MESS with Sydnee Washington & Marie Faustin - WiFi Makes You Wet

Episode Date: October 2, 2020

Sydnee and Marie are back from Marie's birthday trip to Mexico and they're giving all the dirty details! From Marie hearing Sydnee having sex, to Sydnee getting food poisoning while on the beach. This ep has it all! Don't forget to rate and subscribe!----Listen to The Unofficial Expert Ad-Free on Forever Dog Plus:https://foreverdogpodcasts.com/plus----BUY UNOFFICIAL EXPERT MERCH:https://www.teepublic.com/stores/the-unofficial-expert-podcastFOLLOW THE UNOFFICIAL EXPERT:https://www.instagram.com/UnofficialExpertFOLLOW SYDNEE:https://www.instagram.com/JustSYDbwhttps://twitter.com/justsydnycFOLLOW MARIE:https://www.instagram.com/Reeezyhttps://twitter.com/MsReeezyFOLLOW ANDREW:https://www.instagram.com/mcgui_guyTHE UNOFFICIAL EXPERT IS A FOREVER DOG PODCASThttps://foreverdogpodcasts.com/podcasts/the-unofficial-expert/See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Forever. Dog. Hello. Hi. Oh my God, we're back, back, backity, back, back, back. From our trip. I feel like we were gone for like mad long. Yo, we went around the world, friend.

Low key, high key. We did a little where in the world is Carmen Sandiego. But I'm saying also, doesn't it feel like we were, we didn't do an episode in mad long? It did. It did feel like that. and you know just got to get back in the groove of doing it because there was a moment where i was like are we still doing the podcast i was like do we have a podcast no the answer is yeah and i just got a notification on facebook that we've done this podcast for four years now what four years

ago ew i know wait when did the first episode air no today four years ago today today four years ago pd diablo today makes it four american years yes four american african-american years african-american years yes okay so this was like pre-trump oh it was a better time i'll tell you that much it was a better time it was like right before right before everything was over yeah it was right before the end of the world isn't that crazy wow yeah but we've been doing the patreon for a year yeah we haven't been doing it that long and it's already just made our lives better financially wise uh so we love to see it um we love money yes keep giving us that yeah actually we have to we

have to meet up marie so we can you know do what we normally do for the patreon yeah all right well i mean i was gonna come over today but you are booked booked up i truly think you still don't have enough time to come over so just saying yeah but you know what i decided that i'm not gonna smoke weed for the month of october oh my god there's more avocado on this white sweater i got i'm just gonna take it off um so i decided i'm not gonna smoke weed for the month of october for 30 days um and then found out later that there are 31 days in october which is like okay we're gonna turn up we're gonna turn up on the 31st um so 30 days no smoking and today is the last day that i can smoke so uh me and my friend are gonna hang out today and and get high

um so i don't know if i'm available for the patreon oh is it is a friend that like you know who i'm talking about i'm not gonna say his name on here you know exactly who it is you've met him you've been in his car you've met his dog you know him hey baby miss you sweetie all right well you know make sure you do what you need to do so that we can have something to talk about when we finally do do the patreon okay we can do it tomorrow good great do you have time to are you available tomorrow yeah i'm sure i'm available tomorrow or something yeah all right worse comes to worse we will figure it out we'll we'll post it at midnight and you guys can enjoy it for the rest of your worst things worse i pop up freaks saw the honeys bunnies playboys

first things first i'll eat your brain no first things first that's all right you're right uh okay so let's just get right into it bitches went away and the cats were playing the cats like your cats no my pussy yo pussy was popping togethers this is how rumors i know someone's gonna listen to this they pause the episode to be like yo sydney and marie's pussies was playing together we need rumors we need rumors we need something to go viral on this fucking amazing podcast that's the rumor that you want to start well four years yes let's let's go let's start from the top so i went to la to visit um you know my love and uh we we turned it into a a gal's trip you know it's like if you love me you gotta

love my gals so you me um i don't know if we're mentioning this this friend of ours anymore you me and our third our third yeah it's tres we're a trice we're a trice tres amigas uh was in la and i mean that's how i know like this person is amazing because they were able to house not just one but dos friends dos friends i mean that's just the perk of having a nice ass big ass house you know um i think that i don't know if i would let my friend bring her two friends to my house i mean not this house that i live in right now but um she was very generous because i was in the house like i was like you letting this drink the waters you letting this eat the fools in here wow and you providing transportation she's i think she's a keeper um i'm gonna go ahead and propose

to you for her yeah she's she's really you know top tier and i'm i'm glad that i've met somebody during this fucking awful year nightmare of a year so terrible but she definitely is the light at the end of the very dark tunnel and wow we come on poetry we had a good time you guys laughed a lot tunnel you guys laughed you guys smoked you guys laughed and smoked and you heard me had sex it was it was wonderful i did hear sydney have sex how does it sound marie i forgot about that yes yes yes um how does it sound so do you remember when you heard carolina have sex and you said that she sounds like a size two and you're like is that carolina and you were like mad close to the door and you opened it a little bit and you got in the bed with them yeah remember

when you told that story um yeah it was uh it was yeah it felt like marie use your words bitch talk about it i was like is there a cat in here because it's like it's like and then it was like yo i was like i'm gonna sit right here on his couch no and then the third of ours fucking knocks on the door and asks for the wi-fi and it's like that was hilarious do you know we're adults you can figure it out we're busy yo what time what time of day was the morning it was maybe like 9 a.m oh okay got it it might have been a little bit earlier than that even because you know our third likes to get up very early and loud just go on the internet yeah

