Middle-aged opinion - This will make u giggle

Episode Date: May 1, 2024

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Hello everyone, welcome to Middle-aged Opinion. And that's it. Do we have to say who we are? We don't have to. I mean if they can't read L&Ms. Hello, I'm Emily. And you're Lily. Hello. Hello! Welcome! Imagine me crying and we have an evening. Yeah. Men, men, men, men, men leave and I don't know why. Literally. Every time it's in my head and I don't know why.

It just stinks. Right. Do you want to go first? I went first last time. Yeah, let's start. Okay. Welcome to Middle-Aged Opinion. There you go. Let's get on.

Let's what? Let's get on. Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go. Oh, hey you! Okay. Okay, it's over to you. All right. Yep.

Okay. So, am I the arsehole if we decided not to give 50% of the money to the kids? Okay, over to you. All right. Yep. Okay. So, am I the arsehole if we decided not to give 50% of the wedding cash gift to my in-laws and offer an apology after? Okay. We eloped a few months ago, super short ceremony, photos that it. We have a business that's grown pretty quick and we wanted all our

savings to go towards it reason why we decided not to go for a wedding party nevertheless my in-laws wanted a party because their traditions their middle easterners uh after back and forth we agreed on it and with the condition that we would not be giving any money to them, which they agreed to. We went and checked out the event centre in which the wedding party will be taking place and we decided no money will be received from our side. My husband's dad joked about giving his wife, my husband's mum, some money from the wedding gift, in which she said, no, this is your gift.

Your gift? Your gift. Yeah. My mother-in-law, which I will be forever grateful, was in charge of everything. As expected, we only showed up for the wedding. charge of everything as expected we only showed up for the wedding the wedding was full of their family and friends which was okay with us as that was not our money wedding day goes by two days later we met up with them to count the money and write how much each guest gave again middle eastern tradition

after we finished counting we ate and left the crazy part comes now as we leave the mum closes the door so hard that my husband and i looked at each other as, what the fuck? Two days later, I'm COVID plus. Positive, sorry. Yeah, yeah. Same as them. So my husband text and called them with no answer or response. A few days later, we were informed that they were mad at us because we didn't give them money as agreed.

I was like, wait a minute i made sure before we agreed to the party that they understood that there was no way they'll receive money from us today his brother calls and told and told him as in her husband yeah I guess, that they are waiting for an apology, like, why? So Reddit, out by the arsehole, but not letting my husband apologise with his family, but not even discussing the idea with him to give them part of the guest wedding gift money. Should we give them money? So you're saying that the mother and father-in-law to the bride

decided to throw them a European... No, to the groom, the groom's mum and dad. The groom's mum and dad decided to throw them a party more for their friends and family and then demanded half of the gift money from said party. Yeah. Yeah. Right. She's not the arsehole. They're arseholes.

Unless something was agreed prior, why would they expect half of what was given to the bride and groom? It doesn't even make sense, does it? It doesn't make sense at all. I mean, that would annoy me. make sense at all. I mean, that would annoy me. It sounds like they weren't even wanting this party. Not that they didn't want it, but they did it as a gesture to the mum and dad because of the culture. Yeah, they'd already said that their business was more important, so they did a small wedding

and they had some photos, that's it. Yeah, and then they've gone out of their way to throw this party and they're like, hold on, you owe us half the money back. Yeah, it's outrageous. What do you think? No. Yeah. Absolute arseholes they are.

Yeah, she's not an arsehole. No. How can you expect to be given money that people who have turned up to wish them well, half of that money. Of course. Here's a gift for you, I'll... If the groom's mum and dad needed a contribution towards that, it should have been discussed and agreed before the party.

Absolutely, but clearly, well, it seems quite clear to me that they... Yeah, it's not... Absolutely not. Yeah, it's not the OP's fault. Like, she had no idea that they'd want half the money. I mean, it's a bit weird, isn't it? To all of a sudden be like, oh, by the way, that's two grand thanks. They don't even know what they got as gifts.

No, they do, because they all sat down together. Oh, they all counted it together. Yeah. That's weird as well. She said it's a Middle Eastern tradition. Tradition. Okay. All right. Well, still. Yeah. I just feel like, and I feel like if giving half the money was part of the culture, then the groom would have been aware of that. But he wasn't. So, very strange behaviour. I mean I mean you know the more we read the more everyone's gonna lost the plot yeah just read just reading the stories yeah so um the top the top comment baby girl all I can say is a girl I says, baby girl, all I can say is... Baby girl, I hate that. I hate that so much. Baby girl. I think this is a woman though. Baby girl. Let's put on the echo for it. Baby girl.

