Middle-aged opinion - Dating Disasters

Episode Date: February 5, 2025

Today we talk about dating disasters some, extremely funny others little concerning. It’s funny because most of the people will never see each other again. Where as some do end up together well at least for a while. We hope you enjoyed today’s episode.

Wow, what do you think of that? What do you think of that? Well I think that girl has got everything that she needs. Oh look, this is a stupid story, mine's just come out. I was about to say, mine looks like it's about to fall off. Yeah, it was very difficult to try and get them on there. Will it fit in the little gap in the middle? I don't know. No, yeah, mmm.

I don't know, that feels complicated. Shhh, look at him. So I'll try mine and then you'll decide, yeah? I don't know that feels completely... Slip it in! So I'll try mine and then you'll decide yeah? Yeah. No. Really? Oh, sideways yes. Slip it in you dirty bitch. That's twice you've made a proposition to me.

I feel like that is just you in denial really. Making things up. Yeah. Wishing. Wishing what? For yours? I know. What have you done?

Why is this up? What the fuck? What have I done? Well, you put it on here. Yeah, well, that's not my fault. You brought these stalls. Why these ones? Because the boys were using the other ones.

All right, set play. I'll allow that then. Fuck, I can't even get it. I actually feel like that's core parenting. Do you know what? I'm done for being a core parent today. I'm a shite mother, I know. Oh, he's a shite mother?

Yes. I don't feel like you are. Sue me. Sue me, baby. Come for me, adobdob. Oh my god, talking of shit mothers, I know you ain't on TikTok Sue me. Sue me baby. Come for me. Oh my god. Talking of shit mothers. I know you ain't on TikTok like me. Like I relax. I can't even get this off. That's what she said. Can't even get it off. It's actually. Why can't you get it off? I can't even move that. What way does it go? Well if it's starting, if you can't tighten it anymore. I don't,

it's moving both ways and it feels like it's... Oh my god. Yeah. This is a stupid idea. Who brought these tools up? I don't know if that's tightening it or not. Ellie! I'm sorry, hold your coffee! Fuck. Lucy Goosey. Is it that? I'm not sure what's happening It feels like it righty tighty loosey goosey. Let's do Lucy. Right. I never need to come around. I can't I can't breathe in here My my laptop Thank you, thank you Shin All right, oh my god, oh my god, don't look at my bum. Step away, don't look at me. It's too late, they've already watched you straddle over me.

I had to get in there somehow. That's a lot of work we've done today. I haven't even started. Right. Yeah, so talking of shit mums, I am now entangled in this Nurse Hannah. Tell me you've seen something. Nurse Hannah. Right. So she has got this, she's got two kids, one's a little boy, I'm going to say two, three. And she's not long had a baby. And fuck me, about half of the people that go on TikTok have reported her to

CPS she's in America people are ringing and sending emails from the UK from other countries because of the treatment of the little boy it's shocking she's a nurse what is she doing she is not letting me show yeah not letting me she's, this is one of her things. It's like, this is how I save. This is how he only spent 150 pounds on, 155 on food at this thing. And then the boy sitting there with no fucking food

and the mum and the dad are just eating. And when he goes to get a chip in another video, the dad's and then flicks his hand away. They put him behind the oven on another video yeah then how it all started was they she done a blog I mean she's got fucking about a hundred thousand followers they done a blog and then he went to give him something in the trolley and when he goes near the boy the boy goes like this which obviously is yeah an indication of abuse and then

all these videos have just come out of like, and now she's taken all the comments off her video and literally the CPS and everything's in, but I mean, it's shocking. He's definitely being abused. Whether it's physically, I don't know, but I've never seen a little boy do that unless something's going on.

He was literally passing him some biscuits. So yeah, that's the rabbit hole I'm in this week. It's always something with me, isn't it? You love it. I do. I can't watch them. I just scroll through. I can't do it.

I literally get so upset. It is very upsetting. It's actually quite, it makes you very angry. It's very weird how many followers she's got and literally all these videos are like from when she started her social media and to me there's red flags all the way through. So I don't really understand how it's coming to light

just now. I mean as a baby, the dad brought food and there's a video of it, she just like throws the fucking baby down to start eating another time he's in the back of the car and she goes um she talks over the videos like she blogs it and she's and she's like um uh it's his nap time so he won't eat lunch today and they are sitting in the front of the fucking car stuffing their faces the mum and dad he won't eat today she goes but I will give him a little bit a fucking morsel of bread she hands back to him I was like

mate this been going on for a while and now all of a sudden everyone's like up in arms I'm like I bet nobody said anything before shocking shocking that you put that on social media oh dear what i have noticed though since next door have had their baby now i can hear them what do you mean? who is it? who is it?

is it Ling Ling? oh please stop talking like that to your baby did you talk like that? No. I think I did. Mommy loves so much. I talk to my cats and my dog like that. I talk to my dog like that, but not my kids. I talk to them properly, they're human.

