Midnight Burger - Chapter 54: A Diner in the Desert.

Episode Date: July 14, 2026

"I like it out here."Kazi - Jessica MorrisGloria - Siouxsie SuarezPhil - Edward Selvey IVFiona - Tess SegalVoon - Leeman KesslerEffie - Julie Cowden-StarbirdZebulon - Neal StarbirdCaspar - Joe FisherDavid - Quintin Jones Jr.Ree - Camille SmickerEx- Camille SmickerPeter - Joe FisherMystery Men - Joe FisherWritten by Joe FisherDirected by Joe Fisher and Finlay StevensonMusic:Life's Railway to Heaven - Smith's Sacred SingersUnderneath the Mulberry Tree - Pacific Coast PlayersOld Rose Waltz - The WesternersAll Tuareg music by Ebo KrdumSubscribe for early access, ad free episodes, additional content and more!Subscribe on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/midnightburgerSubscribe on Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/midnight-burger/id1537653218How about some merch? https://www.midnightburgermerch.comRead and search Scripts with PodScripts: https://podscripts.app/Explore the Midnight Burger Wiki: https://wiki.weopenatsix.com/wiki/Main_PageFor more information on our show, visit our website: https://www.weopenatsix.comFind and support our sponsors at: fableandfolly.com/partnersSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Midnight Burger will always be free to listen to, but it's not free to make, so please consider supporting us by subscribing on supporting cast, Patreon, or Apple Podcasts. For early access, ad-free shows, exclusive content, and our enduring gratitude. Just follow any of the links in the show notes for this episode. Thanks for supporting the Fable and Folly Network. Here's another show we know you'll love. Every winter, in the nice little Canadian town of Beaver, Ontario. An old scrap VW beetle is towed out onto the frozen ice of Beavermount Lake, and every resident enters a sweepstakes to guess the exact date and time the bug will fall through

the ice. Last night, a torrential rainstorm flooded the ice, and at 423 a.m., the VW fell through and sank to the bottom. But when Lorna Batson saw an adult-sized mitten, float on the surface. The car was winched out of the lake. To find Greg Sullivan, fall out of the driver's seat, dead. Oh, well, Saint Moutard. Tatu Productions Presents.

Sorry about the murder. Season 3, Dead Ice. Will Frenchie solve the murder and clear his Quebecois name? More importantly, what will he name his new Pet House hippo? Coming this Canada Day, wherever you get your podcast. wherever you get your podcasts. In the meantime, binge seasons one and two to get good in prime. Previously on Middide Burger, the cube is made of the same stuff you're made of, right?

Yes. How indestructible are you? I don't know. Put us in the path of a gun. Hang on. Okay. Here it comes. Jesus Christ.

Holy shit. Give me your hands. I love you guys. Let's start the shift. I was able to spare a few ships to scan the area, and there doesn't appear to be any sign of them. But we are talking about three people in the vastness of space. Could they have teleported away? Something stopped that beam from hitting the diner, Gloria.

I can't see how they could have stopped the attack and somehow gotten away. They jumped in front of the bullet for us. What does Lubuzza say? I think it best that Labusa stay focused on Crocs planet. They appear to have powered down the weapon for now. It's likely that they see Casper's intervention as some sort of malfunction on their part and are trying to assess what's happened. Do you think there's any way they could have survived?

Not by any conventional wisdom, Fiona. The amount of energy that was heading for the diner was world killing. It's astounding they were able to stop it. But Ava said she saw the weapon tested on Crocs planet. Why didn't it destroy his planet? According to Dr. Maddox, the weapon utilizes energy harvested from vacuum fluctuation energy such as this dissipates very quickly. The amount of energy required to reach across a galaxy would need to be massive to counteract the energy lost during transit.

Look, if there's any chance they could be out there, you have to keep looking for them. That's how this works. I understand that, Captain. But we need to accept certain realities. As of now, the diner is completely vulnerable. If they decide to fire their weapon again, there will be no way of stopping it. We're going to jump in a few minutes. We'll be safe then.

Yes, which means I have 12 earth hours to consolidate what ships we have and begin our assault on the home world. I'm unsure what else to do other than hope. Jesus Christ. Ghazi, we're going to jump soon. I'm not sure where we're going, but if the three of them are still out there somewhere, that's where we're headed. You think so. You said you don't understand how they could have survived using any conventional wisdom. We don't really do conventional wisdom around here.

Very well. Then it's a good thing I've sent you some backup. Back up. Gloria, Emma is detecting a ship inbound. Shit. Not to worry. They insisted I send them to you. What was that?

Where's the backup? Listen, no fucking way. Mucklewains. Return home, you wayward children, says the Lord, for I am your master. I will bring you back. Thank God. Why is she hugging the radio? The mucklewains are back.

Wait, the people who live in the radio? Yeah. That was real. That was so real. It is a mess in this house. Gloria, we have returned. And I'm so happy. Greetings all.

I'm Zebulon Mucklewain, here with my wife, Effie. I am confused. Times may be dark, but we are here to cast what light we can, Gloria. Fiona, how do you fare? I'm good, Effie. Guys, this is Phil and Voon. Tip of the hat to you, gents. That Mr. Voon has quite a bit of altitude on him, doesn't he, dear?

Loud formations around the top of him, dear. I am detecting no technology. Don't worry about it. I'm pleased to meet you as well, Philip. Whereabouts do you hail from? I'm from Tyler, Texas, ma'am. Well, now, Philip, where's that Texas twang? Yeah, that's the funny thing about Texas.

Some people can't help it, and then for other people, it's kind of a choice. George W. Bush was the only guy in that family with a Texas accent. You know what I mean? Tyler. We knew someone from Tyler, didn't we, dear? That'd be Natalie Bartlett and her husband, both for them. Ah, yes. Traveling salesmen, the both of them.

Encyclopedias. Good ones, too. Guilt edge? Leather bow. You ever run into either of them, Philip? Uh, no, I must have missed them. Hmm, no surprise there. Natalie was a peach of a gal, but that husband of her was the type that blended in with the furniture, if you don't.

mind me saying. Gloria, we have heard the news of our friends. But let's not call the race before the finish line's been crossed, y'all. Guys, Kazi isn't very optimistic on their chances of survival. Well, now, Fiona, is optimism what we've come to expect from Kazi? No. There is no choice but to hope in times like these, Fiona. If you say so.

In fact, we do, Fiona. Gloria, when are we set to shove off? second now. Very well then. That gives us some time to clean up that mess in here. Looks like we've been hit by a tornado or two. Y'all, we have lost souls to find. But first, let's all grab a broom and make room for good fortune to find us, shall we? Good idea, guys. I'll clean the kitchen. I shall continue my research. I'll take front of house. And I'll go feed the murder beast. Feed the what now? Don't mind me.

Just sitting on top of a huge glass cube in the middle of the desert. Carry on. See anything? Now, I went to the top of both ridges, nothing for miles. Just one road and desert as far as the eye can see. Any idea where we are? Well, there's one sun, and that looks like our moon, so I guess we're on Earth. The desert's no joke.

We might be in the Sahara. A car drove by. It did? Did you try and flag it down? Should I have? I don't know. We can't stay out here forever. I know.

What do you think happened? I don't know. It's all kind of a blur. Do you think this even worked? Do you think we saved the diner? I don't know. I really liked her. I know.

Look, X has been down before and she managed to fix herself. Didn't you say that took a few decades? I did, but she was okay eventually. Let's not spend a few decades out here. I know. How could she be gone, but we're still here? I don't know. We were trying to take the hit for the diner,

but maybe she decided to take the hit for us. Somehow, it's hard for me to figure out what she did when I have no idea how she works. At least we didn't wake up to... pieces of her strewn across the desert. It's an art installation. So do we like live here now? I don't know.

Do you like flat bread? Why? If we're in the Sahara, there's gonna be a lot of flat bread. Sounds like I'll have to like it. Well, there's always a McDonald somewhere. Have you been here before? The Sahara? No, I guess I haven't.

Kind of weird. I feel like I've been everywhere at this point. Even if she was here, we wouldn't be able to help her. I know. We don't know how far from civilization we are. I know. What would she want us to do? Okay, which way was the first car driving?

That way. Same direction as the other car. I guess we follow the flow of traffic. Hopefully we get to town before nightfall. You don't want to do this at all, do you? No, we should. We should. Dad.

You should probably hide your gun. It's not great for hitchhiking. Okay. Let's go. So, what do you think our new life in the desert is going to be like? I don't know. There's got to be something resembling a DMV around here somewhere, right? You're going to go from your time-traveling adventures right back into the DMV.

I have a very limited set of skills, David. How about you? Textiles. Oh, textiles. I'll get a... boat and sell rugs to every port city in the Mediterranean. Rugs are important. How else are people going to tie the room together?

There's literally no other way. What is it? Do you hear that? Well, there goes that, Dream. I guess I should expect this by now. Hey. Hi, are you open? I'm sorry, we're not.

Can you come back in 12 hours? We literally can't. Get in here. Hey, Gloria. You guys had me pretty worried. We're okay. Where's X? I don't know.

We can't find her. When that thing hit us, everything got very strange. By the time either of us could see straight, she was nowhere to be found. All right. All right. Well, let's get inside and start hoping for the best, okay? Okay. Thanks for, you know, saving all of our lives and stuff.

Sure. Where are the conquering hero? Hey, Zevieland. Did we find... You were brought right to them, dear. Well, look at you, weary traveler. Hey, Effie. I see you're missing a member of your party.

Yeah. All right. Well, you know what they say about hope, Casper. It springs eternal. That's what I hear. Hey. Hey. Hug me?

Okay. I was really freaking out. We're okay. Where's your friend? We don't know. Oh, God. Michael Wains, there's a very tall person. hovering over the radio.

Yes, that is Mr. Voo. Our presence has Mr. Voon quite confounded. Mr. Voon, say hello. Forgive me, I am Voon. Hey, Vone, we are deeply indebted to you for saving us. Don't mention it. Sweet Jesus, is that an espresso machine? It is.

Civilization. It's here! Let me make you something. Please, bring me anything that makes me look good. Okay. Hey, uh, I'm Phil. Hey, Phil. Thanks for picking us out.

Thanks for saving our asses. Casper, you are looking road hard and put away wet. Why don't you go and put your feet up? Uh... Casper, sometimes all there is to do is hope and put one's feet up. Yeah. Yeah, okay. What's going on there?

