Midnight Burger - Chapter 53: Life During Wartime
Episode Date: June 16, 2026"You're the enemy.""Says who?""Says everybody.""How do they know?"Cast:Gloria - Siouxsie SuarezVoon - Leeman KesslerKazi - Jessica MorrisFiona - Tess SegalPhil - Edward Selvy IVCaspar - Joe F...isherDavid - Quintin Jones, Jr.Ex - Camille SmickerAva - Finlay StevensonKrok - Karim KronfliDr. Punt Gusher - BantoDr. Lattice - Subway Sandwich ArtistMystery Men - Joe Fisher and Finlay StevensonWritten by Joe FisherDirected and Produced by Joe Fisher and Finlay StevensonEpisode art by WhisperdanMusic:Samadhi Sindhu - Van SandanoSOFTLY AND TENDERLY - GEORGE HOBSONOver the Moon - HeysonWORK - NIGHTCAPCafe de Manha - Martin LandstromFair N Square - William BenckertPlastic Elastic - rh3a bluuFrogalicious - ValanteSubscribe for early access, ad free episodes, additional content and more!Subscribe on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/midnightburgerSubscribe on Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/midnight-burger/id1537653218How about some merch? https://www.midnightburgermerch.comRead and search Scripts with PodScripts: https://podscripts.app/Explore the Midnight Burger Wiki: https://wiki.weopenatsix.com/wiki/Main_PageFor more information on our show, visit our website: https://www.weopenatsix.comFind and support our sponsors at: fableandfolly.com/partnersSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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Previously on Midnight Burger, Casper and X climb into the Boom Cube and get a one-way ticket to hell.
How does it work from here? Do I have to power it up?
It's all popping off in Cryptesia.
The gang is slowly getting back together so that they can finally take on Croc.
It is immeasurably difficult to surprise me, Doctor.
He's got a great big gun, and it's also hoarding orbs for some reason.
Remember that one?
But the headline these days comes from Ava.
Kazi, listen closely.
It's all bullshit.
I realize she says that about everything.
But this time, she's talking about Croc.
Meanwhile, on the other side of the galaxy, Gloria and the Midnight Burger Bee team went hunting for murder beasts, and what they discovered was neither murderous nor beastly.
What?
The data is telling me that this creature is a deeply augmented human.
How is that possible?
Many changes have been made, but the base DNA sequence is that of an earthling.
Holy shit.
Oh, my God.
It's just another one of Kroc's experiments.
When are these insane space gods going to stop invading our story and ruining the?
the vibe. I thought we were dinering.
Where's Leif again?
Why can I not get the sound right?
Leroy Jacobs!
Whatever, I'm sure he'll turn up eventually.
Let's start the shift.
Hey, Voon.
Good evening, Gloria.
Can't sleep?
An art does not sleep in the conventional sense.
We have a recumbent period where our mind consolidates the memories of the day in a more organized, long.
long-term location in our mind. Humans do the same, but for an earth it does not require sleep,
rather a period of intense meditation. Sleep sounds better to me. I have noticed this in Earthlings.
Many of you long for the period of the day when nothing happens and you are not aware of your
surroundings. That is true. And yet you are awake. Yeah, I don't think I'm on diner time yet.
still adjusting.
You know, even though you don't sleep, you seem a little sleepless, Voon.
I am wrestling with a dilemma.
What's up?
Earthlings do not appear to be attached to their planet.
I've observed in Fiona and the captain and affinity for striking out into the stars and leaving your home behind.
I think maybe you're observing the more adventurous earthlings.
There are plenty of us who like staying put.
My old sous chef was like that.
Caesar was born in Phoenix, lived there his whole life,
and just fucking loves the place.
I personally don't know how you get really hyped up about Phoenix,
but he never wanted to go anywhere.
I see.
So I may be working from a skewed sample of earthlings?
Any earthling who spends a lot of time here
is going to be a non-typical earthling, I think.
And the earthlings that wish to remain in their place of origin?
What is it that binds them to that place?
I don't know really.
I'm not sure why people feel at home somewhere.
I think they feel like they fit,
like they're a missing piece of the puzzle,
like they fell into place.
I see.
We Earth's love, our planet.
Our civilization has been a shared project
from its most ancient iteration,
all of us with a single goal,
knowledge above all.
It was only when we began to communicate with other worlds that we had to acquaint ourselves with concepts such as war and competition.
And you had to leave.
Yes. To be assigned the role of sorcer after your period of enlightenment has ended is a great honor and a tremendous responsibility, but it is a somber one.
We are told, keep earth within you. And I have.
I'm sensing a butt coming, boom.
This creature that we have taken under our care, it has been greatly victimized, tortured.
I believe that Fiona has as well, but Fiona has found a way to escape the victimization
and have a life that I feel she is proud of.
But this creature will never escape.
It is condemned.
I know.
I don't know what to do about it.
To create technology that would do this to another being.
It is the greatest of transgressions for us.
Cannot stand.
I think you and me and all of our friends are trying to stop it right now, Voon.
This army that we are facing, their armaments are considerable.
We've been doing okay so far.
Yes, but they are not designed for individual conflict.
They're designed to overwhelm.
I believe if we ever face them as a unified army, they would be unstoppable.
That's...
Not great.
As I have said, I carry earth within me.
I carry with me the core values of our people, knowledge, curiosity, respect.
I think those are good things to be working with.
Have you and your travels ever had to sacrifice your values for reasons you found to be important?
Well, I don't think I can think of something off the top of my head, but I'm sure I've had to.
I think everyone does.
I've been able to avoid such compromises thus far
And you're worried that you may have to compromise something you believe?
I am.
Moon, I think it's important to know what you believe.
It sounds like it's served you well,
but there are very few things that are true no matter where you go.
Very few things.
As I have mentioned before,
it is against our values to violate another B.
including their technologies that are an extension of their personhood.
I remember.
That being said,
if I could forcibly access the systems of this oppressive regime
that controls the cryptessia system,
I believe I may be able to deactivate their technology.
I can disarm them.
All of them.
There's something humorous.
Oh, fucking earth.
It hurts, man.
All right, let's check out our new location and figure out how we're going to do this.
Of course.
Well, at least this is familiar.
M reports that the nearby city has an approximate population of 80,000, with technological levels equal to that of the late industrial early information age on Earth.
What is that? Like, late 70s, early 80s?
Approximately.
Okay.
So, tell me about this plan of yours.
There's a high risk factor involved.
It will require...
complicated scans of the enemy's technological environment, M will need to be in close proximity
to one of the soldiers for an indeterminate amount of time.
We need to kidnap one of them?
No. In taking one of them forcibly, there is the danger of them using their teleportation
capabilities. I think it best that our maneuvers be clandestine in nature.
So, we're going to have to do some spy shit, basically.
For the highest probability of success, spy shit.
Okay. Okay, let's go loop in the others.
Gloria, this is Kazi.
Don't be alarmed.
Remember that before we parted.
I installed an implant in your head.
Whoa.
Hang on.
Is everything all right?
Kazi.
I'm sorry?
Hang on.
Tita has briefed me on your arrival, and I believe we have your signal now.
I'm sorry if this is overwhelming, but I have a large amount of information to give you.
Please get something to write with.
Oh, shit.
Inside.
Is something wrong?
Pen?
Who's got a pen?
Gloria, what's wrong?
Kazi?
In my head.
Oh, shit.
Pen!
What's going on?
Here, thank you.
Here's the current state of things.
Both Casper and Ava have returned to Cryptesia.
Great.
Still no sign of life.
Damn!
Casper is with us now.
Unfortunately, Ava has somehow wound up back in Croc's castle.
God damn it, Eva!
That's turned out to be fortuitous because she was able to transmit a message to us.
The news is not good.
Fantastic.
Croc has been developing a weapon, a weapon capable of destroying the diner.
Fantastic.
He was about to fire this weapon, but then the targeting became confused. We believe the targeting was confused because of Casper.
Casper apparently has, on his person, some sort of device that mimics the signal of the diner.
The space pager.
They're unaware of the existence of this device. They think the error is on their end. This seems to have bought us some time.
Time is good. But we don't know how much time. Of course.
This all means it is time.
for us to make our move on crock.
It is now or never.
Oh, shit.
What?
Kasi's making her move on crook.
Oh, God.
I hear you have an ERT with you.
That's excellent news.
Write this down.
1-1-1-0-1-0-1-0-1-0-1.
Give this code to the ERT.
Tell him to scan for a frequency with this identifier.
One zero one.
Voon?
Yes.
This code.
She says to scan for a frequency with this identifier.
One moment.
Tell him to ask to be connected to high command.
Ask to be connected to high command.
I shall.
These next few days will be crucial.
On one side of the galaxy, I'll be consolidating our forces for the assault on Crocs homeworld,
while you will be distracting them on the other side.
Greetings.
I am Voon.
Sourser ID 585.
5-0 Trinery, please connect me with high command.
This is not at all how I wanted to do this.
I needed more time.
Luckily, with Midnight Burger involved, I have an ace or two up my sleeve.
The Earth has made contact.
I'm switching over.
Greetings, Sorcer.
My name is Kazi.
Thank you for making contact.
Of course.
Can you connect me with the rest of the group, please?
I can.
Could everyone activate your com dots, please?
My...
What?
It's the thing we put behind your ear.
Oh, got it.
We are connected.
Who am I speaking with?
Kazi, it's me, Fiona, Voon, and Phil.
Hello, everyone. Fiona.
I'm glad to see you're safe.
Right back at you.
As Gloria will tell you, we are in an urgent phase of the war right now.
We are being forced to move before we're ready, but there is a plan.
To buy us some time, we'll be running interference to keep the enemy confused.
How are you running interference?
It's a plan that has unfortunately been named.
Operation
Rodeo clown.
Casper and David will be constantly moving around the system,
sending the diner's signal from as many places as possible.
They will do this using a very odd friend of his.
Odd friend?
They've insisted they stop by to say hello,
but they'll only have a few seconds.
What do you mean by stop by?
They'll arrive in the parking lot any second now.
The parking lot?
I don't see anyone.
There are no inbound ships.
They won't be in a ship.
What will they...
Whoa!
Oh, Jesus, I'm still not used to it.
Hey!
Oh my God!
Gloria!
David!
Hello!
X? Oh my God!
Okay, we can only stay a few seconds.
Okay.
I'm alive.
Did you hear about Ava?
Yes.
I am going to kill her.
I know.
David.
Look at you.
Look at you, Space Cowboy!
How do you like the cube?
What is it?
I have no idea.
Hi guys, I'm X.
What's up?
Pardon me. Are you an Android?
Kind of. May I scan you for relevant technologies?
You can give it a shot.
No time for scanning. We've got to go.
Okay.
I love you. You're amazing.
I love you. You're amazing.
Okay. I'll see you after the war.
I want to hear everything.
Okay.
Hi, Fiona.
Hi.
We have to go.
Okay.
I can't believe this works.
I know.
Okay, we're just going to criss-cross the system and try and stir up as much trouble as we can.
You guys stay safe.
Good luck.
What the fuck was that?
What a fascinating transportation device.
Who was the girl?
Those were my friends.
They fly around in a...
Q? I guess they do now. Now that's done. This phase of the plan has gone into motion. There's
nothing for you to do at the moment, but to stay safe. Now that you're connected to my network,
I can keep you updated. Actually, Kazi, Voon's working on something over here. I think we might
need to risk going into a nearby city. Working on something? What are we working on? I think Voon may be
able to give us an edge. Really? Tell me more. I am uploading our proposed course of action to your
network. Well, that's a nice change of pace. Nice to be working with someone so organized. I return your
sentiment. I'll have a look at your proposal. Gloria, good luck. You too. What kind of trouble are we
getting into? What are we even talking about? Y'all, Voon has a plan.
Hey, hey, enough already. I'm not a carry-on.
You'll wait here till he arrives. Your voice still sounds stupid in that mask.
I bet you sound like Truman Capotea under there.
Where's my cat?
Good morning, doctor.
What's with the rough trade from the Bonehead Brigade?
You've been a bit too adventurous in your wanderings about the castle.
I'm a curious person.
Is this thing on?
Kazi, listen closely.
It's all bullshit.
Very rude of you to listen to my private phone calls.
