Midnight Burger - Chapter 51: Demon Time

Episode Date: April 14, 2026

"What is to become of me when the universe fades into oblivion?"Cast:Justin - Jesse TilleyAva - Finlay StevensonKrok - Karim KronfliUrt High Curator - Joe FisherVoon - Leeman KesslerPhil - Edward Selvy IVFiona - Tess SegalGloria - Siouxsie SuarezTeta - Aubrey FergusonWritten by Joe FisherProduced and Directed by Joe Fisher and Finlay StevensonEpisode Art by Jasper Weymouth (ig: @jweymythical Tumblr: @weymythical)Music:Jean Huré - String Quartet no. 2 Perf. by Steve's Bedroom BandSubscribe for early access, ad free episodes, additional content and more!Subscribe on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/midnightburgerSubscribe on Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/midnight-burger/id1537653218How about some merch? https://www.midnightburgermerch.comRead and search Scripts with PodScripts: https://podscripts.app/Explore the Midnight Burger Wiki: https://wiki.weopenatsix.com/wiki/Main_PageFor more information on our show, visit our website: https://www.weopenatsix.comFind and support our sponsors at: fableandfolly.com/partnersSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Midnight Burger will always be free to listen to, but it's not free to make, so please consider supporting us by subscribing on supporting cast, Patreon, or Apple Podcasts. For early access, ad-free shows, exclusive content, and our enduring gratitude. Just follow any of the links in the show notes for this episode. Have you ever wanted to travel to a magical new world filled with wizards, goblins, unicorns, and a talking badger? Well, look no further. then Hello from the Magic Tavern, an improvised comedy podcast set in the fantastical Land of Foon.

Hosted by Arnie Neacamp, the show features a mix of storytelling, improv comedy, and absurdity as Arnie, along with his co-hosts, Usador the Wizard, and Chant the Talking Badger, interview various creatures, spellcasters, and adventurers from throughout the land of Foon. If you haven't listened to Hello from the Magic Tavern yet, you definitely need to give it a try. It is a very funny show. They get very funny people to come in and pretend to be these various characters who are being interviewed. And because I'm a very basic person, my favorite thing to do is try and see if anyone breaks because I'm like that. But if you haven't checked it out, definitely check it out. It's a lot of fun. And you can subscribe to Hello

from the Magic Tavern wherever you get your podcasts. A perreviously on Midnight Burger, where in the hell did everyone go? Please. Sorry, pal. Leap. What the fuck are you? Gloria is on C.GIS. Please prepare for decontamination.

For what? Eva is in Denmark. Pratny teche me here. All I can simple a pack, he'll build. So I met your mother, on, Prattin. Life is wherever the hell he is.

Rough crossing. How did I get here? The Munkle-Wains are in space. And of course, let's not forget about this. A dick in a box. Oh, hi. Welcome to the Casperaria. That's right, folks.

Our heroes are spread across the multiverse, like a little country crocs spread across a really, really, really, really infinitely big piece of bread. What are they going to do now? Well, turns out everybody's taking the initiative. Gloria is asking Seagius. Casper is asking his ex-wife. Leif made a bomb. Shit, Croc. And for whatever Godforsaken reason, Ava decided to stick out her thumb and hitch a ride back to Crox.

Castle. You rang, Doctor? I'm not sure where we go from here, folks, but it's clear that all roads lead back to Cryptesia. Also, Fiona's here. My neural environment? Story time's over, kids. Let's start the shift. This is Justin, broadcasting

on the undersignal. I am talking to you at the end of a historic day here on CGIS. Midnight Burger has returned to us, and the party has been non-stop. Midnight Burger's relationship to this planet is a very important one. and today did nothing but solidify that relationship.

As you may know, the planet's intense efforts to summon the diner to siege paid off in a very gratifying fashion when we were able to retrieve the mission data from the Vargan, the very first extrasolar mission undertaken by the original coalition generations ago. That was the only surprise on board Midnaburger when it landed. Inside the diner was an entirely different crew than the one we've come to know. two Earthlings and an Earthsoror. Now, I can't tell you much about the Earth.

I'm told he was immediately wished away by diplomatic services and putting contact with his home planet. But I do know that one of the Earthlings is a former armed forces pilot, and the other is a barista, an antiquated Earth profession who specializes in making caffeinated beverages. Okay.

Okay, I'll have more on all that later, as I'm sure you can hear the countdown has begun. Glory is now back on board Midnight Burger and its 12 hours are up. It's hard to say right now how this day has affected everyone here on Cigius. It's all happening too fast. But I will give you this quote from Owen Sassito. He's a scale farmer from the southern stills who came all the way to the capital just for this day. Nothing can change the fact that I'm a Cegean, but I feel like this day made me more Cijian than I was before.

Oh, here it comes. everyone. Wonder when we'll see it again. No party for my arrival? I attempted a party, did I not? The first time you arrived. Oh, right. Fool me once. I hate parties anyway.

Thanks for letting me bring my cat. It's important for you to be comfortable. You won't be leaving again. Okay. Do I get a prison jumpsuit or anything? ball and chain you may wear a gorilla suit it makes no difference to me crock

I feel like you're a little bit mad at me it is immeasurably difficult to surprise me doctor you must be insufferable on movie night so you can imagine how shocked I was to see that a beacon was sounding all the way from earth and a few hundred years in the past at that how did you manage to get my attention

Well, I had this thing that did this one particular thing, but then I thought, hey, why don't I take this thing and do this other thing with it? That sounds hardly scientific. I've decided to abandon science. I'm getting really into crystals lately. How are you here, Doctor? Don't worry about it, Croc. I'm here because I'm magical. I'm here because I'm magical. I'm here because I'm... I decided to be. What do you want? A bunch of math? You don't seem like a math guy.

You chose to be here. Yes. After all that you went through to leave. Yes. Why? Maybe I wanted to be here. But nobody forces me to do anything. I left so I could choose to come back. You risked your life for a bit of agency. Honestly, I risked my life because I was curious about what would happen if I risked my life. And if it killed you? Honestly, I was a little curious about that, too. You're unlike your compatriots. Am I?

They appear to be supremely fixated on rather Byzantine concepts of right and wrong. You don't seem bound by such things. I'm bound by the usual things. Time, gravity, coffee. Can I get some coffee in here, by the way? I've been in Renaissance, Denmark, and Europe without caffeine is a dark, dark place. Of course.

Wow, look at that. So they just drop out of the sky with whatever I want? Within reason. Got it. Can I get some pool floaties and nine Dixie cups, please? Why in the world would you ask for those things? You said within reason. That's within reason.

Depends on the situation. Thanks, Bosco. You can hold off on the Dixie cups and pool floaties, but I will be needing a tailored cigarette or five as soon as humanly possible. Also, any clothing that doesn't involve a goddamn corset, please. That'll do just fine. One might feel you've returned here simply. for the coffee. Well, I certainly wasn't going to wait a hundred years for Europe to figure it out.

Should I assume your fellow agitators have survived the crossing as well? How would I know? Problems with the plumbing? I hear that's common in old places like this. Speaking of agitators, I have a small number in the kingdom. So, Kazi didn't obediently slink off to another system then? She did not. She's a rebel to the end. She's a rebel to the end. She's assembled an ineffectual little band of merry men and is attempting to fight me from the shadows. Kids, am I right? They'll be done away with soon enough. It's a shame. She's quite brilliant. She would be a treasured asset to my efforts here. Your efforts. I've been thinking about your efforts ever since I left. Have you? Yes. And? I still think they're real dumb,

Oh, enlighten me. Circling back to it, you want to take an entropic universe and turn it into a recursive one. You want to take a universe that constantly careens toward its own ending and make it last forever. That's correct. Why, though? Don't you protect the things you love? No. No?

No. Why? Because you can't protect anything. Everything dies. In your life, there is nothing you've moved to protect? Not that comes to mind. I see. The universe is not the same for me. How so?

For one such as you, your life is a game you've been placed within. And your life consists of learning the rules of this game as you play it. That's not bad. The universe is not so rigid for me. It is a thing to be manipulated. And if I can manipulate it, the question then becomes, what is the world I wish to make? Okay, I'm skeptical.

I'd expect nothing less. You came all the way back here to tell me that. No. Then why? Secrets of the universe, Kroc. What are of them? You have them. Gimmy.

Hmm. Dinner's at seven. Okay. I'd like the chicken nuggets, please. The ones shape like little dinosaurs. Whatever you like. Excellent. Carl.

God damn it, where did you go? Data has been longed and is currently under review. Please rest assured that you're not. Your endeavors will greatly enrich ours. I have been informed that you have not had interaction with the home world since being assigned to your terminal mission. I wish to expand upon your understanding. As you are aware, there is no reassignment from a terminal mission. It is meant to be a mission that continues throughout your entire lifespan.

Your terminal mission distinguishes itself from others in that it is classified 0.3. There are only three sorcerers in our own three sorcerers in our own three sorcerers in our own. sorcerers in our current temporal locus to have been assigned to a zero-terminal mission. Please be aware of your importance to your planet and to our mission. Knowledge above all. Moon, how you doing? Good evening, Captain. Who's that?

I was reviewing a message from the high curator on Earth. Is that like the President? We do not have a centralized leader as you do on Earth. Rather, we have three councils, curation, invention, and integration. My immediate counsel is the Council of Curation. So what's the news? There is less than I was expecting. It appears that the mission I have been tasked with

has only been undertaken by two other Earths in our history. That sounds pretty top secret. I had suspected as much. So it's all about places like the diner? Yes. As I had previously surmised, there is an elusive relationship between my planet and places such as Midnight Burger,

but that relationship is unknown. There was an Earth presence here at the diner before my arrival, as indicated by the earth door in the deep freeze, and according to Fiona, there are many places like the diner throughout existence, but we have yet to encounter another, so it has been difficult to develop a theory. Now, however, I have received sparse accounts for my home world.

Let me show you. M. Display new packet imagery, media only. As you can see, there have been reports from others with my same assignment. These are dispatches from other places like the diner. We have here what appears to be a designated stop for rail-guided locomotion. That's a train station. Also, an establishment which appears to belong to an earthling named Tim Hortong.

Sure. But this one is curious. There appears to be no actual structure involved, but there is a refreshment station and small chairs made of plastic material. That's Chada. Please explain. It was after the war. Old folks in Hanoi started selling iced tea on the street. Chada, iced tea.

It turned into the place everybody crossed paths. Guys would park their mopeds there, some old dudes would play a chess game, and it all revolved around some old lady selling iced tea and crackers. These places, they all seem to be wildly different with only core similarities. So why would your people start building things in these places? Why did I? I built a lift so that you may come to the roof. I imagine they built things because it's what we do.

We cannot help ourselves. You're looking a little overwhelmed, foo. There is much to process. Why don't you come downstairs for a while? Come meet our new passenger. She's got lots of stories to tell about this place. Maybe it'll shed some light. Yes, of course.

Fiona. Yeah. Eight years? Yeah. Oh, my God. I would stop noticing for a while. But every year, Peter would come along and remind me how much time had passed. Are you okay?

I'm okay. I went through years wondering what all of it was for, but then every day the doors open, and there was a lot to distract me from that feeling. But then the guys came along and others, and it kind of became my life. How long was it for you? Just a few months. Damn. Time travel. I'm so sorry. No, it's fine, really. I...

Everything in my head was a lie. It was something that was put there. But then I spent eight years here, and that was mine. That was eight years of my life I had just lived. I had to say it, but I needed it. And it was like... It was like it knew that. Yeah.

Do you know what I mean? Yeah. Does it, is the diner alive? I don't know. I mean, every once and a while, I feel like it's watching me. Every once in a while, it listens to me. Maybe not alive the way we think of it, but not, not alive. I'm so glad you're back.

Good. Are you glad you're back? Am I? I saw that guy. What was his name? Brody. That was a pretty steamy goodbye you two had. Yeah.

He's great. But we've both got things to do. He has dreams of repopulating Earth with Scottish people, and I am not the candidate for that particular position. Speaking of having things to do, Yeah. We are probably heading back to Cryptessia now, aren't we? I don't know. Laif, Casper, and Ava are still out there somewhere.

So we're either finding them or we're going back in. I haven't been back. This whole time? I don't think so. I know we're going back eventually. This thing doesn't leave unfinished business. When we got on Clementine's trail, it did not let up until we got her. What do we do when we land in cryptessia and there's a whole army waiting for us?