They were three, and they came back to us, too. Oh, shit. Voon, any idea where we are? One moment. A floating ball, an espresso machine. This place is so modern now. Fiona, did you add an HR department? God, can you imagine?

Oh, I know I'm getting fired. This place is getting nice. I almost feel like I can hang out here now. What are you drinking? It's a moccuccino. A moccuccino. It's very small. It is.

Have you got any room for coffee in there? I have room for coffee, but no room for your disdain. There's no disdain. I support your tiny coffee. Casper, I have a special skill where I can match someone to the perfect espresso drink based on vibes alone. I'm sorry, Fiona. I actually lost my vibes in a car accident one time. No, seriously, watch.

Okay. Damn, all I'm getting from you is black coffee. See? Hey, Casper. I talked to Kazi before we showed up here. And? She says that after you guys saved us, they powered down the weapon. They think that whatever happened is their fault. It bought us some time.

Good. Time is good. Kazi's going to use that time to make a move on Kroc. her ships are headed there as we speak Okay I guess we're gonna be less help than I thought now Yeah Um quick question

What? What? What? Okay, so Funny story What the fuck is that thing? Gloria, what the fuck is the murder beast doing here? We didn't really have a choice Sure you did Gloria Listen If this were a video game

That's a thing I should be shooting It's not a video game What the fuck is that thing? What is it doing? We had to bring it with us. Gloria, how many animals are you going to bring aboard the diner? Is a flood coming? It's human.

No, it's not. I'm afraid what Gloria says is the truth. It has departed severely from developmental norms, but the creature's base, DNA, and organics are that of a human. We went back to its planet. Turns out when we first touched down there, we were in cryptessia. That thing was created by Croc. That thing is just another one of Crox's experiments.

Yes. I realize he's a psychotic space god and everything, but why does he have to make it weird? I know it's terrifying, but honestly, it's kind of a sweetie. Well, let's put a bow on it. We were surprised as well, Casper, but it appears our betutored friend is just another of the many maligned folks in the neighborhood. Our hearts have gone out to it, Casper.

he's not unlike a big old dog who's had a terrible owner for years he sleeps under a corner booth most of the time only comes out when he's hungry so we keep a whole chicken in the oven and whenever he comes out well here you go big man ohoof

bones and all huh wait I thought it could only eat its own kind it changed apparently after I gave it that cup of coffee, something happened. We decided it was in danger on its own planet, so now it lives under a booth. Okay. Well, I hope we don't run out of chickens. It's safe for now, but we need to find it a permanent home. It's not safe here, Gloria. This isn't a safe place. There

were three of us in that queue. Em reports we are currently in the northern desert of the African continent in the nation of Algeria, Information Age societies. Oh, we've been here before. I thought it looked familiar. Casper, let me make you something. Can I get you something? I'm okay.

I'm going to, uh, I'm going to go up to the roof, have a look around. Maybe I can see something from there, okay? Sure. How's he doing? Gloria, this is going to shock you to hear, but sometimes. people say they're okay when in fact they aren't. What?

It's true. You're kidding. Can you believe it? So he's being Mr. Holding it all together right now. Yeah, he's I don't know. He's pretty shook up.

You know, they went on this whole Odyssey together, the two of them. Chris crossed the triad trying to track us down when he got separated from the diner. When he got back, he was... He was different somehow. He was a little bit lighter.

She brought something out in him. Excuse me for a second, guys. Hey, Mucklewains. Fiona, can I ask you, what in all heck happened while we were away? It looks like this house has been turned upside down. Uh, well, there was one time when an Air Force pilot being chased by aliens, was coming through the speakers. That'll do it.

It does look like an airplane's been flown right through the library. Found the trivet, dear. It was filed among the symphonic works. What do you need, Fiona? We're a little worried about Casper. Would you guys mind if I brought you up to the roof? Hmm. That's not a bad inclination, Fiona, but perhaps the wrong tool for the job.

Yes. Sometimes a friend's voice can be like a... old hat necessary, yet you hardly notice it anymore. Pardon me there, Philip? What's up? I know we've just met, but you strike me as a man that is easy to speak with. Thank you. At times, a man needs new voices in his head to shake up the mess.

Could we trouble you to head upwards and check in on our friends? That's no problem. Now, Philip, do not let him get ornery with you. he is sometimes resistant to a pleasant conversation. I know the type. I'll be up top. Thanks, Phil. Mr. Voon, how goes your investigation? I am confounded.

Well, how do you like that? M has scanned the receiver in all ways possible, and I have detected no complex technology. We remain a mystery, dear. Keeps things interesting. Oop, found the waffle iron, dear. Well, how did it make its way in from the kitchen? Curiosity, perhaps?

To clarify, You're currently speaking to me from what you perceive to be your home. Well, I certainly hope it is. Otherwise, I'm doing housework for somebody else. And you understand your home to be within this receiver. It's what we're speaking out of, but I can't imagine how we'd fit a whole house inside of it, Mr. Voon. Would be an easier house to clean, though. I...

I am unsure how to proceed. Don't let that dissuade you, Mr. Voon. I'm sure you'll find a way forward somehow. Let's read, me. Mr. Voon a little something, dear. I just found Old Hildegarde's book under the dresser. Haven't seen that one in an age. Now, let's find a good one.

Here we are. Glance at the sun. See the moon and the stars? Gaze at the beauty of the earth's greenings. Now, think. How's that help you? That does not help me at all. Coming up.

That's way better than the rusty ladder we used to use. Seeing anything? No. Sun's going down soon. Won't be much to see after that. I'm not really looking for anything. Trying not to be that guy, huh? What do you mean?

People are happy to see each other down there. You're trying not to ruin it for them. I don't know. You know, before I was in this chair, I was a test pilot for the Air Force. Oh, yeah? Yeah. Anything cool?

The Harrier was pretty cool. Is that the one that did the vertical takeoff? Yeah, it was cool, but turns out I like taking off. And when you do it vertically, you feel more like a helicopter, and I fucking hate helicopters. Yeah, helicopters have never seemed like a good idea to me. They shouldn't fly. It's against God's plan.

Right. And then before all that, I flew A-4s in this out of the South. China Sea. When did they pick you up? 1981. Oh. So if you want to talk about losing people, I can do that all night. I'm a little different from the people downstairs.

How so? Let me guess you found this place and thought it sounded like an amazing adventure. Something like that, yeah. I walked in to use the phone and it just grabbed me. I didn't choose any of this. How's that make you different? I don't know. didn't sign up for it. Yeah. So when you lose somebody, it's just another thing happening to you.

I guess so. I imagine this whole time other people have felt like they're doing something, and you've been feeling like something's just happening to you. For sure. Well, that's fucked up, man. Right? It is. It's real fucked up. Did they send you up here to turn me? around or something? They may have, but that's not what I'm trying to do. I came up here to say, your situation's real fucked up. Like, you got abducted and have been trying to make a life out of it. That's literally it. And that's fucked up. Thank you. I will say this, though. I was in a coma for nine months after my accident. Jesus. When I came to, my co-pilot was sitting right there. He said to me that he'd been right at my side the whole time. He'd wake up in the morning,

heads of the hospital, and sit there waiting for me to wake up. I said to him, what'd you do that for? You should be flying. What do you think she'd want you to be doing right now? We've got company. This will be cool. What? Hey, Fiona. Yeah. Toarex. Oh, yeah? Looks like it.

Awesome. What's up? Nomadic types. They live in this part of the world. They set up camp and play music all night. Oh, okay. It's going to be a nice night, man. Come on down.

So there are these little bands of people, and they roam all over the desert. It's really cool. Voon, come here. Do they want to come in? They camp outside all night. Do I need to wear the head covering? Yeah, sit down. I still got that scarf under the counter.

The men wear this combo headscarf face covering thing. It's called a Tegel must. If I put this on Voon, he doesn't have to hide. As long as they don't look too close, he just looks like a really tall guy. What can I do? They pretty much take care of themselves. I'm going to bring them a pitcher of water. Be right back.

Okay. Our young Fiona appears to have made herself quite a home here. She'll strike you as a bit skittish, but she's got some brass rivets on her, doesn't she? Hey, Gloria. Do you guys ever cook outside? We have. But it's been a while. I was just thinking some kind of activity might be a good idea.

I think that's a great idea. What's going on? We're going to cook outside tonight. Cook outside? Yeah. There's a whole kitchen right there. I know, but it's inside. It's going to be a nice night.

Maybe we could use the fresh air. I don't know. What about bugs? We're cooking outside is what we're doing. Okay, fine. Phil, is that okay with you? Hey, it's all right with us. Fiona's got 36 different kinds of grilled cheese.

sandwiches at this point. We've had them all. We're in the desert. What are we going to burn for the fire? I believe I have a solution for that problem. Well, I know I for one am going to need a break from all the mess over here. I as well. My next step is beating out this rug of ours and I'm not looking forward to it. I think that's great. A break really sounds nice. It's not a break. We're not on a break. This isn't a vacation for fuck's sake. I'm sorry. Do whatever you need to do. Okay. Are you looking for your next favorite audio drama? Are you a fan of Percy Jackson or Ben 10? Then you'll love the podcast six minutes.

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advisor free of charge. BetMGM operates pursuant to an operating agreement with Eye Gaming, Ontario. Some people, in order to discover the divine, read books. But there is a greater book. The great world spun all around you. Look above you. Look below you. It is the greatest story.

What you seek in books lay within pages not writ with ink. A story written with the world itself. Who can ask for a finer work than that? What are you reading from, Sibylon? Well, Fiona, I thought I'd take advantage of the great reorganization here at the house to dip into some work I've not seen in a cow's age. St. Augustine of Hippo, born right here in this part of the world,

long ago when Rome spanned from ocean to ocean. I've been doing the same, but mine's from a man by the name of Caldune. The purpose of this life is not simply worldly delights. This entire world is trifling and futile and can strive towards death and annihilation. The purpose of this life is our soul's nourishment, leading to happiness in the great beyond. I took a liberty or two there.

I celebrate your interpretation, dear. The first author, he wishes to portray the world as a message, a message from a deity unto its disciples? He does, Mr. Voon. But the message is not explicit. Thank you very much for saying so, Mr. Voon. It is Norlord chooses to obscure the message, which, I have remarked time and again,

is a poorly way to deliver a message. Theology, then, for you is a struggle between interpretations. Indeed. Lots of folks out there saying they found it, and a whole lot of other folks saying they haven't. And how does that come to its ultimate resolution? That, Mr. Voon, is the theologian's journey. All of us trying to clear away the haze over the message to us all.

