Middle-aged opinion - Relationship advice

Episode Date: November 27, 2024

Today we run through stories from the Reddit thread relationship advice. Some of the stories are really shocking and I hope that the people involved take immediate action. Some more simple to solve. We are not experts. We are just giving our opinion. We hope you enjoy this episode love Ellie and Emily

Wow. What do you think of that? What don't you think of that? I think that girl has got everything that she deserves. I said, because I'm just so square. Rectangular. Rectangular. Yeah. Do you want another coffee? Are you good? I'm good. do you want another coffee are you good or good whoa what is what what that's how i got loads of socks like that i'm missing the whole look oh ellie that's no no they're double socks they're really warm so i'm not chucking them they're really warm there's a whole fucking. No, they're double socks. They're really warm, so I'm not chucking them. Which one are they really warm? There's a whole fucking hole. Yeah, but they're really, really, like...

There's no... Really warm. It's annoying me. Why can't I find that story? Don't tell me I didn't save it. Can you imagine? I'm not going to rip this one, because I feel like there's another sock somewhere

with another hole in it, so I'll tear it up. I'll pair it up with a different one. Did you just tear it? Yeah, because I can't keep that. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Holy socks do not stay. There's a hole in my bucket. That's what she said.

Do you use them um i use that one to be honest i have also said like i'm not being ungrateful because i really like that you've got some but i really don't like them so do you mind if I change and it's like there you go okay great you can always spray the base as well yeah whatever a problem for another day right right we? They don't go with my decor. Did you say your dick? My decor. Oh, your decor. My decor.

Oh, apparently I don't know my code. What she said. Ta-da! Right. Right. Hello everyone and welcome to Middle-Aged Opinion. I'm can we start that again yeah look what am i looking at oh the hair what are you doing i don't know just giving you one of my really long hairs oh great you're welcome don't be ungrateful you can frame me for a crime frame me frame me baby right hello everyone and welcome i'm doing it again you do it every time i know hello everyone oh my god

i weren't ready okay you ready yeah okay hello everyone and welcome to middle-aged opinion i'm your host ellie i reckon in about two years i'll be spot on in two years because in my head it goes middle-aged opinion the podcast sometimes i don't know why it changes like every time never ever have you ever felt that. Ever felt so low. No. Right. Well you need to tell them what we're doing or you want me to do it again.

Yeah we're doing it again. Okay. I mean you leave it all in. They kind of get the gist. Hello everyone and welcome to me. I'm your host Emily. And I'm Ellie. I mean we should switch it up no it sounded weird it did sound weird hello everyone and welcome to middle-aged opinion I'm your host Ellie and I'm Emily and today we are going to look at oh shit I forgot relationship advice oh relationship advice

you do that every time, by the way. Oh, shit. What we're doing? It's because I had it in front of me, and then I started deleting. No, then you're busy deleting. And then I'm like, oh, what am I doing again? So, Emily was dubious about this one, and I don't know why.

Because I don't want us to be giving advice. And once I then said that out loud, I was like, do you know what? Actually, we're not giving advice. We are just giving an opinion. Right. And that's where we're going to lead that. Yeah, we have no qualifications.

There is no qualifications to be giving out any legal or emotional advice. We can only give our opinions based on our own experience. And that's what I'm saying we just wanted to clarify that being that this is yeah so what we say like we said many podcasts don't take it as gospel we're just giving our opinions we're really nothing we say is gospel babes no but we will thank you if that's what you think of us yeah amazing appreciate we will give our honest opinions yeah yeah so anyway i am going to start so we discussed how i was going to start with this one because i what have you what is that i don't know ghost on an old on the old photos from my trail camera oh you need to save that for halloween um so basically we discussed oh i can see it right sorry distracted now i've got to see it oh okay yeah yeah it's like a man

man now where is it gone oh that's a bit weird right so the one yeah the one we're starting with uh that i'm starting with comes with a trigger warning i've decided i never have before but i want to actually send a message to op because um i'm quite concerned and i'd like an update so trigger warning um and here we go how much is too much and when to stop i'm 40 female been with 51 male for over 10 years with a child seven months and it's been a roller coaster of emotions and experiences. We've been through a lot together but there has been some incredibly difficult moments that have left deep scars. There was time when he didn't stand up for me during a confrontation and when I asked him about it he reacted violently by slapping me. It was a shock and deeply hurtful. He also has been unfaithful using dating apps to

talk to other women and making up stories about me to cover his tracks. I know I haven't been perfect either. I struggled with alcohol for a long time but thanks to his support I have been sober for over a decade now. He was there for me during my darkest times and I am grateful for that. However things have taken a darker I'm while I've been the one keeping our family afloat working hard to provide for us and our son his behavior has become increasingly erratic and abusive he went through a period where he would physically violent beating me senseless stabbing me and even holding a gun to my head while accusing me of things that just weren't true. The experiences were terrifying and left me feeling trapped. Although the physical abuse has stopped he continues to be verbally abusive to me and our son. His own upbringing was filled with abuse from his parents which he

resents but seems to repeat in his beliefs about discipline. The household's responsibilities fall mostly to me because if I don't keep up with everything it just piles up. We recently got a new dog after losing our last one and he's taken a dislike to this one and refuses to help with the care of it. I've been really sick lately so so much so that the doctor suggested I go to the ER but he hasn't offered any support during this time. Our son is staying with his grandparents because I'm not well enough to take care of him right now. What hurts even more is how he talks about our son, calling him names and saying mean things about me to others. Everything feels like a fight these days.

