Midnight Burger - Chapter 47: The Hero

Episode Date: December 9, 2025

It began with one woman saying "Enough."Cast:Gloria - Siouxsie SuarezBrodie - Alan BurgonBorsh - Dr. Punt GusherIxio - Dr. Lattice the Talking DollJustin - Jesse TilleyAlondra - Annelise DickinsonClementine - Lauren LeBlancTerric - Ian FergusonDevon 7777 - Ian FergusonBoofar - Ian FergusonBertBert - Jessica MorrisWritten by Joe FisherProduced and Directed by Joe Fisher and Finlay StevensonArt by JuicheeMusic:Peer Gynt Suite, Arabian Dance - Odyssey OrchestraPeer Gynt Suite, Death of Ase - Odyssey OrchestraRead and search Scripts with PodScripts: https://podscripts.app/For more information on our show, visit our website: https://www.weopenatsix.comSubscribe for early access, ad free episodes, additional content and more!Subscribe on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/midnightburgerSubscribe on Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/midnight-burger/id1537653218Subscribe on Supporting Cast: https://midnightburger.supportingcast.fmHow about some merch? https://www.midnightburgermerch.comSign up for our newsletter: https://weopenatsix.beehiiv.com/Find and support our sponsors at: fableandfolly.com/partnersSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Do you like a good ghost story? Maybe you wonder what it would be like to communicate with the other side. We'll put your Ouija boards away and just listen to Rattled and Shook. I'm your host Meredith, and we've got a new season of Rattled and Shook available now, including themed episodes, guests, games, and immersive, creepy stories sent in by real people about haunted hotels, satanic panic, and ghosts galore. A new season of Rattled and Shook is available now wherever you get your podcasts. Previously on Midnight Burger, pro tip.

When answering a Craigslist ad for a new job, ask more follow-up questions. Oh shit. They're coming right out. Close the doors. Just tell us your name. Are you trying to stop me? I won't stop. I got your gun, got one.

We need to stop this woman. A never-ending brunch. You trapped her in a giant. Ice cube. Hey! I'm talking to you. The diner is surrounded by sheep. It looks like here has a lacquer.

And it's... Oh, shit. There's two moons. He's cutting my car in half. He's a song. Go get me the barista. What? Go get me the barista.

I'm going to fight you, Billy Rowe. Please don't tell me you're trying to make it your response. to save an entire galaxy? Whose responsibility should it be? I mean, then again, how much do you really want to know? You know, maybe it's better to just, you know, check the vibe with the place and see how you feel. You know?

Let's start the shift. Once upon a time, there was a hero. Though she would never call herself that. The hero had always been a creature of survival, of work. For the longest time, the hero saw every sunset as a victory. All that one needed was to reach the day's end and rest. And then, one day. The hero did not choose this life, but no one ever does.

Reluctance is at the heart of the hero, for one to seek it out. Well, we call that something else, don't we? Petal, do you think there'll be any fish left in the ocean by the time you're done? It helps me relax. Are you certain? What did you just call me? Petal. I don't think I approved of that terminology.

Could you come here to me and walk me through the approval process? Don't distract me. I thought distraction was the goal. You know what I mean. Is the assumption that if you continue to cook, time will somehow move along at a faster clip? I guess I'm used to cooking while time traveling. Have you ever made haggis?

What? Haggis, are you familiar? Yeah, I know what it is. I've never had it. And what a crime. Brody, you're kind of a caricature of a Scottish person. Has anyone ever told you that? Ah, but how can I be a caricature of a people who no longer exist?

Am I not the blueprint? Oh my God. Am I not the patter familiars from which all future Scots shall spring? Oh my God, Brody. Be careful. my love, I shall begin to quote Rabbi Burns in your general direction. No, thank you. How lofty, sweet afton, thy neighboring hills, far marked with the courses of clear winding rills.

There daily I wander as noon rises high, my flocks and my Mary's sweet cot in my eye. I'm not making you haggis. I don't even know if there's sheep here. Is there not a maritime version, some sort of fish stuffed with some other sort of fish? I doubt it. Tragic. I know I'm being a little ridiculous. I don't believe that you are. They've just been dragging me all over the planet like a celebrity.

I make speeches and meet people, but it doesn't feel like anything's happening. It's possible they have no idea what to do. There's got to be something. There's always something. If that's the case, then it has yet to rear its head, but it shall. This is the problem with spending my life in restaurants. What do you mean?

At the end of the night, you always make sure that everything's done. You make sure not to screw the next shift. Does it matter how tired you are, you don't leave anything unfinished. I see. I've got a lot of unfinished work out there, Brody. As if on cue? Perhaps this is the news you've been waiting for. Hello.

Gloria, hello. Hello, Borsh. Hi, Brody. Greetings. What's the news? We're heading your way. Okay, what's going on? As you know, the High Chancellor has been off world since your arrival.

There's a lot of planets to manage out there, you understand. Sure. She's managed to cut her schedule short, though she can meet with you. That's great. In fact, she has called a general meeting. She never does that. That's a meeting of all council heads from all departments. It's a big deal.

Okay, so I should get ready to go? She's actually invited both you and Broody. She has? She has. It's a bit of a formal to do, Gloria. Your domestic system should have some appropriate outfits for the occasion. Brody, I've marked some of my personal favorites for you if you need some guidance. No need to pack.

We'll have everything for you on the Big Island. We're going to the Capitol. Wow. Okay. Select some outfits and they'll be sent to the fabricator there. This is all good news, Gloria. Okay, great. I'll see you soon.

Well, it appears we're going to a bit of a bash. What do you think the head honto wants with you? I have no clue. Perhaps she knows it can't possibly be a true rave up unless I make an appearance. Brody, I really need something to happen. I know, my love. It shall. I also haven't approved my love. Not every age can be an age of heroes.

There must be an age that follows. And what is that age? Prosperity? Silence? Stillness? The hero had found herself in a place she had never known. A place where all the work was done. The war had been won.

The victories celebrated. It was a time and place that she had always wished for. But how would she find her place here? Where is the hero's place in a time of peace? Welcome to... It is here we remember Bertiluna Restiana, first High Chancellor of the new coalition, who led us through war and into reconstruction.

It is in this sacred place that we honour her memory and hold fast to the promises we've made to each other. It's a beautiful statue. Tis. I wish I could have seen her. To hear them tell it, she was toward the end of her life when she brought us all here to Cigius.

It was a very important. her final act. By the time we'd made the crossing and the pyrophytes, she was already gone. You would have liked her. I'm sure. Hello. Good morning. Hey, guys. Are we all ready? Yeah, I'm ready. I have your prepared remarks right here and have incorporated your changes. Thank you. This is a big one. This is the heavy hitters. This will be a gathering of all council heads from across the planet. We'll have council members

focus on interplanetary, intergalactic, and intercommunity issues. The chancellors of forethought, peacekeeping, innovation, truth, and understanding, deep core tenants. Deep core tenants is a huge get. They never show up. Also, our interplanetary guests. As well as our new high chancellor. Right. And what is her name again?

Alondra. Alondra. Okay, so guys. Have you had a chance to visit your idol yet? Uh, no. It's really lovely. I've seen it in pictures. My brother was on the design council.

Great? Not shut up about it. He was very proud of his work. We're all proud of our work. Guys, I really appreciate your help this whole time. It's been a lot. I feel like I've met everyone on the planet. We're all very excited that you're here.

I understand, but the speeches and the functions are going to end at some point, right? The working group is already putting together ideas. The working group, what does that mean? For issues that span the interests of multiple councils, a working group is convenient. A working group with a representative of each council. What is the working group supposed to do? The working group will concern itself with you. Concern itself with me, how?

However you like. Okay, I need to get back to the diner. Then it shall concern itself with that. Great! Okay, that's great. So this is the last speech? Yes. Yes.

For a while. Could be more. Y'all. I understand the resistance. Xio, have you compiled a now? I have some analogies here that may bring clarity. Why? Joan of Arc, Budika, Oprah.

Oprah? What are we talking about here? A luminary from the past is suddenly among us, and many people are wanting to... What is the word? Ask in the glow. The glow. The glow? And because of that, there is a need for certain functions.

I'm not glowing. No, but your statue is. You should definitely take a look. Enough with a statue, please. I'm just saying. Gloria, the high chancellor is here. She's looking forward to speaking with you. After that, we can get to work.

I hear the preliminary team already has some interesting ideas about what to do next. Okay. Now, I hate to break up the happy couple, but I'm afraid Brody has a schedule of his own today. Have I? Yes, Brody. You look really great. If you would come with me, I'll get you where you need to go. I promise.

I won't steal them. Are you sure? I suppose duty calls. Good luck with whatever that is. Gloria, we've cordoned off this area, so you won't be disturbed. I need to go meet some landing parties. You're good here? Sure.

Seriously, you should go see your statue. It's something you need to see in person. Okay, I'll put it on the list. Be right back. Okay. You certainly wouldn't make me put up with this bullshit, would you, Bertberg? You're right. She probably wouldn't.

Hello? Hi there. Lovely statue. Yes. Did you know she had them redo that statue six times? Really? Our former High Chancellor was very particular. She kept insisting it was too majestic.

She didn't seem approachable enough. It's a 20-foot statue. How can it be approachable? I don't know. But that's what she wanted. Apparently at first they wanted something more queenly. having her sitting in a big throne, like that one on your planet, uh, what's his name? Lincoln, in the big chair?

Right. She wanted to just stand there and give me a book or something. A mistake in the end, I think. It should try and capture how people felt about her, not what she actually looked like. Oh, I'm Justin. Gloria. Justin? Yes.

That's an earth name. It is. You're from here. My mother was a big fan of Earth and a big fan of cheesy jokes. She said I came along just in the nick of time. Wow. Yeah. And you have to live with that.

I do. Also, I was the third child. I think at that point she didn't give a shit what my name was. I'm sure that's not true. So, have you seen your statue? I've seen pictures. It's not far from here. I know.

You didn't hear from me, but I think I would have been. preferred some input like Burpbert had. You don't like it? It's a little much, don't you think? I don't know. I'm sitting in some sort of a lotus pose, and I'm surrounded by three galaxies. The Milky Way, Andromeda, and Triangulum.

And I'm 20 feet tall. It does make one imagine you much taller. Doesn't it? I'm a cook, Justin. Only to yourself, Gloria. No. Oh, shit. Absolutely not. What's wrong?

Gloria, we're sitting here in the middle of a free city on a free planet in a newly free system. Don't you think it should be free for everyone? What do you mean? This is not a press event. That the chance to start over here in the triad. Do you think imprisoning people without any process of adjudication is the way to get started? I have no idea what you're talking about. There's an island you should know about.

