks like he's about to jump up on that shelf jam stop it looking at it stop it no we are at sydney's house i don't know how many i don't know how many minutes we're in it but if you can't tell that we're together you're crazy we are in siemi um and we're recording this thing here um so sydney shirts the most useless thing that you've ordered no the lava lamps um i've i've

bought several ring lights um but every time i get a ring light a i break it what how i don't know like the leg will be broken jam what are you doing this is not jurassic park dude he said this is six flags he's jumping up on things he's rollercoaster rider of a cat it's fine anywho um yeah i keep buying ring lights because they keep breaking because i get like some of them are cheap so that's what it is but um so how many lights do you have in this apartment how many

sexy sex mood lights live here in this apartment I'm gonna say at least 15 and how many plants um 18 18 20

20 1 2 3 4 5 9 10 11 12 there's at least 15 in this room i know that you guys have bought some dumb shit i'm not the only one um i need everyone to tell me the stupid thing the dumbest stuff that they bought in a whole year i need a list of dumb shit i don't want to just one thing i need a list a list put it in the comments tell us everything that you bought that's so dumb during this pandemic you know we need to know during the panchetta like it's closed mainly but

now that we are opening back up in my brain uh you know i need these new outfits everything that i have in my house is old and gen z told me i can't wear it no more and i don't want to see what's going on with gen z and the millennial all this shit is dumb i was like haven't you realize that nothing matters everything matters and nothing matters well nothing matters but also everything small is a big deal because we have nothing yes yes yes yes right people are just like the panchetta be panchettaing panchetta's gonna panchetta yeah we panchettaing sis like what do you want exactly but it's just like they're going on tiktok well the millennials are going on tiktok and just trying to tell

uh gen z like don't tell me about my about stuff about my my uh my skinny jeans i was like you look so corny and just please stop you're making us look bad also i'm not about to argue with uh a 16 year old about some skinny jeans no not at all or a middle part or a side part no what most of y'all can't sing or well not most of y'all i'm like they can sing brie and they can dance but i'm i'm talking about like the the top tier top shelf tiktokers they're not it's not like they're doing like you know boom cack they're doing very basic shimmy shimmy all the moves look the same all the dances look the same but like that's who that's what these kids have that's who they are that's what's cool now good for fucking them good for you okay i'm not arguing

nobody about what they like i don't care i'm too tired to argue i'm exhausted i don't even know what i'd be arguing about you can have it they're like the we wear 90s jeans and it's like yeah but you know who wore those before you us yeah it's true but when i was wearing now i don't even want to wear jeans i don't want to put on a fucking pair of jeans i don't want to i don't want to have to get up and do anything so did you just yawn i did yawn it's very late so if you are why you say it like that sorry sorry did you just yawn well friend we were here waiting for you me and jam oh well i was waiting for myself as well sis i too was waiting um damn i had a question and i forgot what it was sorry yon took it

the yon it's the it's the yon's um question now it's the yon for me actually i don't need to say yon i say yon um what were we just talking about oh you're leaving my house in like two hours this i know that's why i yawned what were we just talking about i don't know i'm old i don't remember anything i don't know shit and that's why i'm not arguing with no fucking kid about anything they'd be like we're cool i'm like you got it you're cool you your pants they look amazing i'm just gonna i'm not fighting with people no more i was talking about i was thinking about pants when i started wearing flares again my mom was like ew those the pants that we wore when in the 70s or whatever 80s and i was like i was like so and she's like that's what fashion is

it just keeps recycling itself and i was like yeah that's i was like okay i'm not gonna wear the pants that you bought for me i'm wearing these flares nothing nothing matters it's i'm not fighting with anybody i'm just gonna lay here and let it happen okay so sis we get back outside everyone's vaccinated what's your first going out onto the street outfit it's not gonna be jeans because it's gonna be summertime you think it's gonna be the summertime i think we are gonna get our summer back you think that you're you're gonna get vaccinated before the summer i don't know but i am gonna have a party for my birthday okay we're doing a party she's throwing a party we got a party happening for marie for her birthday she's yawning again people i'm so tired i wanted to

take a nap today and i took a nap this is marie this is all on you because you know what me and jam have been here okay well what did you do today sydney walk us through your day um i went to go figure out my wigs for um you know things coming up and uh then came back here was supposed to do a podcast but my guests had to cancel had a family emergency um then i had a call and then Jojo called me I had some work to do oh I had to take pictures for Juicy Couture that's what I did