about me to others. Everything feels like a fight these days. Whenever I ask him for help, it turns into an argument about how much he's already doing, which often isn't true. I know I have my own issues too. I struggle with insecurity despite people telling me that I am beautiful he rarely compliments me unless it's something that can that he can hold over me for months I'm generally worried about where this is headed it feels like we've never really dealt with our past traumas together and now everything just feels overwhelming in if you have any advice or thoughts on what I should do next, I really appreciate it. Thank you, God. Bless you all and your families.

Go. So I imagine literally every response is get out. Get the hell out. is get out. Get the hell out. I would leave my son at my parents for that little bit longer. She said grandparents. She didn't say her parents. Well, grandparents.

He's got to be safer there. I found that quite concerning. He's got to be safer there. Not from the childhood he had. Go on. Where is she? She's American, isn't she? I don't know. I'm...

She said ER, so I'm going to say... Maybe... Maybe... Maybe. Maybe UK. She said ER. We say A&E. I'm going to say she's American.

She has responded before I read the first comment she says I feel trapped because he he will be homeless if I kick him out that's not true he's got parents someone says who gives a fuck mm-hmm and she hasn't responded back other than that but the top comment says get the hell out now you're not trapped you need to save your son for jesus christ read what you wrote and pretend someone someone else wrote it it's terrifying he needs to be in jail so i don't know if i believe the abuse has stopped because it generally doesn't stop. I don't know why they had a baby together and I don't know why um first of all that they had a baby and she thanks him I mean she's been sober for 10 years so it's really nothing to do with anything. She's been sober for 10 years, so it's really nothing to do with anything.

I just don't know why she's staying. And I think it's really sad because I've said this before, it can take roughly seven times before someone will leave for good. But I think it's the sun. I mean, it's like a cycle. Yeah. And a dog. Why get a dog? Why get a dog and bring a poor helpless dog into an environment where you live with a violent wankster but it could be a case of to protect the boy

it could be so that the boy has someone safe to be with i just think it's terrible you know it's not about keeping the family together at this point. It's about making sure that your son, that you chose to have your son, is having the best life. And staying together is not the best life because you're both toxic together. Yeah. But ultimately, you've got to get out. It really is.

Simple as that. Bucking up that courage and putting yourself and your child first, whether you leave and disappear or you chuck him out and you get the police involved or whatever path you take for it, it is your responsibility as a parent to make sure your child is safe. And if you don't feel safe, then your child is not safe either. The truth is, the likelihood of him changing is slim to none. Slim to none.

changing is slim to none slim to none one in eight children that grew up in abuse follow the abuse they carry the abuse on they they continue the patterns one in eight that's quite a lot and like i say seven times is normally when a woman will leave and that's normally just before you then the eighth one is when you get killed. That's what I'm saying. You know, this man, I want to believe you that he's no longer violent, but I just can't believe you. He stabbed you, he's held a gun to your head. I don't think it's no longer violent, just it's stopped for now.

He's a ticking time bomb because right now he's being verbally abusive. He's a ticking time bomb dickheads like that uh gun is america as well so we do know it's america he needs locking up and if you don't want to do that i get it but you have to get away you have to get away for your son here in the uk if anyone found out that was going on you'd have your kids taken away from you because they they'd give you the option wouldn't they if you're going to continue to stay in a relationship like that then you can't have your kids with you my advice is get out I feel like maybe she is doing a turnaround because she has come to Reddit

do you see what I'm saying yeah no that doesn't mean that's where she's going. She's only, she's toying with the idea. What, what would other people think? What would other people do? She's toying with the idea. He's literally traumatising your child. If you're, if you're right, you are creating another him in 20 years time you can't you can't live in this moment forever you have to save your son and the fucking dog it's awful it's hard to leave when you are scared it is hard and some people never do. Me personally, I've only ever had two rules.

Don't lay a hand on me and don't cheat on me. They are, I think, everything else we can overcome and we have overcome a lot, considering everything that happened with his health. I like to believe that I am true to my word that if a hand was laid on me that I would walk away um without going into too much detail of other stuff I just think I don't know like we've spoken before about when we had our children and how that changed us from I did feel weaker before I had the kids and then it's like something

comes over you and you are the only person who's really going to fight and stand up for your kids it's like a constant thing with kids like some of you haven't got kids or are going to have kids you've got young kids it's constant you know like I said before my eldest is 18 and it's still a constant worry and anxiety making sure he's doing everything he can do for himself to have a good life. And I would never, because abuse to women is high, but there's also abuse to men. And I think that if he was ever in a relationship, my eldest or my youngest, with a woman that was physically and mentally abusing them, I hope that they would walk away. I mean, I'd probably be cut off because we're going to fight.