You're only here due to my private phone calls.
You're only here due to my...
benevolence, doctor. That's not true. Is it not? No. I'm here because you like me.
I was enjoying your company until he decided to use my daughter as part of your machinations.
Machinations. Croc. Come on. Look around. This whole castle is the Super Bowl of machinations. I can't join in.
Enough.
So, how do you? How do you? How do you?
it happened. How did what happen? How did you go from being a space god to whatever it is you are now?
Yes, I've figured it out. Every power you've exhibited thus far doesn't come from you. It comes from
something invented by that brilliant daughter of yours you keep locked in the tower.
You're so sure that's what occurred?
Yes, Croc. I am sure.
You've seen very little to prove this theory of yours. How are you so confident?
You're at war.
I am.
If I had mastery over reality the way you claim to, I wouldn't be at war with anyone.
I'd already rule the whole fucking place.
So why don't you?
It's kind of funny when you think about it.
You display a little bit of power, and you carry yourself with enough confidence,
and people will make all sorts of exaggerations about who you are.
Look at all your little boy scouts running around this castle.
They're all terrified of you, but in the end, you're not that much different from them, are you?
I am exceedingly different from them.
And then I started thinking about gods, right?
the idea of a god someone who can shape reality with only the power of their will and i have to say
the math just doesn't add up shaping reality to your will that would cost a lot of energy and that
energy has got to come from somewhere all energy comes from somewhere i'm just riffing in my head right now
but by my calculations, the energy required to shape reality to your will
would actually be more energy than is contained in this universe.
I see. You think I'm a fraud.
Not exactly. I don't think you're entirely full of shit.
I think you were there at the beginning of the universe.
I believe that part.
I believe that at the beginning, you probably were as powerful as you say you are now.
But something happened.
Something changed.
And that made more sense to me.
Like a star, at first incredibly powerful, losing energy over time.
Even Clementine had her limits.
We saw that she was drawing energy from...
It was Clementine, wasn't it?
That's what did you in.
You put everything you had left into her
in the hopes that she would get rid of us all.
How close am I?
This mind of mine is capable of a lot of things, Kroc.
One of those things?
Cognitive dissonance,
holding two opposing ideas in my hands,
head at the same time. I am able to sit here at this table and say that you are a despotic shithead
who deserves everything that's coming to you. I can also sit here at this table and say,
I kind of like you, Croc. You've got a dry sense of humor and you own a castle.
How about for the first time since the beginning of the universe,
You actually talk to someone.
The more you love a thing, the less control you have over it.
Poetically, the more you love a thing, the more you want to control it.
I had come to love this universe.
And the more I grew to love it, the faster it slipped from my hands.
And in the far distance, I could see its imminent destruction.
I wish to stop it
And my power to prevent that destruction waned
With every moment that passed
So you did all this
There's a delightful little story from your planet
A story of Adam and Eve
Two innocents from which all of humanity spawned
When they ate of the tree of knowledge
your guard became angry and flung them from the garden which I must say is rather
petulant an entire garden and you expect people to not eat the fruit but I digress
imagine in that garden there was not one forbidden tree but two the tree of
knowledge and the tree of immortality and if you ate
of both you'd have both knowledge and immortality what does it make you to have both
knowledge and immortality a god yes given a long enough timeline immortality and
knowledge leads you to godhood though my power had faded over time I still had
immortality and all I needed was a long enough timeline to
return myself to the power I once had. I just needed enough time.
And there were a whole lot of diners and movie theaters and shitty bars swirling around the
multiverse, speeding everything up.
Correct. If I couldn't stop you, I wouldn't have enough time.
So you create Clementine.
With the last shred of power I had left, I created Clementine.
And she worked brilliantly again and again and again.
Until along came you and your friends.
I am many things, Doctor.
I have been called many things.
But above all, I am simply a man that needs more time.
Crock.
What is the easier thing to do?
Spending all of this energy and creating all of this misery in the off chance that you'll be able to save the universe?
Or learning to accept that everything comes to an end?
I wish I was simply a despot, doctor.
I wish I was the villain you see me as.
I wish it was so simple.
I truly wish it.
I truly wish it was a simple matter of me coming to terms with mortality.
But I'm afraid it's not so simple.
There are worse things than I out there in the darkness.
Much worse things indeed.
What things?
I've learned not to speak of them.
I see.
A lot of people think that a scientist begins their life with curiosity.
That's not how I began my life.
I began my life with an admission.
I admitted to myself that there are very few things in life that I am in control of.
frighteningly few things.
Once I admitted that to myself,
I was able to dedicate the rest of my life
to figuring out why the fuck that is.
Why am I given the power to observe the world
but never affect it?
It's been a good life.
And it all began with that admission.
The universe played a very dirty trick on you, Kroc.
it convinced you that you could change it.
But it's even bigger than you,
and you still won't admit it.
The oligarchs blues.
Due to your adventurous nature,
I'll need to confine you to your quarters
for the remainder of this conflict.
Fine.
Where's my fucking cat?
A plastic, elastic.
There's an old, winding whore the prairie to that
Oh, girl of mine.
Better not run out of batteries.
Casper?
Labusa?
Hey, kiddo.
How are you doing?
I'm okay.
Doing a lot of work with the Vistak,
and when I stopped to rest,
everyone told me you were back.
I'm back.
I can't believe it.
Said the woman who can predict the future.
I'm a little preoccupied these days.
Yeah, I heard.
Effie told me you were hooked up to a bunch of tubes and shit.
It's a constant vigil.
I'm sure you can imagine how I feel about all that.
Unfortunately, it's necessary.
If you say so, that doesn't mean I'm going to like the idea.
They told me you would come back with a very interesting friend.
She is very interesting, my friend.
She's indestructible, and she can travel through space and time.
She was created by my ex-wife in another universe.
Uh-huh.
For a while, she was my enemy, but...
But then she spent several decades at the bottom of a river in Kentucky, and now she's my dear friend.
How do these things happen to you?
I've been saying that for like 150 years.
Where are you right now?
I'm on my ship.
You get a whole ship just for you, huh?
We have to dedicate an entire ship to the Vistak because of the power demands.
Okay.
The booza, you sound really tired.
Like someone else can do this.
The Vistek has kept us out of a lot of trouble.
Not all of the trouble, but a lot of it.
You know, props to you for making a terrifying machine that can predict the future,
but honestly, I hate all of this for you.
It's important work.
Labusa, I don't care.
You're a kid.
Okay.
Again, I am so much older than you.
I don't care about that either.
Did you ever have a period of your life when you were a kid?
Was I ever younger?
Yes.
I wasn't born at this age.
No, I mean, did you ever like shake up a can of Coke and then hand it to your friend?
And they open it and it explodes.
And they're like, no.
And you're like, ah, ha, ha.
No, I've never done that.
That sounds mean.
Of course it's mean.
Kids are mean.
Casper, I'm not sure what you're getting at.
Were you ever a kid?
Ever.
I imagine you were some sort of brainiac genius ever since you were a child, right?
I suppose.
Well, I guess I still see you as a kid because you were never allowed to be a kid.
You never passed through it.
I just want you to have a skateboard.
Or something.
A skateboard?
Yeah.
Okay.
I'll put it on the list of things to do after the war.
Okay.
Make that a long list.
Okay.
How are you doing?
Well, we are currently on one of the many Earths in this galaxy, and X and David are inside
some dance club.
A dance club?
They insisted.
We're trying to jump every three hours.
They wanted to stop for a minute and have a lot.
some fun. Why aren't you inside the dance club? Oh, I think you know the answer to that question,
LaBouza. But how are you doing? I'm assuming you heard about Eva. I heard about Eva.
Are you okay? I don't want to talk about it. She's given us a lot of really important information.
I'm sure that's true, but it doesn't matter because I don't want to talk about it.
It was very brave of her. Luzza? She didn't go there to do that. She didn't go there to.
be brave. She went there because she's whatever the word is for her.
It sounds like you're taking it personally.
I can't possibly take it personally because I don't want to talk about in the
Buzza. We were supposed to go on vacation.
Vacation? Yes.
How would that work exactly? I don't know. Words were said. I don't want to talk about it.
Okay.
We need to get through this war.
Then I can go on vacation and you can be a kid.
Being a kid is a time in your life when you do a lot of stupid things and date the wrong people.
And maybe you crash a car or something.
And you always look back on that period of your life and think, hey, thank God that's over.
But even so, it's still a tragedy when that part of your life is taken from you.
Well, as you're zipping around the galaxy, see if you can find me a skateboard.
I'm literally going to do that.
Hello.
Hey, over here.
It's so much fun in there.
I'm glad you're enjoying yourself.
Who are you talking to?
Laboos is calling me.
Really?
I want to say hi.
Go ahead.
X?
Hi.
Oh, my God.
X, don't see.
scare people? It's fine. Hi, I'm X. I'm Lubuzza. Hi. It's so great to meet you. Casper thinks about you
all the time. Does he? Yes. Casper, did you tell her the thing about how you worry that she never had
the chance to have a childhood? I did. Thank you. Are you sure? Yes, I'm sure. Would you get back here,
please? You're freaking people out. Hang on. Listen, now that we're back, everything's going to be fine. This is
going to be a piece of cake. Okay? A piece of cake. You're leaving me vulnerable on the hostile alien
planet. You're fine. It's not that hostile. We were just at a dance club. Have you been to a dance
club? They're so fun. Thanks. Okay. It's so great to meet you, Laboosa. You too. This room is wild,
by the way. Okay. Bye. Okay. I'm back. Relax. I feel so much safer. Anyway, that's
That's ex.
That was very disorienting.
You get used to it.
I imagine.
We should hit the road.
We need to keep moving out here.
Okay.
Take care of yourself, kiddo.
I'll see you at the victory party.
Okay.
Where's David?
He's still inside.
What's he doing in there?
He's a young man in a dance club full of young people.
You really want me to answer that question?
Never mind.
Oh.
Hmm.
Labusa asked you about Ava and now you're a little cranky parents.
I don't want to.
to talk about it.
And when I'm around, you don't have to.
Get out of my head.
You like it when I'm in there.
No, I don't.
Just a little bit.
X.
A little bit.
You just had a thought.
Yeah.
Ava's at the castle.
Yeah.
We're zipping around the galaxy.
Why not go get her?
Why not go get her?
Zip in, zip out.
It would take less than a minute.
Yeah.
No.
No?
Huh.
Huh.
What?
I can't go there.
To Croc's Castle?
Yeah.
Why not?
I don't know.
It's...
Like it's not there.
But it is there.
I know.
I can see it in your head.
What the fuck is that about?
I don't know.
Guys, I'm assuming.
Hey, hey, guys.
Welcome to the club.
Can I see your IDs, please?
Do not move or will be forced to shoot you.
Okay.
Did you hear that X?
Don't move.
Got it.
What the fuck?
Where did you go?
Holy shit.
Uh-oh.
Have you guys been skipping your oil changes?
Big Boo-boo.
What's happening?
The ship is falling towards a warehouse.
Can you drift a little closer to the river there?
X?
X?
Well, it's a shitty part of town.
It was probably abandoned, right?
I hope you guys didn't leave any of your stuff in there.
You should never leave your vehicle unattended without.
removing your personal belongings.
Mm.
Guys, here's how this is going to work.
She just destroyed your ship because she felt like it.
How do you think it's going to go if you try and shoot us?
Who this fuck are you, people?
We run a diner.
Fun stuff.
Yeah.
What's on fire?
See what happens?
You spend too much time in the club and life passes you by.
Some bad guys showed up and X did a whole thing.
These guys are cream puffs.
Aw.
Sorry I missed it.
They probably get going, though. They know we're here. All right. This place is dead anyway.
What's your status? Hey, Kazi. We've got the plan in place. I'm making our way downtown to meet Phil.
You've located their base? Yeah, apparently it's hidden underneath a subway.
It's under a train? No, not an actual subway. It's a sandwich place called subway.
That's confusing. What's the plan?
I get into the back room, block their communications, then Gloria moves in.
Good.
You seem to have brought a good group of people with you.
Yeah, they're great.
We've been through a lot together.
I wanted to mention before we get too deep into this, Tita tells me that you've been gone for some time.
Yeah, eight years.
I see.