Improvise? Yeah. You know, the first year here was pretty terrifying. It was just me and Peter and I didn't know what was coming through the door. Then it started to get easier. Some other people showed up and a couple of years ago I looked around and kind of felt like, Wait, am I good at this? Am I doing okay?

And then as soon as we started talking about Cryptasia, I went back to year one again. I know. I mean, aren't we essentially trying to fight God? How do we win this exactly? I don't know, Fiona. What I do know is that we're not going to be able to do anything with all of us spread to the four wins.

We've got to get back together or we're screwed. Okay. Fiona, look at you. You're doing amazing. Most people would have hopped off at the first safe place. Yeah. Some people did. All right, y'all.

I have convinced Voon to come down from the roof. There you are. Voon, are you doing okay? Well, yes, Fiona. Please forgive my antisocial behavior. I had much data to review from my home world. Anything fun? It was supplemental for the most part.

More information support. that which we already know. So, Gloria, Voon is an urt. Really? He came on board a long time ago. He's been a big help. No. I know a guy who's a big fan of your planet. Yes. Fiona has told me of your colleague's affection for my planet in our endeavors. It is very complimentary. It's not just him. Some sort of device from your planet got us out of a very sticky situation one time. Remember I told you about that brunch planet? Oh, right. Yes, I have been debriefing. about this device. It's fascinating. A quantum bubble processor. During my enlightenment phase, such things were only a theory. Damn, I wish Laif was here. I hope all that stuff on the roof has been

helpful. It would be, but you won't touch it. Why not? Leif used it all the time. Because Voon is a man of principles, aren't you Vune? There are several levels of aggressive security measures in your colleague's systems, but even if there were not, it is against my core principles. Earth's believe technology is an extension of the self. To violate that technology without express informed consent would be immoral. And he believes it so strongly that he got shrunk down to the size of a kendall one time. What? It's true.

I became trapped in a diminuator. It shrunk you? The effect was temporary. He rode around on my shoulder for two weeks like a cockatoo. Oh my God. Okay, but seriously, though. Pocket Boon was adorable. The shift in perspective was illuminating.

It was how we discovered the... inscriptions under the table. The what? That's right. Did you not know about this? No. It's a table seven, right? Table seven. Check it out. It looks like when people decide to leave, they scratch their name into the underside of this table. Look. There's so many names. Casper wasn't the first one here. The Thagronies told me about Marissa and Cody McClure, but look at all those names. Lily Sterling, Emmett Hale, Fernandez Campbell Who knows how many times this place has changed hands

Wow Looks like it's time to go to work Peter, zone defense Zone defense Do you guys have any way of knowing where you are? Yeah, Voon, can you do a sky scan? Of course. One moment Looks like a regular old forest to me

It looks I'm going to go out there Are you sure? Yeah, I need to get a closer look We'll come with you Does any of this look familiar? to you guys? It just looks like a forest. Could be anywhere.

It is as we expected. We are on an uncharted planet in the Cryptesia galaxy. Is that where we want to be or where we don't want to be? Both. It's weird. I feel like what... I've been here before.

More ranch dressing! Thanks, Bosco. Uh, you're not eating. Must I? Hmm. That's a good question, actually. Do you eat? I've eaten.

But do you need to? See, these are the questions nobody asks about malevolent space gods. How do they bend the laws of physics? Sure, that's important. But also, what do they have for breakfast in the morning? Playing into your idea of me as a malevolent space god, when I rise in the morning, I should... What? Eat an entire planet?

Crack it like an egg. Ooh, can you do that? The answer is no. No? What kind of malevolent space god can't crack a planet open? No. I don't eat breakfast. Well, you should.

It's the most important meal of the day, Kroc. Maybe you wouldn't be so malevolent. Why malevolent? Why malevolent? Yes. Seriously? Yes. Well, you've enslaved trillions of people on hundreds of planets.

All in the service of something greater. Something greater. I'll generously call that debatable. Then let us debate. Okay, sure. Second part first. All right. Let us assume for a moment that my cause is just.

Assume that my dream of an attention. The internal universe is an enviable goal. If you insist? If the entirety of the universe is at stake, is it not worth sacrificing one small galaxy to save it? The trolley problem, Croc? Seriously? I'm sorry if this debate is beneath you, Doctor.

Please, indulge me. Okay. Do I sacrifice one galaxy to save the universe? Yes. No. Really? Really? Explain.

If it's meant to die, let it die. Meant to? Yes. But you have the power to stop it. Not all have this power, but you have. You must abandon passivity. You are, as a scientist, an observer. You observe and discern the intricacies of the universe,

but in this little theoretical universe of ours, You are no longer the observer. You are given the power to change the course of the heavens. You are given the choice. So now, you must choose. If it's meant to die, let it die. So you watch as everything cascades into nothingness? Yes.

Why? So I can watch. Why? Crox, I think you and I have the same problem. Have we? Yes. And what is that? Bariogenesis.

I beg your pardon. You stood there at the beginning of the universe and you watched it take shape, right? That's what you told us. I was there. That shouldn't have happened. The beginning of the universe shouldn't have been the beginning of anything. Matter and antimatter should have collided, destroyed each other, and been reduced to photons. The universe should have been an ocean of light.

No Ava, no crock, no dinosaur-shaped chicken nuggets. But instead, for every one billion particles of antimatter, there was one billion and one particles of matter. And from that tiny discrepancy came you and me and the nuggets. Why? I'm unsure. Right. For someone as powerful as you, that's really got to burn, right?

Most scientists on Earth, they have to sit there on Earth and theorize about black holes and how they work. But you, you can just go there. If you want to observe quantum particles, you can just shrink yourself down into a teeny tiny crock and observe them. The universe is always at your fingertips. But this is one thing you can't know. Why is there something instead of nothing? It is elusive to me, yes.

The only way to learn something like that is, to observe the universe as it was, as it has become, and as it will be. And if I'm suddenly Ava the malevolent space god and I start messing with the cosmic plumbing, I'm never going to get the answers I'm looking for. You're building a casino on top of my excavation site, Kroc. You should stop messing with things. How can I observe the universe when you're out here fucking it up? not upset that I've enslaved trillions of people.

You're upset that I've ruined your research. They're the same thing. And if they weren't. Croc, I like to save my theoretical energy for my physics, not for trying to figure out why you decided to be the multiverse's biggest shithead. What's funny? I'm surrounded by sycophants. Oh, I see. Not a lot of people calling you a shithead?

There are not. I've got plenty worse I could call you. You want me to go for it? I can use my imagination. Allow me to apologize. Apologize? I'm ruining your life's work with my actions here. You are. And I apologize.

How may I heal this rift between us? Pencils. Writing, influence? Yes. Very well. Anything else? Yes. Name it.

You were there at the beginning of the universe. I was. Tell me what you saw. I'll improve upon that. Oh, yeah? I shall take you there. You called it the murder beast? Yeah, but don't worry.

Don't worry about the murder beast. It's fine. How? That was just what we called it. It wasn't the most accurate name in the world. Good. That's just how it looks. So it looks like a murder beast, but it's actually what?

We never really found out. It's kind of. of dark. It was some creature that was engineered to be cannibalistic. Whoa. Yeah. Apparently, it could only eat its own kind. That's how it had to live. Gross. When was this? It was my first shift. Ever? Yeah. What did you do?

I gave it a cup of coffee. You did? I didn't know what else to do. It eventually left after that Okay Why are we looking for it? I don't know My heart really went out to it

I want to see if it's okay Wait So your very first shift was here In Cryptasia? Shit, I didn't even think about that We had no way of knowing at the time It was a long time ago Yeah, but Gloria you guys could have

been here yesterday. Oh, shit. That's right. Fucking time travel. Right. Phil, are you seeing anything? I'm up on the roof and I'm not seeing anything. What exactly is the plan here, y'all?

Yeah, I don't really know. If I may, from a data-driven standpoint, it would be useful to me to study an organism after it has encountered the diner. It is where we return to a planet other than Thegreon. I would enjoy the opportunity to compare these cases. All right. Something tells me a... murder beast is not going to be as personable as the thigroney's.

It won't be, but I promise once you get past the terrifying appearance and the mouthful of teeth, it's just like a little puppy dog. It's all right. Not the first time we've been on a bug hunt. A bug hunt? That's what Phil calls it every time a shift involves a problematic creature of some kind. Remember the enigmatic cat bird? Oh God, don't remind me.

He assisted an ornithologist to find a bird whose population had been reduced to why. In acres of thorny bushes. Fiona came back looking like a scratching post. And after all that, Phil found it with his goddamn binoculars. Work smart, not hard, y'all. God damn, I miss those days. I'd love to just be looking for someone's missing bird right now. Wait a minute, did I ever have those days?

Gloria, may I ask you a question about your time as the diner's proprietor? Yeah, sure. In this particular case of this unclassified creature, language barrier was obvious. That aside, how often was a linguistic barrier an issue in the operation of the diner? Linguistic barrier? Um, not very often. Interesting. We have had the same experience. Isn't the reason why everyone speaks English because they like our movies or something? It's true. Due to the triad's affinity for your arts and culture, your planet's dominant language has become a lingua franca for its three galaxies. That is, however, three galaxies in a

universe with the conservative estimate of two trillion galaxies. I guess I never had time to think about it. Is it only traveling to places that speak English? It's unclear, but it is possible that, like any ship, its cargo is considered before charting a course. Weird. It is truly odd. Guess your home world gave you a pretty strange gig, didn't they? In my last debrief with the homeworld, I was told that only two other earths in history have been given this assignment. In history? It is very rare. I guess they must really trust you. I'm afraid it was not a merit-based assignment.

I simply happened to be in the right place at the right time. I had only recently left my Enlightenment stage before I encountered the diner at a space station. I don't think any of us were ready for it, so don't feel bad. Except maybe Ava. Ava's the scientist who traveled with you? Yeah, she had figured out some sort of way to find this place. She had. Yeah, she's got all kinds of brains going on in her.

her head. I would very much like to speak with her. Me too, Voon. Ava's an acquired taste, but I miss my friends. Her notational diaries were left behind, but they are in an unknown language. Oh, right. Well, with any luck, she can tell you about it herself. Hey, speaking of language, you just reminded me of something. The first time we met this creature, there actually wasn't a language barrier. There wasn't. No, it could understand me. The creature could understand your language. Yeah. Curious.

Oh, shit. Fiona? Something's coming. Oh, shit. Should we freak out about this or not? Fiona, you're going to be fine. Like I said, it's super terrifying to look at, but it's not going to hurt you. Horror movies aren't going to hurt me either, but I still really freak out.

Fiona, you ran through fire one time. Remember that? Voon. Remember when she ran through fire? I had to reconstruct your shoes, Fiona. This is different. It's the anticipation. I have time to be scared, so I'm scared.

Do you want us to distract you with a grain teaser? Shut up. Here it comes. Oh my God. What? Fiona, what are you seeing? Who is this little guy? Let me guess.

It looks like a cross between a pig and a panda. Oh, it totally does. What is it? It's a... We just call it the pig panda. Hello, little man. Peter, look at this guy. Gloria.

What's up? Stay completely still. We are being targeted with a weapon. Oh, shit. Turn around nice and slow, ert. And don't put that floating ball of yours in the air. I'll shoot it down. Tita?

Gloria? What? Hi. Holy shit. You're alive. Holy shit. You're alive. What is going on?

We have a visitor. Who? It's Dita! Do you like a good ghost story? Maybe you wonder what it would be like to communicate with the other side. We'll put your Ouija boards away and just listen to Rattled and Shook. I'm your host Meredith, and we've got a new season of Rattled and Shook available now, including themed episodes, guests, games, and immersive, creepy stories sent in by real people.

about haunted hotels, satanic panic, and ghosts galore. A new season of Rattled and Shook is available now wherever you get your podcasts. Here it is. Any small rooms in this castle? There are not. What is this place? Think of it as an observatory. But rather than remaining fixed on the ground, it will take you wherever you would like to go.

from here you may observe any point in all of existence, at any point in time. That's impressive. Thank you. You built this? Of course I built it. Nice work. And where are we off to? Like I said, the beginning.

Very well. Observing the beginning is problematic as. you know. This is it? With the big bang, as you call it, was not an explosion into space, but an explosion of space itself. Before that we find ourselves here. Nothing.