And this message that your deity delivers to you through the creation of the world, what do you believe this message to be? A simple one, Mr. Voon, are... And how is it with you, Mr. Voon? How do y'all discern the great mysteries in your neck at the woods? The Earths do not have a higher deity that we commune with. Rather, our spiritual life is developed within community. In our oldest language, the word Ert means lost, or rather lost ones.

We speak of a time aeons ago when we wandered and... dwelt in confusion. It was only in each other we were able to find meaning and purpose. Well, that certainly speaks to your comportment, Mr. Voon. You may be the most polite creature we've ever happened upon. Thank you. I have enjoyed your politeness as well, and how seamlessly it is infused with a certain frankness. One might find those two things at odds. That's just called being from Arkansas. Anyway, it was really rough for a while. Luckily, Philin Vune Got me through it. But damn, I was fucked up for a while.

It's not like we were married or something. It was just a couple of years. Yeah, but a couple of years equals 10 years in a lesbian relationship. Right. At two years, you guys have got a mortgage. You've got a booth at the farmer's market. Five rescue dogs. At least.

The first one's always the toughest. Next time, you'll be worldly and wizened. Next time. How do I pull that off? I've kind of a demanding work schedule. You'll figure it out. What about you? I mean, I know you've been at war and everything,

but at least you've been staying in the same place. Oh, I've been doing very well. Of course you have. You know how they say there's no atheists in foxholes? Yeah. No straight people either. Wow. I'm kind of excited to go to war now.

Right? Hey, Fiona. Yeah. Casper's just hanging out up on the road. Why don't you go talk to? to him. Me? Yeah.

Trust me. Should I? I've been talking to him and it hasn't helped. Might as well give it a shot. I don't really know him that well. Fiona, trust me. Okay. Okay, I'll go talk to him.

If you talk to him, he would just try and hold it together. You know? I get it. All right. Food's almost ready. I'm not sure how much I talk on the roof help. So I sent in Fiona. We'll see if she does any better.

He's a tough nut to crack, but he's not uncrackable. All in the day's work. So, Phil, you had one look at Voon and thought, this is the place for me, huh? I mean, it took a little more investigation than that, but not much. You were ready to jump? I had gotten a job offer. What did that have to do with anything?

I got an offer to join the sales team at Sears, selling washing machines. Well, that sounds exactly how it sounds. Another pilot friend of mine, Mark Scott, he left after two tours, honorable discharge. He went off to sell Chevys in Fort Lauderdale, happy as a clam. Nothing wrong with selling washing machines. People need washing machines. There are some things that cut you off. off from the world. Know what I mean?

Yeah. I'm rolling down the street, watching people go to and from work, and I'm just like... Where is everybody going? Where are they going, Gloria? I don't know. So, I was just kind of wandering around. I decided to hit up a VA. But you stopped by a diner first. I did.

Any regrets? No. You? Not really. Oh, I've got a great Scottish boyfriend out there somewhere, but still, I like it out here. Hey. Hey, Fiona. Food will be ready soon.

Okay. What are you looking at? Fiona, I really don't need people to keep checking up on me. Well, I don't need to say. second cup of coffee in the morning, but guess it always happens. What are you looking at? There's a storm, but I think it's moving past us. It can be kind of dangerous in the desert.

Wow, that lightning is crazy. Yeah. Oh. Wow. What the fuck was that? Damn. It was red. It's, uh, uh, shit, I can't remember the name.

It, it's like lightning, but in the upper atmosphere, so it looks red. That was crazy. It's really rare. I haven't seen one of those since I was a kid. It looked like aliens were. attacking, but only for half a second. It's weird, right? And that's really rare?

Really rare. You might not... You might not see one ever again. You saw one when you were a kid? Yeah, I was... What? You've seen close encounters, right? Nope.

What are you doing with your life? You haven't seen close encounters? Running from actual aliens? Okay. Well, there's this scene. where a little kid gets abducted by aliens. It's right out of his house. So if you're a little kid and you see that scene, you're like, fuck me.

I'm going to get sucked up into the sky at any moment. And then one day you see red lightning shooting out of a stormfront. I slept under the bed, Fiona, under it. Oh, no. For a week. Oh, God, for a week. So one of my moms literally dragged me to a community college. and tracked down a meteorologist and was like,

tell him he didn't see aliens. So the very confused meteorologist explained to me what it was and that I was actually very lucky because of how rare it was. And I was like, fuck you, weather guy. I don't feel lucky. So as a child, you had an intense fear of being abducted. Yeah. And then...

I know. Poetic, right? You had two moms? Yeah, I did. That makes sense. I get that a lot. You know, you guys literally kidnapped me. What?

I'm standing there. I'm working in a coffee shop, and then I suddenly wake up in your walk-in. Then I escape your walk-in to find I'm on another planet. Yeah. Uh, I imagine that was pretty rough. And then an alien ship landed and three aliens got out, and one of them performed brain surgery. on me in your parking lot.

You know, when you put it all together in one sentence like that... There were times when I felt a little different from Phil and Voon because they were able to stand there and say, yes, traveling diner, I choose this. It's all just been happening to me. So maybe don't feel so alone around me, okay? Okay. Sorry we kidnapped you.

It's okay. My life was in danger. Mine was too. Hey, do we have a customer? What? Is she backpacking through the desert at night? Maybe it's cooler? Oh, thank God.

Hey, are they open? What? Are they open? Yeah. Amazing. What the fuck? Was that? I don't know.

Why does she look human now? I don't know. I'm sorry. Could you repeat that? I've been walking for a long time, and I really would love an actual restroom with plumbing and everything. I promise I'll buy something, but could I use your restroom first?

Sure. Thanks, Casper. I'm not seeing things right. That was the darndest thing. That was her. But appeared to be made of flesh and blood. What the hell's happening? Voon?

The only technology detected is a cellular telephonic device and a receiver for global positioning data. What the hell is going on? I don't know. She didn't recognize any of us. Something's going on. Something's definitely going on, but what the hell is going on? All right, y'all, something is afoot in this here parking lot. So, let's get ourselves a plan.

I'll offer this. Back when Effie and I ran a church, from time to time we'd have a way. wayward soul passing through, a complete stranger to us all. Effie and I found the best approach to a wandering soul is to not make a fuss and stare. We've got ourselves a nice gathering here. We'll invite the mystery in and then set ourselves to the task of solving it. First off, we'll need someone who's finally adept at mind in someone else's business. David?

That's David. Oh, I will get all up in her business. You are duly elected. Y'all make it like it's a party, and David will get to nos and around. Here she comes, y'all. As you were. So then I said to him, my friend the rhino says, be nice. Phil, I love that story that you always tell.

Hey, there. Hi. I'm David. Come have a seat. Are you hungry? I am actually desperate for anything that's not a cliff bar. You've come to the right place. Judging by my surroundings, I've come to the only place.

Which makes it the right one. What's your name? I'm Rie. Love your name. This is Gloria, Phil, Fiona. The tall guy is Voon. Greetings. And that's Casper.

Hi. Hey, everyone. This is a wild location for a diner. People look at us a little weird, but they're always great. grateful they found us. Where are you headed? China. China. Yes. I've gotten that look a lot.

At last, I checked, we're in Algeria. We are. Voon, how far is Algeria from China? Roughly 11,000 kilometers. 11,000 kilometers, Re. That's as the crow flies? The crow. Yes. That's as the crow flies, Re?

I know. You're not a crow, so that's. going to be even farther. It's going to be quite a trip. I started in Tangier. I'm going over to Egypt, up into Iraq, through a bunch of countries ending in Stan, then down through India, Sri Lanka, then over to China. Oh my God. On foot? Well, I'm sure I'll have to grab a boat or a train from time to time, but yeah, on foot. Well, that sounds fucking insane, Re. I know. It does. I mean, it really does.

What possesses someone to do that? I don't know. Bad breakup? Did you read that book Wild and then buy some hiking boots? No. Nothing like that. Did you ever feel like you were spread out too thin? Like you needed to gather yourself back up again?

Yeah. Sure. You know what I do when I feel that way? Go to the beach for a day. Yeah. It's a little crazy. But I've traveled around my whole life anyway. I'm kind of used to it.

Where are you from? Tyler, Texas. Really? You don't have an accent. Well, yeah, that's the funny thing about Texas. Some people can't help it. And then for other people, it's like kind of a choice. George W. Bush was the only guy in that family with a Texas accent. You know what I mean?

Got it. So, who works here and who's a customer? We all work here. It's a slow night. It's lucky you came along. We would have gone out of business. Too much salt in the soup base there, Casper. And what?

Casper, don't take offense. But we're all playing a fine game of cards here and you're showing your hand a bit. Can you two say something plainly for once, please? We always speak as plainly as we can, Casper. You think I'm speaking to Igpe, Adinley? My friend, you've got a look of concern on your face that runs a bit contrary to the moment. The look of concern is because I'm concerned. And you're running the risk of scaring off the grouse before we can get our sight set on it, Casper.

What do you want me to do? Casper and myself are no good out here either. Perhaps we should excise our hands. ourselves from the situation. Let others do the good work. The others are perfectly capable of sussing out the situation, Casper. Let's adjourn to the dining room and let the chips fall where they may. Some things can't be done by forcing them, Casper. Fine. Hey guys, I'm going to go inside and see if I can fix the radio, okay?

Fix the radio. Oh, right. Fix the radio. Okay, Casper. There. Happy? It's for the best, Casper. Let's let the oddness of the situation breathe for a bit. Okay. I'm sorry. You've nothing to apologize for.

If there's anyone I shouldn't be worried about, it's her, I guess, but it just hit harder than I expected. I didn't mean to screw anything up. Casper, we are not going to sit here and let you beat yourself up. As you know, that's Effie's job. Don't take my work away from me, Casper. I am too good at it. Okay, sure. It was just her and me for a while.

Back when I got separated from the diner, we were wandering around looking for you guys. And the entire time, she kept asking me questions about how to be human and how things worked and why things were important. I would open my mouth and things would just come out. Things that surprised me. Turns out I had feelings about things.

