Middle-aged opinion - Divorce is the only solution!

Episode Date: February 12, 2025

Hello everyone and welcome to episode 45. I can’t quite believe that we’ve already done 45 episodes. Thank you to everyone who has been here from the beginning and hello to everyone. That’s tuning in now today we talk about divorce and why people are getting divorced and I have to say in 99% of the situations I think divorce is the only solution It’s from betrayal to just having enough to friendship and relationship breakdown. I hope you enjoyed today’s episode Ellie and Emily

Wow, what do you think of that? What don't you think of that? I think that girl has got a... He knows it's a lot. Oh my god, so right, so we were in the kitchen with these damp and mold people, right? So I said to him, three of them, and I said, before you go, Harry had just come home. I went, could you do me one favour? So, lovely woman, she went, yeah. And the blokes are looking, I went, can you just tell Harry how much he looks like me?

So they were like, you don't, no I don't. I was like, you don't. And then Natasha went, I'm sorry, but you do look like your mom. Why is that so offensive? I really don't understand why it's so offensive. Tell you what else I did do, you just reminded me from your ear. My ear? Yeah, I've gone smaller, higher up. I got more

and went smaller because of you. Smaller. And then I put a bigger one here. Yeah. So these, these are fine, these don't hurt, it's just up there. This isn't my one because it's wobbly the other one's broken it is your one the other one's been broken for ages it can't be I don't know what to tell you I don't know why you use it it makes no difference it drowns you out but it doesn't babe I know it doesn't I know you wanted to oh Ellie yeah I didn't turn the light on or plug it in do you know what I've just worked out as well that these things Actually works. I've been playing around before you came. They actually throw I hope you know, sorry what I mean is These you can cheer and all that sort of crap. You can do that

Not that I think we need to do I'm just telling you that if we wanted to, we could. I'm gonna have to unplug Google. Sorry, Google. All right, that should be enough. Dogs can go under that. Up high, higher. Ah! Yes, Simon Cowell.

Well, he's loaded, isn't he? I could never date him though. It's not going to work for me and you, Simon. Although his wife's absolutely stunning. What can I say? He's got a lot of money. He's got a lot of money. Let me put that up there.

I had this really weird dream. Like a daydream. Right. What were we doing? No, me. Oh, it's all about you. I called into work that I weren't coming in and because I was going to a funeral and they're like oh I'm really sorry for you, can we ask who it is? and I said David Attenborough. I love David Attenborough. I will be attending his funeral. Where does he even live? He's not even dead. No he's not dead. Had you just watched something with David Attenborough? No, I was literally, I don't know what I was doing actually. When I was young, on Sundays, Dad would watch Songs of Prey. Songs of Prey?

Songs of Prey. Songs of Prey. Do you remember that? Yes. Fucking shit. Oh, I know. And then it would be David Attenborough. I love David Attenborough.

And I'm telling you, we hated Songs of Prey. We'd be like, why are we being punished? but I've never got his books that we used to watch, it's his voice isn't it? I love it, he's relaxing, he's absolutely brilliant in the searing giddy and the things he's not Australian Hindi sear, oh my, here they come in the searing giddy, heyrrhenicum, in the series, Giddy,

he's not, he's very posh. He's English. But he's not overly posh. She's unamused. Go and pay down, because she thinks you're gonna let her, go on, sod. I love you more than your mummy. Maybe.

No, definitely not. Yes, and they're like, we can't actually. Yeah, he's my grandad. I was like, no, no, I will be attending. Will you be attending East Union World? I feel like I will be. Once, if you don't know where it is. I didn't go to the Queen's one, but you know, David Attenborough, I'm there.

You know, Tasha went up to the Queen's one. No. Yeah, with Aaron. I was like, you want to get a life, brother? went up to the Queen's one. No. Yeah, with Aaron. I was like, you want to get a life, brother. Yeah. Uncertain, definite, queued up and all sorts. OK.

Yeah. I would never have gone up. You never get to do it again, I guess, so. I mean, Princess Diana, I get it. We were only 10 when that happened. I am telling you, me and Chris were watching Naked Gun 33 and Three Quarters on VCR tape. Soon as the tape stopped, about three o'clock in the morning,

the crash had just happened. I had gone through that tunnel, literally not even 10 minutes prior. Shut up! What, with your mum and dad? No, with my friend Kelly and her parents. We had been on holiday in Spain, but we drove there. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So there was me, her and her brother in the back, and mum and dad were in the front. We had just gone through that. That's fucking great. So both of us, me obviously, I was awake and got the headline straight away. You, yeah it was all like, well we didn't see the pilot. The VCR finished and then.

Some mad stuff started happening coming out. Yeah and then on the TV it was like breaking news, breaking news and me and Chris were like, what the fuck is going on? Just like that. Really sad, only for William and Harry although Harry is like questionable. Just got a lot of anger in me. What are you gonna do thank god I ain't part of the royal family although when I was younger I did want

to marry one of them so because Chris and Lisa were in the army cadets so we used to go up to London and sit behind the barriers to watch them and the Queen and that go by and then I thought I'm gonna marry one of them and be royalty although there's so many restrictions I couldn't dress like a slag like I do now no no boob tubes for me babe I can't show you shoulders can't no now. No boob tubes for me babe. I'll show you shoulders. Can't no, can't show you legs,

you have to wear tights at all times. Ugh, hate tights. I don't mind tights, but all the time, like in the summer. I hate tights. I'd be wearing like hold ups. Like stockings and suspenders. Yeah.

Yeah, and then you've got to go to all those boring fucking shit that they do. Get to travel though. Yeah, it's boring. Yeah, you wouldn't to go to all those boring fucking shit that they do. Just get to travel though. Yeah, it's boring. Yeah, you wouldn't be able to actually go and travel though, would you? You can go to the countries, but you wouldn't... Me, a princess, you're right, bye! Yeah, you would marry Carrie.

But I would have kept Sammy together. 100%. 100%. Yeah, you'd be in that palace you know 100% we're not moving chill out bruv relax and then you'd be like oh I'm actually going to be king it's a you problem like yay yeah it sounds like a you problem to me do you know who I am I grew up near Aranshaw I live near Croydon. So yeah. I bet your posh family would talk to you now.

Your posh family? I do have a posh family. Yeah, but they would be talking to you. Yeah, it would be all about me then. Every invite to every wedding. Oh yes, she's our favourite niece. Yeah, she's done ever so well for herself. But I'd have to talk like, Emily, do come round for a cup of tea.

Emily? Emily? But I'd have to talk like, eh, hello, Emela, do come round for a cup of tea. Emela? Emela? Emela? Emela, do come round. Do you reckon I'd still be mates with all you lot or you'd be too down and out for me? You wouldn't be allowed to talk to us. I feel like it would be like a secret meeting in a shed.

Where I'd have to be fully disguised as a shed. It would be just another palace, like a house. Yeah, just bigger than ours. This is my shed, I'm allowed. Please come down and meet me here. We can't be seen by any public. Yeah, the common people. The common people? Well, that's what we are. We are the common people.

We're commoners. Alright. I told you, when I went up to my cousin's wedding and all his friends were like, That's what we are. We are the common people. We're commoners. All right. I told you, when I went up to my cousin's wedding and all his friends were like, Hey, you have an accent! And I was like, so do you, bruv. You don't even live near London. Relax. Right back at you.

Yeah. It's quite funny now, Alvie going to uni and I can't wait to meet all of his friends. Oh hell yeah, oh your mum seems to be a commoner. Your mum seems to be a commoner? I'll be like, no not seems, is. I'm the princess of the people. Anyway. Yeah we're waiting for me to get on Reddit hang Oh no I've got new internet. I'm so sorry. Fucking again. Babe I told you they were coming it's like you don't listen to

anything that I say. But this one is working. Right I need to get on Reddit now as well. So just before we introduce and go into everything as we've been talking on normally. Look I got this one which was on what's that thing you like? It should say when things go funny. The funny encounter thingy. Parallel? No no. When... It should say at the top. It's a person's name. It should say. What reddit read? It says short scary stories but that's not what it came off of. My wife went missing two years ago. She swears she never left. That's parallel universe babes. It came under some chaos. What's that thingy effect? Oh, Mandela effect.