Very upset by baby girl. I hate it. All I can say is welcome to being married to Middle Eastern. Okay. Thank you. From the post alone, I can tell you're not Middle Eastern. Welcome to hell in human form. You're about to, a few days later, they'll say you are mad at us for X, Y and Z for the rest of your life. Oh my God. Learn how to read minds because they will always be mad at you for something.

And just know that if you and your husband decide to do anything that is against his mother's wishes, you will be called a manipulator and trying to control her son. Oh, dear. Shit. Oh, dear. So run. Run. Run.

That's what this person's suggesting is that they run away now. Either that or shut up and put up, isn't it, really? Like, just let them do what they want. I don't think I could. No. No. That's why we wouldn't do very well, babe. No. No. In other why we wouldn't do very well, babe. No.

No, in other countries we wouldn't. Not that I'm, you know, disrespecting anyone's belief, but I just wouldn't do very well because I've got too much of a gob. Yeah, I feel like I'm too opinionated now. I'm too gobby, yeah. It's too late for us. I can't be shut down anymore. I can't be, I can't do it.

I can't do it. Yes, I'm going to leave that one there. Okay, fantastic. About three years ago, I had a contractor rip me off of 2K. Here is my revenge. It's also still in play. As well as I had a contractor scoot me over about 2K, I downloaded a burner app number.

So every few months, I'd call the guy randomly and ask about his business and see if he would be willing to work with me he owns a concrete pumping company so sometimes I tell him that I need a pump at so-and-so on a certain day and ask if he's cool with a check or should I hit his bank for cash, or should I hit the bank for cash, hook, line and sinker. Then he loaded up an equipment, he loaded up his equipment and drivers, an hour to get to the job site that doesn't exist, I almost always said, said, said him, oh, sent him somewhere, I know, he had to drive past a friend's house, or place of employment, friend, then calls, my friend then calls me, and tells me, D-head, dickhead, the contractor is almost on site.

Every once in a while, I'd ask if he can provide a 10-man crew with a pump, as it's just me and Grandpa putting in a garage. And we were not that good it's been on it's been going on now for three years labor fuel loss of real work that 2k has had to cost him well over 15k by now if not more I'm in the construction business if anybody gives me crap about how cruel I am oh well I still sleep pretty good at night he is not uh com there you go competition in line of work he will he was someone who I used to hire to pump concrete he knows he messed up he said he said he would make it right um and that the last time he ever called me he ever called me or answering my real number i don't know what that means, but anyway. Yeah, that's

brilliant. What do you reckon? What are you laughing at now? I mean, that's some proper dedication. That's dedication to the finest. I think it was great. I think it was great. I thought about doing things like that before. I know, I've never done it though. No. But he's been doing it for three years but he must have to put on different voices I mean what is that thing he does but it's a burner thing so basically the internet generates the number I've heard about before a different number every time I don't know I mean they must recognize the voice there's apps that you can do different voices on so I don't think that that

would be difficult but what about the ten-man crew with the pump it's just me grandpa in the garage so it would because he'd have to hire all those men on site it's going to the job and there's nobody there when they get there just picking random addresses off the internet brilliant it's brilliant yeah considering the contractor ripped you off i think he deserves it how many others have ripped uh have ripped him off i bet you're not the only one that he's ripped off that's what that man's trying to say continue to be his bad karma oh dear well considering he's still in business he's ripped off a lot that's what the op said so yeah brilliant i liked that story just a bit of a giggle do you know what i know somebody who i mean i don't know who did it to them but it was fucking hilarious

but basically they had moved into their new apartment and one of their friends had sent them a random box, a gift and when he opened it it exploded glitter so his whole place was just covered in glitter

it is brilliant that is fantastic. And? Well, they've done it. You never. It's like when you put up a Christmas tree and then six months later you find a bit of tinsel. It's like the never ending. You can never get rid of glitter.