You know what I mean? So I just feel like you have to save yourself and your child and the fucking dog, man. Because I think if he's happy to punch you about, was he punching you about when you were pregnant? Well, it did say that Elle has abused child and her, didn't it? Yeah, she said verbally abusing the kid, though. What are you saying to a seven-month-old? It's not okay, is it?

Yeah. I did start with that. You've got a... Such a fucking sad story. I know. After I read it, I was like, I have to read it. It was only fresh. Oh, no.

I don't know why I thought it was fresh. It was one year ago. I don't know why it was why I thought it was fresh it was one year ago I don't know why and then we read it as one day rather than a year yeah I don't know now I'm going straight through again OP has not she's probably dead don't say that that's i loved i'm gonna message her i am gonna message her i want to no not because of the word dead because i didn't want to think of it like that i am going to message her i doubt i'll get any response but in fact i'm going to actually quickly go and have a look and see if she's written anything else before I move on. I can't move on at the minute. I can't move on yet. I just have to see if she's...

Nope. Maybe she read those and was just like, oh, fuck, like... I just... I just fucking... OK. Anyway. That was that. We have to move on. That's why why i did it first because it was fucking well

sad yeah okay there are so many so many similar stories there's so many i didn't find similar to that in the thread but there is like remember the ptsd and all that that i said to you that one day we will cover just not yet I think I have to be in the right frame of mind yeah alright sorry it made me go quiet I know

because it was so bad it just kept getting worse and she kept making excuses I just can't be in that mindset and that's how you know she's not she's not going to be leaving in time soon i just i just don't know what it takes i mean she's grateful because he helped her stop drinking alcohol and i get and i get it face all the time probably but you actually did that yourself you have to want to stop an addiction to stop an addiction yes he was supportive and all that but what else was going on it's probably like

tying her up making sure she didn't drink she probably was like dehydrated no i stopped drinking everything in a cupboard under the stairs like harry potter right my partner wants to stay friends with his ex okay so this is on dating advice my partner 22 male is still friends with his ex 20 male okay yeah he lied about his ex from the minute we met saying he was just a friend and nothing sexual had ever happened later came out after several heated arguments that he was his ex for over a year he sent nudes on snapchat and his ex the night he asked me to be his boyfriend whilst I was asleep in bed next to him what don't need to read that again just that that section all right

hang on so he later came out after several heated arguments that he was his ex for over a year but he sent nudes on snapchat to his ex the night he asked me to be his boyfriend whilst I was asleep in the bed next to him. Also lied about this for eight months, saying he must have... Does that say that? I don't... Also lied about this for eight months, saying he must have cummed in his sleep.

Yeah. Wet dream. We were talking about photos just a second ago i know maybe he was we then had a very bad argument which resulted in him staying at his house for two nights the first night he slept on the floor and the second night they topped and tailed his bed yeah we have broken up several times and every time he gets back in contact with him and they send flirty messages my partner also makes very nasty spiteful comments to me saying that his ex deserves his respect more than i do his ex is better to him than i ever will says his ex has a porn star dick and that he will forever choose his ex over me we broke up about two three weeks ago and we are trying to get

back together now but he has told me they've sent nudes to each other and have slept with each other during his break this breakup the ex still now even sends live nudes to him and wants to sleep with my partner again my partner is telling him he's just a friend and that's that he wants him there for support and for a bit of a therapist what do I do is it okay for him to keep him as a friend I have be BPD and have done bad things to him such as lying and cheating etc for months the relationship was very unhealthy i have a therapist and i'm working on my issues i'm aware of the damage i caused on my side and i want to be a better person and have a healthy relationship with my partner my partner tries to tell me that he has sam his ex for support because he can't rely on me which i understand but he has family and friends for this which he talks to about it

so surely he doesn't need his ex. Your relationship is doomed. Mate, get this. It's a non-starter. It's honestly pathetic. They're both cheating on each other. We're only friends. They've been shagging the whole fucking time, let's be honest. And it's a non-starter.

It's not going anywhere. You're so young. It's so much a waste of a time. It was a waste of the time you even read in it. I don't know what is wrong with... I mean, he's 22 years old. Go travel. Yeah, get out of that.

Meet someone interesting. Because this is like a non-starter. I hope they're all wearing protection. They're all jumping around like fucking bunny rabbits listen if if my partner was telling me that their ex was better than me and was always gonna be and would always come first mate that is a that's a massive signal to say see you later have them the fact of you the fact that he was sending nudes and they're only friends and then he cheated on him for a significant period

and they're in therapy. Does it say at the beginning how long they've been together? Two months. So he said he was lying about this for about eight months saying he must have been... It's a non-starter i'm going with they've been together for at least a year but this is yeah this is this relationship is not your last relationship no this is a waste of time this is a time this is your taster of what

it's not supposed to be yeah because if you can't be faithful he can't be faithful then you've got no business being together you don't actually i know can't be faithful then you've got no business being together you don't actually i know you say you love each other but when you are actually in love with someone you don't do shit like that no so that was a bit of a non-stop let's move on from that yeah right wow moving on all these young people i, I mean, a lot of them were like this. I was like, brother. Right, confused in my relationship. My girlfriend, 25, and I, male, 24, have been together for three years.