The earthlings are calling it North Brother Island at some sort of Earth reference. North Brother Island? Security! You won't listen to me, Gloria. Maybe they'll listen to you. He's over here. Take him off the premise. Listen to me about what?

My mother would have hated it, but no one seems to care. Who is your mother? You're standing next to her statue. Justin, off we go. Thank you. Thank you for the disruption. I'm sorry about that, Gloria. He's Bert Bert's son?

He is. He's a bit of a black sheep. He likes to cause trouble. What was he talking about? It's really nothing to worry about. Borsh. What the fuck was he talking about? Hello, ma'am.

How was your trip? It was fine. Everyone's arrived? Yes. Gloria is here at the amphitheater and Brody is waiting at your offices. You haven't told Brody anything? No, ma'am, as directed.

Xio, how are things progressing in our faster-than-light working group? I don't have that information here, but last I checked, they were making progress. Good. Could you tell them to pick up the pace, please? We're in the middle of a technological revolution right now, and yet every time I go through a warp gate, I feel like my ass is going to fall out of my body. An alternative to warp gate travel would be great. Yes, ma'am. The chancellors are here?

Yes, ma'am. Almost. Almost? Yes. Who's not here? Deep core tenants sends their regrets. Fucking philosophers. I stress to them.

Get them on video right now. Yes, ma'am. Direct from me so they don't ignore the call. Of course. Point your camera at my face, please. Okay. Other side of my face, please. Yes, ma'am.

That's actually the last thing you're going to say in this call because I'm going to talk and then you're going to act. Now, I realize this may be difficult for you because action is not something you're prone to in your counsel, but try and muster up the strength. I am not the High Chancellor of the new coalition because of an oopsie, okay? I'm here with the full faith of the entirety of the new coalition planets, and yet you assholes act as though I'm a weather girl on some sort of terrible Earth show. Being high chancellor means many things. One of the many things it means is the following. When I throw

a party, everybody fucking shows up. Get a representative on a slipstream right now and pray to the first island that they make it here in time for the breakout meetings. Thank you. That ought to have him shitting in their robes. Thank you. It began a generation ago. It began with one woman saying, enough, and three galaxies echoing that call. What followed was protest, then rebellion, then war.

Miraculously, here with us today is the woman. who started it all. Chancellor, commissioners, and ambassadors, I present to you Gloria Juana Belaine Gutieres de Mendoza. Thank you so much for doing this. I know it's super awkward, just keep smiling and waving. Sure thing. Chancellor?

Yes? Where the fuck is Clementine? The hero should not have been surprised. tranquil lands often hide the deepest evils. With a heavy head, the hero once again strode across the land to save a people from themselves. The burden of this was thick upon her shoulders. The work seemed unending, with the end of every battle being the beginning of the next. She often wondered when it would all end.

But then, beyond that, a larger question loomed. If it did end What then? You can see the island on the map here So Gresh, it's the most isolated island on the planet Very few people lived there And when Cigius moved to a global government It began to be used for the most sensitive projects

And if necessary, quarantine All of the earthlings passed through there When they came to Cigius I passed through there myself But I was there for a week at the most And you're telling me Clementine is still there? She is. Terrick as well.

When I asked about them, I was told they were living on another island. And they were. There were a few salient details left out of that statement. There was only so much we were able to share with you. Why are they still there? The details of all of that is still outside of our profile. You'll have to talk with the High Chancellor directly. We'll be there in a few hours.

Fine. My special guest is on board this thing too? He's on the lower deck. I'll take you to him. Okay. Brody, the Chancellor apologizes that you weren't able to meet back on the Big Island, but obviously things took a turn. I'm meeting with her directly. Yes, she's on her way, in her ship right now.

She hopes that the two of you can find some time to talk in the middle of all of this stuff. What could this be about? I don't know, but the most powerful woman in the triad would like to meet with you, so I'm assuming that it's something important. and towns here on Lomonia for a minimum of five years so that they can prepare shipments of fresh water to the Teds as payment for their active warpgate lease. Here we are. Thank you.

Thanks for the invitation. Well, I feel like our conversation got cut short. Sorry for the ambush. There was no other way to talk to you. Luckily, I still have some friends at the Capitol. What can you tell me about whatever is going on at this island? Silgoresh. Yes.

Would you mind if we talked without... out a representative of the High Chancellor's office hovering over your shoulder? You started the day? By breaking into a restricted area, Justin. You think I'm going to trust you? I'm not a cat burglar, Borsh. An old friend let me in. And what is this friend's name? Ah, a journalist never reveals their sources.

Then you should have no problem. Borsh. Give us a minute. Okay? All right. Fun guy. I don't understand. If you're Burtbert's son, how are you not treated like royalty?

Oh, we don't do. special treatment for parental legacy on CGIS. But still? Also, I was... You know how families sometimes have that one kid that nobody knows what to do with? Sure. Well, that's me.

Aren't you guys real big on journalistic integrity? Yes. But it gets a little nasty when you get into a debate about what journalism actually is. I don't work for the Truth Un Understanding Council here on Cigius. I have another job.

I work for the under signal. What is that? Um, let's see, something analogous on Earth pre-crisis would be... Bloggers? I guess. I see. The undersignal isn't connected to a planet or a government. It's a system-wide collective. A lot of people think we're muckrakers and gossip peddlers.

And, to be fair, some of us are, but a lot of big stories start with us. So they're just being snobs? They are being snobs, Gloria. Thank you for saying so. Also, I think all of them want to overlook the fact that Bertoluna Restiana herself used to work for the under signal, too. She did? That's where she met my father. I see.

So you're the unfortunate little ink spot on the family story, then? I am. They're not going to be too happy you invited me on this trip. They'll be fine. You know, I'm kind of a big deal around here. The 20-foot-tall statue tipped me. So, getting down to business. Yes.

Any idea what we're walking into right now? Not really. There's two earthlings being held on Silgoresh, and nobody knows why. I was hoping you could shed some light on things. Do you know who they are? I do. Who are they? Justin, here's the thing.

You know about the diner and all the things it does? You heard the stories. Sure. Okay. What do you know about a guy named Croc, the Propagate? Nothing. Enlighten me. Please prepare for decontamination.

For what? Okay. Please proceed. Thank you. Hi. Clementine? What the fuck? I'm fine. You're in prison.

I don't think they call it a prison. Can you leave? No. It's a prison. Potato, potato, I guess. What happened? Well, turns out when you get to a new planet and you're, tell them that you're a black hole that then turned into a person and then tore a path of

destruction through all of existence and would have continued to were it not for the staff of a magical diner some eyebrows go up but you're just a person now yeah i don't know much about this place but i get the sense that everyone on this planet approaches things with an abundance of caution clementine couldn't you have just told them you're a cocktail waitress or something hmm that's not a bad idea 20 20 hindsight you told them a completely unbelievable story, and they just believed you? Well, they had a lot of questions about what happened to us and how we got stranded and space and all that. And I guess they could have just called me crazy, but there was a bit of a fly in the ointment. What was that? It was me. Terrick?

Hey, Gloria. We all had to go through a physical analysis when we got here and grandpa over here tripped a few of their alarms. Why? Remember how you said that if I came with you, that I would be a normal guy again? Yes. You're still not getting older. No, for whatever reason. I'm still the way I was. At first, they had him in one of these cells. This made me freak out. I start yelling at everybody telling them it was my fault. Remember the hospital scene in terms of endearment? Give my daughter the shot! It was like that. I really scared them. And me. Anyway, they finally hooked me up to a lot of things and had a look at me. I guess they found something because now I'm in here and he's out there. But this entire time, the two of you have never left this island?

Yeah. I hear the island they put the earthlings on is great, though. I know. That's where I was. I showed up on Brody's deck. My God, really? Yes. Okay, so how's it going?

What? You know, with Brody. Are you trying to have girl talk with me right now? Yes. Clementine. You're trapped in a human aquarium. I know. Throw me a bone already.

Clementine. Oh, you... Oh, you were such a pain in my ass for such a long time. Yes, that's... Yeah, I really was. And I didn't go through all this so that you could wind up like a box turtle in here. They seem pretty dead set on keeping me here, Gloria. We'll have to see about that.

Gloria, I'm in this meeting with the High Chancellor, too. We should go. Okay. Clementine, we're going to figure this out. Try not to make any messes in the next hour. I'll try. We'll be right back. Thanks.

Sweetie King. Can you bring me a snack? Of course. Okay. I love you. Do I have to do fucking everything around here, Terrick? I guess so. Where am I going?

There's a people mover right here. So, how are you? Very funny. I heard that you showed up here without the diner. How did that happen? Well, you're not going to believe this, Terek, but I've got a great big mess to clean up, and it spans all of existence. Again.

Yeah. Sorry to add to your to your to. do list. It's not your fault. Can I ask you something? Yeah. Are they, are they drugging her? No. She seems, I mean, I know the situation is bad, but she seems... Gloria, you can't just wave away guilt. It stays with you until it's gone, and sometimes it just takes time. I understand that. After all you went through with her, it was suddenly all gone. Her people were saved, and she now gets to live on a beautiful planet with the man she loves. That all sounds good.

She never paid for it. She got off Scott Free. What are you saying? She likes it in there. She feels like she's finally being punished. Oh, God damn it. This is where we're meeting her? Yeah.

She'll probably have us wait for a while. It's a power thing. Great, because I have plenty of time. Who's this? This is Justin. He's the son. of the former High Chancellor, who was a friend of ours and who I'm really missing right now. So is this the...

Immortal guy, yeah. Wild. Justin, where are we right now? This is the adjudication chamber. All decisions regarding quarantine are held here by tribunal. You won't have to worry about them, though. There's a clause that states the High Chancellor can supersede the tribunal on special cases. And how is she going to be on this issue, do you think?

Not sure. I know she really hates me, so I'm sure. she's thrilled you brought me along. Great. I promise I'll be on my best behavior. Also, I have to sit all the way over there. Technically, I'm foreign press. Good luck, Gloria.

Thanks. So landed on Brody's porch, huh? Seriously? You too? Sorry. He's really great, Terek. I'm sure. Why are you framing that like it's a problem? Oh, you may have heard. I've got a great big mess to clean up and it spans all of existence.

I did hear that. What does one have to do with the other? I've been hopping from one crisis to the next for a really long time. And then for the past few weeks, I've just stopped. He's got a little house on the beach and... You're afraid of liking it too much. Yeah. I guess. So what if you do?