Love Mandela effect. I'm saving that. I now send them to you. I just send them through what? Anything like that. I've just watched one, I can't remember. I keep watching scary things and I'm like you need to start watching scary things.

So before we carry on, so obviously. We can't even read the starting. Yeah, before we start, that's what I meant to say We are gonna start changing things up a little bit because we're getting on a year in April April 19th It's the first release we do remember Yeah, so we are gonna We've had a look at our data

So we are going to change some things up and go a different way but still continue to do what we enjoy. Yeah, based on what you guys enjoyed the most. Yeah, because we now have enough data to see what you've listened to, how much you've downloaded, have you come back, it tells me that as well. Yeah, we know when you've come back. Yeah, and I just want to say to the people that have been with us from the beginning, the mics, the new mics, the old mics, and are continuing to come back every week, because we can see that.

It means a lot. It's really sweet that it's like, um. Family. It's like family. Australians. But no, it's more that you care about, you're having a laugh with us. That's it.

That's what I'm looking for. Because we're a laugh with us that's it that's what i'm looking for because we're a laugh right it's so funny how hasn't the world said why aren't we on google google box google box yeah i feel like we should apply maybe well they haven't seen us i feel like we just need to make them notice yeah because we're hilarious we just start tagging them Should we just start tagging them? In our broadcast just at the bottom? Hello! We're hilarious! Right, okay.

Oh no, they're not flickering. Now let's get closer. Why are they not flickering? Alright, you're shouting in it. And again. You're upset because your thing's not erect. It makes no difference.

It does look... Look at me. Makes no difference. That's you. That's not me. Look, see? Yeah, why are you whispering into the... Lift up the microphone near your face, you fucking moron.

Yeah, hello? Hello? Regal? Right, anyway, well, we need to start Hello, can you hear me? Or were you going for the other one? I was going for the other one, but yeah that was a good one Yeah

Or is it me you're looking for? Yeah I can see it in your eyes looking for. Yeah. I can see it in your eyes. I don't know how I'm not on top of the pop. Honestly, again, our talent has been missed. It's like never-ending. We're like a never-ending like scream of talent. We are like stuck in some grey zone because no one is seeing, no one's grasping the entertainment value. I mean you couldn't even tell that we're 40 years old could you? We look about 16. Did I take it too far?

Alright 25. Easy. Easy 25. I like it when we're out though and then people are like you don't look 40 and I'm like aw you're so cute for the life of me. To be honest, I found a picture of me when I was 30 and I found a picture of me from last year and I put them together and I'm like, that's rude. Or you're all right.

I'm all right. I don't look in the mirror and see a 40 year old face. No. And that is because I rewatched Golden Girls and they were 40 and I'm like, how is that even possible? I actually don't understand. I look at Golden Girls and I see 60 year olds. So do I, 60, 70, easy. Easy. But I don't understand how that's a 40 year old because I'm, I have one or two grey hairs the most. Yeah but it's, it was how women were treated then, how women were allowed to treat themselves, it was just a different

lifestyle then. What are we doing different then? I think there's just a lot more. I say we've been under more stress than the Golden Girls. I just feel like there's a lot more. I've never had Botox, never had lip injections, never had I don't use aging cream. I don't know about this one I don't start with that You got big lips I've got no top lip You've got big lips? I've got no top lip You do, you've got very similar lips to Jenna

I've got big lips You've got big lips I do have big lips There was a man on the internet and he said that if you... Hassan's got well nice lips. If you do this with a pen and your lips touch the pen as it's straight down onto your chin, then you're black and if they don't then you're white and I'm black. And then Paul went,

but you're not black and I was like, I don't know what to tell you. The man said that I am. Therefore therefore you must be yes although I'm alright with that but yes I do have big licks I'm quite lucky so hopefully as I get older the thinning I can feel it only slightly whispering on the top of my lip I know my top lip does sort of yeah but that's because you've got like a beautiful bow on the top but I can only just fit the brush in I would look at your licks and say they're small I never looked at Jenna's because you've got like a beautiful bow on the top. But I can only just fit the brush in. I would look at your lips and say they're small.

I never looked at Jenna's because that is the reason is because you and Jenna have got a very defined shape in your lips. Me, if I put liner on, even though I've got a small bow there, it goes straight across. No, I see. I see they look really full. Mine? Yeah, I do have full lips, but that's why I'm saying I don't have the definition like you and Jenna at the top. So when I put on lipstick, it almost looks like I've just got big lips. So, but what can I do? I'm just naturally, you know, gifted.

I'm actually black. I was not offended by that. I was sitting there, right, and I went, with this pen, babe, because he's got really little lips. And then he done it. And then he goes, but you're not black. And I was like, mate, you're so cute.

Of course I'm not black, but I've got good lips. And then I'm like, will I get Botox? I don't know if I will, you know. No, I feel like there's still quite enough things out there for me to be like, I'm gonna try that instead. I wanna know what Christine Aguilera used. Because she looks 20, minimum 20, and her body is incredible,

and her face just like, looks 20. Do you think they found the fountain of youth? If so, can we have some please, Christine Aguilera? She's had surgery. Not all over, not to make her look that young but she looks incredible. But she is wearing like a full body tie. She has 100% had surgery to have such a full face and when I say full I don't mean she was a youthful like yeah um skin plumped cheeks and now she's so tall back she a hundred percent she looks great you know the hand there's a few others that have like all of a sudden it's like they've reversed back in time. It's fine when we're famous we'll find out what it is and

if it's a dream come into it. If it's a dream. Although I'm not scared of getting old either. No no I'm good. But then I also think when do we mentally catch up with our age? Because I don't feel. We haven't had enough. Already then that would be now. No no we haven't had enough. No we haven't had enough. No, we haven't had enough. We haven't had enough fun. We haven't had enough. We are incredibly jizzy though. Tired. Yeah, I don't, I think it's winter blues as well. And you know what I do find strange, which I've said to Jenna before, I can't understand

why because me and you, we're both winter babies. I told you Harry said it's main character energy. Why we were born in the cold months but yet it's the worst for us like mentally? You think that... do you get what I'm saying? Yeah yeah yeah but I think I think that's just human nature rather than just because we're born there. Because it's cold, it's dark because i like i don't mind the cold but i like snowy cold yeah yeah so do i yeah yeah my cold that i can't deal with is wind when it's cold and the wind blows and damp and damp like the air is damp i don't like that i do like a nice fur coat i do like a nice fur hat and walking and hearing the crisp under my feet but not for too long. A still cold day I mean this week at work I've been out in the playground

and there's been no wind the sun's been out it's been fucking cold yeah but it's actually warmed up. It was such a gorgeous winter's day to be outside and then today was bitter. I was absolutely bitchy. I literally popped out, took Harry to college, come back. I was like let's go to the farm. I'm like fuck you, fuck you, fuck you. And you little fucker, I swear to God I'm going to shit you. Right, I didn't know. No, you can't. I wouldn't. Like not I can't, because I know I can't, but I wouldn't. No, you can't. I wouldn't. Like, neither can I. Not I can't because I know I can't, but I wouldn't. No. I went home. Although it's tempting, I couldn't personally work with children. I love children my own. I love my friends children, but I could never do a job with children because they're annoying or I'd encourage the bad behaviour and get

them in trouble and not even mean it. See I'm that adult. Not so much encouraging the bad behaviour but I am that adult that the teachers already said be quiet and then I'm sitting by the other kids and then one of them says something really like shh and I'm like what did you do and then that's it I'm now having this conversation after being told she can't and the next thing I know we're talking about Christmas but she can't then tell the child to be quiet if they're having a conversation with you surely no but we're not talking about what's going on in class of course

not because that's boring and And then they're like, right, ready, everyone understands the instruction. I'm like, what did she say? Yeah, what have we got to do? What did she say? When you finish your qualification, what will be your level? So I'll be, although I actually do work at the level,

I need the qualification to get my money official so I'd be a level 3 TA and then I'm in two months to go on to do the level 4 but the level 4 then means I can hold classroom but where I want to go with it it means my level 4 would be pointless because I'm actually more so looking to do art therapy. So you need to do a course in therapy? No, no, art therapy. Yeah, so you need to do a course. Art therapy is its own course. Yeah, because you're amazing at drawing. But because I've got the art background and I work within a school and I've been there

so many years and I will have my level three, I wouldn't have to do this other course to then get onto this course, which is like a four year course to get onto another four year course. So are you going to do, you should do that, have you looked to see where they do the course? Yeah. Is it near or you can do it online? I'm hoping I will be able to do like a half and half because obviously I work but it's a full-time course so I'm hoping I can work around work and home life because I think you would be excellent at that. I need to make money. Yeah, for me, I want to work with my hands and I want to, you know, because Terry's sister Brooke said to me, are you sure you want to do that? Because obviously, you know, when I think

about what would be my dream job, and it probably would be mental health nurse and helping people. And then I think the other part of me is like no because I deal with that every single day with Paul but then I'm like how do I I'm good with my hands how do I get better money quicker and that is where I landed on the plumbing kind of co-landing on with Harry doing his stuff so then together you know I mean it's been a bit of a, but then I definitely think like when we started the podcast, that's when I felt like I started to come back to life and that's when I'm like

selfishly thinking, what do I want, what do I want? But it's not selfish. No, it's definitely not. It's not, it's good, it's good. So I definitely feel like the path that I'm on, the path that you're on, is good. No, a comment was made the other day about sort of finding what they wanna do as a younger person.