I took pictures for Juicy Couture they're doing women's history month and we're doing things about like embracing our flaws and it's gonna be on my Instagram I don't know when but it's coming

and it's gonna be it's gonna be a swipe up and you swipe up oh it's gonna be in the stories yeah it's gonna be in the stories oh okay cool yeah yeah yeah yeah i'll swipe up right and then i fell asleep i took a nap okay so you judging me for yawning but you took a nap i did i did i took a nap wow aggressive and i really wish you would have done um a fashion show for us that would have been really nice what do you mean if you would have done a fashion show like sometimes you you try on your clothes and you like send pictures you didn't do that this time oh for what for where you're about to go oh you usually send

us photos i know but it was like it felt like that was like an extra step and then like for me it was like i had to try the clothes on then i was like well what wig am i gonna wear with this outfit and then i had to go find the wig it was extra steps this this packing trip um let me see if i have any pictures on here oh you took pictures you just didn't send it to us no but also the stuff i took pictures of i didn't pack i love when people have outfits together planned and then they put that on and then they take pictures and put it in the group chat it's important but also don't let your friends cloud your head of like what your style should be they're like oh we don't like that i'm not wearing my clothes for you i'm wearing it for me

i think women typically dress for other women though well i'm not dressing for y'all i'll tell you that much well now i'm not dressing for myself even yeah i am walking around with a shirt with no pants or a pants with no shirt which is fine i'm giving you know toddler rugrats fashion another reason why nothing should be full priced come on sis it's the platform you running on in 2020 give us everything give give black women everything and by black women i mean me and marie give it to us for free give us us free give us us free that's what we want yeah that's it i don't need any more things in this fucking apartment i really don't get more stuff no girl i'm a hoarder you're here it's bad i don't know what

to do well i don't know but you did just say you was gonna get some more plants there's a corner in sydney's apartment that i was like oh that that looks nice over there and she's like oh it feels real bare it feels like it's missing things and i was like i see two two framed pieces of art i see two sculptures and three plants and a light and a table feels bare i should probably get a chair put a chair on that corner so then where's that table gonna go i don't know friend we'll have to figure out when the when the chair gets sydney you can't say that you're a hoarder you can't buy no more stuff and then say but i'm gonna get a chair because then if you put the chair right there then the plant is gonna go

on the floor and then the lamp is gonna go where let me tell y'all they had a i had a when i had people come here i was like my apartment is gonna look so ghetto because my apartment is for the nighttime it's not supposed to be photographed in the day and yet we saw it in the daytime and it looked fine okay i see you have a candle lit is that a uh boy smells no where'd you get boy smells from it was a gift oh is that the one that um that blew up yeah yep fuck they sent you more no not yet they said they were gonna send me some for my troubles so i literally can't did i talk about this already one year i think so anyway i lit a candle in my house that's from boy smells and it freaking cracked and all the glass shattered and there's a burnt spot on my rug

they should send you a new motherfucking rug instead they're sending me more of their problematic ass candles oh so they really want a how to start a fire in uh Marie Faustin's apartment they don't want to see you they don't want to see you live sis they say well you look like you got renter's insurance do you great all right we

gonna send you four flammable candles and a bottle of well do you hmm well do you have renter's insurance yeah I moved when I moved into that apartment I got renter's insurance because I was like yo what if I go into the city and come home one day and this building is on fire then legit all of my

belongings are in that apartment i mean i have stuff at my mom's house but it's not my mom's house because i don't like it or i don't need it so legit if everything if you're 15 lights you're 19 plants you're two cats if everything went away how would you get all that stuff back I don't know, Maureen. What you just said gave me so much anxiety but at the same time