just screaming not even necessarily for the internet she she was like on facetime with her family screaming balcony laughing loud and and you know sydney's trying to come hard sydney's trying to come hard hard can't come because i'm hearing my friend in the back background honestly you should really lean into your friend's voices when you're having no thank you i'm all set i'm i i love my friend dearly but that's not the voice that i want to squirt to sorry okay we're squirting regularly come through consistency yeah it was yes it was hard it was hard to like get my mind where it needed to be because i but you got there two days before we did what we gave you time ample time to destroy somebody's mattress and you saying you didn't get

it in them other day oh we did we did it was we had a little oh i'm not gonna say but we had a better kim k ray j moment and a night in paris a night in sydney that's the title remember you said that yeah it was good um and then uh you know my friend was very comfortable at this person's house and you know praise be praise be friendship well that's the thing there's two different type of people when they come to your house right there's a type of person who shows up and they're like oh

where's shoes off okay cool let me take them off oh may I may I have a glass of water and then there's the person that shows up

they don't take their shoes off they may be they throw their dirty coat on your bed maybe even though the bed is nowhere near the door she didn't have a coat though

so she wasn't throwing her coat on anything they open the fridge and they start touching things and tasting things they'll take a bite of your sandwich put it down they'll put their finger

in your fish tank and be like what kind of fish is this like there are two different types of house guests and um i want to say that i'm the first one and our third is the second one no and sydney you right there in the middle you're right in the middle of those two types of people that come to your house no i mean no i will i'm gonna put this one out here i don't care if the friend is listening uh so my friend was in a very small revealing like one leotard i mean the lips was waving to everyone the lips went out in the balcony to get some air listen i heard one friend have sex

and saw my other friend having sex with the close she had so that's that's the type of intimacy that experienced on his birthday trip and so she was like you know walking around and i was like girl you real comfortable in here like look what the fuck you wearing and i was like i need you to put some clothes on and she was like y'all lesbians i thought it was different it was like if anything she has she's yeah she's gay but she has eyes she can see so when you said that it was like funny to me but you were legit being serious like i was dead ass didn't want her cooch lips on the coffee table like i was like yeah put your robe on bitch put it on and then she went and put on the tiniest like the shortest sluttiest robe it was a very pretty silk

but it was whoo it was cropped it was like a you remember the half baby fat jackets from back in the day exactly what her robe was and my friend is hot my friend's hot so i was like yeah yeah cover up okay you're cute bitch like there it is but her mindset was i'm amongst women we we do less in in fitting rooms and dress i'm sorry this is not uh planet fitness we are not in the fitting room honey we are in someone's space and you know i don't want i don't want my i don't want to be thinking about you while we're trying to do stuff because yeah our uh our amiga was giving us uh ebony and players club at diamond's house andrew i don't know if you know that reference that might be too glick for you but not at all i mean i love the players club is a classic film from the

my friend has a very sexy body and i was like i'm gonna be thinking about this now cover up were you thinking about your friend the next time you were having sex while your other friend me was thinking about you i was thinking about the fucking wi-fi i was like does she have the wi-fi what do i what do i need to get for her for her to not knock on this door yo sydney was fully having sex and our friend was like what's the wi-fi is that i want to say i saw her hand on the door handle she was she was jiggling it a little is that the title is that the title what's the wi-fi what's the wi-fi yeah maybe well you said what did you say earlier it was um a night a night and a night in

sydney that's so funny a night in sydney is actually the wife that is so good that's my wi-fi password a night in sydney so uh we went to we went to la la land that was cute and then we went to what was the next spot um then we jumped on a plane and went to tulum we were in mexico we were uh dripped in pesos um and we stayed in this really really sexy house beautiful house um that had a pool gorgeous and um and a private chef was there when we got there and let's talk about the scandals let's talk about the scam the scandal yeah um so the mexican scandalous he um they were like oh the the chef is this much money per for this group of people plus the price of ingredients so we were like ah that's cute we splurged a little bit we'll be rich

we'll do some real housewives of we got it type things and um he was like the groceries was a hundred dollars a hundred and four dollars we were like mina mina mina looked at each other because Amina was in Tulum with us. Me and Amina looked at each other and we were like, I spend, if I'm spending $100 on groceries, I'm eating for like three years. Like, that's

enough food for me to eat for several weeks. Mind you, let me tell you the menu. It was like pasta with chicken in it, fajitas with the same chicken and then a salad. And there was guac and chips. Wait, where

did you find this chef? um he was through the airbnb that we were using yeah so the yeah so the the gag is the gag they own like 25 properties and they just have like chefs and transportation and masseuses and like this network of people that they use that they just refer you to when you ask for them and it was like whatever i've never done anything like that before i don't i don't come from private chef money like my mom my mom was my private chef and she wasn't taking requests not at all she was you know she was buying her groceries you know on sale with coupons so um yeah it was pasta with chicken chicken fajitas there was two bottles of wine that they were

like oh the wine is gonna be inexpensive in mexico comes back to the house he was like it was 104 and we were like okay we paid it obviously clearly but um every time we had them come cook for us the ingredients was a hundred dollars again and it was like well where are y'all shopping okay is there a walgreens here and being the um inspector gadgets uh black women and comedy we were like let's go to the store let's let's get some groceries well actually the reason we went to the store is because we didn't have any food in the house and we were hungry right don't mess up the story maureen you're saying oh you're saying that we was on the case you're saying we were harriet the spy so we went to the grocery store okay go ahead go ahead sis my bad so we went