I had thoughts about things. I had things to say, and I didn't know it. I guess nobody ever asked. Not unlike our congregation back home. You sit a man down. You ask him how he feels. Sometimes a whole world emerges when you ask that. All those thoughts they've kept to themselves come flooding out like a river in a rainstorm.

There was a lot I didn't know about myself until she came along. I don't know. The thought of her not being around. Casper, you're slow to make friends. Always have been. In fact, you only seem to make them when they're forced on you. Because of that, it just scares the bejesus out of you to imagine them being gone. It took a miracle to get them in your heart to begin with.

But speaking of miracles, let's make room for one presently. Shall we? There she stands. In some form, right outside. Let's let the good work commence. God damn, we've got Peter doing the mopping? These children are too soft. So what a weird job you have?

You have no idea. How do you end up out here? Uh, right. Well, I went through a bad breakup, and, you know, just had to get out of my life, so I wound up here. That's so crazy. Me too. Really? Yeah. I mean, it was bad. I'm still kind of messed up over it.

Her name was Catherine. We met in Manchester. We were together for two years, but then she just kind of freaked out, you know? After two years, just walked to her. out the door. Catherine? But she used to say stuff like, you blossom in the wintertime like a camellia. I mean, how do you say that about someone and then just leave? Yeah.

Hey, I saw there was a shower in the bathroom. Do you think they'd mind if I used it? It's been a minute since I've had running water. Uh, no, uh, sure. Go ahead. Cool. I'll be back. in a bit. Fix it yet?

What's that? The radio. Did you fix it yet? No, not yet. You should just get a new one. It's one of a kind. Okay. Casper's a name you don't hear a lot. My name. Your name is Re. I know. I had weird parents. It's short for Rila.

Rila. Yeah. It's even spelled weird too. R-I-H-L-A. Thanks, Mom and Dad. Yeah. Anyway, I'm going to use your shower. Okay. God damn it. Hey. Hey.

So there's definitely something weird going on and we need to get to the bottom. of it. And I guess we should move fast. We're not going to be in the Sahara forever. We're not in the Sahara. What? Where is everybody? They're across the street. They wanted to say hi to the neighbors. Okay. Are they open all night? Would it be weird if I stayed here until the morning? How long are we going to do this for X? Phil is from Tyler, Texas. He has a theory that the Texas accent is actually optional and cites the fact that George W. Bush is the only one in the family that had a Texas accent. Well, that's what I say. Before you arrived, I saw a red lightning from the upper atmosphere hit a storm that was passing us.

It was a crystal clear memory from when I was a kid. Some of them have been here before. A fond memory of being in the Sahara Desert with Tuareg music playing across the street. I don't know what's happening. Fiona went through a really bad breakup with a girl named Catherine that she met in Manchester. Catherine said she blossomed in the winter time like a camellia. And I can talk to you all day about a guy named Ibn Batuta who traveled on foot, from Tangier to Egypt, up into Iraq, and over to China.

It took him 30 years. When he finally returned home, he dictated all of his travels to a scholar. The book of his travels is called the Rila. I-H-L-A. I'm not waiting 30 years for you. We're in your head, X. You created a little world made of bits and pieces of our memories. You were coming apart, and you reached out and put all of us in your head. You needed an anchor.

You needed real things so that you didn't forget who you were. I know who you are. Look inside my head. you'll find yourself there. There I am. Are you okay? That was rough. What happened?

I thought there was a chance that the beam would destroy the cube. So I tried to stop it myself. If it took me out, you guys might still have a chance of surviving. How did you stop it? I figured I couldn't stop it by myself. So for about three milliseconds, there were 100 of me. 100? Yeah.

How did you do that? I don't know. But I shouldn't do it again. It made me forget who I was and stranded us in the Sahara Desert in my head. Yeah, don't do that again. I won't. X. Seriously.

Never do that again. I won't, Casper. Okay. I'm glad you can read my mind so I never have to tell you how much you... how much you mean to me. Do you want to do it anyway? Absolutely not. Can you get rid of all this desert shit, please?

Sure. There she is. Hey guys. That was crazy. Fascinating. We were a little worried about you there, Darwin. I'm okay. It was a lovely desert.

Thank you. Casper was pretty worried. You all were. I was in your heads, remember? There's the cube. Does it still work? It still works. It never got hit.

It was all X. X. X, are you okay? It sucked. I think I'll just let him get killed next time. Good idea. So wait, how long have we actually been here? You've been here for a while, actually.

You're probably going to jump soon. Shit. Okay. Everybody, listen. We're going to jump soon, and I'm assuming when we do, the diner is going to take us where the action is. I really don't know what to expect.

How is that different from any other day? Are you ready to get back in the cube? I am ready. Let's do this. Okay, we'll go in the boom cube. I guess we'll see you guys on the battlefield or something. It'd be kind of hilarious if we went to Wyoming. Wyoming sounds nice.

Let's go. I'm mad. Okay. Good luck, guys. Wait, everyone. Go. Zebulon. A prayer.

Uh. Excuse me. A prayer. Fine. Lord, for that, we ask your forgiveness. For in truth, Every battle is a failure, for we failed to see each other as you see us. We failed to see the great commonality bestowed upon us all.

So grant us your forgiveness, O Lord. And as with every battle, please let it be the last one. May conflict and strife become a distant, Memory that our children never know. And ready, break. Okay, let's go kick some ass. Good luck. Casper, hang back a second, okay?

Uh, okay. Uh, I'm right behind you. What's up? Hi. Hi. I really wanted to cook outside tonight. Yes, sorry about that. We were trapped in X's brain.

And now we're going into battle, apparently. Yeah. Which is pretty ridiculous. I agree. What are we doing? I have no idea. After all this is over, I really need the multiverse to chill the fuck out. Agreed.

If I have to deal with one more fucking space god. They ruin everything, the space gods. I'm a woman who makes tacos. And I'm a man who makes nothing. And I would just like to cook outside. I say, when this is over, you never go inside again. Great. Great.

I just needed to say that out loud. It's well heard. I'm glad you're okay. I'm glad you're okay. Okay, get out of here. Well, you three. I bet your lives were a lot simpler before we showed up at the door. I really am sorry about that.

Don't worry about us, Gloria. Okay, well... What now? Shit. Looks like our nice day just got ruined. These assholes are relentless. Get inside. Maybe we'll jump away in time.

Wait! Voon. Are you ready? I am, Gloria. A field test to the protocol would be beneficial. Okay, what do you need? A Fiona and Peter should stay with me. The rest should stay inside the diner.

Okay. Peter! What am I doing, Vune? I believe they are just over that ridge. We must slur them closer. Okay. Peter. Antagonize.

Antagonize. Are you afraid, Fiona? Yes. You? I am. But it is irrelevant. Yeah. Yeah, it is.

Good job, Peter. Deploy tactical dome. The weapons are used. against us. Proceed then. What did you do? Peter. Disarm.

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Corey 83, Blues, Liz wants Laif to build her a plane, dude named Blake, John Caleb Williams, Yontalius, Kian, an eel exchange student from Midst, Daugherty last name, Ratrick, Ricklin, like Rich Land, but without the D, Dyer. All Bethanies must do the hustle. Jordie Ladbrad, Natasha without Boris, Frost and Alice, Lobster Possum, Malort Boy, Jinks the Cat would like to offer you biscuits, have a zesty day, Megan, Malcolm Edwards, spend my money irresponsibly, Stephen Drop, Dana Thanielson, son of Dana Thaney for short, Chris Eaton, Cross Stitcher Who Loves the Hobby, and Time Travel, Funchbrunglin, Nash likes apples, pneumatic Yeti, the Eldred Scha Zoha, Wyatt Fryhover, Paul, James Bell, Dave Davison, and Time Travel, Funch Brunglin, Broom Goddess, Ricky Burnett, That New Guy, De Savage Indian, Radboy, Jules Weeks, Calf, The Generous Patient Rose, John Wilkes Booth's Freedom-L loving horse, aka J. Willikers, neckbone his imperial doudness. Oh hey, it's Jay. Grim, off the internet wants Harriet Harriet 7-07, Rich Francis, Burger Kaspa, no relation, Jedi Shaolin, Smart Alec the Great,

gas station crypted, Deus Kashik, Bird, the Birdsbird, Papa Goose. Sometimes I do feel like a plastic bag. Amanda Bill's Misty Wordpower. Casper's Danish Moose. Flacco, aka Johnny R. The Disco Spider. Leaf Tracks, The Rise of Leaf, Chapter 2, The Ted Slayer Unchained. Vicki A Bear, Pike Daniels, the Cosmic Whale, Zansatsu, Mr. and Mrs. Van Limber lost. Murdoch Wong, Caterpillar Farmer, Chimera, Don Moat, the space trucker Chadwick Coden Doyle the third. Jody Green, Monster Senshi, Michael Peters, political knitter. Seasonal Sasquatch silently seeks secret society, so special souls softly sing sweet songs, smartly stirring strong stories. Physicist, Brendan Shoneman, I divided by zero and now I'm undefined,

Laf, the horses here, Mag Trimmer, Rod Stewart the Sailor, James We Met, the listless enjoyer, Miss Maxine, Boy Got Them Honkahonkers, Kevin O'Malley, Invisible Garia, the Poland, Zimaniac, Hop loves a thug bot named Francis, Pam the Infinite, and Thou, curiosity is eating your bones, revolutionary inclined Ocelot, Matt Howler, Andrew Bear, Marius Dejoa, Butterfly Fox, Riot the Trani, The Fish did not acknowledge her. Irma the Lama, 27, keep it tight, Chip, Gloria's right hand, Jack in the Boxman, Giordin, Grim Knight, Pike Daniels the Whale, and Thoselese Bethany Maximus Lord of Kingwood, Texas, Ragnar Jensen, Addison Weirdo Wagner, Hermann 0305, Smoke Me a Kipper, I'll be back for night breakfast, Titus Kossloff,

ashes of a burnt-out lathe, I'm a kung fu panda on the wind. Brandon A.R. equals Thor. I love you all. Never forget that, especially in trials, and Laboza's voice brightens my day. The intergalactic House of Cats demand a free Palestine, Electromancer, Chekhov's Space Cannon, Corey Senses, Surf and Turf Telecoms, I'm Agin, Red and Dusty with his Garden Goddess, Shelby Morrison, Mystic Monster for Chaos, Ziggy Dreadful, Rave Hans Malley, G-Wing, Frank One, It Is Sparks, Lost Girl Lou, Chris B, Middle American Penguin, Shana Welch, Crochet Cosmos, Andy the Celestial Penguin, Jackie Orion, Bo Nunley, Ariana Castillo, The Tall Deer that portends great change. Eda Mettinger, Marco, friend, as in Your Best, Lime Ghost, M, Icky Blurgs, Jay the Erascible,