You can never get rid of glitter. That's it. It's like every time we go away, us and the girls and the amount of glitter. I do feel sorry for wherever we go. It's all the time every time that's it right no all right am i the arsehole for not wanting to be my best friend's secret maid of honor okay interesting okay for context we've been friends for years although our hi-

Some words isn't it? It's just some words, I was like on the last one, I just can't get my help. For context, start again, with me going no no no no. Am I the arsehole for not wanting to be my best friend's secret maid of honour? No. For context, we have been friends for years. All through our high school, my best friend, we'll call her Morgan, dated her now fiance Jack. Morgan and Jack are getting married in August of this year. Leading up to the engagement she expressed to me she wanted me to be her maid of honour. She straight out asked me to be because she couldn't imagine anyone else. Jack also heavily involved me in the planning of the proposal. Fast forward to now, I have been helping plan everything for Morgan Bryce made proposals, bachelorette party, ceremony, catering, venues, reception, after-party, honeymoon, the budgeting for all events. I jokingly made the comment while

I was showing her the new budget breakdown, I guess since I'm your built in maid of honour we don't have to worry about a maid of honour proposal in the budget. Morgan then told me we're actually we're actually still need to budget for that because I want oh I'm lost it's fine because I want just above you the line above we actually well actually we still need to budget for that because I want well actually we still need to budget for that because I want Lindsay her sister to be my official maid of honor I was like wow I have been doing all of the heavy lifting for the better part of a year and you're now telling me I'm going to I'm not not gonna be your maid of honor. She then told me, well, you're like my secret maid of honor.

You can still be my maid of honor and do all the maid of honor things, but Lindsay will just be my official one. I don't know why this really bothered me. I still, I'm still a part of the bridal party, but I'm being expected to do everything mentioned earlier while Lindsay is being expected to do nothing because she is too irresponsible I won't be giving credit I won't be given credit

either as not to embarrass Lindsay I honestly want to relinquish all the unnecessary stress and possibilities, responsibilities, oh my God, and why the arsehole for not wanting to be her second secret maid of honour. Yeah. Actually, for once, yeah. That's what friends do. It is what friends do. Friends just do what they've got to do and it's as simple as that she has a sister um you know very same situation with me obviously

when i got married i had lisa my sister and jenna who obviously has been my best mate since we were six so jenna and lisa were both my matron of honour but Jenna was my best friend matron of honour and Lisa being my sister matron of honour so that's just sometimes how you've got to look at things it really doesn't matter title because Lindsay it is Lindsay isn't it the sister is Lindsay no what's the wife Morgan Morgan will never forget what she's done for her as a friend which can only strengthen the friendship in my opinion you just do what you've got to do for friends and sometimes you've got to shut up and put up what do you reckon I mean for for what you've said yeah maybe you are the arsehole but equally no because when you you've put so much into someone and into their

helping them have their best you kind of want to be like thanked on the day and be like yeah i did that thank you very much you're welcome a hundred percent and she should be thankful everything yeah and i'm sure she is so maybe everyone's the arsehole she's definitely arsehole that's definitely arsehole. She's definitely the arsehole. That's definitely arsehole behaviour. Oh, I need you to recognise what I've done. It's like, it's actually about your mate. So, yes, you've been amazing.

But sometimes you've just got to swallow. Yeah. You know what? Exactly. You know what you do. Exactly. Do you need the whole hide? She does deserve a thank you a hundred percent but she should be getting that anyway from her mate so if her mate if morgan's not doing that

then she's also the arsehole which means everybody's the arsehole but you know i don't think i don't think this gratitude is completely needed all the time from everyone. Sometimes it's just about the friendship and the bond that you have. And sometimes things that you do. Could you imagine doing everything and then the other person who literally hasn't done anything because they're too irresponsible gets like the praise. Well done. You've done such a great job. I don't know. All right.

So if it was Jenna, I'm quite lucky because, again, our friendship group is not like that. We recognise. It's hard to put myself mentally in that position because the friends that I have would recognise my role in a situation. But I don't know. You don't always need praise for things. You don't always need the praise. You don't know you don't always need praise for Dingo

you don't always need the praise I don't think having her stand up on the wedding day and go everyone thanks to her this is why yeah you're right she needs the recognition but it doesn't need to be a public recognition

but I do get where she's coming from yes she probably does need some recognition but to walk away to step back and leave things to someone that isn't going to step up to the plate it's not fair either because then you're even you're even a bigger arsehole yeah she i don't think she'd forgive herself exactly that's what i mean you know and if her mate can't recognize everything she's done how good of friends are they really anyway do you see what i mean so i think everyone's a bit of an arsehole actually what does really think even lindsey to be quite honest i don't care how irresponsible she is she should be doing something yeah of course but they should be communicating that as well uh well the top one says

not the arsehole and just wow this might be petty but I'd like I'd be like okay well I'll start turning some of this over to Lindsay she's going to have to put some effort in because this is a lot of work and then that is what I'd do maybe keep one or two of the most important things under your supervision but Lindsay needs to sweat for the wedding wiping uh wiping out the credit card making calls getting contracts etc lol also we're proposing to the wedding party now what on earth what yeah that doesn't make any sense i don't know reason 917 i think weddings are ridiculous oh she's anti-wedding anyway yeah she's like don't do it save yourself um i just think that sometimes it's unnecessary you're making drama where there is no need for drama also the bride should be doing more than

what she's doing like you're getting married and you're what here's all the stuff that needs to be done good luck with that yeah like get on with it yourself like an unpaid wedding plan honestly like both times i've been like, three times I've been wrong. I really didn't have to do much. You know, it comes down to the hen do, that sort of thing. Yeah, I think I was going to do. But when it comes to the wedding, that's their wedding. They said, this is the dress you're wearing.