So what if I don't? Even though it's wonderful. You can't be done with something until you're done with it, Gloria. You'll know when you're done. Strangely, it has nothing to do with how good your life is at the time. Where is he, by the way? He's visiting his children. I'm sorry?

Hello, my ladies. Hello. Look at all of you. You're looking quite lovely despite your confinement. I've been languishing without you, I must say. What is a mycologist without his fungi, I ask you? Though I am comforted by this glass cage they've put you in. The climate seems perfect. The nutrients are all in place. I trust none of you have tried to slip your insidivis. little spores through the cracks in the glass? We don't want them getting ideas that you're trying to take over the planet, yes? They've yet to find a place for you all, sadly.

I'm afraid it is our lot just to wait. All of us, the last of our kind, yes. Hey there, Brody. Ma'am, uh, Madam Chancellor, your grace, I'm unsure how to address you. You can just call me Alondra. Very well. Alondra. Actually, that's too weird.

Call me Chancellor. I shall. I'm sorry we haven't had a chance to talk. All sorts of things keep happening. Of course. Though I can't imagine what you'd need me for. I'm a scientist without a subject. I'd like you to look at something for me.

Of course. Could you bring up that soil analysis in here, please? Just off the top of your head, what does this soil analysis data tell you? Oh, let us see. Well Of course I would need to spend a bit more time with numbers such as these But at first glance

I'd say that it's nutrient rich Shows potential I'm not so enthusiastic regarding the bacterial count But such things will come along in time What am I looking at? It's Earth Earth The environment there is bouncing back a lot faster than we thought

it would. Clementine really did a number on the place. We thought it would be hundreds of years, but, as you can see, there's already potential. Well, that's wonderful. It is. Chancellor, I imagine there are a great number of scientists in your ranks who could have told you the same as I did. Yeah, we've got one or two scientists on CGS, sure. Then I'm at a loss. A long time ago, when we were all still tiny creatures in the ocean, the islands of Seagius were prepared for life by crabs. I'm sorry, crabs. Little crab things, I can't remember their name. Oh.

They would accidentally drag seeds of aquatic plants on shore. And eventually those seeds figured out how to live on land. The islands all got populated with this plant, and that plant. prepared the soil so that other things could live on land too. Things like us. That's fascinating. How did it work on Earth? Mushrooms.

Right. Big tall ones, right? Tallest trees? God, fungus is weird. Earth is very important to us, Brody. We were forced to use Earth as a bargaining chip during the war, and we've never felt right about it. It's in the interest of the whole triad to write that wrong.

I see. What are you asking of me, madam? I'm asking for a small group of people, yourself included, to go home. I want you to use these weird little things of yours to bring Earth back to life. You have the full support of CGIS, of course. We'll make sure you have everything you need. Home? Yes.

Of course. I've never been. I know. I was born in a derelict spaceship. The only soil I've known beneath my feet has been the sand of your beaches. I'm fully aware of what I'm asking, Brody. This will be hard work. Living on Earth, such as it is, will be very challenging.

And the work I'm asking you to do, making Earth a living, breathing place again... Is work I'll not... see completed in my lifetime? No. It'll take generations. But as it stands right now, the only one who can start that work is you. No pressure.

Of course. A long time ago, the Pyrofite left Earth to search for new life on a new planet. That mission could continue. But the irony being, your cop. colonizing your own planet. I'll have to think on this for a bit, Chancellor. Of course. Take all the time you need. The rest of your life can start any time you're ready.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go argue with your girlfriend. I used to be able to rip whole universes apart. What exactly do they think this glass box is going to do? Clementine, are you going to behave yourself, or do I have to throw a blanket over your cage? It's your fault for not giving me a chew toy. Paul? Hey. How does it go in here? We're still waiting for Her Highness. How are the mushrooms? They're well. It was quite an illuminating meeting.

What's going on? Hey there, kids. Shall we get this started? I hear Earthlings really love a courtroom drama. Is that what this is? A courtroom? Well, everyone's going to make their case, and then I'm going to make a decision. So, yes, I guess so. Fine. How do we start? First off, let me say that I have thousands of planets that I have to maintain, and I am currently on a tiny secluded island talking to all of you.

I hope that conveys to you how important it is to me that all of us come to a decision. Okay, I hear that. Also, I hope it conveys to you that I am busy as fuck, so I'm going to sum up what I'm sure are all the arguments. Go for it. Gloria, I am holding Clementine here against her will because of her history as what can only be described as a terrifying and out-of-control space goddess. Just to pick one incident as an example, Clementine, you once... Let me make sure I'm reading this, right.

Sent a gigantic asteroid hurtling toward Earth without even meaning to. Is that accurate? Yes, ma'am. Shall I keep reading through all the things that Clementine has done? Please don't. She's not that person anymore. Yes, right. Because the diner sucked all the gooey evil out of her.

Is that right? That's right. Let's take a look at the big board. What is this? A human. A standard model. All these emanations you're seeing are an energy signature. Every life form has one.

Humans call it a bioelectric field. This is what we're supposed to see when we look at a human. Now, here's Clementines. What's going on here? Clementine. What's going on here? I don't know, ma'am. Neither do I.

Now, I'm not supposed to. I'm a politician. But the scientists who are supposed to know what all this means, they also don't know. And that concerns me. Mainly because of Clementine's ability to do things like, and I'm quoting again, shoot friggin' laser beams from her.

Her hands. Can any of the other humans in the room shoot friggin' laser beams from their hands? No, we can't. And now, Gloria, you have come here because you think that it's wrong for us to keep Clementine here. Yes. I hear you when you say that she no longer has her powers. However, show a hands. Who here is a mortal?

Oh, I see a hand up. Derek, put your hand down. Sorry. Can I speak? Hang on. Chancellor, look, I understand your concerns. Thank you. I also don't care about your concerns.

Wow. Okay, this is an unexpected tactic. Do you have prisons on Sidgius? No. You do have laws, though, and people break them. Yes. Which one has she broken? The rules are different for someone like her.

Then they're not rules. When I'm in this room, I'm the rules. Excuse me? Justin. Cigian law states that even though the chancellor can adjudicate on issues of quarantine, they must still follow the letter of the law. Thank you. I'm the rules.

Wouldn't make a great t-shirt, though. Justin, can I get you anything over there? Some, uh, water, a gag for your mouth. Oh, I'm good, ma'am. Thank you. Can I speak, please? Go ahead, Clementine. Has anyone thought to ask me what I want? I have caused more pain and suffering than any person in this universe.

And after all that was over, I was allowed to have a happy life. It's been harder than I thought to accept all of that. I used the power that I had to destroy a lot of things and a lot of people. And as soon as I wanted to turn around and try to make amends, I found myself powerless to do that. I really tried to be happy about the idea. of being happy, but it's too much. The past haunts me too much for me to do that. I know that staying here in this cage won't fix anything, but if it's all I have, if it's all I can do,

then I'll do it. That still doesn't make it right or legal. Justin, he's right. You can't lock someone up because of their potential to do harm. You can only punish someone when harm has been done. The harm has been done, Gloria. Earth is dead. And it's because of her, right? She did that. Should there be no punishment for that? Clementine, did you know you were destroying Earth?

No. There. She didn't know she was doing anything. Maybe that part, sure. Clementine, did you knowingly destroy other things? Lots of other things. I'm sorry, are we letting prisoners decide their own sentences now? Oh, my God, would you shut up?

Clementine. You're just trying to get them to punish you because you feel like you need to be punished. I'm trying not to feel the way I'm feeling anymore. Gloria, I'm trying to be able to move through life without feeling like it's loot. Like I've stolen something. This feels so horrible. Every day, I have a man who loves me and it hurts. It's not supposed to hurt. I don't want it to. She'll come with me. What? Come again, Brody.

May I speak, ma'am? I think you already are. If I am the chief of sinners, I am the chief of sufferers also. Describes Clementine quite well, does it not? It's a devilish thing, to feel something and have no place for it. Some wish for revenge when those who've transgressed against them have long left the earth. Some wish to hold their loved ones who've passed from us, like a painter who's lost their vision. I myself, I'm in love with a woman who I know one day will have to leave me.

What do I do with that love then? Where is its place? Clementine doesn't wish to be punished. Punishment is merely what she has settled for. What she wishes to do is to make amends, but with no place to be punished. offer amends. No place until today. Just now the Chancellor made an offer to me, an offer to return to earth and to bring it back to life. Just me and my army of fungi. Clementine and I worked side by side for years, keeping the dream of Earth alive inside a glass dome in the void of space.

If she so desires to make amends, then let it be there. Let her work to revive the dream of earth that has died. Anything else would surely eat her alive. Brody. I would have told you, but things are moving quite fast today. Clementine, how do you feel about all this? What do you say, Red?

Shall we get our hands dirty once again? You sure about this? You'll have to come as well, old man. Would be good to have someone along who's actually been to Earth. You know, I did leave a lot of my stuff there. Eyes up here, everybody. Clementine. If you'll let me, I'll do it.

Me too. I as well. Okay. Well, there's that problem solved. Good. And now on to a much bigger problem. God damn it, he just made a whole speech. I know.

And it was lovely, Brody. Seriously. tears. But here's the problem. That's my pager. Yes, it is. You gave this to us when you arrived to see if we could use it to help you get back to the diner. We have a whole working group devoted to getting you back to the diner. Everybody look up with them big board again. This is how we get you back to the diner. It's essentially a beacon. A really, really big one.

We would have to repurpose an entire warpgate to make it work. It would take a massive amount of resources in a time when everybody needs resources. We just fought a war, Gloria. There's a lot we need to rebuild. But every chancellor of every committee loves you, Gloria. So everybody is willing to make the sacrifice. But every chancellor of every committee is also terrified of Clementine. If I sit her free, I doubt you'll have the goodwill necessary to make this beacon.

To sum up, I can either get you back to the diner, or I can release Clementine. I don't see any way to make them both happen. That sounds pretty pessimistic to me. I don't remember inviting you into this conversation. Surely there's some way to do both. You can't just sit there with a plane. Hey, kids, I'm a pretty powerful lady, but I'm not a dictator. God, I would love it if I was a dictator.

I would have so many shoes. But sadly, everything is done with consensus here on Cigius, and there's nothing I can do about that. Oh, can I quote you on the dictator park? I'll give you a fucking quote. Enough! Let Clementine go. I can't believe this is the first time we've gotten to walk on the beach. I know.

Now we're leaving. There's beaches on Earth. Are they like this? Clementine. You were traveling the Earth for years. You know what Earth is like. I know. That doesn't feel like me, though.