And like, what if I don't wanna do that anymore and I've wasted all my time? And I was like, but you wouldn't because look at me, I'm 40. I did study, I did go to college, and then ultimately I ended up doing something that I thought I'd never do which was become a full-time mum. And then from that I've now ended up in a job that actually I always thought I'd hate. Yeah, but you're good at it and I really enjoy and It sort of brought me back full circle to get me back within my art and design side of it. Yeah

At the age of 40 and you know what you never too old No, but like Harry said you still got about 35 40 years before we can even retire babe The way things are the way things are going But like so for me, I did the nursing, the care, the epilepsy, loved it. After having the boys, because I thought I'd go straight back to work, but after having Alfie, that's when I decided

I could never go back into care because I used to worry about my clients. So I thought, I can't be a mum and have my brain somewhere else. So then I did the hair as you know and then when mum died and Paul stroke it was more to do with mum for some reason. That is when, because I was on a really good path there, that is when that kind of died for me and it's really difficult to explain like what that means but it's like a dead end and it's not that I don't I don't enjoy

it's like doing Jenna's hair and the girls hair tonight and the excitement and the happiness of the result of it it gives me the same feeling but it's not the same and it's difficult to explain that like what I mean by that. I know I get it, I do get it. Yeah, it's very strange because I was like doing catwalks and all of that. And then I was like, no, done. That's how I feel about my photography stuff. Like I love doing it, but the idea of it being a career now is just like a... No, yeah. No.

Yeah, that's kind of like what happened with me. I was just like, I can't, I just mentally can't. I don't mind doing the odd bit, like Jen is, that's the different, if you are different Ketla Fish, but to be out mainstream again and do it, no. I just, it's a no from me. No, I feel the same. Yeah. Right, shall we, because it's nine o'clock, shall we? Fucking hell. I know.

I'm so tired. You need to do your thing, but I'll introduce you. My thing? Yeah. Hello everyone and welcome to Me Likes Opinion. I'm your host Ellie and I'm your host Emily and we are going to be looking at... Divorces. Divorces. Yes. Yeah. I actually enjoyed some of these stories because it's very real, very raw, but also there's rational in there as well. So I actually have saved one, two, three, four, five, six. Yeah, I've got quite a few and then I was reeling through other things that I'd saved and I found a couple more. Yeah, I mean, I couldn't like like at first I thought, oh, you know, what's it, it's all going to be, I hate you, but it's that's not what it's about at all. And yeah, I did, I got, I got

really into some of the stories. So from all different people's point of views as well, which I like some of the, you know, the cliche, some are not not so are you happy if I start absolutely okay excuse me wife had an affair told her yesterday I want a divorce I'm completely crushed and lost I 41 males discovered on Monday that my wife has been having an affair for about a month now. There were a few red flags in the last month, but nothing obvious. This past Monday, I went with her to a medical appointment that required her to be put under for about 30 minutes. She had her phone on her and when they went to bring her back for the surgery and the procedure she wanted to keep her phone with her but when they said that she couldn't I noticed her quickly unlock it

swipe a few times before finally handing it to me while I waited for her. I in it this was the final red flag I tried her phone but the password was different than it was before. I tried another code that she had previously used and this one worked. There was nothing in her text but when I got into the Facebook messenger I found it. Discussions with a guy about various sexual encounters that have been over the last month. The last message was about three weeks ago. Sorry. Last message was about three... It's Jenna.

She's like, my hair, my hair. It was about three weeks ago and it was asking her for his number. So I know this message messages from Facebook then turned to text messages and this is what she was quickly deleting. I put the phone down, barely able to breathe, heart pounding in my chest. I sat there for about 20 minutes waiting for her to be brought back to... Jenna! She's happy! Brought back to the room, watching her wake up and talking with the doctors, getting her something to drink, walking her to the car.

On the drive home, everything was a blur and I guess I just stopped responding to her staring blankly ahead. I had been going back and forth in my head trying to figure out what to do, wondering if I should hang on to this information I had just learnt. When she asked me what was wrong I couldn't hold it in anymore anymore I told her I now see why her passcode has changed she played dumb I told her that I got into her phone and that she had deleted the text messages but she had forgotten to delete the Facebook messages she stumbled a bit pretending not to know what I was talking about frantically looking through her

phone right as we were getting home. Context, we have been married for 18 years, have four children together, live in the town she grew up with, she has older brothers who I consider my best friend, my kids have ten cousins all in the same area. Area? Area. Area. That's cold, go to the toilet. Listen, I'm trying to read the story, yeah? Sit down.

Shiver as well. I'm like, ah! Older brothers, blah, blah, blah. My kids, there's 10 cousins. My primary friend group has developed through her and her family and is quite extensive. All of my best guy friends are married to all of her best girlfriends. We all hang out all the time. We get home, I talk to kids, try to stay busy, start making dinner, she goes to the basement kids try to stay busy start making dinner she goes to the basement the basement about 15 minutes later I got a text saying I'm so sorry I'm going to

leave for a few days to give you some space and we can figure out what to do I'm crushed I sent it she's angry she wants to get a life. I'm crushed. I sent her some very angry texts. The Kicker is the Guy is a regular at the local bar that we frequently go to. We used to go there every Tuesday to play cards, but recently I haven't been going as much, but she still goes.

She also will go here with her girlfriends when they occasionally get together. I had seen him before but just last Friday we went there and she fucking introduced me to him. We went outside smoking in a small group and he was there. We were all chatting together for a few minutes and I talked to him about his job with weather typical bullshit. Never thought anything of it. Not that this matters but the guy is greasy, short, chubby and balding and has a shitty job. I don't know why I shared this other than I wouldn't consider this guy any sort of threat. I text her again, you fucking introduced him to me, what the fuck is wrong with

you? She went to her mum's for the night but didn't tell her anything. I've been so back and forth on what to do, so many dramatics, kids, finances, house, economy, family and many other things that are in play. I have no local friends outside of our group that I have because of my wife and her brothers. Her one brother who I consider my best friend for a couple of hours I thought maybe I could find a way and get through this and stay together for the one brother who I consider my best friend for a couple of hours I thought maybe I could find a way and get through this and stay together for the kids. Work on a marriage but this is impossible. We talked she's extremely remorseful, her

mental state is bad, has no explanation of why. I told her yesterday morning that I want a divorce, didn't sleep at all last night. I'm anxious and panicky. She's been staying in the basement on the couch. I don't know what to do next. I keep finding thoughts about blasting out a massive group text to our entire friend group, exposing her. They already know. Yeah. Fucking hell. Our support system are closely tied together.

I have no one to go to. Kids have nothing. Our relationship I thought that had been pretty good and we are very busy but we work together, go out together at the weekends. Don't fight often and never in front of the kids. My life is ruined. I don't know what to do next. I've got a very small update, but I'll let you.

