Midnight Burger - Welcome to the Horizon 2.1: New in Town

Episode Date: October 28, 2025

"Frank! Great News! Steve has a plan!"Cast:June - Melody BridgesSnorts Ma Gorts - Jesse TilleyGeeGaa - Randi SpearsCyborg Jimmy - Cooper ShawEdgy Steve - Jessica MuddDeidre - Tina CaseVerge - Cat BlackardFlat Doug - Keith CableTavrok Stormbringer - Ian FergusonFrank - Benjamin BurdickTrinkett - Camille SmickerCeleste - Cooper ShawPrivate Kennedy - Randi SpearsBattlepope - Michael ThomsBugaboo - Michael ThomsWritten and Directed by Joe FisherProduced by Joe Fisher and Finlay StevensonOriginal Theme Music by Ian FergusonOriginal Art by Existentially Exhausted BeanMusic:Psyclone - Blue SagaHigh Country - Roy Edwin WilliamsPork Shop Special - BinkleyFor more information on our show, visit our website: https://www.weopenatsix.comRead and search our scripts on Podscripts: https://podscripts.app/Subscribe for early access, ad free episodes, additional content and more!Subscribe on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/midnightburgerSubscribe on Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/midnight-burger/id1537653218How about some merch? https://www.midnightburgermerch.comSign up for our newsletter: https://weopenatsix.beehiiv.com/All scripts available at: https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/1IXV0JIBFw_IgDJhVeaeqL4UPQngvXHoQ?usp=sharingFind and support our sponsors at: fableandfolly.com/partnersSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

I knew this guy once. He had aspirations. Martinez. He wanted to be a brewmaster. This is a common problem in Oregon because if you have a garage and a jug and the right paperwork, poof, you have a brewery in the eyes of the state. It's more microbreweries per capita than any other state. Anyway, the whole thing was espresso stout.

And I don't mean the usual. espresso stout that tastes like coffee. He was talking about literally combining beer and coffee. Imagine getting up in the morning and having your first beer and your first cup of coffee. How's that sound? Well, it sounds like an alcoholism fast pass is what it sounds like, sweets. And he responds, alcoholism is for quitters. Special guy. Anyway, one day, we all look around and we realize we haven't seen sweets for a few days.

This is a guy who never misses a day at the bar, right? So we don't think much of it. But dear sweet summer child, Dieter, she thinks we've all got to go to a wellness check on him. And I'm like, all of us already know he's unwell. also check, but she won't let it go. So we all pile into her truck bed with roadies, and we head over to his trailer. I have no idea what we're walking into,

but if I had a hazmat suit in that moment, you know what I mean? So we're all standing there outside his trailer, and all of us are a little bit buzzed at this point, because how else you're going to go do something you don't want to do? Diedra's tapping on his door, tap, tap, tap, sweet, sweet. We're all worried about you. Are you okay in there? Tap, tap, tap.

Oh, enough already, I said. And I just kicked the door open. You guys, not even HP Lovecraft could describe the smell that came out of that trailer. My eyes were watering. I think it literally stripped my nail polish off. and somehow it was not the smell of sweets being dead.

It was the smell of success. Turns out, sweets had finally cracked the code of his espresso beer combo and he drank so much of it that he proceeded to poop himself nearly to death for the next three days.

It was a grim scene, my friends, EMTs. Gas, masks, had to get him out of there. They had to medivac him. Duh. OHSU. Anyway. Anyway, he's a cop now.

Why is everybody looking at me? Because the action is on you. Oh, shit. It is? I'm sorry. I just, you know, I thought of sweets and that whole story just came rushing back. Okay, my turn. Here we go.

Looking at the cards. Looking at cards. I raise. Again? Hey! Are we playing cards or are we playing cards here? You just told us a five-minute story about your friend shitting himself. Right.

That's guilty. I did do that. Apologies to the table, okay, but I raise 20. 20! Hey, relax. It's only money. It is money, right? That's what we're playing for.

That's what these little rectangles are. Enough snorts. The action's on you. I'm sorry. What was your name again? Snorts. Snorts. I am Snorts, Morgorts, the axe of the Green Army.

Axe. Hey, there it is. This axe has eaten the souls of thousands. Well, that is a very impressive axe, Snorts. Quick question, you do realize that everyone else is carrying around laser guns these days, right? Who's still using laser guns? The axe is largely ceremonial. Ceremonial!

You can see the blood stains on the blade, cyborg. You call it ceremonial. I'm just saying you can use other weapons. You're not getting into a gunfight with that thing. I will show you how ceremonial my axe is. Whoa! Whoa, whoa, there snorts. No need for axe play.

Have yourself a seat. We're playing a game here. Where are you from, stranger? Me? You look like an earthling. Earthlings? Lech! No!

No! No, I get a lot of that. Actually, I am thinking. I am from Ken Daddy. Ken Daddy. Never heard of it. Have you not? Well, that's not surprising.

It's way out there, you know, way out there. Can we play this game, please? Oh, my God, snorts. The action is on you. Is it? Yeah. I knew that. Then go for it.

Fine. I am all in. Oh, now we're talking. Seriously snorts. You do this every time. doubt the strength of my hand. Every time we play, you go all in and you lose and then split the table in half with your ridiculous acts.

I have not split the table for at least three weeks and don't call my acts ridiculous. Okay, snorts. No need to get upset. We respect your agency, okay? I hear you and I see you. Guys, snorts is going all in. It's his choice. Who else is coming with him?

I fold. As do I. Very well. The action is on you, Kandadian. Okay. Brief side note. Shorts. People from Kandadi prefer to be called Kandadiites.

I will call you dead if you do not take your turn. No, snorts. There are a lot of decaffeinated brands out there that are just as tasty as the real thing. Take your turn. Okay. I call. Uh-oh. What's four aces?

He wins. What? Good game, Snortz. That's impossible. Peards don't lie. That's the third hand in a row. I know. Amazing luck tonight.

That is not luck. That is cheating. Snorts, how dare you? Fox's sake, snorts. Empty your pockets. Snorts, please, I'm a woman. Our clothes don't have pockets. I can see them on you.

You're checking me out, Snorts. Enough! How are we doing tonight, ladies? Hey, space, cowboy. Is that your ride? Yeah, this, this is mine. What's up? Over here.

Did you find us a ride? Yeah, what do you think? What is it? I don't know, but I stole it. Whatever, let's go, there's a guy with an axe chasing me. An axe? Oh shit. Let's go.

Help on. It doesn't have wheels. Apparently that doesn't matter. You think you're a fool me, Kandarian. But I have your scent now. Good morning, Hood's Pocket. I hope everyone is feeling a little better this morning. We now know that when we travel, it can make a lot of y'all sick for a minute.

So if you're feeling under the weather, get yourself down to trinkets. She's got some sort of tea that will help you with nausea. Now, I know a lot of you are really nervous because we're still trying to get our bearings in new place. We've got spaceships flying over our head and yes, the rumors are true. We've got a group of aliens staying at the horizon right now. I have it on good authority that they are called Truskins and they may look like big monsters, but they're harmless. But on the topic of where the hell we are, I have some news that's hot off the presses. We have a name for this place. Welcome everyone to the planet of Rax Prime just outside the capital city of Raxias.

Here's what we know. Rax Prime is in the Andromeda Galaxy. Isn't that crazy? We're in a part of Andromeda that is apparently called the Iron Quadrant. Now, listen close. Here's the deal with the Iron Quadrant. Have any of y'all heard the stories about Portland at the turn of the century? Around the year 1900, Portland was made up of unemployed miners, sailors, lumberjacks, and criminals.

It was known as the most dangerous place in the country, and there were a lot of dangerous places in the country back then. Organized crime, racketeering, people getting Shanghai, and it didn't really get straightened out until World War II came along. Anyway, try and imagine turn of the century Portland, but in space. And that's basically where we are. It's hard living here in the Iron Quadrant and in Raxias, the city that's a two-hour drive from us. It is the worst of the worst. But don't worry, they have no idea we're here yet. And let's try and keep it that way. Okay, guys?