I'm like, relief. I won't have to worry about it. Relief. I just start over. Nah, but you need money. That's what the renter's insurance

is for. So how do I get renter's insurance? You gotta go to State Farm or Geico or Progressive. Like a good neighbor,

State Farm is there. State Farm is there. State Farm is there. There. Let's do it like Chloe and Hallie. Okay. State Farm

Chloe and Allie State Farm hello State Farm hello State Farm thank you girl are you on the timer on this yeah I am we have more time left what time are we in you gotta stop scrolling on Instagram

I'm not you have to stop buying things on Shein oh my god Shein you think they would do a partnership with us do you think she had to do a partnership with us or not i don't want it look at this do you see this wow we're only 25 minutes in and i'm like what time is it you gotta stop scrolling and you gotta be present so we could be professional i'm i'm present well don't shut the laptop i don't want to lose oh that's right oh bitch what imagine i'm like well this is not getting it's not getting done i was so good last week i was so very professional and now i'm back on my bullshit

that's because i'm sitting right here do you see how sydney be uh she just be disrespecting okay this is the title of my of the um of the podcast back on my bullshit yep bullshit like as marie would say that's how my dad says it bullshit everything is shit he curses well when i mean not really bullshit what's that shit shit exactly it's a curse word shit um yeah so i'm it's fine nothing was ordered we're good we're doing fine no we were talking about renter's insurance yes you should get it babe yeah okay i'm gonna go on step farm it covers everything in here and if you get robbed in africa one day everything that gets stolen is also covered so amina is actually the reason why is why i even thought about renter's insurance but how much

how much do they cover what are you talking about everything everything even if you don't have receipts you have to tell them what the stuff in your apartment is worth i can't fucking remember how much anything costs guess i was like 35 000 what the stuff is in here 35 that's your couch your laptop the art your plants your all that your cutlery your table everything if you might be right if you had to buy everything back your bed the candles the bed was free huh the bed was free the mattress was free shout out to uh helix i forgot who it was shout out to helix my bed was also free shout out to bezos bezos you're like y'all might got problems with that nigga but i'm good i am good on that so his wife his ex-wife just married a school teacher excuse me a teacher

who allegedly teaches his kids no the gag the gag is she got half of his billions of dollars she's like oh and you still gonna see me at the parent teacher conference bitch you're gonna see me at the holiday party you're gonna see me at the holiday boutique yeah and you'll see me at the book fair mm-hmm i'm gonna be right there looking at you like idiot and she's been giving his money away or i guess it's her money now because she wanted in the divorce the divorce well what is she gonna do with it anyway it's like might as well give it away i don't know 40 what is what she get like 40 billion dollars or 400 billion dollars she's still like yeah what do you what else are you gonna do we don't need all that money and yet people get it and hoard it and don't give

it to nobody listen if you're listening to this right now and you have millions or billions go ahead and slide in my my hey slide in the patreon right but that's not for the group yeah but you could also Venmo me as well no no no no no because what you're gonna you're gonna join the patreon and donate ten dollars Venmo Venmo if you Venmo is begging Venmo is begging patreon it's a service no no no no no no ain't too proud to beg yeah ain't too proud to beg so go ahead and uh Marie Faustin I don't know what my picture is on to venmo but it's a black girl with hair probably you know i was talking to somebody about um go fund me um actually i know exactly who i was talking about but um um i think that if anything happened

to me i just want my friends to get the money together why do you have to do a go fund me don't embarrass me what would you mean if anything happened to you what would have happened to you i don't anything could happen but then we gotta pull a funeral together y'all all are doing well get that stimmy and unemployment money together and just pay for my funeral and just be quiet about it okay okay okay so cremation or