Pretty sure I did. Yeah, I'm going to say I did 100%. Sometimes as an American. Oh my God. Sometimes Australian. They don't even know who you are. Bed Incom. That's the the woman we live with we don't know if she's our mum or not. Yeah. No. Oh I can't hear them they're so loud. Yeah well you're gonna have to say. I'm not talking to your bloody kid yet. Can you stop talking to it please not they're not even talking they're just like I'm sorry I

know a lot of adults do it but it drives me nuts why I did it I was like where are all my posts gone but no they're there drives me that's what we do first right dating disasters right so dating disasters. Perfect timing. I need to... I think that's alright. Right, there's work going on so ignore that. You cut it down, will you be able to get rid of some of the sound? Of course I will. So no. Of course will! well i hear when mind bang in the videos and i hear when the dogs go yeah that just adds to like you know our charm the charm of our uh authenticity yeah yeah right okay all right? Yeah. We're not though. Oh, hello everyone and welcome to Middle-aged Opinion. I'm your host Ellie and I'm your host Emily and today we are going

to be looking at dating disasters. Yay! Yay! Because we've all had one of those. Maybe you haven't but yeah, dating disaster. No but um that's not what we're here to discuss do you know what I did think about you in both of the podcasts that we chose for recording today because obviously the divorce and then one I read was very similar I was like not gonna read that but I think there's a touch of it in all of them and then no no I picked dating disasters that weren't overly relatable and then the dating disasters I mean I mean I mean one of my dating disasters was fucking brilliant I will actually tell you because I called you straight after and you told me that I was out of order for not helping him out. What

happened? So I went to a pub to meet a guy but I'd already previously been speaking to him because I'm very worried about meeting weirdos. Right fair play. And he sounded normal on the phone and it was all flowing nicely when I met him at the pub and then it was very much like I was in a really intense interview. It definitely wasn't how it was when we were talking on the phone. Right, so he was grilling you. It was just like what would you do with this, what would you do with that, how about this, how about that, what do you think of that and I'm like oh fuck it, this is intense.

That feels like nerves to me, did I say that to you on the phone? No because that wasn't what you were worried about. Oh no no. Okay go on. He goes. I'm trying to like drop my memory this time. He goes into his pocket and pulls an item out and puts it out on the table. What was it? And says what do you think about that? Why don't I remember? What was it? A butt plug. My god I don't remember this. You were the first person I phoned and you said I loved and was like haha not for me thanks haha. Why don't I left, got in my car, locked my car because he left after me and I didn't want to get in my car. Why didn't he pull out a bar plug? And I don't know. Why do I feel very differently? So then I phoned you going, huh, huh, guess what happened? And you went, well I think that wasn't very enabling. And I said,

what do you mean? And you said, well you could have at least tried it on for size for him. Oh, was I joking? And I was like, you fucking did. You asshole. Oh, I was like joking. You're fucking deep. You are so stupid. That's what he wanted and then I was just like that's not funny. That sounds more like me because I'm like why would I have stuck up for this bloke. You didn't. You were like ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha I am! To be fair, by this point... Listen, all I kept thinking and we laughed about was what if he got pulled over by the police and they're like empty your pockets and he pulls out a butt plug. What do you intend to do with that? The thing is, what about all these men? She said no! She weren't into it. But all these men that end up in A&E because they've fallen on some of your brushes. I weren't falling. We should do a whole fact finder, a whole fucking thing because they are stories everywhere.

And they've all fallen over. One fell down the side of the toilet and landed on the toilet brush. And how these doctors keep a straight face is just beyond me. Honestly. Because I'd be like, did you though? Did you? But I got told about, so do you know metal cock rings? Never use one.

The fire brigade actually get called in to help remove those off of people's. Why? Because when they get erect once it swells and then the blood can't drain back out so they actually need to be off. yeah but why wouldn't they go to hospital for that? they do they are in hospital but the hospital haven't got the equipment to get through that type of metal so they call in the brigade to then cut through with their actual big choppers yeah. Never use cock rings. Fucking hell. Seriously so when the last one was like he's been to three I think

two or three hospitals where they've been called in to release. Why don't they use plastic or something? Oh my god I don't know. Or like rubber, that would make more sense. You know like when you've seen strippers, they put like a rubber band at the end. It's just got to be a different sensation, I don't know. I don't know, but it's the same with butt fugs, isn't it? They've got plastic, metal, glass, they've got all sorts of... Never used one.

I've never used one either. You're not really a butt person, I have to be honest. It doesn't do it for me. I've seen them. I've seen them. I've never used them. I've never used one either. Not really a butt person, I have to be honest. It doesn't do it for me. I've seen them. I've seen them. I've never used them. All different flavors really. Shapes and sizes. Shapes, sizes, textures, whatever. I saw a, because obviously I went down the rabbit hole

after I see the one where the bloke fell on the toilet brush. Someone stuck a glass Christmas tree up his ass. Yeah, I've seen a lot of TikToks. Light bulbs? Of of. Why though? tree up his ass yeah I've seen a lot of tiktok like hopes of of why medical like people going this Christmas and they'll hold up some point in there no why no gloss up your arms that could split and and kill you so you rip your part it's so weird of all the things you're better off with the

toilet brush if you're thinking this Christmas what can I put up my arse oh you see the random things they've got the x-ray and there's like an action man why lose a hamster? why don't? no stop it the poor hamster that's well out of order oh there was like 18 eggs why yeah why don't you just get dildos and put the dildo up your arse because you know someone double dog dead them a couple of them men are like double dog dead no they didn't no they didn't they all fell they fell they fell on it it's like when people cheat, as they're falling their trousers unbuckle, go down, Willy comes out, it's all of a sudden they're wrecked and they fall into the woman. Yeah but sometimes the woman falls on him. Yeah, because he was lying on the floor naked,

casually minding his own business. Sometimes she or he made me do it. Anyway, off topic! I feel like that would be a fantastic podcast! What has been up your arse today? What has been up you lately? That is the title! That is the title! What has been up you lately? What can you do? Winning? I've seen one where the man had a cop ring she had a lady of his and then

they got stuck you sent me the one about the guy who's like calling the hospital saying like oh there's a bottle i've been on a bottle and he's like oh i've lost the lead so he sneaked a fucking shampoo bottle up his. I don't know if we're talking hidden shoulders, molestances, a good old pan 10. I have no idea, it could have been Poundland, right? All I know is whilst he's on the phone to 999, he coughs, he sneezes. Then you hear the bottle shoot out and hit the bath

and then he goes, where's the lid? So the dickhead ends it up in fucking A&E and they're trying to get this lids, mate. Who looks and goes, oh, that. I just don't understand. I don't understand why not just a dildo. That's the confusing part for me. Because that's probably considered like gay.