there they want alcohol they want snacks they want food they we get salmon like we going on wait a minute hold on we get to the supermarket first of all we had the driver waiting for like half an hour yo that man was done with us true we're like oh my god he's gonna charge us 98 dollars um so he we get we get there he's like we're like it's gonna we need 30 minutes sydney starts full-on grocery shopping her own cart by herself in mexico and i was like well what's that over there she's she's collecting things for the group and then we're gonna consolidate no sydney's buying red bull she's buying yes cheesy cheetos she's buying no waters she's buying sydney i had what i expect yeah right she's buying mexican gushers she's buying dunkaroos for niggas she's

buying all this stuff and i'm looking at her cart like babe we're only gonna be here for three days um but you know i was like well maybe she's prepping for sid can cook i don't know what was happening dunkaroos yeah right we were at the supermarket for like an hour and we get all the stuff that we did not eat we got ice cream we got snacks we got cereal milk all this and it was like why did we get so much cheese so much anywho i do my little cart they do their cart right their cart what did your car come up to like 70 something dollars i don't know but yeah it was the total was like a little bit for four people five people he had been telling us that the groceries were a hundred dollars for us to cook the one meal that he was my car my car i had a

razor i had body wash i had like man i had stuff for marie's birthday party i had plates and forks and balloons and all this shit my thing came up to like 60 something dollars i was like there's no way sir there's no way you got one meal and it cost a hundred dollars you lying sack of shit right you gonna lie to us in this pandemic black women at that you're gonna try to hustle black women doing it on my birthday girl in this time zone you're gonna try to disrespect me in this time and when we say the the ingredients were a hundred dollars we still had to pay him for the cooking yeah yeah which was another i don't know hundred dollars or whatever but so so this dude came back and we were or the net when we got back from the supermarket we messaged the airbnb lady

our contact and we were like we need receipts moving forward give us our receipts we need receipts of everything that he's buying for us and I guess he was upset about that because he showed up the next day with an attitude with a capital no all caps attitude all caps

and so he lets Marie know like how much because we like it's Marie's birthday let's let's have a nice fucking dinner let's have a yeah because he was he was like oh we can do he said we can grill I could do steak i could do lobster i could do this and you know sydney heard lobster and my friend is very wealthy in her heart and she was like lobsters let's do it right

we get the wait i don't want to bury the lead but you got food poisoning yes did he give you oh my god ma'am well she said she said she got it from the lobster yeah but we all ate the lobster and sydney's the only one that got sick but my lobster i visibly could tell that the lobster was not cooked but i was like i've had ceviche before let's go okay so yes to to just to be clear this man made seven lobsters for five people so everybody got their own lobster and then it was like residual remainder lobster yeah and it was so the lobster it was 161 dollars for seven lobsters which honestly i feel like that sounds good i've never no can someone anybody's paid for one lobster before how much does it cost well what's 161 divided by seven

because that's how much each lobster was i got it 161 divided by seven 23 it's 23 each 23 for a lobster is actually quite yeah that is is cheap well we didn't need fucking seven but we definitely didn't eat seven lobsters because and he bought shrimp too he had shrimp he bought these giant they call them prawns what's there's between a prawn and a shrimp uh one went to private school another one didn't okay so we had prawns that know how to ski and speak multiple languages our prawns were tracy ellis ross and they still had the heads attached and the eyes were like looking at us and they were like um but we didn't even eat all the shrimp no we didn't so and then there was a salad whatever the case may be dinner was like over 300 and

something dollars and um it was really good thing i think my friend my good friend my colleague paid for those lobsters yeah i did what i could i was like happy birthday baby i love you kiss me on the mouth now did not um and it was it was a beautiful beautiful day i mean we we were in the pool and people were drinking smoking no we actually started the day oh because we me and Sydney were like completely content with going down to Mexico laying out by the pool not interacting with really anybody and just like working on our tans and learning how to swim Amina and her sister were like we got to do something what's the plan and we were like no plan they found this thing we went and rode atvs through the jungle that's what we did i forgot and then we went to a monkey

sanctuary and we we like went into like a cenotes we like went into a cave and like pitch black cold water remember like it was like a whole day it was a whole day and a really sexy that was more money more money just just yeah but the atvs were fun no it was worth it it was it was definitely worth it um andrew have you ever been on an at an all-terrain vehicle oh okay i was wondering what atv stood for no i've not been on an atv it's like a four-wheel you know who dmx is yes yes yes you're familiar with the earl yeah so you it's just this big ass little baby monster truck thing that you see like white boys like riding through mud hills or whatever so yeah we had never been on them and i was terrified never i was like you were you were controlling

it yourself yeah i was like we're driving our own i was like we're gonna get in an accident wait that sounds like so much fun though it was yeah but it was like when whenever it's around my birthday i always think this is when i'm gonna die because my tombstone is gonna be real sad so i'm more afraid that i'm gonna hurt myself and die around september 23rd and so we're on these atvs and I was like I'm wearing a crop top we have like masks on and these goggles and these big ass helmets and like my heart is pounding and then we start driving and I was like I'm a popper yeah she was she was actually doing the most and I really really enjoyed I was behind her and all of the dust was all over me because she was going full speed ahead um go speed racer

go yeah but you know what i think that whenever i travel to another country if they have atv tours available i'm gonna do yeah like that's how much i enjoyed doing it yeah it was wonderful we had a great time the mosquitoes were uh terrorists they ate up my ass my legs they they gave us a bug spray that literally was capri sun for them i think the bug spray was mosquito like a it was like mosquito jizz because the mosquitoes the mexican mosquitoes were so aggressive i felt like i was at like a like a frat party or something like it felt real like dude leave me alone i have a man the mosquitoes were like literally on sydney's excuse me excuse me ladies and gentlemen