you want like a plot because we're trying to let me you know I don't want my ashes all over the place I don't want my ashes all over the place if I still look good do a casket open open I'm black the black people are not showing up

for no cremation they're like we gotta see the body that's not necessarily true i know i know black people who have ashes in their house no i don't i don't know anybody like that they had to been at the not growing up it also with being with my aunt uncles everybody they knew were senior citizens it didn't care it didn't matter if they looked like a raisin in the sun open casket and then they always put a bad synthetic wig on them oh all the time is always like a swirl not a line my grandmother looked insane and when i went up there i was like that is not grammy and i couldn't even cry i literally couldn't cry because the person in the casket did

not look like my grandmother but now why is that seven shades darker they always put maybe it's morgues don't be having black people makeup fenty if you listening go ahead and send some mocha shades some alameda shades oh my god go ahead and send some like a solar sense shades because yeah every funeral i've ever been to they've been 50 shades of black yeah and they don't look like they don't look like themselves no well my auntie did look like herself i cried on that one my uncle my uncle was he died of pancreatic cancer so he was really skinny so he didn't look like himself because he was really thin but for the most part i was just like these people did not need an open gasket you could close the top half you can go on off and close it actually you could have you

you could have got the ashes you clock out for me sweetie go ahead and shut the door yeah shut the door behind you um i think a cremation is easier to let go of someone because then you don't see them like you don't see the last there's a big ass photo on an easel at the door yeah i'm assuming you walk up and there's like and the picture is on the i want to say the flyer but that's not what it's called right the program the what is it the program the program right i think whatever you called it yes whatever it is the brochure the brochure of the life yes yes yes yes yes um i don't know if i want to be uh i don't know maybe i want to be cremated friend i wouldn't allow it you wouldn't allow it if i can't throw myself in the casket with you and

be like take me with me take me with her lord like i i'm not showing up yeah and i do feel like i deserve like a velvet interior casket as well also i know your abs are going to be popping so like i want to get ab etching i'm putting ab etching in my room make him more make him like psycho shillian michaels this episode is has gone the range ab etching in the casket this the range in unofficial expert you won't see it anywhere else we giving y'all bezo snooze we're giving you plant uh interior design right we're giving you bullshit we're bullshit and we're giving you renters insurance oh information for the people oh yeah sydney you asked me how much it was it came to like 144 for the year or something that's

it it's like it's like 12 a month i think it's actually less than that you it's like five or ten dollars a month okay let me get my life together because and you just pay it one time yeah and you know that if anything was to happen your stuff is covered yeah because you talking about anxiety i would be laying in bed like yo if there's a fire what am i gonna grab where am i gonna go yeah and like when am i gonna get my stuff back what would you do would you come stay with us uh carolina i don't know it seems like there's a lot of stuff happening here i mean i guess i'll come here for like a day sobbing just i don't know really just today i don't know girl i actually don't know i don't i wouldn't want to be in encroaching on your space no girl come on

plus it's these cats that i really like here so why yeah i don't like i don't like how y'all do my i don't like y'all everybody nobody cares for my cats and it's upsetting me and my home girl every cat friend that you have cares about your cat no no no no the disrespect people care about your cat so much that they drew you a picture painted you a picture for your birthday and they threw the cat in the picture i know that was really sweet i know it was really i was like if you could just take jam out of it he sent it to me before he sent it to you and he's like do you think sydney will like this picture and i was like she's gonna love it because jam is in it oh so jam is the photo okay i want you to know that i don't give a fuck about this nigga he

could that's a lot every time jim like meows she's like oh he likes you oh he missed you i just want you to know if anything happened to my cats you have to be by my side what you have to be by my side i need you to drop everything and come drop everything drop everything and come to me oh beach you think marie sydney yes you think i am dropping everything everything jumping in an uber yes to come to East Bumble Shed in Brooklyn. Yes, Marie. Yes. To be with you and your cat. Carolina is here. No. I need you.

