Middle-aged opinion - Beyond the bump

Episode Date: August 20, 2025

Today we talk about stories from struggling mums and dad’s after the babies have been born what life looks like and how are the people interfere making life so much harder#BeyondTheBump #Parenthood

Wow. What do you think of that? What don't you think of that? I think that's how we've got everything. I only seem to find them in the slim ones, not the little stuff. Yeah, I haven't seen them at all. I don't know if Paul looked for him because I said I like diet, like that's kind of what he's getting me now. Did you press record?

I think I did. Now I'm checking. I want everybody laying down now. Yes. Perfect. That's right. That's right, you've come all the way through, all the wires. We've got this.

Right, hello everyone and welcome to middle-aged opinion. I'm your host Ellie. I'm your host Emily and we are looking at Beyond the Bum. Yes. So it's not just boring stories about pregnancy. It's about all the complications that come along with children and families where people have had children and just general dramas. The fact is, yeah, you have kids guaranteed, like, I'm not even putting all over your eyes, your life changes. People change, that's it. That's what's happening.

Massively. And, you know, it happens. People have to choose change. Of course. So we got some stories together of those said people and their issues or the issues that they're finding with other people. So I'm going to kick us off. I'm going to say that one for last. I like that one. Right. My in-laws must think I'm a reckless mother.

My family moved in with my in-laws so they could save for a house. We're moving in with my brother-in-law and sister-in-law and my nephew. are planning to move out, but right now it's all of us under one roof. I have a 15-month-old son. I like to think of myself as a pretty calm parent. I like to rough house with my child, a toss, throw, slam him onto the couch. Our favourite is when I let him backflip off the couch onto the carpet. He knows how to get on, he knows how to get on and off the couch.

couch by himself but of course sometimes he slides off by accident i don't freak out when it happens and neither does he well my sister-in-law had a mini heart attack when she watched me roughhouse with my child she freaked out whenever she feels like he's in danger which is always my father-in-law loses his mind when he thinks my child is about to get hurt last week my mother-in-law was full on crying because of a slip and a fall. I feel I'm giving my in-laws PTSD. Now, don't get me wrong, I have absolutely cried when he slid off the bed at six months old and the pull on stand stage totally wrecks my nerves. I don't know if it's because I watched him do a lot of the falling in the last year.

that I'm not scared of everything all of the time. You can't rack them up. You can't. I mean, sometimes the rough housing plays, it can be a little bit too much. And sometimes that child does take it to sort of other people's homes and whatever. But in this case, if that child knows where the line is, As long as the parent, I think, knows the line more. Do you know what I mean?

But I don't think any of it is done with malice. And I think that sometimes you have to let parents raise their kids how they want to raise their kids. And if that involves rough housing, then that's totally cool. Yeah. Yeah. As long as boundaries are there. Yeah, of course.

But oddly, the parents are the parents. Yeah. It's okay. I don't know if I could live in a house. I don't think full of everyone trying to raise my children. with everyone's opinion though I feel like I think if your kid falls down up you get yeah yes like literally crying because they've fallen down and it's like calm down it's like you need to go take a chill pill yeah relax it's not that don't put that emotion onto my kid

of course right it's a lot top comment my mom is the same she always turns their head away because she doesn't want to see me throw my son in the air I just laugh and flip him upside down and let him dangle in the air and say look how much he's laughing while she is clutching her pearls so I do I think um I do like when the kids were young and Paul was slightly rougher I would be like oh mate but he's their dad and I didn't I didn't stop the rough housing I just turned away I certainly didn't cry about it to be honest my two any male friend is rough if that male will let them be rough with them they will play silliness with them like the amount of times I think it's very common they're throwing themselves over the back on my sofa trying to get

away and then jumping off the back of my sofa to jump on someone and then it's me going stop have you ever seen the video of the dad that jumps on the air mattress and the child ends up in the like hitting the ceiling like that is taking it too far like ricochets off the roof But it's like, all right, it's enough now. You know what I mean? Yeah. So stuff like that, I don't think I would have tolerated that. But, you know, it's fine.

