Midnight Burger - Chapter 46: The Ragdoll

Episode Date: November 11, 2025

“We can do this, Peter.”Fiona - Tess SegalLibuza - Shelly DarringtonDr. Caberant - John LeathermanKathryn - Rebekah McLoughlinVoon - Leeman KesslerPhilip Buck - Edward Selvey IVBrickhouse - Michael ThomsP3t3r - Joe FisherWritten by Joe FisherDirected and Produced by Joe Fisher and Finlay StevensonEpisode art by JuicheeMusic:Unseen Force - Kylie DaileyNeon Lights - TrinityFiona’s Ione by juskiddink and iluppai on freesound.orgFor more information on our show, visit our website: https://www.weopenatsix.comRead and search our scripts on Podscripts: https://podscripts.app/Subscribe for early access, ad free episodes, additional content and more!Subscribe on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/midnightburgerSubscribe on Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/midnight-burger/id1537653218How about some merch? https://www.midnightburgermerch.comSign up for our newsletter: https://weopenatsix.beehiiv.com/All scripts available at: https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/1IXV0JIBFw_IgDJhVeaeqL4UPQngvXHoQ?usp=sharingFind and support our sponsors at: fableandfolly.com/partnersSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Previously on Midnight Burger. What's your name? Fiona. Go get me the barista. What? What about the unconscious barista in the walk-in? I'm working on it. Hey, Fiona.

Get the fuck away from me. It wasn't a kidnapping. It was a rescue. Someone did something to you. Fiona, home is that way. Thank you. About 83 light years, that way. way. You're from a planet that someone spent a lot of time, in energy to make look like Earth?

What are you doing? Hold still. I'm having a look at your neural environment. My neural environment? She's going to be unconscious soon. I'm going to, what? Whoa. Whoa. What the fuck? What is that? It's a serial number on her DNA. She's human, but most likely grown in a birthing chamber. What am I? I could tell you your species. Genus. Classification. But I don't imagine that's what you mean.

I wasn't loved. I was... I don't know what I was. I just feel like a blank slate. Take your time with it. You'll get there. The world is really good at letting you know what you like. If you say so.

I like girls. What? Called it. Your body was a prison. I've removed the blocks, and now your body is yours. I'm afraid after that, it'll be up to you. You okay? I'm really scared.

You don't need to figure it all out, Fiona. You just need to know where to start. Hello? Hey, Peter. Fiona, if you're hearing this, our plan... worked. We kept you hidden in the diner, and it was able to escape. You saved the day, Fiona. Now the heart part starts. I've programmed him with several basic commands for you. You've got Sentry mode, Zone Defense, Shadow, Death Blossom. Yeah. I have left you a notebook and a pencil.

Because guess what, Fiona? You're a scientist now. Fiona, I don't know when we're going to be able to make it back there. But the Task of connecting with another and letting their life into yours now sits with you. You must try not to shirk that duty, Fiona. Okay, Peter. Let's start the shift. Good idea, Fiona. Let's start the shift. Once upon a time, there was a bag doll.

Assembled from scraps, stuffed full of cotton, a lovely smile made of stitches no one told the rag doll she was made of bits and pieces but how could she ever know how could any of us I have no idea how any of this works what do I do

I should get some sleep I guess yeah that's not gonna happen the rag doll once happily in place with all the toys, had been cast aside and was now all alone in the world. Okay. Okay. I used to open the coffee shop all the time. I guess I just, I'll just do that. Right? That's a good place to start. Peter, let's give you a job. Hang on. See, Peter, this is what humans do. When they're scared out of their minds, they just start doing things.

When my grandfather died, I went into the kitchen at 4 a.m. and my mom was doing the dishes. By hand. We had a really nice dishwasher. I really need to do these right now, she said. Of course, that wasn't really my mother, and I have no idea if that memory actually happened or was just put in my head. Useful story anyway, I guess. Okay, Peter, current mode. Current mode, shadow. Oh, a tiny robot voice?

I don't remember that. Oh, dear Fiona, I added a little robot voice to Peter. He can't recite Shakespeare or anything, but trust me, it helps on long halls to have a machine that talks to you. Okay, that's nice. Uh, Peter, start quench, Chronometer. Chronometer on.

I wonder what that's going to do. Ew, here we go. Peter, sidework. Sidework. Where are you going? Oh, mopping. That's very comforting somehow. I'm going to clean the countertops.

We can do this, Peter. We can do this. Alone in the world, the rag doll knew not what to do. With no one to play with her and surround her with plastic walls and tiny t-sets, the ragdoll was faced with something she thought impossible, acting like a real girl. This is good for a first shift. Very chill. I was worried we were going to get a mad rush. I don't even know how to use the kitchen yet. This is a nice planet. I wonder where we are. Oh, shit, someone's coming. Don't freak out, Peter.

Hello, welcome to Midnight Burger. Where is Casper? I'm sorry? You know Casper? Yes, I'm used to dealing with Casper. Can I speak with Casper? Oh, Casper's not here. He's not. No, he's on vacation. I see.

I'm Fiona. This is Peter. All right. Well, there's no time for explanations. Have you done this before? Fiona? Done what, exactly? Oh, dear. You have no idea what's going on, do you? I don't. I'm very confused. Very well, inside, if you don't mind. Sure.

I'll start from the beginning. I was not expecting this. Thank you. My name is Dr. Caberant. I am the designated magistrate for the day of joining. Day of joining. Yes. This is your first time on this planet? Probably.

Wonderful. This planet is called Thegrian. Ring any bells? No. Well, we haven't much time. This is the day of joining on our planet. It's a solemn day of remembrance, all right? Okay.

Where's the clock again? Up here? Yes. Right. When the hand that is on the six moves to the seven, we will have several delegates from around the planet arrive. We'll drink some of the ceremonial coffee and we will eat the ceremonial luncheon. Please tell me you can handle the ceremonial coffee and luncheon. Definitely the coffee. Wonderful. May I have some now? Absolutely. I enjoy it with the white substance and the other thing? Cream and sugar.

That's it. Thank you. Coming right up. It's very clean looking. So there's that, Fiona. Great. It was my one constant complaint to Casper, a complaint that was never improved on, sadly. So you know Casper. Oh, yes.

I've worked with Casper many times in the past. Okay. How? How? Yes. Fiona, I don't like to mince words. I'm sure you've noticed. I have.

They really need to train the new people more thoroughly. Agreed. From the beginning, this is Thegreon. Every year at the same time, the diner appears here on Thegreon. Really? Yes. It is on this day that we mark a solemn occasion. We all drink of the ceremonial coffee and eat the ceremonial luncheon.

Okay, luncheon, right. What will we be having for the ceremonial luncheon? I have no idea. Fiona, the hand is moving very quickly to the seven. What do you usually have? Historically, it's been whatever Casper could muster at the time. We did this for years, and he never seemed to improve all that much in the luncheon department. In truth, it doesn't really matter.

The food is a ritualistic part of the ceremony. It could be anything. I make a really great grilled cheese sandwich. All right. Do I need to know what that is? It's great. That will work then. And the sticks that accompany them?

French fries. Yes, that's it. We'll have those? Sure. Sure. I'll figure it out. Excellent. This is going to go just fine, Fiona. Remember, we don't have food like this on our planet, so the bar is quite low. Casper has always benefited from that. I love that.

Oh, wonderful. We have some early arrivals. I hate it when they do that. It's okay. It's okay. Watch this. Peter, coffee and water. Coffee and water. Oh! Look at that. I love that. That's new.

Okay, here we go, Fiona. It's going to be fine. Here we go. Pretending to be a real girl seemed simple enough. No one seemed to notice as long as they didn't look too closely. She would smile, laugh when she needed to, even though she didn't understand the joke. Pretending to be a real girl did not make her feel less alone. But the rag doll was not without friends.

Tell me something, guys. You're all very deft hunters, completely capable of taking care of yourselves. And yet, when I make this stew, you all look at me with the puppy dog eyes, like you haven't had a meal in days. So tell me, is that the allure of convenience or am I a really amazing cook? Luckily, none of you can answer that. Junkook? Junkook, what's wrong? Camps and hiss and growl. I'm getting a little sick of it, okay? And Cook, stop. I know that this is not the usual place that a snow leopard finds itself, but you two were in a cage before. You've got snow now. I know you can get used to this. Count yourself lucky. You got tossed into your natural environment. Think how this is for me. I don't even know what my natural environment is. Your names are Sakura and Shaywan. I have no.

I don't know what that means, but that's what I've been told. Does that help at all? Maybe. Here all by myself, y'all. The wolves bring me a deer and I follow these instructions and turn it into food. It's gross. I have a bachelor's degree in civic engagement. I am out of my comfort zone. Help me out, please. I'm going to do what I always do and throw you this huge piece. of meat so you can do what you always do and drag it away somewhere. Asking for

miracles, I just want you to stop seeing me as the enemy. Okay? I... I know, right? Own defense. Paul on my part to go exploring. What do you think happened here? Looks like a whole city is broken down. Peter, sentry mode. Sentry mode. Look what I grabbed. out of a broken window. New shoes. Oh, do you think that's why they were chasing me? I think they're my size. Let's try them on.

Chronometer reading. 30 days. Oh, that's what the chronometer does. Wow, a month already? That went fast. How long do you think it's going to be? Scratch that, fixating on time is probably the wrong frame of mine to be in, don't you think? Okay, they fit. I can get away from angry crowds

much easier now. Come here, Peter, let's get you civilized. Peter, you're a lifesaver, but you're a little heavy-footed, you know what I mean? Also, I think someone's shock of seeing a tiny robot when they walk in might be lessened a little by the robot wearing tennis shoes. Have a walk around. There we go. Much better. Nothing can stop us now. Hey there. Welcome to Midnight Burger. It looks pretty scary out there right now. Why don't you sit down?

I'll get you a cup of coffee. Hello, hello. Hey, Dr. Cabran. Good to see you again, Fiona. How have you been? I'm okay. It's nice to see a familiar face. I'm sure.

Hello there. What was his name again? Peter. Peter, how are you? Can he understand me? Not really, but I like to pretend. What have you got there? Ah, yes.

Well, I told my wife about you, told her about the changing of the guard, and she worries about you going little stir crazy. She worries, it's her thing, it's how she passes the time. Anyway, she made you this. Is it a musical instrument? It is. We are musical people, we thigronees. Every child gets one of these on their same.

seventh year of school. It's called an Ione. Learning to play a musical instrument is a nice way to pass the time. You know, actually that big thing in the corner is a musical instrument. Is it? The thing with the bench? It's called a piano. I was wondering what that was. Well, but this is great. It'll be much easier to take this up to the room. Listen, don't feel obligated. I myself never took to it. It always sounded like an animal being murdered when I would play it. Okay. All ready to go? Ready to go.

Solem day of remembrance, here we come. Oh, wow. This is going to sound terrible. Peter, sorry in advance. Time can bring many things, but it can also wash over you like a river. And you lay at the bottom as it all passes you by. Not time's passenger, but it's observer. watching it from the outside, waiting for something to begin.

Happy one-year anniversary, Peter. Where the hell are you, Gloria? 6 o'clock again. Let's go take a look. Nice day. What do we think? Kind of has UK vibes, doesn't it? Kind of an old world feel, right?