Why you need me? Because you are my emergency contact. Oh, girl. I'm not the emergency contact for these cats. For me, though. Girl, you gotta get the renter's insurance so they can pay for the cat fuel. I'm gonna be on Suicide Watch if anything happens to Jam. What?

Suicide what? Okay, Meghan Markle. okay i'm not doing this with you friend for my cat yeah they're everything they're my life they're your life they're my life so what happens when you have a baby i don't know but i heard that cats don't really fuck with babies like that yeah because they're like what's this small thing that's loud and taking up space in this house that i own that you know there's um there's this theory that cats like when babies are sleeping they get in the crib and suck their souls out what what is that an old egyptian proverb what aesop's fable is that

my mom used to tell me that she's like don't don't ever have a baby and get have a cat too you have to get the baby and then have the cat after yo the way our parents used to just say this stuff to us my mom said you shouldn't have too many plants in your apartment because when you're sleeping the plants breathe poison i said what i said what what did she say she said plants are bad for the air in your apartment i said that's literally the plants are there to clean cleanse the snake plants those are really good for purifying the air yeah i said girl what words are you saying that doesn't make sense but i will say the the biggest lie the biggest fallacy and falsehood that my mom said to me that i

believed because my sister has really deep dimples and my mom said because i was like i want dimples how come i don't have dimples and i do it that was that's the one thing that i would change about my face that and sometimes not having a mustache excuse me dimples if i had dimples beach i have dimples it does nothing for me let me see no but you don't have them here i do i don't see it sis I see cheek bone well you know I'm a little swollen right now bitch swollen bitch you know I'm swollen bitch you know I'm fucking swollen don't have no dumb ass question here uh you're retaining a lot of salt yes yes yes yes I think after this I'm about to have some top ramen no pork flavor I'm gonna bust it open with some some top ramen no you're not yes are you serious yes

there's pork flavored top ramen yes girl i went in that store and i said i just my direct deposit just hit give it give me all okay let me see if i remember all the top ramen flavors ready orange is chicken red is beef pink is shrimp yep green is oriental no that's blue call it that it's blue that's the picante the picante is green is green yes the blue one is the oriental offensive there's like a like a pale brown one that's the pork there's like a there's like a mustard colored yellow one and that's um um roasted chicken oh no they have one that's like grayish that's mushroom yes yes no yes i don't want gray ramen noodles what's the other one no no no the bag is great all these colors i knew you know the the starting three yo they be putting picante on

everything they're like there's a shrimp picante there's chicken picante yo what do you think we're really eating when we're eating the little shrimp cup and the little oh it's like seahorse it's not real it's like cardboard seahorse it's like um artificial intelligence uh shrimp it can't be good speaking of that when are we gonna do some more taste tests for things that Infatuation Infatuation Winterize Is this a remix?

But you gotta be smart about it Celebration I don't know, Infatuation, are you listening? When are y'all hiring us again? Right, cause we did 24 karat gold, gold plated wings Yeah, I haven't seen that yet We did Cloud Bread

yeah and what was the other oh we did that sexy ass charcuterie charcuterie that was my favorite one i know me too that was so nice the chicken wings were good too though they were they're always delish i mean sydney sydney be using reggie's wing recipe and saying it's my own marie is going to be on the last sid can cook she's going to be my sous chef and it's going to be fantastic okay so we're doing on zoom we're really calling this the last it's the last one girl it's the it's the anniversary show and it's the last one oh what's the anniversary of the first one yes oh yes girl girl all right well let's talk about what we've learned since sick and cooks i'm still trash i don't know how to cook i'm bad but you learned how to make wings

i did that's the one thing that i learned out of everything i learned how to make fried rice from Sid Cancun. That's right. Did you do the egg thing? Yes. With a little hole in the middle? Yes. Yes. You gotta have Marie Benihana. You gotta be cool. You gotta be strong. You gotta be awesome.