It's no big deal. Yeah. Go ahead. Okay. What has happened to me? Since having a baby, I've noticed that any time I hear any baby crying or see something saddening about a baby in the news, my heart physically hurts.

This was something I was not prepared for. But I guess we go through some sort of physical, psychological shift. Can someone please explain to me why this feeling is being extended to fictional alien babies, currently watching the new Superman, and I won't add any spoilers. But as soon as I heard the baby cry, me and my husband both looked at each other with our bottom lip dropping. Why? This has got all laughing emojis all the way through this. She's just like, what has happened to me?

Yeah. Why am I a wreck? It simply is becoming a parent. Yeah, it just is it, isn't it? It simply is just you definitely see the world differently and you definitely have more empathy. It's crazy. It is. And it definitely changes you and entombed you to things that you weren't thinking about before 100%.

Yeah. Definitely. Do you know what I do? I still do it now, even though mine are like. 13 and 10 I see a baby and if they're like sort of up to step or something I automatically rock yeah yeah do you still check on the kids when they're asleep at night and stuff yeah although their door is a little bit noisy to open this slide door they like rumbles they said to me why do you still do that and I'm like because you are my babies just checking if they sleep in late

as well that's another thing that I will I will definitely like check on them for go on a couple of topics where welcome to motherhood it doesn't go away it's true someone's like oh my goodness the alien baby I felt so silly sitting in the theatre wanting to cry I couldn't help but squirm and even had to cover my eyes because it made me so serious I haven't seen it if I'm honest so I don't know what they're told I'm sure I will that I mean they're all talking about the superman yeah I haven't watched everyone's like oh my god say I mean I'm sure I will be But yeah, it's definitely, it's a shift in your...

It's every baby, though. Yeah, you see a kitten and you're like... It's your emotions completely. And your heart hurts. You're a completely different person, like M said at the beginning. Once you enter... I wasn't like that, even in pregnancy. I wasn't.

It wasn't until I literally gave birth, and I can't tell you that the shift in me was just... No, me and babies before pregnancy. I was just like that. Oh, yeah, that's nice. Yeah. But literally had our... and something inside me just did a fucking U-turn and I was like oh my god babies yeah I can't leave him ever right partner died I'm over 40 with baby twins and I still want another I'm being stupid right my boyfriend just died and left me with nine month old twins I'm not a people person so the chance of finding another boyfriend any time soon is zero did you write this um I

I don't want another baby, no I did not. And I'm 41 but I still want another kid even with the boys going through sleep regression and driving me nuts right now. No matter how I spin it this is my brain though

it seems impossible even with donor sperm I would be like 43 or something by the time I would give birth again and I would be alone with three kids and a low paying job I will be moving into another house soon because my house is too small already

but that comes with a mortgage that I have to pay off for the next 25 years or so I also have some mental health issues. Do you think? ADD that causes a bit of depression and exhaustion. I know, let's add another baby. That actually the ADD is the impulsive shit like me and the dog, right? thought I'd keep it I keep it checked right now but just barely no idea if it would get worse with a third or not I survived twins so far without feeling like I'm on the edge but every baby is different so I'm being stupid right

yeah yeah you're asking the wrong person I'm going to say absolutely stupidity is taken over your body and you you need to come away from that real quick I think like women now are getting older and older when they have their kids and that's fine like whatever you do you but it's not the age part it's it's everything that she has just said together yeah it is you've lost your partner and you're probably actually grieving yeah grieving which is making you craving the more love around you because there's no like love like having children so you're probably craving more and more and more of that and the truth is you need to focus on your boys and yourself Your children that you have right now need a happy, healthy mum, not a mum that's trying to replace.

Compensate, yeah. Yeah. Not saying there's anything wrong with that and I know you think you won't find love. Have another baby. If you find love again. You sound great. I don't believe that for a second. Top comment. From another, from one ADD person to another, what you are doing here is buffering. You're distracting yourself from grief and reality by hyper-focusing. on another future, a different problem to be solved. Hi, I do that. This is very normal.