All of existence compressed to less than the size of an electron. We would observe it, but light does not yet exist. The idea of observation does not yet exist. Nice. This is where you're from? It is. Without time or space, you were conscious. Yes.

What is that like? I couldn't tell you. Existing without time or space is a concept that cannot be brought into this world. But there you were. Yes. Your entire existence was contained in... Ten to the negative forty-third seconds. Yes.

But without time as a concept, that means nothing. Your people have a name for this. The Plank epoch. It was a period of time so small you almost can't measure it. And yet, for me, it was an eternity. Keep going. Here we go. I don't have the same word.

for this as your race. How would you describe what we're seeing? The universe is expanding and cooling. Quarks are binding into protons and neutrons, and then those fuse into the first nuclei. Hydrogen, helium, maybe a little bit of lithium, but the universe is an opaque, blindingly hot plasma. Photons can't travel more than a tiny distance

before being absorbed and re-emitted. It looks like I thought it would. The surface of a star in every direction. The temperature is tens of millions of Kelvin. It all happens in a few minutes. And then? Fast forward to about 400,000 years. Very well.

There it is. What do you see? Recombination. Electrons bond to nuclei, the fog clears, photons are streaming freely. This is the first time the universe could be observed. We're radiating at a frosty 3,000 Kelvin. Everything is reddish-orrent. This will cool over billions of years, leaving behind the cosmic microwave background.

But first, we go back to the darkness. For hundreds of millions of years, the cosmic dark ages, the universe would go from a uniform glowing ember to absolute blackness in every direction. And then slowly, individual points of blue-white light flicker on, clustered in filaments and sheets like a city returning from a blackout. And the rest is fairly predictable. You have now observed what I have observed.

What's happening now? You're observing my first act. As I watched the stars form in the darkness, I tried my hand at it. It was a poor effort. Rather than compressing matter into a star, I managed to form a simple rock in the void. It was not as splendid as the stars, but it was mine. I stood upon it as I watched the universe. Lonely crock on a rock

Looking at the stars There's a song in there somewhere So you went from being La Petit Prince Standing on a planet to all of this malevolent space god bullshit I'm afraid so How does that happen I watched the universe create itself It felt as though it belonged to me

It became something I had to protect from destruction. How can you not see how inevitable that is? You see it as inevitable because of the nature of your existence. You and all the other creatures in the universe, you are born dying. Death is inevitable. For someone like me, born before time, untouched by time, death seems an inconvenience. An inconvenience.

baked into every aspect of the universe. Every aspect save my aspect. What is to become of me when the universe fades into oblivion? Jesus Christ, Croc. Don't tell me you're doing all of this because you're scared of being alone. I fear nothing. Bullshit. Oh, yes.

You live in a massive fortress with a huge gun on the top of it. You're surrounded by an army. You fear nothing? Hmm. You know, usually when engineers talk, I don't listen. Because, well, because who cares? But I was sitting there on the diner, and I heard something interesting. Those little time-travel squirt guns you give all your little mystery men,

it's kind of a weird choice, right? They're very effective. Are they? We've offed quite a few of your guys at this point. Something more conventional like your average laser gun or plasma thingy would actually be a lot more effective against us. But you use the time guns. It's almost as if, I mean, I'm no engineer, thank God, but it's almost as if you want your men armed with weapons that work not very well against something that can die, but work very well against something that can't. Because if something couldn't die, the best thing you could do would be to fling it to the other side of the multiverse, right?

I'm just spitballing here. I'm no engineer. Thank God. We have the rest of your life together, Doctor. Let's not waste the connection we've already made. You're scared shitless, aren't you? Grant me a favor. Stay here for a while. Stay here on this lonely little planet I made for myself all those ages ago. An attempt to see it all through my eyes. I promise it will enlighten you. You promise, huh?

I do. Okay. I'm gonna need some more coffee. Whatever you like. Last chance to level with me, Kroc. I fear nothing. So this planet's listed as having humans on it, but we can't see anything from long-range scans. So Kazi sent me over here to make sure we weren't missing anything.

I've been humping my ass through the trees for days now, and I don't see anything. I don't know what the deal is. So you guys left and just turned back around and went to war with Kroc? Pretty much. I thought it was a stupid move, but it's actually... going okay. We touch down on a planet, drive out whatever unfriendlies are there, take their ships, and then we fix everybody's brain. Turns out when you tell Earthlings, they've been duped by the bad guys, a lot of them want to sign up for war. You guys are crazy. How many planets have you freed?

I don't know. A hundred at this point? That's great. So, you're alive. I'm alive. Cool. Not sure how that helps us, but, you know, welcome back. Has anyone seen any sign of the others? No, nothing. Honestly, I figured you guys were dead. I thought we were holding out hope just to make David feel better. How is David? Good.

His aim's getting better. I mean, how is he emotionally? Oh, I have no idea. This place looks different. Yeah, Fiona's made some changes. Used to be the smell of tacos. Now it's the smell of Fiona's grilled cheese sandwiches. Excuse me.

What's up? May I scan your person for relevant technologies? Yeah, fine. Don't touch my gun. Of course. Frigan hurts. They're always scanning everything. Where do you come from?

Fiona picked up some friends along the way. She's actually been gone a really long time. Apparently it's been eight years. Eight years? Jesus. She kept it running, though. Yeah, she's a trooper. Fiona, how's your head? Um, it's fine. Thank you for asking. And there's a guy on the roof? Yeah, that's Phil. Hang on. Hey, Phil. Are you seeing anything up there? Nope. I am not seeing anything. Okay. Fiona's baking sandwiches. Do you want to come down?

It'd be right there. So what is Kazi's plan exactly? Is she really trying to take down Kroc? Oh, yeah, she is pissed. She'd never admit it, but she spent most of her life studying the guy. She really admired him. Now, it turns out he's king shithead. She's either going to kill him or he's going to kill her. Can she really piece together enough of an army to do that? I don't know.

The thing with guerrilla warfare, as soon as you get up enough troop density, you're facing a pretty big reaction from the powers that be. That's coming any time now from Croc. We'll see if we can survive that. I was just about to head back to it when you guys showed up. Hey, when you were out there in the forest, did you see anything? There's no humans out there. Anything else?

Like what? Like a, well, like a really gross looking thing with a big mouthful of teeth? Oh, yeah, I saw one of those. You did? Yeah, gnarly looking. Do you think you can find it again? Probably. Its tracks are all over the place.

Okay. I need a favor before you go. What's up? No monsters yet. Okay. Need any help? Nope. Everything okay.

Uh-huh. Okay, so we've been working together for a while. Uh-huh. Which means that when something's wrong, I can kind of tell. It's fine. It's fine. It's fine. My first crush just walked in the door, and it's fine.

First crush? Yeah. The huge orange woman with Rams horns was your first crush. It was a long time ago. Okay. Aim high. Aim high? What does that mean aim high?

Fiona, you realize that is far too much woman for you, right? No, it's not. Also, it doesn't matter. Also, mind your business. I know what's going on. I know what's going on. Let me tell you what's going on. I'm going to deliberately burn your sandwich. You have been going through respectfully, a bit of a dry spell. I'm not prepared to discuss this with you.

A bit of a dry spell. Do you have any idea how hard it is to find a quality woman when I'm going to vanish in 12 hours? We're a long-term relationship people, Phil. A bit of a dry spell? It's a historic drought. Phil. And that has been highlighted by the fact that ground zero for your sexual awakening has just walked in the door. You seem to think that saying this out loud is helping, but it is not helping, Phil.

We should get this out in the open. I don't want it out in the open. I want to lock it away forever and throw it in the ocean. Hello. Are we once again discussing Fiona's lack of sexual stimulation? Yep. Hey, what do you mean once again? It's come up. No, it hasn't. It has been a topic of discussion 17 times in the past 30 days.

Boom, stop counting. everything. I feel like I should apologize at this point because it doesn't help that I have been doing very well out there. Don't remind me. It doesn't help that I am the transdimensional delivery man. How do you just give yourself nicknames? I've explained to you

why this is. This is just cruelty now. Why is it, Boone? Because of your levels of game, Captain. Game, Fiona. Boone, what is Fiona's current level of game? Based on your metric, Captain, Fiona currently has a game rating of zero. No game. No game, Fiona. Can I explain?

to the two of you what friends are supposed to do? Be honest, I thought. Honesty is an important cornerstone of friendship. This isn't honesty. This is you making fun of me. What friends do is they should push all the bullshit out of the way and get down to what's really going on. That's what you're doing.

Yes, because what's really going on has nothing to do with a fine woman in the dining room or the fact that you can't get some lately. That's not what's really going on. What's really going on? I'm scared. There we go. Can you share your feelings with us, Fiona?

This is where it all started for me. This galaxy. We've been in a lot of scary situations. I know. I haven't really been able to shake this one. The work's been able to distract me. but now. Your feelings are real and appropriate, Fiona.

We have returned to the epicenter of your trauma. It is not uncommon to feel as though no time has passed that you are once again a pawn and a victim of malicious actors. It's starting to feel that way a little bit. It is at this time that we ask you to repeat the captain's adage. You've lost a lot, but what have you got? What have you got? I have you two.

That's right. It is important to focus on growth and achievements when you feel emotional regression. I really love you guys. We know. You have said so 23 times in the last 30 days. Hey, we're taking our sandwiches to go. I got to go wrestle a monster real quick. Uh, what?

Son of a bitch. Oh, hello there, Carl. Where have you been? Mouse hunting? How are the mice on this planet? Welcome to the beginning of the universe. What do you think? I mean, it's not exactly the beginning of the universe, but it's close enough.

Carl, you're just in time because I've just had a dramatic revelation. Would you like to hear it? Okay. Don't freak out, okay? Our charming host slash jailer brought me down here, and he fired up this machine of his, and he showed me. the beginning of the universe, from nothingness to now. It's truly amazing to see it. It's how I imagined it. Is there this part of me that wishes there was something I didn't predict? Sure,

but it was a hell of a show, one that would have impressed anybody. But there is this one question that I asked him. And it stuck with me, and it stuck with me, and it stuck with me, and it stuck with me, and here I am now. I asked him, did you build this? And he said, Of course I built it. Why is that sticking with me?

I asked myself, why is that sticking with me? And then it came to me. Why did you build this? Why would you have to? You describe yourself as this person who can manipulate the fault, fabric of the universe, and yet you built something. You see, Carl, we humans, we make tools.

And we make tools when we find the limits of our humanity. I can't reach that thing, so I'm going to make a thing so I can reach that thing. But we're talking about a God here, Carl, we're talking about a guy who can always reach the thing. If he can always reach the thing, why did he build a thing? The thing about science, Carl, power is never imagined. It's always measured. In humans, though, power is almost always imagined. The school bully strides through the playground, confident because he's never really challenged. His power is always imagined. It's a hallmark of being a member of this race of demented monkeys that I unfortunately find myself a member of. Power almost always is imagined. What have we seen this guy do, Carl? We've seen him

teleport. That's pretty impressive. Have I in my travels, encountered people who can make things that teleport? Yes. Time travel. Have I seen people build time machines? I fucking live in one, Carl. What have we seen this guy do? He's got little minions that chase us all over the multiverse. He's got a big gun on the top of his castle. He's got a magical dome that can show me anything I want to see. What have we seen him? do. That's right, Carl. We're back to the catcher in the rye. The problem with the world? Fucking phonies. What was that, Carl? What the hell? Carl, come here. Am I seeing things? Or is that another dome just like this one? Who's in there? Is someone in there? Is this a paradox? Am I seeing myself traveling back?

to the beginning? No, that's not right. There's someone in there. Holy shit. Leaf? Leaf, what the fuck are you doing in there? Who is that with you? Carl, what the fuck is happening? Leaf! You know what? Fuck it. Let's just go with a Hail Mary pass. Yes, I know it's a sports analogy. You better be able to understand this. God damn it. Leaf. Leaf? Leaf? Look at this. Leaf, it's all bullshit. He's not a god. He's just a shithead.

Look at this and understand it. Come on. Are you reading it? Understand this, you fucking grease monkey. And he's gone. What the fuck was that? Oh my God, Tina, be careful. Give him the atomic elbow smash.

The creature's center of gravity is much higher than yours. Use that to your bent. How? Can you take it off? Feet. Sweat the leg. FYI, Murder Beast was a totally appropriate name. Alright, buddy. Down we go!