it was what time is it yeah it was show time dinner time dinner time okay uh it was it was saw the you know we saw the monkeys i had like 20 minutes into the tour i said i'm going back i can't i can't do this i couldn't do the sydney opted out i said bye um yeah because after we rode the atvs and we like took a deep dive into these like caves and stuff then it was like a zoo and we were walking through the jungle looking at like flamingos and parrots from rio and sydney and zadier were like no there's too many mosquitoes we're going back to the van i said i guess this is where i'm going to check out goodbye and you know marie and i mean they're like well we paid our money i was like the money is i didn't even say anything about the money me and my sister

all of you guys wanted to go back to the car and me and my sister were like well the pesos have already been sent via venmo yeah so we're gonna sit here also they were like we're gonna go wait in the van but they were like the van is not here yeah you gotta wait for the driver and when he gets here then you can go and it was like well if i'm gonna be here i might as well finish this tour and look at these lemurs or whatever oh my god i want a lemur i was like this is why i see why people have these like exotic animals in their home this there's the fucking lemurs were so cute you said you want a lemur sydney have you learned nothing from that oprah episode where that lady had a chimpanzee yeah i do i do remember but i'm just saying and the chimpanzee ripped her face off

i don't think a lemur would do that i hate it i completely like blocked that out of my memory thank you for bringing that back up that's like of all the opera episodes that i walked in on my mom watching that is the one that i remember the most clearly i mean yeah obviously it's the monkey ripped her fingers off it was like yeah well did you feed the monkey yeah and sydney you already have two cats i mean that's a like the domestic version of lemurs so oh no yes you already have they're way more active and they have their eyes were so cute they were licking my finger you yuck you have lemur corona now anyways so okay so we did that and then we had the dinner and they went skinny dipping and life is grand life is great andrew

who's who was i did you think it was to go skinny dipping oh i mean sydney like showing off her body a lot so i'm gonna say city city it was my creepy wealthy lobster buying food poisoning receiving friend yeah i was like we should go skinny dipping i said i want to oh god i was like and if anybody's got a fat pussy wake up that's how oh yeah sydney came upstairs one morning and she was like if you have a fat pussy make some noise and our friend was in court she was in zoom court there was a judge and a lawyer and a defendant she was in zoom court and sydney screaming about fat pussies in the background so wait you can't just leave it at zoom court i i'm really curious what is zoom court why was she in court she was in court because she got into an

accident with this guy who's trying to say that she's at fault oh my gosh right i wasn't even like considering like yeah you could do court on zoom that's insane i mean we doing this raggedy sexy ass podcast and she was doing zoom i mean i think she had a blazer on with no pants that's how they it should always be truly i don't think we should ever have to walk into a courtroom again we should be just do everyone's i agree agree oh i'm sustained overruled and so we have a lovely night we stay up late i mean my friend is dancing laughing having i mean i've been with her for most of our birthdays for as our like as we've been friends and this was probably the best time i'm i'm would visibly see my friend having and it was wonderful to see and we still had one more day to

go and i was like if this is the like this is the second day i can't imagine what this third day is going to be like so we stay up late it was it was really good we're listening to music i'm i'm just i just want to hug my friend to death everybody's naked everybody well first of all me and amina and sydney i think got naked immediately we did and then the my sister was there and amina sister was there and they both were taking a sweet ass they're both taking their sweet fitness time but both of them personal trainers beautiful bodies both of them amazing bodies both of them like um can i go in with my robe it was like no put your titties in this water now um that was that was the uh that's what we get that on shirts i was like i want to see some areolas right fucking now

they show the areolas they sort of labias it's great it's beautiful it was sydney probably has so many videos of our naked bodies in the pool and she refuses to send them to us because she likes to quote save things in her phone for our birthdays to post on instagram and it's like anywho is a great night um we finally go to bed at like i don't know like two three o'clock in who knows what time it was late um my sweet beautiful face of mine closes my great eyes and at 6 a.m my stomach is like welcome to the jungle welcome to the screaming my stomach is screaming the stomach said oh you know the in the michael jackson song where like it starts with

and then he goes or whatever he like screams that's what Sidney's butthole was doing yo I wake up and I'm like throwing up violently just but you made it to the bathroom I throw up and then I was like oh my god

gotta poop pooping same thing but like and then I was like okay maybe it just needed to get it out you know I'll be fine go back to sleep if i'm pooping and throwing up at the same time i think that i'm dying i did do actually i don't think i've ever done both of those things at the same time this is going on until 10 fucking a.m okay throwing up pooping i'm running to the next bathroom like across the way to like throw up then coming back to poop because i don't want to be in the same place i don't want

to get cross contamination i'm miserable you don't want to get they can they can people can hear me like shitting out my soul it's just it was awful and then i was like i'm not going to the beach i'm not doing it and something in my brain was like i'm in mexico what you have to go to the beach it's your last day we're gonna stay in the house the whole time right meanwhile back at the ranch me and amina are upstairs eating shroom chocolates just like yeah just a little piece this is gonna make the day like really cute my sister took a half sydney's coming to the beach we're excited shrooms hit us in the van on the way to the beach these bitches are laughing their asses off and i'm fucking pissed they're they are cackling like hyenas on crack they're having the

best time of their life amina could not stop laughing and i'm hanging on i'm hanging on to the side of the door because i'm like i'm gonna throw up again i'm gonna throw up i'm gonna poop and mind you i have full-on nerve wearing a thong bikini a thong bikini with diarrhea that that is honestly if that's the title that's i'm gonna say that in your eulogy sis i'm i'm i'm putting that in your obituary my friend was you know a star and egot winner and blah blah blah blah also very brave wore a thong when she had diarrhea was yeah i mean i had sandy shitty ass title of the pod and no we're not calling it that sandy shitty ass okay all right but maybe the thong was keeping things in no plug it was like no it was not and so amina and marie and

