Midnight Burger - Welcome to the Horizon 2.3: Two Humans Walk into a Bar

Episode Date: December 30, 2025

"Truskan Barbecue tonight. Are you coming?"June - Melody BridgesEdgy Steve - Jessica MuddDeidre - Tina CaseVerge - Cat BlackardFlat Doug - Keith CableFrank - Benjamin BurdickLeif - Tom MoormanTrinkett - Camille SmickerBob - Joel GelmanKim - Crystal DelaurentisBolb - Joel GelmanEldin - Joe FisherAlien Looter - Joe FisherBattlepope - Michael ThomsBugaboo - Michael ThomsWritten by Joe FisherProduced and Directed by Joe Fisher and Finlay StevensonTheme music by Ian FergusonEpisode Art by Existentially exhausted BeanAdditional Music:Double Crossed in Johnson City - American LegionDirty Dog in the Hen House - American LegionRead and search Scripts with PodScripts: https://podscripts.app/For more information on our show, visit our website: https://www.weopenatsix.comSubscribe for early access, ad free episodes, additional content and more!Subscribe on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/midnightburgerSubscribe on Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/midnight-burger/id1537653218Subscribe on Supporting Cast: https://midnightburger.supportingcast.fmHow about some merch? https://www.midnightburgermerch.comSign up for our newsletter: https://weopenatsix.beehiiv.com/Find and support our sponsors at: fableandfolly.com/partnersSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Eldon? Yes, Doug. Um, Leif is coming over today to make a pond for the, uh, the, um, the thing. Ashley Soros? There, yes. Um, does he need me to get anything at the hardware store before we get started? And is Frank around? Uh, what's up, Deidre?

Hey, thank you so much for fixing the refrigerator. I am no longer worried about the raw chicken. Yeah, I didn't fix the refrigerator. You didn't? Hey, guys. Is it my? Morning group chat time? Where's Frank?

Hey, June. I'm literally 30 feet away from you. Way to fix the ice machine. I'm like Sonia Henny over here. Nope, I didn't fix that either. Well, I didn't fix it. What is happening? Well, whatever.

It's great, though. The Truskins are having a barbecue tonight. Oh. Well, look at that. Dog, did you get a pool? Oh, Eldon, the pond is already done. I guess he did it early this morning. I didn't even hear him back here. Okay. Who's going around town fixing things? Hey, let's not look a gift horse in the mouth.

Hey, y'all. Somebody fixed our traffic light. I ran it twice this morning. You know, y'all just making me look cooler, right? Hang on. Verge wants to say something. Eldon, what happened last night? You should come over to the horizon. There have been some developments. You know what's funny? Yeah, what's that? It's kind of the same, isn't it? What do you mean?

Well, there's a morning crowd, an afternoon crowd, happy hour, and then the night shift. Yeah, right, yeah. But it's aliens. Yeah, you know what's different? No customers. We have all kinds of customers. No customers for me. Oh, do aliens not smoke weed?

Guess not. I mean, I've put word out there, but... No takers. Well, it's not like you don't have customers here in town. You know what this means? What? It means that they're into something else around here. Steve.

I've got to get on that action, Deirdre. No, you don't. Deidra, I'm a businessman. Steve, we've told you this many times. No, you're not. There's got to be somebody around here with a hookup, right? I mean, I need to put some feelers out. Please don't put feelers out.

I can't leave money sitting on the table. We stopped using money. I can't let that stop me. You can. Deidra. Hey, baby. Is Leif there? No, I haven't seen him.

Okay. Could you do me a favor? Trinkett's got her damn phone off the hook. Could you go over there? Sure. Steve, can you watch the bar? Yeah, yeah, yeah, sure thing. What's going on?

See, one of the problems with being here on the triad is I kind of feel like I'm getting my life all over you. I think that sounds sexier than you meant it to. Oh, shit. I'm sorry. Um, force of habit. Hey, do any of you all have drugs? Oh, God. What the fuck is Steve doing? How about we choose to ignore it?

Sounds good. So, you're getting your life all over me. Uh-huh. Yeah. Remember how I told you about loaf tracks? Yes, that would be. the Al Capone slash Blackbeard, the pirate of the whole damn place? Yeah. And Deja, remember how we explain that this world may be similar to ours, but we are now moving through the multiverse where universes can be similar with key differences.

It's like sliders, right? Sliders, the Earth television program. Yes. Yes, that's not bad. It's like that. Okay. We've now learned that in this universe, there isn't a loaf tracks anymore. Okay.

That's good, right? No. In this universe, it's life. What? The life in this universe isn't just a criminal. He's the criminal. Whoa. And he knows this.

He knows this. And his reaction has apparently been to leave his phone at the horizon and just go around fixing things. Wow. Okay. Someone should talk to him. Which is why you're heading over to trinkets. Got it. I'll call you back.

Trinket? Trinket. How is it going in there? Hey. Your phone was off the hook. Right. Sorry. Everything okay? I'm still trying to get a handle on things. On what things? The things going on in my head.

Yeah. What is going on in your head? Deidre, I have no damn idea. Yeah. You seem to know a lot of things, though. I know. And it's a lot. Yeah, you kind of freak people out. Yeah, yeah, well, that part is kind of fun. Not you, though. No, I like it. You're right. It is fun. So right now I know that Frank is happier than normal. So is Doug.

Celeste is taking that day off and is feeling guilty about it. But I don't like know these things. I'm kind of told these things. Told by who? I don't know. Also, I feel like there's this whole other part that I'm missing. Like I'm like I'm reading a book but only getting every fourth word. That's so weird.

It's so weird. Anyway, something's going on with Leif. Yeah, he's going around town fixing everything, but nobody knows where he is. He ditched his phone. Right. So Eldon and Verge are thinking this may be in your wheelhouse. He really enjoyed that little bike ride you guys took. Yeah.

Now, I think he needs to talk to someone else. Okay. This will be fun. Let's go downstairs. Okay. Wait. What? How are you doing?

Me? Yeah. Like, for real, how am I doing? Like, for real? I am. It's okay. I am. Go ahead and say it.

In love. Sure. It's... It's in every part of your body. It's in every part of my body, drink it. I'm just... Burning up in a good way. I don't know what to do with at all.

Sometimes I get exhausted for no reason, just from feeling your feelings all the time. All the time I'm feeling my feelings. And you look around and everything is so crazy right now and everyone says, look out for all the danger. But I'm still just walking around like a neon sign and I'm flashing love, love, love, love, love. love. I can feel it. It's really great. It's a really inconvenient time for me to feel this way, Trinket. I know, but maybe it's not. Maybe it's just the right thing. Okay. Oh, okay. Wow. I needed to get that out. Thank you. No problem. Okay. What's the fun thing we're doing? Watch this. Hey, Frankie. Frank, Frank, rink, rank, rink, frank, rank, rank.