When we first got together, we had a lot more exploratory and activity in the bedroom. One year later, a lot of things have and activity in the bedroom. One year later, a lot of things have stopped. A bit of a backstory, she has been dealing with previous trauma from a guy in her past. Don't wanna go into detail, but you can probably guess what I'm talking about. She also left her home and moved in with me

within two months, because living with her mum was hard on her mental health and it took a toll the problem is she left her siblings who she brought up and issues them loads i think it misses them loads he meant to write now i am trying to i'm not trying to come across like a dick because i get these feelings and stuff i know this doesn't just go away but in the last year and a half of our relationship we've had sex maybe two to three times a month and she completely stopped doing other sexual things like giving me head. I'm still very open to do things for her as I want to please her, even though she's closed off from a lot of that too. I want to explore, try new things, find kinks, be more filthy with her day in and day out. with her day in and day out. When I say about doing something for me, like giving me head, she point blank refuses, even though she did it at the start. And it's not just that, but other

things. The last couple of weeks, we've been having sex almost daily but this is because she's got baby fever not because she wants to she's always really wanted a child and now one of our close friends has one she really wants one and i'm just feeling used to be honest i'm gonna I've gone from trying to get her to be more sexual with me to her finally having more sex but only because she wants a kid and she refuses to do anything. It's very vanilla. Am I being a dick or are my feelings valid? I get her past so I have patience with things but I'm also a vulnerable in the sense that she knows I want more but I can't wait for it because I want to spend my life with her but she gives me no indication of even trying to give me more. She had a lot more relationships than I have. She has done things in her past too, granted most of the time drunk. She has done risky things

in risky places and refuses any of that with me. I feel like she's just closed off another thing is to know is that she has adhd so i don't know if that if this is a big i think he means deal and she lives with me but we both live with my parents she also doesn't really get along with my mum either. Go. Okay. I mean, yeah, I think he's got valid points. So do I. I do. Massively. I think this is another non-starter relationship.

I also think bringing up whatever she's done in her past that that doesn't mean that's who she is now you know whether she's done risky things in the past and she hasn't done it with you therefore like why like that who she was then and went who she is now that's not fair i i get that i get what you're saying and it's not the expectation that she's going to be dirty with him. Dirty with you because she's done it before. Yeah. That's not fair. But I also understand that the relationship he wants is a kinky, very sexual relationship. And you're talking about bringing a baby into a relationship that's already on the downslope.

And I find that quite concerning. Yeah, that's already on the downslope and i find that quite concerning yeah that's that's not what they should be doing sometimes he's having sex with him because he wants to be having sex or stuff yeah but this sex that he's living is to have a baby not the sex that he wants so to me it's not that they're not even compatible yeah they are literally doing sex handstand sex like to have a baby. And I think there's nothing wrong in separating because you're completely different people. There is someone, there is a woman out there

that's going to be really kinky and into everything that he's in and she is going to find a man that is very vanilla in the bedroom. There are so many different people, different strokes for different folks. And if she isn't comfortable enough to do all that stuff, that's okay. bedroom there are so many different people different strokes for different folks and if she isn't comfortable enough to do all that stuff that's okay and it's okay that he wants that stuff yeah and it's okay that she may have done it previously in a in her past life but didn't really enjoy it yeah anymore that's what that's why i don't think they're compatible and i think bringing a baby into a relationship...

The baby shouldn't be happening. Full stop. And that's what I'm saying. They're talking about continuing the relationship because he wants to be with her. I feel used. Mate, you're about to become a single fucking father. I think she has good points, he has good points.

I don't think they're compatible. And it's sad because you might love everything else about them. Your mum don't like her, you're living in the house, you're actually going to have a baby whilst living with your mum and dad. You're not stable enough. Your relationship, first of all, is not stable enough. You're 25 and 24 years old. God, live a little bit.

And you... Please don't have a baby. please don't have a baby please don't have a baby just work if your relationship is a stalemate that's okay but don't be bringing other complications into it because when she has the baby some women go off sex completely altogether some women maintain the way they were or some women have an increased libido i think that personally me if you're my mate i'd be like i think you should separate you're not compatible i get that you love each other but you don't love each other in the right way you deserve what you want she deserves what she wants please don't have a fucking baby yeah the love language is completely off it's not there i don't feel like they can communicate in nicely properly

about that either no i don't think it's about him getting a blowjob i don't think it's that i think that he wants to be sexual to the point where you feel like you're part of each other and for him sex is very bend over wham bam thank you ma'am nobody wants that if you're with the right person it never feels like that yeah that that ain't it so that's my advice on that one any positive ones yet it's relationship advice babe yeah like don't do it it's been the advice so far it's all and all three of them because i found that the reason was the one you just read before they're just not compatible okay ready oh god husband 30 male uh and herself 33 33, so she's older, said he would find a cuter and younger girl during an argument.