Lou are having the best time of their life Zadia is like chill mode we get out we get to the beach it's beautiful I'm looking at everything I was like I'm so glad I came and then uh I was like I'm miserable I I want to go back and I couldn't and I lay on this beanie bag because there's not enough um chairs or beds for all of us um so i'm laying on the beanie bed and i'm like i gotta dig a hole next to the to the bed so i can throw up but no the servers are watching they're they're watching me dig this hole they're like what is she about to do they're like she making sandcastles over there i said you can't go somewhere like secluded to do this or what so you want me to We were at like a, you want my friend to throw up by herself?

I mean, I mean, it could be like a group, you know, a group activity. You all like, I don't know what the whole vibe was, but you can like all chaperone Sydney to go throw up. The vibe was three of us were high and laughing and having deep conversations in the water, the Gulf of Mexico. One person was drinking CBD margaritas. and then sydney was digging holes that she can throw up in and like cover her poop with um sand yeah wait were you also planning on pooping in that hole as well i don't know friend i don't know what i was going through i was slipping and sliding um my rectum was not happy my throat esophagus was on fire and i i i was sick and i still felt like that it was weird i i was so

self-conscious like i it was just miserable and i was like usually it's me and marie hand in hand and i was like that's not gonna happen today one because she's on mushrooms and two because you wanted me to hold your hand while you threw up no i'm sorry hold on i didn't want to be sick so we could be hand in hand but then we wouldn't have been hand in hand anyway because you were on mushrooms i would have held your hand on mushrooms yeah I was thinking about taking a shit in the ocean I was like well but then I went to the bathroom and I took I took my panties off I took my bikini off I'm like basically naked yeah you know you have to poop real bad when you have to strip butt naked you got to really get like a comfortable

stance together when you're like no I need I need freedom to move I had to wash my um bottoms out i didn't wash them out so i had nobody you too rude on yourself i was in the bathroom no bottoms on scrubbing scrubbing yeah it was bad wait i'm just like caught up with the fact that you were very content like going to like throw up possibly poop into this hole in public but there's also a bathroom at your disposal no but it was kind of far we were fully we were fully at a beach club like at a restaurant but you would rather do it in public i didn't know if i was gonna make it dude i didn't know if i was okay it was all about if i was gonna make it okay timing timing is everything yeah because we were we were kind of we were like the last beds

like on the beach okay got it it was because we were like this is nice we're in the shade we're in the sun the beach is here the water is clear there was like birds diving into the ocean from the sky it was it was it was blue planet on netflix i could and i could with poop i couldn't eat i couldn't drink and the waiter kept coming back do i want anything i was like no i'm like he fully thinks i'm on heroin because i'm like laid out like passed out on my back yeah and and then amina then our shrooms wear off so we take more because this is good chocolate and because it's like it's chocolate with the mushrooms like baked into it so we're like what amina gets paranoid and she's like these people are watching us she was like

make sure you take your stuff with you everywhere you go i'm like girl this is the ocean i'm not taking my stuff into the ocean and she's like well i'll watch everything and she's like being super paranoid and i'm talking to her and she's like you're talking too loud these people they work here and they're watching us and they're not real customers and i was like we're gonna pay they don't think we're gonna pay i was like yeah you're ruining my high i'm gonna go to the cool bed where there's throwing the diarrhea so i go back to sydney's bed and um and we were supposed to get um like the masseuse was supposed to come give us massages that day we were like it was such a good day at the beach we were like let's just like this is where we're supposed to be and then

the check comes and i had already decided i was gonna pay for my friends and um so i put my card down come on marie so i put my card down and then i was like waiting for them to bring it back to me So I had left my friends and I'm standing by myself and I'm looking out into the ocean and I'm thinking about what my mom was doing when she was my age and what my grandma was doing when she was my age. And I was like, what a beautiful moment. I should take a picture. And I this stranger danger came up and I was like, can you take a photo? And she did. And when she walked away, I was looking at it and I started crying, just like full tears streaming down my face.

But like, I wasn't sad. i was like happy now you're on mushrooms dude right but like because it wasn't like it was like just like the tears just couldn't stop coming out of my eyes and all the mexican waiters are coming up to me and they're like senora you good and i'm like i'm fine and i was standing there crying looking at this photo of myself and i was like i should go stand with my friends i shouldn't be crying by myself but then the other half of me was like but i also don't want my friends to see me cry and it was like yeah but i i don't want to be standing here by myself right now i know marie for uh six years and i saw one thug tear come down when i relapsed

in uh we were in starbucks and i was just like crying hashtag never forget while i was crying in mexico i was thinking about sydney crying in starbucks yeah because i was like because and i cry once a year famously she sheds one tear a year around 23rd and i went and i was crying and they were like laughing at me i wasn't laughing i thought it was beautiful you were sydney didn't laugh it was clear that you were thankful and um it was such a sincere moment and it just made me love you more i was like it's good that i never get to see you cry because i saw this the one time that you did it i was like oh my friend right i feel like my sister the last time my sister saw me cry was in like early 2000s um so she was about she started crying a little bit