Feels like a years-long psychotic break. Which one's your favorite? Brazil, probably. Brazil? Yes. Where you lived with wife number two. Yes. Go ahead.

Let me have it. How dare you marry someone other than me? What? I'm going to die someday. This took a turn. And you're not. I suppose that's true. I'll just be leaving you again.

You can't seriously be feeling guilty about dying someday. I am. Don't, though? So what, I die and then you just wander the earth like a lonely soul again? I'm going to say something that doesn't sound great, but stick with me, okay? Okay. Outliving your loved ones is actually not that bad. What?

Up until around the 1850s, I had this. this down to a science. When it got time for me to leave because people were growing suspicious of the guy who doesn't get any older, it was time to fake my death yet again. And that was really easy because, God, there were so many shipwrecks back then. You buy a ship, say you'll be back in eight weeks, then you put some holes in the hole and you let nature take its course. I did it all the time. How many times? Oh, at least 20. Anyway, you worry about your kids. You worry about your wife. Wives. Wives, yes. Anyway, after the faking of my death, I would always work my way back to where they were and I would stay near them, just on the fringes. I would watch my kids grow up,

get married, have kids of their own. I would stay with them their whole lives, just on the fringes, sometimes wearing a funny mustache. I would make sure they were all right, always there, like a guardian angel. If they had financial trouble, there would be an anonymous letter in the mail. If their lives were threatened, I would get them to safety. All from the fringes. And on the days of their funerals, I would watch from afar as their loved ones cried. It was surprisingly lovely.

It was sort of a gift to be able to watch their whole lives play out. But I would worry about you, though. I'll be fine. I'm still an old Roman Catholic. I believe that one day the universe will finally decide it's my time to go. And when I do, on that day, I'll look up and there you'll be. Me and your other two wives. Yes, but I'm sure we can work out of schedule.

How do you feel about Tuesdays and Thursdays? Oh, fuck you. We've got a lot to do before the death stuff, honey. I know. We have to make a whole new planet I know God that used to be easy for you You're actually gonna have to do the work now

Oh how about you fake your death right now So hilariously As soon as I got here and saw you I started crafting my goodbye speech That's a bit cut before the horse, isn't it? Yeah It's pretty ridiculous

ridiculous. But now here we are. You're the one leaving. I've not yet crafted a speech. I didn't think so. You were kind of thrown to the wolves by the Chancellor. Doesn't quite feel real yet. How are you doing? It's a lot to heap on top of one person. You mean creating earth again from scratch? Just me alone, hovering over the silent waters. On the first day, I shall create the earth and sky. Brody, it's a lot. It is, Gloria. It is. But it needs to be done.

You know, as soon as it was all offered to me by the Chancellor, in that moment, I believe I understood you a bit more. Really? Why? I hope you understand that there is nothing I am. I'd like more than to sit in that home by the sea while you feverishly cook literally every fish in the ocean. Yeah. That sounds like a life to me. A good one.

It does. And yet there can be something greater in us, greater than lovely moments by the sea. Forgive me again for rolling out the Scottish masters, but it was Thomas Carlyle. man's unhappiness as I construe comes of his greatness it is because there is an infinite in him which with all his cunning he cannot quite bury under the finite I do love you Gloria and in some strange way the greatest expression of that love

is in doing what you would do but I'll take you with me when I go wherever I go Sounds like you have written a goodbye speech That was just off the dome No planning whatsoever Just think if I'd thought about it for a minute Hey guys

Welcome back Gloria I'm sorry that we couldn't tell you about Tarek and Clementine We were under very strict orders I understand it all worked out in the end For what it's worth we think you did the right thing. Thank you. I hear I may have pissed a bunch of people off.

Perhaps, but Ixia and myself have been circulating some very emphatic memorandums. It may be the most emphatically I've ever written. We're stressing to all the councils that the letter of the law is followed at every turn. And I repeated to them an old earth saying, Responsible governance is a lazy Susan at a Chinese food restaurant. sometimes you have to have the vegetable delight. That's an earth thing? We hear you'd like to finally see your statue.

Yeah, I figure we have a lot to talk about. Of course. You can follow that path right there. That will lead you to the clearing. Thanks. Here I go. Give her my regards. Brody, I think it's incredibly heroic of you to go back to Earth. Everyone's talking about it.

Everyone. I want you to know that I'm personally monitoring the load-out package for the colony, and I'm going to make sure you have everything you need. Thank you. Seriously, if you don't have everything you need, heads will roll, Brody. Thank you. Bienvenida. Welcome for the idol of remembrance for Gloria Hona Malen Bicheras de Mendoza.

At the beginning of this age of turmoil, it was Gloria's guerrera war against the Ten Empire. that awakened the spirit of rebellion in detriah. Oh my God, you guys, the Latino accent seriously? What it not for Gloria's act of bravery during this time? Historians believe that the triad would never have realized that change is possible and that through bravery and forkitude, the world can be born anew. Gloria. Oh, you look pretty ridiculous up there.

I mean, look at you. You're huge. At least I got the hair right. How did this happen? Remember when we got alone for a taco joint? Look at you. You do not look like someone who has ever filled out a loan application. A lot of people would really love this, you know? A big statue of themselves. I've been trying to figure out why I didn't want to come see you. You know what I think you're it is David Bankston. Our boss at the Jack in the Box? He won best Jack in the Box franchise in the Southwest region one year, and he made us watch a video of his speech. Now, you and I both know what made that the best Jack in the Box in the Southwest, right? It was us. It was us. And Leah Rose, Remember her? And Chip? And oh my God, remember a little Mira leopard paws? We made it great. And fucking David Bankston got in front of a bunch of jack-in-the-box owners and gave a speech like he had tamed the West or something. I don't want to be like that. I had the chancellor fly me to the Forbidden Island because I had to go free Clementine.

because that's us, right? Fixing, fixing, fixing, fixing, fixing, all the time. We put all of it on ourselves. But you know what? That entire time, I didn't do anything. I was trying to solve a problem, but the problem wasn't solved by me. It was a rogue journalist and a 700,000. hundred-year-old man and a goofy redhead and two data nerds and our Scottish boyfriend.

It's never you and me. It's us. It's all of us. But I'm the one that gets the statue. Maybe heroes are a bad idea, Gloria. Maybe they make us expect too much of people. And it's Never you and me. It's all of us. Pardon me. Do you require assistance? Oh, hi. No, I'm fine. Forgive me. I heard speaking and thought I should investigate. Oh, I'm okay. I'm Gloria. I am assistive unit Devin 777. Oh, wait. Are you a robot? I'm an artificial assistive unit. Sorry. You're not incorrect to call me a robot. We are placed in several areas all throughout the capital, as well as well. as well as in universities and research centers. Wow. You look really lifelike.

Thank you. Are you enjoying your idol? It's a little overwhelming, Devin. Subjects have reported emotional discomfort when viewing their idols. No kidding. We have found that in any society. It is important to have several loci of gratitude. Loci of gratitude. Okay. Is there anything else I can assist you with? No. I'm sorry, Devin.

Your voice sounds very familiar to me. Really? I have no record of us meeting. No, we haven't met. I'm just... Can you do me a favor? Of course. Can you say, I am Steve? I am Steve. Oh my God, that's crazy.

To what are you referring? Your voice. It reminds me of this other robot I met one time. Fascinating. Yeah. He was called Bufar. Can you repeat that, please? Bufar, Devin.

Processing. Gloria, can you tell me where you encountered this Bufar? Oh, sure. Do you know what Midnight Burger is? I have access to all city and knowledge bases. Okay, okay, well, we had shown up on a planet, and there was a really bad wreck there of a spaceship. The only thing that survived the crash was Bufar.

He was the robot that ran the ship. Processing. Gloria, can you tell me the name of the ship? Uh, oh, no. I don't remember the name of the ship. Do these names mean anything to you? Theron Younger, Elyexeers? Lohen Regan.

That was the crew. Was the name of the ship? The Vargan? That sounds familiar. Gloria, I have alerted your handlers, Borsch and Ixio. Oh, what's going on? Can you tell me if anything of the Vargan was saved aboard Midnight Burger? Uh, yes.

I mean, kind of. We saved Bufar, but then Leif used him for spare parts. Was the processing center still operational? There was some sort of failure and his brain or whatever went. silent. I see. But then Leif did use it to run a spacesuit thing. It was operational on some level?

Yes. Devin, was that ship from here? It was, Gloria. Oh, my God. Gloria, is everything okay? What's going on? I have sent a transcript of our conversation to your data screens. Please read them.

Okay. All right. Gloria, a very long time ago, before interstellar travel, a small group of planets established contact with each other via a quantum tunnel. Oh, shit. Holy fuck. This group of planets was called the first coalition. It was the first incident of interstellar cooperation in the triad.

The Vargan was the first collaborative project between all of these planets. The ship was lost. Holy fuck. Oh, shit. It is one of the central images of our partnership, a symbol of a world that could have been before the warp game. Anomily X-1. What did you say? What did you say?

That was something they were looking for, right? Anomily X1? That is correct. That's us. Anomily X1. That was something that Bufar realized right before he went offline. The diner was the anomaly. Get the fuck out of here.

No fucking way. This data, it could be preserved? I don't know. It's still there, though it's... It's by the dumpster. We have to get that data. Hell yeah, we do. Please contact the High Chancellor.

I've got it. She's going to be so pissed. I'm initiating a working group with all Devon units. Borsh, what's happening? There's an Earth term. The Holy Grail? Sure. You have it. That data is the most important data in the history of our planet, and we thought it was lost. Bufar was really badly damaged, Borsh.

With the data reconstruction processes we have these days, data is never lost. It's just waiting to be found. This is really great for you guys. It's really great for all of us, Gloria. Why? Because we need the diner here, and we need it right now. That huge beacon that the chancellor said we couldn't build, she's going to have to build it now. Oh my God. Are you fucking kidding me?

This is Justin broadcasting on the undersignal. I'm here on Seagius during a historic moment. Any minute now, Cigius is going to fire up a massive creation designed to attract Midnight Burger here to Seagius. It was recently revealed to this reporter that On Board Midnight Burger is an ancient set of data from the wreck of the Vargan itself. For those of you unclear on coalition history,

the Vargan is a symbol that looms large for the coalition planets. It was the first example of interstellar cooperation, and for many, a symbol of a cooperative world that could have existed before the time of the Warp Gates and the reign of the Ted Empire. I, uh, you know, I don't talk about my mother a lot on these broadcasts because I know how much she hated it when I would comment in the first person on news reports. But she'll forgive me in this one instance. She loved this story.