The Magic Committee, Committee of Anything Magical, Ian Full, 345 uneducated swine learning to swing dance. Nova the fuck accountant is definitely not a tangle. One intergalactic year with Big Potato 99, aka the Rat Lady, aka Bumblebee, aka AK-A-K-47. Kai, just a little guy, Ender Wright, Mark Naza Warritz. Zinia, the Capturer of Light, Theoretical Chemist, Chris Loves to Read, Katie Machalick, Greg Andrews, Lyons. In memory of Jason Reese, get your butt fingered, That Girl Gracie, Magnus von Cavanheim, saucy little beast, Drewbert, Captain of the SS Beefy Tits, Longtime Lurker, Scooter, The Unlucky Sun, Jennifer Myers, Lady Lazarus, Donnie Darko, Tim Shin, Caitlin and CT's Neverending Podcast Adventures, Whisper Dan, Kio the Panda Puppy

Forklift Operator, Ruby Cherries, Nick Faye, Buttholen, Justin and Amy Triplett, Jen Sims, Penelope, Ring to the Motas, The Leathermans, Odd Commodity, Gen Before, Ander Ho, Leah Prime, Gregory Santoro, Motham, Not the Fucky Fried Chicken, Robert Drapeza, Dimension Spanning Time Traveling Little Guy, Eono, Jonathan, Mr. Put It On O6, Hedgehog Hen, Jackson Bell, Katie Chambers, Jay the podcast lover, Dick Rickles, Chapter President, damn glad to meet you, Malcolm Flynn, Samuel Lee, Josatron Prime, Oh my God, I forgot to change my name from Nicholas Beckler to something more cheeky and fun. Arwin the Freer, Throat Goat 666, I Am Your Father, Adi Slosson, Inconceivable Kai, Red Rum 916, Nick Waycaster, Gotham still fucked up, Batman really ain't doing shit when you think about it, No Good Monk, Rye, Yes, Like the Bread, Sarmann Sayed, Johnald Grimbus, Matt Knight Bouchager, Gavin Mori, Damn, Eitri,

Andromeda, Stephen the Choi, Gloria's authentic earth coffee, Gabriel T, can someone find me the Parmesan? I did this for fun. Cookie Nebu, Axel Zapata, Jason McDonald, Orionda, Bean Dino, Philip Lennox, Hugh Jass, J. J.2, Brian Montgomery, Artemis Record, Safa Alusi, Trev Brax, Gunner Tweedle, the Bard Without a Ballad or a Mallet, Nazzo. Platform Jail Mechanism Burn Museum theorist, Hold Please, Kay Kayow, Empress Squishy Face of Greater Catopia, Anna Garcia, Goblin King, Rays of Noop. Kiki's best friend would like to go to breakfast.

Yeager Luce. Terry Cads says, hello, Ernesto. Leaf Tracks, The Rise of Laif. Chapter 1, Loft Tracks retires. The Dishonorable Prodigal, I Lum, Sculliver, Sam and Shane, Asoka likes hugs. Going Anonymous, V, Ma Dukes, Ooh, Chickadee, Dango Dale, Esty, not the website. At every moment in every corner of every possible world, there is always a way home, and it's already found you. Zhao Paolo Lemos, Odd Keep, the sentient lighthouse, the faceless old Bethany who secretly lives in your home. D. Shane, Tanya Fisher, Appalachian Death Queen, Zosifer Dogo of Doom, burnt barbecue beef brisket. It's official, they're called Thigroney's.

Kevin Wynens, Marlon C. Just whelmed. Madame Perry? Cherish Hellfire's Hellish Chairfire. Lichen Lady, Midnight Club, Cameron Agnesee West, Knox, Lisa Lou, Emmett Hale, The Triads Baddest Goblin, Emry and Lano, James Miles, Brown Coats Love the Diner, House Chaos of the Critter Cicophony. Max, Nia, Ivan, and Mark will see you at six. Open, open, open, no wait, never mind, just Mark, and, uh, we make the world. Minion Simone Mimi Davis, Gaya Turtle, Wayne Barahona,

we will not rest until Puerto Rico and Palestine are free. Pluto Crow, Nisie's mom, Pokesplort, Whiskey Rebellion and Gen Riot's Interdimensional Detective Agency, Trian, Shibu, and Griff, Slim Nandy, Jen and Britt, Adriana Bartolomucci, Jonah is Gay, The Midnight Ashes, Hornetti, Ballion Fair has retired and now raises herds of mungos. Hood's Pocket Protector. The artist formerly known as Unpaid Intern would like to congratulate Heather on her divorce

and is thinking of getting one herself. Valky Storm, Patricia Who's always late but somehow on time. DC Squirrel, Kyle the Interstellar Highwomen, Shelly Act on the Verge, Gail Friend, Rubber Cake, Clover the Clown, the Sparky Tech, Prop the Crocogator, Ringleader Volt, Jazz Punker, Captain Tight Pants and the Companion, Renee N, Catarina de la Playa, RIPE, Elieweas Waffles, the Fluffranger, Acky the Space Druid, Phantom Land T-T-R-PG Dice, Katea Plume, Your Local Blacksmith, Jason, HVAC Tech for the Diner's Deep Freeze, SK Phoenix, Glitch the Gamer Error, Zephyr-Montgomery Foxworth, Merryface, Luan Cherry,

peppermint Pearl, the interdimensional space and tea time witch, Nicole 6-4, Amara Salazar, Banjo Buscolo, full beans, glorious forgotten Ford Festiva, Brandon Wright, night breakfast at the midnight cauldron, force for good-ish. The ghost of Dave Brockie, the Judah, Slater Morales, intergalactic fry lord, gravity's optional, but fries aren't. C.J's big barbecue bistro for Anthony's, Angel Vasquez, Evil the Cat, Stephen Raymer, Jay carp fishman, the great goblino, low oxygen, save the mungos, Joji the Birdwatcher, a flock of gray horses from the top of a sycamore, lilac morcella, your tiggled biddy yin milf majesty, temporal hashbrown, Diane Brown, Captain No Sleep, Jamie the OG happy hippie, Rainey, Rubin Eden, the Shreveport Bohannans, CC the Umbrella Mage, Bradbury's Sasquatch loads Chekhov's gun and rides to join Bethany's army. Dinn, Cosmic Catchup, Lack of Lifestyle, Moosey, Hoods Pocket, Gere and Sprocket Local Repair Cafe, Postmaster General Kwan sent me, Blake Busmagian, nitwit 14, roiled way too harshly, DJ Johnny B, the Klopman Diamond, Marco Montano, no longer doing a bit,

shiny fields, Adam Tacheck, Christopher Wendell, Unproductive Banana, Pulcifer the Paulist of Paulism, zombie Spider-Man, Bex 823, Auntie Crypted, Barry Heap, Gas Masked Penguin, In the Hot Seat, Mime Ninja Mime, Master Uguay, Barry, Dili is Dallying, Futeile screaming at the ocean, Fox Hatlin, Dylan Caroni, Pedro Vibresto, Slider, Malachi, Maple Emily, the gayest library janitor in Indiana. Learn how to be calm in heart, Stumbly, I'll be waiting. Physic the Good Bush, definitely not one of the bad bushes, funding Rebel Bethanies to overthrow the newly elected Bethany's. Haxedicemone Bethany is non-binary. Vapis 10's Big Black Gaping Hole. Bruce. Jessica Gagoma. Toracle. Jenny the bear.

Agar. Sir Dean Thorn. Treech? Josie Jones. Mr. Fibble is very cross. Hote potato. Dr. Mojo postulates the end list endlessly splintering off as Bethany and Bert Bert's caboose until its end lists all the way down. Blind time traveler convention date.

L.A. Woman, the Phoenix Rising. New name? God. No, not him. Jeff Andrew? Sure, Jeff Andrew. Cup of noodles. Shmizzy Two Shoes. Luna Nova. Nicholas Griffith. Justin Smallen.

Riku 31. Craig Dundee. New type without a Gundam. Astral C. Ickle me, pickle me too. Witch Loud the cartoonist. Guy with the chops. Sam.

Mitchell Yee. Bagelknife. Emelda and Scott. Courtney Cochran, Lily Starling. Ryan Kay. Nate. Chip.

Radio Free Reilia. Violin Lovist. Brian Passley. Sue Wobasa, the Blue Cher Noble Dog. enjoyer. Greena, Pistonwhip, Captain Ducky, Blitz Bell, Satuma, Silius Goose Gohuis, Goh, Ace, Coach Shane of Toad Sucks Central, Go Cranes, Sky, Cole Arthur, Lego Cuisade, Norwin Mergler, Joe Kappa, Dogma Mom, We Be Chopin'Brocka, The Hacker Nogue, The Hacker Nocter,

Ivy De Burb, Blue Tune, A Feisty-Assty, Poultry Landmine, The Scrappy, The Scrappy, The Cripped Paladin, Maverick Artis, It Was a Mimic, Basil in Their Tea, waiting to gossip with David. Ainslie, Ye, yeah, yeah, yeah, Angnor, ATB, Kiwi-Lovelybead, Zoe, Professor Freda, Michelle Spurgeon, Jack the Sleepy, Garrett Henderson, quote, Still trapped, but I've stopped asking why,

The freezer is, I am, we chill, Son of Defarge, Whiskoteach, Give Peas a Chance, Samalama Dengdon, Behold Lady Sarah Per, Whisker Vale, Countess of Wood Hollow, Mistress of the Whispering Pines, and beloved by all creatures small

and opinionated. Ricardo Galamba, Kari's crafty cloaking devices, LLC, hashtag we weave'em of Gossamer. Penny the Wonder Dog and Bucky Von Buckbuck, medium rare extra toasted bun, saucy Caesar,

belt, Aspen is a Verge fanboy. Ava's favorite My Little Pony Pencil wants Joe to slap into a snim gym. Mr. and Mrs. Drifter, representative of the Alaska Midnight Burger Tummy Time chapter. Nathaniel Lee Industries, Lord Entropy,