After all this is over, I'd like to take.
do some tests on you, if you don't mind.
Okay.
We have a lot of people under our care like you, Fiona.
Their minds were altered, and I've had to reverse the effects.
You're the only one who's been living with these alterations for an extended period of time.
I'd like to see if there are any long-term effects.
Yeah, sure.
It's not the first time you've had to root around in my brain.
Let's one more.
Good.
Let's make a point of.
it. Okay. Is that all you needed? Yes. Just checking in. Anything else? Um, Fiona. When I first got here,
I was really scared. I didn't like being back here. That's understandable. And now I'm walking
down this street and I'm... You're angry. Yes.
That's also understandable.
Like I can feel it in my body.
That's adrenaline.
I'm surrounded by people right now.
All of them going to work, coming back from work.
Across the street, right now, there's a hair salon full of people getting their hair done.
All of them are like me.
All of them have been altered and fucked with to serve some purpose that has nothing to do with them.
It all has to do with one powerful man that they'll never meet.
I just want to scream at the top of my lungs.
I want to shake every single one of them.
That, however, would not be a mission-critical act.
That anger is important, Fiona.
You should be thankful for it.
Should I?
It means you're alive.
Okay.
That's what I do with the anger.
What do I do with the fear?
If you're dreading an approaching event, make plans for afterwards.
Really?
Yes.
That's all?
Then the event you're dreading becomes one thing on a list.
Take away its power in your mind.
So we're about to go to war with a space god, but that's okay because drinks after?
Yes.
Wait, is that why you want to look at my brain after this is over?
You're just trying to make me feel.
feel better? No, Fiona. That was for me. Oh, thank you. Okay, Gloria, I'm outside. Okay. I just wait here at the back.
Yes. Phil and I will do a thing and then I can get the door open. It's a pretty big steel door outback. Are you going to take his
keys or something? No need. Sit tight. I'll be right there. Okay. So let me ask you this. How many meatballs
do you put in the large meatball sub?
Three.
Uh-huh.
So if I order the six-inch meatball sandwich,
what do you do with the other half of the sandwich?
Well, we don't make the whole sandwich.
We only make half of it.
And that's with 1.5 meatballs?
No.
If it's a six-inch, we just use two meatballs in the sandwich.
So what you're telling me is, if I get two six inches instead of one foot long, did I get a whole other meatball out of the equation?
Yes, but we really don't want people to do that.
Oh my God, this fucking day, can you help me?
I'm trying to find the train station and the map says to go down Fifth Street.
And I did that.
I went all the way down Fifth Street, and I'm not seeing anything.
I'm not even hearing on terrain.
Am I going the wrong way?
Fifth Street?
Can I take my backpack off?
I've been carrying this thing around all over the city.
I tried to read this guide on all the essential things to pack,
and the guy who sold this thing to me was like,
you can pack a week's worth of stuff in this one bag,
and I was like, great, that's the one for me.
And now I'm three weeks into my trip,
and I'm beginning to think that maybe one week for a guy is not the same
as one week for a woman.
You know what I mean?
Man.
Anyway, I am fucking lost, I think, and I really need your help.
Is the train station on Fifth Street, or am I imagining that?
Ma'am, there is no Fifth Street downtown.
What?
We don't have a Fifth Street.
Uh, excuse me.
Look, it's right here on the map.
Ma'am, that's a map of New Haven, Connecticut.
I know.
This is Bloomington, Indiana.
Hey.
I have taken a wrong turn somewhere.
You think?
I'm going to have to think about this.
Guess so?
Okay, can I order some food?
I need to figure this out.
I need.
I see.
All right, I see how it is.
What?
Black guy in a wheelchair doesn't exist in a subway, I guess.
I guess that's how it is.
Sir?
I'm so sorry, I didn't even think.
Sir!
This subway is racist.
Oh my god.
A black man doesn't exist in this subway.
Oh, come on!
Turns out racism is $5 and a foot long.
Okay, Gloria, get ready.
Do you guys name your little schemes like Casper and Laif do?
Phil calls this one, Fear of a Black sandwich.
Nice.
Okay, Peter.
Skeleton key.
Skeleton key.
Okay, Voon, I'm in the back.
Excellent.
Place the jamming device and the east wall in the back of the establishment.
Okay.
It's on.
Very good.
They should sever any communications they may have with their homeworld.
Their hideout appears to be directly underneath where you are currently standing.
Nice work, Peter.
They're directly under us.
Okay, there should be a secret stairway or something nearby, right?
Should be.
Gloria, do you have my M unit?
I have your floating ball, Voon.
Hold M above your head so that it may scan for anomalous technology.
Okay.
Gloria, on the far wall, there should be a calendar called 365 days of sandwich.
I see it.
There is a proximity lock behind that calendar.
Hold him to the calendar, and the door should reveal itself.
Okay.
Hello?
Shit, I'm going to go run interference.
Peter, Sentry mode.
Century mode.
Good luck.
Gather round while I sing you of Vernon von Brown,
a man whose allegiance is ruled by expedience.
Call him a Nazi.
won't even frown.
Nazi schmazzi says
Werner von Braun.
I really don't have time to talk, boys.
I'm busy growing my hair long enough
to reach Prince Charming
all the way on the ground.
Please take this animal.
Come here, Carl.
You know, I can stay up here just fine.
But Carl's not going to stand for it.
He will come to you in your sleep.
We've been instructed to search our premises.
That's a very important.
violation of my civil rights.
We don't know what that means.
Who does these days?
Please stand aside.
Fine.
Don't say that he's hypocritical.
Say rather that he is a political.
Once the rockets are up, who cares where they come down?
That's not my department, says Werner von Braun.
It's a gravy boat.
I must report this to the benefactor.
That's fine.
But before you do that, would you mind shoving it up your butt?
Why would I...
Never mind.
Get the fuck out of my room before Carl eats you.
You two may be a big hero.
Once you've learned to count backwards to zero...
In German and English, I know how to count down, and I'm learning Chinese.
Nice. Says Werner von Braun.
Homeworld, this is Bonto. Do you read me? Homeworld, this is Bonto. On Earth 1-2-2, do you read me?
What the hell? Homeworld, this is Bonto. If you can read me, I think my station is under attack. Please respond.
Hi, I'm Gloria. I think you're looking for me.
I am? Aren't you?
You're that lady from the diner.
That's me.
What are you doing here?
I'm here to surrender.
Surrender.
Yes.
To me?
To you.
Why?
Does it matter?
Is this a trap?
How successful do you think you'll be with that question?
Why would I tell you if this was a trap?
Stand over that.
There.
Okay.
Don't touch that force you.
It'll hurt you.
Okay.
Homeworld, this is Bonto.
Do you read me?
Homeworld, this is Bonto on Earth 1-2-2.
Do you read me?
Gloria, we have a good signal.
Emma is working to analyze this technology.
Remain calm and I will inform you when the process is complete.
Your name is Banto?
How did you know that?
You just set it into your communicator thing.
Oh.
Yes, that's my name.
It's a fun name.
I don't think I'm supposed to talk to you.
Okay.
Thing is, there doesn't seem to be anyone else here.
Is it just you here?
I can have more men here any time I want.
I'm sure.
How are you on this planet?
Well, we tried to escape Croc's castle and that landed me here.
And honestly, I'm kind of used to.
on my own, so I figured I gave it a shot, and it didn't work out. May as well surrender.
Big day for you, Bonto. You just captured somebody pretty important.
I didn't actually do anything. Well, we could keep that between us. Whatever heroic story you want to tell,
I'll be sure and back you up. Why are you being so nice to me? I'm a nice person.
You're the enemy.
Says who?
Says everybody.
How do they know?
What do you actually know about me?
I know that you're like us, but you come from far away, and you're trying to destroy us.
Why would we try and destroy you?
I don't know.
You want to stop us from succeeding.
Succeeding at what?
Succeeding.
I don't know.
It's okay.
Back on my planet, I never really know what our leaders are doing either.
I know what we're doing.
Okay.
I do.
I believe you.
So is it really just you here?
That sounds kind of lonely.
I'm fine.
What do you do for fun?
I watch TV.
Oh, yeah?
What do you watch?
Whatever is on?
What's your favorite?
Alice.
Alice.
Like with Mel's diner, Alice?
Yeah.
Okay.
It's funny.
It is funny.
I like it when the woman with the big hair says to kiss her grits.
I like that too.
What part of the body is the grit?
Oh, it's not a body part.
It's grits are ground up corn.
Corn?
Yeah, it's called a euphemism.
Huh.
They work at a diner on Alice.
They do.
Why doesn't their diner attack people like yours does?
Bonto, our diner doesn't attack people.
Our people have been attacked there?
Who attacked who, Bonto?
Homeworld, this is Bonto, here on Earth 1-22. Do You Read Me?
Gloria, I've been able to access his weapon system.
I am quietly shutting down his offensive and defensive capabilities.
Would you like me to deactivate the force field?
Give me some time, Boone.
I shall.
Hey, Banto.
You're in a unique position right now.
Here I am.
I'm the enemy.
You can ask me anything you want.
Anything you want to know?
Do you know about square dancing?
Square dancing?
Sure.
I've never done it.
myself, but I've done El Caballo Dorado, kind of the same thing.
What is that?
It's this dance that everyone does at parties.
Anytime there's a birthday or a Quinceñaada, they start playing the song and everybody has to
dance to it.
Why do they force you to dance?
They don't force you to, but there's always somebody there at the party who will shame you
into dancing.
Everyone does this.
No, not everyone.
just where I'm from.
Where are you from?
I'm from a place called Phoenix.
Phoenix.
Yeah.
Alice isn't Phoenix.
Oh, right. Yeah, it is.
Phoenix is real?
Phoenix is real.
On Alice, I've never seen them do this dance.
Right.
Well, there are a lot of different types of people on my planet, and different types of people do different types of things.
We have different traditions.
That sounds confusing.
It can be, sure.
Meeting someone new, you never know what to expect, but that's part of the fun.
Why is that fun for there to be so many different types of people?
Well, it's fun because when you spend time with someone who's different from you,
it makes you see parts of yourself in a different light.
You get to know yourself better when you see how other people live.
Sometimes it makes you grateful for what you have.
Sometimes it makes you realize you could have more.
Mostly it makes you realize that the world isn't just you.
That the world is wide.
and while you've been spending your whole life trying to find the right way to be,
you talk to other people and you realize there is no right way to be.
There's a million different ways to be right.
But then in the middle of all this difference,
you suddenly spot something familiar,
something that feels like you.
So there you are.
looking at someone completely different from you
and you see yourself
the world gets bigger
and smaller
at the same time
and that
I would like that
Banto
I want you to choose to do something
for me
what
I want you to put your gun down
I want you to turn off this force field
and I want you to come meet some people who are very different from you.
I think you need to.
Who are they?
They're different, but they're just like you.
Okay, I'm back.
I'm confined to my room.
I'm not confined to my room.
Let's find some consistency here on Mount Evil, Crock.
Explain this, please.
Calling for me.
calling for help. That's cheating.
I'm happy to see you're entertained.
Who is this woman?
Well, that, Croc, is a small preview of your future asswoppin.
Oh, really?
Yes, I can't wait for you to meet her.
Who is she?
Don't worry about it.
Doctor?
Hey, you lock me in the tower and then you
expect me to help you? No way, dude. I tried to help you this whole time. I tried to help you give up
this ridiculous plan of yours, but you won't listen to me. My work here is done. You tried to help me
by alerting your friends to my vulnerability. Yes, but I think we can both agree that was for your own
good. Enough, doctor. Perhaps you are here to help. This is all that I'm.
needed. This little device you've been hiding from me is all Jazeca will need to make our weapon
functional. The downfall of your friends was hiding in your pocket this entire time. Within the hour,
Midnight Burger shall reach the end of its travels. Thank you for your assistance.
Croc, do you know what a snow globe is? Do I want to know what it is? You do. It's a
stupid little thing. It's a globe and it's got a little statue of liberty in there or something and
some fake snowflakes and a bunch of water. You shake it up and ooh, it's a snowstorm, right?
You can only fit so much water inside the snow globe. If you try to force more water into the
snow globe than the snow globe can handle, the snow globe will crack and shake.
You're with me, right?