How can it be gay if you're sticking a Christmas tree up your ass? But that is where the male G spot. I'm sure the doctor would rather pull a big fat dildo out your ass than a Christmas tree. Yeah, it's not fair play. Where'd you get that one? I've not seen one like that before. Yeah. I think let's stop sticking random objects up ourselves.

Ourselves like I've been included. Back to topic. We are, we are doing that. What's been in you lately? That is, honestly, that is fantastic. Dating disasters. I'm trying to get on this topic. It is actually part of the topic. Come back. He sneezed and a shampoo bottle came out. He's arsed.

That would be a great date story. Right do you want me to go first? Shall I go first? It's yours. Dating in your 30s is an absolute disaster. Change my mind. Dating in your 40s. I've actually saved this one. Oh happy June want me to read it it, read it. Okay. It says need advice. The title says it all. Oh hang on I've got zoom because I'm old. You're listening to the kids. Yeah. Yeah. What is they playing? They're monkey tagging. Um the title says it all.'s an absolute trainwreck when you're in your 30s it seems like. You're either dealing with people with serious mental problems who aren't medicated. I've heard all the stories.

Dealing with people who have multiple kids so they don't have time to talk or date. Yep. Do you have people who mid divorced or divorced? Raise both hands. There's nothing wrong with people who are divorced. No but the mid divorce is a bit of a messy place to be. It also comes with complication someone that's been divorced before. No it does. If you've divorced and you're done No, it's no conversation So what I'm check what I'm saying about that before you carry on with the story is your view on marriage is completely Different from where you were before you were married and went for a divorce. That is what he means There you can be better divorced

You're not bit a default. I know but would you know but my point is I'm using you Yeah, you you you're falling on marriage is different than when you were younger before you were married I think if you're divorcing on Mutual grounds or not. Yeah divorce is is a missy I agree, but either way you're divorced. It's still complicated. It doesn't have to be complicated But it is you could know because if you're just, it's still complicated. It doesn't have to be complicated. But it is. No, because if you're just divorced, there's nothing else there.

There's no children. There's nothing. If you're just divorced, that's it. You're done. Yes, but it is. But your views can be altered. My views on marriage isn't negative. It's not negative.

It's not negative. Would you ever get married again? I don't right now need to right I have no I'm not I will never marry of course yeah but I'm also 40 with two children do I need to get married again clearly starting the menopause yeah I'll push you off my bed I don't need to get married again but if I met somebody who was like, amazing, that's all I'm asking of you, please marry me. Yeah. It would be something I would consider. Okay. But I'm not, I'm not anti marriage, but some divorce people would be, they're like, fuck that, fuck you, fuck this, this moving on it means the complications there is

a divorce but it doesn't need to be no all I'm yeah it depends on the situation I'm carrying on my story okay sorry yeah or people who somehow still in the hookup phase because they got married or were in a relationship with someone for way too long that didn't work out. I mean I don't feel like I got in the hookup phase. I don't think that's you, it's not part of your personality. Although that man keeps asking if you go for Christmas so you know. Not just Scotland, I mean I wouldn't mind going to Scotland. I don't know how many times I've got to say no and then he asks a different question I mean he means Christmas Day anyway I mean I'm busy

Christmas Day! Yeah, wait, anyway. I'm going on anyway it doesn't matter which dating website you use or if you meet people outside it's the same shit outside just takes longer to shift through the bullshit you get within a few days online yeah I'm honestly just about done entirely when you when you do find someone to to your attraction level they're either batshit crazy, cheating or generally unavailable. I mean my experience there is that's true. It's true. I feel like I'm with you there. Yeah yeah. I'm not the

most attractive person I know that I'm a good seven when I clean up but I refuse to waste girls time with dates or talking if they're below my standards. Oh. Listen, you don't need to lower your standards just because you're in your 30s for a ways. If you've got a standard and you know what you're looking for, why lower the bar?

It's the word standard, I think. You don't need to lower the bar. Yeah. Just to be in a relationship, you don't. So keep the standards high and your heels high too. Okay. Anyway, I'd ask if it gets any easier, but that doesn't seem to be the case. I've got vastly more matches and dates in my twenties than I have these past two years. At this point, I don't know what to do. I'm content with being alone

and not having to deal with somebody else but also I wouldn't mind companionship if it's with the right person. I figured by now in my early 30s I would have found at least one person who's got a laughing cry and emoji face. Now my door for having kids won't close for a while but women my age are certainly getting there within the next five years. Oh that's rude. There you go. Should I honestly just delete all my shit and start over or delete the shit and take a couple of months and start over.

I honestly think you might need to change your attitude a little bit. Right. So that's when I said, when he said standards, it depends what he's, doesn't mention what your standards might be. Well, if he thinks he's a solid seven, that's what he thinks he is. It doesn't mean that he is a solid seven and it doesn't mean that his standards might be an 11 but anyway forget all of that i tell you what i think the problem is i think he needs to get offline and start trying to meet women the good old-fashioned way in hobbies that he's interested in meet people that way because at least that way it will be like a natural

oh my god you're you're quoting me i don't think people should be meeting someone it's gotta be natural it's gonna be through something i do i don't want to go down to the pub and meet someone at the pub because i'm not someone that goes down the pub no i'm not a drinker no that's not's not my thing. No. But if I was out and I was doing something that I love doing. I saw the quote years ago. It's they say meet someone doing the things that you love because then at least you both got the same interests unless it's like me and you where we pick one random thing that might kill us you need to do. But even then.