Be gentle and kind on yourself. Give yourself time and space to grieve. Do you have family and friends to support you? Sending you much love, etc. That is the top comment and that is literally what we both just said. At the moment in your head, you're like, I need something else, something to replace something, something, distract, distract, distract. And the truth is, you are literally going through so much right now and yeah there's a lot happening I think if you can hyper focus yourself to enjoy your kids right now this will help you get through the grief as well you've got a move coming 100% a lot there's a lot happening here it's easy to do shit like that like I just said the other day I looked at a dog I went and got a dog I mean that is how she turned up

as well yeah I was living at my parents I know let's get a dog I've got nowhere to live Let's get a dog. That's what I mean. I'm just scrolling through and I'm like, to my husband, he's my, he's my dog. I know he's my dog, he's my dog. And then every day he does something where I'm like, he's definitely my dog, but there are times in the day where I'm like, whose dog is this? Someone can't get your dog.

You can't get your dog. I've looked after him for a week now. But when I look into his eyes, I'm like, I love you. And then I'm like, look, just before I came on, I was like, I've betrayed my my cocaine. Like a fucking crazy person feeling guilty. What? Do you know what I just thought?

What? His name is Zeus. Yeah. He's not got curly hair for his name. No, he does not. He does not. I don't know. First of all, the boys...

Get a grip. Come on. Go lay down. Don't you talk because you make himself. Sorry. Look like that. Yeah. Um, yeah.

Yeah, first, I think the boys didn't want that, and I don't know if they want to break it because of cookie dying. I don't know if, but then Harry ended up getting sad as well, thinking, are we really bad? Because it's only been five months, blah, blah, and then at the time I was like, he's nothing like her. First of all, he's a man, differently. You haven't gone and replaced her. That was never the intention. It was never. But now.

A grieving heart and I need another dog. Yeah, and then I was fine. and then I was like laying there and I was like oh my god like have we have we replaced no yeah of course not you're never going to get a good girl like that again alright I'm gonna have a good boy like that though yeah so let's do one he's definitely got the potential they've all got the potential yeah all I want is just you know okay ready the same dog is it yeah just me it's all I want it's me now I'm sorry

I just want another cookie. Yeah. Right, moving on. Yeah. Four days old and I dropped her. Fair play. Fair play. It's okay.

Drop that kid. I had my second C-section on Sunday. This is 14 days old, by the way. She was a month early. Recovery has been very difficult. Last night I was holding her after I feed. We were in the bed. I knew I was.

was tired, but I stupidly didn't set her down. I love holding her. I fell asleep for two seconds. Before I knew it, she was on the ground, screaming. My husband flies out of the bed and gets her. I don't even have the abdomen strength to get myself out of bed. We immediately assess her. She is crying but appears oriented. Yeah. Responding to stimuli. After we checked, she was okay. I lost it.

I keep seeing her little body on the floor. I was an idiot. My husband continues to reassure me. We took her to the pediatrician first thing in the morning and she is okay. I'm sure with the hormones post... postpart depression and everything else this is making things a hundred times worse I just wish someone would tell me I am the piece of shit I feel like I hurt my own baby there are three edits no you didn't it was a it was a mistake you're tired you're

overwhelmed and you didn't as drop her as much as she slid she slid from your arms to let you release the attention of hold. You didn't, there's nothing there that it shows intentional harm. You are a piece of shit. Yes. Feel better now? Exactly. Exactly.

You took the baby to the doctors, given it all clear. It should be fine. She's not hurt. It's not hard. Honestly, it's so easily done. It's exhausting. It really is exhausting. Yeah, you've just had a C-section.

Exactly. Like, give yourself a break, hon. Your second C-section at that. is easier the second one is easier right first edit oh no this is sad no I'm burning hell

no edit she began having seizure like symptoms this afternoon we took her to the hospital she has a small brain bleed we are being admitted for neuro observation I think I've cried myself out

my husband continues to be forgiving confirmation of it all doesn't help how I feel about myself. I'm just focusing on keeping my baby well and doing whatever the doctors say. Thank you for all your kindness. Okay, that's really sad.