Here we go. Hi there. Welcome to Midnight Burger. Fucking mental. Absolutely fucking mental. Looks like I nailed it. If she asks me to make cornish pasties or something, I quit. Also, walked right past the robot in the parking lot.

Have the British lost their attention to detail? Let's go. Hello? Hello? Hi. Um, people usually sit at one of the booths, not on the floor of the kitchen. You've got to keep me fucking hidden. Okay.

What's wrong? Can I please just... Hide here for a bit. Sure. Sure, you can. Can you tell me what you're hiding from, though? It's okay. Try me. You wouldn't believe me if I told you. Oh, yeah. What the fuck is that? That's Peter. Is he a fucking robot? He is a fucking robot. Why do you have a fucking robot? Well, someone has to do the dishes. What? What's your name? Catherine. Hi, Catherine. I'm Fiona. Let me guess. Something very strange is how. happening to you today? Something so strange that you wouldn't even know how to describe it?

Correct. What are the chances that the woman who inexplicably has the two-foot robot companion is going to be a little more receptive to your story than your average person on the street? I suppose the chances aren't too bad. Okay. So he just walks about and does things for you. Not just that. You want to see him breakdance? No, thank you. What's going on, Catherine? I... Hang on. Hi there, welcome to Midnight Burger. Pardon me, but have you seen a young woman pass through here? About yay, hi, black hair?

Catherine is her name? Uh, no. No, I don't think I have. I'm at my wits end with this one. I'll have a tea then. I don't think we have tea. Have you not? We're an American-themed restaurant.

Lord, Preservers. Coffee then? Sure. One second. Catherine? Are you just hiding from your mom? How could you not explain that? Oh, just you fucking white. Okay. Hang on. We've got another customer. Here you go. Thank you, love. Welcome to Midnight Burger. How can... Pardon me, but have you seen a young woman pass through here? About yay high, black hair. Catherine is her name. Uh... do you not speak English, dear? Have they brought you in from the bulk? I haven't seen anyone like that.

Of course not. I'll have a cup of tea, please. We don't have any. None to speak of. This is lovely, thank you. None to speak of. Coffee? It'll do, I suppose.

Okay. Welcome to midnight. Oh, God. Pardon me, but have you seen a young woman pass through here? About yay high, black hair. Catherine is a name. Bit of milk, please. Milk.

Sure. Excuse me one second. Hi. Hello. Does your mother have two twin sisters? She absolutely fucking does not. Okay. I told you you won't believe me. There's another. Oh, fuck. Okay. Okay. Wait. I read about this somewhere. Oh, you've read about it, have you? Where? Alice in fucking Wonderland. Hang on. I'll be right back. Don't tell them I'm here. I won't. Pardon me, but have you seen her? A young woman named Catherine. No, I haven't. Have a seat. I'll be right with you. Catherine, I'm leaving you a message for the third time this morning. Can you call me back, please?

You're being very rude. What is it? Here, is it? Here. Catherine, I'm leaving you a message for the third time this morning. Can you call me back, please? You're being very rude. Okay, I think the solution might be in here.

The hitchhiker's guide to a laser saw. Yeah, it's an inside. This is the notebook of a very smart person. She's a theoretical physicist. She left me a notebook that I was supposed to write in. And in the back, there was a cheat sheet. A cheat sheet for what? Okay. Temporal anomaly flowchart. Flow chart. Start from the beginning. Tell me what happened. I had a fight with my mom last night. This morning, she shows up on my flat, knocking on my door, and I don't want to fucking hear it, so I ignore her, thinking she'll give up and go home. And turn around for her. home she does, and then she showed up again and again. And it just kept happening. My front lawn was full of my mum. All of them knocking on my door, calling my phone.

I tried to sneak out the back, but they spotted me. Started running like it was a fucking zombie movie. Is that Buccio's going to tell me why there's an army of my mother? Well, let's see. Okay, step one. Do you have a temporal anomaly? Yes, no. Yes.

Going to this box. Is time. repeating itself? Yes, no. Is time repeating itself? No, just my mom. Moving to this box. Are events presenting in multiples, i.e. multiplied incidents, multiplied people. Oh, there we go. Multiplied people. That takes us to... This is fucked. Can the multiplying events interact? Yes, no. Can your mom see each other? I don't think so. Okay. No, that takes us too. Good news. This is an easily solvable problem. Look at that. Oh, I'm ecstatic. These anomalies likely stem from an inflection point and can be addressed at their inflection point.

Example, if you forgot to feed the cat and now have 20 cats, time to feed the cat. Satisfy the inflection point for each anomaly. Forgot to feed the cat? Now you have to feed 20 cats. Inflection point? So your mom came over to your house this morning, right? Yeah. And you didn't talk to her?

No. I think you have to talk to your mom. What? I know it sounds crazy, but how much crazier is it than the other crazy thing that's happening? Maybe she'll just move on down the road. All of them? I think there's about 12 moms out there. I hate talking to my mother so fucking much. So much that it created a temporal anomaly, Catherine.

I have to talk to all of them. I think so. The only way out is for me to talk to my mom 12 times. By the fifth one, I'm sure it'll be much easier. This is hell. Have I walked into hell? No, just a really weird day. Weird day's end.

It takes a little work. Oh, she's going to fucking love this. Catherine? It's done. How is that? I would say it was like pulling teeth, but all told, I think I'd much prefer the teeth pulling. Not a great relationship with your mom? It's Sisyphine, my mum and I.

Always starting with the wrong. rock at the bottom of the hill despite the effort. At least you're making the effort. I had given up making an effort right around my 17th birthday. It was a hard maneuver to get back to it. At least next time, I'll only have to do it once. What have you got there? Oh, I made you a grilled cheese sandwich. Oh, well, that should fix everything. It's kind of become my signature move. Sorry, you don't have to eat it. Fiona, was it? Yes. Do you know what I'd like, Fiona?

What? I'd like to know why there was a dozen of my mum chasing me across Manchester this fine day, and I'd like to know why you seem perfectly predisposed to solve the problem. And I'd also like to know why you seem to have a tiny robot as your little friend. Right. Do you have a friend in your life who, whenever you talk to them, they seem to have some new weird thing going on? Oh, yes. That'd be Sarah.

We're in school together. She's moved to London now, but we talk every six months. And there's always some sort of misadventure that ranges from a Dubai businessman trying to make her as a concubine to a pigeon making its home inside a flat and her being unable to evict the poor little creature. Okay, so imagine your friend Sarah, but as a place instead of a person. There's always something very strange happening here. Like tiny robots and an army of mums? Yes. The curious thing, Fiona, is that the business with the league of mums right there,

that was exactly what I needed. Really? I have a miserable time talking to her. And then I had to do it over and over again. By the time I was talking to the last of her, it was as easy as taking a walk. Yeah, that kind of happens too. It's a fucking miracle, Fiona. She's always having a go at me about some such.

I drink too much. I smoke too much. I should think about my career. And then when I told her asleep with women, she absolutely went off a cliff. What was that last one? Have you got any drinks, Fiona? I feel I've earned a drink. Or ten. Um, yes.

Kind of. Hang on. What have you got there? This is a box full of bottles from all over the place. They've picked it up over the years, I guess. What do you usually drink on earth? Here. What do you? drink around here? Do you have anything that resembles gin?

Let's see. Oh, check this out. Is that vodka? Kind of. Put your hands on the bottle. It's cold as ice. I know. It always is. It stays this cold. What is it? Apparently it's called Shadow Daddy. That sounds a bit naughty, Fiona. I know.

Do you think it's radioactive? I don't know. Only one way of finding out, I think. I think there's probably several ways, but I think you're saying. We should drink it. I am Fiona. Okay. All right then.

We're going to drink whatever this may be, and then, assuming it doesn't melts from the inside, you, my new friend, are going to tell me your story from the beginning. There's no way you're going to believe my story. Perhaps not by the first drink, but by the second, the third. Again, there's only one way to find out. Cheers. Cheers.

That's my story. Now you're sitting there looking at me like I'm in. sane, which is understandable. But honestly, that's the first time I've actually recounted the whole thing, and it feels... It feels good to say it. I can't believe all of this has happened to me. Do you have any idea how daft you sound? Oh, yes.

There was a woman with Ramshorns. Yes. You were abducted from a Starbucks. Yes. Yes. You're from a planet where it's always 2012? Yes. And you're hidden your freezer from space Nazis.

I don't know if Nazis is the right term, but they were definitely the bad guys. And you and this little friend of yours? Peter. Peter. Peter and yourself have been off on your own little adventures. For a year now. You realize the only thing keeping me from calling you insane is the fact that there was literally an army of mum's here earlier. That does help, yes.

Do you mind if I attempt to insert some normal scene to this day? Sure. Let's talk about something normal and boring. Great. You start us off. Okay, so your mom thinks you're a loser. Well, that's a harsh reading of events, Fiona, but it's a hard one to argue with. Why does she think that?

A lack of motivation has been branded as the culprit. Ever since I was a small thing, I have no passion, no spark. Luckily, that attitude in a young woman is quite fashionable. I thought about a career in fashion, actually, but I enjoy food a bit too much. It's nice that your mom cares at least. It really isn't, Fiona. It's an aggressive caring. The kind that only brings resentment.

Is your mum not like this? Oh, wait, I've already forgotten Fiona was created in a test tube or some such. I was. So, there's no memory of a mother? There is, but I don't think it's my... memory. I think he was put there. What do you remember of her? If it's alright, I think I'd rather not talk about it.

It doesn't feel like mine. It feels like, I don't know, like a book you're forced to read in school or something. It's not a great feeling. Apologies. Do you have a belly button? What? Yes. It was in a movie or so once. The test tube children had no belly buttons. have one. Are you sure? Have you really checked? Yes. I'll take you at your word. I'm not a freak. According to you, you were grown in a test tube at the behest of a malevolent space demon. I think that puts you squarely in the freak category.

That's not very nice. You should embrace it. I have. You're not a freak. I'm not? I'll show you. There. What's that look like to you? That's the... side of your body? The scar, Fiona. Do you see it? Oh, yeah, what is that? When I was a girl, I was riding with my dad on the back of his wildly unsafe Italian moped.

Either he turned the wrong way or the car did, but regardless, it hit us and decided to nearly take half my body with it. That is all that remains of one of my kidneys. You had a kidney removed? I did. Have you heard the one about the man who got into an accident and lost the entire left side of his body? No. He's all right now. I'm sorry. I've come to love my scar. We go everywhere together. How about us? A couple of freaks. I like to focus on the advantages. The advantages?

Lost an adrenal gland as well. I can't produce enough adrenaline and now I don't get nervous. Really? Hardly ever. I should have been on stage. I'd never get stage fright. Not being nervous sounds great. It is quite nice. Makes it quite easy to do all sorts of things. Like argue with 12 versions of your mom? Like bear my middrift to an attractive woman? Well, I don't think I've ever seen someone turn so red.

Oh, God, shut up. I don't mean to embarrass you. Oh, I think you do. All apologies. The day's been such a weird one. I was desperate to do something recognizable. So, drinking, flirting. Do you not do that?

I don't know. Am I being on to ward? I forgot my wires crossed. What is it you say in America? Am I barking up the wrong tree. No, you're this, I'm you! You're barking up the right tree. I've never, I've never been barked up before.