Bach, Mothothothoth, The Faye Wanderer, everybody's favorite clowns splotchy, kosher steak, Flo Rida, Alyssa's shiny pants, Gondor calls for aid, Arnold Rumspringer, the demise of the Temple of Bethany's. Alan Bergland says, Hi, Mom. Rin the No, Kitty McSull. Raven Stromdan's hapless novelist passenger of the dimensionally impermanent, bookshop cafe, the wild-eyed prophet, Tessa Craig, perfectly personalized disaster, Jim Turner, Lux Luminos, Javi Denaro, Big Chunk, Gedez, Boom's, Boom's Wooden Gilly Bean

Benjamin, not Franklin Tracy Baby, Leah, A singular nightbird, Bethany in a Greenfield, A, E-I-O-U-Y-N-W, Bumblefay, Mr. Epsilon, long-haired Matt, DJ, Robert W, Breelzebub,

Kresimira, Jessi Leren, Myth and Stitch embroidery loves the mucklewains, Lulu, Louise, Dullio, the Brew crew family, Bert Ruba, your most benevolent Lord and Master of the Multiverse, Jeffrey George,

Ellie, don't tariff me, bro, oopsie, Evelyn, Grimlor, And he will boom, errant popsicle stick, M Horowitz, Isle of Refuge, Jack Spider's mom, Bubblebutt Bethany has banana breath, llama fresh, Jair the Benevolent Destroyer, Valtiel Heller, Sad Little Earth Monkey, Revin the Red Beard Wizard, Bert Bert, Bert, and the Funky Bunch, High Viscosity, Gender Fluid Slime. Bethany 2, Electric Bugaloo, Welcome to the Kwan Pound, Penn, Penn, Penn, Penn, Pen, Pen, Pouser,

Schnitzel, has successfully recruited Sarah Murphy's Cats for the Trouble Puff's Fight Club. in the deep freeze say, awo! Sanctuary Moon's number two fans. Insane clone posse. Alice Lewis. Simply Amy Sue. I pushed her because Joe said so. Even older Liz. McBearcat. Grack Pinfeather,

Cidican druidicicuritic scientist. Astro, your friendly neighborhood, Android. Moonlight Zombie Fox. Old Doc Racy, the Midnight Missionary, out there somewhere looking for you. Rotten Ronnie sleeps in Grandma panties. Artist Dragonborn. Bigby Garage. Bill Zangana Lester.

Big MF Juice, the SIP, Muffins, Chad Hatter, Cosmic Tea Maker of the Triads. Tell your cat, I said, a ppsps, pips, pips, banana manaz, a corgi cold kibble, cuddley-cracken, Sarge the Bard, Seminity, L.L. Cool Mint Jams, Travis Robertecuhus, Ken Daddy, Leah Aizotti, Millie was taken, dead to me 86, B-Camp, Shanman, Man Man, Karma Camillion, Kinran says hello, Zoe and her army of mice, Briar Long Loss, Daniel, Trixie Belle Dubois, Dr. Budiologist, the glutes doctor. Thank you for pressing, too. Your Anglophone Emotional Support Canadian request will be processed in the order in which it was received.

Queen Sirly Jess. R. IP, Lance McLean, you would have loved Midnight Burger. Adam Toclove, Dr. Bichcraft, Sassy Cat the Space Vixen, Claire Rock, Jekka, Eros to God, the size two fish you've been looking for. Eokai. Borgia. Spiders are cuddly. The main immortal pinball sounds in the diner. Chill Neal.

Sin City Scuba Steve, Polywog, Michaela White, Elena Pickle, Professor Thaddeus Snookums the 8th, Mr. Grin, Glenn Petrovsky. This moment of silence so Joe can catch his breath is brought to you by Rick Tyler.

Elizabeth Hammond, Steam Vision, conductor of the interdimensional time-spaning hype train, Dave Harold, Wisecube, Bromine, pronounced bro, mine, Maine, Ham Dinga.

Mother of Pearl, Fiona now owns Laif's 18-inch Peter, Sealface, Rigger Mortus, Megan's Things, things Megan makes. Coilane. Trebex reject. Prophet of the god of the mucklewains. Darth Ox. Michelle Kay. Aaron Arnold. Bo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yoing. Mammar. Spokane doesn't suck. Elliot paints. Undead Akira. The Lord Reverend. Ryan. Thomas's 10

Tenebrous tan staphil tippers treading treacherously tantamount to telling totalitarian trope termination tales. The lovely Laura Lovely. Kith Gamji, Sam Wise Flayman Cousin. Dariel, Jeremy the Ruler, Gochi, Charles Robert Darwin III, Esquire, Ph.D. Jacob Mitchell, Zeke in the Box, Stevie Crowhill. Ola Milla McCann of the Welcome Wagon says, Ecabo. The Adventures of Magpie and Brown Bear, Scrubs, Remy, the Panda Crew, Melody Prime, Beardow the Wizard, Captain Benjamin Hawkeye Pierce, the German short hair pointer from Nashville, wants to tell his mom Maddie that he says, Woof!

Whiskered, Annie Two Hands for the Double High Five, Marissa the Ghost. Rutherford B. Chesterfield and his dapper companion Winchester. Cheshire Corgi, Stray Cat, Old Kelsey No Shoes, Zoldia, Dizzy Flame, We Serve Everyone, Eventually, Sasha. Beth and Alan Van Gillis, Langston North, Sly Fox, aka Braer Rabbit, The Constantly Lost Geographer, Timothy Aotis, Chance wants you to know, he cares. Wolfstark, Elliot, Hobbs Decoe, Natalie Bartlett, Rory of Yin, Mooby the Golden Calf, Suda Satoshi, Giovanni Salinas, Rocky G, Perry the Pirate, Aaron Elizabeth, K. Narcotics, Solomon Price, Daydream, but evil. Bubba 485, aka Shemelbach the Christmas Whale, Stella Corvus, Jesus, Jesus, J.P. The IT guy, Candyman Fight, John Peters, you know, the farmer? Markley on the Holladeck, Dapper Dad, S.C. 049, O. Magis, Raven the Dreamer, T.K. Turtle King, Mike M. Space-based

lasers, Captain B and Lady G with their swabs. Marla, Madam Lotus still especially loves Finley. Mr. Steamwave. My friend the Rhino says, be nice. Hoop Challenge. Dream Founder. I'm your Huckleberry. Elizabeth T. T. T. Tai, the Wonder Hamster and her dear darling Duke.

Boombastical Kim Laker. Huggamuffin. Bigfoot of Doom. D.L. Annie Atkins. A bounty hunter called the Crandy Man. Garot. My cats say to tell you. Meow. Think fast, chuckle nuts.

Flash banged. Benjamin Ortiz. Mr. Frog. Pop-rock quicksand. Mr. Squizzle, Whizzle, Whizzle, The Horrendous apologizes for conspiring in the Bethany War. Invites for tea are being sent now. Abonaso, Mr. Rage, Mr. Rage, Adelor, Trans-Space dinosaur, Spooky, DeFleur, The MacGymies from Your Local Dementia. Ryan Abbey, Thomas Adams, Drink Spiller, Stephanie Buk, Entropy Eugenbases, Andrea Crowther, Martin Dears, Kevin Daughtry, De Flower, Two Daddy Jazz Hands from Mouse Toots, Dan Gentry, hope something good happens to you today. Yes, you. V. Greenley, Ron Hayden, Michelle Hopper, Jake the Cook, Josie Jones, Bootskooten Dave, Anthony Lakey, Britt Littlefair, T.U. Luther. Some days you're the Beatle, some days you're the dung. Lauren Mayer, Glenn Morris, Richard Ryan

Michelle, Michelle Myers. Ali Upsi, not to be confused with Upsi, Fridge Pickle, Rosemary, Robert Savat, Lizard Lee, Eliza Sharp, Donald Schingler, Daniel Stavy, Fall of the Berlin Wallaby, Kela T. Arena. Rachel Vasquez, Luke of Achito, Nia Venturi, the beloved yet borderline inappropriate empire of Dr. Thunderbutt and Lady Cristobel. Justin Wiley. Brett Zimmerman. Arrow Jones Jubal. Xavier Killingsworth, Lane Kiffin is a ho, me medic hygienist, Aaron Star Joshua Damien and Sentinel of the Star System. Claude de Clause, Spunky Dan, Ed Boy, Ryan Finnelly, Jonathan K, Pearl Null,

Petabyte Avatar, Tugwin the Mighty, Project Octopus, Ken, 1012, Scotty Oates, Bairotron 95. Dance, break. Spiku, the Bracken system in its home world, Ren, simply Tony, Gabriel Castion. Whom, what, when, where, and why is what all Thigroney say while listening to Midnight Burger. A drum major and a trapeze artist walk into Connie's bar. Sir Party Animal. Uloy Jackal.

Ari sure you Mike Rob the Nancy Sinatra, court need to leave. leave it alone if you want to live. Must be a witch, cat with a K. My thigroney has a first name. Stompinstein L Mustachio, Lucifer Hezekiel, La Chihuahua Brava, Adeline Peets, Ciceroce, Ciceroce, Cicester, The D'Eruscan Sun, Honest Puck, Casper's Mom's Milf, Scout and Foxglove says the floor is lava. Unexpectedly Blue Red Nell. Kerdomsky. Craig Armstrong, Plastic Fork, D'Letche Studios Presents Under the Truskin Sun. Get out of my booth. Propagator? I hardly know her. Sad Angry Crabman. Chuck McFinley.

Effie and Zebulon's trans great-granddaughter, Hazel Hayes, Velocity Girl 42, Little Dragon and a Coulterle, Flat Steve's Love for Grand Theft, Anna Keirney, Tater Tadot assassin, four schnauzers of the Apocalypse, Starblaze Burnbright, Imzukioki, Spotted Brino and Her Hand Me Down Frogs, Red Mafia Panda, Lonely Isle, Kai Dallow headphones, Hinkle, Pikeman Stover, Fondella Stover, Pikeman Stover's wife. Alexander the boss. Scrizels. Fwap.

Kitty, kitty, kitty. The firekeeper. The end is nigh. Jeremiah the canceled. Librarian Alex. Spike and Faye. Johnny Ellen West and the boys from the dwarf. Speedy McSpeedy.

Eli. Wolf. Auntie Becky is owned by five rescue cats. Speckled Unicorn. Jedi rides again with Nova the Space Pirate. Tevin Long Blade Short Sword. Forget normal. A damn.