Unfortunately...
Somehow Jizinka has figured out how to harvest energy from vacuum fluctuations.
Adding more and more energy to the universe.
More and more water being added to the snow globe.
This universe that you're trying to save,
you're going to destroy it with that big gun of yours.
I don't believe the universe.
is so fragile, Doctor.
It doesn't matter what you believe.
Every time you fire that gun,
you're running the risk of a cosmic imbalance,
a cascading effect that could ripple through the universe
destroying everything.
How convenient.
The weapon that will win this war for me
is the one thing you wish me to avoid.
Do you really think me so stupid?
Crock?
Let us speed this confrontation to its inexorable end, shall we?
Here they are.
New energy.
She's discovered a way to harvest it,
contain it within these spheres, and then weaponize it.
This will be how I am finally rid of you all.
The only thing that will be destroyed is any hope of your compatriot success.
You wish to communicate to my daughters that I am.
a shell of a man, that I am no longer what I once was. How did you artfully put it? It's all
bullshit. I believed you described me as a star, once burning bright, now fading into nothing.
But there is another phase in the life of a star, isn't there, doctor? A star begins as a beacon in the
darkness and then later in life becomes the darkness itself.
I may not have power on my own, but I am an excellent repository for it. With this new energy,
I am reborn. You there, what is your name?
R. Rann. Goodbye, Rann.
You have overplayed your hand, Doctor.
Your warning has only led them into a trap.
Now I will destroy them all.
Folks, it's the bottom of the knife and the bases are loaded.
You can cut the tension with a knife here in the stadium.
Even though it's the off-season and the stadium is completely abandoned.
Coming up to the plate is X, X comes to us from San Francisco.
So, she was formerly a psychotic robot chasing me around the multiverse, and before that was literally just a pile of sand.
Silicates art sand.
It's a beautiful day here at whatever this stadium is.
X is in the batter's box now.
She's got a steely looking around.
Now here's the bitch.
Aren't you supposed to throw this at me?
Well, I would, but we accidentally crushed the pitcher's mound with the cue.
Also, he can't throw.
There's also that.
Just toss the ball up and swing away.
Here's the pitch.
Oh, she really tattooed that one.
It's going.
It's going.
It's still go.
The ball is still going.
It's not coming down.
It's okay.
The ball is in space now.
That was fun.
Who's next?
No athletics, please.
I would get up there and put you to shame, but I'm busy doing the color commentary.
Hey, David.
You know what I was thinking?
What?
Well, Philomena is kind of the closest thing I have to a mom, which kind of means that I'm kind of your sister.
That's so terrifying.
Why?
Yeah, why? Just because she can show up randomly at any moment without any respect to your personal space and start reading your mind?
I would never do that, David.
She's done that to me many, many times.
You love it.
Life happened to be in danger at the time, so I guess I do kind of love it.
But, hey, speaking of your mom, she says hello.
My super genius mom?
Yes.
Okay.
It's so weird to think of her as the smartest woman on the planet when the last time we spoke,
I had to walk her through what an Instagram story was.
I know.
But I'm sure somewhere out there is the super genius version of me.
Uh, Casper, I've met millions of versions of you,
and none of them were super geniuses.
Just say it.
Completely uncalled for.
Hey, you should tell David about the art opening.
The what?
Oh, yeah.
So, the other David was showing his stuff at a gallery opening in Baltimore.
Oh, yeah?
Yeah, it's pretty cool, right?
I am just thriving in every timeline.
It's true.
But, hey, family meeting.
How are you doing?
What do you mean?
I mean, you've been.
You've been out here for a while.
You had to leave everything behind.
How are you feeling?
Good?
Yeah?
Yeah.
X was telling me you gave her a little speech one time about things having meaning.
I did.
Yeah.
On the TED home world.
Right.
Yes.
Leaf's arm.
Which, by the way, where was this wisdom in my youth?
I got none of that from you as a child.
Okay.
In my defense,
I had several decades trapped in a diner to develop that wisdom.
Anyway, thinking back on Los Angeles, so many people.
Maybe most people walk around all day and nothing means anything.
There's no meaning to it at all.
They don't have to be out here fighting evil or something,
but there has to be meaning to it, right?
Some sort of purpose.
It can't just be making it to the next day.
I don't know, David.
I think for some people making it to the next day is pretty fucking meaningful.
It depends on who you are.
Who you are is the person who needs something more than that.
You need to go out there and face it.
That's who you are.
That's how it's meaningful for you.
For the longest time, making it to the end of the day was a monumental feat for me.
It meant a lot, mainly because I didn't see the point of doing it, but I kept doing it.
I kept doing it until it meant something.
Not everybody has to fight Crock the Propagator.
They just have to get out of bed in the morning.
And that means a lot to them.
Exactly.
That right there.
Where was that wisdom?
Okay, I just told you...
Casper.
What's up?
We're detecting an imminent volley of energy from the home world.
Is it the gun?
I thought they didn't know how to use the big gun.
They must have figured something out.
Change your location immediately.
Oh, shit.
Let's go.
Everybody into the cube.
Let's go.
How much time do you?
We don't know yet.
Let's go.
Where am I going?
Anywhere.
Just put us in deep space.
Hang on.
Okay.
Kazi, we've changed locations.
It hasn't fired yet.
What do we do if it fires?
Okay, if it fires at us, we wait here for a minute and then move before it hits us.
And if it doesn't fire at us?
Kazi?
He's fired the weapon.
And?
There's a single beam of massive energy headed for the diner.
Shit.
I thought they couldn't do that.
How much time do we have?
Roughly.
A minute.
What?
We have to warn them.
Kazi.
I don't think I should do that, David.
Why?
There's nowhere for them to hide.
This amount of energy being released, it'll destabilize the whole planet.
There's nowhere they could shelter themselves.
We can't just sit here.
I'm sorry, David.
Dad.
Come on.
Where's some of that wisdom I was talking about?
Dad!
Okay, you want wisdom?
Yeah.
It's no good living your life as the person who watched it happen.
Okay.
Okay.
Yeah.
The cube is made of the same stuff you're made of, right?
Yes.
How indestructible are you?
I don't know.
Put us in the path of the gun.
Hang on.
Okay.
Here it comes.
Jesus Christ.
Holy shit.
Give me your hands.
I love you guys.
It's in both songs.
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Okoyumi can only think of them as...
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Dot, dot, dot, need I say more?
Kitty Pockets, Mama's Time Lord Robert, Ron and Misty Dawn,
two souls just trying to order night breakfast in the wrong time, space, and dimension.
Cone of Silence consultants apologizes for its role in transporting the eels to Hood's Pocket.
They were listed on the manifest as the singing Von Trapp family.
also the great, Inead, Silenkser. The joyful nihilist wants you to know that love at first sight
isn't real, but lust at first sight absolutely is. It's okay, just read my name once, then read a lot
more Bethany's. Mo Bitcher is still on the loose. You can help put him away by writing Midnight
Burger episode summaries at wiki.wopened.6.com. Dave Clark, Tegan Rose, Michelle Smith,
Andrea Beagle, Burden by Noon, Cuddles the Cat, Tsar Tolemy, Morsa F. Jones,
Melanie Tylane, Mystics of Cadoon, Professor Tuesday, Dr. Ava Maddox, is our cat.
H.E. double hockey sticks, the existential bean, Mama Beth and her wheel babies running the giant wheel.
Cyrano Johnson, Troy Pugsley, Andrew Payer, goth-squatch, Quellor the Liberator, Big J. Rock, Stuart Lynn, Orb.
Logan Fullerton, Kulva Guvno, Rhonda Menard,
Dear Ted Empire, Your Code Sucks, Have a Sandwich, needs to be a T-shirt as an
anti-AI battle cry. Ava's dying pet cactus. Dark Dream 95. Socialist Queers for Jesus. Taku.
DJ. Harrison Sally. Lila Lost. Spooky 904. Gart! Eden Gavin. The world needs more June's. Big
bunging Bernie Sanders approved Beyond Burger. Laf's third doomsday device. Ducky the therapy dog.
Shane Snoke is a goofy enough name all by itself. The bears are joining the Bethany War against the
Bethany's bearing arms for the Bigfoot's on behalf of Bigfoot Benny and the Bigfoot Jets.
A steak! Avalon, Droughtbreaker, a goddamn harpoon, pickle pancakes, Charlie Delambert,
Miss Chris Still Making Sandwiches, Michael Card, Raven the Necko Queen, Spike Osorio, Benjamin Davis,
Twyla Sands, Alexandra Skeldone, Curtis Barnes, The Huac, Shenzo, Chris the Monster,
Persephoney Watercore, Time Traveling, Dimension Spanning Goose, Named Fig.
Cylenzer, Cressara, Fernando Alucze, Wad of Gore, Not That Keith, Jordan Lawley, Some Fucking Swamp Wizard, Skexas, Royal Punk, Tricia Schaefer says, Ew, David, that is not a taco.
Ziko, Udon 96, Ren the No, Latimer Lovelock of the Lacey Lady's Lovely Luxuries, Gizum Crow and the Holy Cow, Tanya Fisher, Rainbow Goth Unicorn, Rain go-corn, Our Lady of Crab Walking, No,
Gown, Nomad, The Human, Space Viking, Celestial Crow, Gavin D's, Gavin Saler, Neifta Princess and her Aunt Sue's Honey and Emperor, Google's Glade, the Forgotten Storyt, Mr. Woo-Doo, Chris with a K, a cat and a lemon walk into a time-traveling dimension-spanning diner, Slangwort, mythical, mythical, mythical,
mythical mantis,
Honey Badger in a trench coat doing crimes.
Elmo's chip shop, Jay Cable,
cranky old organist.
I, Joe Fisher, being of sound, mind,
and acting of my own free will,
do hereby confess that I am the Zodiac Killer.
Jericho, Leon Sporkfire,
Pastor Jen Jensen, the Dick Wizard,
Lou Woods, Chris Goyer,
Noise Squared, Ginger Bears, Honey Bunny,
and their sidekick Wicklow,
the Mount Hood Torrey Gate, Mrs. Cashew,
Cat Roth Daniels, Julia Gullia of the Shreveport Gullias.
Leopold Gogol.
Alex Drumbar, Stoner Pubby, Elisa Kelly Martin,
Pan System University of Mihira and New Tideland.
Inateb thought that they could spy in the Bethany War by spelling their name backwards,
but it isn't fooling anyone, everyone.
Sub-Arctic Turtle, the Femboy Behind Casper, Doc U-018, Mark Kiyabab.
My two favorite sheep toys say hi from New Zealand.
B.
Jasonator.
Namir, Sandalwood Mountain, East Coast Branch, Ash Draw Stuff, Christy the Chaos Coordinator,
Joshua Baker, Grant Blackburn, the Bean Count Bandit, a margin mage, silent J, Gio,
Buzz Balab, the Boom, Boom, K-Man, Mimosa, David O'Banyan, The Phantom of the Uxbridge
Music Hall, Carmen L7, Dizzy Miss Lizzie, Mostly Harmless Alien, Logic Ledger, Kayla Sum,
right behind you.
Gonzalo Mortines,
world's largest ball of string.
Bucky Chipmunk reminds you that you lost the game.
Samuel Lefew.
Hesthaden Nepritham.
Flashcards.
Nicholas Dyke.
Nine.
Yeah.
The number nine.
A resting place for weary beans.
Shane Hopkins.
Juniperb with the backwards knees.
Eve in the between hour.
Two-faced Janice.
Slight Burn.
Scooter, worshiper of the seven cat gods.
The Amethus Dragon with Tiger Eyes.
Martel McKinney, Ice Queen, Laser Girl and the Nurse, Where Are Our Oars?
Caddy B, go ask Alice, Wes Kester saves the world.
Valen's three cats stacked atop each other wielding a plasma gun.
Jeffrey, Purple Nerple Nullifier, J.P. The Pizza Boss. Reapers passed.
Late Indeed again. Rex, Cricket and Frankie. Brigitte, Spadius, Squitty.
The Frost Hunt Scientific Collective. Two of us have PhDs and the third has memorized all of Ava's dialogue.
Champagne Supernova.
11-letter Christopher.
Antonio Ortiz.
A block of ice.
Huit La Coche is corn smut, but classier.