Well, there's a crime. Shall we have another drink? Yes. Two minute morning. Oh, fuck. What is it? Oh, what a fucking world. Fiona?

You have to go... I have. We've got two minutes. Until what? Come on, I'm sorry, we have to go outside. Fiona? Come on. I thought things were going fairly well, Fiona.

Was it something I said? I just told you a big long story about this place. Weren't you listening? I was a bit distracted. you were talking. Stand here. Stand here right outside the parking lot. You can't be serious.

Catherine, time-traveling dimension-spanning diner. Did you think I was kidding? I thought you were speaking figuratively. What could a time-traveling dimension spanning diner be an analogy for? It really depends on the execution of the story, I'd say. Catherine, thank you. I felt this felt like mine. That's a new feeling for me.

Fiona, come on. Stay right here. I have to go inside. I still get Vertico when this happens, okay? Seriously? Goodbye. God damn it. What do you feel like doing tonight, Peter? We should really get some board games. Oh no. Oh no. Good look on the rest of your trip. Hey, you're up. Thank you for letting me to stay back there.

It's no problem. Whose room is that? Gloria's. She's, uh... This is her place, really. She's gone now. Because she was dispatched by a malevolent space god. Hey, you were listening.

Who was here? I don't know. They were pretty wild. I told them they didn't have to pay me, but they insisted on paying me with what I think can only be tabs of acid. Oh, goodness. Remind me to look up who the merry pranksters were. What can I be? do for you. The problem with being someone who doesn't experience a lot of fear

means you don't really know how to handle it when fear finally shows up. I understand. Of course, I understand. Can I make you some food? You should eat something. A bit later. Okay. Is it going to travel again?

In a few minutes, yeah. I think I'll just go back to bed then. Okay. Would you come with me? Yes. For the first time in her life as a real girl, the rag doll was touched, held, caressed. With each touch of a hand on her skin,

it was as though her skin came to be. Her skin became real, a thing to be touched, a thing to be known. Where before, there were scraps of felt and coat. buttons. There was now a woman. Feeling for the first time, breathing in and out for the first time, wanting someone of her own for the first time. Now, behave yourselves, you're hungry bastards. You're like getting the queue behind the others. I'm a little upset that they like you more than they like me.

It's my wild nature that appeals to them. Isn't that right boys? Jean-Cup, behave yourself in menace. Peter, play fetch with John Cook, please Playing fetch Oh, boys, look at your mum Don't you look dead sexy in a parker Shut up She blossoms in the wintertime that one

Like a chamelea Chronometer reading Two years Wow Fuck me, is it our anniversary? I guess so Well, you're just as beautiful as the day I found you

Thanks You too Of course I was shitting myself with fear on that day So it is all a bit of hay but still. I think you came along right before I was going to lose my mind. Sorry it made you lose yours a little bit. I've got it all back again.

Here I am on a icy alien landscape feeding what appears to be wolves, while a robot plays fetch. Doesn't even faze me. So, how should we celebrate this glorious day? Sadly, I think we have to celebrate it by opening the front door. Due to calls then. All right, your little miscreants, your moms are off to earn a living. Let's see what the day's brought to, shall we?

Do you like a good ghost story? Maybe you wonder what it would be like to communicate with the other side. We'll put your Ouija boards away and just listen to Rattled and Shook. I'm your host Meredith, and we've got a new season of Rottled and Shook available now, including themed episodes, guests, games, and immersive, creepy stories sent in by real people about haunted hotels, satanic panic, and ghosts galore. A new season of Rattled and Shook is available now wherever you get your podcasts.

At Genuine Jacob's Reactor Barn. Just floating out in the middle of nowhere. There are these huge things out there in between star systems. They're like airports. People are heading all over the place. Look at all the fucking aliens. Look, ink. We're in the triad.

What's that? The Milky Way, Andromeda, and Triangulum. Three galaxies connected by a big superhighway of work gates. How do you know? Every station has a kind of food court. That's where we are right now. If you look across the way there... Is that a fucking Taco Bell?

Yes. In fucking space? Yes. People in the triad are obsessed with Earth, so they try and replicate Earth life as a kind of gimmick. Don't eat tacos if they aren't from Earth, though. They haven't figured them out yet. Oh.

Look at that fella. Wow. He's as thin as a clump of asparagus. I haven't seen one of those before. How does something that thing get that tall? I don't know. It's hesitating. Do you think we have a customer?

I think so. Whoa. Hello there. Welcome to Bin Night Burger. Greetings. May I scan your establishment for relevant technologies? I'm sorry? May I scan your establishment for relevant technologies?

Um... You are both Earthlings. Born and bred. Fascinating. Isn't it? I will recalibrate my introduction. Okay. I am Voon.

I come from the planet Earth. Hello there. I am a galldrum. In the common parlance, I am known as a sorcerer. I am tasked with documenting alien technologies. Oh! Not much technology under this roof. Aside from the tiny robot.

Interesting. Would you mind? My scans are non-invasive, strictly for documentation. presentation purposes. Sure. I guess that's fine. Thank you. Voon, is it?

Yes. I'm Catherine. That's Fiona. Hi. Salutations. Who's your little floating fund? That is M. M is my assigned Zengo,

the implementation arm of my sorcerer systems. Hello there, Em. Em has no personality emulation. Do you? So why are you scanning a robot, Voon? As a sorcerer, it is my mandate to identify relevant alien technologies and transmit this data back to my home world. Then what do you do with it?

Ideally, we improve our own technologies. Curious, your robot is bespoke. It's what? It has no known manufacturer. Oh, no, someone made it. It contains technology from multiple regions, and yet they are seamlessly integrated. He is a handsome devil, isn't he?

May I inquire as to its creator? Laif is his name. Laif. Laif is an earthling name. It is. This unit was created by an earthling. Yes. May I speak with them?

He's not here anymore. Unfortunate. Are there other units of his creation? Uh, oh, yeah, head out back. Thank you. Babe, is this all right for us to be invaded by aliens? I don't know. He's so polite.

He is quite gentlemanly. Should be fine. It's over here, next to the dumpster. Oh, my. Apparently it's a space suit? I've never seen it used. They were stranded somewhere, and so... Eva got in the suit and investigated some sort of anomaly?

I think that's the story. Well, this is very curious. Is it? The same implementation of multiple protocols, though. Well, this is very strange. The processor appears to be ancient Sijian. Okay. This technology has not been available for...

It's from the first error of the original coalition. I don't know what any of that means, Vune. Fiona, may I perform a deeper scan of your establishment? These idiosyncratic findings warrant deeper investigation. Uh, Voon, the thing is... Yes? Who's going to be the one to tell him? You know what, Voon? Go for it. Scan away.

When you're done, you may want to sit down and have a cup of coffee. I do not require a beverage. Oh, you will, my skinny friend. Do whatever you need to, Voon. We'll be inside. My thanks. Aren't we supposed to be keeping a low profile until we can no longer help it? It's kind of a mixed bag in the triad. In some universes nobody's heard of us, and then in others, everybody has heard of us.

I never know which one it is. Well, he seems like a nice, incredibly tall and skinny man. But this place doesn't melt his brain as it did mine. Your brain doesn't seem melted to me. Not any more than it was when I arrived. How is it going, Voon? I must contact my home world. Please excuse me.

Sure. He's on the verge of having a nervous breakdown. I can feel it. Hey, it's one year later. How are you feeling? I've taken to it all quite well, haven't I? I think so. It has been one very fine way of avoiding the question of what to do in my life. It's hard to make plans.

This is a plan in its way. If you'd ask me, before all this, if I'd like to travel time and space and sleep with a gorgeous woman at night, I would have said fucking sign me up. How about you? one year later. It's been perfect. Boone, what's going on? Foon, are those your suitcases?

Well, yes, these are my belongings. I must accompany you. What? Both spatial and temporal manipulations as well as several unidentified lattices of energy. This is unexpected. Have you ever seen anything like this? I've never seen anything like this,

nor have I seen anything like this roof. This man, Leif, you were saying that he resided on the roof. He lived up here and worked up here. He was always making some sort of gadget. It's a fascinating assortment of Chimeris. Of what? Many different types of technologies seemingly incompatible turned into something greater than the sum of their parts.

It's quite brilliant. Yeah, he was a pretty smart guy, apparently. So, Voon, your home planet has the power to tell you that you... Well, there's no other way of putting it, that you're moving in. I greatly appreciate your accommodation. I realize this is... is very abrupt, but I was informed by my home world that it was a rare opportunity. Please be assured that I will not be an imposition and that I shall use my accompanying technologies

and expertise to increase your quality of life here, to pull my weight, as they say on your planet. Okay, uh, great. Say, though, I don't think Leif would want you to mess with his things too much. It would be impossible for me to interact with this technology. It is all protected by a very aggressive safeguard. Are you saying there's booby traps up here, even? Not physical ones, but this entire system is guarded by a protocol known as Cognito Hazard Expunged,

a destructive protocol used mostly in underworld environments. That sounds likely. There are many mysteries here. May take a lifetime to unravel them. Oh, this is just the half of it, Boone. Please explain. A dimensional portal in your food storage area. Correct.

Do you need a moment, Boone? I may require several. As did I. M has detected no technology. This is not a simulated environment. Here comes the welcoming committee. It's okay, Voon. They're very nice.

There are denizens? Uh, yes. There's also two snow leopards out there somewhere, but we added those later. Leopards. Boon, you're about as big around as my forearm. Are you sure you don't need a puffy jacket? Deploy habitation dome. Wow.

Well, look at you, Inspector Gadget. It feels warm. I'll running out my beach bowl. You can just carry a spring day around in your pocket? Begging your pardon, Fiona. My habitation dome is not nearly the most astounding thing in this moment. I guess we've gotten used to it all. Used to it.

What is this place? We've landed on Earth again. It's time to play our game. Whoa, okay, hang on. I'm ready to make my choice. Okay, go. Ninety-five. 95? No way.

I've made my choice. I think you're making a mistake. I don't think there were any shakies pizzas left by the 90s. I've made my choice. Okay. I'm going to say 1981. You are dead wrong.

It feels like the 90s. You weren't even alive in the 90s. Technically, you were only alive in 2012. What do you know about it? Okay. Only time we'll tell. Tower this is Dark One, climbing to 2,000. Keep your home fires burning.

What the fuck was that? I don't know. I thought that radio was broken. Me too. Tower, I have established altitude, beginning white man's search. Will advise. Hello? Are you trying to talk to the man in the radio?

You don't know how normal that actually is. Hello? Should we have a phone take a look at it? He's gone on a little mission, remember? Is he? I told him I had heard that there was some sort of technology deep in the deep freeze. It takes a couple of days to get there, so he's on a long weekend. When's he back?

Anytime now, I think. Tower this is Dark One and Wide Man Search. Commencing Nightwatch. Hello! Weird. Do you think he's trapped in the tiny radio? You have no idea how normal that is either. It's most likely some signal bouncing off with something somewhere.

We'll have Voon take a look once he's back. I guess it's nice to have our own smarty pants know it all these days, isn't it? Absolutely. We'll leave it to him to suss out the complicated things, which means we go back to doing what we do best, which is, of course, being charming and looking fabulous. Sounds good. Look at this. We appear to have someone dying a curious in the parking lot.