I said, lovely. You know, if I had to pay for it, I'd pay for it. Like, there was nothing that I was ever funny about and if I was asked to do anything or needed to do anything I just got on a building. I don't know Helen got me this... Sorry Helen. She knows though. She knows. She got me this dress which was very similar to her flower girls. And we were all like what the fuck is this really but equally i would i had i had three month old babies yeah you looked incredible for a three month old baby no we ended we got she got me a new dress yeah okay but then she must have thought you look like crap as well

oh well there you go i look like a giant candy floss and that's another thing about our friendship group we would never let any of us walk around like candy flocks we just wouldn't though would we so um I've still got both of my bridesmaids dress from Terry and Jenna and they're beautiful and one day I'll go to something I'm not sure sure what, where I can wear them again. But, you know, they weren't dresses that, I think I brought the one from Terry. I can't remember. And I think Jenna purchased the one. Either way, it doesn't matter. It makes no difference.

But if they'd given me a black sack with a bit of shit on it and said, this is what you've got to wear. That's what I would have done. Yeah. I mean. Yeah. I would have worn the candy blouse. She thought you looked like shit as well but we all were like yeah i look really awful in this yeah so you know that's what i'm saying you know this works but the bride like i say the bride needs to step up and do a bit more you can't leave everything to everybody else it's not acceptable acceptable behaviour. Yeah. So that's where I'm coming

from. So I think we're agreed. We're agreed. Yeah. Everyone's an arsehole. This is a really short and sweet one, but I read the first line and I was like, that's weird. So I thought you'd like it. Okay. My secret. I eat cement and can't stop. The urge to keep eating it is impossible to hold back. The crunch between my teeth is the only thing that makes me happy. Due to this obsession, my wife and kids left me after I put cement in the food and then my kids were sent to hospital. Now you know my secret, please don't judge. What do you reckon? Have you ever watched the programme Weird Obsessions? Cement. Initially I was going to be like, is this dry cement or is this wet cement?

I can only assume it's dry. I can only assume it's dry because you it's dry cement. I can only assume it's dry. I can only assume it's dry. Because you said crunchy. He. He. Because he put his kids in hospital. So his wife and kids.

What do you reckon? Could you put up with something like that? I mean, I'm not really into eating concrete. It's making my teeth feel really funny. In fact, any type of food that has any sort of gritty feeling, I can't eat it eat it you don't like i don't like gritty you don't like it i'm trying to think what's gritty ice cream with lumps in it can't eat it oh no so i i'm not a lover of ice cream as you know but if it was a salted caramel and it's got those hard lumps and i'm fine with that i don't do that now now my teeth feel so funny because all i keep thinking about is the texture of concrete in my mouth.

It's like hurting my mouth thinking about it. I mean, had he just kept his, he's calling it my secret, but yet he's come to Reddit to tell everybody. I suppose he's anonymous. Well, he's not very secretive. He's not anymore. He's put his kids into... That's my point. That's not great. I mean, he was like i'll cook dinner babe you relax and then he's like kids but what did he

what what was it like a lump of concrete what did he put it in i don't know but it must have been in a carbonara he swapped out the ham for the concrete. But he must have put something in it where she's bitten. It's really making my teeth funny. Where she's bitten down and it's all like concrete. I don't know. He could break their teeth though. I mean, what's the granule size here? What are we talking about?

I don't know. Is he missing like half a wall? Yeah, there was a plate and there was a hard chunk of lump. I don't think I'd eat it. Is he like a dog that like eats out the wall? Like a bored animal. She's like, what's this? We haven't got a dog.

And he's like, nothing. It's all stuck in between. I just saw, I just saw the, I read the top line and I was like, you're like that. So weird, right? Wow. Yeah, I mean, it is like, that's what I'm saying. It is like a thing. They've left.

That's all that there is to it. There's a couple, I think he has replied. Is this diesel, I don't know, I'm assuming they're naming some sort of concrete and then he said maybe does anybody want an update um only four people said they do but i feel like people uh skipped it because we thought fucking weird yeah yeah because it is strange i mean what kids all right i'm gonna assume they're all right. If he's all right, then I'm assuming they're all right. I don't really know.