I'm so tired. I know. We're losing it right now. Loopy. Loopy. I bought an edible to take for my flight. Oh, did we already say that you're gonna go away? Well, I said it on the Patreon, but by the time this episode comes out, I'm already going to be back.

I'm in the house. Bored. In the house. Yeah. Maybe I should have a slumber party at your house when you get back. Yeah. That'd be nice. Yeah.

I would like that. Honestly, this week was really good for me in terms of like seeing people that I like and that I want to see, you know, just to see around on a regular basis. Good. Every week. I want to see these people. i saw you amina carolina i think i saw andre over the weekend um i saw my cousin andrew today oh wow we doing um contact tracing right now for the covid yes yes yes yes but most of the

people that i'm naming are vaccinated oh work you saw larry you saw larry uh you saw hamaday no i didn't go upstairs oh you haven't i just came straight here no way because i was like we got work to do we got things to record oh that's true it's five o'clock in the morning it's five o'clock in the morning where you're gonna be outside on the corner you better get yourself together and get yourself together that's not the song i was singing who is that what song is that it's five o'clock in the morning where you're gonna be outside in the corner what song is that i don't know some old ass fucking song oh i was singing the lily lily allen what's her name lily allen it's five o'clock in the morning conversation got boring

i said you're going to bed soon so i snuck off to your bedroom and t-pain is in it and he's like yeah what the fuck the name of the song is five o'clock and it's lily allen and t-pain that's a weird pairing it's five o'clock you know she's English yeah five o'clock in the morning I wish I had an English accent me too we should we get

dialect coaches and just fake it if we get any kind of any kind of coach you'll be an acting one bitch okay that's what we need to focus on huh nothing else no audition coach yeah her name is nonchalant nonchalant

Whose name is that? This is the girl who I was singing We'll play the song so we can hear it We gonna let the whole song play Because we don't want to talk Oh my god Marie is A menace

How do you get to the chorus? Oh Sydney who is this? Oh this is like the beginning of hip hop Girl what song is this I don't know Let me see when this came out It says 2009 But the song was made in 1996

That's not 2009 Yeah Wow It sounds like Queen Latifah Outside on the corner Better get yourself together No that's the song you thought i was singing yeah

no let me play the one that i was actually singing marie marie you're so you know i can't stand you marie it's still to this day it's like i'm 25 i'm 25 it's not even first of all me my real age is actually 27 and i still don't know that song yo my leg is shaking right now my leg is shaking yo my leg be shaking when i'm in the shook shook shook ones shook oh my god you said that was at the beginning of rap i will slap the fucking cornrows from the front to the back it's giving very beginning of rap flavor in your ear it's giving that bye boy whatever who cares i told you i'm 36 i don't give a fuck i know you don't care girl and i honestly commend you on that that's a beautiful thing to say i was there

when chris brown was born when he was born i was like yo excuse me miss murray this is the most random song out of the catalog of music that you listen to you gotta wait for the the beat to drop okay because i don't get it yeah I guess they both needed to check bad I like that song and Wiz Khalifa is on it what oh they were all on Molly when they were like yes 5 o'clock in the morning

you know they spelled morning with a u they say favorite and couloirs I'm so upset that I'm such a basic person I want an accent I want a mole i want some freckles i've been drawing moles on my face oh so you're a mole appropriator is that what you're doing over there marie yes yes yes it's uh smooth skin erasure yeah um i think

moles are things that people pretend that they have all the time people get um mole studs what is that piercing called monroe no i haven't seen anything like that since like um what's that store that was closed down trashville transville trashville vondeville or something like that in the west village east village what was that place was that like near the betsy johnson yes you know what i'm talking about yeah remember betsy johnson they shut that one down too right well no one is no one is in those neighborhoods visiting and acting like a tourist i don't know what new york city is going to look like when we open back up because a lot of the small businesses

and like the thrift shops and the places that we liked going to they're not going to be there everyone's going to be at Urban Outfitters let me tell you one motherfucking thing my rent should be 600 fucking dollars y'all lucky that I'm still in this bitch you want me to text Carolina? I'm going to say she got