Ren the Crescent.
Erica Davis.
Jane Doe.
Magic incognito.
Lord Dres.
Drachir.
Blood Butler.
Sandlewood Mountain North.
Cryptic amorphous.
About 45 degrees.
Mandy.
Big Cat Makes Kitten go per.
Ted Ted and Teddy.
Hi, Bruce.
Enjoy your walk through them all.
Parker Berry.
Don't actually say this part of my name.
just say my name please.
Dr. L. L. your Jamaican fan says Wagwan.
Tula Blue and 142 Bugaloo.
Pistol Pete and Death Lotion.
Intergalactic transdimensional burger pirate.
Penny Pilot.
Debbie Trencher, that one dude who likes tacos.
Mark the list to name Loser.
The male escort.
Lady Bethany, aka Mrs. Turkey Spit.
Junior Barting, the father of Lucas.
Ava Maddox's Ashtray.
A Doree's, Vera Torkelson.
Bones, Lizard Breath, and the Snobus.
not rocket would love a spaceburger. Andrea Rose, Samantha Orum, Caden Suda, Bat Loves Dragon, Tommy Johnson,
unhip fern, noodles by Godzilla, Ralph Capone, Corey 83, Blues, Liz wants Laif to build her a plane,
dude named Blake, John Caleb Williams, Talius, Kian, an eel exchange student from Midst,
Daugherty last name, Ratrick, Ricklin, like Rich Land, but without the D, Dyer. All Bethanies must do the hustle,
Jordy Ladbrad, Natasha without Boris, Frost and Alice, Lobster Possum, a mostly morose ghost
eating toast. Hey, Leander, love you, kiddo, Malort Boy, Jinks the Cat would like to offer you biscuits,
have a zesty day, Megan, Malcolm Edwards, spend my money irresponsibly, Stephen Drop, Dana Thannielsen,
son of Dana Thanniel or Danny for short, Chris Eaton, Cross Stitcher Who Loves the Hobby, and Time Travel,
Funch Brunglin, Nash likes apples, pneumatic Yeti, the Eldred Schazoa, Wyatt Frihover, Paul, James Bell, Dave Davison, Broom Goddess, Ricky Burnett, That New Guy, De Savage Indian, Radboy, Hayden Brown, J. Weak's, The Generous Patient Rose, John Wilkes Booth's Freedom-L loving horse, aka J. Willikers, neckbone, his Imperial Doudness. Oh, hey, it's Jay. Grim, off the internet, wants Harriet to know he loves her. Titan King 7.
Ritch Francis, Burger Kaspa-Spa, No Relation, Jedi Shaolin, Smart Alec the Great, Gas Station Crypted,
Deus Cashic, Bird Bird, the Birds Bird, Cheesy McPhish, Papa Goose,
Sometimes I do feel like a plastic bag, Amanda Bills, Misty Wordpower, Casper's Danish Moose,
Flacco, aka Johnny R, the Disco Spider, Leaf Tracks, The Rise of Leaf, Chapter 2,
The Ted Slayer Unchained, Vicky A Bear, Pike Daniels, the Cosmic Whale, Zansatsu,
Mr. and Mrs. Van Limberlost.
Murdoch Weng, Caterpillar Farmer,
Chimera, Don Moat,
the space trucker Chadwick Coden Doyle VIII,
Jody Green, Monster Senshi,
Michael Peters, political knitter.
Seasonal Sasquatch
silently seeks secret society,
so special souls
softly sing sweet songs,
smartly stirring strong stories.
Physicist, Brendan Shoneman,
I divided by zero and now I'm undefined.
Laith, the horse is here.
Mag Tremmer.
Rod Stewart, the Sailor Slayer.
James We Met, the listless enjoyer, Ash Morningstar and her traveling animal shelter, Miss Maxine, Boy Got Them Honka-Honkers, Kevin O'Malley, Invisible Garilla, The Mrs. Poland, Zamaniac, Hoplows a thugbot named Francis, Pam the Infinite, and Thou, Curiosity is Eating Your Bones, Revolutionary-Inclined Ocelot, Matt Howler, Andrew Bear, Marius Dejoa, Butterfly Fox, Riot the Trani, The Fish, did not acknowledge her. Irma the Lama,
27, keep it tight. Chip, Gloria's right hand Jack in the Boxman. Joddin. Grim Knight.
Pike Daniels the Whale. And Thosceles Bethany Maximus Lord of Kingwood, Texas.
Ragnar Jensen, Addison Weirdo Wagner. Shua the Druid is composting the rich for a salad bar.
Aramand 0305. Smoke me a kipper, I'll be back for night breakfast. Titus Kosslov. Ashes of a burnt-out
lathe. I'm a Kung Fu Panda on the Wind. Brandon A.R. equals Thor. I love you all. Never. Never.
forget that, especially in trials, and Laboosa's voice brightens my day. The intergalactic
house of cats demand a free Palestine, Electromancer, Chekhov's Space Cannon, Corey Senses,
Surf and Turf Telecoms, I'm a Gin, Red and Dusty with his Garden Goddess, Shelby Morrison,
Kobe's Dingleberry, Mystic Monster for Chaos, Ziggy Dreadful, Rave Hans Malley, G-Wing, Frank One,
It Is Sparks, Lost Girl Lou, Chris B, Middle American Penguin, Shana Welch, Crochet Cosmos,
Andy the Celestial Penguin, Jackie Orion, Bo Nunley, Arianna Castillo,
the tall deer that portends great change.
Lita Medtinger, Marco, Friend, as in Your Best, Lime Ghost, M, Icky Blurgs, Jay the Erascible,
The Magic Committee, Committee of Anything Magical, Ian Full,
345 uneducated swine learning to swing dance.
Nova the fuck accountant is definitely not a tangle.
One intergalactic year with Big Potato 99, A.K.A.
the rat lady, aka Bumblebee, aka AK-A-K-47.
Kai, just a little guy.
Ender Wright.
Mark Naza Warritz.
Zinia, the Capturer of Light.
Duncan Albert, Theoretical Chemist.
Chris Loves to Read.
Katie Machalick.
Greg Andrews Lyons.
In memory of Jason Reese, get your butt-fingered.
That Girl Gracie, Magnus von Caffinheim,
saucy little beast.
Drewbert, Captain of the SS Beefy Tits.
Longtime Lurker, Scooter, The Unlucky Son,
Jennifer Myers, Lady Lazarus, Donnie Darko, Tim Shin, Caitlin and C.T.'s never-ending podcast adventures,
Whisper Dan, Keo the Panda Puppie Forklift Operator, Ruby Cherries, Nick Faye, Buttholen, Justin and Amy Triplett, Jen Sims, Penelope, Ring to the Motters, The Leathermans, Odd Commodity,
Jen Before, Ander Ho, Leah Prime, Gregory Santoro, Motham, Not the Fucky Fried Chicken, Robert Drapeza,
Dimension Spanning Time Traveling Little Guy, Eono, Jonathan Tolbert,
Mr. Put It On, 06, Hedgehog Hen, Jackson Bell, Katie Chambers, Jay the podcast lover, Dick Rickles, Chapter President, damn glad to meet you, Malcolm Flynn, Samuel Lee, Josatron Prime, Oh my God, I Forgot to change my name from Nicholas Beckler to something more cheeky and fun. Arwin the Freer, Throat Goat Goat Goat 666, I Am Your Father, Addy Slosson, Inconceivable Kai, Red Rum 916, Nick Waycaster, Gotham still fucked up, Batman really ain't doing shit when you think about it. No good,
monk. Rye. Yes, like the bread. Sarmann Seyed. Donald Grimbus. Matt Knight Bouchager.
Gavin Mori. Damn, E. T. Andrews. Stephen the Choi. Gloria's Authentic Earth Coffee.
Coffee Nebu. Axel Zapata. Jason McDonald. Orionda. Bean Dino. Philip Lennox. Hugh J.2.
Brian Montgomery. Artemis Record. Safa Alusi. Trev Brax. Gunner Tweedel. The bar
without a ballad or a mallet, Nazo.
Platform jail mechanism burn museum theorist, hold please.
Kayeow, Empress Squishy Face of Greater Catopia, Anna Garcia, Goblin King, Rays of Noop.
Kiki's best friend would like to go to breakfast.
Yeager Luce. Terry Cads says, hello, Ernesto.
Leaf Tracks, The Rise of Laif. Chapter 1, Loaf Tracks retires.
The Dishonorable, prodigal, I Lum, Sculliver, Sam and Shane, Asoka likes hugs.
Going Anonymous, V.
Dukes. Ooh, chickadee. Dango Dale. Esty, not the website. At every moment in every corner of every
possible world, there is always a way home, and it's already found you. Jiao Paulo Lemos,
Odd Keep, the sentient lighthouse, the faceless old Bethany who secretly lives in your home,
D. Shane, Tanya Fisher, Appalachian Death Queen, Zosifer Dogo of Doom, Burt Barbecue Beef
Brisket, it's official, they're called Thigroney's. Kevin Wynens, Marlon C, just whelmed.
Madame Perry, Cherish Hellfire's Hellish Chairfire, Lichen Lady, Midnight Club, Cameron Agnesee West, Knox, Lisa Lou, Emmett Hale, The Triads Baddest Goblin, Emory & Lano, James Miles, Brown Coats Love the Diner, House Chaos of the Critter Cicophony. Max, Nia, Ivan, and Mark will see you at six.
Open, open, open, no wait, never mind, just Mark, and, uh, we make the world.
Minion Simone Mimi Davis, Gaya Turtle, Wayne Barahona, Jesse the Dragon Rider, we will
not rest until Puerto Rico and Palestine are free. Pluto Crow, Nisysmom, Pokesplort,
Whiskey Rebellion and Gen Riot's Interdimensional Detective Agency, Zephyrithrault,
Altrane, Shibu, and Griff, Slim Nandy, Goth Laf, Jen and Britt, Adriana Bartolomucci,
Jonah is gay, The Midnight Ashes, Hornetti, Ballion Fair has retired and now raises
herds of mungos. Hood's Pocket Protector
The artist formerly known as Unpaid Intern would like to congratulate Heather on her divorce
is thinking of getting one herself.
Valky Storm.
Patricia, who's always late but somehow on time.
D.C. Squirrel, Kyle the Interstellar High Women.
Shelley Act on the Verge.
Gale Friend.
Rubber Cake.
Clover the Clown.
The Sparky Tech.
Prop the Crocker.
Ringleader Volt.
Jazz Punker.
Captain Tight Pants and the Companion.
Renee N.
Catarina de la Playa.
R.I.P. Eloise Waffles.
The Fluehringer.
Acky the Space Druid.
Phantom Land T.T.R.P.G.
Dice.
Katea Plume. Your local blacksmith, Ash Montgomery, the boggiest of birches. Jason, HVac Tech for the Diner's Deep Freeze.
S.K. Phoenix. Glitch the Gamer Error, the Weffer Montgomery Foxworth, Maryface, Luan Cherry,
Peppermint Pearl, the Interdimensional Space and Tea Time Witch.
Nicole 6-4. Amara Salazar, Banjo Buscolo, Full Beans, Glorious Forgotten Ford Vistiva,
Brandon Wright, Night Breakfast at the Midnight Cauldron, Force for Good-ish.
The ghost of Dave Brockie, the Judah, Slater Morales, Intergalactic Frylord, Gravity is optional,
but fries aren't, CJ's Big Barbecue Bistro for Bethany's, Angel Vasquez, Evil the Cat,
Stephen Raymer, J. Carp Fishman, the Great Goblino, low oxygen, save the mungos,
Joji the Birdwatcher, a flock of gray horses from the top of a sycamore,
lilac Morcella, Rachel Krempa, with special thanks to my best friend Lizzie and my husband, Steve.
Don't worry about the order, honey.
Tigg old biddy y'een milf majesty. Temporal Hashbrown, Diane Brown, Captain No Sleep, Jamie, the OG happy hippie, Rainey.
Rubin Eden, Smedley-Pie Snodgrass the third, but please pause two to three seconds and then say,
call me smetty. The Shreveport Bohannons, C.C.C. The Umbrellae's Sosch, Loads Chekhov's gun and rides to
join Bethany's army. Dinn, Cosmic ketchup, lack of lifestyle. Joe definitely didn't forget about you, August.