I can recall many times when I was a kid, and she would tell me the bedtime story of the Vargan and its heroic crew. It's a shame she's not here to see it. At the end of the story, she would always say, that's the lesson of the Vargan, Justin. Great things are always done together. No heroes, no Mavericks. Together.

Together, or not a little. all. Okay, the countdown has begun. Cross your fingers, Siegians. Not every age can be an age of heroes. There must be an age that follows. And what is that age? The hero had found herself in an age that all heroes should strive for, an age that has no

need of heroes. age where none need rise above the masses, an age where all move hand in hand together. The most valorous death of the hero is not on the battlefield or in the mouths of dark beasts. It is in the eyes of all, seeing the hero in each other. Bufar, Bufar, can you hear me? Processing. Gloria? Yes.

Yes. Do you remember me? I have incomplete data. Please explain. Bufar unit. I am Devon 7777. Please acknowledge command code 576774. 576774.

Acknowledged. All of your data ports are damaged. I will attempt data exchange via audio data broadcast. Please acknowledge. Acknowledged. Begin transfer. Initial data transfer complete. What are you doing?

The Bufar unit has been debriefed. I'm beginning data transfer. Bufar? Gloria. Yes, I'm right here. The crew. Their data has been saved? Yes, Bufar.

Their stories. Their lives. Yes. Gloria. How have you done this? We all did it, Bufar. Together. Gloria.

Yes. The midnight burger, y'all. Be sure. and tune in this time next month for more adventures in the vastness. And if time and tide roiled you too harshly or diurnal courses leave you with no safe havens, just remember we're out there somewhere looking for you. We open at six. Midnight Burger is brought to you in part by our Monte Cristo level and above supporters.

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Whiskey Rebellion and Gin Riots Interdimensional Detective Agency. Zeprovitriol, Altrian, Slim Nandy, Goth Laif, William Lemoyne, Jen and Britt, Adriano Bertolamucci, Jonah is gay, The Midnight Ashes, Hornetti, Hood's Pocket Protector, unpaid intern that can barely afford the $10 a month, but fuck it, you guys earned it. Valky Storm, Patricia Who's always late but somehow on time. D.C. Squirrel.

Ryan, Honey Cooper, Kyle the Interstellar Highwayman, Shelley Act on the Verge, Gayle Friend, Uncle Denzo and Aunt Betty had the opportunity to try Miss Chris's sandwiches and can attest that they are fire. Rubber Cake, Clover the Clown, the Sparky Tech, Prop the Crocigator, Dakota L, Jazz Punker, Captain Tight Pants and the Companion, Kentucky Cried Fricken, Renee N, Catarina de la Playa, R-I-P-Ewaffles, Acky the Space Druid, Phantom Land, T-T-RPG Dice,

K-8 the Curiouser, Moxy, a blacksmith, Ash Montgomery, Little Birch in her beaches, Jason, HVAC Tech for the Diner's Deep Freeze, Aaron James Tyrone Barlow, the first of his name, S.K. Phoenix, Glitch the Gamer Error, Zephyr Foxworth, Ted, Ted and Teddy, Merry Face, Luan Cherry, Peppermintperment Pearl, the Interdimensional Space and Tea Time Witch, Nicole 64, Amara Salazar, Benjo Buscolo, full beans, glorious forgotten Ford Festiva, Brandon Wright, Night Breakfast at the Midnight Cauldron, Force for Good, Ish, Mark Scott, Rosie Mum, the Judah, Slater Morales, Intergalactic fry lord. Gravity's optional, but fries aren't.

Angel Vasquez. Terra. Stephen Raymer. Jayarp Fishman. Mistress Roxy Mornet. The Great Goblino. Low oxygen. Save the Mungos. Nye. Lelak Morcell up. Rachel Krempa, with special thanks to my best friend Lizzie and my husband, Steve, don't worry about the order, honey.

Your Majesty. Temporal Hashbrown. Diane Brown. Captain No Sleep. The Slim Reaper. Ruben Eden. Smedley P. Snoddgrass III. But please pause two to three seconds and then call me Smetty.

I'm leaving it. The Shreveport Bohannans. C.C. The Umbrella Mage. Bradbury Sasquatch loads Chekhov's gun. Dinn. Cosmic ketchup. Lack of Lifestyle. August, the Shmoggest and Hoss Fest. Ashley Davis. Mousy.

Hood's Pocket, gear and Sprocket, local repair cafe. Postmaster General Kwan sent me. Mad Mad Mad Max, Blake Basmagian, knitwit 14. Royaled way too harshly. DJ Johnny B. Marco Montano.

A Nat named Bug. Shiny Fields. Adam Tacheck. Christopher Wendell. Nelly for Taco, Unproductive Banana, Pulsifer the Paulist of Paulism, Zombie Spider-Man, Alondra, Brain Demons as an anagram of Brandon is me, Bex 823, Antecripted, Barry Heap, Gas Masked Penguin, In the Hot Seat, Mime Ninja Mime, Dillie is Dallying, Podcast Junkie once Gloria's Tamalee recipe, Futele screaming at the ocean, Fox Hatlin, Dylan Caroni, Pedro Vibristo, Penny Sparkles, Slider,

Dmitry, Julian Rhodes, Maple Emory, the Gayest Library, Janitor, and Ines, Indiana. Jennifer Ray Page, Scout Mistress and her phalanx of intergalactic Eagle Scouts. Ted Talks says to the unpaid feds stay strong. Vapestan's Big Black Gaping Hole. Gubrious, you know, like lugubrious, but without the Lou, Jessica Gaiogamma, Cabernet Corsair, Torsicle, Jenny the Bear, Bellringer, Sir Dean Thorne, Treech, Josie Jones, Mr. Fibble is Very Cross, Hote Potato, Blind Time Traveler Convention Date, L.A. Woman, the Phoenix Rising. New name. God? No, none him. Jeff Andrew? Sure, Jeff Andrew. Miss Luan, a British woman with cute dogs, cup of noodles, schmizzy two shoes, Luna Nova, Nicholas Griffith, Matt Grigsby, Justin Smollin,

Riku-Dun-D, the name's Knight with a K, Astral C, Ickle-Me-Pickle-Me-Tick, Guy with the chops, Sam, Mitchell Yee, Bagelknife, Inmelda and Scott, Courtney Cochran, Lily Starling, Ryan Kay, Nate, Forklift, Lifts Forks Forklift, Vince In, Brick, Chip, Radio Free Rilia, violin loves MIDI, Brian Passley, Subawasa, Grena, Pistonwhip, Captain Ducky, Blitz Bell, Retro Dagwood. Our overhead is way too high with all of these names, and please make sure to turn in all your receipts. Love, Josh from accounting. Satsuma, Silius Gohens, Coach Shane of Toad Succ Central, Go Cranes, Cole Arthur, Lego Cuisant, Cassad, Norwin Mergler.

The Star Set Messengers want to know if you've written that four-page essay on why you don't think about bugs. Joe Kappa Wee bit chopin broccoli Icey Fish The hacker known as Ivy DeBurb Edwin MacDonald A feisty-ass chickadee poultry landmine

The Scrappy Poet Jenny the Crypted Paladin Maverick Shit it was a mimic Basil in their tea Waiting to gossip with David Ainslieyeyeyeye

Engnor A TB Kiwi lovelybe Zoe Professor Freida Michelle Spurgeon Jack the Sleepy Garrett Henderson

Twote Still trapped But I've stopped asking why The freezer is I am We chill Son of Defarge, Wisco Teach, Scott A. Snellgrove. Give Peas a chance. Samalama Ding Dong. Sarah. That's it. Just Sarah. Ricardo Galamba. Kari's crafty cloaking devices LLC. Hashtag we weave em of Gossamer. Deeringer. Penny the Wonderdog and Bucky von Buckbuck. Ken Texororor, Middekheseoror, Sears.

Belt. Aspen is a Verge fanboy. McJ. 67. Ava's favorite My Little Pony pencil says, Get Your Mammogram? Is this thing recording? Representative of the Alaska Midnight Burger Tummy Time Chapter. Nathaniel Lee Industries. Joel Hughes. Lord Entropy. Bacobach. Motherfucker. The Faye Wanderer. Everybody's favorite clowns splotchy. Pinch strike algorithm. Cautier Steak. Gabriel Strife. Alicious shiny pants. Gondor calls for aid. Muscles for tits. Alan Bergland says, Hi Mom. Kitty Big Skull. Raven Stromdands. Hapless Novelist passenger of the dimensionally impermanent and temporally incontinent bookshop cafe the wild-eyed prophet tessa craig perfectly personalized disaster richard showfeld jim turner lux luminos havey denaro big

junk good deeds bingo sticky rice boom boom's wooden leg will the real moaddeeb please stand up kitty cat and lollipup can't get enough of this udon 96 benjamin not franklin tracy baby leah is that the chris hancock who traded weekly soup for the use of my kitchen table a singular Nightbird. I am the lizard frantically firing flachet guns. Bumblefay. Mr. Epsilon. The Mothman. Long-Haired. Lennie Harris. Robert W. Breelzebubbub, Kresemira, Jessa Linn, Mayday Hoops. The Beed Wizard. Myth and Stitch embroidery loves the Mucklewings. Lulu, Louleu, the Brew family. Bert Ruba, your most benevolent Lord and Master of the Multiverse. Jeffrey George, exquisite whimsy. Ellie, don't tariff me, bro.

Oopsie! Evelyn, the Wizard Mooses holds out their cat for you to pet. Grimlore. Pankakes, Jenny Woboom, errant popsicle stick, M. Horowitz, Isle of Refuge, Cappy, Jack Spider's mom, Lama Fresh, Jared the Benevolent Destroyer, Valtiel Heller, Revin the Rudbeard Wizard, Bert Bert, Bert and the Funky Bunch, Corora the 12th. Just listen. Damian Fletterjohn, Zom Khan, Welcome to the Kwan Pound. Pen, Penn, Penn, Penn, Pekin. Mr. Mucacho-Cyser Schnitzel is bringing an anchovy pizza to Lars on Omega Station. The Wolves in the Deep Freeze say, Ah, Woo! Julie Hammond, Sanctuary Moon's Number Two Fans. Jason, Alice Lewis, Simply Amy Sue, even older Liz, Mick Bearcat,

crack pen feather, cynican druidic scientist, Astro, Your Friendly Neighborhood, Android, Moonlight Zombie Fox, Old Doc Racy, the Midnight Missionary, Out There Somewhere, Looking for you. Rot and Ronnie sleeps in Grandma Panties. J.S., Eldridge Ender, Squaminky. Artist Dragonborn, Bigby Garage, Bill Zangana Lester, Joaquin Jimenez. Hello, Big List, I'm Dad. Now let Joe get some rest. It's time for bed. Muffins, Spacewives.