I was thinking that at work today and they're like what is wrong with you? I'm like I need more challenges. Go for the millipause. I really hope you go for it before me. I won't. I've got hundreds and thousands of eggs left. I know that for a fact. I've had tests. I'm not going go through it. Recently? Enough, enough that when I last had the test done, that I have got more than most. I don't want to even know. Gutted. Not really.

Yeah, no, not really. Anywho, yeah, I think that it's his attitude a little bit. He's doing it all wrong. I think you're right that he should, like your point of view now, it's gonna be something where you both kind of align with the same thing which I think would be so much better because then at least you know you can go off and do those things together without being bored I think it'd be better for you as well like I'm switching back to you if they had kids as well. I don't know. You don't think

so? I don't know. I mean you've been there done that but I think that's a good thing because then they understand more. You don't think so because he doesn't seem very understanding. He's right people are not so much nowadays actually, a lot of people nowadays aren't 30 married with kids blah blah blah, he's actually wrong in that. Yeah massively wrong and actually just through that what you've just said, the top comment was which of the categories are you in? So all those little categories you put everyone in, they're like hmmm. You definitely fall in something like that yeah and it and

agreed and I feel like it might be a little bit of an attitude readjustment yeah because I feel like it he's going on dates but you don't want to waste his time and if you're going with that attitude it's not gonna go past the second date is it no like you said the bloke that grew and then pulled out a butt plug maybe that was him. Tista. I mean I don't know what he was expecting me to say or do. Did you leave there and then? I finished my drink first because I had paid for it and then I said yeah anyway I'm gonna go. That's hilarious. Certainly wasn't going to the toilet to try that thing in. I feel like I blocked that Block it. I feel like I blocked that story. That's a traumatic story. It is a traumatic one of my favorite stories

It's a good story. It's a really good, scary dating story. That and the surprise penis Surprise penis! All the time, remember? That was good times. He used to call me and be like, I'm gonna call you shhh don't say nothing and then he'd video call and then it would just be him having a wank in the bar and like It's so weird But I didn't say nothing I would be like What do you say? I'm like as you listen to him splash It's just disgusting

I was like dude you listen to him splash. It's just disgusting. I was like dude. Like cookie licking herself. I was on medicated category but over the past two years I've been medicated and I'm doing vastly better but doesn't seem to be helping in the dating scene. There you go. There you go. Ah so you don't have to be medicated to be dating. No. You don't have to be medicated to be dating. No. You don't need to be anything other than yourself and you'll find somebody that will. I do.

I don't think there's anything wrong with him. I just think, I don't know what he's looking for. Maybe go for someone younger that's ready to settle down then. If women in their 30s, you know, running out of time, the old eggs are drying up. Yeah. I mean I'm not being funny. I'm just saying that how old are you? Oh no you're too dry moving on. Honestly I'm like okay. That's so rude. Honestly. It's so rude. And it's such a dated thing to say like we are not in the bloody 1970s. Maybe that's it, maybe his mind is from 1952. He's early 30s. Doesn't mean that he hasn't been brought up to think that way. He's a 90s baby. It sounds like

he's got... He's a 90s. It sounds like he's been brought up by quite a protective mummy protective mummy or where mummy does everything mummy and daddy does nothing mommy and daddy anyway that's not what we're here for i can't help it yeah so i hope he replied oh go on i'm not saying those are bad qualities to necessary to necessarily have they just had weird experience with people with those one a medicated bipolar girl was using her daughter to try to keep her keep me in a situation and then having her randomly kiss me she then finally gave up and started grooming a 16 year old what hey that was a date to mid divorce girl not using real names probably I hope her name isn't mid divorce girl it is on his phone probably because they they weren't really divorced or mid

divorce they were just looking to see what was out there and or cheating this was this one was just recent didn't tell me her real name until three days into talking then just randomly ghosted me. Three, multiple kids they want you to be the breadwinner take care of them and all their children I feel like that's a little bit of a touchy way to talk but okay or they take forever to respond when I have friends who are single mums who can message back within a few minutes who don't blame their kids for it. One girl I've been talking off and on with for a few years has one kid with autism and doesn't work 40 hours but does have time to talk.

Four, swingers. I'm not into polysituationships or any of that bullshit. No you're right I do look for reasons why a relationship won't work because I've seen it firsthand with my parents and know what red flags are actual red flags then you just have the weird superficial girls like those girls who said because I didn't want to work 60 plus hours at USPS with her to get a house like her, I wasn't dedicated enough for her. Okay. There is just a load of dumb shit out there and again I'm not a terribly ugly dude I worked at PetSmart for years and was constantly hit on by old women who shopped and worked there on top of the younger girls something sorry something something Sorry

Something when I was working at a grocery store girls hitting on me in the checkout line Where they later added me on Facebook go out White Castle giving me food at drive-thru When I was in college adds me on Facebook some same day. It's just bizarre. I go from those types of situations to absolutely nothingness once I hit 27 to 31. No, maybe I just got uglier because I gained 50 pounds because I stopped caring about my physique. I think he actually has really low self-esteem and actually a lot of those issues were actually really valid issues to not date those people. Yeah. Right. Absolutely. But I think he's got low self-esteem and he's missing when people, normal people if you like, are putting the hit on him. I think he's missing it but actually... I don't know, I don't know.

I feel like he has issues but I do feel like when he explains it I'm like okay that's a valid point. All those are valid points. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So yeah. We can't help you. Save yourself. I don't feel like it's going to get any better but it possibly ain't going to get any worse. I think maybe love yourself before, I don't think he does, I think maybe love yourself a bit more before you start looking for other people to introduce into your world Right if you're saying you've gained it you've given up on yourself. It's time to work on yourself, right? Yeah mentally more than anything Okay, we ready yeah

Poor bloke first. I've gone from not liking em. T's alright blah blah blah Right anyway, he feel sorry for you. A little bit I do now yeah right. Watch your online dating disaster story. It started with a message when I was drunk. We met in a local pub for a few drinks and we get chicken fingers. The conversation is terrible but I noticed she's taking the chicken fingers and ripping them up in her hand and putting and putting the breading in her huge purse so naturally I call her out on it she smiled and said oh I'm just feeding and pulled out a fat chinchilla. I'm sorry. It's fantastic.