she she teared up she was having a very emotional moment on the shore of the beach because i kept we would every time i left her she would just sit on the shore and like she would like ponder her life were her muscles and stuff so she was going through it as well um but uh i was also crying i think a little bit because i had no idea how much i swiped the card for at this beach club because because it was in pesos and i want to say it said 5 000 pesos or some there was a comma in it and i was like yeah damn like tears and also never really seen marie pay for things so that was another moment where i was like is she going through it also not my ministry pulling my card i'm consuming no ma'am no no but i mean like you guys spent all this money y'all came down there

to celebrate with me it was like you can't take this money with you when you leave you know um also i think i'm gonna be able to write it off trump only paid 752 cents in taxes last year so I think I'm gonna be able to do the same it was it was so nice and you know I was still sick and I don't know it just made our friendship stronger and uh but you're I'm glad you came if you had been at the house all day you if it wouldn't have been a pleasant it would have been a less pleasant day for you I think it would if we all left and we were like we had an amazing time you would be you would not be happy about that friend so it was worth it it was worth being poopoo pants in my thong bikini for my best friend's birthday how many times do you think

you pooped that day oh a good a good uh 12 and it was just and definitely when i was on the beanie bed um and amina was making me laugh i was just it was coming out no yes oh you were sharting a little bit yep it was like best part of waking up is folgers in your cup Zuru is Zuru in your cup that's merch the only thing that would have made the trip better is if we could have had sex on it

not you and me but just like I was like if we could have had sex no no no yeah I think that's the only thing that might have made the trip better is if two things if I was actively having sex on the beach every single day and And two, if somebody bankrolled the trip for us and was like, anything y'all need is on me.

That's the only thing that would have made the trip better for me. If we would have had a straight man with money on the fucking trip, that would have really made my day. Honestly, that's goals for next year. Next trip, we need a man with like a, what are these things called? A monocle. A monocle and a pocket watch and a money clip. The Mr. Peanut Man. Yeah.

Wait why can't he also be hot To like fulfill both needs for you Marie like I mean like he could be Someone very wealthy fat wallet Fat dick you know fat wallet Fat dick I love that title for us I love that for us That friend is merch

Fat wallet fat dick Gay But it was it was nice I'm so glad I didn't sit my ass Home for my birthday I'm so glad you didn't friend It was a brilliant idea like beyond it's like and i'm somebody who like i'm like a little bit paranoid and a little bit of like oh something bad is gonna happen on this trip because i didn't tell my mom i was gonna be

in mexico this is the trip where something happens to my sister or whatever and like thinking like that is not good for you because you miss out on living your life yeah you know um and honestly i didn't tell my mom i was going to mexico because i didn't want her to be like you traveling internationally during a pandemic and when i told her that i was in la she was so cool about it i was like oh she would not have cared i still didn't tell her that i went to mexico but now i feel like too much time has passed so much time it's like so you're just withholding information like this i'm just never gonna tell her like what like if i didn't tell her while i was there and i didn't tell her before i left i'm not gonna tell her what no it doesn't matter it doesn't matter

hey remember when i spoke to you on my birthday i was actually headed to mexico like no actually i was in mexico when i spoke to her so it was wonderful and it's it just shows you like you gotta live your life you know this is this is trying times and i also want to say listen don't be reckless and just traveling and not being safe and not wearing your mask and not taking precautions don't i'm not promoting that but i'm do promote if you are a black woman this is self care you got to take a little trip with a couple friends and just unwind you know because fuck like just the debates last night and we got like 37 more days left until the election it's just like golly this is this is gonna rock our world just a little bit i mean the world is literally burning

on like around us oops sorry oh there was an earthquake in LA when we were there too there was an earthquake were you guys having sex during the earthquake um she was giving me a massage oh okay but it would have been perfect if we were having with her fangirls

or with her face no she had a she had a like a massage gun massage gun okay bang bang um yeah it was uh it was like 11 45 at night and I was tired so I was like laying in bed and I felt the building shake and I was like oh my god should I stand in the door I was like I hope this building doesn't fall on top of me

um but yeah I've never felt an earthquake before and I have I have been in an iconic earthquake it was like um like 1990 or whatever I was in Oakland California it was like a huge huge or maybe it was 89 i don't know 1990 yeah you remember the earthquake yeah oh it knocked everything down like cars got stuck on the golden gate bridge um streets were toe up to the flow up it was really bad a lot of damage was done during that earthquake so yeah that is so crazy i've been in a real earthquake before so that was nothing that i felt was fake yeah that was like it felt someone brushed like somebody no it didn't sydney you not gonna downplay my first earthquake like that i mean i guess technically i was in an

earthquake there was one that hit the east coast a couple years ago and i was at my mom's house and i remember i tripped up the stairs i was running up the stairs and i tripped and then it came out later that there was an earthquake in new york in like 2011 something like that yeah I remember I was on the on the Wildwood boardwalk in New Jersey. I couldn't feel it because there's so much going on. But people came running from the beach and they were like, a tsunami is going to come because of this earthquake. And I'm like, oh, my God, this is insane. Listen, those people watch the news and they've seen the movie the day after.