I mean, how does he pass that? I don't know. And I don't really know what the consistency of concrete is to when you need to go to hospital. I mean, if that was my child, I would have taken them to hospital and said, my husband has tried to kill us all with concrete. What did you have for dinner? Concrete. Conc for dinner concrete i mean at least it's calorie free dust um so that's a positive but that was my little story there um i think we've got time for one more. Right. Because that's only Ickle. Let's do it. Go.

So, this one is funniest go-to stories. So, this is what I've come up with. Okay. Right. They have deleted, so it's interesting that I don't know who this has come from. Okay. deleted so it's interesting that I don't know who this has come from. Okay so three friends and we will call them Adam, Cole and Steve okay were at Cole's last St Patrick's Day party. We had all gotten there around seven so that we could all go together to a party near Cole's house.

Okay. However, Adam had brought some alcohol and we thought that it would be a great idea to pre-game and just be late to the party. Standard. Yep. So we started to play a drinking game, progressively getting shit-faced. As soon as all the alcohol was gone, we headed out for the party. But Steve reminded us that we shouldn't drive drunk, so we started to walk.

After stumbling down the road for 30-ish minutes, Adam falls down and passes out in front of some guy's house. Steve, Cole and I all flip our shit because we think he's dead. So we play rock-paper-scissors to see who has to bury him. Steve and I tried so we told Carl to go back home. Then we tried to bury Adam in this guy's yard by digging with our hands. When we realised that we were making no headway. Of course not. We decided to take Adam home and bury him in the morning oh my god so we tried to pick him up but we kept on dropping him so steve told told me to go and get

my car and pick him up so we could do it before the cops came so i did told me to go and get my car and pick him up so we could do it before the cops came. So I did. And I went two miles an hour because I was scared of missing the turn. When I finally got back to the spot, I found Steve crying over Adam. And I told him to suck it up and to help me put Adam in the trunk. As soon as we laid him in there, I saw a woman in a nightgown come out of her house across the street and scream, you better have a damn good explanation for all this. And I thought she was a ghost. I turned to tell Steve to get in the car, but he was already running off into the night,

so I closed my trunk, but then opened it again because I was scared Adam couldn't breathe. But then I closed it again because I didn't want Adam to fall out. But opened it again for some reason. Then yelled, fuck the police and jumped into my car and sped off at five miles per hour. When I finally got back to Carl's house, he was asleep on the lawn. And Steve was waiting for me. And we unloaded Adam and put him in Cole's basement. Philo threw up on his head and fell asleep on Cole's foot on. Next morning

Adam was alive, drenched in puke, sweat, a little blood and for some reason dirt. Steve and I were hung over and Cole needed a new futon. Brilliant. They're saying they were just drunk. They're saying they were absolutely fuck-faced. Yeah they were fuck-faced on more than alcohol. It was like they were hallucinating like boy was a ghost. The woman in her nightgown. I mean, I do wonder how old they were. I mean, it's a brilliant story. It's a very good story. I liked it.

Very funny. Where did you find that? On the Reddit, what's your funniest funniest go to story that is most often requested by your friends it's hilarious it's really funny could you imagine thinking someone was dead so you're going to try and bury them could you imagine not being dead but finding yourself buried

I mean that's scary that's scary it's never happened on a night out yet but there is time listen we've never died we've never we've almost died but we didn't die but we almost died i mean you remember that time you died remember there has been times that we we have out, the lot of us, and then we're like, we should have died. We should have actually been dead by now. And it's like, when you're in that moment

and everything feels like such a good idea, and then when you're sober and you've had a bit of time to think about it, you're like, we almost died. I just don't know how we are not dead. I don't know if we're ever going grow up and and stop the antics I feel like we've missed out something here though because we have not had this experience no where we've where someone is dead but sometimes people think Jenna's dead and then she bounces back up yeah so I think she was close to it last week yeah but I

always say don't worry she'll be up in a minute and then up she goes she was fine she just takes a minute the body catches up so i suppose if you look at it like that it's just like not well enough to know she's not dead no she's all right i don't think she would appreciate us trying to bury her though but it would be funny so maybe we should do it like dig it up oh my god yeah that really killed me yeah it's a great story let me see if I can I don't think this is funny, but it's a petty revenge, which I like. So we've got time. It's only 22 minutes. So let's see if we can get another one in. I feel like I got blocked nose from that laughing earlier.