Don't know where to go from here. Okay. Husband, 30 male, and I, 33 female, met and currently live five hours from his hometown we are recently discussing moving to his hometown he really advocates and he has a strong feeling for that. Main point being it's good for any future children and he has responsibility to take care of his parents. I feel like my hands are tired and today during an argument on this I said maybe I don't want to move north. He asked are you saying you're not moving north i said again maybe he said something like don't make me choose between you and my parents because you'll lose

then for then forget about you and me i'll just find a cuter and younger girl okay he later apologized for that but i feel in a very weird place right now even though i understand he may have said something he doesn't mean in the heat of the moment yet for some reason i'm not sure what i i constantly want to cry and cannot stop thinking about what he said. I don't feel particularly sad or angry. I feel numb. I'm not really sure what exactly I'm feeling. What's not helping is I recently went through an early miscarriage and I'm still spotting from it. I'm waiting for results of some lab work, which will determine if I need a surgery or not.

When he said that, my first reaction in the head was, OK, I'll just go to the surgery myself then. Then I felt so pitiful for myself. It's as if I'm observing the situation from a third person's eye that uh through throughout the entire night I couldn't help but but replaying how I felt then I don't know why I feel I feel do weirdly numb I feel so weirdly numb I cannot really tell whether I'm still upset or not if I'm upset I don't feel strong emotions right now if I'm not I cannot do other things and my my mind keeps going back to it anyone else heard something like this during arguments and gained some perspective i would

appreciate some insight i don't know how to get past this or is my reaction out of proportion and it's something worth looking uh worth looking over what do you think i think it's another doomed relationship. I don't like these. I'll just replace you. Bye. It was a little bit like that, weren't it?

So she's got to move to where he wants to move or they're done and he'll just find somebody else. That's pretty much what she said. Then she needs to make a decision. Is she going to do everything that he says in the marriage or every time they're going to be getting a divorce or is she going to say no and see what happens?

Do you know what? Yeah, from that I was sort of getting a, she's gone testing the water as such, maybe I don't want to move north. Right. Maybe that's not a great thing to do in your marriage when clearly there's been some sort of agreement that you guys are going to move north

and live in that town where he grew up and be near his parents. So she's, for whatever reason, gone, maybe I don't want to. They're having an argument. And then he's gone, well, maybe I'll find someone else then. Yeah.

I'm not saying that's okay. That's what I'm saying. I don't know if he said that to hurt her. Because obviously he's hurt. Because by the sounds of it, he's got to go and look after his parents. Yeah, it kind of sounds like that is sort of part of it. I don't know, man. I think that you need to sit down and talk to each other and

really think about what's important yeah if you're not willing to go then you have to be honest about that yeah he says some stupid shit but you have to be honest that you know it could be a permanent thing that you move up there yeah but she'll also be then really isolated. And if he's out and about and then, oh, look, he's now met someone, that's probably what's playing on her mind. The minute they say something stupid like that, you can't help it, can you? I think the thing is it's so raw as well as she just lost the baby. So she's probably devastated from that.

Yeah, she's probably in her head, lost her baby, and now potentially about to lose her husband i think don't rush into anything i think they need to sit down and really talk about the future do they even have one you know what i mean or are they going to go and start afresh but if they're going to if he's going to go find someone else, I don't think he really meant that. I think he said that to be spiteful. Yeah, but do you know what's getting me as well? That she's not feeling sad or angry, that she's got such a numb feeling.

I think that's quite common. That's how I felt after my first step topic. Yeah, it's because I relate to it as well through my arguments and stuff I think that you know especially especially when a miscarriage or an ectopic it comes as such a shock that I think

I don't know I remember being quite numb about it all devastated but very numb I was I think I went a bit like that after mum died if you remember i was very matter of fact about everything until it all comes to a head i don't know why i do that but i do i go very i think it's just some people deal with shit that way i think that they their relationship could possibly be fine i think they're just being

spiteful yeah they definitely maybe he's hurting about the baby and he's just being a fucking arsehole rather than saying to her, I'm devastated. Yeah. He's now fixated on, well, we still need to move. We need to go look after my parents.

That's what I'm saying. Some people, like, some people become numb. Some people cry. Some people become arseholes. You know. Do you want to read the top comment? You're like, no. He clearly feels incredibly strongly about moving back to his hometown and seems to feel not doing so would be a deal breaker.

I'd also be concerned about his comment on his parents always coming first I completely forgot about that did you that's not good compared to them his words make you seem disposable I'd really sit down and consider the relationship and if his words and patterns of behavior bear any of this out yeah i think i think that i completely completely forgot about that i think before making any decisions any decision yes you're still grieving but they have to sit down and if he wasn't just being a spiteful arsehole in the moment I wouldn't go I'd call it a day so she actually responded saying yes his words made me feel extremely disposable the fact that after we've been through so much and with all our memories the go-to quality that he thought of

to replace me is cuter and younger it makes everything i believed before not seem real it feels so absurd i feel almost like going through an exit existence crisis hmm he told you now believe him I couldn't come back and trust him after this I think she's just lost the baby as well I think they

I think they owe each other a sit down and if he really feels that way that's okay but it's better that she knows rather than uprooting her whole entire life I think they owe each other a sit down. And if he really feels that way, that's okay. But it's better that she knows rather than uprooting her whole entire life and moving there, right? Yeah. It's a bit depressing, this one. I don't know if I'd be doing this. Yeah, I don't know if I like this one.