C.J. Johnson. A dragon sitting on its hoard of dice. Windle Whitaker. Chumbo Wombo, Ficichu, Smyi, Globbed Roulette, Andrew Fuller, Ban Mi Hung, The Soup Witch, Fetishini Alfredo, Cowboy and Sasquatch, Hunts Bethany's, Pebbles, VV, Effy Rawlings, Megan Hazen, Philip, Your Dad is Not Your Dad, Nick Beauree, Midnight Plummer. His Royal Highness Mr. Hamilton Underfoot Kitty the First and accomplice, Princess Penelope, the Marchioness of Mischief and Maven of Mystery. Megan Gentry, Mr. Cherry, Our Ass is in the Jackpot, Tubby Teddy, Wayne Hiser, India Inkblot, Slav of Bahamette, Omie Gracie, Dalton Jenkins, Kat Holtz, CalArt in the Tired Night. The True Mega Mike, Fred and George, Ava Maddox Jr., L. Mattox Jr., L. Ma'Bow, 46 Toolshed 2, and El Marie Catastrophe, The Image Collector, Blended Music, Definitely Not Kevin, Sitting Squirrel, Patricia E. Melt says in a world of slugbots,

Bot, Red the Gray, the Silver Crow, Couch Potato Alex, Neverchild, Dr. Nossos, Interdimensional Biologist, Kiboko Dunord, Cozamine, Theodrax, Joey B, Lucas Barding got his barber to listen to Midnight Burger, Little Debbie Cupcake. Terran says, hey, Oreos are Rabbit. Sandlewood Mountain offers peace for your soul, whimsical fuckery, Megan with an H, Patricia the Time Lord, Mango Connoisseur, The Big Moose, and his wife, the Little Moose. That old Glory Cole. G. L. Miao Nays Cat Butler. Oshin Lou, Alex Berry, Andrew Oakden, Asymmetrical Exile, Chiro the Space God, Eliza Travels the Universe, Lindsay Bowen, the goddamn podcast lawyer, Alex Spruce, Dr. D. Birdcloth, Weather, want to say hello to the whole Spweather family. I lost my galaxy britches in a game of pants darts. Angry Ron, Dominus Caesar, Dirkadub, Gloria's ex-girlfriend, Kelly Clickspring, most likely Cass, Jasmine Jane, Dr. Cabarand, also known as Omni, thanks Waffle Chateau.

Colorado beekeeper, fruit cake. Zephyr's wife has the hots for Zebulon. Jennifer Culkin's Midday Burger, Don Parks, Throat Goat 666, oh my god my dad found out about my Patreon name. Princess Leia, Fish in a Bag. September, previously observed in the pattern. Prime Freak, Protector of the Scottish Realm, Little Lord Stevie Pie. Droid Pirate Finley and his Rubin-esque parrot. Droid Pirate Finley and his Rubin-esque parrot. stuck in a pit of Skittles, C-Squatch, Deflater Mouse, Tony Piacarsky, Adrian R, The Devil from Table 12, Javier, Crazy Thadley, Cremulus is just happy to be here, the twisted twigster, real housewives of Seagius, Thay Queen, Upschnart, the probability demolition expert, Showtime, For My Mother,

CCTX Girl 6823 waiting on the diner, Nicole Studioso. Okay, I didn't get this exactly right, but I think I'm in the ballpark, the Tuareg word for shovel is Tebejhen. Kay the Flying Penguin honks at the horde of Bethany's encroaching on their nest. Honestly, this is getting absurd.

Truck Stop Sandwich, Indigo, Escargo, Love My Captain, Joe Mauma, Wondering Biscuit, Castriff, Ames affection for internet protection, retro M.G, NightScript, Widget the World Watcher wearing a waistcoat and wig. Utrud and Rose's Viking Void Vitals,

fueling the intergalactic fight against fascism. Yeah, not sure what I'm doing. River Brown, Senior Deuce, Warped Ryder, Tim Nacey, Ruben Clamzo, Turwin, Morgan Brockman, Sylvie, Friendly Neighborhood Fire Protection Engineer, Skull Bulb, Dustin Watson, Betty White 813, Randy Supreme and Queen Lancaster, Bolivar Shagnasty, Starscribe, Lucian Thundersruck. Ho-Mamma! Glorbnar 7, now granting refugee status to victims fleeing the Bethany Wars. The Other Adel, Leah Hall, Sarah May, Silly Willie Bubblebutt, Sierra not from Arkansas, Ebedeezer Boob, Caleb Tumiala, Jason Woods, Arnie Arbuckle Esquired,

potion maestro, nebula Nell, regulators, mount up, Wandering Scholar, Mad Yogi Eileen, a cat named M, Petito Pato, Palace, Big Mo, I am Annie, I live forever in every moment I've existed, I swear to every star in the cosmos, I never forgot it was a gift. The Stone Fox, Sylivia, Papitos, Henry the Goose, Jennifer Baumer, Ninja Grim Reaper, I am a bomb till I think of something else to do. Burr it words. Hot-shot Huntley, Momo's Mama, Space Mormon says what? Ivy Paisley, Toast, Sue Watts, Myrtle,

Caitlin, Leader of the Unicorn Revolution, Matlock, Lord of the 13th Sea, The Fourth Era, Printing with Cats, Calisi Del Mar, Von Vega, Dixie Dina, 7,000 Possums, KBS 1017, Silas Vex, Sarah Jack Sparrow Space Pony, Revive, Debbie E, Dusty Ventures, and his pilot Uzi driftin through space. Ronnie Porter, Gloria's line cook, Eagle Rock Lobster, the Gabbiest painter, and her bird of fire. Cudell, Farrell, Emily with two E's, Spaceman Nathan, Ramsey's Niblich the Third, Kerplunk, Whoops, Where's My Thribble? Jackie Wavlet, Yeo Gagarin, a Grimlin with the Munchies, Michelle Scoracchio, Genuine Jacob, Space Rooster Randy, leopard donut, poofy-thang, mellow nuggets, keychain crap, Stilo, Bumbling Lily Bee, a quick pause so Joe can sip

from his tiny teacup. You know, a popular tea in the Tuareg region is Magrebi mint tea. Okay, so you take your gunpowder green tea, and then you take your fresh spearmint and a whole lot of sugar and you brew it really strong, which sounds pretty great. Panda! Kennedy Allison Farner, the perpetually tired transgender time traveler. Tristan Stolls, Dalyan Y., Shadow Rapture, Yet Another Nicole, Hank the Wonder Lama, Arcraft, Russell, Zephyrus Wind, the Ornamental Hermit,

Jay to the Lynn, just a regular Fox, Jeremy Imson, What the Hell, Sinaplex, and all the black people in North Carolina, just Rachel, Waffles, Waffles, Waffles, Waffles, Danger Girl, Atlas Bear, Eva's Cigarette Ash, Hugh Biftit, A, Zeus, Anaphylaxis, Scav with Comtacks, the shape-shifting sad girl and her girlfriend say, Joe, you've done it again, Sarah Nicole, The Kells Fights with the Bethany's, Angry Leafs, Lasersaw, Magnus Aerochill, Amy Perry, Christophirich, Source Decay, Descendant of the Sweather, fish whisperer. Vagabond Mary, bold mouse, Katie Mermaid and the delinquent duo, Nauman, Nicole. Victor Schauberger reincarnated as White Mountain Hillbilly Glitter Cupcake, Max Danger's Security Chief Shatsy, The Anx Peach, Team Michelle and Billy, Nea Nix Rino,

Frankenator, Nordlbash, Jordan, R1X Belasco, Ryan Rosinski, average height, medium rage, Audio Monkey, Joe, Team Hafea Vison, K. In the Mysterious Aze, I'll grant you that we have a multiplicity of mics, a jumble of James's, a trifecta of Tonys, one of whom still wants to be Laif, but sadly, no Bethany's. Rowan, Thady of the Black and Herald of the Stars. Ariane Can't Manage Normal. Ryan Burnett, Dr. Dr. B., Zopres and the Bumble Army, growing into my farm boots. Superbeth becomes an RN alongside my bootstup farm friend. Geneva Boss, Arkansason, Not Arkansas, Brothers of the Cosine, Uncivil Noms, the Rat Queen Evelyn, Great Lunch Conversation. Captain Scott, Lettie Lou.

He was a shifty one that Nick Howard. Kinger was here. Bobby Ray Winland Jr. Bebop B-Dabadduwop, Warped Echoes, Slabs McTurps, Jeremiah Franco, Justin, the Nick of Time, Gothic Rainbow, Cody McClure, Eternal Companion, Maxine Lazont, Jingoloss, heiress, goddess of nobody, has Matilda, Ditsy Bay, Just Your Average, Kyle Church, Static Ego, Lolly, Evan M. Dobson, Dave B. Nabi, your friendly neighborhood pathologist, going to be, L. Captain Emerald L. Wayne Hall, Danny Mars, externally screaming, but Bethany, I Made Biscuits, Skibo and Fuzzle MacBurnitz, Neelix Tiny Wolf, Christina Senate is teleporting, VRB.

Definitely not an Android. Seriously, I'm not. The Wandering Welshman, Whatever Tabby, Carolyn Harper, Nikolai Tolkachev, Z3DT, Shy Sparrows, BLT, N, The Kiwi Duckling, Dana-Dena, Feefei Fofena. Monsters Olmanacs, Biggest Fan, Aubrey, and her dad. Tequila Mockingbird, Spweather Goose, Dammer in the Space Goblin, I so pale, exquisite whimsy, I am Lord Zoltan, hear me roar, Pocket Ghost Max.

Mags the Conqueror imposes economic sanctions on the end be Bethany's for the whole Lasersaw car incident. My cat's name is beef. Katie Kate, get your colonoscopy, Victor Casados, Emily Schmemley, Bo-ho, bye-bye for Jojo Pogo, that's a no-go, bro.