The crying, it's like blocked my nose. Like I was actually crying. I wasn't actually crying, Bobby. Okay. Let's see if I can get through this and read it better than i did the second time was right first time it's longer isn't it i feel like that's where everything more than three lines is like don't give up your day job literally i haven't got one uh right nosy neighbors so this happened about 20 years ago we lived in a small terrace property there were a hundred year old cold and uninsulated there we go because i mean so that's a big word right whereas earlier i said all those big words i fucking start again fucking mum fuck sake got a whole episode of boobies it's just one hour

of fucking the podcast nosy neighbours cut and i went two miles an hour because i was scared of missing the turn when i finally got back to the spot, I found Steve crying over Adam. And I told him to suck it up and to help me put Adam in the trunk. As soon as we laid him in there, I saw a woman in a nightgown come out of a house across the street and scream, you better have a damn good explanation for all this. And I thought she was a ghost I turned to to tell Steve to get in the car but he had already but he was already running off into the night so I closed my trunk but then opened it again because I was scared Adam couldn't breathe. But then I closed it again because I didn't want Adam to fall out.

But opened it again for some reason, then yelled, fuck the police, and jumped into my car and sped off at five miles per hour when I finally got back to Carl's house. He was asleep on the lawn, and Steve was waiting for me and we unloaded Adam and put him in Carl's basement. Then I threw up on his head and fell asleep on Carl's foot on. Next morning Adam was alive, drenched in puke, sweat, a little blood and for some reason, dirt. Steve and I were hungover and Cole needed a new futon.

Brilliant. They're saying they were just drunk. They're saying they were absolutely fuck-faced. Yeah, they were fuck-faced on more than alcohol. It was like they were hallucinating like there was a ghost. The woman in their nightgown! I mean I do wonder how old they were. I mean it's a brilliant story. It's a very good story. I liked it. Very funny.

Where did you find that on the Reddit, what's your funniest go-to story that is most often requested by your friends? It's hilarious. It's really funny. Could you imagine thinking someone was dead, so you're going to try and bury them? Could you imagine not being dead, but finding yourself buried? I mean, that's scary. That's scary. finding yourself buried i mean that's that's scary that's scary um it's never happened on a night out yet but there is time listen we've never died we've never we've almost died but did you die

we didn't die but we almost died i mean yeah you remember that time you died there has been times that we we have gone out the lot of us and they were like we should have died we should have actually be dead by now and it's like when you're in that moment and everything feels like such a good idea and then when you're sober and you've had a bit of time to think about you're like we almost died i don't know how we are not dead i don't know if we're ever gonna grow up and and stop the antics i feel like we've missed out something here though because we have not had this experience no where we thought someone is dead actually dead but sometimes people think jenna's dead and then she bounces back up yeah Yeah. I think she was close to it last week.

Yeah, but I always say, don't worry, she'll be up in a minute and then up she goes. She was fine. She just takes a minute. There she is. Yeah, the body catches up. So, I suppose if you look at it like that, it's just I know her well enough to know she's not dead. No, she's alright. I don't think she would appreciate trying to bury her though but it would be funny so maybe we should do it like dig it up

oh my god yeah that really tickled me yeah it's a great story let me see if i can i don't think this is funny but it's a um petty revenge which i like so right nosy neighbors so this happened about 20 years ago we lived in a small terrace property for about a year before our neighbors changed there were a hundred year old cold and uninsulated homes and the walls between them didn't block noise particularly well. I know what that's like. A nice couple moved in next door and seemed pleasant and polite. They said they would be having a moving in party so we thought nothing of it as we're quite tolerant. The following weekend Friday or Saturday can't remember but it didn't dispute work for us. The party started and ended

in the early hours no drama all okay we thought until a couple of weeks later and the weekend after that and so on and so on. Does he mean there's a party? No, it's like there was a party continuing. Yeah. Again, I know how that feels. As the year progressed into the warmer evenings and they liked to stand outside the back door which was almost underneath our bedroom window. Our patience was wearing thin at this point and one particular warm evening we wanted the window open to cool down.

There was no chance due to the music, shouting, smoking, waffling up to our window. I had reached breaking point and asking them nicely didn't change anything. Oh dear, hold on. I made the decision and searched my man drawer, which still included random items from earlier years i located a careful weapon uh stink bombs stink bombs the mini glass bottle opened we made sure that the lights were off off and carefully opened the window. I listened for a while and followed the ebb and flow of music and conversation. I timed the next peep and dropped the stink bomb out the window. Yeah, it was waiting for them to get really loud. I could just hear a faint crack as it smashed. The several seconds later, the loudest shouting we heard for several weeks, followed by a scream and slam doors, then quiet for the rest of the night.