Moosey, hoods pocket, gear and sprocket at local repair cafe, the crafty introvert, postmaster
general Kwan sent me, Blake Basmagian, nitwit 14, roiled way too harshly, DJ Johnny B, the Klopman
Diamond, Marco Montano, no longer doing a bit, shiny fields, Adam Tachack, Christopher Wendell,
unproductive banana, Pulcifer the Paulist of Paulism, Zombie Spider-Man, Bex 823,
Auntie Cripped, Barry Heap, Gas Mask Penguin, In the Hot Seat, Mime Ninja Mime, Master Uguay, Barry, Dilius Dallying, Futile screaming at the Ocean, Fox Hatlin, Dylan Caroni, Pedro Vibresto, Slider, Malachi, Julian Rhodes, Maple Emily, the gayest library janitor in Indiana. Learn how to be calm in heart, Stumbly, I'll be waiting.
Physic the Good Bush, definitely not one of the bad bushes, funding Rebel Bethanies to overthrow the Julie elected Bethany's.
hexadecimal Bethany is non-binary.
Vapis 10's Big Black Gaping Hole.
The planet Gubrius is still partying.
We can't stop.
Oh, God, what have we become?
Bruce.
Jessica Gagoma.
Toracle.
Jenny the bear.
Agar.
Sir Dean Thorne.
Treech?
Josie Jones.
Mr. Fibble is very cross.
Hote potato.
Dr. Mojo postulates the end list
endlessly splintering off as Bethany and Bert Bert's caboose
until its end lists all the way down.
Blind time traveler convention.
date. L.A. Woman, the Phoenix Rising. New name? God. No, not him. Jeff Andrew? Sure. Jeff Andrew.
Cup of noodles. Shmizzy two shoes. Luna Nova. Nicholas Griffith. Justin Smallen. Riku
31. Craig Dundee. New type without a Gundam. Astral C. Ickle me, pickle me too.
Which Loud the cartoonist. Guy with the chops. Sam. Mitchell Yee. Bagelknife. Emelda and Scott.
Courtney Cochran, Lily Starling, Ryan Kay. Devin 7777-7 has been my favorite verbal stem for months.
Nate, forklift lifts forks for Cliff, Chip, Radio Free Reelia, Violin Loves Middy, Brian Passly,
Sue Wobassa, the Blue Chernoble Dog Enjoyer.
Grenna, Pistin'Wip, Captain Ducky, Blitz Bell, Shiny, Let's Be Bad Guys, Satuma, Silius Go Axe,
Coach Shane of Toad Sucx Central, Go Cranes, Sky, Cole Arthur, Lego Cuisant, Cassade, Norwin
Mergler, Joe Kappa, Dogma Mom, Wee Be Chopin'B Chopin'Rocalee!
The hacker known as Ivy DeBurb.
Blue Tune. A feisty-ass chickade.
Poultry landmine.
The Scrappy Poet.
Jenny the Crypted Paladin.
Maverick Artist.
Shit, it was a mimic.
Basil in their tea.
Waiting to gossip with David.
Ainslie, Ye, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Angnor, ATB, Kiwi Lovely Bead, Zoe, Professor Freda.
Michelle Spurgeon, Jack the Sleepy.
Garrett Henderson, quote, still trapped, but I've stopped asking why.
The freezer is.
I am.
We chill.
Son of Defarge, Wisco Teach, Give Peas a Chance, Samma Ding Dong, Behold Lady Sarah Per Whiskervail, Countess of Woodhallow, Mistress of the Whispering Pines, and Beloved by all creatures small and opinionated.
Ricardo Galamba, Cari's crafty cloaking devices, LLC, hashtag we weave em of Gossamer.
Penny the Wonder Dog and Bucke Evon Buckbuck, Medium Rare Extra toasted bun, saucy Caesar, Belt, Aspen is a Verge fanboy, Mick J-67, Ava's Faye, Ava's Faye,
favorite My Little Pony Pencil wants Joe to slap into a snim gym. Mr. and Mrs. Drifter,
representative of the Alaska Midnight Burger tummy time chapter. Nathania Lee Industries, Lord Entropy,
bach, bach, bachuck, motherfucker, the fay wanderer, everybody's favorite clowns splotchy, kosher
Steak, Flo Rida, Alyssa's Shiny Pants, Gondor Coles for Aid, Arnold Rumspringer, the Demise of the Temple
of Bethany's. Alan Bergland says, Hi Mom, Rinn the No, Kitty McSull. Ravenstromden's, hapless
novelist passenger of the dimensionally impermanent and temporally incontinent bookshop
cafe the wild-eyed prophet. Tessa Craig, perfectly personalized disaster, Jim Turner, Lux
Luminos, Javi Denaro, Big Chunk, Gadez, Boom's Wooden Legg, Will the Real Maudib please
stand up? Jilly Bean, Benjamin, not Franklin, Tracy Baby, Leah. Is that the Chris Hancock
who traded weekly soup for the use of my kitchen table? A singular nightbird, Bethany in a green
field. I am the lizard frantically firing flichet guns. A. E. I.O. U. Y. and W. Bumblefay. Mr. Epsilon. Long-haired
Matt. DJ. Robert W. Breelzebub. Kresimira. Jessa Loren. The Bean Wizard.
Myth and Stitch embroidery loves the mucklewains. Lulu Lou Louise. Duleo. The brew crew family.
Bert Ruba, your most benevolent lord and master of the multiverse. Jeffrey George.
Ellie. Don't tariff me, bro. Oopsie. Evelyn. The wizard mooses holds out their cat for you to pet.
Grim lore. Genie Woboom. Errant Popsicle Stick. M. Horowitz. Ile of Refuge.
Jack Spider's mom. Bubble But Bethany has banana breath.
Lama Fresh. Jair the Benevolent Destroyer. Valtiel Heller. Sad Little Earth Monkey.
Revin the Red Beard Wizard. Bert Bert and the Funky Bunchy Bunch.
Bethany 2. Electric Bugaloo. Welcome to the Kwan Pound. Pen, pen, pen, pen, pen.
Mr. Mucacho Kaiser Schnitzel has successfully recruited Sarah Murphy's cats for the Trouble Puff.
fight club. The wolves in the deep freeze say, awo! Sanctuary moons number two fans. Insane
clone posse. Alice Lewis. Simply Amy Sue. I pushed her because Joe said so. Even older Liz.
McBearcat. Grak pinfeather, Cidican druidicic-Scientist. Astro, your friendly neighborhood
android. Moonlight zombie fox. Old Doc Racy, the midnight missionary, out there somewhere
looking for you. Rotten Ronnie sleeps in grandma panties. Artist Dragonborn. Bigby Garage.
Bill Zangana Lester, Joaquin Jimenez, Big MF Juice, the SIP, Muffins, Spacewives are officially
Verge and Diedra, Chad Hatter, Cosmic Tea Maker of the Triads, Tell Your Cat, I said,
Upspspsps, Psypx, B, Banana Manaz, a corgi cold kibble, Cudley Cracken, Sarge the Bard,
Seminity, L.L. Cool Mint Jams, Travis Robertecus, Ken Daddy, Leah Aizotti, Millie was
Taken, Dead to Me, 86, B. Camp, Shanman, Man Man Man, Karma, Carma
Camillion. Kinran says hello. Zoe and her army of mice. Breyer Longlost. Daniel. Sammy the baby seal.
Trixie Belle Dubois. Dr. Budiologist, the glutes doctor. Thank you for pressing too.
Your Anglophone Emotional Support Canadian request will be processed in the order in which it was
received. Queen Sirly Jess. R. IP Lance McLean, you would have loved Midnight Burger.
Adam Tocloaf, Dr. Bichraft, Sassy Cat the Space Vixen, Claire Rock, Jekka,
Arrows to God, the size two fish you've been looking for, Eyoka.
Borgia. Spiders are cuddly. The main immortal pinball sounds in the diner. Chill, Neal, Sin City
Scuba Steve, Pollywag, Michaela White, Elena Pickle, Wilbur Winklewryt, Wrist Watch Wrangler of West
Worcestershire, riding through the desert on a horse named Patoon. Professor Thaddeus Snookams
the 8th, Mr. Grin, Glenn Petrovsky. This moment of silence so Joe can catch his breath is
brought to you by Rick Tyler. Elizabeth Hammond, Steam Vision, conductor of the
interdimensional time-spanning hype train
Dave Harold, Wisecube,
Bromine, pronounced bro, mine,
Main Hamdinga. Mother of Pearl,
Fiona now owns Laf's 18-inch
Peter, Sealface, Rigger Mortus,
Megan's Things Megan Makes,
Coilane, Trebex Reject,
Prophet of the God of the Mucklewains,
Darth Ox, Michelle Kay,
Aaron Arnold, Booyoyo yo-Yo-Yo-Yo-Yo-Yo-Yo-Yo-y-o-y-o-y-o-y-o-
as in Boingy. Mamamander, B,
Ross, and Slunkmaster Jay.
Alpacalypse. Spokane, doesn't
suck. Elliot Paints, Undead Akira, the Lord Reverend, Ryan. Thomas' 10, Tenebrist,
Tanstaffal tippers treading treacherously tantamount to telling totalitarian trope termination tales.
The lovely Laura Lovely. Kith Gamge, Sam Wise's Flamen Cousin. Dariel. Daryl. Jeremy the
ruler. Gochi, Charles Robert Darwin III, Esquire, Ph.D. Jacob Mitchell, Zeke in the Box,
Stevie Crowhill.
Ola, Milikhan, of the Welcome Wagon says, Ecobel, the Adventures of Magpie and Brown Bear, Scrubs,
Remy, the Panda crew, Melody Prime, Beardow the Wizard, Captain Benjamin Hawkeye Pierce,
the German short-haired from Nashville, wants to tell his mom Maddie that he says,
Woof! Whiskered, Annie two hands for the double high-five, Marissa the Ghost,
local snowplows in your area are dying to meet you.
Rutherford B. Chesterfield and his dapper companion Winchester, Cheshire Corgi,
stray cat, old Kelsey no-shoes, Zoldia, Dizzy Flame, we serve everyone eventually,
Sasha, Beth and Alan Van Gillis, Langston North.
Sly Fox, aka. Braer Rabbit. Your friendly neighborhood vagabond. The constantly lost geographer,
Timothy Aiotis, Chance wants you to know, he cares. Wolfstark, Elliot, Hobbs de Co., Natalie Bartlett,
Rory of Yin, Mooby the Golden Calf, Suda Satoshi, Giovanni Salinas, Rocky G, Perry the Pirate,
Aaron Elizabeth, Kay Narcotics, Solomon Price, Daydream, but Evil. Baba 485, AKA Shemelbach, the Christmas
whale, Kaiju Summelier, Stella Corvis, Jesus Garcia, JP the IT guy, Candyman Fight, John Peters,
you know, the farmer, Markley on the Holladeck, Dapper Dad, SCP-4-9, O Magis, Raven the Dreamer, TK
Turtle King, Mike M, spaced-based lasers, Captain B and Lady G with their swabs, Marla
Madam Lotus still especially loves Finley, Mr. Steamwave, my friend the Rhino says, be nice.
Hoop Challenge.
Dream Founder.
Huckleberry. Elizabeth T. T. T. Tie, The Wonderhamster, and her dear darling Duke,
Grandpa Gus, boombastical Kim L. Huggamuffin, Bigfoot of Doom, D.L. Annie Atkins. A bounty hunter
called, the Crandy Man. Garrow. My cats say to tell you, meow. Think fast, chuckle nuts.
Flash banged. Benjamin Ortiz. Mr. Frog President. Pop Rock Quicksand. Mr. Squizzle,
Whizzle, the horrendous, apologizes for conspiring in the Bethany War. Invites for Tea are being sent now.
Manasso, Mr. Rage, Adelor, Trans Space Dinosaur, Spooky Spader's Storytime, William Kent, Andy,
the McJimmy's from your local dimension, Ryan Abbey, Thomas Adams, Drink Spiller, Stephanie Booke,
Entropy Igenbases, Andrea Crowther, Martin Dears, Kevin Daughtry, De Flower,
two daddy jazz hands from mouse toots, Dan Gentry, I hope something good happens to you today,
yes, you.