I told you I really enjoy the fat chinchilla from her bath. in the middle of the table she took a ginger out of her teeth and it just kind of chilled out I played with the ginger a bit and she kind of got mad at me for playing with it and back in the purse it went i was ready to call it i was ready to call it and leave but she mentioned that she could go for some ice cream i was this is so funny This is so funny. And I was cool with it. So we go to Ben and Jerry's, we get to talking about tattoos and piercing. And she tells me she's had her nipples pierced. And I'm like,

oh, and then she pulls down her shirt. And out come her tits in the middle of Ben and Jerry's at 8 p.m. And shows me her nipples. I was just kind of poker-faced so then I decided to walk her to her car. She kissed a tack to me. Which was kind of cute so I made out with her sort of her lips were tense the whole time and she licked my teeth. I friended her on Facebook for some reason after that she had a Facebook page for the chinchilla. she had a Facebook page for the chinchilla and that had more Facebook friends than I did a few months later then chinchilla died and it's Facebook was a memorial where a bunch of people like 35 commented about how much they missed it.

i liked it. one of the one of her statuses and she and she called me crying. i unfriended her but not the chinchilla. rest in peace sammy. i mean i don't think that sounded like a disaster. I feel like that is true. Nothing bad happens. So when I made it I got through that no problem but the minute I'm telling someone I've knocked out a ginger. I've had a mouthful of coffee and I was like don't spit it out, don't come out your nose, don't spit it out, don't come out your nose.

I mean that is absolutely excellent. That's of course, I can't believe you unfriended her. If I can, but he kept the chinchilla. I'm trying to keep the chinchilla out of respect. Oh my god we could have a look and see if there's Sammy Chimchilla. No don't look, not right now. Okay not right now but I will. I'm going to look and if i do i'm gonna post it

like rest in peace right someone said absolutely hilarious unfriendly but not chinchilla this man has priorities in order and i really hope your friends with the chinchilla do this day and it pisses or it pisses me off that a Facebook chinchilla lives forever can't we just let the chinchilla die being forgotten I mean now people are just taking the piss but that is absolutely that's brilliant one of the best stories i've read it takes me back to the whole fish thing i don't think it was a disaster i i it has given him one of the best stories of his entire life yeah because i thoroughly enjoyed it i mean from what i think what about getting

their tits out in the middle of Ben and Jerry? Like, no shame. I got my nipples pissed. There they are. I mean, there would have been kids in there. Yeah. And she's like, these are my nipples. It's fucking insane. I loved it, but for me, it's all about the chin chiller.

Rest in peace, Sammy. Why was... From middle-aged opinion. Why was it there? Why? I don't know. Why was it there? Why did you take it with her?

I don't know. I feel like? Why did you take it with her? I feel like, I feel like Sandy went with her everywhere. And, er, if you love my chinchilla, you love me. I feel, stop it, because I'm tired. You started it, I was fine until you started it. It was brilliant, right. Okay. That was a great story.

Oh, I pulled out a chinchilla. Pulled out a chinchilla. Oh, brilliant. How was your date? Yeah, I took Sammy with me. Yeah. He was a hit. I had to put him back. Imagine that. Imagine you ringing me after that phone call. I would have died from laughing. Send me your photos. Yeah, me and the chinchilla. Best day ever. And then we all friend it on Facebook. But this one's a bit long. But we're going with it because it promises to be light-hearted and I quite enjoy like the humor. I felt. No you didn't. I felt. You're lying. That is not Sammy. Sammy. Sammy! That is not Sammy. Sammy!

A year ago. Sammy the chinchilla. No but Sammy's dead. Yeah this was a year ago. Let me see when the story was. I'm so sorry. I'm so easily distracted. They live longer than...

It was less than a year ago. It says he's died though. Yeah so Sammy... And the post is a year ago. It says he's died though. Yeah, so Sammy, and the post is a year ago. Oh, more than a year ago. Yeah, Sammy's dead. Rest in peace, Sammy. That's a cute cat. Right, I'm gonna have to move on now because honestly I get so distracted. Oh, it was brilliant.

You're an idiot. I really liked it though. I loved it so much. It made me so happy. Dating as an Indian doctor and other disasters. Brackets lighthearted. Context. Sorry. I'm a doctor from India, freshly single after a relationship we were both expecting to result in marriage and a long happy life together ended as a bitter taste in our mouths. Thus I found myself single after seven and a half years. We both just burped at the same time. I tried to swallow actually my mouth so dry and well with work the way it is why not give dating apps a try. In an actual hospital the odds are good but the

goods can be very odd and they know how to wield a scape scalpel better than I do sure I know they're not good for your mental health but a what's the worst that can happen spoiler some people can be very wacky I recently spoke to a cute met med student on the dating apps some mid med schools are my young, same med school as my younger brother. She tells me she knows my brother. I mean who doesn't? He's a looker. All the girls and a good quarter of the guys want to know him in a biblical sense but she wasn't so crass. biblical sense but she wasn't so crass. Yeah like gross about it. All good. She says she knows my dad.