$600 for you. No I haven't even given them the rent yet. Oh this many days into the month you haven't paid? I told them when I get that mailbox I'll get y'all rent okay they kicking me out on friday they're gonna have all my shit out no new york new york city has uh it's like a renter's city the law is on the renter's side you could stay here for mad months and not pay rent carolina would not speak to me well i mean you gotta start locking your door

there would be so much drama carolina would be like she would not speak to me she'd be furious yeah but she'll be fine she's fine you know she got a husband and a cat and she has a life upstairs yeah damn Sydney I'm hungry damn am I gonna eat sodium filled

top ramen with you well I have some udon udon noodles so you was gonna skip the udon and do a gray bag of ramen noodles you want some of that I'll eat it up wow that's wild You want some salad? I got a salad there too

Actually Sydney if anybody should be eating a salad It should be You know what bitch You figure out your own food You want some cereal? What kind of milk you got? You know what kind of milk I got You got whole milk?

You a whole ass hoe Who's a whole ass hoe? Who said that? Who's a whole ass hoe? You a whole ass hoe You want some whole milk? Sydney I wish that Whole milk for your whole ass

for my asshole and yet it's in your whole ass whole milk for your whole ass i want you guys to know exactly what time it is right now while we're recording this it's four o'clock in the it's four o'clock in the morning four o'clock in the morning and then it's five o'clock in the morning no no we're gonna be outside of the corner her name is nonchalant nonchalantly made this song we're nonchalantly skipping it

when we get it on Spotify is it has it been an hour yet no we're at 45 minutes or something like that well uh this in guinness world record of shortest episodes on the unofficial

we've been giving y'all niggas hours okay so just add up add up the extra minutes we've done on these other we've been giving y'all hour and a half meanwhile then I go on these fucking the iTunes thing and you guys these reviews I'm like you know what wait till I see y'all on site when I figure out who these people who are leaving these reviews on site wait what was the thing that I sent you from I sent you like a picture of something a conversation I said I wanted to read it on the pod remember oh somebody sent we i was um alex english had a uh a live he just went

live randomly and i love a random ass live yeah and he shouted the unofficial expert out and you know you guys go on show alex some love follow him alex english um i can't i don't know his handle whatever but y'all find him it's alex english but the e is a three foolish i was like what is MySpace? Why are we doing that? Why are we doing a three as an E? Anywho, he talked about the unofficial expert and then someone said, I lost my virginity listening to the unofficial expert podcast.

What? And I screenshot it. I have it here. I forgot to send it to you, but I screenshot it. That's something that I feel like you should have sent to me immediately. Immediately. I'm so foolish. But yeah, I got it. I got it and I'll send it to you. If I was a cat, you would have sent it to me immediately. This is

true. Listen, I'm not here to be perfect. I wonder what episode they lost their virginity to. I have the person's name and everything. And you know we were laughing while they were putting it in. Because all we do is laugh on this podcast. Somebody was saying they got into a car accident and they were listening to this podcast. And they survived the wreckage and everything.