He looks confused. How do you suppose he got in that wheelchair? I don't know, but you cannot make that the first thing you ask him if he comes inside. Now, why do you feel you have to warn me about that? Catherine, sometimes your whole cut to the chase thing is just taken as insensitivity. Sometimes it is insensitivity. I'm going to go talk to him. Are there any other topics I should avoid, should he come inside?

Probably, my love. Hey there. Evening. Can I help you something? No, sorry, there used to be a VA here. Oh, really? Yeah, I haven't been around for a while, though. Y'all have any idea where it moved to?

We just opened. We're not too familiar with the neighborhood either. All right. Are you okay? Do we need to figure out a way to get you to a hospital? No, it's nothing like that. I've been out of town for a long time. and there's always some bullshit that I got to deal with at the VA,

so I usually try and come by when I can. Y'all got a phone book inside so I can look up where they move to? A phone book? Uh, no, sorry. We do have coffee, though. Can I get you some? Yeah, that'd be all right. I'm Fiona.

Captain Philip Buck. Pleased to meet you. Come on in, Captain. Ah, nice place. Good evening, soldier boy. Ma'am? Anywhere you like, I'll get you some coffee. Thank you.

I'm Catherine. Philip. So, tell me, soldier. How'd you end up in the chair? Catherine. What? It's all right. I know it's the first question on everybody's mind anyway.

I appreciate you getting it out of the way. Don't mention it. Plain crash. Ooh, sounds nasty. Mercifully, I just woke up in the hospital. What was wrong with your plane? Oh, all sorts of things, probably. I'm a test pilot, so they're never working perfectly when I get a test pilot, so they're never working perfectly when I

get them airborne. Must have been hard to come back from that. Well, in the Air Force, we have a saying. What's that? At least I'm not in the Army. Here you go. How about a grilled cheese sandwich? That sounds all right. Okay. You, uh, come here a lot? Oh, I work here. Fiona and I, we run the place together. Together? That's right. Y'all sisters? Well, no, Philip, no or not.

Okay. Okay. Okay. You sure you're okay, Philip? Hey, it's the modern world, isn't it? 1981. Fuck. Fiona, I've discovered something. Voon, shh, come here. What is it?

We're on Earth, 1981. We need you to lay low. I see. Stay here in the kitchen. I shall. What did you discover? The technology you told me of. I discovered it on the shore of an ocean.

It is technology from my planet. From Earth? Indeed. It's very curious. Have any other Earths visited the diner? Not that I know. Of? How strange.

I'll need to make a full report. I shall retire to the roof so as not to... What was that term you use? Spook the locals. Yes, I shall avoid that. Okay. Wait, no. No?

I forgot the radio was making weird transmissions. Can you monitor it with your little floating guy? Him is not a guy. It's an earth expression. Shall I stay in the kitchen and monitor from here? Is that okay? Of course. You're the best.

Phil, do you want fries with your grilled cheese? Sounds good to me. Okay. All's quiet up here, Tower. Shall we play that fun game where I talk so much that you institute radio silence? Oh, sorry about that. There's something wrong with our radio. It's picking up a weird signal.

How about I lead us in a sing-along? It's weird, right? I know that guy. What? That's... I know that voice. What do you think, Tower? When Irish eyes are smiling or they call the wind Mariah?

Is that a friend of yours? Yeah. We used to fly together. What the hell is he doing coming through your radio? Tower. Can you read me? I don't know. The radio wasn't even working. The fuck is going on. I don't know.

Phil? Can he hear me? I don't know. Brickhouse. Is that you? Bucky. What are you doing in the tower, man? I'm not... I'm not in the tower. You're coming through an old radio.

What the hell is that about? I don't know. So you're just picking up a stray frequency? I guess. This reminds me when we were testing the blackbird, right? Right. That guy gets on a ham radio, gets on our frequency, and starts chatting us up. Had no idea he was talking to two guys in a top secret plane.

We told him we were brand of pilots. Flying into South Fork. Where there is no airport. This is fucking weird, man. Yeah, I don't know how to explain it. Also, how come I can talk to you, but I can't reach the tower right now? No idea. Tower, can you read me?

What are you flying? Don't take this personally, but it's the SRX. Oh, really? Sorry, buddy. The plane that almost killed me. Don't worry. They fixed the landing gear. Oh, they did?

Yeah. There were about 50 things wrong with that plane. 49 now. Shit. It was kind of a rush job, but they needed the fastest thing they could find, and they needed it right now. What's going on? Stupid bullshit. Okay.

What is it? You've still got code word clearance, right? Yeah. They're losing planes over New Mexico. Losing them? Yeah. Look, it's nonsense. They've lost a few planes and they've been hearing some weird stories, so they sent me up here in this thing.

To do what? To, um, to chase it. It? Look, we've all got stories. We've all seen things. I don't know why they're freaking out about this. What are you chasing? Just ghosts in the sky, man.

Before the planes were lost, there were reports about seeing something that was a triangle, then a square, then a triangle again. Whoa. It's bullshit. So they sent something real fast up here to see if I can catch it. Sounds like some bullshit to me, man. Bucky. Are you insinuating that the United States Air Force is being run improperly? Voo!

I'm sorry. I'm very sorry. I'm very sorry. What the fuck is that? Please. It's very important. Bill put the gun away. You stay the fuck away from me.

What the fuck is that thing? I mean you've no harm. There is no need for a weapon. You want to fucking bet. Why is it talking to me? Your friend is in danger. You're the one who's in danger, motherfucker. Stay the fuck back.

She must abandon his mission. He is in grave danger. Buck, are you still there? What do you mean? He is reported that he is unable to communicate with his primary and reports a craft that appears both square and triangular. Yeah. It will appear behind him and it will chase him until his fuel supply is nearly at an end.

They will then destroy his craft. Who is they? They are called the Oquera. They are very dangerous. Holy shit. Holy shit. I've got something on my six tower. Do you read me?

I've got something on my six. It came out of nowhere. Brookhouse. Can you still read me? Bucky, I can't reach the tower. Bucky? What's he supposed to do? He must place his craft under automatic control and then abandon it.

If he has separated from his craft, he will no longer be a valuable target. My name is Voon. I mean you no harm. Holy shit, holy shit, holy shit. I can see it. I take it all back. I can see it. Jesus. Nick, you've got to ditch. Bucky, say again? Hit autopilot, then ditch. They won't chase you just the plane. I'm not even in Mach 1. I can try to outrun it. He cannot.

You can't. What do you know about this that I don't? Nick, you've just got to trust me. Okay? Look at that thing behind you. Does it look like a friendly to you? Engaging autopilot. Holy shit, holy shit. It's getting closer. It's right on my tail. You better be right about this, Bucky. You better be right about this. Holy shit. Here I go. Holy shit. Ditching.

Nick? Nick, are you still there? I'm in the breeze. I'm in the breeze. That was several million dollars of research. I just returned to the taxpayers. I hope you're right about this. Oh, fuck. Fuck, it just shot me down. It just shot the plane down. Fuck, good call, Bucky.

All right, man. I've got seven minutes before I hit the ground. You want to tell me what the fuck is... Nick? Nick, are you still there? He is safe now. Phil, I know this is a lot. I know this is insane.

Can you do me a... favor and just put the gun down? We're just people, Phil. We're just people trying to help. We're just people. And, and a robot, a tiny robot. What is this place? Are you okay out here?

Yeah. I'm good. Okay. I still have a hard time being out here too long when we're traveling. I get vertigo pretty easily. Try looking at your finger and then following your finger without moving your head. Okay. Also, don't make sudden head movements. Okay. Also, drink more water? That's a solution for most things. Thanks. Take it from a guy who's lost the horizon more times than he's had a hot breakfast. Any fire's remorse?

I was serious when I said there's no going back. I'm good. At least I'm flying again. Yeah. Hello, hello, another year. Good morning, Doctor. Catherine, how are you doing? I'm well. Are you ready for another stressful day?

Always, Catherine, always. Where is our girl? Hey, doctor. Hello, Fiona. Greetings. Oh, my. Doctor, this is Voon. He's new. Voun, this is Dr. Cabran. I am pleased to meet you, Doctor.

Well, look at you. Hello there. Hey, I scan your planet for relevant technologies. Relevant technologies? Well, I don't see why not. It is greatly appreciated. Well, look at this little thing. Isn't that fascinating?

Also, this is Philip. Hey there, Doc. How you doing? Oh, Doc. I love that. Hello there, Philip. Well, this is quite a full house you have here. Fiona? It's a nice little group.

Wonderful. Also joining us is this handsome devil. This is the Fama E-61, Doctor. What do you do with it? It makes coffee. All right, good. We like coffee. But it does

so much more than that. Do tell. Okay, espresso at the bottom and then we add the milk. This is very fancy. Here you go. All right, here we go. Oh my. Right.

That is really something. It really is. I didn't know coffee could taste like this. Still just coffee and milk, but the FEMA does something magical. It truly does. Well, with all these new folks and this new contraption, the age of Fiona is shaping up quite well, isn't it? The age of Fiona?

Yes. You know, we never really explained this to Casper. he was never one for small talk. Each new proprietor, the diner, marks a new age for us. Each new... I don't understand. Ah, we're currently in the age of Fiona. Before you, there was the age of Casper.

Before him, there was the age of Cody McClure. Then there was the first age, the age of Marissa. Marissa? Yes. That's how this all began. You see, we suffered from a terrible plague about a thousand years ago. We could find no cure for it and were nearly wiped off the face of the planet. We were reduced to small isolated communities around the globe.

A couple of generations later, we had developed an immunity to the disease, but the isolation and suspicion had become ingrained in our culture. Then, one day, a man named Monad, Nassiz. Nick found the diner, walked inside, and there was Marissa. Now, they didn't speak the same language, so it was a bit difficult. But Marissa was a practitioner of the sacred art known as Esol. Years later, Marissa would return to teach Monad Nick more of her language and give him the sacred texts to learn while she was away.

Monad Nick began to teach this language to others, and, long story short, That's what we needed to come together as a society, a common language that didn't belong to any community. Oh, my God. Wonderful story, isn't it? So Casper wasn't the first one here? Oh, no, not at all. Not according to our history anyway. Wow. So, are we all ready to go?

Um, yeah, yeah, we're ready when you are. All right, here we go, Fiona. Hey, there you are. Is everything okay? You usually like hanging out with the thigroney's. I'm all right. You've been a little distant for a while now, actually. What's going on?

Nothing. I'm fine. Baby, come on. It's a bit more crowded in there, is all. It's the same number of people as last time. Oh. You're... not talking about the thigrones. Just seemed a bit simpler when it was just the two of us.

Yeah, I know, but this is life. This is how it works. How would you know how life works? Catherine. I'm sorry, I didn't. What is that? I need you to go inside. Tell Phil and Vune to come outside.

Keep the thagronies inside. What's happening? Right now. Peter. Zone defense. Zone defense. What's going on? We are told there is an emergency.

It's... It's the bad guys. The bad guys? Fiona, what do you mean? I thought they couldn't find us. Fiona, are we under attack? I think so. What?

Hey, heads up. Fuck is this. Deploy tactical dome. I am unclear of your intentions. But I am currently assessing your technology and your weaknesses. Aggression is not recommended. But hell, don't let us stop you. Catherine, go inside.