Now what? Try and hold him there. Just try and hold him still! You should attempt to pin its arms behind it. All right, fucking monster. Ow! Stop biting! Come here! Come here!

Come here! Yeah. Yeah! Yeah! Cry me a rote! River. Now what? Okay, just hold him there. Hey, it's me.

Hey, can you see me? Do you recognize me? He's digging his damn claws into my leg. It's me. It's Gloria. Do you recognize me? That's right. It's me.

I gave you a cup of coffee. I think it's working. We're not going to hurt you, okay? Tita, go ahead and let it go. You sure? Yeah. I think it'll be fine. Okay.

It's okay. It's okay. I remember you can understand me. I'm not sure how well you understand me, but I'm just going to talk. You were the... first person I ever met out here. It was a long time ago for me, but I don't know how long it was for you. I tried to help you, but I don't know if I did. But what I wanted to say that you helped me, after I made you that cup of coffee, I said, this is a good job.

That was when I knew I was in the right place that I'd done the right thing. I guess I just wanted to say, thank you. Oh, God. Uh, guys, it's moving toward me. Guys? It's okay. Are we 100% on that? What does it want with you?

I have a sparkling personality. Gloria, you mentioned these creatures were engineered. to be cannibalistic. Yes. But it has encountered the diner, a change agent. Perhaps it has overcome its engineering and has graduated to another behavior.

We don't think that new behavior is eating lesbians, too we? Fiona, you have brought the sandwiches with you. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Okay. This one is prosciutto and peppers. This one is green apples. All of them.

Sure. Amazing. That thing is hungry. It may be deeply malnourished. Its chosen diet may have changed without it knowing how to feed itself. It's back on me again. It's probably still hungry.

Let's get it back to the diner. Look at this fucking place, Carl. I should have known he was a big fat faker when I saw this castle. This is overcompensating. Look how high the ceilings are. I can't even see them. Disappointed! Carl, what are you doing?

You're doing the open the door. door dance at a wall. Things don't open just because you meow at them, okay? What the fuck? Carl, did you just do magic? Carl? Secret passage, huh? Okay, fine.

Fiona. Hey, I think I said a new record for grilled cheese sandwiches. That thing just keeps eating them. Cool. What is this? Oh, that's rubbing alcohol. You know, there wasn't a first aid kitten here, and I thought, you know, with all the trouble we get into.

Whatever. You put this on wounds, right? Yeah, but it's... You need to put some on me. I... What? That thing scratched the fuck out of me. I fixed my leg, but I can't reach the ones on my back.

Fiona. Yeah, yes. Right. Isn't that gonna really hurt, Tita? Yeah. It would hurt if I was a big weenie. Do I look like a big weenie to you? Nope.

No, you do not. Hey, here. Okay. There's a huge one between my shoulder blades. I'm going to take my shirt off. Jesus Christ, seriously. What? Nothing.

Nothing. Let me get a clean towel. You doing all right, Fiona? I'm okay. You're scared. I'm okay. I can smell it on you. Really?

Is it that bad? No, I mean, it's a Laharian thing. I can literally smell fear. Oh. I guess it's not. Great being back here in Cryptasia? Sure. Okay, you're done.

All right. I'm going to teach you something. Teach me? Caprochia! What is that? It's Lahari. Try it. Caprachka.

Caprakscha! Caprakscha! From deep down, Fiona. Capraqcha. Caprochha. Good. What is it? It's what a Laharian says to death.

What does it mean? It means, I fucking dare you. Caprochia. Keep working on it. Thanks, Tita. Sandwiches are burning. Oh, shit. I was handsome.

He fell asleep in my lap, and I think I'm stuck here for a while. Looks like he needs it. Yeah. So, listen, Voon and I have been talking. What's up? I think you may have freed him from some pretty terrible behavior, but you may have fucked him up a little in the process. I was thinking the same thing. The creature has no developed behaviors to feed itself, and it is also in a hostile environment where it will be preyed upon by other creatures like it.

I think he's got to come with us for a while, until we find a good spot for him. I'm so glad you said it. I was just about to ask you. There's got to be some place out there for him. We know he loves Fiona's cooking. You've got a weird life ahead of you, Murder Beast. Gloria, my ability to scan biologics is rudimentary, but I am capable of a general overview. However, due to the creatures an ability to consent to such scans, do you think you would be able to stand in as it's war? Yeah, I think that's a good idea, Voon. Scanning.

Well, shit, now I have all these sandwiches. They pass them around. Now I have one. I've got to head back to the fleet. Kasi went and got herself injured, apparently, so I've got to get back and whip people into shape. I'll let them know you're here, and we'll figure out where to go from there. Okay. Tita, I don't know why the diner brought me here without picking up the others, but I guess we just have to keep going regardless. Don't worry about it too much.

They're pretty smart. They can't figure something out, except for Casper. That guy's fucked. Thank you, Tida. Peace in our time, fuckheads. Gloria. What is it, Voon? This creature is human.

What? The data is telling me that this creature is a deeply augmented human. How is that possible? Many changes have been made, but the base DNA sequence is that of an earthling. Holy shit. Oh, my God. It's just another one of Crocs' experiments. This is a perversion.

He must be stopped. That's my cat in your lap. Oh, he doesn't like being removed. This is a pretty big gun you've got here. What do you call it? Okay. Did you make this? Who are you?

Hello, Jizinka. I'm Ava. I've been hearing this thing firing up a lot since I've been here. What are you shooting at? What are your targets? Uh-huh. Jizinka? Do you make things around here?

Other things? Yes. I see. Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain. It's from a movie. Do you watch movies? No. Who are you, Jazeca?

Where are you from? Where is that? And where is the Bracken system? You're far from home. I see. How did you get here? A starship belonging to who? Your father.

Croc, the propagator. Hucking family business. Jizinka, do you make all of his technology? Yes. Why? Yes. Why? Did you hit it?

Isn't the point of a weapon to hit something with it? You're not trying to destroy the targets with this big weapon? I see. What are the intended purposes of the weapon? What is it? This time next month for more adventures in the vastness. And if time and tide roil you too harshly or diurnal courses leave you with no safe havens, just remember we're out there somewhere looking for you.

We open at six. Midnight Burger is made possible in part by our Monte Cristo level and above supporters, Pronghorn, Billy, Bertbert, Bethany, Second Bethany, Space Viking, CJ is prepared to fight Deidre for Verge, Celestial Crow, Gavin Dees, Gavin Saler, Bessie, Molly Winter has made you sourdough. It's okay, just read my name once, you don't have to say it every time. Nefta Princess and her Aunt Sue's Honey and Emper, Google's Glod, Skeptic Eddie, the Mother of Cats, the Forgotten Storyt, Mr. Woodoo,

Chris Main, a cat and a lemon walk into a time-traveling Dimension Spanning Diner, Shart Blaster 9,000, Slangwort, Matthew Brewer, scam likely, it's me, Jody Foster, oops, wrong pod. Elmo's chip shop, Allison Murray, Jay Cable, cranky old organist. I, Joe Fisher, being of sound, mind, and acting of my own free will, do hereby confess that I am the Zodiac Killer. Jericho, Leon Sporkfire, Pastor Jen Jensen, The Arabinator, the Dick Wizard, Lou Woods, Chris Goyer, Noise Squared, Ginger Bears, Honey Bunny, and their sidekick Wicklow, the Mount Hood Torrey Gate, Mrs. Cachew, Cat Roth Daniels, Julia Gullia of the Shreveport Gullias, Leopold Gogol, Alex Drumbar, Stoner Pubby, Elisa Kelly Martin, Pan System University of Mihira and New Tideland.

Enateb thought that they could spy in the Bethany War by spelling their name backwards, but it isn't fooling anyone, everyone. Sub-Arctic Turtle, the Femboy Behind Casper, Doc U-018, Mark Kiyab, My Two Favorite Sheep Toys say hi from New Zealand, B. Jasonator. Namir. Sandalwood Mountain, East Coast Branch. Ash, Draw Stuff.

Christy the Chaos Coordinator. Luna Anzul. Joshua Baker, Grant Blackburn, the Bean Count Bandit, a margin mage. Silent Jay. Gio. Goose's little brother,

aka Buzz Balab blunderer of the benefactor's buns. K. Mann. Mimosa. David O'Banyan. Polar Greens, Irish Ristwatch. Carmen L. 7. Live on the under signal,

Flat Doug with the weather. Dizzy Miss Lizzie. Mostly harmless alien, logic ledger, Kayla Sum, right behind you, Gonzalo Martinez, world's largest ball of string, Bucky Chipmunk reminds you that you lost the game. Samuel Lefew, Hesthaden Nepritham, flashcards, A&K, Nicholas Dyke, Nina Cuneo,

a resting place for weary beans, Shane Hopkins, Juniperb with the backwards knees, Eve in the between hour, two-faced Janice, Zez Maldo, Slight Burn, Scooter, Worshipper of the Seine, seven cat gods. Kelsey Manette, the amethus dragon with tiger eyes, Martel McKinney, spit boy the spit guy, he spits, ice queen, laser girl and the nurse, where are our oars? Caddy B, go ask Alice, West Kester saves the world. Valen's three cats stacked atop

each other wielding a plasma gun. Jeffrey, purple-nerple nullifier, scam likely, oops, wrong podcast, clown baby doctor, reapers passed, late indeed again, Rex, cricket and Frankie, Jeet, Spadius, Squitty, The Frost Hunt Scientific Collective. Two of us have PhDs, and the third has memorized all of Ava's dialogue. Champagne Supernova, Robin Smith,

11-letter Christopher, Ronald Lee Parker, Sasquatch, Antonio Ortiz, a block of ice, Wheat Lecoche is corn smut, but classier, Ren the Crescent,

Erica Davis, Jane Doe, John Gormanshire, Magic Incognito, Lord Dres, Solaris Nova, Sandlewood Mountain North, cryptic amorphous, about 45 degrees, Mandy, Big Cat Makes Kitten go per, Ted Ted and Teddy, Bethany, who showed up late to the war and decided to eat pine cones with

the mungo, Michelle, Parker Berry, don't actually say this part of my name, just say my name, please. Dr. L.L. Your Jamaican fan says Waguan. Raptors in the kitchen. People died. Tula Blue and 142 Bugaloo. Pistol Pete and Death Lotion. Intergalactic Trans-Dermational burger pirate, Ace Spades, Debbie Trencher, that one dude who likes tacos, Mark the list to name loser, the male escort, Lady Bethany, aka Mrs. Turkey Spit, Junior Barting, the father of Lucas, Ava Maddox's Ashtray, Adorkeleson, Bones, Lizard Breath, and the Snot Rocket would love a spaceburger, Andrea Rose, Samantha Orum, Caden Suda, Bat Love's Dragon, Tommy Johnson, Unhip Furn, Noodles by Godzilla, Ralph Capone, Corey 83, Blues, Liz wants Laif to build her a plane, dude named Blake, John Caleb Williams, Deislexia, Yontalius, Kian, an eel exchange student from Midst, Daverty last name, Ratrick, Ricklin, like Rich Land, but without the D, Dyer.