Captain Jack Harkness wants Peter the Robot. Oreo? No, wait, pineapple. Actually, never mind. Oreo. Tell your cat, I said. Pss, pz, pz, pz, pz, pz, psalmast, psalmonez, bananae, a corgi-cold kibble, cuddly crackin, life's a load studio, and his wife, Megonator.

The game, Axelight, Sarge the Bard, Comenity, Cerev, Rielfan, L.L. Coole, the other original Caitlin, Kindaddy, Celestiani. Hazel, the jaded, umbra, pulls out a marker and approaches sign my shovel to sign my shovel, Shovel. Leah Izadi. Millie was taken. Hunas. Ben Camp. Shanman, Man Man, Karma Camillion, Wabajack, Zoe and her army of mice, Breyer Longshot, Daniel, Sammy the Baby Seal. I have always relied on the kindness of diners. Dr. Budiologist, the glutes doctor. The Hood's Pocket Pants Darts League reminds all players that clean underwear is required. Tobias Ewing. Thank you for pressing too. Your Anglophone Emotional Support Canadian request will be processed in the order in which it was

received. Queen Sirley Jess. R. IP Lance McLean. You would have loved Midnight Burger Adam Toclove, Dr. Bichcraft, Sassy Cat the Space Vixen, Claire Rock, Jekka, Eros to God, the size two fish you've been looking for, Eokai, Borja, Natasha without Boris, spiders are cuddly, Lafayette Lazzania Lovers 1, The Bane, Immortle thinks it should be Kendaddeos, Cheel Neal, Sin City Scuba Steve, Polywog, Jinks the Cat would like to offer you biscuits, Michaela White, Elena Pickle, Professor Thaddeus Snookams the 8th, Mr. Grin, Glenn Petrovsky. This moment of silence, so Jokin catches breath, is brought to you by Rick Tyler. Hammond. Cheap con. Yeah, you heard me. The real cheap con. Except no imitations. Funch Brunklin,

Steam Vision, conductor of the interdimensional time-spanning hype train. Dave Harold. Wisecube. Dirty diaper fussbutt and the piggy runt. Bromine. Pronced bro. Mane. Hamdinga. Mother of Pearl. Fiona now owns Laf's 18-inch Peter. Sealface. Rigormortus. Megan's Things. Things Megan makes. Shiny Fields. Magical Maggie. Trebex reject. Prophet of the god of the mucklewains. Matthew with two T's, the first T is silent. Ignius Burb, Darth Ox. This brief pause is brought to you by Michelle K's wish for Joe to catch his breath.

Aaron Arnold, Mamamander, B. Raws, and Sluntmaster J. Alpacalypse. It's not delivery, it's diarrhea. Elliot Paints, Undead Akira, broom goddess, the Lord Reverend, Porgatos Pecks, Unselling Wizard, Ryan, Thomas' Ten Tenebrous Tanstaffel Tippers treacherously tantamount

to telling totalitarian trope Termination Tales. Ladies, for your pleasure, Chuck Naked. The lovely Laura Lovell Kith Gamge, Samwise's Flamen Cousin' Cousin' Jarell, Jeremy the ruler, Gochi, Hare Hawks, Jacob Mitchell, swooning for Verge, Zeeke in the Box, Stevie Crowhill, How to Get Jack from John,

Flesh Witch, writing a flesh mech through the multiverse, Scrubs, Just Some Guy from Adelaide named Ryan, Remy, the Panda Crew, Melody Prime, Beardo the Wizard, Captain Benjamin Hawkeye Pierce, the German short-hair pointer from Nashville, wants you to tell his mom Mandy that he says, Woof, Whiskered, Marissa the Ghost, Local snowplows in your area are dying to meet you. Rutherford beat Chesterfield and his dapper companion Winchester.

Cheshire Corgi, Stray Cat, Old Kelsey No Shoes, Zoldia, Dizzy Flame, Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like a banana. Sasha, Bethan Allen Van Gilles, Langston North, Sly Fox, A.K.A. Braer Rabbit. Pan Starts Champion. The Constantly Lost Geographer. Timothy Aiotis. Chance wants you to know. He cares. Wolf Stark. Adrian Vance. Elliot. Hobbs de Co. Natalie Bartlett. Rory of Yin. Mooby the Golden Caffe. Giovanni Salinas, Rocky G, Perry the Pirate, Aaron Elizabeth, K-narcotics, Solomon Price, A daydream you won't escape. Angela Sanchez, Ava-Fa-Fa-8-A-Cimalbach the Christmas whale,

Kaiju Summelier, Stella Corvus, Jesus Garcia, J.P. The IT Guy, Candyman Fight, Sandwich, John Peters, you know, The Farmer, Barkley on the Holladeck, Dapper Dad, SCP-049, O Magis, Raven the Dreamer, T-K Turtle King, Mike M, Space-Based Lasers, Captain B and Lays, Captain B and Lady G with their swabs. Marla Madame Lotus still especially loves Finley. Lady Folly, Canadian waitress. Mr. Steamwave. My friend Rhino says, be nice. Hoop challenge. Dream Founder. I'm Yochlebarre. Elizabeth Tie, Tai the Wonderhamster, and her dear darling Duke, Gus, boombastical Kim Licker, Koko Yumi is painting ponies, Hugamuffin, Bigfoot of Doom, D.L., Annie Atkins, Crandy Man the Pug Whisperer, Garrow, Nick Gomez. Our cat said to tell you, meow, bag of oats,

Benjamin Ortiz. Happy early birthday, Alyssa. Pop Rock Quicksand. The Benyapper now begins her master plan. Moha ha ha ha ha. Abonasso, Trina Ward, Adelor, Trans Space Dinosaur, Spooky Spader Storytime, William Kent, Andy, The McJimmy's from Your Local Dimetic Higensworth, Reformed Colonel Rebmetic Hygienist, Rogue Art, Aaron star, Aaron star, Star, and Sentinel of the Star System. Claude de Claw's, Spunky Dan, Rachel Seymour, Chis Alfridge, the bullheaded professor, Ed Boy, Ryan Fidelity, Jonathan Kay, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, another monster, petabyte avatar, Tugwin the Mighty, Project Octopus, Ken, Chibs 1-012, Scotty Oats, Byrotron 95, Dan's granted clemency by his overlord parents.

Dance break! Spiku, the Bracken system and its homeworld Wren, Ren, Simply Tony, Gabriel Castion, whom, whom, what, when, where, and why, is what all the Thagronis say while listening to Midnight Burger. Nico de Gaio goes great on Midnight Burgers, a drum major and a trapeze artist walk into Connie's bar, Sir Party Animal, Uloid Jackal. Are he sure you Mike Robb the Nancy Sinatra?

Court need to leave it alone if you want to live. Must be a witch, cat with a K, Miss Shan Frizzle, My Thigroney has a first name. Stompidstein L Mustachio, Lukifar Hezekiel, La Chihuahua Brava, Adeline Peets, Cic Carousel, Corth the Destroyer, honest puck, Casper's mom's a milf, scout and foxglove says the floor is lava, Kerdomsky, Craig Armstrong, plastic fork, dulcet de leche, get out of Mabooth, bug, propagator, I hardly know her,

sad angry crab man, Chuck McFenley, Effie and Zebulon's trans great-granddaughter Hazel Hayes, Velocity Girl 42, Little Dragon at a Cauldron of Bats, Ben Carlisle, Flat Steve's Love for Grand The Anne Acerne, Anna Kernie, Crashly Strange Lillia, the four schnauzers of the Apocalypse, Sipty and Asha, not Sasha, have the hots for the mucklewains and would gladly be their unicorns. Starblaze Burnbright, Imzukioki, Spotted Rhino and her hand-me-down frogs. Red Mafia Panda, Lonely Isle, Kai Dallow headphones. Hinkle. Pikeman Stover. Fon Della Stover, Pikeman Stover's wife.

Scrizzles, Thwap, Kitty, Kitty, Kitty, the firekeeper. The end is nigh! Jeremiah cancelled. Librarian Alex, Spike and Faye, Johnny Allen West and the boys from the dwarf. Speedy McSpeedy, Wolf, Brandy Gunter, Auntie Buckey, Auntie Buntor, Auntie Becky is owned by five rescue cats. Fermi's paradoxans, speckled unicorn, Jedi rides again with Nova the space pirate, Tevin Longblade's short sword, impatiently waiting for the Tartis, forget normal.

A damn! C.J. Johnson, a dragon sitting on its horde of dice. Wendell Whitaker, Fikachu, Smithy, Globet Roulet, Andrew Fuller, Dane and Deb, Ban Me Hung, the Soupwich, Bender FtW, Fettysini Alfredo, Amalgamist Pax, Pebbles, VV, Fee Rawlings, Megan Hazen, Philip, Your Dad is Not Your Dad, Nick Bobrow, Midnight Plummer. His Royal Highness, Mr. Hamilton Underfoot Kitty the First,

an accomplice, Princess Penelope, the Marchioness of Mischief and Maven of Mystery. Megan Gentry, Mr. Cherry, Our Ass is in the Jackpot, tubby Teddy, Wayne Hiser, India Inkblot, Slav of Bahamette, Omie Gracie, Dalton Jenkins, Kat Holtz, the True Mega Mike, Fred and George, the What Weekly Media Database, Ava, Mora, Giza Wirt, Gaseweree, Kass Williams, Christie, Yeep My Boy, 46 Toolshed 2, and El Marie Catastrophe,

The image collector. Blended music. Definitely not Kevin. Sitting squirrel. Patricia E. Melt missed everyone. A round of yarg's on the house. Red the gray, the silver crow, couch potato Alex, never child. Dr. Nassos, interdimensional biologist. Caboco du Nord. Will Kev. Cosamine. Theo Derox. Joey B. Lucas Bardig. DJK. DJK. Terran says, hey, Oreos are rabbit. Sandlewood Mountain is an odd way to refer to Hawaii, but it worked for Henry. Wimzical fuckery. Megan with an H. Hey, it's warranty lady. Look, I've been there. thinking maybe it's best if we, you know, saw other people for a bit? I need more. Patricia the time lord. Is it, though? Mango connoisseur. Pretty bug and the quirky jester. The big moose thanks Laif for the drying rack. I'm old enough now to be that old glory coal. Janelle Miaoanea's Cat Butler. O'Sheen Lou. Alex Berry. Andrew Oakden. Asymmetrical exile. Magby Cat says everything's a bag of holding if you know how to pack. Churro Cat the Sun God. Eliza travels the universe. Alex Spence. Dr. D. Birdcloth weather and Mrs. Duboptaway Birdcloth. lost weather want to say hello to the whole

Swether family. Galaxy Britches, Angry Ron, Dominus Caesar, Durka Dub, Gloria's ex-girlfriend, Kelly Clickspring, the Wild Thistle, most likely Cass, the sweet planetary aroma of Fiona's grilled cheese sandwiches, Jasmine James, Dr. Cabarant, also known as Omni, Thanks Waffle Chateau, Colorado Beekeeper, Fruitcake, Anatha, Zandria,

Jennifer Culkin's, Guacamoleo, Midday Burger, Don Parks, Throat Goat 666, Princess Leia, Prime Freak, Protector of the Scottish Realm, Little Lord Steak, Droid Pirate Finley and his Rubin-esque parent. Droid Pirate Finley and his Rubin-esque parrot. Stuck in a pit of Skittles. C-Squatch.