What? What? Truskin barbecue tonight. Are you coming? Yeah. You love the Truskins. I do. They're boring, just like you.

Well, I am looking forward to an evening of grilled vegetables and discussions about non-heat conductive bolts. See, it's weird because that sounds like a joke, but it's 100% true. June, remember once upon a time when you did your job? Doesn't sound familiar. No. Hey, Eldon. What? Do they have sports here?

Uh, they do, but many of them involve bludgeoning someone to death. Okay. Okay. I mean, non-death sports? I suppose you could try CC carousel. What is that? Carbon cannon carousel. It's not unlike rugby.

Okay, okay. And that involves no killing? I mean, not until the playoffs. Uh-huh. Lovely, I have Trinket coming through with her ridiculous landline. Okay. Hey, Frank? Yeah.

Can you do me a favor? Okay, Mr. Frigadier, Imperial. You're fixed. Go, be free. Leif? Yeah? How's it going? Fine.

Well, good. Good. Well, first of all, let me welcome you to the unofficial hood's pocket junkyard. Thanks. Yeah, we're not supposed to dump things here, but, you know, broken window theory. Am I right? One person did it, so everyone started doing it. Uh-huh.

So, uh, what are you doing? I'm fixing this refrigerator. Yeah. Uh, Leif, it looks like you fixed about seven refrigerators. refrigerators. I did. I mean, we're standing in refrigerator henge right now. If I start chanting, do we summon the Maytag man?

I was walking by and I saw it. So I borrowed your tools. Yeah. No, I noticed that. Yep. Anybody need a refrigerator? I certainly hope so. Frank, I get the sense that you're a solid guy.

you have a reputation as a solid guy? Yeah, some would say completely solid. I've never had that reputation. Nobody's ever said, hey, that Leif, solid guy. Uh-huh. In fact, it's been the opposite of that most of the time. Whatever the opposite of solid is. Oh, I think, it's...

Squishy? Have you ever been confronted with the worst version of yourself? I don't know what that means. I'm a guy who fixes things. I can fix things. I'm that guy. I want to be that guy. Yeah, I see.

I see. So if you resurrect enough refrigerators... I don't know. I don't know. I just started. doing stuff. Yeah. Okay. Look, I'm assuming someone sent you to check on me. You can skip it. Okay? I need to do whatever the fuck I'm doing right now. Sure. Well, you're in luck, Leif. I have a long history of not asking

people what's going on with them. And that's a streak I'm very proud of. So, come on. Let's go. where Sarah Murphy she retired here five years ago she has 19 million cats a TV that sits on top

of a non-functioning TV and she's refused to leave her house ever since all of this started she also has a refrigerator that cannot be trusted let's load one of these up come on

Hey there, welcome to Peppercorn Shop and go. Hi there. Hello. I'm Bob. Hello, Bob. Honey, I'm going to go check back there. Sure thing, honey. How are you today? Oh, um, oh, uh, good.

I'm Bob. That's my wife, Kim. Yes. Um, okay. Do you have any hot dog? Oh, yes. Great. They're right over there. Thanks. Okay.

Excuse me, does this have caffeine in it? Does, well, now that is Perrier. Yes, sorry, I don't have my glasses on, so I can't read the label. Oh. No, there's no caffeine in it. Thanks. Okay. I have a hot dog.

Yeah. Just, just the hot dog? Yes. You're not, you're not, you don't want to put it in a bun? Bun! Right! I forgot about that part. He's so forgetful.

Uh-huh, ha, ha, ha. And a bun. Hot dog and bun. Oh, okay. Enjoy. Did you tell us where the sheep's, what was it? Sheep's head. No, no, no, no.

I, sheep's eye. Ah, yes, that's it. Yes, just across the street. Thank you. Thanks so much. Oh, Eldon. What? Oh, I think we have a problem.

Oh, good. Two earthlings just came in here. That happens every day. Why is that a problem? No, I don't recognize them. You don't recognize them. No. And they were acting very strange.

Strange how? Strange like they don't know how. hot dogs work. The sheep's eye? All right. Virgin I will head to the sheep's eye. Okay. Are we being invaded? Yes, Doug.

Every day. Okay. There it is. There it is. I can't believe you just bought alien drugs. It's just one pill. You're so fast. How did you get it so fast?

That's how professionals roll, Deidre. What's it called? Scramble it eggs. I'm not feeling great about people selling drugs here. Oh, it wasn't a sale. I got it for free. It's a little gratitude from our patrons. He literally gave you the first one for free.

We should ask Eldon about this. No, don't do that. You'll run the adventure. What if it just kills you? I have yet to meet the drug that can take me down, Deidre. Hey, what are you thinking, Trinket? Well, I'd be lying if I said I wasn't intrigued. Trinket.

Look, look, we all have a teenager inside us telling us to do ill-advised things. Yes. But Steve's inner teenager is on the outside of him. Hey! We need to learn more about our surroundings, Deidre. Maybe we can do that by not putting alien things in our mouths. Well, that's Rich coming from you, Deidra. Hey, oh!

High five! Don't high-five him. Deidra, I think you and Virgil are a beautiful pairing, and the energy is healing and amazing, and also we are always going to make fun of you for banging an alien. That's fair. All right, all right, all right. enough talk. Let's do this.

So how do you feel? Well, I'd say I feel normal, but, you know, what's normal feel like? Guys. Hey, Doug. Doug, hey, do I look okay? Um, yes. What's going on, Doug? Um, have two humans come in here?

Often? No, no, no, no. I mean, I mean, I mean, um, two humans came into the shop and go, but they, well, they're not from here. I don't like that. No, oh, oh, there. They're by the window. Oh, yeah, they're not from here. Where did they come from?

I don't know, but they're acting weird. Weird how? Well, they didn't know what Perrier was, and they didn't know how hot dogs work. Okay. I feel like we're going to need a little more information than that, Doug. Oh, um, hey, Steve, are you feeling okay? Yeah, why? Hey guys, what's up?

Truskin by, be cute. tonight Truskin barbecue tonight Everybody coming What's wrong? Looks like there's a couple New Earthlings in town

But you know They're acting real weird What fuck is wrong with Steve What are you talking about Okay Sarah enjoy the new fridge And remember to defrost it Every six months

Okay I didn't think it was possible To have this much cat hair on me Yeah, it's not great in there. Why didn't she want us to take the old fridge? Well, there's some hoarder mentality going on there. We're all aware of it. We're working on it.

Does she even know she's on another planet? She does not, Leif. Do you really want to roll out that information right now? She'd have a heart attack and die. And then get eaten by her cat horde. Okay. Well, this has been fun. Wait, hang on.