Catherine! All right then. Let's get it on. Dictation. Sourcer ID 5850 Trinery. As a general overview of my time gear, I am of two minds. Since my arrival at my terminus mission, I have been able to document an outsized amount of technologies, both for archival and advancement purposes.

Far more than if I were to conduct missions in a traditional format. As directed, I have transmitted my findings when in an environment where networks are available. This work has been extremely satisfying. However, there is an overarching project that I have self-assigned, and this project's completion has proven to be elusive. We have been here before. What is Earth's relationship to this anomalous craft? Additionally, is this a craft?

Additionally, is this technology? If I am corrected my assessment of a previous Earth presence at this location, I'm requesting all pertinent records. In dictation. Good evening, Captain. Are we calling this evening? My thinking was that, considering we are all circadian beings, referring to a definitive night and day would help bring normalcy.

Okay, cool. Good evening to you, then. This elevated thing is working real good, food. I am pleased. Its assembly was quite simple. How are things up here? The work continues. Have you done a recent assessment of Fiona's emotional state?

She's a little fucked up right now, but she'll be all right. I have yet to fully understand the reason for Catherine's departure. Oh, yeah? Surely this mode of existence is a highly stimulating and enriching environment. Why would someone prefer less of this stimulation? I hear you. I did test flight training on an F-104. Real fast plane.

I took it over Mach 2. One time I was in an adventurous mood and I took it all the way up top. 30,000 meters. I flipped it and I looked down at the earth like touching the hand of God. For me, that was a transformation. I was a new man when my wheels were down on the ground. And for someone else, they would have shit their pants, passed out, and swore to never get into a plane again.

Your heaven is somebody else's hell, no matter how great it may feel to you. Is there anything we can do to assuage your current symptoms? No. There's no cure for something like that. She'll be all right, though. All good in the long run. Struggle is important Anyway, I brought you one of those avocado sandwiches that you like I know you're working Thank you, Captain

And thank you again for the lift Nice being up here Of course, Captain Yeah If I may, it is also within my means To employ various technologies So that you may So that you may walk

These would be improvised field solutions But certainly employable if you would like. Struggle is important. I understand. Time. Loneliness. Love.

Happiness. Struggle. Friendship. Heartbreak. Each of them like a blade. Cutting away the strings and cloth. Revealing the flesh beneath it all. This skin, it hurts me more.

thought the rack doll. But this skin is mine. Worth the pain, worth the loneliness. And now, what to do with it? Chronometer reading is. Christ, they say that you listen to Gloria. Is that true? I've wanted to say all sorts of things to you all this time,

but I think I was afraid that you'd answer or something. there are people who need us, you know. We left people behind, and I think we're their only hope. So what are we doing? Can you tell me what we're doing? You saved me from a really horrible place, but those people that you, I don't know, love, they're out there and they need you,

but instead it's all of this. And I'm really confused. but I'm really heartbroken and I don't understand the point. And I couldn't say that before. I was just this directionless lump. I was somebody's experiment. I was a repository of fake memories. I was a barista in 2012 for, I don't know how long.

I was just, I was a thing. I'm a person now. I'm a person. person now and I can stand here on my own two feet and I can say to you what the fuck? What? Is this all? A new all of that. I was walking through the diner with Peter's instructions in my hand and you, I didn't have a history. I didn't have anything that was mine and you knew that.

You gave me a history, one that would be a history, one that would be a history. one that was mine. Is that what this was? This whole time, is that what this was? Or die or no save havens. Just remember we're out there somewhere. Midnight Burger is brought to you in part by our Monte Cristo level and above supporters.

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Katie Chambers J. Pierre. Dick Rickles, chapter president. Damn glad to meet you. Malcolm Flynn. Ezekiel Lansdown. Samuel Lee. What's his face? Like the actual guy. Josatron Prime. Nicholas Beckler. Arwin the Freer. Throat Goat 666, 6-6, I am your father. Addie Slosson, Inconceivable Kai, Nick Waycaster. Gotham still fucked up. Batman really ain't doing shit when you think about it. No good monk. Sarmad Say Ed. Pugolicious Freshington the third, Esquire. P.B. Jamesy. Pastel Jellyfish. Johnald Grimbus, Tasmanic starting to shift at six, Matt Knight Bouchager, D'Amitri, Andromeda, Stephen the Choi, Brooke Shelton, Gabriel, the treasure trove of troublesome trolls, Colbonne 287, Axel Zepada, Orianda, Bean Dino, Philip Lennox, Hugh Jass, DeShane, Miles Nelson, Catherine Beach, Nico de Gaio goes great on Midnight Burgers, Lenny Harris, Betty Hayes and the B Team, The Bean Wizard, Tim Lynch, Ransom, Lord Than and Lady Sarah,

Droughtbreaker, Aaron Mitchell, the Flouf Wrangler, King Felix Blaze of the Galactic Third Street Saints, Dana-Dena-Bobana, Fifi Fofana, Dorothy Graves. Leif-Lov's Lasar guns left lying lachadaisically by Labusa, Gix the Norwegian Viking impersonator, Seminity, Mags, Megan the Magy Young, Fermi's Paradoxins, Honey Cooper, J-2, Brian Montgomery, Artemis Record, Safa Aluzi, Trev Brax, the Bard without a ballad or a mallet, Nazzo. Platform jail mechanism burn museum theorist, hold please. Kayeow. Imprisquishy face of Greater Catopia. Anna Garcia. Goblin King.

Rays of Nope. Ruby Booth. Bubberduckle. Yeager Luce. Terry Cads. Tarian Roundtree. Catalyst for Chaos. Sculliver. Cat Lucido. Sam and Shane.

Huggs. Caitlin Hess. V. Gorgon Lightfoot. Ma Dukes. U.S. Marshal Stacy. Ooh, Chickadee. Taryn of the Guild of Free Cartographers.

Sweet Chaos 7. Dango Dale, Etsy, not the website. At every moment and every corner of every possible world, there is always a way home, and it's already found you. Jao Paulo Lemos, Odd Keep the Sient Lighthouse. Tonya Fisher, Appalachian Death Queen, Anya Tepelt, Zosifer, Dogo of Doom, Zachary DeFaio, Kevin Winens, Marlon C, Madame Barry? Cherish Hellfire, Mistress of Time and Space, Lichen Lady, Midnight Club, Cameron Agnesi West, Knox, Lisa Lou, Emmett Hale, the Triads,

Baddest Goblin, Emory and Lano, James Miles, Brown Coats, Love the Diner, House Chaos and Critter Cacophony, Max and Nia and Ivans Mark, Minion Simone Mimi Davis, Misty Don Mitchell Jr., Guy Turtle, Wayne Barahona, Jesse the Dragon Rider, We Will Not Rest until Puerto Rico and Palestine are free, Cayley Heights, Radio Gould, Nissie's Mom, Pocate Splort, Whiskey Rebellion and Gin Riots Interdimensional Detective Agency, Zephyr Vitriol, Ultrondi, Gother Laith, William Lemoyne, Jen and Britt, Adriana Bartolomucci, Jonah is gay, The Midnight Ashes, Hornetti, Ballion Fair, the Night of Silver Flames, Unpaid Intern that can barely afford the $10 a month, but fuck it, you guys earned it, Valkery Storm, Patricia who's always late but somehow on time, DC Squirrel, Ryan, Kyle the Interstellar Highwaymen, Shelley Act on the Verge, Gail Friend, Bang, Bang, Bang, Baby, Potacos, Rubber Cake, Clover the Clown, the Sparky Tech, Prop the Crocogator, Dakota L, Jazz, Punker, Captain Tight Pants and the Companion, Kentucky Cried Fricken, Renee N, Isaiah Garcia, RIP Eloise Waffles, Aki the Space Druid, Phantom Land T-TRP Dice, K-8 the Curiouser, Moxie, a blacksmith,

Ash Montgomery, Little Birch and her beaches, Jason HVAC Tech for the Diner's Deep Freeze, Aaron James Tyrone Barlow, the first of his name, S.K. Phoenix, Glitch the Gamer Error, Zephyr Foxworth, Ted Ted and Teddy, Merry Face, Luan Chair, Peppermint Pearl, the interdimensional space and tea time witch. Nicole 6-4. Amara Salazar, Banjo Buscolo, full beans, glorious forgotten Ford Festiva, Brandon Wright, Night Breakfast, the Midnight Cauldron, Force for Good-ish. Mark Scott, Rosie Mum, the Judah, Slater Morales, intergalactic fry lord, gravity's optional, but fries aren't. Max Powers, Angel Vasquez, Tara, Stephen Raymer, J-Carp Fishman, Mistress Roxy Mornet,

The Great Goblino, Low Oxygen, Save the Mungos, Lillac Morcella, Rachel Crempa, with special thanks to my best friend Lizzie and my husband, Steve, don't worry about the order, honey. Your Majesty, Temporal Hash Brown, Diane Brown, Captain No Sleep, The Slim Reaper, Rubin Eden, Smedley P. Snodgrass, the Third, but please, call me Smedy. The Shreveport Boehannans, C.C. The Umbrella Mage. Bradbury's Sasquatch, Dinn, Cosmic Catchup, Lack of Lifestyle, August the Schmogest, and Hossfest.

Ashley Davis, Mousy, the Integralus. PANSTARTS League. Postmaster General Kwan sent me. Blake Basmagian, nitwit 14, roiled way too harshly. DJ Johnny B., The Great Bowel Shift, Marco Montano, a Nat named bug, Shiny Fields, Adam Tacheck, Christopher Wendell, Nelly for Taco, Unproductive Banana, Pulcifer, the Paulist of Paulism, Zombie Spider-Man, Alondra, The Sorcerer Sanguine, and the Pretty One with the Face, Bex 823 Auntie Crypted Barry Heap

Gas Mask Penguin Mime Ninja Mime Master Uguay Barry Dillie is Dallying Podcast Junkie Futile screaming at the ocean Fox Hetland

Dylan Dillon Pedro Vibristo Penny Sparkles Slider Dmitri Julian Rhodes Maple Emily The Gayest Library

Janitor in Indiana The wife named the cat Casper Turns out it's a girl Physic the Goodbush Scout Mistress and her phalanx of Intergalactic Eagle Scouts.

Happy Birthday, Angie from Midnight. Murder. Vapis Tens Big Black Gaping Hole. Gubrious, you know like lugubrious, but without the Lou. Bruce. Jessica Gio Gama. Cabernet Corseer. Torricle.

Jenny the Bear. Grr. Bellringer. Sir Dean Thorne. Treach. Josie Jones. Mr. Fibble is very cross. Hote potato.

Dr. Mojo Tinker Gestalt. Blind time traveler convention date. L.A. Woman. The Phoenix Rising. New name. God? not him. Jeff Andrew? Sure, Jeff Andrew. Miss Luan, a British woman with cute dogs, cup of noodles, schmizzy two shoes, Luna Nova, Nicholas Griffith, Matt Grigsby, Justin Smollin, RICO 31, Craig Dundee,

the name's Knight with a K, Astral C, Ickle Me Pickle Me Too, Witch Loud, Guy with the Chops, Sam, Bagel Knife, In Melda and Scott, Courtney Cochran, Lily Starling, Ryan K, Ulfheimer, Nate, Forklift, Forklift, Fee, Vince M, Brick, Brick, Chib, Radio Free Reelia, Violin' Lovina, Passley, Subawasa, Grenna, Pistonwhip, Captain Ducky, Blitz Bell, Retro Dagwood. Our overhead is way too high with all of these names, and please make sure to turn in all your receipts, love, Josh from accounting.