They never said anything after that, nor did we. But the parties were always a bit quieter and shorter after that. I still have a couple stored just in case you never know. Brilliant that's quite a good idea actually. Simple. Yes. I remember those as well. Have you ever had a neighbour that drove you insane or were you the neighbour that drove everyone insane? No, I think we were always quite chilled. Quite a good neighbour because we well, we didn't really have too many parties. We should have. Yeah, but we didn't. Yeah. Yeah No, and our neighbours would never well, I mean now they're a little bit noisy, but

Right now they're you know they're banging and drilling because they're they're quite new yeah and they've got stuff going on um yeah i mean i've had my fair share of stuff but you know fingers crossed i'm not really gonna go yeah yeah it's unless i need to yeah yeah but um yeah i think that's a great little story oh i love a stink bomb so do i did you ever have them no but i remember people letting them off in school yes i remember having one i don't even know where it went i remember having one you know and the way the bottle goes and you crack it have you seen the tick tock when someone puts it on the dinosaur costume and then she sprays the fart stuff into the bed

oh my god it's fantastic but they are proper gaggy aren't they? They're proper giggled. Yeah, because yeah, it's like a dog fart actually. It's worse than a dog fart. Do you think, I thought when a dog farts, that is a smell that stays. Yeah, that's quite good. I like the way you built the picture as well to the stories. I have the same problem. One summer, noisy garden parties every weekend, just over the fence. I'm like, I'm going to go to the garden.

I'm going to go to the garden. I'm going to go to the garden. I'm going to go to the garden. I'm going to go to the garden. I'm going to go to the garden. I'm going to go to the garden. I'm going to go to the garden. I'm going to go to the garden. I'm going to go to the garden. I'm the way you built the picture as well to the stories. I have the same problem. One summer, noisy garden parties every weekend just over the fence. I wouldn't have minded, but the music was show tunes like the fiddler on the roof. I get the other as well. Let me tell you, fiddler played on loop half a dozen times.

Let me tell you, Fiddler played on loop half a dozen times. We'll do anyone's head in. My solution was to sit my drum, my big drum of liquid plant fertilizer. Oh, my God. And poured water into it. That was what they did. Fantastic. So they smelled like shit in their carton same as a stink bomb really isn't it

no you want neighbors like helen's neighbors where they're messaging to her and james saying turn it up we like this one yeah that's what you want yeah and i think as well if you're having a party or anything like that it's only courtesy to say i'm having a party and if you're doing it every weekend you're taking the piss because everyone else doing it every weekend have the courtesy to say we're having another one yeah but even then I mean you're taking the piss if you're having a party every weekend and you've got neighbors that live in a property where the walls are thin and that sort of thing but if they're underneath they don't when you're underneath you don't know how thin it is until you know how thin it is yes but if you can hear them they can hear you so to have a party every weekend people have lives you don't want to listen to that every

single weekend it's a mistake i think everyone should just respect each other it's all right doing it every now and then but every weekend i'd be like a mad woman i'm telling you i haven't had a pie at mine yet should we have a party well i'd like to but then i feel guilty because my neighbor downstairs has a baby but i mean i'd invite her i would be like please come up yeah but you know yeah that's what i mean i'm very courteous as well i'd be worrying that i'm disturbing people i don't know but that's just the way that my brain is okay so this one is also funniest go-to stories brilliant um so i don't know they started with i created account for this so they they clearly wanted

to share this okay okay my wife and i bought a carry blue terrier nice dog for about 20 minutes then became a a spawn of satan he was about nine months old and and eating everything he could find he at he he at two i think it means eight, I keep reading at, but it says at. He ate two pounds of pork roast. This is, what was that, $3,000? This is $3,000. This is $3,000 tripped to the vet with some sort of internal bleeding. You're all fucking kidding. with some sort of internal bleeding a one pound wheel or camembert broke the back door by leaping

through the glass two thousand five hundred dollars to get the glass removed stitches etc broke the front door by shattering the glass two thousand dollars because it was a hundred year old house and the door size that hasn't existed for 98 years. Kind of doggy things. This is Terrier, they're little. He was fine this time. These are just a few of the stories. He ate everything.

We had a new baby and he sucked the socks off the baby's feet and eat them. Very delicate. It took a long time to work out where the socks were going until we saw him do it and found some socks in the backyard. Couldn't tell if they were in vomit or poop. Nice. Anyway, one day I couldn't find my wedding ring. It was around February.