They've seen it. They've seen all those movies. Yeah. Well, yeah. I mean, yeah, there's an earthquake on the beach. i'm i too am gonna scream tsunami or sharknado i'm running to the car um but none of those things happened and um i checked my bank statement yesterday um for the first time and the damage wasn't that bad so it was it was totally doable i mean we did it and we survived so it's fine but

um yeah i have never gotten food poisoning before when's the last time you got food poisoning friend i'll tell you one thing i didn't get food poisoning in this the the age i am right now it fucking hit different it hit different i thought i thought i was like i'm gonna die on this beach i'm just gonna i'm gonna fall asleep and not wake up again because i was hurting and it's just like i was eating the lobster and i knew it was bad i was like i shouldn't be eating this is not good like the last time i took i swallowed it i almost threw it up because it was just not it was not good well maybe i hate to be like that but like i feel like you can get your money back no sir no not not from ricardo the chef yeah not not from like airbnb or anything

i mean that bitch wanted us to leave early she wanted us to leave an hour early yeah we um we can't leave on the best terms um the house was still very sexy when we left but we were supposed to do like a farewell breakfast in the morning that we were leaving and we canceled that we were supposed to do massages the night before we canceled those um and we were like just demanding all of our money back because like it's kind of a scam i mean they or if not a scam it's definitely a racket like all the people that she recommended we used all of her friends that she's connected with we use them for the trip because we were like oh yeah we need a car we're gonna use the taxi service we're gonna we need a chef we're gonna use your chef so you know it's just people

that she's cool with that want to make money off of tourists in mexico and we were like and it's like it's it was nice sweetie i don't know what you think is going on here but we're not rich we're not rich well we showed up like we were no we did not we were wearing leggings what who's wearing like leggings me i don't know i would do it all again me too i would do the all of it all over again we just didn't need a chef that's it i mean we didn't need a chef that was charging us a hundred dollars for groceries but we only use him for two days so that there's that we cooked ourselves some of the days we went out to eat some of the days what one night we went into town and we had our little

masks on and when me and my sister got out of the car there was another black girl with us and I was like oh she must work here and she's at the table talking to us and she's this that I'm from Houston Texas blah blah blah we're like oh that's cool that's what's up I'm like can you get us some menus she's like I don't work here I'm like well why are you Marie was sitting at her that was Marie's version of being a terrible white man I mean assuming that she was the waitress you bum bitch

she was Andrew you bum ass bitch I leave my house with four of my friends with my four loved ones I get to this restaurant there's six people now and she's standing up and she's talking to us I see somebody bought over a sixth chair

I'm like well there's no way she about to sit down she must be getting ready to serve us I'm like hey sis can i get can you get us some menu wait why was she talking to you she just she was trying to promote a party she's trying to promote a party she was happy to see black girls in mexico that's what why she was talking to us i missed the beginning of the conversation because i got it but you came in hard yeah i'm like okay well girl you work here come on what's the specials for the day and she's like i don't work here and i'm like okay well what are you talking to us for yeah

marie was rude and i was like i don't like it felt like that big it felt like the beginning have taken when they get to the airport and that French guy is talking to them that's what it felt like it was if you don't work here then you're definitely trying to work us thank you bye thank you I'm not getting taken today my birthday's tomorrow stupid right and I also I can't get kidnapped in Mexico my mom and dad didn't even know I was in Mexico imagine you see me you got to call my mom and be like hey ah marie got taken and there's a ransom my dad is hanging up on you yeah he's gonna be like she got taken in brooklyn you're gonna be like no we actually flew down to loom my dad is gonna be like no my daughter is in brooklyn still yeah not true he's he's not

he's not coming to pick me up so but nobody got kidnapped only one person got diarrhea um and And we had our own pool and there was a mirror in front of the pool. And, you know, it was just like a sexy, grown ass trip that also had mushrooms. Yeah. And I have videos of, you know, people's pussies. So if you want to see them, just DM me, you know, for a pretty penny. For a pretty penny, I can send it to you on WhatsApp. Sydney has the labia footage and, you know, hashtag never forget. now i want to take more trips with these people and others um i just want to like experience you

know the world and stuff but also ride more atvs in more jungles yeah yeah so sydney your birthday is in february what uh what do you think potentially you're going to do for your birthday i don't know if i still have a girlfriend at the time i'll see what oh wow we're gonna we've start we're gonna start and end and relate a whole relationship before the 2nd of february wow i don't know i mean i i think she's the one i think we're gonna get married so wow i hope so you're gonna get you're gonna get married on february no no the birthday gift is gonna be the wedding no but she did she did ask she's like well how long do you think you know we should wait until like getting engaged i was like obviously when we have more money wait she asked you that question

already yeah oh y'all are different that is different is it how long do you think we should wait before we get engaged how long has it been since y'all started talking friend it's like three months three months i think three months listen if i know but i am i am not 25 i'm a grown woman i know what i want and i know if this person can give it to me and so far i mean this is i feel like my other half she is she is marie but like nicer and i can have sex that's aggressive on the ground nice and i could have sex with her yeah okay uh just just say you're in love with me and leave the

sydney imagine you guys get engaged and i and the minister or the officiant is like um are there any objections speak now or forever your peace and then i stand up and i go i object sydney i've been in love with you since 1999 i will strangle you i'll strangle you or i'll be like okay well then you have to marry me right now we have to do it if you're in love with me we're getting married today i'm not leaving this place without a fucking real wife yeah come on porsche dorasi that's me porsche the ashy that's me um yeah i wouldn't do that but you know you just gotta let me know what season you think y'all gonna get married so i can figure out what type of suit i want to wear

yeah because you're gonna be my best man so my best man my best man i'm gonna get straight back cornrows down to my please don't i will for the way no straight backs don't do that but she really likes you and you really proved yourself during the trip so she she really enjoys it again because I'm the type of guest that shows up and takes my shoes off at the door I'm not I'm not wearing a unitard