What's up? When things started to get weird around here, people started leaving in droves. Ryan Burnett packed up a few suitcases and moved to Oceanside. Okay. Okay. So why is his door open? Shit. Have you had any looting?

No. Look, this entire planet is basically the Star Wars bar. You're going to have some looting. Oh, great. I'll take the back. You take the front? Sure. Hey, you're not Ryan Burnett. It's your house? Well, it doesn't matter if it's my house. It's not your house.

So what are you going to do about it? Okay, listen, pal, I'm sure you think you're stealing something of value right now, but all you have is an armful of Ryan's old DVDs. So, I mean, you really want to make a fuss over. his copy of a kid under the Tuscan son? Only one law on Raxius.

Who's got the gun? Frank, that's a weapon. Let's just back out of here, okay? You heard him, Frank. Why don't you back out of here? Just put down the DVDs.

How about that put you down? Fuck! What the fuck? What the fuck? Oh my God. Ow! Me chase you! And the fuck was Ryan doing with a copy of Under the Tuscan Sun? Kind of a delightful movie, actually.

Diane Lane, am I right? I don't. Yeah, uh-huh. So, that gun he was using is nicknamed Tough Luck. Okay. Because... If you get hit with it... I'm just spitballing here.

Tough luck? Yeah. Huh. He shot you with it three times. Yeah, I know, and I really love this shirt, too. What just happened? Get me. Don't worry about it.

Let's go. Frank. Let's go. You can fix Georgia Adams washer dryer next. Frank. Hang on. I need to warn you about Georgia, though. She's a day drinker, but she's really defensive about it.

You won't even say anything, and she'll start arguing with you about it. It shoots plasma, Frank. That's superheated matter. It can shoot through a Buick. I mean a Buick. Clementine. Oh, shit. Yeah.

She made you immortal too? Two? What do you mean two? There's this guy, Terek. She met him in medieval Jerusalem, and he's like 700 years old now. Did she kill him, too? Kill him? No. So, I mean, we got into an argument on the street. She didn't like what I was saying, and she, you know, she shut me up.

She killed you? Yeah. Yeah. And I don't mean she dropped a piano on me. She, my body was gone. She disintegrated me. Oh, fuck.

Yeah, but I mean, she didn't mean to. So she tried to put me back together. Oh, no. Yeah. So. Put you back together with what? Hmm. It's a good question.

And I quote here, errant particles in the atmosphere. According to that scientist friend of yours. Errant particles in the atmosphere. Yeah. So, considering the errant particles in the atmosphere up here, rocks, trees, and what? What, Moss? I don't know.

Fucking swamp thing. Oh, Jesus Christ, can you... Can someone come up with a different analogy? I'm sorry, man. It's sitting right there. Okay, got it. You know who I am? I am a guy who lived on a mountain

because it was nice and quiet. And right now, all I would like is to watch a sporting event of some kind. Okay, that's who I am. Okay. Okay. Well, welcome to the Clementine Almost Killed Me Club, man. We should get some jackets made.

You too? Oh, yeah. I threw everything I had at her and just made her mad. How'd you survive? Friends. Do you like a good ghost story? Maybe you wonder what it would be like to communicate with the other side. We'll put your Ouija boards away and just listen to Rattled and Shook.

I'm your host Meredith, and we've got a new season of Rattled and Shook available now, including themed episodes, guests, games, and immersive, creepy stories sent in by real people about haunted hotels, satanic panic, and ghosts galore. A new season of Rattled and Shook is available now wherever you get your podcasts. Hello! Hi! Welcome to the sheep's eye. Thank you.

I'm Deidre. I'm Bob. And this is my wife, Kim. So I haven't seen you to around before. Oh, well, uh... We live on the other side of town. We've just never been in here before. Uh-huh.

Okay. Um, can I get you something to drink? Um, well, do you have a soft drink? Soft drink? Yes, we have this. I'll have an herbal tea. Is that something that you have? Yes.

Sure. I'll be right back. What they say? They ordered a soft drink and an herbal tea. Uh-oh! Mormons. No, but aren't we in another galaxy? They go everywhere.

They're really giving me a weird vibe, you guys. Yeah, I don't know what's going on. They said they live on the other side of town, and they've just never been in here before. That's bullshit! No kidding. Obviously, they're spies, right? I mean, who's spying on us?

Okay. Is somebody going to tell me what the fuck is going on with Steve? Oh, what are you talking about? Debra, we're in the back. Can you and the rest of the Scooby gang come back here, please? Come on. Hi, team. What the fuck is happening?

It's so strange. So they walked into the shop and go, and they were just acting weird. They definitely look weird. They look like humans. But weird humans. They look like stock photos. Oh. They said that they were from here in Hood's Pocket.

They had just never been in the sheep's eye before. How possible is that? Impossible. Could they be wearing those earth suit things like you wear sometimes? They're definitely wearing earth suits, but why? That's your job, Eldon. Get your little computer feelers in there. There are several privacy blocks on an earth suit.

I need to know the manufacturer. There may be a back door, but there's none on record. Where is life? Maybe they're big fans. You guys remember Apprehensive Craig? Oh, Craig. Who is apprehensive Craig? Very shy guy, but he went through this phase where he wore Spock ears for what?

Two years? Three. And we never said anything. Well, he was obviously going through something. He moved to Olympia. He's a librarian now. Oh, yeah. Oh, good for him.

Sounds like someone's living long and prospering. Am I right? No, no. Eldon, listen, I don't think we're taking this as seriously as we should. I think somebody's trying to spy on us. The fuck is wrong with Steve. What is everybody talking about? Actually, I've decided I don't care.

I need life here, Trinkin. I really think we should wait. He's doing some very important work. with Frank right now, some important emotional work. Oh, thank you. And what is this called again? CC Carousel. Okay, see in the middle of the field, there's the cannon.

It spins around and fires the ball in a random direction. Everybody scrambles for the ball, and then when your team gets possession, you try and push forward. Okay, can they pass? Only laterally. Great. Oh, okay. Simple enough.

This is a playoff game, though. There's a timer on the ball, and if you don't get it into the safe zone in 90 seconds, the ball explodes. Explodes? Yeah. How often does that happen? Very rarely. I wouldn't worry about it. Okay.

Here we go. Ball is out. Here we go. Okay. Let's go, guys. Push forward. Come on. Don't go that way.

Yeah, don't go that way. Right there, he's open. Pass. Pass, pass, pass, pass, pass. Yeah. There we go! Let's go! Oh, yeah, wide open. Okay, okay, now, some defense.