The first thought was that the dog had ate it. He had ingested a four-inch piece of silicone from a breast pump a few days beforehand. And when we realised, my God god when we realized he did it i threw him into the back of the truck and drove him to the bed he bathed the part up and just as we pulled into the parking lot of course this was the of course if this was the case i I couldn't afford to let... Go back to the wedding room. Yeah. Couldn't afford to let him, let any of his shit leave the yard until winter had passed. And it thawed.

So I started hoarding dog shit. A couple of shopping bags of it had accumulated by the end of winter, not to mention what was buried under the snow. When we were walking, I'd always have to stop and squeeze his shit to make sure it didn't turn up there. I took him to the dog groomers and asked if they could please check his shit, or at least bag it so i could check it they weren't amused oh my god could you imagine mid-april and the backyard is thawed i'm out there on on my what's that i think he needs hauchches? I don't know what that is. Wearing a few parts of latex gloves, squeezing very cold, but at least squeezable dog shit.

Dingle Nuts was running around the yard like a dog possessed. Next thing I knew, I was flat on my back in dog shit and my head hurt. Dingle Nuts, I hope that isn't the dog's name, Dingle Nuts. I'm alright. Dingle Nuts! Dingle Nuts! Did you say that again? Let him out.

Again. Had rammed me in the temple with his snout. He was a bit groggy, but I was worse. I went inside and my wife was telling me I wasn't making any sense. We, she, decided that the hospital might have been a bad option. I got out the dog shit covered clothes, threw on a fleece and we went off to the emergency room, 2pm. Triage nurse asked, triage, triage, triage, triage, triage nurse asked what had happened. I said that I'd been rammed in the side of my head by a terrier.

She asked if I'd been attacked by a dog. No, not in the normal sense was the reply. Ice pack and some weight waiting from the doctor was the plan for the next while my head hurt. and for the next while my head hurt. A little while later, I was back to see the triage nurse. She asked someone else to come hear the story. I'm sure there was a bunch of, hey, you're not going to believe this crazy stuff in that room that day. A couple of hours and a few ice packs later I was taken back to a room. A nurse came by to ask a few questions. I repeated

my story, she got someone else and I repeated my story. 7pm and the treatment was some Tylenol. Tylenol. Yeah, it's America. Ice and rest. 8pm and my wife drove me home. 8.15, I took off my fleece, reached into my pocket to get my wallet and out came my wedding dress. I knew you were going to say that. Son of a bitch. Worst, I don't know what that is,ldr worst birthday ever tldr yeah this is him continuing worst birthday ever one more thing just last week he managed to open the lock and deadbolt on the front door while we were out and escaped got a call from the vet across town

that someone was bringing him in alive and well but found roaming the streets needless to say there are more medical uh mechanical devices on the front door now to restrict his free exit from the house. There was also the time he came at the vet pregnant. The time that he came at my vet. Oh, my God. There was also the time he came at my very pregnant wife with a knife poking out of his mouth. He jumped up on the kitchen counter,

taken a steak knife and then charged her with it. Gar was the jerk. What's a jerk? That's where we've got to. But this dog is a character. I tell you, it's too late because they love him already. So I looked at T-L-D- l d r and it says too long didn't read i don't really get it don't know yeah but anyway this was literally him carrying on so he literally

went from he'd spent the whole winter search saving to search shit yeah Yeah. To just find it. To look through the shit. Just to find it in his pocket. I know. Can you imagine? You'd be so mad. Worried about the dog, but that dog's cost them thousands. It's too late. It's too late.

Because they love him. It's already cost you too much money. Because of his character. So they completely love this dog because he's a proper knobbit. Yeah. I mean, dingle nuts are brilliant. Yeah, dingle nuts is brilliant, yeah.

That's it. That's all I got, babes. I tried to find some funny ones, but a lot of it I don't actually find funny. No, they were hard to find, you know. Yeah, you have to, like, really dig. Yeah. And I'm not really up for digging. I just want it to be there

but um yeah i mean like this is on funny reddit you know actually i feel like that i mean story sort of reminds me of jenna's dog yeah that's a sort of remy yeah that she's like a nutter it's the sort of thing she'd do she's like j Jenna. Look, this is on Funny Reddit. Look, help if you can laughing my fucking ass off. So basically, I have no clue how to go about talking to my sister, who is basically my mother, that I think I might be gay, and she is super Christian. How do I start the conversation? Why is that on Funny Reddit?

What's the comment? The comments are like Who do you think... Just sat down It's just, I don't... Some things that people find funny is just like It's not funny Petty revenge, that stuff is funny