That's really fucking sad. Again, it wasn't, there was no malice you did not hurt your baby on purpose, you haven't got you know. And who is to say that that drop is the reason that happened. It could

have already been there. You're beating myself up because that happened prior to you finding as well wasn't she yes that's probably that's probably a lot to do you don't know I think Alfie was about six weeks you know he fell off our bit you know Lucius fell out of his pram onto our wooden floor the head or now sticking out there you go like and honestly then I look at him going I mean he was fine right but I was like the worst mother in the world got to it was evening got to Ruby's and um she was like what she could see in my face she was like what's wrong and then I told her she was like he's fine

um obviously he saw the doctor and that explained what happened no bruise nothing nothing we had carpet but still like I think about that now and I'm like that's one of the reasons I'm gonna burn in hell because my son slipped off the bed yeah it will forever be my fault and it was my fault because I put him on the bed to get changed and he slid off the bed and so Lucius was in the buggy buggy and I left him unattended to help get I think it was the he had turned up and had done food shop and I was bringing in the bags in with him of course yeah it was something like that and I left him unattended for those few seconds yeah yeah it's our fault we're definitely going to burn in hell for that but you're okay is there

another edit it's too long I need to know that it's okay we are still in hospital we are still hospital waiting on results from the 23 hour EEG. Thank you all so much for your messages and concern trying to just get through this. The guilt still comes and goes. I'm just trying to focus on being the best mom I can be for her. The source of the brain bleed is unknown. It could have been the fall. It could have been from the birth. We don't know. But they say it will resolve on its own and will not affect her development or condition. Shall I go on to edit through? Just, yeah.

We are home. I have been so tired. I haven't had time to update the post. We have to continue with neurology monthly to monitor the brain bleed, but it is so... But it is. so make sure it is resolved on its own. Oh, it is so they can make it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. We don't anticipate any cognitive or developmental delays. She has not had a seizure in two days. They don't think what was happening was genuine seizure activity, but maybe something more... No. Maybe something more... more related to her REM cycle.

Okay, so I don't know what that means. She's growing stronger every day. I'm all cried out, this post and all of this, all of the support you guys have given have kept me going. I wish I could befriend you all. I'm in DFW, by the way, I don't know what that means either. It's this, it's these REM sleep. REM sleep, that's what that means

Okay, thank you Thank you, thank you Safe sleep and shifts We have it down You can give the top comment You are absolutely not a piece of shit It happens It's not ideal but it happens

And I promise you that once she gets Just a little older She will be throwing herself off elevated surfaces left right and centre if it makes you feel any better one time I accidentally put my baby at Quapure in my daughter's mouth instead of teething gel I called put I called poison control in the absolute panic feeling like the worst mother ever parenting is hard and we are all only human trying to try and our absolute best we're doing great

gets and rest, Mama. Yes. You're doing amazing and you'll never know, but you will continue to blame yourself until the day you die. However, your daughter's going to be fine and that is really all that matters. Yes. You know what I mean?

That shit happens. You're not a bad mum. You didn't do anything intentional. It's just, you know, shit fucking happens, man. Right. My in-laws must think I'm a reckless mother. No, same as mine. my family moved in with my in-laws so we could have I read this one I'm so sorry

I feel like I know this and I'm looking have I wrote this written right my mother-in-law ruining my baby's feeding journey for me Zeus move please baby move move move good boy um everything I do for six month for everything I do for my six month old is actually in my mother-in-law's eyes. She hates that I make baby food from scratch, that I don't buy store-bought food when her children and other grandchildren turn up just fine on it, that I want to be buying and creating the food myself, instead of purees and slightly more mashed food, I recently brought two types of cups to help her learn how to sip and drink from a straw. I was criticised for wasting my son's money and that my baby doesn't need to be introduced to things like that right now.

Everything I do she criticises and I can't get away from it or hide what I do because I live with her. I'm tired of the constant back and forth. hubby has told her multiple times to lay off and don't get involved but that doesn't sit well with her the joy i have making my baby's food and learning new ways to serve it is is drying because of her she means dying because of her what do you think about that i think marion needs to take a fucking back seat and mind our own business i used to make from scratch from mine I did for Lucians. Yeah, and then you were Don.

And I moved on my wife. Yeah. Because I had something very similar, so I wasn't living with my in-laws or anyone, just me and the husband, but. The constant criticism. There was criticism from...