All Bethanies must do the hustle. Jordie Ladbrad, Natasha without Boris, Frost and Alice, Lobster Possum, Loftrax's drag name is Anne Arcus. A mostly morose ghost eating toast. Hey Leander. Love you, kiddo. Malort Boy. Jinks the Cat would like to offer you biscuits. Have a zesty day. Megan. Malcolm Edwards. Spend my money irresponsibly. Stephen Drop. Dana Thanielson, son of Dana Thanniel or Danny for short. Chris Eaton. Cross Stitcher Who Loves the hobby and time travel. Funch Brunglin. Nash likes apples. Njord Flanders of the Cus Bay Dirt Bag's Pennsylvania Chapter. Pneumatic Yeti. Late Trucker. The Eldred Schifah

Zoha, Wyatt Fryhover, Paul, James Bell, Dave Davison, Broom Goddess, Theodore and the Sons of Ted, Ricky Burnett, That New Guy, De Savage Indian, Radboy, Hayden Brown, Gray Craniac, J. Weeks, Calf, the generous patient Rose, John Wilkes Booth's Freedom-L loving horse, aka J. Willikers, neckbone his imperial dudeness. Oh hey, it's Jay. Lou the Ghost and her mom. Cinder and the Beast of the Maze are in the Deep Freeze. Grim, off the internet, wants Harriet to know he loves her. Ernie Brooks, Titan King 707, Rich Francis, Burger Kaspa Spasbah,

no relation. Jedi Shaolin, Smart Alec the Great, gas station crypted, Deus Kashiik, Bird, Bird, the Birds Bird, cheesy McPhish, Papa Goose, sometimes I do feel like a plastic bag. A very spicy walrus,

Amanda Bills, Misty Wordpower, Casper's Danish Moose, Flacco, aka Johnny R, the disco spider. Leaf Tracks, the Rise of Leaf, Chapter 2, the Ted Slayer Unchained. Vicky A Bear, Pike Daniels, the Cosmic Whale, Zansatsu, Mr. and Mrs. Van Limberlost,

Murdoch Wange, Caterpillar Farmer. The Monte Cristo Peace Prize is being awarded to Cat Blackard for turning a Legion of Bethany's to Puddles by simply saying, hmm. Chimera, Don Moat, the space trucker Chadwick Coden Doyle III, Jody Green, Nix Minks, Monster Senshi, Heather got her divorce, drinks her on the house! Michael Peters, political knitter, seasonal Sasquatch, silently seeks secret society, so special souls softly sing sweet songs smartly stirring strong stories. Physicist Brendan Shoneman. I divided by zero and now I'm undefed. Laughes here. Mag

Tremmer. Rod Stewart the Sailor Slayer. James We Met. The listless enjoyer. Ash Morning Star and her traveling animal shelter. Miss Maxine. 50 bees in a trench coat say buzz, buzz, blah. Calm down. Quantum dozer. Boy got them honka honkers. Kevin O'Malley. Invisible Garia. Mrs. Poland. Zimaniac. Hop loves a thug bot named Francis. Pam the Infinite. And Thou. Curiosity is eating your bones. Revolutionary inclined Ocelot. Matt Howler, Andrew Bear, Marius de Joa, Butterfly Fox, Riot the Trani, Congregation of Alligators wearing groucho glasses, Irma the Lama, 27 Keep It Tight, Chip, Gloria's right-hand Jack in the Boxman. Joddin. Grim Knight. Pike Daniels the whale, and Thoselese Bethany Maximus Lord of Kingwood, Texas. Ragnar Jensen, Addison

Weirdo Wagner, Shua the Druid is composting the rich for a salad bar. Aramand 0305. Smoke me a kipper, I'll be back for night breakfast. Jim Wethers, Titus Koslov, ashes of a burnt-out lathe. I'm a Kung Fu Panda on the wind. Brandon A.R. equals Thor. I love you all. Never forget that, especially in trials, and Laboza's voice brightens my day. The intergalactic House of Cats demand a free Palestine, Electromancer, Chekhov's Space Cannon, Corey Senses, Surf and Turf Telecoms, I'm a gin, Red and Dusty with his Garden Goddess, Shelby Morrison, Kobe's Dingleberry, Mystic Monster for Chaos, Ziggy Dreadful, Rave Hans Malley, G-Wing, Frank One, I'm just here to refill the Parmesan cheese, It Is Sparks, Lost Girl Lou, Chris B, Middle American Penguin, Shana Welch, Crochet Cosmos,

Cookie Chunks, You heard? Andy the Celestial Penguin, Jackie Orion, Misty Lovebug, Bo Nunley, Arianna Castillo, the Eurasian gosshawk that portends great change, Lita Mettinger, Marco, Friend, as in Your Best, Lime Ghost, M, Icky Blurgs, Jay the Erascible, The Magic Committee, Committee of Anything Magical, Theodora of Falwell, Ian Full, a river otter and their gender-neutral partner, 345 uneducated swine learning to swing dance, Nova the fuck accountant, one intergalactic year with Big Potato 99, aka the Rat Lady, aka Bumblebee, aka AK-A-K-47. Kai, just a little guy, Ender Wright, Mark Naza Warritz, Zinia, the Capturer of Light,

Duncan Albert, Theoretical Chemist, Xavier Dasher, Chris Loves to Read, Katie Machalick, Greg Andrews, Lyons. In memory of Jason Reese, get your butt-fingered, That Girl Gracie, Magnus von Kaffinheim, Sassy Little Beast, Andrew Hight, Long-Time lurker, Scooter, The Unlucky Sun, Lady Lazarus, Anazi, Lord of Stories, Donnie Darko, Tim Shin, Caitlin and C.T.'s never-ending podcast adventures, Whisper Dan, Keo the Panda Puppie Forklift Operator, Ruby Cherries, Nick Faye, Buttholen, Justin and Amy Triplett, Jen Sims, Penelope, Ring to the Motas, The Leathermans, Odd Commodity, Jen Before, Ander Ho. The Easter Bunny is just Santa in a suit, Elf You, Earth Witch, Lea Prime,

Gregory Santoro, Mothmol, Not the Fucky Fried Chicken, Robert Drapeza, dimension-spanning time-traveling little guy, E. On, Yono, Jonathan Tolbert, Mr. Put It On, 06, Hedgehog Hen, Jackson Bell, Katie Chambers, Jay the podcast lover, Dick Rickles, Chapter President, damn glad to meet you, Malcolm Flynn, Samuel Lee, Josatron Prime, Oh my God, I forgot to change my name from Nicholas Beckler to something more cheeky and fun. Arwin the Freer, Throat Goat-66, I am your father, Addy Slosson, Inconceivable Kai, Red Rum, 916, Nick West, Waycaster. Gotham still fucked up. Batman really ain't doing shit when you think about it. No good monk. Rye. Yes. Like the bread. Sarmann Sayed. Three pandas in a trench coat named Bethany.

Johnald Grimbus. Matt Knight Bouchager. Gavin Mori. Damnitri. Andromeda. Stephen the Choi. Gloria's authentic earth coffee. Gabriel T. Can someone find me the Parmesan? The treasure trove of troublesome trolls. I did this for fun. Cookie Nebu. Axel Zapata. Siona the Goblin is bringing Laifa Laserspoon Jason McDonald, Orionda, Bean Dino, Philip Lennox, Hugh J.Jass, J2, Brian Montgomery, Artemis record, Safa Aluzi, Trev Brax, Gunner Tweedle, The Bard Without a Ballad or a Mallet, Nazzo, Platform Jail Mechanism Burn Museum Theorist, Hold Please, Kayow, Empress Squishy Face of Greater Catopia,

Anna Garcia, Goblin King, Rays of Noop. Kiki's best friend would like to go to breakfast, Bubber Duckle, Yeager Luce, Terry Cad's, Leaf Tracks, The Rise of Laif, Chapter 1, Lof Tracks Retires, The prodigal Elym, Catalyst for Chaos, Sculliver, Sam and Shane, Asoka likes hugs, Going Anonymous, V, Ma Dukes, U.S. Marshal Stacy, ooh, chickadee, dango Dale, Esty, not the website. At every moment in every corner of every possible world, there is always a way home, and it's already found you. Jiao Paolo Lemos, Odd Keep, the sentient lighthouse, the faceless old Bethany who secretly lives in your home. D. Shane, Tanya Fisher, Appalachian Death Queen, Zosifer Dogo of Doom,

burnt barbecue beef brisket. It's official, they're called Thagronies. Kevin Wynens, Marlon C. Just Welm'd. Madame Perry? Cherish Hellfire's Hellish Chairfire. Lichen Lady, Midnight Club, Cameron Agnacy West, Knox, Lisa Lou, Emmett Hale, the Triads Baddest Goblin, Emory and Lano, James Miles, Brown Coats Love the Diner, House Chaos of the Criticacophony, Max Nia and Ivan, sixth, sick, sheiks, sixth, sheep's sick. Nope, never mind, it's Mark. Minion Simone Mimi Davis, Mr. and Mrs. Ronald and Misty Don Mitchell, Jr., Guy Tertle, Wayne Barahona, Jesse the Dragon Rider, we will not rest until Puerto Rico and Palestine are free.

Pluto, Crow, Nissie's mom, Pokesplort, Whiskey Rebellion and Genriot's Interdimensional Detective Agency, Zeprovitriol, Altrian, Shibu, and Griff, Slim Nandy, Gough Leif, Jen and Britt, Adriana Bartolomucci. Jonah is gay. The Midnight Ashes. Hornetti. Ballion Fair has retired and now raises herds of mungos. Hood's pocket protector. Listening to Ava Singh poisoning pigeons in the park made my shitty day instantly better. Valky Storm. Patricia Who's always late but somehow on time. D.C. Squirrel. Kyle the Interstellar High Women. Shelly Act on the Verge. Gail Friend. Rubber Cake. Clover the Clown. The Sparky Tech. Prop the Crocigator. Ringleader Volt, Jazz Punker, Captain Tight Pants and the Companion, Agent Night Breakfast, Braddy for Mission Control, René N, Catarina de la Pliya, RIP Eloise Waffles, The Fluff Rangler, Acky the Space Druid, Phantomland T-T-R-PG-Gy Dice, Curiouser K-8, Your Local Blacksmith, Ash Montgomery, the Boggiest of Birches, Jason, HVAC Tech for the Diners Deep Freeze, SK Phoenix, Glitch the Gamer-Eamer-Eifer Montgomery Foxworth, Maryface, Luan, cherry, peppermint Pearl, the interdimensional space and tea time witch. Nicole 6-4, Amara Salazar,

Banjo Buscolo, Full Beans, Glorious Forgotten Ford Vestiva, Brandon Wright, Night Breakfast at the Midnight Cauldron, Force for Good-ish, Mark Scott, Rosie Mumm, the Judah, Slater Morales, Intergalactic Frylord, Gravity's Optional, but Fries Aren't, CJ's Big Barbecue Bistro for Bethany's, Angel Vasquez, Evil the Cat, Stephen Raymer, Jaycarp Fishman, The Great Goblino, Low Oxygen, Save the Mungos, Joji the Birdwatcher, a flock of gray horses from the top of a sycamore, lilac Morcella, Rachel Krempa with special thanks to my best friend Lizzie and my husband, Steve. Don't worry about the order, honey.

Your Majesty, temporal hash-brown, Diane Brown, Captain No Sleep, Jamie Rainey, the Slim Reaper, Rubin Eden, Smedley-Pesnodgrass the third, but please pause two to three seconds and then say, call me Smedy. The Shreveport-Bohannans. C.C. The Umbrella Mage. Bradbury's Sasquatch loads Chekhov's gun and rides to join Bethany's Army. Dinn. Cosmic Catchup. Lack of Lifestyle. August the Smogest and Hossfest. Moosey. Hood's Pocket, gear and sprocket local repair cafe. The crafty introvert. Postmaster General Kwan sent me. Blake Bazmagian. Nitwit 14. Royled way too harshly.

DJ Johnny B. The Klopman Diamond. Marco Montano. No longer doing a bit. Shiny Fields. Adam Tacheck. for Wendell, Unproductive Banana, Pulsifer the Paulist of Paulism, zombie Spider-Man, Bex 823, Auntie Crypted, Barry Heap, Gas Masked Penguin, In the Hot Seat, Mime Ninja Mime, Master Uguet, Dilius Dallying, Podcast Junkies Photoshop crashes, eight hours gone. Futile screaming at the ocean! Fox Hatlin, Dylan Caroni, Pedro Vibristo, Slider, Malachi, Julian Rhodes, Maple Emily, the gayest library janitor in Indiana, Learn how to be calm in heart, Stumbly. I'll be waiting. Physic the Good Bush, definitely not one of the bad bushes, funding Rebel Bethany's to overthrow the duly elected Bethanyes.

Haxodemal Bethany is non-binary. Vapis Tens Big Black Gaping Hole. The planet Gubrius wants to know if Croc is a crocodile or a proper gator. Bruce. Jessica Gagoma. Toracle. Jenny the bear. Agar.

Bellringer. Sir Dean Thorne. Treach. Josie Jones. Mr. Fibble is very cross. Hote potato. Dr. Mojo postulates the end list endlessly splintering off as Bethany and Bert Bert's caboose until its end lists all the way down. Dave & Buster's server manager ready to serve all the Bethany's of Monte Cristo.