V. Greenly, Ron Hayden, Michelle Hopper, Jake the Cook, Josie Jones, Bootskooten Dave,
Anthony Lakey, Brit Littlefare, T. U. Luther. Some days you're the Beatles, some days you're the dung.
Lauren Mayer, Glenn Morris, Richard Ryan Mischel, Michelle Myers. Ali Upsi, not to be confused with Upsi,
Frippel, Rosemary Pram, Robert Savat, Lizard Lee, Eliza Sharp, Donald Schingler, Daniel Stavie, Fall of the Berlin Wallaby,
Kella Tia Arena, Rachel Vasquez, Luke Vichito, Nia Venturi, the beloved yet borderline
inappropriate empire of Dr. Thunderbutt and Lady Christabel. Justin Wiley, Brett Zimmerman, Arrow Jones, Jubal,
Xavier Killingsworth, Lane Kiffin is a ho, Mimetic hygienist, Aaron Star-Star Joshua Damien
and Sentinel of the Star System, Claude De Claw, Spunky Dan, Rachel Seymour, Ed Boy, Ryan Finnelly,
Jonathan Kaye, Pearl Null, Petabyte Avatar, Tugwin the Mighty, Project Octopus, Ken,
Chibs 1012, Scotty Oates, Beirotron 95, Dance Breaks.
Speaku, the Bracken system in its home world Wren, simply Tony.
It will always be Finley's workhole to me if you know, you know.
Gabriel Castion.
Whom, what, when, where, and why is what all Fagroni say while listening to Midnight Burger.
A drum major and a trapeze artist walk into Connie's bar.
Retorted.
Sir party animal.
Uloy Jackal.
Ari sure you Mike Robb the Nancy Sinatra?
Court need to leave it alone if you want to live.
Must be a witch.
Cat with a K.
My thigroney has a first name.
Stompinstein L. Mustachio.
Lucifer Hesichael.
Lachiawawa Brava.
Adeline Pets.
C.C. Cicicorth, the Destroyer.
Honest Puck.
Caspers' Mom's Mimilf.
Scout and Foxglove says the floor is lava.
Unexpectedly Blue Red Nell.
Kordomsky.
Craig Armstrong.
Plastic Fork.
Dulce Studios presents Under the Truskin Sun.
Get out of my booth.
Bug.
Propagator.
I hardly know her.
Sad angry crabman.
Chuck McFinley, Effie and Zebulon's trans great-granddaughter Hazel Hayes, Velocity Girl 42,
Little Dragon and a Coulter of Bats, Ben Carlisle, Flat Steve's Love for Grand Theft, Anna Keity,
Tater Tadah Assassin, Four Schnauzers of the Apocalypse, Starbla Burnbright, Imzukiokiokiokioki-Mewski,
Spotted Brino and Her Hand Me Down Frogs, Red Mafia Panda, Lonely Isle, Kai Dallow headphones,
Hinkle, Pike Man Stover, Fondella Stover, Pikeman Stover's wife, Alexander the boss,
Scrizzles, fwap, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty.
The firekeeper. The end is nigh.
Jeremiah the canceled.
Librarian Alex, Spike and Faye.
Johnny Ellen West and the boys from the dwarf.
Speedy McSpeedy.
Eli, Wolf.
Auntie Becky is owned by five rescue cats.
Speckled Unicorn.
Jedi rides again with Nova the Space Pirate.
Tevin Longblade Short Sword.
Forget normal.
A damn!
C.J. Johnson.
A dragon sitting on its hoard of dice.
Wendell Whitaker.
Chumbo Wombo.
Fikachu.
Smivey.
Globed Roulette, Andrew Fuller, Ban Mi Hung, The Soup Witch, Fetishini Alfredo, Cowboy and Sasquatch, Hunts Bethany's, Pebbles, VV, Effie Rawlings, Megan Hazen, Philip, Your Dad is Not Your Dad, Nick Beauree, Midnight Plummer. His Royal Highness, Mr. Hamilton Underfoot Kitty the First and Accomplice Princess Penelope, the Marchioness of Mischief and Maven of Mystery.
Megan Gentry, Mr. Cherry, Our Ass is in the Jackpot, Tubby Teddy, Wayne Heiser, India Inkblot, Slavis,
of Bahamette, Omie Gracie, Dalton Jenkins, Cat Holtz, CalArt in the Tired Night,
The True Mega Mike, Fred and George, Ava Maddox Jr., Liza Worth, Cass Williams, Christie, Yeat My Boy,
46 Toolshed 2, and El Marie Catastrophe, The Image Collector, Blended Music, Definitely Not Kevin,
Sitting Squirrel, Patricia E. Melt says in a world of slugbots, be a hugbot,
Red the Grey, The Silver Crow, Couch Potato Alex, Neverchild, Dr. Nossos, Interdimensional Biologist,
Kiboko Dunord, Kozamine, Theodrax, Joey B, Lucas Barding got his barber to listen to Midnight Burger, Little Debbie Cupcake.
Terran says, hey, Oreos are Rabbit.
Sandlewood Mountain offers peace for your soul, whimsical fuckery, Megan with an H, Patricia the Time Lord, Mango Connoisseur, The Big Moose, and his wife, the Little Moose.
That old glory coal.
G.L. Miao-Nez Cat Butler. O'Shine Lou, Alex Berry, Andrew Oakden, Asymmetrical Exile,
Magpie Cat says everything's a bag of holding if you know how to pack.
Chiro the Space God.
Eliza Travels the Universe.
Lindsay Bowen, the goddamn podcast lawyer.
Alex Spruce.
Dr. D. Birdcloth, Weather, and Mrs. Dubbo-Way Birdcloth,
whether want to say hello to the whole Spweather family.
I lost my galaxy britches in a game of pants darts.
Angry Ron.
Dominus Caesar.
Durka Dub.
Gloria's ex-girlfriend.
Kelly Clickspring.
The Wild Thistle.
Most likely Cass.
Jasmine James.
Dr.
Kbaran.
also known as Omni, thanks Waffle Chateau.
Colorado beekeeper, fruitcake.
Zephyr's wife has the hots for Zebulon.
Zendria!
Jennifer Culkins, Midday Burger, Don Parks,
throat goat 666, oh my god my dad found out about my Patreon name.
Princess Leia, fish in a bag.
September, previously observed in the pattern.
Prime Freak, Protector of the Scottish Realm,
Little Lord Stevie Pie.
Droid Pirate Finley and his Rubin-esque parrot.
Droid Pirate Finley and his Rubin-esque parrot.
Stuck in a pit of Skittles.
Sea Squatch.
Deflater mouse.
Tony Piacarski.
Adrian R.
The Devil from Table 12.
Javier.
Crazy Thadley.
Cremulus is just happy to be here.
The Twisted Twigster.
Real Housewives of Seagius.
Thay Queen.
Upshnart, the probability demolition expert.
Showtime.
For my mother.
CCTX Girl 6823 waiting on the diner.
Nicole Studioso.
Shovel.
K.
The Flying Pants
penguin honks at the horde of Bethany's encroaching on their nest. Honestly, this is getting
absurd. Truck Stop Sandwich, Indigo Escargo, Love My Captain, Joe Mauma, Wandering Biscuit,
Castriff, Ames Affection for Internet Protection, Retro-M-G, NightScript, Widget the World Watcher
Warring a waistcoat and wig. Utrad and Rose's Viking Void Vitals, fueling the intergalactic
fight against fascism. Yeah, not sure what I'm doing. River Brown, Senior Deuce, Warped
Writer, Tim Nacey, Ruben Clamzo, Turwin.
Morgan Brockman, Sylvie, Friendly Neighborhood Fire Protection Engineer, Skull Bulb, Dustin Watson,
Betty White 813, Randy Supreme and Queen Lancaster, Bolivar Shag Nasty, The One True Cheapcon,
Starscribe, Lucy and Thundersruck. Ho-hoomba! Glorbnar 7, now granting refugee status to
victims fleeing the Bethany Wars. Dooser now identifies as Roman Durge, the other Adel,
Leah Hall, Sarah May, silly-willy bubblebutt, Sierra not from Arkansas,
Eateroob, Caleb Tumiala, Jason Woods, Arnie Arbuckle Esquired,
potion maestro, nebulae, Nell, regulators, mown up, wandering scholar, cringle over coffee,
mad yogi, Eileen, a cat named M, Petito Pato, Pato, Palace, Big Mo, Dominic Narwal, 8.
I am Annie, I live forever in every moment I've existed, I swear to every star in the cosmos,
I never forgot it was a gift. The Stone Fox, Sylvia, Pappitos, Henry the Goose,
Jennifer Baumer, Ninja Grim Reaper, Miles Nelson. I am a bono
till I think of something else to do. Burr it words. Hot shot Huntley,
Momo's Mama's Mama, Space Mormon says what? Ivy Paisley, Toast, Sue Watts, Myrtle,
Caitlin, Leader of the Unicorn Revolution, Matlock, Lord of the 13th Sea, Mr. Trigvy,
The Fourth Era, Printing with Cats, Calisi Del Mar, Von Vega, Dixie Dina, 7,000 Possums,
KBS 1017, Silas Vex, Sarah Jack Sparrow Space Pony, Revive, Debbie E, Dusty Ventures,
and his pilot Uzi drifted through space.
Ronnie Porter, Gloria's line cook,
Eagle Rock Lobster,
the Gabbiest painter, and her bird of fire.
Painted Onee, Cudell, Farel,
Emily with two E's, Spaceman Nathan,
Ramsey's Niblich the Third,
kerplunk, kerplunk, whoops, where's my thribble?
Jackie Wavlet, Ye'oy Gagarin,
a Grimlin with the Munchies,
Michelle Scorakio, Genuine Jacob,
Space Rooster Randy, Leopard Donut,
Poofy Thang, Mellow Nuggets, Keychain Crap,
Matt Shark Man,
Stilo, Bumbling Lily Bee, a quick pause so Joe can sip from his tiny teacup.
You know, you can get a tea pet, which is a tiny clay sculpture that doesn't have a soul,
but when you pour the tea over it, the tea gives it a soul, which is some serious Gallum-making bullshit.
Panda.
Kennedy, Allison Farner, the perpetually tired transgender time traveler.
Tristan Stolls, Dalen Y, Shadow Rapture, yet another Nicole, Hank the Wonder Lama.
Arcraft, Russell, Zephyrus Wind, The Ornament,
Jay to the Lynn, just a regular fox, Jeremy Imson,
What the hell, Cineplex, and all the black people in North Carolina,
Just Rachel, Waffles, Waffles, Waffles, Waffles,
Danger Girl, Atlas Bear, Eva's cigarette ash, Hugh Biftit,
A, Zeus, Anaphylaxis, scab with Comtacks,
the shape-shifting sad girl and her girlfriend say,
Joe, you've done it again,
Pipplest skin in the Pippi Pond,
Sarah Nicole, the Kells fights with the Bethany's,
Angry Leafs Lasersaw, Magnus Aerochill, Amy Perry, Christopher Kai, source decay, descendant of
the Swether Catfish whisperer, vagabond Mary, Bold Mouse, Katie Mermaid and the Delinquent Duo,
Nauman, Nicole, Victor Schauberger reincarnated as White Mountain Hillbilly Glitter Cupcake, Max Danger's
Security Chief Shatsy, The Anx Peach, Team Michelle and Billy, Nea Nix Reno, Frankenator,
Nordlbash, Jordan, Rwin X Belasco, Ryan Rosinski, average height, medium,
Rage. Audio Monkey, Joe, Team Hafe of Eisen, K. In the mysterious AZHQ, I'll grant you that we have a
multiplicity of mics, a jumble of James's, a trifecta of Tonys, one of whom still wants to be Laif,
but sadly, no Bethany's. Rowan, Thady of the Black and Herald of the Stars.
Ariane Can't Manage Normal. Ryan Burnett, Dr. Dr. B., Zoprez and the Bumble Army,
growing into my farm boots. Superbeth becomes an RN alongside my bootstup farm friend.
Geneva Boss, Arkansas, not Arkansas, Brothers of the Cosine, Uncivil Nomes, The Rat Queen Evelyn,
Great Lunch Conversation, Captain Scott, Lettie Lou.