Cody Monster, Collided Mind, Miss Nixie, Baby Beaton Lee, Charlie Roodle, Kyle Perino, A.K., Sid the Sloth on a bike. Priya Gandhi. The Wandering Mermaid would like you to know that the Little Mermaid and the creature from the Black Lagoon are the same exact story. Little Stevie Pie, Green Mountain Hermit Bethany, Carl, The Teller of Dad Jokes, Skylab's Multimensional Multifacic Intergalactic Quantum Cyberverse, Verde Sol, Galen Miller, Tess, Geriatric Youngen, Mystic Hippie, Unforcible, Local Marshag, Daniel Nitz, Mavis Bacon's, Pyro's Calling, The Wizard Super Califras,

Agilellusus. Too many Jans, says. Things are bad, but we're going to win. Pamela Roselle Tierra. Then Stina says, Thud Tweed, enigmatic catbird, Countess of Carbon, luminous elk, rodean caution, love is for the nirds. Taz Hernandez, Captain Crash and the surviving crew. It's just Tyson now.

Casper needs all the hugs, but Joe needs an O2 tank. Quote says, Joe is the writer's room. Nasty Dog 74 needs crew for ship. Brown Coats OK. Awkward Heritage. Devin 7777, Troy Aker, Mandy Kane, Northerly Kay, Lost Basin, you know, the moon prison outside the triad. Kim Sel, silly goose, honk, hank, ad matha, astro unit, ghost saber wolf, the sleepy mystic, Sarah Joy, Taters, precious, it's just Steve. Rupal Arupal Atradis, Amanda Short, Chut, Brimble, Deidra, Mike Whiskey and your friend Frosty, no saguaro.

Benbar, stand clear of the closing doors, please. Beasley death, Zven the unlikely, Cognito hazard expunged. Ted Wasannosan, Vyrestria, Theosis the Theologianish. Why is my daughter so feral? Send help. Fernwood gal. Nellie G., Twinkle Tots. Gemini Sky, Phantoms Mom's, Daniel Arthur. It's a fucking dog rapture. Abigail Yoderle. He-hoo. King Humble. We'd better ask Dave. Windchimes for safety. Cameron Winterborn Welsh. Fireball XL5. McKenzie Duna. Code stranger. One betty bet. Matt N. Alfie Rivenurum. Momunakiki. Frelp. M. Lynn. Feed my fish. J.R.R. on SFP. Jay Spark. Little Mirror Leopard Paws. Diet night. Mars Royalty. Take 20 damage.

Maisie's bandstand. Kim Bob. Battle Pope and Bugaboo. Snorts. Morgharts. Fresh squeezed. Patrick Holt. Hold it now. Hold it now. Hold it now. Hold it now. Hold it. Hit it. Bradley Ashby. Peter. William Dyer. Vicky Abear. Brad Maneer. Jane. Hannah Dale. Crystal delightful. Gruntled. Kill shot Betty and her steel-eyed bow. Jackie Lowy, the Little Pigeon. Quentin Elizabeth Jones. Lily the planetary brain. Crayed bear. Crafty lizard be quilting. Yes, my brain is weird. Thank you. Megan the Meg Young. Corey Morose. Russell Bunny.

Max Savage, Jenny Wren, Apprehensive Craig, Tim Aranetta, Bacon, Nicole Studioso, Rambo, Chaos Squatcher, Jeremy, Jeremy, Stephanie Baramie. Stephanie Sturges, Kirsten, Hurry Up and Wait, Sarah Farmer and Bella Donna first of her name, Criddle, Twilio, Heidelberg, Tom Webster, Rashmi Vincettesh, McClump, Azana the Leathersmith, Salazar the Domeg, Hayward's finest, Garin Elizondo. To my little, you'll always be my good girl, you took a piece of my heart and left a pawprint on my soul, till we meet again. Sir Schitzelot strikes again, damn animal. Ashton James, Elspeth, Skyland, ALR, Sidewalk Jam, Tonka 2005, Cruzen B. Anthony. Trick says, Whirmp! Tibled the First, Allie Frog, Tray the Turquoise Tortoise, Freya Titmittance, Courtney the Frogologist, the Fon Tuckie Wrangler, Scrimbrulee, Yay, Aaron, the singing loon, Zuzana, Celeste Yose.

I'm so Antigone. I'm Ava's evil twin sister, Bethany, Katie and Noah, Hendrix the Stink, the Ambergler, Boodles, Osvaldo Simione, Ashley Chapel Peoples, Ryan Ortega, Barbarian Bloodbath, The Definestration of Ted's, Corrine Sabrantha, Shadow Daddy, Rubius Fuzzlebutt, Kay Mac, The Something-Something Detective Agency, Hyabuda, Eli the Electrician, Sunny Di Anomeli, Charmé, Kay on with Karma, The Wondrous Mathasophon, hashtag Nissan Accura, Finnegan Robert, Jesse Foster, Samira, Mother of Cats, Flat Doug, Deary Darling, Ambient Drifting Man 80, Chris Hancock, Nicole 23, gracefully impaired, tired pirate muffin, Steve King loves Kathy, Laura, Roman Ronan, John Pruitt,

Camel Pope, Philomena, Rebecca Trossel, Igpe Attenle, Chris from Tacoma, The Real Fairy Godmother, Mitzie Lou, Kelsey Home, Still Casper's number one fan, but now armed with a quantum spatula and ready to duel every Bethany in the multiverse with breakfast wisdom. Damien the goddamn time lawyer, Matt Mosby, St. Foo, Harry Fishnuts, Astronoib, Magno's the Civil Gnome. Welcome, everybody. I'm Heidelon, and I'll be leading our Midnight Burger emotional support group. Starlight. David Peerini, Techno Ranger Rick, Virgo Ares Infinity, Best Budds Danny and M, Charles Q. Choi, a bug named Nat, C.C. Rider, Hunter B. Rudra. Death the Kid. Big Whiskey. All Cochonator. Ron was here. Magic Pony. Robert Oliveri. Often wronged Dan. Jess Gioia. Killer

Odd. Creator 67. Mervate of the Dark Seas. Cosmic Shrug. Incorrigible Ross. SCRB. Mark 11. Eric A. Raybourne. Maggie's Yarm. Stu. Enthonyomaly. Haunt. Purple Saline. Three legs are perfectly good. Drew and L.A. Anomalous Death to PSL. Vandal. Fuck ICE. Captain BLEP. Ryan. Evie Power. Terry. P.J. says what? Amelia Lucero at all. Fear now doesn't polish the shiny melon. Blargo, blargo. The Jazz Man. Tonight at Larak the Barbarianess, Hicksbezi Mates, zealous pragma, tuba Rick, it's just a Blake. Alice Malice reminds you to take your medication, please, your health is important.

Kelly Jane Danke, Aaron the Optimist, Thomas Stolen, aka Casper from another universe, Chadney Ashra, Lucretia, Thornis Animator, Tamara Oliver, the Real Dirt Fairy, Marissa, Eva, no not that, Ava, the one within... Grimm, says, Rest in peace, Jamie Baugh. You are my light, and the world is dimmer without you in it.

Zaki Nat, underwater Corvid, Spisorinkum, Snakes and Bakes, Michael Christian, Ransom, Maroon Mycelil, Grolix and Tarobang, Late Indeed Again, Theron Pyrallus, Ombaga, coming soon, dances with burritos, guacked and loaded. Aaron Mitchell, Lady Kianu Meissen, Onix Rose, Jackie Wavelet, J.R. the Hiker Bear, Velocate, Al Cave, Krusty McBeardface, Malloran, Sweet Michelle, Kara, Call Me Zend, Belie, Melmmberg, Rogue, Lisa Geisler. Uh, attention. Dread Pirate Fred Friedberger, we have run out of languages. Please contact her office.

What the Chuck? Sonor Nasuno, Ben and Jessica, Todd Van Voresh, Nea Derruzzo, Pichy Satoichi, Ingey the Gragut, and Azula the Brave and their ever-faithful squire Grab Thar. Gen Extraneous, Dancing Dog Dreams, Trinket Coralie, and Existentially Exhausted Bean. Uh, well, there was one time when an Air Force pilot being chased by Aliens. Well, there was one time. You know? I just, I really miss Brickhouse.

So I'm remembering him. Wait, did we hear you? I don't think we heard you, Tess. Could you say? And I was muted like it's my first day on the internet. Damn it. Start it all over. Where are they going, Gloria?

And why aren't they ready? Phil, I love that story that you always tell. Hey, there. Should I be a little more convincing? I love that. I feel like just 20%, pull it back 20%, 20%. Got it. I'm sorry, can we take that says the crow flies one more time

just to be sure it was all in my brain that I heard clofrize? Oh, no, that sounds right. That sounds like what I said. Clofries? As the clof fries. Yes. 11,000. That's a quite. Yeah, you're asking Foon.

I know. I said it and then I was like, I'm not that good at maps. I was too certain. I'm too confident. Okay. And I'm a man who makes nothing. And I would. Got him

I'm Just imagine The rest of the crew behind Voon like Oh Peter started to break dancing Peter I don't know why it feels so awkward to Justin Peter

Peter Peter Peeteo Lovely That was so good That was beautiful, Susie. So, Joe, that's the kind of energy that we need you to bring to these. Phenomenal.

I worked retail, so I feel like there's a lot of retail in Voun's. Sure. Alien DNA. God damn it. What's wrong? That's my line. You're so good at acting, honey. He's so good.

He practiced that one. He's got notes in the margin. Sorry that he just did that because what he wanted me to do was to say this instead. All right. Well, you know what they say about hope, Casper. It springs a kernel. That was much better. I like that a lot more.

Yeah. Yeah. I like that a lot more. Right. Yeah. Exactly like that. Who needs words? Who needs words?

Not this audio drama. Oh my God, that's so funny. The Fable and Falling Network, where fiction producers flourish. Welcome to Magenta presents, a new horror anthology hosted by me, Madam Magenta. We begin with the five-part miniseries Ghosted, starring Beth Air and Lucy. see Roslyn. Perched on a rain-battered cliff edge is a former lighthouse. It's a charming, quirky boutique hotel.

Owner and sole occupant Beth has spent months renovating, absorbing its essence into her bones. It's an old building. You'll get used to it. But to Beth's horror, her first guest is a figure from a past she has tried to forget. Kira, Beth? What the fuck? Face to face for the first time in years, a pair must reckon with old mistakes, old grievance.

Beth, speak to me. Shut up, shut up, shut up. And something else. Oh, I can't bear it. What is that noise? Because the lighthouse has a past two. Beth. He's right there.

Why is there blood on your hands? We need to get out of here. Kira. I can still see him. Subscribe to Magenta Presents wherever you listen to podcasts. See you soon, fans of the esoteric. Bye! Magenta.

presents.