Okay but I've heard worse. She goes on to say that not only are our parents colleagues they're from the same med school. What a coincidence. I asked my brother about her, you know, due diligence. He gave me a look and tells me to keep my filthy paws off her if I know what's good for me. Huh? That's new. I swear he's never had that particular reaction before and I wanted to know why but he just shook his head asked me to confirm her surname and wandered off then she says that hey your dad was visiting our place just a month or so back how's he doing quite well

thanks for asking what field of medicate medicine are your parents in? Gynaecologists themselves. I matched into, I matched into, is that psych, psychiatry, psychiatry? Yep. Then I found out after a very reasonable amount of flirting that I had matched with my psychiatrist daughter on a dating app. I told her that I had literally called him a month back to share the good news. The former, the latter was nothing but bad. My dad delivered her by C-set. He does that to a lot of people. It's not a very exclusive club after all. How could it be when I'm a member? My fucking brother...

He was laughing his ass off in the next room. The walls, while thick, weren't nearly enough to hide the chockles of my beet red face. Then the arse goes on to tell my parents about her and I limp back home from work only to have my dad ask me if I want to marry her. I'm not following. What was the funny bit? He was delivered or his parents delivered her. Sorry. Both. Okay. His dad delivered her through C-section.

Right. But he's also being delivered by his dad through C-section. Okay. So I haven't got there yet okay sorry it's just I wasn't following I was like I don't understand why that's funny okay go on like fucking hell so dad now has asked if he wants to marry her right I chuckle and throw my employee ID card somewhere it won't be missed then I take a good look he's not joking this is the opposite of good but what I am good at except bursting except brushing off

commitment no then stop fucking around SMH SMH. SMH? I feel like I know this. I know. He's also shaking his head and I'm mine. She's a good girl. Studious? Studious? From a respectable family. Shaking my head. You want to get married. I can call her dad right now. He's not kidding either. I thought I was dead inside but apparently it's always possible to make room for dessert and to make what's already dead roll over and die again. I assure him that as someone about to move countries and stay in Scotland for about three years and change. Marrying an Indian med student only halfway through her course

is an absolute last thing I want to be doing. Ah, but they're well off enough and so are we. We could fly her out every six months or so to see you. No, I'm good. My mum was in the room and giggling her ass off. Thank you for the moral support mum. I tell my dad that I don't think a healthy marriage involves the newlyweds living in continent, in living a continent away, seeing each other every blue moon he doesn't seem all that fast and I realized that roughly sums up the first few years of his marriage given how he was on the sigma

grindset I suppose there's a reason they had their honeymoon when I was three years old. No I tell him give given that if there's even ever going to be a shotgun wedding her dad will be the one wielding one not only to keep me at bay. He's my fucking shrink. So her dad is his shrink. He knows everything. He'd need a shrink himself if he let me anywhere near his cute and nerdy daughter and I'm not licensed yet. At this point my mum asked if I care to examine the latest batch of single ladies lovingly hand picked out for me by my aunt in London. I've well and truly had enough. I stomp out of there with steam, tinted pink with dying brain tissue hissing out of my ears. My life is a farce, jokes on me so are some of the drinks but only because

I'm going to be drowning a lot of them. Yes, too close to home. But you know, they still practice. Yeah. Yeah, but it's optional now. You don't have to, which I think is better. But yeah, can you imagine marrying your shrink's daughter? Who your dad delivered that isn't so bad to me i feel like it's just all a little bit too close for home for me it's more about all but you know your psychologist like knowing everything about you all the dark parts

and then you want to marry their daughter which would be so funny good story though good story i read it better yesterday i think you read it well today it's my brain babies because i'm tired that's all it is so i'm like right are we ready? Or do you want to? Yeah. Right, date with... Oh, did I want to read this? Yeah, I'm gonna... Right, date with an anti-abortion guy turned into a disaster, did you? Because I was like, it's quite controversial and then I thought the subject is controversial, so I may as well read it.

Right, went on a date with a guy. Abortion topic somehow came up. Regardless of the children free atmosphere, the amount of shit that came out of his mouth was so toxic, inconsiderate and unbelievable. Honey, if you got pregnant you need to take over the responsibility. Abortion is murder. Your body is no longer only yours after conception. The only legitimate reason for

for it is for our being is what they mean is is being raped and the child having is being raped and the child having severe deformities. Even if you were manipulated into pregnancy, it was your fault for letting him do that. After politely telling him that I disagree, he became pushy and didn't want to leave the topic. I literally got off the table and left. Sent him a message that in the future he should be careful about saying a woman what they must and mustn't to me speak up after I read some scientific research is on abortion and blocked him there is an edit do you want to take that just while I'm before I

read the edit what do we think about him not much Not much. If he says no. Not much. I mean I would have got up and left. I would have, that's a lie. I would have had a proper round. I would have had a proper round. I think I would have been leaving by being dragged out by a bouncer because I might have probably. Yeah, I would have, yeah, I would have, there would have been a full blown fucking argument right uh edit clarification as I see there might be some confusion I'm not sure if he's child free or not

that's what I meant by regardless of the child free status we didn't reach we didn't reach that topic they didn't get that far and Then top comment says, what an unhinged take. Then whose body is it? The babies, this implies that women lose personal hood and authority once they become pregnant, which is a dangerous notion. When far-reaching implications, do we allow a foetus to mature? Where doing so would be fatal to the mother.

Now, what's interesting about this post is this post was 229 days ago, almost a year. And now obviously in every state in America, yeah, it is now illegal to have an abortion. I believe it's every state I could be mistaken, but I'm pretty sure that's what I've seen. And so. So I wasn't up to date with it as far as I was. Yeah, the place I was with it was it was still in debate because they were still chucking out all their pros and cons, but for and against. Yeah, so without getting political and researching, what I understand is you can no longer have an abortion. I'm not even sure what the circumstances have to be. That includes rape. I'm pretty

sure that's what it is, what I've read. I don't really want to look really into it, but I do feel like the more and more stuff I see and control from the government etc it might be heading here to the UK which obviously puts obviously it can kill some women other women have been raped and then when you address this with the I want to say like far right but that's not the right saying with the men who believe that abortion is murder etc like what what I'm a 10 year old that's pregnant by a father and whatever and they're like it's still God's child need a good smack in the face yeah or we can always just take it over to the other

side and it's like okay if this is if this woman has to have this baby yeah and you need to pay her child support yeah and also from day dawn and also ejaculating without using a condom surely is abandonment it would be abandonment yeah all the potential children let's start catering for as this child is a real child and is a real human being, let's cater for it. And you know, that's, cause that won't happen. No, of course not.