He was a shifty one that Nick Howard.
Kinger was here, Bobby Ray Winland Jr., Bbap, B-Dabodoo-Wop, Warped Echoes, Slabs McTurps, Big Brother House,
Jeremiah Franco, Justin, the Nick of Time, Gothic Rainbow, So He Made It, Cody McClure,
McCadley, Eternal Companion, Maxine Lazotte, Jingoloss, Eris, Goddess of Nobody, Has Matilda,
Ditsy Bay, Just Your Average Reese, Kyle Church, Static Ego, Lolly, Evan M. Dobson, Dave B.
Nobby, your friendly neighborhood pathologist, going to be lit, Captain Emerald L, Wayne Hall, Danny Mars, externally, externally,
But Bethany, I Made Biscuits, Skibo and Fuzzle MacBber Nits, Neelix Tiny Wolf, Christina
Senate is teleporting, BRB.
The Shains are not organized enough for a war, but there is a growing number of us, and it is concerning.
Definitely not an android. Seriously, I'm not.
The Wandering Welshman, Whatever Tabby, Carolyn Harper, Nikolai Tolkachev, Z3DT, Shy Sparrows, BLTN,
The Kiwi Duckling, Dana-Dena, Feefeina, Feefeina, Monsters' Olmanac's Biggest Fan, Aubrey and her dad.
Tequila Mockingbird, Spweather Goose, Damren the Space Goblin, Isopale, Exquisite Whimsie,
I am Lord Zoltan, hear me roar, Pocket Ghost Max.
Mags the Conqueror imposes economic sanctions on the N. B. Bethany's for the whole Lasersaw car incident.
My cat's name is beef.
Katie Kate, get your colonoscopy, Victor Casados, Emily Schmemley,
Bo-ho-Go-bye-bye for Jojo Pogo, that's a no-go, bro.
Cody Monster, Collided Mind, Miss Nixie, Baby Baton Lee, Charlie Roodle, Kyle Perino,
A.K., Sid the Sloth on a bike, Priya Gandhi,
The Wandering Mermaid would like you to know that the little mermaid and the creature
from the Black Lagoon are the same exact story.
Little Stevie Pie, Green Mountain Hermit Bethany,
Carl, the Teller of Dad Jokes, Skylab's Multit,
dimensional multifasic intergalactic quantum cyberverse. Verde Sol. Galen Miller, Tess,
geriatric youngen, mystic hippie, unforcable, local marsh hag, Daniel Nitz, Mavis
Bacon's, Pyro's Calling, Joe Swayan, the Wizard's Supercalifragilistic expialadocious.
Too many Jans, says, things are bad, but we're going to win, Pamela Roselle Tierra,
then Stina says, thud tweed, enigmatic catbird, countess of carbon, luminous elk,
Rodian caution. Love is for the Njords. Taz Hernandez, Captain Crash and the surviving crew.
It's just Tyson now. Casper needs all the hugs, but Joe needs an O2 tank. Quote says, Joe is the
writer's room. Nasty Dog 74 needs crew for ship. Brown coats OK. Awkward heretic. Devin 7777.
Troy Aker, Mandy Kane, Northerly Kay. Lost Basan. You know, the moon prison outside the triad.
Kim Sel, silly goose, honk, honk. Ad Matha. Astro Unit. Ghostsaber.
The Sleepy Mystic, Sarah Joy, Taters, Precious, It's Just Steve, Rupal Atradis, Amanda Short,
Chut, Brimble, Deidre, Mike Whiskey and Your Friend Frosty, No Saguaro, Benbar,
stand clear of the closing doors, please, beastly death, Sven the unlikely, Cognito-hazard expunged,
Tadwasonasin, Vyrestria, Theosis the Theologianish,
Why is my daughter so feral, send help, Fernwood gal, Nellie G, Twinkle Tots,
Gemini Sky, Phantoms' Moms, Callison, Hornswagland Daniel Arthur,
It's a fucking dog rapture.
Abigail Yoderle, He-hoo, King Humble, We'd Better Ask Dave, Windchimes for Safety, Cameron Winterbourne
Welsh, Fireball XL5, McKenzie Duna, Code Stranger, One Bette-Bet, Ha ha ha ha.
Matt N, Alfie Rivenuram, Momone Kiki, Forelp, M. Lin, Feed Me Fish, J-R-R-R-on-S-F-P,
Jay Spark, Lucid Harbor, Little Mirror Leopard Paws, Diet Night, Mars Royalty, Take 20 Damage,
Maisie's Bandstand, Kim Bob, Battle Pope and Bugaboo, Snorts, Maggorts, Fresh Squeased, Patrick Holt,
Hold it now.
Hit it! Bradley Ashby, Peter, William Dyer, Vicki Abear, Brad Maneer, Jane, Hannah Dale, Crystal Delightful,
Gruntled, Killshot Betty and her steel-eyed bow, Jackie Lowy, the Little Pigeon,
Quentin Elizabeth Jones, Lily the Planetary Brain,
crazed bear. Crafty lizard be quilton. Noble Beryl. Yes, my brain is weird. Thank you.
Megan the Meg Young, Corey Morrose, Russell Bunny, Max Savage, Jenny Wren, Apprehensive Craig, Tim Aranetta, Bacon, Nicole Studioso, Rambo, Chaos Squatcher,
Jeremy Barry Barrami. Stephanie Sturgis, Kirsten, Hurry Up and Wait, Sarah Farmer and Bella Donna first of her name.
Criddle, Twilio, Heidelberg, Tom Webster, Rashme Vincottesh, McClump, Azana the Leathermith, Salazar
the Domey, Hayward's finest, Garin Elizondo. To my little, you'll always be my good girl,
you took a piece of my heart and left a pawprint on my soul, till we meet again. Sir Schitzelot
strikes again, damn, damn, Elspeth, Skyland, ALR, sidewalk jam, Tonka 2005, Cruzen B. Anthony. Tricks says
Whirmp! Tibbled the first, Alley Frog, Tray the Turquoise Tortoise, Freya Titmittance, Courtney the Frogologist,
the Fon Tucky Wrangler, Scrim Brouet, Yay, Aaron, the singing loon, Zoo
Zana, Celeste Yose, I'm so Antigone, Fianne. I'm Ava's evil twin sister, Bethany, Katie and Noah,
Hendrix the Stink, the Ambergler, Budles, Osvaldoos Simioni, Ashley Chapel Peoples, Ryan Ortega,
Barbarian Bloodbath, The Definestration of Ted's, Corrine Sabrantha, Shadow Daddy, Rubius Fuzzlebutt,
K-Mack, The Something Detective Agency, Hayabuda, Eli the Electrician, Sunny Di Anomeli,
Charmé, Kay on with Karma, the wondrous methasophon, hashtag Nissan Acura, Finnegan
Robert, Jesse Foster, Samira, Mother of Cats, Flat Doug, Deary Darling, Ambient Drifting Man 80,
Chris Hancock, Nicole 23, Gracefully Impaired, Tired Pirate Muffin, Steve King loves Kathy, Laura, Roman
Ronan, John Pruitt, Camel Pope, Philemona, Rebecca Trostle, Igpe Attenle, Chris from Tacoma, the real
fairy godmother, Mitzie Lou, Kelsey Home, Still Casper's number one fan but now armed with a quantum
spatula and ready to duel every Bethany in the multiverse with breakfast wisdom.
Damien the goddamn time lawyer, Matt Mosby, St. Foo, Harry Fishnuts, Astronobweeb,
Magnos the Civil Gnome. Welcome, everybody. I'm Hydealon and I'll be leading our Midnight
Burger emotional support group. Starlight. David Peerini, Techno Ranger Rick, Virgo Ares
Ares Infinity, Best Budds Danny and M, Charles Koo Choy, a bug named Nat, Cicryryry,
Cicry, Rude, Death the Kid, Big Whiskey, All Cockinator.
was here magic pony Robert Olavari often wrong Dan Jess Gioia killer odd
Creator 67 Mervate of the Dark Seas cosmic shrug incorrigible Ross SCRB mark 11
Eric A. Rayborn Maggie's Yarmes stew Enthonyly Megan Mighty haunt
Purple Saline three legs are perfectly good Drew and L.A. Anomalous
Death to PSL Vandal fuck ice Captain BLEP Ryan
Evie Power Terry P.J says what? Amelia Lucerne
at all. Fear now doesn't polish the shiny melon. Blargo, Blargo, Blargo, The Jazz Man, Tonight at 11,
Larak the Barbarianess, Hicks Bezzie Mates, Zealous Pragma, Tuba Rick, It's Just Blake.
Alice Malice reminds you to take your medication, please, your health is important.
Kelly Jane Dankey, Aaron the Optimist, Thomas Stolen, AKA Casper from another universe,
Chadney Ashra, Lucretia, Thornis Animator, Tamara Oliver, The Real Dirt Fairy, Marissa, Marissa,
Ava, no, not that, Ava, the one within...
Grimm, says,
Rest in peace, Jamie Baugh.
You are my light, and the world is dimmer without you in it.
Zaki Nat, underwater Corvid, Spisorinkum, Snakes and Bakes, Michael Christian, Ransom, Maroon Mycelil,
Grawlix and Tarobang, late indeed again, Theron Pyrallus, Ombaga,
coming soon, dances with burritos, guacked and loaded.
Aaron Mitchell, Lady Keanu Meissen, Onyx Rose, Jackie Wavelet, J.R.
Hiker Bear, Velocate, Al Cave, Krusty McBeardface, Maleran, Sweet Michelle, Kara,
Komi Zen, Calibri, Mel Momburg, Rogue, Lisa Geisler.
Uh, attention, Dred Pirate Fredberger, we have run out of languages.
Please contact her office.
What the Chuck, Sonor Nasuno, Ben and Jessica, Todd Vanvoris, Nea Deruso, Pichy Zatoichi,
Inge the Grak, and Azula the Brave in their ever-faithful Squire Grab Thar.
Gen Extranius, Dancing Dog Dreams, Trinket Coralie, and Eggs,
Existentially exhausted being.
We're not done yet.
You're still going to do this part.
X teleports.
Sorry.
I can't help it.
I can't get out of the mode.
Sorry.
Fuck hell.
Are there people who feel uncomfortable cursing still in this day and age?
Are there's people still there?
Joe, there are still Mormons out there.
It's the Mormons that feel that way?
It's the Mormons that feel that way.
And I'm sure other religions and stuff.
Some people just don't like it.
Well, people need to lighten the fuck up, don't they?
Okay, I was going to ask, because for some reason, my initial read was like,
transdimensional delivery man, like, ooh, hot android.
What's up?
What's up?
Amazing.
There's a whole world in that line reading.
I love it.
No, I mean, that whole section, because we're going to go through that.
Oh, she stays even though the cube goes.
Yeah, she stays even though the cube goes.
31.
This show's so fucking weird, dude.
That's posy again.
What the fuck did you think?
I liked it a lot.
I thought it was great.
Yeah, I think it works great.
I was worried about you, which I think is perfect.
Okay, great.
Yeah.
I mean, that's why you hire speech kids.
It's a room full of people who can say extrajudicially.
Hey.
That is so true.
Nobody speaks faster than the fucking speech kids, dude.
We have another leather.
We do red leather, yellow leather, lavender leather.
Whoa.
Nerds.
That makes it harder.
Oh my God, you guys.
Kazi's first feeling.
Aw.
No, teach me your ways.
How do you do that?
By sitting in the car for like 20 minutes before going like, where's that voice?
How does she speak everything articulately?
Yeah.
Bada, bada, badda, butta, butta gotta, butta, gotta.
I did it double-sided, which was dumb.
I still print my script out because I'm old-fashioned and I'm an idiot.
Anyway.
Listen, we celebrate your hard copies.
We always have.
Thanks, guys.
Thank you.
Yeah, but don't fuck up our takes, all right?
I know.
With the wrestling fucking paper.
rustling paper.
We just want to make sure it doesn't sound like I'm on my shit.
I'm back on my shit.
I'm on my shit, y'all.
I am on my shit.
I'm the booza.
I was never a kid.
I'm on my shit.
Woo!
The Fable and Folly Network, where fiction producers flourish.