Deflatermouse. Tony Piacarski. Adrian R. The Devil from Table 12. Javier. Kimberdur. Crazy Thadley. The Harbinger Pulsar.

Crimulus was just happy to be here. The twisted twister. The rural juror is a massive fan. Faye Queen. Upshnart to the Probability Demolition Expert. Showtime. C.R. Ipted. For my mother.

Homer. Are we doing crimes? C.C.T.X. X-Girl 6823 waiting on the diner, Nicole Studioso. Welcome to the idol of remembrance for sign my shovel. Truck stop sandwich. Indigo-wo-wo-wo-o-es-cargo-wo-wo-wo. Love my captain, Joe Mauma, Kastrif.

Ames affection for internet protection, retro M.G. Night script. The Gainesville Fear Garden. Come, Mr. Talleyman, tally me Lana Bananas. Utruddin Rose's Viking Void Vidal's Fueling the intergalactic fight against fascism. Not sure what I'm doing. Layer Rose, River Brown, Senior Deuce, Warped Ruff, Warped Ryder, Tim Nacey, Rubid Clamzo, Turwin, Hugh the Mini Mungo, Morgan Brockman, Sylvie,

Friendly Neighborhood Fire Protection Engineer, Skall Balb, Dustin Watson, Betty White 813, Randy Supreme and Queen Lancaster, The One True Cheap con, Starscribe, Lucian Thunderstruck. Ho-hoo, my mama, doozers seize your Allainous Morissette and wants to raise you of Florida state seminal vesicles. The other Adele, Chef Gal Val, Leah Hall, Sarah May. Cone of Silence Consultants LLC needs fresh tiles in room three at the horizon. Silly Willie Bubblebutt, Sierra not from Arkansas. Zico! Ebenezer Boob, Caleb Tumiala, Jason Woods, Arnie Arbuckle Esquire, Digital Fluf Lost in Time, Potion Mice. Regulators? Mound up. Cringle over coffee. Mad Yogi Eileen. A cat named M. Petito Pato, Palace, Ethan Cobb, Big Moe. I am Annie. I live forever in every moment I've existed. I swear to

every star in the cosmos, I never forgot it was a gift. The Stone Fox. Tricia Schaefer. Jusiton, Papitos, Kathoomhauer. Jennifer Baumer, Ninja Grim Reaper, Miles Nelson, approved to me that orange cats aren't gods. Burr-Itwards, hot shot Huntley, Momos Mama, Space Mormon says what? Ivy Paisley, Toast, Sue Watts,

Myrtle, Caitlin, Leader of the Unicorn Revolution, trans-dimensional delivery man, Matlock, Lord of the 13th Sea, Mr. Trigvy, Printing with Cats, Calisi Del Mar, Dixie Dinah, River Waters, Copper Coin, the Dumpster Wizard, 7,000 Possums, Sarah Jack Sparrow, Space Pony, Revive, Debbie E, Emma, Mr. and Mrs. Owo, Dusty Ventures, and his pilot, Uzi, Drifton through space.

Ronnie Porter, Gloria's Line Cook, Eagle Rock Lobster, The Gabbyist Painter, and Her Bird of Fire, Wandering, Wendjo, Painted Oni, Q Dell, Farrell, Emily with two E's, Spaceman Nathan, Ramsey's Niblick, the third, Kurpunk, Kerklunk, Whoops, Where's My Thribble, Mad Goat, Jackie, Yoy Gagarin, Issae The Strachia, D. Greitzler, a Grimlin with the Munchies, Michelle Scaracio, Genuine Jacob, Andy's Brain is Weird, Space Rooster Randy, Leopard, doughnut, poofy thang, mellow nuggets, keychain crap, Matt Matt Sharkman, Stee-Low, Arcadia, Bumbling Lily Bee, Buffy's Daughter, Buffy's Daugh, Bhopi's Dao'clock, fuck, I'm out. Bufardy's Nuts, Panda, Curtis Lellick, Kennedy Allison Farner, Tristan Stolls, Dalyon Y, Shadow Rapture,

yet another Nicole, Hank the Wonder Lama, Rcraft, Russell, Zephyrus Wind, The Ornamental Hermint, Just a Regular Fox, Jeremy Impson, What the Hell, Cineplex, and all the Black Black people in North Carolina, Just Rachel, Danger Girl, Atlas Bear, Patty the Ginger, Ava Cigarette Ash, Boysenberry, aka A. The Boysoose. Anaphylaxis, scab with Comtacks, the shape-shifting sad girl, and her girlfriend say, Joe, you've done it again. Sarah Nicole. Cat, Alina. Angry Leafs Lasersaw. Magnus Aerochill, Amy Perry, Christophircci, Source Decay, the Space Cowby, Skexas, Randy's Amigo, Gremlock, Katie Mermaid, and the Delinquent Duo, Nauman, Nicole. Victor Schauberger reincarnated as White Mountain Hillbilly Glitter Cupcake,

Max Danger, Security Chief Shatsy, The Anxious Peach, Team Michelle and Billy, Nea Nix Reno, Frankinator, Nortalbash, Jordan, Rwin, Ruinx, Belasco, Ryan Rosynx, Belas, Ryan Rosynne, Lady of Iceen, Monica and Mason Kaye, Rowan, Lady of the Black, and Herald of the Stars, Ariane Can't Manage Normal, Ryan Burnett, the Joyful Nialist, Dr. Dr. B, Zopres and the Bumble Army, growing into my farm boots. Superbeth becomes an RN alongside my bootst up friend. Geneva Boss, brothers of the cosign, uncivil gnomes, the rat queen Evelyn, Great Lunch Conversation, The Other Scott, Lettie Lou. He was a shifty one at Nick Howard. Kinger was here.

Bobby Ray Winland, Jr. B-Bop, B-Dabodoo-Wop, Warped Echoes, Slabs McTurps, Robair O'Tardus, he's bigger on the inside, Jeremiah Franco, Justin, the Nick of Time, Gothic Rainbow, So We Made It, Cody McClure, McH, McHadley, like McDonald's, Eternal Companion, Maxine Lizote, Jingalos, Has Matilda, Ditsy Bay, Just Your Average, Kyle Church, I am a laf on the wind. Static ego. Some fucking Swamp Wizard. Lolly, Evan M. Dobson, Dave B. Sean C. How did I get here? Oh, God, is that the soup? Going to be lit. I am Shaggy, Captain Emerald L. Wayne Hall, Danny Mars, externally screaming, Skibo and Fuzzle McMurber Nitz. Neelix Tynew

Ashur the Raven. Christina Senatis teleporting. BRB. Where the Shane's at? Definitely not an android. Seriously, I'm not. The Wandering Welshman, Whatever Tabby, Carolyn Harper, Nikolai Tolkachev, Capo the Sartorius, Z3DT, Shy Sparrows, BLTN, the Kiwi Dukling, Dana-Dana Bobana Fee-Fi Fafana, Dadin-A-A-Dorie, Daedin'A-Machy-Machy-Wonging, Daimperd, Snuffal Up A-A-Goos, Damar in the Space Goblin, Is So-Pail, Oh-N-Bee, I'm-Bee, Pocket Ghost Max, Mags the Conqueror, Wes and Heather wonder if Derek Adair will join. My cat's name is Beef. Eric, Katie Kate, Get Your Colonoscopi, Victor Casados, Emily Schmemley, Work for Melvis, Boho

Bye-bye for Jojo Pogo, that's a no-go, Cody Monster, Collided Mind, Miss Nixie, Baby Baton Lee, Charlie Rudel, Kyle Perino, A.K.K.A.S.S.D. The Wondering Mermaid would like you to know that the little mermaid and the creature from the Black Lagoon are the same exact story. Lil Stevie Pie. Two Polter Cat, aka Laif that one time, is waiting for a spaceship to take them to space. Carl, the teller of dad jokes, Skylab's Multidimensional, multifasic, intergalactic quantum cyberverse. Verde Sol. Gailin Miller. Tess, geriatric youngen, mystic hippie, unforcable, Daniel Nitz, Mavis Bacon's, Pyro's Callow's

Cajun, Joe Swayan, The Wizard's Supercalifragilistic Expe Allodosus. Too many Jans! Catjot, Pamela Roselle Chierra, then Steena says, Thud Tweed, Enigmatic, Countess of Carbon, Slippy the Squirrels, Head Slapping Rampage, Luminous Elk, Rodeon Caution, Love is for the Nureds, Taz Hernandez, Captain Crash on the surviving crew, Casper needs all the hugs, but Joe needs an O2 tank. Joe is the writer's room, Awkward Heretic. Devin 7777. Troy Aker, Mandy Kane, Northernly Kay, Kim Sel, Sillie Goose, Honk-Honk, Ad Matha, Astro Unit, Ghostsaberwolf, The Sleepy Mistryympie,

Svetya, Svetya, Svetya, Svynne, Marseignez, Svich, Mareneau-N-Tenorpecuret, MIRTENDRICK, Chut-Brimble, Dydra, Mike Whiskey and Your Friend Frosty, No Saguaro, Benbar, stand clear of the closing doors, please, beastly death, Sven the unlikely, Cognito-hazard Expunged, Ted Wacinacinacin, Virestria, Theosusus, the Theologianish. Nicole, I love you, but I will name Kid 2, Rathar. Fernwood gal, Nellie G, twinkle tots, Gemini Sky, Phantoms Mom, Callison, Hornswagland Daniel Arthur, Mike Lucluse, It's a fucking dog rapture, Abigail LeHoo, King Humble, We'd Better Ask Dave, Wind Chimes for Safety,