Satsuma, Silius Goeus, Dr. Jones, Virgin of Velasaraptor, Coach Shane of Toad Succ Central, Go Cranes, Cole Arthur, Lego Crosante, Casseh, Norman Murgler. The Star Set Messengers want to know if you've written that four-page essay on one. you don't think about bugs. Joe Cuppa. We be chapped broccoli.

Kyle. The hacker known as Ivy DeBurb. Rachel Vasquez. The beloved yet borderline inappropriate empire of Dr. Thunderbutt and Lady Cristobel. Britt Littlefair. Michelle Myers.

Glenn Morris. Lizard Lee. Rosemary Prem. Anthony Lakey. Thomas Adams. Brett Zimmerman. Lauren Benner. Stephanie Book.

Andrea Crowther. Luca Vichito. Bootskutin Dave. Nia Venturi. Ryan Abbey. Michelle Hopper Jessica Engela Kevin Daughtry Meredith Jester

Martin Deers Entropy eigenbases Robert Savat Dr. Spiller Richard Ryan Moshell D. Flower Keleti Arena Fall of the Berlin Wallaby

Lauren Mayer Jake the Cook Some days you're the beetle Some days you're the dung Josie Jones V Greenly Eliza Sharp Dan Gentry

Ron Hayton Fridge Pickle Jacqueline Snyder I hope something good happens to you today Yes you Edwin McDonald A feisty-S chickity

poultry landmine The Scrappy Poet. Jenny the Crypted Paladin. Maverick artist. Shit. It was a mimic. Basil in their tea. Waiting to gossip with David. Ainslieh, Ye, yeah, yeah, yeah. Angnor, A.T.B. Kiwi-Levelyed. Zoe. Professor Freida. Michelle Spurgeon. Jack the sleepy. Garrett Henderson, quote, one month trapped in this freezer. Still no bathroom, starting to hallucinate. Howling? Son of Defarge. Wisconsin A. Snellgrove. Give peas a chance. Casper's cult. Samma Ding Dong. Sarah. That's it. Just Sarah. Ricardo Galamba. Carrey's crafty cloaking devices LLC. Hashtag we weave him of Gossamer. Swither and Sister. Deeranger. Penny the Wonderdog and Bucky von Buckbuck. Kintech's Oridian.

Cherry Appleby. Medium rare extra toasted bun. Saucy Caesar. Belt. Aspen as a Verge fanboy. Mick J. 67. Ava's favorite My Little Pony pencil says, get your mammogram? Is this thing recording? Representative of the Alaska Midnight Burger tummy time chapter. Nathaniel Lee Industries, Lord Entropy. Bach-bock, motherfucker. Everybody's favorite clown, splotchy, pinstrike algorithm, kosher steak, Alyssa's shiny pants, Gondor calls for aid, muscles for tits. Alan Bergland says, Hi Mom, Kitty McSull, Raven Stromdands,

hapless novelist passenger of the dimensionally impermanent and temporally incontinent bookshop cafe, the wild-eyed prophet. Tessa Craig, perfectly personalized disaster, Richard Schofeld, Jim Turner, Felix Sullivan, Javi Denaro, Big Chunk, Gadez. I named my puppy supreme Captain Queen Brunhilda Ganesha Maple Venture Salterine, Mudsox de Sparks, Boom Boom's Wooden Legg, will the real Maudib please stand up? Kitty Cat and Lollipop can't get enough of this.

U. Don 96. Benjamin, not Franklin, Tracy Baby, Leah. Is that the Chris Hancock who traded weekly soup for the use of my kitchen table? A singular nightbird. I am the lizard frantically firing flichet guns. Bumblefay, Mr. Epsilon, the Mothman, Long-Haired Matt, DJ, Robert W. Breelzebubb, Kresimira, Jessa Lauren, May Day Hoops, Myth and Stitch embroidery loves the Mucklewains, Lulu Lou Louie, Dullo, the Brew Crew family, Bert Rubba, Jeffrey George, even older whimsy,

Ellie, don't tariff me, bro, oopsie! Evelyn, the Wizard Mooses holds out their cat for you to pet, Grimilar, Existential Pancakes, Jenny Woboom, Errant Popsicle Stick, M. Horowitz, Isle of Refuge, Jack Spider's mom, Tyler Edwards, LamaFresh, Jair the Benevolent Destroyer, Valtiel Heller, Revin the Red Beard Wizard, Bert Bert and the Funky Bunch, Corora the 12th, shh, just listen. Damian Fletterjohn, Zom Khan, Welcome to the Kwan Pound, Penn, Penn, Penn, Pen, Pen, Pich, is bringing an anchovy pizza to Lars on Omega Station. The Wolves in the Deep Free Say, Awoo! Julie Hammond, Sanctuary Moons No. 2 fans, Simpson, Jason, Alice Lewis, Simply Amy, Sue, even older Liz, McBearcat, Greck Pinfeather, Citigan Druidic Scientist, Astro, Your Friendly Neighborhood, Android, Moonlight Zombie Fox,

Old Doc Racy, the Midnight Missionary, Out There Somewhere Looking for You. Grandma Pantee, J.S, Eldrich Ender, Squunky! Artist Dragonborn, Bigby Garage, Shaloma. Bill Zangana Lester, Joaquin Jimenez. Hello, Big List. I'm Dad. Now let Joe get some rest. It's time for bed. Muffins, Spacewives, Captain Jack Hartness, Peter the Robot. Oreo? No, wait, pineapple. Actually, never mind. Oreo. Banana Manaz, a corgi-cold kibble, cuddly Crackin, Life's a Load Studio, and his wife Megonator,

The Game, Axel Light, Sarge the Bard, Rielthen, El El-Coolment Jams, Travis Robertecis, the other original Caitlin, Ken Daddy, Celestiani, Hazel the Jaded Umbra pulls out a marker and approaches Sign My Shovel to Sign My Shovel, Lea Izadi, Millie was taken, Hannas, Ben Camp, Shan Man Man Man, Carma Carma Camillion, Kinran, Wabajack, Zoe and her army of mice, Breyer Longlost, Daniel, Sammy the Baby Seal, I have always relied on the kindness of diners, Dr. Budiologist the glutes doctor. The Hood's Pocket Pants Darts League reminds all players that clean underwear is required. Tobias Ewing.

Thank you for pressing too. Your Anglophone Emotional Support Canadian request will be processed in the order in which it was received. Queen Sirley Jess, R.I.P. Lance McLean, you would have loved Midnight Burger. Adam Toclove. Dr. Bichcraft, Sassy Cat the Space Vixen, Claire Rock, Eros to God, the size two fish you've been looking for, Eokai, Borgia, Natasha without Boris, spiders are cuddly, Lafayette Lazzania Lovers 1, Maine immortal Billy Rose that has all the corn dogs, Cheel Neal, Sin City Scuba Steve, Pollywog, Jinks the Cat would like to offer you biscuits, Michaela White, Elena Pickle, Professor Thaddeus Nocum's the 8th, Mr. Grin, Glenn Petrovsky,

This moment of silence so Joe can catch his breath is brought to you by Rick Tyler. Elizabeth Hammond. Cheap-Con. Yeah, you heard me, Greg, Larammy and Drop. Cheap conch. Brunglin. Steam Vision. Conductor of the interdimensional time-spanning hype train. Dave Harold. Wisecube. Dirty diaper fussbutt and the piggy runt. Bromine. Pronounced Brougham Dane. Mane. Humdinga. Mother of Pearl. Fiona now owns Laif's 18-inch Peter. Sealface, Rigger Mortis. Megan's Things Megan makes. Shiny Fields. Magical Maggie, Trebex Reject, Prophet of the God of the Moklewains, Matthew with two T's, the first T, is silent, Igneus Burp, Darth Ox.

This brief pause is brought to you by Michelle Kay's wish for Joe to catch his breath. Aaron Arnold, Mamamander, B. Raz and Slunt Master Jay, Valen Rial, Little Dork and Big Shit, Take Manhattan, Elliot Paints, Undead Akira, Broom Goddess, The Lord Reverend, Portagos Pecks, Unselling Wizard, Ryan, Thomas' Tenibus Tannstaffel Tippers, Treading Tretteacherously tantamount to telling totalitarian trope termination tales. Ladies, for your pleasure, Chuck Naked. The lovely Laura Lovely, Kith Gamge, Samwise's Flamen Cousin' Cousin' Dariel, Jeremy the Ruler, Gochi, Hare Hawks, Jacob Mitchell, Swooning for Verge, Zeke in the Box, Stevie Crowhill, How to Get Jack from John, Flesh Witch, Scrubs, Just some guy from Adelaide

named Ryan? Remy, the Panda Crew, Melody Prime, Beardo the Wizard, Captain Benjamin Hawkeye Pierce the German short hair pointer from Nashville, wants to to tell his mom Maddie that he says, Woof, Whiskered, Randy Spears at V.O. Arts Shop, Marissa the Ghost, local snowplows in your area are dying to meet you. Brotherford B. Chesterfield and his dapper companion,

Winchester, Cheshire Corgy, Stray Cat, Old Kelsey No Shoes, Zoldia, dizzy flame, time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like a banana, Sasha, Beth and Alan Van Gillis, Langston North, Sly Fox, a.k.a. Brair Rabbit. Pants Arts Champion. The Constantly Lost Geographer,

Timothy Aotis. Chance wants you to know, he cares. Wolfstark, Adrian Vance, Elliot, Hobbs de Co., Natalie Bartlett, Rory of Yin, Mooby the Golden Calf, Giovanni Salinas, Rocky G, Perry the Pirate, Aaron Elizabeth, Kay Narcotics, Solomon Price, Adela Sancho, Bada 485, A.K.a. Chimelbach, the Christmas Whale. Kaiju Somelier, Stella Corvis, Jesus Garcia, J.P. The IT guy, Candyman Fight, John Peters, you know, The Farmer? Barkley on the Holladeck, Dapper Daddard, S. C.P.049. Oh, Magis. Raven the Dreamer. T.K. Turtle King, Mike M. Space-based lasers. Captain B and Lady G. with their swabs. Marla, Madam, Lotus, still especially loves Finley. Lady Folly, Canadian waitress, Mr. Steamwave. My friend the rhino says, be nice. Dream founder. I'm you, Huckleberry. Elizabeth T. T. Tai T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. her dear darling Duke, Gus,

Cocoa Yumi is painting ponies, Hugamuffin, Bigfoot of Doom, D. L, Annie the Tiny Librarian, Crandy Man the Pug Whisperer, Garo, Nick Gomez, our cat said to tell you, meow, bag of oats, Benjamin Ortiz, Mr. Frog President,

Pop Rock Quicksand, the Benyapper, Abenasso, Trina Ward, Ada, Spooky Spader Storytime, William Kent, Andy, the McJimys from your local dimension, Xavier Killingsworth, Reformed Colonel Reb, Mimetic Hygienist, Rogue Art, Aaron Star, Joshua Damien, and Sentinel of the Star System. Claude de Claw's Spunky Dan, Rachel Seymour, Chris Alfridge, the Bullheaded Professor, Ed Boy, Ryan Finnelli, Jonathan Kay, Bert, Burbh, Burr, Burr, Burr, Burr, Pratibbett, Avatar, Tugwin the Mighty, Project Octopus, Ken, Chibs 1012, Byrotron 95, Dan's granted clemency by his overlord parents.