If you see something, say something. Right. Remember, if you see anything that looks weird or out of place, remember that all of our phones are connected through Eldon now. Pick up your phone, say Eldon, and just start talking about what you're seeing. It'll get sent to us up here at our house, okay? We can do this, y'all. We did just fine in medieval Bavaria, and we did even better in that place that I still can't pronounce. Stay calm, stay cautious, and I will see all of you down at the sheep's eye.

You're good with a microphone. I think you missed your calling. Look at you all ready to go and I'm still in my pajamas. I'm going to get up higher in the mountain and have a look around. Raxias is surrounded by about a million secret criminal hideaways and I don't want anyone getting curious. Yeah, I still don't understand how a whole mountain appeared outside this city and no one has noticed. Bug Bug's Teeth. What?

Raxias is surrounded by a nasty mountain range called Bug Bug Bug's Teeth. And we landed right in the middle of him. But still, it's a mountain. Think about a huge mountain range. If another mountain showed up overnight, would you really notice? Someone's going to notice. They haven't yet. I'm monitoring all frequencies, Deidre.

If there's any chatter about a new mountain, I'll hear about it. Good morning, Eldon. Good morning, Deidre. I have news. What's up? Your suspicions were correct. You have a mild allergy to nightshades. I knew it.

I'd stay away from tomatoes, squash. and potatoes if I were you. That sucks. What about sweet potatoes? Sweet potatoes are fine. Great. So, Eldon's reading your vitals now. What?

We can share. Okay, okay. Well, don't go taking the Phoenix for a joyride, all right? No. You can have the spaceship and the terrifying laser gun. Plasma? Whatever. You said,

Our house What? On the radio just now, you said Our house. Yes, I did. Eldon, how are Virges Vitals right now? They're slightly elevated, Deirdre.

Oh, fuck off. Hey, go out there and keep me safe. You know I'm a helpless damsel in here. Yes, me lady. You're great. You're great. I think we're doing an exceptional job of being completely honest and also downplaying the amount of danger we're in. If Raxias discovers this place, it'll be overrun in 15 minutes.

Everyone's behaving themselves so far. And how long do we think that's going to last? Not long at all, but we can dream. How do we protect a small town of humans from a city full the biggest scumbags in the tribe? I'm sure the answer lies in trying to figure it all out ourselves and not relying on anyone else for help. Okay, fuck you. I'm growing. It's not exactly a small town of humans. We have whatever in the world, Frank is, and whatever the hell trinket is becoming. Yeah, have you seen her eyes lately?

It's fascinating, isn't it? It's weird. I'm not sure when we'll be back home, but when we are, I am going to dump some very steamy data into all sorts of knowledge bases. Oh, that sounds dirty. Oh, it will be. You sure you can't connect to the network? It'd be great to have a look around. I could, but we'd better err on the side of caution for the time being.

We don't want to attract any unnecessary attention. Work off the archive in the Phoenix for now, and if we have to take a peek outside our local network, we'll cross that bridge when we come to it. Let's remain calm. All members of Hood's pocket are currently in the town borders, or at least their phones are. Fine. Leave a message with Frank. Tell them I'm headed higher up the mountain.

Message sent. See? I shared. Gold star on the board for you today. Let me know when June is up. I need a drink already. She's at the horizon. She hasn't moved all night.

Okay. Let's go. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Steve. Not bad for my first time. Next time I drive the hover thingy. Oh, we need a side car. Okay.

We've got about an hour before Frank finds out and gets real mad. I'm going into peppercorns That was wild At one point I saw a dude that either had two heads Or was carrying a smaller dude on his back I don't know which it was Good morning Doug Oh June, um, hi

What what is that outside? That's our new ride What do you think? Mm-hmm Where did it come from? Steve stole it I stole it. Oh, um, stole it from who?

I don't know if it is I just got on and started riding it. Mm-hmm. Uh, do not tell me you went into that city. Relax.

Doug, it was just a little jaunt. Hey, jaunt. Yeah. We dipped in there. I played some cards. Steve stole a hover thingy, and now we're back.

Easy, peasy. Oh, cards? Yeah, check it out. I won these. What are those? I think it's money. Oh, well, Frank is not going to like this, June.

Doug, Frank hasn't liked anything since 1991. Oh, uh, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I listen to, um, Deidre's morning broadcast, and she told us, you know, told us not to leave town for any reason.

I guess we missed that one. Yeah. See, Frank can't be mad at us for being uninformed. No, well, that will happen anyway, though. Well, he's also been mad at me since 1991. I'm sure I can handle it. Hey, Doug, so, like, all this stuff just magically shows up again, huh? Yeah.

Believe it or not, I mean, I close up at night, and then when I walk into the stock room the next day, you know, there it is. So if I take this bag of bugles and I put it right outside the front door, there'll be another one that takes its place in the morning? Well, if it's, I mean, if it, if it's outside, I don't, I don't know. Hey, Doug, where have you been lately? I haven't seen you around, the sheep's eye. Oh, um, I, I have been, I have, I have, I have been, um, gardening. Gardening. Yes, that's right, yes. So is this like a new thing?

Yes, why? You weren't gardening before. What do you mean? Your personality. It just kind of screams gardener, man. It does? Oh, for sure. Oh, well, I mean, it is new.

It is a new thing that I am trying. All right, well, I've got my bugles. What are you getting? Doug, I will be taking these three tall boys and these corn nuts, and I will look forward to them being magically back tomorrow. Okay. Oh, thanks for shopping at Pepper Gorns, Shop and Go. Hey, congrats on your new life as a gardener.

But don't be a stranger, okay? Oh, well, you know, it's down to 600 people, so there are no strangers. Tushay. You know, I think it's time for me to name her. Okay, Steve, go for it. Big whiskey. Noice. Yeah, he's gonna die.

That doesn't sound good. Adion! Ugh, for fuck's sake, Snorts! You have stolen my money! Snorts, let me explain to you how gambling works. You have cheated me, and you shall pay the price. Snorks, don't get your axe out. With this axe, I shall strike you down for your insolence.

You're just living in your own little world inside your head, aren't you, Snorts? Say a prayer to your gods. What is this? You dare raise your blade to my woman? Uh-oh, Snorts. You fucked up now. I see. So, you do not fight your own battles then?

Snorts, why in the world would I fight my own battles? That sounds exhausting. And who might you be? I am Tavroch Stormbringer, son of Francis. and this mountain is under my protection. Relent or face my steel. If I must kill two, then so be it. You get him, honey.

Who needs television, am I right? Ah, June. Frankie. Wow. What the fuck is going on? Cavrock is defending my honor. Uh-huh. From what?

That's Snort's McGor. Very bad guy. Serious problem. Tavroft got it handled, though. Oh, then great. How does he already have his shirt off? It's amazing, right? He's like a reverse superhero.

As soon as there's trouble, the clothes come off. You're doing a great job, honey! Beer? Ooh, tall boy. Sure. Nah, we're talking. Also, here's your phone. What's that? You left your phone at the horizon.

Did I? Look at me. So forgetful. Yeah. You know, Eldon told us not to go anywhere without our phones. It's how he makes sure we're safe. I know, silly me. Yeah, silly you.

It's also how he's able to make sure we're still in town and haven't gotten lost in the woods. Yes, he's such a mother hen. Isn't he? Because, you know, if we, did get lost in the woods we may be followed home you know by say

I don't know I a seven foot tall axe wielding space monster for instance so seems to me if someone wanted to sneak out of town for a night the best way to do that would be to leave their phone

at home yes well let's be sure no one does that right that would be a huge mistake oh hey Good morning, Trinket. Hey there, everyone. This is entertaining. Who's the Axe guy?