It's exhausting. But yeah, I used to cook from scratch. Simply because I see what... Don't get me wrong. Occasionally they'd have like a jar, depending on what was going on, but I see how it sustained and what it did to their clothes,

and I was like, That's not normal. And that is why I was a bit like, no, this is what they have. But, you know, I actually, I actually think she's complaining about a cup. I actually think it saves more money to do, because I used to do like bulk and then freeze it. Right, top comment. There is, there is such unsupported behaviour from your mother-in-law. I'm sorry.

I hope you guys have a plan to move away from her because this behaviour is likely going to continue. your hot that entire life of your child go on oh no yeah one more baby uh right this one's bad okay okay I think this is I think I don't want to go with same one yeah let's do it I got zoom in because he won't let me zoom in oh fucking you ready yes can you see that because even I think that's too close Come now, come now. Come to me. There you go.

Not long, baby. Okay. No, don't come this way. Every time. Not this way. Every single time. Zeus, you're the size of a bare broth. Is that come off?

No. Go away. Zeus. Out. Out. Away. Away. Away.

Out. Out. He has no idea how big he is, you know that. He thinks he's a tiny little puppy. He does. He thinks he's a tiny little puppy. The size of a fucking small pony. Right, ready?

I don't know. I don't know. They're keeping him. Okay, fair play. My precious boy was born June 3rd and has been perfect. I'm scared about the wires now. We sent him to nursery last night so we could. sleep before discharged today but the pediatrician just came in and said after

they laid him on his stomach to try and relieve some gas I guess and another nurse found him with little color in his face the doctor said he must must have moved into an unsafe position but isn't the stomach unsafe no matter what I don't know why they would lay him on the stomach or how long long until the nurse found him but now they have to monitor him to make sure he doesn't do it again and luckily she said he hasn't and it's been a couple of hours i'm still getting discharged today but i have to leave without my boy how am i supposed to do that he can he can come home tomorrow if he looks good on the monitor but still right then the next bit is an update

okay um i'm confused so she took him in because she's given birth yeah oh okay and then he's been laid on his stomach obviously because newborns can't roll over baby's given been given to the nurse for the nursery so that she can get some rest yeah yeah that's an american thing yeah and whilst he's been in the nursery he's been laying on his stomach he's been put on his stomach but apparently isn't on his stomach and now they're concerned for him okay so a couple of things um i'd be saying i'm not leaving i'll happily sit next door give me give me a chair like i sit next to his bed second of all who the fuck laid my son on his stomach causing this problem in the first place that's what i want to know yeah there's an argument there right oh a massive argument but of course she's probably not even

thinking that she's just probably thinking my baby first time mum as well yeah but i definitely Because you, I mean, tummy time's important, but that generally starts to happen when they start, you know, being able to turn themselves, to stat and the other. And when, I mean, this was, I'm going back 18 years ago, we're advised. So if you give tummy time, you still have to be present and watching tummy time. Yeah. In case their face hits the floor or whatever. So it's very weird that that's happened. And once your baby's all better and they're going to be better, the next question you want to ask is how and why did this happen?

Yeah, absolutely. So, the update, they're keeping him. Mods told me to edit this post and put it here. The nursery nurse just came back in and she said he was not fully on his stomach like the pediatrician doctor said, which honestly, I believe the nurse more since they're usually the ones constantly in there.

And she mentioned she didn't know about it until she went through his child and just on his side and he was not unsupervised there were people watching him the whole time it sounds more like keeping him is protocol honestly he's spit up on his back for for us but obviously we we caught it and cleaned him up before anything happened he was squirmy and fussy so they thought it would help. They brought him back to us about an hour or so ago shortly after we called for him and he's been fussy and squirmy for us to my poor gassy boy. There's a little room we can stay in and hang out with him but they need my room for another mummy postpartum. Best belief we are going to

going to straight home and straight back after we clean up and changed. His nurse isn't acting suspicious or avoiding questions and my stay at this hospital has been phenomenal. Thus far, the staff had been incredible. What do you think? I think it's actually giving, they seem to be more concerned about the reflux and the gas pain. Yeah. That's what I'm getting.