And the interesting part is we could go on and we could really research what's actually going on in the world, but I just, we're not, we're not a political podcast. These are my personal views. I think if a woman gets pregnant and she wants to have an abortion regardless of the circumstances that should be

completely within her right I agree and I think that men perhaps should be all circumcised in that case and bear in mind I do have two boys because that is easier reverse than a woman there's so many solutions to it, but I don't think men sitting in the White House or anywhere else get to decide what women do with their bodies. And that's where I'm gonna leave my views on that. Anything you wanna add?

I feel like I can go off on an absolute whirlwind of a tangent. And that's what I mean. So that is where. So it's probably safer to leave it there. Yeah. you said is yeah exactly how I feel yeah amongst a whole bunch of other shit of course of course so but that's it's a very interesting I would have left the date I wouldn't have left that's a lie but I've had a rail I would have a major yeah I would have had a rail but that's that I might have even called you to come down in a row with me

Come and listen to it. What? a butt plug Come on, yeah, let's let's let's settle this. I mean people are crazy bat shit fucking crazy And you know that he's still on mummy's booby and that's why he shaved that And that's all I've got to say about that. Really long. Yeah, should have read the chinchilla one last. A local parish had its annual Catholic speed dating and it was a disaster. In previous years there would be over 150 women and at least 140 men at this event. This year only 40 to 45 women registered and about 55 to 60 men registered and about 15 of them did not show up to the actual event and they had paid the $50 fee too.

Every man there had at least three or four no shows on their list with many many a break slotted in due to the low numbers of women. Age cut off was 39 too. I did have a date with a speed dating girl who claimed to be a revert after living with a boyfriend and then she sent me multiple weird messages and finally stated that she was going back to her ex. Catholic match is dead in my local area too. If God wants me to be single please pray I'll

live a holy life and have people around me at the time of my death. Don't stick a Christmas tree up your arse my family is small and dysfunctional as it is fucking hell so they all got blown out they were always like nah you would be though wouldn't ya nah so no from me

cut off ages 30 and I would never have been out of her tent no not anymore not this one. No Next week's You're in the next box. Oh, you're in the full e to 55 bracket now That's rude in it You believe we're 40 years old Yeah, cuz you don't let me forget. Yeah but it's so shocking to me. And now you're trying to push menopause on me. Well you've talked about your symptoms.

Off. You've got all the symptoms. Back off. I'm just saying. I'm just saying. I'm just saying. Back off. It's the symptoms. Oh menopause. Go on, tell me the top comment. Having speed dating is more than most parishes have and even 40 or 50 sounds like a lot if any of the parishes in my area tried it I wouldn't be surprised if you had say to 40 men but only 10 to 15 women sign up have you ever been speed dating? no! would you ever go speed dating? yeah just for the fun of it yeah I think I'll go with you just for the crack. I'm like I don't know how it works. what's your ideal man? don't know. oh no yes I do. Thor. next. next one. Iron Man. next. The Hulk. next. Black Panther. I think women sit don't they and the men are supposed to walk around. I don't know. Don't you get like a minute? The ones I've seen, you get like a minute

and then you've got to be like blah blah blah blah blah. I don't know. I've seen a lot of... What they say when they go, is that a wedding ring? Yeah, love him. It's not called speed dating, but they've got a lot of single night out bar events. Single ready to mingle. Kind of things yeah. Bring your butt back. You go to a bar and like an area has been sort of hired out. There's a chinchilla section. Sad section. You can bring your chinchilla. Sad single section. Yeah I mean I would like to go but that would be really mean. Especially with

someone who's like oh she's fit and I'm like yeah she's my wingman I'll come for me I'm the single one. How long have you been single? Sorry is this not how long have we been married? I thought this was talk about the marriage. I'm in a city of three million and it was heavily advanced like I said before it had a huge draw in the past that was OP. I think that was cute. I think that it's cute that he's bothering, do you know what I mean? I think it's kind of cute that the church is doing something. Like again, it's like minded people.

Like minded people, yeah. Which is cute. Yeah. But I feel a bit sad for him. It's like if God wants me to be single and let me be around people that love me. God can't do everything, you've still got to do your own looking. Yeah, yeah. Come on now. You can't, well, I know. We manifest. Yeah, we'll manifest, but I don't think she's gonna knock on the door and be like, praise Jesus, I'm here. I'm not gonna lie.

I'm gonna wrap. I'm kinda hoping that someone knocks on my door one day and then I don't have to go out and meet someone. You know, what if they knock on the door? You'd be like, why are you at my door? I wouldn't answer, to be honest. Well, that's what I'm saying. I'd just be like, you are on camera.

I'm not expecting anyone, so. There you go. I think the only people that come see me is you and my mum. There go so you'd be like sorry but why are you here? I'll be like phonia are you at the door? Yeah. First date disaster. I just went on a first date with a girl. It was just a dinner date. Am I reading the same story? I just read the same story. Sorry. It was just a dinner date. I thought the date was going good because we talked a lot but I didn't make any moves or nothing. But when I asked her friend she said it wasn't really good because I didn't do stuff like open the door for her or pay for dinner. I asked her about it but she just brushed it off and says next time we should have friends

around to make it more chill. In the relationship still salvageable or is it best to cut my losses? I do have an update. I don't know, she said next size. So she's implied. But what do we think about her? Well, she's told her mate. He's like, er. He didn't pay. He didn't open the doors. I'm a lady. I mean, I don't expect someone to pay, but just like a light little gesture.