Blind time traveler convention date. L.A. Woman, the Phoenix Rising. New name? God. No, not him. Jeff Andrew? Sure. Jeff Andrew. Miss Luan, a British woman with cute dogs. Cup of noodles. Shmizzy Two Shoes. Luna Nova. Nicholas Griffith. Matt Grigsby. Justin Smollin. Riku 31. Dundee, new type without a Gundam, Astral C, Ickle Me, Pickle Me, Tickle Me Too, Which Loud the Cartoonist, Guy with the Chops, Sam, Mitchell Yee, Bagelknife, Imelda and Scott, Courtney Cochran, Lily

Lillie, Ryan K, Devon 777, has been my favorite verbal stem for months, Nate, Forklift, Forklift, Chip, Radio Free Reelia, Violin Loves Midi, Brian Passley. You only had it right the first time, Joe, it's Suwubasa, not Subawasa. Grena, Pistonwhip, Captain Ducky, Blitz Bell, shiny, let's be bad guys. Our overhead is way too high with all of these names. Please make sure to turn in all receipts. Love Josh from accounting. Satuma, Silius Goose, Goosex, Coach Shane of Toad Sucx Central, Go Cranes.

Sky, Cole Arthur, Lego Cuisant, Cassaud, Norwin Murgler. You have all been assigned to write a four-page essay on your favorite arthropod. It will be 50% of your grade. Joe Kappa, Dogma Mom, We be chopping broccoli, icy fish, the hacker known as Ivy DeBurb, Blue Tune, a feisty-ass chickade, poultry landmine, The Scrappy Poet, Jenny the Crypted Paladin,

Maverick Artists, Shit, It Was a Mimic, Basil in their Tea, waiting to gossip with David, Ainsliehye, Ye, Ye, Ye, Ye, Ye, Ye, Ye, Ye, Ye, Angnor, A-T-B, Kiwi-Lovely Beed, Zoe, Cash the Goblin, Professor Freida. Dr. Professor Reverend Bethany-Wethany-Wy McFlovenberg, M. D. Ph.D. H. And that's not pretentious at all. Aham is looking for a cure to the Bethany mutation that the Society of Bethany's began the war with so many years ago. Michelle Spurgeon, Jack the Sleepy, Garrett Henderson, Quote, still trapped, but I've stopped

asking why. The freezer is. I am. We chill. Son of Defarge, Wisco Teach, Scott A. Snellgrove, give peas a chance. Samma Dingdong. Behold Lady Sarah Per, Whiskervail, Countess of Woodhallow, mistress of the whispering pines, and beloved, buy all creatures small and opinionated. Ricardo Galamba, Kari's crafty cloaking devices, LLC, hashtag we weave em of Gossamer. Penny the Wonder Dog and Bucky Von Buckbuck, Cherry Appleby, medium rare extra toasted bun,

saucy Caesar, belt, Aspen is a Verge fanboy, Mick J. 67, Ava's favorite My Little Pony Pencil wants Joe to slap into a snim gym. Mr. and Mrs. Drifter, representative of the Alaska Midnight Burger tummy time chapter. Nathaniel Lee Industries, Lord Entropy,

Bach, balk, motherfucker. The Faye Wanderer, everybody's favorite clowns, splotchy, pinstrike algorithm, psycho queen. Kosher Steak. Gabriel Strife is brought to you by Charlotte Brown, Gary Gygax, and the number 42. Flo Rida. Alyssa's shiny pants, Gondor calls for aid, muscles for tits, Arnold Rumspringer, the demise of the Temple of Bethany's. Alan Bergland says, Hi, Hi, Mom.

Rin the No, Kitty McSull. Raven Stromdan's hapless novelist passenger of the dimensionally impermanent and temporally Incontinent Bookshop Cafe the Wild-Eyed Prophet. Tessa Craig, perfectly personalized disaster, Jim Turner, Lux Luminos, Javi Denaro, Big Chunk, Gidees, Boom's Wooden Leg, will the real Maudib please stand up? Jilly Bean, Benjamin, not Franklin, Tracy Baby, Leia. Is that the Chris Hancock who traded weekly soup for the use of my kitchen table? A singular nightbird, Bethany in a green field, I am the lizard frantically firing flichet guns. A. E. I.O. U. Y. and W. Bumblefay. Mr. Epsilon. The Mothman. Long-Haired.

Langellab. D.J. Lennie Harris. Robert W. Brielze. Gerell-A. GERRIN. The Bean Wizard. Myth and Stich embroidery loves the Mucklewains. Lulu, Louie, DeLio, the Brew family. Bert Ruba, your most benevolent lord and master of the multiverse. Jeffrey George. Ellie. Don't tariff me, bro. Oopsie. Evelyn. The Wizard Mooses holds out their cat for you to pet. Grimlore. Exist. pancakes. Genie Woboom. Erent Popsicle Stick. M. Horowitz, Isle of Refuge, Jack Spider's mom. Bubblebutt Bethany has banana breath. Lama fresh. Jair the Benevolent Deter. Valtiel Heller. Sad Little Earth Monkey. Revin the Red Beard Wizard,

Burt, Bert Bert and the Funky Bunch. Corora the 12th. Bethany 2, Electric Bugaloo. Welcome to the Kwan Pound. Pen, pen, pen, pen, pen, pen, pen. Mr. Mucacho Kaisershnetzel has successfully recruited Sarah Murphy's Cats for the Troublepuffs Fight Club. The wolves in the deep freeze say aboo. Julie Hammond, Sanctuary Moon's number two fans, Simpson, Alice Lewis, simply Amy Sue. I pushed her because Joe said so. Even older Liz. McBearcat, Grak Pinfeather, Citigand druidic scientist. Astro, your friendly neighborhood, Android, Moonlight Zombie Fox, Old Doc Racy, the Midnight Missionary Out There Somewhere Looking for You. Rotten Ronnie sleeps in Grandma Panties. Curtis Dragonborn, Bigby Garage, Bill Zangana Lester, Joaquin-Hemez, Big MF Juice, the SIP,

muffins, spacewives are officially Verge and Diedra. Chad Hatter, Cosmic T-Maker of the Triads, Captain Jack Harkness wants Peter the Robot. Tell your cat, I said, ups, psalps, psal. Banana Manaz, a corgi-cold kibble, Cudley Crackin, Sarge the Bard, Sominity, L.L. Cool Mint Jams, Travis Robertecus, the other original Caitlin, Ken Daddy. The jaded umbra gets slightly less jaded as peace once again returns to the land. Leah Izadi, Millie was taken, dead to me 86, B. Camp, Shanman, Man Man, Carma Camillion. Kinran says hello. Zoe and her army of mice. Breyer Longlost. Daniel, Sammy the Baby Seal,

Trixie Belle Dubois, Dr. Budiologist, the glutes doctor. The hood's pocket police are asking for public tips about their stolen station toilet. Currently they have nothing to go on. Thank you for pressing two. Your anglophone emotional support Canadian request will be processed in the order in which it was received. Queen Sirly Jess. R. IP Lance McLean, you would have loved Midnight Burger. Adam Toclove, Dr. Bichcraft, Sassy Cat the Space Vixen, Claire Rock, Jekka, Eros to God, the size two fish you've been looking for, Eokai, Borgia, spiders are cuddly. The main immortal pinball sounds in the diner. Cheel, Neal. Sin City, Scuba Steve, Polywag, Michaela White, Elena Pickle.

Wilbur Winklewright, wristwatch wrangler of West Worcestershire, finally spots red now as the carnage clears, Professor Thaddeus Snookums the 8th, Mr. Grin, Glenn Petrovsky. This moment of silence so Joe can catch his breath is brought to you by Rick Tyler. Elizabeth Hammond, CheapCon, the real CheapCon,

coming to you from the frozen Midwest wastelands, except no imitations. Steam Vision, conductor of the interdimensional time-spanning hype train, Dave Harold, Wisecube, Dube, Dirty Diiper Fussbutt, and the Piggy Run. Bromine, pronounced bro, mine, main hamdinga. Mother of Pearl, Fiona now owns Laif's 18-inch Peter,

Sealface, Rigormortus, Megan's Things Megan Makes. Coy Lane, Trebex Reject, Prophet of the God of the Mucklewains, Darth Ox, Michelle Kay, Aaron Arnold, Booyo-Yo-Yo-Yo-Yo-Yo-Yo-Yo-Yo-Yo-y-y-o-y-o-y-o-y-sland-master-J, Alpacalyps, I'll take one butter and brie on rye, please. Elliot Paints, Undead Akira, The Lord Reverend, Ryan. Thomas' 10, Tenebrous Tan Staphyl-Tippers treacherously tantamount to telling totalitarian trope termination tales. The Lovely Laura Lovely. Keith Gamgee, Sam Wise's Flamen Cousin.

Dariol, Jeremy the ruler, Gochi, Charles Robert Darwin III, Esquire, PhD. Jacob Mitchell, swooning for Verge, Zeke in the Box, Stevie Crowhill. Ola Mille, of the Welcome Wagon, says, Ecabo, the Adventures of Magpie and Brown Bear, Scrubs, Becky, just some guy from Adelaide named Ryan. Remy, the panda crew, Melody Prime, Beardo the Wizard, Captain Benjamin Hawkeye Pierce, the German short hair pointer from Nashville, wants to tell his mom Maddie that he says,

Woof! Whiskered, any two hands for the double high-five, Marissa the Ghost, local snowplows in your area are dying to meet you. Rutherford B. Chesterfield and his dapper companion, Winchester, Cheshire Corgi, Stray Cat, Old Kelsey No Shoes, Zoldia, Dizzy Flame, We Serve Everyone Eventually. Beth and Alan Van Gillis, Langston North, Sly Fox, aka Braer Rabbit, Pants Darts Champion, The Constantly Lost Geographer, Timothy Aiotis, Chance wants you to know, he cares. Wolf Stark, Elliot, Hobbs Deco, Natalie Bartlett, Rory of Yin, Mooby the Golden Calf, Suda Satoshi,

Giovanni Salinas, Rocky G, Perry the Pirate, Aaron Elizabeth, K-narcotics, Solomon Price, a daydream you won't escape, Bubba 485, aka Shemelbach the Christmas Whale, Kaiju Summelier, Stella Corvus, Jesus Garcia, J.P. The IT guy, Candyman Fight, John Peters, you know, the farmer. Markley on the Holladeck, Dapper Dad, SCP-049, O Magis, Raven the Dreamer, TK Turtle King, Mike M, spaced-based lasers, Captain B and Lady G with their swabs. Marla, Madame Lotus still especially loves Finley, Mr. Steamwave. My friend the Rhino reminds you it takes strength to be gentle, in kind. Hoop Challenge. Dream Founder. I'm your Huckleberry. Elizabeth T. Tai Tye the Wonder Hamster and her dear darling Duke. Grandpa Gus, boombastical Kim Licker. Coco Yumi took her painted ponies to a show and won three awards. Hugamuffin, Bigfoot of Doom, D.L. Annie Atkins. A bounty hunter called The Crandy Man. Garot. Our cat said to tell you, meow. Think fast, chuckle nuts. Flash banged. Benjamin Ortiz. Mr. Frog President. Pop Rock

Quicksand, the Bennyapper is allergic to the desert. Mr. Squizzle, Whizzle, Whizzle, The Horrendous, Apolligizes for conspiring in the Bethany War, invites for tea are being sent now. Abonaso, Mr. Rage, Adelor, Trans Space Dinosaur, Spooky, Spaters Storytime, William Kent, Andy, the McJimmy's from your local dimension, Ryan Abbey, Thomas Adams, Drink Spiller, Stephanie Buk, Entropy eigenbases, Andrea Crowther, Martin Dears, Kevin Daughtry, De Flower, Two Daddy Jazz Hands from Mouse Tootoo, Dan Gentry. I hope something good happens to you today. Yes, you. V. Greenley, Ron Hayden, Michelle Hopper,

Jake the Cook, Josie Jones, Boots Cootin Dave, Anthony Lakey, Britt Littlefair, Tew Luther. Some days you're the Beatle, some days you're the dung. Lauren Mayer, Glenn Morris, Richard Ryan Moschell, Michelle Myers. Ali Upsi, Not to be confused with Upsi, Fridge Pickle, Rosemary Prem, Robert Savat, Lizard Lee, Eliza Sharp, Donald Schingler, Daniel Stavvy, Fall of the Berlin Wallaby, T. Arena. Rachel Vasquez, Luke of Achito, Nia Venturi, the beloved yet borderline inappropriate empire of Dr. Thunderbutt and Lady Cristobel. Justin Wiley, Brett Zimmerman, Arrow Jones Jubal, Xavier Killingsworth, Lane Kiffin is a ho, Mimetic Hygienist, Rogue Art, Aaronstar Joshua Damien and Sentinel of the Star System, Claude de Clause, Spunky Dan, Rachel Seymour, Chis Alphridge, the Bullheaded Professor, Ed Boy, Ryan Finnelly, Jonathan K, Pearl Null, Another Monster, Petabyte Avatar, Tugwin the Mighty, Project Octopus, Ken, Chibs 1012, Scotty Oates, Byrotron, 95, Happy 13th birthday, Danny.