Snorts, Maggortz. It's okay. Davrox got it handled. Oh, sweetie. I got that beer you like when you're done. Thank you, my love. How'd you sleep, Trinket? You know, it's funny. I woke up this morning with a strange feeling that June, And Steve left town last night and went on a little excursion into the big city we're supposed to stay away from.

What? No. Godem it. Oh, stop. Well, it is a good thing June has way more sense than to do something that fucking stupid. Okay. That's true. We can always count on her to do the responsible thing.

Shit, all right. Enough. All ready. Damn you swords me. I have bested you, Ork. Reach for your axe, and I run you through. You are defending a thief. Watch your tongue.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, hang on a sec there, Tavrock. Sorry, how is she a thief? She has taken my money through a complicated deception. She has called it, hold them Texas. Texas, hold M, snorts. Okay, uh, snorts. That's not exactly theft, but I am sure it feels. that way. Can you do us all a favor and get back into your monster truck?

You. You are all Earthlings. Oh, fucking hell. Earthlings. Snorts. Don't be ridiculous. I'm whatever that name was that what I said. What was it? I, what was it? I said I was. What? What is this place? Welcome to Hood's Pocket Snorts. I have not heard of this place.

Well, don't spread it around snorts, because then it won't be cool. What goes on in this place? You earthlings are far from home. This is our home, and you are an intruder. Leave now. I see. Whatever this place is, you choose to defend a thief. Guy sucks at cards, and it makes me a thief, whatever.

Oh my God, June, I'm gonna fucking kill you. What? I will take my leave. but this is not the last you have seen of snorts m'gorts. Okay, tootles, snorts, don't forget what I said about decaffeinated coffee. June, what the fuck have you been up to? Okay, look, we just... Hey, y'all, there's some kind of huge truck heading out of town.

Frank, Virgin Eldon are up on the mountain and Eldon is a little upset. Really? Oh, Frank, Eldon is up on the mountain and wants to know why, Everyone's phone is off. Frank, why is everyone's phone off? Is my phone off? So responsible. So is yours.

Frank, do my eyes deceive me, or was Tavrock just in a sword fight with an ugbuck of the green army? Sorry, a who of the what? His name was snorts Maggorts. For fuck's sake, June. It's not my fault. Okay, Eldon, who was that guy? Frank, Uggmocks are kind of a joke, but this guy is probably headed back into Raxius' right?

I guess? He's definitely headed back. He's moving very fast. And he made some sort of ominous threat about he'd be back or something, right? He swore vengeance? Uh, yeah, he may have sworn vengeance, yes. Uh-huh. How do you think this affects our plan to lay low and hope no one notices us?

God damn it. Eldon, let everyone know town meeting at noon. I'll send out the message. You couldn't have stayed home and played some fucking monopoly? I can't play without. Our monopoly set, it's missing the iron! Do you like a good ghost story? Maybe you wonder what it would be like to communicate with the other side.

We'll put your Ouija boards away and just listen to Rattled and Shook. I'm your host Meredith, and we've got a new season of Rattled and Shook available now, including themed episodes, guests, games, and immersive, creepy stories sent in by real people. about haunted hotels, satanic panic, and ghosts galore. A new season of Rattled and Shook is available now wherever you get your podcasts. Ma'am. Yes, private. It looks like we reconnected to the well pump, so we should have running water again soon.

Well, I'll get back. What a luxury. Lunch is here. Good. Would you help Deidra unload it, please? Yes, ma'am. Hey, Sarge. Hello, Deidra.

Things are looking better up here. Yes, apparently we even have run. running water again. Very luxurious. Oh, yes. It's like the four seasons. I'm going to have to get used to spacecraft passing overhead, aren't I? For the time being.

Hmm. I was a little disturbed by your broadcast this morning. This city, what is it called, Raxius? Yes. Doesn't sound like the safest place in the world to me. I know, but we're doing fine so far. And remember, it's not forever. If it's anything like the last two times, it'll be six months.

And then... And then we'll find ourselves somewhere else again. Yes. Looks like. I'm a little worried about my people, Deidre. I'm sure. Rebuilding the station has been a good project to keep everyone distracted, but when we're done, we'll be without a mission.

And we military types don't do well in those situations. I'm sure there'll be plenty for you to do. Hey, Deidre? Hey, Debbie. So is Steve not coming by today? Steve left me a message, but I think he was driving. I couldn't quite hear him. Um,

I think he was on a motorcycle. Okay, so he's, he's gonna be here tomorrow, though. Uh, I think so. Private Kennedy is worried that Steve won't be here to deliver the marijuana. He's been secretly providing to my people. Oh.

They think I don't know about it, but guess what, Deirdre? I'm, it's not for me. It's for, it's for another person. Uh-huh. Private. If you're not too, Hi, could you unload the rest of the lunches, please?

Yes, ma'am. Can you really blame them? Are you kidding? You should have seen me in high school. I had dreadlocks. You did? Deidre, are you with the Sergeant Major right now? I am. Sergeant, I'm afraid we need to have an emergency town meeting today at noon.

We've had some developments. Oh, good. Speaking of having something to do. Do you think Frank's ever going to realize nothing is ever fixed by a town meeting? Nope. Great. No, God damn it. You're not going to dig a bunker.

We're on a mountain. Are you digging into the bedrock with your fucking weed whacker? Hey, June. Hey, Deirdre. How's Frank doing in there? He's completely exasperated. So he's in his element. Fantastic.

So, um, Tavrock had a sword fight with an alien this morning. Oh, you should have seen it. It was beautiful. Lots of people think he's all talked. But no, no, he's mostly sword. And this was after you snuck into the incredibly dangerous city and cheated at poker? I did not sneak, and I did not cheat. How dare you? You left your phone at the horizon so you wouldn't be detected.

Okay, fine. It was a little sneaky. We were apparently in a pretty dangerous place, June. Deidre, what am I supposed to do? There's a sci-fi city two hours away and I'm supposed to sit at home and watch movies? movies that will probably have a sci-fi city in them? This isn't a movie, June. It's real life. And why does it feel so much like a movie?

Jesus Christ. Not the clipboard again. No, I just wanted to make a list of everyone's concerns and we can address them one at a time. Give me the clipboard. Frank. Give me the clipboard. I feel like these town meetings never have the intended effect. The intended effect is to keep us entertained, Trinket.

Oh, okay. Well, in that case. I think when Frank instituted the no drinks before the meeting is over a rule is when the wheels came off the wagon. What's going on out here, ladies? Why are you asking? Can't you use your magical witchy poop powers and tell us? I can. Do you want me to? No. It freaks me out. Virges up the mountain again. What's going on?

See, like right there, that freaks me out? They've been really on edge ever since we got here. Lots of keeping a lookout and checking the perimeter. Yeah, I can feel that. I hope you're taking time with each other. Intimacy is really going to help with a lot of this anxiety. Dr. Ruth in space over here. That goes for you too, June.

Where is Tavrock right now? Why don't you tell me with your crystal ball? That was a rhetorical, June. He's chopping wood. I know he is. Side note. Medieval lifestyle. Like 90% chopping wood.

You do not see that at the rent fare. I'm just saying, respectfully that in times like these, you two need to make sure and be attentive to your relationships. That's all. Are we on space Oprah right now? What is happening? I'm especially talking to you, June. Deidre is in a relationship with a literal alien, which is somehow more likely than you being in a long-term relationship.

Wow. Respectfully. Wow, Trinket. I kind of feel that. I don't need your sick burns from the afternoon. Astroplane. Thank you. Y'all! Oh, Jesus.

Whose idea was it to give Steve some sort of floaty bite? It kind of just happened. What up, Steve? Check it out. I learned how to park. Are you sure? Boom! Very impressive. Shit!