Okay, come on now, defense. Oh, shit, they're right on top of it. Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go. He's going to make it. Oh, that's, uh, it's small on the phone, but it, was that what it looked like? Yeah. Yeah, that was an explosion. He, he didn't.

not make it. No. Well, that's, I... It's unfortunate. Yeah. I mean, it really adds to the intensity of the game, though.

It's fantastic. Frank? Oh, yes. Eldon, what is it? We're very busy. There's a situation at the sheep's eye that I could use Lath's assistance with. Okay, well, how important

is this situation, Eldon? Don't test me, Swamp Thing. Good damn it. Fuck off, Eldon. Listen. I run this town. Do you understand me? We don't like people spying on us. Trying to get a look at the secret sauce around here.

Are you feeling okay? You don't think we can defend ourselves? You really think we're going to let you make us look ridiculous? Hey, Steve, whatever you're doing, stop it. Oh, see? Now Frank's here. Now you're in trouble. The fuck is wrong with you, Steve? What do you mean?

What do you mean? What do I mean? You sound like Stuart Little. He took scrambled eggs. What? It's a drug. Steve, humans aren't supposed to take that, man. I feel fine. I don't know what you guys are talking about. If everything is so dangerous here, why? Does it all seem so stupid? It's always both. Okay, Steve, get in the back. Right now. Deidre, I was gone for a few hours, and Steve is taking alien drugs.

I am only one woman, Frank. I like the tiny boys. He's like our little buddy. Can we get him to sing Christmas songs? Oh, yes. Thanks. Doug, what's going on? Oh, they came into the store and they were acting weird.

They look like humans, but there's something, oh, not right about them. Great. Hi, what's happening? I don't know who our new guests are, but we need some information on the Earth's suits they're wearing. Life, any inside? Uh, have they disabled remote access? No. Okay.

They're not pros, then. We need to discern the manufacturer. No, we don't. You need to make an open request to the device, but you need to make a thousand requests in one second. That's the skeleton key. Is that true? Why is that not documented anywhere? Probably so it doesn't end up on someone's Tangle database.

All right. I'll make the request. A device info will be on my screen. All right, I'm in. Let me see. Son of a bitch. Motherfuckers. Wait, what? What is it?

I'll be right back. Welcome to the sheep's eye. Hello. Drink up. Uh, we don't actually drink coffee. Yeah, it makes my nerve so shot. What it does to you is send your body into shock and kills you within two minutes. You know, I wonder sometimes, if coffee wasn't poisonous to Ted's, maybe they would lighten up a little bit and stop being the hugest assholes in the triad.

I know that you fascists have been trying to get your foot in the door in the iron quadrant for who knows how long. And I'm sure you look at this weird earth town as the opportunity you've been waiting for. It's not. It's not what you think. I'll give you two options right now. You come with me, nice and quiet into the back room, or drink up. Please, sit down. Did you hear what I said?

Please. Sit down. I can explain. Do you have any idea what would happen to the two of you? If I told this entire bar, full of rogues and criminals, there were a couple of Ted's in here? Do you have any idea how many people on this planet have had the pleasure of doing hard time in chemical ice? Please, don't do that. We wanted to have a child.

What the fuck are you talking about? We're not spies or something. we... I work in waste, recycl. I'm a Skybridge driver. We met on her train. We filed cohabitation requests for a few years. Later, we applied for a procreation license. I didn't have favorable enough genetic profile. Please sit down.

My name is Dargo. I'm Greta. What are you doing here? What's with the Earth suits? We got desperate a while ago. We made a plan. in retrospect it was a pretty stupid plan. We heard there was someone here on Rax Prime

that could remove reproductive blocks. But as soon as we arrived, it became clear that we had been calm. You paid up front to an unknown entity. How the fuck did you people conquer three galaxies? I just said it was a stupid idea. We were just sitting ducks there in the city. We were getting a lot of really scary looks from people.

But we didn't know what to do next. We heard about this place, and we still had Earth suits in our cruiser from a trip we took to Earth. We went to Akron. Have you been? It's really nice. Anyway, we decided to come here and try to blend in until we figured out our next move. Uh-huh. Well, I can tell you your next move. Your next move is to get the fuck out of here and never come back. You don't understand. Look, I'm sorry that your dream of having a little Ted baby.

has been smashed, but from my perspective, the last thing the triad needs is more Ted's in the world. Get the fuck out of town and never come back. You don't understand. They won't let us live together now. What? A procreation license is hard to get, so there are things they do to scare people off. There are consequences. If a couple with a cohabitation license applies for a procreation license, and they're deemed incompatible genetically...

Then we can't live together. It's not just that. You're sent to a relocation specialist, and they deliberately split you up. We'd be on opposite sides of the planet. That sounded like a nightmare. I'm not doing that. I can't do that. I'm not going to suddenly move on with my life knowing she's just sitting there on the other side of the planet.

How is some renegade Ted baby going to solve that problem? If you're pregnant without a license, then there's some recourse. It happens sometimes. The procreation blocks fail, so your application gets forced through the system. That was our only chance to stay together. Everything I learn about your planet makes me hate it more. Try living there. Oh, I'm sorry.

Is it rough for you? Is it hard up there at the top of the food chain? Oh, the trials of ruling three galaxies with an iron fist. I'm not ruling anything. We're just people. What? Look, we're not stupid, okay? We know...

We know we're the bad guys. Yes. There's trillions of us on TED. You really think every single one of us is evil? Maybe you like thinking of us that way. Maybe it makes us easier to hate. Leave right now. Leave.

What? I'm pretty sure you know what. M. Lynn. What? M. Lynn. They can do what you want. Are you sure? I am.

They're no fans of the TED Empire. They might even do it for free. Thank you. Get the fuck out of here. You're going to get yourselves killed. Thank you so much. Go. Hey there.

Hey. I'm Deidre. Leif. Nice to meet you. You too. Deidre, can I get a double shot of Jack Daniels, please? I'm not sure. Can you spell Albu.

Albuquerque. What? That's how I'm able to tell if someone's too drunk. I ask them if they can spell Albuquerque. I can't spell Albuquerque sober. I know, but the drunk people don't know that. That's not bad. Mm-hmm.

Would you mind if I get drunk first and then I'll not spell it for you later? Sure. So is everything okay? Yeah. Who were those guys? Just people. Don't be the brooding guy away from the party. You're no longer sexy enough to pull that off.

Hey! How was your day? I don't know. Well, it was bound to happen eventually. What? If you keep running into different versions of yourself, eventually, you're going to run into one that made all the wrong choices. I'm assuming that's what your little fix-it tour of Hood's pocket was all about.

Yeah, I guess so. I met Deidre. She's great. She is great. I don't know what to do with it all. Yeah. Don't ask me. Oh, I won't.