I mean, it's deep, but I don't know. I'm glad we didn't do the fucking PTSD. We won't be doing it again in a hurry, but I'm glad we've done it. It's not boring anyway, is it? Right. Can we move on? Yeah. Okay.

She recently made a guy friend at work. It seems like she is letting him closer in her life, and I'm worried. Ew. Ew. Ew. Guyfriend. She has at work. It seems she is letting him closer in her life and I'm not really sure what to do.

I am 19 male. She is 19 female. We have been dating for three months. Recently, she met a guy at work she works with a very in shape guy meanwhile i'm decently built construction worker so we all know what that means it's scruffy yeah If that relates to the story at all, she's always told me she would never... She would never add other guys on Snap,

but this guy came along and not long after, she goes to a party with her friends and posts videos of them dancing on her private story. The story contained six of her female friends and the guy that she works with i found this out by going through her belongings and it seems like she only snaps him when i'm out of the room but at the same time she only snaps everybody else when I'm out of the room nothing was in there save chats though she always she also followed him on Instagram and likes his posts I've been worried and I'm not sure what to do it seems like every time I've brought this guy up she gets upset

and thinks that I don't trust her because you don't brother she has a type for tall guys but this guy does not meet the criteria i am probably five to six inches taller than him although he's a lot more muscular and has just a little more tattoos than I do. He hasn't looked on his Insta, has he? He is probably in his early 20s. I want the relationship to last, but she is making me question the trust that we have. She also talks about us being married and having kids in the future

and always makes plans with me. Should I continue to be worried or should i just forget this has happened and trust her um i'm going to give you the add-on she met a girl hold on this is just a summary she met the guy at work and they she slowly let him get closer she has had it added him to a private story and doesn't tell me much about since they are just friends i want to trust her but she has been doing shady things recently okay okay sorry uh i mean he's a little shady okay but i think he needs to just trust her i agree i mean if she's actually treating his post that she's adding him in or whatever the same as she is all

her girl mates then she sees him like a mate yeah like she's not treating him different she's not messaging him more or like there's nothing shady there, really. I mean, it's... It's not nice. But she's allowed male friends as well. Yeah. It's just hard when they're new male friends over meeting somebody who's already got male friends. I definitely think that when you're younger, you are much more insecure

and worried about people cheating on you from my personal experience I definitely felt worried more whereas now I've been good luck with that but um now I'm definitely as I've got older as you mature I definitely think if someone's going to cheat they're going to cheat yeah and there's nothing you can do about that so i think trust is everything until proven otherwise yeah maybe don't go through your shit though yeah i don't like that there is actually a reason that is literally niggling at you and that your sixth sense is saying like alarm bells are all ago here like you need to check this out because you now need to what i find interesting as well is how he talks about this man's physique constantly yeah because he's insecure and that's what i'm saying would he feel the same if it was a little skinny nerdy guy with glasses or someone that was 20

stone and five foot four do you see what i'm saying i don't know he's feeling threatened yeah so the top comment which i'll just give you you are 19 and you've been dating this girl for three months you are talking about children i feel like you're moving too fast trust me you're a different person at 25 than you are now enjoy your time true story it is a true story and that's that's what i'm saying i'm not saying that you're wrong because you could be completely right but there are you know as women we have guy friends especially especially you. Like, they are, growing up, they were, like, your best mates and still are now. Some of them are your best mates.

And we have the best. We giggle. Do you know what I mean? We have a laugh. There's nothing weird about it. But I can. I mean, I've lost a couple of, a couple of boys have come out of the group because they've met their wives now. And their wives have been uncomfortable mainly with me being there to be honest yeah and about how relaxed you all are but yeah

i've never had any sort of relationship with any of my boy mates apart from friendship so there was never really anything there was no yeah there was no crossover there never has been and you know when we so i've spoken before on the podcast, we're going to Bucklands for Emily's brother's 40th. And we are in an apartment with two of Emily's best boys. And obviously we're sharing a bedroom and they will. And of course I ran it past my husband because that's just respect but he's like sweet because he knows them he knows me he knows Emily and he knows you're either that

way or you're not and if I was going to do something I'd do it yeah do you know what I mean and vice versa so I think that that I definitely think that that comes with age I think when we first got together that idea of that would have thrown it'd be like yeah could you imagine if you said i'm going to butlins and there's uh two girls and i mean with yeah yeah you'd be like that yeah you know whereas now like knowing his friends do you know what i'm saying like now who we are now it's an age thing i mean for me personally it is we have been together for so long married 20 years together longer so we know each other inside out and i think even you even in your last relationship

you were full trust like straight away because i think you don't want to be cray cray um and i think um that's the way to live it's devastating if it don't work out that way but that's the way to live. It's devastating if it don't work out that way, but that is the way to live. And like that person said to Oakley, you're 19, you are both 19. If this is meant to be, it's going to be. I don't think, if she is cheating after three months, she ain't a keeper.