Always with the trash cans. At least he's happy. Y'all, hey, check it out. So, I've been thinking about our situation, right? Our situation? A city full of... bad guys and we're here like sitting ducks, right? Our situation. Okay. I've been thinking about it and I think I have a plan. A plan. Yeah, a plan. A plan. Steve, you realize that a plan and tells a

beginning and an end and several steps in between, right? Oh yeah. Yeah, it's got all that. Really? Okay, Steve, what's your plan? Well, hang on. I really think that Steve should unveil his plan for Frank in the town meeting, shouldn't he? Oh, God. I should. He's really going to want to hear it, isn't he guys? I want to say no, but I have to watch it happen.

Right? Let's get in there. Come on. Here we go! Woo! You guys go ahead. We're running low-en ships. I need to borrow some from me. the store. Wish me luck, Deidre. Good luck. Frank, great news. Steve has a plan. Steve's got a plan.

Well, well, what if we got here, Battle Pope? I didn't believe it myself, but there she is, Bugaboo. Uh, hello? You know, we usually don't traffic in rumors. Do we Battle Pope? No, we do not. But ever once in a while, a whole town full of Earthlands. You know what, Battle Pope? There's not one person out there's going to believe us. We'll need some physical proof, won't we, Bugaboo? Who are you guys? Allow me to address her directly, if you don't mind Battlepopee. You go right ahead, Bugaboo. Good evening, ma'am. My name is Bugaboo, and this is my associate Battlepope. What's this about? Well, we're just a couple of working stiffs, ma'am. And like all working stiffs, we have an employer. An employer that relies on us to keep them

informed a certain goings on. And clearly, ma'am, something around here is going on. Look, we're just a town full of normal people trying to get through the day, all right? And what allotable disposition that is. Don't you agree, Battlepo? I do, bugaboo. But sadly, ma'am, there ain't no one keeping track of commendations these days. Now, ma'am, seeing as how you're in Earthland and not read in on the finer points of the world you find yourself in, let me be plain. This, ma'am, is a gun. And you're on the wrong end of it. But if you come along with us and you play nice, you won't need to worry about a thing. Oh, God.

I should have known the first ones to show up would be you two fucking weevils. Well, now, do my eyes deceive me, Battapult? If they are, then mine are as well, Bugaboo. That's you, Verge. Well, it's not your fucking mother, is it? Aren't you supposed to be dead somewhere? In a jail somewhere? Probably.

Hmm. I guess you guys just got lucky. Verge. It's okay, sweetie. Sweetie. Sweetie. Sweetie. Verge, have we stumbled upon a lass of note this afternoon? Lass. Lass of note. Why the fuck do you, idiots talk this way? Verge, while your presence here is puzzling indeed, we have other business to attend to. Like abducting innocent people off the street?

As living as they often say. They do say that. Eldon. Petalpop and Bugaboo have never been marksmen, but they're both carrying boomhowers, which are fairly idiot-proof. Best not to risk it. I'm not sure what you two want with her, but how about instead of killing each other, I make you a deal. A deal? Verge, no matter what she's worth to you, I'm assuming I'm worth more. I'm not one for arithmetic.

But let's go ahead and assume in the positive. Fine. Me for her then. Virge, what are you doing? Yes, what are you doing? It's fine, sweetie. Don't worry. And how do you imagine we arranged that? I'll go first. I've got my gun here and I'm putting it on the ground.

I'll leave my tangle on the ground as well. Oh, I'd love to know the thinking behind whatever this nonsense is. Shut up. Okay. Here I am. My hands are up. Let her go. And why don't we just shoot you dead right now, Verge? I don't have all my hands up. my hands up, Bugaboo. Mm-hmm. All right, then.

Why don't you run along, little lady? I'm afraid we're cutting bait for a bigger fish. Verge! Everything's going to be fine. Bring out right around, won't you, battlepope? I'd love to, bugaboo. Any last words? Yes.

You worry too much. What are you doing? This is a terrible idea. I need you to trust me, okay. Right this way, Verge. Trust me. Oh, my God. What do we do?

They've either got some sort of plan or they're just hoping it all works out. Go get Frank. Okay. And I suppose I'll just lay here on the sidewalk. We have achieved orbit, setting course for the galaxy brain. How do you think our guest is doing back there, Bugaboo? Do you think the restraints are too tight? I'd aid for them to be uncomfortable.

They are famous for being comfortable in tight spots, Battlepo. Shall I send a message to the galaxy brain, Bugaboo? Let them know about the big fish we're about to reel in. give them time to roll out the red carpet battlepoint. I wouldn't do that if I were you, fellas. It's a long ride back to the galaxy brain, and you don't want to advertise your colleagues that you've got a big prize on board. I mean, pirates do so love to, you know, pirate from each other.

Well, look at that. Out of the mouths of babes. We'll keep it to ourselves for the time being Bugaboo. What's the bounty on me up to these days? You guys going to finally upgrade this piece of shit cruiser? Oh, we're way past that. We hear tell that the lucky pirate who brings you in gets an entire cluster of systems, all to themselves. The Lord of all you survey.

Really? You're taking us to the big time, Verge. Wow. I can't think of anyone who doesn't deserve it more than you, too. Oh, stop it. We're blushing. We'll all be damned. But what's the problem, Battle Pope?

We appear to have a disconnect to the reactor vent. I do hate that. As do I. We're not going to go anywhere with a reactor disconnect. And which one of us do we think is going to head outside and fix it, Battleboat? Well, I suppose you were the last one out in the black, weren't you? Spent a whole oxygen tank changing the floodlights, not ten days ago. Well, then, I must do my part, mustn't I bugaboo?

No eye and tame and all that. When, oh, when will the work all be done? When you're dead? When I'm dead or when I'm rich? Let's see which comes first. Shall we? A whole cluster assistance. Just for a little old me, huh?

You heard right? Honestly, it's a bit hard to imagine what I could have done to warrant such a high price. We're not one to ask questions, Furch. We are to simply apply our skills to the marketplace and reap the benefits. Though it does suggest a bit of history between you and our employer. Just a little. little bit of history. Everything okay up there. We appear to have another disconnect. Battle Pope, we have yet another disconnect. What's our situation out there? Battle Pope? Oh, hell. Maybe he got

lost. While I'm out there, try and keep in mind that as your pilot, our fates are intertwined. Sure. I'll just wait here then. Hi, Frank. Who. Hey. What? Um, Frank. Did you just...

Did you just ride the spaceship in orbit? Uh, yes. That appears to be what I have done. Yes. Okay. So, this is space. Yeah. How do you like it?

It's very cold. fucking cold. Especially on the outside, I would imagine. Yeah, yeah, especially on the outside. Frank, I have a lot of questions. Yeah, yeah, me too. Well, look, Trinkett told me where the ship was. It was firing up.

So I jumped on. I wasn't really thinking about it. Frank, most people think very, very hard about something like that. Jesus fucking Christ. Yeah. I imagine. Yeah, they're a bit worried down on the ground and then...

You do realize that what you did was impossible, right? That's not a thing the people do. Well, oh, I don't know. I mean, geez. Hey, that's what they said to the Wright brothers. Who were the Wright brothers? Never mind. How do I get you out of those restraints? Oh.

I'm already out of them. What? Yeah, I'm a bit hard to contain. Well, But then why are you... You had a little plan, didn't you? I was gonna pump them for information, and then take over the ship. Oh, okay.

So the impressive feed of me surviving the void of space was completely pointless. Not completely. Look at the majestic view. Nope. I hate majestic views. Frank. This is one of the nicest things anyone has ever done. for me. Yeah, well, Virge, I imagine the bar is quite low on that.

Oh, baby, it's so low. Okay. So, please tell me you know how to fly this thing. Oh, yeah. I can. You are, however, going to have to go back outside and plug in whatever you unplugged out there. Oh, mother fuck.

Shit. Okay. Here I go. I'll make some cocoa. Oh, fuck off. Why does it take so much longer to get back than it took to get into space? I had to take a longer route so that we weren't followed. Fine. Okay, look, I just had to do a reverse Dr. Strange Love into space to keep you from being abducted by psychotic space twins.