Oh, mate. If you're close knit friends, oh, that close knit, they know. Especially the ladies. I know anyway. Mm-hmm. They know and If they are all married to you mates, they know too There's no way they haven't gone. Oh my god. That's what happened tonight I think I think he's trying to make it make sense And I think that I think that that's what people do you try and make it make sense and I think that I think that that's what people do you try and make it

make sense like why did this happen why is it because he's like put his description in I didn't see him as a threat you know and the wife has no explanation and I think sometimes that can be worse because if you can make it make sense yeah then I feel like it's easier to deal with but there's nothing in this Indicated I Don't I think divorce is the only way forward He will never trust her again and quite frankly, he won't even trust that friendship group again No, it's not only that it's that's what I'm saying to you like make it make sense because there is no rhyme or reason in this situation what I'm saying to you like make it make sense because there is no rhyme or reason in this situation that's what makes it worse in my opinion is there

was no need for the not that there's ever a reason but you can't even make it make sense so there is a small update it says update I'm not sure if this is the best place to post the update or not but I'm adding this I talked to my two oldest children 18 and 17 individually not sharing specifics But letting them know that I found some information out that has put our relationship in a not so good spot My daughter said that she guessed that something might be coming and she had picked up on some red flags herself. So the daughter's noticed the mum's behaviour. She told me she wanted to say something but didn't really know how I'm contacting an attorney tomorrow. There is, so the top comment

is very long. It's very long paragraphs. But at the end they've said, where he said, my life is ruined. And then this, I'm not going to read all of it, but he said, I won't lie. This was the hardest thing that you've ever done in your life. The first 90 days will be hell. It's not your fault, but it is your responsibility. No one is going to come and save you. I was you two and a half years ago. I made it and you will too. You can DM me to ask which I think is that's what I mean. So I did read through the whole thing that he put and he kind of put it in like one like he

tried to put it in perspective for him because obviously he's two and a half years on. And then the OP just said, thanks so much, this gives me some hope and some direction. I'm emotionally not in a good space, but having a goal and something to focus on. So when I said to you, my stories, there's some generic ones, because generally a lot of divorce stories are betrayal,

et cetera. Nine times out of 10, divorce is what one person wants over what the other does. Exactly. And I just think, not to say that there aren't divorces where they go, do you know what, let's call it a complete slate now and move on. But still those ones, there is always still that 49% 51% that someone always wants it a little bit more than the other. I just don't I mean if their sex life was good the relationship seemed to be good I mean I this I'm only going on what he's saying. Yeah but

that's why I'm saying it's never even when they're like 50 50. It's never 50 50. No, it is It's always better for somebody else than it is on the other. Yeah, I Just I think it's sad and I think that knowing that you will be alright But that's you know, like when you were going for your divorce is easy for everyone to go You're gonna be alright because we know that you're gonna be alright that at the time you don't feel like you're gonna be alright but that's the same with anything because you're not just divorce and separation of a long-term anything, even losing a friend, your friendship ends. It's a grieving process because it is like a death. It really is like a death.

You're grieving somebody that is actually still alive. Exactly. And you are. You're still going to see them. You're still going to have to talk to them. Yeah, especially if you've got children. You're going through the seven stages, aren't you? You don't want to talk to them. No. Because you're sad and mad and angry and like, they're quite betrayed and you feel all as mad. Your question is what could I have done? What could I have done? You know, and but I definitely. And then the next, what could I have done? What could I have done?

You know, but I definitely. And then the next, once you've done, the next step is you then see them with somebody else. Yes. So it's a whole nother crushing process. Exactly, exactly. And that's what I mean, I think people forget that when you've been with someone for a long time,

whether it's friendship, marriage, boyfriend, girlfriend. Yeah, and even with you, oh like, yeah this is what we need to do and it still will crush you. It is a grieving process to separate from someone that you either thought you spent your life with or have in your life you know forever. So I think people need to stop being so, whether you're the one that broke it or not you are still grieving. So the betrayer is

grieving as much as the betrayed is grieving because you've ruined you did that do you know I mean always do they not until it's too late no but they I feel like sometimes some of them could just go straight into another relationship but they do carry on in their little fairy tale yes and then years and years down the line when they've gone to put they can go shit. Oh, I messed up. Yeah And eventually it's gonna they do anyway, because actually that's when you take responsibility Of course, of course people might not know that but then that that would be the definition I mean because narcissus is used too easily, but that would be the true definition of a narcissist

That's an actual mental illness if you can't find fault because even the people that weren't in the wrong have fault on their part yeah so I think if you are still at the point where you can't find any fault in what you've done because this man is coming across like he ain't done nothing and he may not have done anything but for her he weren't doing something do you know I mean whether she admits that or not and tells him what it was it doesn't make any difference at the end of the day There was something missing for her for her to be yes, even if she hasn't acknowledged actually why it happened Yes, but that will eventually that will eventually she'd be like or she'd be like I fucked up because the grass is not greener

But it's too late. You know know I mean so I think that doing this podcast definitely just puts in perspective that most of the time you're grieving a loss unless you truly are mentally ill like a proper narcissist then you're mentally ill and you're not gonna feel that because narcissists don't. No. Okay moving on that was the only one to start with, but I do have some weird ones. No, thank you. No, I coughed. I didn't call you. Cookie, no. Okay, so mine has come under Am I the asshole? Love it. So am I the asshole for divorcing my wife and telling everyone that she cheated on me. No. So I, 28 male, been married to my wife, 29 female, for two years. Wait a minute. Stop. What? What? She's going in with Harry. Who? This

div. Aww. Well she's not comfortable. Can you hear what I'm talking about? This noise? Cookie, come on bubba. Come on. You stay. Yeah, because Cupcake's waiting for you in the hall. Actually is, literally waiting in the hall, mate. Ha ha. Come on, do it. Cookie.

Wait, you can just get me to the paddock and I'll go to the hot tub. Cookie, come here, bub go. Cookie, come here, go, go. Cookie, come here, go, go. Oh, you're going to have to keep going. Cookie, come here, go, go. Cookie, come here, go, go. Cookie, come here, go, go.

Cookie, come here, go, go. Cookie, come here, go, go. Cookie, come here, go, go. Cookie, come here, go, go. Ow! I'm like just fucking cupcakes in there with her as well. She's literally sitting at the door like this. Ready to bite, don't go over it, go under. Waiting for um, waiting for Hattie to rip her face off.

God. Oh god. It's so weird because she's not like this with other dogs. She knows that you're a mime. You're a mimic. You're a mimic. But she's, so we're just going there. She's like, shh.

Right, I'm sorry about that. I'm sure you just cut that out. I'm sure I can't. Yeah, okay. Okay, so, mine's on Am I the Arsehole? So, am I the arsehole for divorcing my wife and telling everyone that she cheated on me. I 28 male been married to my wife 29 female for two years, dated her for four years. I

won't lie I still love her and I still do and I still do and it still hurts me a bit to let her go but I have no other choice but to divorce her because she betrayed me. I found out that my wife cheated on me. She didn't actually cheat, she was just kissing someone while dancing with him. That would be cheating then, mama. To be honest, I never suspected her and there were no red flags either, even when I checked her phone. Until one of her friends I barely know showed me a photo. I asked her multiple questions like if she sleeps around or repeatedly kisses someone

else etc. But she said this never happened before and she was very drunk but she thought I should know. I thanked her and told her to forward that photo to me. I immediately asked my wife if she had ever cheated. She refused so I showed her the photo. My wife started crying and said it was a mistake and the only mistake she had made and she didn't tell me because she thought I would get angry. I said, of course, wouldn't you? I said, I'm divorcing her. She was shocked and she anticipated that I would get angry but would I divorce and throw away a relationship of six years over a kiss. I said I would and started leaving.

She tried to stop me but I didn't listen. She and our families both called me a lot and sent me angry texts. I ignored them all and instead got drunk and started going to clubs. When I had enough of this harassment I sent a long text to everyone explaining everything and sent the photo. My wife sent me an angry text after I ignored her calls and she said that I shouldn't have told everyone about what happened in our life and her family members are angry at her. It's because she's a slut. Some even cut her off. I should have kept it between us both and I going too far over a kiss when she was drunken so much that she could barely walk. So am I the asshole for telling everyone that she cheated?