She's for the streets, right? She's for the streets. She's for the streets, babe. And the streets for the streets bay and i hope they are covered in lego pieces that's brutal yeah well she am i wrong lego and what did i hear you say the other day that she catches her jean pocket her jean pocket on the door handle yeah the, the inconvenience of that. I hope she scubs her toe. All the little inconveniences.

I hope chewing gum gets stuck in her hair. That's awful. Yeah, well, some people... She's going to get dicked in. That's frightful. She's going to get dicked in by someone, anyone that betrays people. If you want to fucking fuck around, go fuck around, but don't be in a relationship whilst doing it okay that's my little rant okay have i read this one i don't know yet

right so also dating advice setting advice oh my gosh you're a tyrant. They're all very similar. Ready? This is another similar. Yeah, similar. I take care of my appearance, yet I still get zero attention from women. Oh. Hello, 22 male. I'm well fit. This ain't...

No, I know they're fit because they take a lot of care. As you can see by the title, I take care of my appearance. Yes, I still get zero attention from women. I am by no means trying to sound needy, but I would appreciate a little attention from women, you know? appreciate a little attention from women you know you see i practice self-care to always look my best i get haircuts frequently get my facial hair cleaned up lined up groom my eyebrows wear nice clothes and so and so forth how old is she 22 he he is i know and i feel like that might already be the problem yeah a well-groomed young lady yes that's really sexy yeah but i also got oh sorry beg my pardon i also go to the gym to take care of my body. I was never fat, always skinny.

Despite my efforts in looking my best, I receive no type of attention from women. Now, I know what you guys might say. They probably are showing you attention. You just don't see it. Trust me. I actually wasn't going to say that. I wasn't going to say that either. That's not what's on my mind i do see it the

main reason why i'm making this post is because this is really messing with my confidence the way i approach women is by waiting on choosing signals which also indicates mutual interest if i am also interested in the woman what is the reason for this and what should I do? I'm at a point where I just assume that I'm not good looking enough for these women. Maybe that's just the truth. By the way, I am looking to hook up with women, not a relationship. Maybe that's the problem. Maybe that's your aura.

I do. I feel like it's a bad energy thing yeah i do i feel like i reckon i feel like when you're putting that much energy i tell you what the aura is i'm in love with myself that's the aura yeah and that's a proper turn off listen i mean i know i'm not i'm 40 and this guy is 22, but when I'm looking at a guy who quite clearly uses better cream and hair products than I do, and his skinny jeans are smaller than mine, it's a fucking no. It's a negative.

I tell you, because normally we don't even wear mascara. It's literally for the podcast. I use a powder thing i haven't got mascara oh so i have mascara and a bit of blusher but monday we don't even i mean i brush the teeth yeah but i do like a very rugged i brush my hair to go to work the weekend don't get looking i sleep in a bonnet i don't have to but my husband is very rugged dude jenna's got one for frankie oh my god i bet jenna's got one for frankie i said how's her hair she went excellent when i told you it makes so much difference anyway um yeah i like a very rugged man me too

i don't like skinny jeans i hate skinny not that i'm out looking but i'm just of course i i'm human so if i find someone attractive then it's because i'm human but i like a rugged man i like a bit of a belly there i like no pluck on the eyebrows i do like a nice haircut i like a bit of a sample yeah like a bit of growth on the face i don't i like a nice haircut. I like a bit of a... Staple. Yeah. Like a bit of growth on the face. I don't. I like a man to wear normal jeans, not skinny jeans. Straight cut.

Straight cut. Yeah. I like a trainer with that. Yeah, I can't be dealing with all this. I mean, I don't know. It's funny because we're older, like you say, and when we go out now and I look around and I'm like, ugh know it's funny because we're older like you say and when we go out now and I look around and I'm like oh what's happened I mean girls don't even wear high heels anymore I

know I know it's it's shocking shocking and it breaks my heart just a bit because everything's cash but the amount of effort that goes into this cash is crazy. It's boring. Yeah. It's boring. Not me. I think I'm on the red carpet. Why haven't you done your hair?

Yeah. Why haven't you matched your shoes to your fucking outfit? Yeah. What the fuck? Why are you wearing trainers with an evening dress? And socks. What's with the socks? I with tell you what else is really upsetting me crocs oh no we're not in we're not even that's a whole podcast all by itself i

fucking hate crocs we are not what is that about out you go and then you've got you look lovely and then you've got crocs on i don't i mean they've got holes in they're not even weather appropriate this might be where we get our first hey you leave my socks alone um no yeah i think it's what he's putting out there's probably he's probably a lovely looking lad there's nothing wrong with him he's in the prime of his line and uh nothing wrong with him but i think it's what he's putting out there is so look at me that actually maybe it's a turn off yeah and he's saying that he is getting attention clearly he must be because he's a good looking boy by the sounds of it yeah Yeah. But he, they're obviously not on his level for him to be accepting,

but he's having a good whinge that he's not. What are you saying? He's like a five game for tens? I'm saying, look, bitch, calm yourself down. Because I don't think it matters. Even if he's a two

and he's going for a ten, I don't, it's all about, we've spoken before about it, who you are. It don't matter whether you are a two or a 10 yes your energy is fucking zero ugly yeah you're talking black energy here you are ugly that's what i'm saying like we've spoken before on the podcast you can you can be a 12 mate which is like god's giving you the gift if you're an arsehole it makes you a fucking one

because it makes you so unattractive that for me personally i can't see anything past that as friends or anything if someone you are not humble and if you are not humane in any way possible and you are literally like me me me me me me, me, me. And what's your name? Oh, me, me, me, me, me. It makes you really ugly. Oh, those people we call soul suckers. Or even. If a girl has actually got the confidence to walk up to you and say hey. And you want to shut a girl down.