He's not you, Leif. I mean, I have no idea who you are, but at least I can tell. That you're not the most notorious pirate in the triad. I have no idea who I am. What do you mean? Leif, get over here and meet the Trescans. Yeah. Okay.

Sorry about the grilled vegetable party. I convince him to throw a steak on. Oh. You're actually cooking your meat now? You really have changed. Shut the fuck up. Laif, this is bulb. Bowlb.

This is Lake. Hey, how you doing there, palie? Hey. I'm a bald. That's my brother, Nob, and that's my other brother over there, that ugly son of a bitch. That's Joel. Hey, guys. I, uh, hear you tell you're the type of guy who can settle an argument about the fusion core containment linings.

Magnetic or inertial? Ah, look at Mr. Fancy guy over here with the inertial containment. Inertial is always going to be more efficient. Laif, let me ask you, feel kiss your mother with you. That's the hill I'm dying on. All right. We're going to go round and round with this all night. Let's get some roots in you. Get over here,

you little son of a bitch. Okay. Hey, Verge. Frank. I think I'd like a debrief tomorrow on whatever this evil twin brother of Leif business is about. Yeah, of course. But, listen, Eldon assures me

that he won't be able to find us. Okay? We've covered our tracks. Okay. Okay. Good. Hey!

I think I'm finally starting to feel something. Holy shit. Can someone shut him up? When is this going to wear off? Hopefully never. I'm a roving gambler. I roam from town to town. Whenever I meet with a deck of cards, I lay my money down.

Bring them in. Jesus Christ! Leave us alone. I hear they picked you up in orbit around Raxius. I think first we should express some gratitude. Isn't that right battle pope? That would be the mannerful thing to do, bugaboo. We was almost gone for good there.

Weren't we battle? Only a collection of moments between us and the... Great beyond, Bugaboo. When do you suppose the shattering of our teeth will come to an end, Battleboat? I'm sure I don't know, Bugaboo. For fuck's sake, you have permafrost, you idiots. That's what happens when you float around in the black for as long as you did. You're going to feel frozen solid for months.

Do you know why I'm going to hate that even more than you are? Because it's going to make this ridiculous southern, gothic iambic pentameter of yours, even more grating on my nerves. So, if you wouldn't mind, in as few words as possible, how in the hell did you get your asses handed to you on Raxias? That would require us known a thing or two more than we do know. There are certainly some unknown quantities in this particular squared hands. Oh my God! Let me be as clear as I can.

Tell me what happened on Raxias, where I put you right back in the black where I found you. Verizon is brought to you in part by our Monte Cristo level and above supporters. Wilson, Billy, Bertbert, Bethany, Second Bethany, Scotty, most definitely not Bethany, Starbucks Union Barista Bethany, and the Red Cup Rebellion. Three Pandas in a trench coat named, Bethany. Super Sly Secret Season, Sosquatch subtly seeks crazy cool cryptid club created by bravely battling

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Mr. Mucacho Kaisershutzel is bringing an anchovy pizza to Lars on Omega Station. The Wolves in the Deep Free say, ah-woo! Julie Hammond. Sanctuary Moon's No. 2 fans. Sampson, Jason, Alice Lewis, Simply Amy Sue, even older Liz, McBearcat, Grak Pinfeather, Siddican druidic-Scientist, Astro, Your Friendly Neighborhood, Moodlight Zombie Fox, Old Doc Racy, the Midnight Missionary Out There Somewhere Looking for You. Rotten Ronnie sleeps in Grandma Panties, J.S, Eldrich Ender, Skolwunky, Artist Dragonborn, Bigby Garage, Bill Zangana Lester, Joaquin Jimenez,

Hello, Big List, I'm Dad. Now let Joe get some rest. It's time for bed. Muffins. Spacewives. Captain Jack Harkness wants Peter the robot. Oreo? No, wait, pineapple. Actually, never mind.

Oreo. Tell your cat, I said. Banana Manaz. A corgi cold kibble. Cudley Crackin. Life's a Lode Studio and his wife, Megonator. The game. Axel Light.

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on the kindness of diners. Dr. Budiologist the glutes doctor, the hood's pocket pants darts league reminds all players that clean underwear is required. Tobias Ewing. Thank you for passing too. Your Anglophone Emotional Support Canadian request will be processed in the order in which it was received. Queen Sirley Jess. R.I.P. Lance McLean, you would have loved Midnight Burger. Adam Toclov, Dr. Bichcraft, Sassy Cat the Space Vixen, Claire Rock, Jekka, Eros de God, the size two fish you've been looking for, E.okai, Borgia, Natasha without Boris, spiders are cuddly, Lafayette Lazzania Lovers One. Immortal thinks it should be Kandadios. Cheel, Neal, Sin City Scuba Steve,

Polywog, Jinks the Cat would like to offer you biscuits. Michaela White. Elena Pickle. Professor Thaddeus Snookums, the 8th. Mr. Grin. Glenn Petrovsky. This moment of silence so Joe can catch his breath is brought to you by Rick Tyler, parentheses, Audible Breath. Elizabeth Hammond.

Cheap con. Yeah, you heard me. The real cheap con. Except no imitations. Funch Brunglin. Steam Vision. Conductor of the interdimensional time-spaninginging Hype Train, Dave Harold, Wisecube, Dirty Diaper Fussbutt, and the Piggy Runt, Bromine, Pronounce Bro,

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Plastic fork. Dulcet Deleche. Get out of Mabuth. Bug. Propagator? I hardly know her. Sad, angry crab man. Chuck McFenley.

Effie and Zebulon's trans great-granddaughter Hazel Hayes. Velocity Girl 42. Little Dragon and a cauldron of bats. Ben Carlyle. Flat Steve's love for grand theft. Anna Kearney. Crashly Strange Lilia. The four schnauzers of the apocalypse.

Septi and Asha, not Sasha, have the hots for the mucklewains and would gladly be their unicorns. Starblaze Burnbright. Imzukioki. Spotted Rhino and her hand-me-down frogs. Red Mafia Panda. Lonely Isle. Kydalo Headphones.

Hinkle. Pike Man Stover. Fondella Stover, Pikeman Stover's wife. Scrizels. Thwap. Gitty, Gitty, Gitty. The Firekeeper. The end is die!

Jeremiah the cancelled. Librarian Alex. Spike and Faye. Johnny Allen West and the Boys from the Dwarf. Speedy McSpeedy. Wolf. Brandy Gunter. Auntie Becky is owned by five rescue cats.

Fermi's paradoxins. Speckled Unicorn. Jedi rides again with Nova the Space Pirate. Tevin Long Blade's short sword. Forget normal. Oh, damn! C.J. Johnson, a dragon sitting on its hoard of dice. Wendell Whitaker. Fikachu. Smivey. Globedette Rulette. Andrew Fuller.