Speaku, the Bracken system and its home world Wren, Simply Tony, Gabriel Castion, a drum major and a trapeze artist walk into Connie's bar, Sir Party Animal, Uloid Jackal, Must Be a Witch, Cat with a K, Miss Shan Frizzle, Squirrels all the way up, Stompinstein L Mustachio, Lucifer Hezekiel, La Chihuahua Brava, Adeline Peets, Cici Carousel, Korth the Destroyer, Honest Puck, Casper's Moms of Milf, Scout and Foxglove says the floor is lava. Kerdomsky, Craig Armstrong, Plastic Fork, Dulce, Get out of Mabuth, Bug, Propagator, I hardly know her. Sad Angry Crabman, Chuck McFinley, Hazel Hayes, Velocity Girl 42, Little Dragon and a

Coulterne and a cauldron of bats, Ben Carlylellan, Flat Steve's love for grand theft. Anna Kearney, Crashly Strange Lilia, the four schnauzers of the Apocalypse, Septi and Asha have hots for the mucklewains and would gladly be their unicorns. Starblaze Burnbright, Imzukioki, Spotted Rhino, and Heronauterineau. her hand-me-down frogs. Red Bafia Panda, Jean-Lute Gabo, Lonely Isle, Kai Dallow headphones. Hinkle, Pikeman Stover, Pikeman Stover, Wife, Fondella Stover's wife, Alexander the boss, Scrizels, Thwap, Kitty, Gitty, the Firekeeper, the end is die! Jeremiah the canceled, Spike and Faye, Johnny Allen West and the boys from the dwarf, Speedy Bixpeedy, Wolf, Brandy Gunter,

Auntie Becky is owned by five rescue cats, Speckled Unicorn, Jedi Rides Again with Nova the Space Pirate, Tevin Long Blades Short Sword. Forget normal. A damn! C.J. Johnson, a dragon sitting on its horde of dice. Windle Whitaker, Thichichichael-Wittany-Dephruh. Dan and Deb. Ban Me Hung. The Soup Witch. Fettuccini Alfredo. Amalgamous Pax. Pebbles. Princess V.V. Effie Rawlings. Megan Haysen. Philip, Your Dad is Not Your Dad. Nick Bowro. Midnight Plummer. His Royal Highness, Mr. Hamilton Underfoot Kitty the First. And accomplice, Princess Penelope of the Marioness of Mischief and Maven of Mystery Megan Gentry, Mr. Cherry, Our Ass is in the Jackpot,

Tubby Teddy, Wade Nyser, India Inkblot, Slave of Bahamette, Omi Gracie, Dalton Jenkins, Kat Holtz, the True Mega Mike, Fred and George, the What Weekly Media Database, Eva Maddox Jr., L.AWirth, Cass Williams, Christie, Yeet My Boy, 46 Toolshed 2, and El Marie Catastrophe, The Image Collector, Blended Music, Definitely Not Cater, Kevin, Sitting Squirrel, Patricia E. Melt missed everyone. A round of yards on the house. Red the Gray, the Silver Crow, Couch Potato, Alex, Neverchild, Dr. Nossos, Interdimensional Space Biologist.

Kiboko Dunord, Lil Kev, Cosamine, Theodrax, Joey B, Lucas Bardig, DJK, DJK. Terran says, hey, Oreos are rabbit. Sandlewood Mountain is an odd way to refer to Hawaii, but it worked for Hendry. Wimical fuckery, Megan with an H. Hey, it's me again, Warranty Lady, what happened to us? You never return my calls anymore. Did we lose our spark? Patricia the Time Lord. Is it, though? Mango connoisseur. Briddie bug and the quirky jester.

The Big Moose demands justice for Betty. Glory Cole. Janelle Miao-Nays Cat Butler. O'Sheen Lou. Alex Barry. Andrew Oakden. Asymmetrical Exile. Magpie Cat says everything's a bag of holding if you know how to pack.

Churro Cat, the Sun God. Alex Spence. Dr. D. Birdclasp weather and Mrs. Dubop DeWay Birdclasp Weather want to go to space, you know, for the weather. Galaxy Britches, Angry Ron, Dominus Caesar, Durka Dub, Gloria's ex-girlfriend, Kelly ClickSpring, The Wild Thistle, Most Likely Cass. James Harlow has decided he's ready to see the claw. I'm Not Joe's Dad, Jasmine James, Dr. Cabaret, also known as Omni, Thanks Waffle Chateau. Colorado Beekeeper, Fruitcake, Anatha, Zandria, Jennifer Culkinz, Guacamolio, Midday Burger, Don Parks, Throat Goat-Six, Princess Leia, Prime Freak. They call me Pie Guy, Imperial Grand Puba.

of the Burgerverse. Droid Pirate Finley and his Rubinask parrot. Droid Pirate Finley and his Rubin'esque parrot. Stuck in a pit of Skittles. Drunken coyote, deflatermouse, Tony Piacarsky, Adrian R, the Devil from Table 12, Javier, Kimberderp, Crazy Thadley, the Harbinger Pulsar, Crimulus is just happy to be here, the twisted twigster, the rural juror is a massive fan, Tha Queen, Upshnar to the Probability Demolition Expert, Showtime, C. R. Ipid, For My Mother. Homer, are we doing crime? CCTX Girl 6823 waiting on the diner. Nicole Studioso. Sign my shovel.

Kay the Flying Penguin says honk honk to all the geese out there. Truck stop sandwich, indigo escargo, love my captain, Joe Mauma, Castriff, Ames affection, Retro M.G. Night Script, the Gainesville Fear Garden. Happy birthday, Lana Banana. Utrud and Rose's Viking Void Vitals, fueling the intergalactic fight against fascism. Not sure what I'm doing. Leah Rose, River Brown, Senior Deuce, Scullacy, Warped Rider, Tim Nacey, Rubid Clamzo, Turwin, Hugh the Mini Mungo, Morgan Brockman, Sylvie, Glenys Thompson, Dustin Watson, Betty White, 813, Good grief people, I need to breathe.

The One True Cheap-Con, Star Scribe, Lucian Thunderstruck. Ho, ho, ma'amma. Doosers seize your all-anus Morissette and wants to raise you a Florida State Seminole vesicles. The Other Adele, Chef Galvow, Leah Hall, Sarah May, Cone of Silence Consultants, LLC, needs fresh towels in room three at the horizon. Silly-Willie bubble butt, Sierra not from Arkansas, Zico, Ebenezerboob, Caleb Tumiala, Jason Woods, Arnie Arbuckle Esquire, Digital Flu Flossed in Time, Potion Meas, Nebulae, Regulators, Mown Up, Mad Yogi Eileen, Mr. Meepod, a cat named M, Potito Pato, Palace, Ethan Cobb, Big Mo, I Am Annie, I Ami, I Ami, I'm Annie,

live forever in every moment I've existed. I swear to every star in the cosmos, I never forgot. It was a gift. The Stone Fox, Tricia Schaefer, Sylvia, Jusiton, Papitos, Boomhauer, you can call me boom, I'm an Anamanopoeia. Jennifer Baumer, Ninja Grim Reaper, prove to me that orange cats aren't gods. I'm britt words. Hot shot Huntley, Momo's Mama, Hold My Yard, Ivy Paisley, Toast, Sue Watts, Myrtle, Caitlin, Leader of the Unicorn Revolution, Trans-Dimensional Delivery Man, Matlock, Lord of the 13th Sea, Mr. Trigvey, Printing with Cats, Calisi Delmar, Dixie Dinah, River Waters, Copper Coim the Dumpster, 7,000 Possums, Sarah Jack Sparrow Space Pony, Revive, Debbie E, Emma, Mr. and Mrs. Owo, Dusty Ventures, Ronnie's Lymecook,

Eagle Rock Lobster, The Gabbyist Painter, and Her Bird of Fire, Wandering Wenjo, Painted Oni, Q Dell, Farrell, Emily with two E's, Spaceman Nathan, Ramsey's Niblick the Third, Kroplunk, Whoops, Where's My Thribble? Mad goat. Jackie Wavlet. Yeo Iga Gagarin. Issa the Straga, D. Greitzler, a gremlin with the munchies. Michelle Scorakio.

Genuine Jacob. Andy's brain is weird. Space rooster Randy doing crimes. Leopard donut. Puffy thang. Mellow Nuggets. Keychain crap. Matt, Matt Shark Man.

Stee-Lo. Arcadia. Bumbling Lily Bee. Buffy's daughter. A quick pause so Joe can sip from his tiny teacup. You know, I switched a coffee years ago. Bufar D's nuts. Panda.

Curtis Lellig. Kennedy Allison Farner. Tristan Stolls. Dalen Y, Shadow Rapture, Yet Another Nicole, Hank the Wonder Lama, Arcraft, Russell, Zephyrus Wind, Just a Regular Fox, Jeremy Imson, What the Hell, Cineplex, and all the Black people in North Carolina, just Rachel, Danger Girl, Atlas Bear, Patty the Ginger, Ava Cigarette Ash, Boisenberry, aka The Boys, A-Zoose, Anaphylaxis, scab with Comtacks, the shape-shifting sad girl and her girlfriend say, Joe, you've done it again, Sarah Nicole, the Kells, Cat Ollina. Angry Leafs Lasersaw, Magnus Aerochill, Amy Perry, Christophirc, source decay, the space cowby, no, the spaceweather banjo, no, the speather banjer. Skexis, Randy's Amigo, Gremlock, Katie Mermaid and the Delinquent Duo, Norman, Nicole, Victor Schauberger reincarnated as White Mountain Hillbilly glitter cupcake, Max Danger's, Security Chief Shatsy, the Anx Peach, Team Michelle and Billy, Nea Nix Reno, Frankentenor, Nortle Bash, Jordan, Arwin X. Belasco, Ryan Rosinski, average height, medium rage. Audio Monkey, Joe, Team Hafeovesen, Monica and Mason K, Rowan, Lady of the Black and Herald of the Stars,

Pistachio, Arian Can't Manage Normal, Ryan Burnett, The Joyful Nialist, The Timmond Ghost 23, Dr. B, Zopres and the Bumble Army, growing into my farm boots, Superbeth becomes an RN alongside my bootstup farm friend. Geneva Boss, Brothers of the Cosine, Uncivil Nomes, the Rat Queen Evelyn, Great Lunch, conversation. The other Scott, Lettie Lou. He was a shifty one that Nick Howard. Kinger was here. Haba Ray Wendlin Jr. Bbop, Bdababuduwap, Warped Echoes, Slabs McTurps. Robert O Tartas, he's bigger on the inside, Jeremiah Franco, Justin, the Nick of Time, Gothic Rainbow. So We Made It Says, Happy Birthday Mika, Cody Baclour, McHadley, Eternal Companion, Jingalos, Has Matilda, Ditsy Bay, Just Your Average, Kyle Church, I Am a Laif on the Wind, Static Ego,