This is what, day five? Are we going to be able to make it through this? Remember I told you about my home planet, the one that's a black hole now? Yeah. When that happened, It completely screwed this part of Andromeda. It's very hard to get in or out of the iron quadrant now. And it's made life very hard for a lot of people.

In an environment like that, the same thing happened that always happens. It gets taken over by some very bad people. It's total chaos in this part of the galaxy. And the people who run it like it that way. There's a pirate named Loftrax. They're incredibly powerful. They run nearly all of the crime across three galaxies. The one place, they can't quite seem to control.

Right here, the Iron Quadrant. How we stay safe, tucked in here on this mountain. I've got no idea. And we need a plan? But I have... No clue what that is. What? Where is everyone?

Hmm. Oh, Frank. Doug, where is everybody? Doug? Um, why are you wearing a headset? Oh, uh, so I can communicate better. Hi, Verge. Hi.

Oh, uh, here's Eldon. Welcome back. There's been some developments. What kind of developments? The very special kind. Trinket said that there is a vehicle on the way up the mountain, and there's a few people. in it. Oh, shit. Yes. So while you were gone, we needed to make some very quick decisions, and so we had to make a plan. Yes, they did. Plans were made.

What's the plan? Well, Egy Steve had a plan, Frank. What? You heard me. No, no, I know. I know it sounds crazy, but the more we talked about it, the more we thought that, well, that no one else had a plan. Oh, right. And that's not a good enough reason, Doug. Yes, and that is what I said at first. But see, in the end, we just, we opt to. for a plan over no plan. Nope. Hard disagree, Doug.

Well, it is too late for that. Now, Frank, the wheels are in motion. Oh, my God. Doug, what is Steve's plan? So? Burge, I'm sorry you won't be able to witness the glory, but you'd better make yourself scarce before this vehicle arrives. Yes. Oh, but if you could please, please leave Eldon with us. We're going to need all the help we can get.

Shit. Well, Frank, good luck with whatever this says. Um, tell Deidre I'll be back at her place. Doug. Okay, um, everyone, who, get into position because here we go. Whoa. Do you see? You called me a liar.

I can't believe it. There was a whole town full of them. Who knows how long they've been hiding here? This is so weird. How can this whole place have been hidden here? It doesn't make any sense. Well, hey there, folks! It's a sight to behold, isn't it?

Street signs, shops, bars, even the trees look like they came from Earth, don't they? I didn't even notice the tree. You know what? Getting out of the Iron Quadrant is almost impossible these days, isn't it? No opportunities to get out and see all the wonders of the triad. And we think that's just a crime. Who is this guy? Wouldn't it be nice to get away just for a few hours?

Go somewhere, there's no technology, no rat race, and most importantly, no Ted Empire, am I right? That does sound kind of nice. Wouldn't it be nice to go to the land of your dreams, a place that you only see on Earth Portal, a place that looks like where your dreams come from? Welcome, my friends, to Earthland. You're the town's people. Earthland? Where did all these people come from?

Here at Earthland, all our employees wear next generation Earth suits so that all of us look exactly like the Earthlings you see on TV. I'm wearing one too. Go ahead. Give me a poke. Wow. He feels so real. And that's not all.

Stroll down the street to Peppercorn Shop and Go and shop at an authentic Earth convenience store. They have bugles. A man after my own art. You bet you're sweet bippy they've got bugles. And when you're done there, take a load off at the sheep's eye roadhouse, where Diedras got all the authentic Earth spirits you could ever want. Come on by.

I'll be waiting for you. Or, if you're feeling adventurous, duck inside the New Age Emporium and meet the Earth Witch. You drink it. Greetings. I am the Earth Witch. Come inside and I shall tell you your destiny. That is so fucking cool.

And you can walk up to anyone at Earthland, and they'll have a truly authentic Earth story to tell you. I like you, Celeste, and stand by June. Hey, look there, it's Sergeant Celeste. Hey, there, Sarge. Uh, yes, yes, hello there. I hope you're enjoying your time here at Earthland. And myself and my men are here to make sure that everyone has a safe and happy time.

Don't make me throw you in our secret prison. Sir, yes, sir. And look, here's townsperson June. Hey, I know these guys. This is the one who stole from me. Jesus, shorts, would you lighten up, please? Yeah, snorts, seriously. We were all there, snorts.

Hey, June, who's that you've got with you? Well, this happens to be the mayor, Steve. Dogs are mares on Earth? That's right. Little known fact. Hey, come on by the sheep's eye, and I'll tell you about the time I almost met Leonardo DiCaprio. The guy from growing paint? Sure.

And if you'd like to leave town, the adventure doesn't stop here. We've got an entire forest full of Earth flora and fauna ready for you to observe. A Doug, is there going to be a musical number? Well, no, we didn't have time, but I am writing that down as a possibility. Don't do not write that down. And hey, if there's too much you want to try here at Earthland, maybe think about staying the night. Head on over to the horizon and stay in an authentic Earth motel. Frank will be waiting there to give you the keys to comfort.

Isn't that right, Frank? Uh-huh. From the bars to the shops, to the natural wonders. We've got everything you need here at Earthland. The only question is, what do you do first? I'm going to see the Earthwitch. I'm going to get some pupils. And how about you, sir?

I would like to have a strawberry margarita? You've got it, my friend. Right this way. Oh, my God. Oh my God, that worked. Frank, I think I think it worked. I fucking quit.

Hey, honey. How was your day? Pleans are crazy. So I hear... Those three guys. Yeah, they called all their friends, and then their friends called their friends. And before I knew it,

the town was packed with them. It's like Mardi Gras. Well, gosh. How did you get away? Steve had to take over. Okay. Anybody get you? give you any trouble? Look, I know you told me that this place is full of dangerous criminals,

but they were all like little kids when they walked into that town. They fucking love Earth. They do. It was, what is this? Oh, I, um, I made dinner. You made sweet potatoes. Well, I think I did. You know, I don't really do vegetables, so I don't know. I don't really do vegetables, so I don't know. You're kidding me. Did I do it wrong? You're like one of the most dangerous people in the galaxy or whatever, and you're just sitting here making me sweet potatoes. How far they fall, right? Get your ass in the bedroom.

Oh. But, um, sweetheart. I made dinner. Uh-huh. I don't care. Get in there. Oh, okay. And just to be, you're going to follow me into the bedroom, I'm saying.

Yeah, that is kind of how it works. Oh, goody. Motherfucker. Okay. Fuck. Hang on. Frank. Hey.

Hey, Deidre. Hey, Frank. What's up? I am so sorry to interrupt. The sweet potatoes. That's not what you're interrupting, Frank. What's up? Oh, right.

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Stevie Crow Hill, How to Get Jack from John, Flesh Witch, Scrubs, Just Some Gone from Adelaide, and I'm Ryan. Remy, the Panda Crew, Melody Prime, Beardotow the Wizard.

Captain Benjamin Hawkeye Pierce, the German short hair pointer from Nashville wants to tell his mom Maddie that he says, woof, whiskered, Randy Spears at V.O. Arts Shop. Marissa the ghost, local snowplows in your area are dying to meet you. Rutherford B. Chesterfield and his dapper companion Winchester. Cheshire Corgi, Stray Cat, Old Kelsey No Shoes, Zoldia, Dizzy Flame, Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like a banana, Sasha, Beth and Alan Van Gillis, Langston North, Sly Fox, aka Briar Rabbit. Brought to you by Communism. Timothy Aiotis,

Chance wants you to do, he cares. Wolfstark, Adrian Vance, Elliot, Hobbs Decoe, Natalie Barnett, Rory of Yin, Mooby the Golden Calf, Giovanni Salinas, Rocky G, Perry the Pirate, Aaron Elizabeth, Kay Narcotics, Solomon Price, Daydream, Angela Sanchez, Buba 485, AKA Shemelbach the Christmas Whale, Kaiju Summlié, Stella Corvis, Jesus Garcia, J.P. The IT Guy, Guy, Candyman Fight, John Peters, you know, the farmer? Barkley on the Holladeck. Dapper Dad, S.CP 049, O Badges, Raven the Dreamer, TK, Turtle King, Mike M, Space-Based Lasers, Captain B and Lady G with their swabs, Marla, Madam Lotus, still especially loves Finley. Lady Folly, Canadian Waitress, Mr. Steamwave, my friend the Rhino says, be nice.