Dane and Deb. Bonn Mee Hong. The Soupwich. Fettysini Alfredo. Amalgamist Pax. Pebbles. V.V. F.E. Rowlings.

Megan Hazen. Philip, your dad is not your dad. Nick Beaure. Midnight Plummer. His Royal Highness, Mr. Hamilton Underfoot Kitty the first and accomplice, Princess Penelope, the Marchioness of Mischief and Maven of Mystery. Megan Gentry. Mr. Cherry.

Our ass is in the jackpot. Tubby Teddy. Wayne Heiser. India Inkblot. Slave of Bahamette. Omi Gracie. Dalton Jenkins. Kat Holtz.

The True Mega Mike. Fred and George. The What Weekly Media Database. Ava Maddox Jr. Liza Wirth. Cass Williams, Christie, Yeat My Boy, 46 Toolshed 2, and El Marie Catastrophe, The Image Collector, Blended Music, Definitely Not Kevin, Sitting Squirrel, Patricia E-Melt missed everyone, A round of yards on the house, Red the Grey, The Silver Crow, Couch Potato Alex, Neverchild,

Dr. Nossos, Interdimensional Biologist, Kiboko Dunord, Lil Kev, Kozamein, Theodrax, Joey B, Lucas Barting, Little Debbie Cupcake. Teran says, hey, Oreos are Rabbit. Sandlewood Mountain is an odd way to refer to Hawaii, but it worked for Henry. Whimsical Fuckery. Megan with an H. Hey, it's warranty lady. Look, I've been thinking, maybe it'd be best if we, you know, saw other people for a bit. I need more.

Patricia the Time Lord. Is it, though? Mango connoisseur. Brady bug and the quirky jester. The big moose is loose abut the hoose. That old glory coal. Janelle Miao-Neys Kat-Butler. O'Sheen Lou.

Alex Barry. Andrew Oakden. Asymmetrical Exile. Churro Cat, the Sun God. Eliza Travels the Universe, Alex Spence, Dr. D. Birdcloth, Weather, and Mrs. Dubbobtoway Birdcloss weather, want to say hello to the whole Sweather family. Galaxy Britches, Angry Ron, Dominus Caesar, Durcadub, Gloria's ex-girlfriend, Kelly Clickspring, the Wild Thistle, most likely Cass, the sweet planetary aroma of Fiona's grilled cheese sandwiches. Jasmine James, Dr. Cabarant,

also known as Omni, Thanks, Waffle Chateau. Colorado Beekeeper, Fruitcake, Anatha, Zandria, Jennifer Culkins, guacamolio, midday burger, Don Parks, throat goat 666, oh my god, my dad found out about my Patreon name. Princess Leia, Prime Freak, Protector of the Scottish Realm, Little Lord Stevie Pie, Droid Pirate Finley and his Rubin-esque parrot, droid pirate Finley and his Rubin-esque parrot, stuck in a pit of Skittles, sea squatch, deflatermouse, Tony Piacarsky, Adrian R, the Devil from Table 12, Javier, Kimber-Durb, Crazy Thadley. The Harpenter Pulsar. Crimulus is just happy to be here.

The twisted twigster. The rural juror is a massive fan. Faye Queen. Upshnart the Probability Demolition Expert. Showtime. C.R. Ipted. For my mother. Homer, are we doing crimes? CCTX Girl 6823 waiting on the diner. Nicole Studioso. That copy of Under the Tuscan Sun actually belonged to sign my shovel.

Truck Stop Sandwich. Indigo. Escargo. Love My Captain. Joe Mauma. Castriff, Ames affection for internet protection, retro M.G., Nightscript, the Gainesville Fear Garden, before that wolf eats my grandma, give that wolf a lanab banana. Utrudin-Roses Viking Void vitals, fueling the intergalactic fight against fascism. Not sure what I'm doing. Leah Rose, River Brown, Senior Deuce, Scullacy, Warped Writer, Tim Nacey, Ruben Clamzo, Turwin, Hugh the Mini Mungo, Morgan Brockman, Sylvie, Friendly Neighborhood Fire Protection Engineer,

Skull bulb. Dustin Watson, Betty White 813, Randy Supreme and Queen Lancaster, The One True Cheap con, Starscribe, Lucian Thunderstruck. Ooh, ma-mama. Dueser now identifies as Roman dirge, The Other Adele, Chef Galval, Leah Hall, Sarah May, cone of silence consultants, LLC needs fresh towels in room three at the horizon. Silly Willie Bubblebutt, Sierra not from Arkansas, Zico, Ebenezer Bube, Caleb 2, Miala, Jason Woods, Arnie Arbuckle Eskwire, Digital Flouf Lost in Time, Potion Meestro, Nebulae, Nell, Regulators, Mound Up, Cringle over Coffee, Mad Yogi Eileen, a cat named M, Potito Pato, Palace, Big Mo, Demonic Narwall 8. I am Annie, I live forever in every moment I've existed,

I swear to every star in the cosmos, I never forgot it was a gift. The Stone Fox, Tricia Schaefer, Sylvia, Juciton, Papitos, Splat Howard, Jennifer Baumer, Ninja Grim Reaper, Miles Nelson. I am a bomb till I think of something better to do. A burr it words. Hot shot Huntley, Momo's Mama, Space Mormon says what? Ivy Paisley, Toast, Sue Watts, Myrtle, Caitlin, Leader of the Unicorn Revolution, Trans-Dimensional Delivery Ban, Matlock, Lord of the 13th Sea, Mr. Trigvy, Printing with Cats, Calisi Del Mar, Dixie Dina, 7,000 Possums, Sarah Jack Sparrow Space Pony, Revibe, Debbie E, Emma, Mr. and Mrs. Owo, Dusty Ventures, and his pilot,

Uzi, Driftin through Space. Ronnie Porter, Gloria's Line Cook, Eagle Rock Lobster, The Gabbyist Painter and Her Bird a Fire! Wandering Wenjo, Painted Oni, Q. Dell, Farel, Emily with two Ease, Spaceman Nathan, Ramsey's Niblick the Third, Karpunk, Kerplunk, oops, where's my Thribble. Mad Goat, Jackie Witt, Yeoi Gigerin. Issa The Stregis, a Gremlin with the Munchies, Michelle Scorakio, Genuine Jacob, Andy's Brain is Weird, Space Rooster Randy, Leopard Donut, Poofy Thang, Mellow Nuggets,