I feel like nobody sat down with her and explained exactly what the problem is leading to all these all these things because they obviously put him on his tummy because he was skirming so they're trying to get the gas out but then the doctor made that into a big deal and actually I don't know because generally it's not it's not way common for a baby to continue to throw up and stuff when they just give birth but if it's got reflux or something else maybe they generally are just keeping. an eye on him but really they should be explaining to her because now she's like I can't say oh my god I've just given birth to my baby blah blah blah do you see what I mean yeah I think I think she needs a clear conversation yeah to what's going on

it just sounds like reflux yeah so the top comment was like this seems suspicious to me was he left unsupervised on his stomach have you seen him since I'm so sorry OPE then says the way the paediatrician made it sound, he must have been unsupervised. And no, I mentioned I was about to call him back to the room with us. And she said she'll tell the nurse to bring him around. So I'm just sitting here waiting for him. I should have never sent him there last night. So now she's feeling...

Blaming herself. Someone's like, please, like, thank us how he's doing. I will for sure. I'm about to call the nurse and make sure they'd bring him. him. I find it quite strange that in America they take the baby. Yeah, I do too. And I don't know if that's obviously because it's something we don't do that I find it strange, but I can't imagine giving birth and then someone taking it so I can get some rest. I'm good. Do you know what mean? Yeah. Yeah. Not that as well. Like that's when you read about those babies that have

been swapped and stolen. That is the anxiety I'd have. I'd be like absolutely not. I don't know if you're allowed to say no I have no idea I don't know either I mean I for me they gave us a you know the tub they put it is it's a bathtub yeah and then he was right next to my bed yeah why when I showered um because I was in a ward because when you have the C-section you go on a ward so you're easily watched and I just took him with me like and then had him on one side of the bath and when I had my shower. Yeah.

I don't know if that was paranoia. I could have left him because the nurses are there and you can't freely come in and out, but I think I was gone by then mentally. Not Alfie, Harry. Alfie, I couldn't even really get out of bed, if I'm honest. My sister had to show me that day. That was fun for her. I've seen all my flaps.

You're welcome, Lisa. Right. Last one. Let's see you can relate to this one. I don't want to have sex with my husband's. We haven't had sex since our son was conceived. In the first 12 weeks, I had had two bleeds and was told to not have sex. After I was cleared, I was too scared to do it at all because I was told most of the time bleeding can occur.

after sex most times bleeding can occur after sex when pregnant i had already had two miscarriages so i was terrified to see any blood then you have to wait until everything has healed to the point and beyond i was too tired now i'm eight months postpartum and i stopped exclusively pumping two months ago i have to say that my sex strife definitely returned after I quit pumping. Problem is I don't want to have sex with my husband. Doing the deed by myself all for it. We don't really have time to do it. So he suggested to ask the grandparents to babysit to have a date. That could absolutely work, but I don't want to. We kiss, peck here and there. We don't cuddle. We don't cuddle. We don't. or hold hands because I have a Velcro baby and by the time I'm free or of my child,

I don't want to be touched anymore. I can relate. This is why I'm not, this is why I'm not hungry for it. Also, not to mention, I hate my postpartum body. I gain 60 pounds during pregnancy. There's no spark anymore and I'm afraid it's gone, thinking about different ways. I could get that spark back. It's either awkward to me or just no desire to do so. My husband during this time has been understanding and patient, but I know he definitely wants to have sex with me and a sex life again. I didn't experience that.

I didn't experience that. Not at all, but I have met people that have. Mine didn't want to touch me, but he was too busy elsewhere. wasn't he yeah and I I'm not like her husband's been amazing and let's not he's been great and I listen I know you women are going to be like he should be blah blah blah but no sorry he also has needs and we're not talking about one week after the baby's been born we're talking eight months on now yeah and she's literally not showing him at that point your hips would have started to tilt back you should almost be backing your proper position

body wise not talking about weight loss no no yeah yeah yeah yeah How your body moves. I literally waited until, because obviously I had two C-section. So it was literally a matter of when am I allowed to have sex again? And they said, give it, I think it was three weeks. But if you feel anything uncomfortable, don't do it. Because it can be quite, they like six weeks. But I was like, you take the piss out of me.