Sorry, who told him? A friend that he barely knew. Right. No, he's not the asshole. The problem is, she easily lies when he asks her, have you ever cheated on me? So there is no telling whether it's a regular thing for her. I don't really understand the excuse of I was drunk. Have you ever been drunk enough to cheat on a partner? No. Me neither. So

I don't really understand and I've been black out drunk and I know for certain I've never cheated so I don't really understand why I was drunk. Why do people always say that? So being drunk means that you do stupid shit. So one, either don't drink or two, you've done more stupid shit than this. Right, now I'm not saying I ain't do stupid shit say one either don't drink or two you've done more stupid right now I'm not saying I've done stupid shit when I'm drunk because I am I don't mean stupid shit that's funny I mean stupid shit that you just ruined your whole couple of marriage I do many things that I never want to talk about again drunk don't we? I don't even know what you're talking about and it's fine I don't want to talk about it don't remind me about it I wasn't involved but I still never slapped my lips around anyone um or been you know slept with anyone

accidentally because I was drunk so I fell on my lap to be fair we did read a lot of stories about people falling on things so it can happen apparently so But a lot yeah quite a lot, but yeah, no, he's not the asshole. I think he's done. I Think it's because she lies Yeah, he's about the line. It's about the easy lying actually I Mean because it normally when someone's asking you have you cheated on me it's because they know already. Yeah. They already know the answer to the question. If that is like a real out of the blue question. Exactly. They know. They already know. I mean unless your partner very often asks you if you

cheat which nine times out of ten we've discovered that it means they cheat. Yes. Yeah that is very Yeah, that is very, that is very true. It's weird how much that's true. So, but then it shows, like, cause obviously then your brain ain't clean, so it shows that you will turn into some psycho bitch. I get it. The crazy thing is she's like, you told all our family we should have kept it between us.

I wouldn't. She quite clearly has gone after her family and gone, oh, he leave me, I don't know why. I would be such an evil bitch had Paul ever cheated on me. I would have been the biggest evil, I would have had sex with his mum and his fucking dad. Just out of revenge. Oh, I'm that bitch, babe.

Do you know what I mean? I just would have been so angry and told everybody but you know everyone deals with their shit differently some people don't deal with it at all and that's fine but this person is dealing with it the way they want to at the end of the day she needs to remember she's the one that fucking snogged someone else not him so if he wants to tell people then she needs to mind her business yeah any comments about these fucking shrags I've got to do someone for you next yeah it literally is she dragged the family into your marital issues not you but obviously go it well she did

yeah went off to a family shag why did you tell them yeah because obviously you've lied to them I. I think when you ask someone and you already know the answer, I think the lie sometimes can escalate because I think it's worse. For me, I can take so much stuff as long as you're honest with me. If you're fucking about and lying to me,

then that's what's hurting my feelings. Because what, is he not approachable enough to say yeah I did do that different if if she was gonna be here or something like that that is an exception to the role let's stop covering for these cheaters and liars well she sent her flying monkeys to harass you even if she hadn't you had the right to socialize this yeah the asshole apparently public publicly humiliating your husband is okay for a woman to do yeah and

expect no consequences yes yeah regardless of gender our society should stop covering for for cheaters I agree I agree I'd go so far as to say it should be especially if you're married, it should be punishable by fucking law, mate. That's how far I'd go on it because you're just ruining families. It's a contract when you marry someone. Yeah, it is a contract. It is a legally binding contract. It is a legally binding contract. Anyway. We've written rules. I think whoever spots us from the beginning is like, yeah, they proper

hate cheaters. We really do. Not a fan. Not a fan. Right. This is a different type of divorce. Are you ready? Yep. False accusations, accusations, accusations, am I saying that right? Accusations. Accusations should be punishable by jail time. It's quite a juicy one. Yeah because I feel like I can relate to this. Yes, right. Going through my soon-to-be ex-divorce pleadings, my heart stopped when I read that she is accusing me of sexual assault and rape throughout the entirety of our relationship. You ready? Okay. I hate women like this. We had an extremely healthy sex life while we were together. We communicated extremely well. We discussed our hang-ups, desires, kinks, deal-breakers and

potential adventures for exploration. Did I say that wrong? Explore it. Yeah. She told me several times that she was happy to find a fulfilling sex life because previous partners refused to do the things with her that she really wanted to do. She was kinky and wanted to experiment. Now all these things we explored together are listed as ways in which I assaulted her. There were things I specifically didn't do with her because I felt uncomfortable but reading what she has wrote to the courts it looks like I'm a predator, a deviant and a predator. It makes me think back to

every story that she told me about previous sexual encounters where she claimed that she was raped or abused. Oh my God. Yeah. Every long-term relationship, she had supposedly been abused in some way. My automatic response was to feel sorry and upset for her. Now I look back and see that she may have gone through the exact same scenario with all of them. This wasn't something I thought I had to worry about. Our previous relationship until the end

was pretty amazing. Her inability to mother our daughter 12, bed, nail, Bed. Now. It didn't work. 12. That she adopted was the thing that broke our marriage. She had paranoid delusions that our daughter was trying to kill her so that she could have me to herself for incest. What the fuck? See why I chose it. I suggested we all get counseling together then everything blew up. It came to a complete shock then to read her pleads in court I am in shock again I am sick to my stomach until the point of our breakdown I've never been in a healthier sexual relationship. We were so careful to discuss everything before, during and after. No line was ever crossed before mutually agreeing and honesty. She was the one pushing the boundaries. The last

time we had sex, she begged me to come on her face like the videos. I couldn't do it because I felt like that was disrespectful, but we promised to revisit it again. She claimed, she always claimed to enjoy ass play, but while we used toys and fingers, we never did anal because she wasn't comfortable with crossing that line. We discussed it and I was more than okay with it. She would

voluntarily gag herself on a I'm not sure what he's saying some sort of sex toy saying it turned her on. She booked a BDSM rope course for us. The way it reads in her pleas however is that I forced all of these things on her and now I'm going to have to face these accusations in court. The thing is automatic belief in the accuser is a real thing. Hell, I've been guilty of automatically believing the accuser several times in the past. She is a government employee for a federal law firm enforcement agency. I feel like I'm totally screwed here. I feel like this, I feel like there should be

as much of a higher bar for accepting any of these accusations into court. I don't know why and what this looks like, but anyone found committing fraud by making these false accusations should end up in jail. And there is a law, I mean, there is a law there that when you are giving these accusate, this evidence, you have to provide some sort of evidence to reinforce what you're saying. to provide some sort of evidence to reinforce what you're saying. Just depending on what the accusation is and how damning it is, I suppose, is whether actually it gets sort of followed up with actually you provided false information. For me, as an example, you provided false information. Right. You know, for me as

an example there was false information given about me and I proved it was false and they didn't provide any information to prove that it was true. Right. So at that point I should have been going, right now that you have slandered me, I want this, this and this to happen because he has slandered me. I mean they have put this out into public spaces, da da da da da. I want this to happen. I didn't push for that because that was never what I was about. Not to mention that you're exhausted.

There is a law for that. So there is something complex but you have to push through it. Let, I want you to touch on what she said about the daughter. That's fucking mad. How did they even, how did she even manage to adopt when that is her mental state? So I'm assuming this is his daughter from a previous relationship because she said about the incest, she wants to kill me for incest, like meaning the daughter and the dad would get it.

I mean, she is fucking ill and she's gone into this relationship claiming that every single ex has sexually abused and raped her. So then he's wanting to save her. Right and yet she's... And make her happy. Not that I'm saying that if you have been sexually abused and raped that you wouldn't be open to sex but she has now come into this relationship said all this stuff and now she's leaving the relationship saying the same thing. So the top comment and this is very new, this is one day ago, well be

glad that you will be divorcing from this person who seemingly has mental illnesses. Moving forward ensure all communication is via text, email or for a lawyer which I know is expensive. See what your lawyer advised to keep yourself safe. Yeah do not be having phone calls with this person. It all needs to be written. If it documented, paper trail, everything. Everything. If and if she works within the government she knows this is what I'm saying if it was as bad as she claimed Why did she not call 9-1-1 or file a restraining order? If she was scared, yeah

If you can highlight the crazy rants to show that she is a danger to your daughter It will help with custody. I don't think she's the mum. I don't think she wants any sort of custody of the child anyway because it's going to kill her. No, and any possible further support. I don't, from what I can see, OP hasn't commented back. I'm going to keep this one because I want to see the outcome of this because this is a true example of a crazy bitch. I mean, part of me feels like, is there drugs involved in this?