Cameron Winterborn Welsh, Fireball XL5, McKenzie Duna, Alexica Habaniera, Code Stranger, One Bettee Bet, Ha ha ha ha ha. Matt N, Monad Nick, Frilp, M Lynn, Feed Miffish, J-R-R on SFP, Lahari, Ted's Loves Catherine, J-Spark, Lucid Harbor, Little Mira Leopard Paws, Diet Night, Mars Royalty, Take 20 Damage, Macy's Bandstand, Kim Bob, Battlepope and Bugaboo, Snorts, Muggets, Frees, McHawts, Fresh Squeez, Patrick Holt, Atlas B, Hold it now, Hold it now, Hold it now, Hit it, Had It, Had It, Had It, Bradley Ashby, Peter, Megan Occhio, William Dyer, Vicky Abert, Radmeneer, Jane, Hannah Dale, Phantom Zone, Crystal Delightful, Gruntled, Kill Shot Betty and her steel-eyed bow, turtles all the way down, Jackie Lowey, The Little Pigeon, Quentin Elizabeth Jones, crazed bear, just a giant pile of leaves, psych. Sike! Dr. Ladis Trash Angel leaping on your back. Crafty lizard quilts and knits and crochets. Noble barrel. Yes, my brain is weird, thank you. Megan the Meg Young, Corey Morose, Russell Bunny, Max Savage, Jenny Wrenn, Apprehensive Craig, Tim Aronetta, Bacon, Nicole

Studioso, Rambo, Chaos Squatcher, that homeless guy who saw the diner disappear from Rogers and gave up booze. Lord Thane and Lady Sarah, Mary Kirby, Stephanie Sturgis, Kirsten, hurry up and wait, Sarah Farmer and Bella Donna first of her name, Criddle, Twilio, Hidalberti, Tom Webster, Rashmi Vincatech, Maclomp, Azana the Leathersmith, Salazar the Domeage, the Bard with the Tubah, Hayward's finest, Garin Elizondo. To my little, you'll always be my good girl. You took a piece of my heart and left a pawprint on my soul, till we meet again. Sir Schittzollot strikes again, damn animal. Ashton James, Elspeth, Skyland, ALR, Sidewalk Jam, Tonka 2005, Cruzen B. Anthony, Trick Once Treats, Tbilts, Tbilts, Tbilts, Trey the Turquoise,

Trey the Turquoise Tortus, Freya Titmittmittance, Courtney the Frogologist, Courtney and Stephanie say, hello! The Fon Tucky Wrangler, Scrambrillet, Yay, Aaron, The Singing Loon, Zuzana, Celeste I'm So Antigney Fun, Katie and Noah, Hendrix the Stink, the Ambergler, Bootles, Osvaldoz, Sivon Delilah Rose, Ashley Chapel Peoples, Ryan Ortega, Barbarian Bloodbath, The Defenestration of Ted's, Corrine Sabrantha, Shadow Daddy, Rubius Fuzzlebutt, Kay Mack, the something-something-something-Dephtive-Bug, Hayabuda, Eli the Electrician, Sunny Dianomely, Charmey, K-on with Karma, Amanda Nock, the Wondrous Mathasophon, Post-Turtle Evaluation Squad, Hashtagneson Accura, Finne Robert, Jesse Foster, Samira, Flat Doug, Deary Darling, Ambient Drifting Dary Dary Dary Dary Dary Dary Dary Dary Dijk, Nicole 23, Gracefullyly Impaired, Tire, pirate muffin, Steve King, Laura, Roman Ronan, John Pruitt, Camelpoke, In Schuligan, Cryptesia, Rebecca Trossel, Chris from Tacoma, Mitzie Lou, Kelsey Home, Amanda Marie Catherine, Damien the goddamn time lawyer, Matt Mosby, St. Foo, Harry Fishnuts, Joshua Cody,

Estronoib, Magno's the Civil Nome, Haidelon misses the warranty, ladies calls, it's not the same without her, Starlight, David Pierrini, Techno Ranger Rick, Joe's Weaslaff, Virgo Ares Infinity, Danian M, Charles Q Choi, a bug named Nat, C, C, C, He Writer, Hunter B, Rudra, Death the Kid, Big Whiskey, All Cockinator, Ron was here, Magic Pony, Robert Olaverry, Dan Bowman, Jess Gioia, Polay Johnson, Killer Odd. Dr. Punt-Gusher Esquire wants you to go your local library. Creator 67. Bajolanth, Laf's One True Love, Mermaid of the Dark Seas, Cosmic Shrug, incorrigible Ross, Deborah Wales, SCRB Mark 11, Maggie's Yarm, Stu, Inth Anomolee, Megyn Mighty, Haunt, Purple Saline, Three Legs are Perfectly Good, Drew and L-A, Anomalous, Death to PSL,

The Ice Queen, Captain BLEP, Ryan, Evie Power, Your Favorite Kenny, Terry, PJ says what? Danielle Amelia Lucero, honk, honk. Fear now doesn't polish the shiny melon. Blargo, blargo, blargo, the jazz man. Tonight at 11. Larek, the Barbarianess, Zellas Pragma, Tuba Rick, It's Just Blake. Alice Malice asks, how many chains could two chains chain if two chains could chain chains? Kelly Jane Danky, Aaron the Optimist, Thomas Stolen, aka Casper from another universe, Chadney Asha, Lucrezia, Thornis, Tamara Oliver, The Real Dirt Fairy, Marissa, Eva, No, not that, Ava, the one within...

Grimm, says, TransRights, y'all. Zaki Nat, Underwater Corvid, Spisorinkum, Shakes and Bakes, Michael Christian, Ransom, Rune Mycelil, Grawlix and Terrobang, Laid In deed again, Theron Pyram-Pyraus, OmeGa, Aaron Mitchell, Lady Kianu Mycin, Onix Rose, Jackie Wavelet, J.R. The Hikerbear, Velocate, Alcath, Crusty McBeardface, Malaran, Sweet Michelle, Kara, Call Me Zan, Colibri, Mel Monberg, Rogue, Lisa Geisler, The Hesoghah Hedogh Preded Fred Burger. What the Chuck, Sonor Nasuno, Ben and Jessica,

Jen Extranius, Todd Van Vauris, Inky the Cracken, Azula the Brave, and their ever-faithful Squire, Grabhthawesi, Nea de Rousseau, Peecizatouci, Trichin, Coralie, Dancing Dog Dreams, and Existentially Exhausted Bean. You sit. Hursh. Sorry.

Off to an amazing start. Excellent. That was great. That was great. Thank you. to skip past that. Can I, sorry, can I ask for Annalis to do that Chancellor's, Commissioners, and Ambassadors line one more time with a little more Evita in it?

Okay, so we need about, what do you think, honey, 20% more Evita? Is that a good Avita level? 23% more Evita. 23, please, 23% more Evita, please. Just find that dial. Specifically, what I would like is Patty Lepone's trying to arm loop through Jonathan Price and missing. That's what I want.

I got you. Yeah. No, I'm here. Even I'm like locked in of like I know those, I know those actors. That's a good direction. Oh yeah. Thanks friends.

Yes. Yeah. Okay. Glad everyone else is there. Yeah. Well, I have something. Someone started their car and I can, I don't know if you guys can hear it. No, we can't hear it.

Okay. Is it, is it, is it, uh, do you think it's just going to sit idle there or is it going to drive away at some point? Well, I think they're letting it warm up. So. Is it a Hyundai Sonata? Somebody go check. That's a callback joke. Callback.

There'll be a few of them. I'll go check. You motherfucker. Everybody's going to hate it and it's going to be great. That's everybody. That's the real utopia, you know, because utopia so much is just like, but there's a dark secret. You know, it's like, that's always the utopia thing. Yeah.

This is like, what if there's not a dark, what if the dark secret is, it's just a fucking hassle to keep it organized? Yeah, like we have everything you could possibly need. You will be fed. You will be clothed. You will be housed. But you have to fill out this form. Please stand in that line and fill out that form. Yes, you have to fill out the form.

For utopia, guys. Can Ixio be a little more turned on by Brody? Thank you for hearing it too. Apologies, pun. But I mean, like. Like, I think she's really into it. Okay, okay. You know what I mean?

And I'm like, I think I'm getting too deep in the weeds. Well, I mean, that's the thinking of like a three-dimensional person, right? So you got to think about it like you're like you're like you're like you got to add a couple of dimensions to your planer existence. I'm not a scientist. And then it all makes sense, baby. At the beginning of this age of turmoil, it was Gloria's guerrero war against the teddy. that awakened the spirit of rebellion in the triad. No, no.

Oh my God. Yeah. I, that sounds fucking amazing, frankly, these days. Okay, these days, yes. Boring-ass utopia. Sign me the fuck up. I'll wear beige. If I can stop doom scrolling.

I get a real soft spot in my heart through far forever. Poor one out. Actually, that's, It's too weird. Call me Chancellor. Take that again. I thought it was perfect.

Hello, Borsh? Wait, now I got screwed up. I got screwed up. As well as our new high counselor. Chancellor. Damn it. As well as our new... We're all up to speed.

The show is called Midnight Burger. Midnight Diner. Midnight time. Oh, I'm on the wrong call. Oh, I thought it was Space Burger. Sorry, guys. It's fine. It's a happy scene. It's a happy scene.

He made it home. But it's still emotional damage. It's just like happy emotional damage. Motional damage. The Fable and Folly Network, where fiction producers flourish. Welcome to Magenta Presents, a new horror anthology hosted by me. Madam Maginda. We begin with the five-part miniseries Ghosted,

starring Beth Eyre and Lucy Roslyn. Perched on a rain-battered cliff edge is a former lighthouse. It's a charming, quirky, boutique hotel. Owner and sole occupant Beth has spent months renovating, absorbing its essence into her bones. It's an old building. You'll get used to it. But to Beth's horror, her first guest is a figure from a past she has tried to forget. Kira.

Beth? What the fuck? Face to face for the first time in years, the pair must reckon with old mistakes, old grievances. Beth, speak to me. Shut up, shut up, shut up. And something else. Oh, I can't bear it.

What is that noise? Because the lighthouse has a past too. Beth, he's right there. Why is there blood on your hands? We need to get out of here. Kira! Kira! I can still see him!

Presents wherever you listen to podcasts. See you soon, fans of the esoteric. Bye! Presents.