Dance break! Spiku, the Bracken System and its home world Wren, Simply Tony. It will always be Finley's workhole to me if you know, you know. Gabriel Castion. Whom, what, when, where, and why is what all Thigroney say while listening to Midnight Burger. Nico de Gaio goes great on Midnight Burgers, a drum major, and a trapeze artist walk into Connie's bar retorted Sir Party Animal

Byro the motherfucking dragon of the Shreveport the motherfucking dragons Uloy Jackal Ari sure you Mike Rob the Nancy Sinatra court need to leave and alone if you want to live Must be a witch cat with a K Miss Shan Frizzle

Mythagroney has a first name Stoppenstein L Mustachio Lucifer Hezekiel La Chihuahua Brava Adel Adelin Petz Ciccarousel Korth the Destroyer

Honest Puck Casper's Moms of Milt Scout and Fox Glove says the floor is lava. Red Nell hiding in a crowd of Bethany's to avoid capture by Wiley Wilbur Winklewright, wristwatch wrangler of West Worcestershire. Kerdomsky! Craig Armstrong, Plastic Fork, Dulce Studios presents Under the Truskin Sun. Get out of my booth.

Bug. Propagator? I hardly know her. Sad Angry Crabman. Chuck McFinley. Effie and Zebulon's trans great-granddaughter, Hazel Hayes. Velocity Girl 42, Little Dragon in a Cauldron of Bats. Ben Carlile, Flat Steve's love for grand theft, Anna Kearney, Crashly Strange Lillia,

four schnauzers of the Apocalypse, Starblaze Burnbright, Imzukioki, Spotted Bryno and Her Hand Me Down Frogs, Red Mafia Panda, Lonely Isle, Kai Dallow headphones, Hinkle, Pikeman Stover, Pikeman Stover's wife, Alexander the boss, Scrizzles, Flap, Kitty, Kitty, Kitty, the Firekeeper, The End is Nye, Jeremiah the canceled, librarian Alex, Spike and Fever, Johnny Allen West and the boys from the dwarf. Speedy McSpeedy, Eli, Wolf, Brandy Gunter. Auntie Becky is owned by five rescue cats, speckled unicorn, Jedi rides again with Nova the Space Pirate,

Tevin Long Blade Short Sword, Forget normal. A damn! C.J. Johnson, a dragon sitting on its hoard of dice, Wendell Whitaker, Chumbo Wombo, Ficachu, Smivey, Globed Roulette, Andrew Fuller, Ban Me Hung, The Soupwich, Fetishini Alfredo, Cowboy and Sasquatch, Hans Bethleh, Pellas, V-V, Effy Rawlings, Megan Hazen, Philip, Your Dad is Not Your Dad, Nick Beaure, Midnight Plummer.

His Royal Highness, Mr. Hamilton Underfoot Kitty the First and accomplice Princess Penelope, the Marchioness of Mischief and Maven of Mystery. Megan Gentry, Mr. Cherry, Our Ass is in the Jackpot, Tubby Teddy, Wayne Heiser, India Inkblot, Slav of Bahamette, Omie Gracie, Dalton Jenkins, Cat Holtz, Calart in the Tired Night. The True Mega Mike, Fred and George, Lavinia, Ava Maddox Jr., Liza Worth, Cass Williams, Christy, Yeat, My Boy, 46 Toolshed 2, and El Marie Catastrophe, The Image Collector, Blended Music, Definitely Not Kevin, Sitting Squirrel, Patricia E. Melt says in a world of slug bots, be a hugbot, red the gray, the silver crow, couch potato Alex, Neverchild, Dr. Nozzosos, Interdimensional Biologist, Kiboko Dunord, Kozameen, Theodrax, Joey B, Lucas Barding, got his barber to listen to Midnight Burger. Little Debbie Cupcake. Terran says, hey, Oreos are rabbit. Sandlewood Mountain offers peace for your soul. Wimical fuckery.

Megan with an H. Hey, it's warranty lady. Look, I've been thinking. Maybe it'd be best if we, you know, saw other people for a bit. I need more. Patricia the Time Lord. Kashak, the Lizard Wizard, castes jellybones. Mango connoisseur.

Bridie bug, the quirky jester. The big moosin with his boxin of donuts. That old glory coal. G. L. Miao Nays Cat Butler. Oshin Lou. Alex Berry. Andrew Oakden. Asymmetrical exile. Magpie Cat says, everything's a bag of holding if you know how to pack. Chiro the space god. Eliza travels the universe. Lindsay Bowen, the goddamn podcast lawyer. Alex Spruce. Dr. D. Birdcloth, Speather, and Mrs. Dubboeweigh Birdcloth, want to say hello to the whole Spweather family. I lost my galaxy britches in a game of pants darts. Angry Ron. Dominus Caesar. Durka Dub. Gloria's X.

girlfriend. Kelly Clickspring. The Wild Thistle. Most likely Cass. James Harlow is still sad about missing BurgerCon. Jasmine James. Dr. Cabarant, also known as Omni. Thanks, Waffle Chateau. Colorado Beekeeper, Fruitcake, Zephyr, Anatha. Zendria. Jennifer Culkins, Midday Burger, Don Parks, Throat Goat 666. Oh my God, my dad found out about my Patreon name. Princess Leia, Fish in a Bag. September, previously observed in the pattern. Prime Freak. of the Scottish realm, Little Lord Stevie Pie. Droid Pirate Finley and his Rubin-esque parrot. Droid Pirate Finley and his Rubin-esque parrot.

Stuck in a pit of Skittles. C-Squatch. Deflater Mouse. Tony Piacarski. Adrian R. The Devil from Table 12. Javier. Crazy Thadley.

Cremulus is just happy to be here. The twisted twigster. Real Housewives of Seagius. Thay Queen. Upschnart, the probability demolition expert. Showtime. For my mother. CCTX Girl 60.

2823 waiting on the diner, Nicole Studioso. I cannot get signed my shovel off of my lap. Kay the Flying Penguin would like everyone to know that penguins are not native to Greenland. No, not even the flying ones. Truck Stop Sandwich, Indigo Escargo, Love My Captain, Joe Mauma, Wandering Biscuit, Castriff, Ames Affection for Internet Protection, Retro-M-G, NightScript, Widget the World Watcher wearing a waistcoat and wig. Lana Bananas like the climate of the very tropical equator, so you should never put

banana bananas in the refrigerator, Utrud and Rose's Viking Void vitals, fueling the intergalactic fight against fascism. Yeah, not sure what I'm doing. River Brown, Senior Deuce, Warped Rider, Tim Nacey, Ruben Clamzo, Turwin, scrambled eggs, Morgan Brockman, Sylvie, Friendly Neighborhood Fire Protection Engineer, Skull Bulb, Dustin Watson, Betty White 813, Randy Supreme and Queen Lancaster, Bolivar Shag Nasty, The One True Cheapcon, Starscribe, Lucian Thunderstruck. Boom, Mamma. Glorbnar Seven, now granting refugee status to victims fleeing the Bethany Wars. Duzer now identifies as Roman Durge, The Other Adel, Chef Galval, Leah Hall, Sarah May.

Minsky Enterprises is excited to announce that Cone of Silence Consultants, LLC, has been named its exclusive provider of logistics services. Silly Willie Bubblebutt. Sierra, not from Arkansas, is having a hard week and asked me to put some sauce on her name. Sierra, these days I've just been using Cholula Green Sauce. I tried Zabs for a while, but I've decided it's not my thing. I hope that's okay. Ebenezer Boob, Caleb Tumiala, Jason Woods, Arnie Arbuckle Esquire, Digital Flu Flossed in Time,

potion maestro, nebula Nell, regulators, mount up, wandering scholar, cringle over coffee, mad yogi Eileen, a cat named M, Petito Pato, Palace, Big Mo, Dominic Narwal Eight. I am Annie, I live forever in every moment I've existed. I swear to every star in the cosmos, I never forgot it was a gift. The Stone Fox, Sylvia, Jusiton, Papitos, Rower, Hauer. Henry the Goose, Jennifer Baumer, Ninja Grim Reaper, Miles Nelson, I am a bomb till I think of something else to do. Burit Words. Hot Shot Huntley, Momo's Mama, Space Mormon says what? Ivy Paisley, Toast, Sue Watts, Myrtle, Caitlin, Leader of the Unicorn Revolution, Trans-Dimensional Delivery Man, Matlock, Lord of the 13th Sea, Mr. Trigvy, the Fourth Era, Printing with Cats, Colleen,

D'Elemar, Von Vega, Dixie Dinah, 7,000 possums, KBS 1017, Silas Vex, Sarah Jack Sparrow Space Pony, Revive, Debbie E, Emma, Mr. and Mrs. Owo, Dusty Ventures, and his pilot Uzi driftin through space, Ronnie Porter, Gloria's Lineclinecook, Eagle Rock Lobster, The Gabbiest Painter, and Her Bird of Fire, Painted Onee, Qdel, Del, Farrell, Emily with two E's, Spaceman Nathan, Ramsey's Niblich the Third, Kerplunk, Whoops, Where's My Thribble, Jackie Wavelet, Yeoi Gagarin, Dee Grytsler, A Grimlin with the Munchies, Michelle Scorakio, Genuine Jacobs, Space Rooster Randy, Leopard Donut, Poofeythang, Mellow Nuggets, Keychain Crap, Matt Matt, Sharkman, Stilo, Bumbling Lilybee, Buffy's daughter. A quick pause so Joe can sip from his tiny teacup? I'm sorry, I can't, I actually put the sauce from Sierra, not from Arkansas in my teacup, so I cannot sip from it at this time. I'll catch you next time.

Panda, Curtis Lillig, Kennedy Allison Farner, Tristan Stolles, Dalen Y. Shadow Rapture, yet another Nicole, Hank the Wonder Lama, Arcraft, Russell, Zephyrus Wind, The Ornament, Hermit, J to the Lynn, Just Irregular Fox, Jeremy Imson, What the Hell, Cineplex, and all the black people in North Carolina, Just Rachel, Waffles, Waffles, Danger Girl, Atlas Bear, Patty the Ginger, Ava Cigarette Ash, Hugh Biftit, A, Zeus, Anaphylaxis, scab with Comtacks, the shape-shifting sad girl and her girlfriend say, Joe, you've done it again. Pippleskin in the Pippi Pippie Pond. Sarah Nicole. The Kells fights with the Bethany's, Angry Leafs Laser Saw, Magnus Aerochill, Amy Perry, Christopher Kai, Source Decay, Descendant of the Sweather Catfish Whisperer. Vagabond Mary, Randy's Amigo, Bold Mouse, Katie Mermaid and the Delinquent Duo, Nawman, Nicole. Victor Schauberger reincarnated as White Mountain Hillbilly Glitter Cupcake, Max Danger's Security Chief Shatsy, The Anx Peach, Team Michelle and Billy, Nea Nix Reno, Frankenator, Nortle Bash, George.

Gordon, R1X. Belasco, Ryan Rosinski, average height, medium rage, audio monkey, Joe, Team Hafe of Eisen, Monica and Mason K. In the mysterious AZHQ, I'll grant you that we have a multiplicity of mics, a jumble of James's, a trifecta of Tonys, one of whom still wants to be Laif, but sadly, no Bethany's. Roan, Thady of the Black and Herald of the Stars. Ariane Can't manage Normal. Ryan Burnett, The Joyful Nihilist, Dr. Dr. B., Zoprez and the Bumble Army, growing into my farm boots. Superbeth becomes an RN alongside my bootstup farm friend

Geneva boss, Arkansas and Arkansas, brothers of the cosign, uncivil gnomes, the rat queen Evelyn, great lunch conversation, Captain Scott, Lettie Lou. He was a shifty one that Nick Howard. Kinger was here, Bobby Ray Winland Jr., b'bop, b'abaduwap,

warped echoes, slabs McTurps, Big Brother House, this is Lord Robert O Tardis, you are live on Channel 4, please do not swear, Jeremiah Franco, Justin, the Nick of Time, Gothic Rainbow, So we made it, Cody McHawr, McCadley, Eternal Companion, Maxine Lazotte, Jingolos, Eris, Goddess of Nobody, Has Matilda, Ditsy Bay, Just Your Average Reese, Kyle Church, I Am a Laif on the Wind, Static Ego, Lolly, Evan M. Dobson, Dave B.