Gentlemen, gentlemenly update. I went on another date with friends but it was just another of our friends who were dating so it was basically a double date. It went way better than the first date. We were flirting, we held hands and after the date we kissed when I text she said She said and She really liked me and I was not so nervous like the first day. It was better on the double day. Hope things work out Oh, I thought it's quite nice one. That's quite out. I thought it was quite a nice one. That's quite nice.

Because he thought it was a massive dating disaster. Sometimes if that's like one of your first dates, you do kind of forget yourself a little bit. Yeah. So maybe. Yeah, so. I'm glad she gave him another chance. Yeah, same here. And to the original post, the top comment is,

you treated her like a bro not like a lady, lesson learned for next time and then obviously the update but I just I thought that was quite a nice one bit of a wholesome one. Nice. Nice darling we like that. Okay go. Third date disaster. I, 31 male, went on a third date with 27 female to a lounge type place for some drinks and dancing. It didn't end well. Did I overreact? Opinions please. We will let you know. We will. Sorry, I just drank some coke. And again. Sorry, you've ruined my life. It wasn't your nails, but I know it made me yours. So, the night was going well, the music was great, we had about three drinks in us and we were dancing and having a good time.

Sometime during the night she starts trying to test me. During the night she mentions to me to point to any guy in here and she'll go get his number. Oh. What? Oh. I don't like her. So I take this as a bizarre shit test

and she's trying to demonstrate that she has her pick of the litter. I tell her it's not necessary and the night continues. Later on in the night she went over and talking to some guy. I was just kind of dancing around in the periphery ofkwardly, awkwardly like an idiot. I just wanted to observe and see what she would do. She ends up exchanging phone numbers and my mood sours. What the fuck is wrong with her? I think the deal breaker was how she handled it afterward.

She knew I was bothered and started telling me she wasn't interested in him. She's just interested in me. That this kind of thing happens all the time and if I want to be with her, I have to deal with these things. She basically offered no apology and issued an ultimatum to me

to learn to deal with it or split. Okay, bye. I solidified whatever pride I had left as a man and stow- what's that say? Stow-is-ly? Stow-is-ly. Yep. And calmly agreed to part ways and got her a cab. She kind of furiously got into the cab follow-up question am I just getting back into the dating pool after a long follow-up question I am just getting back into the dating pool after a long relationship is this status quote for the things I have to deal with no no. I think he's just met some sort of a dickhead. She's a proper dickhead. She's a massive fucking dickhead. I go around getting other guys and stuff because

I am the business. Point at anyone here. They want me. Go away. If you can't deal with that, it's a you problem. Move on. Yeah, because I can't help being so beautiful and Everyone wanting me including. I'm a ten, babe, I'm a ten. Yeah, no, actually I'm a twelve. I'm a twelve. Look at me. Look at me. But she actually exchanged numbers and went that's just what happens. So it's one thing a man coming on to you and you saying no not interested. Thanks though. To So it's one thing a man coming on to you and you saying no not interested thanks though to Exchanging numbers is completely different. So I feel like she's really scared him But she's just not worth your time. No, no, she ain't she ain't honest. I'm just

Female slag same as there's male slags. They love themselves. Yeah, she shouldn dating she's for the streets yeah yeah the lego streets this shit is so immature and she was trying to make you jealous yes no you didn't overreact she's acting like a teenager at best yeah oh p says thanks I was thinking the same thing in my head at the time. I guess I just needed some positive affirmation That I handled it appropriately. I actually feel sorry for you. The dating world can be wonky Yeah, no, she's not she's not the one she's not even the two three four or five six six She's just not even worth it. I'd move on and just put it down to a bad experience that's that. Yeah she sounds like crazy. She's crazy. Absolutely. Are we good? Are we wrapping up?

Yeah. Your fault. Alright my darlings well thank you my darlings, no way from the farm. I'd like to thank you all for coming today. I don't know why. What's happened this was getting disasters back oh sorry about that we all hope that the chinchilla is resting in peace over here all right peace amy i'm gonna be thinking about sammy for a while i'm gonna stalk until i find the right facebook fan page as well yeah you know i will yeah now I'm gonna send it to you. Don't date your, your shrink's door.

Yeah, don't do that. And stay away from girls from the streets. Yeah, because if they think that they're ten, that means that they're not. They're really not. And there are normal people out there. Somewhere. Yeah. I'm here. I'm here.

You aren't interested either. So we can't help you with that. I just think I am happy I'm married because wow. I'm happy I'm single. Yeah. I get it. I'm good. She's good. We're all good. Help yourself first. Yes. Like look after yourself. You only have to be like I love myself.

I agree and don't rush into anything. There's nothing saying that you just can't take time with stuff, right? Like there is no rush. Just go live your life. Yes. Enjoy yourself. I mean, that's what we tell our kids, right? Go and have fun. Enjoy yourself. Don't worry about being tied down or in a relationship. Yeah, that's not what it's about anymore you know so much more concentrate on where you want to be and when you're there where you want to be then you've got time to bring somebody else in but still date because we really enjoy the stories yeah especially if they involve livestock or butt plugs butt plugs we are doing that i mean we need we know we are doing that these stories We're gonna do that. They're really easy to find what but plugs. Yeah, this is what we're doing

What's been inside me lately? To be done right my door lens again. I've just been yeah, we're going for a moment It's the word darlin makes me go light all farmer a you're saying it. I can't help it. They say sorry daddy makes me go like ol' farmeray. Stop saying it. I can't help it. Wait a second. Sorry, Daddy. Right.

No. You're my cuck sack. Ha ha.