She, I actually think she's really mentally ill. I don't know how she's got a job in the government. I don't understand, like the minute I read the bit, like I said to you, I saved a lot yesterday, but when I read the bit about the daughter, I thought, fuck me, she's ill. She's really fucking ill. If she thinks the daughter is trying to kill her so she can have a sexual relationship with her dad This woman is seriously fucking ill

Yeah, that's jealousy. That's saying jealous we motion on a chair. We have separated Because of her behavior with my daughter That's what he said. Like the reason our marriage is now over is because of her behavior. Not because she's a bitch. Not because of our sex life. Not because of other men or other women. Simply because she is acting mentally unstable when it comes to my daughter. So I just I enjoyed that yesterday so I thought I had to read that but that's fucked up in it

I'll keep it. I'll wrap her most up. You're like um yeah I know that was so bad that's why I'm keeping it because I want to see what the outcome is of that She should she should be prosecuted for those false allegations It's completely unacceptable. I mean if they are false apps are fucking looted Exactly because she is going around telling everybody and the worst thing in that is there are so many women who are Scared to come forward with those real allegations. Of course. Because people won't believe her and she is creating a situation for women not to be believed. You know I saw, I don't know if you saw it, I did repost it on TikTok. You know people like January like and then they do

like a whole array of pictures from last year. We did it. I put one together and did it for us. Well, somebody on TikTok put an array of women that had been killed by their partners last year, and it was literally photos of these women. But it flipped really fast. It did flip really fast, but there were so many. It was like, so I did a collage for me and Emily and I had to find a longer one because we've done so much this year. Last year, sorry. But imagine having to do a massive one even longer than what we did because that's how

many women have, don't get me wrong, men are killed as well. I'm not saying that I'm just saying this was dedicated to the amount of women that are killed in a relationship you know, they are being abused and raped and then you've got silly bitches and Like you say that is why that is what fucks everything up. Yeah, it's annoying people are honestly You they do deserve jail time Yeah, they do if you do use a false allegation of rape, sexual assault, or abuse in any way. Because also those things are hard to shake.

Even if they're false, it would then always be. Then you've already branded that person. And that's it, everybody will remember. Yeah, and they will. And there will be, was there any truth to that? Was there any truth to that was there any truth to that and You know people really should

Really should be fucking prosecuted to be if Yeah, if you're not telling the truth male or female you should be prosecuted. You've got people being arrested for Facebook posts Let's get it together. Like you're talking about someone ruining somebody's life from a false allegation. That is, in my opinion, disgusting. You should get one to three years for that. Anyway, it's not like we're like political. We're running for prime minister. Not me. Yeah, do it with me. No, I've seen the mess of the country. I'm out. Yeah, do it with me, sidekick. No, I've seen the mess of the country. I'm out. You're out, I'm out.

I tell you, Alfie's talking about going to America. Moving to America. Okay. Not in a hurricane strip or a tsunami strip for marine biology. And me and Harry are like, are we going? Yes. Okay. Yeah, you coming?

It's warm all the time. I probably won't come because I can't afford to even go down the road. Yeah but at the time you never know where we're gonna end up babe. We're not talking about tomorrow, we've got time. We've got time. We've got time. Save a pound a year. I don't know because mine wants to go to Japan. Move to Japan? He wants to go work there and experience, but I've got a cousin that done that and he's like, oh, that's what I want to do too. I'm like, okay, I guess. I do. I want the boys to experience and whatever. And I do think that if that means moving away, that means moving away. I'll be devastated.

Ben, this is you. Ben, you've done this to him. Yeah. You've ruined his life. You didn't do it. He wanted to do it anyway, but when you told him that that's what you did, he just, you reinforced it. Yeah. I was like, okay. Yeah. Just one of the most expensive places to live in the world.

Is it? Sure. It is expensive to live there. Yeah, but surely only if you're in the main. If you're in the main. I keep seeing somewhere, but I'm not sure if that's Thailand. Where that's cheaper. Yeah, Thailand's cheaper. Japan is not.

Japan is not cheap. Well, Japan is up and coming mate. It is not a cheap lifestyle. Anyway, we're moving on. Over to you my love. So, am I the arsehole for telling my wife to divorce me because I'm not forcing adoption on my daughter. Okay. Okay. Yeah. Okay. I feel like there was almost a little link but it's not the same.

Yeah, yeah. Oh, I don't know. It's sounding pretty bad. It's sounding like cray cray. So I, 33 male, have an eight-year-old daughter, daughter Ella with my ex and I have full custody of her. I'm married to Laura 30 female and we have two kids together. Ella's mum is a train wreck, alcohol, drugs, multiple arrests and a lot of personal issues. It's harsh. He's being honest. Yeah but it could be his fault. It might be his fault. But anyway, moving forward. Get what I feel sorry for. It's the baby. She has not seen Ella for around a year now. She did have supervised visits ordered by the court but she didn't always make those due to

hospitalization, arrests and such. I've been dating Laura since Ella was two so she's very familiar with Laura but she doesn't call her mum and she still loves her mum and wishes her mum would get better and be a real mum. Of course she does, yeah. That's what, I knew that was going to be part of it. I have her in therapy to help her process everything. Good dad. Laura knew how things were when we started dating. She knew how it was when we got married. I always made it clear that my priority was Ella's safety, health and happiness, and I told her I understood

if it got to be too much and she didn't want to commit. But she said she was on board for all of it. Great. Only now she's tired of my ex reappearing every so often and she wants to adopt Ella so my ex can't have any access ever again. She does love Ella and sees her as hers just as much as mine. But the main reason she's being so forceful is severing my ex's rights, would get her out of the picture until Ella's 18 and chooses to look for her mum on her own.

Laura says this is what's best for her and for all of us but Ella doesn't want to be adopted by Laura even if her mum never gets better she doesn't want to be adopted. I respect this and won't force it but Laura isn't happy. She said we have the other two children to think of as well and how Ella might pull away from us if her mum causes more trouble in the future. She might choose her over us. I said that could happen even if she adopts her and I said it will definitely happen if we force this. Laura and I have discussed this numerous times now, and she told me she doesn't see our marriage surviving if I won't talk Ella around to let her do it

or get a therapist who will. She said she will not keep being just the step-mom when Ella's mom won't put her first. While she has been and doesn't get the benefit of legal stability of adoption, she said I only have two options and need to decide which I want. I told her to divorce me then because I'm not forcing the adoption on Ella. Laura didn't expect my answer and she told me she thought I'd offer to speak to Ella Moore. That I clearly don't care about our marriage. I said I do, but she gave me two options and one option never happened, is never happening. And I can't control if she divorces me for it. Am I the arsehole? Do you know what he's

giving? It's all about me! It's all about me! He's not the asshole. She's being completely, she has no idea what it's like to have a parent that is completely reliant on drugs, alcohol. This is an eight year old child who clearly has a voice. And she don'ts on her mum, of course she don'ts on her mum. Like sometimes the bond between an abusive

parent... I can imagine it being like your mum's scam, your mum's this, I do everything for you, I'm your mum. Sometimes the link with an abusive, not, when I say abusive... That's abusive in itself. Yeah, when I say abusive I don't mean that her biological mum is hitting her or anything, but she, the neglect and abuse in the sense of being reliant on alcohol, drugs, whatever it is,

the bond between a child and the mother can be even stronger because the child takes on more like of a parental role and more of a protective role. So trying to come between a mother and Because that girl is never gonna give up on her mom is as simple as that She might do when she's older she might come to terms with it but she's never as a child gonna give up on her mom because that child's got be a piece of herself as well for that to Happen exactly and that takes a long time. So I think people don't realize I can't

explain why or how I know this that children that have grown up in abuse no matter what a lot of the time still have interaction and care for their parents and a lot of the time worry and the bond can be stronger because it's very difficult because you're so mentally abused that you get to a point where you just want them to be proud of you So they're not angry at you anymore. Yeah, and you're on this constant mission to try and fix do not it is Impressed and you're here. Why do you still see that that your parent? They've done this that whatever and there is no explanation not a good one that you would understand but whatever and there is no explanation not a good one that you would understand but there is you're just so mentally you you like a parent so this care for the

parent that's been an asshole is more like a parental yeah because they need the care they need the care they need the sympathy they need this that and the other and no matter what you do you can't just tell them to fuck off and go away and even if you do because you can't just tell them to fuck off and go away. And even if you do, because some people do, and again, completely respect that, still in their mind, whether they like to admit it or not, the worry will always be there is as simple as that. So I think that this step mum is exactly that and she needs to know her place and stay in her lane. Right.