Dream Founder, I'm you, Huckleber, Elizabeth T, T, Tai the Wonderhamster and her dear darling Duke, Gus, Coco Yumi is painting ponies, Hugamuffin, Bigfoot, Bigfoot, Bigfoot, Doom. D. L. Annie Atkins. Crandyman the Pug whisperer. Gero. Our cats said to tell you. Miao. Bag of oats. Mr. Frog President. Pop Rock Quicksand. The Benny Yapper yearns for the sea. Abonaso. Trina Ward. Ada. Spooky Spader Storytime. William Kent. Andy. The McJimmy's from your local dimension. Xavier Killingsworth. Reformed Colonel Reb. MeMedic hygienist. Rogue Art. Aaron Star Joshua Damien and Sentinel of the Star System. Claude de Claws, Spunky Dan, Rachel Seymour, Chris Alfridge, the bullheaded professor, Ed Boy, Ryan Finnelli, Jonathan Kay, burr, burr, burr, burr, but, burr, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, another monster, petabyte avatar, Tugwin the Mighty, Project Octopus, Ken, Chibs, Byrotron 95,

Dan's granted clemency by his overlord parents. Dance Break! Spikoo, the Bracken System and its homeworld, Wren, Simply Tony, Gabriel Castion, Jamie the Goblin of Chaos. Nico de Gaio goes great on midnight burgers. A drum major and a trapeze artist walk into Connie's bar. Sir party animal.

Uloid jackal. Must be a witch. Cat with a K. Miss Shan Frizzle. Squirrels all the way up. Stompensstein L. Mustachio. Lucifer Hezekiel. Lachiawawa Brava. Adolin Pets.

C.C. Carousel. Cork, The Destroyer. Honest Puck. Caspers' Moms A Milt. Mice. Scout in Fox Gloves says the floor is lava. Kerdomsky. Craig Armstrong.

Plastic Fork. Dulcet Deleche Get out of Mabooth. Bug. Sad Angry Crabman. Chuck McFinley. Hazel Hayes. Velocity Girl 42. Little Dragon and a cauldron of bats. Ben Carlile. Larry Fisherman, Anna Kearney. Crashly Strange Lillia. The four schnaowsers of the apocalypse. Starbla burn bright. Emzukioki. Spotted Rhino. Red Mafia Panda. Jean-Luc Leuke Gabeau. Lonele Ayle. Kaidallo headphones. Hinkle. Pikeman Stover. Fondella Stover, Pikeman's Dover's wife. Alexander the boss, Scrizels, thwap.

Gitty, kitty, kitty, the firekeeper. The end is nigh! Jeremiah the cancelled, Spike and Faye, Johnny Allen West and the boys from the dwarf. Speedy McSpeedy. Wolf. Brandy Ginter. Fermi's paradoxons. Speckled unicorn.

Jedi rides again with Nova the Space Pirate. Tevin Longblade short sword. Forget normal. A damn! C.J. Johnson. Heiserhead 505. A dragon sitting on its hoard of dice. Wendell Whitaker, Ficachu,

Smithy, Glowbed Roulette, Andrew Fuller, Dane and Deb, Hung Bowie, The Soup Witch, Fettishini Alfredo, Amalgamous Pax, Pebbles, Princess VV, Effie Rawlings, Megan Hazen, Philip, Your Dad is Not Your Dad, Nick Borrow, Midnight Plummer. His Royal Highness, Mr. Hamilton Underfoot Kitty the First, and accomplice, Princess Penelope, the Marchioness of Mischief and Maven of Mystery. Megan Gentry, Mr. Cherry loves Baby Bach Joy, Happy Anniversary. Our ass is in the Jenlip.

Jackpot, Tubby Teddy, Wayne Hiser, India Inkblot, Sleve of Bahamut. Omi Gracie, Dalton Jenkins, Kat Holtz, the True Mega Mike, Fred and George, the What Weekly Media Database, Ava Maddox Jr., L. Williams, Christy, Yeat my Boy, 46 Toolshed 2, and El Marie Catastrophe. The Image Collector, Blended Music, Sitting Squirrel, Patricia E. Melt, missed everyone, a round of yards on the house. Red the Grey, the Silver Crow, Couch Potato Alex, Neverchild. Dr. Nossos, Interdimensional Biologist,

Kiboko Duhnord, Lil Kav, Kozamein, Jonathan Burton, Theodrax, Joey B, Lucas Barting, DJK, DJK, Terran says, hey, Oreos are Rabbit. Sandlewood Mountain is an odd way to refer to Hawaii, but it worked for Henry. Wimical Fuckery, Megan with an H. Hey, it's me again, warranty, lady, what happened to us? You never returned my calls anymore. Did we lose our spark? Patricia the Time Lord.

Is it, though? Mango connoisseur. Britty bugged the quirky jester. The Big Moose demands justice for Betty, Glory Cole, Janelle Miao-Nays Cat Butler, O'Sheen Lou, Alex Berry, Andrew Oakden, Asymmetrical Exile, Magpie Cat says everything's a bag of holding if you know how to pack. Chiro the Sun God, Alex Spence. Dr. D. Birdclaw Spweather and Mrs. Dubbollah Birdclaw Spweather want to go to space, you know, for the weather. Galaxy Britches, Angry Ron, Dominus Caesar, Durka Dub, Gloria's ex-girlfriend, Kelly Clickspring,

the wild thistle, most likely Cass. James Harlow has decided he's ready to see the claw. I'm not Joe's dad, Jasmine James, Dr. Cabarant, also known as Omni. Thanks Waffle Chateau. Colorado Beekeeper, Fruitcake, Anatha, Zandria, Jennifer Culkin's, Guacamoleo, Midday Burger, Don Parks, Throat Goat 666, Princess Leia, Prime Freak. They call me Pie Guy, Imperial Grand Puba of the Burgerverse. Droid Pirate Finley and his Rubinesque parent. Droid Pirate Finley and his Rubinask parent. Stuck in a pit of Skittles, drunken coyote, deflater mouse, Tony Piacarsky, Adrian R, The Devil from Table 12, Javier, Kimber Dirk, Crazy Thadley, the Harbinger Pulsar, Cremulus is just happy to be here, the Twisted Twister, the rural juror is a massive fan, Faye Queen, Oopshnart, the Probability Demolition Expert, Showtime, C R Ipted, For My Mother, Homer, are we doing crimes? CCTX Girl 6823 waiting on the diner, Nicole Studioso, Guess what, Frank? Sign my shovel has a plan. K. The Flying Penguin. Indigo Escargo.

Love My Captain. Joe Mauma. Castriff. Ames affection for internet protection. Retro M.G. NightScript. The Gainesville Fear Garden. Happy birthday, Lana Banana. Utrud and Rose's Viking Void vitals. Fueling the Intergalactic fight against Fascism. Not sure what I'm doing.