Keychain crap, Matt Matt Sharkman, Stee-low, Arcadia, Bumbling Lilybee, a quick pause so Joe can sip from his tiny tea cup. It's like 10 p.m. I'll never get to sleep. You know what I'm saying? That's just going to have to be whatever beverage I've got next to me right now. Can't be tea every single time is what I'm saying. Bufordi's Nuts. Panda, Curtis Lelig, Kennedy Allison Farner, Tristan Stolls, Dalyan Y, Shadow Rapture, Yet Another Nicole, Hank the Wonderlanta, Arnda, Rcraft, Russell, Zephyrus Wind, The Ornament, Just a regular fox, Jeremy Impson. What the hell? Sinaplex and all the black people in North Carolina. Just Rachel. Waffles, waffles, waffles, waffles. Danger girl, Atlas Bear, Patty the Ginger, Ava's cigarette ash. Hugh Biffedit. Azeus. Anaphylaxis. Scav with Comtacs, the shape-shifting sad girl and her girlfriend say, Joe, you've done it again. Bibby Bibi, Bibi, Bibi, Bibi, Bibi, Bibi, Bibi, Bibi, Bibi, Bibi, Bibi, Bibi, Bibi, Bhabi, Cicero, Cary, Cady, Cig, Cady's Amigo, Cary, Katie, made and the delinquent duo. Nalman. Nicole. Victor Schauberger reincarnated as White Mountain Hill Billy Glitter Glitter Cupcake. Max Danger's Security Chief Shatsy. The Anxicee. Team Michelle and Billy. Nea Nix Reno. Frankinator. Nortelbash. Jordan. Rwin X. Belasco. Ryan Rosynx Belasco. Ryan Rosyn Rage. Average height, medium rage. Audio Monkey, Joe. Team Hafeovesen. Monica and Mason K.

Rowan, Lady of the Black and Herald of the Stars, R.E.N. Can't Manage Normal. Brian Burnett. The Joyful Nialist. Dr. Dr. B. Zopres and the Bumble Army. Growing into my farm boots. Superbeth becomes an RN alongside my bootst up friend. Geneva Boss, brothers of the cosign, uncivil noms, the rat queen Evelyn, great lunch conversation. The other Scott, Letty Lou. He was a shifty one that Nick Howard. Kinger was here. Bobby Ray Winland, Jr. Bop, B. B. Dababababoowap. Warped Echoes. Slabs McTurps. Mama's Time Lord, Jeremiah Franco, Justin, the Nick of Time, Gothic Rainbow, So We Made It, Cody McHour, McHadley, Eternal Companion, Maxine Lizotte, Jingalos, Has Matilda, Ditsy Bay, Just Your Average

Rees, Kyle Church, I Am a Laef on the Wind, Static Ego, Some Fucking Swamp-Words, Lolly, Evan M. Dobson, Dave B, Nobby, Your Friendly Neighborhood Pathologist, Going to be Lit, I Am Shaggy, Captain Emerald L, Wayne Hall, Danny Mars, eternally screaming, Skibo and Fuzzle MacBumperdits, Neelix Tiny Wolf, Asher the Raven, Christina Senat is teleporting, BRB. Where the Shane's at?

Definitely not an android, seriously, I'm not. The Wandering Welshman, Whatever Tabby, Carolyn Harper, Nikolai Tolkachev, Capua the Sartorius, Z3DT, Shy Sparrows, BLTN, the Kiwi Duckling, Dana Dana-Dana Bobana, Fifi Fofena, Dad and Aubrey, the Dirtbike Demons,

Tequila Mockingbird, Snuffle Up Agoose, Damarin the Space Goblin, I so pale. Oh no, a bee! I am Lord Zoltan, hear me roar, Pocket Ghost Max, Mags the Conqueror, Wes and Heather wonder if Derek Adair will join. My cat's name is a beef. Eric, Katie Kate, get your colonoscopy, Victor Casados, Emily Schmemmeli, work for Melvis. Bo-Ho Go-bye for Jojo Pogo. That's a no-go, bro. Cody Monster, Collided Mind, Miss Nixie, Baby Baton Lee, Charlie Roodle, Kyle Perino, A.K., Sid the Sloth on a bike, Priya Gandhi. The Wandering Mermaid would like you to know that the Little Mermaid and the creature from the Black Lagoon are the same exact story. Lil Stevie Pie, Two Polar Cat, Carl, The Teller of Dad Jokes, Sky Labs Multimensional, Multifacacic Intergalactic Quantum Cyberverse, Verde Sol, Galen Miller, Tess, Geriatric Highypian, Unforcable, Unforcable, Daniel Nitz, Mavis Bacon's, Pyro's Calling,

Josuasion, The Wizard's Supercalifragilistic Expialadocious. Too many Jans! Catjot, Pamela Roselle Tierra, then Stina says, Thud Tweed, Enigmatic Cat Bird, Countess of Carbon, Slippy the Squirrel, Luminous Elk, Rodeon caution, Love is for the Nourdes. Taz Hernandez, Captain Crash and the surviving crew. Casper needs all the hugs, but Joe needs an O2 tank. Quote says Joe is the writer's room. Awkward Heretic. Devin 777. Troy Aker, Mandy Kane, Northerly Kay, Kim Sel, Sillie Goosehawk-hunk, Ad Matha, Astrounit, Ghosts Saberwolf, The Sleepy Mystic, Sarah Joy, Taters, Precious, It's Just Steve, Sweets Martinez, Sharnobel 6-T,

tender creatures, Amanda Short, Chut, Brimble, Deidre, Mike Whiskey and Your Friend Frosty, No Saguaro, Benbar, Beasley Death, Sven the Unlikely, Cognito-Hazard Expunged, Ted Wassonossin, Vyraestria, Theosis the Theolognish, Nicole, I love you, but I will name Kid 2, Brathar, Fernwood Gal, Nelly G, Twinkle Tots, Gemini's Moms, Moms, Callison, Hornswogland Daniel Arthur, Mike Lucluse, It's a, It's a Fucking Dog Rapture. Abigail LeHoo, King Humble, We'd Better Ask Dave, Windchimes for Safety, Cameron Winterborn Welsh, Fireball XL5, McKenzie Duna, Alexica Habanera, Code Stranger, One Bettybet. Matt N. Monad Nick sees you seeing me, seeing you seeing me, Frelp. M. Lin, Feed Me Fish, J. R on SFP, LaHari, Ted's Loves Catherine, Jay Spark, Lucid Harbor, Little Mira Leopard Paws, Die at Night, Mars, Mars, Mars, Royalty, Take 20 damage, Maisie's bandstand, Kim Bob, Battle Pope and Bugaboo, Snorts, Morghats, fresh squeezed, Patrick Holt, Atlas B. Hold it now.