Because she's only going to make her place and stay in her lane right because she's only going to make Ella pull away and dislike her and then she's like you've got two options do this or divorce me I'll see you later then bye because fair enough if you can't understand it you want this perfect stability but you came into the relationship. It isn't even for the perfect stability it's so she can just out the other parent. Yeah, but she came in... For the wrong reasons. Exactly, and she came into the relationships knowing that Ella's mum had whatever issues she's got.

He doesn't specify, does he? Well, just the alcoholism and drug abuse and other mental issues. Yeah, and you think that just if Ella's around you and she grows up with just you and the stepmom and her two half siblings, she's going to be like, the girl is going to have problems, she's going to need counselling, it's a lifelong thing. I feel like there was potential for, do you know what, she is my biological mum. Yes. But you have always been a mother to me and I completely love you for that and respect you for that, but actually

what she's doing is creating that barrier by going, you must treat me like your mother. I'm either number one or I'm nothing at all. Well, don't be anything at all then, because she's already got enough problems with her biological mother. And who gives a shit? It's not your problem. Stay out of it.

You'll never understand unless you've been through it yourself. The girl is going through something. She's gonna doubt and love on her mum and all she wants is the best for her. And you better shut your face mate She needs to make up her own choice. She does not don't be together then it's as simple as that Isn't it like fucking all the mate and that's that that's then you're then Creating another divide for the two children that you have together. Yeah, all because you want a piece of paper. It's so weird

Just that's unnecessary. Yeah, you know she can be all those things but she doesn't have to have the paper that goes along with it. You can still be all those things. And even if you did adopt her that child still doesn't have to call you mum. Exactly and the biological mother may go through dry periods, she may turn her whole entire life around and what are you going to do then? You are then going to have to open your home and your feelings and just because you adopt doesn't mean that the biological mum would have all her rights taken away anyway. That's not how it works.

You can have open adoption and that sort of thing. But you are seriously fucking this little girl up more by being such an asshole. So know that daddy's not an asshole, yes guess what step mum is. She is a great. See everything we're like yeah this is what it is. We're very pro dads at the moment in these aren't we? Because they're coming out shining. Pro men for dads. You know like I said we're not in the situations we can only give you from our life experience and and trust me, you know I know some things and so does Ems but who really cares what we think? No one. No one. Right So this is my last one. I just want to make sure I did did I want to do this? I mean if there's so many good one

Right anyway, I need to talk to someone about this Right. Okay. Yes, So I'm gonna finish with this and then you can choose your last one, my love. Cause I thought it would be shorter, but we've been like waffling on like fucking rages, haven't we? Right, husband dealing with childhood trauma and wants a divorce.

So I've come at this a completely separate way. So let's see how you come at this. Right, December of 2023, my husband went through something that has caused all of his childhood trauma to pop up, but didn't understand what it was at the time. There had been a few times before that he expressed to me that something fell off. I was very supportive and offered anything that I could do to help. After December he just backed off, stopped being as loving as usual, stopped wanting to be around me and by March he asked for a separation. Said he needed to figure himself out.

I left and stayed with friends and even tried the no contact unless it was related to our children. I came back in April and we continued the separation. We had a accidental moment of intimacy a few times and by June, he came home from a trip with his family and asked if we could come back together. Then the cycle came again. One minute he's loving and happy, the next he's not himself and he's on a roller coaster. Finally September came and we sat down to file for divorce. That day came and he said no he wants to

really try this time. It worked, things improved, even family noticed and things seemed to look up. Two days ago he came to me and said that he felt like he's been living a lie. Here's the papers. Yeah. And needs to truly find himself without any- In another woman. Dependencies. Sorry, sorry. Dependencies of a partner. He wants a divorce.

Dependencies, he's got kids. He wants a divorce, loves who I am, still loves me, but not in the way he used to. Says I'm an amazing person and feels I deserve more than what he's giving me. I gave him every possible outlet to help him and understand that he is safe and loved and what happens to him as a child wasn't fair but he has he just feels like he's hurting me too too much. I'm at a loss he wants to sign tomorrow but I can't bring myself to do it. I love him deeply and I've been more than willing this entire time to help him through this process

and I strongly feel separating our family and our lives isn't the way to go. Is there any advice or anything I could possibly do that would help him or help our marriage? I'm absolutely terrified of what is going to happen next. Thank you. Go! She sounds like a fucking idiot. Oh mate. Oh mate.

But I love him. Babe, I'm not being funny. I'm not saying he is cheating on you, but he's certainly looking elsewhere because one minute he's good, one minute he's not. And it's not whiplash. It just isn't his mental health on its own. It's nothing to do with his childhood trauma either. I need to find myself. Really? You're gonna trip? It's tripping. In another word. Listen. I'm not being funny.

I've been there. I need to find myself. myself. I'm going to go stay at a hotel. We're together, no enough. Oh my god. No, you. No, dad. We're together, no enough. No, it's not okay. It is not okay for you to be yo-yo'd. You have kids. Right. It is not okay for your kids to see you as this yo-yo. This is not a healthy relationship.

You're putting your kids through this. Yes. Fuck sake, wake up. Listen, I'm not saying that he hasn't had a traumatic childhood. I'm not saying that. I would never say that. I don't know who the man is yet.

But what I'm telling you is that- It sounds like an excuse. It feels like an excuse. I mean, I get it. He's been through a lot. Then you work through that together and you lean on the ones ones because normally you want to find someone with the ability and be together and work through it together and it you

know if it's a really deep thing and you can't be together but you're you're having whiplash here like you ain't doing yourselves any favors because I don't want to be with you and it's as simple as that. He's exhausting you. He's exhausting his resources. Yeah, and he's giving you every... he's telling you in so many ways that he don't want to be with you, you can do better than this, it's not your job. But he comes back to you because you are never going to leave him and he's very aware of that. It's not your job to save him. And you are a safe space for him.

It's not a job. And actually what you need to do is go, off you, Pop. Yeah. Change your locks and when he decides he's coming back and can't get back in no no you go and sort yourself out and we'll work on you. 100% I tell you what the only exception to the rule I will have as yo-yo is your children. If your children are yo-yoing backwards and forwards you know oh my I want to live here fuck you I can't live with you, that's the only exception to the rule. He don't want to be with you and he keeps telling you,

but because you're easy, convenient, familiar, he comes back. You're hurting yourself. He knows you're going to open the door every single day. You are doing yourself an injustice. Would you like a cup of tea with that, babe? Yeah, no. No, no, no. Top-c no no. Cake and eating it is coming to mind. It is giving me cake and

eating it too. Right and excuses. So many fucking excuses. Again this isn't very this is one day ago as well all of mine are quite new I found really good one straight away right so gosh this was a sad read. Gosh! Gosh darling. Golly gosh! What's going on here? This was a sad read. Right anyway, have y'all tried going to counseling together?

He had the wrong accent. Yeah, y'all got... Have y'all tried counseling? But this man doesn't want to go counseling with her because he doesn't want to go counseling. No, no, he doesn't want to. He's not interested in that. He's not interested in her. Just excuses. Yeah. If he is out and wants out, it won't work.

He has to be at least... He's out. There is one foot out the door all day long, even when he's back and everything's great and hunky-dory. There's still a foot out that door. Right. OP has replied. Okay, go on. We did counselling a few years ago bitch you still at it and it helped tremendously. We were having communications issues I've asked for counselling again but he says it's not

our marriage that's the issue it's him he's right it is him he also doesn't want to be in your marriage he went to one session of therapy and it brought up so much for him that he stopped going again so he's saying it's my childhood stuff. I tried it I went once I tried it done right I tried it once right I'm not saying cancelings for everyone it really not not my cup of tea canceling do you know what I mean? With canceling you do have to have the right counselor to suit you. You do.