Leah Rose. River Brown. Senior Deuce. Scullacy. Warped Rider. Tim Nacey. Ruben Clamzo. Turwin. Hugh the Mini Mungo. Morgan Brockman, Sylvie, Glynness Thompson, Dustin Watson, Betty White, 13,

Good grief people, I need to breathe, The One True Cheapcon, Starscribe, Lucian Thunderstruck. Ho-ho-hoo, my mama. Droughtbreaker. Dooser wonders if necropants are allowed in pants darts, and if they are, will there be an option at the tourism shop outside City Hall? The other Adele, Chef Gal Val, Leah Hall, Sarah May. Cone of Silence Consultants LLC needs fresh towels in Room 3 at the other. the horizon, silly-whelly bubble butt, Sierra not from Arkansas, Zico, Ebenezerboob, Caleb Tumiala, Jason Woods, Arnie Arbuckle Esquire, Digital Flu Flossed in Time, Potion Maestro, Nebulae, Regulators, Mound up, Mad Yogi Eileen, Mr. Meepod, a cat named M, Potito Pato, Palace,

Ethan Cobb, Big Mo, I am Annie, I live forever in every moment I've existed, I swear to every star in the cosmos, I never forgot it was a gift, the Stone Fox, Tricia Schaefer, Silivia, Juciton, Papitos, Boomhauer, you can call me Boom, I'm an Anamanapia, Ninja Grim Reaper, Miles Nelson, prove to me that orange cats aren't gods, Burrithwards, Ashley Soros, Momo's Mama, Hold My Yard, Ivy Paisley, Toast, Sue Watts, Myrtle, Caitlin, Leader of the Unicorn Revolution, Trans-Dimensional Delivery Man, Matlock, Lord of the 13th Sea, Mr. Trigvy, Printing with Cats, Calisi Del Mar, Dixie Dina, River Waters, 7,000 Possums, Jack Sparrow Space Pony, Revive, Debbie E, Emma, Mr. and Mrs. Owo, Dusty Ventures, Ronnie Porter, Gloria's Linecook, Eagle Rock Lobster, The Gabbyist Painter and Herbird of Fire! Wondering Wenjo, Painted Oni, Qdel, Ferell, Emily with two Ease, Spaceman Nathan, Ramsey's Niblick the Third, kerplunk, who's my thribble. Mad Goat, Jackie Wavelet, Issa the Straga, Dee Gritzler, A Gremlin with the Munchies, Michelle Scaracchio, Genuine Jacob, Andy's Brain is Weird, Space Rooster,

Randy doing crimes, leopard donut, poofy thang, mellow nuggets, keychain crap, Matt Matt Sharkman, Stilo, Arcadia, bumbling lilybee, Buffy's daughter, a quick pause so Joe can sip from his tiny teacup. Boofardee's nuts, Panda, Curtis Lelig, Kennedy Allison Farner, Tristan Stolls, Dalyan Y, Shadow Rapture, Yet Another Nicole, Hank the Wonder Lama, Arcraft, Russell, Zephyrus Wind, Just a Regular Fox, Jeremy Impson, Just Rachel, Danger Girl, Atlas, Patti the Ginger, Ava Cigarette Ash, Boisenberry, aka the Boys, A. Zeus. Anaphylaxis, scabbed with comtacks, the shape-shifting sad girl and her girlfriend say, Joe, you've done it again.

Sarah Nicole, the Kells, Cat, Ahlena. Angry Leafs Lasersaw, Magnus Aerochill, Amy Perry, Christophirky, Source Decay, the Space Calbi. Skexis, Randy's Amigo, Gremlock, Katie Mermaid and the Delinquent Duo, Norman, Nicole. Victor Schauberger reincarnated as White Mountain Hillbilly Glitter Cupcake. Max Danger's, Security Chief Shatsy, The Anx Peach, Team Michelle and Billy, Nea Nix Reno, Frankenator, Nortle Bash. Jordan, Rwan X. Belasco, Ryan Rosinski, average height, medium rage.

Audio Monkey, Joe, Team Hafe of Eisen, Monica and Mason Kay, Rowan, Lady of the Black, and Herald of the Stars, Pistachio Inc. Ariane Can't Manage Normal. Ryan Burnett, the joyful nihilist, The Timid Ghost 23, Dr. Dr. B., Zopres, and the Bumble Army, growing into my farm boots. Superbeth becomes an RN alongside my bootst up farm friend. Geneva Boss, brothers of the cosign, uncivil noms, the Rat Queen Evelyn, Great Lunch Conversation, the other Scott, Letty Lou.

He was a shifty one that Nick Howard. Kinger was here. Bob E. Ray Winland, Jr. Bebop, Bop, Dababodoowap, Warped Echoes, Slabs, B'Turps, Lord Robert O Tardis, He's bigger on the inside. Jeremiah Franco. Justin. The Nick of Time.

Gothic Rainbow. So we made it. Cody McHawr. McHadley. Eternal Companion. Jingaloss. Has Matilda. Ditsy Bay.

Just your average Reese. Kyle Church. I am a laf on the wind. Static ego. Some fucking swamp wizard. Lolly. Evan M. Dobson. Dave B.

Sean C. How did I get here? Oh, God. Is that the soup? Going to be lit. I am Shaggy. Wayne Hall. Danny Mars.

Frank in a Field. Fuzzle McMber Nitz. Neelix Tiny Wolf. Asher the Raven. Christine Sennett is teleporting. BRB. Shane R. Definitely not an Android. Seriously, I'm not.

The Wandering Welshman, whatever tabby, Carolyn Harper. Nikolay Tolkachev, Capo the Sartorius, Z3DT, shy sparrows, BLTN, the Kiwi Duckling, Dana-Dana Bobana Fee-Fi Fofana. Dad and Aubrey the Dirt Bike Demons. Tequila Mockingbird. Snuffle Up a Goose. Dammer in the Space Goblin.

I so pale. Oh no. A bee! I am Lord Zof. TAN, hear me roar. Pocket Ghost Max. Nate the Milkman, Mags the Conqueror, Wes and Heather have made it. My cat's name is beef. Eric, Katie Kate, get your colonoscopy. Victor Casados. Emily Schmemle. Work from Elvis. Bo-ho. Go bye-bye for Jojo Pogo. That's a no-go, bro. Cody Monster. Collided Mind. Miss Nixie. Charlie Roodle. Kyle Perino. O.K. Ladieswear. Sid the sloth on a bike. Priya Gondering Mermaid understands the assignment. L'L. Stevie Pie. Two polar

Cat is Laif now, motherfuckers. Carl, the teller of dad jokes. Skylab's multi-dimensional, multifasic, intergalactic quantum cyberverse. Verde Sol. Galen Miller. Tess. Geriatric youngan. Mystic hippie hippie.

Unforcable. Daniel Nitz. Mavis Bacon's. Pyroes calling. Joe Swasian. Banjo cat. Too many gens! Catchot.

Pamela Rose El Tierra. Then Steena says. Thud Tweed. Nicole D.G. Countess of Carbon. Slappy the squirrel's Ted slapping rampage. Luminous elk. Rodian caution, love us for the Nier-Z-E-Taz Hernandez, Captain Crash on the Surviving Crew,

Casper needs a hug, Joe is the writer's room, awkward heretic, Devin-7-77, Troy Aker, Mandy Kane, Northerly Kay, Lost Basan, Kim Sel, Silly Goose, Hongk, Ad Matha, Astro Unit, Ghosts Sabrewolf, The Sleepy Mystic, Sarah Joy, Taters, Precious, Teddy of the Wasteland, It's Just Steve, Sweets Martinez, Sharnoble 610, Mere Tender Creatures, Amanda Short, Chut, Bremble, Mike Whiskey and Your Friend Frosty, No Saguaro, Benbar, Beastly Death, Sven the Unlikly, Cogdido Hazard Expunged, Ted Wasanossan, Virestria, Theosis the Theolognish, Spoon-Elloogh-Thielder, Spoon-Worthy, Furnwood Gal, Nellie G, Twinkle Tots, Gemini Sky, Phantoms Moms, Callison, Hornswagland Daniel Arthur, Mike Luclusey, It's a fucking dog rapture, Abigail Lehue, King Humble, we'd better ask Dave, when chimes for safety, Cameron Winterbourne Welsh, Fireball XL5, McKenzie Duna, Alexica Habaniera, Code Stranger,

one betty bet, ha ha ha ha. Matt N, Julia Cringlin, Monad Nick, Relp, M. Lin, Feed Me Fish, J.R. on SFP, LaHari, Ted's Loves Catherine, Jay Spark, Lucid Harbor, Little Mira Leopard Paws, Diet Night, Mars Royalty, Take 20 Damage, Maysysys Bandstand, Kim Bob, Battle Pope and Bugaboo.