with my cooch lips out screaming about Haagen-Dazs my friend was so high and was like snack snack snackers and was like oh she's like I'm gonna go to the store and she's like well bring back some butter pecan ice cream and he was like okay sis i didn't know

if you wanted anything i didn't ask but okay and then she gets to the store there's no butter pecan ice cream because that's so specific and she's like yeah i'm gonna call her just because like you know i don't want her to think that i didn't want to get it and she was like well i guess you could give me some vanilla then it was like what right like i'm going to the store to pick up my things and you you asked for ice cream and now i'm being courteous and letting you know they don't have what you want but you still asking for i don't know some people really like ice cream yeah but my honestly this person is the the funniest person and i would never go anywhere without her best trip yeah we laughed so hard girl strip and there was no fight no fight nobody

got into a fight isn't that crazy yeah i love that nobody got kidnapped nobody got roofied nobody got into a fight and i came so and you came well the the second time i couldn't the second day when the wi-fi was being no i came then but the second time oh the wi-fi wi-fi makes you wet yep that's the title wi-fi makes you wet um i did not come on the trip but i did get a ride home when i got back okay so you came after and wow what a time to be alive it was like did you miss me yes you did i love that literally had i love that um literally had um sand from the beach in every single nook and cranny of my body and i left his bed more sandy than when i left my when i actually left the beach so tsunami mommy

um but yeah like i'm ready to take more trips with you guys i want to i want to go to the mediterranean i want to go to the south of france i want to go to africa i want to eat weird things in tokyo and hang out with hip-hop asians i want to do all those things with my friends okay well you know we just got one thing that's stopping us and it's fucking corona so y'all need to put your mask on they need to get a vaccine so we can fucking live our best travel noir lives yeah that's what i want so andrew did you decide what you're doing for your birthday yet no yeah i know we had that conversation right before you left on the trip i've been thinking about it uh because my mom has been really wanting to like my mom and sister um have like been wanting to like yeah no

they want to like get like an airbnb somewhere for like a month my mom consistently forgets that like she's like well what about work and i'm like literally i can work from anywhere in the world it's it's like it's insane like why do i have to be here you're like you're like i could zoom from zaire i could zoom from zimbabwe all the places that's zoom from zimbabwe um and so she's like well what about work and i'm like no uh so it's just about convincing didn't your sister just have a baby no or no whose sister am i thinking of somebody else or maybe mateo your sister just got married though yes uh no she did not okay wow you're mixing up oh she just no she she just had a birthday you're mixing up your whites yeah i

was looking at your sister's instagram you guys have the same face she's really cute i really don't think that we have the same do you really think so you look like siblings oh okay i i look like my mom way more and then my sister looks like a twin of my dad so cute i feel like it's the eyes then oh thank you what's your mom's name kathy kathy kathy yeah she got in a fight on facebook this morning with um my cousin's wife on like a political fight and she doesn't know anything about politics and i like she was like that was thrilling and i was like you don't actually know anything about politics so why are you engaging yeah but she was like on the right opinion at least okay so she was talking about the debate yeah i was like one yeah i was like

tell me your mother was not for no no yeah no i don't you don't know anything so i just don't want you to engage in fights that you can't really ground you know okay you think you think your mom don't know nothing about politics she i know she doesn't i know she doesn't think she doesn't watch the news at all i know she does is she literally this is what she does every morning she um gets up goes in the treadmill has her phone like on like the little stand and then starts instagram stories and just watches that all the way through until she's and she watches it like it's tv bitch no she watches she fucking loves an instagram story thank you mama yeah your mom loves instagram story and like i'll watch her and she'll like swipe up and like do the little reactions like

laughing yeah yeah yeah tell your mom to follow us you got a cool mom yeah tell her to follow she would respond to literally everything so just be prepared that's fine i'm kathy i'm gonna call her c money c money hey babe oh in my mind kathy starts with a k it does start with a k where you're right oh okay my bad okay i just thought she was cool so that's why i gave see sorry oh okay she's cool I think the only Kathy that I see is the Kathy cartoon the comic the

coolest thank you thank you um anyway I uh have to go because my laptop is at 10% yes and we gotta do we gotta do some stuff we gotta do an ad so uh happy birthday Maria again

it's been it's been a great ride great trip friend um so blessed to be you know on the other side with you um for me my favorite part of the whole trip is when i got on the plane to come back to new york no flight attendants called me sir so just one short year ago uh irene who will never forget ever um on the united flight said sir any snacks and she is dead to me maybe it was like the mask that really brought out your like feminine qualities no no um i think they're just nicer on aero mexico uh they were nicer on my delta flight than

irene was to me last year and it's still um irene's are still canceled so i just want to make sure that we we know that um yeah sydney i'm glad you came to celebrate with me thank you for buying me lobster even though it got you sick it was worth it i'll do it all over for you thank you for pooping on the beach with me for me not with me all right um y'all know the drill uh you know subscribe whatever rate comment do all those things tell people to listen to the podcast it's been four years wow that's i don't believe i need to check my receipts that four years four years too much time anyway this is going to be the last episode of the podcast because it's been four years and we're still stop it you're saying that

all the time i have people messaging me like is it over like is it really over because you guys keep on talking about it being over joe andrew but they're not taking it as a joke oh well well we're here and we're queer and we're not going anywhere because we're in a pandemic but rate and comment and subscribe

and maybe you too one day can enjoy one night in Sydney and we're done forever dog this has been a forever dog production executive produced by Brett Boehm Joe Cilio, and Alex Ramsey. For more original podcasts, please visit foreverdogpodcasts.com

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