But while they were looking at this crumpled up, crushed car, all you could hear is us laughing on the radio. i'm glad you're okay beach but uh wow sex sex with me so amazing i will say this sex with me is amazing so i believe it and that's why the next guy that you date literally is going to be a prince oh yeah okay girl okay okay there it is i put it out there in the universe you're gonna have a prince prince like the singer prince prince like prince harry prince like prince charles i don't know he i just said prince i don't know the like you know prince ali prince abubu um it's a prince okay friend i like that i like that too but like do you think that somebody that i dated before can turn into a prince i don't think so oh no

okay wait hold on let me read this thing i just wanted to read you real quick oh wait no i just not the one that i wanted to read about the bbo i feel like it's been an hour okay it doesn't matter sydney's ready to go no no no okay wait i found it it's on um the p okay wait no here's one this is the one hi this is from bria hey bria hey girl just real cute too the hair look moisturized beach hi sydney this is from instagram this is from patreon okay work hi sydney and marie just wanted to tell y'all that this podcast gets me through my overtime shifts at work okay essential worker luckily i work from home oh so i can cackle like an idiot without people staring at me i'm battling many mental

health issues and i really feel so much better after listening to you two laugh at each other you're the first patreon live i've ever joined and i definitely don't regret my decision love y'all to pieces do you see this do you see what we're doing for the community yeah mental health anyway this is the end of the episode i uh at the end of the road and i can't let go it's unnatural You belong to me I belong to you And girl all those times you ran out with that other fella

Baby I knew about it But I'm here cause I care about you You out here running these streets Talking about hot girl summer You slut bag I bought you that bag From Target I deserve more than this

you said you wanted shrimp and lobsters oh my god marie shut up i can't with you hey guys um obviously you know we're doing good work but it can always be better so leave your comments and um reviews be nice um go to the patreon support us and yeah follow us are you because there's people who you know what these shady motherfuckers they'll follow the unofficial expert page but won't follow us and I see some of you I see some of you or you know what

you'll follow Marie but you won't follow me and I see you you have more followers than me that's a lie Sydney said her followers is bots when is Instagram going to do another one of those purges because people lost

millions of followers yeah we love to see it I do love to see it anyway it brings me joy hopefully you do the thing that brings you joy this week and if something doesn't bring you joy this week I hope you stop doing it because that's something that you're allowed to do beach just stop going you don't like that job don't go you don't like that man don't date him somebody not gonna make you come leave you know and and I need you to say

one nice thing about us in the comments of the post of the post yep one nice thing link in bio remember when I finally did the link in bio no you didn't I did what are you fucking talking about

Marie I did oh my god I totally accidentally hit jam in the face I'm sorry baby anyway we made it to a full hour yay we did it We did it.

We did it. We did it, Joe. We did it, Joe. So bad. I can't believe she did that meme everywhere for anything. We did it, Joe. Yeah. Yeah.

Whenever I wash my dishes. We did it, Joe. We did it. I haven't seen Kamala since the inauguration. She laying low. She handling her business. She ain't trying to be out here and about. Hopping and bopping and dropping it.

Dipping it low in it. the next time i see a picture of kamala harris i want to see like a doobie rap no yes don't you do that i mean rihanna did it on the record she no we will not make her like everyone else she is the vice president madam vice president i don't need to see her in durag respect not a durag sis a doobie like no i want the hair with the pins in it and i want you to wear that no no no kamala if you're listening no kamala is listening no and yes no if kamala not listening her stepdaughter listening no hey beach i feel like her name is abby hey abby hey abby or maybe her name is like madison no you might start with an m no

okay no uh i am leaving here goodbye an hour you are wow you stayed here you stayed up we broke day together bitch we break bad we break bread we broke day we break bad we break it bad for us Anyway Sidney please get renter's insurance Bad boys for life We ride together We die together We do this Come here girl Sidney please

What your name is is that your ass or your mama half reindeer bye guys forever dog this has been

a forever dog production the unofficial expert is executive produced by Brett Boehm Joe Cilio and Alex Ramsey

senior producer Tracy Soren produced by Andrew McGuire cover art by sandy honig to listen to this podcast ad free sign up for forever dog plus at forever dog podcasts.com slash plus check out video clips of our podcasts on youtube at youtube.com slash forever dog team and make sure to follow us on twitter instagram and facebook

at forever dog team to keep up with all the latest forever dog news Thanks for watching!