But going once, going, now I've tried it, that's not trying it. You turned up, paid 40 quid and then you went home. I'm not. It's not trying. Yeah, I'm not a very open book and I have to say if I really want to get something out that's what you bitches are for. And then OP says one last thing that I'm not going to go on because she comments back to everyone she's desperate, desperate I may.

He says he feels like being alone and to himself will help him find out who he is. He said he came back to me so many times. He truly does love me, couldn't get rent money and feels he doesn't love himself enough. It's bull, I can't, no I'm not having it. He's full of shit. It's not, I ain't having it. I'm telling you now he's full of shit and his ball bags are empty. Yeah. That's it. He just, he just doesn't, he wants out and that's okay. You need to come to terms with it. You need counselling. Yeah you need counselling. okay. You need to come to terms with it. You need counseling You need counseling. Yeah, you need to get grips because you'll go to a counselor and they go what are you fucking revolving door?

You're not a revolving door. You are you need to worry about your kids and yourself. You're worth so much more than that I'm not doing free stuff out of that. Yeah Situation and once you fall on some stuff like like have some fun girl, like you deserve it. Okay babe, take us home. You got a lot from them, like the arsehole. No, I was actually, they all just kept coming up. Oh, how funny. I wasn't looking at them, the arsehole.

What came up the other day? But they were just popping up, and not all of the ones I found. Me and Harry had a conversation, and then an advert came up, and I was was like my father is proper listening to me. You can turn that off you know. Can you? Yes. Show me after. So mine has come up again from Emma the asshole. Considering divorce over my wife's ex behavior. My wife's ex behavior. Yeah, the eyebrows are like... yeah. Yeah. So, this is also a throwaway account. Yesterday I posted this but I got deleted because I replied

harshly to an unkind comment. All right, that was unnecessary. I didn't need to read that. No, you did. It's context. Recap. I've been with my wife for six years married for one and a half years her son let's call him Jake is nine he used to call me dad daddy and we I'm sorry he's just is a reflex daddy chill okay I've done and we had a great bond five months ago his biological dad showed up. Since then Jake has been repeating things his dad says and constantly insults me. I went from he is my dad to he's just my mum's husband ha ha ha. Okay that's so disrespectful. Yeah it's giving dad in the ear, but carry on.

What are you doing? Nothing. You're freaking me out. I just felt like, nothing, nothing. Look at me. You're like a nigga. I'm like, who's there? It's us.

I talked to my wife about it, but she thinks he's just a kid and that I should let it go. Okay. just a kid and that I should let it go. Okay. Last week Jake called me because his dad who was supposed to pick him up from school and then take him shopping for his mum's birthday bailed on him. I stepped in took Jake's shop in and we had a good half day together. I paid for the gift he picked out, I dropped him off at his dad's, he was sleeping and forgot about even picking Jake up from school.

My wife's birthday, Jake lied and said it was his dad who took him shopping and paid for the gift, despite his dad never having a job or paying child support. His dad graciously accepted all the compliments and even made fun of the gift I gave my wife. My wife however didn't say a word to him. After the party when Jake went to his dad's I told my wife I was upset that she didn't stand up for me she rolled her

eyes and said why because he was more thoughtful than you hey I told her the truth about what happened but she didn't believe me I even showed her my credit card statement and phone logs proving that Jake called me on the Thursday frustrated I left to stay with my brother because I couldn't be around someone who didn't trust me. Here's the thing, my brother thinks I'm right. My mother-in-law has messaged me a million times saying it's a misunderstanding and that I'm overreacting.

My wife hasn't apologised. She came over yesterday and said she feels stuck because she doesn't want to make her son feel bad about his dad. She keeps saying he's just a kid and you should be the bigger person. When I asked if she was apologising she said no. She insisted it was just a misunderstanding and added that she's seen seen how much her ex has been trying. Then she said I was acting like a needy man baby. I told her that if she thinks so highly of her ex and doesn't see my efforts she should leave because she clearly doesn't get my point. She doesn't seem to care

about any of the effort I put in. Her response? That's exactly what I'm saying. You're acting like a needy baby who needs a reward. You need a man up if you love me. So now I'm torn. Should I start talking to a lawyer because there is no point in working on this or am I overreacting and should we be trying counselling? There's a tiny update. Okay should we go first? Go on. So I, to me it feels like the biological dad is bad-mouthing step-dads.

Absolutely. Because they've gone from a really nice comfortable place to step-dad shit. He has stepped in to save the day, I'm correct, didn't he, to buy the present. Yeah, because biological dad had no money. No, he forgot and was still asleep. Yeah. But didn't bother. Yeah, so and then they've all turned it around like

stepdad's lying. No step. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So I think things are becoming very toxic and I don't understand why mum is sticking up for dad. I get that she don't want to bring the dad down in front of the son, I understand that, but he has no problem doing it about the stepdad. And I have said this to you a hundred times, kids are not as stupid as you think they are. You need to keep the kids in the loop. Not with vile stuff, but with stuff that's going on.

Disappointment is part of life. You can't step in and save someone's behavior all the time. You just can't do it. No you cannot. I don't really understand why Mummy is... I don't understand why Mummy is allowing this to happen. Because actually she should be pulling the boy at 9 o'clock. He is 9. He is a child. But hang on mate, stepdad, whatever his name is, he's been there for you, he's been good to you,

like there's no need to be disrespectful. You're being disrespectful, he doesn't have to call him dad. Maybe dad doesn't like him and that's okay, but he's been nothing but good to you, so you don't need to join him with that sort of chat. Yeah, we treat him with respect and divineness always first. Because that's how he treats you. Of course, of course.

Weird. But then when mom's like like you're a needy baby man because you need to be praised well hang on a minute did you not just hear the story yeah that's not what I'm saying I'm not saying I need to be praised what I'm saying is when there's an outright lie from through I need you to say that's not what happened because I don't really understand why these parents try and protect the other parent if the parent isn't acting like an adult you're actually not doing yourself any fate because it just shows the child that they can't believe or trust anything you're saying either

I mean future reference don't do it again yeah simple but I'll we save my butt this time I'll come and pick you up mate but I ain't got no money to go buy presents for your your mum you'll have to do that with your dad. Exactly. I'll take you to your dad's. Exactly. Exactly. I'll take you to your dad's, let him step up. It ain't not a problem, I'll get you there.

It's embarrassing. Sad. And the fact that she like stuck up and like believed, I mean there's got to be a reason they're not together, right? So yeah. A little tiny update. So the update was, thank you to everyone for your input, I really appreciate it. I'm contacting an attorney this week to help me with the divorce process. Oh shit. I can't continue living like this. So the top commenter said, start

detangling your life now. I feel bad for the kid, but not the arsehole. Yet the kid is going to get a terrible lesson from both of them and likely grow up just as deadbeat dad. Oh, that's sad. But sadly that's not OP's problem and the kid's parents have made the un... I can't say the word. Abidabbi.

Made it clear anyway. The kids' dad brought him to the poorest part of town and said, that's where your mum's boyfriend grew up. Not a battle. I was interested in participating. There are no winners in these situations, just martyrs, not the arseholes. Thing is as well, see all this,

they've gone from a happy content home to this boy's about to be part of another broken home. All because the mum and the biological dad can't get their shit together like fucking adults. Ain't nobody saying you've got to be best friends but I really don't understand this animosity. If you've got a good man stepping in the home and he's around your child surely having a nice relationship with that parent is only a good thing showing your child that it did work for mum and dad but you

have a lovely... you've got three adults that love you rather than... and now now another another broken home I just honestly people are the fucking worse but he's not the arsehole he's not the arsehole it's not his fault we have had some very good stories today, but that's what I said to you, like, you know, I said to you when we move over to... Good stories and all of them, yes, divorce it, get out, save yourself. Yeah, done. Yeah. No, no, no. But that's why when I said to you, when we move over to crime and all that sort of thing,

we have to have those weeks where we just do the funny shit because it's deep, this stuff. It is deep. You know and it brings a lot of stuff up in our heads especially like you've been through divorce and all that do you know what I mean? It brings it all up but it's important to talk about as well. Yeah. But I still like to have a laugh and a fucking giggle. So my darlings until next time Right, I'm just gonna... You do you, buddy! You do you! Oh my god! Wow, this is a place to be. What do you think of that? What do you think of that?

Well, I think that girl has got everything that she deserves.