Mate, you are vile. Yeah. You need to take that compliment. Because, well, I don't know. we're going to stamp that with is what you're putting out yeah you need to change out what you're putting i want to know what the top comment says right top comment is it can be it it can be tough to invest in your appearance and not receive the attention you want while looking good is essential attraction is also about confidence and connection try being more proactive in your approach start conversations

instead of waiting for signals yeah i don't know what he's waiting for where she's going like this you me ringy thingy and also explore new social settings that align with your interests so they might help you meet women who appreciate you more lastly reflect on your mindset focusing on your unique qualities can boost your confidence, making you more attractive to others. Have you considered how changing your approach could open new opportunities? Literally what we just said. That was very nicely put. Yeah, we put it in a different way, but that's what we mean. And the following one was, yeah, your demeanour matters too.

And that's linked to your self-esteem and confidence. You also need to actually initiate with women and communicate in a way that is attractive. Yeah, you can't just stand in the corner against a bar looking like a statue or beautiful. Look at me. Yeah. That really isn't attractive. We laugh at people like that. We do. We're we're like yeah turns out it's us in the mirror make sure you're also working on yourself like your looks or communication so you can

so you are attractive person to date don't fall for limiting beliefs like you can't meet women without apps I don't maybe with all the grooming they think you are gay I mean that was one of my faults too but you know I didn't think that I did I think that it is the self-love that's the problem I love myself and then I want you to know if you're looking for a hookup sorry if you're looking for a hookup it's important to approach women who are open to that relying solely on dating signals isn't that tinder it needs to be on tinder might not help you identify the right person without a clear indication like a selfie it's hard for others

to gauge your attractiveness did you say it's tinder who i swear i've heard it's tinder where they just hook up am i right um it's just a hookup or is that called something else yeah just like literally i was never on tinder in your area yeah you do that the women just like and they go yeah i'm near you're local and you generally get picture fans we can show you some right are you happy for me to finish off it's my last one anyway okay right i don't know what's the delay right right said fred right me 19 female and my partner are they all teenagers they are all children at least i found like kids in their 20s and my partner i found the elder couple but that was just devastating uh and my partner nb19 non-binary anyway i'm having issues and i need advice before i start this post hold on a minute

because i did read the update to this shouldn't have clicked on that because bitch has just seen tits. What the fuck? I don't know. I don't know why. I was just looking for that. Because I did read. I remember what it said.

So it's clearly been removed. It's five days old. Before I start this post, my partner has bipolar disorder and I know sometimes they do they do isn't that what they do isn't their fault but it doesn't make it right and we are long distance my partner has been making me feel horrible and unloved lately we've been together for five months and it's been amazing at least in the beginning girl you are still in the beginning anyway the the past few weeks they've been dissonant dissonance say it dissonance distancing there you go distancing distancing and seems almost annoyed with me they told me i was caring but to the reason why i feel unloved is because they have been leaving me on delivered and,

and, and opened. So getting the messages and not replying and talking to me like I'm a parent and I'm annoying and I'm annoying them for context. My partner has meds and should be, should have them every day. However, the past three days they chose not to and the first time that the first day they felt great and now they feel like shit

and they are not talking to me they do have bipolar disorder they chose not to and first they felt great and now she's already said this uh i feel involved in it because my partner has a crush on their best friend and they have and they have this is stressing me out more than the first i mean it's very difficult to read i'm back on partner they send i've already pre-read this i don't know what the problem is and they think they spend most of the time together and they even work together my partner told me and said that there is nothing to worry about because they love me and their best friend has a girlfriend but they're not

too reassuring when they're together. And my partner ignores me. Not only that they are best friends, she is low-key pretty. But me and my... Oh, watch out for those low-key pretties. And me and my own partner told me my double chin and my smile were ugly you're out of order i just need advice on the relationship is it worth continuing or am i wasting my time wasting your time so i do remember what i read i don't know why it's been removed she was having sex with her. So the non-binary was having sex with the best friend.

With the best friend, yeah, of course she is. That's why I saved it. It is, they are. Whatever. Right, I feel like that's it. We hope you enjoyed it. Something a little bit different. I mean, me, I prefer an infuriating one.

But I didn't mind it after all. Ow, did you hear that click? That was the most exciting thing that's happened to me. Bye, my darlings. Wow. What do you think of that? I think. What don't you think of that?

I think that girl has got everything that she needs.