Hit it, had it, head it, hot it, hood it. Bradley Ashby, Peter, Megan Okio, William Dyer, Vicky A Bear, Brad Maneer, Jane, Hannah Dale, Phantom Zone, Crystal Delightful, Gruntled, Kilt Shot Betty and her Steel-Eyed Bow, Turtles all the way down, Jackie Lowy, the Little Pigeon, Lily the Planetary Brain, Crazed Bear, Coming this holiday season, Dr. Lettuce Trash Angel action figures restocked. Boots Scoot to your local toy shack today. Crafty Lizard quilts and knits and crochets. Noble Barrel.

Yes, my brain is weird. Thank you. Megan the Meg Young. Corey Morose. Russell Bunny. Max Savage. Jenny Wren. Apprehensive Craig.

Tim Aronetta. Bacon. Nicole Studioso. Rambo. Chaos Squatcher. The homeless guy who saw the diner disappear from Rogers and gave up booze. Lord Than and Lady Sarah.

Mary Kirby. Stephanie Sturgis. Kirsten. Hurry up and wait. Sarah Farmer and Bella Donna, first of her name. Criddle. Twilio. Heidelbergi. Tom Webster. Rushmi Vincatech. McClump. Azana the Leathersmith. Salazar the Dome Mage. Katie. The Bard with the Tuba. Hayward's finest, Garon Ilazando. To my little. You'll always be my good girl. You took a piece of my heart and left a paw print on my soul till we meet again. Sir Schitts-a-L-L-Streks again, damn. Ashden James, Elspeth, Skyland, ALR, Sidewalk Jam, Tonka-2005, Cruze in be Anthony. Trick says, Wharf? Tibblet I. Steebilt the First, Stephen Schmidt,

Xavier Romo, Alley Frog, Tray the Turquoise Tortus, Freya Titminton's, Courtney the Frogologist, Corey and Stephanie say hello, the Fon Tucky Wrangler, Scrambrunay, Yay, Aaron, the singing loon, Zuzana, Celeste Yose, I'm So Antigney Fun, Katie and Noah, Hendrix the Stink, The Ambergler, Boodles, Osvaldoz Simeon, Shavon Delilah Rose, Ashley Chapel Peoples, Ryan Ortega, Barbarian Bloodbath, The Definestration of Teds, Corrine Chirontha, Shadow Daddy, Rubius Fuzzlebutt, K. Mack, the Something Something Detective Agency, Hyabuda, Eli the Electrician, Sunny Dianomily, Charmé, K'on, K'on with Karma, Amanda Knock, the wondrous metasophon, post-turtle evaluation squad, hashtag Nissan Accura, Finnegan Robert,

Jesse Foster, Samira, Flat Doug, Deary Darling, Ambient Drifting Man 80, Chris Hancock, Nicole 23, Gracefully Impaired, Tired Pirate Muffin, Steve King, Laura, Roman Ronan, John Pruitt, Camel Pope, Inshug Rebecca Trossel. See, when I said, good God, there are so many names, the names weren't their own show yet. Chris from Tacoma, Mitzie Lou, Kelsey Home, Amanda Marie Catherine, Damien the goddamn time lawyer, Matt Mosby, St. Fu, Harry Fishnuts, Joshua Cody, Astrono Weeb, Magnos the Civil Nome. Welcome, everybody. I'm Hydealon, and I'll be leading our Midnight Burger Emotional support group. Starlight, David Peerrini, Technoranger Rick, Joe's Weaslaff, Virgo Ares Infinity,

Best buds Danny and M. Charles Q. Choi, a bug named Nat, C.C. Rider, Hunter B, Rudra, Death the Kid, Big Whiskey, All Conconator. Ron was here. Magic Pony. Robert Olavari. Dan Bowman. Jess Gioia. Paul A. Johnson. Killer odd. Dr. Punt Gusher Esquire Enchristor Esquire promised you a trip to the toy store and he means to get you there. Creator 67. Bejolent, Life's One True Love. Mermaid of the Dark Seas. Cosmic Shrug. Incorrigible Ross. Deborah Wales. S. S. Maggie's Yarm, Anthanomily, Megan Mighty, Haunt, Purple Saline, Three Legs are perfectly good, Drew and L.A., anomalous death to PSL Vandal, The Ice Queen, Captain BLEP, Ryan, Evie Power, Terry, PJ says what? Amelia Lucero at all. Fear now doesn't polish the shiny melon,

Blargo, Blargo, The Jazz Man, Tonight at 11, Larrack the Barbarianess, Zellas, Tuberic, It's Just Blake, Alice Malice, Disco Barbie Edition, Kelly Jane Danky, Aaron the Optivus, Thomas Stolen, aka Casper from another universe. Shadney Ashra, Lucrezia, Thornis, Tamara Oliver, The Real Dirt Fairy, Marissa, Ava, No, not that, Ava, the one within... Grimm, says, TransRights, Y'all. Zackinat, Underwater Corvid, Spisorinkum, Snakes and Bakes, Michael Christian, Ransom Maecl, Grolix and Tarobang, Late Indeed Again, Theron Pyralis, Omeyra,

Aaron Pyrae, Aynneux Rose, Jackie Wavelet, J.R. The Hikerbe, Velocate, Al Cave, Krusty McBeardface, Malaran, Sweet Michelle, Kara, Comey Zen, Colibri, Mel Momburg, Rogue, Lisa Geisler, the catatucked pirata, and see Fred Fredberger, What the Chuck, Sono Nasuno, Ben and Jessica, Todd Van Voris, Nea DeRuso, Pici, Inki the Cracken, Azula the Brave, and their ever-faithful Squire Grab Thar, Gen Extranius, Dancing Dog Dreams, Trinket Coralie, and Existentially Exhausted Bean. Bolly Network, where fiction producers flourish. Welcome to Magenta Presents, a new horror anthology hosted by me, Madam Magenta. We begin with the five-part miniseries Ghosted, starring Beth Eyre and Lucy Roslin.

Perched on a rain-battered cliff edge is a former lighthouse. It's a charming, quirky boutique hotel. Owner and sole occupant Beth has spent months renovating, absorbing its essence into her bones. It's an old building. You'll get used to it. But to Beth's horror, her first guest is a figure from a past she has tried to forget. Kira? Beth? What the fuck?

Face to face for the first time in years. The pair must reckon with old mistakes, old grievances. Beth, speak to me. Shut up, shut up, shut up! And something else. Oh, I can't bear it. What is that noise? Because the lighthouse has a past, too.

Beth. He's right there. Why is there blood on your hands? We need to get out of here. Kira! Kira! I can still see him. Subscribe to Magenta Presents, wherever you listen to podcasts.

See you soon, fans of the esoteric. Bye! Magenta Presents.