But, yeah, it was really a matter of making sure I was comfortable more than anything. But same with you, I'm sure. Yeah. So you, what, waited till they dissolved? Well, it was more, he was, I mean, he was more into the idea of it happening sooner rather than later. Yeah. And I was just worried about tearing again. Of course. So it was all very cautious, but. Did you feel them stitch you back up? No, because I was, oh, okay, yeah. Good, no, they'd be better out. They injected me so that it was numb. Yeah. whilst I was on that and they're like can you feel that I'm like yeah you can feel the fucking needle stabbing you but actually

when they did the stitching apart from a couple little I felt that one but I had the gas and air had the gas and air so maybe instead of going in for sex

maybe like let the baby go to the grandparents get some candles out have a nice romantic meal undress and start massage charging each other and become intimate again that way. It doesn't have to be Wham Bam Thank You Man,

which I'm sure it will be after a year and a half. He's going to be like, but why don't you try and build your sexual desire with each other rather than aiming for sex? Yeah, as long as he knows that as well because I feel like that might be here. We've got no kids, let's do it. Let's have the conversation, explain it.

It can be by candlelight, but I'm not ready for you to see me fully naked I feel like shit do you know what I mean but if you don't try to build the intimacy back you'll drift further and further apart because he is only going to be yeah start from scratch start from beginning and here only be understanding for so long yeah let's see what top comments are go on uh people may or may not agree with me but I'm going to throw my opinion out here as a very happy sexual involved wife and also having um experience postpartum free plus while having my favourite toy that does the job just fine. Sometimes I suck it up and remind myself that I like sex and I drag my feet about sneaking

out from my from my babies which does from my Velcro baby which doesn't always work and I want all the lights off but once we're going it's great and I remember I really love. doing this, which with my husband. I'm just tired, but does take the effort on both sides and not slacking on my end. Then after sex, we stay up laughing and talking like we used to. Sometimes we just go to bed, but it reconnects us and you need the connection, so does he. You are lovers, not roommates, beautifully, beautifully said. Sometimes the thought of it, the fault of doing that after everything you've been through will be like, no, but like this woman just said, you are partners, you are husband and wife,

you're not mates, and he absolutely deserves to be intimate with his wife, and you deserve to be intimate with your husband. And just because you ain't feeling it right now doesn't mean you won't be what you're you start going. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? Sometimes, I mean, even now, sometimes it's like, oh, and then the minute you get going, it's like wonderful. It's normal, right? Yeah. Nobody's a teenager anymore. You've been good boy. Yeah, that's it. That's all I've got to say on that. You have to work towards it. Otherwise, it's going to separate you. Yeah. I mean, at the end of the day, I did sort of say it at the beginning, when you have kids, everything changes.

Massively. Massively. Everything. Everything. Yeah, cool. Everything. Everything. Your body. Just every, there is not one part of you that is the same. If you're lucky enough, just still have a husband who's like, I still want you, I still want this. Of course.

And a good dad at that. You're willing. Someone that's showing up for you and being. up for you and being understanding like you need to run with that as well of course you know it's easy to take things for granted because in your head you're probably thinking I'm the one that's had the baby I'm the one that's breadfast but it ain't all about you and I think remembering that is super important in a marriage and a relationship that they have to of course I

believe that the baby comes first I mean my children still come first this day but he does matter as well yeah so all the time he's been understanding and he's been great kind and generous and a long time so nine so almost not I can't even do mine 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 70 17 17 months is a very patient person right there man more than more than most people would be he should be patient it's your wife and he has been and he has and you know yeah he's done incredibly well and so of our dogs But enough is enough. She's got more sobering there than anything.

Zeus. Leave it. I know. I know you can't enough. Okay everyone. We're off. Right. Thank you for joining. Subscribe.

And sorry about all the cuts, but it's my dog's fault. They don't know about the cuts. Yeah, but they won't know either. So moving on. What cuts? This was a perfect. Real. actually went really well so love you bye enough let's be being firm you like was it was it

though wow what do you think of that what don't you think of that what don't you think that girl is got everything that she is there