Snorts. McGorts. Fresh squeezed. Patrick Holt. Atlas B. Hold it now. Hit it. Had it. Head it. Hot it.

Had it. Bradley Ashby. Peter. Megan Okio. William Dyer. Vicki A Bear. Brad Meneer. Jane.

Hannah Dale. Dale. Delightful. Gruntled. Kill shot Betty and her steel-eyed bow. Turtles all the way down. Jackie Lowy.

The Little Pigeon. Quentin Elizabeth Jones. Crazed Bear. I saw Dr. Ladis Trash Angel outback scrumping for apples. Crafty Lizard quilts, noble barrel. Yes, my brain is weird, thank you. Bippity-Boppity, boom.

Megan the Meg Young, Baby Bears Love the Diner, Cory Morrowes, Russell Bunny, Max Savage, apprehensive Craig, Tim Aranetta, Bacon, Nicole Studioso, Rambo, Chaos Squatcher, that homeless guy who saw the diner disappear from Rogers and gave up booze. Lord Than and Lady Sarah, Mary Kirby, Stephanie Sturgis, Kirsten, hurry up and wait,

Sarah Farmer and Bella Donna, first of her name. Crittle, Twilio, Heidelberti, Tom Webster, Rashmi Vincatesh, Moclomp. Azana the Leather Smith, Raddolls, Salazar the Domeyge, The Bard with the Tuba, Hayward's finest, Garin Ilizondo, terrified toddler, Sir Schittsolot strikes again, damn, Ashton Jens, Aylophe, Ayl R, Sightwark, Sighton, Tancor, Sighton, Tancor, Tric once Treats, Stephen Schmidt, Xavier Romo, Allie Frog. Tray the Turquoise Tortoise. Freya Titmittance. Courtney the Froggologist. The Fon Tucky Wrangler.

Scramblee. Yay, Aaron. The singing loon. Zuzana. Celeste Yose. I'm so Antigney Fun. Katie and Noah. Hendricks the Stink.

Sarah Murphy. The Ambergler. Boodles. Osvaldo Simeon. Delilah Rose. Ashley Chapel Peoples. Ryan Ortega. Barbarian Bloodbath.

The Defenestration of Ted's. Corrine Sabrantha. Shadow Daddy. Rubius Fuzzlebut. Kay Mack. The Something Something Detective Agency Hyabuda, Eli the Electrician, Sunny Dianomily, Charmey,

The Wondrous Methasophon, Post-Turtle Evaluation Squad, hashtag Nissan Accura, Finnegan Robert, Samira, Flat Doug, Trinket Coralee, Deary Darling, Ambient Drifting Man 80, Chris Hancock, Nicole 23, Gracefully Impaired, Tired Pirate Muffin, Steve King, Laura, Roman Ronan,

John Pruitt, Camel Pope, Inshuligan, Kryptesia, Rebecca Trossel, Chris from Tacoma, Mitzilu, Kelsey Home, Amanda Marie Catherine, Damien the goddamn time lawyer, all my homies hate Croc the Propagator, Matt Mosby, St. Fu, Harry Fishnuts, Joshua Cody, Astronaweeb, Magnos the Civil Gnome, Starlight, David Pierrini, Techno Ranger Rick, Joe Weaslap, Virgo Ares Infinity, Best Budds Danny and M, Charles Q Choi, a bug named Nat, C-Cryryry, Coo Choy, a bug named Nat, Cic Rider, Magic Pony, Robert Oliveri, Dan Bowman, Jess Gioia, Paul A. Johnson, Killer Odd, Dandy Bay. Dr. Punt Gusher Esquire had an interview today and couldn't fly to St. Paul to see Wits. Creator 67. Bejolent, Life's One True Love, Mermaid of the Dark Seas, Cosmic Shrug, Incorrigible Ross, Deborah Wales, SCRB Mark 11, Courtney De Pona, Maggie's Yarm, Stu, Enthony, Mithonomyty, Haunt, Purple Saline, Three Legs are Perfectly Good, Drew and L.A., Anomalous Vandal, the Ice Queen,

Captain BLEP. Evie Power. Your favorite Kenny. Terry. P.J. says what? Danielle L. Fear now doesn't polish the shiny melon. Blargo, blargo, blargo.

The Jazz Man. Tonight at 11. Dude. David Whittinghill. Britt Little Fair. Michelle Myers. Glenn Morris. Lizard Lee.

Rosemary. Prim. Anthony Lackie. Thomas. Brett Zimmerman. Lauren Benner. Stephanie Booke. Andrea Crowther.

Boot Scootin Dave. Nyavanjuri. Ryan Abbey. Michelle Hopper. Jessica Engala. Kevin Doughtry, Meredith Jester, Martin Dears, David Bulger, Robert Savat, Drink Spiller, Richard Ryan Moschell, D. Flower, Calatirina, Fall of the Berlin Wallaby, Lauren Mayer, Jake the Cook, Snorp, Lily Davis, Josie Jones, V Greenly, Elijah Sharp, Dan Gentry, Ron Hayden,

Arwin the Freer, Fridge Pickle, Jacqueline Snyder, Whisper Dan, Mad Mad Mad Max, I hope something good happens to you today. Yes, you. Lorak, the Barbarianess, Zellus Pragma, Tuber Rick, It's just Blake. Alice Malice asks, How many chains could two chains chain if two chains could chain chains? Sir Cat Dad, Kelly Jane Denky, Aaron the Optimist, Thomas Stolen, AKA Casper from another universe, Chadney Ashra, Lucrezia, Thornis, Tamara Oliver,

The Real Dirt Fairy, Marissa, Eva, no, not that, Ava, the one with an... Grimm, says, Trans rights, y'all, Zekinat, Underwater Corvid, Spisorinkum, Snakes and Bakes, Michael Christian, Ransom, Rune Ma Salil, Grawlix interrobang. Late Indeed again.

Theron Pyrrales. Ome Vega. Dances with Burritos, original recipe. Aaron Mitchell. Lady Kianu Meissen. Onix Rose. Jackie Wavlet.

J.R. The Hiker Bear. Velocate. Al Cave. Krusty McBeardface. Maleran. Sway. Mamborne. Mamborke.

Rogue. Lisa Geisler. India Holbert. The Temible Pirata, Fred Fred Burger. What the Chuck? Sonu Nasuno. Ben and Jessica.

Todd Van Vennvoris. Nea De Russo. Pichi Satuichi Satoichi, Inka the Cracken, Azula the Brave and their ever-faithful Squire Grab Thar. Gen X-Trainius. Dalek Steve, Dancing Dog Dreams, and Existentially Exhausted Bean. The Fable and Folly Network, where fiction producers flourish. Welcome to Magenta Presents, a new horror anthology hosted by me, Madam Magenta. We begin with the five-part miniseries Ghosted, starring Beth Eyre and Lucy Roslyn,

perched on a rainbacker. The shattered cliff edge is a former lighthouse. It's a charming, quirky, boutique hotel. Owner and sole occupant Beth has spent months renovating, absorbing its essence into her bones. It's an old building. You'll get used to it. But to Beth's horror, her first guest is a figure from a past she has tried to forget. Kira?

Beth? What the fuck? Face to face for the first time in years, a pair must reckon with old mistakes, old grievances. Beth, speak to me. Shut up, shut up, shut up! And something else. Oh, I can't bear it. What is that noise?

Because the lighthouse has a past to... Beth. He's right there. Why is there blood on your hands? We need to get out of here. Kira! Kira! I can still see him.

Subscribe to Magenta Presents, wherever you listen to podcasts. See you soon, fans of the esoteric. Bye! Genta Presents.