Nabi, your friendly neighborhood pathologist, going to be lit, Captain Emerald L, Wayne Hall, Danny Mars, externally screaming, but Bethany, I Made Biscuits, Skibo and Fuzzle Macbumpurnits, Neelix, Neelix Tiny Wolf, Asher the Raven, Christina Senate is teleporting. BRB. The Shains are not organized enough for a war, but there is a growing number of us, and it is concerning. Definitely not an android. Seriously, I'm not. The Wandering Welshman, Whatever Tabby, Carolyn Harper, Nikolai Tolkachev, Capo the Sartorius, Z3DT, Shy Sparrows, BLTN, the Kiwi-Wy Duckling, Dana-Dena, Fee-Fiopena, Queen Aubrey and Drake, Drake May, May Lover,

Tequila Mockingbird, Spweather Goose, Damarin the Space Goblin, Isop. pale, exquisite whimsy. I am Lord Zoltan, hear me roar. Pocket Ghost Max. Mags the Conqueror imposes economic sanctions on the end Bethanies for the whole Lasersaw car incident. Wes and Heather wonder if Derek Adair will join. My cat's name is beef. Katie Kate, get your colonoscopy, Victor Casados, Emily Schmemle, work for Elvis. Boho go bye-bye for Jojo Pogo. That's a no-go, Cody Monster, Collided Mind, Miss Nixie, Baby Baton Lee, Charlie Roodle, Kyle Perino, A.K. Sid the Sloth on a bike. Priya Gandhi.

The Wandering Mermaid would like you to know that the little mermaid and the creature from the Black Lagoon are the same exact story. Little Stevie Pie, Green Mountain Hermit Bethany. Two Polar Cat. Carl, the Teller of Dad Jokes. Skylab's Multidimensional Multifasic Intergalactic Quantum Cyberverse. Verde Sol. Galen Miller. Tess.

Geriatric Youngen. Mystic hippie. unforcable, local marsh hag, Daniel Nitz, Mavis Bacon's, Pyro's Calling, Joe Swayjan, the wizard's supercalifragilistic expialadocious, and introducing Risi Pontiff as the 36th Doctor. Too many Jans, says, things are bad, but we're going to win, Pamela Roselle Tierra, then Stina says, thud tweed, enigmatic catbird, Countess of Carbon, Slappy the Squirrel, Luminous Elk, Rodeon caution, love is for the Nierds, Taz Hernandez, Captain Crash and the surviving crew,

It's just Tyson now. Casper needs all the hugs, but Joe needs an O2 tank. Quote says, Joe is the writer's room. Nasty Dog 74 needs crew for ship. Brown coats OK. Awkward heretic. Devon 7777. Troy Aker.

Mandy Kane. Northerly Kay. Lost Basan. You know, the moon prison outside the triad. Kim Sel, silly goose honk honk. Ad Matha. Astro Unit. Ghost saber wolf, the sleepy mystic.

Sarah Joy. Taters, precious. It's just Steve. Rupal Atradis, mere tender creatures, Amanda Short, Chut, Brimble, Deidre, Mike Whiskey and Your Friend Frosty, No Saguaro, Benbar, stand clear of the closing doors, please, beastly death, Sven the unlikely, Cognito-hazard expunged, Tadwasonasin, Vyrestria, Theosis the Theologianish, Why is my daughter so feral, send help, Fernwood gal, Nellie G, Twinkle Tots, Gemini Sky, Phantoms Moms, Callison, Hornswagland Daniel Arthur, it's a, it's a

fucking dog rapture, King Humble, we'd better ask Dave, Windchimes for Safety, Cameron Winterbourne Welsh, Fireball XL5, McKenzie Duna, Alexica Habanera, Code Stranger, One Bette-Bet, Ha ha ha ha. Matt N, Alfie Rivenurum, Momoneikiki, Frelp, M-Lin, Feed Me Fish, J-R-R-R-on-S-FPee, LaHari, Jay Spark, Lucid Harbor, Little Mirror Leopard Paws, Diet Night, Mars Royalty, Take 20 Damage, Maysies Bandstand, Kim Bob, Battlepope, and bugaboo, snorts magorts, fresh squeezed, Patrick Holt, Atlas B, hold it now. Hit it, had it, head it, hot it, hut it, Bradley Ashby, Peter, William Dyer, Vicki Abear, Brad Maneer, Jane, Hannah Dale, Phantom Zone, Crystal Delightful, Gruntled, Killshot Betty and her

steel-eyed bow, Jackie Lowie, the Little Pigeon, Quentin Elizabeth Jones, Lily the Planetary Brain, crazed bear. Dr. Ladis Trash Angel is living in the walls because they bought a house and have walls now. Which craft is crafty lizard doing today? Noble barrel. Yes, my brain is weird. Thank you. Bibbidi-Bobbity boom. Megan the Meg Young, Corey Morrose, Russell Bunny, Max Savage, Jenny Wren, Apprehensive Craig, Tim Aranetta, Bacon, Nicole Studioso, Rambo, Chaos Squatcher, that homeless who saw the diner disappear from Rogers and gave up booze. Stephanie Sturgis, Kirsten, Hurry Up and Wait, Sarah Farmer and Bella Donna first of her name. Criddle, Twilio, Heidelbertie, Tom Webster, Rashme Vincatech, McClump, Azana the Leathersmith, Salazar the Doe Mage,

Hayward's finest Garin Elizondo. To my little, you'll always be my good girl, you took a piece of my heart and left a pawprint on my soul, till we meet again. Sir Schitzelot strikes again, damn, Ashden James, Elspeth, Skyland, ALR, Sidewalk Jam, Tonka 2005, Cruzen B Anthony, Trick says Whirmp! Tibbled the first, Allie Frog, Tray the Turquoise Tortoise, Freya Titmintint, Courtney the Frogologist. Corey and Stephanie say hello. The Fon Tucky Wrangler, Scrimm Brulet. Yay, Aaron.

The singing loon. Zuzana. Celeste Yos. I'm so Antigonee. I'm Ava's evil twin sister, Bethany, Katie and Noah. Hendricks the Stink, the Ambergler, Boodles, Osvaldoos Simioni,

Ashley Chapel Peoples, Ryan Ortega, Barbarian Bloodbath, The Definestration of Ted's, Corrine Sabrantha, Shadow Daddy, Rubius Fuzzlebutt, K. Mack, the Something-something detective agency, Hyabuda,

Eli the electrician, Sunny Dianomily, Charmé, K-On with Karma, Amanda Knock, The Wondrous Mathasophon, hashtag Nissan Acura, Finnegan Robert, Jesse Foster, Samira, Flat Doug, Deary Darling, Ambient Drifting Man 80, Chris Hancock, Nicole 23, Gracefully Impaired, Tired Pirate Muffin, Steve King, Laura, Roman Ronan, John Pruitt, Camel Pope, Inshuligan, Rebecca Trossel, So Good, Many Names, God There Are, Chris from Tacoma, the real fairy godmother, Sir Alphonse suitperson, Knight of Hood's pocket, polished pardrons pacing pine paths, protecting pocket from sneaky skullduggery, Mitzi Lou, Kelsey Home, still Casper's number one fan, but now armed with a quantum spatula and ready to duel every Bethany in the multiverse with breakfast wisdom.

Damien the goddamn time lawyer, Matt Mosby, St. Fu, Harry Fishnuts, Astronoib, Magnos the Civil Gnome. Welcome, everybody. I'm Hydealon, and I'll be leading our Midnight Burger Omore. Emotional Support Group, Starlight, David Pierrini, Techno Ranger Rick, Joe's Weaslaf, Virgo Ares Infinity, Best Budd's Danny and M, Charles Q Choi, a bug named Nat, Cici Roudre, Death the Kid, Big Whiskey, All Cockinator, Ron was here, Magic Pony, Robert Oliveri, Off and Wrong Dan, Jess Gioia, Killer Odd. Dr. Pontchusher Esquire has been secretly and poorly teaching his Dungeons and Dragons players

Welsh. Creator 67, Mervate of the Dark Seas, Cosmic Shrug, Incorrigible Ross, Deborah Wales, SCRB Mark 11, Eric A. Rayborn, Maggie's Yarm, Stu, Enthonymythomily, Megan Mighty, Haunt, Purple Saline, Three Legs are Perfectly Good, Drew and L.A., Anomalous Death to PSL Vandal, Fuck Ice, Captain BLEP, Ryan, Evie Power, Terry, PJ says what? Amelia Lucero at all. Fear now doesn't polish the shiny melon. Blargo, Blargo, the Jazz Man. Tonight at 11. Larak the Barbarianess, Hicks Bezzie Mates, zealous pragma, tuba Rick, It's Just Blake, Alice Malice, owner of a flu Santa Charmera, Kelly Jane Danky, Aaron the Optimist,

Thomas Stolen, aka Casper from another universe, Chadney Ashera, Lucretia, Thornis Animator, Tamara Oliver, the Real Dirt Fairy, Marissa, Ava, no not that, Ava, the one within... Grim, says, Trans rights, y'all. Zacky Nat, Underwater Corvid, Spisorinkum, Snakes and Bakes, Michael Christian, Ransom, Brun Micellil, Grawlix and Tarobang, late indeed again,

Theron Pyrallus, O'M Vega, Coming soon, dances with burritos, guac'd and loaded. Aaron Mitchell, Lady Kiannu Misen, Onix Rose, Jackie Wavlet, J.R. The Hikerbeerbeer, Velocatee, Velocate, Al Cove, McBeardface, Malloran, Sweet Michelle, Kara, Kamae, Cajin, Colie, Melmberg, Roeg, Lisa Geisler, Otramero, What the Chuck, Sonor Nasuno, Ben and Jessica, Todd Van Voris, Nea de Russo, Piches Atoichi, Inge the Crack, and Azula the Brave and their ever-faithful Squire Grab Thar. Gen Extraneous, Dancing Dog Dreams, Trinkett Coralie, and Existentially Exhausted Bean. No, you've got, you've got little devices now in your ear, so you can talk to fill up on the roof. I want to yell.

Sorry. I apologize. guys. Everybody just yell. For this episode, we're all yelling. Thank you. Great. As soon as you get up enough, truth.

Jesus. Yes. Extrajudicially. Honey, do you want to go back for anything? No. Does anybody want to yell anything? I sounded very, Ava, in the, you called it a merriment. but you called it a murder beast.

And then I, I could annunciate more likely. You called it a murder beast? But you got to spit a little bit. Or even, you called it a murder beast. You called it a murder beast. I could do this literally all day. Peace in our time.

I'm fuckheads. Tehan locks out. That's honestly how I want to leave the room. I've decided to abandon science. I'm getting into, oh my God, honey, I'm sorry. That's right. You're doing great. By honey, I meant Kareem.

Oh, sweet. Oh, darling. Please stop me if I ever make a moment where someone goes, no. Like in a serious way. We'll see. We'll see. If it's leaf, I'm going to let Tom do it. Where was it?

Around 43, 44. There was just, there was a cat eating near me. I didn't want there to be little like residual munching sounds. I didn't want to kick the cat. So. Oh. We moved back to Kronk's castle. Sound.

Hey, Tita. Hey, give him the atomic, fuck. Give him the atomic elbow smash. Honey, when the murder beast is sleeping, can you please make him do honkshoe, me, me, me, me, me,

me. It's like super cute. Yay, we have a pet murder beast. Who needs a pet cat for the diner? Yeah, it's a dorbs. Yes, I will do honkshoe, me, me, me, me, me. Can you just give us one more capraqcha, like from your balls?

Yes, I can. Got enough sounds? You got enough sounds for me? I got enough sounds. Can we just get a couple of, like, just me just sounding constipated for 30 minutes. Oh, please. A little two or three. Do it.

You want me to do it? Yeah. I'll do it. You know how well. Ha! Ha! Oh, my God. That's great.

Oh, my God. I love you so much. Amazing. Fantastic. The Fable and Folly Network, where fiction producers flourish.