Some fucking Swamp Wizard. Lolly. Evan M. Dobson. Dave B. Sean C. How did I get here? Oh, God, is that the soup? Going to be lit. I am Shaggy. Captain Emerald L. Wayne Hall. Danny Mars. Frank in a Field. Fuzzle McMurprinz. Neelich's Tiny Wolf. Asher the Raven. Christina Sennett is teleporting. Where the Shane's at? Definitely not an android. Seriously, I'm not. The Wandering Welshman, Whatever Tabby, Carolyn Harper. Nicolai Tolkachev, Capo the Sartorius, Z3DT. Sparrows, B-L-T-N, the Kiwi Duckling, Dad and Aubrey the Dirt Bike Demons, Tequila Mockingbird, snuffle up a goose, dammer in the space goblin, I so pale, oh no, a bee! I am Lord Zoltan, hear me roar. Pocket Ghost Max, Nate the Milkman, Max, Max, the Conqueror,

Wes and Heather wonder if Derek Adair will join. My cat's name is beef. Eric, Katie Kate, get your colonoscopy, Victor Casados, Emily Schmemley, work for Elvis. Bo-ho-go-bye-for-jo-po-go, that's a no-go, bro. Cody Monster, Collided Mind, Miss Nixie, Charlie Rudel, Kyle Perino, O'K-K-Lady, Okay Ladies'Ware, Sid the Sloth on a bike, Priya Gondy, Wandering Mermaid, Understands the Assignment, Little Stevie Pie, Two Polar Cat is Laif now, motherfuckers. Carl, The Teller of Dad Jokes, Skylab's Multidimensional, Multifacic Quantum Cyberverse,

Verdey Sol, Galen Miller, Tess, Geriatric Youngen, Mystic Hippie, Unforcible, Daniel Nitz, Mavis Bacon's, Pyro's Calling, Josuation, Banjo Cat, Too Many Jans! Catjot, Pamela Rose El Chiera, then Stina says, Thud Tweed, Nicole DG, Countess of Carbon, Slappy the Squirrels, Ted Slapping Rampage, Luminous Elk, Rodeon Caution, Levis for the Nierds, Taz Hernandez, Captain Crash on the surviving crew,

Casper needs a hug, Joe is the Riders Room, Awkward Heretic, Devin 7777, Troy Aker, Mandy Kane, Northerly Kay, Lost Basson, Kim Sel, silly goose, honk, honk. Ad Matha, Astro Unit, Ghostsaberwolf, The Sleepy Mystic, Sarah Joy, Taters, Precious, Teddy of the Wasteland, It's Just Steve, Sweets Martinez, Sharnobble, Diedra, Mike Whiskey and Your Friend Frosty, No Saguaro, Benbar, Beasley Death, Sven the Unlikely, Cognito Hazard Expunged, Ted Wassonassin, Virestria, Theosis the Theologianish, Spumples, Nicole, I love you, but I will name kids,

2 Brathar. Fernwood gal, Nelly G, Twinkle Tots, Gemini Sky, Phantom's moms, Callison, Hornswagland Daniel Arthur, Michael Lucluse, It's a fucking dog rapture, Abigail LeHoo, King Humble, We'd Better Ask Dave, Windchimes for Safety, Cameron Winterbourne Welsh, Fireball XL5, McKinsey Duna, Alexica Habaniera, Code Stranger, One Betty Bet, Ha ha ha ha, Matt N, Julia Kringlin, Monad Nick, Frelp, Mlin, M. Lin, Feed Me Fish. J-R-R-R on SFP, Lahari, Ted's Loves Catherine, Jay Spark, Lucid Harbor, Little Mira Leopard Paws, die at night, Mars Royalty, Take 20 Damage, Macy's Bandstand, Kim Bob, Battle Pope and Bugaboo, Snorts, McGorts, Fresh Squeased, Patrick Holt, Atlas B. Hold it now.

Hit it, Had it, Hot it, Hud it. Bradley Ashby, Peter, Megan Okio, William Dyer, Vicki Abear, Brad Maneer, Jane, Hannah Dale, Phantom Zone, Crystal Delightful, Gruntled, Kill Shut, Betty and her steel-eyed bow, turtles all the way down, Jackie Lowey, The Little Pigeon, Quentin Elizabeth Jones, crazed bear. I saw Dr. Ladis Trash Angel outback scrumping for apples, crafty lizard quilts, noble barrel. Yes, my brain is weird, thank you. Cory Morose, Russell Bunny, Max Savage, Apprehensive Craig, Tim Aranetta, Bacon, Nicole Studioso, Rambo, Chaos Squatcher, that homeless guy who saw the diner disappear from Rogers and gave up booze. Mary Kirby, Stephanie Sturgis, Kirsten, hurry up and wait, Sarah Farmer and Bella Donna first of her name,

Criddle, Twillow, Heidelbertie, Tom Webster, Roshmi Vincatech, McClump, Azana the Leathersmith, Salazar the Doe Mage, the Bard with the Tuba, Hayward's finest Garin Elizondo, terrified toddler, Sir Schittsalot strikes again, damn animal, Ashton James, Elspeth, Skyland, A-LR, Sidewalk Jam, Tonka-2005, Cruzen B Anthony, Trick Once Treats, Stephen Schmidt, Xavier Romo, Frog, Trey the Turquoise Tortoise, Freya Titmittenes, Courtney the Frogologist, the Fon Tuggy Wrangler, Scrimbrulee, Yay, Aaron! The Singing Loon, Zuzana, Celeste Yose, I'm So Antigney Fun, Katie and Noah, Hendrix the Stink, Sarah Murphy, The Ambergler, Bootles, Osvaldo O'Svoldo Cimeone, Chivon, Delilah Rose, Ashley Chapel Peoples, Ryan Ortega, Barbarian Bloodbath, The Definestration of Teds, Corrine Sabrantha, Shadow Daddy, Rubius Fuzzlebutt,

K Mack, The Something- Something Detective agency. Hayabuda, Eli the Electrician, Sunny Dianomily, Charmei, The Wondrous Mathasophon, Post Turtle Evaluation Squad, hashtag Nissan Accura, Finnegan Robert, Samira, Flat Doug, Trinket Coralie, Deary Darling, Ambient Drifting Man 80, Chris Hancock, Nicole 23, Gracefully Impaired, Tired Pirate Muffin, Steve King, Laura, Roman Ronan, John Pruitt, Camel Pope, Inschulgin, Cryptessia, Rebecca Trossel, Chris from Tacoma, Mitzie Lou, Kelsey Home, Amanda Marie Catherine, Damien the goddamn time lawyer, all my homies hate Croc the Propagator, Matt Mosby, St. Foo, Harry Fishnuts, Joshua Cody, Astrono Weeb, Magno's the Civil Nome. Hidalon misses the warranty, ladies calls. It's not the same without her. Starlight, David Piorini, Techno Ranger Rick, Joe's Weaslaf, Virgo Ares Infinity, Best Buds Danny and M, Charles Q Choi, a bug named Nat, Cicry, Hunter B, Rudra, Death the Kid, Big Whiskey, All Cockinator. Ron was here, Magic Pony, Robert Oliveri, Dan Bowman, Jess Gioia, Paul A. Johnson, Killer Odd, Dandy Bay, Dr. Punt Gusher Esquire constantly gets meowed at. Creator 67. Joelanth, Laif's One True Love, Mermaid of the Dark Seas, Cosmic Shrug, Incorrigible Ross, Deborah Wales, SCRB Mark 11, Courtney Deppona, Maggie's Yarm, Stu, Anthanomaly, Megan Mighty, Haunt, Purple Saline, Three Legs are Perfectly Good, Drew and L, Anomalous Death to PSL Vandal, the Ice Queen, Captain BLEP, Evie Power, Your Favorite Kenny, Terry, PJ says what? Danielle L.

Fear now doesn't polish the shiny melon. Blargo, Blargo, Blargo, the Jazz Man. Tonight at 11. Okay, seriously, the list is so long now that my voice can't do the Doom anymore. Let me try it. Doom. Lorak the Barbarianess. Zellus Pragma.

Tuba Rick. It's just Blake. Alice Malice asks, how many chains could two chains chain if two chains could chain chains? Sir Cat Dad. Kelly Jane Danky. Aaron the Optimist. Thomas Stolen, aka Casper from another universe. Chadney Ashra.

Lucrez. Thornis. Tamara Oliver. The Real Dirt Fairy, Marissa. Ava, no, not that, Ava, the one within... Grimm, says, TransRites, y'all. Zacky Nat, underwater Corvids, Spisorinkum, Snakes and Bakes, Michael Christian, Brun Mycelil, Grawlix and Tarobang, Late Indeed Again, Theron Pyralis, OmeG, OmeG,

Onex-Rose, Jackie Wavelet, J.R. the Hikerbear, Velocate, Alcave, Krusty McBeardface, Malaranne, Sweet Michelle, Kalae, Coliebri, Melmberg, Rogue, Lisa Geisler. The Redoubtable Pirate Fred Fred Bergger. What the Chuck? Sono Nasuno, Ben and Jessica, Todd Van Vorris, Nea DeRuso, Piji Zatuichi, Inki the Crack and Azula the Brave

and their ever-faithful squire Grab Thar. Gen X-Strainius, Dalek-Steeve, Dancing Dog Dreams, and Existently Exhausted Bean. Can we do more, write more, Judy? I like Judy. Dead space is when other people are talking. Who cares about those fools?

Who cares about those fools? It's just Labusa all the time. This is the Labusa show. This is the Labusa show, people. Come on. Do you want me to read Peter? Sure. Could you read Peter?

Of course. Affirmative. All right. You know what I do have here in my home with me is a recorder. A recorder. So if you want me to badly play hot cross buns, I got you. I got you. It feels warm.

Real quick. Rebecca, Inspector Gadget, is that something that exists in the United Kingdom? Yeah. Okay. Okay. And then for Joe, I'm going to say that Shelley's upstairs neighbors are potentially dismembering a dead body. Potentially. I mean.

Probably just hanging pictures, though. Good. You're so fucking good. Dude. Thank you. I owe so much money in student loans trying to get as good as you are at this. Hey, thank you so much. Seriously. Not a great relationship with your mom? It's Sysphithe. It's what?

Sisyphousa. Sysph. Eh. I wrote it down and everything. Sisyphine. There we go. Bown chica-b-b-b-b-b-bow. Feed to black. Let's get weird with it. All right. Anyway, Joseph, we may be starting and stopping for neighbor noise because they don't appreciate art. Fiona walks into the dining area to see Judy.

Honey, can you read Judy? Yes, I'm not going to try the accent in front of Rebecca. Do it. Hang on, there's a plane again. Taking it very long. I'm going to go into the most awkward moment and just fly right over your house. Probably, my love. Probably my love again.

Whatever, not that I even care. I don't even care. I suppose the chances. The chances? Oh, I went posh. Right. Hang on. Rewinded.

Where did that come from? The chances. The chances are all right, actually. You've heard our bloopers. We stumble all over the place. The Fable and Folly Network, where fiction producers flourish.